WEBVTT - "I’M TRAPPED IN MY RELATIONSHIP" 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:00.280 Hi. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 Hi. Wow, Uh, yep, Hi, what's up? 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:06.600 What's your name? 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:08.240 Uh? 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:08.560 Shae? 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:10.920 Shae? What's happening in Shane? 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.440 Uh? Not much. I mean, I want to start out 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:16.880 by saying, I really appreciate what. 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:17.480 You do for people. 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:22.560 Really, man, Thanks man. I'm trying my best. I'm trying 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:28.360 to you know, I don't know. Uh, It's it's nice 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:34.239 to be able to do a podcast. It's nice to 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.080 be able to do a podcast. 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:37.920 Yeah. 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.240 Well, what's up with you, Shae? 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:44.960 Well, I'm going through some stuff right now, and I 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:48.720 guess I'm looking for some advice. I feel like I'm 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:51.800 kind of dropped in my relationship right now, and I 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:54.440 feel like there's not much I can do about it. 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:59.600 Okay, Well, I'll tell you what I've you know, been 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.400 saying for a while, which is that I don't know 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:05.760 if I'll always have advice. I think if anyone, I 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:08.520 think anyone who always has advice for everything is not 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:12.960 to be trusted. But I'll gladly pond. I'll gladly ponder 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:17.160 the situation with you. Why do you feel like you're 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:18.360 trapped in your relationship? 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:22.840 Well, him and I have been together for almost two 0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:27.440 years now, and about a year in we decided to 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:34.120 move to a whole different state across the country to 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:36.480 live with my parents so we could save up some 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:42.119 money to get a house. But now that we are here, 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:46.840 I'm kind of coming to realize that I feel like 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:53.360 more of a parent than I do a partner. And yeah, 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.800 so like simple things like having to remind him to 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:00.240 go to the doctor and to clean up after him 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:03.080 and laundry and all the stuff that I feel like 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:09.360 we should be doing together, and there's just kind of nothing. 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:12.320 And I have communicated this with him, I communicate everything 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:16.880 that I feel, but it just doesn't get through. 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:20.160 And now that we're all. 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:25.440 The way over here, I don't exactly have any plan 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:31.880 if things were to end, If that make sense. 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.480 Yeah, okay, so let me get a few things straight here. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:39.000 So well, when you say you don't have any plans 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:44.440 if things were to end, do you work or are 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:47.600 you guys in a thing where like he works or 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.359 neither of you works, or like, what's the kind of 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:51.880 like financial arrangement. 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:57.240 When we moved, I wasn't able to transfer my job 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:02.200 from here, but he was so has been consistently looking 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:04.120 for work, but I am unemployed. 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:06.240 I make some money online. 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:11.200 But not much so in he's kind of ahead of 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:12.320 financials right now. 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:18.120 Okay, and you guys have been together for two. 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.119 Years almost two years. 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:25.440 Yes, And when you attempt to communicate with him, being like, hey, 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:26.600 you know, I thought we were going to do the 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.960 laundry together. I thought we were gonna clean up shit together, 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:30.800 what does he say? 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:35.760 Well, he says, I'm sorry. He says, my mom didn't 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:41.800 teach me how to do these things. He says, so 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:46.040 get better. He maybe does one thing the following week, 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:49.720 and then he thinks that like, doing that singular thing 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.960 has changed him so much and he's so much better now, 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.560 you know, But then nothing else happens. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.240 I remind him again, I. 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:05.120 Have another question. Well, you said you feel trapped, Like, 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:10.120 on a scale from one to ten, how badly do 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.320 you actually want to make this work? 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:13.960 Right? 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.240 Like, how badly do you want to make it work? 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:21.839 I'm like got a solid live oh right in the middle. 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:26.720 Yeah, yeah, you said, pretty pretty evenly, it's pretty. 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.479 Pretty even Yeah, because you know I love them, but 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:33.520 also I don't necessarily want to be taking care of 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:36.240 another person for the rest of my life, especially if 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:37.440 we plan on having a kid. 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:38.160 Yeah. 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.520 Well, also the fact that you even said, the fact 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:46.400 that you even framed this as I'm trapped, and I 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:49.240 don't know if that's just the way that you do. 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:51.000 The fact that you even like the fact that that's 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:55.480 the way that you naturally described the situation is not 0:04:55.560 --> 0:05:00.640 a great sign no, because you didn't I have a 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:03.080 problem with my significant other. He's doing this. You said, 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:06.480 I'm trapped in a relationship that's a bad outside. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.240 I think the reason why I use the term trapped 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:13.919 is because, so, like I had mentioned, we live with 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:18.200 my parents here and between the both of us we 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:21.160 share a car. It's the car is technically mine, but 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.160 he uses a car for work because he's the one 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:27.480 that makes the money. So while he's at work all day, 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:32.159 I am stuck here and I don't have any freedom 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:36.839 to go and make friends or go socialize with anything 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.800 like that. So I think that's why I use the 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:44.080 term trap. But I think I probably used it incorrectly 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:45.400 to describe the relationship. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:50.919 If that makes sense, Well, you are describing a relationship 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:59.200 in which you are describing a relationship in which you 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:07.960 are relating upon your partner's financial resources right to exist correct. 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:13.039 Exactly, which is another issue of if I leave, I 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:14.160 leave my health insurance. 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.880 Right, but you don't want to be with your husband 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:19.960 for his health insurance. 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:24.039 I do not want to be with my boyfriend for 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:25.000 his health insurance. 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:29.880 Now, yeah, do you well, let me ask you that, 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.680 do you have well, what's your family situation? Like, do 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:36.480 you have savings or a family that you can kind 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:37.240 of fall back on. 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:44.080 We kind of put our savings together for putting a 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:45.279 down payment on a house. 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:48.000 Oh, okay, you guys are really in it. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:53.320 Yeah, we're we're trying. But now I'm kind of having 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:58.560 second guesses with this full you know, being a grown. 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:03.760 Up man when you say that you put your savings, like, 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:05.640 did you guys put it down payment on a house 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:06.360 or where? 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:06.440 Like? 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:07.479 Where are those savings? 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:12.880 It is in a savings account that he recently just 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:16.440 started putting things into again, because I recently found out 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:20.440 that he wasn't putting his half of savings in that account. 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.520 He wasn't putting his half of savings in that account. 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:29.600 So we had made a deal that when we moved here, 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:33.840 he would be putting a good chunk of every paycheck 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:38.240 into that savings account. And we found out about two 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:42.520 months ago or sorry, two weeks ago that he was 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:44.960 not actually putting anything in there, and he was using 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:47.360 that money to chip away at his own debt. 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:55.200 Did you know he had debt when you guys intertwined 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:56.720 your finances. 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:01.720 I was aware of student loans, but I wasn't aware 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:07.480 of he took out. I don't know. I think it's 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:13.800 called like a predatory loan something, and I wasn't aware 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:20.400 of how urgently that was to be paid back. Okay, 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:22.920 so it's a lot, I know. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:28.160 Well, yeah, that's well, you know what a few things is. 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:33.439 You know, the concept of like I think all of 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:36.480 this is like, this is just my opinion, you know, 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:38.800 I don't. I've been talking to you for nine minutes, 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:44.400 but you have said that you love your husband. But 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:49.640 it does feel like a lot of the drivers of 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:56.640 this relationship are purely obligation. They're less about love, They're 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:00.719 less about, you know, some kind of spiritual commitment. They're 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:03.880 less about, you know, working as a team or less 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:07.719 about you know, having a life that's better together than 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:12.000 a part, and more about obligation. Is that accurate when 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:15.319 you look at your gut, you. 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:19.400 Know it definitely there's definitely a portion that feels like 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:25.520 that you know, it feels like there's less time investing 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:29.840 in affection and romance and just like you know, the 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:34.520 typical things in a relationship and more so on like 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:35.720 you said, it's like obligation. 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:42.360 So do you want to I mean, you know, the 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:47.000 babying him and the specifics of the laundry and whatnot. 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:51.040 I mean, do you want to be with this guy? 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:57.320 I don't know, Like you have that hope in you 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.679 that people will change the better for the room mental help, 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.319 but they don't. And I know that they don't. 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:07.800 I know, I know, so. 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:11.120 Yeah, I know, I know. 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:16.000 It's I know you hope that you hope that people change. 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:18.080 Sometimes they do, by the way, you know, sometimes they do. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:19.880 I know, I said they don't. But sometimes I know, 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:23.320 I said they don't. Sometimes they do, but I don't. 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.880 I I absolutely believe that people change, and I absolutely 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:29.520 believe the people evolve, and I believe the relationships evolve. 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:34.640 But they have to want to. And you also, like 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:37.960 don't want to be sitting there with your asshole out, 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:49.480 you know, waiting for the change to happen. So is 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.640 there any paperwork between you guys on all this financial 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.160 ship or it's all just hanging out. 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:57.480 It's all hanging out. 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:00.560 Do you have access to this savings account that has 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:01.240 your money in it? 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:02.880 I do? 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:07.560 Okay, and okay, so you have access to Okay, so 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:09.440 it's a joint account under both of you guys name 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:13.640 and you guys are not you guys aren't even married. 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:16.640 No, we are not married. 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:21.320 Oh okay, so your assets, your assets are not really intertwined, right, 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:22.199 it's all just cast. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:26.080 No, it's this. The financials are not the main thing 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:30.440 in jeopardy. They are a big factor into things. 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:31.760 But it's more like. 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.800 I feel like I'm losing my mind in this whole relationship, 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:41.320 and I'm not sure where. I'm not sure what my 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:42.040 next step is. 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:49.800 Well, you're looking for a job, right, I am, well, 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:53.040 because I guess the next step is is uh if 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.360 you well, there's a few next steps. I mean one 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:59.760 is there's two paths you can go down. One path 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:04.079 is to decide that you want to make it work. 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:09.960 I mean two years, two years, two years, two years 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:15.240 ain't that many years for my parents my parents were together? 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.319 Go ahead, God, no, sorry, I was just gonna say 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.520 for me, two years is is abit? 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:23.480 Uh? 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.600 I want to say this is probably my second longest 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.480 relationship twenty six. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.880 You said you're twenty six. Yes, you're twenty six? 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:35.000 Yes? 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:35.959 Really? 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:38.400 Well did you think I was? 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.040 I swear I thought you were like forty nine years old. 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:42.160 What? 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:49.240 Yeah, I thought you're you're twenty you're twenty six years old? Yes, 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.960 Oh my god, leeah yeah. Leave, Oh my god, leave, 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:57.840 Oh my god. Leave, Oh my god, leave, leave leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.160 leave leave leave. I thought you were like forty nine, 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.320 and you were like, look, it's either this guy or 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:08.800 I'm getting cats. No, you're leave. Please leave, Oh my god, 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:14.079 oh my god, please leave. Jesus Christ, twenty six years old. 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.280 Let me tell you something. What's your name again? Such 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:21.800 with an S, say Shay Shay. My parents were together 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.320 for eleven years before they got divorced, and I think 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:30.040 they got divorced when they were My mom and my 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:35.120 dad got divorced when they were in their like the 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:40.640 late forties, mid to late forties, and now they're both 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:45.280 remarried to people that they're much happier with. They were 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:48.840 together eleven years and they were in their mid they were. 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:53.280 To imagine that eleven years in their late forties, You 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.120 guys have been together for two and you're twenty six. 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.640 Ye oh my god, No, you're not trapped in this 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:02.360 at all. Holy shit, and you have you're not even 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.120 there's no and you have access to the bank account 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:12.480 and you're not and you're not married. Correct, Oh my god, 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.160 you should. I I don't usually give a lot of 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.680 strong opinions on here, but you should totally leave for sure. 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:20.000 How old is this guy? 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:23.960 Okay, twenty four, he's twenty five. 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:30.320 Of course he'll this is he's he'll he'll be fine. 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.720 He'll be so f you'll both be so fine. He's 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.640 twenty five. That's nothing, because here's what happens, right, is 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:41.720 you leave this guy and then he learns. Maybe maybe if. 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:45.520 He's lucky, if he's the thing, if he's not a 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:50.160 total dumbass, he'll learn right, and he'll be like, Okay, 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.920 next time I get into a relationship with someone, I'm 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:53.760 gonna have my shit. 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.040 To god, I'm gonna make sure that when they tell 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:58.920 me these things, you know, he'll be sad for a while, 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:01.160 but he'll be fine. Both of you will be fucking 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.120 fine with this. Oh my god, I can't believe you're 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:08.200 literally I thought you were at least like. 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.040 Can I can I can I ask why you thought 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.600 I was that old. 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:18.120 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:19.920 I thought you were that old. I maybe just imagined, 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.600 maybe just the the situation when you said you were trapped. 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:25.920 I was like, oh, okay, I could see that if 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.000 you I could I could see feeling that way, if 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.520 you were like older more so than than younger. 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:36.400 Not so. So maybe I had just been viewing this 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.480 a much bigger situation than it actually was. 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:43.600 Well, no, not that. I mean it, look, everything's big 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:47.040 in relativity, right, So it's big to you. So this 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.400 is your first like you know, this is you haven't 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.360 had a relationship that's lasted this long. Two years feels 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.520 like a lot. So it's big to you. And that's 0:15:54.600 --> 0:16:00.040 you know, that's a valid thing. But uh no, you 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:04.880 not trapped yet. You could be so much more trapped. 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.240 You could be you could be so much more trapped. 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.600 You have no idea. You're so not trapped. It's amazing. 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:20.600 All right, Yeah, here's the thing, right is uh and whatever? Again, 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:23.120 I've only known you for seventeen minutes. But the fact 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:27.160 that you're talking about that these these these are important 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.040 life decisions and you have a lot of time to 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.000 make them. And I think that one of the important 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:36.000 life decision. I think that who you're gonna be committed to, 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.360 it's an it's an important life decision. And I'm still 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:42.240 young too, and so I'm figuring all this shit out. 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.080 But these are important life decisions, and these are decisions 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:48.080 that you should feel really confident and strong about. So 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:50.800 if you're if you're in a relationship that you feel 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:58.160 obligated to or that you feel obligated to or trapped in. 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.440 I mean, that's such a strong way to talk about 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:02.880 this thing that's supposed to be a big part of 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:08.840 your life and you're and also like you seem like 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:13.760 you haven't really had much of an opportunity to like 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:18.240 develop yourself, right, I mean you are taking your You're 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:22.760 taking your like your money is now your guys's money. 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:25.720 Like you sound like you don't have like money of 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.120 your own that's yours. Like you don't have a job 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.800 of your own that's yours. Like you know, you don't 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:33.040 have to do that, like we this isn't like the 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:37.440 fucking nineteen you know, fucking twenties or whatever. You don't 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.160 have to do that, Like you can develop your own shit. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.879 You don't have to. You don't need to do a 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.200 guy's laundry to survive on your own. 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:53.080 And totally beforehand, I had, you know, my own self established. 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:55.440 You know, I had my job in my car and 0:17:56.320 --> 0:18:01.760 doing whatever I you know, whatever made me happy and 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.440 not cleaning up after another person. It's you know, if 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:07.640 I could do that one like in definitely do that again. 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:09.399 Oh you can a one hundred percent do that again. 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:13.359 I can't believe. I literally I thought you were like 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:16.760 fifty nine years old and this was like your last chance. No, 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:17.520 oh my god. 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:18.720 No. 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.520 Here's what I would do is is like you should go. 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:29.159 You should. If I were you, I would take a 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:32.840 break and be like and it'd be like, I gotta 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:35.600 get myself right, I gotta get my I need my money, 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:38.320 I need my car, I need my health insurance, I 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.440 need my job, I need my life. And then and 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:46.159 then once you have your own life together, be really, 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:49.760 really really careful. I don't Maybe maybe this guy learns 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.640 his lesson and he gets back to himself, and maybe 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.359 you guys are separated for a little bit and you're like, Okay, 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:58.399 I'll give it another chance. But if I'm going, if 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.840 we're going back into this. We're going in. I got 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.440 my own ship, You got your own ship, and we're 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:09.480 gonna slowly, you know, weave our lives together a little bit, 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:11.800 but we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it really carefully, 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:13.880 and we're gonna do it really intentionally, and we're gonna 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:16.560 make sure that neither of us feels like we're getting shifted. 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:19.600 Because you're feeling like you're getting shifted. Your husband's out 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:23.560 there with the car and you're feeling like you're you're shifted. 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:24.919 You don't have your own ship, you don't have your 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:28.200 own life. You you have to ask for permission from 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.720 this other fucking guy who and he's not supposed to 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.200 be the guardian of your assets. He's supposed to be 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:39.520 your partner, you know. And so you got to do 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:43.960 it again. And you're so unbelievably not trapped. It's it's honestly, 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:47.840 I mean, everything's relative. So it's a big to you 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:50.760 because it's the longest thing you've been in, so it's relative, 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:54.200 but sure you're you're not trapped at all. You have 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:59.639 the complete freedom, obligation, opportunity to be like, hey, I 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:01.720 think I made a little and this is life is 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:06.240 just error correction. So it's okay, it's something shameful in 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.000 being like, you know what, I made a bit of 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:13.200 a misstep going too hard in this Uh too fast. 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:16.879 Let me tracked a little bit. I do you have 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:18.119 parents you can move back in with. 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.199 That's where we're living. We're living with my parents right now. 0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:24.320 Oh wait, wait, hold on, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:26.720 I thought you guys. I thought you guys were living 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:27.240 with his parents. 0:20:27.280 --> 0:20:30.359 No no, no, no, no, no never, no. 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:34.080 No, we were staying with my parents. 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:37.520 I'm an idiot. Oh my god, you guys are living 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:38.439 with your parents? 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:47.480 Yes? Yeah, Who the fuck is this guy? Well, there's. 0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:55.359 We This was a solid plan beforehand, our parents, my 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:59.000 parents weren't going to have us pay rent here for 0:20:59.160 --> 0:21:02.920 six months, and that was with how much he makes 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:06.119 and how much I was hypothetically going to make. We 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:07.800 were going to put it down the payment on a 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:11.720 house here. So like everybody was cool with this. It 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:15.399 was fine, and like he was okay with this, But 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:17.000 now it's just kind of you. 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:19.200 Know, what do you what do you? I mean, what 0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:20.600 do your parents think about this guy? 0:21:22.200 --> 0:21:25.360 Mom fucking hates Yeah, your mom hates. 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:27.480 Yeah, your mom fucking of course, your mom fucking hates 0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:29.240 this guy. By the way, I just want you, I 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:31.399 want to say this because I you, I think you 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:35.959 do love this guy. I think it's I you can 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:39.200 totally totally love And I don't think this guy is 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.879 a piece of ship. I just think, you know, I 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:46.280 don't think he's You can totally totally love someone and 0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:50.360 you really deeply love someone and have a deep connection 0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:55.840 with them and be and be and be incompatible, uh 0:21:56.680 --> 0:22:00.800 logistically in life, and you know that's the thing. It's 0:22:00.880 --> 0:22:03.679 totally a thing. And this guy's twenty. 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.600 Four, twenty five next month. 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:09.560 Okay, let him be a dumb ass. Let him be 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:15.520 a dumb ass, and he's gonna be fine, you know. Yeah, 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:17.560 of course it makes total sense that your mom hates 0:22:17.600 --> 0:22:21.840 this guy. But the I the idea of like, let me, 0:22:21.960 --> 0:22:23.720 I'm gonna stay at home with my first of all, 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:28.840 living in homely parents, saving up money. If you're privileged 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.000 enough to be able to do that, it's a fucking 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:36.400 it's a life hack. It's a great opportunity, amazing opportunity, 0:22:37.240 --> 0:22:43.119 and you should totally take it, you know. Uh, And 0:22:43.240 --> 0:22:45.280 you and you're what you're looking for jobs, right. 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:50.800 Yes, I am relentlessly looking for a job. Any excuse 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:52.879 to not be trucked in the house all day? 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:55.320 Okay? And what's the deal with this car? You guys 0:22:55.320 --> 0:22:55.960 bought it together. 0:22:57.320 --> 0:23:06.479 It's my car, it's your car. Yes, he was leasing 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:10.520 a car before we moved and we weren't able to 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.920 take both cars. And because I own my car, that 0:23:15.160 --> 0:23:18.200 is the one that we use. That's like the only 0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:21.480 one we have. So he uses my car to. 0:23:21.600 --> 0:23:22.480 Go to his job. 0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:26.000 Why does it he has a Why does then he buy. 0:23:25.880 --> 0:23:26.480 His own car. 0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:32.359 Because he spent all his money on his debt instead 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:37.240 of putting any amount of it in the savings without 0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:38.040 telling anyone. 0:23:41.960 --> 0:23:44.000 I'm losing my mind here, dude. 0:23:44.359 --> 0:23:48.120 You gotta like I'm I try, I try really hard 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:50.960 to remain agnostic on this show. But then you gotta 0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:51.760 leave this guy. 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:52.239 You can. 0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:54.199 You gotta leave it. You gotta kick this guy out 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:54.840 of your parents? 0:23:55.080 --> 0:23:55.320