WEBVTT - The ABCs Of Not Going Crazy From Virtual Learning 0:00:01.600 --> 0:00:04.440 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:14.760 in partnership with I Heart Radio. Welcome back to Katie's Crib. 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:20.360 Katie Lowe's here, or rather barely here. It's October. We're 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.320 in a pandemic, the election is fast approaching, and so 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:25.759 is my second baby. By the way, we're getting into 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:28.159 the marathon of the holidays, and oh yeah, there's that 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:32.879 little extra thing on our plate called school that is 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:37.640 really stressing moms out. So today we've invited some people 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:39.839 to help talk about all of these stressors with a 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.560 real emphasis on the school portion. Here are my special guests, 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.720 Dr Laura Markham of AJA Parenting and Bethany Robertson of 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:53.040 Parents Together. Welcome you guys. I'm so happy you're here. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:58.080 Let's throw it to um. Dr Markham first, tell us, Okay, 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.600 you're a doctor, what do you do? Tell us a 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:02.920 little bit about AHA Parenting, and then we'll talk to 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:05.120 Bethany a little bit about Parents Together, and then we 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.280 can get into how you guys are going to help 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:10.640 all of our Kati's Crib listeners today. What I do 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:14.360 is I support parents to have the best possible relationship 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:17.480 with their children. And teach them how to coach their 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:22.480 kids so their kids learn skills to manage their own minds, 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:26.160 to manage their own anxiety, and to manage their behavior 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:30.000 so kids become more emotionally intelligent and are able to 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.440 show up in the world as their bestselves. What I 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:36.840 need to hire you personally from me and my child. 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:40.720 I first was introduced to you. You did a beautiful 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:45.480 short Instagram video with Natalie Portman UM and I saw 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.200 it on the Parents Together Instagram and it was just 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:55.080 very It was just a distresser, right, we all need 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:58.720 to distress. Yes, parents need to just give themselves a hug. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.560 And actually you can just take your hands and put them, 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:05.920 just rub them on your arms and actually shifts your 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:09.799 body chemistry slows down the stress hormones. Guys, I'm doing 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.280 this right now, me and Dr Laura Markham are just 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:15.160 rubbing our arms and I'm feeling like I'm in a 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.840 much better place to host this episode. So thank you 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:21.640 for that. Um and Bethany tell us about Parents Together, 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.120 how you started it. Also, you're a mom yourself, how 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.200 old your kids are? Tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:31.680 so I have two kids, ages five and ten. So 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:36.360 we're in the midst of kindergarten virtual learning and fifth 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:40.280 grade virtual learning, which are really different. Beast Um and 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:44.200 I started Parents Together along with an amazing team because 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:47.480 I wanted to be more politically active, but I knew 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.799 that her parents we have so much for managing. Even 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:52.960 before the pandemic, we all had so much to do, 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:55.520 and it's really hard to know what can I do 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.400 to really fight for my kids future and how do 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:00.079 I stand up for my child given all the the 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.519 things that I'm managing. So Parents Together is a force 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:07.440 of two point five million families around the country. Oh 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:11.160 my god. So we are working every day to support 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.560 each other getting through this with good parenting information and resources, 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.720 many of which we have Dr Marka to thank for, Um, 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.840 But we also provide easy, simple ways for people to 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:23.320 take action on things that matter to them. So that's 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.800 what we're doing. Incredible. I feel so lucky to have 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:27.799 you on the podcast because I feel like by you 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:32.480 running and managing something that has two point five million 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.240 families at your fingertips, I just feel like you you 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.120 have your figure tip is on the pulse of what 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:42.120 is happening with parents right now, which is incredible. Um, 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:43.840 So we've been talking a lot about how parents are 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:46.760 under an enormous amount of stress right now. Um, and 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:50.000 for a lot of families, virtual learning is just the 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.720 tip of the iceberg. I can't even believe some of 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:57.160 the trauma. It's illness right now, it's financial insecurity, it's 0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:02.320 social isolation. Um, it's it's really survival mode is the 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:05.760 reality that the parents are looking at right now. Um. 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.640 What do you guys think about the mental health of kids? Like, 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.960 what what can what can adults do to support parents 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:19.640 in this situation? Maybe? Dr Markham? Okay, so kids are 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:25.880 out of their normal routine. Young children are fine as 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:29.320 long as their parents are okay. But what parent is 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.400 okay right now? As you said, it's a crash course 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:38.440 and uncertainty and fear and frustration and the isolation really 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:42.640 doesn't help. Humans are not meant to raise children in isolation. 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:45.080 Kids were older than that, we do need to find 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.760 ways for them to connect with other kids, either online 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:52.120 or even in person safely. And that's a big challenge, 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:55.440 right But I think that we can start always with 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.839 any age child. We can start with us because even 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:06.600 with teens, the more we're relaxed, comfortable, supportive, emotionally, generous, grounded. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:08.760 The more we can show up for our kids at 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:13.520 any age, that's excellent. I have to keep reminding myself 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:17.200 to take care of me UM. And then we haven't 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:21.320 really done an episode specifically yet on school, which is 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.000 why I'm really excited that you're both here, one with 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:26.640 the pulse of two point five million families and one 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.800 who is a doctor. How are you helping parents like 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:33.599 really work life balance when everything is at home and 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.160 kids are home school to talk to me either one 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:40.200 jump in, Well, I would just say that the thing 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:42.039 that we are hearing the most is it's just it's 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:45.200 so overwhelming on every front, and just keeping it as 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:48.479 simple as possible seems to be the key, and really 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:51.600 staying connected to what matters. So I know that my 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:54.440 son has more than five hours of scheduled zoom calls 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:58.080 a day, which would kill any normal adult, right. It's 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:01.599 just way way too much. And so what we have 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.160 done with my fifth grader is to really hone in 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.440 on one of the smallest possible segments we can do 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.360 that really help him stay connected and up to date 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:14.120 on his learning UM, but also just be realistic that 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:19.760 that's that's not what works for most children or most humans. Um, 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.200 but a lot of people don't have the flexibility to 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.880 provide extra support to their kids on the side of 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.599 what the schools are offering. And I think it's it's 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:31.479 really important for us all to just be very patient 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:33.240 and have a lot of grace with each other, to 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:36.000 know that educators are doing everything they can to support us, 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.159 but also to ask educators to have a lot of 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:41.080 patients and understanding for the things that parents are really 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:43.640 dealing with on a day to day basis. Yeah, I 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.760 saw this crazy tweet that was like something like a 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.080 lot of women have had to either quit their jobs 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:54.839 because they are right now at home being facilitators of 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:57.800 the zoom classes, like making sure their children log in 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.760 and their their attendance is counted. And then I've heard 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:05.120 of only people who have extreme privilege who can hire 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:10.680 some COVID safe nanny or tutor to stand next to 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:13.960 your children. Like, what is happening? How how are we 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:18.520 supposed to sustain this? Like I I and I'm so 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.360 grateful because I have a three year old, so I'm 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:23.480 like whatever, But I I have a lot of friends 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:26.880 and they are struggling. Yeah, I think especially at the 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:31.720 younger ages. With my kindergartener, it is really almost impossible 0:07:31.800 --> 0:07:34.320 to expect her to do what they're asking her to do. 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.440 And I very much understand it. They're trying to get 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.880 her on her way to reading and writing and all 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:41.720 of her peers with her um But I think that 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.440 we have to be on a fast track to really 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:47.240 focus on the kids that need the most help, and 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.080 then for the rest of them, we need to focus 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:50.600 on how do we help them get through this time 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.600 emotionally mentally healthy? And I would love to hear Dr 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:57.760 markhams to because I am struggling, and so are my kids, 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.320 and so are the millions of families we work with. Yes, 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:03.480 Dr Markham, how can we support our children through this time? 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.880 There was an article that was just released, the New 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:12.320 Parents Together Survey reveals that kids face mental health crisis 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:16.920 as pandemic enters six months. So it was an incredible article. 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:18.920 We can link to it in our crib notes. But 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:23.360 how do we support our children through this uncertainty, isolation, anxiety. 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:25.320 What's the most important thing we can do right now 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:27.760 for our kids mental health? Bethany and I want to know. 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:32.199 What we can do is pay attention to mental health, 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:35.600 to emotional well being. The schools are doing what they're 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.880 supposed to do. They're putting out the information to teach 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.600 kids in the best way they can. That's COVID safe. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:44.760 That doesn't mean that it's the best thing for your child, 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:50.000 because in fact, academic learning, it's it's not appropriate develop 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:53.560 mentally to ask a fifth grader to be in front 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:57.359 of zoom for five hours, and it's certainly not developmentally 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:00.200 appropriate for a five or six year old to be 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:03.160 in front of zoom at all. So what should we 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.600 do well, First of all, minimize the amount of time 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:09.839 to your child is in school every child. No child 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.400 should go from bed to the breakfast table to the computer. 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.280 They need to be outside first. They need to run around, 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.240 they need to get grounded, They need to laugh. Laughter 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:23.560 reduces the stress hormones circulating in the body and increases 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.160 the bonding hormones and the feel good hormones, so they 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:29.040 actually feel better then when they do sit down to 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.800 connect with their teacher in their zoom class. Right, but 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:37.440 also keep that too, only the most important things. They 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.840 don't need to do the whole day. They need to 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:43.360 do a few things and then have lots of breaks 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:47.120 in between for free play, for time outside, for connection 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.120 with parents. Now that raises the question, how can the 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.040 parent have that connection time with their child if they 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.760 have a job to do. That's basically impossible, right, So again, 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.200 parents need to be on a split shift so that 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.359 one of them is the morning and one is the afternoon, 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.320 and they at least get some time to work without 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.480 their child there. If they're trying to hold down a job. 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:09.599 It is just an impossible time right now. But we 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:14.280 shouldn't be balancing that budget that that impossibility on our 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:18.640 children's backs. Kids do not need the academics right now. 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:22.480 They will actually get more out of free play, being 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:26.600 read to by their parents, you know, being outside, running around, 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:31.559 and a little bit of school assignment, right, a little 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.559 bit goes a long way. The thing that children who 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.400 are at risk are the ones who don't have a 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.600 parent who can spend any time with them. That's, of course, 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:42.360 the biggest problem with is a society face that we're 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.520 not dealing with very well, and those kids are not 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.800 showing up on zoom. Most of us are guilty of 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:53.640 letting our children go to bed too late during this pandemic. Actually, right, exactly, 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:55.880 and I think most parents have moved in that direction. 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.160 We actually need to get kids to bed at a 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.079 reasonable hour so they wake up in the more be 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:03.320 ready to learn, and then spend some time connecting with them. 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.320 Parents who are challenged at this moment are not necessarily 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:09.360 able to do that with their kids, and they don't 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.040 even necessarily have enough devices for each child to be 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:16.560 able to show up right. It's a whole it's unbelievable. Like, 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.440 I don't understand why we can't all just take a pause, 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:22.040 like can we just come back to school in like 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.559 a year? Like I don't know how people are doing this, 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:27.600 But of course I'm like, oh my god, I don't 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.520 want any of the teachers to be out of work, 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.680 and and I value, oh my gosh more than ever 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:36.600 what they're trying to do. But for a person who 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:39.960 has to hold down a job, what are you What 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:42.600 are the most comments and things like that? Are you getting, 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:46.400 Bethany from families together? Yeah, So the biggest thing that 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:49.640 we're hearing is just this such economic distress in our families. 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.319 People are just hurting. Um, you mentioned not having devices. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:55.640 We hear from so many people who are saying, like 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.120 I can't afford to pay for the internet for the 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.640 homeschool because I need to. I'm trading off already on 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.960 bills and rent um. So you know, this gets a 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:05.959 little bit more to what we as parents can do. 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.760 But there's such a need for parents to stand up 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:12.240 and say this is not okay. We are struggling and 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.520 we've been abandoned, and really they're not. It's this isn't 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:17.559 like if I just do this a little bit better, 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.640 or if I just negotiate care a little bit differently, 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:24.040 Like I can't solve it myself. What we really desperately 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.400 need is more support for our family is through the 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.400 form of unemployment insurance and food support. Um. You know, 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.280 I think that's one of my key messages to families 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.480 around the country right now, is like, if you feel 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:38.360 really stressed and horrible and like you're failing at everything, 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:42.959 first you're not alone, and second it is not your fault. Um, 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:45.520 there is so much that we as a society should 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:48.040 be doing does help families in need. Um that we've 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.640 just said up, they'll figure it out, and it's actually 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.439 it's an impossible thing to figure out. So money literally 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.960 made me cry. So no, no, it's great, Like I'm 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.520 just I can't believe it. I can't believe we're here. 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:06.320 But you're right, it's not solvable. And yet every parent 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.640 I talked to, and I'm sure every parent out there, 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:13.480 just feels like for some reason it's their fault or 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.760 their failing they can't provide what needs to be provided. 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.920 But it's it's not possible, you know. I talked to 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.760 parents all over the world, and the parents in places 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.720 like France have a safety ned m. You know, no 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:32.200 one's worried about losing their job. They can take the 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.320 time to take care of their kids, to stay home 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.720 with them during COVID. It's it is a solvable problem. 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:41.439 It's just not solvable by individual families. It's solvable only 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.160 at the level of society. And it's it would be 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:49.520 having different priorities, it would be valuing families, right, I mean, 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.000 Katie said, of course, we don't want teachers to be 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:53.640 out of work, but we don't have to have our 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.080 teachers out of work. We can say we should have 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.040 first of all, said this summer, hey, something's going to 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:01.520 be a little different this year. Let's pay our teachers 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.920 to work all summer long to prepare for the school year. Um, 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:07.920 we didn't do that, but we could do that now. 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.719 We could say, let's pump money into our schools so 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:14.000 that we have the support and the individuals we need 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:15.800 to go out and get to those families who aren't 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.640 showing up on the zoom calls and let's support them 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.560 with extra love and resources and all the connections that 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.440 they need to services. And for the rest of the teachers. 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.600 You know, there are lots of different things that folks 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.840 can be doing to support kids and families. Right now, 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:31.560 it doesn't look like what we expect, and we haven't 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.440 put the time, the money, or the creativity into supporting 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.520 families and getting them what we need. How do we 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:42.120 change If we as individuals cannot change this system that 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.120 we are in and we don't know when we're getting 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:48.480 out of it, do we think that making changes has 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.480 to happen then on the voting level? Like is that 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:57.280 where we're saying? Yes? So I gear up as a mom? 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:01.000 How just too, how do you talk your kids about voting? 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:02.360 And I want to hear from both of you on this, 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.280 Like it makes me feel better when I read your 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:08.640 instagrams and I'm like, oh, I can like make this 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:13.680 a positive, exciting something in my control, even though I 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.880 know it's not, but thing to my kid tell me 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.680 about those posts, and because I do think this does 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:22.600 relate if we need to make big changes in how 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:24.840 our teachers are paid and how they're taken care of, 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.520 and how our families in need during this time, who 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:31.520 aren't getting unemployment, who have been fired, who you know, 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.920 who can't afford the internet? How do we help these people? 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:36.600 And we have to do it on a much bigger 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:40.840 level than the individual. So there's much One of the 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.040 things I love about voting. I mean, I'm a huge 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.640 and obviously of getting out there and using our own vote, um, 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.760 but it's such an amazing way to engage with our kids, 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:54.040 right they because what is government? What is money? What 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:58.320 our taxes? Like? It's so intangible for them, But voting 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.320 is this thing that they can really right because you 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:04.760 can show them. You can show them signs. You can say, oh, 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.080 look like, what are all these road signs about, or 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:08.760 what are these signs on these buildings? My kids are 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:10.200 asking me all the time, well, which one is that? 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.120 And what do they think about? And what are they for? Um? 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.800 So it's a really interesting moment to say like, well, 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.200 these are people who want to be our leaders, and 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.640 you know what do they stand for? Then we can 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:22.800 get real. We can say, well, these are the leaders 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.920 that I'm for and why it's such an amazing opportunity 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.400 to talk about what you value as a family, what's 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.440 important to you, what you're choosing to invest in. Um, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.040 So who are you voting for and why? Like those 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.640 are okay conversations to have with our kids and they 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:40.480 can understand, um. But then there's the actual like what 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:43.840 is voting mean? So with younger kids, you know, maybe 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:45.760 it's voting on what we're going to have for dinner tonight. 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:50.840 I love it's it's a great vote, you know. And 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.720 so we're choosing together who has a vote? And how 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:55.600 does that work if some of us want one thing 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.800 and some of us want another, how do the numbers work? Um? 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:01.160 And then you know, the most important thing that parents 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.280 can do this year's vote early. We just we do 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:05.679 not know what election day is going to look like. 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.639 Uh So voting early means your kids can be a 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.960 part of it. You can vote by mail, you can 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:13.800 have your kid be a part of filling it out. Um. 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.119 Obviously you have to sign it as the voter. But 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.320 I can put this stamp on, they can put it 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.320 into the mailbox like they can really feel like a 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:24.080 part of that process. Um, you can also do early voting. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.639 Definitely defer to parents and safety procedures and that, but 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.400 that is a nice way for parents to be able 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:34.280 to go when the lines are much lower, much less crowded. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.280 I wouldn't take your kids, but you can talk to 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.520 them about going. You can give them the stickers after 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:40.520 you know, there are all these ways just to show 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.800 them that you are a voter and you use your 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.560 power as voter. What I was wearing up, it was like, 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.000 that's something adults do and it's not our problem. I 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:54.040 think this to involve my child in the positive ways 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.639 that we use our voice, that helps them translate that 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:59.520 to all different things that they vote for or stand 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:02.520 for or use their voice for. Well, in fact, it 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:06.800 helps their mental health. That's tell me, tell me, tell me, 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:10.919 Because there's research that shows that when children see injustice 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:13.960 in the world, if we communicate to them that well 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.240 that's just the way it is. There's nothing you can 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:20.240 really do about it, they become cynical. Whereas if we 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:24.880 say that is a tragedy that is so terrible that happened. 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:27.840 Let's talk about what our family could do to make 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:31.199 that better, even if it's something very small. You know, 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.439 they pack up their allowance and send it off to 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:37.000 people who suffered from a hurricane and lost their home. Whatever. 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:40.879 You know, they're you, they make cards, they you know, 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.600 do you know it doesn't have to be about money. 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:46.639 It can be about um, you know, sending a school 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:50.840 supply or or you know, even just talking about being 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:55.480 a citizen and voting empowers kids. And what we find 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:57.960 when children see that there's something they can do, even 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.080 something small, they become somebuddy who not only feels empowered 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:04.679 to make a difference, they're more likely to raise their 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:09.040 voice when they see injustice happening around them. So voting 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:12.639 and being a citizen should always be on our family's 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:16.560 agenda to talk about in a positive way. I love that. 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:31.600 I'm really stressed about holidays coming up, no Halloween, election. 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:37.800 How do I handle the stress of election? I've never 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:41.119 had a kid during an election before. Um, what are 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:45.880 their tips? Great question? So I think for everything that 0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.480 we do as adults, we do need to take care 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:52.720 of our own emotions first, right, we if we're freaking out, 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.719 we need to find a way to talk ourselves off 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.919 the cliff. And everybody has. You know, the research shows 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:03.720 that working out and meditating and getting enough sleep and 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:07.399 not drinking too much, you know, eating a reasonable diet, 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:10.520 all of those things are important to stay grounded and 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.000 to keep our anxiety and check. And then there are 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:15.760 small things like you know, we just did the thing 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.720 with the arms. You can do e F T. Tapping 0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:21.359 on your hand. You know, there are lots of little 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.959 things in the moment. Just breathing, just deep breathing. So 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:28.040 if you hear a news report and it sends your 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:34.320 blood pressure skyrocketing, stop, drop whatever it is, turn off 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:36.600 the radio, whatever, you know, whatever you're listening to in 0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:41.480 the car, let's say, and take a deep breath, and 0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:45.280 that shifts again, shifts your body chemistry, and you can 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:47.840 share with your child why you did that. You know, 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:50.320 listening to those ads, I don't think what they were 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:52.280 saying was true or I don't agree with that, and 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:56.720 it's and I feel like it's it's not helpful to 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.320 say those things. So I turned it off and I'm 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:02.119 going to take deep us and I'll read because reading 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:06.160 the paper actually is healthier than listening to that barrage 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:09.240 of information, right, And you can say things like that 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:11.040 to your child, but you can also ask them what 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:13.680 they think. What I didn't like about what they said 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:16.040 is they were they were trying to make us scared. 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:19.520 For instance, often that's something that happens with political ads. 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:21.880 They were trying to make us scared. But I don't 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.719 think that helps. I think we can all come together 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.360 as a society to take care of each other. That's 0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:29.560 what I believe. What do you think? And you just 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:37.479 talked to your child's helpful? Taking nuts like crazy here? 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.280 Going back a little bit to the school portion, I'm 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:47.040 also curious, um in this time when kids are isolated, 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:49.160 I really want to know how to teach my three 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:51.320 year old how to be independent, play by himself. I 0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:58.679 can't play with him anymore. Do for that? That's you 0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:03.520 ease into it, right, So it's a developmental leap for 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:06.119 children to be able to play, to be in the 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:08.960 same room as you, the same space, focused on their 0:22:09.000 --> 0:22:12.560 own work while you're focused on something else. You're being 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:15.480