WEBVTT - Brotherly Love with Mike Rivera Part 2 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:07.320 What up, guys. 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:10.160 Welcome back to my conversation with my brother. If you 0:00:10.160 --> 0:00:12.280 guys didn't listen to the first part, because it's now 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:14.280 the second part, listen to the first part of the 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.920 conversation with my brother Mike. Okay, big Mike, not Mikey 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:22.840 no more. All right, So here we go. Have you 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:27.000 forgiven yourself yet for the relationship with Luna's mom not 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:29.159 working because I know that weight heavy on you for 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:29.760 a long time. 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.080 I think we're at a good understanding me here now 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.240 where it's it's good. It was probably never going to 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:35.639 work out. 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:37.840 You guys were just meant to make this beautiful being. 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.680 Well yeah, I mean, and we just we climbed together 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:42.879 really quick and then just find out over time, like 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:44.879 we were within a year of being together, we were 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:52.000 pregnant with Luna. And then, you know, she says that 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:56.240 the day Mom passed, I changed, you know, and that 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:58.560 I have no point of reference because I don't remember 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.320 that person anymore, you know. Yeah, And so I'm sorry 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.399 for that for you know, using that as justification for 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:07.760 any like stupid decisions I made, or or just letting 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:09.800 it go, or feeling like relief when she left me, 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:12.000 you know, because it wasn't like we were at odds 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:15.319 and it was a and you know, it's it's easier 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.440 to run away than to fucking re find out why 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.480 he loved somebody, you know, And so I mean I 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:25.680 stort of regret now, like, you know, not not waking 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:27.720 up with Luna in my house every morning, you know, 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:31.640 or not always being able to take her to school 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:33.760 or pick her up because she you know, for for 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:36.560 a while there we both lived in the valley, so 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:40.160 it wasn't too far and it was possible. But now 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:43.839 there's you know, there's more distance there, and it's just yeah, 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:46.280 but I mean we're in a good understanding. Luna understands 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:49.000 and if anything, like me and her mom have in 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:51.160 the past couple of years, we had a couple of 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.240 rough patches, but in the past year we've gotten really 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.040 good and we can like kind of talk again that 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.040 that I missed sad because me and Dre were legit 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:00.720 like like really good friends, you know, and even after 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:04.000 we'd broken up. Luna, it's weird for her sometimes, like 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:06.600 she's just like she gets bugged out and her mom 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:08.840 will be like, your dad's my friend, like this is 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.160 he's he's my really good friend, Like and she's just like, 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.959 can we just go already, Like there'll be here. 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.639 Talking and like's just he's uncomfortable. 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:18.680 Yeah, and she's just like this is weird, and like 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.840 that makes me sad because she doesn't remember having a 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.200 whole family and I get to redo that again, you know. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:28.799 And and it's not always easy, but it's like it's 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.320 definitely worth I'm a big believer in the nuclear family 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:34.799 and in the way that we're going in the world. 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.960 It's it's discouraged or it's a lie or yeah, because 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:40.680 it can't work out for everybody, but there's having a 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.240 mom and a dad in the same household and the 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:45.639 mom and the dad being able to communicate. 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:46.840 And and it makes a big difference. 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:50.440 Yeah, and the baby having all the love possible spell 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:53.400 I lives with us, so she just has she has 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:55.600 she's with her grandma all the time, and she's getting 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:57.680 love from all these angles. And Luna's a really good 0:02:57.720 --> 0:02:58.240 but there's. 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:01.240 Not a hint of jealousy and like, goodness, that's the 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:02.160 perfect time. 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:04.480 That you know, and it's like, you know, it just 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:06.680 sucks that I missed out on that because of my decisions. 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.080 And I'll take full blame for that, you know, for 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:09.720 you know. 0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:10.760 Just a lot. Brother. 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.240 That means that you've That's why I wanted to ask 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.000 you that, because you also have to remember you both 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:18.160 were so young, you know what I mean, Like, I 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:21.359 howld were you like twenty twenty one? 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.840 Yeah, a new mom for half of her life? Yeah? Crazy? Right, 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.600 She's forty two when she passed. I was twenty one, 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.639 and damn dude, you pa And if I'm lucky, I 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:32.520 would have known her a third of my life, you know, 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:34.679 Like I don't know how far I'm gonna make it. 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:38.240 I don't know this, please Lord. 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.240 Yeah, but you know, it's just like at the end 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:43.520 of the day, it's going to be a really small 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.960 portion of time of life that I had her, you know. 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.280 But she came at the perfect time because I would, 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:49.920 you know, damn well, especially at. 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:51.400 That time, called Luna his life saver. 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:53.440 Yeah, because I would. I would have lost my mind, 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:53.680 you know. 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.080 But it was how many months she was three months? 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:57.440 Three months when my mom passed. 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.920 I feel like telling you God, everything was like wait, 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:03.360 because I think it would have been a disaster if 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:05.760 we didn't have Luna, for you know. 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:07.800 I would have for sure went off. It changed us. 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:11.480 I still have you know, bad habits and things that 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:13.320 I'm trying to correct and like that would have been 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.360 too much. And then also I was very guarded under Mom. Yeah, 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:19.120 so it's like without having that, you know, without having 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:23.239 or not not because she I don't think she purposely 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.679 kept us for experience. I just she kind of knew 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.480 my tendencies and my you know, to kind of go 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:31.640 an old direction I wasn't supposed to go. And if 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:33.520 I didn't, if I didn't have that there and Luna 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.120 there to keep me and keep me level headed, I 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.000 would have been using it as an excuse to just 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.200 fucking go off and be the fucking graffiti writer I'd 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:44.080 always wanted to be. And yeah, just not giving ship 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:46.880 and just fucking you know, I would. 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:50.560 Have been completely different. Oh absolutely, I mean it changed us. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.719 Losing Mom. It was learning how to live and all 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:55.320 over again. 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:56.080 It was tough. 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:59.039 So I mean the fact that you can be vulnerable 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:02.240 and talk about it and accept it, that's like huge 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:04.880 a lot of people, don't you know, and well mom 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:07.359 talk about Mom or talk about also the mistakes that 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.320 you also, like you could say, hey, it was it 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:11.600 was my fault I messed that up or whatever like 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.200 and forgive yourself for it and say, give yourself some 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:16.800 grace and give yourself some like space to say, hey, 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.760 I messed up, but I'm trying to fix it, you 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:19.320 know what I mean. 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.479 And and you guys tell me I'm not nice enough 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.320 to myself, But I think in the moment, in the 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.240 subjects that matter, I do give myself grace or I 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:28.760 allow myself grace or be like, you know you did that, 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.520 How are you going to react now? Yeah, So I 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.560 might beat myself up the rest of the time, but 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.560 that's only because I don't know, I don't think. But 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:40.120 talking to myself positively works for me. You know, are 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:42.880 telling myself that I'm the greatest and I'm worthy of 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:43.720 this is and it's like. 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:44.920 You're a man, you're more logical. 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:46.880 Well, I have to prove it to myself, you know, like, 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.400 because as it is, I don't believe believe myself. So 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:51.320 if there's anyone out there in the world I need 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:53.719 to prove wrong, it's me. It's that back part of 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:55.719 me that has doubt, like you know, like I'm going 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:57.920 to show you you, you know, like I'm gonna show 0:05:57.960 --> 0:05:58.280 you you. 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:01.200 Yeah, yeah, you know, but it does help to to 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:03.920 just say, you know, polit you got this ship, dude, 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:04.960 you got Like I try. 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:07.840 But the thing is when with especially because I'm new 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:12.800 to affirmation and so maybe just like general happy ones 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:15.920 don't necessarily work for me, but a great affirmation is 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:17.640 all right, what do you need to improve on today, 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:20.160 or what do you need to what do you need 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:23.400 to be avoiding or you know, like like I've been. 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.080 I've been. I got back in my fast and fucked 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.200 holities fucked me up, but I got back into it 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:28.920 and then like so, but when I when I am 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:30.920 and I'm like I'm hungry and I'm pushing past it, 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:33.919 and I'm like, you know, it's it's like that's like, 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.000 that's an affirmation for me. It's like, no, you can 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.440 have self control and you're not You're not controlled by 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.600 every single little impulse that you have to go do 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.240 something stupid or just like you know, I try to 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:44.720 be the level headed one, you. 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.680 Know, Yeah, and you are honestly like you. I think 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:49.599 we have a little bit of everything in our little 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.839 in our family and our sibling you know family. But 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.679 that's what I love about you because when you speak 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.240 like there's a lot of like right now, you're you're 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.080 leaving a lot of little I'm here and I love it, 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.039 like a lot of little bites. I'm like listening to you, 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:04.880 I'm like, dude, this is fucking awesome, Like I have 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:08.280 such a glad, very natural, like yeah, it's we're having 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:10.440 a conversation, and these are our conversations, you guys on 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:12.320 our group chat. We talk about some real ship, Like 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.240 we go back and forth, we have discussions. We don't 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:16.760 always agree, but he knows that. I'm just like, that's 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:17.280 so cheeky. 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:20.280 I'm also it's always me and you kind of yeah, 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.280 you know, and but that's okay, dude. It's not like 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:26.560 we're completely different people. And I need your your unrelenting 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:31.160 positivity sometimes, you know, like you know, like yeah, when 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:32.880 you tell me I'm the greatest, some days, I'm just 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.920 like she's full of shit. She doesn't know. Other days 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:39.040 it gets through, you know. And but I need the 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:42.200 days when I'm the lowest, like sometimes like you might 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:44.520 not even know because I try to charge I don't know. 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:45.840 I also wear my emotions on my. 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:55.480 Sleeves before we move on, because I wanted to do 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:58.000 a little something with you a little game. But a 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.480 lot of people always wonder like, why is myke like 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.600 more or Mike? You know, Mike, Why is Mike like 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.720 so like behind the scenes because you're not in the limelight, 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:09.239 which I think is awesome. 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:10.800 Do you do that to protect. 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.880 Yourself or do you do that more because you don't 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:14.400 want to deal with all the bullshit that it like 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:17.200 goes on with it? Or is it just you're just 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:18.800 happier that way, Like what is it? 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.880 Onions have layers, I'm just kidding, but there's multiple layers 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:26.160 to it. Okay, what happened when I was I think fifteen, 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:30.000 with you know, one of my friends leading other dickheads 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:31.840 to break into the house while we were gone? 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:35.360 Oh yes, yes, that from then on because. 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:36.760 I think before that I was probably a lot more 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.280 bubbly and nice, and I still am that way, but 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.560 now it's just like, I'm nice to everyone from a distance, 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:44.360 but there's only so many people that get close and 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:46.560 I don't like that. But that's it was a defense 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:48.920 mechanism for him from back then. Yeah, and then I 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.000 got into graffiti and then so it's like, and the 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:54.439 cool thing about that was that for a little bit. Anyways, 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:58.280 because now people who know know that, oh that's Journey 0:08:58.280 --> 0:08:59.839 sent and he writes this and he's from here and 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.199 hangs out with these guys or whatever, because everything everything 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:04.920 is word of mouth. But for a long for a 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.480 little bit, it was like, this is cool because this 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:09.480 has to do with me. This is nothing to do 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:12.920 with my family or my face or my name, and like, yeah, 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:14.280 so a lot of it came to that, and that 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:16.480 was like all the pictures of me from before I'm 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:18.760 eighteen on the cover in my face, you know, like yeah, 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.040 you know, or like just like that was just my thing. 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.960 And then like I took fame really different from everybody, 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:28.200 just because it just didn't feel real because I was 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:30.360 famous one for being Mom's son, and I had always 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.240 I accepted I'm her son, but I wanted to become 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:35.920 something on my own. And then like even though we 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.360 were ourselves on the show, you know, it's like there's 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:41.280 nothing I could constantly say that the riveras or I 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:43.199 love Jenny. None of that was scripted. That was all 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:45.960 genuinely us. I still don't think that's the best reputation 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.120 representation of myself, and that's not I'm not I don't 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:50.920 look back on that it's like, oh, I'm super proud 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:52.959 of that, and are there are fun moments that we 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:56.240 wouldn't have lived in some cases without it? Yeah, you know, yeah, 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:59.400 we wouldn't have had certain memories without that, And I 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.120 accept that. But at the end of the day, like 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:04.960 it brought a lot of attention that didn't feel earned, 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:07.520 and it just didn't feel like it was genuinely because 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:09.520 of me. Like, so I think you had to do 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:10.600 a lot with that and. 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:12.520 People to love you for you, for Michael. 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.319 Yeah. And then the last layer was it just some 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:19.439 of some of some of the Mom's fans a little crazy, 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:22.920 you know what? Wait, just they would like people would 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.280 like go like just for for years, Like I would 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.360 have to hear about it from like people bothering Dre 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.320 and her dms, you know, like okay, or like you know, 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:34.679 you know other exes, like people thinking and this is 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:37.120 not just people that are haters. It's people that think 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:39.680 that they love us, you know, in the same way 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:41.800 that there's people that love Mom so much that they'll 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:44.000 attack you because they think that that's showing love. And 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.800 so people would like try to they'd be like messaging 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.439 X my ex and be like, oh, you're not good 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:52.360 enough for him. You're a fucking gold digger. Not knowing 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.920 this girl had two jobs and not knowing that she 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:59.280 dealt with her own like depression and her own her 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.680 own insecurity and stuff, and like yeah, and it's like 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.680 that's fun, that's yeah. So after that, I was like, 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:06.680 all right, you guys don't get this anymore. And then 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.000 even with with with Nova, like those moments are they're 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:12.040 precious and it's not like, oh, I'm holding this off 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.080 from the world, but I'm still locked in in that moment, 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:16.480 like yeah, I get the feeling. You're like, oh, I 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:18.200 got to take picture and send it to my siblings, 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:18.640 and for me. 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:22.600 That's all that Like look, you guys' Instagram show, Yeah, 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.440 you enjoy enjoy being private. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:28.400 The last last part is I don't think people deserve it. 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:28.920 Nice. 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.160 My following doesn't. This doesn't deserve it, you know, because 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.480 that's all they all they care about is not all day. 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.040 I'm sorry because I don't mean to offend anyone, but genuinely, 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:40.520 the same reason they want to know about my personal 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.920 life is like the rest of you know, it's like 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.920 episodic TV, like you want to know about every character. Oh, 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:47.600 and this character goes this way and this one and 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:50.440 this one pops up in the sixth season, and like 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.600 they's so they want that, like you know, oh yeah, 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:55.800 it's like, let me just checking on these people. But 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:57.640 when it comes to like last time I did my 0:11:57.640 --> 0:12:00.160 my friend's small podcast, like and I was checking the 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:03.680 views just because I wanted to help him out, and nobody, 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:05.600 like it was like there was hours had passed and 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:07.560 nobody was like, oh, let me give this a click, 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.080 you know. And I don't hold that against people, but 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.320 I'm like, I'm definitely not just gonna what I'm gonna 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:15.400 start just posting shit just based on what people want 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.240 to see, because that's not what I that's what I'm not, 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:20.199 not what I want. But I don't feel the need 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:21.719 to present that to the world. I don't need to 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:25.480 be like my whole being is being a parent or 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.920 being an autism parent or Jenny's Sun. There's so much 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:31.400 more complexities to me and if like if there's because 0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:34.319 I don't, maybe i'd be more if my life depended 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:36.280 on it. But like I got lucky to find this 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.520 pocket of work where I don't need I don't need 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.280 to put it out every day I don't need to 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.880 like search for likes and stuff or whatever. And I'm 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.439 blessed because God knows it's uncomfortable for me. Like even 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.320 like posting stuff with my work, like it fucks up 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.600 the whole day because I have to think, like, oh, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.040 I got to make sure we get this, and I 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.160 gotta get this and get this. It's a whole time 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:57.960 to get out. And on the days when I just 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.120 tell myself just don't fucking worryorry about it, like just paint, 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.600 do a great job, get a good final picture, and 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:05.640 you're ready, those are the days. Yeah, And I'm like, 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.920 and then I I when when I am dedicated too much, 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.400 I get too much footage. It's too damn long. No 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.960 one's holding their attention that long. And it's like, I 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.040 do need to get better at it, and eventually I'll 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:17.199 pay somebody to do that. 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:19.840 But yeah, when I finally let that go, like. 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:21.640 I lived at a lot more peace, And I delete 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.600 Instagram off my phone at least once every other couple 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:24.959 of months. 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:26.679 I know, since I'm like I'm searching, I'm like, damn, 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.640 where's Mikey. He okay, he deactivated. It's cool, It's normal. 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:32.880 Those days go better up here right now. I'm just 0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:35.080 like even the other day, I'm like, dude, you've been 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.160 scrolling for this shit too long, like you need to 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.439 be doing something else, or even if I'm fucking I 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:42.360 don't know, I just like I'm not comfortable spending my time, 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.760 and I know I'm also conscious of my own bad habits, 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.280 like I always got to go to common sections like oh, 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:50.400 let me find the dumb ass in here that's about 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.200 to say some stupid shit about Kendrick right now, but 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.840 I'll do yeah, but that's so toxic and if I can't, 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.000 if I know, I'm not like on most days, I'll 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.640 like type something out, I'm like, hah, that's clever, and 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.480 then delete it and that's good enough. But even that, 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:09.560 it's like, why you know, it's I don't think. Lastly, Lastly, Lastly, 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:11.880 I'm not sure if we were ever supposed to ment 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.840 be meant to be this exposed to each other's thoughts 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.360 and like, you know, like just in every passet. And 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.000 then maybe that's why no one gets along now, because 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.160 we know too fucking much about each other and everyone 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.640 has this opinion that they want or you know, I 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.080 feel like everyone wants to change the world and do 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.400 it in their own way. And when nobody and when 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:33.880 other people are don't see the same vision, there's something 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:35.800 wrong with this person, and like from now we're all 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:38.480 clashing when it's like if you guys just all shut 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:40.240 the fuck up and be nice to each other, that'll 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:40.960 work a lot better. 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:44.240 But yeah, who, I love this dude. 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.520 So all those reasons, like. 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:50.320 Honestly, they're all valid. I'm not even like it's not 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:50.960 get it. 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.000 Then that's just for me. That's not like I look 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.680 down on people on social media or. 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.920 Like, yeah I skilled back a little bit for that reason, 0:14:56.920 --> 0:14:59.400 where it's just like I was sharing too much on 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.480 social media and it's like, okay, people just had an 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:04.800 opinion about everything. Now I'm like, okay, I don't necessarily 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:07.200 want to share everything about my relationship, like I want 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:08.960 to live and go on a bike ride and like yeah, 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:10.360 like so many different things. 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:12.800 It's like, you don't have to know everything in your socials. 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.360 Actually that's like, so you have to tell that fine 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.680 line to show personal parts to yourself and then also 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.160 not sell every random product because but you have your 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.320 own my own businesses and shit that you have to 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.320 push out. And I understand that. But luckily, like I 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:29.320 don't have that, and I see that as a blessing 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:31.480 as opposed to like, oh, nobody's on my Like I 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.400 genuinely it's fine with me that, like, yeah, I don't 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.040 get that much because when I do try to get engagement, 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:39.600 it's there, but it's for the wrong reason. It's because 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:40.720 I'm being a jack. 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.840 All because you're talking shit or something to someone. 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:44.120 Because that's naturally how I am. 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:46.240 You even talk shit to us, okay, so I know 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.440 we'll get offended. He'll tell us straight up all kinds 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:48.760 of things. 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:50.200 So it's like, I don't know, it has more to 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.360 do with self control, Like does everybody need to hear 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.200 this clever little opinion I had about this stuff, like no, 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.440 And most of the time the answer is no, yeah, 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.200 And I don't really care what most people think about anything, and. 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.680 You genuinely don't, like. 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.840 I just you know, like I was really young when 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:06.880 I wanted to save the world and it stressed me 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:08.960 on The world still stresses me out to this day, 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:10.440 but I'm not going to be the one to save it. 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:13.440 And that's okay because I have this little world that 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.200 I'm struggling to keep together, not struggling, but you know, 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.280 it's challenge and it's like, when I get this downpack, 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:20.840 then maybe I'll come out to save the world. But 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:22.120 right now I don't need that, you know. 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:28.920 Yeah, before you go, brother, this is a game called 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:29.840 We're Not Really Strangers? 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:30.720 Have you heard of it? No? 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:32.800 Okay, there's a family addition. 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.320 And I want you to pick a card or actually 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:36.520 I'm gonna pick a card and I'm gonna ask you 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:36.800 a question. 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:37.200 Is that cool? 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:38.560 Okay? Pick it from the three piles? 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.440 From the three pile? Shit, okay, well, I don't know, 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:42.880 because usually it goes from anyways. 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.320 We'll see if you're magic trick. No, no, it's your magic trick. 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.479