1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Welcome back to Katie's Crib. 3 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: Katie Lowe's here, or rather barely here. It's October. We're 4 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: in a pandemic, the election is fast approaching, and so 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,759 Speaker 1: is my second baby. By the way, we're getting into 6 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,159 Speaker 1: the marathon of the holidays, and oh yeah, there's that 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 1: little extra thing on our plate called school that is 8 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: really stressing moms out. So today we've invited some people 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,839 Speaker 1: to help talk about all of these stressors with a 10 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 1: real emphasis on the school portion. Here are my special guests, 11 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: Dr Laura Markham of AJA Parenting and Bethany Robertson of 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:53,040 Speaker 1: Parents Together. Welcome you guys. I'm so happy you're here. 13 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: Let's throw it to um. Dr Markham first, tell us, Okay, 14 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: you're a doctor, what do you do? Tell us a 15 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 1: little bit about AHA Parenting, and then we'll talk to 16 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: Bethany a little bit about Parents Together, and then we 17 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: can get into how you guys are going to help 18 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: all of our Kati's Crib listeners today. What I do 19 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: is I support parents to have the best possible relationship 20 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: with their children. And teach them how to coach their 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: kids so their kids learn skills to manage their own minds, 22 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: to manage their own anxiety, and to manage their behavior 23 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: so kids become more emotionally intelligent and are able to 24 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 1: show up in the world as their bestselves. What I 25 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: need to hire you personally from me and my child. 26 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: I first was introduced to you. You did a beautiful 27 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: short Instagram video with Natalie Portman UM and I saw 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: it on the Parents Together Instagram and it was just 29 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: very It was just a distresser, right, we all need 30 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: to distress. Yes, parents need to just give themselves a hug. 31 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: And actually you can just take your hands and put them, 32 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 1: just rub them on your arms and actually shifts your 33 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,799 Speaker 1: body chemistry slows down the stress hormones. Guys, I'm doing 34 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: this right now, me and Dr Laura Markham are just 35 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: rubbing our arms and I'm feeling like I'm in a 36 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: much better place to host this episode. So thank you 37 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: for that. Um and Bethany tell us about Parents Together, 38 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: how you started it. Also, you're a mom yourself, how 39 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: old your kids are? Tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah, 40 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 1: so I have two kids, ages five and ten. So 41 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: we're in the midst of kindergarten virtual learning and fifth 42 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: grade virtual learning, which are really different. Beast Um and 43 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: I started Parents Together along with an amazing team because 44 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to be more politically active, but I knew 45 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,799 Speaker 1: that her parents we have so much for managing. Even 46 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: before the pandemic, we all had so much to do, 47 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: and it's really hard to know what can I do 48 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 1: to really fight for my kids future and how do 49 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,079 Speaker 1: I stand up for my child given all the the 50 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,519 Speaker 1: things that I'm managing. So Parents Together is a force 51 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: of two point five million families around the country. Oh 52 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: my god. So we are working every day to support 53 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: each other getting through this with good parenting information and resources, 54 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: many of which we have Dr Marka to thank for, Um, 55 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: But we also provide easy, simple ways for people to 56 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: take action on things that matter to them. So that's 57 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: what we're doing. Incredible. I feel so lucky to have 58 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 1: you on the podcast because I feel like by you 59 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: running and managing something that has two point five million 60 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: families at your fingertips, I just feel like you you 61 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: have your figure tip is on the pulse of what 62 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: is happening with parents right now, which is incredible. Um, 63 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 1: So we've been talking a lot about how parents are 64 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: under an enormous amount of stress right now. Um, and 65 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 1: for a lot of families, virtual learning is just the 66 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: tip of the iceberg. I can't even believe some of 67 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: the trauma. It's illness right now, it's financial insecurity, it's 68 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: social isolation. Um, it's it's really survival mode is the 69 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: reality that the parents are looking at right now. Um. 70 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: What do you guys think about the mental health of kids? Like, 71 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: what what can what can adults do to support parents 72 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: in this situation? Maybe? Dr Markham? Okay, so kids are 73 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: out of their normal routine. Young children are fine as 74 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: long as their parents are okay. But what parent is 75 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: okay right now? As you said, it's a crash course 76 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: and uncertainty and fear and frustration and the isolation really 77 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: doesn't help. Humans are not meant to raise children in isolation. 78 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: Kids were older than that, we do need to find 79 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: ways for them to connect with other kids, either online 80 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 1: or even in person safely. And that's a big challenge, 81 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: right But I think that we can start always with 82 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: any age child. We can start with us because even 83 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 1: with teens, the more we're relaxed, comfortable, supportive, emotionally, generous, grounded. 84 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: The more we can show up for our kids at 85 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 1: any age, that's excellent. I have to keep reminding myself 86 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: to take care of me UM. And then we haven't 87 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: really done an episode specifically yet on school, which is 88 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: why I'm really excited that you're both here, one with 89 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: the pulse of two point five million families and one 90 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 1: who is a doctor. How are you helping parents like 91 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: really work life balance when everything is at home and 92 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 1: kids are home school to talk to me either one 93 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: jump in, Well, I would just say that the thing 94 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 1: that we are hearing the most is it's just it's 95 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: so overwhelming on every front, and just keeping it as 96 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: simple as possible seems to be the key, and really 97 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 1: staying connected to what matters. So I know that my 98 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: son has more than five hours of scheduled zoom calls 99 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 1: a day, which would kill any normal adult, right. It's 100 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 1: just way way too much. And so what we have 101 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,160 Speaker 1: done with my fifth grader is to really hone in 102 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: on one of the smallest possible segments we can do 103 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,360 Speaker 1: that really help him stay connected and up to date 104 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: on his learning UM, but also just be realistic that 105 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: that's that's not what works for most children or most humans. Um, 106 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: but a lot of people don't have the flexibility to 107 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: provide extra support to their kids on the side of 108 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: what the schools are offering. And I think it's it's 109 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: really important for us all to just be very patient 110 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: and have a lot of grace with each other, to 111 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: know that educators are doing everything they can to support us, 112 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: but also to ask educators to have a lot of 113 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: patients and understanding for the things that parents are really 114 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: dealing with on a day to day basis. Yeah, I 115 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: saw this crazy tweet that was like something like a 116 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: lot of women have had to either quit their jobs 117 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 1: because they are right now at home being facilitators of 118 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: the zoom classes, like making sure their children log in 119 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: and their their attendance is counted. And then I've heard 120 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: of only people who have extreme privilege who can hire 121 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: some COVID safe nanny or tutor to stand next to 122 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: your children. Like, what is happening? How how are we 123 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: supposed to sustain this? Like I I and I'm so 124 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: grateful because I have a three year old, so I'm 125 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 1: like whatever, But I I have a lot of friends 126 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: and they are struggling. Yeah, I think especially at the 127 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 1: younger ages. With my kindergartener, it is really almost impossible 128 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: to expect her to do what they're asking her to do. 129 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: And I very much understand it. They're trying to get 130 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: her on her way to reading and writing and all 131 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: of her peers with her um But I think that 132 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: we have to be on a fast track to really 133 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: focus on the kids that need the most help, and 134 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: then for the rest of them, we need to focus 135 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: on how do we help them get through this time 136 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: emotionally mentally healthy? And I would love to hear Dr 137 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: markhams to because I am struggling, and so are my kids, 138 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: and so are the millions of families we work with. Yes, 139 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: Dr Markham, how can we support our children through this time? 140 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: There was an article that was just released, the New 141 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: Parents Together Survey reveals that kids face mental health crisis 142 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: as pandemic enters six months. So it was an incredible article. 143 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: We can link to it in our crib notes. But 144 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: how do we support our children through this uncertainty, isolation, anxiety. 145 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: What's the most important thing we can do right now 146 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: for our kids mental health? Bethany and I want to know. 147 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,199 Speaker 1: What we can do is pay attention to mental health, 148 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: to emotional well being. The schools are doing what they're 149 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 1: supposed to do. They're putting out the information to teach 150 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: kids in the best way they can. That's COVID safe. 151 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that it's the best thing for your child, 152 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: because in fact, academic learning, it's it's not appropriate develop 153 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 1: mentally to ask a fifth grader to be in front 154 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:57,359 Speaker 1: of zoom for five hours, and it's certainly not developmentally 155 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,200 Speaker 1: appropriate for a five or six year old to be 156 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: in front of zoom at all. So what should we 157 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 1: do well, First of all, minimize the amount of time 158 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: to your child is in school every child. No child 159 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 1: should go from bed to the breakfast table to the computer. 160 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: They need to be outside first. They need to run around, 161 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: they need to get grounded, They need to laugh. Laughter 162 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: reduces the stress hormones circulating in the body and increases 163 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: the bonding hormones and the feel good hormones, so they 164 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: actually feel better then when they do sit down to 165 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: connect with their teacher in their zoom class. Right, but 166 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:37,440 Speaker 1: also keep that too, only the most important things. They 167 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 1: don't need to do the whole day. They need to 168 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: do a few things and then have lots of breaks 169 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: in between for free play, for time outside, for connection 170 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: with parents. Now that raises the question, how can the 171 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: parent have that connection time with their child if they 172 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: have a job to do. That's basically impossible, right, So again, 173 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: parents need to be on a split shift so that 174 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,359 Speaker 1: one of them is the morning and one is the afternoon, 175 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: and they at least get some time to work without 176 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: their child there. If they're trying to hold down a job. 177 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,599 Speaker 1: It is just an impossible time right now. But we 178 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: shouldn't be balancing that budget that that impossibility on our 179 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: children's backs. Kids do not need the academics right now. 180 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: They will actually get more out of free play, being 181 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: read to by their parents, you know, being outside, running around, 182 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,559 Speaker 1: and a little bit of school assignment, right, a little 183 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,559 Speaker 1: bit goes a long way. The thing that children who 184 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: are at risk are the ones who don't have a 185 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: parent who can spend any time with them. That's, of course, 186 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: the biggest problem with is a society face that we're 187 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: not dealing with very well, and those kids are not 188 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: showing up on zoom. Most of us are guilty of 189 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: letting our children go to bed too late during this pandemic. Actually, right, exactly, 190 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: and I think most parents have moved in that direction. 191 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: We actually need to get kids to bed at a 192 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,079 Speaker 1: reasonable hour so they wake up in the more be 193 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 1: ready to learn, and then spend some time connecting with them. 194 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: Parents who are challenged at this moment are not necessarily 195 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: able to do that with their kids, and they don't 196 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: even necessarily have enough devices for each child to be 197 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: able to show up right. It's a whole it's unbelievable. Like, 198 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: I don't understand why we can't all just take a pause, 199 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: like can we just come back to school in like 200 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 1: a year? Like I don't know how people are doing this, 201 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: But of course I'm like, oh my god, I don't 202 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: want any of the teachers to be out of work, 203 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,680 Speaker 1: and and I value, oh my gosh more than ever 204 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: what they're trying to do. But for a person who 205 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,960 Speaker 1: has to hold down a job, what are you What 206 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: are the most comments and things like that? Are you getting, 207 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 1: Bethany from families together? Yeah, So the biggest thing that 208 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: we're hearing is just this such economic distress in our families. 209 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 1: People are just hurting. Um, you mentioned not having devices. 210 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 1: We hear from so many people who are saying, like 211 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: I can't afford to pay for the internet for the 212 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: homeschool because I need to. I'm trading off already on 213 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: bills and rent um. So you know, this gets a 214 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,959 Speaker 1: little bit more to what we as parents can do. 215 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: But there's such a need for parents to stand up 216 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: and say this is not okay. We are struggling and 217 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 1: we've been abandoned, and really they're not. It's this isn't 218 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 1: like if I just do this a little bit better, 219 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: or if I just negotiate care a little bit differently, 220 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: Like I can't solve it myself. What we really desperately 221 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 1: need is more support for our family is through the 222 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: form of unemployment insurance and food support. Um. You know, 223 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: I think that's one of my key messages to families 224 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: around the country right now, is like, if you feel 225 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: really stressed and horrible and like you're failing at everything, 226 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,959 Speaker 1: first you're not alone, and second it is not your fault. Um, 227 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: there is so much that we as a society should 228 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 1: be doing does help families in need. Um that we've 229 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: just said up, they'll figure it out, and it's actually 230 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,439 Speaker 1: it's an impossible thing to figure out. So money literally 231 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: made me cry. So no, no, it's great, Like I'm 232 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: just I can't believe it. I can't believe we're here. 233 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: But you're right, it's not solvable. And yet every parent 234 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: I talked to, and I'm sure every parent out there, 235 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 1: just feels like for some reason it's their fault or 236 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 1: their failing they can't provide what needs to be provided. 237 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 1: But it's it's not possible, you know. I talked to 238 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: parents all over the world, and the parents in places 239 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: like France have a safety ned m. You know, no 240 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,200 Speaker 1: one's worried about losing their job. They can take the 241 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: time to take care of their kids, to stay home 242 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: with them during COVID. It's it is a solvable problem. 243 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,439 Speaker 1: It's just not solvable by individual families. It's solvable only 244 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: at the level of society. And it's it would be 245 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: having different priorities, it would be valuing families, right, I mean, 246 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: Katie said, of course, we don't want teachers to be 247 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 1: out of work, but we don't have to have our 248 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 1: teachers out of work. We can say we should have 249 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 1: first of all, said this summer, hey, something's going to 250 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: be a little different this year. Let's pay our teachers 251 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: to work all summer long to prepare for the school year. Um, 252 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: we didn't do that, but we could do that now. 253 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,719 Speaker 1: We could say, let's pump money into our schools so 254 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: that we have the support and the individuals we need 255 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: to go out and get to those families who aren't 256 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: showing up on the zoom calls and let's support them 257 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: with extra love and resources and all the connections that 258 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: they need to services. And for the rest of the teachers. 259 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: You know, there are lots of different things that folks 260 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: can be doing to support kids and families. Right now, 261 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: it doesn't look like what we expect, and we haven't 262 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: put the time, the money, or the creativity into supporting 263 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: families and getting them what we need. How do we 264 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 1: change If we as individuals cannot change this system that 265 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: we are in and we don't know when we're getting 266 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 1: out of it, do we think that making changes has 267 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 1: to happen then on the voting level? Like is that 268 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: where we're saying? Yes? So I gear up as a mom? 269 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: How just too, how do you talk your kids about voting? 270 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: And I want to hear from both of you on this, 271 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: Like it makes me feel better when I read your 272 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: instagrams and I'm like, oh, I can like make this 273 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: a positive, exciting something in my control, even though I 274 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,880 Speaker 1: know it's not, but thing to my kid tell me 275 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 1: about those posts, and because I do think this does 276 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: relate if we need to make big changes in how 277 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: our teachers are paid and how they're taken care of, 278 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: and how our families in need during this time, who 279 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: aren't getting unemployment, who have been fired, who you know, 280 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: who can't afford the internet? How do we help these people? 281 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: And we have to do it on a much bigger 282 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 1: level than the individual. So there's much One of the 283 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: things I love about voting. I mean, I'm a huge 284 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: and obviously of getting out there and using our own vote, um, 285 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 1: but it's such an amazing way to engage with our kids, 286 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: right they because what is government? What is money? What 287 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: our taxes? Like? It's so intangible for them, But voting 288 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: is this thing that they can really right because you 289 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: can show them. You can show them signs. You can say, oh, 290 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: look like, what are all these road signs about, or 291 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: what are these signs on these buildings? My kids are 292 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: asking me all the time, well, which one is that? 293 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: And what do they think about? And what are they for? Um? 294 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: So it's a really interesting moment to say like, well, 295 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: these are people who want to be our leaders, and 296 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 1: you know what do they stand for? Then we can 297 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: get real. We can say, well, these are the leaders 298 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: that I'm for and why it's such an amazing opportunity 299 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: to talk about what you value as a family, what's 300 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: important to you, what you're choosing to invest in. Um, 301 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: So who are you voting for and why? Like those 302 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: are okay conversations to have with our kids and they 303 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: can understand, um. But then there's the actual like what 304 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: is voting mean? So with younger kids, you know, maybe 305 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 1: it's voting on what we're going to have for dinner tonight. 306 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: I love it's it's a great vote, you know. And 307 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 1: so we're choosing together who has a vote? And how 308 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: does that work if some of us want one thing 309 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: and some of us want another, how do the numbers work? Um? 310 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: And then you know, the most important thing that parents 311 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: can do this year's vote early. We just we do 312 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: not know what election day is going to look like. 313 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: Uh So voting early means your kids can be a 314 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 1: part of it. You can vote by mail, you can 315 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: have your kid be a part of filling it out. Um. 316 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,119 Speaker 1: Obviously you have to sign it as the voter. But 317 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: I can put this stamp on, they can put it 318 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: into the mailbox like they can really feel like a 319 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: part of that process. Um, you can also do early voting. 320 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: Definitely defer to parents and safety procedures and that, but 321 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: that is a nice way for parents to be able 322 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 1: to go when the lines are much lower, much less crowded. 323 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: I wouldn't take your kids, but you can talk to 324 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 1: them about going. You can give them the stickers after 325 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: you know, there are all these ways just to show 326 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: them that you are a voter and you use your 327 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 1: power as voter. What I was wearing up, it was like, 328 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: that's something adults do and it's not our problem. I 329 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 1: think this to involve my child in the positive ways 330 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 1: that we use our voice, that helps them translate that 331 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: to all different things that they vote for or stand 332 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 1: for or use their voice for. Well, in fact, it 333 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: helps their mental health. That's tell me, tell me, tell me, 334 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 1: Because there's research that shows that when children see injustice 335 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 1: in the world, if we communicate to them that well 336 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: that's just the way it is. There's nothing you can 337 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: really do about it, they become cynical. Whereas if we 338 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: say that is a tragedy that is so terrible that happened. 339 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: Let's talk about what our family could do to make 340 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,199 Speaker 1: that better, even if it's something very small. You know, 341 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,439 Speaker 1: they pack up their allowance and send it off to 342 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: people who suffered from a hurricane and lost their home. Whatever. 343 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: You know, they're you, they make cards, they you know, 344 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 1: do you know it doesn't have to be about money. 345 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: It can be about um, you know, sending a school 346 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: supply or or you know, even just talking about being 347 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: a citizen and voting empowers kids. And what we find 348 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: when children see that there's something they can do, even 349 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: something small, they become somebuddy who not only feels empowered 350 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: to make a difference, they're more likely to raise their 351 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 1: voice when they see injustice happening around them. So voting 352 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 1: and being a citizen should always be on our family's 353 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: agenda to talk about in a positive way. I love that. 354 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm really stressed about holidays coming up, no Halloween, election. 355 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: How do I handle the stress of election? I've never 356 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,119 Speaker 1: had a kid during an election before. Um, what are 357 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,880 Speaker 1: their tips? Great question? So I think for everything that 358 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: we do as adults, we do need to take care 359 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: of our own emotions first, right, we if we're freaking out, 360 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,719 Speaker 1: we need to find a way to talk ourselves off 361 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 1: the cliff. And everybody has. You know, the research shows 362 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: that working out and meditating and getting enough sleep and 363 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,399 Speaker 1: not drinking too much, you know, eating a reasonable diet, 364 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 1: all of those things are important to stay grounded and 365 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: to keep our anxiety and check. And then there are 366 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: small things like you know, we just did the thing 367 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: with the arms. You can do e F T. Tapping 368 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: on your hand. You know, there are lots of little 369 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 1: things in the moment. Just breathing, just deep breathing. So 370 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: if you hear a news report and it sends your 371 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: blood pressure skyrocketing, stop, drop whatever it is, turn off 372 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 1: the radio, whatever, you know, whatever you're listening to in 373 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: the car, let's say, and take a deep breath, and 374 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: that shifts again, shifts your body chemistry, and you can 375 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: share with your child why you did that. You know, 376 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: listening to those ads, I don't think what they were 377 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: saying was true or I don't agree with that, and 378 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: it's and I feel like it's it's not helpful to 379 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: say those things. So I turned it off and I'm 380 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 1: going to take deep us and I'll read because reading 381 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 1: the paper actually is healthier than listening to that barrage 382 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 1: of information, right, And you can say things like that 383 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: to your child, but you can also ask them what 384 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 1: they think. What I didn't like about what they said 385 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: is they were they were trying to make us scared. 386 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: For instance, often that's something that happens with political ads. 387 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,880 Speaker 1: They were trying to make us scared. But I don't 388 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,719 Speaker 1: think that helps. I think we can all come together 389 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: as a society to take care of each other. That's 390 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: what I believe. What do you think? And you just 391 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:37,479 Speaker 1: talked to your child's helpful? Taking nuts like crazy here? 392 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: Going back a little bit to the school portion, I'm 393 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: also curious, um in this time when kids are isolated, 394 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,160 Speaker 1: I really want to know how to teach my three 395 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 1: year old how to be independent, play by himself. I 396 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:58,679 Speaker 1: can't play with him anymore. Do for that? That's you 397 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: ease into it, right, So it's a developmental leap for 398 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,119 Speaker 1: children to be able to play, to be in the 399 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: same room as you, the same space, focused on their 400 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: own work while you're focused on something else. You're being 401 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 1: there makes them feel safe so they can focus. Some 402 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 1: kids get to that pretty easily. Some kids, you know, 403 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 1: we were in their faces often when they're babies, and 404 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,520 Speaker 1: they get used to us being there and being part 405 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,439 Speaker 1: of everything they do, and it's actually not that helpful 406 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 1: to them. So you can have times in your day 407 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 1: where you always do that, where they have time that 408 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 1: they can just play free play time, right, and you're 409 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: with them, but you're doing something else. But you you 410 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: get them started on something. So you say, I'll help 411 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: you get started. What do you want to play with? And, 412 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,880 Speaker 1: by the way, before you even do that, get them laughing. 413 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 1: Get them laughing first, because then they don't have stress 414 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,919 Speaker 1: levels built up right that that they're able to focus 415 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: on something without meeting your support. And then you say, 416 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: what would you like to do? Let's say they want 417 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,200 Speaker 1: to play with their legos? Great, and you help them 418 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: get started. You get the legos with them, you sit 419 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,679 Speaker 1: with them, and you're really uh an assistant, You're really 420 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:16,200 Speaker 1: just there if they need help. You're beaming at them, 421 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,440 Speaker 1: you're pouring your love into them. And then you say, oh, 422 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,880 Speaker 1: I just need to check something quickly, and you you 423 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,199 Speaker 1: check something and you come back and you hover, but 424 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: you're doing something else. Got it. That's great, That's so great. 425 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: I love that mine, mine is like I'm gonna go pee. 426 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 1: That's why I always like I'm just gonna go pee. 427 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: My kid must think I have to pee all the time. Um, 428 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: how do we fill the void of the in person 429 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 1: social activity with classmates? That's my other big thing. Like 430 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: my kids not you know, not starting preschool, but for 431 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,320 Speaker 1: kids that are on Zoom school that really needed that 432 00:23:55,440 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 1: emotional social learning. What what's happened? What's happening there? So 433 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,160 Speaker 1: they do need to connect with other kids in order 434 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,439 Speaker 1: to feel connected to the school. Right, So if you 435 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 1: can set up a learning buddy, that's really helpful, so 436 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,439 Speaker 1: the kids can meet on Zoom to do assignments together, 437 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: quiz each other on their you know, spelling words or 438 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,400 Speaker 1: you know, multiplication tables or whatever. It really helps if 439 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,720 Speaker 1: they have someone just to go through whatever learning they're doing. 440 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: If they're writing book reports, they can be writing a 441 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: book report as they chat on Zoom about it. Right, Oh, 442 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go look this up. Okay, So what was 443 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,880 Speaker 1: the first thing we have to do? Oh? A synopsis? 444 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,440 Speaker 1: What's that mean? Even? And they can chat back and forth. 445 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: Then then they don't feel so alone. It really helps 446 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,480 Speaker 1: kids to feel engaged with a learning when they have 447 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: a learning buddy, and even when they have friends who 448 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: are not learning buddies. Just Zoom play dates are super helpful, 449 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: so you know, you don't really want them playing Minecraft 450 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 1: on something at east. When they play Minecraft, they connect 451 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: with the other children. You could, you know, get some 452 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,479 Speaker 1: clay and the friend can have some clay and they 453 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: can make monsters together and show each other their monsters. Right, 454 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: They're all kinds of ways for kids to have play 455 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: dates on Zoom, even though we'd rather they could have 456 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: them in person. Do you guys suggest like, I mean, 457 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,160 Speaker 1: I've been doing that. It's like safe sex, right, It's 458 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:23,200 Speaker 1: like this whole thing is like trusting people that they're 459 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: making the choices you're making, and then selecting those people. 460 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,959 Speaker 1: And you know, it was really hard at first because 461 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: the first family we potted up with it was a 462 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,560 Speaker 1: great match for the parents, it was not a great 463 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 1: match for the toddlers. They don't play in similar ways 464 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: um at all, and it was actually stressful. Um. And 465 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,640 Speaker 1: then since then we've one family. The parents are okay, 466 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,239 Speaker 1: but the kids are gangbusters, and they play in the 467 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: front yard only outside, not in each other's houses. But 468 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: they go off and it's and is that the sort 469 00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: of thing you guys are recommending, Bethany, Is that what 470 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 1: you guys are doing with your two kids. Yeah, so 471 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: we've also done a pod um, but we it was 472 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: one that we've had. We've been in it since my 473 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,680 Speaker 1: son was born, so almost ten years. But I love 474 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 1: the safe sex analogy because it does feel like when 475 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 1: we started the pandemic with these friends and family that 476 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 1: we live with, um, it was like, oh, you have coffee, 477 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 1: did you go into the store? How did you get 478 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: And it was this constant and so so much of 479 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: it was about the trust and communication just so much 480 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: like a relationship, in the relationship. And yet I'm still 481 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,879 Speaker 1: I'm really concerned about my younger in particular, because I 482 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: know that so much of you know, preschool, kindergarten is 483 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: really about those early like ability to negotiate relationships and 484 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 1: be a good peer. And I would love to know 485 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 1: a little bit more about that age because I feel 486 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: like that's just that's like how do you simulate being 487 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,600 Speaker 1: in a group and how do you teach that? Because 488 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: my son too, he's a big um you know, he's three, 489 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: and if he had started preschool like we had in ended, 490 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 1: you know, so much of it is about sharing and 491 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: caring and empathy. And he's a big grabber of other 492 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 1: people's toys and a hitter and things like that. Stuff 493 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: that he needed to work out in school. That is 494 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 1: really hard for him to work out with one kid. 495 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,440 Speaker 1: You know, So what, yeah, tell us Dr Markham, what 496 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: what what do we do in this boat? I think 497 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: you can learn those skills with one kid. I think 498 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,959 Speaker 1: you need a parent hovering by. You know, teachers are 499 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,160 Speaker 1: used to working this out and so they have it down. 500 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 1: That's why they're effective at it. But it's not because 501 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: there are a lot of kids. In fact, hitters inviters 502 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: do it because they're threatened. Right, someone's taking their toys, 503 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,439 Speaker 1: Someone's looking at their toy, right, and that threat is 504 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 1: going to rise if they're with more kids. So, in 505 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: some ways, taking the pressure off and having just one 506 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: child and helping him develop the words to say right. 507 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 1: So if the parent is hovering nearby and can say, 508 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,919 Speaker 1: looks like you're worried, you know, Michael is not going 509 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,200 Speaker 1: to take that toy home. Michael's using the toy yours, 510 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: And you can tell Michael we have to You can't 511 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: just say use your words. Three year olds, even six 512 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,119 Speaker 1: year olds don't know what words to say. Right, you 513 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,880 Speaker 1: can tell Michael, it's my turn first, then you can 514 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 1: have it. I'm almost done, right. So if we give 515 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: kids the words, they learned that and they can apply 516 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,359 Speaker 1: those skills when they're in a larger group later. So 517 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 1: I'm not as worried about that. But I don't think. Yeah, 518 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,719 Speaker 1: I do think that they can get overwhelmed in a 519 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: group later, that if they are never with anything, you know, 520 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,119 Speaker 1: more than one child, that when they go into a 521 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,880 Speaker 1: classroom with more kids, it's a little overwhelming. But again, 522 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 1: children are amazingly resilient. They will get used to it. 523 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: What really matters is for us to keep our cool 524 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 1: right and to be emotionally generous with them and to 525 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 1: support them. If we can do that, the kids that 526 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: age are going to be fine. Does that make you 527 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 1: feel better, Bethany, It really does, especially the the ideas 528 00:28:55,960 --> 00:29:00,120 Speaker 1: like that that practice one on one makes so much sense. Oh, 529 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: thank you. I do feel better. I feel like as 530 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: a parent, I'm managing my own emotions so much. And 531 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: then you know, as kids get older, they just they 532 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 1: understand more of what's happening. I've seen in my own kids, 533 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: and we have heard from our families. Um, you know, 534 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: seventy percent of kids say they feel worse than they 535 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 1: did before the pandemic, that they're scared more often, um, 536 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: and those things, they're just kind of heartbreaking as a 537 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: parent to be able to respond to and to keep 538 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: yourself positive. And I'd love to hear just if I 539 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: can ask a question, please. So the thing that I'm 540 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,040 Speaker 1: really struggling with is when I'm down or not necessarily 541 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: feeling optimistic, how do I be real with my kid 542 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: but also provide him with a sense of hope and like, 543 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: you know that the future will be better. That's so 544 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: a great question for everyone listening. I think everyone feels 545 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 1: that way sometimes everyone, And so it's important that we 546 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 1: make sure that the bottom line is there's a foundation 547 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: under your child, right, they're not just floating in the 548 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 1: void with parents who don't know what they're doing. The 549 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: adults are not actually as clueless as we might sometimes seem. 550 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 1: And I think that's really important that that's the foundation is. 551 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 1: You know, I'm feeling blue today, I feel a little overwhelmed. 552 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 1: I'm worried about your grandmother. You know, it's COVID exposure 553 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: I'm it's awfully hard to be, you know, isolated for 554 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: this long, and you know you can say a few 555 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 1: things and then and then find something that you can 556 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: feel positive about, preferably something that has to do with 557 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 1: your child. So, but you know what the silver lining is, 558 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: it's so wonderful that I get more time with you. 559 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: I love spending time with you. I'm so lucky to 560 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: be your mom. So you're reaffirming the connection. And you say, 561 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: and you know what, when I feel blue like this, 562 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 1: I have found that it's everyone feels blue. Sometimes it's 563 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: okay to feel blue. It's good to let myself feel 564 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: that way and honor it. And I know things I 565 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: can do to support myself. So I feel better. I'm 566 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: going to work out this afternoon. That always makes me 567 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 1: feel more energized. I'm going to listen to a little 568 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: guided meditation before bed. In fact, we could listen to 569 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: one as a family before dinner. What do you think? 570 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 1: So let them see you have skills that you're using 571 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: that we all need to use. Problem so super helpful. Um, 572 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: this is a question we all need the answer to. 573 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: Screen time help help, Oh my god, this is I mean, 574 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 1: so now we're dealing with zoom school. Then kids, I'm 575 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: sure still the older kids still want their TV or 576 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:54,400 Speaker 1: their mindcraft or whatever to like escape and just chill 577 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 1: out like parents do. I'm like, what am I supposed 578 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: to say? He wants TV? Yes, so do I. I'd 579 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 1: like to go down a rabbit hole of eight hours 580 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 1: of just like binge watching television. I'm not gonna lie. 581 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: I want to escape this hell we are currently in. 582 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: I think across the board and tell me Beth needs 583 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 1: everyone just using the TV to cope, like what's happening. Well, 584 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: we know that a screen use is just obviously shut up. Um, 585 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,239 Speaker 1: it's almost doubled for most kids, you know what they 586 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,240 Speaker 1: were before. And the hard part is that it's not 587 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: just that they're escaping, it's like we're giving it to them. 588 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 1: We're saying you have to be on UM. And so 589 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:35,239 Speaker 1: I'm really struggling with it in our house. UM in 590 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: part in different ways. Sometimes it's like, no, don't make 591 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 1: me do it anymore. UM. And then the other side 592 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,560 Speaker 1: of it is, oh my gosh, I watched this video 593 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 1: for school. Let me watch the next video that shows 594 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: up on YouTube. UM. So a lot of our work 595 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: right now is really focused on online safety to try 596 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 1: to help provide more tools from the tech companies because 597 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: things are actually set up for parents and for adults, right, 598 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,200 Speaker 1: all of these things that encourage you to watch eight 599 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,239 Speaker 1: hours of binge on Netflix or whatever. Um, you know, 600 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,560 Speaker 1: it's set up to keep us hooked, and we have 601 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: to create better safety systems for our kids because there's 602 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 1: they're in that same environment now, but they don't know 603 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 1: that YouTube is just going to give them the next 604 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 1: thing and that is maybe not and probably not appropriate 605 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: for them to keep watching. You guys just posted on 606 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 1: Parents Together like a huge helpful. It was one of 607 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: those things that made me so relieved I didn't have 608 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 1: an older kid where I was like, oh my god, 609 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: that's right, like giving them the tablet or the phone 610 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,959 Speaker 1: or whatever right now where you really need a break 611 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,760 Speaker 1: or whatever. It's like it can be endless. I mean 612 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,720 Speaker 1: just all the um what were you saying? Yeah, the 613 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: control the safety controls um Dr Markham, what do you 614 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 1: think about screen time? Or what I say to my 615 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 1: child is we can't do anymore because your brain will 616 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: turn to mush, which I don't think is a great 617 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 1: He laughs because he calls oatmeal also mush. And he 618 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: thinks it's hilarious. But I'm like, I tell him, I say, 619 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: I love your brain so much and I really wanted 620 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: to grow and change and have imagination and all these things. 621 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 1: So we're only going to have a little bit of TV, 622 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: you know. I don't know what the hell I'm pulling 623 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 1: it out of my what do I say? I think 624 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,759 Speaker 1: that's great to say. I think what we want them 625 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: to have is other things in their life they love doing, right, 626 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 1: And remember, not all screen time is created equal. There's 627 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,759 Speaker 1: screen time where you're just zoning out, which is not 628 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,360 Speaker 1: great for kids. There's screen time where you're learning, and 629 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: there are ways for kids, even younger kids to learn online. 630 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 1: And then there's screen time where you're making things like 631 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,040 Speaker 1: making videos or even TikTok, you know, and that's a 632 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 1: creative act or at true. So I wouldn't say all 633 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,400 Speaker 1: screen time is created equal. I think what Bethany has 634 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 1: said about safety is all important, obviously, and then balance. 635 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 1: It's like everything else, if we go into it with 636 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 1: intention kids, I eat, you don't have to be regimented 637 00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 1: to have some sort of a routine where kids know 638 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,240 Speaker 1: what to expect. They like to know what to expect 639 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,960 Speaker 1: and if they know that, they go outside every morning, 640 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: and they go outside again later, and they get time 641 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 1: to read with you, and they get you know whatever. 642 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 1: And as you're making dinner, they get some screen time. 643 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,800 Speaker 1: Four o'clock is screen time, and of course you exercise 644 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 1: some control over what they're going to watch. That's completely fine. 645 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,919 Speaker 1: It's sort of like you get dessert after you've eaten 646 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,359 Speaker 1: healthy food, right, And I think we can explain it 647 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 1: that way. Ah, that makes me feel so much better. Um, Like, 648 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to run through just a couple of quick 649 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,799 Speaker 1: things that I think could be helpful about this home 650 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,440 Speaker 1: schooling situation. Do you have any ideas either of you 651 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 1: how you've seen with your parents together or any of 652 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 1: your clients of like how to set up your child's 653 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 1: school zone no matter whether you're in a tiny apartment 654 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 1: or you're in a house or whatever. Like, what are 655 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: we seeing is the best sort of school situation for 656 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,279 Speaker 1: kids at home right now? So at the beginning of 657 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,400 Speaker 1: all this, we have a great group for parenting in 658 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: the Pandemic on Facebook, and people had all these colored 659 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,399 Speaker 1: charts and they had it all together. And I think 660 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,280 Speaker 1: stuff like that is actually toxic for families to see 661 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,800 Speaker 1: because it sets these expectations. Yeah, not into it, don't 662 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 1: even go there. I can't. I would love it if 663 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 1: the pandemic was like just the end of mom shaming 664 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,959 Speaker 1: and we all just said finally, you know what, We're 665 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 1: all just trying to survive and we're doing the best 666 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:27,840 Speaker 1: we can. So color coded charts work for you great. Um, 667 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,839 Speaker 1: But I think what we are seeing more and more 668 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,759 Speaker 1: as people are just in survival mode. Right. So, but 669 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 1: there are some practices we know as grown ups even 670 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: that just help us. So what I'm trying to do 671 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,279 Speaker 1: is like you get up, you get out of bed, 672 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: and that there's a routine that you're going and you're 673 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: not you know, and I see so many kids on 674 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: these zoom calls who are just kind of zoned out 675 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 1: and and I think, you just it's so hard to 676 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,880 Speaker 1: keep the energy up. And so we're trying to figure 677 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,359 Speaker 1: out like if there's a break, you go outside, if 678 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,439 Speaker 1: there's a break, you do something, you do, jumping decks, 679 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,520 Speaker 1: whatever it is, so that there's kind of energy and 680 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: we need I need that if I'm on calls all day. Um, 681 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,320 Speaker 1: but I know that it does not require a special 682 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,680 Speaker 1: like at sea level work room for your child to succeed. 683 00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,440 Speaker 1: It just requires a place where they can be focused 684 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,560 Speaker 1: and quiet and be able to really get into the 685 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: work that's there. That's really helpful. And what do you think, 686 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,800 Speaker 1: Dr Markham, anything from your clients that they have found useful. 687 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 1: I think this short spurts of learning followed by activity 688 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,719 Speaker 1: is super important. You know, they can do a quick 689 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: family dance party with you, they can blow some bubble. 690 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,320 Speaker 1: Sensory things are just as good as being active physically. 691 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,239 Speaker 1: You can play a quick game of take off each 692 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 1: other's socks, you know, where you're on a soft surface 693 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:44,800 Speaker 1: like a better a rug and you they're trying to 694 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 1: take off yours and you're trying to take off theirs, 695 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,680 Speaker 1: and of course you let them win. And after that 696 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 1: it's amazing they've left, They've moved there, ready to sit 697 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,960 Speaker 1: down and focus again. But in terms of setting up 698 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,400 Speaker 1: their space, it's good if they have the same space 699 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,560 Speaker 1: every day with everything they need. But you know, if 700 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: it's just a corner of your table, you know, you 701 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,960 Speaker 1: can just have a little box, a cardboard box that 702 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,400 Speaker 1: you bring over their stuff. That's fine. What they need 703 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:11,359 Speaker 1: really is a parent nearby and that's hard for many 704 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,839 Speaker 1: of us if we have other work we have to do, 705 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,919 Speaker 1: other children to look after, But it helps if we're 706 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,839 Speaker 1: there to keep them focused and they gradually can work 707 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:27,520 Speaker 1: up to longer periods of focus. Wow, you guys, I'm 708 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,759 Speaker 1: so blown away. Please tell me, Bethany Dr Markham things 709 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:34,760 Speaker 1: I'm forgetting. Any other tips. I don't think you're missing anything. 710 00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,560 Speaker 1: I think you've you've hit the nail on the head 711 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 1: about what most families are experiencing. I think there is 712 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: something really important for parents to know, though, which is 713 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,520 Speaker 1: that when their children look back on this time years 714 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,840 Speaker 1: from now, what they're going to remember is how it 715 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 1: felt to them. They're not going to care about whether 716 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,239 Speaker 1: they learned to read this year or next year. The 717 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 1: school thing is irrelevant. They might not even really be 718 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,239 Speaker 1: aware that their parents were worried sick about money. You 719 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 1: know what. They're going to remember that they ate dinner 720 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,680 Speaker 1: with their parents, that they had family dance parties, that 721 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,880 Speaker 1: when they missed their friends or couldn't you know, play 722 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 1: soccer anymore or whatever, that their parents were there for 723 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 1: them and held them and hugged them and reassured them 724 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:21,879 Speaker 1: and found ways to have fun, loving interactions with them. 725 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 1: It's all about the connection and that's something that's hard 726 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:28,640 Speaker 1: for us to do when we're distracted. But that's why 727 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,799 Speaker 1: what Bethany said is so important. Simplify pair back. What 728 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:36,680 Speaker 1: matters is showing up in your home, keeping yourself on 729 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:42,480 Speaker 1: an eating keel, and connecting with your child. Yes. Yeah, 730 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,040 Speaker 1: And the thing I would say is just to come 731 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,560 Speaker 1: back to that idea of action really being an antidote 732 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:51,360 Speaker 1: to anxiety. That's like my mantra when I can't sleep, Katie. 733 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: It's brilliant. It's brilliant, and I'm so grateful to know 734 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,240 Speaker 1: you to have that in my head. Yes, So action 735 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:02,640 Speaker 1: fights anxiety, and I think that, um. For for me, 736 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: the key thing I just keep saying to all of 737 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,040 Speaker 1: our families is the voting. This is the thing we 738 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,000 Speaker 1: can do, you know, and that's voting for our president. 739 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,359 Speaker 1: It's all of our senate races. There's so much at 740 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,480 Speaker 1: stake in this election, and it is so critical that 741 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,080 Speaker 1: parents show up and say, hey, remember us, like we're 742 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 1: really hurting and we really need federal support in particular. Um. 743 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,120 Speaker 1: But for parents, you know, I think of like what 744 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,759 Speaker 1: our parents do, well, well, we kind of figure out 745 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 1: how to keep everything organizing and get stuff done. And 746 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,399 Speaker 1: this year, because of the pandemic Tinese silver lining, there's 747 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,440 Speaker 1: just so many more ways that we can do early voting, 748 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,919 Speaker 1: and so it's just like my key thing, get out there, 749 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: vote early, and then tell all your friends, Hey, I 750 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,360 Speaker 1: did it? Did you do it? What's your plan? What 751 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 1: are you doing? What are you going? Did you do 752 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,239 Speaker 1: mail in? You can do mail and there's so many options. 753 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,640 Speaker 1: Many states now also have early voting without any excuse. 754 00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,959 Speaker 1: So that's like the top of my parental to do list. 755 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,799 Speaker 1: After teach fifth grade, can parton and work and maybe 756 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:07,560 Speaker 1: stay saying it's right right after those things. You are 757 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:12,440 Speaker 1: an inspiration, both of you. It's so helpful to think 758 00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:16,560 Speaker 1: in terms of that. The goals in this pandemic with 759 00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,920 Speaker 1: your children are literally just connecting and supporting them and 760 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:24,520 Speaker 1: loving them, and that's what they'll remember. And then my anxiety, 761 00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,560 Speaker 1: which I know everyone is struggling with tenfold right now, 762 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 1: is turn that anxiety into action. And the number one 763 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,000 Speaker 1: thing we can do to affect change is to use 764 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: our voice. And the only way to use our voices 765 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,160 Speaker 1: to vote. Thank you guys so much for being on 766 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:44,279 Speaker 1: Katie's crib. I learned so much. Dr Markham Bethany, it 767 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,799 Speaker 1: has been a pleasure to have you on the podcast 768 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,799 Speaker 1: and and I think I just want to give such 769 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,759 Speaker 1: a shout out again to all the parents and caretakers 770 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 1: out there who are doing their best and parents together 771 00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:01,000 Speaker 1: is an incredible, incredible organization, all of them on Instagram. 772 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 1: You guys have been such a help to me and 773 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 1: Aja parenting also the same. I can't speak enough to 774 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,560 Speaker 1: both of what you guys are doing on the daily 775 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,040 Speaker 1: regular So thank you for coming on Katie's Crib and 776 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 1: you guys am always curious about your questions, comments, concerns. 777 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,760 Speaker 1: Email me Katie's Crib at Shanda land dot com. Thanks 778 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:31,200 Speaker 1: for listening. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda land 779 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,280 Speaker 1: Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts 780 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: from Shanna land Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 781 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,360 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 782 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:43,320 Speaker 1: I want you want to