Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: Hi. Wow, Uh, yep, Hi, what's up?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: Shae?
Speaker 1: Shae? What's happening in Shane?
Speaker 3: Uh? Not much. I mean, I want to start out
Speaker 3: by saying, I really appreciate what.
Speaker 2: You do for people.
Speaker 1: Really, man, Thanks man. I'm trying my best. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to you know, I don't know. Uh, It's it's nice
Speaker 1: to be able to do a podcast. It's nice to
Speaker 1: be able to do a podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, what's up with you, Shae?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going through some stuff right now, and I
Speaker 3: guess I'm looking for some advice. I feel like I'm
Speaker 3: kind of dropped in my relationship right now, and I
Speaker 3: feel like there's not much I can do about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I'll tell you what I've you know, been
Speaker 1: saying for a while, which is that I don't know
Speaker 1: if I'll always have advice. I think if anyone, I
Speaker 1: think anyone who always has advice for everything is not
Speaker 1: to be trusted. But I'll gladly pond. I'll gladly ponder
Speaker 1: the situation with you. Why do you feel like you're
Speaker 1: trapped in your relationship?
Speaker 3: Well, him and I have been together for almost two
Speaker 3: years now, and about a year in we decided to
Speaker 3: move to a whole different state across the country to
Speaker 3: live with my parents so we could save up some
Speaker 3: money to get a house. But now that we are here,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of coming to realize that I feel like
Speaker 3: more of a parent than I do a partner. And yeah,
Speaker 3: so like simple things like having to remind him to
Speaker 3: go to the doctor and to clean up after him
Speaker 3: and laundry and all the stuff that I feel like
Speaker 3: we should be doing together, and there's just kind of nothing.
Speaker 3: And I have communicated this with him, I communicate everything
Speaker 3: that I feel, but it just doesn't get through.
Speaker 2: And now that we're all.
Speaker 3: The way over here, I don't exactly have any plan
Speaker 3: if things were to end, If that make sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so let me get a few things straight here.
Speaker 1: So well, when you say you don't have any plans
Speaker 1: if things were to end, do you work or are
Speaker 1: you guys in a thing where like he works or
Speaker 1: neither of you works, or like, what's the kind of
Speaker 1: like financial arrangement.
Speaker 3: When we moved, I wasn't able to transfer my job
Speaker 3: from here, but he was so has been consistently looking
Speaker 3: for work, but I am unemployed.
Speaker 2: I make some money online.
Speaker 3: But not much so in he's kind of ahead of
Speaker 3: financials right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, and you guys have been together for two.
Speaker 2: Years almost two years.
Speaker 1: Yes, And when you attempt to communicate with him, being like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I thought we were going to do the
Speaker 1: laundry together. I thought we were gonna clean up shit together,
Speaker 1: what does he say?
Speaker 3: Well, he says, I'm sorry. He says, my mom didn't
Speaker 3: teach me how to do these things. He says, so
Speaker 3: get better. He maybe does one thing the following week,
Speaker 3: and then he thinks that like, doing that singular thing
Speaker 3: has changed him so much and he's so much better now,
Speaker 3: you know, But then nothing else happens.
Speaker 2: I remind him again, I.
Speaker 1: Have another question. Well, you said you feel trapped, Like,
Speaker 1: on a scale from one to ten, how badly do
Speaker 1: you actually want to make this work?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Like, how badly do you want to make it work?
Speaker 3: I'm like got a solid live oh right in the middle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you said, pretty pretty evenly, it's pretty.
Speaker 3: Pretty even Yeah, because you know I love them, but
Speaker 3: also I don't necessarily want to be taking care of
Speaker 3: another person for the rest of my life, especially if
Speaker 3: we plan on having a kid.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, also the fact that you even said, the fact
Speaker 1: that you even framed this as I'm trapped, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if that's just the way that you do.
Speaker 1: The fact that you even like the fact that that's
Speaker 1: the way that you naturally described the situation is not
Speaker 1: a great sign no, because you didn't I have a
Speaker 1: problem with my significant other. He's doing this. You said,
Speaker 1: I'm trapped in a relationship that's a bad outside.
Speaker 3: I think the reason why I use the term trapped
Speaker 3: is because, so, like I had mentioned, we live with
Speaker 3: my parents here and between the both of us we
Speaker 3: share a car. It's the car is technically mine, but
Speaker 3: he uses a car for work because he's the one
Speaker 3: that makes the money. So while he's at work all day,
Speaker 3: I am stuck here and I don't have any freedom
Speaker 3: to go and make friends or go socialize with anything
Speaker 3: like that. So I think that's why I use the
Speaker 3: term trap. But I think I probably used it incorrectly
Speaker 3: to describe the relationship.
Speaker 1: If that makes sense, Well, you are describing a relationship
Speaker 1: in which you are describing a relationship in which you
Speaker 1: are relating upon your partner's financial resources right to exist correct.
Speaker 3: Exactly, which is another issue of if I leave, I
Speaker 3: leave my health insurance.
Speaker 1: Right, but you don't want to be with your husband
Speaker 1: for his health insurance.
Speaker 3: I do not want to be with my boyfriend for
Speaker 3: his health insurance.
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, do you well, let me ask you that,
Speaker 1: do you have well, what's your family situation? Like, do
Speaker 1: you have savings or a family that you can kind
Speaker 1: of fall back on.
Speaker 3: We kind of put our savings together for putting a
Speaker 3: down payment on a house.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, you guys are really in it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're we're trying. But now I'm kind of having
Speaker 3: second guesses with this full you know, being a grown.
Speaker 1: Up man when you say that you put your savings, like,
Speaker 1: did you guys put it down payment on a house
Speaker 1: or where?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Where are those savings?
Speaker 3: It is in a savings account that he recently just
Speaker 3: started putting things into again, because I recently found out
Speaker 3: that he wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.
Speaker 1: He wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.
Speaker 3: So we had made a deal that when we moved here,
Speaker 3: he would be putting a good chunk of every paycheck
Speaker 3: into that savings account. And we found out about two
Speaker 3: months ago or sorry, two weeks ago that he was
Speaker 3: not actually putting anything in there, and he was using
Speaker 3: that money to chip away at his own debt.
Speaker 1: Did you know he had debt when you guys intertwined
Speaker 1: your finances.
Speaker 3: I was aware of student loans, but I wasn't aware
Speaker 3: of he took out. I don't know. I think it's
Speaker 3: called like a predatory loan something, and I wasn't aware
Speaker 3: of how urgently that was to be paid back. Okay,
Speaker 3: so it's a lot, I know.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that's well, you know what a few things is.
Speaker 1: You know, the concept of like I think all of
Speaker 1: this is like, this is just my opinion, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't. I've been talking to you for nine minutes,
Speaker 1: but you have said that you love your husband. But
Speaker 1: it does feel like a lot of the drivers of
Speaker 1: this relationship are purely obligation. They're less about love, They're
Speaker 1: less about, you know, some kind of spiritual commitment. They're
Speaker 1: less about, you know, working as a team or less
Speaker 1: about you know, having a life that's better together than
Speaker 1: a part, and more about obligation. Is that accurate when
Speaker 1: you look at your gut, you.
Speaker 3: Know it definitely there's definitely a portion that feels like
Speaker 3: that you know, it feels like there's less time investing
Speaker 3: in affection and romance and just like you know, the
Speaker 3: typical things in a relationship and more so on like
Speaker 3: you said, it's like obligation.
Speaker 1: So do you want to I mean, you know, the
Speaker 1: babying him and the specifics of the laundry and whatnot.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you want to be with this guy?
Speaker 3: I don't know, Like you have that hope in you
Speaker 3: that people will change the better for the room mental help,
Speaker 3: but they don't. And I know that they don't.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, so.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: It's I know you hope that you hope that people change.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they do, by the way, you know, sometimes they do.
Speaker 1: I know, I said they don't. But sometimes I know,
Speaker 1: I said they don't. Sometimes they do, but I don't.
Speaker 1: I I absolutely believe that people change, and I absolutely
Speaker 1: believe the people evolve, and I believe the relationships evolve.
Speaker 1: But they have to want to. And you also, like
Speaker 1: don't want to be sitting there with your asshole out,
Speaker 1: you know, waiting for the change to happen. So is
Speaker 1: there any paperwork between you guys on all this financial
Speaker 1: ship or it's all just hanging out.
Speaker 3: It's all hanging out.
Speaker 1: Do you have access to this savings account that has
Speaker 1: your money in it?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 1: Okay, and okay, so you have access to Okay, so
Speaker 1: it's a joint account under both of you guys name
Speaker 1: and you guys are not you guys aren't even married.
Speaker 3: No, we are not married.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so your assets, your assets are not really intertwined, right,
Speaker 1: it's all just cast.
Speaker 3: No, it's this. The financials are not the main thing
Speaker 3: in jeopardy. They are a big factor into things.
Speaker 2: But it's more like.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm losing my mind in this whole relationship,
Speaker 3: and I'm not sure where. I'm not sure what my
Speaker 3: next step is.
Speaker 1: Well, you're looking for a job, right, I am, well,
Speaker 1: because I guess the next step is is uh if
Speaker 1: you well, there's a few next steps. I mean one
Speaker 1: is there's two paths you can go down. One path
Speaker 1: is to decide that you want to make it work.
Speaker 1: I mean two years, two years, two years, two years
Speaker 1: ain't that many years for my parents my parents were together?
Speaker 3: Go ahead, God, no, sorry, I was just gonna say
Speaker 3: for me, two years is is abit?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: I want to say this is probably my second longest
Speaker 3: relationship twenty six.
Speaker 1: You said you're twenty six. Yes, you're twenty six?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 3: Well did you think I was?
Speaker 1: I swear I thought you were like forty nine years old.
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought you're you're twenty you're twenty six years old? Yes,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, leeah yeah. Leave, Oh my god, leave,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Leave, Oh my god, leave, leave leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave,
Speaker 1: leave leave leave. I thought you were like forty nine,
Speaker 1: and you were like, look, it's either this guy or
Speaker 1: I'm getting cats. No, you're leave. Please leave, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, please leave. Jesus Christ, twenty six years old.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. What's your name again? Such
Speaker 1: with an S, say Shay Shay. My parents were together
Speaker 1: for eleven years before they got divorced, and I think
Speaker 1: they got divorced when they were My mom and my
Speaker 1: dad got divorced when they were in their like the
Speaker 1: late forties, mid to late forties, and now they're both
Speaker 1: remarried to people that they're much happier with. They were
Speaker 1: together eleven years and they were in their mid they were.
Speaker 1: To imagine that eleven years in their late forties, You
Speaker 1: guys have been together for two and you're twenty six.
Speaker 1: Ye oh my god, No, you're not trapped in this
Speaker 1: at all. Holy shit, and you have you're not even
Speaker 1: there's no and you have access to the bank account
Speaker 1: and you're not and you're not married. Correct, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you should. I I don't usually give a lot of
Speaker 1: strong opinions on here, but you should totally leave for sure.
Speaker 1: How old is this guy?
Speaker 2: Okay, twenty four, he's twenty five.
Speaker 1: Of course he'll this is he's he'll he'll be fine.
Speaker 1: He'll be so f you'll both be so fine. He's
Speaker 1: twenty five. That's nothing, because here's what happens, right, is
Speaker 1: you leave this guy and then he learns. Maybe maybe if.
Speaker 5: He's lucky, if he's the thing, if he's not a
Speaker 5: total dumbass, he'll learn right, and he'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 5: next time I get into a relationship with someone, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna have my shit.
Speaker 1: To god, I'm gonna make sure that when they tell
Speaker 1: me these things, you know, he'll be sad for a while,
Speaker 1: but he'll be fine. Both of you will be fucking
Speaker 1: fine with this. Oh my god, I can't believe you're
Speaker 1: literally I thought you were at least like.
Speaker 3: Can I can I can I ask why you thought
Speaker 3: I was that old.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I thought you were that old. I maybe just imagined,
Speaker 1: maybe just the the situation when you said you were trapped.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, okay, I could see that if
Speaker 1: you I could I could see feeling that way, if
Speaker 1: you were like older more so than than younger.
Speaker 3: Not so. So maybe I had just been viewing this
Speaker 3: a much bigger situation than it actually was.
Speaker 1: Well, no, not that. I mean it, look, everything's big
Speaker 1: in relativity, right, So it's big to you. So this
Speaker 1: is your first like you know, this is you haven't
Speaker 1: had a relationship that's lasted this long. Two years feels
Speaker 1: like a lot. So it's big to you. And that's
Speaker 1: you know, that's a valid thing. But uh no, you
Speaker 1: not trapped yet. You could be so much more trapped.
Speaker 1: You could be you could be so much more trapped.
Speaker 1: You have no idea. You're so not trapped. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: All right, Yeah, here's the thing, right is uh and whatever? Again,
Speaker 1: I've only known you for seventeen minutes. But the fact
Speaker 1: that you're talking about that these these these are important
Speaker 1: life decisions and you have a lot of time to
Speaker 1: make them. And I think that one of the important
Speaker 1: life decision. I think that who you're gonna be committed to,
Speaker 1: it's an it's an important life decision. And I'm still
Speaker 1: young too, and so I'm figuring all this shit out.
Speaker 1: But these are important life decisions, and these are decisions
Speaker 1: that you should feel really confident and strong about. So
Speaker 1: if you're if you're in a relationship that you feel
Speaker 1: obligated to or that you feel obligated to or trapped in.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's such a strong way to talk about
Speaker 1: this thing that's supposed to be a big part of
Speaker 1: your life and you're and also like you seem like
Speaker 1: you haven't really had much of an opportunity to like
Speaker 1: develop yourself, right, I mean you are taking your You're
Speaker 1: taking your like your money is now your guys's money.
Speaker 1: Like you sound like you don't have like money of
Speaker 1: your own that's yours. Like you don't have a job
Speaker 1: of your own that's yours. Like you know, you don't
Speaker 1: have to do that, like we this isn't like the
Speaker 1: fucking nineteen you know, fucking twenties or whatever. You don't
Speaker 1: have to do that, Like you can develop your own shit.
Speaker 1: You don't have to. You don't need to do a
Speaker 1: guy's laundry to survive on your own.
Speaker 3: And totally beforehand, I had, you know, my own self established.
Speaker 3: You know, I had my job in my car and
Speaker 3: doing whatever I you know, whatever made me happy and
Speaker 3: not cleaning up after another person. It's you know, if
Speaker 3: I could do that one like in definitely do that again.
Speaker 1: Oh you can a one hundred percent do that again.
Speaker 1: I can't believe. I literally I thought you were like
Speaker 1: fifty nine years old and this was like your last chance. No,
Speaker 1: oh my god.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Here's what I would do is is like you should go.
Speaker 1: You should. If I were you, I would take a
Speaker 1: break and be like and it'd be like, I gotta
Speaker 1: get myself right, I gotta get my I need my money,
Speaker 1: I need my car, I need my health insurance, I
Speaker 1: need my job, I need my life. And then and
Speaker 1: then once you have your own life together, be really,
Speaker 1: really really careful. I don't Maybe maybe this guy learns
Speaker 1: his lesson and he gets back to himself, and maybe
Speaker 1: you guys are separated for a little bit and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll give it another chance. But if I'm going, if
Speaker 1: we're going back into this. We're going in. I got
Speaker 1: my own ship, You got your own ship, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna slowly, you know, weave our lives together a little bit,
Speaker 1: but we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it really carefully,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna do it really intentionally, and we're gonna
Speaker 1: make sure that neither of us feels like we're getting shifted.
Speaker 1: Because you're feeling like you're getting shifted. Your husband's out
Speaker 1: there with the car and you're feeling like you're you're shifted.
Speaker 1: You don't have your own ship, you don't have your
Speaker 1: own life. You you have to ask for permission from
Speaker 1: this other fucking guy who and he's not supposed to
Speaker 1: be the guardian of your assets. He's supposed to be
Speaker 1: your partner, you know. And so you got to do
Speaker 1: it again. And you're so unbelievably not trapped. It's it's honestly,
Speaker 1: I mean, everything's relative. So it's a big to you
Speaker 1: because it's the longest thing you've been in, so it's relative,
Speaker 1: but sure you're you're not trapped at all. You have
Speaker 1: the complete freedom, obligation, opportunity to be like, hey, I
Speaker 1: think I made a little and this is life is
Speaker 1: just error correction. So it's okay, it's something shameful in
Speaker 1: being like, you know what, I made a bit of
Speaker 1: a misstep going too hard in this Uh too fast.
Speaker 1: Let me tracked a little bit. I do you have
Speaker 1: parents you can move back in with.
Speaker 3: That's where we're living. We're living with my parents right now.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, wait, hold on, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
Speaker 1: I thought you guys. I thought you guys were living
Speaker 1: with his parents.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no, no never, no.
Speaker 6: No, we were staying with my parents.
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. Oh my god, you guys are living
Speaker 1: with your parents?
Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah, Who the fuck is this guy? Well, there's.
Speaker 3: We This was a solid plan beforehand, our parents, my
Speaker 3: parents weren't going to have us pay rent here for
Speaker 3: six months, and that was with how much he makes
Speaker 3: and how much I was hypothetically going to make. We
Speaker 3: were going to put it down the payment on a
Speaker 3: house here. So like everybody was cool with this. It
Speaker 3: was fine, and like he was okay with this, But
Speaker 3: now it's just kind of you.
Speaker 1: Know, what do you what do you? I mean, what
Speaker 1: do your parents think about this guy?
Speaker 3: Mom fucking hates Yeah, your mom hates.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your mom fucking of course, your mom fucking hates
Speaker 1: this guy. By the way, I just want you, I
Speaker 1: want to say this because I you, I think you
Speaker 1: do love this guy. I think it's I you can
Speaker 1: totally totally love And I don't think this guy is
Speaker 1: a piece of ship. I just think, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't think he's You can totally totally love someone and
Speaker 1: you really deeply love someone and have a deep connection
Speaker 1: with them and be and be and be incompatible, uh
Speaker 1: logistically in life, and you know that's the thing. It's
Speaker 1: totally a thing. And this guy's twenty.
Speaker 3: Four, twenty five next month.
Speaker 1: Okay, let him be a dumb ass. Let him be
Speaker 1: a dumb ass, and he's gonna be fine, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course it makes total sense that your mom hates
Speaker 1: this guy. But the I the idea of like, let me,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stay at home with my first of all,
Speaker 1: living in homely parents, saving up money. If you're privileged
Speaker 1: enough to be able to do that, it's a fucking
Speaker 1: it's a life hack. It's a great opportunity, amazing opportunity,
Speaker 1: and you should totally take it, you know. Uh, And
Speaker 1: you and you're what you're looking for jobs, right.
Speaker 3: Yes, I am relentlessly looking for a job. Any excuse
Speaker 3: to not be trucked in the house all day?
Speaker 1: Okay? And what's the deal with this car? You guys
Speaker 1: bought it together.
Speaker 3: It's my car, it's your car. Yes, he was leasing
Speaker 3: a car before we moved and we weren't able to
Speaker 3: take both cars. And because I own my car, that
Speaker 3: is the one that we use. That's like the only
Speaker 3: one we have. So he uses my car to.
Speaker 2: Go to his job.
Speaker 1: Why does it he has a Why does then he buy.
Speaker 2: His own car.
Speaker 3: Because he spent all his money on his debt instead
Speaker 3: of putting any amount of it in the savings without
Speaker 3: telling anyone.
Speaker 6: I'm losing my mind here, dude.
Speaker 1: You gotta like I'm I try, I try really hard
Speaker 1: to remain agnostic on this show. But then you gotta
Speaker 1: leave this guy.
Speaker 2: You can.
Speaker 1: You gotta leave it. You gotta kick this guy out
Speaker 1: of your parents?
Speaker 6: Does it?
Speaker 1: What's his parents house? Does he is he have a
Speaker 1: good relationship with his parents?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Does he? Does he have a good enough relationship with
Speaker 1: his parents that he can like.
Speaker 3: I mean, his mom begs him to move back in.
Speaker 1: Oh, tell this guy to go move back in with
Speaker 1: his parents, his parents. He didn't. He's not over here like,
Speaker 1: oh my parents beat me or whatever. Right, Okay, tell
Speaker 1: this guy, Tell this guy to leave, Tell this guy
Speaker 1: to go leave it home with his parents and give
Speaker 1: you back your fucking car. And you and I know
Speaker 1: the job market success. But eventually, you're working really hard,
Speaker 1: you'll eventually find some way to make money. And then
Speaker 1: you can be twenty six living at your parents' house,
Speaker 1: you have your own fucking car. You'll eventually find a
Speaker 1: way to make what you're making money online. You don't
Speaker 1: have to. I don't know what you're doing, but you
Speaker 1: know what are you doing?
Speaker 3: It's to start. Okay, great, amazing condition like that, right, yeah.
Speaker 1: Amazing, amazing. All right, So you go make your own money,
Speaker 1: say say to him, hey, let's and we gotta do
Speaker 1: our own thing.
Speaker 3: And he go.
Speaker 1: He goes, lives back home with his mom, figures out
Speaker 1: his life, he's got a job. He'll do the same
Speaker 1: thing that you're doing, making money living at home with
Speaker 1: his parents. But yeah, you' you don't want this. Fucking guys,
Speaker 1: there's nothing in this for you. There's nothing. There's nothing
Speaker 1: in this for you. There's nothing in this for you,
Speaker 1: and you'll be able to build up your own ship.
Speaker 1: This is good for him too, because because he it's
Speaker 1: okay that this guy's kind of a dumbass and has debt.
Speaker 1: It's fine, Sure, he'll figure it out. You're both really young,
Speaker 1: so you both figure it out. But he's got to
Speaker 1: figure it out on his own and not rope a
Speaker 1: bunch of other people into it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1: So you know I, by the way, I I must
Speaker 1: I must be the like sixth person that's told you
Speaker 1: to leave this guy.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So, I actually haven't talked to anybody about this except
Speaker 3: my mom. I felt like I needed some kind of
Speaker 3: different outside perspective from someone that wasn't you know, a
Speaker 3: friend that has heard me bitch about this person before.
Speaker 3: So I, you know, I really like your show. I
Speaker 3: like the the you know word you have. So I figured,
Speaker 3: you know, why not? And I figured you were going
Speaker 3: to say what you said.
Speaker 1: Of course, Yeah, of course you did. Of course you did,
Speaker 1: because it's you know what you know why. I think
Speaker 1: you figured that I was going to say what you
Speaker 1: is because you already know all this. And then the problem.
Speaker 1: The problem is nothing logistic, right, The problem isn't isn't isn't.
Speaker 1: This is not a knowledge based problem. This isn't a
Speaker 1: problem where we don't have all of the informa. This
Speaker 1: is a very emotional problem.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: It's not that we don't. It's not you know in
Speaker 1: your heart everything I already said before I even said
Speaker 1: it to you, and because you were you were, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you already know all this stuff in your gut. The
Speaker 1: problem is not, oh, I don't know what decision to make.
Speaker 1: You already know what decision to make. The problem is
Speaker 1: the emotional quotet of having to make that decision. And yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really hard because there's so much.
Speaker 3: Time put into something like that and then it's thrown away.
Speaker 1: There's not actually that much time put into this. There's
Speaker 1: not actually much time, but it feels like a lot
Speaker 1: of time to It feels like a lot of time
Speaker 1: to you, But it's not that much time. A, it's
Speaker 1: not that much time.
Speaker 7: And B.
Speaker 1: Please remember life is error correction. So the making of
Speaker 1: the errors, the quote unquote wasting of the time was
Speaker 1: all part of the process of being a living human
Speaker 1: navigating the world. So it wasn't wasted time.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've already taken up about thirty minutes at your time.
Speaker 3: But I do want to say thank you for your words,
Speaker 3: and once again, I really do appreciate what you do
Speaker 3: for other people. I think you're a cool person.
Speaker 1: Thanks, and yeah, I'm sorry I've asked you ten times,
Speaker 1: but what's your name one more time? It's such an
Speaker 1: as Sarah Sha Shae Shae Shay. Give us a call back,
Speaker 1: let me know what happens. I'm curious.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 1: All right, good luck, shame, thank you bye. That was
Speaker 1: so funny when she was like, my mom hates this guy,
Speaker 1: but of course your mom hates this guy. Again. I
Speaker 1: don't think this is a bad guy. I don't think
Speaker 1: he's a piece of shit. I just think, you know,
Speaker 1: he just doesn't have a shit together, and you gotta
Speaker 1: get you He's got to get your shit together without,
Speaker 1: you know, especially if his mom is begging him to
Speaker 1: come back home.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was no. I was really bummed out by
Speaker 1: that call because I thought that caller was sixty seven
Speaker 1: years old and this was like her last shot at
Speaker 1: a relationship or whatever. But that's no. I hope, I
Speaker 1: hope she gives herself the space for them both to
Speaker 1: independently get their shit together, and I I wish, I
Speaker 1: wish i'd heard more about her mom's perspective on the situation.
Speaker 1: But yeah, thanks for calling Shy.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hi.
Speaker 1: What's your name? My name is Jessica, Jessica, what's up?
Speaker 1: How's life?
Speaker 3: Life is the most amazing ever.
Speaker 6: I'm so last and so happy and full of joy.
Speaker 2: How are you?
Speaker 1: Why you sound like strawberry shortcake or something? Why why
Speaker 1: are you? Why so good?
Speaker 6: I'm literally drinking a strawberry lemonade Sativa, and neverminds you
Speaker 6: of a strawberry shortcake. So I just turned twenty two.
Speaker 6: My birthday was on Monday, and I'm at the beach.
Speaker 6: I'm just I feel so relaxed. I just got registered
Speaker 6: back into school. I started school Monday, junior in college.
Speaker 6: And I told the boy that I have the.
Speaker 3: Hugest crush on that I like him on Wednesday and
Speaker 3: he likes me back. So life is just I'm teaking
Speaker 3: right now.
Speaker 1: You you sound like you're being written or something, like
Speaker 1: you're a fictional character in a novel.
Speaker 6: Oh let me so good. God has been so nice
Speaker 6: to me. And I went fishing today for the first time.
Speaker 6: In five years.
Speaker 3: Dude, I caught twelve fish.
Speaker 1: Yeah awesome, Okay, this is that's a lot, this is
Speaker 1: so much well, uh well, Jessica, listen, I'll ask you this.
Speaker 1: Is there anything in particular you called in to want
Speaker 1: to talk about today?
Speaker 6: Yes, a thousand. So I've spoken to Lyle twice, the
Speaker 6: first time I ever spoke to him.
Speaker 1: It's me, by the way, I'm Lyle.
Speaker 3: Wait Lyle, yes, wait, Lyle.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I've been wanting to update you all
Speaker 6: my life so you might remember me.
Speaker 2: Then.
Speaker 6: The first time we ever spoke, you did a five
Speaker 6: am call and I was in the hospital with my
Speaker 6: dad who's dying. Yes, yeah, oh that was me.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 6: I think I just cried on the phone for like
Speaker 6: thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god? What hold hold on, wait, hold
Speaker 1: the phone real quick. Okay, you know what, Can I
Speaker 1: be so honest with you right now?
Speaker 2: Can I be?
Speaker 1: Can I be so honest with you right now? I
Speaker 1: just get you call? Okay. At the beginning of this call,
Speaker 1: I was a little bit like, why is this fucking
Speaker 1: girl so cheery? This is pissing me off a little bit.
Speaker 1: But this lady, it was it was I had I
Speaker 1: gotta be out there. It was pissing me off how
Speaker 1: happy you sounded. But now, uh, you soundedude and happy.
Speaker 1: But I I remember our call. Yeah, this was like
Speaker 1: three years ago.
Speaker 6: Right, yep, Okay, you know what I thought?
Speaker 1: I was kind of okay the beginning of this call,
Speaker 1: I was like, who is this lady? Why is she
Speaker 1: so happy? This is pissing me off? But I remember
Speaker 1: three years ago. Yes, I remember you called me while
Speaker 1: you were in the hospital with your dad and you
Speaker 1: were crying, and we had this very emotional phone call.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, you know what I think if
Speaker 1: three years ago you call in and you're miserable and
Speaker 1: you're crying, I think you get to be happy now.
Speaker 1: I think this makes me more sense. I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: so much more enthralled by your joy than I was
Speaker 1: previously agitated by it, knowing the context of.
Speaker 6: This, Okay, this I've been wanting to update you. So
Speaker 6: we met in person. I'll tell you about it because
Speaker 6: I know you meet thousands of people. I brought my
Speaker 6: aunt to one of your shows in Nashville, Tennessee, and
Speaker 6: I wore an evy onesie and I sat right on
Speaker 6: the front row.
Speaker 1: I do vaguely remember that. I do vaguely remember that
Speaker 1: I that we you and I you and I met,
Speaker 1: because yes, I remember that phone call that we had. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was it was very touching.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was going through a lot. I was really sad,
Speaker 6: and I went through a really hard time in my life.
Speaker 6: I love being opening up. I love opening up and
Speaker 6: being raw on the phone, because you know, what is
Speaker 6: this talk show for. So right after that, I got
Speaker 6: into this like really toxic relationship. It was super abusive.
Speaker 6: I tried to kill myself and life was just not
Speaker 6: going great right as life does sometimes, And I ended
Speaker 6: up getting saved, and I mean Jesus just pulled me
Speaker 6: out and God started revealing himself to me, and he
Speaker 6: completely turned my life around, saved me. I ended up
Speaker 6: sending that silly, little abusive X to jail on domestic violence,
Speaker 6: and he restored the relationship with my father. First of all,
Speaker 6: he let him live, which is amazing. I'm so thankful.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh cool, good, good, good good.
Speaker 6: Yeah. That was a rough time. And for the last
Speaker 6: year now I've been trying to call in to talk
Speaker 6: to you because my life has just changed so much
Speaker 6: for the better and it's been amazing.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, yeah, no, this is you know what, Okay,
Speaker 1: because here's my thing is I think if you if
Speaker 1: you are just if I think you know, when you
Speaker 1: meet people and they're happy, just like by defaults, they're
Speaker 1: like everything's amazing. Of course it is. It's like those
Speaker 1: I think those people are completely insane. And I think,
Speaker 1: for a second I thought maybe you were one of
Speaker 1: those people. But you're. No, You're the You're You're You're
Speaker 1: the kind of happy person I love who is like,
Speaker 1: oh no, I've seen horrible things and I understand them
Speaker 1: and I'm and I and I'm happy despite them. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a great happy person.
Speaker 6: How can you possibly appreciate the sunshine and the peaceful
Speaker 6: ocean if you don't sit in the storm?
Speaker 2: You know, I'm with you. I'm with you.
Speaker 1: No, I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better.
Speaker 1: So okay, I'm trying to remember a little bit about
Speaker 1: our call, and tell me if this is correct. But
Speaker 1: I remember that. Okay, I might be confusing this with
Speaker 1: other things, so tell me if this is correct. But
Speaker 1: I remember you had a bit of a of a No,
Speaker 1: I not troubled necessarily but a difficult relationship with your dad.
Speaker 1: Is that accurate?
Speaker 7: Yes, that was accurate, And all of.
Speaker 1: Your siblings were kind of like leaving him behind and
Speaker 1: you were the only one who was at the hospital
Speaker 1: with him and your siblings. Well, yeah, so.
Speaker 6: I'm the youngest. My dad has like six kids that
Speaker 6: he knows of. My dad was very busy in his youth,
Speaker 6: so none of us have the same mom.
Speaker 3: I have been talking to.
Speaker 6: My sister over the phone for the last three years,
Speaker 6: and my dad doesn't know, and so he's usually really
Speaker 6: aggressive about it. But me and my sister we.
Speaker 3: Talked usually at least once a month.
Speaker 6: She's four years older than me. She was living in
Speaker 6: San Diego for a while and then she moved to
Speaker 6: Washington and I almost got to meet her because I've
Speaker 6: been working looking for this nonprofit profit and I get
Speaker 6: to travel for my job. And then the week that
Speaker 6: I went up there for work, she ended up moving
Speaker 6: to Jacksonville.
Speaker 3: Florida, which is where she was born.
Speaker 6: But she just despises my dad, even though she hasn't
Speaker 6: met him, but it's from all the things that her
Speaker 6: mom told her about him. So none of my siblings
Speaker 6: are very fond of him. My dad was very not
Speaker 6: emotionally intelligent due to the upbringing he received, and it
Speaker 6: was not entirely a fault of his own. As much
Speaker 6: as you know, nature plays a part, it's also nurture,
Speaker 6: and he did not receive the love and care he
Speaker 6: needed growing up. So as I've gotten older, you know,
Speaker 6: I'm celebrating my twenty second birthday, I've really gotten to
Speaker 6: teach my dad a lot how to communicate and understand
Speaker 6: and process his emotions and feelings and be able to
Speaker 6: talk to me. And it's really improved our relationship. I mean,
Speaker 6: it's like we're friends now, and it's super awesome.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. How are things going with your siblings?
Speaker 6: So it was crazy. My brother and I have never
Speaker 6: been super close, which is kind of my mom's fault
Speaker 6: because my mom, she's an illegal immigrant, and when my
Speaker 6: brother was seven was when she had to make the
Speaker 6: choice to come to America by herself or you know,
Speaker 6: stay with him until she came here and left him behind.
Speaker 6: She got here, she had me and my brother ended
Speaker 6: up being raised by my aunt.
Speaker 3: And not my mom.
Speaker 6: And so when he finally got here when he was eighteen,
Speaker 6: right till like eleven years later and he meets me.
Speaker 6: I don't want to say he despised me, but I
Speaker 6: could tell he was upset because he felt like my
Speaker 6: mom favored me. But the last year we have been
Speaker 6: kind of rekindling getting to know each other, and I
Speaker 6: stay getting to know each other because his first language
Speaker 6: is Spanish and mine is English, so you know, there's
Speaker 6: a little bit of a communication barrier. But this is
Speaker 6: the first year ever my brother has got me a
Speaker 6: birthday present. Yeah, it was so crazy. I love writing
Speaker 6: poetry and I like writing short stories and I journal
Speaker 6: very often, which I've shared with him, and so he
Speaker 6: got me a quill and ink with like different calligraphy tips. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it was super cool and I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 6: this is like really thoughtful. I can't believe he did this.
Speaker 6: He's never gotten me anything before, so that was awesome.
Speaker 1: It sounds like your whole family dynamic is like on
Speaker 1: the upwards.
Speaker 6: Yeah, everything is completely changed, like what I was when
Speaker 6: I called you at the time, Like my dad was dying,
Speaker 6: my mom wasn't talking to me because she was going
Speaker 6: through like a messy thing her husband cheater, and or
Speaker 6: she moved to Mexico, wasn't talking to me like I
Speaker 6: wasn't really talking to my siblings. My dad was upset
Speaker 6: that I reached out to my sister because he was like,
Speaker 6: if she doesn't like me, why are you talking to her?
Speaker 2: And bled.
Speaker 6: But God has really worked some magical wonders in my
Speaker 6: life and it has been so beautiful to watch unfold
Speaker 6: because I sat in that waiting for so long, like
Speaker 6: growing up was the hardest thing that I ever did,
Speaker 6: and being on the other side now, like I'm still
Speaker 6: a kid. I'm still every age that I was before
Speaker 6: until this moment.
Speaker 1: What you just turned twenty two? You still have so
Speaker 1: much life ahead of you still, Yeah, it just hits different.
Speaker 3: Walking with the Lord hits different.
Speaker 1: Well excellent, I'm I'm I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 1: And yeah I do, Okay, I do remember the the
Speaker 1: ev Onesie?
Speaker 6: You do you remember that random girl the ev Onesie?
Speaker 2: Well that that was a Zanies, right, yeah, that was
Speaker 2: a Zainies.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wait did you tell do you old? Actually I
Speaker 1: was trying to did you Did you mention that I
Speaker 1: met you on this phone call that we're having right now?
Speaker 1: Did you mention that we met in Nashville?
Speaker 6: Yeah, we met in Nashville.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right. I was trying to see if I
Speaker 1: pulled that from my own memory, because again and I
Speaker 1: just that and this is the thing, and I don't
Speaker 1: I don't remember your name. I don't remember the names
Speaker 1: of people who I talked to, but I remember our
Speaker 1: conversation Vivia there. I literally can put myself back in
Speaker 1: the room that I was in when we had that
Speaker 1: phone call, because that was uh yeah, it was. It
Speaker 1: was an emotional one and you were nineteen at.
Speaker 3: The time, eighteen or nineteen.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it was definitely pre COVID, and I think
Speaker 6: I was like, one was trauma dumping on you.
Speaker 1: Well shit, what is your name?
Speaker 6: My name is Jessica, Jessica.
Speaker 1: Well shit, yeah, Jessica.
Speaker 3: I no.
Speaker 1: I actually even remember meeting you in the ev Onesie.
Speaker 1: It was like outside at Zany's and I remember you
Speaker 1: told me that that was you from that phone call,
Speaker 1: and I remember being like, oh shit, I remember that.
Speaker 1: That was cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I had a lot of mixed feelings. I remember when
Speaker 6: you released the podcast. I was the headliner, and it
Speaker 6: was like calling from the hospital and I was like,
Speaker 6: oh man, everyone's gonna hear me crying and trauma dumping.
Speaker 1: Did you read the comments on YouTube?
Speaker 3: I didn't.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they were nice. I don't think people. Actually
Speaker 1: I'm not so sure they were nice. People are dicks
Speaker 1: on the internet for absolutely no reason. And also people
Speaker 1: don't even know. I just think people don't understand the
Speaker 1: point of the show because they'll comment being like this
Speaker 1: person sounds like a bitch, and I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: not the point of why we're doing this is to
Speaker 1: give your opinion of whether or not it's no one
Speaker 1: said that about you. I'm just saying people say that
Speaker 1: in general about in general anyway, whatever, who cares? Who cares?
Speaker 6: I always listen to you on Spotify.
Speaker 1: So well, uh well how about this? Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: glad you gave the update. This is a nice update.
Speaker 1: What's new for you? What's next for you? I mean,
Speaker 1: you're twenty two. Are you going to go to I
Speaker 1: did you just graduate school? Are you gonna what's what's
Speaker 1: the deal? What's next for Jessica?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: So I'm a junior in college now, super exciting. I
Speaker 6: just changed my major for the fifth time.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well what too?
Speaker 3: So now it's.
Speaker 6: Business entrepreneurship with a minor and computer science.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna think you should do like a new
Speaker 1: are you gonna are you gonna make like a AI
Speaker 1: tech company or something?
Speaker 6: Definitely not. I don't trust AI. I have mixed feelings
Speaker 6: about it, so that's why I want to learn about it.
Speaker 6: Like one of the classes that I actually have with
Speaker 6: my best friend set out to call I love her
Speaker 6: so much. We're doing Introduction AI together, so I'm really excited.
Speaker 6: But yeah, no, I think it would be important to
Speaker 6: learn basic computer and technology. Is that day and h
Speaker 6: that we're living in.
Speaker 1: The Only reason I say this is because I feel
Speaker 1: like that's the like business entrepreneurship with computer science. It
Speaker 1: feels like all those people are just doing AI shit, not.
Speaker 6: That I know, right, Like, let me build an automated
Speaker 6: system so I don't actually have to put.
Speaker 1: In any work, all right, So you what are you?
Speaker 1: What are you hoping to do with with that?
Speaker 6: I would really just sounds silly. I don't care as
Speaker 6: much about starting my own business. I did about a
Speaker 6: year and a half ago. I was doing senior and
Speaker 6: veteran helow income living. Had a little staff and we
Speaker 6: provided housing and care for disabled veterans but disabled seniors,
Speaker 6: and it was super educational. But I've been working at
Speaker 6: this nonprofit for about two and a half years now.
Speaker 6: It's called Veterans Village, and we helped provide on a
Speaker 6: larger scale, low into housing for seniors and veterans. And
Speaker 6: I would love to do some kind of whether it's
Speaker 6: mission work or nonprofit, but providing help and support and
Speaker 6: outreach for young girls who come from broken homes, the
Speaker 6: young girls who are going through abuse, because that's.
Speaker 2: What I relate to.
Speaker 6: And when I reflect now back to that younger person,
Speaker 6: you know, the need that's still inside of me. She
Speaker 6: just needed some kind of love and support, somebody to
Speaker 6: remind her like life will not always be this way
Speaker 6: and there's a bigger world.
Speaker 3: Like it's okay.
Speaker 6: And so I would love to develop I'm saying that
Speaker 6: would support young girls.
Speaker 1: Cool.
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 1: I like the I like the upwards trajectory. Jessica. I'm
Speaker 1: very happy for you, and I hope you continue, uh
Speaker 1: continue being cheery.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 6: It's been amazing. Like I don't know, I never expected
Speaker 6: life to.
Speaker 2: Be good, you know, no doubt.
Speaker 1: Yeah I again, yeah I I I mean it was
Speaker 1: a it was a while ago, but yeah, I remember
Speaker 1: you were things were difficult three years ago. So you
Speaker 1: know the fact that the families get together, the families
Speaker 1: getting back together. You got a nice direction of purpose
Speaker 1: in your life. You're uh, the boy you have a
Speaker 1: crush on likes you back. That's nice. Yeah, I think, Jessica,
Speaker 1: Jessica stock is up.
Speaker 6: I think. So I'm going to fill the tea with
Speaker 6: you while Okay, So, so this boy that I like,
Speaker 6: he has a girlfriend. I think he likes me back.
Speaker 6: I can't tell. So I literally just confessed my feelings
Speaker 6: for him on Wednesday, like this this past Wednesday, and
Speaker 6: he got my number. I thought that was a little
Speaker 6: strange because he has a girlfriend. But we've been talking
Speaker 6: and I've known him for about three years now, so
Speaker 6: i've met him like prior to the last two girlfriends
Speaker 6: that he's had. But I finally got the courage to
Speaker 6: be like, hey, I think you're great, and he was like, oh,
Speaker 6: I think great too. So I've been excited about that
Speaker 6: the last couple of days. But I don't know, I've
Speaker 6: been trying to pray about it.
Speaker 3: It's been a lot.
Speaker 1: Well, I hope God livers whatever the right thing in
Speaker 1: that situation is too, man, Jessica, is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to the people of the computer before.
Speaker 6: We you go, people of a computer. It always gets better,
Speaker 6: even if it sucks. Right now, there's always a light
Speaker 6: and it's not just at the end of the tunnel.
Speaker 6: It is right there with you. I'm so glad I
Speaker 6: could talk to you again, Lyle.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jessica. You have a good one.
Speaker 6: You're true.
Speaker 1: That was cool. Yeah, I totally remember that phone call.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, the episode was I'm calling from the hospital,
Speaker 1: and she was calling from the hospital, yeah, with her
Speaker 1: dad who was dying, and it's good to hear that
Speaker 1: he's okay. It's good to hear that. No again. When
Speaker 1: she first picked up the phone call, I was like,
Speaker 1: who the fuck is this lady? You know, being so cheery.
Speaker 1: It pissed me off, It really did. I'm and I
Speaker 1: don't feel good and people are gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, Lyle, I thought that was wholesome. Why is
Speaker 1: that pissing you off? And I don't control that it
Speaker 1: pisses me off?
Speaker 2: But it did.
Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't, but
Speaker 1: it did. But then once I found out who she
Speaker 1: was and remembered the backstory, I was like, Oh, okay,
Speaker 1: this is actually awesome that this person is feeling cheery.
Speaker 1: I was happy, And that's a microcosm because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Even Let's say that that person got on the phone
Speaker 1: and was like, you know, talking like you know, a
Speaker 1: fucking Alice in Wonderland or whatever, and I didn't and
Speaker 1: I didn't know who she was, and I was just
Speaker 1: pissed off naturally at how cheery she was. Maybe if
Speaker 1: I had, you know, I that was a preconceived judgment
Speaker 1: that I made. That probably happens to me in real life.
Speaker 1: I'll meet someone and I'm like, who the fuck is
Speaker 1: this person talking like this? And then uh, but I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe they maybe they went through some fucked
Speaker 1: up shit and now they're cheery and now that's exciting
Speaker 1: for them, and I'm being an asshole, you know, So
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta. You gotta check yourself sometimes when
Speaker 1: when you're getting pissed off at things, I guess, hello, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's up?
Speaker 4: Hey, how you doing today?
Speaker 1: I'm doing good? What's your name?
Speaker 4: This is Crystal. I just talk to you about I
Speaker 4: don't know, four to eight weeks ago, maybe oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember, what's up? Crystal, you have a what's
Speaker 1: going on?
Speaker 4: Well, I was just well, a couple of things going on.
Speaker 4: But I was calling first of all to say thank
Speaker 4: you because I needed to hear what you told me.
Speaker 4: And yeah yeah, and then I, uh, you know, I
Speaker 4: went to work and basically things worked out great and
Speaker 4: I'd learned to ignore them everybody, and you know that's
Speaker 4: a whole other another show.
Speaker 1: But well here, I'll I'll give some I'll give a
Speaker 1: little bit of context. I remember you called in, uh
Speaker 1: maybe a month ago, a few weeks ago, to talk
Speaker 1: about how you were getting like bullied at work and
Speaker 1: like you had coworkers who were being like assholes to you.
Speaker 1: And I don't remember what I said, but I remember
Speaker 1: that that was your situation, and you're telling me that
Speaker 1: things are going better.
Speaker 4: Yep, yeah, I don't remember what you said exactly. You
Speaker 4: kind of went too like a big kind of woe,
Speaker 4: went a little bit of rant, which is.
Speaker 2: What I need.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well I mean sometimes, I mean, honestly,
Speaker 4: you just you were telling me things I already knew.
Speaker 4: I was like in a real bad state of mind
Speaker 4: when I called you, and I don't even know how
Speaker 4: I really managed to even call you and that you
Speaker 4: actually answered. But you know, things happened very reason, I
Speaker 4: feel like and it was it was awesome. So yeah,
Speaker 4: I went back to work and I just you know,
Speaker 4: I ignore them, and uh just karma took over. And
Speaker 4: the main person that was you know, giving me help,
Speaker 4: giving me feel whatever type of way, was the supervisor.
Speaker 4: And I guess you know, it was not to me thing.
Speaker 4: She was just an asshole and they ended up getting
Speaker 4: rid of her, so which was awesome. But yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: I just feel like I need to just say thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh well, I'm I'm just so happy to hear that
Speaker 1: you yeah, because you weren't doing so great. Are you
Speaker 1: doing better now? Are you feeling better at that your work?
Speaker 4: Well, I'm feeling better in general.
Speaker 3: I'm on my way up, you know, wonderful, it said.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it's only been you know, a month, and
Speaker 4: some days are better than others. But you know, I
Speaker 4: just go there and I just basically stay to myself
Speaker 4: and listen to my music. Listen you and you know
Speaker 4: you're you were you sittn't along the lines of like
Speaker 4: you know, you know, if somebody's treats you cruel or
Speaker 4: treat you not well, or makes you upset, or any
Speaker 4: kind of negative things towards you. You know, it's not
Speaker 4: really a not always a you problem, it's you know, objected.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, so you know. I mean it's so simple.
Speaker 4: It seems so simple. But you know, when you feel
Speaker 4: up the daily and you you start and you start
Speaker 4: to believe people with some names, you know, and you
Speaker 4: needed somebody just to kind of give you a little
Speaker 4: slap in the faith and be like, hey, you know,
Speaker 4: you know, it's it's work, you know, you know, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: I won't take up all a lot of your time.
Speaker 4: I just wanted to really say thank you because, like
Speaker 4: I said, you know, I didn't realize how how cool
Speaker 4: you were until after I talk to you. I was
Speaker 4: looking and you talked to some really cool people.
Speaker 3: So you're doing awesome well ship.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Christal, You're cool too, man. I I know,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you called it. I'm very Uh this makes
Speaker 1: me happy. This makes me feel like I'm I'm this
Speaker 1: is good. I'm happy that this that was a helpful
Speaker 1: phone call for you. This makes me feel like I'm
Speaker 1: not just uh uh wasting not no, not wasting my time.
Speaker 1: But uh, I don't know ranting, ranting aimlessly into a
Speaker 1: stick alone in my room. I'm very I'm happy to
Speaker 1: hear that that phone call had a positive effect on you.
Speaker 1: I sincerely am christ and you know, also very happy
Speaker 1: in general. Also just very happy in general to hear
Speaker 1: that you're doing better. So thank thank you very much
Speaker 1: for calling back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, no problem. So I wanted before you get
Speaker 4: off here, I want to say I like your your
Speaker 4: choice of outfit today. You're you know, you get from
Speaker 4: the head up type of situations.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, for the you know, well here's you know,
Speaker 1: what I realized is most of most of the people
Speaker 1: who who consume this show, they consume it on audio,
Speaker 1: so they can't even really even see that I'm in
Speaker 1: this suit. But you know, so I'm I'm half gecko.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like half gecko half We're gonna say this
Speaker 4: not anyway, half half gecko.
Speaker 1: Half ape. And you know what, I'm gonna interpret that positively.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, yeah, definitely. I would never say any means.
Speaker 1: Think you Crystal. Thanks for calling man. Is there anything
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the computer.
Speaker 4: Before we go, No, just I mean, be nice to
Speaker 4: your fellow people. You know, you never know what somebody's
Speaker 4: going through.
Speaker 1: Beautiful. Yeah, thank you for so good luck?
Speaker 4: Yeah you as well?
Speaker 2: How today? Bye bye?
Speaker 4: Goodbye?
Speaker 1: Did I just say yo? I think I just said yo.
Speaker 1: That's okay. A lot of good a lot of good
Speaker 1: callbacks today, lot of good uh lot a good lot
Speaker 1: of good return callers today. Maddie, Hello, Hello, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 2: Oh? Oh wow? This is really it? Wow? Your name
Speaker 2: that's crazy. My name is Maddie.
Speaker 1: Maddie. What's going on? Maddie?
Speaker 6: Uh oh wow?
Speaker 2: Sorry, I didn't actually think i'd get through. Uh I am,
Speaker 2: I'm all right. I've actually I've got a bit of
Speaker 2: uh well, I guess everyone does this, but I've got
Speaker 2: a bit of dumping to do. If you're if I
Speaker 2: can borrow your ears for a few minutes.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, let's do this. Instead of a dump, let's
Speaker 1: do like, uh, you know, a conversation like like if
Speaker 1: I'm a bin, right, you know, for a one piece
Speaker 1: of trash in there, and then you know, we can
Speaker 1: go back and forth. How does that sound?
Speaker 2: That makes a lot more sense and sounds pretty good.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, hit me.
Speaker 2: All right, So I, or rather me and my partner,
Speaker 2: we just came back for just so I don't dos
Speaker 2: myself or anything. We came back to our major city
Speaker 2: after our little vacation in Montreal. I'm Canadian for that
Speaker 2: for reference. And I had a lot of fun in Montreal.
Speaker 2: I enjoyed, like, I enjoyed all of it, like it
Speaker 2: was It's beautiful city. There's amazing people there and great food.
Speaker 2: And now I'm back, uh, and I I feel I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm missing like that, and and and I
Speaker 2: know it's I know that my head's kind of like, well, fuck,
Speaker 2: let me let me just outline it. It's like I'm
Speaker 2: bummed that my vacation's over. I go back to my
Speaker 2: corporate esque job starting Monday, and I've been struggling with
Speaker 2: a bit of an identity crisis is the wrong word,
Speaker 2: but it's like, I don't want to be a fucking
Speaker 2: desk worker for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: Okay, are you still there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's yeah, Yeah, it's still here.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, what's your name again, Maddie, Maddie? How old
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 2: Maddie? I am twenty six.
Speaker 1: What would you want to do if you weren't a
Speaker 1: desk worker?
Speaker 2: I'd want to be, well, an artist or rather like
Speaker 2: a music artists specifically. I grew up on like techno
Speaker 2: and electro house and house in general, and that's that's
Speaker 2: what I want to be.
Speaker 1: Life is a very complicated push and pull between the
Speaker 1: things you have to do to ensure that you don't
Speaker 1: die and the things you want to do to ensure
Speaker 1: that when you look back on your life you're proud
Speaker 1: of it. And there's a lot of things that go
Speaker 1: into those two things. I think one of them is
Speaker 1: ensuring that you're what is it your your you're nut
Speaker 1: is as low as you can possibly get it to be.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: And then there's if you do have a corporate desk job,
Speaker 1: how much of it are you saving versus spending? And uh,
Speaker 1: I mean that's that's it. I mean a lot of
Speaker 1: this stuff is is is just financial planning.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: So you live in a major city, right, Yeah? What Toronto?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay? Is no one's no one's gonna find you based
Speaker 1: on the fact that you are a man who lives
Speaker 1: in Toronto. Yes, everything's fine, Everything's gonna be fine. Why
Speaker 1: why do you live in Toronto?
Speaker 2: You do you want to hear my whole story? Then
Speaker 2: are we okay with that?
Speaker 1: Sure? Wait, go ahead. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I emigrated to Canada from India at a young age,
Speaker 2: and basically we were actually planning on settling in Montreal.
Speaker 2: I couldn't do that because there was just issues because
Speaker 2: I was like a teenager at the time, and my
Speaker 2: schooling would have been kind of messed up because I
Speaker 2: would have had to not go to school for like
Speaker 2: a year and a half while I learned French. So
Speaker 2: my parents were like, all right, well, we want you
Speaker 2: to like be on track with people your age, So
Speaker 2: we're just gonna go to Toronto and stead. It's a
Speaker 2: bit more of like a multicultural hub, and you know,
Speaker 2: there's people from like our family that's there versus no
Speaker 2: one in Montreal, right, and it's yeah, it's been where
Speaker 2: I've grown up for at least for the second half
Speaker 2: of my youth. It's where I met my partner. We
Speaker 2: both live in the city and have two amazing little cats,
Speaker 2: and currently at least for the next when I'm at two, yeah,
Speaker 2: for the next three years. I also do need to
Speaker 2: stay within well, I need to be able to go
Speaker 2: to or be in sort of like traveling distance, or
Speaker 2: I need to be able to go to a hospital
Speaker 2: because I'm still in remission from from my cancer that
Speaker 2: I had a couple of years back, and I'm still
Speaker 2: in full re mission. I'm set to make a full recovery.
Speaker 2: My doctor has told me that you are more likely
Speaker 2: to die from from obesity related health issues than you
Speaker 2: are from cancer, which is a good sign. But I
Speaker 2: still do need to hit my five year mark before
Speaker 2: I'm considered quote unquote cured.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, I gotta what's your name again, man, Maddie, Maddie. Listen, Matti,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. We can talk. Listen, Maddie, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Life's I'm not gonna say life sucks, but it's hard.
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of I don't really have
Speaker 1: answers for this.
Speaker 2: Man. I know it's okay, I get it. Like I'm
Speaker 2: just this fucking random cam from Canada with all my shit.
Speaker 1: Okay, well shit, I mean, so you don't want to
Speaker 1: be a desk worker? Are you saving money?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I am?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I so right now, at least, like the plan is,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm I have my emergency fund covered. I am
Speaker 2: almost set to buy myself like my MacBook, so I can,
Speaker 2: you know, take more of my productions outside of my apartment,
Speaker 2: just because like I find that when I when I
Speaker 2: work like anywhere else but from my home, it's a
Speaker 2: bit easier for me to like be creative. There's that,
Speaker 2: And then I also kind of like, through the past year,
Speaker 2: I've been sort of setting this expectation of myself of
Speaker 2: I'm going to put out some sort of project, whether
Speaker 2: it's an EP or even a single, And the main
Speaker 2: with that is like I will book a show, I
Speaker 2: will I will do all of these things so that
Speaker 2: at least, you know, in a year's time, in a
Speaker 2: couple of years time, if I'm still at my desk job,
Speaker 2: if I if this does not take me anywhere, I
Speaker 2: can at least still kind of look back at the
Speaker 2: work I put in and the effort that I put
Speaker 2: in and say, you know what, I might not enjoy
Speaker 2: every aspect of my job, but at least I did
Speaker 2: this cool thing that I thought was good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that's and I think that's great.
Speaker 1: I think that's great. The thing I would say is like,
Speaker 1: if I mean making money off of like music is
Speaker 1: a tough thing to do, but I would say, if
Speaker 1: I were you, I would like figure out how to
Speaker 1: get your burn rate down to as little as you
Speaker 1: possibly can, save as much money as humanly possible from
Speaker 1: your desk job, figure out how to use those savings
Speaker 1: to invest in something that you know makes you money
Speaker 1: independent of your job. I mean these are kind of
Speaker 1: figure outable things financially, but also on the way. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, as long as you're able to make the
Speaker 1: art and you're not letting your job like seep into
Speaker 1: every aspect of your existence, like your identity. You know,
Speaker 1: you said you had an identity crisis. Yeah, like you
Speaker 1: don't want to let your job be your identity. It's
Speaker 1: okay to and it's okay. It's okay to have something
Speaker 1: that makes you money and something that you really identify
Speaker 1: with and have those be two separate things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're that makes sense. I mean, like, I
Speaker 2: think this past year has been a realization of there
Speaker 2: are there are things outside of work, And the problem
Speaker 2: with the company that I work at is that there's
Speaker 2: very much a there's very much like a s of no,
Speaker 2: we expect you to like kind of enjoy being with
Speaker 2: all your coworkers all the time, So go and have
Speaker 2: lunch and dinner with them, like, you know, let's let's
Speaker 2: do a quarterly outing with everyone, and oh, let's all
Speaker 2: go for like.
Speaker 3: I have to do.
Speaker 1: You have to attend those things.
Speaker 2: Are the most part well it's like I don't have to,
Speaker 2: but you can definitely tell that there would be some
Speaker 2: like serious judgment or you know, there's like there's very
Speaker 2: much a you're not really a team player kind of
Speaker 2: I kind of approach to people that don't like partake
Speaker 2: in all of these outside of work events. And everyone
Speaker 2: over there is like in their late late twenties to
Speaker 2: you know, mid thirties. I think it's one of the
Speaker 2: oldest guys in our department. It must be like touching
Speaker 2: fifties soon. So it's not like they're old, but it's
Speaker 2: very much a like I I'm someone who's like, look,
Speaker 2: I I don't mind the work that I do. I
Speaker 2: think it's uh I you know, I think it's a
Speaker 2: lot better than working a retail job. Like I I
Speaker 2: fucking hate retail for that matter. Who are all to
Speaker 2: everyone in your chat who's a retail or a service worker,
Speaker 2: I genuinely love and adore you because you are doing
Speaker 2: some hard ship that I could not. And so but
Speaker 2: getting back to the point, like I might be good
Speaker 2: at the work. I might think it's not the worst
Speaker 2: thing ever, but it's still my job. You know, I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure to be everyone's best bud, and I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be, you don't have. You don't have,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be. And if they judge, then
Speaker 1: fuck them. You know you're there to make, You're there
Speaker 1: to make. It's okay, it's okay to be. Like, listen,
Speaker 1: I submit to the fact that in life I got
Speaker 1: to do things I don't want to do to make
Speaker 1: money so that I can, you know, afford to live.
Speaker 1: And it's okay to put in the bare amount of
Speaker 1: effort into those things because energy, because your energy is finite.
Speaker 1: You know your time, Your time is finite. It's always
Speaker 1: your energy. And so just conserve as much of your
Speaker 1: fucking energy as you possibly can for the things you
Speaker 1: actually want to put it into. And if they judge you,
Speaker 1: that's great. They could judge you, but they can't fucking
Speaker 1: fire you for not going to this thing that you're
Speaker 1: not getting paid to go to. At least I think
Speaker 1: they can't. I don't know what Canadian labor laws are like,
Speaker 1: but you know what, who you know? Fuck it, don't don't.
Speaker 1: Don't expend any energy that you don't have on on
Speaker 1: this job, you know, like expend them, expend the minimum
Speaker 1: amount of it. Figure out the minimum amount of work,
Speaker 1: energy and time that you need to put in to
Speaker 1: make the amount of money that you need to live.
Speaker 1: And figure out the minimum amount of money that you
Speaker 1: need to live, and then from there, spend your finite
Speaker 1: amount of time and energy on the things that you
Speaker 1: actually want to do. When you don't have to wrap
Speaker 1: your identity up in it in it, you know, you
Speaker 1: don't have to wrap your identity up and in your job.
Speaker 1: You can just do the things that you want to do.
Speaker 1: That's my rant for your for your situation.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: But I I don't think you should let this, you know,
Speaker 1: crumble you into an identity crisis, right, thanks? Well for sure,
Speaker 1: Yeah I don't. This doesn't you know. I'll just repeat
Speaker 1: everything I just said, but uh again on on on paper,
Speaker 1: on paper again, like like, work it out on paper, man,
Speaker 1: I'm dead serious. Go go into your journal working out
Speaker 1: on paper.
Speaker 7: The minimum amounts of money you need to live, and
Speaker 7: then the minimum amounts of energy and time that you
Speaker 7: need to put in and abide by that, and then
Speaker 7: everything else can go fuck itself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, neat, thanks man for sure.
Speaker 1: What's your name again?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry it's funny because like, I remember your name, Maddie.
Speaker 2: My name is Maddie.
Speaker 1: Maddie like Maddi heally the guy from the thing.
Speaker 2: Definitely not like that.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: It's an Arabic name, like uh, like Macbeth. But you know,
Speaker 2: I usually told people call me Maddie because again, I
Speaker 2: moved here from like a country where people can pronounce
Speaker 2: it properly. Actually, to be fair, they kind of didn't.
Speaker 2: But the point is that for me, it's more of
Speaker 2: like I'd rather have you call me what I want
Speaker 2: to be called, rather than here's someone's rendition of my name.
Speaker 2: Like imagine if I called you lightly.
Speaker 1: People do. That's why people call me that. When if I, like,
Speaker 1: I'm at a place and I order a thing, they
Speaker 1: called me lightly. I hate that. By the way, am
Speaker 1: I going to Okay, I'm gonna go on a ramp, Maddie,
Speaker 1: I fucking hate you know, fucking star Bucks was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: it'll make people you know, like us better if we
Speaker 1: call their names out when we give them coffee. I
Speaker 1: think Starbucks invented that shit, right, I hate that shit.
Speaker 1: I hate every time I go to a food place
Speaker 1: they need my name. I don't want to give you, guys,
Speaker 1: any personal information I miss I miss when I was
Speaker 1: a number I want to be. I come to McDonald's
Speaker 1: to be dehumanized, Okay, to eat fucking slop like a
Speaker 1: pig I when I am in McDonald When I'm at McDonald's,
Speaker 1: I am not lyle. I am number one oh five.
Speaker 1: And that's exactly how I want it to be. I
Speaker 1: don't need to get chummy with the the organizations that
Speaker 1: I'm getting my slot from. Okay, I want to I
Speaker 1: want to clock in. I want to be in order
Speaker 1: one oh five. And I don't want anyone to have
Speaker 1: to I don't want anyone to have to learn my name.
Speaker 1: I want it to be a very very very transactional,
Speaker 1: impersonal process when I go to these places. I was
Speaker 1: at Taco Bell the other day, I had to put
Speaker 1: in my name. I don't want to do that. I
Speaker 1: want I want them to call me Order five seventy eight.
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be like Order for Lil.
Speaker 1: I just want, you know, it could be a purely transactional,
Speaker 1: disgusting alley Way endeavor picking up.
Speaker 2: I need to sorry, Lyle, I need I need to
Speaker 2: interject here. So then you said you want this to
Speaker 2: be purely transactional. So you're okay being called a number?
Speaker 2: So why not why not have your order called out
Speaker 2: by what it is?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: For example, I always get a flat white when it
Speaker 2: goes and get coffee, you know, why not like, oh,
Speaker 2: I've got a flat white and that's it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know the whole it's any
Speaker 1: Any rant that I go on, uh is not meant
Speaker 1: to be questioned, you know, Like I mean that's how
Speaker 1: rants are, right, Like if someone's ranting and then like
Speaker 1: if you're ranting and then someone says, oh but what
Speaker 1: about this? Then you go, well, h okay, you're probably right.
Speaker 1: But the whole point of a rant is that it's
Speaker 1: an uninterrupted thing where you know, nobody questions you about it.
Speaker 1: So sorry, this is really stupid.
Speaker 2: No, that's fair. My apologies, man, I don't I don't
Speaker 2: know what I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Speaker 1: Mattie, Maddie is nice to talk to you.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 1: I hope you do you have any music out.
Speaker 2: I don't, but tell you what. In let let's let's
Speaker 2: do this in about six months time from now. I'll
Speaker 2: try to call back and let you know if I
Speaker 2: have any any music out.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool, that sounds good. Well, good luck, Mattie. I
Speaker 1: hope you. I hope you get your work done. Here's,
Speaker 1: by the way, just one more thing, and this is
Speaker 1: how I'm actually and by the way, this is this
Speaker 1: is actually how I'm feeling about a lot of things
Speaker 1: in my life lately, as I'm kind of like shifting
Speaker 1: around the kind of work that I do. The work
Speaker 1: doing the work that you're happy with is all that matters,
Speaker 1: you know. So as long as you're making the music
Speaker 1: you want to make and you're doing the work that
Speaker 1: you're happy with, that's that's what matters the most. So
Speaker 1: I hope that that's what you end up doing. Thank
Speaker 1: you for calling, Maddie. I'll see you around the universe.
Speaker 2: Thank you, cheers, take care man Later, I.
Speaker 1: Would he say, he said, why don't they have why
Speaker 1: don't you have them call it out by the well,
Speaker 1: I don't. You can't really have them call it out
Speaker 1: by anything. They have their own processes. But that's the
Speaker 1: best part of having a of ranting on a podcast
Speaker 1: as no one questions you. That's how that's how people
Speaker 1: get away with saying, uh, you know, stupid things that
Speaker 1: aren't true on podcasts all the time. Is they don't
Speaker 1: have somebody going like, well what about this? You know,
Speaker 1: the whole point is, uh, is it this disease? A
Speaker 1: stupid rant? Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay goes on the line,
Speaker 1: calls every.
Speaker 4: Night every big goestro on his eye.
Speaker 2: He's teaching you
Speaker 1: How to live your life, but he's not really an expert.