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Speaker 1: Let's talk about sex baby. You and me, do you

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Speaker 1: just talk about all the good things and the bad

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Speaker 1: things that may talk about?

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Speaker 2: Come on, I want to read minds. Think alike, bro

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Speaker 2: bro bro. Literally before you came on the zoom call,

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Speaker 2: I said to these two, I had the perfect song

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Speaker 2: to start us off. I had queued that up. Your

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Speaker 2: zoom window opens and you go, let's talk about sex baby.

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Speaker 1: You know what time it is.

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Speaker 3: It's our favorite day of the year. Listener, Listen, we

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Speaker 3: have some caveats here. Yes, first, well, we do need

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Speaker 3: to tell the listener, can't we do? Yeah, they don't

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Speaker 3: want to. We'll cut this out, but they you, I'll

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Speaker 3: give him the warning.

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Speaker 4: Just you know, they don't talk about porn or sex addiction.

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Speaker 4: They're still doing research on those things, and so they

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Speaker 4: just don't feel quite yet.

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Speaker 2: Are you crossing on a loom? That is so funny?

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Speaker 2: All right, you have to we can keep this because

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Speaker 2: it's just too funny. Donald is now crossing out on

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Speaker 2: his list of questions. And the point in a second,

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Speaker 2: they don't want to talk about because they're still residing

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Speaker 2: and they don't feel like they have the expertise yet

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Speaker 2: to comment on those things, right, Joell, that's correct, Listen,

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Speaker 2: I was just flipping through their guides. They have these

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Speaker 2: very We're gonna have to shout them out because people

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Speaker 2: should buy these. They're kind of like they're the kind

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Speaker 2: of like instruction manuals for the vagina and the penis.

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Speaker 2: I was just perusing them. They're very informative.

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Speaker 1: This already is making me uncomfortable, and I like it.

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Speaker 2: That's gonna be great. We should We don't normally give warnings,

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Speaker 2: but obviously we should state the obvious. I think if

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Speaker 2: you're someone who happens to listen to this with your

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Speaker 2: children in the in the car or something, you shouldn't.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about sex, baby, we're gonna talk to you.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about all the good things, all

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Speaker 1: the bad things that maybe we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: sex people, all right, So let's just.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's just definitely this definitely shouldn't be one

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Speaker 2: that you listen to with anybody warned them.

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Speaker 1: We've warned them.

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Speaker 2: I know we've warned them, Okay, But anyway, I was

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Speaker 2: just flipping through their guides Donald and there's beautiful drawings

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Speaker 2: and it's really informative. I was kind of At first

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Speaker 2: I was kind of like smiling, like laughing with them

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Speaker 2: about it, and then I was like, oh, I got

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Speaker 2: to try that because they have like all these techniques,

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Speaker 2: they have names on them, Like I.

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Speaker 1: Want to ask, what's the best way to introduce a

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Speaker 1: thumb in the butt?

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Speaker 2: Like, well, maybe like start off with that. Actually, don't

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Speaker 2: by the way, let me let me listen. I saw that.

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Speaker 2: Hold on, let me go back to that. Donald, don't

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Speaker 2: leave with that. I think we gotta much like much

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Speaker 2: like they advise in their guides to go take your

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Speaker 2: time with for play, I think we need to not

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Speaker 2: go right at Okay, So here's the four play Listen.

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Speaker 2: Here's a little section. I'm gonna that's.

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Speaker 1: Another question I have. What is let me write that?

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Speaker 2: What can I? Can I read you something from? Can

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Speaker 2: I read you something from the guide? Donald? This chapter

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Speaker 2: is called venture backdoor.

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Speaker 1: Shit, I'm already interested. I'm listening.

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Speaker 2: The anus is still frustratingly taboo in our society, but

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Speaker 2: it has a lot of nerve endings and can feel

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Speaker 2: pleasurable for everyone. If you've never tried anal play before,

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Speaker 2: make sure to discuss it beforehand. It's not something to

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Speaker 2: spring on your partner in the moment. If your partner

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Speaker 2: is up for anal play, you'll need to use some lube.

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Speaker 2: We think silicon lube works best in this instance. Here's

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Speaker 2: some simple techniques to try a just the tip. Put

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Speaker 2: a dab of lube on your pointer finger and press

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Speaker 2: your fingertip against the anus. So that's the kind of

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Speaker 2: information these folks have for us, And.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask questions like should you pooh before?

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Speaker 2: You can't playing? You can, but let's warm up to

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Speaker 2: that much like for play. Let's just I don't want

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Speaker 2: them to get scared of you.

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Speaker 1: That's not a scary question. They're a therapist.

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Speaker 2: I think you know the obvious that you should pooh

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Speaker 2: before and some.

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Speaker 1: People, maybe our listeners out there, don't know that, Zach.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they're thinking we're just going to be to get in.

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Speaker 2: There with with a washcloth and just dig in there

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Speaker 2: and see to the booty hole.

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Speaker 1: I think the question this is a question we.

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Speaker 2: Want to write it down on your on your list.

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Speaker 1: Do you use a wash cloth on your ask?

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Speaker 2: By the way, this whole podcast started with a debate

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Speaker 2: about whether to use a washcloth in the shower. But

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Speaker 2: I think that to circle back around from episode one

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Speaker 2: oh one or something. Uh that. Yes, before you engage

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Speaker 2: in this kind of stuff, you should dig in there

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Speaker 2: with a wash cloth. We don't need we don't need

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Speaker 2: the sex therapist's advice on that. All right, So Donald,

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Speaker 2: I just want to prepare. This is like when we

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Speaker 2: met Travolta and I said, don't go right in and

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Speaker 2: bum rusham, and then you're asking about face off within

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Speaker 2: two second. Let's not go right at the your dirty questions.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna ease them in with some nice, calm questions.

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Speaker 1: But dirty questions are allowed.

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Speaker 2: Joe, we'll build that. Yes, we'll build that. Don't bring

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Speaker 2: up gross stuff. No one wants here, doesn't There's.

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Speaker 1: Nothing gross about it if you're into it.

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Speaker 4: Bro, they said, they're very comfortable and open.

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Speaker 2: Okay, good let them in the room. Please. Well, Donald,

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Speaker 2: count us stories show. We made about a bunch.

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Speaker 1: Of he said, he's the stories.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, all right, Joell, we're two race horses

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Speaker 2: at the gate. We have so many questions. Daniel, maybe

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Speaker 2: put a sound effect of that of that thing that

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Speaker 2: that that sounds when the when the horses are let

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Speaker 2: free from the majiggy, You know what I mean? All right,

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Speaker 2: let them.

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Speaker 1: Let them up, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Xander.

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Speaker 1: What's up, guys. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: I'm very loud and excited, but please introduce yourselves to us.

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Speaker 5: We're so excited to be here. So we're Vanessa and

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Speaker 5: Xander Marin. I'm a licensed sex therapist.

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Speaker 6: I'm a regular dude who happens to be married to

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Speaker 6: a sex therapist. And we've been together sixteen years, married

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Speaker 6: twelve years, so you know, I got to work the

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Speaker 6: regular guys perspective that's also has a bit of experience

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Speaker 6: with you.

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Speaker 5: And so together we wrote a book, Sex Talks, The

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Speaker 5: Five Conversations that Will Transform Your Love Life, that came

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Speaker 5: out this year and was an instant New York Times bestseller.

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Speaker 5: And we really just focus on helping couples keep the

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Speaker 5: spark alive in their long term relationships, because I think

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Speaker 5: anybody who's been in the long term relationship knows you

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Speaker 5: have some ebbs and flows to it, right, like, it's

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Speaker 5: not always as exciting as it was at the beginning

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Speaker 5: of the relationship. So we're here to help people understand

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Speaker 5: why that happens and find that spark again.

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Speaker 2: That's amazing. I'll just say the name of your book

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Speaker 2: slower because I think once we get talked and people

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Speaker 2: are going to really want to get this book. I

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Speaker 2: was looking through your I don't know, what do you

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Speaker 2: call the guides.

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Speaker 1: That you put out pamphlets?

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Speaker 2: To me, Well, it's not a pamphlets there, I'm looking

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Speaker 2: at the four play Guides, okay, and it's like it's

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Speaker 2: an instruction manual. It's kind of like what you wish

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Speaker 2: someone taught you, but no one ever did exactly, So

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Speaker 2: tell us two things before we get.

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Speaker 1: Into imagine being like introduced into sex with one of

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Speaker 1: these instruction manuals.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it really would have helped. Also, what about it?

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Speaker 5: It would have helped?

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Speaker 2: What about it? In high school if you had like

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Speaker 2: a communications class that wasn't like that was really about

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Speaker 2: how to have proper arguments and debates with your partner?

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Speaker 2: I mean, no one ever teaches you that either. Can

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Speaker 2: you just sorry, plug both things? How do people get

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Speaker 2: a hold of those guides and your book before we

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Speaker 2: get into it.

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Speaker 5: So the book is called Sex Talks The Five Conversations

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Speaker 5: that Will Transform Your Love Life, And what that book

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Speaker 5: is all about is how to actually talk about sex?

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Speaker 5: With the person you are having sex with. So we

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Speaker 5: all have like heard that advice, Like, you know, you're

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Speaker 5: up late at night, you're googling your secret sex problems,

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Speaker 5: you're trying to find some answers, and it's at the

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Speaker 5: end of every article, like just talk about it with

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Speaker 5: your partners. Easier said than done, right, But it's such

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Speaker 5: generic advice. You're like, well, but what do I say?

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Speaker 5: And how do I say it? And these things are

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Speaker 5: embarrassing and tricky to talk about. So we took that

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Speaker 5: advice and we really made it super practical. So we

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Speaker 5: boiled it down into what are the five specific conversations

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Speaker 5: we think every couple would benefit from, and we walk

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Speaker 5: you through, like exactly how to have those conversations. So

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Speaker 5: it's not generic, it's really practical, straightforward, and we share

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Speaker 5: a lot of our own stories too, to like really

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Speaker 5: help normalize these conversations. We've learned all of our advice

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Speaker 5: from doing the exact opposite in our relationships, so we've

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Speaker 5: made a lot of mistakes, we've learned a lot of

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Speaker 5: great stuff, so we share all of that. So that's

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Speaker 5: Sex Talks, the book, and then the pamphlets, the guides

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Speaker 5: that you guys are referring to you know when it

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Speaker 5: comes to sex, Like we all want to be great

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Speaker 5: in bed, right, Like who doesn't want to be the

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Speaker 5: best their partner has ever had? But like you are saying, Zach,

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Speaker 5: like where do we learn about this? So definitely, yeah,

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Speaker 5: we have this like incredible pressure on ourselves to be

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Speaker 5: so good at it, but we've never actually learned how to.

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Speaker 5: And so again, like we're all about the practical. We

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Speaker 5: want to teach people things that like you feel like

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Speaker 5: you should already know, but you never really learned anywhere.

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Speaker 5: So we have a ton of guides, like we have

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Speaker 5: our Ultimate foreplay guides. We have a guide called Next

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Speaker 5: Level Intercourse where we show you again it's very step

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Speaker 5: by step like specific techniques, exactactly how to use your hands, exactly,

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Speaker 5: how to use your mouth the specific position, Like.

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Speaker 1: So fucking helpful when I was younger.

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Speaker 2: I I really I was just looking through it, and

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Speaker 2: you know, I really recommend them. First of all, how

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Speaker 2: do people get them?

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Speaker 5: The guys, they can go to our website. It's vmtherapy

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Speaker 5: dot com. So it's my initials V M, T H

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Speaker 5: E R A p Y dot com. So those are

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Speaker 5: two of our most popular. But we have a guide

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Speaker 5: about butt stuff. We have how to initiate sex, we

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Speaker 5: have sex.

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Speaker 1: They want to go right.

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Speaker 2: Away, it right away, dude, What does a good interviewer do?

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Speaker 2: They start slow and then they get to the butt stuff. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: now I wanted to ask and anyway, I was just

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Speaker 2: looking through the guides and audience. You might think that

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Speaker 2: you're amazing in bed and you're like, you don't need instructions.

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Speaker 2: There was some very interesting info in there, and it's funny.

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Speaker 2: You know, we were joking, but no one ever teaches you.

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Speaker 2: Don't ever sits down and goes this is exactly what

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Speaker 2: you know people like, and of course it's unique to

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Speaker 2: each person, so people are afraid to have these conversations

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Speaker 2: directly with their partner. No one ever teaches you. So

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Speaker 2: I think it's a great service that you guys are

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Speaker 2: offering to sort of educate people in exploring what people

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Speaker 2: like and also talking about it.

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Speaker 5: Thank you. It's like there's no shame in this. I mean,

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Speaker 5: there's always something new to learn. Like we both feel

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Speaker 5: pretty damn confident with our technique at this point, but

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Speaker 5: like we're always learning new things and trying new things.

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Speaker 5: And there's no shame in that, Like there it's so

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Speaker 5: much fun to explore sex, like explore in the bedroom

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Speaker 5: with your partner. So we want to take that shame away.

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Speaker 5: We want to make people feel excited about gaining some

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Speaker 5: new skills.

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Speaker 1: There are so many questions that I have.

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Speaker 2: I think Donald's never done homework for an interview before,

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Speaker 2: but he's got a pad and a pen.

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Speaker 1: The first one I think we should start off with

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Speaker 1: is what is for play?

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Speaker 5: So we actually hate the word for play.

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Speaker 1: So what we're doing to me the interview play.

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Speaker 5: So typically when people are referring to foreplay, we're talking

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Speaker 5: about like using our hands and our mouths on each other,

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Speaker 5: like the stuff that we do to warm each other

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Speaker 5: up to get ready for the real thing, which in

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Speaker 5: male female couples most of us think of as intercourse.

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Speaker 5: And so even just that word foreplay, it makes it

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Speaker 5: sound like these are the things you do before the

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Speaker 5: main act, and so it feels like these acts are

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Speaker 5: like they're less important, and sometimes people almost get annoyed

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Speaker 5: with it, like, oh, we have to do more for play,

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Speaker 5: Like I just want to have the real deal, like

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Speaker 5: let's get to it. But the reality is that for

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Speaker 5: us women, You are way more likely to make us

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Speaker 5: orgasm from foreplay, from using your hands in your mouths

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Speaker 5: than you are from intercourse. So eighty five to ninety

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Speaker 5: percent of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone, Like only

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Speaker 5: ten to fifteen percent of women pain. Yeah, so the

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Speaker 5: vast majority of women need that foreplay. So it's not

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Speaker 5: that these are like the annoying things that we have

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Speaker 5: to do in order to have the main event, Like

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Speaker 5: these things are the main event for women.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, But the problem with that terminology is that then

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Speaker 6: we get this idea in our head that oh, this

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Speaker 6: is this thing that we're just supposed to spend a

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Speaker 6: little bit of time on before. We also have that

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Speaker 6: whole like running the bases analogy, which also doesn't really

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Speaker 6: help because it's like, oh, well, why would I want

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Speaker 6: a double when I can have a home run? Right,

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Speaker 6: And so we get this idea that we should just

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Speaker 6: rush through that to get to the next thing, the intercourse,

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Speaker 6: when in reality, the intercourse can be very pleasurable, but

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Speaker 6: it's often not the most pleasurable act for one of

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Speaker 6: the people in the partnership. And so you know, we

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Speaker 6: think four place should be something that should be happening

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Speaker 6: throughout the whole experience, not just before.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I agree with that one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, Mom, I want to take your sweatshirt off. You

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Speaker 2: need to like pat down your forehead.

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Speaker 1: Getting hot in here.

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Speaker 2: He's wearing his infamous Mickey Mouse hoodie and he's getting

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Speaker 2: all hot and bothered. So what do you think if

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Speaker 2: I know, this is probably a broad question, but when

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Speaker 2: a couple comes to you to ask questions and they've

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Speaker 2: been together a while, what are some of the most

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Speaker 2: common I know it's probably what your what your book

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Speaker 2: is about, but what are some of the most common

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Speaker 2: things that they say, Hey, we had a good sex life,

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Speaker 2: and we occasionally do have a good sex life, but

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Speaker 2: we've lost a little bit of the of the sizzle.

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Speaker 2: What do you advise How do you advise them? What?

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Speaker 2: What are some of the most common conundrums people come

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Speaker 2: to you with.

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Speaker 5: The main thing that couples complain about is that their

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Speaker 5: sex life just doesn't feel exciting anymore. And they'll talk

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Speaker 5: a lot about the early days of the relationship, like, oh,

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Speaker 5: when we first met, we couldn't keep our hands off

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Speaker 5: of each other. We were having sex all the time.

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Speaker 5: It was really exciting, like very pleasurable. And then as

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Speaker 5: things go on, like the frequency slows down, the like

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Speaker 5: the window kind of narrows of what sex entails. So

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Speaker 5: a lot of couples are like, you know, they're not

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Speaker 5: actually even doing for play or anything exciting. It's just

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Speaker 5: like we get right to it. You can kind of

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Speaker 5: script out in two minutes, you know, like exactly what's

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Speaker 5: going to.

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Speaker 6: Happen one or two positions at best.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and yeah, the sex itself just doesn't feel particularly

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Speaker 5: pleasurable or satisfying. In particular, there's a big orgasm gap

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Speaker 5: in male female relationships, so men are having a lot

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Speaker 5: more orgasms than women are having, and that can lead

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Speaker 5: to mismatches and desire too. So one of the things

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Speaker 5: that we call out in the book is the connection

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Speaker 5: between enjoyment and desire.

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Speaker 1: Can I give my wife really quick?

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Speaker 2: Donald Style's going to go get his wife because this

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Speaker 2: is just some backstory. Listeners of the show will He's

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Speaker 2: going to yell for her because I love this, because

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Speaker 2: you want to get on. He's going to use his

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Speaker 2: free therapy just as a backstory that our listeners will know.

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Speaker 2: Donald and his wife speak openly about a mismatch in desire.

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Speaker 2: He has the libido of a eighteen year old boy

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Speaker 2: and his wife does not.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty interesting.

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Speaker 5: Oh we're getting good, good grades already.

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Speaker 1: She's scared, she said. Did you hear her say she's scared?

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Speaker 2: No? Oh my god, Come meet Casey. But wait, this

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Speaker 2: whole show is not going to be come about this way.

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Speaker 1: Daniel, Casey, come down. I don't know nothing about raising

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Speaker 1: these schools, so tell me what to do about raising

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Speaker 1: these kids. And that's what it is.

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Speaker 7: Hi, guys, you guys, this is Casey co Hi, guys.

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Speaker 5: Hi, I'm Vanessa.

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Speaker 2: That's Vanessa Xander. They were just about to talk about

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Speaker 2: a mismatch how couples deal. It's very often a mixedmatch

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Speaker 2: in desire. And I was sharing with them that this

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Speaker 2: is something that Donald and Casey deal with, and maybe

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Speaker 2: you can give them some advice. They Donald would like

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Speaker 2: to have sex at least once a day, and Casey,

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Speaker 2: i think it's safe to say, does not agree with.

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Speaker 7: That I have sex one today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so maybe you could give them, Like I'm sure

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Speaker 2: this is a common problem with our listeners that are listening.

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Speaker 2: Can you share some advice for them on how does

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Speaker 2: a couple get past this or deal with this.

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Speaker 7: Okay, first off, let me just say I was staring

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Speaker 7: at you because you're wearing the exact same thing I am,

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Speaker 7: and we look alike twinsies. I was staring at you,

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Speaker 7: and then I was like, oh wait, I'm over here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not married to the white guy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Okay. So what we were starting to talk about is

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Speaker 5: one of the biggest causes for desire discrepancies in couples,

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Speaker 5: and this may not be the case for you guys.

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Speaker 5: There are a lot of reasons why we might have discrepancies,

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Speaker 5: but one of the most common ones that we see

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Speaker 5: is that it's actually a mismatch in the enjoyment that

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Speaker 5: the couple is having of sex. So there's a really

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Speaker 5: powerful connection between how much we enjoy sex and how

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Speaker 5: much we desire sex. So we're big foodies. I always

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Speaker 5: like to make food comparisons, like would you ever crave

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Speaker 5: a bowl of overly steamed mushy broccoli? Like, no, of

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Speaker 5: course not. It doesn't make sense to crave it, Like

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Speaker 5: most of us don't enjoy eating overly steamed mushy broccoli,

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Speaker 5: But we don't judge ourselves for like, why do I

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Speaker 5: never seem to want that, but a lot of us

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Speaker 5: are having sex that is kind of the equivalent of

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Speaker 5: overly steamed mushy broccoli. And then we beat ourselves up

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Speaker 5: wondering like why do I not want that? More? Especially

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Speaker 5: us women, we have this tendency to blame ourselves to

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Speaker 5: feel like something's wrong with us. But there's a huge

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Speaker 5: gap in how much men enjoy sex and how much

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Speaker 5: women enjoy sex. So again, may not be the reason

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Speaker 5: for you.

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Speaker 6: Guys.

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Speaker 5: I saw Donald's face when I said the mushy broccoli sex.

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Speaker 2: Donald, you were DESCRIBINGSCI.

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Speaker 7: No, No, we have great sex. And I have to say,

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Speaker 7: but I think my my question, since we're being I'm

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Speaker 7: a foodie too, what do you do when you're just fool?

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Speaker 2: You know that analogy is perfect.

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Speaker 7: My thing is we have great sex, and I will

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Speaker 7: say our sex has gotten better as we've gotten older.

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Speaker 7: I will say that I'm one of those people. I'm

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Speaker 7: a very mental person. So when I have a lot

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Speaker 7: going on in my head, I'm kind of like, Okay,

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Speaker 7: I can designate this amount of time and space in

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Speaker 7: my brain to feel good and amazing with you and

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Speaker 7: love you. But then I got to get back onto

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Speaker 7: the fifty million other things I got going on as.

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Speaker 5: Far as yes. So let me tell you so the

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Speaker 5: main the two most common reasons that we see for

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Speaker 5: these desire discrepancies. One is the enjoyment piece that I

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Speaker 5: just mentioned. The other one is an emotional connection piece.

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Speaker 5: Like a lot of couples, especially in long term relationships,

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Speaker 5: life gets busy, we have a lot on our plate.

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Speaker 5: We're just not feeling emotionally connected with each other, and

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Speaker 5: so it can make it feel really challenging to want

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Speaker 5: to be intimate if you're not feeling that closeness or

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Speaker 5: even if you you guys have been arguing, you're feeling resemful.

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Speaker 5: So those are the two most common ones. But what

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Speaker 5: you're speaking to is kind of like a third one

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Speaker 5: that is also quite common as well, of just the like,

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Speaker 5: I've got so much in my head that it feels

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Speaker 5: like there's not any space for desire. Does that feel

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Speaker 5: like it's just accurate?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, And I don't want to say this is why

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Speaker 7: I didn't really want to come on, because sometimes I

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Speaker 7: feel like I'm misunderstood in our house.

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Speaker 1: Have I know? I know?

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Speaker 7: And so it's one of those things where we'll have,

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Speaker 7: you know, we'll have amazing sex, and then I'll be like, oh, wow,

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Speaker 7: that was really great, and then twenty minutes later he's

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Speaker 7: like that was so good, we should do it again,

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Speaker 7: and I'm like, babe, I gotta get on.

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Speaker 1: I gotta get on with it.

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Speaker 7: But that not only that, it's also when you say

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Speaker 7: the emotional disconnect, it's really hard to like, if we've

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Speaker 7: been not fighting, we don't really have big fights, but

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Speaker 7: I get real pissed off when shit's not done around

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Speaker 7: the house, or if I've done a bunch of shit

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Speaker 7: it and I come home from taking the kids to

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Speaker 7: school something that he has not done, you know, And

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Speaker 7: I come home and shit's everywhere, and I'm like, what

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Speaker 7: what just happened? But now you want me to all

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Speaker 7: of a sudden ride you like a queen. Like, no,

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Speaker 7: I don't feel.

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Speaker 1: Like a queen.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I just got shit.

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Speaker 7: On and now it feels like a chore that you're

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Speaker 7: making me another chore that I'm having to do.

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Speaker 5: Exactly this is super common. So you're talking about mental load,

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Speaker 5: which in male female relationships, studies have shown that women

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Speaker 5: carry the vast majority of mental load. It's like we're

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Speaker 5: always keeping track of you know, when do we need

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Speaker 5: to go grocery shopping? And I've got to pick up

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Speaker 5: the dry cleaning and are we out of this thing?

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Speaker 5: And I've got to reorder this thing and I've got

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Speaker 5: to make the appointment. It's like this endless list in

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Speaker 5: our heads that's always going, and the actual responsibilities piece

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Speaker 5: of it too, feeling like, hey, I'm running the house,

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Speaker 5: I'm taking care of the kids, I'm doing all the things,

437
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 5: and now sex is starting to feel like another thing

438
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 5: on this back miles long, endless to do list that

439
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 5: I have, and it takes the the feeling of like

440
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,439
Speaker 5: intimacy and connection away from it, and it starts to

441
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 5: feel more like a transactional thing, like I've got to

442
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 5: check this off the list, just like I have to

443
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 5: check off on the grocery store.

444
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 2: Totally.

445
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I hate, Okay, I do that because when

446
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 7: we do have when we are connected and we do

447
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 7: have great sex, it's amazing. But you know that's that's

448
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,199
Speaker 7: it's like a roller coaster. It comes in waves, you know.

449
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 7: I mean, I'm not I'm not saying I mean I

450
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 7: do like to think and I'm going to say that

451
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 7: because sometimes I think these listeners think that I don't

452
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 7: be having enough sex. But I have a lot of sex,

453
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 7: like more than any married woman.

454
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 5: I know.

455
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,879
Speaker 7: I am really going to bat over here, so you're

456
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 7: a generous partner. I'm sorry it's still not enough, and

457
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 7: I don't I don't want to ever feel like i'm

458
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 7: not because I am an overachiever when it comes to

459
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 7: getting my shit done.

460
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: You know, let's take a break.

461
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after these fine words.

462
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 5: For you, Casey, I want to ask you. You said

463
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 5: a minute ago, like you guys will have amazing sex.

464
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 5: You're feeling super connected. It feels really good. And then

465
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,200
Speaker 5: he says we should do it again. And the way

466
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 5: that you described it, it felt like you kind of

467
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 5: like deflated in that moment, Like, oh, so I'm curious, Like,

468
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 5: tell me what happens for you when you're like you're

469
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 5: riding this high. Everything's been great, and he says we

470
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 5: should do it again, Like what's that deflation that happens

471
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 5: for you? It wasn't enough?

472
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 7: Like yeah, exactly, it just wasn't enough, Like the constant

473
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 7: feeling I feel all day, like not so much just

474
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 7: from him. It's just it wasn't enough. So it's just more.

475
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 7: It's just more and everything, And when I think of more,

476
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 7: it goes into back what you're saying, the mental load

477
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 7: of he's not satisfied, So I can't check that off

478
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 7: my list because he's not.

479
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 5: Satist's back on the list.

480
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 7: Now back on the list.

481
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 5: So okay, So so let me get Donald. I'm gonna

482
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 5: speak for you, but I'm guessing that what you're feeling

483
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 5: in that moment when you say that is like you

484
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 5: feel so connected to her, so in love with her.

485
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 5: It was fun, it was pleasurable. It was just like,

486
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 5: oh yes, And so I'm guessing that you hearing that

487
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 5: she's so deflated when you say that, you're like, oh no,

488
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 5: that's like the exact opposite of what I wanted you

489
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 5: to feel. So, Casey, what is do you different?

490
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, absolutely not.

491
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 5: What could he say to you instead of we should

492
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 5: do it again, which makes you feel like, oh shit,

493
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 5: I didn't do good enough. It's back on the list.

494
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 5: What could he say to you that's different that would

495
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 5: help you? Because I think what he's trying to say

496
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 5: is like, that was so fun, I feel so connected.

497
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 7: To what's your day? Like, what can I help you

498
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:48,479
Speaker 7: with today?

499
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 4: Mm hmm?

500
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 1: What could you say that right after sex. That's what

501
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 1: I don't want. I don't want sex to be a freak.

502
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 5: We can do both. I can do both.

503
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: How I'm going to give you some.

504
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 7: Handle when we're getting dressed and stuff.

505
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 5: So what are you going to do today?

506
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 2: What do you have to now?

507
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 7: Like, oh, do you need him?

508
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 5: What's anything? What's the way that he could express to

509
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 5: you how much fun he had and how connected he

510
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 5: feels to you in a way that makes you feel

511
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 5: like that was good enough, that was great?

512
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: Well.

513
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 7: To be honest, Donald's very complimentary after sex, like he'll

514
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,199
Speaker 7: fill me up and boos up.

515
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 2: Jesus, all right, can I see can I jump in here?

516
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: I one of the things we had a gynecologist on

517
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 2: and she she was answering some questions, but then she

518
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 2: deferred and said, you should really have a sex therapist

519
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 2: on this is And what she was saying is that

520
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 2: you know, some of these chores around the house that

521
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 2: Casey was feeling don't get done. That that's and that

522
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 2: can be an afrodisiac in a way by doing some

523
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 2: of the things, by taking some of the load off

524
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 2: of her. That that might be something that he could

525
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 2: be doing that would make her and.

526
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 7: Wait, not to interrupt, but just for everyone to know

527
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 7: it's not so much chores like laundry, and it's like

528
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 7: you pick up the kids, you drive the forty five

529
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 7: minutes to the school and get the kids in forty

530
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 7: five minutes back with them yelling at you and treating

531
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 7: you like shit the whole way home.

532
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 5: Do you see what I'm saying?

533
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, it's both of our kids. It's

534
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 7: not just mine. They're not just mine.

535
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, kids have complicated a lot

536
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: of shit, you know what I mean. Like, as far

537
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: as it's like a fantasy over here, sometimes for me,

538
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep.

539
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 7: It one hundred with you, I agree, like, no fantasy.

540
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: No doubt, Like the shit's just clean all of a sudden.

541
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, that should clean all of a sudden.

542
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 7: Oh I got to be in the garage animating for

543
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 7: nine hours and nobody even.

544
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 5: Looked for me.

545
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's another.

546
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 2: So don't use Sorry, I'll defer the prose. But don't

547
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 2: you see that that might be a root of some

548
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 2: of the problem in terms of you getting more of

549
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 2: what you want.

550
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 5: It's a huge, huge part of it. So I think

551
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 5: I think there are two things that I would if

552
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 5: we were working together. There are two things that I

553
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 5: would work with. One is figuring out what's a better

554
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 5: way for Donald to communicate like after sex, I feel

555
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 5: so good, I'm so connected. I would probably suggest not

556
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 5: saying do you want to do that again? Right in

557
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 5: that moment. I would just focus on complimenting her, because

558
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 5: you're doing that already. It sounds like she feels good,

559
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 5: but you need to make her really feel like like,

560
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 5: just that was so good. I love you so much,

561
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 5: I'm really connected. I appreciate the way that you showed

562
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,679
Speaker 5: up with me that moment that we shared, like thank you,

563
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 5: and then you know, we can talk about like you

564
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 5: can still express desire for her, but I would keep

565
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 5: it a little bit separate so she just gets that

566
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 5: to enjoy that feeling in that moment of like, okay, good,

567
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 5: he feels good. I feel good. That was enjoyable, and

568
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 5: so the perfectionism doesn't come up for you if like,

569
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 5: oh god, it wasn't good enough.

570
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 1: Right.

571
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 5: So that's one piece of it. The second piece of

572
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 5: it is dealing with the mental load aspect of it,

573
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 5: because this is a huge thing that comes up with couples.

574
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 5: Like I was saying, the majority of women carry the

575
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 5: mental load, and it really makes sex start to feel transactional.

576
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 5: And the great thing that I'm hearing from you guys

577
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 5: is like the sex itself is not the problem. It

578
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 5: sounds like you guys have fun, you feel connected, you

579
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 5: love each other, like it's really intimate and enjoyable. It's

580
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 5: just like getting there that's causing the challenge. So when

581
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 5: it comes to mental load, like, we highly recommend that

582
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 5: couples come up with a specific plan of how they're

583
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 5: going to share mental load and the actual responsibilities of

584
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 5: running the household, because if you guys are feeling like

585
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 5: if you don't have a specific plan, the majority of

586
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 5: it is just going to be falling to her, and

587
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 5: she's going to start to feel overworked and tired and resentful,

588
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 5: and she's not going to be able to show up

589
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 5: with that energy that you both want her to show up.

590
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 5: You guys have the same goals here actually, Like, it's

591
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 5: not that you're wildly mismatched, So I would think about, like,

592
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 5: what are the ways that you can share the responsibilities

593
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 5: a little bit more evenly, so you guys are feeling

594
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 5: more like teammates outside of the bedroom, and then that's

595
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 5: going to make it easier to feel like teammates.

596
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 7: And I think that's our missing link. And and please no,

597
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 7: like he treats me like a queen, I feel a mate.

598
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 7: He's a wonderful husband to me, and he's a wonderful dad.

599
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 7: But I and in his defense, a lot of it

600
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 7: is is because I take on the role of getting

601
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 7: everything done because I like it done my way or

602
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 7: the right way. I do admit that. I do admit that,

603
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 7: you know, but you know, just for example, before this podcast,

604
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 7: you know, I'm worried. I'm in addition to the kids,

605
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 7: the house and everything else, which I don't have a

606
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 7: problem with. I love my kids, and I love taking

607
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 7: care of my beautiful home that I'm very fortunate to

608
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 7: have thanks to him. But I'm worried. Is your computer charged?

609
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 7: I'm checking my phone. Did Zach text me because he

610
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 7: wants because Donald's late or this? Or where is Donald

611
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 7: going today? He needs the map quest I have to

612
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 7: send him the address. I have to make sure I

613
00:29:58,280 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 7: give him the warning that it's time to get in

614
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 7: the car because the traffic is bad.

615
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: It's just.

616
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 7: And I do have to You could say, I don't

617
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 7: have to do those things. But I do have to

618
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 7: do those things because if I don't, guess what, Donald's

619
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 7: not there on time, Zach's angry, Zach's texting me, you know,

620
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 7: the computer's not charged, it's dead. Y'all are pissed off.

621
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 2: What we've learned is I'm the reason that you guys

622
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 2: aren't fucking enough. That's really what I think.

623
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 5: Zach's the entire problem here.

624
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: She's got fake doctors on her shoulder as well.

625
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 2: So yeah, I.

626
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 7: Mean, I think what you're saying is right.

627
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, coming up with the plan together and as part

628
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 5: of the plan, so here's what comes up. Like a

629
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 5: lot of us women do the same thing. And we've

630
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 5: had this come up in our relationship too, Like if

631
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 5: this happens for everybody, but like we've been so socialized

632
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 5: to believe that, you know, our value is in taking

633
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 5: care of the home and making things run properly and

634
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 5: everything's good, and so we do have this idea in

635
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 5: our heads of the right way to do things, and

636
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 5: so we get frustrated and it's like, oh, can you

637
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 5: just unload the dishwasher, like I have so many things

638
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 5: to do, and then he unloads it in the and

639
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 5: it's like, oh, I shouldn't even have asked it, Like

640
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 5: now I have to redo it. I should have done

641
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 5: it myself. Right. So, in that conversation when you're making

642
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 5: a plan of like whose responsibility is what, and like,

643
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 5: it's got to be a clear plan. And part of

644
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 5: the plan also needs to be how does each thing

645
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 5: need to be done? So it's not enough to say

646
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 5: your job is, you know, doing all the dishes. We've

647
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 5: got to go through like, okay, how do the dishes

648
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 5: need to be done? What's the like acceptable standard? You know,

649
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 5: are there things that I need to show you that

650
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 5: you've never done before?

651
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: You know what we need? We need that instruction manual.

652
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: Instruction instruction manual.

653
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: All right, And I want to make it broadened it

654
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: out because I'm sure there's you know, we're speaking specifically

655
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 2: about their case, but I'm sure there's instances where the

656
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: dynamic is shifted where the woman has a much stronger

657
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 2: libido than the man. Correct.

658
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, absolutely. We actually have pulled our audience about

659
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 5: this because stereotypically, you think in a male female relationship,

660
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 5: like it's always the guy that has the higher sex drive.

661
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 5: But it's really not like We've pulled our audience about this,

662
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 5: and forty five percent of couples in male female relationships

663
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 5: say that it's actually the woman who has the higher drive.

664
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 6: And we've been through long periods in our relationship where

665
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 6: Vanessa's had a higher sex drive than me. So this

666
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 6: is something that's super super common.

667
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it just doesn't never get talked about.

668
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, because that is something that's true. It's mostly what

669
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 2: they're talking about, I'm sure, is what's in the zeitgeist

670
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 2: of people thinking, oh, yeah, the guy always wants to

671
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 2: he's begging for sex. But so how did you guys

672
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: do with that? When it was when the tables returned

673
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: when you when you as the man, weren't feeling h

674
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 2: it and and she was like, what the fuck, come on.

675
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 6: Well let's see I So, you know, this was early

676
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 6: early in our relationship. We definitely, we definitely did everything

677
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 6: the wrong way. This was you know, before we had

678
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 6: built up this business, and you know, it was probably

679
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 6: when you were still studying in grad school, right and

680
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 6: and so you know what happened for me was, you know,

681
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 6: I I took on all of this shame because it

682
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 6: was like, hey, I'm a man, I'm supposed to have

683
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 6: a higher sex right. That's the way I've been socialized.

684
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: You know.

685
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 6: All the messages that we get are like guys want

686
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 6: it whenever wherever, like however right, And it was like okay,

687
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 6: so like why why am I not wanting it? Like

688
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 6: something must be wrong with me? And so I would

689
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 6: get really down on myself. I would get really in

690
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 6: my head, and then that would in turn create more

691
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 6: issues for me, like performance issues. I would get excited

692
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 6: about doing it, and then I would get that thought

693
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 6: in my head of oh, we like are like are

694
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 6: you going to be able to are you going to

695
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 6: be able to last? Are you going to be able

696
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 6: to you know whatever? And then and then things would

697
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 6: kind of go awright. So for me, it was this

698
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 6: downward spiral initially.

699
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 5: And the thing that I fucked up with is I

700
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 5: took it really personally, like, oh, he doesn't think I'm

701
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 5: sexy anymore, is not attracted to me, he doesn't want

702
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 5: to be with me anymore, which only put more pressure

703
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 5: on him that like now his sex drive has to

704
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 5: like prove to me how attractive he is to me?

705
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 2: How did you get get out of the spiral?

706
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: Yeah?

707
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 6: So I mean eventually we went to couples therapy and

708
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 6: started kind of peeling back the layers of the onion

709
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 6: because you know, I started realizing, Okay, I have been

710
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 6: unconsciously avoiding situations that I think might lead to intimacy

711
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 6: so that I don't have to ask those questions of myself,

712
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 6: and you know, and that's causing Vanessa to wonder, like,

713
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 6: am I really attracted to her? Like, you know, what's

714
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 6: wrong with me? And so we started talking more and

715
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 6: more about each of our experiences and kind of realizing that,

716
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 6: you know, we had been approaching each other kind of

717
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 6: in the wrong way.

718
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 5: Well, so, yeah, and what realized, what we realized at

719
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 5: the time was like Xander was working super long hours

720
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 5: at a corporate job. He wasn't taking care of himself.

721
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 5: He was just constantly working and like really high stress

722
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 5: levels and just a really bad relationship with his body.

723
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 5: And so once we started talking about it more openly,

724
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 5: it was like, oh, those are some very understandable reasons

725
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 5: why you're not feeling super sexy, Like you're too stressed,

726
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 5: you're too busy, and there's literally no time for us

727
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 5: to have sex. So there were very understandable and practical

728
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 5: reasons why his desire had started to decrease, but we

729
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 5: just had gotten locked in this really bad cycle that

730
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 5: we couldn't see it. So once we started talking about it,

731
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 5: was like, oh, okay, we need to like, you know,

732
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,320
Speaker 5: you needed to make some changes.

733
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

734
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 6: I had to think kind of long and hard about

735
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 6: you know, what did my life look like. Was I

736
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 6: happy with the choices that I was making that was

737
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 6: getting me into this position where you know, I just

738
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 6: didn't really have much time, space or energy for intimacy.

739
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 6: So that that was one thing. So I kind of

740
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 6: had to stop compartmentalizing sex as like, oh, it's this

741
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 6: thing that happens regardless of what else is going on

742
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 6: in my life. And so you know, that caused me

743
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 6: to make a couple of changes around, you know, just

744
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 6: choices that I was making at work and you know,

745
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 6: stuff that I was doing in terms of like maybe

746
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 6: not getting very much exercise and stuff like that. And

747
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 6: the other piece of it was I needed to understand

748
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 6: better how my own sex drive worked, because for me,

749
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 6: I just assumed like, oh, guys are supposed to want

750
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 6: it whenever, wherever. But what I came to realize was

751
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 6: that actually there was a we know, this now, there

752
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 6: are two sex drive types. I assumed I had the

753
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 6: one that you know, this stereotypical male one, which is

754
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 6: called spontaneous desire, where the desire for sex, the thought

755
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 6: of sex just comes to you in your head first

756
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 6: like randomly, and then you take action, you know, with

757
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 6: your body to maybe initiate sex or to have sex.

758
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 6: But there's another type of desire called responsive desire, which

759
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 6: is when your body needs some stimulation before your head

760
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 6: gets the idea of ah, yeah, this sounds good and

761
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 6: so yeah, most men or more men have spontaneous desire

762
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 6: and more women have responsive desire. But what I found

763
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 6: for me is that I'm actually a bit more on

764
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,320
Speaker 6: that responsive side, and so I had to rework buire

765
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 6: my brain in a way and in terms of thinking, oh, okay,

766
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 6: if I you know, if we want to have sex,

767
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 6: I need a little bit of time to kind of

768
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 6: calm down and to get you know, get myself ready

769
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 6: and maybe set the mood. And so, you know, it

770
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 6: was instead of it being like this, you know, this

771
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 6: snap initiation like hey want to do it? Like that's

772
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 6: not going to work for me, because like I need

773
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 6: to get myself excited and amped up about.

774
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,760
Speaker 2: It, but you do it or when you say responsive desire,

775
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 2: and this might apply to to to dial and casey

776
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 2: and the and the and the switch of the sexes

777
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 2: as well. But does that mean that she could your

778
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 2: wife could get you there by you know, giving you

779
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: a massage or or whatever whatever it is, touching your

780
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 2: body in a certain way.

781
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 5: Yeah. Responsive basically means you're you need something to respond to.

782
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 5: You're not just like mentally going to think like, oh, yeah,

783
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 5: sex sounds great right now. So a classic sign that

784
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 5: you might be a responsive sex drive type is if

785
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 5: you've ever been in the middle of sex or even

786
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 5: at the end of sex, and you catch yourself thinking like,

787
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 5: this is fun. Why do I not seem to want

788
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 5: this more often? That's a classic sign. So it's just

789
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 5: like your body needs to get turned on first before

790
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 5: mentally the idea of sex sounds.

791
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 7: I'm definitely responsive.

792
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a that's a really that's a really interesting

793
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: Like there are times I think I'm a responsive person too,

794
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 1: but I'm also very uh, I'm also ready to go whenever.

795
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: But like there's this taboo that men are supposed to

796
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: always initiate whether they want to have sex or not,

797
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 1: and it's it's I want to feel desired too, you

798
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,360
Speaker 1: know what I mean? It would be nice if Casey

799
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 1: was like, yo, well she's done it a couple of times.

800
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to use you as an example, but

801
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: it would be nice if more often, Well, I gotta

802
00:38:53,560 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 1: use you as example. I got Okay. They are tellings

803
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: where it's like, all right, I'm horny. I know for

804
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 1: a fact she's horny, but I'm not gonna say nothing.

805
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: I wonder I would like hard to say to me, Yo,

806
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 1: what's going on in them jeans? You know?

807
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 5: Do you want to initiate just like what?

808
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen, and then I wind up getting upset,

809
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, I turned into.

810
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,439
Speaker 7: And then he doesn't sleep in the bed for three days.

811
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 1: Right then I'm like some shit, like she's supposed to.

812
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 7: I missed some off twenty four to seven, right.

813
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, I appreciate you saying that you guys are

814
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 5: doing such a great job just being vulnerable, so I

815
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 5: have to say that. But I think you're speaking to

816
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,320
Speaker 5: something that a lot of men have a hard time admitting,

817
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,359
Speaker 5: which is that they want to feel desired too. And

818
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 5: it's a lot of pressure to be the one who's

819
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 5: always initiating. Like, initiating is vulnerable, right if your partner it's.

820
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: Like auditioning for free and for in pilot season yea,

821
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: and they're like no, no.

822
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, yeah.

823
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: Call back, and you're like I.

824
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 7: And I'm the real blunt partner. So he'll say something

825
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 7: to me and and he'll be like, well, I'm not

826
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 7: going to juice it up. He'll be like I want

827
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 7: a fuck, and I'll be like I want to fuck you.

828
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,399
Speaker 7: I don't even like you right now like that, I'm

829
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 7: not I'm not having that right now. I don't even

830
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 7: want to look at you right now.

831
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 5: So you know what, a lot of guys do that

832
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 5: kind of bad initiation.

833
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: I guess it's your truth. It's your truth.

834
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 5: So most men do initiation like that, like wanna fuck

835
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,760
Speaker 5: or just like honking your boobs or like smacking your ass,

836
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 5: that kind of thing. They do it like that because initiating,

837
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 5: for real is so vulnerable. So if Xander comes up

838
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 5: behind me and he can just like honk my boobs

839
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 5: and like, oh, get off me, what are you doing.

840
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 6: I can be like, oh, I was just messing around.

841
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 6: Like plausible deniability, I wasn't actually trying to initiate sex.

842
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 6: You're crazy that you think I was trying to initiate sex, right,

843
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 6: So then I don't have to feel vulnerable and I

844
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:11,439
Speaker 6: don't have to feel bad.

845
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 5: Yeah so, but of course, like most of us, don't

846
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 5: like being initiated in that way. It's like, what you

847
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 5: why are you doing that? Like initiation, it's supposed to

848
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 5: feel like an invitation, supposed to feel like something that

849
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 5: we want to say yes to, but a lot of

850
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 5: us are We're so uncomfortable with that vulnerability that we

851
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 5: can't put ourselves out there.

852
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it ain't none like trying to initiate something

853
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: the proper way with the hug and the kiss and shit,

854
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,399
Speaker 1: and then then being like, no, no, no, I don't

855
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 1: want to do this right now.

856
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay exactly to read there it is it hurts

857
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 5: so much more right read the room.

858
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, we said, there's two types of people.

859
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 7: No, I know, but you also have to in my opinion,

860
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,799
Speaker 7: you know, if I I don't know, I don't know

861
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 7: what other men are. Like, I've only had sex with

862
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 7: Donald for the past seven.

863
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 2: Year year, she said, Yeah, three months, I've only had

864
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 2: sex with Donald for the past like seven months, so

865
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: I don't.

866
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 5: You know, But so, Casey, what would be like in

867
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 5: your ideal scenario? And actually I want to ask both

868
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 5: of you this, what would be the perfect way for

869
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,800
Speaker 5: your partner to initiate It would just be like so sexy,

870
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 5: so exciting, make you feel good like.

871
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,840
Speaker 2: Pants genes.

872
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 1: Okay, So the best time, the best not the best time,

873
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: and it was horrible for me, but and then I

874
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 1: felt the pressure and I felt what it was like

875
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: to be her and now, oh shit, I got to

876
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: perform and stuff like that. But when we came back,

877
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: I came back from out of town from Miami, from

878
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: from Miami, and she's texting me in the car, get

879
00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 1: that dick, like got too much, too much to right.

880
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 1: So I'm on my way home thinking like, yo, dude,

881
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: you gotta go. Oh ship, this is what we've been

882
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: waiting for.

883
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 7: Side note, I'm like, I can tell he worked really

884
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 7: hard and he's exhausted and he's coming home and I

885
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 7: wasn't as pleasant when he left, so I'm going to

886
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 7: really put it on him.

887
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 1: She said some things that.

888
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 5: And then so was that Actually, you're like the best

889
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 5: way he came home and I put it on him.

890
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I you know, but I'm so in my

891
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: head about this ship that I'm like, yo, I'm not performing.

892
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 5: Pressure on you right now.

893
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: This is way too much pressure. You know. Please make

894
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: her bust. She got a bust, you know what I mean?

895
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 1: Like your wife.

896
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 2: To stuff off the audience to know that the sex

897
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: service are both laughing at the word bus.

898
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 5: I want to hear. This might be need to be

899
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,479
Speaker 5: like a homework assignment for you guys, Like I want

900
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 5: each of you to think about because you're not you

901
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 5: didn't answer the question donald you gave me like one

902
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 5: that was that created a lot of pressure for you. So,

903
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 5: like what would be the ideal way to initiate? Because

904
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 5: that's something like most of us have never thought about

905
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:16,959
Speaker 5: this question before, right, But it's kind of crazy because

906
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 5: it's like we we want our partner to initiate in

907
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 5: a good way, and we get annoyed with them when

908
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 5: they don't initiate in a good way. But most of

909
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 5: us have never taken the time to think about, like,

910
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 5: but what is what would a good way actually be?

911
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 5: For me? So you guys have to think about it

912
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 5: and then each other.

913
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 2: That's a good homework assignment for you guys, and also

914
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 2: for couples who this speaks to to to write that

915
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,479
Speaker 2: down maybe and then maybe have the vulnerability to share

916
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 2: it with each other, and maybe.

917
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 7: That's they going to come Are you all going to

918
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 7: come back on?

919
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 2: And well, I hope so, but no, no, no, you

920
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,240
Speaker 2: guys happen to anytime to move on to other things

921
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 2: besides your guys sex life. And then but you, oh

922
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 2: you guys, give us.

923
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 7: Your direct emails so we.

924
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 2: Can have they are available for hire, just so you know, yes.

925
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 5: Happy to help. I really appreciate you.

926
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 2: I'll be right back after these words, and we're.

927
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 3: Back and we're back.

928
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. I wanted to talk about some of

929
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 2: the other things because that's very good and very informative

930
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 2: on the subject of people not being on the same page.

931
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 2: How do you describe that libido not being smashed libidos?

932
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 5: I mean, we talked about a lot of different things

933
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 5: get wrapped up in it, and that's why it's, yeah,

934
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 5: so interesting to start pulling apart the layers and you're like, oh,

935
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 5: this it makes sense.

936
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 2: I was looking through your guide and it was very

937
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 2: informative and I wondered, what do you think are the

938
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 2: most we could do it for both men and women.

939
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 2: What do you think are the most common things that

940
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 2: women say to you? A man doesn't understand about what

941
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 2: turns them on because there's some information in the guides

942
00:45:56,160 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 2: I think is very helpful for men and or women obviously,

943
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 2: but what what do you find as someone who specializes this,

944
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,760
Speaker 2: Women more often than not come to you and say,

945
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 2: my partner isn't getting that this is what works for me.

946
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 5: The most common thing is truly the emotional intimacy aspect

947
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 5: of it. Like so many women want to feel more

948
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 5: of that connection from their partner, more of the like,

949
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 5: you know, he's not just paying attention to me when

950
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 5: he wants to have sex, Like he's connecting with me

951
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 5: all throughout the day, and it's simple stuff like make

952
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 5: eye contact with me, give me a hug, give me

953
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 5: a kiss, say nice things to me so that it

954
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 5: feels easier, you know when we get into bed at

955
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,879
Speaker 5: the end of the night, to want to connect physically too.

956
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 5: So it's really the emotional intimacy. So much of the

957
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 5: stuff that we talked about with Casey, like helping out

958
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 5: around the house, even the chore play that what we

959
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 5: call it can be really your man, do some chores

960
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 5: can generally you'd be really good.

961
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: Keeps coming up. It came up with the gynecologists as well.

962
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 2: I think that the idea of it seems to me

963
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: you're saying that women are turned on by mister clean, no,

964
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:15,280
Speaker 2: by the guy actually doing the things she's always asking

965
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 2: him to do. And it sounds not just cleaning. In

966
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 2: Casey's example, it was taking the kids to school or whatever,

967
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 2: you know, like doing.

968
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,280
Speaker 1: It's not just taking the kids to school. It's making

969
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,760
Speaker 1: the load. What I heard was it's making the load lighter.

970
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: So it's not it's it's a bunch of different things,

971
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.

972
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 5: It's being a real partner, like being a true partner.

973
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 2: It's interesting when I asked you this question, I thought

974
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 2: you were going to say. When you said emotional connection,

975
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 2: my brain went to during for play and sex, eye

976
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 2: contact and emotional words and stuff like that. But then

977
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 2: it was even more interesting to me that you're like, no, no,

978
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 2: throughout the day, the chore play and the hugs and

979
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 2: the kisses throughout the day. But that's what women are

980
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 2: looking for.

981
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 5: For women, I think a lot of women feel like

982
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 5: foreplay is all throughout the day. Like the way that

983
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 5: you treat me all throughout the day is going to

984
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 5: affect how I show up in the bedroom with you.

985
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 5: So it is really important to be able to have

986
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 5: that connection and to feel important to each other. And

987
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,959
Speaker 5: I think for women too, I really think the cheat

988
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 5: code to women is doing what you say you're going

989
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 5: to do. There is nothing sexier to a woman than

990
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 5: a man who does what he says he's gonna do.

991
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a headline. Dale, write that down. Put that

992
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 2: in the headline.

993
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,439
Speaker 1: Everybody says it. Everybody's like, I mean what I say,

994
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: and I say what I mean.

995
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,399
Speaker 5: No, but a lot of people don't should not follow through.

996
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 5: And then and then we sh can't trust you. We

997
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 5: can't trust you, right, And trust is so important for

998
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 5: us to be able to let ourselves go in the moment,

999
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 5: you know. I think a lot of men, men and

1000
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 5: women alike, like we want to be able to let

1001
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 5: go during sex and just really like enjoy ourselves and

1002
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,400
Speaker 5: lose ourselves in that moment. And like we need to

1003
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 5: feel that trust in you to be able to do that.

1004
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 6: And I think what can be really helpful for men

1005
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 6: out there who you know, maybe we definitely haven't been

1006
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 6: socialized in that way to think about like the emotional

1007
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 6: connection throughout the day and how those household responsibilities might

1008
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 6: tie into the emotional connection. So I think what is

1009
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 6: super helpful for men. I know this has been super

1010
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 6: helpful for me, is you know, starting to create a

1011
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,919
Speaker 6: habit of tying those things that I do around those

1012
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 6: around the house, those chores that I have to the

1013
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 6: way that they make Vanessa feel. So, for example, I

1014
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 6: make the bed. That's one of my responsibilities around the house.

1015
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 6: And Vanessa and I have different definitions of what you know,

1016
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 6: done right is around the bed, Like, you know, I'm

1017
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,240
Speaker 6: fine just pulling the covers up, and you know, putting

1018
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 6: the pillows on. Vanessa's like, oh no, Like you know,

1019
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 6: I want everything nice and tucked in. I want I

1020
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 6: want those pillows.

1021
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 2: Definitely, gosh.

1022
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 1: Understand them. I can't. I can't sleep when they're so comffy,

1023
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 1: I know.

1024
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 6: And as soon as we get in, Yeah, as soon

1025
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 6: as I get into bed, I'm taking all the pillows off,

1026
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 6: and I'm like, why am I putting them on the

1027
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 6: bed when we're just gonna mess them all up when

1028
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 6: we get in the bed. Anyway, So, but what I

1029
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 6: needed to learn was that for Vanessa, it's the experience

1030
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 6: of walking into the room in seeing that really nice bed.

1031
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 6: It's like it's like when you walk into a really

1032
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 6: nice hotel room and you're like, oh, this is this.

1033
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 2: Is so nice, is so nice and peaceful.

1034
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 6: So for her, I've I've come to realize, like she

1035
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 6: lights up when, you know, if I initiate sex and

1036
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 6: we walk into the bedroom and everything is all nicely made,

1037
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 6: She's like, oh, this is so luxurious. And so instead

1038
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 6: of me getting caught up on, like, you know, feeling

1039
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 6: resentful around like, oh well, why is her definition of

1040
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,799
Speaker 6: done so different than mine? Why she want these dumb

1041
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 6: decorative pillows on the bed. I've retrained myself to think about,

1042
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 6: she's gonna be so happy when she sees this, and

1043
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 6: you know, and she's going to be so excited to

1044
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 6: get into that bed with me. And so whether it's

1045
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 6: the bed or.

1046
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 2: You reframe it, do you reframe it as chore play?

1047
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:14,439
Speaker 2: You're going, yeah, oh my god, if you could bounce

1048
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 2: a quarter off that bed, she's she's getting more turned on.

1049
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 1: She is going to let you put a thumb in

1050
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: the butt if you.

1051
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 5: Do that, right, Yeah, when it comes to sex itself,

1052
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 5: the number one thing that we hear from women is

1053
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 5: they want men to slow down. Yeah, and a lot

1054
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 5: of that ties into the four play conversation that we

1055
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 5: were having earlier. Like so many men, it's like you

1056
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 5: hear a yes from her and you're like, okay, let's

1057
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 5: get right down to business.

1058
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I miss my chance.

1059
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, but so many women are like no, please, like

1060
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 5: slow down. I want you to touch me all over

1061
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 5: and kiss me all over and get me to the

1062
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 5: point where I'm like begging you for more rather than

1063
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 5: jumping right into it.

1064
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 2: Yeah. One thing you said, if I could quote your

1065
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 2: guide is women are desperate for men to take more

1066
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 2: time on the build up. So many people underestimate the

1067
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 2: lead up. But many Volva owners say that the teasing

1068
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,280
Speaker 2: is their favorite part of being pleasured.

1069
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is what we hear all the time, Like,

1070
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 5: when you're teasing me like that, that's the most pleasurable,

1071
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 5: most exciting part of the experience for something.

1072
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 1: Okay, well what if all right? This is that's for couples.

1073
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 1: But my friend here, my colleague here is a single man,

1074
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: and so there might be a different How do you

1075
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 1: connect with somebody like how do you with sex? Like,

1076
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:42,359
Speaker 1: I'm sure when he meets somebody, he's like, all right,

1077
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,840
Speaker 1: that's the pressure right there. I got to perform because

1078
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: maybe I want this person to come back, you know

1079
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 1: what I mean?

1080
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 2: Of course, I think even in what they're saying that

1081
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 2: I what I'm getting is even if it's not a relationship,

1082
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: if it's a new thing, that that everything should be

1083
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 2: slowed down, and that what she's saying is that women

1084
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:04,879
Speaker 2: are constantly saying that if if you just once things

1085
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 2: start going, a man just starts rushing through everything. And okay,

1086
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 2: let's get to intercourse where she's saying, women are saying

1087
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter, slow everything down, tease me. I think

1088
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:16,359
Speaker 2: that you know, like.

1089
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: Does that so that applies in the single life?

1090
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 2: Is why wouldn't Why wouldn't it apply to a single man?

1091
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: That's a statistic, right, So like, let's say you meet

1092
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: somebody that's not like that, and it's like, I want

1093
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 1: to fuck tonight. I don't want to just you know,

1094
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:30,240
Speaker 1: go through.

1095
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 2: She's not saying every single woman. I'm sure, of course

1096
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 2: there's women who are just like, you know, let's get

1097
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:36,800
Speaker 2: right to it. But she's saying that one of the

1098
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 2: most common things that they hear is that women like

1099
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 2: being teased or edging right, edging edging slightly different.

1100
00:53:46,719 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 5: Edging is like when you're working towards orgasm and you

1101
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 5: keep getting somebody to the edge of an orgasm and

1102
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 5: then you back off.

1103
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 2: Oh, it's a different kind of days.

1104
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:56,799
Speaker 5: But we're talking more about the earlier sta.

1105
00:53:57,120 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: These are these techniques in the instruction.

1106
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're in the guys. I think my homework. Donald

1107
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 2: didn't do his homework. I've been reading these guys and.

1108
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 1: The homework My life is the homework.

1109
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: You guys, don't do you mind if I quote some

1110
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 2: of your your manual or no, go for it. Some

1111
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 2: of the well, I find it very informative. One of

1112
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 2: the things that do you like?

1113
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 5: The illustrations, they're great.

1114
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 2: I actually put some in our group chat. I put

1115
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 2: some in our group chat to just to get Donald

1116
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:27,840
Speaker 2: I was trying to do. I was trying to do

1117
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 2: some foreplay for the episode with Donald, and I send

1118
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: him some of your imagery. Some of the example does.

1119
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 1: All it does is make me it would have been

1120
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 1: a different interview. So I'm glad I didn't look at

1121
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 1: the stuff massage.

1122
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 2: Here's some of the things massage your partner's body. Massage

1123
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 2: brings blood flow to the area, increasing sensitivity. Just like

1124
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 2: blood flow is crucial for getting a penis erec it's

1125
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: equally important for getting a glitter is turned on. So

1126
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 2: blood flow can lead to a delightful throbbing feeling between

1127
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:58,880
Speaker 2: your partner's legs.

1128
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, so we actually haven't talked about the

1129
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 5: clitterists too much, and this is the cause of the

1130
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 5: issue with intercourse. So on a man's body, the most

1131
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 5: sensitive part is the penis. On a woman's body, the

1132
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:15,680
Speaker 5: most sensitive part is the clitterists. And so the problem

1133
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 5: with intercourse is that there's not a whole lot of

1134
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 5: clitteral stimulation, Like it's kind of in the vicinity, but

1135
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 5: you're penetrating her vagina, and the vagina does not have

1136
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 5: very many nerve endings, especially when you compare it to

1137
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 5: the clitterius and the penis. The penis has like two

1138
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 5: to three thousand nerve endings in it. The clitterists has

1139
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 5: eight to nine thousand nerve endings, So it's actually way

1140
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 5: more sensitive than the penis. And so when you're having intercourse,

1141
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 5: so you're stimulating a part of her body that just

1142
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 5: doesn't have a lot of nerve endings. So the comparison

1143
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 5: that I like to make is from a nerve ending standpoint,

1144
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 5: intercourse for a woman is like playing with a man's.

1145
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 6: Balls, which can be nice like and maybe you even

1146
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 6: get hard, you get excited, but you're not gonna you're

1147
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 6: not going to stay hard very long. Like you're definitely

1148
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 6: not having an orgasm.

1149
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:11,240
Speaker 5: You're definitely not going to have an orgasm. And that's

1150
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 5: the same thing for women, like it can.

1151
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 2: But I have a question, Donald, Donald, don't say you're

1152
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,720
Speaker 2: going to come from having a ball to play with, right, listen,

1153
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:20,359
Speaker 2: I have a question.

1154
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say that you're like, I don't

1155
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 3: know my balls, No, my balls.

1156
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,720
Speaker 2: My question for you is this, Now there are women listening,

1157
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 2: I'm sure who would say, oh oh, no, I I

1158
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 2: am one of the people who can have an orgasm

1159
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 2: from vaginal intercourse solely is that because the glitterist is

1160
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,240
Speaker 2: being stimulated during during sex by being brushed up against

1161
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 2: Why is that? Why is that happening? For question? Yeah,

1162
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:51,919
Speaker 2: thank you, That's why I'm a good podcast. Yes, only

1163
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 2: ten percent they're having it just because of the basically

1164
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 2: the man's pelvis is doing a drive by of her

1165
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:58,319
Speaker 2: of her clit.

1166
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 5: Typically, so the most like the best position for female

1167
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:06,280
Speaker 5: orgasm is woman on top. And it's for that exact

1168
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 5: reason that you're describing is your clitterists. It's like kind

1169
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 5: of rubbing against your partner's lower abdomen, so you're getting

1170
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 5: some clitteral stimulation that way. And the cool thing about

1171
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 5: the clitterist is.

1172
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 2: Is why you recommended because the gut rubs against the ship.

1173
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 2: So all these guys with all these.

1174
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 1: It's good for mental stimulation. But if you're really trying

1175
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 1: to touch your six pack is a little bit of

1176
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 1: a freaking beer gut.

1177
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 2: Then that's why Donald stopped working out.

1178
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 5: Go ahead, Sorry, that's what's happening for the majority of

1179
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 5: the times. But the cool thing about the glitters is

1180
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 5: it does you know, there is that little nub of

1181
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 5: skin that we see like visible, but it also does

1182
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 5: extend up into the body and it's kind of you know,

1183
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 5: it's placed in different ways based on different people's anatomy.

1184
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 5: So for some people you can stimulate it internally through

1185
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,640
Speaker 5: the walls of the vagina. But I kind of compare

1186
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 5: it to like getting a massage on like getting a

1187
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 5: massage on your bare skin versus getting a massage when

1188
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:16,680
Speaker 5: you're wearing a wool sweater. Like, sure, you might be

1189
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 5: able to feel some simulation getting the massage over the

1190
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,000
Speaker 5: wool sweater, but it's like a little bit harder. So

1191
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 5: for those that small percentage of women, some of them

1192
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 5: just happen to naturally have a clitterist. That's like those

1193
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 5: interior portions of it are a little more sensitive. Maybe

1194
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 5: they're in a spot where it's easier to access them,

1195
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 5: but for the majority of us, it's like we got

1196
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 5: five wool sweaters on and you're not feeling anything.

1197
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 2: So the good news.

1198
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,439
Speaker 6: The good news though, is that the clitterists can also

1199
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 6: be stimulated during intercourse and very easy. So we are

1200
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 6: you know, we are always advocating for more clitteral stimulation.

1201
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 6: The reality is that you know, when you combine those

1202
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 6: two things that can be yes extremely pleasurable, and very

1203
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 6: often that's them.

1204
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 2: So do you recommend bringing like a small vibrator or

1205
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 2: a bullet into intercourse?

1206
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 1: So that's constantly I say, bring whatever you need to.

1207
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:06,959
Speaker 2: I asked the professionals, not asking you.

1208
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 1: You don't know shit, guess what they're going to say.

1209
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:13,560
Speaker 2: Do you recommend Obviously people can digitally stimulate, but do

1210
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 2: you do you recommend people bring some sort of vibrating

1211
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 2: thing in that's constantly going on the glitteriust while the

1212
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 2: man is entering the vaginal canal.

1213
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 5: Donald, I'm trying to professor, I'm trying to counteract you

1214
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:31,000
Speaker 5: because you're like I got a nut and.

1215
00:59:31,120 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 2: I'm trying to fucking be the antidote to the way

1216
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 2: you talk. Sorry to answer the question, guys.

1217
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 5: Donald's right here. We say bring bring whatever you can.

1218
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 5: So if you like using a vibrator, that's great. There

1219
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 5: are some like small ones that can you know, slip

1220
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 5: in between your bodies, or there are different positions you

1221
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 5: can be in where you can use any size of toy.

1222
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 5: Or if you just prefer using your hands, using your

1223
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 5: partner's hands doing cowgirls, so you're rubbing up against your

1224
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 5: partner's abdomen. But we can we have this like ABC rule,

1225
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 5: always be touching the clit, So always be touching the clit.

1226
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 5: We dropped those two tea's.

1227
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:13,120
Speaker 2: Writ that home. Write that down at home. Everyone. Donald

1228
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 2: literally brought a notepad. I've never seen him bring a

1229
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 2: notepad to an interview. Always be closing always be closing.

1230
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 1: My wife said it, we do have good sex.

1231
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 2: It's it's well, imagine you should try bringing a little

1232
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 2: small vibrational device in and maybe it will drive her

1233
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 2: even more crazy, because I bet that's going to lead

1234
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 2: to another thing that you advocate for, which is the

1235
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,960
Speaker 2: obvious shaking it up, surprising your partner.

1236
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, we do advocate mixing things up in the bedroom.

1237
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 5: Research has shown that when we do new things with

1238
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 5: our partner inside and outside of the bedroom, our brains

1239
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 5: light up. Like this is why we all talk about

1240
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 5: the early stage of a relationship with so much fondness

1241
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 5: because everything felt new, right, it felt so exciting, and then

1242
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 5: we get you know, six months, a year and a relationship,

1243
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 5: we're doing the same old thing over and over and

1244
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 5: over again, and then wondering like whys and as exciting

1245
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 5: because you're not mixing it up. You're not doing new

1246
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 5: things anymore. So if you continue like just bringing, you know,

1247
01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 5: bringing new things into the bedroom, trying new things, there's

1248
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 5: always something new to explore. But a lot of times

1249
01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 5: people hear that advice and they go to an extreme like, oh,

1250
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,520
Speaker 5: we've got to be doing some real kinky shit all

1251
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 5: the time. And like constantly pushing off the bad right,

1252
01:01:27,560 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 5: they come.

1253
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 2: Home with like a rubber fist, right if.

1254
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:34,240
Speaker 5: You want to do all the kinky stuff your heart desires.

1255
01:01:34,600 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 5: But sometimes, for a lot of couples in long term relationships,

1256
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 5: mixing it up could be something as simple as like,

1257
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 5: what's something that you used to do in those earlier

1258
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 5: stages of the relationship that you haven't done in a while.

1259
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 5: And it could be something as simple as like oral sex.

1260
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 5: Maybe you haven't gone down on your partner in a

1261
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 5: really long time, like bring that back. Or maybe you

1262
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,080
Speaker 5: guys are like always having sex in the bed, could

1263
01:01:57,160 --> 01:01:59,600
Speaker 5: you do it on the sofa or on the washing

1264
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,440
Speaker 5: machine or something like that. So it's like mix it

1265
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:03,320
Speaker 5: up a little bit. It doesn't have to be extreme.

1266
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 2: I like that.

1267
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 1: Let's take a break.

1268
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after these fine words.

1269
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 1: Okay, Now, what happens when kids are thrown into the situation,

1270
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:22,320
Speaker 1: Like you're a married couple and you have one, two, three,

1271
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 1: four children nine in my case, no no, But what

1272
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:30,640
Speaker 1: happens when you have children, like and now sex is

1273
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 1: something that you got to sneak off and do, and

1274
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 1: you know there's something fun in that obviously, But then

1275
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:40,680
Speaker 1: it becomes it also is like damn shit, we gotta

1276
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 1: fucking go be quiet and do this. We gotta go

1277
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,000
Speaker 1: find an area. We can't just do it like we

1278
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 1: did it when we were dating, like when you know

1279
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 1: what I mean? So, yeah, what happens then? Like I

1280
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 1: guess my question is how do you repair your sex

1281
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: life when it's that you know what I mean?

1282
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 5: Kids definitely make things a whole lot more challenging for

1283
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,120
Speaker 5: a lot of reasons, Like you know, I mean, it

1284
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 5: completely changes a woman's relationship with her body. It brings

1285
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,560
Speaker 5: up all those questions about mental load and responsibility and

1286
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 5: how we're dividing things up. You know, are we feeling

1287
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 5: like a true partnership? Do we have quality time with

1288
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 5: each other? Like that's a whole episode in and of

1289
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 5: itself talking about that. But I think, you know, some

1290
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 5: of the simplest things that you can do are really

1291
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 5: trying to carve out some quality time where you get

1292
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:34,640
Speaker 5: to focus on being partners not just parents. Like it's

1293
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 5: so easy to lose your identity as a couple because

1294
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:41,160
Speaker 5: you're so wrapped up in being parents, So you're not

1295
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 5: going to be able to be as spontaneous as you

1296
01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:47,320
Speaker 5: would without little people running around the house. But you

1297
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:50,400
Speaker 5: can still have date nights. You can still you know,

1298
01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 5: maybe it's like in your room, you're going to go

1299
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 5: have sex in the closet, or you're gonna put a

1300
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:57,880
Speaker 5: rug down on the floor or something like that, Like

1301
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 5: you can still do little creative things there, and definitely

1302
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 5: getting away for any sort of like even if it's

1303
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,200
Speaker 5: just a staycation for one night, send the kids with

1304
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,520
Speaker 5: Grandma and grandpa or whatever you can do, like we.

1305
01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 1: Don't have that type of sitution.

1306
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,800
Speaker 2: Well, when she's talking to hundreds of thousands of people,

1307
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 2: not just here.

1308
01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 1: I know, but I'm saying, I'm saying there are a

1309
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:17,280
Speaker 1: lot of people out there that are in the same

1310
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 1: situation that Casey and I are, and a lot of

1311
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:22,440
Speaker 1: people don't have a lot of people don't have support

1312
01:04:22,520 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 1: outside of their own.

1313
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, a lot of people don't. So it's you know,

1314
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:29,600
Speaker 5: it's just it comes down to being as creative as

1315
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 5: you can. And I don't want to make it sound

1316
01:04:31,080 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 5: like it's super easy, Like kids really make things so

1317
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,840
Speaker 5: much more challenging, and I think parents like are not

1318
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 5: prepared for that, and then they feel a lot of

1319
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 5: shame and frustration and guilt. So it's it's trying to

1320
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 5: get creative and see, like what is it that you

1321
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 5: can do. So maybe it's like, do you have a

1322
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 5: like friends that also have kids where you guys could swap,

1323
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 5: like we're going to take care of your kids, where

1324
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 5: you guys have a date night and then you'll trade

1325
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 5: and we'll have the date night.

1326
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:58,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, And one is why it's so important to just

1327
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:01,640
Speaker 6: be able to talk about this stuff openly because so often,

1328
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,720
Speaker 6: you know, we don't really talk that openly about our

1329
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,440
Speaker 6: sex life. You know, before we have kids, we think, oh,

1330
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 6: sex is just this thing that happens, you know, it

1331
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 6: happens at the end of the night. We've done it

1332
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 6: this certain way for all these years, and then all

1333
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:15,440
Speaker 6: of a sudden, like you were saying, Donald, like you

1334
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 6: have kids, and then it's like, oh, we got to

1335
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 6: be really strategic about this. There's there's specific windows of

1336
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 6: time that we can and can't have sex, and it's

1337
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:26,880
Speaker 6: so important to be able to talk about that. And

1338
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,800
Speaker 6: you know, ideally before you have kids and maybe you know,

1339
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 6: while she's pregnant and really right at the beginning, so

1340
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:35,000
Speaker 6: you can really acknowledge like, yeah, this isn't going to

1341
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 6: be like it used to be before, because if you

1342
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,400
Speaker 6: don't talk about it, what happens is you just end

1343
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:42,200
Speaker 6: up kind of feeling resentful, like, hey, it's not fair,

1344
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 6: it's not like it used to be. But the reality

1345
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:46,000
Speaker 6: is is going to change.

1346
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:46,520
Speaker 1: And it's so.

1347
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 6: Helpful to be able to acknowledge that and then talk about, Okay,

1348
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:52,920
Speaker 6: what is our plan for sex? You know, maybe it's

1349
01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 6: not something that can just happen anymore. We have to

1350
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 6: make it happen. So when are we going to make

1351
01:05:58,320 --> 01:06:00,440
Speaker 6: it happen? What are the windows of time that are

1352
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 6: good for us, what are the windows of time that

1353
01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 6: are bad for us? And how do we structure all

1354
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 6: the responsibilities in the schedule so that we can make

1355
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:10,400
Speaker 6: it happen on a more regular basis.

1356
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:14,120
Speaker 2: I want to just circle back to the other side

1357
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,680
Speaker 2: of things. I had asked you, what do women most

1358
01:06:16,720 --> 01:06:20,040
Speaker 2: commonly say that they wish men understood? If I could

1359
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 2: ask you the opposite, now, what do men most often say?

1360
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,760
Speaker 2: One of the things I think you touched on is

1361
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 2: that they're expected to always be the horning one and initiate,

1362
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:32,000
Speaker 2: and that, of course, is something we've already crossed. But

1363
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 2: what else do you think that men would say, I

1364
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:40,920
Speaker 2: wish my partner, my girlfriend, my wife understood this about

1365
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:41,800
Speaker 2: my sexuality.

1366
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 6: I think the number one thing that men would love

1367
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 6: women to know is that when men want to have sex,

1368
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 6: it's because they want to feel emotional connection with their partner.

1369
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 6: It's not because they're just horny and you know, they

1370
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 6: have an itch, they got a scratch. I think that's

1371
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:02,800
Speaker 6: one of the biggest things that men get misunderstood by,

1372
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:05,160
Speaker 6: you know, the female partners, just like, oh, he just

1373
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:08,120
Speaker 6: wants to get off. And the reality is most men

1374
01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 6: haven't been socialized to know how to have really solid

1375
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 6: emotional connection outside of sex. Sex is one of the

1376
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 6: number one ways that we feel comfortable opening up and

1377
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 6: being vulnerable and expressing our love. And so when we

1378
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:27,240
Speaker 6: are trying to have sex, it's not because we're just horny.

1379
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:30,480
Speaker 6: It's because that's part of it, but that's the whole thing. Yeah,

1380
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:32,200
Speaker 6: But it's not like, oh, I just want to have

1381
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:34,000
Speaker 6: sex with anybody. It's like, I want to have sex

1382
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:36,320
Speaker 6: with you because I love you, and that's how I

1383
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 6: show you that.

1384
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 2: I love you.

1385
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:41,280
Speaker 5: And I'll piggyback off of that too. Like I think

1386
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 5: men want women to be excited about intimacy too. A

1387
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 5: lot of men are like, I don't want to just

1388
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 5: have sex to my partner, Like, I want to have

1389
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:55,040
Speaker 5: an experience together. I want to know that she wants me,

1390
01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:58,520
Speaker 5: that she wants to do this, that she's excited. So

1391
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,720
Speaker 5: don't just like we're good. Yeah, Like men don't want

1392
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 5: they don't really want you to just throw them a bone,

1393
01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 5: like they want you to participate in this experience with them.

1394
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:12,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a thing. There's a thing called mercy fuck

1395
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 1: and that's not on anybody's list of enjoyable. Yeah, that's

1396
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:24,320
Speaker 1: like please, no, thank you. No.

1397
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:28,519
Speaker 5: Yeah. Men, I think like men can tell, and I

1398
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:30,880
Speaker 5: think that's something women don't realize, is we think like,

1399
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:32,080
Speaker 5: oh okay, yeah.

1400
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:34,559
Speaker 1: I think women can tell too. Though I think not

1401
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:37,400
Speaker 1: only can men tell, women can tell when the dude's

1402
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:38,840
Speaker 1: not into it, you know what I mean.

1403
01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:41,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know you want.

1404
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:45,240
Speaker 1: To talk about rejection. Shit, you think a guy that

1405
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 1: guys are not used to getting rejected. Imagine being a

1406
01:08:49,040 --> 01:08:51,160
Speaker 1: being a woman and being like I want to fuck

1407
01:08:51,240 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 1: and the dude being like, nah, that's not to feel

1408
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 1: like shit.

1409
01:08:55,880 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 2: Well that's what happens. I mean obviously, that's one thing

1410
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:00,400
Speaker 2: they were talking about earlier, is that this stairy type

1411
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 2: that the man feels like he's always got to be

1412
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:07,080
Speaker 2: the one who's who's down for it, and and you know,

1413
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:11,200
Speaker 2: you're someone who is clearly always down for it. But

1414
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:12,599
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of men out there who

1415
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 2: are like who who who break the stereotype? And you're like,

1416
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm tired, I'm not in the mood tonight.

1417
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:21,439
Speaker 2: And then that there's a shame for the man of like,

1418
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:25,040
Speaker 2: oh am I not Am I not masculine enough? Because

1419
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:26,040
Speaker 2: I don't feel.

1420
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:27,960
Speaker 1: What about the woman who has to deal with that?

1421
01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:31,080
Speaker 1: Who has to You know, that's a that's a real

1422
01:09:31,160 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 1: strong blow to an ego. You're you're supposed to be

1423
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:39,640
Speaker 1: the one that that's desired, you know what I mean, stereotypically,

1424
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:42,720
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you throw yourself out

1425
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:47,639
Speaker 1: there and you make yourself vulnerable and he says, nah,

1426
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:50,519
Speaker 1: I'm not I don't I don't want to do that. Yeah,

1427
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:53,439
Speaker 1: imagine you know, the whole conversation is everything. You know,

1428
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:55,920
Speaker 1: what I heard from my wife was my wife wants

1429
01:09:56,080 --> 01:09:58,360
Speaker 1: you know, she's not There's a part of it that's

1430
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 1: also she wants she wants to feel attractive in this

1431
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:05,240
Speaker 1: situation too. And if she doesn't feel that because of

1432
01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:07,160
Speaker 1: all of the things that are going on in her mind,

1433
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 1: she you know, if she doesn't feel that, then she's

1434
01:10:10,080 --> 01:10:12,639
Speaker 1: not going to perform the way she wants to perform. Right.

1435
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:15,840
Speaker 1: So imagine saying to somebody, now you're begging for sex

1436
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:18,680
Speaker 1: with a dude, and he's like, nah, I'm not in

1437
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:21,240
Speaker 1: the mood. I don't want to do it, you know

1438
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:21,679
Speaker 1: what I mean.

1439
01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:23,880
Speaker 2: We need to wrap up soon, but I want to

1440
01:10:24,040 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 2: know this is too good an I want to end

1441
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:28,479
Speaker 2: on something. Donald was very excited to talk a little

1442
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:32,360
Speaker 2: bit about ass play, and he has a famous I'm

1443
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:35,000
Speaker 2: going to play you end of the show. I don't

1444
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:36,439
Speaker 2: want to. It's like, I don't want to end the

1445
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:39,559
Speaker 2: episode without Donald getting to ask his questions about ask play.

1446
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:41,800
Speaker 2: But this is a famous SoundBite we play on our show.

1447
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:45,080
Speaker 1: Whether it be taking a poop, whether it be a finger,

1448
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:48,599
Speaker 1: whether it be a tongue, whether you know, everybody likes

1449
01:10:48,600 --> 01:10:49,320
Speaker 1: a little ass play.

1450
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:53,080
Speaker 2: Now I'm not sure that that that's true, but that

1451
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:56,000
Speaker 2: is Donald's perspective. I wanted to read a little bit

1452
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:58,880
Speaker 2: from your guide if I can. This is from the

1453
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:03,920
Speaker 2: four Play Guide Penis edition, it says venture back Door.

1454
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:07,040
Speaker 2: Gay and bimen are usually pretty clued into the delights

1455
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:09,800
Speaker 2: of the Anus, but straight guys can be more squeamish

1456
01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:12,520
Speaker 2: since the anus is still pretty taboo in our society.

1457
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:16,000
Speaker 2: But the anis has tons of nerve endings and feels

1458
01:11:16,040 --> 01:11:21,519
Speaker 2: good for people of all genders and orientations. So can

1459
01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 2: you speak to that? Since Donald, I'm excited for that.

1460
01:11:24,560 --> 01:11:25,840
Speaker 1: Okay, not you.

1461
01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:27,840
Speaker 2: I'm not asking you to speak to it. I'm asking them.

1462
01:11:28,479 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 1: I got more questions to go on top of that.

1463
01:11:30,400 --> 01:11:31,120
Speaker 1: That's all I know.

1464
01:11:31,240 --> 01:11:33,400
Speaker 2: But the show is usually an hour long time, but

1465
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,920
Speaker 2: go ahead, guys, not this one.

1466
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,559
Speaker 5: Yeah, we have a we have a whole separate butt

1467
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:41,080
Speaker 5: stuff guide because we really want to encourage people to

1468
01:11:41,439 --> 01:11:44,479
Speaker 5: explore back door. Like, it's really frustrating that there is

1469
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:49,200
Speaker 5: still this taboo around anal play, especially for straight men,

1470
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,080
Speaker 5: because we just have we all have nerve endings there.

1471
01:11:52,080 --> 01:11:54,280
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter who you like to have sex with,

1472
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:58,120
Speaker 5: we just all have those nerve endings there. So yeah,

1473
01:11:58,320 --> 01:12:01,200
Speaker 5: we really walk you through all the different ways to play.

1474
01:12:01,240 --> 01:12:03,800
Speaker 5: And I'm glad that Donald has its great little sound

1475
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,000
Speaker 5: clip because I think one of the big misconceptions that

1476
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:08,840
Speaker 5: people have is we think the only way to do

1477
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:11,360
Speaker 5: it is to have intercourse, Like there has to be

1478
01:12:11,439 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 5: something going into the butt, like a you know, penis

1479
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:17,320
Speaker 5: or a toy or something like that. But fingers, tongues,

1480
01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:19,760
Speaker 5: like just a little play around the outside can be

1481
01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 5: really fun. It can be a great way to like

1482
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:24,680
Speaker 5: just play around with it initially and see, like do

1483
01:12:24,720 --> 01:12:26,439
Speaker 5: I like this? Do I want to go a little

1484
01:12:26,479 --> 01:12:29,680
Speaker 5: bit further? So fingers are a great starting point.

1485
01:12:29,880 --> 01:12:35,519
Speaker 1: Okay, do you recommend washcloth in the ass before this stuff?

1486
01:12:36,720 --> 01:12:39,519
Speaker 5: You do not need to do anything special. Definitely don't

1487
01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:45,200
Speaker 5: shove a washcloth out there. Things like you can take

1488
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:48,000
Speaker 5: a shower beforehand, especially if you're like brand new to this,

1489
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:51,160
Speaker 5: you're feeling a little bit nervous, you're screamish about the cleanliness.

1490
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:54,880
Speaker 5: But don't go up into your ass, like just wash

1491
01:12:55,080 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 5: on the outside, very gentle. So wash cloth, I'm really.

1492
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:02,880
Speaker 2: You know how they say don't put it now? They

1493
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 2: say don't put a cute tip in your ear canal.

1494
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:06,960
Speaker 2: Don't you know.

1495
01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:09,320
Speaker 1: Everybody puts the Q tip in their your canal? So

1496
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:12,080
Speaker 1: I know, I don't know if this is good advice.

1497
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:17,240
Speaker 5: You can clean up a little bit back there for sure,

1498
01:13:17,360 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 5: you don't have to, but it will probably help you

1499
01:13:19,400 --> 01:13:20,559
Speaker 5: feel a little bit more comfortable.

1500
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:20,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1501
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:24,240
Speaker 6: But regardless of regardless of what amount of cleanup you

1502
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:26,719
Speaker 6: do or don't do, you always want to make sure

1503
01:13:26,880 --> 01:13:30,559
Speaker 6: that you are never touching the vagina or the volva

1504
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:33,360
Speaker 6: with the same finger or hand that you are touching

1505
01:13:33,439 --> 01:13:33,840
Speaker 6: the Bible.

1506
01:13:34,040 --> 01:13:36,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't go from ass to Okay, so that

1507
01:13:36,560 --> 01:13:39,080
Speaker 1: down donald, Wait, hold on, so that.

1508
01:13:39,160 --> 01:13:42,919
Speaker 5: Is vagina to ask, but not from ass to vagina.

1509
01:13:43,080 --> 01:13:46,760
Speaker 1: So once you go ass, let's go clean. Yes, and

1510
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:48,440
Speaker 1: then we can go vagina again.

1511
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:51,640
Speaker 2: Right, because that will cause obviously infections or bacteria in

1512
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:53,479
Speaker 2: the vaginal canal right.

1513
01:13:53,439 --> 01:13:54,879
Speaker 5: Yes, correct?

1514
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,080
Speaker 1: Okay, well people you need.

1515
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:58,200
Speaker 2: To write that down down well.

1516
01:13:58,120 --> 01:14:00,599
Speaker 1: No, because they ain't allowed to ask. Play over here, baby,

1517
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:01,879
Speaker 1: Oh the thing is.

1518
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,839
Speaker 2: Well, once you put your washcloth, maybe things will change.

1519
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:08,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, you've been doing it wrong this whole time.

1520
01:14:09,200 --> 01:14:11,280
Speaker 1: That's what it is. That's what it is.

1521
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:13,519
Speaker 2: Do you think that men are are I mean, this

1522
01:14:13,600 --> 01:14:17,160
Speaker 2: is obviously something that's in in porn more and more,

1523
01:14:17,160 --> 01:14:18,920
Speaker 2: But do you think that like it feels like there's

1524
01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:23,200
Speaker 2: this cultural shift to straight men being more open to this.

1525
01:14:23,640 --> 01:14:26,200
Speaker 5: M h, Yeah, and I love that because again, it's

1526
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:30,120
Speaker 5: like anal play has no orientation to it, Like it's

1527
01:14:30,160 --> 01:14:33,160
Speaker 5: just really unfortunate that we've made this connotation with it,

1528
01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:36,439
Speaker 5: like we always we always talk about like, Okay, sure

1529
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 5: there are lots of gay men who love anal sex.

1530
01:14:39,680 --> 01:14:42,640
Speaker 5: You know what else, lots of gay men love blowjobs.

1531
01:14:43,320 --> 01:14:46,360
Speaker 5: Anybody calling it like a guy who loves blowjobs, like, oh,

1532
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:50,519
Speaker 5: he's secretly gay, he's really into those blowjobs, Like of

1533
01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:53,200
Speaker 5: course not, so we have to take away the really

1534
01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:55,679
Speaker 5: silly taboo around it. But yeah, I'm glad to see

1535
01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:59,240
Speaker 5: more straightmen feeling more open to exploring back door.

1536
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,400
Speaker 2: All right, well, thank you guys. This has been incredible

1537
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:04,160
Speaker 2: and I just want to thank you, and I hope

1538
01:15:04,160 --> 01:15:07,240
Speaker 2: you'll come back with we could do a whole other hour.

1539
01:15:07,280 --> 01:15:08,240
Speaker 1: We're going to do the homework.

1540
01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:12,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd love to hear how it goes with you guys.

1541
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:14,880
Speaker 5: I appreciate you guys sharing your story and being so vulnerable,

1542
01:15:14,920 --> 01:15:17,040
Speaker 5: and I'm happy to come back and do a little

1543
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:17,599
Speaker 5: check up.

1544
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:21,040
Speaker 2: And will you please plug both things again, because I

1545
01:15:21,080 --> 01:15:24,000
Speaker 2: really do think if you're listening to this, this guide

1546
01:15:24,160 --> 01:15:27,519
Speaker 2: is really no joke. It's there's both one for penis

1547
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:31,240
Speaker 2: and vaginas. It's very informative. I'm learning. Oh there's also

1548
01:15:31,240 --> 01:15:32,760
Speaker 2: a butt one I don't have that. I wasn't sent

1549
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:34,320
Speaker 2: that one. But tell everyone how they.

1550
01:15:34,360 --> 01:15:36,559
Speaker 5: We can send you the butt one.

1551
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:38,360
Speaker 2: Give me, give me the works, I want the pull package.

1552
01:15:38,479 --> 01:15:40,920
Speaker 2: But tell our audience how they can not only get

1553
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,280
Speaker 2: your guides, but the book that you guys wrote together.

1554
01:15:43,840 --> 01:15:47,920
Speaker 5: So they can head over to vmtherapy dot com, v

1555
01:15:48,120 --> 01:15:50,719
Speaker 5: M T H E r A p y dot com

1556
01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:54,040
Speaker 5: to find the ultimate four play Guides, Next Level Intercourse,

1557
01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:57,719
Speaker 5: Butt Stuff, Dirty Talk, the Art of Initiation, the Sex Challenges.

1558
01:15:57,760 --> 01:15:59,639
Speaker 5: We have so much fun stuff to check out there.

1559
01:15:59,760 --> 01:16:01,320
Speaker 6: And if you want to pick up the book, you

1560
01:16:01,320 --> 01:16:06,120
Speaker 6: can get that at sextalksbook dot com and it has

1561
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:08,519
Speaker 6: links to all the retailers. Once you buy the book,

1562
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:10,400
Speaker 6: if you go back to that page and fill out

1563
01:16:10,439 --> 01:16:12,639
Speaker 6: a quick little form with your order info, we'll send

1564
01:16:12,640 --> 01:16:14,559
Speaker 6: you a free workbook that goes along with the books

1565
01:16:14,560 --> 01:16:16,680
Speaker 6: so that you can get as the most out of

1566
01:16:16,720 --> 01:16:17,400
Speaker 6: it possible.

1567
01:16:17,720 --> 01:16:20,479
Speaker 5: And then we're also super active on Instagram. We're at

1568
01:16:20,520 --> 01:16:23,720
Speaker 5: Vanessa and Xander and Xander is spelled with an X,

1569
01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:26,000
Speaker 5: so all of the things are linked there as well,

1570
01:16:26,200 --> 01:16:28,599
Speaker 5: and we put out a lot of like stories every

1571
01:16:28,680 --> 01:16:32,280
Speaker 5: day talking about sex relationships, giving you all the tools

1572
01:16:32,280 --> 01:16:32,879
Speaker 5: and techniques.

1573
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:35,240
Speaker 1: So there's a work book to the book.

1574
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:38,320
Speaker 2: Also, do you fill it out while you're having sex

1575
01:16:38,439 --> 01:16:40,400
Speaker 2: or do you have to wait while when you're done.

1576
01:16:40,520 --> 01:16:43,760
Speaker 5: Yes, while you're having sex, you're like, please fill out

1577
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:45,000
Speaker 5: the workbook.

1578
01:16:46,040 --> 01:16:47,160
Speaker 2: This feels nice.

1579
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:47,559
Speaker 1: Give me the.

1580
01:16:50,320 --> 01:16:52,800
Speaker 5: Feel clinical at all? Yeah, you can just get a

1581
01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:55,600
Speaker 5: little clipboard, like pin it to the headboard. And you know,

1582
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:59,120
Speaker 5: now we do we do not advocate taking notes during sex,

1583
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:01,839
Speaker 5: but the work can be helpful outside of the bedroom.

1584
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:04,080
Speaker 2: All Right, you guys, thank you so much for coming on.

1585
01:17:04,160 --> 01:17:05,040
Speaker 2: We really appreciate you.

1586
01:17:06,880 --> 01:17:16,920
Speaker 1: Underous applause, Daniel, that was great. Casey really liked that man.

1587
01:17:16,960 --> 01:17:18,760
Speaker 1: That was the first time she ever left here, not

1588
01:17:18,840 --> 01:17:21,519
Speaker 1: being like I mean she wanted to sit down and

1589
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:23,559
Speaker 1: stay and then when it was over, she but when

1590
01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:25,000
Speaker 1: it was when you were like we got to move on,

1591
01:17:25,439 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 1: I could tell she was like, shit, I got so

1592
01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:29,960
Speaker 1: many more questions.

1593
01:17:30,000 --> 01:17:32,040
Speaker 2: You know, they were available for hire. Donald, you could

1594
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:33,080
Speaker 2: have a private.

1595
01:17:33,000 --> 01:17:36,519
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna be honest with you. Absolutely, I

1596
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:39,120
Speaker 1: think everybody should go to some form of therapy in

1597
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:42,000
Speaker 1: their life, and so that is something that maybe Casey

1598
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:45,479
Speaker 1: and I will explore. But first of all, Joelle, kudos

1599
01:17:45,560 --> 01:17:46,120
Speaker 1: to getting them.

1600
01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, great, Yes, Joe. By the way, I want to say,

1601
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:52,680
Speaker 2: you know, we're looking for people to develop podcasts for

1602
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:55,240
Speaker 2: we should develop a podcast for them. They're incredible.

1603
01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:58,320
Speaker 1: I mean, they could talk forever about the sex, you know.

1604
01:17:58,439 --> 01:18:01,200
Speaker 2: And then you could have you could have couples come

1605
01:18:01,240 --> 01:18:04,120
Speaker 2: on and and and share their story and have them

1606
01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:06,000
Speaker 2: give them advice. I would. I think that would be

1607
01:18:06,080 --> 01:18:09,759
Speaker 2: very popular. I agree, Joelle. Don't you.

1608
01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:12,920
Speaker 1: Do they have a podcast already.

1609
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:17,439
Speaker 4: I they do Instagram videos and they went TikTok viral

1610
01:18:17,439 --> 01:18:19,640
Speaker 4: after she said that, they posted a video about how

1611
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:21,120
Speaker 4: they make out every day as a way to, like you,

1612
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:25,879
Speaker 4: spark alive in their relationship. That Yeah, yeah, totally.

1613
01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:28,960
Speaker 2: Stephanie sent me that video and I was like, we're.

1614
01:18:30,760 --> 01:18:33,120
Speaker 1: That's actually a really good one right there. Yeah right.

1615
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:36,720
Speaker 2: And also I just think like people love hearing that

1616
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:39,360
Speaker 2: they're not alone and they have X y Z. Everybody

1617
01:18:39,439 --> 01:18:41,200
Speaker 2: has the same issues, and that's why I think that

1618
01:18:41,240 --> 01:18:43,920
Speaker 2: the episode is good because so many things we talked

1619
01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,519
Speaker 2: about people are going to want to talk about.

1620
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:47,920
Speaker 1: I think that's why Casey responded the way she responded too,

1621
01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:51,040
Speaker 1: because she's like, oh shit, it's not just me. She said,

1622
01:18:51,479 --> 01:18:53,639
Speaker 1: she was like, this is classic. This is a classic

1623
01:18:53,720 --> 01:18:57,439
Speaker 1: case of and there was a there was a remedy

1624
01:18:57,640 --> 01:19:02,600
Speaker 1: for what Casey's ailment was and my ailment was, and

1625
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:05,639
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It didn't make us feel like we were alone.

1626
01:19:05,680 --> 01:19:11,280
Speaker 1: And that's that's perfect example that Zach. Absolutely bro let's

1627
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:11,840
Speaker 1: take a break.

1628
01:19:11,880 --> 01:19:14,280
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after these fine words.

1629
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:23,600
Speaker 1: This segment of Fake Doctor's Real Friends is brought to

1630
01:19:23,640 --> 01:19:26,840
Speaker 1: you by T Mobile five G Home Internet, protecting you

1631
01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:30,000
Speaker 1: from exploding bills with the price lock guarantee.

1632
01:19:30,280 --> 01:19:33,720
Speaker 2: Visit t mobile dot com slash Zach to check availability.

1633
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:36,160
Speaker 1: Hry hold up man, that's your name all right?

1634
01:19:36,200 --> 01:19:37,920
Speaker 2: And now Joelle, what do you have for us?

1635
01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:40,400
Speaker 4: We got some letters. I thought we took a little

1636
01:19:40,439 --> 01:19:42,519
Speaker 4: a quick mail bag, so I pulled three letters.

1637
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:43,439
Speaker 1: They're really sweet.

1638
01:19:43,720 --> 01:19:47,519
Speaker 4: Our first one comes from September Quinn September Rights. First,

1639
01:19:47,600 --> 01:19:49,600
Speaker 4: I wanted to say how much I enjoyed the podcast

1640
01:19:49,640 --> 01:19:51,439
Speaker 4: throughout the years. I never laughed so hard as I

1641
01:19:51,520 --> 01:19:54,160
Speaker 4: did with all the antics and observations of you guys.

1642
01:19:54,240 --> 01:19:56,479
Speaker 4: This is the first time I've emailed. At first, I

1643
01:19:56,520 --> 01:19:58,559
Speaker 4: was bummed that you had to stop talking about Scrubs

1644
01:19:58,600 --> 01:20:01,200
Speaker 4: episodes with a strike going on. But I have really

1645
01:20:01,280 --> 01:20:04,160
Speaker 4: enjoyed the episodes in the meantime. Hearing from different people

1646
01:20:04,200 --> 01:20:07,599
Speaker 4: like Elizabeth Banks, the Vagina doctor Adam about the writer's

1647
01:20:07,640 --> 01:20:10,559
Speaker 4: strike and now Andy about alcohol has been great. I

1648
01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:12,320
Speaker 4: was really excited when I opened up the pod to

1649
01:20:12,400 --> 01:20:14,719
Speaker 4: day and saw Andy was going to be on Long story.

1650
01:20:14,720 --> 01:20:17,000
Speaker 4: Short years ago I got involved with his group one

1651
01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:19,639
Speaker 4: year No Beer took their challenge to go alcohol free

1652
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:22,040
Speaker 4: for twenty eight days, then three months, then a year.

1653
01:20:22,400 --> 01:20:24,920
Speaker 4: Andy and his group helped change my relationship with alcohol.

1654
01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:27,200
Speaker 4: I haven't been drink in years and I seldom drink

1655
01:20:27,200 --> 01:20:30,839
Speaker 4: alcohol now. It really is a healthy, life changing concept.

1656
01:20:31,080 --> 01:20:33,520
Speaker 4: I enjoyed the points they all brought up in the episode.

1657
01:20:33,600 --> 01:20:35,400
Speaker 4: I just wanted to say thanks for having him on,

1658
01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:37,320
Speaker 4: as well as all the other guests. Perhaps when the

1659
01:20:37,360 --> 01:20:40,360
Speaker 4: reviews of Sorry, Perhaps when the review of the episodes

1660
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,960
Speaker 4: are finished, they can continue to make a podcast just

1661
01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:45,360
Speaker 4: like this with different perspectives on a lot of different things,

1662
01:20:45,360 --> 01:20:48,400
Speaker 4: particularly in regards to health, lifestyle, mental health, et cetera.

1663
01:20:48,720 --> 01:20:50,960
Speaker 4: To keep in line with the Scrubs theme. It's really

1664
01:20:51,400 --> 01:20:53,360
Speaker 4: these kinds of things mixed in with kind of humor

1665
01:20:53,479 --> 01:20:55,519
Speaker 4: Zach and Donald bring to everything. Thanks again for a

1666
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:56,000
Speaker 4: great show.

1667
01:20:56,040 --> 01:20:58,880
Speaker 2: September, Quinn, that was September. First of all, I never

1668
01:20:58,880 --> 01:21:00,920
Speaker 2: met someone named September. That's a great name. That is

1669
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:03,120
Speaker 2: exactly what Donald and I are feeling. And I'm getting

1670
01:21:03,120 --> 01:21:05,799
Speaker 2: this kind of feedback all over the place, people really

1671
01:21:06,439 --> 01:21:09,400
Speaker 2: loving it. And just in time, Donald, because you know,

1672
01:21:09,439 --> 01:21:11,320
Speaker 2: Donald and I have been brainstorming of what the show

1673
01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:13,120
Speaker 2: is going to be, as you guys all know, because

1674
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:15,320
Speaker 2: we made it a part of the show, and the

1675
01:21:15,360 --> 01:21:18,400
Speaker 2: strike has forced us to start doing some of the

1676
01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:20,599
Speaker 2: things that we wanted to do, which was to bring on,

1677
01:21:21,080 --> 01:21:24,519
Speaker 2: you know, interesting people. And I'm just so glad that

1678
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:27,559
Speaker 2: people are liking it. My assistant Mark actually said to me,

1679
01:21:27,600 --> 01:21:30,080
Speaker 2: he goes to be honest, I'm liking the show so

1680
01:21:30,200 --> 01:21:32,759
Speaker 2: much more. But I don't think that he was necessarily

1681
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:37,840
Speaker 2: a Scrubs viewer, But for him, he's really loving these episodes.

1682
01:21:38,800 --> 01:21:41,920
Speaker 1: I love it too. I'm just as a host of

1683
01:21:41,960 --> 01:21:44,000
Speaker 1: the show, I love it too. You know, we were

1684
01:21:44,000 --> 01:21:46,759
Speaker 1: just talking about switching it up in the bedroom. Sometimes

1685
01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:49,160
Speaker 1: it's nice to switch it up and talk about other things.

1686
01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:51,720
Speaker 1: I do miss talking about that show we were on,

1687
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:53,320
Speaker 1: you know what I mean that I can't talk about.

1688
01:21:53,840 --> 01:21:57,240
Speaker 1: I do miss talking about you know, I do miss

1689
01:21:57,280 --> 01:21:59,800
Speaker 1: having some of the guests that were on the show.

1690
01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:02,720
Speaker 1: That's something we can do. Also having your guests with

1691
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:05,799
Speaker 1: you know, bring Sarah Chalk on and Sarah Chalk talks

1692
01:22:05,800 --> 01:22:07,599
Speaker 1: to the vagina doctor.

1693
01:22:08,080 --> 01:22:10,479
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear Sarah talk up to the vagina doctor.

1694
01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:13,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. So, you know, maybe

1695
01:22:13,560 --> 01:22:15,519
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Also, I don't know. All I

1696
01:22:15,560 --> 01:22:18,120
Speaker 1: know is I like what we're doing right now. Also,

1697
01:22:18,640 --> 01:22:21,559
Speaker 1: and the strike. As much as I want to get

1698
01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:24,320
Speaker 1: back to work and I understand why we're striking and stuff,

1699
01:22:24,800 --> 01:22:26,880
Speaker 1: I do like the fact that we were able to

1700
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:31,479
Speaker 1: pivot and find something else that was interesting and it

1701
01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:33,200
Speaker 1: turns out that it's a bunch of things, you know

1702
01:22:33,240 --> 01:22:37,439
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, you know, I like the idea

1703
01:22:37,479 --> 01:22:40,040
Speaker 1: of us still being fake doctors and real friends, but

1704
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:41,280
Speaker 1: just talking about other things.

1705
01:22:41,280 --> 01:22:43,240
Speaker 2: Well, we don't have. The good news is it's we

1706
01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:45,600
Speaker 2: don't have that many more Scrubs episodes, right, Joel. I

1707
01:22:45,600 --> 01:22:46,040
Speaker 2: mean we have the.

1708
01:22:46,120 --> 01:22:48,240
Speaker 1: Trial for news that's bad news.

1709
01:22:48,520 --> 01:22:51,640
Speaker 2: Well, I'm just saying. What I meant to say is

1710
01:22:51,720 --> 01:22:54,400
Speaker 2: it's good news that we're finding a way to keep

1711
01:22:54,439 --> 01:22:57,559
Speaker 2: the pod going because we enjoy it so much. Because

1712
01:22:57,680 --> 01:23:01,040
Speaker 2: Scrubs episodes wise, when the scrape, when the strike is over.

1713
01:23:01,439 --> 01:23:03,439
Speaker 2: I know we have the twelve episodes from season nine.

1714
01:23:03,479 --> 01:23:05,000
Speaker 2: How many do we have left in season eight?

1715
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,920
Speaker 4: Oh gosh, I don't remember off the top of my head,

1716
01:23:07,920 --> 01:23:09,880
Speaker 4: but not that many. I think we're about halfway a

1717
01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:11,120
Speaker 4: little over halfway, all right.

1718
01:23:11,040 --> 01:23:15,720
Speaker 2: So maybe there's I don't know, seventeen or so episodes left. Yeah,

1719
01:23:15,760 --> 01:23:18,200
Speaker 2: there are eight left in the season we haven't covered,

1720
01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:22,519
Speaker 2: all right, So by my mask, that's twenty episodes of

1721
01:23:22,760 --> 01:23:25,280
Speaker 2: Scrubs rewatch left.

1722
01:23:26,120 --> 01:23:27,680
Speaker 1: You know what you should play? The more you know?

1723
01:23:27,840 --> 01:23:33,040
Speaker 1: Sound song? Right there, Daniel, No, you know what you

1724
01:23:33,200 --> 01:23:35,080
Speaker 1: I wish we could play that the Scrubs same Do

1725
01:23:35,200 --> 01:23:35,719
Speaker 1: Do Do?

1726
01:23:35,560 --> 01:23:36,400
Speaker 4: Do? Do? Do?

1727
01:23:39,240 --> 01:23:41,760
Speaker 2: All right? Thank you, September, go ahead, Joelle.

1728
01:23:41,520 --> 01:23:46,080
Speaker 4: All right. Our next letter comes from Rob Rob right,

1729
01:23:46,840 --> 01:23:49,120
Speaker 4: heysz Ecdonald. I thought the two of you might get

1730
01:23:49,160 --> 01:23:49,960
Speaker 4: a kick out of this.

1731
01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:53,600
Speaker 1: Here's what he said, so as.

1732
01:23:53,439 --> 01:23:56,880
Speaker 8: A sure excellent blood shoving you some scrubs Scrubs today

1733
01:23:57,160 --> 01:23:58,760
Speaker 8: and it's simply.

1734
01:23:58,760 --> 01:23:59,599
Speaker 2: Guy love.

1735
01:24:02,640 --> 01:24:04,160
Speaker 8: And I can tell you this seemed like a much

1736
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:10,000
Speaker 8: better idea of actually having to do this right now. Anyway,

1737
01:24:10,720 --> 01:24:15,320
Speaker 8: it goes a little something like this, it's guy love.

1738
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:18,360
Speaker 2: That solid is skuy love.

1739
01:24:18,640 --> 01:24:22,960
Speaker 8: He's not loved his There's nothing gay about it in

1740
01:24:23,160 --> 01:24:27,840
Speaker 8: our eyes. And when I say I love you, Dan,

1741
01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:45,200
Speaker 8: it's not what it implies in sky love. It'sten to guy.

1742
01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:46,960
Speaker 2: Nice. It's the best man toast. So yeah.

1743
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:48,720
Speaker 4: So the rest of his letter says, this is a

1744
01:24:48,720 --> 01:24:50,759
Speaker 4: short clip for my best man speech over the weekend

1745
01:24:50,840 --> 01:24:53,519
Speaker 4: for my best friend of over twenty years, Dan. We

1746
01:24:53,600 --> 01:24:56,200
Speaker 4: spent literally hundreds of hours bending scrubs in our teenage years,

1747
01:24:56,240 --> 01:24:58,599
Speaker 4: and I can think of no quote, poem, or reading

1748
01:24:58,680 --> 01:25:01,040
Speaker 4: morphitting to sum up my feelings toward the grooms and

1749
01:25:01,080 --> 01:25:04,320
Speaker 4: an addition of guy love. This question performance was preceded

1750
01:25:04,320 --> 01:25:07,200
Speaker 4: by a brief synopsis of Scrubs and an explanation of

1751
01:25:07,200 --> 01:25:10,240
Speaker 4: why Turk and JD's relationships resonated with us so much.

1752
01:25:10,439 --> 01:25:12,080
Speaker 4: It's like I married my best friend, but in a

1753
01:25:12,120 --> 01:25:15,120
Speaker 4: totally manly way. Thanks for endless hours of entertainment throughout

1754
01:25:15,120 --> 01:25:17,160
Speaker 4: the years and providing the perfect musical number to send

1755
01:25:17,160 --> 01:25:19,120
Speaker 4: my buddy off into married life. He is a turk

1756
01:25:19,160 --> 01:25:22,759
Speaker 4: to my JD. Greetings from across the pond, Rob from London.

1757
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:27,040
Speaker 2: Oh that's very sweet, Rob, very sweet, and thank you

1758
01:25:27,120 --> 01:25:30,280
Speaker 2: for loving the show. And uh and by the way,

1759
01:25:30,520 --> 01:25:32,600
Speaker 2: a great idea if you're if you if you have

1760
01:25:32,640 --> 01:25:34,479
Speaker 2: to give the best man speech and you have no

1761
01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:37,400
Speaker 2: idea what you're going to do, just sing a little

1762
01:25:37,960 --> 01:25:41,560
Speaker 2: little bit of guy love. Hell yeah right, Donald.

1763
01:25:42,240 --> 01:25:47,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I want to say one thing that took

1764
01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:51,640
Speaker 1: guts to do in front of that whole family.

1765
01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:54,120
Speaker 2: That like, and they weren't the warmest crowd like.

1766
01:25:54,040 --> 01:25:57,280
Speaker 1: That, and they were not the warmest crowd crowd kind

1767
01:25:57,280 --> 01:25:59,680
Speaker 1: of they were kind of like they were kind of

1768
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:02,120
Speaker 1: laughing at him, like all right, wrap this shit up.

1769
01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:04,960
Speaker 2: But right, I'm always so nervous when the best man

1770
01:26:05,120 --> 01:26:07,720
Speaker 2: gives a speech, though, aren't you, because I've never seen one.

1771
01:26:08,400 --> 01:26:11,280
Speaker 1: First of all, you crushed your best man's speech. That

1772
01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:14,800
Speaker 1: shit was that ship was so good that Look all

1773
01:26:14,880 --> 01:26:19,120
Speaker 1: the writers and there were some pretty big time writers

1774
01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:24,240
Speaker 1: at my wedding to Miss Casey Cobb, all of them

1775
01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:29,439
Speaker 1: were like, Yo, this motherfucker just killed it. Yeah, we

1776
01:26:29,520 --> 01:26:31,920
Speaker 1: crushed that speech and you didn't sing guy love to

1777
01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:32,920
Speaker 1: crush it no.

1778
01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:35,080
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm a comedy writer. I think that for

1779
01:26:35,160 --> 01:26:39,200
Speaker 2: this guy to need something to vulnerable. Yes, it was

1780
01:26:39,280 --> 01:26:43,160
Speaker 2: vulnerable and it was sweet and good. Good job, good job.

1781
01:26:43,439 --> 01:26:45,960
Speaker 4: All right, So this last one is a video and

1782
01:26:46,400 --> 01:26:48,720
Speaker 4: Daniel will fix it for our listeners. And I'm going

1783
01:26:48,760 --> 01:26:50,559
Speaker 4: to caution everyone on the calls, just turn your falling

1784
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:54,120
Speaker 4: down a little bit, just a little bit. It shouldn't

1785
01:26:54,120 --> 01:26:56,439
Speaker 4: be a blowout, but just just a little caution. So

1786
01:26:56,520 --> 01:26:59,479
Speaker 4: this letter is from Dan. He says, Hi, guys, I'm

1787
01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:01,920
Speaker 4: a bit late, but I remember you talking about todd

1788
01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:04,479
Speaker 4: Time website and how it wasn't up anymore. Well, for

1789
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:06,960
Speaker 4: reasons i'd rather not get into, I have the video

1790
01:27:07,040 --> 01:27:08,920
Speaker 4: saved to my phone. So here it is, in all

1791
01:27:08,960 --> 01:27:10,560
Speaker 4: its banana hammock glory.

1792
01:27:12,840 --> 01:28:00,920
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Oh my, hey,

1793
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:04,520
Speaker 9: thanks you stopped by the side.

1794
01:28:06,880 --> 01:28:08,960
Speaker 2: I mean, we have to describe to the audience that

1795
01:28:08,960 --> 01:28:12,479
Speaker 2: that noise was rob oiled up in a banana hammock

1796
01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:15,639
Speaker 2: in front of the old er entrance with the ramp

1797
01:28:15,720 --> 01:28:19,160
Speaker 2: to Sacred Heart, and he was posing, uh and.

1798
01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:20,680
Speaker 1: He was flexing.

1799
01:28:20,960 --> 01:28:22,920
Speaker 2: He was flexing, but I mean he was posing like

1800
01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:26,240
Speaker 2: a weight looks like a bodybuilder, and then he was yeah,

1801
01:28:26,280 --> 01:28:28,080
Speaker 2: and then he was there was a section where he

1802
01:28:28,160 --> 01:28:29,280
Speaker 2: was air humping.

1803
01:28:29,320 --> 01:28:32,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you could see that there was a lot

1804
01:28:32,320 --> 01:28:33,519
Speaker 1: of shaft There was a.

1805
01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:37,360
Speaker 2: Lot of shafts bouncing in the banana hammock. I could

1806
01:28:37,400 --> 01:28:40,760
Speaker 2: see with Joel, I need that video. So you're telling

1807
01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:42,720
Speaker 2: me when you used to go to Rob's website, that

1808
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:44,920
Speaker 2: was just auto play. That was just the only thing

1809
01:28:44,960 --> 01:28:45,400
Speaker 2: on the side.

1810
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:47,360
Speaker 4: That was the times from an episode. I wish I

1811
01:28:47,360 --> 01:28:50,000
Speaker 4: could remember which specific episode it was. There's an episode

1812
01:28:50,000 --> 01:28:51,800
Speaker 4: where that's like go to todd time dot com.

1813
01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:56,200
Speaker 2: Oh, so in the episode we got the we we

1814
01:28:56,240 --> 01:28:59,000
Speaker 2: got the domain and put that up. Joelle, can you

1815
01:28:59,040 --> 01:29:01,200
Speaker 2: send me that video. I need to send that to

1816
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:04,519
Speaker 2: Bill and I'm going to send that to Johnny C

1817
01:29:04,960 --> 01:29:06,160
Speaker 2: and Sarah.

1818
01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:08,599
Speaker 4: And social so everyone can see it too.

1819
01:29:09,120 --> 01:29:14,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, please put it on on our socials. We don't

1820
01:29:14,080 --> 01:29:15,040
Speaker 2: even have a fake doctors.

1821
01:29:15,080 --> 01:29:16,880
Speaker 4: We don't have I was thinking maybe we should create

1822
01:29:16,920 --> 01:29:18,040
Speaker 4: an Instagram or something.

1823
01:29:18,080 --> 01:29:21,840
Speaker 2: Well, I appairly use socials anymore, but Joelle and Daniel

1824
01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:23,679
Speaker 2: will put it on there so you guys can see.

1825
01:29:23,680 --> 01:29:25,639
Speaker 2: If you don't mind you guys putting on your.

1826
01:29:25,520 --> 01:29:28,840
Speaker 1: Social socials all animation. Now animation in my case?

1827
01:29:28,880 --> 01:29:30,160
Speaker 2: Oh really, we didn't notice.

1828
01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:35,560
Speaker 1: I thought you weren't on social you wouldn't notice.

1829
01:29:33,720 --> 01:29:36,160
Speaker 2: When I am I turn it on. All I see

1830
01:29:36,240 --> 01:29:40,520
Speaker 2: is you making a guide jump Zach and Donald newlyweds

1831
01:29:40,800 --> 01:29:45,960
Speaker 2: in house arrest thanks to Mobile. If you're over exploding

1832
01:29:46,000 --> 01:29:48,720
Speaker 2: internet bills, visit T mobile dot com slash Zach and

1833
01:29:48,760 --> 01:29:51,960
Speaker 2: find out how new and existing customers get T mobiles

1834
01:29:52,000 --> 01:30:01,479
Speaker 2: price lock guarantee for home Internet. All right, what a show?

1835
01:30:01,600 --> 01:30:03,439
Speaker 2: I need to go. I need to go the cold

1836
01:30:03,439 --> 01:30:04,439
Speaker 2: plunge and cool off.

1837
01:30:05,120 --> 01:30:07,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to cool off. I want to heat up.

1838
01:30:07,040 --> 01:30:08,000
Speaker 1: It's time to flame it.

1839
01:30:08,040 --> 01:30:10,000
Speaker 2: Didn't you learn any lessons? You better go do the

1840
01:30:10,040 --> 01:30:11,479
Speaker 2: dishes and fucking start dusting.

1841
01:30:11,520 --> 01:30:14,840
Speaker 1: My guy, I'm gonna freak. Not only that now, Look

1842
01:30:15,439 --> 01:30:17,000
Speaker 1: your play is the new.

1843
01:30:19,000 --> 01:30:22,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's good. You're gonna write that down on

1844
01:30:22,080 --> 01:30:25,720
Speaker 2: your whiteboard. All right, audience, thank you for tuning in,

1845
01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:28,000
Speaker 2: and we hope you learned something. And check out that

1846
01:30:28,080 --> 01:30:31,400
Speaker 2: guide because I gotta tell you it's quite informative. I'm

1847
01:30:31,479 --> 01:30:33,479
Speaker 2: learning a lot. I'm learning a lot.

1848
01:30:35,320 --> 01:30:36,360
Speaker 1: You get to apply it.

1849
01:30:36,920 --> 01:30:39,000
Speaker 2: I'm going to apply it to you. I hope I

1850
01:30:39,040 --> 01:30:42,000
Speaker 2: get to apply it to you. This section I want

1851
01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:44,200
Speaker 2: to apply to you. I want to read it to you.

1852
01:30:44,240 --> 01:30:45,080
Speaker 1: Go ahead, get it.

1853
01:30:45,240 --> 01:30:48,280
Speaker 2: Donald. I'm going to end with something from the from

1854
01:30:48,320 --> 01:30:49,400
Speaker 2: the guide.

1855
01:30:49,680 --> 01:30:51,560
Speaker 1: Just to give everybody a nice little.

1856
01:30:53,040 --> 01:30:53,519
Speaker 2: Okay.

1857
01:30:53,680 --> 01:30:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is this is this part is what we

1858
01:30:56,040 --> 01:30:57,800
Speaker 1: call happy ending, y'all.

1859
01:30:58,479 --> 01:31:02,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is your happy ending. Okay. If your partner

1860
01:31:02,120 --> 01:31:03,519
Speaker 2: doesn't know, or if you don't want to ask them,

1861
01:31:03,560 --> 01:31:06,639
Speaker 2: it's best to start with indirect stimulation and the move

1862
01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:10,200
Speaker 2: we call the tornado. By the way, they should I

1863
01:31:10,200 --> 01:31:17,559
Speaker 2: should do the audiobook for this. For these, I'm gonna

1864
01:31:17,600 --> 01:31:19,719
Speaker 2: read you from the guide. By the way, Joelle, please

1865
01:31:19,760 --> 01:31:21,560
Speaker 2: tell them that if they need me to do the audiobook,

1866
01:31:21,560 --> 01:31:26,200
Speaker 2: I'm available. Start off by slowly and very gently circling

1867
01:31:26,240 --> 01:31:30,120
Speaker 2: your partner's clatorus with your pointer finger without directly touching it.

1868
01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:34,320
Speaker 2: This is your first time getting anywhere. This is your

1869
01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:37,280
Speaker 2: first time getting anywhere close to the clatorus, so remember

1870
01:31:37,360 --> 01:31:40,960
Speaker 2: that it's best to be very gentle at first. Plus

1871
01:31:41,000 --> 01:31:44,080
Speaker 2: this will continue to feel like a tease. Make your

1872
01:31:44,120 --> 01:31:59,560
Speaker 2: circles tighter and tighter until you start ringing against made

1873
01:31:56,520 --> 01:31:57,360
Speaker 2: a bunch of.

1874
01:32:00,080 --> 01:32:00,400
Speaker 5: Amy.

1875
01:32:00,640 --> 01:32:04,320
Speaker 1: I said, he's a stormy net all should know.

1876
01:32:05,920 --> 01:32:06,000
Speaker 8: So.

1877
01:32:06,280 --> 01:32:11,000
Speaker 1: Gadder Rad, you here, up Gatherer Rad, you here obscure

1878
01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,519
Speaker 1: your wiz and no