WEBVTT - My Unorthodox Divorce with Julia Haart 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:16.440 Welcome back to I Do Part two. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.200 I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly ben Simon, and 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:22.040 today I have an incredible guest. You know her as 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:26.239 the star of Netflix My Unorthodox Life. She's the CEO 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:30.040 of Elite World Group, a fashion designer, an entrepreneur, and 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:33.640 all around bedass And like all of us on this pod, 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.120 she's been through it in the love department. I can't 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:38.760 wait to dive into religion and relationships. 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:43.159 Please welcome Julia Hart, Hi with the Big Heart. Listen. 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:45.720 I need to talk to you. I've watched your. 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:49.280 Show, My Unorthodox Life, and first of all, I want 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:51.760 to tell you I really appreciate you who for you 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:55.440 you are, your opening up about your your own journey, 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:59.360 and your daughters are so beautiful, and your son. I 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.720 was very moved, very very moved, And I was watching 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:05.480 the show with my youngest daughter, and so we were 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:09.199 just very you know, taken aback by your story and 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:11.480 just the way that you raise your children. And it 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:15.759 was just very really, really beautiful. So, for those who 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:22.880 don't know, Julia Hart is iconic, and she came from 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:26.440 an ultra orthodox Jewish community. So for those who aren't 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:30.120 familiar with with Orthodox lifestyle. Can you explain to our 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:31.959 audience what that looks like. 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.400 Well, just think of it as a mix between Bridgerton 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:42.800 and Handmaid's Tale, so minus the fabulous costumes and the 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.600 gowns and the parties. Basically, you're defined by your biology 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.680 as a woman. You have one purpose in life, and 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:50.800 all women are supposed to do the exact same thing, 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:55.560 and that is have children, get married, be subservient to 0:01:55.640 --> 0:02:01.040 your husband. And basically your ability to be good or 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.160 bad is all dependent on a man. So if you're 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.840 a good woman, that means you don't attract me ale attention. 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:10.640 You keep in the background, you stay silent, you do 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:14.079 whatever your husband tells you, and you just raise as 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:17.280 many babies as humanly possible. A bad woman is someone 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:21.919 who is outgoing, who is noticeable, who argues with men. 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:27.360 So your entire destiny, who you are as a human being, 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.760 is all in a relation to a man. That's pretty 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:31.120 much it. 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:36.160 Wow, was there anything about the Orthodox life that you liked? 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.760 Community? I love the people there, you know, I always say, 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:44.000 even in my book, there are no villains in my story, right, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:48.280 there's only victims because the people in the community are extraordinary. 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.440 When my brother was killed. My brother died when he 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:54.880 was five. He was killed in a car accident. And 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.520 if I tell you that, every person in that community 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:02.160 found a way to make us feel loved. We had 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:05.360 CEOs sweeping our floor, we had people bringing us food 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:10.239 every day. The community. The sense of love that's there 0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:14.040 is really beautiful. And I think also there's some traits 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:17.480 that you know, are so instilled in you that I 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:21.280 think they've really carried me well throughout, you know, the 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:25.600 rest of my journey so far. Gratitude is a big one. 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.360 You are always in a state of gratitude. And I 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.840 think that that's something that gets lost here in the 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:35.000 outside world. Is it's give me, give me, give me, 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.120 not think you, thank you, thank you. And I think 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.520 if more people were looking at what they owed the 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.920 world and what the world owed them, would be in 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:43.840 a much better place. 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:48.880 That is so beautifully well said. And I mean, I 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.640 just I'm just I'm very like, I'm just very moved 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:51.920 by you. 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:53.760 So you know, if you. 0:03:53.640 --> 0:04:00.000 Just I mean, you are absolutely stunningly kid. Wow, your magnificent. 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:01.200 It's so beautiful. 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.640 So I started this podcast because I called off my 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:05.120 wedding four days before. 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:06.280 I was supposed to get married. 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:07.120 I'm so jealous. 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.280 Why didn't you call me? Jesus? 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.080 And the reason that I called off one of the 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.880 reasons I called off the wedding is because my fiance 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:19.000 at the time wouldn't send my prenap And you know, 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:22.479 looking back now and reflecting back, I'm like, Okay, that 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:23.840 was the biggest gift that. 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:25.040 Anyone has given me. 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:28.440 And so I am so grateful for that moment and 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:30.720 for this podcast, and I've learned so much about myself, 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.640 and I'm really excited to talk to you about dating 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:38.320 in your fifties. Filter I would just jump into that 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:42.919 quickly because it's a hot It's like a hot button topic, 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:44.039 dating in your fifties. 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:47.040 We were like, what's it like? Must be awful? Men? 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.080 Are your pen pals? Like, what are your thoughts on 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:50.080 dating in your fifties? 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.960 Okay, so I am going to, like, you know, I 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:57.800 pretty much disagree with all of that, only because, first 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:59.520 of all, this is the first time I got I've dated. 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:01.840 Think about it. I left when I was forty two. 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:05.320 The first I would say, nine months was just sex 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:08.120 because I hadn't had real sex. So I just wanted 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.080 to experience that I'm not going to call that dating, right, 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.880 The first guy slept was a twenty one year old 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.279 SIRC to sole acrobat, so you get the general idea. 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:17.159 Wow. 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:19.560 And then I met a guy that became my boyfriend, 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:21.440 and after I broke up with him, I met my husband. 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.480 So I never actually got to date so the first 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:26.880 time in my life, because you know, I didn't go 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.240 to high school with boys. I didn't go to the prom, 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.200 I didn't have my first kiss, I didn't have a 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:33.800 first boyfriend. I married a guy I met for a 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.920 bunch of hours and that was it, you know, and 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:40.880 I'd never touched him before we married. So I just 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:45.960 started dating at fifty three. So, you know, for me, 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:51.360 it's so fun. You know, I'm having a last First 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:53.719 of all, I tend to date very young. I date 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:58.120 guys like late twenties, early Thirties's amazing, and we're kind 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.159 of at the same place in our life, right, I've 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:03.159 been working for twelve years. Guys in their thirties have 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:05.520 left college, they've been working for twelve years, so we're 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:06.839 in the same spot. 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:07.200 You know. 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:09.800 I've found that most guys my age, they want to 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:13.880 play golf, they want to play tennis. They want to vacation. 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:19.360 I'm just getting started. I love business, I love creating things. 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:23.360 I have so many different companies that are actually going 0:06:23.400 --> 0:06:25.039 to be coming up in the next few years of 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:30.600 things that I've invented. So my energy is not necessarily 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.479 got for guys my age, you know. And so I've 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:36.920 been having just an amazing time now. Of course, have 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.359 I met anyone who I would consider a boyfriend? 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:39.839 No? 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:45.960 Have I been having a lot of fun in the process, yes, yes, 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.159 Oh my god, it's been great. 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.200 Well, I was just wondering too, because, like we were 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:53.080 saying that, you know, and I were in a very 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:55.440 similar boat. Like, you know, when I was on Housewives 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:59.080 and I got divorced, people were like, oh my god, 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:02.120 you're single, Like what's wrong with you? Being single and 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:04.800 having two children was like kind of like you had 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.440 like some awful sease, infectious disease. I'm like, I'm just 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:11.160 you know, a mindful human that wants to make sure 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:13.440 that my girls have everything and just making sure. 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.960 So you're stunning, like any guy on earth would be 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:20.560 like literally on the floor your toes, begging to date you. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:24.480 I'm taking you with me, I'm gonna ping you in 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:27.000 my pocket. I'm going to take you with you, at me, 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:28.320 with me everywhere. 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:30.840 I can't get over. Thank you, thank you. 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:32.440 But you know it's interesting that you know, and a 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:35.200 lot of people were like, well, you know, because of 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:37.800 what you've done in your past with your work and 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:39.960 you know what you look like. You know, people are 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:42.680 intimidated by you. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what so 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:44.440 that so now? And now I'm supposed toill, like be 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:48.720 on my back foot feeling like I shouldn't be, you know, 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:51.520 showing off my superpower whatever that is I should be. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:54.400 It was very strange and it wasn't by men. 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:55.400 It was by women. 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:56.160 It was by women. 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:57.560 But you know, what do you think of that? You 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:01.400 know what's so interesting? When I was shituch dating, which 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.200 is very different like when I was nineteen, I was 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:06.080 going to the process of getting married and you know, 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:09.120 there's a matchmaker and you meet the guy and it's 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:11.640 only allowed to be in public, and it's only supposed 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.080 to be the whole date cannot last for more than 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:17.800 three hours, including driving, so you basically get like an 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.000 hour and a half to two hours and you get 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:24.520 you know, three to five dates. So somewhere between fifteen hours. 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:26.880 You have to decide if this person is the person 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.480 who needs spend the rest of your life with. And 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:31.640 every time before I would go out, they would say 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.480 to me, Julia, just don't talk. Don't let him know 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:37.480 that you're smart. It's very men don't like that if 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:42.680 you want to get married. Zip it. And I remember 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.959 when I left my community I came to this world. 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.320 I thought, no one is ever going to tell that 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:50.240 to me again. And lo and behold, women get told 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:53.640 that all the time, all the time, not back there 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:57.400 here here, in this, in this world where there isn't 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:01.440 supposed to be religious fundamentalism. And yes, it's so ingrained 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:05.200 in our society that women are supposed to be quiet, demure. 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.280 You know, someone asked me the other day, how do 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.160 you know that it's inherent and intrinsic in our society, 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:14.240 this inequity. And I always tell people, look at the words. 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.719 You learn so much about a culture of society by 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:23.520 the language. Right in Alaska there are more words for 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:27.160 ice than in any other language in the world, which 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.720 makes sense. They're surrounded by ice. Let's look at the 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:37.400 words people use when they describe successful women bad ass, bitch. 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:43.120 Why is it that men are not called bad asshole 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:47.760 bastards when they're successful. They're captains of industry, right, think 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:51.319 about it, right, they're captains of industry, they're leaders, they're titans. 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.280 Women are bad ass bitches. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:56.880 Right or like boss, bitch and witch? 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:04.200 Why think about the demure? Does that word ever apply 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:07.480 to a man? Never? How about well behaved? Have you 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.200 ever heard anyone ever say he's a well behaved man? 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:11.640 Of course not. 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:17.440 Women are supposed to be demure and well behaved and 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:21.000 wait our turn and be polite because guess what, if 0:10:21.040 --> 0:10:25.160 you're not, they're not gonna call you a leader or charismatic. 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.719 They're gonna say you're a seductress, which, by the way, 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:31.360 I've gotten accused of. So I'm not charismatic. I'm no. 0:10:32.679 --> 0:10:35.320 Excuse my language, that's hell. 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:38.520 I'm sorry. Why is it that men are charismatic but 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:41.400 women are seductive? And the difference is that has a 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:44.240 negative connotation and the other one is a compliment. So 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:47.880 everything about you, you know, as I was driving over here, 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:53.839 I was thinking about, you know, uh, lasers and injections 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.640 and things because I was listening to somebody wait. 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:01.160 To talk about and your relationships. You're thinking about lasers. 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:04.199 Well, yeah, seriously, I was. I was listening to somebody 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:08.680 on the I mean, and the guy was like, you know, 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:13.560 women spend so much money lasering themselves, injecting themselves. I 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.880 don't do any of that stuff. And I think to myself, 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:21.040 how incredibly hypocritical. The entire world forces us to look 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.000 beautiful until the day we die, yells at us if 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:28.200 we're not perfect, and then then complains that we have 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.200 to do things to follow their version of what we 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.840 should look like. I mean, it's a lose lose all around. 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:35.800 No matter what you do, they're gonna yell at you. 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.560 So my personal advice is just fall of it and 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:39.600 do what makes it feel good. 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.480 So let's talk about some mistakes, because you know, there's 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.240 do you have any mistakes that you've made that you 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:48.800 would tell your daughter to make the same ones. 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:53.360 To make the same mistake as in meaning that it's 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:54.960 not a mistake, right right. 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:55.760 So yeah, I mean. 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:02.480 A mistake, you know, I don't even know or care. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:04.800 I don't know. Like the mistakes that I've made are 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:08.319 things that I think are mistakes, like getting married again, 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.280 not listening to the voice inside my head. That's a 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:16.200 danger danger being too trusting. You know, those the things 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:19.440 that I think of a mistakes are real mistakes. What 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:21.920 other people think of a mistakes. I stopped listening to 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:23.840 that long ago. I don't even know. You'd have to 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.400 ask other people. Yeah, I don't actually have an idea. 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.720 There's one scene where you're sitting in your bedroom with 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:34.360 your youngest daughter that really really struck a chord with me, 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:38.280 and where you guys are talking about how you're in 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:42.679 your room crying and she comes in, and you know, 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.520 I had a similar situation like that where I was 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.439 like literally cry in my closet, like I'm like, this 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.679 is not my world, this is not my life, this 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.440 is not my life. And I mean, you know, my 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.439 ex husband's French. So as soon as we got married, 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.280 he cut a fall in the tower. I had blonde, 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:03.920 short hair, I had were turtlenecks and pants, and I 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:06.720 was supposed to be like the perfect wife for him 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.480 for you know, whatever he was doing while he was 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:13.160 feeling gorgeous. And I'll never forget the day that I 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:15.560 was like, this is over. I went to I was 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:18.520 in Easthampton and I went to town and I bought this 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:23.320 This aveda shampoo and I put the shampoo on my 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.319 hair and it was, all of a sudden, my entire 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:28.720 head went, you know, dark, because it's that that's that chestnut. 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:33.120 I mean, obviously it looked like squirrel hair, but the point, yes, 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:34.760 all of a sudden, I was like, there I am, 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:38.600 and like it was like a game changer. And you know, 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.680 it's not my job to you know, I can say 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:42.480 whatever I want about my ex because he's my ex. 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:44.559 I don't like him when other people say anything about him, 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:47.920 but you know, I'm so grateful for that moment. And 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:50.960 when I saw you with your daughter, I was just like, 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:52.680 oh my god, you guys are so I love that 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:56.040 you chose your children because I always choose my children. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:56.560 Oh it is. 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:02.160 And you know what really hurt is that that scene 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.920 that we were filming was at the end of January, 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:08.040 and it wasn't me in my room or in my closet. 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.280 It was me naked on the bathroom floor. Because what 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.320 he used to do was scream at me when I 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.560 was in the shower, when I was in the bath, 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:18.520 when I was on the toilet, when I was at 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:21.200 my most vulnerable. He would come and scream and yell 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.000 at me, and that one time, it was so loud 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.080 that my daughter heard it from upstairs and that's why 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:30.160 she came downstairs to the bathroom to see what was 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.920 going on. And then she called Badheva to say should 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:34.760 I call the police? Like what do I do? Because 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.160 she didn't come in to see me crying. She was 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:40.520 standing by the door watching him scream and yell and 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:44.080 brate me while I was naked on the floor crying. 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.960 I am so sorry, and that did not come across 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:48.360 and I am so sorry. 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:53.080 And when we told that story to the judge because 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.920 the I filed two complaints against him, and because I 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:58.680 didn't mention it in the first complaint, and the reason 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:00.600 I didn't is because I had thirty to write it 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.480 and I was so distraught and I hadn't slept that 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:04.800 I just didn't think of it. And then when I 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:08.440 mentioned it in the second complaint, the judge didn't believe me, said, 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.200 if it was true, it would have been mentioned in 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:12.880 the first complaint. And I'll tell you something that really hurts, 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.880 and that is that my telling my daughter that story 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:21.160 was almost a week and a half before my first complaint, 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:23.760 So if I had made it up to hurt him. 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:25.920 I would have woul in the first thing I put 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.360 in if I'd made it up, I would have made 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:33.280 it up after before. But the reality is that's what happened, 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.600 and the fact that women are just they're not believed. 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:39.880 I had so much evidence and so much proof, and 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:43.520 it took years, and it took two whistleblowers coming forward 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.080 before I started being believed. And now, of course there's 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.520 warrants out for his arrest. He's fled the country, his 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.880 passport has been revoked, his license has been revoked. He 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.880 tries to come in, he'll be arrested at customs. But 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:01.280 it took three and a half years fighting before someone 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:01.840 believed me. 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:03.840 That is awful. 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:17.000 You know, it's interesting too because at the beginning, when 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:21.840 you're talking about your like you're Gwyneth Paltrow uncoupling, if 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.600 you will, Like you just seemed very calm and relaxed, 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.440 and you're like basically like, you know, things don't necessarily 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.320 things aren't what they seem and things aren't working out, 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.680 and then later on we see just like how painful 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:36.440 everything is for you, and you know, you know you 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.320 can't just because you fall in love with someone doesn't 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:41.320 mean that you understand how you're going to fall out 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:42.200 of love with them. 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:44.480 Or how they're going to treat you right, you know. 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:46.360 To me in the beginning, it was a I just 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:48.280 want to be left alone. I want to go my 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.280 own way. I built a billion dollar business. You take half, 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.440 I take half, and we walk away into the sunset. 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.480 I had no desire to tell anyone what was going 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:59.000 on in my marriage. It was extremely embarrassed at how 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:02.560 I let him, you know, take advantage of me and 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.640 the way that he treated me, and I just wanted 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.040 it to be over. But then you know that song, 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.240 don't lie about me, and I won't tell the truth 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:14.399 about you. That's what happened. He lied, I had to 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:14.920 tell the truth. 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.159 Oh my god, you were dropping some major stuff here. Okay, 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:18.920 so that is unbelievable. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:24.520 So religion and relationships, because I have dated men that 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:30.200 are Jewish, I am Catholic, my children are half Jewish. 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.920 What are your thoughts on religion and dating and. 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:38.960 Relationship shouldn't matter. I think if a belief system supersedes love, 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:41.240 then you're an extremist. 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:41.840 Right. 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:47.800 Love is greater than what you call God or what 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:51.159 food you eat or what place you worship. If you 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:55.400 have love, does the rest really really matter? I don't 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.119 think so. I don't believe it. 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.320 You know, it's interesting sitting here talking to you because 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.160 you are so well put together. I mean you're physically 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:05.520 so well put together, and you're mentally so well put together, 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:06.919 and you're wildly articulate. 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:12.920 Like what like there's I mean, there's obviously. 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:14.560 So many things that have happened to you outside of 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:17.360 just the religious factor and these and these two divorces, 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.920 but like, what is it that was like your moment 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.520 where you're just like, I just can't do this anymore. 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:26.760 With with my marriage, I mean, in life, your marriage, 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.280 it was so many There were so many moments where, 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:34.040 you know, I think change is sometimes forced upon us 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:37.080 because we get to a level of such extreme misery 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:39.920 that we don't have a choice that it really comes 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.560 down to I'm either going to end up killing myself 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.080 or I got to get out of here. And and 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.560 that's happened to me now twice in my life. First 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:51.400 to get out of my community and then to get 0:18:51.400 --> 0:18:56.560 out of my marriage where it was really I watched 0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:01.280 myself being shrunk, I watched myself being pressed down into 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:04.800 this invisible being, and I knew that I couldn't survive. 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:09.720 So it was either fight for my freedom or just 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:13.359 give up. And I don't have give up in my psyche. 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:17.119 I also like the fact that you're like the like 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:21.440 the ultimate matriarch where you organize this dinner for your 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:27.000 ex husband and is not I mean, that was iconic 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:29.760 and you're like, Okay, it's fine, Like everyone's just going 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:32.280 to come to dinner or it's gonna hang out. If 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.360 I tell the girls beforehand, they're not going to show 0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:37.520 up and everyone's like, what is going on here, You're like, it's. 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:41.840 Fine, It's all about the children. In the end, Is 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:45.119 it better for my children for the ex husband that 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:47.360 I had kids with, Not Sylvia, but my first ex 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:49.880 US friend. Is it better for my children for us 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:53.440 to be friends or not? That was a question will 0:19:53.480 --> 0:19:56.600 it harm them or hurt or or you know, in 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:58.880 other words, if he was a bad father, that would 0:19:58.920 --> 0:19:59.440 have been one thing. 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:00.880 But he's not. He's a great dad. 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:04.159 And because he's a great dad, that meant to me 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:08.040 that no matter what the relationship between the two of 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:10.840 us was, that should impact my kids. And I really 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.639 wanted to make sure that even after he got married, 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.520 which she has every right to do. Why not should 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:18.520 live alone for the rest of his life. No, And 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:20.800 I think his wife is a lovely, lovely person. 0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:21.720 She is, She's a. 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:26.440 Wonderful human being. She treats my youngest so beautifully. I'm 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:30.399 so grateful for that. And so I don't mess with 0:20:30.440 --> 0:20:33.800 people unless they torture me first. That's basically the rule. 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:36.120 But then if you come for me, I will fight 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:37.320 for truth on justice. 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:38.120 I love that. 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:40.560 I wish that you had been with me on Housewives. 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:42.280 I would have brought you to Scary Island. I'd be like, 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:44.120 here's my secret power name. 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:44.920 It's Julia Hart. 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:48.760 You and I would have a lot away from me. 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:51.080 I've got Julie here. Everyone would be. 0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:53.880 Like, ah. 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:57.720