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Speaker 1: My wife gave birth to a biracial baby, which clearly

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Speaker 1: isn't mine, and I want a divorce, but what she

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Speaker 1: did next made it near impossible.

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Speaker 2: Let's see what is going to happen here.

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Speaker 1: A month ago, my wife gave birth to a black

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Speaker 1: baby girl. We are both white.

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Speaker 2: That's I mean, coming out of the gate. That's that's

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Speaker 2: that's a big accusation, Like, how are you sure is

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Speaker 2: my initial?

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, I'm no, I'm no geneticist.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no domas.

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Speaker 1: I'm no no domas. I'm I'm not even a domas.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know shit, but uh, it seems

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Speaker 1: like there might be some something. So she was forced

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Speaker 1: to admit that the child was a result of a

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Speaker 1: one night stand last year.

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Speaker 2: Oh yo, so she just came out the gate like

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Speaker 2: this happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, man's shooting bullets from one night stand one

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Speaker 1: night stand insta pregnant man shooting bullets.

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Speaker 2: His swimmers with his swimmers would beat Michael Phelps.

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Speaker 1: I know, man, good gravy. So I started the divorce proceedings,

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Speaker 1: although we're still living together for now. Between our two

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Speaker 1: boys age two and four, I've had paternity tests for

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Speaker 1: them and they came back positive. So those kids are his, okay.

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Speaker 1: Between our two boys, age two and four, I've had

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Speaker 1: paternity tests done for them and they came back positive.

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Speaker 1: Her infant daughter and her having lost her job to COVID,

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Speaker 1: living together as amicably as possible until the divorce is

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Speaker 1: settled is an unfortunate necessity.

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Speaker 2: Right, So he can't just like she technically could, but

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Speaker 2: she'd be like her and the baby.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's bad. That's bad, Okay, Naturally, I have no

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Speaker 1: ill will towards the baby, and I've been disgusted by

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Speaker 1: some of the comments I've heard from family members, friends

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Speaker 1: and coworkers and others, all who seem to be fixated

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Speaker 1: on the racial angle of this awful, as if the

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Speaker 1: most salient part of this isn't that my wife cheated,

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Speaker 1: but somehow it's with a black guy and that the

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Speaker 1: baby is black. But honestly, like this is, that's not that.

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Speaker 1: What matters. What matters is the infidelity. And also I

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Speaker 1: love how like the husband is still trying to like

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Speaker 1: do right by life and by the kid, but like hot, damn,

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Speaker 1: he should have you know seen this coming, Yes, like

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Speaker 1: you should have researched her beforehand. Or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. You can use public data check just to

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Speaker 2: be sure, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can look up people as like real names,

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Speaker 1: their addresses, criminal records, any skeletons that might be in

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Speaker 1: the closet.

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Speaker 2: Exactly. So if you have someone that you're not too

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Speaker 2: sure about, use public data check dot com or check

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Speaker 2: our biolink.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, back to the stories. So what really worries me,

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Speaker 1: this is from Opie's perspective and my two sons, is

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Speaker 1: that they might pick up on these narratives, like these

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Speaker 1: things that are going on. Right, they're too young to

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Speaker 1: really understand what's happening now, but I'm worried that as

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Speaker 1: they grow to understand the situation, that they might grow

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Speaker 1: to resent their half sister for breaking up their parents' marriage.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wow, I didn't even that didn't cross my mind.

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Speaker 1: He's thinking ahead, dude, he's thinking. He's thinking, so, I mean,

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Speaker 1: for everything that's going on, he's thinking very clearly and

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Speaker 1: very empathetically, which is really cool. Yes, and worse, the

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Speaker 1: resentment might express itself in a racist fashion. Yeah, under

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Speaker 1: the influence of the aforementioned racist narratives. Right, like if

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Speaker 1: all the coworkers and family are saying racist, then it's

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Speaker 1: like the kids can pick up on it undred percent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah damn, he's like playing forty chess over here. Yes,

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Speaker 1: as he should be. Any thoughts on how I should

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Speaker 1: try to influence my sons away from that perspective, It

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Speaker 1: probably doesn't help that we live in a suburb with

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Speaker 1: very few black people and their half sister is really

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Speaker 1: the only black person my children. Now, Oh boy, yikes,

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Speaker 1: Oh man, I don't know what well, just really quick, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there is an updates before we get into it. I

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Speaker 1: kind of hear what you think.

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Speaker 2: One hundred percent. He should sit both of them down

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Speaker 2: and like explain it, probably multiple times when as they.

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Speaker 1: Grow up, do you think like now probably uh, if

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Speaker 1: they don't.

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Speaker 2: So if he starts seeing any thing, he should do

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Speaker 2: it immediately. Yeah, there's no reason why not to do

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Speaker 2: it immediately, But you gotta do it multiple times because

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Speaker 2: they won't unders remember now. But the subconscious biases can

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Speaker 2: like sink in early and be carried out, so so

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Speaker 2: you have like like do you check in two and four,

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Speaker 2: like the like the two year old version of like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you know, mommy and daddy are are going to live separately.

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Speaker 1: This is your half sister. You know, she might not

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Speaker 1: look like you, but she is your sister and and

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Speaker 1: like you should.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no reason. There's no reason that you.

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Speaker 1: Should love her the same way to love her, feel.

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Speaker 2: Angry at her, or feel anything like you know that

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Speaker 2: wasn't And I think just having that conversation like multiple

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Speaker 2: times that's super smart.

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Speaker 1: I've actually never thought about like I've always thought of that, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like when you had the sex talk with your kids, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or like stuff like that. Yeah, but like you can

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Speaker 1: you can just have that conversation multiple times at different levels.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm sure different scenarios require this thing. But

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Speaker 2: this I think he has gonna be careful of any

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Speaker 2: s conscious biases sinking in. So do it now, do

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Speaker 2: it early, and then just keep Just do it, and

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Speaker 2: they'll obviously understand way more once they're probably like eight, nine, ten, eleven,

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Speaker 2: they'll start it'll actually click exactly what he's what he's saying.

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Speaker 1: So there is an update. Oh. The big takeaway for

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Speaker 1: me was that I'd need to lead by example here,

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Speaker 1: not excluding her in any way because of her paternity,

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Speaker 1: so that she and my sons would see her as

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Speaker 1: a full member of the family.

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Speaker 2: That's great. Honestly, I've this approach is great. He's listening,

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Speaker 2: he's asking very smart.

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Speaker 1: Also, I need to be more active in confronting the

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Speaker 1: bigoted and ignorant nonsense I've been hearing and teach my

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Speaker 1: son to do the same and to protect their sister.

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Speaker 2: Yes, definitely.

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Speaker 1: I spoken to some of those responsible since and made

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Speaker 1: clear of my feelings on this and that she is

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Speaker 1: to be treated as a member of the family. And

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Speaker 1: if I find out that they've ever said things like

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Speaker 1: that to my sons or their sister, that they won't

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Speaker 1: be allowed around us anymore. Good.

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Speaker 2: So what you gotta do.

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Speaker 1: I've spoken to my wife about this. I love he's

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Speaker 1: still calling her his wife, not men's.

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Speaker 2: I kind of hear people do that sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's rough. I mean when you think of someone

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Speaker 1: for so long as your wife liked and we're more

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Speaker 1: and less on the same page. She's been begging me

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Speaker 1: to forgive her and not go through with the divorce.

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Speaker 1: But that's not going to happen. Even if I didn't

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Speaker 1: consider the cheating unforgivable, I just don't feel any love

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Speaker 1: for her anymore other than the platonic affection for her

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Speaker 1: as the mother of my children. My sons are handling

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Speaker 1: this as well as can be expected. My four year

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Speaker 1: old doesn't fully understand, but is upset by the change

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Speaker 1: in the household. Thankfully, he's easily distracted. Yeah, give him

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Speaker 1: like some a three DS. That's dating me? Remember three D.

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Speaker 2: I guess that is dated. Huh psp, Yeah, that's old,

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Speaker 2: that's old.

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Speaker 1: Ship.

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Speaker 2: I remember the thing with A or DS. DS was

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Speaker 2: the first one D and I remember it was like

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Speaker 2: you could send like written messages or something with like

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Speaker 2: people in your area, and that's how a certain thing started.

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Speaker 2: What between kids? You know, you give a you know,

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Speaker 2: a twelve year old coming into puberty, no wayway or

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Speaker 2: just like messaging each other, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: like flirting and like your idea. I never had any

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Speaker 2: that was like I didn't have a DS. What I

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Speaker 2: witn I witnessed?

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Speaker 1: Whoa I like drawn? Like dirty pictures.

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Speaker 2: They're just like, yeah, getting getting freaky with it. Whoa

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Speaker 2: O sexting?

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Speaker 1: No way, that's crazy. My two year old is thankfully

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Speaker 1: too young to comprehend what's going on, but has definitely

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Speaker 1: picked up on how withdrawn his mother has become. They're

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Speaker 1: both fascinated with their new little sister. So there's that

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Speaker 1: silver lining. That's good. My wife isn't in good shape

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Speaker 1: at all. She's depressed even before birth, and now with

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Speaker 1: everything our divorce or infidelity being revealed, in the backlash

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Speaker 1: from family and friends, postpartum depression, and the exhaustion from

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Speaker 1: raising an infant, she's barely functional. Oh man, She's seeing

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Speaker 1: a therapist, and I've been pressuring some of our family

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Speaker 1: and friends to be supportive of her, because even if

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Speaker 1: they think she deserves it in her current state, it's

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Speaker 1: still making it harder for me and our children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes sense. It's like why he get her

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Speaker 2: to understand the error for ways and growth from it, Like, Noah,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't think continually punishing.

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Speaker 1: How much she still has to be the mother to

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Speaker 1: that other exact two kids. So you don't want her

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Speaker 1: to completely just go off the rails, right, She needs

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Speaker 1: some support also, I'm just realizing right now, like he

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Speaker 1: didn't find out until the baby was born. Like imagine

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Speaker 1: being in the waiting room or in the in the

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Speaker 1: birthing room, I don't know what they call it, and

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Speaker 1: like you're just like, that's not my baby.

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Speaker 2: Dude, that would be fucked that. Really, I didn't even

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Speaker 2: think about it because you have because there's the delivery room.

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Speaker 2: But for nine months, yeah, up to it. That's my kid,

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Speaker 2: this is your child. You're getting ready like you're just

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Speaker 2: mentally and then that like that switch up is just insane.

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Speaker 1: Can you imagine? And so that would be so fucked Wow.

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Speaker 1: It's become very very obvious to me that even athlete

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Speaker 1: and divorce is finalized, we're going to have to live

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Speaker 1: together for a while. She's in no shape to be

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Speaker 1: taking care of three kids without someone else around to

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Speaker 1: support her, and I'm not willing to deprive her of

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Speaker 1: her sons by seeking soul custody. It's also too difficult financially.

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Speaker 1: She's lost her job because of COVID. Like what you

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Speaker 1: gotta do again? Salute to you, Opie. This is good stuff.

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Speaker 1: As for the baby girl, she's healthy and fairly easy

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Speaker 1: by baby standards. Since I've been helping take care for her,

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Speaker 1: I've bonded with her and I've discussed the possibility of

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Speaker 1: adopting her with my wife. She can't contact the father

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Speaker 1: as the only thing she knows about him is his

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Speaker 1: first name.

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Speaker 2: Damn, bro, Come on, Opie's wife. Come on, oh God,

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Speaker 2: oh watched that name be a fake name?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Damn bro. And given our co parenting situation, it

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Speaker 1: feels like adopting her as my daughter would be the

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Speaker 1: best outcome for all involved. However, there's been a wrench

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Speaker 1: thrown in that plan. It was brought to my attention

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Speaker 1: that there may be a way of finding the baby's father,

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Speaker 1: namely by having her DNA tested by ancestry DNA. If

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Speaker 1: the father or one of the relatives has also taken

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Speaker 1: the test, we may be able to find him through

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Speaker 1: the DNA match database.

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Speaker 2: Aha.

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Speaker 1: If I'm being completely honest, I'm not happy about this.

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Speaker 1: I've already started to think of this baby girl as

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Speaker 1: my daughter, and having him in our lives would massively

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Speaker 1: complicate the family dynamic. Plus we live in Seattle and

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Speaker 1: she met him in Philadelphia, so god knows how they'd

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Speaker 1: even make that work if they wanted to. However, I

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Speaker 1: recognize that this is a selfish reaction. Man is being

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Speaker 1: the most unselfish man in the universe right here. If

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Speaker 1: we have the chance of finding her biological father, we

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Speaker 1: owe it to her to do so, if only so

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Speaker 1: that she has the access to her paternal medical history,

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Speaker 1: and so she can have a relationship with him if

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Speaker 1: and when she chooses to do so. I've read a

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Speaker 1: few accounts by children raised by non biological parents, and

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Speaker 1: a common thread is their desire to meet their lost

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Speaker 1: biological parent. So that's that We've ordered an ancestry DNA

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Speaker 1: kit for her, and I guess we'll decide on our

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Speaker 1: next steps once we get results back in a couple

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Speaker 1: of months.

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Speaker 2: That's so challenging because it's like that person isn't expecting it.

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Speaker 2: You have no idea if he wants any interaction with

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Speaker 2: the kid or not, and it and just by introducing

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Speaker 2: it the family dynamic like you said, could yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: so you start fighting for or if he do he

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Speaker 2: does once it, then he could start fighting for custody

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Speaker 2: and then that you know, wow, that's.

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Speaker 1: This kid's is why you don't cheat in your marriage.

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Speaker 2: What would you do?

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Speaker 1: Would I do?

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Speaker 2: I mean?

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Speaker 1: I think I think I think we know what the

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Speaker 1: right thing to do is. Yeah, well is it? You know?

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Speaker 1: Is it the right thing? Well? So here's it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: will it will it hurt? The will it hurt? How

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Speaker 1: this baby girl is going to be raised?

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Speaker 2: I think I think it's fair to first do the

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Speaker 2: DNA test. But yeah, I guess it is the right

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Speaker 2: thing by the person, by the the person OPI's wife

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Speaker 2: cheated with, because at the end of the day, that

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Speaker 2: is their kid and they should know about it. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: it does, it does, PoTA. There's the risk of making

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Speaker 2: things just way less than the artist. I guess. I

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Speaker 2: guess it is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, It's like I think in this situation is who

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Speaker 1: do you want to do right by? Do you want

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Speaker 1: to do right by the baby girl or this guy?

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Speaker 1: And I feel like it might be more important to

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Speaker 1: do right by the baby girl.

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Speaker 2: It should be.

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Speaker 1: It's freaking complicated. Yeah, what would you do? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Comment below what you do and why, because I'm We're stumped.

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Speaker 1: We're stumped.

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Speaker 2: If you thought this story was crazy, check out this

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Speaker 2: one where the step mom tries to steal the baby.

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Speaker 2: What's right here or check the link in the description.