1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:04,680
Speaker 1: Stay or go? Vanessa is here, I haven't asked a

2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,360
Speaker 1: good morning, Good morning, how are you Vanessa? Doing great?

3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:12,720
Speaker 1: What's going on with your boyfriend? In this case? I

4
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,320
Speaker 1: have your email here? But why don't you explain?

5
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,600
Speaker 2: Yes, actually I recently got engaged.

6
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:23,360
Speaker 1: Oh congratulations, except if Ron's say ergo, then that's that

7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 1: may not be a good thing. So what's what's going on?

8
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,040
Speaker 3: So I got.

9
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,760
Speaker 2: Engaged about six months ago. And this is my this

10
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,159
Speaker 2: is my second marriage. I've got two kids from my

11
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:37,920
Speaker 2: first and pretty soon after we moved in, my family,

12
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 2: my kids and I they've definitely had a bit of

13
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,000
Speaker 2: a hard time adjusting to being in a new place

14
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,960
Speaker 2: and living with my fiance. It's all it's all really

15
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,879
Speaker 2: new for them. And my my oldest, my son, he's sixteen.

16
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,920
Speaker 2: When we moved in, he got in a fight with

17
00:00:55,960 --> 00:01:01,960
Speaker 2: my fiance. I wasn't home, but my fiance was telling

18
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,520
Speaker 2: my son to clean his room and my son didn't

19
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,679
Speaker 2: want to do it, and it got heated. And now

20
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,080
Speaker 2: my son and my fiance are they're just avoiding each

21
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:14,520
Speaker 2: other in the house and being so so strange around

22
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 2: each other, and my son doesn't want to live with

23
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,240
Speaker 2: us anymore. He wants to move out. I just wish

24
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,560
Speaker 2: that my fiance had called me instead of trying to,

25
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,360
Speaker 2: you know, discipline my son or deal with the problem himself.

26
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,160
Speaker 2: I really don't know.

27
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:30,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do here. I feel like,

28
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,840
Speaker 1: over my head, do you agree with your fiance in

29
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,440
Speaker 1: the way that he went about it? Was he fair

30
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,320
Speaker 1: and appropriate? I mean we can talk about whether he

31
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:42,360
Speaker 1: should be disciplining your son without you or not. That

32
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,760
Speaker 1: that's a separate topic, but if you had to evaluate

33
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 1: the way he went about it in your absence, I mean, overall,

34
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,800
Speaker 1: are you okay with what he wanted him to do

35
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:50,720
Speaker 1: clean his room?

36
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,280
Speaker 2: I mean sure, it's technically, you know, all of our

37
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,240
Speaker 2: house now, so I think he has a right to

38
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 2: ask my son to clean his room. But once it

39
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,040
Speaker 2: got a little heated, Uh my, my fiance just tried

40
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,320
Speaker 2: to you know, show that it's say, it's his house,

41
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,400
Speaker 2: and he was a little he's a little more strict

42
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,040
Speaker 2: than I think he should have been.

43
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:18,160
Speaker 1: Okay, And is the is your son's dad involved? I'm

44
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,440
Speaker 1: just curious, like what the dynamic is? Is he around two?

45
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's around, and he's he's he's around, but he

46
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,080
Speaker 2: my son wants to go live with him now. And

47
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,800
Speaker 2: that's that's that's that's very stressful for me.

48
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder I eight five five five one three five.

49
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,440
Speaker 1: You guys a little group therapy action here. And I

50
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,600
Speaker 1: know a lot of people listening have probably been through

51
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,960
Speaker 1: something like this. I mean I had a step dad too,

52
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,920
Speaker 1: and and he moved in and and he wanted to

53
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 1: you know, it's like it's like you're you're living in

54
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,000
Speaker 1: this house and you're sharing this space, and you obviously

55
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 1: want there to be like a good dialogue, and he

56
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,000
Speaker 1: wanted to be a positive figure. And he does live there,

57
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 1: so he has a right to say something. But I

58
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,320
Speaker 1: I don't know that he ever disciplined me unilaterally without

59
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,400
Speaker 1: my mom telling him them talking about it first, or

60
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,080
Speaker 1: my mom asking him to or at least you know,

61
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 1: there was a time a transition where like it just

62
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,839
Speaker 1: the they, as of the adults, were comfortable with him

63
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,040
Speaker 1: being involved in like the day to day you know

64
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,679
Speaker 1: sort of raising of my sister and me. You know

65
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,359
Speaker 1: what I mean. He wasn't I don't think he got

66
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,960
Speaker 1: you anything, you knowilaterally Like he wasn't out there screaming

67
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,359
Speaker 1: at me without talking to my mom because technically he

68
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,239
Speaker 1: was still trying to ingratiate himself with us, and and

69
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,920
Speaker 1: that's her job and in theory that would have been

70
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,120
Speaker 1: my father's job to do as well. So I can

71
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,320
Speaker 1: see why that's tricky. But like, at the same time,

72
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,480
Speaker 1: I don't know, what would you have preferred that he

73
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,040
Speaker 1: had called you and said, hey, I'm upset about this.

74
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something. And then what do you say, Like, well,

75
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,880
Speaker 1: wait till I get home and we do it together, Like, well,

76
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,440
Speaker 1: how would you have preferred this gut had gone down?

77
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I absolutely wish that he had called

78
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 2: me and we talked about it before it got so

79
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,840
Speaker 2: so were blown and then I mean we probably should

80
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 2: have talked about how we would deal with that before.

81
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 2: But yeah, I wish he'd called me.

82
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,160
Speaker 1: And so are you really thinking that maybe this isn't

83
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,400
Speaker 1: the relationship for you, like, because I mean, stay or go,

84
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,600
Speaker 1: We don't sayn't have to be literal. Not everybody who's

85
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,000
Speaker 1: calling up here at the end of it's like, all right,

86
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,120
Speaker 1: I'm out, I'm not gonna get married anymore. Thanks for

87
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,240
Speaker 1: my advice. But I mean, do you look at this

88
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,080
Speaker 1: and say, I don't know, Like I don't like the

89
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,720
Speaker 1: way he did it, and I don't know if I

90
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,240
Speaker 1: can be with him now, like or I got to

91
00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:32,360
Speaker 1: pick my son. But see, here's what's tricky is your

92
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,680
Speaker 1: son needed to clean his room. He's sixteen years old.

93
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,400
Speaker 1: He lives in this house that I presumably you and

94
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,880
Speaker 1: your soon to be husband paid for. There isn't right

95
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,880
Speaker 1: and a wrong way to go about this, but you know,

96
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,840
Speaker 1: he still has to sort of behave right. I mean,

97
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,919
Speaker 1: he still has to respect the place where he's living.

98
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,280
Speaker 1: So I mean, what are you saying if you just say, okay,

99
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,000
Speaker 1: move out whatever. My relationship with my son now is

100
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,440
Speaker 1: estranged because my soon to be husband had an issue

101
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,640
Speaker 1: with the condition of his room. So far as he

102
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:06,039
Speaker 1: was respectful and obviously not abusive or anything like that.

103
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,400
Speaker 1: I mean, does he not have a right to say

104
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,120
Speaker 1: to your son, hey, you got to do this.

105
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,839
Speaker 2: I think he does have a right. It's more the

106
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,440
Speaker 2: issue of I don't know how to resolve this. I

107
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,000
Speaker 2: don't want to lose either of them. I don't want

108
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,880
Speaker 2: to lose my son and I don't want to lose

109
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,920
Speaker 2: my fiance. So I just want to know how to

110
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,719
Speaker 2: how to work this all out and I'll be happy together.

111
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,400
Speaker 2: In the same house.

112
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Vanessa, people are are texting. Just to be clear,

113
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,400
Speaker 1: when you say fight, we're referring to some form of

114
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,680
Speaker 1: a verbal argument, right, We're not talking about there's nothing physical.

115
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:40,920
Speaker 2: No, nothing physical, just just.

116
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,320
Speaker 1: Verbal because that would have been obvious. And by fight,

117
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,320
Speaker 1: is it like teenage angst? Or was it? Did it

118
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,080
Speaker 1: get like down and dirty? Were your fiance saying things

119
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,200
Speaker 1: to your son that he shouldn't say? It? Was this

120
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: simply a matter of your fiance trying to assert himself

121
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,760
Speaker 1: as a leader or like as a as a figure

122
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,800
Speaker 1: in the house that needs to be respected. Whether he

123
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 1: should or should not have done that without you is

124
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,279
Speaker 1: again a different conversation. But was it was it done

125
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,160
Speaker 1: from your understanding in a way where he was not

126
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,360
Speaker 1: necessarily in the wrong. And the response from your son

127
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,680
Speaker 1: is what you might expect from a sixteen year.

128
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:20,040
Speaker 2: Old, I mean definitely, I definitely expect a sixteen year

129
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 2: old to not want to go clean his room and

130
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,680
Speaker 2: to want to do things on his own time. I

131
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,719
Speaker 2: think the big part of it is that we've you know,

132
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 2: we've moved into my fiance's house, so it's it's kind

133
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,240
Speaker 2: of his house and we're moving in and I think

134
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:40,039
Speaker 2: he we're still establishing rules, and I think he was

135
00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:43,160
Speaker 2: he was trying to establish a rule with my son

136
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,839
Speaker 2: and it just, yeah, the fight just got a little

137
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,640
Speaker 2: a little angry. He was he was saying that it's

138
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,719
Speaker 2: his house and you know it's our house now.

139
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,240
Speaker 4: Ye trying to find a way to try find a

140
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,040
Speaker 4: way to all, Yeah, you need to have a talk

141
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,120
Speaker 4: with your fiance because he's a grown ass adult like

142
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,920
Speaker 4: and I know he's he's a he's a man.

143
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,200
Speaker 5: Men hate apologizing, but he's wrong in this situation. I

144
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,000
Speaker 5: feel like you have to have this conversation with him

145
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,800
Speaker 5: and say you're out of line and he and then

146
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,000
Speaker 5: the two of you have to have a conversation with

147
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,640
Speaker 5: your son where he needs to apologize and you guys

148
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,760
Speaker 5: have to work it out some way there because is

149
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:21,960
Speaker 5: he wrong, That's what I'm trying to.

150
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,880
Speaker 1: I don't mean he depends on how he went about it.

151
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,880
Speaker 5: He shouldn't be disciplining this this woman's son at all.

152
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 1: That is not his kid. It's about to be his

153
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 1: step kid about to be.

154
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,840
Speaker 5: But just because you moved into this man's house doesn't

155
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,480
Speaker 5: mean you get to set rules, especially if she's not there.

156
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,880
Speaker 1: But I've lived this rufio, and like, he can't just

157
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:45,320
Speaker 1: be an absentee. He can't just be this adult figure

158
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,400
Speaker 1: in the house who who doesn't get to speak his

159
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,440
Speaker 1: mind and doesn't get to have a say. That's where

160
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,040
Speaker 1: things are gonna get completely unwrapped.

161
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,239
Speaker 5: I understand that, But why pick this fight just because

162
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,960
Speaker 5: you want him to clean his room without but.

163
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: Without his mom being there.

164
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,640
Speaker 5: You have to have the conversation with her first before

165
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,000
Speaker 5: you discipline anybody.

166
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 1: And that's not his kid at all. Agree, But wasn't there, Vanessa?

167
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,760
Speaker 1: I have to ask, wasn't there some form of acceptance

168
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,480
Speaker 1: of his role that you guys take on when you

169
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,280
Speaker 1: move into his house and decide that you're going to

170
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,320
Speaker 1: get married again. He doesn't get to disrespect your son.

171
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,080
Speaker 1: He doesn't get to obviously abuse your son in any way.

172
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,800
Speaker 1: He doesn't get to go too far with it. But

173
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,080
Speaker 1: if he has a request of your son and you're

174
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,680
Speaker 1: living together, all together, and it's a fair request, does

175
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,360
Speaker 1: your I mean, at what point do we say, hey,

176
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 1: look you are you're you're a kid like you gotta do.

177
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,760
Speaker 1: You got to do what your elders are telling you

178
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,360
Speaker 1: to do. Because because he like like his his opinion

179
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,640
Speaker 1: matters too. Now again, was he disrespectful? To he use profanity?

180
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,520
Speaker 1: Was he abusive? Was he There's a lot of parameters here,

181
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,280
Speaker 1: but like, if he has a request of your son,

182
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,600
Speaker 1: I assume you guys have been over that right because

183
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,240
Speaker 1: you moved in with him. It's like this guy's a

184
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: total unknown.

185
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean he's he's well within his right to

186
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,040
Speaker 2: ask my son to clean his room. But once it once,

187
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:06,520
Speaker 2: you know, my son talked back to him and things,

188
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:11,160
Speaker 2: you know, the words got a little harsher, let's less kind.

189
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,680
Speaker 2: I wish that he, as the adult, had kind of

190
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:17,400
Speaker 2: stepped back and called me and let me know so

191
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 2: that it didn't go any further and then we could

192
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,280
Speaker 2: all work it out together.

193
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 1: You know, I get that. But he can't just be

194
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:28,520
Speaker 1: this this lame duck stepfather, you know what I mean?

195
00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:29,880
Speaker 1: Like that's not going to work here. I don't know

196
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:30,520
Speaker 1: what that would be.

197
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,160
Speaker 6: I don't think the stepfather owes her child an apology

198
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,840
Speaker 6: for asking him to clean his room. Like, why would

199
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,560
Speaker 6: he apologize for that. I don't think he did anything

200
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,439
Speaker 6: wrong by asking him that getting a verbal argument with

201
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,120
Speaker 6: I wouldn't get in. First of all, I'm not getting

202
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,840
Speaker 6: in a verbal argument with any child. So from that

203
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 6: point on, I think it's on you to set boundaries

204
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,120
Speaker 6: with your fiance and your child. From the beginning, when

205
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,959
Speaker 6: you brought him into the home, you all should have

206
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,800
Speaker 6: had to sit down and you should have explained your

207
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,520
Speaker 6: expectations between all of you.

208
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,880
Speaker 1: But I have a real question, Kiki, at what and Rufie,

209
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 1: what point does this dude continually walking away from his

210
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,120
Speaker 1: reasonable requests of this child? At what point does he then?

211
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,640
Speaker 1: Is he not respected? And that's what I'm saying. He

212
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 1: lives there too, Yes, and he has a right to ax.

213
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,920
Speaker 6: That's why I'm like, I don't think he deserved he

214
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,320
Speaker 6: needs to give an apology for what happened. I think

215
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 6: she needs to set some boundaries with her child and

216
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,880
Speaker 6: the new person she's bringing into her child's life. It's

217
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,640
Speaker 6: on the mother's responsibility to set those expectations on both as.

218
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 1: I agree. But shouldn't that have when everyone moves in together,

219
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,199
Speaker 1: isn't it is? It shouldn't have been implied, Hey, we're

220
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,839
Speaker 1: comfortable with this guy, and he has he's going to

221
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,440
Speaker 1: have a right to have a say what happens in

222
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,280
Speaker 1: this household. Again, if he crossed a line. I mean,

223
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,840
Speaker 1: we can debate that, but at the same time, this

224
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know I had a stepdad, and

225
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,440
Speaker 1: I don't think he ever did anything that my mom

226
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,720
Speaker 1: didn't know about or approve of. But I mean he

227
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,920
Speaker 1: had a right he had to assert himself in some

228
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,600
Speaker 1: ways because he was technically the man of that house.

229
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, but he's an adult and saying this is my

230
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,760
Speaker 7: house the low blows can be really scarring for a

231
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:03,240
Speaker 7: kid who's being and you know it moved into another home.

232
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,960
Speaker 1: It already wasn't your home. Your parents are split up.

233
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,640
Speaker 1: So I mean he may not have gone about it

234
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:09,679
Speaker 1: in the right way I think, is it, But but

235
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,480
Speaker 1: him him saying something I don't know that we want

236
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,320
Speaker 1: to necessarily set the precedent of him not being able

237
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,960
Speaker 1: to say anything to your son, because then you're not

238
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:18,880
Speaker 1: going to walk all over him.

239
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, he should have waited for her to get home

240
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,640
Speaker 7: if they hadn't discussed the grounds, and I agree with that.

241
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, all right, have an esset. Let me take

242
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,360
Speaker 1: some phone calls on this. Thank you so much, have

243
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,240
Speaker 1: a great day and have the radio and good luck.

244
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,640
Speaker 1: Thank you. I don't like that this is my house stuff.

245
00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's our house now if that's what

246
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,520
Speaker 1: we're doing. But again, like what's's supposed to do? Go

247
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,800
Speaker 1: clean your room and the kid go screw you and

248
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,960
Speaker 1: he goes okay and walk away, Like that's not going

249
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:42,280
Speaker 1: to work.

250
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,839
Speaker 5: Be like, well, okay, if you don't want to clean

251
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,880
Speaker 5: it now, we'll have a conversation when your mother gets home.

252
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,040
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So he said every single

253
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,239
Speaker 1: thing moated by the mother because.

254
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,079
Speaker 5: There was no boundary said Like Kiki said, they never

255
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,560
Speaker 5: had a conversation about disciplining her children, Like you can't

256
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,800
Speaker 5: just be like, no, this is my house, you're going

257
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,040
Speaker 5: to clean Okay, you're getting it to a pisson contest

258
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,560
Speaker 5: with a sixteen year old.

259
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, she needs to set boundaries from the beginning. But

260
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,680
Speaker 6: as an adult, I have the right to ask you

261
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,840
Speaker 6: to do things. As a child, you know that if

262
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,720
Speaker 6: I act you to clean your room, Okay, you want

263
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,520
Speaker 6: to be disrespectful, let's settle it with your mother. But

264
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:17,560
Speaker 6: after this, we're going to set some boundaries because I'm

265
00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:18,840
Speaker 6: not going to be left in you. You're not going

266
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,840
Speaker 6: to be left in my care and I can't discipline

267
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,160
Speaker 6: you or correct your behavior.

268
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,920
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you, this might be unpopular. I

269
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 1: put this on the mom before I put on anybody else.

270
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,760
Speaker 1: I agree, what are they doing living together and doing

271
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,120
Speaker 1: all this together if these things haven't already been established

272
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,680
Speaker 1: at a great point. And again, I mean, and also like,

273
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,760
Speaker 1: let's be really honest, sixteen year olds could be sixteen

274
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,000
Speaker 1: year olds. But you also don't get to tell adults

275
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,520
Speaker 1: to screw off either, Like that's not okay either, right,

276
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,199
Speaker 1: So I agree he was the adult. He should have

277
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,040
Speaker 1: walked away. There shouldn't be an altercation. But I mean,

278
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,480
Speaker 1: you know, things get heated. And I think also, you know,

279
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 1: sometimes people need to assert themselves and say, hey, look,

280
00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,000
Speaker 1: I'm the adult, you're the kid, like you know. But again,

281
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,240
Speaker 1: there were probably some some things said in the process

282
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:01,600
Speaker 1: of all this that that we're not the beast. Hey, Olivia,

283
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:02,720
Speaker 1: good morning. What do you think?

284
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,920
Speaker 8: Good morning? I think the mom and the owner are

285
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,720
Speaker 8: in the wrong. When she moved in with him, accepted

286
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,120
Speaker 8: him as his fiance, her fiance, she should have given

287
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,520
Speaker 8: him that respect where he's an adult. If he's saying

288
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:20,520
Speaker 8: something specially especially living in his home, you know, I don't.

289
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:24,320
Speaker 8: I think the sixteen year old was completely wrong and disrespectful.

290
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just I'm surprised that none of this was

291
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,080
Speaker 1: established before they all moved in together, and there are

292
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,760
Speaker 1: going to be bossed by the way like you know, look,

293
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,520
Speaker 1: I did the thing too when I was you're not

294
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,480
Speaker 1: my you're not my dad. Kaelin did it too, Paulina

295
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,360
Speaker 1: did it. But we all did that, that thing, that

296
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:45,360
Speaker 1: resisting thing. But it's like, at some point, your mom,

297
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,360
Speaker 1: I hope, has chosen this man because he's a good

298
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,160
Speaker 1: man and he's someone who, you know, I think is

299
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,800
Speaker 1: going to be a positive impact in your life. And

300
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,760
Speaker 1: he's not gonna get walked on. He's not gonna get again.

301
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:58,000
Speaker 1: Was the approach right? Maybe not? But at the same time,

302
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,040
Speaker 1: the sixteen year old doesn't get to run all over this,

303
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,920
Speaker 1: you know, because there's noways there has to be some

304
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,200
Speaker 1: level of respect there. I mean, I don't know. Olivia,

305
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Have a good day.

306
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:08,839
Speaker 4: Thank you.

307
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,160
Speaker 1: I'm glad you called. Hey, Nate, good morning.

308
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,440
Speaker 3: Good morning. How you guys doing today.

309
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,400
Speaker 1: Nate, what do you want to say, ma'am?

310
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:20,800
Speaker 3: I actually am in the exact same situation as she is.

311
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,720
Speaker 3: As difficult as it is, I say that you should

312
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:30,080
Speaker 3: stay because the exact same concept of what she's going through.

313
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 3: My stepson is eight years old, and she is basically

314
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,480
Speaker 3: acting in the same way. I try to discipline him.

315
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:46,120
Speaker 3: I try to help my wife out, and my step

316
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,360
Speaker 3: son turns around and says, you know, hey, I don't

317
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 3: want to do this. You can't make me do that.

318
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,400
Speaker 3: You're not my real dad.

319
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,000
Speaker 1: Stuff like that.

320
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:58,360
Speaker 3: He says that all the time to me, My white

321
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:03,200
Speaker 3: sex husband is the one that's in quotes the fun parent.

322
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,440
Speaker 1: You know, we went through that too, same thing where

323
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,760
Speaker 1: my stepdad got to be the a hole because my

324
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,600
Speaker 1: father was trying to do everything to defy, you know,

325
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,960
Speaker 1: my my mom and the family unit she was trying

326
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 1: to build. So it's like, what was my mom supposed

327
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 1: to do? Just let let my quote unquote stepfather just

328
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,360
Speaker 1: get run over the way that it sounds like maybe

329
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 1: you are you can't do.

330
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:27,720
Speaker 3: That exactly, Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's very very difficult

331
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 3: because sorry, there's a trend going by. It's very difficult

332
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:40,200
Speaker 3: at times because when I tried to establish the boundary

333
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 3: and I try to you know, instill that discipline, sometimes

334
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,760
Speaker 3: he'll turn around and he'll run back to his dad.

335
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 3: And instead of his dad coming and talking to me

336
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,840
Speaker 3: man to man about it, he turns around and he

337
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,480
Speaker 3: actually contacts my wife and it basically cuts it out

338
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 3: my wife and yelled at her and says, why are

339
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 3: you having this other guy? I understand that you guys

340
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,760
Speaker 3: are married, And she said, well, he is my husband.

341
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,440
Speaker 3: He has a right to do this, he has a

342
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 3: right to discipline, he has a right to say these things.

343
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 3: And he turns around and choose her out on my

344
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 3: behalf instead of coming straight to me. And it's something

345
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,080
Speaker 3: that I've been dealing with for years. We are obviously,

346
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,920
Speaker 3: like I said, we are married now, so I know

347
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,640
Speaker 3: it's going to be for the rest of my life

348
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 3: and I'm okay with that. But the part that really

349
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,680
Speaker 3: hurts is how a I'm not able to get the

350
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 3: respect from my eight year old stepson and his dad

351
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 3: is the one that always comes to bat for him.

352
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 3: But instead of him stepping up and being the man

353
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 3: and saying, Okay, I'm going to talk to this other

354
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,440
Speaker 3: guy who is stepped into the father role of my son,

355
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,200
Speaker 3: I'm going to talk to him about it, he doesn't.

356
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 1: He goes to my wife. He doesn't like you because

357
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,119
Speaker 1: he's not over the breakup, and he'll do anything to

358
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 1: undermine you, which only makes it worse, which is why

359
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,359
Speaker 1: you have to be able to stand up for yourself

360
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 1: in some regard. And again you know your wife should

361
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 1: be involved. But if you don't, then then this kid's

362
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,680
Speaker 1: never going to respect you and it's always going to

363
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,439
Speaker 1: be a problem. Thank you for calling, man, have a

364
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 1: good day. And I know this because I was that kid.

365
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 9: Mirah, Hi, Mirah, Good morning, Fred, Happy be lated birthday, Kaylen,

366
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:34,959
Speaker 9: are you I'll be really quick. I just you know,

367
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,520
Speaker 9: I don't think we I think we all agree. The

368
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 9: ask was completely appropriate. It's just his delivery. It's not

369
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,679
Speaker 9: what you ask, it's how you delivered it. And I

370
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,679
Speaker 9: think that's what there's really this. To me, there are

371
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 9: totally two separate issues. Asking clear the room is fine,

372
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,920
Speaker 9: But whatever happened afterwards, it sounds like it got heated.

373
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 9: It sounds like he should have stepped away and done

374
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 9: a little bit more mature after he resisted and and

375
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,880
Speaker 9: just yeah and got on the same page with his

376
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,159
Speaker 9: you know, fiance. It's what happened afterwards. It's what he

377
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 9: said afterwards is how you know, maybe a voice was

378
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 9: raised through what happened, and that's just my opinion. It

379
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,880
Speaker 9: was just not to ask how the delivery went.

380
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 1: I agree. I do think that the the husband, the

381
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 1: stepfather in this case, the obligation for him to be

382
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,680
Speaker 1: the more mature when and walk away. That is absolutely

383
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 1: on the adult. But then again, you could argue, should

384
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 1: the sixteen year old be spouting off at this guy,

385
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,080
Speaker 1: you know, because he doesn't want to do something that's

386
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 1: that's a pretty normal request.

387
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, but we have to take into account the transition

388
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,159
Speaker 7: just had. This is a lot on kids, so he

389
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 7: might be going through something.

390
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 9: Of course, teach him.

391
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 7: It's not okay, but we do have to remember they

392
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,360
Speaker 7: just moved.

393
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 1: Well, but I also assume this dude's been around for

394
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: a minute. If they moved in together, I mean, I

395
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,119
Speaker 1: want to assume that he's not a brand new figure.

396
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 7: But living in his house is different.

397
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's true. That is true, Amira. Thank you,

398
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 1: have a great day.

399
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 9: Thank you.

400
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,640
Speaker 1: Let me see here, Hey, Nicole, I'm here, Hey, good morning.

401
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,199
Speaker 1: What do you want to say? Stare going just for

402
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 1: people just tuning in now. Essentially, it's a case of

403
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,439
Speaker 1: sixteen year old kid and mom move in with moms

404
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,719
Speaker 1: soon to be new husband and husband and sixteen year

405
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 1: old kid are getting into it over like basic household chores,

406
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 1: and she's going, what do I do? Because now my

407
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 1: son doesn't want to live here anymore. Now my soon

408
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,240
Speaker 1: to be husband is resentful of the fact there's no respect.

409
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 1: You know, he's trying to establish himself in the household.

410
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,200
Speaker 1: He maybe didn't go about it in the right way.

411
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 1: So what do you think, hey, friend, love your show?

412
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 10: First of all, thank you, I say, she goes, because

413
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 10: she already what's happened is now her fiance and her

414
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 10: son are already at odds. She's never going to win

415
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 10: in this situation. It's now going to be an issue

416
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 10: with her and the fiance in her and the sun.

417
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 10: And she already said she feels like she doesn't want

418
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 10: to have to make a choice between the two. But regardless,

419
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 10: the son is your son, and you have to you,

420
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,120
Speaker 10: you know, depending on how the whole thing went down

421
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 10: is one thing. But the son should already know, Hey,

422
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 10: I'm I'm sixteen years old, I should be cleaning my room.

423
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 10: I should this, and that it should have never escalated.

424
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 10: But she's never going to win in this situation. She

425
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 10: is someone's gonna resent her. It's always going to be

426
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 10: in the back of the kid's mind, it's always going

427
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 10: to be in the back of the fiance's mind, and

428
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 10: it's never gonna it's never going to be good for her.

429
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, fair enough, all right, thank you, Nicole, have a

430
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 1: good day.

431
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 10: Thank you you too.

432
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: Bern Shelby Shelley two hundred and fifty bucks in the

433
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 1: Showdown her record nine twenty and sixty one three straight.

434
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 1: If you want to take on the gorilla in five questions,

435
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 1: when some money call now eight five five five nine

436
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 1: three five. The Entertainment Report is next to you on

437
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:37,920
Speaker 1: the Pread Show. Chapel Rod