WEBVTT - #204 Problem with In-Laws, Finding a Partner for Marriage, & Parents Divorced 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.600 And so this is a conversation that can get down 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:06.240 a slippery slope super quick. You have to be careful 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:20.280 with this. What's up, everybody. Welcome to the podcast, episode 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.360 two hundred and four, and I've got Parker with me 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:26.799 as a guest. What's going on man in the new setup? 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:28.400 It looks great in here. 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:33.880 Thanks man. I've got the new yee Fall Lunch tan hat. 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:37.760 This is Ayee Outdoors. I really like this hat. You 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:40.000 brought it. You brought it today. You brought up several 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.800 options for me. You know. It shows this one. And 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:46.720 I've also got this this black with the green Yeegee 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.200 lure on the pocket T shirt. Love that one. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.320 Yeah, man, We're so pumped for this next phase in 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.080 YEEZ life with you being off the road where pump 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:00.000 fall lunch is always the most exciting time of the year. Yeah. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:01.800 So we have lots of fun stuff playing with EE. 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:04.560 Yeah, I'm like back to being a full time employee 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.760 again at EE. It's really cool. But we answer your 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.480 questions on this podcast. That's what we do. Email me 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:14.960 Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll walk through these 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:19.080 like we're sitting around a table doing a podcast or 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:21.120 like We're sitting in a truck heading down the road, 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:22.919 and we're both in the cab and you say, hey, man, 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.560 can I run something by? I got something that's been 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:29.280 on my mind? And I say, sure, hit me. Parker, 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.040 is your brain ready to answer these people's questions? And 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:33.800 we're about to find out you haven't been on an 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:34.840 episode in a long time. 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.000 I think I'm gonna ask you more questions than answer 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:37.480 the question. 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.039 All right, Well, I mean, I've got so many of 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:44.040 these and Parker and I don't have notes in front 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.399 of us. We haven't talked about these questions at all. 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:49.720 I haven't quished you on anything you don't have, like 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:53.080 a stack of Winston Churchill quotes or something that you're 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.520 gonna pull out. We're just literally going like we're sitting 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.360 around a campfire, and I'll just start at the very 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.280 first one. This one came today at eight fourteen am. 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.960 Subject line says, needing motivation on my walk with Christ. 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:09.240 Good day, Grangeer, Hope all is well with you and 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:12.200 Amber and London and Lincoln and Maverick. I've been inspired 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:15.200 by your testimony. I still haven't picked up my copy 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.960 of Like a River, but I will soon. But I'm 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.840 very inspired, inspired by how you proclaim the gospel so 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.640 openly with your platform. My question is this what made 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:28.720 you realize that you had to stop being a touring 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:32.720 country singer to follow ministry. Was this considered after many 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:36.639 sessions of prayer. I also desire to be a pastor. 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:40.320 I believe I've been called to it, but I let 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:42.560 other things get in the way of that. Instead of 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:46.040 reading theology books, all waste my time with worldly things 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.680 like playing video games or entertainment instead of being in 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:52.839 God's word more, I've been inspired by how you want 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:55.320 to give up the music stage and be on the 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:58.680 church stage preaching the gospel message. That had a big 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:00.720 that had to be a big sacrifice for you and 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.600 your family, but you did it. Any words of advice 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:07.120 on how to make these sacrifices in my life. I 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:11.880 keep claiming how much I believe I'm called but and 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:15.079 I say this to my pastor, but I'm not making 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:19.880 these sacrifices. My wife, Diane thinks I just need to 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:22.120 give it all up entirely, and I would love your 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:25.160 take on this. At the same time, I wish my 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:27.799 current church would help me more on my ministry, walk 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:31.040 my current pastor knows about my desire to be a pastor, 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:34.480 but he hasn't been mentoring me at all. Maybe he's 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.720 just waiting for me to volunteer on a Sunday morning 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:39.040 ministry to see if I'm really called to it. But 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.120 my old church back home, when I was living in 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:43.800 New York State, well, they allowed me to preach and 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:47.680 I loved it. I'm gonna skip a little bit and 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:52.560 go down to you're preaching. He says, you're preaching really 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:56.080 speaks to me, and keep that light shining. Yeah, okay, cool. 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:58.800 I think that's the gist of the email, and it 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:04.600 says in Christ, Robert Taate. So it's interesting. I get 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:07.240 a lot of emails like this, people that say, oh, 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.560 I see what you're doing. I too have been called, 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:16.160 And sometimes I feel like we can kind of toss 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:24.240 that that idea out. I've been called, but calling has 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:28.000 an action to it. In fact, it is action. It's 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:36.600 less declaration and more action. And so I would say this, Robert. 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:39.960 There's a lot of things I could say about your email, 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:42.200 and I want to encourage you, and I want to 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.279 thank you for emailing and thank you for being honest 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.840 and vulnerable. But I would I would say that if 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:51.719 you are more concerned with video games and worldly things 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:57.200 and entertainment, then that's a really good sign that you 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:01.760 shouldn't be at the pulpit right now and you should 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:06.960 really pump the brakes on that whole thought. I mean, 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.120 my first thought was I'm reading this is I'm like, well, 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:13.680 is seminary in this discussion? Because that's that's like the 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:18.799 thing is, where is seminary? Where's to talk about seminary? Parker? 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:19.880 What you got? 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.359 Yeah? I kind of hear him talk about having a 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:30.000 lack of motivation for godly things versus worldly things. So 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:31.880 that's kind of the first part that you could kind 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.240 of touch on. And the second part is how he 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.279 feels discontent in his church and how it feels like 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:40.840 they're not resourcing him correctly. So just to kind of 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:43.839 slice that neatly, what would you say to someone who's 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:47.240 just not feeling motivated for Christ? Do they just need 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:51.320 to work harder, do they need to just be more disciplined, 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:52.640 do they need to wake up earlier? 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:59.159 What do you think about that? Okay, Well, I mean 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.000 you're kind of asking to things. I mean, are we 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:03.400 talking about salvation? Are we talking about a call the ministry. 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:08.640 Initially, I'm just kind of talking about someone who's probably 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:10.640 like a lot of people listening who are just like 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:13.800 I love that you're into Jesus so much, and I 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.400 wish that I was more motivated. How do I become 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:20.400 more motivated to read my Bible more or to be 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:25.200 more interested in godly things? Because the world says that 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:28.880 it's all about, you know, a work ethic and having discipline, 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:32.680 when my mind, just the first thing that comes to 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:35.240 my while you're thinking to me is just having prayer, 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:39.640 going straight to prayer and asking the Lord to give 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:45.279 you that desire to read his word more, to love 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.400 others more, because it's not something that's going to come 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:48.240 naturally to us. 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:56.240 Yeah, I always think about the Psalms. I always think 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:59.840 about because the Psalms really changed my life. And listen 0:06:59.880 --> 0:07:03.719 to and Psalm forty two. Psalm forty two one says, 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:08.680 as a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:13.160 soul for you, Oh God, my soul thirst for God, 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:17.480 for the living God. It's like I hear that if 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:20.480 you could say that, if you could believe that, if 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.720 you could fuel that in your own quiet time, then 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:27.840 that's the foundation to build upon. And if you can't, 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:31.040 then you say, God, I read this and Psalm forty two, 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:33.840 and I don't really feel that. I like video games more, 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.280 give me a heart for that. Give me that kind 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:41.040 of heart. I want to fuel that. Because ministry, you're 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.480 calling all that stuff way kick that can way down 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:47.440 the road. You got to feel this first. You gotta 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:51.760 think as a deer pants for flowing streams, so so 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.640 so pants my soul for you, Oh God, if you 0:07:54.680 --> 0:07:57.880 could say that and mean that, that's the foundation you're 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.920 building upon. It starts with you in your house, in 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:04.040 your household. This isn't about how many reps you're getting 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.640 preaching at your church. This isn't about if your pastor 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:11.240 doesn't believe you or not because your pastor's thinking, show me, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.960 show me. Don't tell me you've been called. Show me 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:18.000 you've been called, and you show them you've been called 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.560 by how's your prayer life, how's your quiet time, how's 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.240 your discipling out of the pulfit? And in the four 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:29.200 year of your church, how many men are you talking to? 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.080 How many people are you desperately trying to talk to, 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:35.599 to spread the gospel to Because you have this desperation 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:41.280 for their souls. That's how you're going to show the pastor, Hey, 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:44.040 this guy's been called. It doesn't matter if you say it, 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:45.680 or you dream about it, or you crave it, or 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:47.520 you think about it and you go back and play 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:48.160 video games. 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.520 There's a book called A Path to Being a Pastor 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.880 by Bobby Jamison that's really good that talks about if 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:57.200 any of you are listening and you're considering ministry or 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.120 considering being a pastor, it's really good about walking you 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:01.599 through that. One of the things that it says is 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:05.800 to be careful with language like I'm called or anointed 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.120 for this. Yeah, And it really encourages you to say 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:12.040 things like I aspire to do this right now, whereas 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.320 saying that you're called man, you you might as well be. 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:17.160 I'm not saying that you're not, but it can kind 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:19.880 of come across as I have something special about me 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.520 that no one else has that you need to recognize 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.719 because I have a direct line with God. He told 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.079 me this, whereas man, you could just say, man, I 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:31.719 aspire to this right now. And then the other thing is, man, 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:35.640 we're all called to love God with our whole heart. Soul, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.000 mind and strength, and love our neighbor as ourselves. And 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:41.440 so you could read a book like Discipling by Mark Dever. 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.240 That's like, man, it's not just the pastors that are 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.840 supposed to do this, you know. Jesus is commanding us 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:49.480 to love others, just like you were saying, man, yeah, 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.280 you should go find some guys to take to lunch 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.400 in your church and find some people to serve and 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:58.160 love and care for. Because if we're talking about being called, 0:09:58.200 --> 0:09:59.560 we're all called to do that way. 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.240 Well, yeah, last thing I would say is be wared 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.000 to look at me and go Granger's called. I don't 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:09.880 think I've used that language. I don't think I've said 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:15.840 I've said I'm shedding some things, I'm forsaking music touring 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:21.480 so that I could focus on equipping myself. But I 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:24.480 don't think I've ever said I'm called to be a preacher. 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:27.599 I don't think I've used that language. Parker and I 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:31.520 are both in we are enrolled in students as students 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:37.360 at Southern Seminary. So I would say, go to Southern, 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:41.720 you know, like go to Southern. Equip equip equip equip equip. 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:47.280 Do that sit under wise teaching. Then as the dust subtles, 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:54.400 you'll show us, not tell us about your calling. Let's 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:58.200 go to the next one. It says, how do I know? 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.000 Please read I'd like to stay anonymous. Hey Grangdera, I'm 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.120 eighteen from southeast Texas. I listen to your podcast and 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.080 i've been I have been for quite a long time. 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.520 I have a question for you that I'll try to 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:11.960 keep short. How do you know if a girl you 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:14.600 like is the right one? I know a girl who 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:16.680 checks off all the boxes, and I enjoy talking to 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:19.240 her a lot and getting to know her. We met 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.600 in church. She has a very nice family, and anytime 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:26.000 we've talked, I've had no problem getting vulnerable with her 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:29.200 and honest about life and family, and even talking about 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:32.560 the Bible with her. But yes, there's a butt. She 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.120 is three years younger than me. Is that not okay? 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.800 Or is it all right? Most of my family has 0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:41.120 married or dated people within a two year or two 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.440 to three year age gap. It seems weird to me 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:47.680 in my time. I've never dated anyone before, but I 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.920 also haven't been seeking a relationship. But anytime my friends 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.440 bring up the idea of being in a relationship, she 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.800 always comes to my mind. What are your thoughts? Sorry, 0:11:55.800 --> 0:12:03.040 this was long ye yee to anonymous Southeast Texas and 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:09.880 wondering about a girl who I'm assuming is fifteen. You 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.760 knew this question was coming apart. You knew something like 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:12.360 this was coming. 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:15.440 How do you know if someone's the one? 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:17.480 How do you know if someone's the one? But not 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:22.800 only that, can you be eighteen? I see this kind 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.679 of question all the time too. Can you be eighteen 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:30.640 and date a girl that's fifteen? Sixteen? 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.760 I have no idea. I wasn't expecting that question. 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:39.480 Yeah, that's what he's saying. He's saying, but she checks 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:42.040 all the boxes, but she's three years younger than me. 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:45.880 First of all, that's illegal. 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.240 Right, That's what I'm saying. If you're eighteen, I don't 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.120 think you can legally date a fifteen year old. 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:51.160 Yeah, that's illegal. 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:52.000 I'm not one hundred percent. 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.160 Maybe depending on the state, and I'm pretty sure in 0:12:55.160 --> 0:13:00.800 the state of Texas that's illegal. Let me put it 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:04.680 in perspective of if I am the father of the girl. Right, 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:09.840 London's about to turn twelve, so we're literally just three 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.480 years away from this scenario happening in my house crazy, 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:17.679 and I would say no. To London, I would say 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:23.520 absolutely not. I'm not going to say no to you 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:28.200 hanging out with her as in a group. If you 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:30.520 want to go buy yourself with her on a date, 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:34.719 I'm going to say no, not only because you're three 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:39.439 years older and you're eighteen, but because she's literally fifteen, 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.920 and that's too young to be dating in my house. 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:46.720 It's other houses. You could do as you please, but 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:50.800 I think I think it would be inappropriate. But then 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:54.080 to that, I say this, what's the rush man, or 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:58.680 what's the rush you? If you really like her? It 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.280 doesn't sound like you're just I sprit to find somebody. 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:04.800 You're not just desperate to jump into this. You're like, 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:09.080 I've never really dated before and I but anytime my 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.880 friends bring up a relationship, ah, she's the first one 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.280 that comes to my mind. It doesn't really sound like 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:16.360 this is a big deal or anything that needs to 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:18.640 happen right now. But if you did start dating, it 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.120 could turn into that. So I would pump the brakes, 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:29.160 hang out with friends in groups, and avoid giving your 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:33.320 heart away too soon, because I do think in this situation, yeah, 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:40.320 it's inappropriate. Agreed. Next question the subjecliente says my in law, 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:43.200 who I get that all the time. Grande had been 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:46.360 married for three years now. I ran into a problem 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.080 regarding my mother in law. It's been around two to 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.680 three months since she has seen the kids and talk 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:55.040 to me alone. She and my husband spoke on the phone, 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:58.000 but it didn't end well. We have some disagreements and 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:01.520 are starting to see that she will never change. We 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.760 fear that if I led her back into our family, 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:08.600 nothing will be any different, and that this process will 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.400 just happen over and over again. We are unsure of 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.960 what to do. Please, what is your advice on this? Sincerely, Jade. 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:21.800 Also ee, all right, thanks for the email, Jade, your 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.640 husband's mother, that's who we're talking about, I believe, and 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:29.320 I see this this thing playing out all the time. 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:36.680 The priority here in this particular situation is the kids. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:44.280 I'm trying to see if there's like it sounds like 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:49.280 there's just disagreements. She is cold to the family, and 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.080 she wants to get back into the family, right she 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:55.280 wants to get back involved. I'm assuming that's what we're 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:59.280 saying here between the lines. And you're worried that the 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.760 kids are gonna get too attached and then she's going 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:04.840 to disappear again or blow up. She's going to be gone. 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:10.120 So the priorities to kids and in this situation, we're 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:13.920 not talking about your mother. We're talking about your husband's mother. 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.760 And so this is a conversation that can get down 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:20.360 a slippery slope super quick. You have to be careful 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:24.400 with this because you can't come in saying, hey, babe, 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:27.400 your mom's got to go. You have to be in 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.160 agreement on this. You have to listen to your husband. 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:33.760 You have to talk. Take the emotions out of it. 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:38.560 We're looking after the kids, but take your emotions out 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.600 of it. Put your pride aside, and have an honest 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:46.320 conversation with your husband that's like, hey, we got to 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:51.240 talk about your mom and when it's appropriate for her 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:54.960 to be around our kids, and you have to listen 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:56.600 to him. What do you think? 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.320 Yeah, I agree. 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:05.160 Be careful with this slippery slope. It could go sideways 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:09.320 pretty quick. Your husband could start defending his mother against 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:11.719 his own wife, and that's an area you don't want 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:15.880 to get into. So be ready because he ultimately don't 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:17.880 take this the wrong way, but he needs to make 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.440 the call on this because it's his mother. He needs 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.480 to be the one. He should be the one stepping 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:26.840 up that says, Mom, you've crossed a couple of lines here. 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.280 Now this is my immediate family. My priority is my 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:32.640 wife and my kids. He needs to say that to her. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.359 That's a boundary he has to put up and not you. 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:38.199 It's not gonna work if you do it. But be 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:41.000 very careful when you're presenting that to him, because if 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.320 he says no, I'm not going to say anything, then 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:46.520 you have to be prepared to go with your husband 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:51.000 on his decision with that too. Yeah, be careful with this. 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:59.639 Let's say it one more Subjeclone, says parent divorce Grangerard. 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.919 My name is Evan. I'm nineteen from southeastern Ohio, and 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.080 I'm fairly confident after the argument. I just heard that 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.600 my parents may be getting divorced. And this has been 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.199 hard for me to handle since I've never had my 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.800 biological father in my life and my stepdad has been 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.119 the father figure in my life since I was around 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:21.360 five years old. I'm just not sure how to process 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:24.840 this and cope with it, and think some words from 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.440 you would help me get through this, and I would 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:31.560 greatly appreciate it, sincerely, Evan. All Right, brother, I'm sorry 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:38.200 you're going through this. Nineteen, never been around your biological dad. 0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:42.439 You've had this guy since you were five, so he 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:49.640 is your dad in so many ways. But here's the positive. 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:58.280 You're nineteen. Now, you should be stepping off into your own, 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:02.320 starting your own life, starting either school or a career, 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:06.560 paying your own rent, paying your own way, maybe dating 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.600 a girl. You're branching out, and so this divorce is 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.040 not gonna hit you like it would have if you're 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.880 five years old, six years old, eight years old. Right, 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:20.040 you're not in the house anymore. So now it's gonna 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:23.440 be up to you. You're saying, I'm just not sure 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:29.399 how to process this and cope with it. Well, this 0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:32.960 is gonna be up to you now, how you process 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:38.920 something that is not immediately in your life anymore, Parker. 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:39.840 Of you known anybody like. 0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:45.520 This, man, I know you do. I wasn't around a 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:48.760 whole lot of divorce personally. I'm so sorry, man. I 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.720 hope that it doesn't happen, first of all, and then 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:55.600 second of all, that's a good point, Granger of Man. 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:59.240 I would just encourage you that you know you're nineteen. 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:01.960 Young man. You know, Lord Willing, you have a lot 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:06.040 of years ahead of you, and I would encourage you 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:10.960 to be grateful at the time of the time that 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:13.719 you had with your stepfather who was there for you, 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:21.240 and to also moving forward, be the one that stops 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:25.560 this in your family, that stops not having a father 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:29.280 around for his sons, and then be that force for 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.560 good moving forward. Not that you're like resentful or that 0:20:32.600 --> 0:20:35.560 you have it's revenge or anything like that, but it's 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:37.600 just like, man, I know, I know what it's like 0:20:38.240 --> 0:20:41.040 to not feel like someone's there for you, and so 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:43.680 I would encourage you, as you, you know, decide the 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:47.240 kind of man that you want to be, uh, to 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:48.480 be the one that's going to be there. 0:20:48.520 --> 0:20:48.679 You know. 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:51.160 Actually, Carson, one of our employees, I was just having 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:53.320 a really good conversation with him as biological father was 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.280 never there for him, and he had such a good 0:20:55.320 --> 0:20:58.080 mindset about it. He was like, man, I'm so interested 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:00.359 in fatherhood and I like researching it because I'm so 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:03.720 looking forward to being the father that I never had. 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:05.159 It's good and I was so encouraging me. 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.920 I think Evan, it's also important to know I don't 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:12.760 know what kind of argument this was. But I think 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:15.600 it's important to know that you don't have to You 0:21:15.600 --> 0:21:17.280 don't have to count this guy out. I mean, you 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:20.639 love this guy. You don't have to necessarily pick sides. 0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:23.840 You don't have to go with your mom. You could say, look, 0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.399 I love both of you. I wish you'd stay together. 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:28.560 I want to be able to help as much as 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:30.439 I can, but I also don't have to pick sides. 0:21:31.080 --> 0:21:34.320 And this isn't goodbye. I'm not gonna You're not going 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:36.840 to be gone from my life whatever whoever this guy is. 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.720 And you could be there for each of them. You 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.560 could be a counsel. You could be a voice or 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:45.280 an ear that your mother could talk to and this 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:47.800 guy could talk to. And you go, look, I know 0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.399 my mom better than anyone else in the world besides 0:21:50.440 --> 0:21:54.960 maybe you, what's going on? Talk to me? Maybe I 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:56.879 can help, And then you could say the same thing 0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:58.520 to your mom. Look, I know this guy, not only 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:01.960 because he's my stepdad and I've known him for fourteen years, 0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:07.160 but I'm a guy too, and I could maybe relate 0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:10.040 a little bit. So what's going on? How could we 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:12.800 deal with this? You could be that guy you don't 0:22:12.840 --> 0:22:14.560 have to be the guy that crawls in the corner 0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:17.240 and cries and says, I don't know how to cope 0:22:17.240 --> 0:22:20.120 with this. You can go, Okay, I'm stepping in. I'm 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:22.919 gonna be somebody. I'm gonna help. Like Parker said, I'm 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:25.240 gonna be a force for good in this family in 0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:29.120 this immediate situation. And I'm also taking notes because I'm 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.200 not going to be in this situation when I'm married. 0:22:33.320 --> 0:22:40.560 Let's take a Break your Back podcast is brought to you, 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:44.359 guys by DCX Conference. Let me tell you about it. 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:47.920 It's an intimate, in person, two day leadership conference held 0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:52.960 in Austin, Texas on October eleventh and twelfth. What's it about, Well, 0:22:53.200 --> 0:22:56.600 it's about developing yourself and your team as you learn 0:22:56.680 --> 0:23:00.000 from ten plus diverse speakers at the top of their feet, 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.480 craft and connect a clear path to the leader and 0:23:03.600 --> 0:23:07.320 company you strive to be. Speakers include best selling authors 0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:14.200 Tim Tebow, Patrick Lindcyani, John Acoff, doctor John Deloney, Chris Mirov, Vanessa, VN. Edwards, 0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:17.400