1 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: Okay, Oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god. 2 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:23,959 Speaker 1: Amy Schumer is the greatest. She's the greatest. And she's 3 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: from Long Island, She's from Motion Side. I lived in 4 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: Rockfell Center, in the neighboring town. I got an email 5 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: from a girl who asked if I wanted to go 6 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: to Amy Schumer. It'll be an amazing show Jerry and 7 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 1: Jessica Seinfelder hosting her and it and Lauren Michael's name 8 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: was thrown around. And I don't know if Alec Baldwin 9 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: because he's got his own bag of problems right now. 10 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: But you know, there are these events that happened in 11 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: the Hampton's once a mill a millennium and they're cool. 12 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: Like I've gone to the coal Play concert and it's 13 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: been really locals mixed with some librities. But you had 14 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: like I think Joni Mitchell and Jimmy Buffett and John 15 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 1: McEnroe bartending in one room, and I think Jay Z 16 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: and Beyonce were there to watch them, and um, I 17 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: was there. I got into a little bit of an 18 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: incident there which we don't have to discuss today. We 19 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,479 Speaker 1: could discuss it another day. But I'm lucky I wasn't 20 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: thrown out, but I was. I was on the on 21 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: the brink of cancelation sort of. So anyway, the Hampton's 22 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: once in a while has a cool event. Amy Schumer 23 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: performing here sounds like a cool event. I don't go out. 24 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: I don't go out on weekends. I don't go out 25 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: at primetime dinner. It's the Hampton's is the most beautiful 26 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: place in the world. It's the most dreadful place. If 27 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: you go and try to do something cool or interesting 28 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: or like orchestrated, that's when it's dreadful. Okay, So I went, 29 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: I was invited to Amy Schumer, and I said, Who's 30 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: who's going to be there? When I asked that, I 31 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: didn't mean, like, you know, just Joe the Lifeguard. I 32 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: meant there are people that I know who live out 33 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,559 Speaker 1: here who are at events like this, and funny people 34 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: who I've appreciate human I love comedy. So I assume 35 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 1: Jimmy Fallon is going to be there. He's a comedian, 36 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: comedian support other comedians. I assume Lauren Michael's is going 37 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: to be there. He's the one who told me you 38 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: have to make an exit to make an entrance. I 39 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: think he's going to be at a comedy thing. Jerry 40 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: and Jessica Seinfeld have been confirmed. It sounds interesting because 41 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: I'm leaving my house. I want to talk to some people. 42 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: I wanted to be interesting. I may want to say 43 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: to Amy, do you want to come on the podcast? 44 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 1: Like I don't leave my house unless there's a very 45 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: good reason, and often slash work is a reason. Like 46 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 1: slash slash Amy, do you want to come on the podcast? 47 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 1: Because otherwise I'm sitting in my backyard or at the beach, 48 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: or doing a bonfire, or making s'mores or swimming or 49 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: just living my own, free, free person life. Okay, let's go. 50 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: This person invites me. They're up there in the pr business. 51 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: They invite me. They invited me to go to fifty 52 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 1: cents a couple of years ago. I thought that's cool. 53 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 1: Brand will go to the surf Ledge. Big mistake. Huge. 54 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: You have a private table, private parking, private everything. It's 55 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: gonna be great. Paul and I get ready. Paul and 56 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: I always have a discussion about this. He never wants 57 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: to go. I don't want to go either. I think 58 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 1: it's good for me, it's good for work. Bring it off, fun, 59 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: Let's just go out. Let's get a car, let's get dressed, 60 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 1: Let's be people. Let's pretend we have a life. Let's 61 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: pretend we're social. Can we just pretend? Can we just 62 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,639 Speaker 1: one night go out and be cool and like, pretend 63 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: we're cool and let's just pretend. Okay, So that night 64 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 1: we went and Brin was like two years younger and 65 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: fifty cent. We never even saw anywhere near him. The crowds, 66 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 1: it was a mob. It was like a stampede. It 67 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: was crazy, and Brian was getting trampled. I'm like, this 68 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: is bad parenting. This is what we call bad parenting. 69 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: We never even got close to when he started. I 70 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: think he just started five seconds before. We were out 71 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: of there. Montalk is like forty minutes from my house. 72 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: We're all spent money. He were tipping everybody. We're wearing 73 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: nice outfits. We gotta drive the whole thing, had to 74 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: class fills to get there. Sit down. It was a disaster, 75 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,559 Speaker 1: and we came home like that's my idea of hell. Okay, 76 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: enter the Amy Schumer Performance is a place club the 77 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: clubhouse here. It's cool. It's a bowling alley and in arcade. 78 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: I go there with Brian in the winter because in 79 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: the winter you get bored and you're not gonna we 80 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: don't need to go bowling now in the summer when 81 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: we can be at the beach and clambing or doing 82 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: something fun and go on a boat. So we do 83 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: that in the winter. So I never thought about the 84 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 1: outdoor spaces at the clubhouse has but they I I 85 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 1: and they have like a big bar inside, like a 86 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: really big big sports bar type vibes. I picture that 87 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,239 Speaker 1: she's gonna be performing in their clubby slanky lounge. Clubby 88 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 1: Swanky Lounge. E great, But I do here before we go, 89 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,599 Speaker 1: there's something private gonna be outside, like a private concert. 90 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: I do not ask how many people are gonna be there, 91 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: but I hear it's going to be intimate. So we go. 92 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: My friends are coming. This was the whole thing too. 93 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 1: Who am I inviting? I was gonna invite my friend 94 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: Alex and Steve Cohen they owned the Mets. Okay, I 95 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: did invite them. They had a game or he was away, 96 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: they couldn't come. I said, this would be cool. I 97 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: don't invite them to everything because they invite me to 98 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 1: go to like Subway series Mets and to come to 99 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: their house, which is the most extraordinary house you've ever 100 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: seen in your life. I'm not inviting them, you know, 101 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: to do nothing. But the truth is they're the most 102 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: down to earth people, and I can invite them easily 103 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 1: to my backyard piggly wiggly barbecue as much as this. 104 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,359 Speaker 1: But this sounded like just at least a cool invite. 105 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: They're not getting invited to this thing, so like, let 106 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: me invite them. I invited my friends Perry and dan 107 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: Um and he's you know, Perry's an agent and he, 108 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: you know, can be a little particular. Let's just say. 109 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: And I invited my friends Amy and John. Okay, Amy 110 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,720 Speaker 1: and John end up coming. Alex and Steve couldn't come. 111 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: Amy and John end up coming there. She's my friend 112 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: from college. I've known them for years. They're calling me 113 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,359 Speaker 1: on the way there. Now, there's a vortex in the 114 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 1: Hamptons where you cannot get phone service. That I'll give 115 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: anybody who criticizes it's a place here, a pocket. We 116 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 1: cannot talk to anybody. So you're trying to get to somewhere, 117 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: you can't get the ways to get there, and you 118 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: can't get on the phone to tell anybody where. If 119 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 1: you're late or not. It's a disaster, and it's a 120 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: specific pocket. If you ever come to the Hampton's it's 121 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: between Bridge Hampton and East Hampton, it's particularly Wayne Scott 122 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: is a cluster fuck and a little bit of sagaponic. Okay, 123 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,840 Speaker 1: so I'm never in those places. Doesn't matter that much. 124 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: But when you're getting out to mon talk, there's a 125 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: good seven minutes to ten minutes that you can't get service. Great, 126 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: we're going there, Amy and John and Amy has was 127 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,479 Speaker 1: the one that I did the podcast about being a 128 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: planned stalker. But she's she's retired from being a plant 129 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: stalker and she's not, but she still has it in 130 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 1: her blood. So she's texting where do we go? What 131 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: do we do about the parking? And I'm like, I 132 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: don't know because I really don't know, and I just 133 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: I don't know. Don't forget, don't forget. You never knew this. 134 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: I put on an oufit that night. I got my hair. 135 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed. So just know that I was told there's 136 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: a step and repeat. So even though it step and repeat, 137 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 1: I used to go to a casual event and not 138 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 1: do hair and makeup because I thought who cares? But 139 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: step and repeat means there's one photographer. Doesn't mean matter 140 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 1: if there's one or forty, there's one who will take 141 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 1: a picture and a cond ended everywhere. So just because 142 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,840 Speaker 1: it's a casual event and there's only one photographer, you 143 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 1: don't want to look like garbage. The one camera has 144 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: as much power as twenty cameras is something I learned 145 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: about six months ago, probably about the same time as 146 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 1: I started learning how to do my makeup. So the 147 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: one camera has has reached. So I get my hair 148 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: makeup done in the Hampton's. I'm whispering because that's something 149 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: that would make me want to enter the Witness Protection program. 150 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: Come my hair makeup done? How embarrassing. Picked out an outfit, 151 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 1: cute outfit. Paul and I bought this little cute dress 152 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: in Santa bar but we love it. It's fresh, it's 153 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: casual enough to be in the Hampton's, but cute enough 154 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: to wear. I put it on and somehow my boobs 155 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 1: are popping out, like popping up. Brind's looking at me, 156 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 1: her face is wonky. Paul comes in, He's like, oh later, 157 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: He's like that would not have been okay, Like not 158 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: have been okay. My boobs are popping out. So I'm 159 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 1: thinking that sort of Dolce layering bra. Look, I could 160 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: put a broad peek out underneath. The problem is the 161 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: shirt was so ill fitting that you couldn't. So I 162 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: put the bra underneath. Now wearing a bra with a 163 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: dress like under it. So now we have to leave 164 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: because they've told me you have to be here by 165 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: this time the set starts at that time. Okay, you 166 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: have to be here spreaking out. I'm wearing a bra. 167 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: I say, screw it. I can rocket. It's a bra 168 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: that has pink detail. I have a pink bag to match. 169 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: No problem. We're walking out the house. My keys. Paul 170 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: set tells me the keys are locked in the car. 171 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: Keys locked in the car. Don't have that happened. It's 172 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: not keys are locked in the car. I have a 173 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: bra popping out. I pulled this like dress that's like 174 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: a sea less dress for me. I just I couldn't 175 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: think I was in the moment. We had to leave. 176 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: We had to get to the set. The same person 177 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: who told me that this was very private, and that 178 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: told me that I wouldn't that that fifty cent was 179 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: going to be very private also told me we have 180 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: to be there. We had to be there. I think 181 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 1: they said by six forty What the hell was it 182 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: was really early? I think it was six forty five. 183 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: I'm rushing out the door. I'm freaking out. I'm trying 184 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 1: to figure out a dress. I pull another dress and 185 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,000 Speaker 1: I'm now in the car and I'm holding a dress. 186 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 1: I picked the most neutral dress. I couldn't. I'm in 187 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: the car. Oh, sorry forgot to tell you. We got 188 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: locked out of the car. We got locked out of 189 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: the car. I don't have child's care. I've never had 190 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: a nanny. I don't have babysitters. I don't have a 191 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: go to babysitter. I this night because of this event, 192 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: because if Amy she were performing, I tell my assistant, 193 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 1: can you find a babysitter? She says, we don't. This 194 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: is the assistant that I lost my phone number for 195 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: a day. She says, we don't have any Babysitterzen, They're 196 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,200 Speaker 1: not in the Bible. The Bible is a book that 197 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: my assistants have composed that like has Hampden's Hairdresser, New 198 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,959 Speaker 1: York City, Play, Ohio Dating, Ohio hairdresser. Because I go 199 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: there to do an appearance, like it's a Bible. It's 200 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: called the Bible because it's like it's been written, you know, 201 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 1: scripture that's been included there, so we could use it. 202 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 1: So she says, it's not in the Bible. I'm like, well, okay, 203 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: so put it, you know, find it. She's like, well, 204 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: there's no babysitt in the Bible. I'm like, okay, the 205 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: Bible wasn't actually made by God. It was made by 206 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: my assistance. So like you can look around for Hampton's babysitter. 207 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: It can't be that difficult find a babysitter to put 208 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: into that. You could put your you can have your 209 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 1: scripture in the Bible. You two could be an author 210 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: in my Bible. But like, I can't deal with this 211 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: right now. So that that was something. Figure out a babysitter. 212 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: I've said, three hundre million dollars to Ukraine in six days. 213 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: I think you can figure out a babysitter. Okay. So 214 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: so now we got the babysitter thing, and then of 215 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 1: course I like I figure everything out. Figured out the babysitter, 216 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: I said, asked Garrett, my house manager. He's got to 217 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,559 Speaker 1: know somebody's a local. He presents us with a friend 218 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: of his who happens to be someone he was best 219 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,960 Speaker 1: friends with in high school. Her name is what Katy 220 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,839 Speaker 1: Bryan Jackie? Her name is? Her name is? Her name 221 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: is Jackie. She went to prom with Garrett Broom wants 222 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: to mention that. Okay, enter Jackie. She walks into my house. 223 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: She has a jeep. I've never met her. She's adorable. 224 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: I trust Garrett. She's his friend. Brenda don't need a 225 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: lot of babysitting. Like it's like basically a friend coming over. She's, 226 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,319 Speaker 1: you know, got her own life. Um, but we're going. 227 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: I'm holding a dress in my hand. Paul's locked out 228 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: of the car. I look upon, I go take the 229 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 1: babysitter's car. We've met her five minutes ago. Five minutes ago, 230 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: met the babysitter in my hair and make up, bra 231 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 1: popping out. I posted it on Instagram. Um, bra popping 232 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: out holding a white dress. Get in the babysitter's car. 233 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: Now my friends calling me. How do we get in? 234 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: What do we do? What if it passes? We have 235 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: no service because we're in that that vortex where you 236 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: get no service in the Hampton's Okay, no problem, we 237 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: get there. I'm changing in the car. I change, I 238 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: wear the other dress. I don't feel great about it. 239 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: It's not great. Don't worry. Doesn't matter. It's not going 240 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: to be a photographer. There's not gonna be a step 241 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 1: and repeat. That was fake news. I could have worn 242 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 1: my underwear and a scrunchy. It doesn't matter. Great now, 243 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: she says, we finagled. We pulled up. We saw this, 244 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: said publicist, and they got them a parking past. Great, 245 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: we pull up. We're behind two thousand people. She's telling 246 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 1: me we have to be in at a certain time. 247 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: I'm thinking there's a step and repeat. I'm gonna see 248 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: Amy Schumer. The publicist says, get there. You have to 249 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: be there at a certain time. Now we're at the 250 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: back of this ten thousand car line. So what am 251 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: I supposed to do? My friends got there at the 252 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: time that I was told we had to be there. 253 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: Now I'm going to be that Hampton's douche bag that's 254 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: just passing everybody. I'm more important than you. Forgot to 255 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: tell you because there's ten thousand cars. I didn't know 256 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 1: there'd be this many cars. I didn't know there'd be 257 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: as many people. That information was conveniently left out. It's 258 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: a Saturday night. I'd rather be homemaking s'mores with Brent. 259 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: You know I don't go out. You've already garnered that. 260 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 1: You've seen what I allow myself to look like on 261 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: social media. You know I don't leave the house. Any 262 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: publicist that works in this industry knows that. Every time 263 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: they ask, the answer is no unless it's really interesting. Okay, 264 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: So now we see like people to the left that 265 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: are holding headphones, that are wearing shorts that have like 266 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: whistles around their necks. I'm like Paul, I'm hiding under 267 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: the seat. Drive up there and say blah blah blah 268 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 1: told us to come. It's just everything I hate. It's 269 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 1: a reason to get canceled. It's why I threw a 270 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 1: drink on someone at cold Play. It's what happens to 271 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: me when I leave, and it's unnecessary. It was unnecessary 272 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: to leave the house so far. But amy humor is funny, 273 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: it should be wonderful. After five conversations, I'm under the 274 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 1: car seat. This is not an exaggeration. I do not exaggerate. 275 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: I do a lot of things. I emote, I raised 276 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: my voice. I do not embellish, I do not exaggerate. 277 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: Under the seat, Paul talks to these people. They're talking 278 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: to the other person on the walkie. We get to front, 279 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: we leave the car. The person says, don't worry, just 280 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: give your car. No v I, no v I P parking, 281 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 1: no pass, just don't worry, just give your car. Okay, 282 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: now we're walking in. This event has been designed to 283 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: be like an airplane. You know. Amy Schumer talked about 284 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: the v I P section, and it's literally coach, business 285 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: class and first class. It's jet bluement, business class and 286 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 1: coach coaches. People on lawn chairs, eating sushi, hotdogs, barbecuing. 287 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: It's Chase Stadium. It's wherever that open lawn is where 288 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 1: you go in the middle of the Kentucky Derby. That's coach. 289 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: Coach looks very fun, and coach is the only place 290 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: where there's food. Did I not? I did not realize 291 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: because you get you get invited to a v I 292 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 1: P event at six forty five, you expect you could eat. Well, wait, 293 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 1: now we're in business class. That's people sitting in sort 294 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: of chairs like wedding style seating, and as Amy Schoomer 295 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: in her in her act, pointed out, there's like there's 296 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,559 Speaker 1: like a separation for that in first class. Nothing feels 297 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: better in a comedy act than to make people feel low. 298 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:19,239 Speaker 1: So those are business class, right, but like literally separated 299 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: by a rope and then business then then first class 300 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: is right in front of them. First class is those 301 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 1: those fake rattan Miami big giant couches, okay, and they 302 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: as though them with two club chairs. I think it 303 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: was club Jays. It might have been only the couches. No, 304 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: they're definitely club chairs. Someone said, let's make a living 305 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: room living room setting for each party in a comedy club. 306 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: That Amy pointed out is next to an airport, so 307 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 1: you're hearing planes take off and land. And it's also 308 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: next to the woods. She pointed that out a lot. 309 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: Doesn't bother me that it's next to the woods, but 310 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: she seemed frightened by it. It was still daylight, um, 311 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: but there were there are like coffee tables outdoor, fake 312 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,160 Speaker 1: wicker Miami coffee tape ables and club chairs and couches, 313 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: and it's vast. First class is vast. So they pull 314 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: us this person seats us in my my couch living 315 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: room seating arrangement area Okay, my friends there, Amy and 316 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 1: John are there. This person says, great, go get a drink. 317 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: Alcohol can cure almost anything. It's eight o'clock in the morning. 318 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: I'm ready for a drink right now. Alcohol, she says, 319 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: go get a drink, because when you're stressed out like this, 320 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: this is how The Housewives was successful, because we walk 321 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: in and you're so stressed out by whatever it is 322 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: and the preparation it took to get there that you 323 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: dis first, like I'm thirsty, but I'm not gonna drink water. 324 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a margarita instead feels hydrating. So we 325 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: get there and so they're like, go to the bar. 326 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: It's right there. I see Rosanna Scotto. Hello, I see 327 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: other people. Go to the bar. Great, go to the bar. 328 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: No one standing at the bar. Um, there's no line. Great, 329 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: there's another signature drink bar that only has like very thick, 330 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: syrupy mango spicy margarita's sounded amazing. I got one. It 331 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: was like a fix sarupy mango with no alcohol in it, 332 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 1: no spice and sight. So it's like gloppy mango drink 333 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: like that I can't do for an evening. We're here, 334 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: for the long haul. It's gonna be funny. I'm gonna 335 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: be talking to a lot Lauren Michael's. I might get 336 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: him to do my podcast. I'm gonna see Amy Jerry 337 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: Seinfeld's here. We're gonna hang out, Jessica and I are 338 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: going to talk about, you know, sneaking vegetables into food 339 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: and laugh. Like a lot of things are gonna happen 340 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: here tonight. I can't have a mango gloppy drink sustain me. 341 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: So now I'm like, okay, great s should go over 342 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: to another bar. This is the bar. This is the 343 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: type of night I want to like make my own drink. 344 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: I want to be like, I'll have tequila sour mixes, 345 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: splash of margarita, like I mean a splash of club soda. 346 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: Like this is one of those bars you're at an event. 347 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: It's not gonna be what you wanted, but if you're lucky, 348 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: there's a line slice a good plastic cup, and you 349 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: can figure out your own adventure with a vodka, cranberry 350 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 1: and a pinch. So I walk up, Sorry, we just 351 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: have bottle service. I don't even know what that means. 352 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: We have to buy a bottle. What do we do 353 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 1: with it next like a bottle of what? Okay, so 354 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: we have to all is a group now agree the tickets. 355 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 1: I guess we're five dollars we didn't pay, so we 356 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: had a group have to greet agree because it's four 357 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: to five a bottle of alcohol. I'm not spending twelve 358 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,120 Speaker 1: hundred dollars on alcohol. John and Amy drink one drink each. 359 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,439 Speaker 1: Paul drinks one drink and nurses it to pretend he's 360 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 1: drinking like I am. And I'm gonna have two two 361 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,640 Speaker 1: and a half to three drinks. So that's not two 362 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 1: bottles of alcohol for a thousand dollars and I'm cheap 363 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,000 Speaker 1: in that regard, So I'm like, No Britain laughed at 364 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,120 Speaker 1: whatever that was? Would you laugh at why? Because Paul 365 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: was pretending to have a drink exactly. So we all 366 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: have to make a decision on tequila. Because Paul will 367 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: drink a little tequila, I'll drink more tequila. Amy and 368 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: John will drink no tequila. They'll drink Coca cola. Great, 369 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 1: we're now three hundred fifty dollars into this thing, plus 370 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,920 Speaker 1: Paul greasing everybody and paying tips and everything, we're probably 371 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,439 Speaker 1: five hundred dollars into it. We're having a bottle, but 372 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: the bottle these bottles. These young kids that these young 373 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,719 Speaker 1: kids that go to Duchella and go to like club 374 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: bottle table service. They drink shots tequila. They don't care 375 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: about what's surrounding the drink. So that the woman comes 376 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: over to our table one time, you never saw her again, 377 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: because you know, it's not fun in um a comedy show, 378 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 1: ranking ice and scooping ice and pouring into drinks. Like 379 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 1: you get your two drinks in a comedy club and 380 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,159 Speaker 1: you're off to the races. It's like bottle service for 381 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: nightclub Miami Fountain Blue Live the club in the Fountain Blue. 382 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 1: For anyone who's who's who's over twenty nine? This is 383 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: not live bottle service life. Okay, you have someone like 384 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: doing shots out of their belt next to your table, 385 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: like you gotta be quiet. We're doing a comedy show. 386 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: So one time this has dropped off. The same ice 387 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,360 Speaker 1: that's under the bottle has to be the same ice 388 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: we have to use for our drink. You get what 389 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 1: you get. You don't get upset. I don't care. I 390 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: already have salmonella and COVID so now but it's only 391 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 1: the two crafts, the tonic, that whatever, and like some 392 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: gloppy orange juice and cranberry. It's like drink selection. So 393 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: I can't get my drink right. It's gonna be strong tequila, 394 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: It's gonna be tequila soda. It's just this is not 395 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:51,119 Speaker 1: fun yet. My drinks are not fun. It's why I 396 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: have a I had a cocktail Empire. Drinks need to 397 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: be done properly, they need to be done fun. Great, 398 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 1: never see that person again. We're stuck with the soup 399 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: because this is in the middle of a heatwave. I 400 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: forgot to tell you. This is when it was nine 401 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,120 Speaker 1: in the shade every day, so the ices melted five 402 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: minutes after it gets to our table. So now drinking 403 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: warm tequila. Great, it's all fun. This woman comes out 404 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 1: to do stand up comedy. I'm not sure if she 405 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: was funny, because you would never be able to know 406 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: because this was the least funny environment I've ever been in. 407 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: So she comes out, she's um a black woman in 408 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 1: a white sea of rich Hampton's entitled people. This was 409 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 1: part of both of their bits and Amy's act, etcetera. 410 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: And you know the staff is home and all these jokes, 411 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: and truth is, there's a lot there are a lot 412 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 1: of people in the Hampton's that can't afford to be 413 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,679 Speaker 1: at that event. There are a lot of locals. And 414 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,919 Speaker 1: the bad rap is about the private planes which are 415 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 1: right next door to this event. Ironically, literally these are. 416 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: This event was not at a regular airport, it was 417 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 1: at a private airport where all the douche bag planes 418 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 1: were next door. So all the people that are being 419 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: made fun of her sitting on sitting there at the event, 420 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: their planes are next door. The jokes were funny. I 421 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: mean those jokes are funny. It's we get it. It's true. 422 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 1: You gotta go for it. It's the low hanging plane, 423 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: I mean fruit great. So there's no food inside. Amy 424 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:10,679 Speaker 1: has to go walk to some food truck truck and 425 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 1: coach and find pizza. Like it's just not any food. 426 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: There's nothing tray passed, there's nothing that's gonna be like 427 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: interesting at all to eat. Like the pizza wasn't even 428 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: that good. Who cares? Okay, So now we're not drinking, 429 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: we're not eating, okay, but we're not laughing because the 430 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: person who opened up is out there and she's drowning 431 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,240 Speaker 1: and they put her out there for like forty minutes, 432 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 1: like it was a long time, and I'm but what 433 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: you do when what do you do when someone's laugh 434 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: like not it's not going that great for them. You 435 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: laugh louder and you try to combine your laughter with 436 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: the people next to you, so like there's laughter going 437 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: up there because you're feeling bad. Guess what when you're 438 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: next to a talk, when you're at Luguardia Airport on 439 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: the tarmac, in a in a in a living room, 440 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,120 Speaker 1: furniture setting separated so far from the people near you, 441 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 1: and there were seven empty which is in front of me, 442 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,239 Speaker 1: seven empty couches in front of me, so much so 443 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: that someone started moving furniture. A staff employee during eight 444 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: during I don't know if it was this girl's actor, 445 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: Amy's act. I think it was Amy's act started moving 446 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: club chairs and furniture to make it like closer together. 447 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: You know, it's great during a comedy show, no alcohol, 448 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 1: vast spaces, wide open planes right, wide open planes are 449 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,600 Speaker 1: like are in between each table. You can't. I'm so 450 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: far from Amy Schumer. I'm so far that even when Amy, 451 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: because she wasn't getting every single laugh because no one 452 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,480 Speaker 1: could hear anything, because there are airplanes taking off and landing, 453 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 1: there are wide open spaces, there are like seven tays, 454 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 1: seven to nine tables in front of me that are empty, 455 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 1: and people are moving furniture, moving furniture. Just We're no problem, Amy, 456 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 1: We're just doing a light renovation in the middle of 457 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 1: your act. We just thought we'd do like a light 458 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,199 Speaker 1: furniture renovation. Is that cool with you? We're gonna just 459 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: move furniture. So every time I try to laugh, to 460 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: make just for Amy or anyone, it's so far. She's 461 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 1: so far from me. Guess who's nowhere in sight. There's 462 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 1: no Jimmy Fallon, there's no Lauren Michaels, there's no Jerry Seinfeld, 463 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: there's no I heard later, when I was definitely displeased 464 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: about the way that they set up Amy Schumer in 465 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: this event, I heard, I can't imagine what they paid her. 466 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: Whatever they paid her was in nearly enough. If they 467 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 1: didn't pay her three two and seventy five thousand dollars, 468 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: she did not get paid enough. Never Mind, I didn't see, 469 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: but I heard Jerry Seinfeld's daughter was backstage with the publicist. Well, 470 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 1: maybe Jerry, Maybe Jerry Seinfeld's daughter is gonna come on 471 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,920 Speaker 1: the podcast. We could talk about this event. So none 472 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: of the people that were discussed that we're quote unquote 473 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: sitting next to me, were there. None of this occurred. 474 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 1: Amy Schumer was funny because she could survive in a 475 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 1: in a comedy hurricane. But they set her up for failure. 476 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: This was literally the night to set comedians up for failure. Okay, 477 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: to set them up for failure. So no big deal. 478 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 1: We go through. We are sober as can be. I'm 479 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,720 Speaker 1: wearing a different dress. There's no there's there's no food insight, 480 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: no alcohol in sight. Um. Amy Schumer's act was was funny, 481 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: but I can't imagine how hilarious it would have been 482 00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: in a setting where I could have actually heard myself 483 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 1: laugh and heard part of the jokes. So I was 484 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable the whole time, just like, oh my god, 485 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, this is a place to bomb. Oh 486 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: my god. I couldn't believe it. I was so uncomfortable. Um, 487 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. You have no idea. I just I feel 488 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: for the comedian. It's the hardest craft in the world, 489 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 1: and to be set up for not to be heard 490 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: and for laughter, for you, for you as a comedian 491 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,159 Speaker 1: not to hear the people's laughter, for people not to 492 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: be drinking drinks, for furniture to be moved, for plants, 493 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: planes to be landing. It was literally to make people 494 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: feel like there's three coaches on a seat to be 495 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: set up like an Emirates flight on route to Milan, 496 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: where it just what a disaster, but don't worry. We 497 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 1: leave and we go to the security guy and say, hey, 498 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: this person just you know, told us to park our car. 499 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, no, it's valley parking. There's like 500 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 1: a sea of thousands of No. I had to be 501 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: over a thousand people, hundreds of people trying to get 502 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: out of there, and we've got the babysitter's car. I mean, 503 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 1: I said to him, please get me that person. Please 504 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 1: get me that person who who co ordinated this for me, 505 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:35,240 Speaker 1: because she just ket me sideways. Okay, I said that. 506 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,560 Speaker 1: Paul's look gave me Paul's are you're canceled? Your career 507 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,480 Speaker 1: is over? It's no problem. This is the second event 508 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 1: that you've gone at to on a Saturday. I think 509 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 1: you're going to destroy everything. So let me just so 510 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,159 Speaker 1: then you know, he offered he tries to tip the 511 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 1: guy and says, can we please, And I said, listen, 512 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: I've just had a have had a I was a 513 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,439 Speaker 1: little bit miss it was a little misrepresented because now 514 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: I'm an entitled Hampton's douche. Everything about it is just 515 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,919 Speaker 1: and I was not okay. I called the person. I 516 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,959 Speaker 1: was not okay until the next rarning. I don't do 517 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 1: well in social situations. I forgot to tell you, I'm 518 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: introverted in this way. I don't like to go out. 519 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: I don't like so to have all this heightened activation 520 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: and to like, you know, the dress, the car, the 521 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: lock in the babysitter, all of it, like it just 522 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,200 Speaker 1: it heightened me and to feel uncomfortable. I get very uncomfortable, 523 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: and I feel uncomfortable for other people like I was. 524 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: I walked back. I wanted to like go on stage 525 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: and like tell this audience what a bunch of you know, 526 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 1: white entitled people we are. But it wasn't even about 527 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: the audience. It was really about the way the venue 528 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,800 Speaker 1: was set up, in the whole thing, and it was 529 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: just it was for a good charity that I will say. 530 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,320 Speaker 1: I can't tell you. I was shook. I woke up 531 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: like sick. The next day, I just felt my body felt. 532 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: I just I hold onto things and when I feel 533 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 1: uncomfortable in some way or activated or like I was 534 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: helpless and I could, I just I just felt. I 535 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: don't do well in social situations. I don't know how 536 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,919 Speaker 1: any of you know, Like when something you're planning for it, 537 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: and you you you you build it up. You're planning 538 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: for it, you build it up, you do it. It's 539 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,640 Speaker 1: stressful and it sounds not stressful to go out, but 540 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: my friends were. I mean, it was a disaster, Thank God. 541 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 1: Could you imagine? Can you imagine? I invited Alex and 542 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 1: Stephen Cohen who owned the Vet, who owned the Mets, 543 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 1: and he's like the largest art collector in the world. 544 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: They're good friends of mine, and by the way, they 545 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,199 Speaker 1: would be. But like, I don't I can't imagine setting 546 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 1: my friends up for something it's going to be v 547 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: I p and interesting and then being so embarrassed. That's 548 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: the only thing that would have killed me, even when 549 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: that I'd be in a coffin if I invited them 550 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: and had to think about how embarrassed I was that 551 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 1: we couldn't get ice or drinks or you couldn't hear 552 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 1: the comedy or we were on like on a plastic 553 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: coffee coffee retan table miles away from her. She can't 554 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:47,360 Speaker 1: hear us laugh that we I mean that poor opening comedian, 555 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: the poor girl who opened up for Amy. I need 556 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,479 Speaker 1: you to come on this podcast. We need to discuss 557 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 1: this evening. You know exactly what I'm talking about. And 558 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: then that poor girl. And I messaged Amy on social 559 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,399 Speaker 1: meds to say like, wow, you're a warrior rock star 560 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: and nothing breathes funny like no alcohol, moving furniture and 561 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,479 Speaker 1: being you know, on a football field where no one 562 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 1: can hear you laugh. And she said you were there, 563 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 1: and then she said mad respect and whatever. But so 564 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: the girl, the person who set up this event, I 565 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: didn't tell Amy that I was there, and Amy donated 566 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: to my charity and it would have been nice to 567 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,480 Speaker 1: say hello to her. So the whole thing was really 568 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 1: fun and I'm really glad I went. I can't wait 569 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 1: for next year.