Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi, I'm saying hi,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to sit in my own comfort of
Speaker 1: saying hi for a moment. I know misspelling hasn't been
Speaker 1: up for a couple of weeks. I want to thank
Speaker 1: everyone for your patience. I know we're all out there
Speaker 1: dealing with grief and loss and humanity and love and fairness,
Speaker 1: all kind of at our own time. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: make sense of things we can't make sense of. I
Speaker 1: guess that's human control, wanting to be able to control
Speaker 1: see situations that you can't control. As everyone knows, I
Speaker 1: lost a good friend, we all lost. The world lost
Speaker 1: of an important person just about two weeks ago when
Speaker 1: Shannon passed. While it was expected, I think the unexpected
Speaker 1: hit all of us quite hard because I think we
Speaker 1: thought her expected would be something that she would go
Speaker 1: down in history redefining. And I guess it's humanizing to
Speaker 1: know that that's not how life works, and then it's
Speaker 1: up to us to kind of sort that out. It
Speaker 1: was really tough for me when I found out the news.
Speaker 1: I actually my phone started ringing. I was sleeping with
Speaker 1: two of my children in their bed on the Sunday
Speaker 1: morning I found out and my phone I had it
Speaker 1: on silence, but it kept buzzing and it kept going off,
Speaker 1: kept going off. I checked the time and it was
Speaker 1: seven am, and I knew immedia was I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, somebody's passed. Somebody important has died. And
Speaker 1: I took that moment not to go on social media.
Speaker 1: I didn't call anyone back. I wanted to gather the
Speaker 1: details for myself so I could see how I wanted
Speaker 1: to process it before being overwhelmed by voices and text
Speaker 1: and emails. And sure enough, when I built up Google,
Speaker 1: I saw that Shannon had passed on Saturday night, and
Speaker 1: it was shocking, and I I think the first thing
Speaker 1: I felt was madness. Is madness the word I felt mad.
Speaker 1: Not for myself. I felt mad for the life that
Speaker 1: wouldn't continue, the life that had so much to offer,
Speaker 1: not just herself but everybody around here. This huge I
Speaker 1: want to say Ember. I don't know why I want
Speaker 1: to say Ember. This no because an Ember is small
Speaker 1: and she wasn't small just in frame. It was this huge,
Speaker 1: burning beacon. She was a beacon. Yeah, I like that one,
Speaker 1: and I know for everyone around the world that was
Speaker 1: going through something, whether it was cancer or any other
Speaker 1: kind of disease or ailment, or or connected to a
Speaker 1: hard time they were going through, or any kind of hardship.
Speaker 1: Because it's again, it's all individual. They really did look
Speaker 1: to her for inspiration and kind of power to carry
Speaker 1: on in the moments when they felt they couldn't. And
Speaker 1: I got to see that in person. I got to
Speaker 1: see that in person in her whole life, which is beautiful.
Speaker 1: I met Shannon when I was fifteen and we were
Speaker 1: doing the pilot. She was seventeen. I was the preduser's daughter.
Speaker 1: I was coming to set. I was terrified. All I
Speaker 1: wanted was to be accepted or if nothing else, just
Speaker 1: you know, blended with the background. Hope no one noticed me.
Speaker 1: Hope they liked me. You know, I came in with
Speaker 1: such a permegrant. It hurt in my face because I
Speaker 1: was like, you don't want to not be smiling twenty
Speaker 1: four to seven, because then they'll be like, oh, look
Speaker 1: the little rich girl. She she's not nice, and I
Speaker 1: think Sheannon and Brian were the first people that I
Speaker 1: met on set, and they were really really welcoming. And
Speaker 1: Shannon has that smile that smile that can light up
Speaker 1: the room. And I loved her smile because she would
Speaker 1: even say it herself, like, I don't have perfect teeth,
Speaker 1: but I love my teeth. And she always loved her teeth,
Speaker 1: and it was part of you know her. It was iconic.
Speaker 1: Her smile was legendary. And it wasn't just the smile,
Speaker 1: the teeth, the lips, it was what was behind the smile,
Speaker 1: and it came across with so much genuine interest and
Speaker 1: care and happiness and joy. There was so much joy
Speaker 1: behind that smile. And she immediately took me under her wing.
Speaker 1: She gave me a big hug, walked me around, took
Speaker 1: me into the makeup trailer. I was, you know, trying
Speaker 1: my best to pretend I was a cool, like older
Speaker 1: teen girl when I was just basically freaking out inside
Speaker 1: because standing right in front of me was one of
Speaker 1: the Heathers. And I was obsessed with the movie Heathers
Speaker 1: and my high school friends and I played it over
Speaker 1: and over again and rented it from Blockbuster. And I'm
Speaker 1: aging myself right now, but Shannon was my favorite in it.
Speaker 1: And I remember telling my dad. My dad, from a
Speaker 1: very young age, taught me star quality, the G factor,
Speaker 1: which they would say, now, I guess, but star quality
Speaker 1: was something my dad was very good at at finding.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't something you know, It wasn't about coming
Speaker 1: in and auditioning for him and nailing the audition. It
Speaker 1: went far beyond that. Many times my dad would say,
Speaker 1: the actor that got the role after the auditions is
Speaker 1: the one that thinks he least likely got the role
Speaker 1: because he messed up the audition. But it was never
Speaker 1: about the words on the page. It was about what
Speaker 1: was behind his eyes, and he was the one, and
Speaker 1: that guy would go on to be a ginormous star.
Speaker 1: So he when I had shown my dad, you know,
Speaker 1: my dad would always say, you know, what are the
Speaker 1: teens into? What are they like? And I would, you know,
Speaker 1: bring him my team be you know, Tiger Beat, seventeen
Speaker 1: magazines like that I had way too many of and
Speaker 1: a subscription I would always go through and we would
Speaker 1: literally sit there at dinner sometimes together. I remember like
Speaker 1: we were eating fried chick in one night at dinner
Speaker 1: my parents' massive ouse. It was just the breakfast room,
Speaker 1: me and my dad and I had my dad used
Speaker 1: to they used to call it dog earing when he
Speaker 1: would go through a script, my dad would dog hear
Speaker 1: every page that he had a note on, and with
Speaker 1: a black big pen, he would go and circle. He
Speaker 1: didn't make notes on other pages, he did it on
Speaker 1: the script and he would rewrite the line. And often
Speaker 1: at work they would say, uh oh, if Aaron's briefcase
Speaker 1: came back after the weekend, his assistant would open it
Speaker 1: and it would be filled with dog eared page. They'd
Speaker 1: all be like, uh oh, there's a lot of work
Speaker 1: to be done for the writers, because he basically used
Speaker 1: to rewrite all the scripts. But we would sit there
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, okay, show me, and I had
Speaker 1: all these pages dog ear, just like he liked it.
Speaker 1: And I would be like, this girl, that guy. And
Speaker 1: at some point I was like, you have to see
Speaker 1: Shannon Doherty. She is amazing. She dad, as you say,
Speaker 1: has star quality. And he took my advice he always did,
Speaker 1: and he had her in. He met with her, and
Speaker 1: you know, that's history. You know. Obviously she came in
Speaker 1: and he saw what I had hoped he would have seen,
Speaker 1: and she had star quality. Cast her and she became
Speaker 1: Brenda Walsh and changed history. But I think the big
Speaker 1: takeaway in the last two weeks, I've really been going
Speaker 1: back in time privately and thinking, you know, about the
Speaker 1: enormous effect that Shannon had, not just on a generation,
Speaker 1: generations to come and to come, like it's going to
Speaker 1: keep going. She will live on in her work and
Speaker 1: in the people that loved her and the things she
Speaker 1: stood for. But for me, I was able to go
Speaker 1: back and see from a very different perspective as an adult,
Speaker 1: back to that teenage, fifteen year old girl that I
Speaker 1: felt like. And I said this in my social media post,
Speaker 1: because when she passed, I saw everyone posting, and it
Speaker 1: was hard, you know, it was hard to not look
Speaker 1: at your Instagram and to see your feed, and you didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to look away because I got to
Speaker 1: see my friend. I got to see beautiful pictures of
Speaker 1: her and I'd never seen before pictures I had seen
Speaker 1: before pictures I was in with her. But it was
Speaker 1: nice to be able in that day of solitude, upon
Speaker 1: hearing of her passing, to just see that and see
Speaker 1: how inundated everybody was with posting about her. And then
Speaker 1: that's when it came to me, because some people were
Speaker 1: posting newer and people an expectation of sorts that if
Speaker 1: you were close with her, or if you're close with
Speaker 1: anyone who passes, and they mean something to the public,
Speaker 1: So it's not just your friend passing, it's the public's
Speaker 1: friend passing. It's almost like unspoken, unspoken, what's the word
Speaker 1: something that you owe them? I guess at least this
Speaker 1: is what I felt. So I, being me very much
Speaker 1: went into my head of that fine dance between owing
Speaker 1: the public wording to speak out of how I felt
Speaker 1: about Shannon passing and just wanting to keep it private
Speaker 1: for myself. I mean, it was fine for me to
Speaker 1: obsessively stalk her page that is still up, or you know,
Speaker 1: her podcast page and see her last interview and look
Speaker 1: at that last interview saying she had so much hope.
Speaker 1: That was okay for me to do in my private time.
Speaker 1: But the thought in my mind I couldn't connect was
Speaker 1: putting a statement that I couldn't take back. You can't
Speaker 1: take backwards. And that's something I've learned the hard way
Speaker 1: in life, through relationships and business and everything as we
Speaker 1: get older. And I was like, how could I summarize
Speaker 1: someone I've known for thirty six years? Thirty six years
Speaker 1: it's over half my life, someone I grew up with,
Speaker 1: someone who was my best friend, someone who at some
Speaker 1: point I had misunderstandings with and didn't have contact with,
Speaker 1: and lost years for things we were to later go
Speaker 1: back and talk about and realize it was silly, and
Speaker 1: we acknowledged we had lost time, years and years that
Speaker 1: we could have been together over things that outside influences
Speaker 1: like press articles that maybe we believe and they got
Speaker 1: to us too much, or maybe inside influences other people
Speaker 1: that we knew and worked with influenced either of us,
Speaker 1: probably me because no one can influence her in a
Speaker 1: way that shaped and misshaped and unhinged our friendship. But
Speaker 1: ultimately we got that time to go back and say,
Speaker 1: none of that matters. What matters is that core friendship
Speaker 1: that we had and we were able to get back
Speaker 1: to that. And I'll talk about that in a second,
Speaker 1: but I want to be mindful to go back before
Speaker 1: it gets too far away. That it was really hard
Speaker 1: for me to put that first post up on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and I talked to a friend who said, she said,
Speaker 1: do it in your own time. Grief is right for
Speaker 1: what's right for you, and you handle it your way.
Speaker 1: No one expects anything, and I wish that were true.
Speaker 1: I did watch on social media, you know, because I
Speaker 1: did take a day before I posted, because I just
Speaker 1: my thoughts were everywhere and I wanted it to be right,
Speaker 1: and I I didn't want to rush it up to
Speaker 1: be like, oh see, look how much I love Shannon.
Speaker 1: I have a post up immediately a picture of us
Speaker 1: that was not what I wanted. And I did take
Speaker 1: a day, and during that day I did see comments like,
Speaker 1: oh I thought Tory and Shannon were friends. Tory hasn't posted,
Speaker 1: oh only maybe they weren't friends. And I had to
Speaker 1: be like, okay, that's just outside noise, let it go,
Speaker 1: let it go. It see did in though, So I
Speaker 1: was really happy I did take that day and didn't
Speaker 1: react because the post I put up. I actually think
Speaker 1: Shan would have been really proud of the post I
Speaker 1: put up. I would have called out a few more
Speaker 1: things if I really wanted to please her. Who knows,
Speaker 1: maybe I will do in time. But it was very
Speaker 1: authentically me, which is all she told me to ever be.
Speaker 1: I just want to be mindful that for years, you know,
Speaker 1: I think Shannon, I think we all have said this
Speaker 1: and seen these quotes that Shannon was misunderstood. I always
Speaker 1: hate these PC things. The press who were never PC
Speaker 1: tend to put out PC words when it's like now
Speaker 1: they're choosing to be semi kind, you know, or whether
Speaker 1: it's others that are saying, oh, she was just misunderstood.
Speaker 1: There was miscommunication. If I had to look back at it,
Speaker 1: I don't think Shannon ever was misunderstood. I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I think at the time she was a young girl,
Speaker 1: she was seventeen, who grew up in the business. She
Speaker 1: grew up, she grew up with men, she grew up
Speaker 1: with older men. I mean she was on Little House
Speaker 1: in the Prairie. She you know, Michael Landon was like
Speaker 1: her father, you know, Wilford Brumley with the star of
Speaker 1: her other show. Like it was these iconic, legendary old
Speaker 1: school men and here was this young girl, this spitfire,
Speaker 1: you know, smart, smart as they come, Like Shannon didn't
Speaker 1: miss a beat, even when she didn't feel well, even
Speaker 1: when she was sick, she never missed a beat. You
Speaker 1: could be talking about something and you could turn and
Speaker 1: you could say, oh, you think you made a good joke,
Speaker 1: or you think you brought it all back around, and
Speaker 1: you say, oh, you didn't hear me, and she goes,
Speaker 1: what when you said that? She heard everything while listening
Speaker 1: to three other people, and she just didn't comment on it.
Speaker 1: And I always said, oh, okay, noted she heard me. Eh,
Speaker 1: it wasn't a great one. It wasn't a great joke
Speaker 1: I made cool, but she heard me. And so she
Speaker 1: came up in a time where she felt like she
Speaker 1: had to be strong to be heard, which is unfortunate,
Speaker 1: but it laid the way for other generations who now
Speaker 1: can happily step into that role. And instead of looking
Speaker 1: back at a time when people said, oh, you know
Speaker 1: and she would say this, you know, people thought I
Speaker 1: was maybe they thought I was a bitch, they thought,
Speaker 1: you know, and she wasn't. I can tell you right now.
Speaker 1: She was strong and she would tell you right to
Speaker 1: your face if she didn't believe in something. And so
Speaker 1: in the nineties, you know, maybe that was here's other
Speaker 1: girls who were hiding behind there. You know, we're cute,
Speaker 1: we're giggly. I hate to admit it, I was one
Speaker 1: of them, like please, thank you, am I okay or
Speaker 1: whatever you want? And you know she was always the
Speaker 1: one behind me. No, no, not whatever you want. You
Speaker 1: know what you want, say what you want, not what
Speaker 1: they want. And I just wish I had learned sooner.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us as screw a lot
Speaker 1: of us me. I'm gonna talk about me. I spent
Speaker 1: so many years feeling like I was conditioned to be
Speaker 1: a well behaved girl who is seen and not heard.
Speaker 1: And those are my feelings. But I also feel like
Speaker 1: shandified that. I feel like Shan she was a rebel.
Speaker 1: And obviously I'm not negain the fact that, and she
Speaker 1: had acknowledged this in the past, that she could have
Speaker 1: handled things better in certain circumstances, and she's addressed that.
Speaker 1: But you know what the truth is, we were all young,
Speaker 1: and what she gave to everyone on camera, that is
Speaker 1: what lives on. And she never let anyone down on camera.
Speaker 1: She always hit her mark. She always knew which camera angle,
Speaker 1: she knew everything going on, and she would even be helpful,
Speaker 1: and not in a buster ball type of way. I
Speaker 1: would hear her talking with the crew, and crews always
Speaker 1: loved Shannon Cruise. If it historically, if you go back
Speaker 1: and there's people that had, you know, something to say
Speaker 1: about Shan's strength. It was always actresses you know, or actors.
Speaker 1: But I hate to separate actors actresses. But it was
Speaker 1: a different time then. It wasn't crew members. Crew members
Speaker 1: loved her. They loved working with her. They looked laughing
Speaker 1: with her. I loved hearing Shan be like one of
Speaker 1: the guys behind the scenes and she'd be out there laughing.
Speaker 1: She'd be on the back parking lot, you know, when
Speaker 1: we were like twenty, and she'd be like smoking cigarettes
Speaker 1: with the crew guys and they'd be laughing these hearty laughs.
Speaker 1: And I just remember looking her and there'd be these
Speaker 1: big guys and there'd be little Shan in her little
Speaker 1: black crop top and her tight like Levi's best but
Speaker 1: ever and her boots, and she'd be smoking a marble
Speaker 1: light and talking to them and just like the boldest laugh.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that's cool. And I always would
Speaker 1: look at her and be like, I want to be
Speaker 1: that girl. I just didn't know how to feed that girl.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, you know, Shan had to take
Speaker 1: all that she had to take the ebbs and flows
Speaker 1: of her career, dealing with a woman that was very strong,
Speaker 1: a woman that fought injustice, a woman that said, hey,
Speaker 1: if I don't think this is the right way to
Speaker 1: do it. I'm not going to pease you, because ultimately
Speaker 1: it's me they see on camera. It's not someone off
Speaker 1: camera that told me, no, you can't do it that way.
Speaker 1: You have to stand there, you have to do this.
Speaker 1: She fought, and I think the art that she has
Speaker 1: put out there that will be her legacy stands by that.
Speaker 1: I don't think she ever looked at something that she
Speaker 1: put out there and was disappointed by what she put
Speaker 1: out there or felt bad about the means she took
Speaker 1: to get it out there. And that speaks volumes to
Speaker 1: someone that was so passionate about what she did and
Speaker 1: passionate about her fans and giving them the right thing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I spent years kind of fighting that, and
Speaker 1: when we were able as adults to come back and
Speaker 1: reconnect and say I love you, where did this friendship
Speaker 1: go wrong? And I know you guys saw the interviews
Speaker 1: on my podcast and on Chance podcast of us, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of figuring out where the relationship kind of fizzled
Speaker 1: and why we didn't get it back and what was
Speaker 1: keeping us from getting it back, and then ultimately we
Speaker 1: just kind of let it go that day that day
Speaker 1: and it wasn't that long ago. Really changed my life,
Speaker 1: and it changed my life because for two reasons. One,
Speaker 1: we've all had a lot of death in our lives,
Speaker 1: I'm sure at this point, and I know I've had
Speaker 1: a lot of untimely deaths that weren't expected, young deaths
Speaker 1: of people that it's like, way too soon. And I
Speaker 1: don't believe in regrets in life. That's one of my
Speaker 1: big things. I don't even know why, I just I
Speaker 1: just don't. But I always had the regret that I
Speaker 1: never because I'm non confrontational. So if something's uncomfortable, I
Speaker 1: will sit in it and I will give you a
Speaker 1: million and one reasons why I can't do it. I
Speaker 1: can't talk to that friend, I can't reach out. They
Speaker 1: might not want to speak to me. And it's my
Speaker 1: own fear and it's my own shit. And a lot
Speaker 1: of people passed in my life that I didn't get
Speaker 1: that one last conversation with that one last question or
Speaker 1: that one last like you know what, we're here now.
Speaker 1: I love you. Past doesn't matter, including my own dad,
Speaker 1: like I didn't get that with my dad that I
Speaker 1: wish I had. That's all. And with Shannon, while it
Speaker 1: was so completely unexpected. I did get that time with
Speaker 1: her where we were able to really dissect our friendship
Speaker 1: and really and this isn't over the one podcast, This
Speaker 1: Isn't over. You know that amazing private plane flight I
Speaker 1: took back from the last convention with her and Chris
Speaker 1: and Ruth, Anne and Drew and Christie. Oh, And that
Speaker 1: was so special to me. I'll never forget it. And
Speaker 1: it was just some other times we got. We got
Speaker 1: a few times together, and it all ended with us
Speaker 1: remembering at the heart why we became friends and why
Speaker 1: that friendship was so strong, and why that friendship should
Speaker 1: it continued. I know through talking to some of Shannon's
Speaker 1: very close friends that while it was not unexpected when
Speaker 1: she passed last two weeks, she knew there was a
Speaker 1: time clock, and she lived the last year or so
Speaker 1: with intent, and the choices she made were very intentional.
Speaker 1: The people she talked to, the people she allowed in
Speaker 1: it was intentional, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful I had that. Now,
Speaker 1: at this point in the program, I'm going to take
Speaker 1: Shan out of it, and I'm going to say the
Speaker 1: effect on me, because you know, our loved ones, once
Speaker 1: they're past, they've passed, they've you know, they've transitioned and
Speaker 1: they're out of their bodies and they're above and it's
Speaker 1: super crazy. We all have our little things. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you all do this when a loved one passes. You're like,
Speaker 1: give me a sign, a sign. I want to see something.
Speaker 1: And someone always told me when I could never find
Speaker 1: the signs of my dad, and I'd be like, I
Speaker 1: just nothing, he never comes to me. And someone said,
Speaker 1: look for a monarch butterfly. I was like, okay, So
Speaker 1: I'd look, and you know, let's face it, there's butterflies everywhere.
Speaker 1: So I'd always see a butterfly once here, nor there
Speaker 1: or wherever, and I'd be like, you know, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: And I look over and I see ten other people
Speaker 1: in the parking lot pointing, going oh, there's my mom,
Speaker 1: there's my grandmother, there's and I was saying, no, fuck me, Well, Dad,
Speaker 1: are you one of them? I don't know. But the
Speaker 1: interesting thing is the day after Shan passed. And we
Speaker 1: all know Shannon was a huge animal lover. I always
Speaker 1: say she saw the truth in humans and had no
Speaker 1: tolerance for it. But she unconditionally loved animals and children.
Speaker 1: She really did. Oh in fashion and good food, best
Speaker 1: taste in wine, but she yeah, anyway, my dog Manty.
Speaker 1: We have a da that leads out in big beautiful
Speaker 1: View where we live and Monty. The day she passed,
Speaker 1: I went out there and he was just I think
Speaker 1: I posted something on Instagram and say what it was.
Speaker 1: I want people to think I was weird. But he
Speaker 1: looked out there and he was crying, and he kept
Speaker 1: looking at and I kept saying, what are you looking for?
Speaker 1: What are you looking for? And then I think, when
Speaker 1: you're going through grief, it's natural human instinct to be like,
Speaker 1: is that my friend? Is that my loved one? Do
Speaker 1: you hear them? You know? Is we want a connection?
Speaker 1: We want to we want something that's not about that,
Speaker 1: that's about us, you know, that's our need to hold
Speaker 1: on to control what we think has been lost forever.
Speaker 1: He continued to do that for a week though. But
Speaker 1: more than that, I've never seen somebody more our butterflies
Speaker 1: in my backyard than I have, so either my dad,
Speaker 1: you know, it would have been gosh, eighteen years later,
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, I'm here, I'm here. I don't know
Speaker 1: Shan She had of like monarch butterflies. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it would definitely be like a bull black, like like
Speaker 1: those beautiful what were those beetles? When the light hits them,
Speaker 1: they get not a metallic look, but like a holographic
Speaker 1: kind of like the scaab beetles, which I feel like.
Speaker 1: I'm not a history girl, so I'm sure I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get this wrong. And uh, well, you wouldn't expect me
Speaker 1: to know this, so don't worry. But scabs were always
Speaker 1: a sign like jewelry, and Shannon, I love jewelry. The
Speaker 1: scabs were thought to be a very significant sorry i'm
Speaker 1: looking it ran the gypsum's thought. The behavior of the
Speaker 1: scareb represented the sun's journey and the eternal cycle of life,
Speaker 1: making the scab a symbol of rebirth and regeneration. And
Speaker 1: I'm talking about a scab. I'm not even sure where
Speaker 1: that came from. So I usually have to trust my
Speaker 1: gut instinct and when things come out, they're meant to be.
Speaker 1: So yeah, And I always used to like look for
Speaker 1: like antiquejewelry. We used to, shann, I used to jewelry
Speaker 1: like antiquing on like Melrose and and do things and
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, we used to do like thrifting before,
Speaker 1: like the kids call it thrifting now, like we did
Speaker 1: it in the nineties. Before it was like even in
Speaker 1: and yeah, scareb like jewelry was very like cool and
Speaker 1: empowering and anyway, so I'm gonna say, I'm gonna look
Speaker 1: for a scare maybe they don't even really exist. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look for a beetle. I don't know, but but
Speaker 1: what I what I have been trying to put into effect.
Speaker 1: And I feel like where this is the first step,
Speaker 1: execution is the second. So I have not executed this completely.
Speaker 1: But for so long Sheeann would tell me, you have
Speaker 1: to take your power back, take your power back. And
Speaker 1: she always was saying, you're your father's daughter. There's no mistake,
Speaker 1: there's no mistake. You need to come into that and
Speaker 1: you need to own it, and you need to stop
Speaker 1: apologizing for it. You have spent your entire life apologizing
Speaker 1: for being you. And I was like yeah, and she
Speaker 1: would say, like you hear that sounds you're apologizing for you.
Speaker 1: Why why own it? Own it? Your dad would tell
Speaker 1: you that. I'm telling you that, And she did ask me,
Speaker 1: what are you scared of? What you're so scared of
Speaker 1: about owning this immense power that you could have. And
Speaker 1: when I really had to think about it, I thought, well,
Speaker 1: it's going to make a lot of people very uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And then I thought about it, Wow, just like your
Speaker 1: power back in the day made a lot of people
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable. But you move forward with it. And she's like, yes,
Speaker 1: so what happens if you move forward with your power?
Speaker 1: And you know me, I bring everything back to jokes
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, everyone's fucked then, because then I'm
Speaker 1: going to take over. And she just I know, we
Speaker 1: talked about some of this on our podcasts. You probably
Speaker 1: couldn't see her smile. It was the biggest smile I
Speaker 1: think yet that I had seen since she was seventeen.
Speaker 1: And she just nodded at me and she said, exactly,
Speaker 1: So I put it out there. Here's a quote she
Speaker 1: hadna didn't give me, but someone I care very much
Speaker 1: about gave me this quote. And here's the quote. In
Speaker 1: a society the profits from your self doubt, Liking yourself
Speaker 1: is a rebellious act, and that stuck with me. Sure
Speaker 1: everyone wants everyone to be in a mold so it's
Speaker 1: easier to control so and I think the people that
Speaker 1: are so anxious about you being you, and maybe it's like, WHOA,
Speaker 1: We're not ready for that. You know too much? You know, well,
Speaker 1: they're trying to put you into a box because they
Speaker 1: don't feel like going out of their comfort zone. So
Speaker 1: I guess, I guess what I'm saying is I made
Speaker 1: a promise too, not only this person I care about,
Speaker 1: but also Shannon when she passed, that I would stay
Speaker 1: rebellious for her and not just for her. I'll stay
Speaker 1: rebellious for me. And that allows me to know I'm
Speaker 1: right on the right path, like I'm you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like as long as I am true to myself,
Speaker 1: then I have to really block out what other people
Speaker 1: say because they're gonna say it anyway, whether I put
Speaker 1: on a mask and I'm perfect and I'm cookie cutter
Speaker 1: and I'm the quote unquote good girl I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 1: I dress how they want me to dress, I speak
Speaker 1: how they want me to speak. I say enough, but
Speaker 1: not too much. I you know, don't say crazy things.
Speaker 1: I don't say inappropriate things to fine inappropriate. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't talk too dirty quote unquote. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm a lady. There's so many, so many fuckings rules.
Speaker 1: But who made these rules? And there are rules to
Speaker 1: either go okay, thank you, great that works for someone else,
Speaker 1: or thank you, I'll take a little piece of that,
Speaker 1: or to say fuck the rules. So that's my thing.
Speaker 1: I go back between like I'm gonna say like it
Speaker 1: is and like, oh I'm sorry, was that okay? Is
Speaker 1: that too much? Or you happy with me? Or you
Speaker 1: mad at me? So I'm just gonna take those little
Speaker 1: things away. It's like unsnapping, like my little extensions and
Speaker 1: throwing them away. Yeah, I'm going to get rid of
Speaker 1: all the things that don't behoove me anymore. It's going
Speaker 1: to take time. I'm in progress, but yeah, I just
Speaker 1: want to thank Shan for being that beacon in my life.
Speaker 1: I have promise to carry the torch. So like switch on,