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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I hooked up with my boss. Now I feel like

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Speaker 3: my career is at risk.

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 3: It might be. Last November I abruptly changed my career

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Speaker 3: plans and my life by extension. I had been working

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Speaker 3: in sales and PM for a while and decided I

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Speaker 3: would put my law degree to use. I moved to

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Speaker 3: a new big city and began working at a small

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Speaker 3: law firm as an intern. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from ad Purple three five one five, And if you

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Speaker 3: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie, and

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Speaker 3: we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't

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Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 3: comments and Op says it's just two attorneys and me.

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Speaker 3: I have been making decent money and the office environment

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Speaker 3: is amazing. It was the best decision I have ever made.

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Speaker 3: The owner of the firm is just thirty one years old,

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Speaker 3: but he's incredibly talented and knowledgeable. I love learning from him,

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Speaker 3: and he loves teaching me. Ever since I got there,

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Speaker 3: I developed an enormous crush on him. I have never

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Speaker 3: acted on it, and he has always been beyond respectful.

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Speaker 3: We are a great team, but now we have become

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Speaker 3: close friends. Both my partners love him, and he has

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Speaker 3: come many times over to my house to have a

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Speaker 3: couple of drinks with my friends. We've also had some

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Speaker 3: trips out of town, and it's always been kept on

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Speaker 3: the professional side of things. I decided to ignore my

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Speaker 3: crush on him, hoping it would just go away. Both

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Speaker 3: my partners tease me about how in love I am

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Speaker 3: with him and how much I fantasize about him. I'm assuming, oh,

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Speaker 3: he is in a poly relationship. I think that's the case. Yes,

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Speaker 3: we have talked about how they feel regarding me and

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Speaker 3: my strong inclinations for him. They advised I should never

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Speaker 3: act on it because it's just a whole ethical mess.

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Speaker 3: I don't have the time more space in my life

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Speaker 3: currently to worry about one of my partners. My nesting

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Speaker 3: partner would I don't know what that means. Recently has

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Speaker 3: been struggling with jealousy and insecurities regarding me and other

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Speaker 3: people I date, mostly due to the fact that I'm

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Speaker 3: currently work two jobs and I am barely ever at home,

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Speaker 3: and whatever little time I have available, I doze off

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Speaker 3: because I'm just tired all the time. We have been

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Speaker 3: struggling the most this past month. We've been fighting and

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Speaker 3: arguing more than we ever had. I decided to stop

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Speaker 3: dating other people while my nesting partner and I work

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Speaker 3: out these issues until this past Friday. Don don don

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Speaker 3: My nesting partner leaves town pretty often, and I take

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Speaker 3: advantage of those days to meet with friends and do

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Speaker 3: activities he would not like to do with me. This

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Speaker 3: past Friday, I decided to work late since my partner

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Speaker 3: had just left town and I did not want to

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Speaker 3: be alone at home watching TV. We have been swamped

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Speaker 3: with work at the firm, and we had a couple

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Speaker 3: of things left behind. My boss decided to stay late too.

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Speaker 3: The other attorney had just left and he asked me

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Speaker 3: if I wanted to go play pool at a bar

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Speaker 3: close by. The office When we were heading to the bar.

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Speaker 3: He asked me if I had any plans, and I

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Speaker 3: said that I would have been playing board games with

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Speaker 3: a friend, but they left town as well. He then

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Speaker 3: looked at me and asked if I would rather play

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Speaker 3: board games at my house instead of going to the bar.

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Speaker 3: We all know what board games means. Yeah, we all

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Speaker 3: know what he wants. I've just dropped the phone.

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Speaker 5: Let's play board games at our house wings before Netflix

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Speaker 5: ever existed.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, his board game? That was fine. My boss had

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Speaker 3: been to my house before and we have been completely

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Speaker 3: alone drinking and nothing has ever happened. So I said yes.

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Speaker 3: We got home and started having so much fun. Feed

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Speaker 3: him in every one of the games we played. We

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Speaker 3: talked about law school, some of the cases and clients

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Speaker 3: we have at the firm, our love life, our spicy

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Speaker 3: sleep life, and so on and so forth. He is

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Speaker 3: pretty open minded, and he actually listens very attentively when

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Speaker 3: I share about my polyamorous lifestyle. Yeah, he seems quite

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Speaker 3: interested all the time. I wonder why he Please tell

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Speaker 3: me more about your relationship where you're allowed to see

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Speaker 3: other people?

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Speaker 2: Great?

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Speaker 4: What are your exact boundaries?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, coworkers and possibly bosses.

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Speaker 3: Okay, let's talk about that. It got pretty late and

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Speaker 3: he had ordered his uber and it was on its

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Speaker 3: way when he was picking up his stuff and I

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Speaker 3: was being silly. All of a sudden, I tripped. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you just tripped, and he caught me. We stared into

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Speaker 3: each other's eyes, and almost by inertia, we just started

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Speaker 3: making out. Oh my gosh. He asked if you should

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Speaker 3: cancel his uber and I yes, Oh my god, I

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Speaker 3: doubt he even ordered it. I Yet we kept going

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Speaker 3: and we had a lot of pretty amazing, spicy sleep.

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Speaker 3: He spent the night and we woke up pretty hungover.

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Speaker 3: I had to go to work at my other job

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Speaker 3: and he left. We have not talked about it ever since,

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Speaker 3: and I will not see him until Tuesday. I will

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Speaker 3: not see my partners until tomorrow Monday. I know one

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Speaker 3: of them might take it well, but I'm just not

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Speaker 3: sure how my nesting partner will process this information. I'm

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Speaker 3: thinking they'll have a lot of questions I do not

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Speaker 3: have the answers for because I have not actually talked

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Speaker 3: about it with my boss. I also feel like my

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Speaker 3: relationship with my nesting partner is currently so fragile. I

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Speaker 3: have no idea how this could affect our relationship. They

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Speaker 3: see my boss as family, and he kind of is

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Speaker 3: since he's my brother in law's best friend, girl boss

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Speaker 3: and brother in law's best friend. You're messy.

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Speaker 5: This is a very small town and he is incredibly

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Speaker 5: involved in my cl circle where I currently live in.

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Speaker 3: I have asked many of my friends, all monogamous, what

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Speaker 3: to do, and they all said I messed up by

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Speaker 3: sleeping with my boss, that I should never do it again,

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Speaker 3: and that I should definitely not tell my parents. I'm

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Speaker 3: looking for advice on how to tell them or if

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Speaker 3: I should just not tell them since it's just going

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Speaker 3: to ruin my boss's relationship with my inner circles. I

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Speaker 3: am spiraling. I like my boss a lot, and he

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Speaker 3: said he really liked me too. I feel like I

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Speaker 3: have not had enough of that relationship. I cannot wait

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Speaker 3: for it to happen again. But maybe it's a very

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Speaker 3: stupid idea and I should grow up and just learn

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Speaker 3: to use my willpower? What do you all think? And

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Speaker 3: there is an update? But Angie, what do you think?

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Speaker 5: I don't really know, because I mean, you know, it

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Speaker 5: seems like you're already pretty in touch with your willpower.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if you know, if you've I guess, like

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Speaker 3: I think. First, first of all, yeah, your friends are wrong.

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Speaker 3: You should absolutely tell your partners. Oh I totally missed

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Speaker 3: that part. Yeah, they literally said my monogamous friends said

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Speaker 3: I messed up and should not tell my partners and

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Speaker 3: should never do it again.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, I wonder if they've ever cheated.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm wondering. Yeah, because I'm sorry, what do

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Speaker 3: you mean I shouldn't tell my partners that I had

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Speaker 3: a relationship with someone else, even you know, even if

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Speaker 3: that is within the boundaries of you know what we're

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Speaker 3: what's okay in our relationship? Huh. I'm presumably you still

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Speaker 3: have to communicate with them like those other relationships that

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Speaker 3: you're having, especially if OP thinks that one of them

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Speaker 3: would not take it well.

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Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely need to tell them one hundred percent, regardless

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Speaker 5: of whether or not you think they'll take it well,

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Speaker 5: they have a right to know.

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Speaker 3: I totally agree.

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Speaker 5: I think, Yeah, talk to them, talk to this boss

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Speaker 5: about it, Like, was this just like.

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Speaker 4: A one time thing?

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Speaker 3: Are you do you want to do this again? Yeah? Absolutely?

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Speaker 3: And in that.

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Speaker 5: Case, like it's going to bring up all of these

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Speaker 5: other issues, you know, and complications in our circles.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I think talk to your partners first. Yep,

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Speaker 3: talk to boss second, yep. Figure it out, Figure it out.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it necessarily has to be a one

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Speaker 3: time thing, but you have to get on the same

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Speaker 3: page with your partners exactly. Uh. Update, I feel like

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Speaker 3: I need to make a couple of things clear. I

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Speaker 3: practice something more similar to relational anarchy. I have two

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Speaker 3: romantic partners. One i'm married tokay, he lives in another city,

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Speaker 3: but I see him every other week, and the one

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Speaker 3: I live with my nesting partner, but he leaves town

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Speaker 3: very often. Interesting. Interesting, the one you live with is

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Speaker 3: not the one you're married to. So okay. My nesting

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Speaker 3: partner and I have been struggling mostly with issues like

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Speaker 3: jealousy and insecurities regarding dating other people, mostly because of

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Speaker 3: my current time availability as well as other factors. I

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Speaker 3: made a unilateral decision to stop dating new people, and

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Speaker 3: I am planning on sticking to that until things chill.

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Speaker 3: I have spoken with both of them. My spouse took

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Speaker 3: it quite chill. He was mostly a bit concerned by

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Speaker 3: the professional implications as well as the fact that my

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Speaker 3: boss is close to my family. My nesting partner did

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Speaker 3: not take it as well. It was a hard pill

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Speaker 3: to swallow. We are working through it, and I'm making

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Speaker 3: all sorts of arrangements to ensure we get through it.

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Speaker 3: My boss was the least of my concerns. However, he

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Speaker 3: has become the main reason for my spiraling now. I

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Speaker 3: do not work at a big corporate firm. There are

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Speaker 3: no company policies, nor other bosses, etc. He's the owner

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Speaker 3: and it's just three of us in total, including him.

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Speaker 3: I guess I was not initially concerned about him being

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Speaker 3: my boss, considering the team or the company. I was

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Speaker 3: mostly worried about the power dynamic, which I was right about.

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Speaker 3: I knew that he was a pretty chill guy. He

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Speaker 3: dates around, and he's also very into casual spicy sleep. However,

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Speaker 3: this feels like it was a lot more intimate than

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Speaker 3: casual spicy sleep. We did share some pretty corny moments,

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Speaker 3: and today he arrived at the office around one thirty pm.

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Speaker 3: We usually all get there at nine thirty am. He

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Speaker 3: got there and remained in his office and did not

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Speaker 3: talk to me at all. He sent the other attorney

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Speaker 3: with my favorite cookies. He never used to do that,

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Speaker 3: but at least he talked to me. I'm deciding not

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Speaker 3: to pursue this relationship, and as soon as I gather

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Speaker 3: some courage, I will talk to my boss and let

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Speaker 3: him know this is not happening again. I do feel

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Speaker 3: a weird mourning though he is someone I have been

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Speaker 3: developing feelings for over three months. We have shared some

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Speaker 3: pretty intimate moments, and we have become friends. This entire time,

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Speaker 3: I convinced myself he did not like me at all.

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Speaker 3: Learning he likes me too, He admires me too as

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Speaker 3: well as he is attracted to me too, was just

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Speaker 3: too wonderful. Knowing now that he has been struggling with

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Speaker 3: his feelings and that we were both just too nervous

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Speaker 3: to be around each other made it flare up. It

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Speaker 3: did not even start, and I have to be smart

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Speaker 3: about it and say goodbye. As long as he'll have me,

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Speaker 3: I'll stay as an attorney at the firm. However, no

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Speaker 3: more friendship nor spicy sleep. I feel like no more

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Speaker 3: friendship me friends come on work together. Yeah. After experiencing

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Speaker 3: the levels of anxiety I did this weekend, I learned

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Speaker 3: this emotional hangover is just not worth it. Thank you

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Speaker 3: all for your advice. And there is a second update. Boy,

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Speaker 3: it's been a while, so I'll update a couple of things. First,

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Speaker 3: back then, I kept seeing him and the partner I

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Speaker 3: lived with was not happy about it, so I broke

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Speaker 3: it off with my boss. After that, my partner felt

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Speaker 3: so guilty. He basically gave us his blessing and if

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Speaker 3: that is a thing. So we got back together, but

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Speaker 3: are taking it insanely slow I was expecting. I was like,

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Speaker 3: there's no way that they're just gonna cut this off colder,

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Speaker 3: He's not gonna laugh. I didn't buy it. Second, my

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Speaker 3: nesting partner started dating someone else and became a lot

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Speaker 3: more chill about me dating my boss. Ah, well there

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Speaker 3: we go. Well just needed more people. Third, I became

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Speaker 3: a partner at our law firm and now am a

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Speaker 3: fully associated attorney, so my boss is no longer my boss.

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Speaker 3: I fell in love with my boss, though I'll keep

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Speaker 3: calling him that for the purpose of my language economy.

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Speaker 4: They don't work it out.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm not like the most happy about the only

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Speaker 5: reason that the nesting partner was like okay with the

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Speaker 5: boss was because they started dating something. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 5: love that, especially since they're already in a poly relationship,

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Speaker 5: like the partner seemed to be a little bit like

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Speaker 5: possessive or jealous, and then of course now that they've

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Speaker 5: got their own thing going, then they're not anymore.

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Speaker 3: But that's a different issue. That's a different issue.

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Speaker 5: I like how how the original issue of this story

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Speaker 5: is panning out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they're getting together. They talked about it

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Speaker 3: clearly soon fallen in love and love pretty good. I

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Speaker 3: have grown to know a gorgeous human being who is

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Speaker 3: not only fun and cool to hang out with, but

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Speaker 3: over the course of four months, has shown he's a

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Speaker 3: caring and loving person. He has been with me through

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Speaker 3: so much, comforted me, and sustained me in ways I

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Speaker 3: really would have never expected. We have talked about our

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Speaker 3: feelings and he has confessed that although it was really

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Speaker 3: not what he planned, he has fallen crazy in love

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Speaker 3: with me too. Wow. Our relationship has become one of

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Speaker 3: the safest places I have Now at my disposal and

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Speaker 3: I want to tell him I love him, because I do.

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Speaker 3: I love him. I wanted to come here and ask,

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Speaker 3: how have you known you love someone? When do you

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Speaker 3: know it's right? To tell them I am Mexican. Here

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Speaker 3: we have tekierto, which is a nice endearment, but then

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Speaker 3: it is stamo, which is the ultimate form of communicating

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Speaker 3: deep and strong feelings. I would love to hear from

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Speaker 3: everyone on how they go about their feelings and when

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Speaker 3: you know it's the right time to tell someone you

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Speaker 3: love them. Oh wow, what do you think? I don't

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Speaker 3: have an answer for that. I don't either.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Usually the other person says it first. Ye, Well,

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Speaker 5: let me think about that for.

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Speaker 3: A seconde when someone else says it to you usually

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Speaker 3: like usually.

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Speaker 4: I think is like around the time.

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Speaker 3: I think you mean, keep it in and don't say

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Speaker 3: it until they say it. I think that's right. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's probably how you do it. Probably. I'm sorry. I

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Speaker 3: don't have advice for you on that. Let us know

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Speaker 3: in the comments don below. Yeah, when you did it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 5: My girlfriend took a trip with her Polly partner during

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Speaker 5: my birthday.

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Speaker 3: That's messed up.

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Speaker 5: Me thirty nine male, and Tina, thirty five female, have

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Speaker 5: been together for three years, living together and open for

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Speaker 5: the last two years. I've been in polly relationships for

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Speaker 5: thirteen years, but Tina is brand new Gary forty two

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Speaker 5: male is her newest partner and is in an open.

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Speaker 3: Marriage with two kids.

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Speaker 5: He is an executive with a large bank and as

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Speaker 5: well off, he likes to buy Tina gifts spoil her. Recently,

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Speaker 5: he offered to take Tina with him on his next

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Speaker 5: business trip to NYC. NYC has been on her bucket

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Speaker 5: list for quite a while, and she was thrilled at

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Speaker 5: the offer.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a throwaway.

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Speaker 5: Thirty nine bill, and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime separated

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Speaker 5: it And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to

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Speaker 5: give good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 4: We're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.

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Speaker 5: But let us know what you would do in the

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Speaker 5: comments down below. So Opie says a couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 5: Gary told Tina that they would leave the second week

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Speaker 5: of May and come back that Saturday. She and her

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Speaker 5: girlfriend have been out shopping last two weekends finding new

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Speaker 5: outfits for her trip, and she ended up spending some

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Speaker 5: of the money that she had set back for our rent.

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Speaker 3: Oh uh, yeah, that's not good. No, you gotta pay rent?

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Speaker 3: Yeah no, no, no, you can't. You can't spend money you.

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Speaker 5: Don't have Yeah, come on, while irritating. It's not a

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Speaker 5: financial hardship for me. But we were supposed to be

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Speaker 5: apartment hunting as our lease is almost up and we

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Speaker 5: were looking for a place more adult friendly. So I

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Speaker 5: have spent a lot of time looking for new places

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Speaker 5: to live by myself. As of last Friday, I wasn't

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Speaker 5: sure when she was leaving, and I reminded her to

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Speaker 5: put it in our calendar. She blocked off May ninth

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Speaker 5: to twelfth as the days she would be gone. On

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Speaker 5: May eleventh, there is a cake emoji with Bill's fortieth birthday.

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Speaker 4: Mine written on it.

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Speaker 5: My fortieth birthday is on May eleventh, Oh peace birthday.

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Speaker 3: Wait did she like not even acknowledge that it was

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Speaker 3: your birthday?

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Speaker 5: I didn't even think about it. There's a little cake emoji,

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Speaker 5: so she did that?

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Speaker 3: Unless I mean like it might have already been there.

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Speaker 3: It's like I feel like it would be if she

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Speaker 3: were to market. Yeah, I feel like she's been like, oh,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, it's your birthday, right right? Can't go

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Speaker 3: like she doesn't seem like she even acknowledged right. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I noticed after she had left to do more shopping

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Speaker 5: with Gary and.

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Speaker 3: Knew that she wasn't coming home till Sunday.

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Speaker 5: I was talking to one of our friends from our

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Speaker 5: friend group about it, and she said that surely it

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Speaker 5: was a mistake, but to be sure, she sent out

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Speaker 5: a group text to a bunch of our friends about

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Speaker 5: planning a party for me a week from Thursday, and

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Speaker 5: made sure that Tina was included.

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Speaker 4: Tina had texted.

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Speaker 5: Later that day that Saturday might be a better day

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Speaker 5: than a weekday, but the group was leaning more towards Thursday. Sunday,

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Speaker 5: she got home early and wanted to talk about her trip.

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Speaker 5: She said that she forgot that Thursday was my birthday

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Speaker 5: and said that we could go out after she got.

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Speaker 3: Back and celebrate.

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Speaker 5: I got a little hurt and said that my birthday

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Speaker 5: has always been on the eleventh, and had been on

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Speaker 5: the calendar since the first of the year.

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Speaker 3: She said that Gary.

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Speaker 5: Had already made all the arrangements and couldn't just cancel

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Speaker 5: them now. I offered to buy her a ticket for

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Speaker 5: Thursday so that she could make it, but they already

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Speaker 5: had theater tickets and made plans.

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Speaker 3: So that wouldn't be fair.

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Speaker 5: She said this was a trip of a lifetime and

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Speaker 5: she didn't know if she would ever have this chance again.

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Speaker 4: I asked how long she knew and she was going

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Speaker 4: to be gone.

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Speaker 3: She hesitated and said for a few weeks.

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Speaker 5: It got ugly after that, and I ended up leaving

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Speaker 5: and going to a friend's house and spent the night.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow.

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Speaker 5: She called me today at work, almost crying about how

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Speaker 5: all our friends were shaving her for going off on

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Speaker 5: my birthday. I said, if I left you alone on

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Speaker 5: your birthday, I would expect they would feel the same way.

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Speaker 5: I said, I was hurt, and asked if I hadn't

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Speaker 5: said anything about marking what days you were going to

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Speaker 5: be gone, how long were you going to wait to

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Speaker 5: tell me? I told her she needed to get her

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Speaker 5: priorities straight and hung up. The lease on our apartment

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Speaker 5: expires July first, and I talked to the property management

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Speaker 5: company about leaving a month early, and they had no

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Speaker 5: problem with it. I found a great new place last week,

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Speaker 5: with a bigger floor plan and closer to our gym

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Speaker 5: in my work. I sent them a deposit and they

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Speaker 5: said that I can move in anytime. It looks like

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Speaker 5: I will be having a combo birthday slash housewarming party.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that is a fast move.

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Speaker 4: That's impressive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, how fast you can move somewhere? Hope you said, well,

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Speaker 3: not moving in with you? So yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: The only question now is if I move Tina's things

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Speaker 5: or leave them in our old apartment. I've told a

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Speaker 5: few people and ask them to.

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Speaker 3: Keep it quiet.

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Speaker 5: Tina has a week to change her mind, but at

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Speaker 5: this point, I don't know if I care anymore. Any

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Speaker 5: advice and there is an update, but what would your

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Speaker 5: advice be?

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Speaker 4: So if do we move Tina's things or do we

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Speaker 4: leave them there?

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Speaker 3: I don't think move don't move them without asking? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Like I think it's like the question of like, oh

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Speaker 3: am I moving in with Tina or not? And I

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00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 3: feel like until you have a full sit down conversation

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Speaker 3: with Tina and say, hey, we've had some trouble. Yeah,

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00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 3: you know, like I think you just leave them there. Yeah,

404
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 3: I agree.

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Speaker 5: I think definitely don't move her stuff without her because

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Speaker 5: if you're I don't know, I mean, if if you're

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Speaker 5: moving out a month early, I would have bad.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I just think you guys need more more conversations

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Speaker 3: about whether or not you're moving in together. Yeah, yeah,

410
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,359
Speaker 3: but we do have an update.

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Speaker 5: So I got out of the house before Tina got

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Speaker 5: up and took the next week off to move. Tina's

413
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 5: text messages were love bombing and pleads to go work

414
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 5: things out. The text from Gary was apologizing for any

415
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 5: trouble the trip had caused. I sent him text asking

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00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 5: when he found out about the conflict, and he said

417
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Speaker 5: the first he heard about it was last Saturday, when

418
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Speaker 5: Tina told him last night. I decided to take everything

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Speaker 5: I had before she moved in with me. I stopped

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Speaker 5: at the grocery store and picked up the stuff to

421
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Speaker 5: make her favorite chicken enchiladas. She got home about six

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Speaker 5: thirty and we pretty much ate in silence. I asked

423
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Speaker 5: again when she knew about the dates of the trip,

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Speaker 5: and she said around the second week of April, and

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Speaker 5: that she knew was going to be a conflict with

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Speaker 5: my birthday. I asked how long she would have waited

427
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Speaker 5: to tell me if I hadn't asked last weekend, and

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Speaker 5: she wasn't sure. She said she was so excited to

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Speaker 5: go and thought that we could work something out, but

430
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 5: could never find the right time. I told her again

431
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Speaker 5: how important this day was for me and how I

432
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Speaker 5: was crushed that she would choose Gary in the trip

433
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Speaker 5: over me. She asked what I meant about consequences. I

434
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Speaker 5: asked her if she was going to still go on

435
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Speaker 5: the trip, and she said that it was too late

436
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 5: to cancel everything. So I showed her a plane ticket

437
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 5: and asked her if she would come back in time

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Speaker 5: for the party. She said they had plans for a

439
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,440
Speaker 5: play that night and reservations for dinner.

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Speaker 3: Friday as well.

441
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 5: I took back the ticket and reminded her that we

442
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 5: were supposed to have been looking for a new apartment,

443
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 5: but she had spent the last three weeks shopping for

444
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 5: a trip and left me to do all the legwork.

445
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 5: Then I handed her a check. She asked what this

446
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 5: was for, and I said read it again. Down on

447
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 5: the memo line.

448
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 3: It said cruise deposit.

449
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 5: I said May's rent was paid up, but that I

450
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 5: found a place and would be moving out this weekend.

451
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 3: She started crying and could hardly breathe.

452
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 5: She said that I was being unfair and we could

453
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 5: get past this, and she was willing to do whatever

454
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 5: it took to stay together.

455
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 3: So I told her my conditions. Oh boy, it's going

456
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 3: to be like, don't go on the trip or not together?

457
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 3: Right yeah?

458
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 5: Ah literally the first one, the trip is canceled.

459
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 3: All can't be together or not? I don't know. I

460
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 3: don't like either of their reactions. Yeah, me too.

461
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,479
Speaker 5: The other conditions are we need couples therapy and individual therapy.

462
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 3: If the therapist says that it's needed.

463
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 5: We live apart for ninety days. She cuts off and

464
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 5: goes no contact with Gary and her other partner permanently.

465
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 5: I told her I couldn't trust her not to hurt

466
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 5: me again, and I didn't think that we had.

467
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 3: Much of a chance going forward. Whoa.

468
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 5: She tried to negotiate another way forward, but I just

469
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 5: shut her down. She is in the bedroom now crying.

470
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 5: I'm sending out group texts to my friends letting them

471
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 5: know our new status. And there is a right wait again,

472
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 5: there's a second update.

473
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 3: Oh. I don't like GOP either. I think they're both.

474
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 3: I think this is a bit of a everyone sucks here. Yeah,

475
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 3: maybe this relationship is not meant to work out.

476
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 5: Like yeah, like I think that the birthday thing was uncool. Yes, agreed,

477
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 5: this is a much bigger reaction than is.

478
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 3: Yeah. Like, like, do I agree that y'all probably should

479
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 3: not live together?

480
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 5: Yes, but I like it's just, yeah, it's unfair to

481
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 5: say that I can't trust you to not hurt me again. Yeah,

482
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 5: it's not big enough to be using those words.

483
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't think so. But we do have a

484
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 3: second update.

485
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 5: So, I had planned a large party for my fortieth birthday.

486
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 5: My new partner, Tina had another partner, Gary, who had

487
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 5: a business trip to New York City and offered to

488
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,400
Speaker 5: take Tina with him Tina's bucket list trip. I told

489
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 5: her that that was unacceptable and she needed to make

490
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,439
Speaker 5: a decision, and she chose the trip over me. My

491
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 5: original plan was to break up and move into a

492
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 5: new apartment while she was gone, but I ended.

493
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 3: Up telling her before she left.

494
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 5: I even got a call from Gary asking if there

495
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 5: was a way Tina and I could work things out. Finally,

496
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 5: two days before she was to leave, she offered to stay,

497
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,719
Speaker 5: but I told her that she wasn't staying for me,

498
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 5: she was just trying to avoid the consequences of her actions,

499
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 5: and she had shown me her priorities and I was done.

500
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 4: I don't like you I don't thank you. I just don't.

501
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 3: I don't like you. And maybe I don't know how

502
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 3: the comments are going to react to this one, like,

503
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 3: let us know if you guys think different.

504
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,199
Speaker 5: Yeah, from what I'm seeing, it just seems a little controlling.

505
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 3: Yeah for paula relationship to be this controlling. Yeah, but

506
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 3: there was so many Again, she is in the wrong

507
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 3: for planning something knowingly on his birthday without talking to him. Sure, however,

508
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,439
Speaker 3: there were so many ways that we could have solved

509
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 3: this situation without resorting to ultimatums and breakups. But it's

510
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 3: clear that you're not really invested in this relationship right.

511
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 5: Sunday was the housewarming with the twelve friends that helped

512
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 5: me move so fast. Thursday night, seventy five made it

513
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 5: to the birthday party. Wow, that's a whole lot of

514
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 5: friends the party. That's a big party for Thursday.

515
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.

516
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 5: The party was a blast. A description would be another essay,

517
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,640
Speaker 5: so I'll go with the highlights. There were three bellied dancers,

518
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 5: pin the tail on the donkey with Tina's face, oh,

519
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 5: several other hilarious party games. Tina's best friend Beth made

520
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 5: the party, and best of all, my ex nesting partner

521
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 5: who I haven't seen in.

522
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 3: Years, showed up.

523
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 5: Bristol, who helped organize the party, made sure the story

524
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 5: of Tina's trip was common knowledge. She posted dozens of

525
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 5: pictures to my social media and sent a few choice

526
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 5: ones to Tina as well.

527
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 3: You guys suck.

528
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 4: You guys are best.

529
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 3: This kind of sucks. Why does that need to be

530
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 3: common knowledge? Why HP already sent it around? Yeah, you

531
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: guys suck. Oh my god, I don't like any of you. Wow.

532
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 5: Later in the evening, I got to talk with Beth,

533
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 5: who told me that she had talked with Tina twice

534
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 5: since she left, and both times she sounded terrible. Beth said,

535
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 5: Tina still loves me dearly, and I should give her

536
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,719
Speaker 5: another chance. I have received many texts and voicemails from

537
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 5: Tina since she left, but haven't paid any attention to

538
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 5: them yet. Saturday, Tina's flight lands around noon, so I

539
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 5: just can't wait for that. I will meet with her

540
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 5: if she has something that she wants to say, but

541
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 5: after that I will block her. And there is a

542
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 5: third update.

543
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I have no idea how you have

544
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 3: managed to have yeah, uh, to be doing like polyamorous

545
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 3: relationships for thirteen years and are reacting like this.

546
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 5: We have a third update, so let's see how much

547
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 5: worse it gets. Yeah, so I reconnected recently with a

548
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 5: former nesting partner and we still had some spark between us,

549
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 5: and after a day or two together, she said that

550
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 5: she wouldn't mind picking up where we left off. The

551
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 5: reason we broke up is I moved halfway across the

552
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 5: country for a career move, and we realized that neither

553
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 5: of us wanted a long distance relationship. I told her

554
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 5: I felt the same, but it might take a couple

555
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 5: of months to line up a job where she lives,

556
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 5: so we planned for me to move in August. A

557
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 5: major issue is that she has a nesting partner that

558
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 5: she is trying to de escalate and unwind from even

559
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 5: before we reconnected. He is resisting and wants to work

560
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 5: things out, but she has checked out and just wants

561
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 5: to be kind with the separation. When I got to town,

562
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 5: she explained the situation and said that I could stay

563
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,360
Speaker 5: at her beach until he moved out. So I settled

564
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,719
Speaker 5: in and went about getting used to my new position

565
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 5: at my job and reconnecting with her. A couple of

566
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 5: weeks go by and I get to meet Tom I

567
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 5: as soon to be ex nesting partner, and.

568
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 4: It was really awkward.

569
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 5: He was very passive aggressive, but I tried to stay

570
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 5: positive and I ended up staying with her in her

571
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 5: main residence that night under the same roof with him.

572
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,719
Speaker 5: The next morning, Cindy, who is oh he's ex nesting partner,

573
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 5: tells me that Tom was not too happy with me

574
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 5: being there and has said that he can live at

575
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,359
Speaker 5: the beach house if she wants to move me into

576
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 5: his place. So okay, got it, But she doesn't want

577
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 5: him in her beach house because she likes to spend

578
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 5: the weekends there and it just wouldn't work. Tom has

579
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 5: been dragging his fee looking for a place on his own,

580
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 5: as I think he is trying to hang on to

581
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 5: her and.

582
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 3: Stay close by. There is a little bit more to

583
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 3: the story. But what a mess, dude, bought a mess.

584
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 3: You shouldn't be in a Polly relationship. Ope, you're not ready.

585
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 3: He's thirty years you're not ready.

586
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there is a little bit more, man.

587
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 5: So, uh, my problem is that I feel that Tom

588
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,880
Speaker 5: is Cindy's issue to deal with.

589
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 3: I want to I want to be.

590
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 5: With Cindy and get back to a level that we

591
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 5: had before I moved away. But as long as Tom

592
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 5: is still hanging around.

593
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: That's going to be impossible.

594
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,439
Speaker 5: Cindy and I have talked about going monogamous for a

595
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 5: while until we get to that level, and if we can,

596
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 5: we have both talked about the possibility of getting married.

597
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 5: Oh my god, what is going on? Part of me

598
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 5: wants to give Tom a friendly nudge towards the door

599
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 5: as I feel that he is in denial.

600
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:37,520
Speaker 3: About the relationship.

601
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 5: I am thinking about floating an idea to Cindy for

602
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 5: an early engagement complete with a ring, to send Tom

603
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 5: a farewell message. I'm afraid she's just too kind hearted

604
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 5: to end this and we'll just let this just drag out.

605
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 3: Guys are insane. Yeah, I don't know. I yeah, I

606
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 3: really don't think this is us just misunderstanding Polly. It

607
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 3: can't be. It just can't be. It can't be.

608
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 5: Like you, in any relationship, you gotta communicate, you gotta

609
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 5: discuss if you're in a relationship still.

610
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, true, that's important. And also, don't share social media

611
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: images or whatever about your ex because you hate a

612
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 3: decision they made.

613
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 5: Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, And

614
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 5: that's the end of the story.

615
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 3: We're going to go on to the next one.

616
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

617
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

618
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 1: keep the show alive.

619
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: My girlfriend Dumby for poly partner now she wants me back.

620
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 2: Ooh who it is?

621
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 3: Me thirty two male and my nesting partner Eva twenty

622
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 3: nine female have been living together for four years and

623
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 3: pretty much opened since the start of our relationship. Last October,

624
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 3: she sat me down and told me that she was

625
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: in love with one of her other partners and now

626
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: considering him her primary. They were already spending several days

627
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 3: a week together, and she said they both wanted more.

628
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from throw At thirty three,

629
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 3: Arc four, And if you want to spend your own stories,

630
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm

631
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 3: Sophia and I'm Angie and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

632
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

633
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

634
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: do in the comments, ANDOP says when we talked further

635
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 3: about it. She said she still wants a connection with

636
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 3: me and for now wants to cohabitate. We discussed de

637
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 3: escalating a bit and separating our finances and financial responsibilities.

638
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 3: We have a two bedroom apartment and she moved most

639
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 3: of her stuff into the other bedroom three weeks after

640
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 3: our discussion. She is still spending the majority of her

641
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 3: time here and almost always sleeping in my bed with me.

642
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 3: If anything, our intimate time and frequency is up slightly.

643
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 3: Right before Christmas, I met someone through work, not a

644
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 3: coworker or customer, and we've been on several dates. We

645
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 3: have had a couple discussions about my situation with my

646
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 3: nesting partner and she understands. We talked about spending the

647
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 3: weekend together, and since she has two roommates, I offered

648
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 3: to host. I had the conversation with Eva about Cindy's

649
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 3: spending the weekend and she seemed a bit off, but

650
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 3: was okay with it. Cindy and I went out Friday

651
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 3: night and came home to an empty house. Eva was

652
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 3: at her primary's house and had a great evening. Next morning,

653
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 3: I cooked breakfast and we were lounging around with Eva.

654
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 3: Came back home. Eva introduced herself as my roommate and

655
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 3: said she was going to clean up and head to

656
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 3: the gym. That night, Cindy and I were cuddling on

657
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 3: the couch watching TV, and Eva came in and was

658
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: watching TV with us. We watched a couple of shows together,

659
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 3: then Eva kind of huffed and got up and went

660
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 3: to her room. Next morning, Eva left before we got up,

661
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 3: and Cindy went home shortly after we got up. Eva

662
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 3: stayed gone for a couple of days and was radio silent.

663
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 3: I sent her a couple of texts that went unanswered. Wednesday,

664
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 3: I get an alert from the ring doorbell that Eva

665
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 3: was there when I got home. She was pleasant and

666
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 3: I asked her if we were okay, and she said yes.

667
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 3: Towards bedtime, she asked if she could sleep in my

668
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 3: room and I said yes. We cuddled a little, but

669
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 3: neither one of us tried to initiate anything more. The

670
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: next night was pretty much the same, except she was

671
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 3: wearing a sea through piece of lingerie and wasted no

672
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 3: time and jumping my bones. Okay, okay. The following evening,

673
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 3: Cindy is at our house and we're chilling watching a

674
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 3: movie and Eva comes into the living room wearing a

675
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 3: sleep shirt that is barely covering her. She's been territory

676
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 3: oldest girl. At one point, Eva catches me in the

677
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 3: kitchen and I mentioned she could be a little more

678
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 3: appropriate when I have guests over and voices get raised,

679
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 3: and she stomps off to her room. Wow. Cindy asks

680
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 3: if everything's all right, and I said, we were just

681
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 3: discussing our boundaries and our behavior. Cindy offers to leave

682
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 3: if it's causing a problem, but we end up going

683
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 3: to my room instead. Y'all need to have conversation now, cuz, yes,

684
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 3: she'd talked to you about, you know, de escalating, but

685
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 3: it seems like it escalated on you know, like you

686
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 3: were being more intimate. Yeah, and then now Cindy's been

687
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: over it seems like almost every day this week, right. Uh.

688
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: And that's not to say like you're in the wrong

689
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 3: or anything. It just needs like an actual conversation.

690
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 5: We need communication, people, because it's clear she's jealous.

691
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 3: Yes, Like obviously it all kind of boiled over last week.

692
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 3: I got an envelope in the mail for my travel

693
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 3: agent with a bunch of skiing brochures. Actually, Eva opened

694
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 3: it before I got home. She got all excited because

695
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 3: we both love to ski.

696
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 2: Oh.

697
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 3: When I told her I was taking Cindy, she got

698
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 3: her feelings hurt and started in on me. I told

699
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 3: Eva that, according to her, I was no longer her

700
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 3: primary and she was treating me like a roommate with benefits.

701
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 3: She didn't go out of her way to show me

702
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: affection anymore other than sleeping with me and having spicy

703
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 3: sleep when it was convenient. Then she was disrespectful when

704
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 3: I had someone over, even though I had always told

705
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 3: her I was having company and asked if she had

706
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 3: a problem with it. She acts like I should still

707
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 3: treat her as my primary since we still live together.

708
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 3: I asked to go parallel with her other partner before

709
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 3: the October revelation for other reasons, and when I asked

710
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 3: why she doesn't just go live with him, all I

711
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 3: get is it's complicated, So I don't get where she's

712
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 3: coming from, but it's getting on my nerves. We still

713
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 3: have six months left on a lease, so my hands

714
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 3: are tied there. And there is an update. But what

715
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: do you think OP should do? Well?

716
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 5: Of course communicating, yes, for sure, have some first stations.

717
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 3: Please, yeah, please, and I think, I don't know, like

718
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 3: maybe have the conversation. Maybe scale back on the time

719
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 3: that Cindy's spending at your apartment, spend more time at hers, right.

720
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, because if it's if it's happening, like even though

721
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 5: Eva said that they weren't or said that Opie wasn't

722
00:34:55,120 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 5: their primary, like, obviously there's jealousy here. Yeah, so I

723
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 5: feel like, you know, yeah, that's not your false that's

724
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 5: not really.

725
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 4: Something that you need to fix.

726
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 5: But yeah, I think just going somewhere else to just

727
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 5: kind of not make that situation worse.

728
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 3: And maybe like you know, spending some more if you

729
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 3: still want to be in a relationship with Eva, Like yes,

730
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 3: it's changed because you're no longer primary or something, right,

731
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 3: but if you still want to be in a relationship

732
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 3: with Eva and that's still important to you, like maybe

733
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 3: being like, hey, let's have some date nights, Let's have

734
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 3: some one on one time where we hang out and

735
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 3: don't just have spicy sleep, right, Like bring that up

736
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 3: and see if and if she's like so not receptive,

737
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 3: then it's like, Okay, this relationship is not working out. Yes,

738
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 3: but I feel like there's ways to ease the tension.

739
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 3: I'm sure update. I had a long talk about boundaries

740
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 3: with Eva, especially when it came to her behavior when

741
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 3: Cindy was over. I told her the last time Cindy

742
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: was here, she made her very uncomfortable and she seemed

743
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 3: to be intentionally trying to interfere with Cindy and I dating.

744
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 3: She denied doing anything on purpose, but accuse me of

745
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,439
Speaker 3: being vindictive and bringing Cindy here to rub her nose

746
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 3: in it. This sent the conversation down a rabbit hole

747
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 3: and ended in a shouting match. Later that night, Eva

748
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 3: came into my bedroom and I stopped her and said

749
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 3: it would be easier if we were just roommates without

750
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,320
Speaker 3: benefits for a while. This upsetter, as she hates sleeping

751
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 3: alone and has used me as a spicy sleep toy

752
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 3: when her boyfriend wasn't available. Come to find out, he

753
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 3: was out of town for the next week or so,

754
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 3: and I said that sounded like an Eva problem. Not mind,

755
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 3: I'm no longer providing spicy sleep on demand while being

756
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 3: treated as an afterthought. Go you o bit, Yeah, I mean,

757
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 3: stand up for yourself. If that's how you feel, then yeah, absolutely, Yeah,

758
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you communicated that.

759
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 4: Absolutely because that is kind of like what it's to be.

760
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 3: It seems like she's not like she told you you're

761
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 3: not primary, but then is still expecting a lot from

762
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 3: you and also jealous that you're having another relationship.

763
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it seems like she's kind of using that

764
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 5: spicy sleep to give you to stay in a way,

765
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 5: and this.

766
00:36:56,200 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 3: Doesn't seem great on her. And yeah, update so you

767
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,799
Speaker 3: can see in my history where I posted about my

768
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 3: nesting partner Eva telling me last October that her other

769
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 3: partner was now her primary. She said she still wanted

770
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 3: me in her life and to continue to cohabitate for now,

771
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,439
Speaker 3: but over time the affection she showed me dried up,

772
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 3: except when she wanted spicy sleep. And she hates to

773
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 3: sleep alone and continue to sleep in my bed even

774
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 3: if we weren't having spicy sleep, which was aggravating as

775
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 3: she didn't respond when I tried to initiate anything and

776
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: it was only at her convenience or desire. I finally

777
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 3: put a stop not only to sleeping in my bedroom

778
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 3: but to spicy sleep itself. After that, she was better

779
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 3: about respecting when I had other partners over, and we

780
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 3: transitioned to being better roommates. We still have five months

781
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 3: left on our lease. A little over a week ago,

782
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 3: she had a falling out with her primary and he

783
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 3: ended up breaking up and ghosting her oop. She was

784
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 3: an enraged banshee for a few days and then lapsed

785
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,760
Speaker 3: into a deep depression. She was crying on my shoulder

786
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 3: and saying I was the only guy that ever acted

787
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 3: like I really cared for her. I know she realized

788
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 3: how badly she had treated me. She has started treating

789
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 3: me like she did when we first got together, showing

790
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,240
Speaker 3: affection whenever we were together. I'm a touchy, needy person

791
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 3: and she knows it. So whenever I'm in reach, she

792
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 3: has her hand around or on me and rubs against

793
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 3: me or hugs me. So the other night, when she asked,

794
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 3: I let her sleep in my room and we had

795
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 3: spicy sleep for the first time in over a month,

796
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 3: and it was amazing. Well good, Okay, I feel like

797
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,760
Speaker 3: we need to discuss this movie.

798
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

799
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 4: I agree.

800
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 3: It was like she just like lost her one partner

801
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 3: and she's like, oh, we're back to you.

802
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 5: Yeah. I feel like anytime that someone is crying saying

803
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 5: that they are sad because they hurt you, shouldn't be

804
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:48,240
Speaker 5: the ones crying.

805
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't know now, She says, she wants things

806
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,760
Speaker 3: to be like they were. Since her breakup, she hasn't

807
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 3: been talking to anyone else, not even going out with

808
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 3: her girlfriends to the club like she used to. This weekend,

809
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 3: she went grocery shopping and cooked a big dinner, picked

810
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 3: up my dry cleaning without being asked, and did all

811
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 3: the laundry. He hasn't done my laundry since before the

812
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 3: first of the year. It's really tempting to just slide

813
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: back into that zone, but I fear if I do that,

814
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 3: I will get hurt worse. This time, she actually asked

815
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 3: me for a date this Saturday, and to spend the

816
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 3: whole day with me, including going to a workout at

817
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 3: the gym together. I told her yes, but a voice

818
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 3: in the back of my mind is yelling it's a trap. Well,

819
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 3: I still have feelings for her. I was finally to

820
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 3: the point where I had accepted we had no future together.

821
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 3: A couple of days ago, I was working from home

822
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 3: and Eva's X showed up before she went to work.

823
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 3: I heard the doorbell and didn't get up until I

824
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 3: heard some raised voices as I was walking into the

825
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 3: living room. I heard Eva tell him to lead. He

826
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 3: was asking her to reconsider when he saw me in

827
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 3: the hall and asked her to call him later. She

828
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 3: refused and said they had nothing to talk about. After

829
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 3: he left, she explained he wanted to get back together,

830
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 3: and since she had blocked him, he decided to come over,

831
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 3: thinking he could catch her After I went to work

832
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 3: last night, she said he had shown up at her

833
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 3: work and wanted to take her to lunch and talk

834
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 3: about the relationship. I'm so worried that she's just gonna

835
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 3: be like, well, he's.

836
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 4: Back, so.

837
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,879
Speaker 3: I would not be surprised at all, she said. She refused,

838
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,959
Speaker 3: and one of her coworkers told him he should leave

839
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 3: and walked him out of the building. She swear she

840
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 3: did nothing to encourage him, and after the other day

841
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,799
Speaker 3: of showing up the house, she thought I should know

842
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 3: about him showing up at work. Messy, So messy, Yeah, messy.

843
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 3: I do really worry that she's just gonna drop a

844
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 3: p now that this guy's back, right, she doesn't. He's

845
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 3: stable with this. It's like, okay, he's here, by Oh

846
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 3: he's gone, hello, Oh.

847
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 5: He's exactly exactly. It's like you. I feel like you

848
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 5: were treated like an afterthought before.

849
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you.

850
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 4: Might still be treated like an afterthought now.

851
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 5: But it doesn't seem that way because the first thought left,

852
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 5: and that was it was out of her control.

853
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't know. I just don't really trust her.

854
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 3: Why trust her feelings?

855
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 4: I think she came on too strong with the like, oh,

856
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. Yeah, I realized you're the only one

857
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 4: for me.

858
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 3: I don't trust it.

859
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 5: It's like, okay, well, if you actually felt bad, you

860
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:20,879
Speaker 5: actually felt that way, then you would be comforting him.

861
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 3: He would not, Yeah, you in this situation, So I

862
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 3: don't trust it. Yeah. I had her call his phone

863
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 3: and put it on speaker. I told him, since he

864
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 3: has been stalking my wife at home, wife and work,

865
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 3: I was filing a police report and seeking a restraining

866
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 3: order because I feared for her safety and if he persisted,

867
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,760
Speaker 3: I would file charges. I added that if he showed

868
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 3: up unannounced at my house it would not bode well

869
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 3: for him. He asked to speak to Eva. She said

870
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 3: to leave her alone and she had no desire to

871
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 3: talk to him. Ever. Again, he tried to say something,

872
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 3: but she hung up the phone. While I wasn't happy

873
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 3: your ex was trying to get back together with her.

874
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: I was relieved she was upfront and honest about it.

875
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 3: She was quite vocal that she had no desire to

876
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 3: even talk with him again. She reminded me she was

877
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 3: still sharing her location and offered her phone to me

878
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 3: to verify she had not been in contact with him.

879
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 3: I didn't check her phone, but I believed her. His

880
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 3: whole deal with her ex has at her stressed out,

881
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 3: and she hoped this would be the end of it.

882
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 3: I think she asked me at half dozen times this

883
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 3: week if we were okay, what happen to Cindy? Are

884
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 3: you and Cindy okay? Yeah? Yeah, in a while where

885
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,280
Speaker 3: she at? Uh? I mean, I guess keep communicating and

886
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 3: be wary of her and her fickble fickle emotions.

887
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, kind of can't like you gotta really look

888
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 5: at the actions in this situation first.

889
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 3: Yes, sir, absolutely, Like Cindy's been here inconsistent seems, whereas

890
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 3: your like you know, other partner has not been not

891
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 3: really And that's the end of the story. We're going

892
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 3: to go on to the next one.

893
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 6: My wife is worried about our son's behavior, but he

894
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 6: got it from her.

895
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 5: Oh well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now,

896
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 5: does it.

897
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 6: And there is a trigger warning her from mentions of

898
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 6: my forty eight male wife. Mary fifty female has always

899
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 6: coddled our son Mickey twenty eight male.

900
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 2: What a darling.

901
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 6: Mickey was born premature and spent time in the nicky.

902
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 6: Mary was very protective of him. She was a helicopter

903
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 6: parent and constantly over extended herself for Mickey's sake.

904
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 2: And by the.

905
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 6: Way, this comes from user original station three two one

906
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 6: uh one. Thing that annoyed me was that she would

907
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:36,720
Speaker 6: constantly hug and kiss our son. That wasn't a problem.

908
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 6: The problem was she would be sad and moody if

909
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 6: he didn't give her one.

910
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 2: She also had a.

911
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 6: Payment for a kiss thing with Mickey. I tried to

912
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 6: tell her Mickey would grow older and he wouldn't appreciate

913
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 6: being coddled by his mom so much, but she was

914
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 6: convinced her precious baby boy wouldn't be a mean, nasty

915
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 6: man who hated hugs and kisses. And I guess she

916
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 6: was right. Mickey got married a few years ago to Diane.

917
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 6: She's a stand up woman with a good head on

918
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 6: her shoulders. She's straightforward and logical.

919
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: I was a little worried.

920
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 6: About Mary because everyone knows how mothers and daughter in

921
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 6: laws don't get along.

922
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 2: But she loved.

923
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 6: Diane, at least until Mickey came to her with his

924
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 6: marital problems. You're running and telling on your wife to

925
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 6: your mom's I mean, I guess that's right.

926
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,959
Speaker 2: I mean you can do that, but like that's that's

927
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 2: gonna be.

928
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,760
Speaker 6: You know, it's not gonna be an impartial opinion, right right,

929
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 6: you know, I mean I guess sometimes it could be,

930
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 6: but doesn't sound like your mom's gonna be impartial.

931
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 2: She's gonna be like, what did she do to my baby?

932
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 3: Right right, She's just gonna be all.

933
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 6: Mark my words, mark my words. She's gonna make those noises.

934
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:58,240
Speaker 6: In the past couple of years, he told Mary Diane

935
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 6: was drifting away from him. They were very close to

936
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 6: being separated, though I don't think my son would have

937
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 6: ever divorced her. Long story short, Diane passed out at

938
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 6: the wheel oh and got into a nasty accident. She

939
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 6: was later told she had a autoimmune disease that has

940
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 6: fatigue as a side effect. Diane needs a wheelchair most

941
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 6: of the time, but she's not paralyzed. Micky's been taking

942
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 6: care of her and he's doing a pretty good job.

943
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,760
Speaker 6: They seem to have a happy and stronger marriage. Today,

944
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 6: my wife was a nervous wreck. She told me Mickey

945
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 6: and Diane visited. Our town is not wheelchair friendly, so

946
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 6: Diane needs a lot of help. Mary told me that

947
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,760
Speaker 6: Mickey asked Diane to pay him with hugs and kisses,

948
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 6: and he was smothering her with affection.

949
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 2: Okay, it's his wife.

950
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:53,320
Speaker 6: I asked Mary if Diane seemed afraid, upset, or annoyed,

951
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:56,839
Speaker 6: and she said no. I told Mary I didn't see

952
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,919
Speaker 6: a problem with an inside joke between a married cup.

953
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 6: Mary burst out that it was wrong because of how

954
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:08,760
Speaker 6: helpless Diane was. I told her that one Diane wasn't helpless,

955
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:13,720
Speaker 6: and two, our son's ridiculous behavior was her fault. Mary

956
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 6: modeled that hugs and kisses were required to show love,

957
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 6: and Mickey was doing what he learned. I mean he

958
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 6: learned the whole paying with a kiss thing from Mary.

959
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 6: She stormed off and has been giving me the silent treatment.

960
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 6: Am I the a hole? No, it sounds like your

961
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 6: wife is jealous of her son's partner for some reason.

962
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's always a weird, weird thing that.

963
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 5: We find in these stories of the mom being jealous

964
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,359
Speaker 5: of the daughter in law getting love from the sun. Yeah,

965
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 5: that's crazy, that's weird, that's gross.

966
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 2: She's being like, well, I used to do that with him.

967
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, but you know she's not saying that outright, but

968
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 6: she's trying to spin it in like, well, what if

969
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 6: Diane's uncomfortable and helpless.

970
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 2: Right, It's like, well, she.

971
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 6: Certainly doesn't seem that way. It seems like they've turned

972
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 6: the inside joke slash whatever you want to call it out.

973
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 6: It wasn't really a joke between you two, but now

974
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,359
Speaker 6: it's just a little cute thing.

975
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:10,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, like the little cute thing in the couple.

976
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, you should be happy, like, oh, look, he's passing

977
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 5: on that that cute thing that I did.

978
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,280
Speaker 4: He's carrying it through to his lovely wife.

979
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

980
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 6: Instead it's like I'm the only one who should have

981
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 6: that kind of relationship.

982
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 3: With my son.

983
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 4: Weird weird alert.

984
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: Very weird overbearing mom activities. We have some comments. Number

985
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 2: one not the a hole.

986
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 6: Overall, it seems like your wife's ridiculousness worked out. I

987
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 6: don't think this arrangement of paying with affection would have

988
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 6: started when Diane got sick. It probably happened earlier in

989
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 6: their relationship, and if Diane didn't like it, she would

990
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 6: have communicated that at some point. Hopefully your wife is

991
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 6: butting into your son's relationship. There could be a number

992
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 6: of reasons for that, but ultimately it should stop. Sit

993
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 6: her down and tell her that Diane is ill, but

994
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 6: she's still of sound mind and can make her own decisions.

995
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 6: This is a relationship dynamic that doesn't have to do

996
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 6: with her illness, and it should be between Diane and Mickey.

997
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 6: While it is one hundred percent your wife's fault that

998
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 6: Mickey does this, it's not productive to point it out

999
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:12,240
Speaker 6: to her, so you may.

1000
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 2: Want to avoid that.

1001
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 3: Good luck.

1002
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 6: Op Op replies, it probably didn't start when Diane got sick,

1003
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 6: but I know Mickey did it a lot more. I

1004
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 6: think he feels guilty and worried for Diane's health, so

1005
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 6: he's showing his love the best way he knows how.

1006
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 6: I don't know why my wife is so upset. I

1007
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 6: would have thought she would be flattered and boast that

1008
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 6: she was right. Reply says, she's upset because that was

1009
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 6: her thing with Mickey and she doesn't want him doing

1010
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 6: it with anyone else. Pretending Diane is forcing it is

1011
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 6: a way of trying to put a stop to it.

1012
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 6: Another reply says, I don't think she's concerned. I think

1013
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 6: she's shocked that her thing with her little boy is

1014
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 6: now part of his and his wife's relationship and there

1015
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 6: is an update.

1016
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 2: I agree with those comments.

1017
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, me too.

1018
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 6: I don't even think it's so weird to me that

1019
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 6: it's like first one, it is like, yeah, sit her

1020
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 6: down and explain to her. It's like this shouldn't even

1021
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 6: be an explained thing. It's like, yeah, two people in

1022
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 6: a marriage and there's doting upon his yeah, wife in it.

1023
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 2: You know whatever, it's it's cute. It's cute, Okay, just cute.

1024
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 2: It's cute.

1025
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 5: I mean there's a lot of things like that when

1026
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,760
Speaker 5: you're a kid. It's like, yeah, kids and their moms

1027
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 5: will like cuddle or something like that. Like that's not

1028
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 5: something that you own, you know, just because it's your son.

1029
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:28,240
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, he's.

1030
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 4: Gonna want to cuddle with his wife. It's like this thing.

1031
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 4: It feels like the same kind of thing.

1032
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 2: Yes, and we do have an update.

1033
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm curious.

1034
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 2: Let's get a little deeper into this.

1035
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 6: A lot of the responses said that my wife Mary

1036
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 6: was jealous of Diane, our daughter in law, or inappropriately

1037
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 6: close with Mickey, our son. But she welcomed Diane with

1038
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,479
Speaker 6: open arms and treated her as the daughter she never had.

1039
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 6: We invited Diane and Mickey over for a bite, well,

1040
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:56,919
Speaker 6: at least Mary did.

1041
00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 2: She commented a few times under her breath.

1042
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 6: At Mickey was doing too much PDA and sent him

1043
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,879
Speaker 6: to the grocery store. Then she interrogated Diane on if

1044
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 6: she felt comfortable, if anything was bothering her, and told

1045
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 6: Diane to let her know if anything ever worried her,

1046
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 6: because Mary would pick her up no judgment.

1047
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 2: I was baffled.

1048
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,919
Speaker 6: Diane thanked Mary but said she was fine. Mickey came

1049
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 6: back and we had a nice time, though I noticed

1050
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,359
Speaker 6: Mary kept an eye on them the entire time they

1051
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,320
Speaker 6: were at our home. After they were gone, I turned

1052
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 6: to Mary and asked her what dag she was doing.

1053
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 2: She stammered that she has no idea what I'm talking about.

1054
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 6: I told her that she was being really weird and

1055
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,439
Speaker 6: asked her point blank if she was jealous that Mickey

1056
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 6: was doing their thing. So to speak with Diane, she

1057
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 6: broke down and said she wasn't jealous, she was downright uncomfortable.

1058
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 6: Then she told me that she hated the way Mickey

1059
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 6: used an innocent thing between mother and child for husband,

1060
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 6: and you own the patent on hugs and kisses.

1061
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,760
Speaker 2: Come on, dude, are you serious?

1062
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 4: That's crazy?

1063
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 3: Those were totally mine.

1064
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 2: Those were my kisses and hugs.

1065
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's like, you like something that uh mother and

1066
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 5: son would do a wife and his husband are doing. E.

1067
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 3: You've shollied it.

1068
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 2: You've soiled the sanctity of my hugs and kisses.

1069
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's just so. It's got no logic behind it,

1070
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 4: just very strange.

1071
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1072
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 2: So I asked her why it bothered her.

1073
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:36,320
Speaker 6: She said that it looks bad a man demanding affection

1074
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 6: in exchange for helping his physically disabled wife. She emphasized

1075
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 6: that Diane was more helpless here than she could be.

1076
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 6: We lived in a mountainous town that's not really wheelchair friendly.

1077
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 6: Diane can't drive anymore, and she had to rely on Mickey.

1078
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 6: Mary had to ask Diane and make sure she was

1079
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 6: really okay. I asked her if she had so little

1080
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 6: trust in her own son to just be a good person.

1081
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 6: Mary said her own father seen like a good person

1082
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 6: to others, but he was not a good father or husband.

1083
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 6: Mary's late mother was physically disabled and likely had anxiety

1084
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 6: and depression. Because of her disability and her husband's controlling behavior,

1085
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 6: she wasn't allowed to go out of the house and

1086
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 6: had no money. Her husband threatened to throw her in

1087
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 6: an asylum if she tried to leave with or without

1088
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 6: the kids. So Mary's mother my mother in law, would

1089
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 6: reward children with kisses and hugs if they helped her out.

1090
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 6: They did chores like washing dishes or laundry or helping

1091
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 6: her make a meal in exchange for extra hugs and kisses,

1092
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 6: since her mother didn't have an allowance to give them.

1093
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 2: Her mother passed away.

1094
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,399
Speaker 6: When she was a teenager. Mary had never mentioned much

1095
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:40,760
Speaker 6: of her childhood before.

1096
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: Now.

1097
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 6: Mary passed that tradition down to Mickey, but changed it

1098
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:47,760
Speaker 6: a little bit since she liked to spoil him. Seeing

1099
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 6: it in a non parent to child context and with

1100
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 6: Diane being physically disabled was pretty disturbing to Mary, and

1101
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 6: she was getting panic attacks thinking about it. Well, I

1102
00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 6: think that this is a little illuminating, Maybe it's more

1103
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:02,280
Speaker 6: about our childhood trauma.

1104
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 3: MM isn't it always?

1105
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:08,640
Speaker 6: Yes, the classic, but come on, I don't think that

1106
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 6: your son is going to equate to your you know,

1107
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 6: your father here. Yeah, these are not the same situation exactly. Mickey, however,

1108
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 6: does look like his grandfather. He takes after Mary's features,

1109
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 6: so I think it also made her upset. I sat

1110
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 6: her down and said that I understood where she was

1111
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 6: coming from and we could figure it out together. I

1112
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 6: called up Mickey and told him the history behind his grandparents.

1113
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 6: Micky said he got why it's triggering his mom, and

1114
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 6: he wouldn't do it in front of Mary anymore. Mary

1115
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 6: said that she felt hurt. I assumed she was jealous

1116
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 6: and insecure of Diane instead of worried for her. Well,

1117
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 6: you got to understand, optically, that's exactly what it looks like, though,

1118
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 6: you know.

1119
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean.

1120
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:56,959
Speaker 2: Just being honest, right.

1121
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 6: I deeply hurt her feelings, and I apologized, but she's

1122
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 6: still hurt.

1123
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 2: And there is an edit.

1124
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 6: I got messages saying I was unclear on what Micky

1125
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 6: was doing that made my wife so upset. So Mary's

1126
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 6: mother would give Mary a hug and a kiss for

1127
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 6: doing the dishes. For example, Mary would give her mom

1128
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 6: a hug for making dinner or sewing up her clothes

1129
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,320
Speaker 6: since her mom didn't have much energy. When Mary had Mickey,

1130
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 6: she would get him ice cream or a trip to

1131
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 6: the park and ask for a hug in exchange. Now,

1132
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 6: when Diane needed help getting in our house, Mickey would

1133
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 6: joke that he would help in exchange for a kiss,

1134
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 6: or he would help her at meals and ask for

1135
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 6: a hug or a kiss. Then now, Micky would never

1136
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 6: not help his wife if she didn't give him a kiss,

1137
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 6: just like Mary wouldn't have denied him a snack or

1138
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 6: a trip to the park as a kid if he

1139
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 6: didn't want a hug. But it's triggering for Mary because

1140
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 6: of her past. Mickey promised to stop making the kiss

1141
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 6: as a payment joke, but not stop being affectionate with Diane.

1142
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,439
Speaker 6: I feel bad because Mary said I assume the worst

1143
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:03,800
Speaker 6: of her. Maybe it was the natural conclusion, but I

1144
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 6: shouldn't have accused her and just asked her what was

1145
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:11,319
Speaker 6: going on. I mean, optically, that looks like exactly what

1146
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 6: was happening, So I, you know, yeah, just say sorry,

1147
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 6: saying I just didn't know that I don't know the

1148
00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 6: things I don't know, right, I.

1149
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 4: Only know what you tell me, and if you don't

1150
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 4: tell me, I don't know.

1151
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 2: And we've got some comments here.

1152
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 6: Comment one, This absolutely makes sense as a trauma response,

1153
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,720
Speaker 6: but speaking as an a survivor myself, maybe your spouse

1154
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 6: should consider talking to a therapist to help unpack this.

1155
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:42,560
Speaker 6: The first panic attacks or irrational to the outside observer

1156
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 6: responses are often just the tip of the iceberg, and

1157
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 6: there's a chance a lot more of these issues will

1158
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:52,239
Speaker 6: start bubbling up. Your daughter in law's physical disabilities, being

1159
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 6: similar enough to her mother's, could uncover a number of

1160
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 6: triggers she may not have known about.

1161
00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: A second comment responds.

1162
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 6: Your wife's story is so sad about her mom goes

1163
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:04,800
Speaker 6: to show you never know what's really going on with someone.

1164
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 6: Your wife clearly has a lot of past trauma to

1165
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,880
Speaker 6: work through, and I'm glad there is open communication because

1166
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:14,760
Speaker 6: I assumed she was jealous too. Good luck going forward

1167
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 6: and that is the end of that story. Well, I

1168
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,359
Speaker 6: guess that's why it's you know, it's valuable to not

1169
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 6: make assumptions and instead sure ask, you know, for open honesty.

1170
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 4: That's why we like communication. People that's why we like it.

1171
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 4: Yeay for communication.

1172
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 2: Hey it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1173
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1174
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:39,040
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1175
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:43,720
Speaker 5: My stepsister invaded my privacy, but I'm still the villain.

1176
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 2: You've got the twisty curly mustache, don't you.

1177
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 3: So.

1178
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 5: My mom passed away five years ago when I was twelve.

1179
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 5: My dad remarried. About three years ago. His new wife, Stacy,

1180
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 5: came with the daughter who's now twelve. I'm seventeen. Stacy

1181
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,239
Speaker 5: looks like she tried to be a model in a

1182
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:04,360
Speaker 5: small town catalog once and never got over it. She's loud,

1183
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 5: but honestly, I just stay out of her way. I

1184
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 5: don't have a close relationship with her daughter either, because she's.

1185
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 4: Basically her mini me. By the way, this comes from

1186
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 4: Sam X Blue and I'm Angie.

1187
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

1188
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 3: And oh P says.

1189
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 5: As for my dad, he has always been a keep

1190
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 5: the peace kind of guy, even when my mom was alive.

1191
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 5: He just hates any kind of confrontation, so he lets

1192
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 5: people walk all over him, which means that he lets

1193
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 5: Stacy and her daughter do whatever they want so, Yeah,

1194
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 5: we don't feel like a family at all. Anyway, after

1195
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,840
Speaker 5: my mom passed away, I started journaling. It's the one

1196
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 5: thing that helped. At first, I was writing letters to her,

1197
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 5: just telling her about school and how much I missed her.

1198
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 4: Now it's just where I put everything.

1199
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:53,440
Speaker 5: How much I can't stand stacy, dumb crap happening at school,

1200
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 5: the fact I have a massive crush on this girl

1201
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 5: in my chem class. They're literally my brain on paper,

1202
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 5: and and I keep them in my desk drawer, never

1203
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 5: out in the open. This feels like foreshadowing right.

1204
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 2: Now, foreshadowing on an elite level.

1205
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1206
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 5: So I got home around three days ago and I

1207
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 5: hear laughing coming from my room.

1208
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 4: I opened the door and my.

1209
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 5: Stepsister and her friend are on the floor with my

1210
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 5: journals spread.

1211
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 4: Out around them. She was reading them out loud in

1212
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 4: a stupid.

1213
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 5: Mocking voice. She was reading a part about how I

1214
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 5: was having a bad day and just wanted to talk

1215
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:36,040
Speaker 5: to my mom. They were laughing their butts off. Then

1216
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 5: she flipped to a part about my crush and was like, ew,

1217
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:42,479
Speaker 5: she likes girls. I really don't even remember what I said,

1218
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 5: because I just started screaming at them to get the

1219
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 5: f out of my room.

1220
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,120
Speaker 2: Yes, these are very twelve year old activities.

1221
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, my dad and Stacy ran in because her friend

1222
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 5: started screaming. Literally she was too loud, acting if I

1223
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,320
Speaker 5: was going to unlive them or something. My steps sister

1224
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 5: immediately started crying, saying that they were just joking and

1225
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 5: that I was being crazy.

1226
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 6: We were just joking, invading your privacy and laughing at

1227
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 6: all of your most intimate thoughts.

1228
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 5: Were just joking, laughing at you missing your passed away mom.

1229
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 4: That's all you monster.

1230
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 2: And then you killed. I can't believe you can't.

1231
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,240
Speaker 3: Get scared, It's crazy.

1232
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 5: My dad just tells me that I'm overreacting and she's

1233
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 5: just a kid and she doesn't mean any harm, that

1234
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 5: I'm basically an adult and stuff. Literally, before I could

1235
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 5: even explain myself, he already took her side. Then he

1236
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 5: told me that I shouldn't have left my journals where

1237
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 5: she could.

1238
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 2: Find that ah goalposts moved yep.

1239
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,920
Speaker 4: I was so pissed.

1240
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 5: I looked at him and said something like, of course

1241
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 5: you say that. You haven't given a crap about me

1242
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 5: or Mom since they moved in. Then I turned to

1243
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 5: my stepsister and said don't ever talk to me again.

1244
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 5: You're so effing and disgusting. Stacy gasped and dragged her.

1245
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 3: Sobbing daughter out of the room.

1246
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:08,560
Speaker 5: My dad just looked at me with this disappointed face

1247
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 5: and walked out. It's been ghostly silent in the house

1248
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 5: ever since. They're all acting like on this huge monster

1249
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 5: who needs to apologize, and kind of giving me the

1250
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 5: cold shoulder. I know what I said was mean, but

1251
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 5: I feel like she crossed the line that you can't

1252
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 5: come back from. Am I the a hole? And there

1253
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,920
Speaker 5: are some comments, Yeah, but what do you think what you.

1254
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 2: Said was mean? Because you're a seventeen year old who

1255
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 2: just had.

1256
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 6: Their diaries journals read by their stepsister, Yeah, making fun

1257
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:43,080
Speaker 6: of them. So, yes, this whole situation is like ridiculous.

1258
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:44,520
Speaker 6: Your parents are failing.

1259
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I kind of feel like, Okay, if these

1260
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 5: kids were like eight or nine, then like that would

1261
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 5: be a little bit different. If they're like eight or

1262
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 5: nine and they're doing this, and like, yes, they probably

1263
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:58,160
Speaker 5: did mean harm, but like, okay, this is a learning moment. Whatever,

1264
01:00:58,240 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 5: liszt teach them that that's not good to do, kind

1265
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,400
Speaker 5: of like how you have to teach kids to be

1266
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 5: gentle when they're petting an animal, you know, but like

1267
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 5: they're twelve, twelve is old enough to understand.

1268
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 2: Making fun of people. That's whatever One's what they were doing.

1269
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,360
Speaker 2: They were old enough to know what's right and wrong.

1270
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:19,000
Speaker 6: They will with the journals they found them in the drawer,

1271
01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:20,600
Speaker 6: were not out where anyone could see it.

1272
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 5: It's like the scariest age is like twelve and thirteen

1273
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 5: year old girls. They're terrifying because they know that and

1274
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 5: they will make fun of you. So that's what it

1275
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 5: was happening. It's not like they were like little children.

1276
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 3: No, they knew what they were doing.

1277
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 5: Come on, Yes, but we do have some comments. Commentary

1278
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 5: number one says, not the a hole. Your dad is

1279
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:41,240
Speaker 5: your only parent left, and if he's not going to

1280
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 5: stick up for you, you don't have any.

1281
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 4: Choice but to do it yourself. Is what you said?

1282
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 3: A little mean? Yeah?

1283
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 4: Will it get your point across?

1284
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 5: Also, yes, therapy could help you guys as a family,

1285
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 5: but everyone has to want to participate. Commentary number two says,

1286
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 5: I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

1287
01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:57,400
Speaker 4: Not the a hole.

1288
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 5: In my book, stepsister had no business reading your journals

1289
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 5: or sharing them with a stranger. Your family has no

1290
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 5: apparent understanding of privacy or respect for boundaries. Tell your

1291
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 5: father you want family counseling and respect for your personal boundaries.

1292
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:11,720
Speaker 4: If he doesn't agree.

1293
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:13,920
Speaker 5: Perhaps you can talk to a school counselor. You have

1294
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 5: less than a year before you are an adult and

1295
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:19,560
Speaker 5: can legally move out, so start collecting important documents like

1296
01:02:19,560 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 5: birth certificates, social Security cards, and any other documents you

1297
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,800
Speaker 5: take with you that might help you with school or employment.

1298
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 5: Do you have any grandparents or maternal relatives that you

1299
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,280
Speaker 5: can reach out to. If so, you may be able

1300
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:33,640
Speaker 5: to store your private things with them to keep them safe.

1301
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 5: That's an interesting comment. It feels a little much for

1302
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 5: me to like make sure your social Security card and

1303
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 5: birth certificates they're twelve.

1304
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel like I don't think they're trying to

1305
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 6: do identity theft. I think they were just trying to

1306
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 6: read your diary because they were like he he oh.

1307
01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 2: She's so weird and grow sash, she's so dumb. Yeah,

1308
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:56,120
Speaker 2: because they're twelve.

1309
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

1310
01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 4: Like, if it's a really if it's a big.

1311
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 5: Enough issue to where you're like, okay, yeah, moving on immediately,

1312
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 5: I need to get all this stuff because they're gonna

1313
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,840
Speaker 5: steal it and then I guess, but like.

1314
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 3: It just doesn't feel like where they're just yet.

1315
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:09,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's you know, it's not it's not.

1316
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 6: Uh, it's not easy to because you know, when we

1317
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 6: read stories about like adults that act like irrationally, sometimes

1318
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 6: we say it's like you got to just treat them

1319
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:21,960
Speaker 6: like a little silly baby. Yeah, and would you let

1320
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 6: the words of a silly little baby affect you that much?

1321
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:27,560
Speaker 3: No, you shouldn't.

1322
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 6: So if your twelve year old stepsisters being a silly

1323
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:33,640
Speaker 6: baby and reading your journals and being like.

1324
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:36,600
Speaker 2: Oh just live belmit, she so grows blah blah blah.

1325
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 6: Right, you can be like, hey, you're breaking like my privacy.

1326
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 6: That's unacceptable. Yeah, But like you can also be like,

1327
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 6: I don't really.

1328
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:46,440
Speaker 2: Care at all what you think about me because you're

1329
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 2: a twelve year old girl.

1330
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1331
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:50,400
Speaker 5: I think the main issue is just that the dad

1332
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:53,480
Speaker 5: was like just not defending you at.

1333
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 2: All, exactly.

1334
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 6: The problem The issue here is the failure of the

1335
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 6: parents exactly.

1336
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 5: But we do have an update from four days later. Hey, everyone,

1337
01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 5: hope you all are doing great. I want to start

1338
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 5: by saying that I'm genuinely sorry for not responding to

1339
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 5: everyone individually.

1340
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 3: How dare you?

1341
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:08,400
Speaker 2: Ope?

1342
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:12,760
Speaker 3: How dare you? It's okay, but I.

1343
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 5: Read all of the comments and to everyone who reached

1344
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 5: out in my DMS, you guys are great. Seriously, not

1345
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 5: a whole lot has happened, but a few of you

1346
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 5: asked for an update. So here it is first to

1347
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 5: answer the questions I kept seeing. Yes, I have a

1348
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 5: part time job and i'm saving up. The plan is

1349
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:30,040
Speaker 5: to move out the second I turn eighteen. And no,

1350
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 5: my dad isn't a closet guard. He was actually just

1351
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 5: really supportive when I came out a few years ago.

1352
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:37,959
Speaker 4: Stacy isn't either.

1353
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 5: Surprisingly, honestly, I think her daughter just did it because

1354
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 5: she wanted her friend to think that she was cool

1355
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:44,240
Speaker 5: for making fun of the girl kiss her.

1356
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:44,760
Speaker 3: Lol.

1357
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 5: Anyway, after reading all your comments and making sure that

1358
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 5: I wasn't actually a monster, I just decided to stop trying.

1359
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 5: I'm not going to be rude, but I'm not going

1360
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 5: to go out of my way to pretend that we're

1361
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 5: a happy family anymore.

1362
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:57,960
Speaker 3: I just act the.

1363
01:04:57,920 --> 01:04:58,800
Speaker 4: Way that they deserve.

1364
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,919
Speaker 5: Like two days after I posted, my dad came into

1365
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 5: my room and was like, hey, we ordered pizza from

1366
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 5: your favorite place if you want some. I just said no, thanks.

1367
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,320
Speaker 5: He looked genuinely disappointed and said that he'd leaves some

1368
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:11,240
Speaker 5: for me in the fridge.

1369
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:12,640
Speaker 4: I felt kind of bad for like.

1370
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 5: A second, but then I remember that he's the one

1371
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:17,680
Speaker 5: who let this happen, so I don't care. He's been

1372
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 5: trying to start conversations with me since then, but I

1373
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 5: just give one or two word answers.

1374
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 4: And he eventually gives up.

1375
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 5: Stacy made her daughter give me the super forced apology

1376
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 5: in the kitchen the other day.

1377
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 3: Interesting.

1378
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,840
Speaker 5: She was just staring at the floor and mumbled, I'm

1379
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 5: sorry for reading your diary.

1380
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:34,280
Speaker 3: And being rude.

1381
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, the classic like, so now.

1382
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:43,520
Speaker 4: Hug each other. M yeah, that's always the thing.

1383
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 3: I just said thanks and didn't even look up for

1384
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:48,280
Speaker 3: my phone.

1385
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 5: The house is quiet now, which is a massive improvement,

1386
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:55,000
Speaker 5: to be honest. I'm just doing my thing, focusing on

1387
01:05:55,040 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 5: work and getting out of here. I did go see

1388
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,240
Speaker 5: that new anime movie that I was excited about with

1389
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:02,959
Speaker 5: my friend yesterday and it was awesome. Anyways, thanks again

1390
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 5: everyone for confirming that I wasn't losing my mind well

1391
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:06,880
Speaker 5: for real.

1392
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 3: It helped.

1393
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:10,360
Speaker 5: And there are some comments coming to number one says,

1394
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:13,200
Speaker 5: sometimes you just need to match energy, give people what

1395
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:15,920
Speaker 5: they give you. Your family didn't treat you like family, so

1396
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 5: now you don't have to do it for them. You

1397
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:20,520
Speaker 5: probably have read a bunch of Reddit aunts and uncles

1398
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,280
Speaker 5: now who are wishing you the best. If you remember,

1399
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 5: please let us know when you get out on your own.

1400
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 5: I was also one of the kids who left the

1401
01:06:27,240 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 5: minute they turned eighteen two. It can be stressful and isolating,

1402
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:33,400
Speaker 5: but the piece it brought out weighed the bad immensely,

1403
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:38,120
Speaker 5: and there is nothing else but support from the comments.

1404
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:41,960
Speaker 4: But that's the end of that story. Okay, so you know,

1405
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:43,960
Speaker 4: not like really a solution.

1406
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:46,560
Speaker 6: I guess well, I think it'd be really valuable to

1407
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:49,080
Speaker 6: open a dialogue with your dad, because if you don't,

1408
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 6: then there's no way to you know, work through or

1409
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 6: find any solutions or improvements. Yeah, I think being able

1410
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 6: to just and again, you're seventeen, so it's hard to

1411
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 6: be emotionally eloquent at seventeen, especially with your own family.

1412
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:08,280
Speaker 2: But uh, just being like, hey, I don't like that.

1413
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 6: I just was immediately the bad guy because I was upset.

1414
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:16,280
Speaker 6: He's an upsetting situation exactly. And then you know, I

1415
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 6: would hope that he would relate to that and say

1416
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 6: I hear you, and you're right, Yeah, and I should

1417
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 6: have been more equitable in the situation. But you got

1418
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:29,680
Speaker 6: to also, you know, I would assume that he's like,

1419
01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:32,640
Speaker 6: he's playing that because he's like, I need my my

1420
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:35,400
Speaker 6: wife to be happy, so I'm gonna, you know, defend

1421
01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:37,160
Speaker 6: her kids so I don't have to get it earful

1422
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 6: of that later. Yeah, but you know, and that's still

1423
01:07:40,120 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 6: not fair to you. Yeah, but I got to open

1424
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 6: that dialogue.

1425
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.

1426
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe maybe be silent for a while if you

1427
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,920
Speaker 5: don't have the energy for it, but yeah, try to

1428
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 5: try to open up a little bit, because you don't

1429
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:54,560
Speaker 5: want to. You don't want this to just be like

1430
01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:56,760
Speaker 5: the end of your relationship. And I doubt it would

1431
01:07:56,800 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 5: be either way. But but yeah, I think that's a

1432
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:00,960
Speaker 5: good idea.