1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,920 Speaker 1: I've read to study a few years ago that said 2 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: we're exposed to more tragedy today in twenty four hours 3 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: than we were in our whole lifetime twenty five years ago. 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: Just think about that for a moment. Hey, everyone, welcome 5 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: the world. Thanks to each and every one of you 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. 8 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: Now today I want to address a theme that I 9 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,919 Speaker 1: believe is on all our minds and all our hearts. 10 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: When I've been speaking to people, whether it's on zoom calls, meetings, 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: bumping into you all on the streets, the word that 12 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: I've heard repeatedly is helplessness. What I'm understanding from listening 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: to you all on social media comments in stories is 14 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: a feeling of a lack of control, a lack of influence, 15 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: and feeling like a sense of the world experiencing a 16 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: downward spiral. Now, raise your hands if you're with me, 17 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: if you've been feeling that way, not along. If you 18 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: feel that way. I know a lot of people right 19 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 1: now will be saying thank you so much for talking 20 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: about this, thank you for raising it. It could be 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,119 Speaker 1: what's happening in the political landscape, it could be what's 22 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: happening in the economic landscape, it could be what's happening, 23 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,479 Speaker 1: you know, right around the corner from you, potentially. And 24 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: I wanted to address this theme of helplessness because I 25 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: think often we understand, or hopefully we understand that it's expected, 26 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: that it's normal, but we don't understand it deeply enough 27 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 1: and we don't know what to do with it. But 28 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: the first thing I definitely want you to understand is 29 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: that it is not surprising that we feel this way. 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: When we see the events, the decisions that are being made. 31 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 1: They can be highly discouraging, they can be high disheartening. 32 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: So if you're feeling this way, I want you to 33 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: know you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. 34 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,119 Speaker 1: It's not like you're broken or you need to be fixed, 35 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: or some part of your needs to be mended, or 36 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: you're mad at yourself or feeling that way. A lot 37 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: of people are feeling that way. So the idea of 38 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: learned helplessness actually comes from tests on animals, but we 39 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: find that human conditioning is similar. So in nineteen sixty five, 40 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,679 Speaker 1: Martin Seligman and his colleagues were doing research on classical conditioning, 41 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: and this is the process by which an animal or 42 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:44,839 Speaker 1: human associates one thing with another. So in Seligmann's experiment, 43 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: they would ring a bell and then give a shock 44 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: to a dog. Sadly, now, after a number of times, 45 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: the dog reacted to the shock even before it happened 46 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 1: when the bell rang, So it started to see that 47 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: when the bell rang, it was going to get a shock, 48 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: and it felt the experience of a shock even when 49 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 1: just the bell rang and they did not give it 50 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: a shock. Then something unexpected happened. Seligman put each dog 51 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: into a large crate that was divided down the middle 52 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: with a low fence. Now the dog could see and 53 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: jump over the fence. It was pretty simple, but the 54 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: floor on one side of the fence was electrified, but 55 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,239 Speaker 1: not on the other side of the fence. Seligman put 56 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: the dog on the side that was electrified, and when 57 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: they gave that side a light shock, they expected the 58 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: dog to jump to the non shocking side of the fence, 59 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: but instead the dog just laid down. The dog had 60 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: got so used to that feeling of helplessness and accepting 61 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 1: what it was going through that it just sat there 62 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: and Seligman explained this condition as learned helplessness, or not 63 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: trying to get out of a negative situation because the 64 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: past has taught you that you're helpless. Now, how many 65 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: of you feel like that sounds like you so today. 66 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: Learned helplessness is described by Medical News Today as a 67 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: state that occurs after a person has experienced a stressful 68 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: situation repeatedly. They come to believe that they are unable 69 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: to control or change the situation, so they do not 70 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:31,840 Speaker 1: try even when opportunities for change become available. According to 71 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: the American Psychological Association, learned helplessness occurs when someone repeatedly 72 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: faces uncontrollable stressful situations then does not exercise control when 73 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 1: it becomes available, and Professor Martin Seligmann one of the 74 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: psychologists who did that study. He says that it has 75 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: three key features becoming passive in the face of trauma, 76 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: difficulty learning that responses can troll trauma, and it can 77 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: increase stress levels as well. I'm sure many of you 78 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: listening to this can relate to a lot of it. 79 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 1: Right How many of you now look at what we're 80 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,919 Speaker 1: seeing in the news or what we're seeing around of 81 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: us and just go, well, I can't do anything about it. 82 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: I feel super helpless. I'm completely out of control, and 83 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: this is a repeated feeling every single year. I read 84 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: a study a few years ago that said, we're exposed 85 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: to more tragedy today in twenty four hours than we 86 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: were in our whole lifetime twenty five years ago. Just 87 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 1: think about that for a moment. Twenty five years ago, 88 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 1: the amount of negative input you were exposed to today, 89 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: we're now exposed to that in twenty four hours. So 90 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,919 Speaker 1: what you would be experienced in seventy years would be 91 00:05:53,960 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: experienced in one day. That is scary, and that is 92 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: why we're so overwhelmed, why we feel so helpless. Before 93 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: you might have heard about a challenge in your own family, 94 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: of course, maybe in your friend's group, maybe about twenty 95 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: five people. And then maybe you started to hear about 96 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: what was happening in your town and maybe in your city, 97 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: and then you started hearing about what was happening in 98 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 1: your state, and then you started hearing about what was 99 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: happening in your country. But now you know about pretty 100 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:34,679 Speaker 1: much everything happening in every city, every state, every country 101 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,160 Speaker 1: around the world. Now I'm not saying that being informed 102 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: is an issue. But being overwhelmed by that much information, 103 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: our brains have not caught up to know how to 104 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,919 Speaker 1: process that. No one has taught us the skills in 105 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: how to process this feeling. Right, No one has taught 106 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: us how to process the feeling of learned helplessness and 107 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 1: overwhelming information. So today I want to share with you 108 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: a few insights on how to do that. The first 109 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: thing I want to talk to you about is reducing 110 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: what is called doom scrolling and reducing how much news 111 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: you consume, the time of day you consume it, and 112 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: where you consume it from. So let me speak to 113 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: you a bit about that. The first is let's talk 114 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: about the time of day you consume it. You want 115 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: to limit consuming news first thing in the day or 116 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 1: the last thing in the day. I'll tell you why. 117 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: When you consume news the last thing in the day, 118 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: and it makes you feel nervous and anxious. Now, what 119 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: happens you sleep with that energy. You're now having nervous 120 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: and anxious sleep, which means you don't get that deep sleep, 121 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: and then when you wake up, you're waking up with 122 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: some of those negative thoughts. Now, if you look at 123 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 1: news right in the morning. What it does is it 124 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: takes energy away from you. If you want to start 125 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: your morning in a boosted mood, with a good attitude, 126 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: trying to take on the world positively, and you insert 127 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: some bad news, you now feel set back. So that's 128 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: the first thing. If you are going to consume the news, 129 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: don't do it first thing in the morning or the 130 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: last thing in night. Now. The second thing is how 131 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: do you consume your news? Are you consuming it with 132 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: the TV on all the time? That's probably not healthy. 133 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: Are you going to the right sources, and are you 134 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: taking it in in a way you like to consume it. 135 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: For example, if you're watching news, you're not getting to 136 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: reflect or think because the news is designed in such 137 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: a way to give you stat after fact after headline 138 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: after the lower third with the latest news updates, so 139 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: you don't get a chance to reflect. Whereas when you 140 00:08:54,559 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: read the news, you get gaps to take pauses, you 141 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: get to reflect, you get to think, think about just 142 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: how interesting that is that you get so much more 143 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: time when you read versus when you watch now. Studies 144 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 1: have linked poor mental health to news exposure during negative 145 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: and traumatic events such as terrorist attracks or natural disasters. 146 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: Says ABC News, and it said that the more news 147 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: a person consumes during and after these events, the more 148 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: likely they are to suffer from depression, stress, and anxiety. Now, 149 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: this was a study that ABC talks about. Back in 150 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: twenty fourteen, four thousand, six hundred and seventy five Americans 151 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: were surveyed in the weeks following the Boston Marathon bombings 152 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: and collected data on how much media they consumed. Participants 153 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:55,199 Speaker 1: who engaged with more than six hours of media coverage 154 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: per day when nine times more likely to also experience 155 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: symptoms of high acute stress than those who only watched 156 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: a minimal amount of news. I want you to take 157 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: this news angle very, very seriously. You may think that 158 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: being fully informed is helpful, but if it makes you helpless, 159 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: then you can't come at it with a positive attitude. 160 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,119 Speaker 1: Now again, I'm not telling you to not be informed. 161 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: I'm allowing you to get a mental break so that 162 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 1: you can be informed effectively. The second thing that I 163 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 1: want to encourage you to do is the one you'd 164 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,959 Speaker 1: encourage you to expose yourself to good news stories, to 165 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: positive news stories. One of the reasons why on my 166 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,959 Speaker 1: Instagram feed I share so many of these joyful moments, 167 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 1: whether it's a dog, whether it's someone in the military 168 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: reconnecting with a loved one, whether it's a child doing 169 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: something wonderful. It's because for us to see beauty in 170 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: the world, and because our mind are trained to amplify 171 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: the negative, we have to over expose ourselves, but consciously 172 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: to positive notes. Now, notice how when you're scrolling through 173 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: your comments, you will scroll past all the ones that 174 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: say you look amazing, Oh, how beautiful, I love your dress, 175 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: And then as soon as it gets to the one 176 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: that says, oh, she's so pretentious, Oh she is she 177 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: trying to get likes? You obsess over it, and now 178 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 1: you repeat it to a friend. That's the comment you 179 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: talk about to a friend. Oh could you believe it? 180 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: That people are just so mean? Now, I'm not saying 181 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: you shouldn't talk about that, but did you give the 182 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: same level of presence to the positive comments? Did you 183 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: give the same level of intention to the positive comments? Right? 184 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: We focus so much. We fixate so much on the 185 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 1: one person who says that we look tired today, then 186 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: the ninety nine people who say you look vibrant, you 187 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: look energized, you look focused, I'm not saying only to 188 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: listen to people who you know make us feel good 189 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: or glorify us. But are we giving the positive, beautiful, 190 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 1: joyful moments in our life and day the same level 191 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: of presence and attention as the negative ones. What I'm 192 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: asking you to do is increase your presence and attention 193 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 1: for the positive feed about you receive. So what I 194 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 1: want you to do is today, if you're going through 195 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: your comments or you're with your friends and someone says 196 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,199 Speaker 1: something positive to you, I want you to take it in. 197 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 1: I want you to even ask a question if someone 198 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: says to you, I've been loving your energy recently. Instead 199 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 1: of saying oh, no, no, no, no, you know, I'm 200 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: I'm just doing whatever, we try and say something modest, 201 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: ask why why is it? What have I done recently? 202 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: And then that person will say something like, well, you know, 203 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: I just feel like you've been just trying to boost 204 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: everyone up and look for the positive, and you'll be like, 205 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: oh wait a minute, I am doing that, right, I 206 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: am doing that. I think what's so fascinating about this 207 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: is that we do and even recognize what we're doing 208 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: well because we don't take a moment to recognize what 209 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: we're doing well. We'll spend ages focused on what we're 210 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: not doing well, but we won't even spend a moment 211 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: on what we are doing well. So I want you 212 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: to take that moment to not only focus on more 213 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: positives externally, but also focus on positives internally. So if 214 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 1: something bad happens in the news, we'll all talk about 215 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: it online, but if something good happens on the news, 216 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: we rarely share it in our stories. We rarely talk 217 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: about it. But I see you all sharing the joyful 218 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: moments that I post on Instagram because you believe it's there, 219 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: but also amplify it within yourself. Talk about it within yourself. 220 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,079 Speaker 1: Have you ever had one bad moment spoil your entire 221 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: day or felt overwhelmed for no reason? What about stress 222 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: or anxious over that big moment or difficult conversation? You 223 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 1: should try meditation. And I know what you're thinking, Jay, 224 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: you used to be a monk. I don't have time 225 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 1: to sit in the woods for hours doing nothing, but 226 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: really all the time you need to start your own 227 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 1: mindfulness practice is seven minutes a day with the Daily 228 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: j my Daily Guided Meditations on the car mapp. You 229 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: don't need to close your eyes or find a special seat. 230 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 1: You can try it while you brush your teeth, do 231 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,240 Speaker 1: the dishes, or walk your dog. My goal in seven 232 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 1: minutes a day is to help you find a calm 233 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 1: and feel grounded in your busy world, plant beautiful intentions 234 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: for an abundant life and simple steps for positive actions 235 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 1: to get you closer to the life of your dreams. 236 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: Here's what one of the listeners of the Daily JA 237 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: had to say about their meditation. Wow, I just had 238 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 1: a super hard day at work and couldn't get my 239 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,520 Speaker 1: boss's comments out of my head. Then I did the 240 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,840 Speaker 1: Daily J which related to my work issues, opened my 241 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: eyes at the end of the session and felt renewed again. Previously, 242 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 1: today would have destroyed my whole weekend. Meditate with me 243 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: by going too calm dot Com forward slash Jay to 244 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: get forty percent off a Calm Premium membership. That's only 245 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: forty two dollars for the whole year for Daily Guided 246 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: me dtations experienced the Daily J only on Calm now. 247 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: The third one I want to mention is the feeling 248 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 1: of scale. Often we feel helpless because of the scale 249 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 1: of the issue. It's too big for us right We 250 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 1: feel too small, and I remember when I lived as 251 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: a monk, we would walk on this beach in South 252 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: India with the senior monks, and South India is known 253 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: to be a fishing space. There's a lot of fish nets, 254 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 1: a lot of fishing boats, and so often what happens 255 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: is that certain fishes escape the net, but then they 256 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: end up on the shore and you see them struggling 257 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: on the sand in the heat, without the water, and 258 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: they're about to die. Now, as monks, obviously we didn't 259 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: eat fish, and our monk teachers would encourage us to 260 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: pick up the fish and put them back in the water. Now, 261 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: as we did this, sometimes I would look at the 262 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: amount of fish and think, well, we're going to save 263 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: like ten fish today, maybe twenty, Like what's the point? 264 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: And our monk teachers would remind us that to us, 265 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: it's just one fish, but to that one fish, it's 266 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: its entire life. You may think I can only support 267 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: or help ten people, I can only comfort five people. 268 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: What is the point of me even trying? That doesn't 269 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: change the situation. And the really interesting thing about that 270 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 1: is that if you've ever talked to someone that you've 271 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: helped and they tell you you change my life and 272 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: they tell you that you help me during my toughest time. 273 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: To that person, it's their entire being. So let's not 274 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: get caught up in this game of scale and think, oh, 275 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: if I can't save a million people, there's no point. 276 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: If I can't support one hundred people, then I'm not 277 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: significant because to that one person it's their entire life experience. 278 00:16:53,760 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: The next step is what Alex Banion in his book, 279 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: he talks about this concept about three doors, and he 280 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: talks about this in relation to trying to get inside 281 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 1: a club, and what he says is that there's always 282 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: three doors into a club. You have the main entrance 283 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: where everyone's lining up. Then you have the VIP entrance 284 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: where all the high net worth individuals, connected individuals, influences, 285 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: whatever you want to call them, line up. But then 286 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 1: you have the third door and the third doors the 287 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: door on the side. It may have some security outside it, 288 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: it's not the conventional door. It's probably not even an entrance. 289 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: You might have to get through somehow, but most of 290 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:46,360 Speaker 1: us never anticipate that that door even exists. Learned helplessness 291 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: is where we go, Well, I'm not a person who 292 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 1: can make a big difference. I'm not someone who can 293 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: make a small difference. There's no difference I can make. Now. 294 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: He's talking about it in terms of success. I'm talking 295 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: about it in terms of making a difference. Every single 296 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: one of us can make a difference. And I think 297 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,880 Speaker 1: what's happened over time is that we've got less involved 298 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,199 Speaker 1: in our communities or less involved around projects that we 299 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,879 Speaker 1: believe in. So we have to start taking action. We 300 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: have to start finding roles in our community where we 301 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: feel purposeful, where we feel impactful, whether it's helping a 302 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,120 Speaker 1: local charity, whether it's getting involved in a local movement 303 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: that gives you the sense of community belonging and impact 304 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: that you're missing. You may not feel powerful alone, but 305 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: I promise you you will feel more power and influence 306 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: and control in numbers. If you're part of a group 307 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,920 Speaker 1: that's trying to make a difference, you're going to feel 308 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,920 Speaker 1: more empowered. You can make a difference. If you think 309 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: you're doing it all alone, you will always feel helpless. 310 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: Loneliness can create a lot of helplessness. The next step, 311 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: which I probably should have addressed earlier, is the idea 312 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: of self care. When you're overexposed to the news. When 313 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 1: you're underwhelmingly taking care of yourself, chances are that things 314 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,119 Speaker 1: trigger you more. Give you an example, how many of you, 315 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: when you get bad news, if you've slept well, feel 316 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: like you deal with it better? Say yes? How many 317 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: of you feel like when you've eaten you make quicker, 318 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 1: faster decisions, or if you get a difficult decision you 319 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,640 Speaker 1: make a better one. Say yes. When you're taking care 320 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: of yourself, you're able to respond to trauma and triggers 321 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 1: far better than when you're not taking care of yourself. 322 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us feel that we 323 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: should be going out there, we should be making a difference, 324 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: but then we wallow in that pain rather than going well. Actually, 325 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: if I'm strong and well placed, I can make a difference. 326 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,880 Speaker 1: I can actually have an impact. I will be not 327 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 1: held back as much as I think I will. What 328 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: also happens when we align forces with a community is 329 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 1: that we feel a sense of support and encouragement, which 330 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: we need, and a sense of belonging. Most of us 331 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: feel alone when we feel helpless, we feel well, I'm 332 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: feeling terrible, And when you look online you often see 333 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,360 Speaker 1: people who don't agree with you, so you think, oh, well, 334 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: no one agrees with me as well, and that's why 335 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: community gives you a sense of that comfort. Now, one 336 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: of the rules of self care is self talk, and 337 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 1: often when we are seeing a challenge, we often think, well, 338 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: things are only getting worse. When you say a statement 339 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:29,600 Speaker 1: like things are only getting worse, that's not factual or accurate, 340 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: and the emotionality of that statement makes it very hard 341 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,400 Speaker 1: to deal with. Or if you say things like it's 342 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,960 Speaker 1: all doomed, we're all doomed. When you have that mindset, 343 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 1: it creates that environment. It makes you spot that more, right, 344 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: it makes you aware of that pattern more, and now 345 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: that's all you see. Now. Also, you don't want to 346 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,679 Speaker 1: do the opposite, which is toxic positivity, where you like, 347 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 1: everything's great, everything's amazing, but notice everything's wrong or everything's amazing. 348 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 1: Are both not accurate statements. But when you understand, you think, oh, yeah, 349 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,359 Speaker 1: of course I was triggered. I didn't get enough sleep 350 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 1: that night, or I mean everyone seems to be triggered 351 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: by this, so I'm not alone, which means maybe there's 352 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: some of us that can do something about it. Okay, 353 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: I'm really discouraged by this right now, but I'm going 354 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 1: to find inspiration later to solve this. I'm struggling with 355 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: this today, but I know that my meditation will help me. Right. 356 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,639 Speaker 1: So you're creating a real conversation with yourself. And the 357 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 1: best way to think about this is, how do you 358 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: talk to your friend when they're being helpless? You want 359 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: to talk to your mind in the same way. We 360 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 1: have to learn to talk to our mind as if 361 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 1: it's another person, because it almost is. The mind is 362 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: condition to have certain beliefs and certain patterns, and therefore 363 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: needs to be coached and guided out of that setting. 364 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 1: This is something we haven't talked a lot about on 365 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,159 Speaker 1: on Purpose, and I'd love to see your feedback on this. 366 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 1: I really do believe meditation or prayer or conversations out 367 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 1: loud can be really, really useful. A lot of people pray, 368 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 1: and research has shown that prayer increases optimism and adaptability, 369 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 1: and it also improves some of our health challenges as well. Now, 370 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 1: how do you pray? Often we pray for our situation 371 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 1: to change or our surroundings to change, but instead praying 372 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: for the strength, praying for the courage, praying for the 373 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: skills is a better long term strategy. When we pray 374 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: or meditate on hoping things will change or hoping things 375 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 1: will get better. We feel more out of control when 376 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,120 Speaker 1: you feel your skills are improving, when you feel your 377 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: talents are improving, when you feel your resilience your adaptive 378 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,160 Speaker 1: ability is growing, When your grit is growing, you feel 379 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,640 Speaker 1: a sense of control and navigation. For example, let's say 380 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,880 Speaker 1: you're driving a car and the weather gets really bad. 381 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: You can either pray for it to stop raining, or 382 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: you could have skilled up in driving in the rain, 383 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 1: which one makes you feel better. Knowing how to drive 384 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 1: in the rain is far more giving you confidence than 385 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: hoping it will stop raining. When you try and find 386 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,840 Speaker 1: confidence in things you can't control, you actually lose it. 387 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: But when you find your confidence in things you can control, 388 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 1: it's always with you. So we can pray for no 389 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 1: difficult times, or we can pray for courage for confidence 390 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: for skills, we can actually work on developing the skills. 391 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: Often when I'm in a bookstore, what I do is 392 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: I ask myself, what skill do I need right now 393 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: that I don't have? Right What skill do I need 394 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: right now that I don't have. Maybe I've been struggling 395 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: with stress, Maybe I've been struggling with leading my team. 396 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 1: Maybe I've been struggling with emotions. Let me read about that. 397 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: Let me listen to a podcast about that. Let me 398 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: ask an expert about that. Right. Let me absorb myself 399 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 1: in actually up skilling so that now when I'm in 400 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,720 Speaker 1: that situation, which is not surprising, I will actually have 401 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: the tools to overcome it. I really hope that this 402 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: episode helps you today, because I want you to shift 403 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: from a place of helplessness to a feeling of making difference. 404 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 1: I want you to shift from a place of helplessness 405 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 1: to knowing you do matter, that you can make things better, 406 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 1: and that you and me and all of us have 407 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:49,640 Speaker 1: lived through a lot of incredibly difficult situations. I'm with you, 408 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 1: and I'm wishing you all the best. I'm so grateful 409 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 1: that we're building a hopeful, courageous, powerful community. Here it 410 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: on purpose. Thank you for listening. I'll see you soon.