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Speaker 1: You're listening to Alive Again, a production of Psychopia Pictures

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Speaker 1: and iHeart Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: I did not feel the van hitting me, but the

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Speaker 2: day I died in two thousand and two, that was

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Speaker 2: a day I actually woke up and realized why I

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Speaker 2: was here. By studying psychology and the brain, I'd never

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Speaker 2: believe such things as near death experiences. I always thought

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Speaker 2: it was the chemicals in the brain. When I look

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Speaker 2: back at my life and my journey, it's the violence

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Speaker 2: that I endured as a child and as a woman

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Speaker 2: as well. I can obviously say I don't see the

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Speaker 2: world as a dark place. I see the world as

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Speaker 2: having shadows. As a therapist, I see that everyone has

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Speaker 2: the possibility of changing. You've been given this opportunity to

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Speaker 2: experience something, and what is it I can learn from me?

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Speaker 2: What is it that is showing me the ego is

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Speaker 2: going to fight to the death for you to not change.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Alive Again, a podcast that showcases miraculous accounts

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Speaker 1: of human fragility and resilience from people whose lives were

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Speaker 1: forever altered after having almost died. These are first hand

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Speaker 1: accounts of near death experiences and more broadly, brushes with death.

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Speaker 1: Our mission is simple, find, explore, and share these stories

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Speaker 1: to remind us all of our shared human condition. Please

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Speaker 1: keep in mind these stories are true and maybe triggering

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Speaker 1: for some listener, and discretion is advised.

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Speaker 2: I was born in London. I was born into a

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Speaker 2: family where gosh, mother came from a very poor background.

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Speaker 2: Father his family's more academic, and my mother and father

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Speaker 2: nearly communicated. So there was already, you know, a break

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Speaker 2: in the relationship the way it was working. They were

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Speaker 2: unhappy from the moment I came in. When my mum

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Speaker 2: was pregnant. There was a lot of abusekin on there.

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Speaker 2: She wasn't very happy. I must have picked up on

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Speaker 2: the sensitive side of her how she was feeling, because

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Speaker 2: remember a pregnant woman, this is this catalyst, this holding space,

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Speaker 2: this baby and the research that's been done on babies

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Speaker 2: that are born into families that you're feeling it and

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Speaker 2: the mother. My mum was always anxious. My father had

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Speaker 2: loads of affairs and she was always wondering if he

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Speaker 2: was going to come home. I felt that that stress

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Speaker 2: growing up as a young child. He was a one

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Speaker 2: that when I was a baby used to feed me.

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Speaker 3: We were very.

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Speaker 2: Close, so when he left. I felt abandoned, and then

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Speaker 2: my mom was on her own for a while. She

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Speaker 2: was a single parent. It was a hard time being

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Speaker 2: brought up. We'd go to bed feeling so hungry, and

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Speaker 2: my stomach would be in pain from where it was

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Speaker 2: twisting where it had no food before I went to bed.

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Speaker 2: The house that we lived in there was no central heating.

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Speaker 2: The wooden windows would shake with winds and there was

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Speaker 2: always a draft. And I remember going to bed there

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Speaker 2: was coats that were laying on top of our blankets

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Speaker 2: and our sheets, and I remember at one point we

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Speaker 2: had a carpet a rug that was laying on top

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Speaker 2: of the covers because it was so cold. You could

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Speaker 2: see your breath and you're breathing in and out. And

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Speaker 2: then she met my first stepdad and my second father,

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Speaker 2: and then we had a lot of wealth. We had

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Speaker 2: loads of houses in the countryside. We started fishing and

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Speaker 2: shooting and horse riding, and it was the other extreme,

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Speaker 2: and it was a different class. People spoke very differently,

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Speaker 2: they acted very differently. They were very professional, academically, very bright.

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Speaker 2: My second dad had his own business, but he was abusive,

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Speaker 2: sexually abused me as a child and trying to understand that.

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Speaker 2: As a child, you knew something didn't feel right, but

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Speaker 2: no one was going to listen. No one did listen

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Speaker 2: to what was happening. And I was about five years old.

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Speaker 2: Then I was running away from a very early age.

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Speaker 2: And I remember staying out one night, Ey slept on

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Speaker 2: the streets and I was saying, about seven years old,

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Speaker 2: I ran away. When I was finally found, I was

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Speaker 2: brought back and then I had said to her, you

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Speaker 2: knew what was going on. And then she asked me.

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Speaker 2: The adult woman asked a seven year old, do you

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Speaker 2: want me to leave him? You shouldn't be asking a child.

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Speaker 2: You should know this yourself. And then she met my

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Speaker 2: third dad, a Jamaican Rastafarian. Life changed. We lived in

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Speaker 2: a very white area and we'd walk down the road

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Speaker 2: with him. People were spitting our faces, call us loads

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Speaker 2: of names because you know, he's darker skin, he's JAMAI

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Speaker 2: What is he doing with these three white children and

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Speaker 2: this woman? You know? Going to a shop, he would

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Speaker 2: request to buy something and the person would ignore him

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Speaker 2: and then talk to us. We were just children and.

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Speaker 3: It was tough.

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Speaker 2: It was tough. He was a musician and times were hot.

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Speaker 2: Then he turned to alcohol and their relationship broke down,

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Speaker 2: and he was violent. He would beat my mom up.

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Speaker 2: He would beat me up. You know. There were periods

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Speaker 2: of times where he literally would kick me to the floor.

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Speaker 2: But at fifteen, I remember I could see him bashing

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Speaker 2: my mom's head against the wall and he had his

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Speaker 2: hand around her throat, and as a fifteen year old

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Speaker 2: thingling powerless, actually going to the kitchen to get the knife.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to kill him. I wanted to protect my mom.

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Speaker 2: It was so much rage in my body and I

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Speaker 2: was just thinking he was going to kill her. So

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Speaker 2: I literally stabbed him in the army was bleeding, he

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Speaker 2: was in shock, and then I told him to leave.

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Speaker 2: Then he left. It still haunts me so leading up

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Speaker 2: to that day of my accident, I mean my thirties,

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Speaker 2: and it was the eleventh March two thousand and two,

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Speaker 2: and I was getting ready as usual. I have to confess,

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Speaker 2: when I look back, I always felt terribly guilty about

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Speaker 2: how I was on that morning. I'll never forget it.

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Speaker 2: You have the car, trying to get ready with two

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Speaker 2: children once five, one seven, dressing up in a suit,

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Speaker 2: trying to get ready, children, dogs, cats, running around the house,

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Speaker 2: against the time, thinking I needed to get into London.

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Speaker 2: I was screaming at the children. If I'd known that

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Speaker 2: was the last day of the old an maybe or

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Speaker 2: that was last time I may have seen the children,

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Speaker 2: I would have acted different. But as we know, that's

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Speaker 2: not how the world reworks. You know, they might be

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Speaker 2: looking at a flower and you go, no, come on,

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Speaker 2: you're pulling them and I've got time for this. You've

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Speaker 2: got to be late because of all the rules and

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Speaker 2: regulations we put in our head. School starts at this time.

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Speaker 2: You've got to be doing this. And you know, as

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Speaker 2: a mom, I'm trying to fit in. Didn't feel accepted

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Speaker 2: as a mom that was going to work. Other moms

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Speaker 2: we weren't working. I knew their judgment on me, and

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Speaker 2: I remember that the children wanted to be hugged and

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Speaker 2: my daughter need liked school she hates.

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Speaker 3: And I looking back the mom would I mean, ideally,

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Speaker 3: if the mum I had reached down and gave her

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Speaker 3: a cuddle and kids harry short of her, But of

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Speaker 3: course my mind was somewhere else. Again, I have to run,

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Speaker 3: and I have to get to work to earn some money,

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Speaker 3: and then just kissing her on the forehead and sort

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Speaker 3: of pushing her away, sort of no, you've got to

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Speaker 3: go in, You've got to do this.

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Speaker 2: And my son also, he was only fun. There's little

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Speaker 2: shorts and pushing it and saying one, you've got to go,

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Speaker 2: little stick legs and seeing it and go. And you

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Speaker 2: don't realize at the time as a parent that those

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Speaker 2: are the special moments. Actually that's what they need to

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Speaker 2: for most. I was a volunteer coordinate for a charity.

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Speaker 2: So I helped sell a charity in London that looked

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Speaker 2: after the elderly. So and I loved the job. I

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Speaker 2: felt I was I did. I made a difference. I

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Speaker 2: set the charity up, we got it up and go

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Speaker 2: in and it seemed like a regular day at work

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Speaker 2: and I was happy being there. And I remember that

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Speaker 2: day before I left the office, I was thinking, right,

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Speaker 2: I need to post this letter, but also I need

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Speaker 2: to get ready to run to the station to pick

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Speaker 2: the kids up. And I was running everywhere my whole life.

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Speaker 2: You know, with the children, you're multitasking like an octopus

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Speaker 2: and you're trying to be parent, a partner and everything else.

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Speaker 2: And I think it was about I don't know, just

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Speaker 2: ten past two or something like that. In the off afternoon,

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Speaker 2: I was getting ready to go, and I remember saying

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Speaker 2: goodbye to everybody, and they're saying see you tomorrow. I'm like, yep.

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Speaker 2: It was sunny and it was cold as March one

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Speaker 2: hundred and one. Thing's going in my mind, what the

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Speaker 2: kid's gonna eat when I pick them up from school

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Speaker 2: and everything else. Shall I cross straight across the road

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Speaker 2: to post this letter in a letter box? Or shall

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Speaker 2: I turn at an angle to my right to go

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Speaker 2: to the newspaper shop to get a newspaper to read

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Speaker 2: on the train. I was still doing all this in

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Speaker 2: my head. I started crossing. I think there was five

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Speaker 2: other people around us at the time, so it was

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Speaker 2: all crossing together. There was a middle island and out

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Speaker 2: of habit I was looking both ways, and then I

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Speaker 2: heard a voice. It sounded familiar. Wasn't in my head,

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Speaker 2: It wasn't my subconscious mind talking to me. It was

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Speaker 2: literally that's the voice I heard. And I remember as

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Speaker 2: I turned the corner and I was like, ah, I

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Speaker 2: leave it to the universe. And I didn't believe any

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Speaker 2: of that stuff at the time, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I lived to the universe, and seeing you know what

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do, And then I heard it was

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Speaker 2: to go and get a newspaper, which didn't make sense

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Speaker 2: at the time, logical sense. Someone had pressed the button

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Speaker 2: and I remember there was a bleeping sound to say

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Speaker 2: that you could cross the road, and the green pedestrian

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Speaker 2: man came up on the sign and I did not

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Speaker 2: feel the van hitting me. I later found out that

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Speaker 2: because I had changed directions slightly, when the van hit

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Speaker 2: me on my left hand side, I bounced off of it.

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Speaker 2: The police reports said that if I had gone straight

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Speaker 2: across to post this letter would have been a logical

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Speaker 2: way of doing things. My head would have been severed,

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Speaker 2: my neck I would have gone through the windscreen because

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Speaker 2: the speed of the vehicle that was traveling in But

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Speaker 2: the moment I'd changed direction, I just I was somewhere else.

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Speaker 2: I felt warm, I felt this white light around me.

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Speaker 2: I didn't feel pain. I just felt calm, hea'ce fall.

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Speaker 2: But I just knew I was somewhere else because it

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Speaker 2: just felt it was like black and white. It was

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Speaker 2: just so different from soa the blackness of the reality

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Speaker 2: of what happened, to the whiteness of pure energy. I

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Speaker 2: just remembered feeling that it's like a white, like a

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Speaker 2: dovey of color of light that was hugging me and

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Speaker 2: holding my space. And I felt my name was holding

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Speaker 2: me and I she had passed when I was fifteen,

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Speaker 2: so I was about thay seven now, so that feeling

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Speaker 2: that tremendous amount of love. I remember looking down at everybody,

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Speaker 2: but I was feeling into everybody in the crowd that

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Speaker 2: was there. I was looking down, so I wasn't in

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Speaker 2: my physical body at all. I was looking down at

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Speaker 2: the road where I was laying, but I didn't know

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Speaker 2: that was my body at the time, and I could

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Speaker 2: feel everybody's energy. And I remember hearing but not from

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Speaker 2: my physical body because my body wasn't doing anything at

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Speaker 2: the time. It was dead. But I could hear people screaming.

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Speaker 2: I could hear people, you know, saying, oh my God,

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Speaker 2: call the ambulance, call the police whatever. My ex partner,

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Speaker 2: his uncle was there because they worked nearby, and I

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Speaker 2: saw his face in the crowd, and I remembered feeling, Wow,

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Speaker 2: why is he feeling so upset? I could feel into

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Speaker 2: his energy. He was devastating, he was in shock, and

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Speaker 2: I remember feeling his energy. But seeing him going very

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Speaker 2: gray in the face, very power. I could feel from

218
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Speaker 2: the crowd of individuals that I could sense and feel

219
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:11,679
Speaker 2: the they were in shock and scared and they didn't

220
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Speaker 2: know what to do. All traffic was being held back.

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Speaker 2: There was a mini bus that had pulled out, and

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Speaker 2: on the minibus was the elderly from the community center

223
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Speaker 2: that were being picked up to be taken home. And

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Speaker 2: they all witnessed that I was in the road, that

225
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Speaker 2: I was dead, and they were in shock. So the

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Speaker 2: minibus just stopped across the road and no traffic was

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Speaker 2: moving on either side of the road. There was this

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Speaker 2: truck that was at the crossing on the other side

229
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Speaker 2: of the road. I don't know how, but I was

230
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Speaker 2: in the cab of this truck. It was like Casper

231
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Speaker 2: the Ghost. I was sitting in the truck with this guy,

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Speaker 2: and I could hear him swearing shant and saying, oh,

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Speaker 2: this silly woman. And he was using blue a language,

234
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Speaker 2: and that he was talking to his bus on his

235
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Speaker 2: phone saying that some woman's he's going to hold up

236
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Speaker 2: My time weren't inconvenient, because obviously he had his life

237
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Speaker 2: going on. But I remember sitting there and thinking, what

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Speaker 2: am I doing here in this cab or the truck,

239
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,280
Speaker 2: listening to this man? What am I doing here? And

240
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Speaker 2: I was like, God, he's being so rude about that

241
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,760
Speaker 2: person that's in the road, not known it was me.

242
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,680
Speaker 2: But then the other part of me felt very warm

243
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:29,720
Speaker 2: when else, somewhere else. Now, it was only when my

244
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,000
Speaker 2: partner came down the road because he worked in the

245
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,360
Speaker 2: shop nearby, when he bent over and placed his hand

246
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,520
Speaker 2: on my head. That was only then when I felt

247
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 2: his hand on my head and listening to his internal

248
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 2: thoughts that were saying, how am I going to cope

249
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Speaker 2: bringing up Nathan and Rebecca? These were my children, not

250
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,200
Speaker 2: oh Anne, I'm going to miss you. And I remember

251
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: to this day it was so clear, how am I

252
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 2: going to bring up Rebecca and Nathan? I felt his

253
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:02,160
Speaker 2: feelings through his hand, and I was like, oh my god,

254
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:10,480
Speaker 2: it's me. What am I doing laying here? I remember

255
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,240
Speaker 2: feeling as if I was being pulled away from my body,

256
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,240
Speaker 2: and I was saying, what about Rebecca? What about Nathan?

257
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Speaker 2: I can't leave them, I can't leave them. I want

258
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Speaker 2: to go back, I want to go back. I knew

259
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 2: I was away from my physical form. I felt so

260
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,480
Speaker 2: far away they felt such a big distance, but where

261
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 2: I was, I felt this unconditional love that it felt

262
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Speaker 2: like home. I've never felt home in my life. I

263
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 2: felt I was being accepted for who I was, and

264
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:48,640
Speaker 2: I was warm, and I was safe, and I was

265
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 2: just being shown loads of images and knowing that I

266
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,320
Speaker 2: had to remember the information they were giving me that

267
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 2: they were showing me, seeing it for me my images

268
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 2: of my mind. Maybe that's what he created, but it

269
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 2: felt as if there was like I was in a

270
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,920
Speaker 2: vast arena or a books, like a large library of information,

271
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 2: and it wasn't information just for me, but it was

272
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 2: information for everyone. It was like their blueprints are their

273
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 2: sole blueprints, the architecture of the structure of how they

274
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 2: were going to live life, and not in just in

275
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:24,160
Speaker 2: this one life, in other dimensions, their past lives, their

276
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:29,320
Speaker 2: future cells, different universes. It was blowing my mind. It

277
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 2: was really hard to understand what was going on. The

278
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,960
Speaker 2: concept of being human and having this accident now and

279
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 2: then being there was like all this information was flooded

280
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Speaker 2: into my system. Just it was crazy. It was hard

281
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,320
Speaker 2: for me to comprehend at the time. I just I

282
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 2: was in that space of all that information but at

283
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 2: the same time physically and who was dead in the road.

284
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Speaker 2: There was an ambulance coming. I could see the ambulance,

285
00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 2: I could hear the sirens. I saw the paramedical rie.

286
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: I've been parked is motorbike down the road, but I

287
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,679
Speaker 2: wasn't in my body. I was looking down at everybody.

288
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,480
Speaker 2: There is somewhere else that we're connected to on a

289
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:28,119
Speaker 2: soul level. I felt an unconditional love, and I know

290
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,200
Speaker 2: as a pycond medium. You know when I've worked with people,

291
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 2: when I've worked in a hospice for a while, those

292
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,400
Speaker 2: who are passing through that we have loved ones from

293
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,480
Speaker 2: the other side, or some people want to you know,

294
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,600
Speaker 2: angels that come forward and to take us. We're never alone.

295
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 2: The minute you're ready to vacate your physical vessel, you're

296
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,200
Speaker 2: not alone. And it's not painful. It's just the physical

297
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 2: presence of you leaving your physical self through illness or

298
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Speaker 2: whatever it is. That's the plane of separation. But it's

299
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 2: there is no pain. Once you separate it, you know

300
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,800
Speaker 2: there's a comfort of loved one stepping forward to assist you,

301
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:13,480
Speaker 2: to take you through. I had my man who during

302
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 2: the accident, she was with me taking me through the

303
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 2: whole process and helping me through transition. But where I

304
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,040
Speaker 2: was standing being aware of light beings. I call them

305
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 2: light beings because they had no physical self of what

306
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,920
Speaker 2: they were presenting to me. It was an expansion of space.

307
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 2: And it might sound bizarre, but everything in the universe

308
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 2: was brought to the central point, as if like a

309
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,960
Speaker 2: main train station. But it's not a train station, of course,

310
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,199
Speaker 2: but this was the main hub that individual beings were

311
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 2: brought here to access information of their sole journey of

312
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,919
Speaker 2: where they have lived life, how they have lived their life,

313
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 2: where they had lived, how they had lived, what their

314
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 2: sole journey was, what their purpose was. And I remember

315
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,480
Speaker 2: all this information being flooded through my system. But it

316
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,439
Speaker 2: was plans on me, my sole journey. It was plans

317
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 2: on why I was here, what was the structure of

318
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: my life, And it was just layers of myself in

319
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 2: this and then what I was going to go on

320
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: to do, like what my mission was, what my journey was,

321
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 2: why I was here, and it just made everything makes sense.

322
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 2: It was like a jigsaw pustle. Everything came into place.

323
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 2: I just answered a lot of questions of who I

324
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:36,200
Speaker 2: was and why I'm here, and the explanation about reality,

325
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 2: how we see our reality, humans on planning Earth, and

326
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 2: what they think the reality is that a lot of

327
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 2: is an illusion. I didn't want to come back, and

328
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,399
Speaker 2: I felt very guilty for saying that statement because I

329
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,119
Speaker 2: had two children that I absolutely adored and loved, but

330
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 2: feeling that unconditional love, I didn't want to be separate

331
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 2: from it ever again. And I know now where souls

332
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 2: have that thing of unconditional love, call it God or

333
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,680
Speaker 2: the divine or the universe. Why would I want to

334
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 2: be separate from that where you feel no pain. I

335
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 2: knew coming back as ann in my life, I was

336
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 2: going to experience great pain. My thought was nearly amputated.

337
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,360
Speaker 2: I was disabled for four years. I had to learn

338
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,880
Speaker 2: how to walk again. I didn't want to come back

339
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 2: because of my physical ailments, and plus, why would I

340
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 2: want to come back into a world that hated everyone.

341
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 2: Everyone hated each other and there was warm violence. I

342
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 2: wanted to go somewhere else where I could look down

343
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 2: at everything and not be connected to the pain and heartache.

344
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 2: I was aware of light beings. We might call them angels, guides,

345
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 2: or ascended masters. But I remember individual telling me why

346
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: I came here in the first place as a soul

347
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 2: to experience everything that I'm experiencing. That I had to

348
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 2: go back, whether I liked it or not, and that

349
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,199
Speaker 2: this was just a wake cup call. Some people call

350
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 2: it spiritual awakening, that maybe they're not so harsh of

351
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 2: other people, but maybe I wasn't listening beforehand. I wasn't

352
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 2: brave enough to walk out of that relationship. I wasn't

353
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 2: brave enough to step into who I meant to be.

354
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 2: So I was told, I was instructed, you have to

355
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 2: go back. Your place isn't here yet, you need to

356
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 2: go back. So it was very strong. I had no choice.

357
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 2: It was only when they paddled my heart, when they

358
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 2: cut open my top, that the electric shop restarted my

359
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 2: heart again. When I came back to my body, I

360
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 2: felt this poor and I didn't want to go because

361
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: I remember holding out my hands. It is I say,

362
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 2: can I stay here, and trying to reach out to

363
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 2: hold their hands, and I came rushing back in, almost

364
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 2: like at a water theme park when you had those

365
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 2: slides that twist and turn and you come down like

366
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 2: a corkscuaw effect. I came rushing back in and it

367
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 2: felt like a tunnel coming in. I was leading the

368
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:18,439
Speaker 2: white light. The energy felt quite dense. When I landed

369
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,880
Speaker 2: back into my body, it felt like a fump back

370
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: into the density of the physical body. We are sensory beings.

371
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 2: We are meant to be feeling emotions, all the senses.

372
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 2: The physical pain. My ankle had been fractured. My foot

373
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 2: had seven brakes dislocated from my ankle. It ripped all

374
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: my tendons and muscles in my ankle. I had a

375
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 2: fractured to my kneecap. I fractured my right hand side

376
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 2: of my pelvis. I had internal bleeding from my spoon

377
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 2: and my kidneys. I fractured my ribs on both sides.

378
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 2: I was in pain and I was bleeding when they

379
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 2: got me into the ambulance. I remember several times left

380
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 2: my body. I could see looking down the number that

381
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 2: you have on top of the ambulance and the siren.

382
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 2: I could hear the siren from outside of my body.

383
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 2: When I went into a and E, I remember again

384
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: I wasn't in my physical body because it felt safer

385
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: to come out of the body to look down at

386
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: the body. There was a crash tree that was working

387
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 2: on the top part of my body. There was a

388
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 2: neck brace that was put on because I thought I

389
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 2: had broken my back. There was a crash team working

390
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 2: on the middle part of my tours and a crash

391
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 2: tune working on the lower part. Teams that were putting

392
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 2: needles into me, drips, scans, X rays, and I could

393
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 2: feel every person's fear that I was going to die.

394
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 2: I was bleeding internally. There was no way they could

395
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 2: stop the bleeding. And then I remember coming round in

396
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 2: the intensive care unit where the nurse had said several

397
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 2: times we could see your hand was moving if you

398
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 2: were holding onto someone's hand. And I said to them

399
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 2: when I came round, where is my nan? And they said,

400
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 2: there's nobody here, but they would have been physically impossible

401
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 2: for my nun to be there. But in spirit, my

402
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 2: nan was holding my hand all the way through this

403
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 2: whole process. I knew I was safe. I knew I

404
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 2: was okay.

405
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 4: She was with me.

406
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 2: With the accident. It really became like a catalyst for me.

407
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 2: It made me start looking at life in a really

408
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,959
Speaker 2: different way. My physical body was just shattered and broken

409
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 2: in so many places, you know, God bladder was removed

410
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 2: and everything. I was this woman with two children, unhappy,

411
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 2: and I was now disabled, coming home from a hospital,

412
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: not being able to go upstairs, go to the bathroom downstairs.

413
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 2: Everything that i'd had clour, independent strength as a woman,

414
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 2: as a mother was stripped back from me. I had

415
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 2: to rely upon, really sort of fell upon my seven

416
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 2: year old who had to help get me close to

417
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 2: the commode and empty the commode at the end of

418
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 2: the day. So I'd lost everything, all my independence. I

419
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 2: was reliant upon everybody, my daughter saying, she can hear you,

420
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 2: she's just disabled. She can't use her legs at the moment,

421
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 2: being discriminated because I was disabled. So I was stripped

422
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 2: back of everything, everything that I'd looked like beforehand, you know, suit,

423
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 2: immaculate hair, high heeled shoes. That was the toe opposite

424
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 2: from how I looked whoever I was before the accident.

425
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 2: I was never going to step back into those same

426
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 2: shoes ever again. I was literally a different person, so

427
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 2: having to discover me again, it was a long process.

428
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 2: I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress as not only

429
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 2: going through the accident once, it was repeatedly happening for years.

430
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 2: With the post traumatic stress, every time I heard a

431
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: car of the flashbacks, I was reliving there constantly for

432
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 2: a couple of years, learning to rewalk. You know, we

433
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,120
Speaker 2: take for granted the fact or being able to put

434
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 2: one foot in front of the other, or even to

435
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 2: find out balance. And you know, I was told I'd

436
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 2: never walk again. I was told my foot was gonna

437
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 2: be amputated. I had to learn to work with all

438
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: my injuries, and I was becoming more aware of my

439
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 2: own inner strength. But it was getting back on my

440
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 2: feet again and learning to walk was the other near

441
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,239
Speaker 2: death experiences that really opened up the fact that there

442
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 2: is more been into science myself by studying psychology and

443
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 2: the brain. I'd never believe such things as near death experiences.

444
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 2: I always thought it was the chemicals in the brain.

445
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 2: I went to speak to the reverend of the church

446
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: that was taking the children to on Sundays. He was

447
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 2: a doctor by perfect yet then he was the reverend,

448
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 2: he was the vicar. And when I said to him,

449
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 2: I'd had this experience that I saw these beings around me,

450
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: and he said, well, we don't believe in that. I thought, well,

451
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 2: where do I turn to? And I felt I was

452
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 2: going mad and crazy and again, and I didn't feel right.

453
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: I knew I wasn't going crazy what I witnessed. I

454
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 2: witnessed light beings for crown out loud, and I never

455
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 2: believed in it. Before we had somebody that was homeless,

456
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 2: that was living in the doorway. It was snowing, and

457
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 2: I said, can we not open the church so that

458
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: he can sleep here, you know, on the seats, and

459
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 2: he said he might steal something, and I was like,

460
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 2: oh my god, are you serious. That is not what

461
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 2: I stand for. And I really stepped away from church

462
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 2: and religion, even though I talk about the universe and spirituality,

463
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 2: which I hate that word in but I know there's

464
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 2: more than what we see before us, and it's still

465
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: that searching of connecting to what that more is. Having

466
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 2: other near death experiences being stopped in my track, I

467
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 2: started to realize that I was here for another reason,

468
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 2: there was another purpose, because each near death experience opened

469
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:12,439
Speaker 2: up another doorway unlocked information for me that I started

470
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 2: realizing there was more to light than what we see,

471
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 2: or we took a long time to accept. I didn't

472
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 2: accept straight away. I was that the science mind was

473
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 2: like interested. I knew it'd had the first new death

474
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: experience the car twenty something years ago, I'd been to

475
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 2: the Colors Cycic Studies because I couldn't find any information

476
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 2: at the church had turned me away and said you're crazy,

477
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 2: you can't be believe in this and this doesn't really happen.

478
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 2: So I was like, well, I need to see coup

479
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 2: more information. So I started googling. When on the web

480
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 2: founder close Circuic Studies in South Kensington and I remember

481
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 2: going to the first course. I was looking at different courses.

482
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I don't like taro that's not

483
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 2: my thing, don't I don't want to use in tarot cards.

484
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 2: I don't really interest in crystals. What's that all about?

485
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: That doesn't that doesn't do anything for me. I don't

486
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,120
Speaker 2: want to be a psychic reading. What the hell's that?

487
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 2: I'd only talked to dead people and I was like,

488
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 2: I didn't believe it in the first place. But I

489
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 2: felt at home. There are other light minded people that

490
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: were coming together, you know. It was that community of

491
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: other people also looking for there is more to life

492
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 2: than what we're aware of. It wasn't religious. It was

493
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 2: outside of the church and they had the same opinion

494
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 2: that they had spoken to, you know, their religious sectors

495
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 2: or wherever they were brought up and it didn't fit

496
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 2: for them anymore. They had had incidents that happened, and

497
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 2: they believed there must be something Kulsk. I remember the

498
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 2: very first time I was in the audience watching a

499
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 2: very famous medium and there was eighty people in this room.

500
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 2: I was chewing gum, I had my white shirt on.

501
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 2: I was with one of my best friends. I was

502
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: sitting there listening to this conversation, and then all of

503
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 2: a sudden, he then says you, and I said, I

504
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 2: didn't know who was pointing to. He was pointing to me.

505
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 2: I was in the audience a people and terror said, yeah,

506
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 2: you one day you're going to work here. And I

507
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 2: was laughing and I was like, you can't be talking

508
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 2: to me. And I turned around to the side to

509
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 2: the left behind me said you the one that's turning

510
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 2: around blowing bubbles and chewing chewing gum. And I stopped chewing.

511
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 2: Two girls. That's how I was at school, you see,

512
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 2: being dyslexic. I was, you know, I was the clown

513
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 2: of the class. And I was like, yeah, I was

514
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 2: very creative, daydream and stuff. And I was like, yeah,

515
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 2: this is a load of rubbish. Actually, I went to

516
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 2: the college to disprove this, if anything, and then he

517
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: turned and said, one day you're going to work here

518
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, right, I am and he said, no,

519
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 2: you're going to play an important part here. Yeah, of

520
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: course I am. And then the first workshop I did,

521
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 2: a well known medium came up to me and he

522
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 2: said to me the workshop, I said, oh, you need

523
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 2: to go into my advance class. And I went, what,

524
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 2: I don't believe in this stuff. I'm just getting this information.

525
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 2: I don't know where it's coming from. And he said, no,

526
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 2: you're a medium. You're a natural medium. And I was like,

527
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 2: I want to be a medium, and he knew, but

528
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 2: I didn't, and I was judging myself and I was like,

529
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a medium one medium. I'm

530
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 2: a counselor. I like my job. I'm working now doing this.

531
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 2: I'm happy, Thank you very much. Why do I give

532
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,719
Speaker 2: up my job? You know, I'm respected. I had let

533
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 2: us after my name. So it was that journey of

534
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 2: disproving it that I actually believed in it now. And

535
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 2: it went through that and then the work that I

536
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 2: do now. When I had my stroke two years ago,

537
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 2: my seizure, my brain bleed. I fell down the stairs.

538
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 2: I collapsed, I broke my neck. Took fourteen weeks to

539
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: learn to talk, to walk, to speak, to know that

540
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 2: I was hungry, to know that I needed to go

541
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 2: to the bathroom. The scan showed up I had a

542
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 2: massive a brain blead that should have killed me, but

543
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 2: instead it took me out. In a sense of all

544
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 2: my professional experience, I knew to get back to being me,

545
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 2: I needed to find all my inner strength. Having your

546
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 2: adult children they were twenty six and twenty eight at

547
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 2: the time, telling you, Mum, it's time to eat now. Mum,

548
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: you've got a swallow. Mum, you're dribbling. Mum, No that's

549
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: my name. No, you've got the wrong name, and stuttering,

550
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 2: couldn't draw a sentence together, learning to rewalk because I

551
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 2: was dragging my foot, I couldn't find my balance, my

552
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 2: daughter pulling down my pants so I can go to toilet,

553
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: professional saying I wasn't going to get back to normality,

554
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 2: And then I knew I needed to get back to

555
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 2: normality of some sort. So I learned Italian because I

556
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 2: knew it's going to stimulate one part of the brain.

557
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 2: I went roller skating. I didn't remember. I knew how

558
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 2: to skate until that day, had gotten the skates, but

559
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: I was on these skates and I was with this person.

560
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 2: They said, I thought you didn't know how to skate.

561
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 2: But when the music took over from the eighties, I'm

562
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 2: a fifty five year old woman. The eighties music played.

563
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 2: I think it was Duranda Ran or something, and I

564
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: stayed then singing to the tune. There was a live DJ.

565
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 2: Next minute, I know, I'm skating backwards, doing jumps, skating

566
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 2: very fast, doing turns. I mean, I remembered because obviously

567
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 2: parts of my brain had gone the memory, but I

568
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 2: remember I used to play roller hockey when I was

569
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 2: a kid, back in the day, when I was about sixteen.

570
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: So yeah, I discovered skills with the experience of going

571
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 2: through that seizure. You know, my neck fixed, my vertebrain fixed.

572
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,719
Speaker 2: I mean, come on, broken back broken note yeh, Spike's

573
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 2: all good. It fixed itself. The body is amazing. It

574
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 2: can heal itself, and so she can hear from today,

575
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 2: my voice is back. I then started seeing the world

576
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 2: slightly different, and this is when it goes a little

577
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: bit woo woo for being a counselor to then be

578
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 2: in a psychic medium through the whole journey, and then

579
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 2: this last experience of me having the seizure and the

580
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 2: brain bleeds and trying to recover from that. I noticed them,

581
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 2: but through my madative state, I don't need drugs that

582
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: some people would use, mushrooms or whatever, these psychodics, whatever

583
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 2: they would have used. But yeah, yes, I can go

584
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 2: to the other side come back. My media ship skills

585
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 2: is very different now understanding the sole energy because the

586
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,320
Speaker 2: information I had downloaded. So now it's like when I

587
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 2: sit in trance, it feels as if there's a tiny

588
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 2: little funnel at the top of my head that's receiving

589
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,800
Speaker 2: all the energies of all those in like counselor, like

590
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 2: hundreds of individuals of you know, ascended masters and those

591
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 2: who have been on the planet before. But yeah, I

592
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 2: know it sounds a bit strange. Obviously everything it's confidential.

593
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: But I have doctor's psychiatrists, I have the police. I

594
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 2: have different governments that come to me for the information

595
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,400
Speaker 2: I can give them because it's no this is written

596
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 2: down anywhere, but I will bring it back from them.

597
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 2: All I'm doing. It's like an aerial is tapping into

598
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 2: that energy. That's all I'm doing. And from everything that's

599
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,800
Speaker 2: happened to me, from all the you know, accidents, the

600
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,839
Speaker 2: need of experiences, it's just shown me, actually, we all

601
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 2: can do this, and that's the idea. This is what

602
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 2: I want to show people. You all can connect to it.

603
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 2: It's just the dogma of your mind or what you

604
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 2: think you can't connect to, the ego, not wanting to

605
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 2: lose the ego. The ego is going to fight to

606
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 2: the death for you to not change. That was me.

607
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: I had to change. I couldn't live life the way

608
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 2: i'd lived life before. And each new death experience will

609
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 2: show me actually, each time you're transforming, you're changing. You're

610
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 2: shifting out of who you thought you were. Every day

611
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: when I died, and I never felt unconditional love at all.

612
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 2: If you think about unconditional love, being a good daughter,

613
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 2: being a good mother, being a good partner, being a

614
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 2: good teacher, being a good student. We're always told that

615
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 2: we have to be something else that which we may

616
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 2: not be, and never had unconditional love. That is what's

617
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 2: there on the other side. Because the unconditional love, that's

618
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 2: what's there in the universe is the unconditional love doesn't

619
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 2: judge you, doesn't see your color of your skin, doesn't

620
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 2: see your gender. It feels into your soul and your

621
00:35:54,640 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 2: heart accepts you for who you are. I feel that

622
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 2: from the moment we're born, we're putting to boxes our backgrounds,

623
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 2: our class, our color, our religion, everything education. From the

624
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 2: moment we're born, the day that's collected on us, the

625
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 2: what we go through, how people might perceive us, and

626
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 2: if anything, it's about bringing people together and not to

627
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 2: judge you. If we could actually see each other, it

628
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 2: doesn't matter about your race, religion, the money, nothing at all.

629
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 2: If you should see you as an individual person and

630
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 2: stop living up to what you think you should be

631
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 2: and just actually focusing on what the skills you have

632
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 2: as an individual person, I think that would help. If

633
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 2: you look at the walls and everything we go through,

634
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 2: why they are created is to segregate us. Actually we

635
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 2: should be looking at bringing us all together. Me as

636
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 2: a child, you know, brought up by my dad who

637
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 2: studies Buddhism, brought up by my second dad, he's a Catholic,

638
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 2: brother by my third dad is Rastafarian. I ended up

639
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,959
Speaker 2: being with a partner who is Jewish. His mother's are quake.

640
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 2: I just sent my children to a Christian school. I

641
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 2: lived in a very Islamic area and then lived in

642
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 2: a Hindu area. At the end of the day, and

643
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 2: I looked at it, the segregation that I had at church.

644
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: When I said to my vicary in my church, a

645
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: Christian Church of England school, that said to me, you

646
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 2: shouldn't have had that experience. We don't believe that you

647
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 2: had that out of body experience. And I'm like, what

648
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 2: explains to me what I experience. I had to go

649
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 2: searching myself to find out what happened during my near

650
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 2: death experience.

651
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:29,720
Speaker 3: Why actually happened.

652
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 2: It's like, at the end of the day, if you

653
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 2: fall over when someone comes to pickyo, it doesn't matter

654
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 2: what race, religion, gender, whatever it is, it shouldn't come

655
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 2: from that. That's where the segregation is. We have to

656
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 2: learn to be ourselves and found the empowerment within ourselves.

657
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 2: When I look back at my life and my journey,

658
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 2: there is so much more. There's so much more of

659
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 2: the violence that I endured as a child and as

660
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 2: a woman as well. I can obviously say I don't

661
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 2: see the world as a dark place I see the

662
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 2: world as having shadows, as in individuals having problems, and

663
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 2: that's why I became a counselor. I know from many

664
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,760
Speaker 2: of my experiences what I've gone through as a therapist,

665
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,720
Speaker 2: I see that everyone has the possibility of changing and learning.

666
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 2: Some people just don't have an understanding of who they are.

667
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 2: And you know, even today as a therapist the work

668
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 2: that I do, and believe me, I work on murder

669
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: cases with the police, and I see that darker side

670
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 2: of life, but I also have an understanding of what

671
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 2: may have brought that individual to have committed that crime,

672
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 2: which is not forgiving them or justifying it at all,

673
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 2: but it's I think in a world that we live in,

674
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 2: my honest belief is like having an understanding of each

675
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 2: other and to give each other some space. You've been

676
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 2: given this opportunity to experience something, and what is it

677
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: I can learn from it? What is it that is

678
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 2: showing me now? Like when I look back everything I've

679
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 2: gone through, I know where I'd been, I know my journey.

680
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: But then it helps me to connect to others they

681
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 2: walked on that pathway. I can sit here and talk

682
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 2: to a mother and help her hold that space that

683
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 2: comes to me that's had a miscarriage. I can speak

684
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: to that woman's got postingal depression, that can't place that

685
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: baby on her breast because she'd been sexually abused. Because

686
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 2: of my journey for me, I know why I'm here.

687
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 3: I know that I had to.

688
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 2: Endure all that sexual abuse. I had to endure that

689
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,320
Speaker 2: being aware of drugs as a child growing up, and

690
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 2: alcoholics and dysfunctional backgrounds. I knew that I needed to

691
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 2: go through that so that I have an understanding for others,

692
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: but not only that. In my clients, help them to

693
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 2: see that what happened to them actually is making them

694
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 2: stronger or having a greater understanding of themselves or how

695
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 2: strong they can be when I look back now, my

696
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,880
Speaker 2: superpower is the fact that I got through all of

697
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 2: that and humanity. Whatever you go through, the walls, the rape,

698
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 2: the mergers, whatever it is in each of us, when

699
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 2: you know yourself better that you can actually get through it,

700
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: don't give your power away to others that for whatever reason, political,

701
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 2: whatever religious or whatever, you can have connection to you.

702
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 2: And of course I'm going to talk about energy because

703
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 2: that's the work I do through my accident of dying

704
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 2: several times, and everything has happened to me. It's giving

705
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 2: me a great understanding there is unconditional love out there.

706
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 2: When I connect the universe, that unconditional love connects you.

707
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 2: It connects you to your high self, and you understand

708
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 2: that you have your superpower. Look at it from a

709
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 2: three hundred or sixty degree perspective. Feel into the emotions

710
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 2: of how you're feeling about when something's happened. Also to

711
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 2: be reflective and to look at how it's changed our

712
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 2: life and what power it is that you've got it,

713
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 2: Not to see as a defect or from a negative perspective,

714
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,839
Speaker 2: like actually teaching you. What did it show you? It's

715
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 2: made me stronger. When you see a child fall over,

716
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 2: if you keep picking that child up, my child will

717
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 2: never learn to stand on its own tooth thie. It

718
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 2: won't realize actually the strength and its muscles. It'll fall

719
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 2: to the left, it fall to the right. It has

720
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 2: to find its own strength. And I would not change

721
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 2: a single thing. I can tell you very clearly hand

722
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,399
Speaker 2: on my heart. I would not go back. I needed

723
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: to go for everything I went to so that I

724
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 2: can do what I do now.

725
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: Welcome back. This is alive. Again joining me for a

726
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,879
Speaker 1: conversation about today's story are my other Alive against story

727
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: producers Keith Sweeney, Nicholas Tukowski, Brent Dye, and I'm your

728
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 1: host Dan Bush. And Bayford refirst to herself as a

729
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: reluctant medium. But in the end, she after all of

730
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 1: these horrific things, and not just the near death experiences,

731
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: she had all these traumatic experiences growing up. And I

732
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: think that's really the heart of what I gleaned from hers.

733
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 1: She came out of it, all of these traumatic experiences,

734
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, you know, violence, extreme poverty, and she came

735
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 1: out of the other side of that with an optimism

736
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: and a sense of compassion. And she says, you know,

737
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 1: I don't think the world is a bad place. I

738
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:49,320
Speaker 1: think like you do. She says, I don't think the

739
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: world's a bad place. I think there are shadows. And

740
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: so she through three different near death experiences and through

741
00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 1: her having to completely rehabilitate, rehability herself not only physically,

742
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 1: but also rebuild her mind and her neuro connections on

743
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,320
Speaker 1: multiple occasions throughout her life, and having survived all of

744
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: this trauma early in her childhood, she walks away with

745
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: this idea that she wouldn't trade it for the world.

746
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 1: She would never go back. And Adam says that too.

747
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: Adam Tapp says that, and Peter Panagor says that, and

748
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 1: Eric Larson says that, and so many of these stories

749
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,840
Speaker 1: that we hear. You ask them if they would trade it,

750
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: and they say no, absolutely not be.

751
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 5: Away after hearing what her childhood had been like right.

752
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 4: Yea, oh my god.

753
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: Right, but she walks away and she says, no, I

754
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 1: wouln't trade it at all because from her perspective, the

755
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 1: near death experiences taught her that the point of all

756
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: this living that we do is adversity that you can't grow.

757
00:43:53,719 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: And so she's doesn't see any victim hood like she

758
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 1: doesn't look around and see victim She sees people with

759
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:04,399
Speaker 1: opportunities to grow.

760
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 4: And I thought that that was.

761
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,399
Speaker 1: That was my takeaway from her story that I thought

762
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 1: was very moving and also in concert with a lot

763
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: of these other stories we're hearing.

764
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 6: And I completely agree with that. I mean, I do

765
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 6: believe that nobody is beyond hope completely, and I also

766
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 6: don't believe that the world is truly terrible. I believe

767
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 6: that like humanity wants to be good and is frequently

768
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 6: led astray by our basest instincts. I do want to

769
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 6: make that clear, but I think that, like I think

770
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 6: that what did touch me about her story was kind

771
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 6: of cutting through that and like this understanding that there

772
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 6: is basic decency in humanity and that everybody has an

773
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 6: opportunity to fulfill that fulfill their purpose, which I believe.

774
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 6: I just think that we're not inclined to most of

775
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 6: the time. What is the last line in a good

776
00:44:58,520 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 6: man is hard to find as at it.

777
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 7: There's a cheerful one that she's she's a bright outlook on.

778
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, but if somebody was there to shoot her in

779
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 6: the head every day of her life, yeah.

780
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 4: Which is why we need the trauma.

781
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

782
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 6: I think that, like I think that if we experience

783
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 6: something that is humbling and terrifying, we are more likely

784
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 6: to follow the good.

785
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 8: I think.

786
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 6: Because we we sort of understand what it is to

787
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 6: be to be like laid low, so when we see

788
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:35,439
Speaker 6: other people in similar circumstances, we feel more inclined to help.

789
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 6: And I think that, like I think it's just a

790
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 6: matter of basic empathy. I think that some people like.

791
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 5: Having a crappy job, like having when you're younger, and

792
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 5: then you understand we don't treat people like this, right.

793
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 6: Everybody should wait table, so we're nice to waiters exactly.

794
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 6: Like that's that's just you know, the way of it.

795
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 6: And I just think that unfortunately, a lot of humanity

796
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 6: requires that experience in order to fully understand, and a

797
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 6: lot of people just don't ever get that. A lot

798
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 6: of people don't ever have to experience hardship, so they're

799
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 6: kind of crappy people.

800
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 1: Or not growing in some way, not evolving. So there's

801
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: two two elements to her thing. One is the actual

802
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:17,879
Speaker 1: physical rehabilitation that she had to do, which she could

803
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 1: not have done unless she found some strength. So there's

804
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 1: the actual physical, you know, thing of having to dig down,

805
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: as another guest on our shows says, you know, for

806
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 1: some people, making breakfast in the morning is like climbing

807
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: Mount Everest, you know. But beyond that, she also looked

808
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: around and had and sort of gleaned this insight from

809
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: her experience of her near death experience and her out

810
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 1: of body experiences, where she realized the sort of the

811
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: function of trauma for the soul, whether you want to

812
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 1: go there, you know, in that belief or not. You know,

813
00:46:56,520 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 1: believe the same thing that she believes. It doesn't matter

814
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 1: because again she walked away with this understanding of like,

815
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: instead of looking at somebody who's been through horrible stuff

816
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 1: and thinking, oh, you're a victim, I feel so sorry

817
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 1: for you. It's not that she doesn't. She doesn't feel sympathy.

818
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 1: She may feel tremendous empathy, but she sees the potential

819
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: for strength and growth. And I think that that's extremely powerful.

820
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 2: You know.

821
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 5: I'll say that what stuck out for me, And I

822
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 5: always want to take care from going too far far

823
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 5: down the road of saying everybody should pick themselves up

824
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,320
Speaker 5: by their bootstraps, because.

825
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 7: Sometimes not everybody can do that.

826
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 5: But would really, you know, stuck out for me with

827
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 5: her story or one thing that did is this idea

828
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 5: of unconditional love.

829
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 7: You know, we've seen so many stories of folks who

830
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:46,440
Speaker 7: had just really.

831
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 5: Difficult experiences coming up and she's no exception here, right,

832
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 5: just never experienced unconditional love ever. And then when she's

833
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,840
Speaker 5: having this near death experience, she says that, you know,

834
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:00,760
Speaker 5: she could feel different people's thoughts as she saw herself

835
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 5: lying there in the street, and one of those people

836
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 5: was her Then partner who she realizes that he's just

837
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 5: really thinking, oh my god, I have to raise these

838
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 5: children by myself. But he is absolutely not concerned with

839
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 5: her apparent demise, and so he doesn't feel love for her,

840
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 5: and they end up, you know, not staying together after that.

841
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:29,840
Speaker 7: But and then later in the story she says.

842
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 5: How she experienced that the fact that this unconditional love

843
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 5: doesn't see identity, this theme of how our it's our

844
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 5: identities that end up dividing us. And we see other

845
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 5: people talking about that as well in their stories. Just

846
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 5: this idea that it's like in identity is ego, and

847
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 5: that's where we get into trouble as humans again and

848
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:54,760
Speaker 5: again and again.

849
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,360
Speaker 7: And when we can realize our.

850
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 5: Commonness commonness that's or commonality, thank you, uh, that's when

851
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 5: we can move forward in a productive way.

852
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:10,359
Speaker 1: And that's why she's though she's a medium and though

853
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 1: she's extremely spiritual, she's not religious like at all, because

854
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 1: she sees religion as one of the main components of

855
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: that of that divis divisiveness to define yourself.

856
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, why are we getting caught up and arguing

857
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:28,479
Speaker 5: in all these different things?

858
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, way we have to identify with this this one dogma. Yeah, yeah,

859
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 1: at the cost of you know, at the segregation of

860
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: something that where she sees a truly interconnected structure of

861
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:44,840
Speaker 1: reality where everything sort of has there. There's there's a

862
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,320
Speaker 1: there's a method to the madness of our trauma that

863
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 1: she sees. Whether you believe that or not, it does

864
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: ring true that without adversity, we don't grow right and

865
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: without that, we don't see it's harder to see compassion.

866
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: You have to find compassion. Yeah, So it's in with

867
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 1: my kids. It's like I'm you know that, I see

868
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: that so much every day of like I've got to

869
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 1: let them fall. I've got to let them you know,

870
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 1: Roman comes home from soccer camp and I can see

871
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 1: that he's got something going on. He's got a love

872
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: in the throat. I don't know if they teased him.

873
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:21,319
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what he was dealing with. Maybe

874
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:22,959
Speaker 1: he was in a league that outside of his league,

875
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 1: and I just want to protect him, and I want to,

876
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:26,840
Speaker 1: you know, go beat up the other kids, you know,

877
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: like knock their heads together like coconuts. And I told

878
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 1: I even told Roman, I was like, so the kids

879
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 1: laughed at you and fill down. He's like all of

880
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 1: them did, and I said, that's so strange, you know,

881
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: and they're all a little bit older than him, and

882
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 1: I said, you watch those this is probably all I

883
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: might not put this in the show, but he's like,

884
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: you watch those kids, the ones that were laughing at

885
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 1: you watch them have a complete meltdown the minute something

886
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 1: goes wrong, and you can just say, you know, just

887
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 1: stand up, roam and just say, you know, dude, bro,

888
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:56,760
Speaker 1: you okay, yeah, like somebody had sault to you. Roman's

889
00:50:56,760 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: gotten to where he's like, dude, you're right. That's because

890
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 1: it just takes the wind out of their whole Absolutely well,

891
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 1: I am with you for to help you. But anyway,

892
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 1: he's I can't, you know, I want to just I

893
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 1: want to give him so much and I want to

894
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: arm him with everything he needs to to not have

895
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: that experience. But he has to have the experience to

896
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: have experience, and it hurts.

897
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 7: It is so hard to watch.

898
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 3: Well.

899
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 4: Kind of with that whole thing of identity separating us,

900
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 4: it also separates itself because, as she says, you know,

901
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 4: every day you're shifting and transforming who you are. And

902
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 4: I think it's important, I mean, it's important to have

903
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 4: your beliefs, and those beliefs are based on your life experiences,

904
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 4: and you've got to be true to what you're experiencing.

905
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 4: But you also have to have the freedom to just

906
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 4: your soul adjust yourself as you go through life and

907
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 4: acquire different experiences. And I think that's something I got

908
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 4: from her story. Every day she said, you're shifting and

909
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 4: transforming who you are.

910
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 7: Oh my god, I love that. And because it's and

911
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,759
Speaker 7: it's so difficult not to do that, not to cling

912
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:55,759
Speaker 7: to what was?

913
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 5: I think about that all the time, you know, as

914
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 5: I've had, you know, shifting career, shifting careers, and you know,

915
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 5: you read a lot of I'm at this point in

916
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 5: life where I'm reading a lot of articles about women

917
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 5: my age and we're sort of grappling with with getting.

918
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 7: Older and and what the hell does that mean?

919
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 5: And it's very difficult not to cling to a self

920
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 5: that that's gone now and to move forward.

921
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 4: And yeah, well even when when good things are coming forward.

922
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,320
Speaker 4: I remember when I was about to get married, mourning

923
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,759
Speaker 4: the loss of my single self, when our first child

924
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 4: was being born, mourning the little time my wife and

925
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 4: I had together, just the two of us. When our

926
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 4: third child, our second child was born mourning the little

927
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 4: home that the three of us, and then you're given

928
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:51,760
Speaker 4: this gift is pushing you forward. You're you're you're experiencing

929
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 4: new things. You forget about that. You know, you're almost

930
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 4: happy that that part of your life has moved on,

931
00:52:56,320 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 4: because there's but it's a it's a painful death that

932
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 4: you go through whenever you enter a new phase of

933
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 4: your life or encounter a new idea or have your

934
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 4: world shook up a bit.

935
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:13,320
Speaker 1: And it reminds me of the Hindu god Klli, you know,

936
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 1: who's depicted with a black face and a red tongue

937
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 1: and heads of all these you know, heads dangling from

938
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 1: her from chains, and she's depicted as this horrific, terrifying force.

939
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: But she's really a compared like the most compassionate, most

940
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,919
Speaker 1: compassionate goddess, because she's freeing you of your ego. She's

941
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 1: she's just she's not taking your she's not just killing you.

942
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:42,560
Speaker 1: She's killing your ego and freeing you from previous versions

943
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 1: of yourself so that you can continue to expand and grow.

944
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, blessed peace.

945
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we see these ideas all over the place

946
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 5: in spirituality.

947
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 7: That's fascinating.

948
00:53:56,360 --> 00:54:00,520
Speaker 1: But again and again, another thing with Anne is you know,

949
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,880
Speaker 1: she would not take back this experience, you know, and

950
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 1: as Adam Tapp said, everything has a cost, and if

951
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 1: the cost of this experience is some you know, some

952
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 1: new consciousness or sense of compassion, then hell yeah.

953
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 4: Well yeah, your story with Menuel where he said he

954
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:22,839
Speaker 4: had the best moment of his life in the midst

955
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 4: of his horrific near death experience.

956
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,120
Speaker 5: I found myself this. You know, this is a fairly

957
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 5: serious story. But there's that moment in which she's sort

958
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 5: of describing her searching period. She's trying to figure out

959
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 5: what's up, and she's looking things up online and she's

960
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 5: looking at near death experiences and she's like, crystals.

961
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 2: No, what do we need, taro for?

962
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 3: What do we need?

963
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 2: Like? I love that.

964
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, liked her skeptical sort of you know, she she

965
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 1: was reluctant and skeptical, and.

966
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 6: She was like, what the hell you just you don't

967
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 6: made a lot of skeptical mediums.

968
00:54:59,640 --> 00:54:59,839
Speaker 2: Yeah.

969
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 1: Next time on Alive again, we hear from Delaney tar,

970
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: a Parkland school shooting survivor. In the days following the shooting,

971
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 1: she and her friends founded the largest student run movement

972
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: in a generation and began the arduous task of growing

973
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,319
Speaker 1: up quickly in the public eye.

974
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 8: So it was February fourteenth, It was Valentine's Day. I

975
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 8: remember putting on my cute little romper that my mom

976
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 8: had bought me from Target. I had made bouquets for

977
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 8: all my friends. Towards the end of the school day,

978
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 8: we heard an alarm go off, and we had been

979
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 8: told in the months prior that there would be some

980
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 8: school shooter drills that we're going to be super realistic.

981
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 8: So we walked down this little stairwell. Halfway down the stairwell,

982
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:43,720
Speaker 8: I started hearing screams.

983
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 1: Our story producers are Dan Bush, Kate Sweeney, Brent Die,

984
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 1: Nicholas Dakoski, and Lauren vogelbah music by Ben Lovett, Additional

985
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 1: music by Alexander Rodriguez. Executive producers are Matthew Frederick and

986
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 1: Trevor Young. Special thanks to Alexander Williams for additional production support.

987
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,880
Speaker 1: Our studio engineers are Rima L. K Ali and Nomes Griffin.

988
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: Our editors are Dan Bush, gerharts Loovichka, Brent Die, and

989
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 1: Alexander Rodriguez. Mixing by Ben Lovett and Alexander Rodriguez. I'm

990
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:23,360
Speaker 1: your host, Dan Bush. Thanks to Anne Bafer for sharing

991
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,320
Speaker 1: her story. For more about Ann and her work, you

992
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:29,480
Speaker 1: can visit her website, Ann Bayford dot co dot uk.

993
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: That's a n N E b A y f o

994
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:38,279
Speaker 1: r D dot co dot uk. Alive Again is a

995
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:41,560
Speaker 1: production of I Art Radio and Psychopia Pictures. If you

996
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: have a transformative near death experience to share, we'd love

997
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:48,479
Speaker 1: to hear your story. Please email us at Alive Again

998
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: project at gmail dot com. That's a l I V

999
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 1: e A g A I N P R O j

1000
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 1: e c t at gmail dot com.