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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,

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Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

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Speaker 1: often out of her ass. His podcast should not be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

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Speaker 1: grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,

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Speaker 2: go clamb take a pill. I think you're insane. Do

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Speaker 2: what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You the

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Speaker 2: podcast no one's listening to. No one's talking about and

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Speaker 2: I could gam to Creps. But yet secret room hiding

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Speaker 2: the sadness with me is Nick's gooble eddie who is

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Speaker 2: wearing sunglasses that will immediately be told by me to

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Speaker 2: take them off, and I'll tell you why. No, he's

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Speaker 2: such an idiot, Celia, shut up. When we're driving today,

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Speaker 2: I said, what is with those glasses? And he said

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Speaker 2: his female friend had them and he thought they looked good,

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Speaker 2: so he bought them. Also, he's wearing her bra because

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Speaker 2: his tits are huge and it looks good on her.

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Speaker 2: Please take off your glasses only because no, I'll tell

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Speaker 2: you it leads into our topic for today. By the way,

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Speaker 2: Strength this Show with Lisa Lampanelli. Please send us your

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Speaker 2: email if you need advice, if you're so desperate that

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Speaker 2: you can't afford therapy, you don't want to afford therapy,

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Speaker 2: or you just don't want to really go that deep.

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Speaker 2: Send us your questions at shrink this Show at gmail

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Speaker 2: dot com. Celia will then weed out the ones that

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Speaker 2: are negative and awful and give me the easy ones

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Speaker 2: to answer. Is that true, Celia is your microphone on, Hi, Celia,

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Speaker 2: she's here. Put this today. Our topic is resentments. And

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Speaker 2: see here's the deal. In the old days, when I

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Speaker 2: was a quiet young glass, if someone showed up with

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Speaker 2: sunglasses on, that's one of my bugaboos. I ever liked

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Speaker 2: it because I couldn't see their eyes and I communicate

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Speaker 2: a lot through the eyes, you know, And I would

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Speaker 2: pulled it in. I'd be like, oh my gosh, is

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Speaker 2: it my place to say take off your e f

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Speaker 2: and glasses. I can't see your eyes. So I would

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Speaker 2: build a resentment and then I would never hang out

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Speaker 2: with them again. So that's why I think it's important

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Speaker 2: that I told you once I had a female friend

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Speaker 2: no I'll tell you this is not going to be popular.

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Speaker 2: This opinion I'm going to give you. She had a

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Speaker 2: very heavy Japanese accent. Her name was Umi. Well, every

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Speaker 2: time we hung out together, I get a headache because

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Speaker 2: I'd strain and I'd know when you're pooping. That's how

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Speaker 2: much I was straining to understand the accent. So I

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Speaker 2: have a headache and I disappeared. I should have instead

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Speaker 2: bought her a language course and how to speak like

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Speaker 2: an English That's what I should have done. But the

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Speaker 2: resentment will grow. And while I understand people have certain

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Speaker 2: limits and things, I have to accept. The more that

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Speaker 2: we can bring up when we're becoming resentful, the better.

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Speaker 2: Is that not true? Nick? Why let it faster? Is

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Speaker 2: my question?

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Speaker 3: You can't let it faster, dude? Then you turn into me.

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Speaker 3: You're a thirty seven year old man wearing sunglasses and

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Speaker 3: a Saba Carpenter T shirt.

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Speaker 2: And who's misshapen?

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Speaker 3: And who's misshapen right now? Just from sheer depression?

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Speaker 2: Do you think resentments help? I think you ever notice

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Speaker 2: the thinner people are the less resentments they have? No

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Speaker 2: do you ever notice that if you get it out

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Speaker 2: of your chair, if it gets it off your chest.

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Speaker 2: You're so much more unburdened. Absolutely, we're not eating our feeling.

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Speaker 2: We're not drinking our feelings. We're not shooting the smack.

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Speaker 2: We're not smoking the crack like Celia does. That's how

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Speaker 2: she lost the weight. By the way, it's the crack,

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Speaker 2: I know, and you know what it works? So who cares?

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Speaker 4: Exactly?

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Speaker 2: Fully love it for you? Yes? What is it? Oh?

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Speaker 2: They are a good combination platter.

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Speaker 3: So I'm kidding, she's twenty three.

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Speaker 2: You did it on your own, I mean, and even

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Speaker 2: if she didn't, who cares.

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Speaker 3: Let me see you. I can't really see you.

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Speaker 4: I really want to try them on you.

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Speaker 2: Listen, you're barely holding it together without let me say cut.

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Speaker 2: She do look cute? You can leave them on the

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Speaker 2: whole show. Oh yeah, they look really cute all right.

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Speaker 2: So oh, by the way, just a quick show note.

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Speaker 2: If you're seeing a different type of video than you

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Speaker 2: usually do, you may or may not, it's because there

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Speaker 2: was a video problem in the studio. So if we're

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Speaker 2: looking a little different from the angles, then that's what

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Speaker 2: it's about. I'm about true transparency.

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Speaker 3: The iPhone camera ads about thirty thirty five.

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Speaker 2: Pounds not to me because I'm slightly right right yet,

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Speaker 2: So Nick, I know we've talked in the past about

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Speaker 2: resentments you brought up when you had to drive old

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Speaker 2: Granny around. Now old Granny And for those of you

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Speaker 2: who didn't hear episode whatever, where Nick was complaining about

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Speaker 2: driving old Granny around. Old Granny's dead, so we're allowed

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Speaker 2: to talk about her.

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Speaker 3: And she died in the car.

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Speaker 2: Accent ironically enough, when you were.

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Speaker 3: Not driving her in the end.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So when do you think the resentment started to

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Speaker 2: build about being the go to for the caretaking of someone?

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Speaker 3: I think, Man, I mean, it wasn't even I definitely

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Speaker 3: was annoyed, all right. So let's let's preface it this way.

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Speaker 3: Every holiday I always had to like go pick her up,

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Speaker 3: right and bring her places I live. For those who don't,

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Speaker 3: I live in Connecticut, right, she lives it. I live

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Speaker 3: in like southern Connecticut, Fairfield County. She lived in New

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Speaker 3: Michelle in Westchester, so I would have to drive down

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Speaker 3: from Connecticut pick her up a New Mischelle. Then we

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Speaker 3: would have to go battle traffic all the way to

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Speaker 3: upstate past Albany every year, right, And I used to

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Speaker 3: hate it because one year I suggested that she just

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Speaker 3: comes up to me an hour and then we could

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Speaker 3: drive the rest of the way. Traffic freaks. Every year,

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Speaker 3: the traffic would piss her off and blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: Right, but I remember the story. So my question is,

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Speaker 2: when how many years had you done this before you

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Speaker 2: started to notice that it was really bothering you? Or

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Speaker 2: was it immediate? Was it the first time?

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Speaker 3: I think it started to bother me when she would

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Speaker 3: complain to her sisters about it, and then her aunt

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Speaker 3: my great aunts would call me. That's when it was

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Speaker 3: probably a few years in so it was like you

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Speaker 3: were like, hey, this is I'd be like I was,

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Speaker 3: you know, I went from all the time driving her

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Speaker 3: to like now I'm like twenty seven. I'd be like,

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Speaker 3: heyqu we like, let's switch it up this year. Let's

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Speaker 3: and I would get calls why don't you just pick

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Speaker 3: her up? She's your grandmother, Why are you doing this?

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Speaker 3: Like I'm not doing it. I'm just trying to avoid traffic,

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Speaker 3: and that's it. So it took. It took a few years,

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Speaker 3: and that's what caused the resentment of like, like why

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Speaker 3: is this a fucking why is this such a fucking

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Speaker 3: big deal.

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Speaker 2: Well did it start? Because I think when I've been

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Speaker 2: processing resentment recently, I'll notice it first, like in the body.

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Speaker 2: So you notice it in the neck, You notice it

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Speaker 2: in your gut, you notice it in your heart or

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Speaker 2: in your A lot of people notice it in their

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Speaker 2: throat because I can't say what they want. So did

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Speaker 2: you notice that it manifests itself anywhere? Because if we don't,

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Speaker 2: if we don't feel something, we can't react to it.

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Speaker 3: For most of my stuff, it's always lower back stuff.

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Speaker 2: Oh really yeah, do you have a previous injury there?

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Speaker 3: I do. It's so I don't know for sure. I've

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Speaker 3: just it's always been a point of contention for me.

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Speaker 3: Like I I don't know if I ever herniated a disc.

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Speaker 3: I don't really know. I've just kind of rehabbed it

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Speaker 3: and been back and helped, you know, figured it out

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Speaker 3: and done exercises and whatever. But there were I think

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Speaker 3: it's more emotional than anything like after to be honest,

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Speaker 3: after she died, my back for a year was just

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Speaker 3: like I mean sometimes walking hurt. Wow, Like it was

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Speaker 3: really like it was immediate almost like I remember burying

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Speaker 3: her on a Friday in the funeral and the whole

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Speaker 3: week leading up to it, and then Monday, I was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna work out today, and like, within ten minutes

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Speaker 3: of working out, I hurt myself.

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Speaker 2: So we could still blame Granny for everything bad in

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Speaker 2: your life because she's the reason you're fat.

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Speaker 3: Exactly. Yes, it was just so long ago, like eight

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Speaker 3: nine years, I had chances to Yeah, and you know,

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Speaker 3: catching me on my fats, it's all right, it's all right,

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Speaker 3: you know what.

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Speaker 2: You're just showing that it's okay to be imperfect like

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Speaker 2: me and Celia, who are perfect.

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Speaker 3: Right right.

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Speaker 2: I know she liked it finally after this one. Boy,

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Speaker 2: what a pill today? Huh, Nick, we'll talk about her

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Speaker 2: and how much we resent her, Like no, but I think,

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Speaker 2: like this is why I'm proud of myself as the

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Speaker 2: person right now who recently I just can't let anything go.

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Speaker 2: If I don't say something, then it's my fault and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have a problem. So I was at

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Speaker 2: the restaurant the other day and I was a little

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Speaker 2: tweaked because they didn't bring water and I was super thirsty.

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Speaker 2: But it was like ten minutes, which is a long

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Speaker 2: time for water. And I'm there almost every week and

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm at the point of like, do

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Speaker 2: I have to bring a bottle of water in myself

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Speaker 2: for like an emergency? Okay, that I shouldn't have to

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Speaker 2: bring restaurant water into a restaurant, right, So I said, hey, uh,

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Speaker 2: because we're at a table that's kind of remote, and

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Speaker 2: I go, can I just gets water? I lie all

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Speaker 2: the time. I go, I have to take a pill

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Speaker 2: real quick. And they're like okay. So I get the

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Speaker 2: water and then the waitress comes. She goes, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: like this table, we forgot you were here. And I go,

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Speaker 2: it's never you, guys, it's management. I go, they should

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Speaker 2: have told you we were here. I go, don't worry.

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Speaker 2: I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong.

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Speaker 2: But if I don't say something, then I'm gonna feel like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, this is going to build. I'm never

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Speaker 2: gonna want to go to this place again. So then

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Speaker 2: this other waiter comes up and he goes, oh, we're

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Speaker 2: so sorry we ignored you guys. I go, no, no,

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Speaker 2: it's not your fault. It's definitely management. And he goes, yeah,

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Speaker 2: don't they know you're a VIP. And I couldn't let

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Speaker 2: it go and I go, No, that's the point I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I go because I find it difficult to say something

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Speaker 2: because you might think I want special treatment because of

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Speaker 2: my name. I don't. So if I don't say those

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Speaker 2: things out loud to him, I'm gonna then resent that

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Speaker 2: he thinks I think who the fuck I am? When

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Speaker 2: you know deep down I'm never like that. So I

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Speaker 2: think I'm just so conscious of not letting anything go

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Speaker 2: right now, and I think it's better that way. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I remember screaming you in the car. This is my favorite.

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Speaker 2: We still laugh about this so much, me and our

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Speaker 2: friend Jude Ginsburg. We left so hard, like a year ago.

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Speaker 2: We're on our way home from his one man show,

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Speaker 2: his solo show, and we're in the car and I

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Speaker 2: was so fucking mad at you because you are one

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Speaker 2: of those people and this is not now but before

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Speaker 2: they tell you what you want to hear for a while.

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Speaker 2: So when I brought up to you about doing the podcast,

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Speaker 2: I was like, okay, so do you want to do

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Speaker 2: like sidekick whatever blah blah blah, like when can do?

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Speaker 2: And you go anytime, and I'm like suddenly, it's like

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Speaker 2: I it actually happens. And then you're like, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: could do it Thursday from twelve to three. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck happened to any time? What the fuck?

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Speaker 2: And I'm in the car and I'm just gotta get

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Speaker 2: it out, and so I'm like, I have to yell

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Speaker 2: at him right now. I have to fucking scream at him.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, what happened to anytime? You dope,

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Speaker 2: be cocksucker? Because you wanted it. You wanted to do it,

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Speaker 2: and so you instead of being like and I get back,

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Speaker 2: then like you were not like as open as now.

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Speaker 2: So you probably were in fear that, oh gosh, if

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Speaker 2: I say I only have three hours a week, then

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Speaker 2: I'll totally not get this thing. So it was probably

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Speaker 2: out of scarcity or fear or whatever. But the what

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Speaker 2: it comes across as like, well, I want this thing,

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Speaker 2: and I'm gonna lie to get it, you know, like

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Speaker 2: and again, fucking iHeart too, Celia. You can listen to

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Speaker 2: this shit suddenly with iHeart. Oh, we're gonna release it

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Speaker 2: every other week now it's every weekend. I gotta come

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Speaker 2: here and we're going to a day and oh, I Nick,

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Speaker 2: you're no better and they're no better anytime? Okay, Oh

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Speaker 2: the contracts are coming up. Oh so we could record when? Oh, anytime?

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Speaker 2: I'm also Saturday? Well no, not Saturday, Sunday. Well how

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Speaker 2: about in the morning when you can't do because Elvis,

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Speaker 2: you mother's counting me? When the fuck is the any time?

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Speaker 3: And no?

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Speaker 2: But see it's the any time. And then that builds

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Speaker 2: a resentment. So it's not saying they're wrong, it's not

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Speaker 2: saying you were wrong. I get where it comes from.

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Speaker 2: But then it's my job to go, oh shit, I'm

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Speaker 2: really resentful that I'm not getting what I want, and

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Speaker 2: let me just say something about it. So after I

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Speaker 2: yelled at you about it, then we had like actual

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Speaker 2: talk about it. It was like, okay, so I think

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Speaker 2: it's just noticing it before you get to the yelling stage.

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Speaker 2: Although I'm clearly still holding resentment for Celia and the

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Speaker 2: iHeart Radio family.

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Speaker 3: I mean, do you resent me if I put these

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Speaker 3: back on down? But what he said I can't see.

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Speaker 2: I'm yeah exactly. So what the problem is we gotta

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Speaker 2: notice it, get the fricking thing addressed, and then try

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Speaker 2: to move on from it. How do you move on

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Speaker 2: to it before the person? So Okay, your grandmother's dead,

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Speaker 2: so you can work on the resentment and have a go. Sadly,

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Speaker 2: we can't kill our relatives or friends. You can, So

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Speaker 2: how do we do it in the moment? Can you

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Speaker 2: think of anything else you've resented? I'll tell you one

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Speaker 2: for my life. Why that you asked? I noticed recently

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Speaker 2: I am in friendship what you call a friendship initiator.

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Speaker 2: I'm the person who has tons of ideas and ask

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Speaker 2: people to do things all the time. Well, they say,

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Speaker 2: you treat teach people how to treat you. I notice

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Speaker 2: these dopey, cocksucker friends of mine don't bother thinking of nothing,

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Speaker 2: but yet they always say yes. Does this indicate to you, Celia?

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Speaker 2: It indicates to you that I have great ideas and

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Speaker 2: my friends don't dislike me because they're saying yes. They're

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Speaker 2: not bored people. They just have gotten used to me

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Speaker 2: doing it, so then they don't have to do it.

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Speaker 2: So whose fault is this? Half mine, half theirs. That's

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Speaker 2: how I figure, because I'm I set this system up,

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Speaker 2: so I have to bring it up to them before

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Speaker 2: I resent it. Because I started noticing, Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I resent now never being called and asked to do anything.

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Speaker 2: So I said it set these two down, and I said,

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Speaker 2: how are we going to fix this? I take half

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Speaker 2: the blame. How are we going to do this? And

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Speaker 2: we made a plan to like each take a month

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Speaker 2: and have a different idea and be like, oh, gay

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Speaker 2: about it. So we came up with a solution. But

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Speaker 2: I was noticing the resentment right here, and if you

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Speaker 2: see the good video, I'm pointing at my throat, which means,

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Speaker 2: how can I get this out and tell them?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 2: Don't you think that was mature Celia? Yes, she does, Yes,

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Speaker 2: she does. No, Now do you do ago this resentment thing?

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Speaker 4: This happened to me? Actually last week with my friend,

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Speaker 4: I had the same experience happened, where like I wasn't

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Speaker 4: getting what I needed really like I needed to kind

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Speaker 4: of be checked on and checked in on. But then

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Speaker 4: I was like that's not really fair either. How can

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Speaker 4: you expect someone to do that if you don't tell

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Speaker 4: them that like something's going on. So I ended up

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Speaker 4: calling my friend and just being like listen, like I

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Speaker 4: need you to be there for me, and like I

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Speaker 4: was mad at you that you weren't checking in on me,

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Speaker 4: but I didn't even tell you I've been mad at you.

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Speaker 4: And then we ended up talking for like two hours

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Speaker 4: and it was perfect.

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Speaker 2: Well, it almost seems like we expect them to be

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Speaker 2: mind readers, because there's that trope of like best friends

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Speaker 2: can read each other's minds and oh, like I knew

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Speaker 2: it before she did that that's what she needed. Well,

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Speaker 2: that's not like reality.

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Speaker 4: I know you and you're not. Okay, yeah, it's gonna happen.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm not going to be.

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Speaker 4: Like you're acting different, like you know, what's what's going on?

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Speaker 2: Well, and also with you, it's hard to tell when

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Speaker 2: you're acting different because you're such a phony that no

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Speaker 2: one sure who the real Celia is. Correct, you suppose

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Speaker 2: you started getting a reseptment about like us making fun

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Speaker 2: of you. I'm not saying you do, but if you did,

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Speaker 2: like you're not, I don't. We're not like bosses or anything.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I still don't know what I would do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's sad to me because I will love no, no,

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Speaker 2: I love when people come up and they say, hey, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I don't want to talk about that subject.

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Speaker 2: If you could not talk about it, that'd be great

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Speaker 2: or whatever it is, because then I know it'll sting

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Speaker 2: a little. Yeah, But then you're like, well, at least

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Speaker 2: I know how to like act, you know, but there's

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Speaker 2: some people who are just gonna not have the bravery

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Speaker 2: to do it. Is that what it is? Is it

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Speaker 2: a fear?

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Speaker 4: I think sometimes it's a fear or like a fear

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Speaker 4: of rejection almost, or like you don't want things to

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Speaker 4: change for me, like I didn't. I didn't want my friend,

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Speaker 4: for example, to think that I was being like a

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Speaker 4: needy friend and like different than normal, like annoying and

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Speaker 4: bother some.

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Speaker 2: So you did weren't allowing your full range of emotions

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Speaker 2: because and full human experience, because everyone is needy once

339
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Speaker 2: in a while, everyone needs more at certain points in

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Speaker 2: their life than others. So it's like, oh, wow, Celia

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Speaker 2: just showed this humanity. And you know, as long as

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Speaker 2: it's a safe person who won't use it against you,

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Speaker 2: which sounds like it is, then it's okay. So you

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Speaker 2: have to really trust somebody though, I think to bring up, hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm starting to resent that I'm making all the plans

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Speaker 2: and how can we And also I think it's owning

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Speaker 2: part of it too, like the way you just own

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Speaker 2: that I had to own to these friends of mine

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Speaker 2: that I was like, yeah, I set up this system

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Speaker 2: where I have all the ideas, but now I notice

351
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Speaker 2: me going, oh I feel and it resent is really

352
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Speaker 2: just for me. I'm just kind of sad that you're

353
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Speaker 2: not reaching out.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's how I felt too. I was like sad,

355
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Speaker 4: like why are you not texting me? Like how are

356
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Speaker 4: you or something? Yeah, but like how can you expect

357
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Speaker 4: that if you don't communicate.

358
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Speaker 2: Right, because they might be I want to leave you alone.

359
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 2: I want to leave her alone. I called this there's

360
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Speaker 2: this kind of famous Ish podcaster that I was on

361
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 2: his show maybe seven years ago. I was just thinking

362
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 2: about him because I love him. He's so much fun,

363
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Speaker 2: and I called him an out of no like out

364
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 2: of nowhere, like he why would he expect to hear

365
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Speaker 2: from me? We had the best longest talk and I

366
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Speaker 2: said to him he has two books coming out, and

367
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Speaker 2: I go, and remember, you can call me anytime, and

368
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Speaker 2: I'd love to be a first reader on your book

369
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Speaker 2: because what they'll do is they'll send it out to

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Speaker 2: a few friends for advice. And he was, really, you

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Speaker 2: would do that. I'm like, yeah, So I'm teaching him

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Speaker 2: that he's allowed to call and he going, don't be

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Speaker 2: the guy who goes, oh, she's too busy. She probably

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Speaker 2: doesn't want to talk to me. He goes, That's what

375
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 2: I would have instantly thought that, oh, why would she

376
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 2: want to hear from me? So just teaching people that

377
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,480
Speaker 2: way is really good. But boy, the second I noticed

378
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,640
Speaker 2: a resentment starting to build, now I got to say

379
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 2: something like the paying thing, Like there's this whole thing

380
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 2: about like does it really even out in the end

381
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 2: if you're always paying for somebody? Or what's that thing?

382
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 2: And when it could be a diet coke from a

383
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 2: McDonald a drink from Starbucks for three dollars that could

384
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 2: tip it and break the camel's back, It doesn't have

385
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 2: to be a huge amount. So I think a lot

386
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Speaker 2: of the problem is we let the little things tie

387
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,480
Speaker 2: us down and wear sound till we explode. There's something

388
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 2: in between the noticing that'll let us not do the exploding.

389
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Speaker 2: Does that make sense, Nick?

390
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, I like to explode.

391
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,640
Speaker 5: I'm gonna start because I told them in the car,

392
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 5: I go, you're in that kind of mood, You're just

393
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 5: gonna go to not listening and saying just some funny,

394
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:57,920
Speaker 5: dirty thing.

395
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 2: I don't really answered truthfully now, so I don't resent

396
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 2: you freaking idiot.

397
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 3: I forgot I made a joke.

398
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 2: I know you're such an idiot. Did we do an

399
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: episode on leave a tender moment alone? And of course

400
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 2: you never done? Thank you, Celia fact checker. Are you

401
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 2: going to start resenting her because she's a teacher's pet.

402
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 3: She has a teachers pet. No, I think it's good

403
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 3: for her. She needs to be a teachers pot. Today,

404
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 3: I get it.

405
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 2: I said, do you have you ever underreacted to a

406
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,920
Speaker 2: resentment and then had it sort of explode? You must have,

407
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 2: Like with dating and stuff.

408
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 3: That's all I've done, Like that's my thing, is just

409
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 3: holding on and being like I can deal with this,

410
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 3: I don't need whatever. I'm fine, And then.

411
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 2: So it's white knuckling it. Do you think a lot

412
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 2: of it comes from just not wanting to be viewed

413
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 2: as a problem, Like I'm look at how much I

414
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 2: can handle.

415
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 3: Not wanting to bother people, not wanting to be a problem.

416
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 3: Not also just being afraid that if I do stick

417
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 3: up for myself, I'm going to be left I'm going

418
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 3: to get abandoned.

419
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 2: So there's so much heaviness that comes from Yeah, like

420
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,239
Speaker 2: all those repercussions that I'll just like hold it in

421
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 2: and it's just and then you explode on the wrong person.

422
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,439
Speaker 2: Then you'll be like yelling at the guy in the

423
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 2: grocery store or in the post office, and it's like, oh,

424
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 2: that guy didn't deserve what I was holding in about

425
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 2: my girlfriend or my boyfriend or Celia.

426
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, like, I don't explode on The

427
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 3: problem is that I think also too, and we've talked

428
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,959
Speaker 3: about this. I hold it in because I am afraid

429
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Speaker 3: of exploding on that person. So then I take it

430
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 3: inward and then I put it all on.

431
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 2: Me and then how do you eventually, Yeah.

432
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 3: It works its way back out.

433
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 2: Right, So it's really just again the pushing down just

434
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 2: never really works.

435
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I try, but it's it always comes back.

436
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: Man. But I've always observed those people too, because now

437
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 2: that I'm the person who doesn't let anything go, so

438
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 2: nothing builds up and says it nice to say what

439
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 2: you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

440
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 2: So okay, if I said to that way or no,

441
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 2: I actually don't want VIP treatment. I just don't want

442
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 2: you to misunderstand me. If I had to let it go,

443
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh, no, this guy thinks that of me.

444
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 2: Fuck that guy. I'm not coming here anymore. Start googling

445
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 2: other restaurants in the area, and suddenly this place I

446
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 2: used to love now is the enemy, right since it

447
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 2: was just like diffused. And also then we don't turn

448
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 2: it on ourselves. We don't do the eating, we don't

449
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 2: do the drinking, we don't do all those behaviors that

450
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 2: make us just be angry with ourselves versus who we

451
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 2: should be getting a little tweaked at in the first place.

452
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:50,119
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, that's oh, that's a big problem for me.

453
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, how are you working on that?

454
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 3: Just really focusing on speaking my truth in the moment

455
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 3: and not letting stuff go. At a moment a few

456
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 3: weeks ago where something happened and I was like, it

457
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 3: really bothered me, and I was about to get up

458
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 3: and just be like okay and like leave, and then

459
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 3: I stopped and talked to that person. I said, you

460
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: know what, actually yeah, and I told them and it

461
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: was received well and they go, okay, all right, I

462
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 3: understand that, and that was it, and I go.

463
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 2: Oh, wow, shouldn't do that.

464
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, even if it wasn't well received, it

465
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 3: doesn't matter. I still should be doing that.

466
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it see when it's not received, well, that's

467
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 2: the challenge. But also there's the challenge of like I

468
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 2: told my therapist, how I was like, oh, I talked

469
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 2: to my friends about, you know, initiating more. We came

470
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 2: up with there's a really good plan. And it's so

471
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 2: cute because they both already text me with ideas and

472
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 2: she just goes and she's not negative, she's really positive.

473
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 2: She goes, yeah, and let's just make sure that that's

474
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 2: that behavior stays, that they keep that up. And I

475
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 2: was like, oh, like, she's right, like you really just

476
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 2: because somebody says I'll call you when I know to

477
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: check on you to see if you're feeling well, and

478
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 2: that could stop, you know, And then it's like, oh, gosh,

479
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 2: I remember we had that talk. How can we make

480
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 2: this work again? So I'm not resemful, And honestly, the

481
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 2: people who think you're needy or oh boy, she brings

482
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 2: everything up all the time, then those probably aren't the

483
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 2: right people to be besties with. They might be good acquaintances,

484
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 2: but they might not be the best of friends. Like

485
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 2: I recently, I met a woman at crapallu, And which

486
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 2: is this yoga and meditation place? I do neither of

487
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: those things. I just go there to hide and to

488
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 2: see various people doing activities that I don't want to do.

489
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 2: And I met a woman in a workshop. She was

490
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: really nice, doesn't live far from me, and she wanted

491
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 2: to have lunch, and I texted, Okay, let me know

492
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 2: what times that are good for you, and she goes, well,

493
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 2: weekdays are usually better because us. And this is the

494
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 2: single person, childless, single person's nightmare, because weekends are usually

495
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 2: family stuff. And then I saw a TikTok about being

496
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 2: the single friend on weekends who never gets asked to

497
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 2: do anything because everyone has family, friends or kids. I know,

498
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 2: not friends, family, or kids. And it's that thing of like, ooh,

499
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 2: I'm relegated to Wednesday at noon, I'm relegated to anything

500
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 2: before six o'clock on Friday. So I have to address that.

501
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 2: I guess we're newish friends, so obviously you'd never say

502
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 2: anything soon. But if it's a pattern where you're like, oh,

503
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 2: I can never do anything on a weekend with someone,

504
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 2: I'll probably have to bring that up. And if it

505
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: doesn't land right, and I say, well, that's kind of

506
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: my boundary. You say, Okay, we have different boundaries, and

507
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: that's fine, right, and then you either move on or

508
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 2: you go. Thursday at three when Celia's making us tape

509
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 2: the podcast is when we have to I have to

510
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 2: cancel the podcast because I'm absolutely going to lunch with

511
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 2: that person. Yeah, do you ever have that too, where

512
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: like you're kind of feel relegated by some people.

513
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm the last single friend in my friend group.

514
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 3: So sure there's times where they all have kids and

515
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 3: now and now they're older, and they have a birthday

516
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 3: party every weekend.

517
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 2: Oh god, that damn kid's birthday.

518
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: They got a birthday party every weekend. They got sports.

519
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 3: But like, luckily, like I'm a part of something, not

520
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 3: the birthday parties, but like yeah, when their kids have

521
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 3: birthday parties and they're not every kids, but when they're

522
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 3: when my friend's kids, I'm there sporting events, I'm there

523
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 3: most of the time. But like, yeah, they have their

524
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 3: own life and now they have they have their own

525
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 3: a different friend group. Now it's the parents of their

526
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 3: for other kids, you know what I mean?

527
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, And honestly, who wants to really be involved with that?

528
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 2: Like That's also another thing where just because we want

529
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 2: to be asked doesn't mean we actually want to go

530
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 2: to the thing. Just the ask feels nice.

531
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and it's fine. Like I have my own

532
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 3: shit on the weekends too, I got shows or whatever

533
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 3: the fuck I'm doing. Like I'm not gonna be like, hey,

534
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 3: you want to get a babysitter and come hang out,

535
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 3: like I know.

536
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 2: That, but also you're a guy. Yeah, And I also

537
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 2: think that your age group is more inclusive that way.

538
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 2: My age group isn't as inclusive, so I think again,

539
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 2: so resentment doesn't come up, and it doesn't build, it's

540
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 2: just gonna have to be I notice. I think the

541
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: way to do it, honestly is I notice, like every

542
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 2: time we plan something that I kind of feel like

543
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 2: my neck hurts, and like to be honest about and

544
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 2: say I feel like kind of pushed aside to the weekend,

545
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 2: to the weekdays. Anything we can do about that, And

546
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 2: even if you can't do anything to change it, at

547
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: least it's out there. At least you've said it. So

548
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 2: I think the noticing, the not overreacting and just jump

549
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 2: and yelling and then discussing it, and then if they're

550
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 2: not supposed to be your friends or family. They're not

551
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 2: supposed to be. And sometimes grannies die and we're happy thrilled. Wow.

552
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: Well well no, I know, I know.

553
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 3: Shut up.

554
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 2: No one's listening to your granny bashing. Too bad, Jesus Christ.

555
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 2: That's a whole new podcast. Yeah, we'll take next week

556
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 2: on waiting for your relatives to die and how to

557
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 2: administer the lethal injection. I actually do I know someone

558
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 2: who's helped two people die out of the in a

559
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 2: different country because it's legal in the some countries. And

560
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 2: I said, give me that guy's number, give me that

561
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 2: injection now, so they could give it to Celia because

562
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 2: she needs to die. Wait, so let's just take She

563
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: just set us spout at a random big word youth

564
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 2: in Asia.

565
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 4: Do you put a dog down?

566
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 2: Also? I put human down? Honey, So get brighty because

567
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,959
Speaker 2: you're going to be having to give me the shot. Okay,

568
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 2: all right, So let's so that before we take a break, Celia,

569
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 2: just be transparent and honest. No one's gonna get mad

570
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 2: at you or think less of you. Should we make

571
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: fun of you less?

572
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 4: I don't care.

573
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 2: No that are you sure I'm really trying to get

574
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 2: you beyond.

575
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 4: Me evil, So like, I can't tell.

576
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: Somebody that's not no, that's not a thing. I was

577
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: an insult comic for thirty years without any sort of

578
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: thick skin. I pretended to like it, but I didn't,

579
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 2: so trust me, I know the struggle. So like, do

580
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 2: you ever do do you ever go home and you're like, oh,

581
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 2: that one thing they said, like my skinny tits, that

582
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 2: hurt my feelings? Okay, you till we get say skinny tits.

583
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 4: I don't really know what that means.

584
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 2: I don't know it means, just that you're thinner now

585
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 2: and your tits look good. That's it. Okay, Okay, all right,

586
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 2: So I'm going to give you full permission. Because I'm

587
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 2: not your boss. You can always be like, hey man,

588
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 2: that was a little close to the bone. I would

589
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 2: really like.

590
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 4: You to I probably won't ever do that.

591
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 2: Oh geez, all right, you know what, that's not my face? Okay?

592
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 2: Oh oh, so okay, so that's a good thing to

593
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: tell someone. Oh gosh, I find it hard to use

594
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 2: the words sometimes, but you'll notice I kind of pull

595
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: back or whatever.

596
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean I've never experienced it here.

597
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 2: So what I should do is wear sunglasses so I

598
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 2: don't notice that and just keep barreling through exactly, Okay, Nick,

599
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: can I have your sunglasses? Please take off those glasses

600
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 2: and n no, you don't. Okay, God, Nick? Who did

601
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: we hear from a number one?

602
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 3: Dear Lisa. I'm Kelly fifty eight. I live in Cincinnati,

603
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 3: and honestly I'm tired.

604
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 2: Oh Kelly, I fucking get it.

605
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 3: I've been the one taking care of everyone, my mom

606
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 3: my kids. I keep saying yes because That's what I've

607
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 3: always done, But I feel this quiet rage bubble up,

608
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 3: Like do I just walk around pissed for the next

609
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 3: twenty years? Or do I finally say enough? And how

610
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,719
Speaker 3: do I start pulling back without everyone thinking you're the

611
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 3: world's worst person? Kelly.

612
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,479
Speaker 2: That's a lot of catastrophizing, isn't it world's worst person?

613
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 2: There's at least two worse people than Kelly, who says

614
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 2: she doesn't want to take care of her parents. There's Hitler,

615
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 2: he was pretty bad and Celia I know now there's

616
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 2: like she didn't turn red and get mad. So I

617
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 2: think we're okay, but Westly jumped to I'm the worst,

618
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: I'm the least valuable and also there's something in between.

619
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 2: If you notice quote rage bubbling up, Yeah, it's time

620
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 2: to say something. So you can't just stuff at the

621
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 2: rest of your life, Kelly, you gotta do something. First

622
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 2: of all, you elected to have those kids. I'm assuming

623
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 2: there's a guy in the mix a little maybe ask

624
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 2: that fucking sperm donor for a little help. I mean, what,

625
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 2: shouldn't it be half his responsibility or at least a third.

626
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 2: Or the guy who's you know, kicking her house doing nothing.

627
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 2: These guys who live off yet and yea quit their job.

628
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 2: That sound like something I've lived through. No, but I

629
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 2: think that's such a classic. It's called the sandwich generation

630
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: where you're taking care of parents and kids, and they say,

631
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: there's nothing harder to live through than that, because you

632
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 2: kind of feel like you're abandoning both. There's nothing better sometimes,

633
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 2: as Nick has showed us, than a dead grandma. So

634
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 2: either you kill your grandmother with through what method? Celia?

635
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 2: What's that called? I thought you were leaving the mic

636
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 2: on so I didn't have to wait. Why is she

637
00:33:55,360 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 2: typing during your showment? See about that? I'm going to

638
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 2: tell you right now, Look at me, Snapchat, look at me.

639
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,919
Speaker 2: I would rather you concentrate on the show when we're

640
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: on the air and not look at emails. Is that?

641
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,439
Speaker 2: What is that too much to ask? No, No, you're sure.

642
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 2: If it is, if you really urgently have to, you

643
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: can tell me.

644
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 5: No.

645
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 4: I mean sometimes I have to, but like no, I can.

646
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 2: I would really prefer if you were present. But if

647
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 2: it does impede your job with someone else who's more important, nobody's, No,

648
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,919
Speaker 2: it is You're an idiot. If you think no one's

649
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 2: will enjoy on us, then he got really low self up.

650
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 2: But I enjoy your presence on the show and would

651
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 2: feel really good if you were fully invested and not

652
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 2: half in and half out like you clearly are. And

653
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. No, but yeah, it's good when you're

654
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 2: at present when you're on. But if again, if it's not,

655
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 2: if it's a thing where you have to do it,

656
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 2: I get it, and I'll deal with my sadness. Call

657
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:05,239
Speaker 2: Andrew and say we need somebody else. No, I, well,

658
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 2: you go to this thing called LinkedIn, who are not

659
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 2: a sponsor, and you ask for typist. Okay that no,

660
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, so we got that straightened out. But anyway,

661
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 2: so what I got distracted from Kelly's dumb letter. Well,

662
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 2: I have to say to Kelly, is you feel the

663
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 2: damn rage bubbling up? Say something before you either drown

664
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,439
Speaker 2: all those kids like Susan Smith did, arguably a great

665
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 2: solution or youth and age eyes your fucking mother. I've

666
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 2: turned that into a nice noun, if you will. So

667
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 2: you gotta do something or somebody's dying. That's what I think.

668
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 2: What do you think?

669
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 3: I think you got to look through life rose colored glass.

670
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:50,760
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, you give me those glasses right now.

671
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: It's terrible. I have two useless codsuckers, and that's what

672
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,760
Speaker 2: I'm going to write a LinkedIn like job posting less

673
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 2: useless cocksuckers needed, Less useless cocksuckers.

674
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 3: Second letter, Yeah no, I was just gonna say, real quick, Kelly,

675
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 3: just fucking tell them what's up to You don't want

676
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 3: to kill anybody?

677
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 2: And well, because then you're in jail. Then you're in jail.

678
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:24,160
Speaker 2: That's not good to be in jail, I know, all right?

679
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 2: Second letter?

680
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 3: All right, let a number two. Dear Lisa, my wife, Wait,

681
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 3: you know.

682
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 2: What's bothering me? Uh? And I don't want to build

683
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,240
Speaker 2: a resentment towards that piece of paper. I print things

684
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: out at home on paper that I've already used, so

685
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 2: I can conserve and it can recycle. I recycle the

686
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 2: paper I print out one side of So Nick Ford

687
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 2: thing doesn't know this, and he's holding up a full

688
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 2: sheet of barrel jeans some gap because the minute I

689
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 2: saw that gap comer. So with cat's eye, if you will,

690
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,320
Speaker 2: I said, my milkshake has brought many boys to my yard.

691
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 2: I am going to buy those barrel jeans from the gap.

692
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 2: So Nick, you're holding that up, and please hold it

693
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 2: down so no one sees my barrel Jean, go ahead.

694
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 3: All right, dear Lisa. My wife loves going out for

695
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 3: couples dinners with the same three couples. They all drink

696
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 3: like fish, three or four drinks apiece. The men talk

697
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 3: about golf the whole This is good.

698
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 2: So this is definitely a white person. Yeah, I can't.

699
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 3: My wife usually has one glass of wine. But I

700
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: don't drink or play golf. But I certainly pay the

701
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 3: bill at the end, and it's at least double what

702
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:45,280
Speaker 3: we really should.

703
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 2: Yep.

704
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,919
Speaker 3: I've never tried to itemize the bill, which I kind

705
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 3: of hate, but I've always left feeling taken advantage of

706
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 3: Do you think it makes more sense to tell my

707
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 3: wife I don't want to go out with them anymore

708
00:37:55,800 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 3: or propose itemizing the bill? Thanks Jared in Connecticut.

709
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, that you know is a classic question,

710
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 2: because you don't want to seem like the cheap bastardude itemize.

711
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 2: But also then it starts building up and you're like,

712
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 2: do I even want to see these people anymore? And

713
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 2: by the way, it sounds like they're shitheads. Anyway, If

714
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 2: there are a bunch of drunks who play golf and

715
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 2: you have nothing in common with them, why do you

716
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,839
Speaker 2: have to go out with them? So like, how about

717
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 2: limit your time to people who count? But maybe his

718
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 2: clam wife wants to go out with them. That's the problem.

719
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 2: Don't get married is the message here, because you're then

720
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 2: stuck with their damn friends. Am I right? Or am

721
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: I wrong? Nick? You're right?

722
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 3: Ah, there's no plans for me anytime soon, So I'm ready.

723
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 3: I'm out there. Sabrina, does she come to this? Does

724
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 3: she come to.

725
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 2: She would not like you, she's coming here.

726
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,919
Speaker 3: She would love me like you, but she would have fun.

727
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 3: We would have so much fun. Oh my god, she

728
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 3: wrote that song man shot not a manchild baby.

729
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 2: But I'm not the fucking ye have the haircut of

730
00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 2: a baby's ass.

731
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 3: If I could take care of it, everyone's dead in

732
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,279
Speaker 3: my family. I've taken care of myself. Oh you have,

733
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 3: I have. Oh just eats a tough one.

734
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 2: But that is a tough one. What's your opinion on

735
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,879
Speaker 2: should what should he do? I say first choice. If

736
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 2: you have a decent wife, you say, I don't want

737
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 2: to go out with these people anymore. You go out

738
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 2: with your clam friends. If he can't do that, and

739
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 2: she's going to be a jew who pushes back, and

740
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 2: the reason I put jew in there, my friends know.

741
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: If she's going to be a person who pushes know,

742
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 2: I really like my couple of friends. It's like so

743
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 2: much fun to talk about golf. And if she's not

744
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 2: going to go for that, then say, workshop me on

745
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 2: how to do this bill better? Or is it a

746
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: possibility to just let it go completely and just be like, Okay,

747
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 2: I'm just once a week getting raped a little for

748
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 2: the bill.

749
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that's yeah. I don't know how often

750
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,439
Speaker 3: it's happening. That's the thing too, Like if it's once

751
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:02,320
Speaker 3: a month whatever, like, it's not the end of the world.

752
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 3: I guess if like all your friends or your kids

753
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 3: are friends and these are the people you like, sure,

754
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 3: once a month, but maybe maybe you skip.

755
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 2: A few, I think, yeah, let them miss ship dinners

756
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 2: so that it doesn't just build and build and build.

757
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 2: But I also think it's not The issue is never

758
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,319
Speaker 2: the money. I think what the issue is. So if

759
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 2: you said to me, Lisa, because I used to pay

760
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 2: all the time, no matter what, because I heard Chelsea

761
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,439
Speaker 2: Handler once on a show say, the person who makes

762
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 2: the most money should always just be like fuck it, pay,

763
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 2: especially if you have a pro public profile. So for

764
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 2: a while, it was just pay and pay and pay

765
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 2: and pan. And I didn't resent it at all because

766
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, it's family, it's friends. Who cares.

767
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 2: No one took advantage at all, I guarantee it. But

768
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 2: then I retired and I started going am I trying

769
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 2: to buy my worth with treating people all the time.

770
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 2: So I started being really deliberate about, Okay, we split

771
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,919
Speaker 2: the bill. We split the bill, always split the bill.

772
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 2: So it's not really about the bill. What it's about

773
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,799
Speaker 2: is the underlying issue. The underlying issue for him for

774
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 2: me might be quote getting taken advantage of What does

775
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 2: that have to do with today? It has to do

776
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 2: with apply I You're gonna have to edit this a little.

777
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 2: My issue is the core issue is being taken advantage of.

778
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,240
Speaker 2: That doesn't come from that dinner with the dopey golf

779
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 2: asshole white people in Weston, Connecticut. It comes from childhood

780
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 2: being taken advantage of being overlooked, being not as important.

781
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 2: So if he works on the those deep issues, I

782
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 2: think then the money, the food, the dinner, it doesn't

783
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: even like chart as important, right, So if I'm I'm

784
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 2: resolving my underlying issue with it, then I'm not going

785
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 2: to be resentful about the stupid twenty extra dollars.

786
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 3: It is, right, makes sense.

787
00:41:54,400 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 2: Fuck you, he's adding nothing. I cannot wait for more guests, hosts,

788
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I cannot wait because he's

789
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 2: just getting worse every week. And I'm fully saying it

790
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 2: out loud, so I don't have resentment. It's worse. And

791
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 2: is it just you feel very outlead because you have

792
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:15,320
Speaker 2: nothing to add.

793
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:16,720
Speaker 3: I'm just a mess.

794
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 2: We gotta have a fixing Nick episode.

795
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,320
Speaker 4: I'm still waiting for mine.

796
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 3: You're fixing oh.

797
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 2: You really remembered that, because I do know I haven't

798
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 2: written down, but I was always we have. A part

799
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,880
Speaker 2: of me was like afraid to bring up the Fixing

800
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,760
Speaker 2: Celia podcast because I was like, oh, maybe she doesn't

801
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 2: think she's broken.

802
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 4: I'm waiting for mine.

803
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 2: Okay, impatiently, Okay, next next recording session, Okay, well put

804
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 2: write it the fuck down, Jesus Christ. So you've been

805
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: secretly caring, resent, man, you've secretly been hard. It comes

806
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 2: out passive aggressive. I've been waiting for mine. So instead

807
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 2: of bringing it up, I'm going to answer emails during

808
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:08,919
Speaker 2: the show. What my no? How about like this, Let's

809
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 2: pretend you're me? Okay, so look like you have some esteem?

810
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: So yeah, like that, Okay, suppose it's like this Hayley's

811
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 2: Do you remember a couple of months ago. I don't

812
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 2: know if you're joking or not to do like a

813
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 2: Fixing Celia episode? Do you remember that?

814
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 4: Yeah?

815
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 2: Like, honestly, I think it'd be really fun. Is that

816
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 2: something you think we could do?

817
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 4: Yeah?

818
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 2: Okay, next week okay, Okay, Like, isn't that easier than

819
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 2: you sitting there holding it into your skinny tits?

820
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 4: Yeah?

821
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,720
Speaker 2: Okay, Jesus Christ.

822
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 3: See and I shall have our own podcast called Skinny.

823
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 2: Tits, Fat Tits, and Skinny Tits.

824
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 4: Right there, Thank you.

825
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 2: Wait back to the idiot in Connecticut. What's his name again?

826
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 3: Arthur?

827
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 2: Arthur? Arthur? Listen. All I have to say to you

828
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 2: is work on your underlying self hate. Work on the

829
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 2: issue of being pushed aside and taken advantage of.

830
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 1: It.

831
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 2: Probably started with your second grade teacher or something, or

832
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,359
Speaker 2: your mom or your dad. Work on that, and then

833
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: I don't think the money will be a problem. You

834
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: will happily split the check and not look like an

835
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 2: itemizing jerk off.

836
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 3: Next question, Next question number three. Here, Dear Lisa, I

837
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 3: am a single woman in my early forties. Me too.

838
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 3: My best friend for twenty years used to text me

839
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,800
Speaker 3: daily and hang out on the weekends. Then she got married,

840
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 3: had kids, and everything changed to say she wants nothing

841
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 3: to do with me anymore.

842
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 2: As an understatement, Wow, wow, geez, I thought my friends

843
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 2: were shit.

844
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, God, I realized I'm not in her married slash

845
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 3: parent world, but I resent the fact that she totally

846
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 3: dished me. I don't expect anything to change, but I

847
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 3: do miss my former best friend. Form broke up.

848
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 2: Wow, they hate each other.

849
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 3: It's crazy. Should I put myself out and offer to

850
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 3: visit her kids and those things?

851
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, that would build up to it. Go ahead,

852
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 2: yeah yeah?

853
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 3: Or move on and say it was nice, well ascid,

854
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 3: thanks Sarah and Sacramento.

855
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 2: There's like so many other options. Then Should I become

856
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 2: the unpaid babysitter or should I just move on? I

857
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,400
Speaker 2: don't blame her. She's hurt, dude. Imagine you know you

858
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 2: got this best stay and you.

859
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 3: Like, I just don't trust her.

860
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 2: What the reader, the writer or the other one. I

861
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 2: don't trust the other count.

862
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 3: To say, like hold on to say she wants nothing

863
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 3: to do with me anymore? As an understatement, it's a

864
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 3: little dramatic.

865
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 2: Oh god, because you're so drama free, like, but what's

866
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 2: worse than that?

867
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 3: But what's what I want to need to know is

868
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 3: that this scenario where her friend went, I don't want to.

869
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 2: See you anymore.

870
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 3: I don't know right, or she just busy.

871
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 2: With her Let's assume I think she might be overreacting,

872
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 2: meaning I think that to say she wants nothing to

873
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 2: do with me, I mean I could have said the

874
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 2: same thing about my friends who didn't initiate ideas. I

875
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 2: could have been like, oh, why do I have to

876
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 2: tump all the ideas? They obviously hate me, because you

877
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,839
Speaker 2: can find any reinforcement for a negative belief. So if

878
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 2: I'm out looking for evidence that my friends hate me,

879
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 2: I will find it. That's what Brene Brown calls like

880
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 2: the thing that you just that. It's a confirmation bias

881
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: where you just go and I'm looking for evidence that

882
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 2: you don't like me. So I could have said, well,

883
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 2: I have evidence those two don't like me because they

884
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 2: never reach out. Yeah that's it. Instead it's like, okay,

885
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 2: assume the best. I assume the best. They actually like

886
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 2: me because they say, yes, let's have a talk. So

887
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:59,240
Speaker 2: she sounds like she's assuming the way worse, she almost

888
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 2: wants evidence that the friend and her are done. If

889
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 2: she actually is, take that sentence out and she's actually

890
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,879
Speaker 2: interested in maintaining the friendship. No, don't call and say

891
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,479
Speaker 2: I want to hang out with your kids. No one's

892
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: buying that you'll end up talking to the kids. Like

893
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 2: there was this great episode of Downton Abbey where like

894
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,879
Speaker 2: one of the like is half one of the little

895
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,319
Speaker 2: kids is half Irish. So that's horrible in England. I

896
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 2: guess at the time, I don't know they're both white.

897
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 2: I thought that was decent. And she goes to the

898
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 2: nanny behind everybody's back, was going a little half breed,

899
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: you don't belong at the abbey, devil, and it was

900
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 2: overheard by her ladyship and she had a fire than nanny.

901
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 2: And she didn't even let her wait till the morning train.

902
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 2: She said, you get out now. I'm just like, pause, no,

903
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 2: but like that was true. It's a big deal when

904
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: you kick somebody out in the middle of the night,

905
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 2: you know. So what I'm trying to say is this

906
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 2: girl's gonna be like that Irish dunk that that that

907
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 2: that English. It's not being nanny. And she'll go in

908
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 2: and she'll say, what's this, Lady's what's this? Cun what's this?

909
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 2: What's her friend? So Sarah's gonna walks in to her

910
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 2: friend in what city the Sacramento, the capital of California,

911
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 2: and go oh, I'll watch the kids. And then her

912
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 2: friend is gonna hear as she turns the lock coming

913
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 2: in the door, she'll say to him, you listen, have

914
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 2: rid you got no business being my best friends?

915
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 3: Keep up, man off with you and then the walks in.

916
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then they go whoops. So I think they're no,

917
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 2: don't don't volunteerios. She's gonna end up like that, like

918
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 2: that nanny kun't taking the evening train, and there wasn't

919
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 2: even no evening train back in England at that time.

920
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 2: She sat in that station for a long time. So anyway,

921
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,879
Speaker 2: all this to say, don't do that one. The other

922
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,280
Speaker 2: one isn't should I didn't you give an option? Should

923
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 2: I just move on and know this is over and

924
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 2: don't do that? They're dramatic. You didn't check your facts.

925
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 2: You gotta check the facts. You gotta say, hey, clammy, friend,

926
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 2: let's meet for coffee at your convenience. Can we just

927
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 2: talk out? I don't feel like our friendship is where

928
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 2: I would love it to be. What can we do?

929
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 2: You know what it is? It's approaching it. I know

930
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 2: we've laughed a lot today, but one important point to

931
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:40,720
Speaker 2: take home you approach the conversation with curiosity, not blame.

932
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,760
Speaker 2: So I'm curious what's happened to our friendship. I'm curious

933
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 2: what I can do differently, what you can do different

934
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 2: how we could have a plan. And it feels like brainstorming,

935
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 2: and everybody loves brainstorming. It's fun to come up with solutions.

936
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 2: She's taking the easy way out by either becoming the

937
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 2: nanny calling the kid a half breed, or are doing

938
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,399
Speaker 2: the thing where she just cuts off the frind. She's

939
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 2: taking the easy way out. She's probably a cut and runner.

940
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:10,320
Speaker 2: Any Graham seven like Nick the truth.

941
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: I mean, I to be honest that I'm thinking about it.

942
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 3: I had one friend where I felt we knew each

943
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 3: other for well, we're still our friends though, but there

944
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 3: was a moment in time where I was like, I

945
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 3: don't really hear from this guy anymore.

946
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:24,360
Speaker 2: M m.

947
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 3: And then I just kind of was like we would

948
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 3: talk like once a year, but we would talk for

949
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 3: like an hour and a half. And I was like,

950
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 3: all right, well maybe that's just the category he's in now. Sure,

951
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 3: like we live in separate areas now, and like what

952
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 3: it okay? All good?

953
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 4: Right?

954
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 3: Like I had a moment like this where I was like, well,

955
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 3: and then of course it just is what it is,

956
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 3: man Like, it's just accepting and just knowing that, like

957
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 3: we're still really good friends. It's just like okay, it's

958
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 3: not going to be how.

959
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 2: It was there's a certain grief and sadness that it's

960
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 2: not going to be like that forever. But it's also

961
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 2: like accepting where it is today and it's not valueless

962
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 2: to have the once a year friend. I have a

963
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 2: friend I talked to probably once every six months, but

964
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 2: she lives four hours away. Excuse me, time zone four

965
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 2: hours different. So like that is a person. You call

966
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 2: it three in the morning, Like that's awesome to have

967
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 2: somebody like that, just in case, well, somebody dies. Suppose

968
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 2: I don't know, I get kicked out when I'm nanny

969
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: for the kids and there's no train, Like say, I'm

970
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 2: in old ye oldie England and I have to I

971
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 2: have no train. I'm gonna call Kelly in Vancouver invent

972
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, because she's four hours earlier

973
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 2: than me. That's all I'm saying is have the discussion

974
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 2: and then if it is where okay, maybe we can

975
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 2: have coffee every three months and this she can get

976
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 2: a babysitter or whatever. You go, Okay, well it's the

977
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 2: new normal. It's sad, but I can at least accept

978
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 2: something like that and don't be a victim. Stop being

979
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 2: a victim. It's a big one. Yeah, do you get

980
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 2: in victim ode, don't you?

981
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 4: Oh?

982
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 2: I have, yeah for sure? Yeah, Like, oh, they're screwing me, yeah, yeah.

983
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 2: Nobody's thinking about us enough to screw us. Everybody's just

984
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,440
Speaker 2: thinking about themselves. Like I have friend Bonnie, who is

985
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: probably one of the busiest people I know because she

986
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 2: has two kids, ones at West Point, which a total

987
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 2: mind fucked when they first leave, because you're scared. They

988
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:24,800
Speaker 2: have to learn how to shoot and jump down to

989
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 2: helicopters and crazy stuff that we as college students would

990
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 2: never have even thought of, so our moms didn't have

991
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 2: that torture. Then she's got a husband, she has an

992
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: aging mother who's a handful And it's like, I'm never

993
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 2: gonna take it personally if Bonnie doesn't call me every week,

994
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:42,719
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, because I know she's thinking

995
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 2: about So it's it's saying that their circumstances are Okay.

996
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 2: Do I wish she could, at the drop of a

997
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 2: hat do everything. I say, yes, right, But just because

998
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 2: I wish it doesn't mean it's the right thing. And

999
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 2: I grow more by accepting people how they are.

1000
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 3: That's what I've done with my friends. And there's there's

1001
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 3: moments like one of my friends I've talked about the

1002
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 3: podcast before, like anthey, like he's busy as all hell,

1003
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 3: but he checks in yeah, like he's you got two kids,

1004
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 3: you're running a business, you got all this stuff. Like

1005
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 3: it's fine. There's moments like damn, I wish we could

1006
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 3: like hang out more, right, but like we're thirty seven though,

1007
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 3: he's got a lot of shit going on.

1008
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: You know what the good thing is though, like, because

1009
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 2: you're the same age, ish, if you live long enough,

1010
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:30,439
Speaker 2: which you will once you slim a little bit, once

1011
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 2: you stop that fat around your heart, if you will

1012
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 2: end up where his kids go off to college or

1013
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 2: they're living on their own, and it will be the

1014
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: hangouts of old do you know what I mean? Like

1015
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 2: I love these ages. It does. It's kind of cool

1016
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 2: because then you're like, oh my god, like we can

1017
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:50,799
Speaker 2: hang out more. So I think it's that hanging in

1018
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 2: through the really hard times but talking about it and

1019
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,040
Speaker 2: going I wish it was like that. I but I

1020
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 2: know it can't be, you know, or are you just

1021
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,839
Speaker 2: like Anna go far b our Friendship experts said, get

1022
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 2: new friends, you cycle through friends every seven years. Did

1023
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: you know I'm reading a book. I know that's shocking.

1024
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 2: Do you know ourselves change every seven years? So seven

1025
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 2: years ago I had completely different cells. Why couldn't they

1026
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,839
Speaker 2: come back as more attractive? Is what I want to say.

1027
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 2: But that's another thing self hate aside. We'll do that

1028
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 2: with the Celly episode, which we probably are saying we're

1029
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 2: going to do next week, but not do it, and

1030
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:29,359
Speaker 2: she'll resent it and it'll be great. But like if

1031
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: we cycle through that body every seven years, we're going

1032
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:35,240
Speaker 2: to cycle through relationships and things are going to change.

1033
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 2: So people learn from us. Have the talk. Notice it

1034
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,719
Speaker 2: in your body. Have the talk, and then at least

1035
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:44,840
Speaker 2: you can either let it go or you can have

1036
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 2: a new normal. Correct me where I'm wrong, Nick, and

1037
00:54:48,120 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 2: say what you should say. There's nowhere you're wrong. I

1038
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 2: oh my, put your glasses on so we could say

1039
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 2: a proper goodbye, my god, Celia. Thank you for being

1040
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 2: you and for really not giving me a red face,

1041
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 2: resentful look even once this episode. I'm gonna count that

1042
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 2: as a win. Yes, and thank you for not reading emails.

1043
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,399
Speaker 2: I even noticed your computers with tilted down, like she's

1044
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:21,360
Speaker 2: not tempted to be on her grinder, tinder or whatever,

1045
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 2: she's looking at a man. Nick, tell everybody once again

1046
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 2: where they can find you on social media.

1047
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 3: Can find me at Nick Scopes on Instagram or tiktoks.

1048
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 3: You can find her at least Lampanelli on Instagram or tiktoks.

1049
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,720
Speaker 3: If you want to reach out.

1050
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 2: To us, Okay, that was angry?

1051
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 3: Do you want to email us at shrink this Show

1052
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com that has Shrinkthshow at gmail dot com.

1053
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 3: Please listen to us I in your iHeartRadio app or

1054
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 3: wherever the hell you get your podcasts, and we won't

1055
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 3: resent you if you don't use the iHeartRadio, I will, okay, but.

1056
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,799
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it out loud so the resentment won't

1057
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 2: be you know, because all I need is these Ihearts

1058
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 2: to come after me and be like, oh not only now,

1059
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 2: We're going to give you forty five minutes a studio,

1060
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,760
Speaker 2: time of week, any time,