Speaker 1: Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller starts right now, nine number one with a bullet.
Speaker 1: Unless we're not. It is the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller.
Speaker 1: Back at it eight days a week. Happy Saturday. Saturday's Saturday,
Speaker 1: because four hours a night are not enough. Another weekend
Speaker 1: of podcasting continuing. I hope you had a chance to
Speaker 1: catch our conversation with the great Ted Sobel, a man
Speaker 1: who got to work with my radio idol, the great
Speaker 1: Jim Healey back in the day. And I've known Ted
Speaker 1: for a long time, and so he told some amazing tale.
Speaker 1: All of that is available in his book, Touching Greatness.
Speaker 1: And I love the fact that Ted's doing this kind
Speaker 1: of row. He's had a small publisher, he's not one
Speaker 1: of the big publishing houses, so I want to see
Speaker 1: him do well. Obviously I'm biased. I like the guy,
Speaker 1: but it's a good book. And I don't read a
Speaker 1: lot of books, but I have read. I'm not all
Speaker 1: the way through the book yet, but I love the
Speaker 1: fun facts and that did you know? And all that
Speaker 1: that's in that book touching greatness. But that's not what
Speaker 1: this is about. This is about the Saturday Blues, or
Speaker 1: in my case, the Reynold Blues. We'll get to that.
Speaker 1: We have pop quiz also, let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical.
Speaker 1: We try to determine whether stuff is real or bullshit.
Speaker 1: A tribute to the old pen and Teller show Bullshit
Speaker 1: from back in the day. And this week we are
Speaker 1: joined yet again. I think this is the third week
Speaker 1: in a row, if I'm right. A man who's affectionally
Speaker 1: known when he was the wrestlers, Ryan McBain Ryan Smith
Speaker 1: is here Fox Sports Radio Zone. Hello Ryan, Hello kinds.
Speaker 1: How are you? Mr mc bean? Number one fan, part
Speaker 1: of the Marching and Chatter Society for Boston. He loves
Speaker 1: all Boston sports and like the thank you for all
Speaker 1: the angry messages I got, what did you put this?
Speaker 1: Thu Sewan? When you know what Boston can kiss my
Speaker 1: black ass? Is that right? Right in the crack and
Speaker 1: print it and print it, kiss my ass and print it.
Speaker 1: Uh man, Well, listen, let's let's get into it. So
Speaker 1: the Mallard Mansion two point oh, Mallard Mansion two point
Speaker 1: a time for a This is just the kind of
Speaker 1: content I on the pulse of the people who run
Speaker 1: This is just the kind of content that the p one,
Speaker 1: the die hard Mallard Militia foot soldier wants to hear
Speaker 1: my life and things that are going with So anyway,
Speaker 1: as as many of you know, we talked about this
Speaker 1: in a previous episode, that I am living in a
Speaker 1: temporary residence, the Halfway House, which is in a mostly
Speaker 1: retirement community. A lot of older folks here that are
Speaker 1: enjoying their life. Nice, nice clear area. There's a homeowners
Speaker 1: association which I can't stand. And it's also we've called
Speaker 1: it the ship House because Bella ships all over the house.
Speaker 1: My dog Bella has decided that she does not does
Speaker 1: not need to go outside to go to the bathroom anymore.
Speaker 1: So it's a it's a big pain in the ass.
Speaker 1: It's a big pain in the ass. And so but
Speaker 1: by the way, anybody knows how we love Bella, but
Speaker 1: she she's no longer potty trained, and she has dragon breath.
Speaker 1: I don't know, do you know anything, Ryan, you can
Speaker 1: give a dog to make their breath smell better? Is
Speaker 1: there anything you can do to help them and prove
Speaker 1: their breath? It's a little tough to know. I do
Speaker 1: believe there's certain types of treats you can give the dog. Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably try that. Well. I read like you're that you
Speaker 1: can brush the teeth the dog. That that's a bridge
Speaker 1: too far from me. Like, I love dogs. I've had
Speaker 1: dogs my entire life. I'm a dog person, not a
Speaker 1: cat person. But I can't imagine brushing the teeth of
Speaker 1: a dog. Could you? Could you ever see? Have you
Speaker 1: done that? Ryan? When you when you ever consider doing that?
Speaker 1: I'd rather just take the dog to the dentist, you know? Yeah? No, no,
Speaker 1: I agree, But they said, like they I did. Look,
Speaker 1: this was a couple of months ago because Bellas had
Speaker 1: dragon breath for a while, and so I was like,
Speaker 1: what can I do? And then they were like, well,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to brush the dog's teeth like every single day.
Speaker 1: I'm like, You've got to fucking be kidding me. Every day? Yes,
Speaker 1: every day. The Internet told me that yeah, yeah, the internet.
Speaker 1: Can't you put something in their water or something like
Speaker 1: that that would help improve the process or process or there?
Speaker 1: There you go, Ryan, this is it. This is how
Speaker 1: we can get rich. We come up with a liquid
Speaker 1: like a mouthwash that's safe for dogs that will improve
Speaker 1: their bad breath. We will make a gazillion dollars from
Speaker 1: people that love their dogs but don't like the dragon.
Speaker 1: This is how we can become rich. We need to
Speaker 1: trademark this. We need to we need to go into
Speaker 1: the lab. We need to go into Frankenstein's lab and
Speaker 1: get some kind of magic formula. The secret. You know,
Speaker 1: the KFC has the eleven herbs and spices and all that.
Speaker 1: We can come up with the right mix and dogs
Speaker 1: will gobble it up and then we'll make a killing. Okay,
Speaker 1: I have a question. Are you one of these dog
Speaker 1: owners that actually kisses your own dog? No, but Bella
Speaker 1: is a lap dog. She's a little ship too, and
Speaker 1: so Bella is all over the place wherever I am,
Speaker 1: or mostly my wife. Bella loves the the wife, but
Speaker 1: she'll follow us around because that's all these lap dogs do.
Speaker 1: That's why they calm lap dogs. They're always in your lap,
Speaker 1: But no, I I don't particularly care for Bella to
Speaker 1: to lick my face. I do not allow that. That
Speaker 1: is disgusting. I get annoyed when Bella will even like
Speaker 1: lick my arm, which is also disgusting because then my
Speaker 1: arm stinks like like a dragon breath. I don't mind
Speaker 1: it if I'm about to go in take a shower
Speaker 1: or something like that, but when she does it after
Speaker 1: I've just come out of the shower, Holy crap. What
Speaker 1: a pain in the ask that is? These are first
Speaker 1: world problems, right, sounds like it. I just personally think
Speaker 1: that you're too close to the dog, which is kind
Speaker 1: of disgusting. No, I'm not too close to the dogs.
Speaker 1: If you can smell it's breath, I think you are
Speaker 1: when the dogs always around that. Listen, this is dragon breath,
Speaker 1: dragon breath. The breath can't be that bad. Okay, you know,
Speaker 1: I'll invite you over and you can hang out with
Speaker 1: with the dog, and then make sure the dog gets
Speaker 1: real close to you and you'll you'll smell what I smell. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't do stuff like that. I'll get too close
Speaker 1: to dogs mouths. That's disgusting. I know you don't like people.
Speaker 1: I don't particular I don't particularly care for people either.
Speaker 1: We're both introverts, which I like. But dogs are different.
Speaker 1: Dogs can't talk back, dogs can't turn their back on you.
Speaker 1: I think, I guess they could run away. But the
Speaker 1: loyal man's best friend the dog come on anyway. So
Speaker 1: so back to the back to the point I got sidetracked.
Speaker 1: That's a non sequitor, but it is related. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's Bella's ship house. So the renovations are continuing. Now.
Speaker 1: We had a setback this week in the updated Mallard
Speaker 1: mansion two point oh. And you're very concerned about my life,
Speaker 1: but it's it's been a little bit stressful because the
Speaker 1: flooring we're getting a complete make over here, so the
Speaker 1: flooring in the new place, which is the old place,
Speaker 1: which will be the new place, but not the old
Speaker 1: place I live. This is a different place I used
Speaker 1: to live. So it's anyways a complicated story. So the
Speaker 1: flooring for the new place was delayed. There are major
Speaker 1: supply line issues with a lot of the home improvement products.
Speaker 1: A number of these products these days at the big
Speaker 1: you know lows home deep at these big sort Sorry
Speaker 1: Dick and dating the diction is not gonna be happy
Speaker 1: about that, so it's becoming a bit of a headache.
Speaker 1: We're on a tight timeline, so I'm hoping now some
Speaker 1: of the flooring has coming in, So I'm hoping that
Speaker 1: the great tradesman, the great contractors that we've we've got
Speaker 1: working on this will be able to make up for
Speaker 1: lost time and maybe work on a Saturday or something
Speaker 1: like that, you know, because we're paying him. But we're
Speaker 1: supposed to be moving from where I'm living in the
Speaker 1: halfway house to the new humble abode in like three weeks,
Speaker 1: and we've been delayed by at least a week. I
Speaker 1: think it's eight days or something. That Now, my my wife,
Speaker 1: who's very confident, she's a Pollyanna. She thinks everything's great,
Speaker 1: everything's wonderful, and she's convinced that the brick and mortar
Speaker 1: will all be put in, everything will be done, and
Speaker 1: she's very confident. Not now, I think it'll be like
Speaker 1: half done if we're lucky, by the time we're supposed
Speaker 1: to get into the other place. So we'll find out
Speaker 1: whether I'm right or she's right. Stay tuned. Inquiring minds
Speaker 1: would like to know. It must be nice, must be nice.
Speaker 1: You're you're probably moving into into like some big mansion,
Speaker 1: aren't you. Well, it's the Mallard Mansion. I've always lived
Speaker 1: in Mallar Mansion. Even when I lived in an apartment
Speaker 1: in Hollywood, it was the Mallard Mansion. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: It was a Mallard mansion. Mr. Money bags over here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that one bedroom apartment I had in Hollywood was the
Speaker 1: Mallard Mansion. Absolutely. Yeah. All the money you have, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: let me tell you when the secret if you really
Speaker 1: want to make it big. A lot of people think
Speaker 1: you have to be like Colin Cowherd and we're you
Speaker 1: end up in the real estate pages of the l. A.
Speaker 1: Times when you buy a house because you're so powerful
Speaker 1: and no, no, the real money and radio overnights two
Speaker 1: am to six am. Ryan, they pay you so much money,
Speaker 1: so much money that it's it's a mistake that the l.
Speaker 1: A Times real estate page has not put my real
Speaker 1: estate transactions in there just between me, you know, you
Speaker 1: and me. A bad job by them. Of course, when
Speaker 1: they see my portfolio, they will bust out laughing when
Speaker 1: they see, wait a minute, you do the over anyway.
Speaker 1: But listen, I could be worse, right, So you could
Speaker 1: always be in a worse situation. So I'm very grateful
Speaker 1: for what I have. But yeah I am if I
Speaker 1: did have like real legit, big time radio money, which
Speaker 1: I've not really tasted, not really tasted that. I made
Speaker 1: a lot of money briefly when I did TV and
Speaker 1: I was a shitty TV guy at NBC. But they
Speaker 1: pay so much money for ship television and just babbling
Speaker 1: on TV for two minutes or whatever. They pay a
Speaker 1: ton of money. Radio they don't do that. They don't
Speaker 1: sweeten the pot quite as much. And in radio unfortunately,
Speaker 1: as you know Ryan firsthand. Yeah, I shouldn't complain because
Speaker 1: uh yeah, yeah, it's uh. They'll give you once they
Speaker 1: hear these podcasts. Ryan management will say, that's that guy McBain.
Speaker 1: We'd better pay him more my ass. No, No, that's
Speaker 1: probably not gonna happen. Just turn the page on that
Speaker 1: one and say move on. Yeah, all right, I hear.
Speaker 1: Let's get the pop quiz. What do you say? We
Speaker 1: got pop quiz? You ready to go on? This is
Speaker 1: exciting pop quiz? All right, here we go. These are
Speaker 1: actual things I found scouring the internet, and I thought
Speaker 1: they were interesting, so I want to share them with you.
Speaker 1: The way this should work is I will ask the question.
Speaker 1: You will then in your head you listing, We'll try
Speaker 1: to determine the answer, and then after that we will
Speaker 1: ryanal guests and they'll give the answer. So, according to
Speaker 1: a new survey, as the Tokyo Olympics get started, here
Speaker 1: the makeup the renow Olympics, the Summer Olympics. There, what
Speaker 1: event do Americans say they are most excited for at
Speaker 1: the Summer Olympics? Dude? Do do do? Do? Do? Basketball? Dude?
Speaker 1: Do do do? Do? Do Do do do? Final answer? Basketball?
Speaker 1: Let it? Uh no, No, that isn't correct the correctness.
Speaker 1: I thought it was track and field. But it's not swimming.
Speaker 1: Swimming love the swimming, Okay, I know a lot of
Speaker 1: women love the gymnastics, right, and my type casting in
Speaker 1: my pigeonholing the women they love the gymnastics. I think
Speaker 1: I'm right on that that's a Summer Olympic thing in
Speaker 1: it gymnastics, I believe. So yeah. Anyway, so swimming, I've
Speaker 1: never really cared that much for swimming, although I am
Speaker 1: impressed with the diving that I'm scared of heights. So
Speaker 1: those lunatics that jump off the very top thing that
Speaker 1: that makes me a little nauseous in my stomach when
Speaker 1: I watched that. But I don't watch too much of
Speaker 1: the Olympics. Let's be honest. Here we're meeting potatoes. That's
Speaker 1: not meeting potatoes. I said that the other day in
Speaker 1: a monologue. So the average American we'll go through about
Speaker 1: twenty eight pounds of this in their lifetime. Twenty eight
Speaker 1: pounds you will consume in your lifetime before you check
Speaker 1: out and take that dirt nap of this. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go with butter doo doo doo doo doo doo doo,
Speaker 1: rummage around, find the butta uh no, the correct answer.
Speaker 1: It's something you do typically when you either wake up
Speaker 1: or go to bed or possibly both mouth losh close.
Speaker 1: You're getting closer something in that area. Keep going, keep going. Toothpaste. Yeah,
Speaker 1: look at you, McBain. That is correct toothpaste. Twenty eight
Speaker 1: pounds of toothpaste. Of course, unless you're in Britain, and
Speaker 1: then you'll go through about one pound of cheez Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry Terry in England and all the other British listen,
Speaker 1: it's low hanging fruit. You gotta take the low hanging fruit. Alright. So,
Speaker 1: with mask mandates decreasing everywhere but Los Angeles, the only
Speaker 1: county I believe in the country that has these indoor
Speaker 1: mask mandates for people that have been fully vaccinated. More
Speaker 1: on that later, but the with the mask mandates decrease
Speaker 1: decreasing pretty much going away indoors most places. Mostly other
Speaker 1: than that A sales of this item have gone up
Speaker 1: sixty one six increase condoms condoms, h No, not not
Speaker 1: the condoms, no h The answer is lipstick. Yeah, no
Speaker 1: need to have lipstick if you've got a mask, Why
Speaker 1: would you do that? Because nobody can see your lips?
Speaker 1: That makes sense, Yeah, I mean that's smart by the
Speaker 1: women to stop using the lipstick and the men who
Speaker 1: use lipstick, But I, you know, hey, why not? You
Speaker 1: don't need to do it. A lot of men that
Speaker 1: use lipstick, I don't know. But of course I I
Speaker 1: use chapstick from that's my lipstick. That's that's what I
Speaker 1: used there. I'm gonna emphasize that chapstick is my way
Speaker 1: of door. I did read though these this. I'm so
Speaker 1: annoyed by this mask mandate thing in l A for
Speaker 1: the you know, for everybody. The indoor thing that I
Speaker 1: read online that it's a total overreaction. The number of
Speaker 1: people fully vaccinated that have met their demise in in
Speaker 1: l A since I got vaccinated. I think it's like
Speaker 1: I think I meant, but in California, like it was
Speaker 1: six out of ten millions something like that at the
Speaker 1: time they put this in, Uh the math on that
Speaker 1: seems that's within the marginal error to me. To me,
Speaker 1: that seems like it's in the margin area. But anyway,
Speaker 1: be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Speaker 1: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Speaker 1: Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Moving on, So,
Speaker 1: this is something that many people use every day. It
Speaker 1: was actually invented in Pennsylvania in the early nineteen eighties,
Speaker 1: and it's something people probably doing right now. And send
Speaker 1: it to your friends. They send it to you. The
Speaker 1: whole thing. What do you think it is? Porn? Porn? Yes,
Speaker 1: there was never pornography until the early nineties in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: Some guy in Pennsylvania said, let's come up with this porno.
Speaker 1: We think people will like watching other people stoop. Let's
Speaker 1: put that on film and see what happened? Amore? Stop? No, no,
Speaker 1: Now that you can say stoop is a great word.
Speaker 1: It's a Yiddish word and you know what you know
Speaker 1: what it means, right of course it means uh, screwined,
Speaker 1: That's what it means. Yeah, stupid, It's a great word.
Speaker 1: Land pipe, that's what I call it. Land pipe is
Speaker 1: that you're moved there? Yeah, well, there's so many there's
Speaker 1: so many ways you can say. See it. Being on
Speaker 1: the radio here you have had I've had to be
Speaker 1: creative on coming up with different ways to say things
Speaker 1: that we could say on the podcast that we can't
Speaker 1: say in the in the real world. For example, like
Speaker 1: I know with the Shawn Watson we've had a lot
Speaker 1: of fun with that because were the anacondah, can't keep
Speaker 1: the anticontie in the cage, the you know, the fire hose,
Speaker 1: the what else have we used here? I've used the sausage,
Speaker 1: any kind of salami, any of that meat missile. Meat
Speaker 1: missile is another one. Tally whacker, you can do that.
Speaker 1: I think that's allowed. I think that's allowed. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of euphanisms for sex to like you could
Speaker 1: do uh, you know, twig, you know connecting the twigs
Speaker 1: and the berries. You know that I could do that,
Speaker 1: or bringing those uh, doing the dirty deed right, doing
Speaker 1: the Devil's dance, the DIPSI due, that's all you can
Speaker 1: do that, that's rightly, no pants dance, the no pants dance? Right?
Speaker 1: How about this one? Aggressive cuddling? Aggressive cuddling? Does that work?
Speaker 1: Bumping uglies doing the bump, that's a good one. I
Speaker 1: like that. Bumping uglies. That's a checking the oil, right, checking,
Speaker 1: that's good. Uh, completing the jigsaw puzzle right, you're put
Speaker 1: them together. They're h I mean, there's a bunch of them. So,
Speaker 1: but I like shooping. I like stooping because you know,
Speaker 1: my grandfather used to speaking just when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: So I I like that anyway. But the the answer
Speaker 1: to the question what was invented in Pennsylvania in the
Speaker 1: early eighties? The smiling face a mode emoticon. The emoji
Speaker 1: was invented in Pennsylvania in the early eighties. About that
Speaker 1: fun fact, Huh, okay, that's I would never would have
Speaker 1: gotten that, no, I know, but it is used every day, right,
Speaker 1: I mean just used every single day. I used the
Speaker 1: egg plant, but that's just me. I know you're such
Speaker 1: a stud. Look at you, You're such a stud. Unbelievable. Now,
Speaker 1: the the smiley I'm assuming the smiley face existed before
Speaker 1: the nineteen eighties, right. But the story, well, we don't
Speaker 1: really have time to get into the the story of
Speaker 1: the history, the modern history of the the emoji, U,
Speaker 1: the emoticon. Anyway, moving on, So about fifteen percent of
Speaker 1: people say they haven't done this since the pandemic began.
Speaker 1: What do you think it is? M hmmm, do do do? Do? Do? Do? Do?
Speaker 1: Do? Do Do? Do? Do do? Gone to gone to the movies,
Speaker 1: gone to the movies. It's fair fair question. Um no,
Speaker 1: h weighed themselves? Yeah, yeah, I don't wait, but you
Speaker 1: weigh yourself. It's supposed to. Good job. They say, you're
Speaker 1: supposed to weigh whoever they are, Like the doctors said,
Speaker 1: we're supposed to wear yourself every day to make sure
Speaker 1: you don't get a weight. No, no, no. In fact,
Speaker 1: my advice is always the opposite, because I I've been
Speaker 1: on I'm on a pretty good regiment now because I'm
Speaker 1: into this nonsense with the interiminute fasting stuff. But when
Speaker 1: I would diet and try different diets, and I would
Speaker 1: try to weigh myself regularly, I get very frustrated and
Speaker 1: defeated because the weight didn't come off fast enough. So
Speaker 1: my advice is always to wait a little while between
Speaker 1: you weigh yourself, like weigh in maybe once every couple
Speaker 1: of weeks to see some real progress. Otherwise it's it's
Speaker 1: just it's defeating. It really is. When you get on
Speaker 1: the scale and you've been really good about your diet,
Speaker 1: best laid plans and all that stuff you followed out,
Speaker 1: and then you look, holy sh it, I gained a pound.
Speaker 1: What the hell is that about? All you gotta do
Speaker 1: is this, If your clothes still fit, you're fine. That's right.
Speaker 1: I agree, although be honest, here we all it meant
Speaker 1: we wear a lot of loose fitting clothes so you
Speaker 1: can gain a few pounds. It's what it is within
Speaker 1: the margin or of error. That right, You wear sweatpants
Speaker 1: all the time, things like, you know, loose fitting clothing.
Speaker 1: Get a few pounds and it's not really gonna show up.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna show now jeans. Is that you were
Speaker 1: like tight fitting clothes like jeans and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: It becomes problems, all right, what is the food we're
Speaker 1: doing this is very popular pop quiz What is the
Speaker 1: food that astronauts say they miss the most when they're
Speaker 1: in space? Uh? Steak steak? Uh No, The answer is
Speaker 1: ice cream. Ice cream. Can't have ice cream and space.
Speaker 1: It's a great question. Why is that? Would it melt
Speaker 1: while they get the space? How would that? I don't know?
Speaker 1: Or would the would it just change I guess it's
Speaker 1: so condensed and all that. Would it change shape in
Speaker 1: the in the space space ship, the space station or whatever.
Speaker 1: Just bring a spring, a freezer, I said, bring some ice.
Speaker 1: You're good to go. Yeah. I remember when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, they Space program, Like we were all like
Speaker 1: obsessed at the house. My dad loved outer space and
Speaker 1: had telescopes and all that all that crap, and so
Speaker 1: remember watching space Shuttle launches and they came out with
Speaker 1: this this tang that they promoted it by saying, astronauts
Speaker 1: use it in space. And it was just like a
Speaker 1: powder you mix. It was like orange juice, but it
Speaker 1: was a powdered thing. And so we bought some of
Speaker 1: that and it was just I loved it because it
Speaker 1: was filled with sugar. It was just like it was
Speaker 1: just completely bad for you. It's still around, I'm sure
Speaker 1: somewhere anyway. A new survey finds that of Americans would
Speaker 1: prefer to wake up every day feeling well rested rather
Speaker 1: than get this they think it is. Uh, then get drunk.
Speaker 1: You're drunk. Uh No, the answer is a promotion at work.
Speaker 1: Get the hell out of here. That's bullshit. So mcbann,
Speaker 1: if management is listening to this, if the suits upstairs
Speaker 1: in the corner office are listening, and you are willing
Speaker 1: to sacrifice a good night's rest for a promotion, which
Speaker 1: I would imagine has to include a nice race, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but keep in mind, I don't, I don't. I can't
Speaker 1: remember the last time I had a good night's sleep
Speaker 1: to begin with. So that's fine. Now, why is that?
Speaker 1: Why do you not sleep well? Just don't sleep well? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Was there the reasons? Do you eat right before you
Speaker 1: go to bed sometimes? Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. No, seriously,
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to eat three hours before you go
Speaker 1: to bed three hours So you gotta let the food
Speaker 1: settle in your stomach and all that. Now, seriously, I'm
Speaker 1: not making that the food can subtle well, I'm sleeping, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: And then you don't sleep. Word, that's true. It is
Speaker 1: settling and you don't sleep well. May I recommend not that.
Speaker 1: I know. There's a there's a sleep product that I use.
Speaker 1: It's at Costco. Maybe i'll you should try that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it really because I'm I'm a light sleeper and I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know I'm doing the hours I do.
Speaker 1: I don't sleep well at all. I get terrible schedule.
Speaker 1: But if I take this, I get some solid sleep.
Speaker 1: I get it. I'm good. I don't wake up restless
Speaker 1: and all that. So there's a product. But there's a
Speaker 1: product that I use from time and time if I
Speaker 1: can't get any sleep. It's called whiskey. You should it
Speaker 1: works really well. Well, that is a fallback off. That's
Speaker 1: what they did in the Western Frontier back in the day. Yes,
Speaker 1: that is that is correct. So uh, let's see moving
Speaker 1: on here we're doing Uh, let's see pop quiz. What
Speaker 1: is another one? We're gonna we don't have too much
Speaker 1: time here, Let's see what do we have? A recent
Speaker 1: survey found more than half of US homeowners are considering
Speaker 1: this as an alternative to buying a new home buying. Uh,
Speaker 1: so this is an alternative to buying a new home
Speaker 1: should be obvious if you think about it. What do
Speaker 1: you think if you owned a home but you didn't
Speaker 1: want to buy another home, what would you do instead
Speaker 1: of buying another home? What the hell? It's something that
Speaker 1: I'm doing right now. Oh, just live in a halfway house. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: renovate like renovate the house, like fix the house you're
Speaker 1: living in up, which is what you should do if
Speaker 1: you're in a position where the housing markets out of
Speaker 1: control right now, which it is. It's insane what's going
Speaker 1: on with the housing market. And I don't know that
Speaker 1: it's ever gonna go down that much. But if you own,
Speaker 1: if you're able to own a place, get it renovated.
Speaker 1: It's better to live there number one while you're there,
Speaker 1: and number two, it increases the value of it, supposedly
Speaker 1: if you ever decide to sell it, so well a
Speaker 1: win winner. I'm a renter. I don't own like four
Speaker 1: homes like you do. I don't own four homes that
Speaker 1: but I currently don't own any homes to be honest, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they're all getting renovated. No, I don't nothing yet.
Speaker 1: Please out there, you out there, you and and the
Speaker 1: reason I say I don't own any homes because the
Speaker 1: and this is the key thing. When you have a mortgage,
Speaker 1: the bank actually owns the home. If I stopped paying
Speaker 1: my mortgage, the bank takes the home. So I don't
Speaker 1: really own the home. I'm paying a mortgage. It's not
Speaker 1: like the homes are paid off and all I have
Speaker 1: to do is pay the property taxes or whatever. But
Speaker 1: the bank actually owns the home. I'm just paying the bank,
Speaker 1: paying the banker. Man. That's the key. Now, are you
Speaker 1: ever planning to buy a place from McBain or you
Speaker 1: just have a buddy of mine in Dallas who's around
Speaker 1: my age. He never bought a home. He lives in
Speaker 1: an apartment. He's happiest, can be. Anything breaks, he just
Speaker 1: calls somebody to come fix it, doesn't have to worry
Speaker 1: about anything. And he's I don't think he's ever going
Speaker 1: to buy a house. And he's like my miney, we're
Speaker 1: getting older now, so maybe one day if I get
Speaker 1: a raise, all right, well this podcast is going to
Speaker 1: inspire and all that money you get from Boston, the
Speaker 1: people in Boston that will send you all that money
Speaker 1: because you're so popular there, I wouldn't take anything from Boston. Really.
Speaker 1: So if somebody in Boston said, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: going to offer you a gig at w e I
Speaker 1: or the Sports Hub, I'm gonna pay you three times
Speaker 1: what you're making right now. But you gotta live in Boston,
Speaker 1: and so you would rather Oh, come on, I told
Speaker 1: you I'd rather live in Hell. No, Listen, there are
Speaker 1: good places. There are bad places everywhere, and if they
Speaker 1: pay you enough money, you would live in Siberia. You
Speaker 1: would move to Afghanistan, the demilitarized Zone, you would go there.
Speaker 1: So I don't think I have the uh complexion for
Speaker 1: the connection over there in Boston. Listen there there's what
Speaker 1: do you think you've been I assume you've we talked
Speaker 1: about it's been to Boston. We've been over this at nausea. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, we don't need to react. It's not like
Speaker 1: there are black people live in Boston. Yeah, and you're
Speaker 1: living in fear. I don't believe. Yes, I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you're embellishing that. I believe
Speaker 1: you're embellishing that tremendous. Be sure to catch live editions
Speaker 1: of The Ben Maller Show. Weekdays at two am Eastern
Speaker 1: eleven pm Pacific. Hey, I'm Doug Gottlieb. The podcast is
Speaker 1: called All Ball. We usually talk all basketball all the time,
Speaker 1: but it's more about the stories about what made these
Speaker 1: people love their sport and all the interesting interactions along
Speaker 1: the way. We talked to coaches, we talked to players,
Speaker 1: We tell you stories. You download it, you listen to it.
Speaker 1: I think you like it. Listen to All Ball with
Speaker 1: Doug Gottlieb on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or ever you get your podcast. Anyway, let's get scientific.
Speaker 1: Let's get scientifical. Here, McBain and what do you want
Speaker 1: to you want to go back here? What do you
Speaker 1: want do you want to do? I feel like you
Speaker 1: don't want to move on here? You do not want
Speaker 1: to move on? Ryan? Is that right? Now? We can
Speaker 1: do whatever you like? My friends? Alright, that's right, exactly, alright.
Speaker 1: So I have a few of these. Now, how much
Speaker 1: TV do you watch? You watch a lot of TV?
Speaker 1: You miss a few shows that I watched. I watched
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff on like Disney Plus or Netflix
Speaker 1: or HBO stuff. You love the cartoons on Disney Diney,
Speaker 1: I'm actually a huge Marvel fan. I watch a lot
Speaker 1: of Marvel movies, like those Princess movies on Disney. You
Speaker 1: know you don't, it's really my thing. Okay, alright, just checking. No, no,
Speaker 1: don't know. So. Recent studies says people who spend more
Speaker 1: than four hours a day watching TV are seventy eight
Speaker 1: percent more likely to snore seventy percent more like this.
Speaker 1: So now I have a question. Uh, First of all,
Speaker 1: I think this is probably bullshit. Secondly, if it is true,
Speaker 1: does this count for computer time? Because I I spend
Speaker 1: eight nine hours a day on my computer or some
Speaker 1: other electronic device. Isn't it the same concept if you're
Speaker 1: on your computer? I guess it's more interactive obviously if
Speaker 1: you're on your computer on social media or reading the
Speaker 1: news of the day and all that, But you're still
Speaker 1: looking at something for hours at a time. So shouldn't
Speaker 1: it have the same effect if you're on your computer,
Speaker 1: whether you're watching TV. I say, yes, I think it. Uh, well,
Speaker 1: it depends on what you're watching on your computer. Well,
Speaker 1: you watch a lot of porn, so for you, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, and you watch it on my phone? Actually, OK,
Speaker 1: you don't do it on the lot it's on the big,
Speaker 1: big screen. You don't like the big screen on your
Speaker 1: computer because because because I don't want any viruses. What
Speaker 1: what websites are you going to? There's a lot of
Speaker 1: mainstream porn works. You must be going to those really
Speaker 1: dark web places where what kind of weird fetishes? We
Speaker 1: should get into that in a future podcast. Thank you
Speaker 1: very very much. Sure about that? I'm pretty sure. Yes,
Speaker 1: Just just some dress up occasionally here and there and
Speaker 1: things like that. Nothing abnormal, Okay, don't what is what
Speaker 1: is your definition of abnormal? I'm not gonna says this disgusting.
Speaker 1: I want to keep my job. Uh that you ever
Speaker 1: look at porn at work? You? No? No, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: no no. Fun fact. Now, I will not reveal the
Speaker 1: name of this person because I might work with this
Speaker 1: person again at some point. They do not currently work
Speaker 1: at Fox Sports Radio. But there was a former professional
Speaker 1: athlete that worked at Fox Sports Radio who I was
Speaker 1: doing a show following this person. They were filling in
Speaker 1: on the show before me, and we have normal times.
Speaker 1: Now I do the show remotely. Now I have a
Speaker 1: remote studio or I do the show from. But when
Speaker 1: I was in in the in the main hub in
Speaker 1: Sherman Oaks, and I'd go in there after we had
Speaker 1: a quick turn a. Right, you have four minutes, gotta
Speaker 1: plug your headphones and gotta clean everything up. Go on,
Speaker 1: you know, get your stuff in order and all that.
Speaker 1: Get ready to go, and the here like comes up.
Speaker 1: So it's a mad scram, right, it's a mad dash
Speaker 1: to get all this stuff done. So you go in
Speaker 1: there and you you know, put your plug. I plug
Speaker 1: my headphones in, I adjust the microphone to where I wanted,
Speaker 1: I put my bag down. I get a few notes.
Speaker 1: I have some some chicken scratch that I have is
Speaker 1: kind of my talking points for the monologue. So I
Speaker 1: get all that and and I turned the computer on.
Speaker 1: You know, I clicked the button because it had gone
Speaker 1: to this, uh the sleep page where it had gone
Speaker 1: dark because it was it was down for a few
Speaker 1: few minutes. And the guy was like watching some hardcore
Speaker 1: porn on the computer. And it was like it was
Speaker 1: like I could not It was like like five different windows.
Speaker 1: He had saved some of his favorite porno and and
Speaker 1: I was like, I was so like taking a back.
Speaker 1: I was like, what did this guy was doing the show,
Speaker 1: and he was like it was wild it was like
Speaker 1: it was crazy. Now you say hardcore, Now, what's hardcore
Speaker 1: to Ben mallor Well, it didn't involve donkeys or something
Speaker 1: like that, it was, but no, I mean it was not.
Speaker 1: I remember there used to be this stan it's still
Speaker 1: around called the Spice Channel, which was one of my
Speaker 1: first experiences with porn. But it was very disappointing because
Speaker 1: they didn't show the the pushing and pulling. They showed
Speaker 1: everything but the main event, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it was frustrating as a kid because you wanted
Speaker 1: to see the main event and you were trying to
Speaker 1: learn about it, and then they wouldn't show it. So
Speaker 1: it wasn't that this was the main event. This was
Speaker 1: the full monty. Uh, you know the whole thing. You
Speaker 1: were back in the day when your parents got that
Speaker 1: black box you had all the channels. I was great.
Speaker 1: Oh man, The Spice Channel was like one of my
Speaker 1: favorite channels when I was growing up. It was wonderful
Speaker 1: to Spice Channel until like I forgot to change the
Speaker 1: channel after turning the TV off, so my dad found
Speaker 1: out I was watching it. Oh, I did the same thing.
Speaker 1: My we had a satellite set up because I I
Speaker 1: was at that time, I was the only the big satellite, like,
Speaker 1: not the small ones, the big ones. And it was
Speaker 1: like the coolest thing because my my parents were like,
Speaker 1: you need to watch you know, you love sports. Is
Speaker 1: the only way to watch all these other games, so
Speaker 1: you want to be a sportscaster. So they did it.
Speaker 1: And it was about the same price as cable at
Speaker 1: the time, so a little more expensive to buy the
Speaker 1: dish and a lot. Anyway, so we had this and
Speaker 1: and I watched mostly games, but every once in a
Speaker 1: while I would find you, you know, I move over
Speaker 1: to the porn and and uh. And the way that
Speaker 1: the satellite was set up in the house, like I
Speaker 1: had access in my bedroom, I had connection and then
Speaker 1: whatever I was watching, I didn't realize this was also
Speaker 1: available to my parents downstairs. Uh. And one night, late
Speaker 1: at night, I thought parents were sleeping and put on
Speaker 1: the old Spice channel, have a good time, and my
Speaker 1: my dad comes in. My my I'm sure my mom's
Speaker 1: said my dad, but my dad comes knocking on there,
Speaker 1: what are you watching? You know? He doesn't go I
Speaker 1: know exactly. So we had a similar experience. Look at that,
Speaker 1: we had a similar The best thing is my dad's
Speaker 1: sending me down and going, you know, son, uh, women
Speaker 1: really don't do this, Like really they don't. You're telling
Speaker 1: me women, women don't just randomly dress up as fresh
Speaker 1: maids and Ben Nolan the Really that doesn't happen. Okay,
Speaker 1: my dad wasn't even that mad. He's just trying to
Speaker 1: like you, like, hey, he was like, hey, son, I
Speaker 1: know what it is. It's cool, my dad. I don't
Speaker 1: want to hear it. Yeah, that's not I agree, And
Speaker 1: that's not a conversation you want to have. I literally
Speaker 1: told my dad I'd rather have you I'd rather just
Speaker 1: take the punishment than have you give me a speech.
Speaker 1: Yeah you do not need a lecture about the birds
Speaker 1: and the bees. I'm right there with you, absolutely, And
Speaker 1: uh yeah, my m be fair. My parents didn't really
Speaker 1: do that. They just thought I'd figured it out on
Speaker 1: my own kind of thing, you know, that whole And
Speaker 1: they said, well, you have sex head in school, you
Speaker 1: know that was that was that's what we should do
Speaker 1: for sex, and just put a porto on. Yeah, good luck.
Speaker 1: Did you imagine what kind of porto would you it on?
Speaker 1: What a minute? You shouldn't put that on. You gotta
Speaker 1: put seven different kinds of portal on that make everyone happy.
Speaker 1: My goodness, goodness. All right, well that's enough, we don't
Speaker 1: and I can go on. There was a story I
Speaker 1: saw about daylight savings time. They said that we should
Speaker 1: I agree with this, we should get rid of daylight
Speaker 1: savings time, like you know that springing your head falling back.
Speaker 1: They said, springing your head hits night owls harder, which
Speaker 1: I agree with. I think it's just done. We don't
Speaker 1: need it. The farmers don't need it. It's stupid. Pick
Speaker 1: a time to get it right in Arizona and Hawaii
Speaker 1: and the places that they don't have daylight savings time.
Speaker 1: You see, I'm gonna have to disagree with you. Come on,
Speaker 1: come on, mcbang. I'm gonna tell you. One night I
Speaker 1: had sex for sixty two minutes because of daylight savings time.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you like that? Oh so you said,
Speaker 1: oh you told her let's go to okay, Oh I
Speaker 1: know what you do? All right there? Any want said, right,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm not going there. I figured it out.
Speaker 1: All right, there you go. No one else was in
Speaker 1: the room at the time this happened. But anyway, all right,
Speaker 1: very good and that is that you can honestly follow
Speaker 1: me on all the social media channels if you're not
Speaker 1: doing that already, on Instagram, Ben Mallard, on Fox Facebook
Speaker 1: Ben Mallard Show. Like our Facebook page. I see a
Speaker 1: lot of people commenting on there that haven't clicked the
Speaker 1: light button on the Facebook page. Bad job by you,
Speaker 1: so make sure you do that. And on Twitter at
Speaker 1: Ben Maller and Ryan how can the listeners track you down?
Speaker 1: On Twitch as Ryan McBain R Y A N M
Speaker 1: C B A I N and on Twitter Ryan McBain. Also,
Speaker 1: you know, if you're a Boston fan, please contact me.
Speaker 1: I would love to talk to you. Yes, I'm sure
Speaker 1: you can. They can exchange you can exchange notes on
Speaker 1: where to live when you move to Boston, when you
Speaker 1: get that big radio job and ball Austin. They can
Speaker 1: give you the inside skinny on that. Anyway, listen, I
Speaker 1: have a great rest of the day here on Saturday.
Speaker 1: We got the mail bag right around the bend on Sunday,
Speaker 1: and we'll catch you then.