1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,160
Speaker 1: Hear me confession I can't take back.

2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,159
Speaker 2: Earl Arms.

3
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,039
Speaker 1: Gold Mouse Speaker.

4
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,600
Speaker 3: Texas seventy eight five nine two says when my dad

5
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,720
Speaker 3: turned eighty, I made the conscious decision to take more

6
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,560
Speaker 3: photos and videos of him, as I thought he wouldn't

7
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:20,680
Speaker 3: be with us much longer.

8
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's now ninety.

9
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,799
Speaker 3: Eight, and I have more footage of him looking miserable

10
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,560
Speaker 3: at parties than I have of my eighteen year old son.

11
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:33,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, oh my god.

12
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 3: Look, the good news is you're not alone because on

13
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,400
Speaker 3: this segment we capture your misery as you confess your

14
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,600
Speaker 3: worst secrets to us, and then we'll store them forever

15
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,080
Speaker 3: in our show data bank to laugh at and remember

16
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,040
Speaker 3: for years to come.

17
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,320
Speaker 2: You know, there's always a podcast for other people to

18
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:50,720
Speaker 2: do the same.

19
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:51,360
Speaker 1: That's right.

20
00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:53,559
Speaker 3: Plus you stay anonymous for it because we mask your

21
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,880
Speaker 3: voice and let you change your name, like today's caller

22
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,640
Speaker 3: who wants to go by Donnie as his fake identity.

23
00:00:58,680 --> 00:00:59,920
Speaker 1: So Donnie, welcome to the show.

24
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,680
Speaker 4: Hey, thanks for having me on.

25
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,400
Speaker 2: Oh my god, are you actually a ninety eight year

26
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 2: old grandfather?

27
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,280
Speaker 1: We would never be able to tell. Yeah, question is

28
00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:08,160
Speaker 1: making you sound younger?

29
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, voice changer is on. You are the mass speaker

30
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,360
Speaker 3: whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.

31
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,560
Speaker 4: Okay, So I don't skip work very often, but occasionally

32
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,360
Speaker 4: I'll call in six quote unquote and I'll take a

33
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:26,360
Speaker 4: me day. Yeah yeah, sure, yeah, you know, I'll go

34
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,559
Speaker 4: out and go see a movie, or I'll just stay

35
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,160
Speaker 4: at home and play video games only.

36
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:35,400
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm so jealous. No, Brooke, are not jealous,

37
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 1: I am.

38
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 2: It's just like our show is different.

39
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,680
Speaker 5: You know, like, whenever I think I want to skip,

40
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,640
Speaker 5: I can't do it because I don't want to disappoint

41
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,760
Speaker 5: you all. If it was just if it was just

42
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,280
Speaker 5: some mid level manager, I wouldn't be here for ever.

43
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. We're all envious of you that you're able to

44
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,280
Speaker 1: do that. That sounds actually kind of cool.

45
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:50,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

46
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,040
Speaker 4: Man, well I have a bit of a different feeling

47
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,480
Speaker 4: about my coworkers than you do.

48
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,920
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, yeah, oh yeah.

49
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,440
Speaker 4: People do.

50
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 5: So.

51
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,120
Speaker 4: A while back, one of the skip days, a couple

52
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,200
Speaker 4: of buddies of mine we went golfing.

53
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:07,760
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, it's fun.

54
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,320
Speaker 4: Yeah. So we're on the course and we're just drinking

55
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:15,360
Speaker 4: a lot, and after a while we start messing around.

56
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:20,120
Speaker 4: We're doing like stupid golf cart races, just being stupid.

57
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,919
Speaker 1: Right, this sounds like a classic bro day. You're on

58
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,839
Speaker 1: the golf course. That doesn't sound too bad.

59
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,360
Speaker 4: And well it went bad. So one of my friends

60
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,440
Speaker 4: he ends up running over me with the golf cart.

61
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,960
Speaker 2: Oh no, didn't see that coming break anything?

62
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I broke my ankle.

63
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,480
Speaker 2: Oh wow.

64
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,400
Speaker 4: So we had to go to the hospital, right, and

65
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,680
Speaker 4: I'm all bruised and bandage, like, I'm on pain meds.

66
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,000
Speaker 4: So I'm not thinking clearly.

67
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,399
Speaker 2: This is great though, because now you're not lying about

68
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,079
Speaker 2: your sick day.

69
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:53,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

70
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, thinking injury is the same.

71
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he wasn't injured? Were I called in?

72
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:01,880
Speaker 2: I don't know that.

73
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,640
Speaker 4: Well I had to explain this to my wife.

74
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,760
Speaker 1: Well, you didn't tell her you were going golfing?

75
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,120
Speaker 4: No, I would not be allowed to go golfing again.

76
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sounds like a fun wife.

77
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,679
Speaker 3: Well, I don't think like, hey, honey, I skipped work

78
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,880
Speaker 3: today and ended up getting seriously injured.

79
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:21,960
Speaker 1: You forgive me, right.

80
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,840
Speaker 4: This will lead to this question where it's like, what

81
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,200
Speaker 4: else are you lying about when you say you're going

82
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:26,560
Speaker 4: to work?

83
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:27,079
Speaker 1: Are you going?

84
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,919
Speaker 5: I look at it differently, it's fill in your bucket,

85
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:34,080
Speaker 5: So that you can do irresponsible things later in the Yeah.

86
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,640
Speaker 2: You know that's actually smart.

87
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,880
Speaker 1: Okay, So you didn't want to tell her the truth?

88
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,920
Speaker 4: No, So when she asked, of course, I told her

89
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,640
Speaker 4: that an old lady was getting mugged outside of my

90
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:51,800
Speaker 4: work though. Yo, hot start, and I stepped in and

91
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,760
Speaker 4: I stopped it, and then the mugger turned and he

92
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,040
Speaker 4: attacked me, and he stepped away. Because of your wife,

93
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,840
Speaker 4: she knows you probably did just golf.

94
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,200
Speaker 2: All those you you're right hose, all those muggers that

95
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:04,880
Speaker 2: go for the ankle.

96
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, did she buy it?

97
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:08,760
Speaker 2: She bought it?

98
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:09,800
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

99
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 4: But that's not the worst thing that isn't already done.

100
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,680
Speaker 4: I also lied to the police. What what?

101
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,880
Speaker 2: Why were the police involved?

102
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:26,120
Speaker 4: She makes me file a police report about the incident.

103
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:32,120
Speaker 5: Oh, why did you just tell her that you already

104
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:32,960
Speaker 5: did the report.

105
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,159
Speaker 3: He's heavily medicated at this point, Brooke. He's not making

106
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:36,880
Speaker 3: great choices.

107
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,320
Speaker 2: And the police didn't out you.

108
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,039
Speaker 4: The police bought it too.

109
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:41,760
Speaker 1: What did you tell them?

110
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,000
Speaker 4: I told them everything that I told my wife, and

111
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,240
Speaker 4: they asked me to describe what the mugger looked like,

112
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,919
Speaker 4: and I like panicked in the moment, and I just

113
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:58,160
Speaker 4: started describing a neighbor of mine that lives three doors.

114
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,320
Speaker 1: The cameras in your building.

115
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,120
Speaker 2: I mean, his name's Randy and he lives in the

116
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:58,719
Speaker 2: blue house.

117
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,520
Speaker 4: Well, I mean I didn't tell him it was him

118
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,839
Speaker 4: that was who I described as the purpose.

119
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,600
Speaker 1: Okay, you gave his physical description, all right. If I

120
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,480
Speaker 1: remember making up a criminal, I think I'm gonna go

121
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:09,840
Speaker 1: with Brook.

122
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be like, yeah.

123
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,599
Speaker 5: Why wouldn't you just say I didn't get a look

124
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,360
Speaker 5: at his face or he had a mask on.

125
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,360
Speaker 1: I came from behind.

126
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 2: You are the worst liar.

127
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never done this before. It's real easy to

128
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,200
Speaker 4: Monday morning quarterback this thing.

129
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:24,119
Speaker 1: Yeah my god.

130
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,840
Speaker 3: It okay, So now you've gosh, you've lied to your

131
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,240
Speaker 3: wife and to the police.

132
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,880
Speaker 1: Did this help you? Maybe she's like my husband there.

133
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,239
Speaker 5: You gotta be careful though, because she'd bring the story

134
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,240
Speaker 5: up at any work function or with a coworker, you

135
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:37,640
Speaker 5: know what I.

136
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 4: Mean, Like that you have, Yes, she still does that.

137
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,000
Speaker 1: We go out.

138
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,359
Speaker 4: She's so proud of me. Oh, She's tell him the

139
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,719
Speaker 4: time about the time he stopped the mugger. And so

140
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:48,839
Speaker 4: I have to get up in front of a crowd

141
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:50,280
Speaker 4: of people and tell this lie.

142
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,239
Speaker 3: Oh well, there's gonna be a real mugging happening somewhere,

143
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,640
Speaker 3: and your wife is gonna be like, honey, get him.

144
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,760
Speaker 1: Don't worry everyone. He's a pro at this.

145
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,360
Speaker 2: Oh my, Actually it's too painful after the broken.

146
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you feel about it?

147
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,320
Speaker 4: Well, I mean I'm just kind of embarrassed because the

148
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,800
Speaker 4: truth is I just got drunk with my friends and

149
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,039
Speaker 4: got run over by a golfer.

150
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,520
Speaker 2: I think you should be more than kind of embarrassed.

151
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, does it feel better being able to finally

152
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 3: get it off your chest?

153
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,440
Speaker 4: Though? It feels pretty good.

154
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,920
Speaker 5: I bet you know that one of your drunk, dumb

155
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,120
Speaker 5: friends is going to out you.

156
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,440
Speaker 2: One day, just so you.

157
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,760
Speaker 4: Hopefully the statute of limitations is passed by that point.

158
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,960
Speaker 1: If they do, just go for their ankles. It's the week.

159
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,680
Speaker 1: The text end is seven eight five nine too.

160
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,240
Speaker 3: If you have a confession you've been holding on to,

161
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,520
Speaker 3: we can hide your identity, mask your voice, and make

162
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,800
Speaker 3: you our next mass speaker.

163
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,000
Speaker 1: Your phone TAP's coming up

164
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,080
Speaker 2: Freaking Jeffrey in the morning,