WEBVTT - FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Breakup Or Make Up?  (Ep.2)

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of the Black Effect

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<v Speaker 1>Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. So that light was not on.

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<v Speaker 1>We didn't record, all right, all right, I'm sure, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sure that's not We're not the first.

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<v Speaker 2>One, okay, So right, podcasts one on one hit record,

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<v Speaker 2>hit record, Okay, because everything we just did we didn't

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<v Speaker 2>get captured.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, but that was only ten minutes.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank god, we realized it now as opposed to forty

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<v Speaker 2>five minutes from now.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're gonna give you. Let's let's just get let's

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<v Speaker 1>get it going.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, Welcome to Reasonably Shady. It's your girl, Giselle

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<v Speaker 2>Bryant's here.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up? What's up? And I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for joining us.

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<v Speaker 2>Guys, this is our second episode. Thank you so much

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<v Speaker 2>for coming back because hopefully you listened to the first

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<v Speaker 2>one and now you are back listening to us again.

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<v Speaker 2>Just want you to know that we are two girlfriends

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<v Speaker 2>who love each other, and so this podcast is all

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<v Speaker 2>about you hearing.

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<v Speaker 1>What girlfriends talk about.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're gonna be talking about everything from you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, up and down and through.

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna talk about everything.

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<v Speaker 2>And we're also going to allow at some point for

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<v Speaker 2>our listeners to ask us questions.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll be able to give advice.

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<v Speaker 2>So today is gonna be a good day because we're

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<v Speaker 2>talking about relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>We love to talk about relationship, yes we do, Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>we do.

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<v Speaker 2>But we always want to start our reasonably Shady podcast

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<v Speaker 2>off with a little icebreaker.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's our reasonably shady moment of the week. Robin.

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<v Speaker 1>You want to go first, yes, So my reasonably shady

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<v Speaker 1>moment of the week goes to myself. M It's nothing major,

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<v Speaker 1>but I just I came back from a trip a

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<v Speaker 1>number of days ago, mm hmm, and I still have

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<v Speaker 1>not unpacked my suitcases suitcases, and so now I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>pulling stuff out of my suitcases to get dressed, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>And I just feel like that, And I'm gonna be honest.

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<v Speaker 1>I had time to unpack my stuff, okay, but I'm

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<v Speaker 1>making life more difficult for myself right now.

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<v Speaker 2>So you do realize this podcast is called reasonably shady

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<v Speaker 2>and not procrastination.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, but I look at it like, Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>reasonable because a lot of people do this. A lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people go on trips, trip come back and they

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<v Speaker 1>let their suitcases sit and I'm shady because it's just, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's not productive.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So I'm going to just say that you this

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<v Speaker 2>was a three day trip.

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<v Speaker 1>I saw your luggage.

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<v Speaker 2>You had two big old bags a luggage, and so

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<v Speaker 2>that was actually reasonable because you had to put everything

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<v Speaker 2>in right. Yes, shady because I'm shading you because we

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<v Speaker 2>were only going for three days.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, we were going for three days. So now I

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<v Speaker 1>have like half of my wardrobe in my luggage. All right.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was actually on this trip and my reasonably

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<v Speaker 2>shady moment of the week is, you know, I have

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<v Speaker 2>some friends, and I decided to check in on one

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<v Speaker 2>of my girlfriends because she's, you know, kind of been

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<v Speaker 2>going through a lot. And I realized that checking in

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<v Speaker 2>on her and being a good friend to her in

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<v Speaker 2>a very reasonable way, because guys understand, just say, was

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<v Speaker 2>typically not reasonable. She's typically always shady. So I checked

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<v Speaker 2>in on her. But she decided that me checking in

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<v Speaker 2>on her was just shady and it wasn't Robin.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I understand where you're coming from, yes, but I

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<v Speaker 1>can understand as well a person's perspective. When they hear

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<v Speaker 1>something negative, right, they just hold onto the negative part, right,

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<v Speaker 1>and they don't hear anything else that was being said,

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<v Speaker 1>and so all they heard was negative, negative, negative, not

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<v Speaker 1>hearing I care about you, I'm checking in on you, right,

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<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah blah. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I just want to say, moving forward, in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with girlfriends, you should be to talk about the good,

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<v Speaker 2>the bad, and ze ugly, Okay, and it not necessarily

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<v Speaker 2>always be thrown under the caveat of Giselle's being shady. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I will let you know what I'm being shady. I

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<v Speaker 2>was not being shady in this particular case. So, Robin,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited because you know, I love talking about relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>It's one of my favorite things. And this is called

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<v Speaker 1>breakup or makeup? Okay, Yes, I know a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>about that. You do you do? And can you start first?

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<v Speaker 1>I can? Yes. So, I mean we're definitely going to

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<v Speaker 1>go down the list of just in general, you know, statistics,

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<v Speaker 1>talking about what presented to men cheat. We're going to

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<v Speaker 1>get into finances, deal breakers, but I think it's good

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<v Speaker 1>for us to start with our personal stories experiences. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I agree. So, I mean, look, if we were just

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<v Speaker 1>gonna talk about my relationship, I could be here this

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<v Speaker 1>this is like probably two podcast episodes. You need to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about my relationship. And I say that because it

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<v Speaker 1>started in nineteen ninety six.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, and that what nineteen ninety six you were? And

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<v Speaker 2>this is two thy twenty one. I don't I can't count,

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<v Speaker 2>but let's just say that's a long day of time.

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<v Speaker 1>To two oh six to twenty sixteen. That's twenty carried

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<v Speaker 1>to one twenty five Yes, yeah, twenty five years. Woo,

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<v Speaker 1>twenty five years with one dude, one person, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>a saga twenty five years and a prominent man at that, yes, yes, yes.

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<v Speaker 1>So my boyfriend, fiance, husband, ex husband, fiance, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he's been all those titles. He was an athlete. We

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<v Speaker 1>met in high school. He was an athlete. He ended

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<v Speaker 1>up playing college basketball. So he was a college athlete,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, his life it was already you know.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you're an athlete, the lights are bright, cool,

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<v Speaker 1>tension is on you, and you have all the attention

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<v Speaker 1>in the world. And I was there with him because

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<v Speaker 1>he had big dreams to make it to the NBA. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So in high school and in college, I was in

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<v Speaker 1>the gym with him. Know how they say you weren't

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<v Speaker 1>there shooting in the gym. Yeah, I was in there

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<v Speaker 1>shooting in the gym. It was the Robin. Why were

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<v Speaker 1>you in there? Were just making sure he was in

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<v Speaker 1>the gym. No, No, I was helping him. I was

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<v Speaker 1>rebounding defense. He said, I want to get shots up.

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<v Speaker 1>I need somebody to rebound. Robin put on her tennis shoes. People,

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<v Speaker 1>she was in the gym with him, Yes, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>so I was in the gym shooting with one while

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<v Speaker 1>he was trying to achieve his dreams to make it

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<v Speaker 1>to the NBA. Okay, So once he made it to

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<v Speaker 1>the NBA, here come the thoughts, Here come the hose,

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<v Speaker 1>Here come the strumpets, Here come the scaley wags, Here

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<v Speaker 1>come the goldsm I'm done, I'm finished, okay, okay, So

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<v Speaker 1>once he made it to the NBA, you know, okay, sowerwasher.

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<v Speaker 1>So that so, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>If if at any point y'all hear noise, it's my construction. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of construction going on at my house.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's continue on, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean there's all types of noises. It's construction, powerwashing,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I mean, it's a lot going on here. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>that's good, it's life. Yes, okay, So NBA he made

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<v Speaker 1>it to the media. We were, like I said, we

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<v Speaker 1>were together since high school and I was in the

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<v Speaker 1>gym shooting with him, and I helped him with his schoolwork,

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<v Speaker 1>and I helped him, you know, achieve his dreams. And

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<v Speaker 1>I was there to see him make it to the NBA.

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<v Speaker 1>And then he got to the NBA and all hell

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<v Speaker 1>broke loose and yes, dumb, dumb, dumb, Yes, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>this is like, I mean, don't you know where this

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<v Speaker 1>story is going? Right? Yes, I think everybody's very clear.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't mean know where the story is going. So you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it was it was for me because I was young

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<v Speaker 1>and I was dumb, and I felt like I had

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<v Speaker 1>some sort of you know, I helped I was I

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<v Speaker 1>helped him get to where he was. I almost didn't

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<v Speaker 1>want to accept any type of you know, cheating, suspicions

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<v Speaker 1>or accusations. And so for me, it was like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not walking away from this and letting some as Giselle

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<v Speaker 1>calls them, scaleywag come and take my place, who didn't

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<v Speaker 1>put the work in. So you turned a blind eye,

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<v Speaker 1>I would say, I turned I would say I did

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<v Speaker 1>not seek I didn't look for like, I didn't look

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<v Speaker 1>at the signs. Okay, you know, I didn't harp on them.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't like, you know, digging for information. Okay, I

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<v Speaker 1>guess that's turn a blind eye.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, and that's actually new. I've known you

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<v Speaker 2>for a long time. That's like new information. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm finding out about you.

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<v Speaker 1>Right. So it's like, so, yes, we got a divorce

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<v Speaker 1>and it was because of you know, just because of INFIDELI.

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<v Speaker 1>But it wasn't like one instance that just like set

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<v Speaker 1>it off and I was like, oh, I'm I'm leaving

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<v Speaker 1>because I found out you cheated with Mary. Like no,

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<v Speaker 1>it was it was like, okay, just I'm done with this.

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<v Speaker 1>This is enough. Yes, And that happened, and I think,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, for me, we started dating when we were

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<v Speaker 1>very young, so that that mentality was just I chalked

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<v Speaker 1>that up to being young and dumb and like I said,

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<v Speaker 1>attracted to you know, being an NBA player that I

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<v Speaker 1>helped in my opinion, in my mind, I was there.

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<v Speaker 1>I helped him achieve his dreams because no one believed

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<v Speaker 1>in him.

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<v Speaker 2>So I have a question, So did you at that

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<v Speaker 2>point you got you know, you're an NBA wife.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you fall in love with being an NBA wife?

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<v Speaker 1>It became part of I would say it became a

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<v Speaker 1>part of my identity, okay, because when you are an

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<v Speaker 1>NBA wife, you don't really have an opportunity to, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>to have your own job because we travel so much,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, because we moved from city to city, so

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<v Speaker 1>it would be hard to like have a career or

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<v Speaker 1>a job. So our lives revolved around being, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>following our husband from city to city. So we would

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<v Speaker 1>you know, live in a certain city for you know,

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<v Speaker 1>during the season, and then we moved back to our

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<v Speaker 1>hometown and then you're moving again. So our since our

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<v Speaker 1>lives revolved around and you're going to the games and

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<v Speaker 1>you're watching the games. Since our lives revolve around that,

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<v Speaker 1>it becomes your identity. So would you connect that to self?

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<v Speaker 2>Your self value and worth at the time was connected

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<v Speaker 2>to who you were married to, the status that gave you,

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<v Speaker 2>the access that gave you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, for sure, okay. And not that I needed it

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<v Speaker 1>because I was always you know, I come from good stock,

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<v Speaker 1>so I didn't need any you know, an NBA player

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<v Speaker 1>to make me feel worthy. But it's it's a different

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<v Speaker 1>life that you live, and you kind of enjoy it,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like I you know, I know the life

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<v Speaker 1>that my friends are living, and I know the life

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<v Speaker 1>that I was living. Your friends was broke, broke, broke.

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<v Speaker 1>But but you know what's interesting is my friends they

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<v Speaker 1>were spending time grinding, you know, going to school, going

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<v Speaker 1>to medical school or law school or business school. And now,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, it got to a point where when my

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<v Speaker 1>marriage ended, or when Wann's career was over, we're back

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<v Speaker 1>to square one. We're starting at zero. Yes, and my

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<v Speaker 1>friends are established, you know, they're they're well into their career,

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<v Speaker 1>they're you know, buying their big houses and you know

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<v Speaker 1>what I mean. And so it's like it's just like

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<v Speaker 1>what do you want. Do you want it that instant gratification,

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<v Speaker 1>which is what you know we had right on, that lifestyle,

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<v Speaker 1>or do you want to like grind and work for it. So,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I mean, look, there's a whole bunch of

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<v Speaker 1>topics we can explore here. But my experiences just a

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<v Speaker 1>little different than most people's experience because we were married,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we started dating when we were in high school,

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<v Speaker 1>we got married, we got divorced, and then after the

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<v Speaker 1>divorce one came back home and was and came back home,

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<v Speaker 1>moved back in. We were kind of like at a

0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:38.840
<v Speaker 1>rock bottom place professionally financially, and we decided to like

0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:42.520
<v Speaker 1>pull our resources together and just help each other get

0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.480
<v Speaker 1>to a better place for the sake of ourselves and

0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:48.720
<v Speaker 1>our kids. Yep. And at some point we rekindled our relationships. Oh,

0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.520
<v Speaker 1>they rekindled the flame. Yes, yes, But going through that

0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.400
<v Speaker 1>experience and I can't say, like, you know, I had

0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:58.080
<v Speaker 1>some tough moments where you know, you cry yourself to

0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.520
<v Speaker 1>sleep and you're you know, just just oh my god,

0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.439
<v Speaker 1>what I do next? You know, early on in the relationship,

0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:05.520
<v Speaker 1>at some point I said to myself, I'm never and

0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:09.200
<v Speaker 1>you know I say this, I'm never letting a man

0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.679
<v Speaker 1>make me cry again, Robin. That's not realistic.

0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.040
<v Speaker 2>Why not because you might cry because you look at

0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:16.360
<v Speaker 2>him and you realize how much you love him.

0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:18.560
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no, I mean cry in a way of like

0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:22.040
<v Speaker 1>I hurt you exactly, Not letting a man make me

0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:26.360
<v Speaker 1>cry because of a breakup or because of infidel whatever

0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:28.920
<v Speaker 1>it is. It's like, if you if you want to

0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:31.600
<v Speaker 1>break up, if you want cheat on me, Okay, bye, I'm.

0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:35.320
<v Speaker 2>Done by I'm done moving on. Okay, all right, So

0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:36.640
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna get back to that. We're gonna put a

0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 2>pin in that.

0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:37.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:38.679
<v Speaker 2>And so I can give you a little bit of

0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:42.920
<v Speaker 2>my backstory, which if you've ever googled me, you've already read.

0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:47.640
<v Speaker 1>But anyway, you know, I kind of similar. You know.

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:51.679
<v Speaker 2>I met Jamaal when when he was starting his career,

0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.719
<v Speaker 2>which was him being a pastor of a megachurch, I should.

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.760
<v Speaker 1>Say, so I was. I was that girl kind of

0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:57.280
<v Speaker 1>like you, Robin.

0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:01.720
<v Speaker 2>I was there making sure or that I was handing

0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.840
<v Speaker 2>out flyers in the streets of Baltimore so that at

0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.480
<v Speaker 2>night at clubs when people were coming out, so that

0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:11.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, people would know that he was about to

0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 2>launch or not launch a church, but like open a church.

0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:19.480
<v Speaker 2>You know, I was the girl at the meetings in

0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:23.080
<v Speaker 2>the beginning. It was like him and like twenty of us.

0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:25.760
<v Speaker 2>I was the one in the beginning when he didn't

0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.440
<v Speaker 2>have a church, and I would go with him to

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.959
<v Speaker 2>go preach at another church. I would see that there'd

0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.400
<v Speaker 2>be about thirty people that would follow him around to

0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:37.440
<v Speaker 2>any church between DC, Maryland and Virginia because they just

0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.439
<v Speaker 2>love to hear him preach and then when we would

0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:42.440
<v Speaker 2>go out of town, I'd be like, wow, like you

0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:45.360
<v Speaker 2>really just have a following. And he didn't want to

0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:49.120
<v Speaker 2>start his own church. He was like he was kind

0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:50.920
<v Speaker 2>of scared of failure. He was kind of feeling like

0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 2>if he does open up a church, are people going

0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.880
<v Speaker 2>to come? Are they gonna come consistently? I mean it's

0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.280
<v Speaker 2>really a leap of faith. So, you know, I was

0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.240
<v Speaker 2>that girl from day one. He was broke, and I

0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.440
<v Speaker 2>believed in his vision and I believed in his dream.

0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.280
<v Speaker 2>And my mother always says, because I always say, you know,

0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.400
<v Speaker 2>I believed in Jamal's vision, and she's like, well, you

0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:14.720
<v Speaker 2>must have had magnifying glasses because when I met him,

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:19.080
<v Speaker 2>I did not think that that was going to happen. Yes, yes, yes,

0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:23.560
<v Speaker 2>So long story short, you know, there was clearly in fidelity.

0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:24.280
<v Speaker 1>We got a divorce.

0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:29.400
<v Speaker 2>And my feeling about marriage and relationships has always been.

0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:32.760
<v Speaker 1>A relationship does not define me.

0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.840
<v Speaker 2>A relationship is not attached to my self worth, my

0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.400
<v Speaker 2>self value, who and what I am. I am not

0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:43.680
<v Speaker 2>less than who I am if I'm not in a relationship.

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:49.480
<v Speaker 2>And I think that sometimes, especially when you are younger girls, teenagers,

0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.680
<v Speaker 2>young ladies. As they're trying to find themselves, they get

0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 2>caught up in having to be attached to a man

0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:00.920
<v Speaker 2>like I said, right right, And don't get me wrong,

0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.320
<v Speaker 2>I was the first lady of a mega church and

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.400
<v Speaker 2>that that there comes with a lot of purpose. That

0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:10.200
<v Speaker 2>comes with you know, private planes, that comes with shopping sprees,

0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:13.560
<v Speaker 2>it comes with I had a title. You know, I

0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.280
<v Speaker 2>was no longer gazelle. I had a title. I was

0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:21.240
<v Speaker 2>first lady. So you know, that was all nice, But

0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.920
<v Speaker 2>that was never anything that I was seeking.

0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:26.480
<v Speaker 1>To get off of a relationship, right, And I mean

0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:28.720
<v Speaker 1>it just it just happened. It happened, yes, and you

0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:30.880
<v Speaker 1>grew into it and I grew into it.

0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.440
<v Speaker 2>And you know, when we were getting divorced, I'm gonna

0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.680
<v Speaker 2>be honest, just like you, Robin, I thought about, Okay,

0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:39.240
<v Speaker 2>if I divorced him, all of that other stuff goes away,

0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:40.680
<v Speaker 2>and am I okay with it?

0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:42.840
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, I was okay with it, of course.

0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:47.400
<v Speaker 2>But I decided, as far as infidelity is concerned, that

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.680
<v Speaker 2>if it's a one night thing, meaning you went to

0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:53.360
<v Speaker 2>Vegas and you lost your mind and you slept with Mary,

0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.280
<v Speaker 2>or you went to a bachelor party and all of

0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:58.800
<v Speaker 2>a sudden, the strippers came in and you lost your mind.

0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:01.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we can get through that. You can get through that.

0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:03.440
<v Speaker 2>But if this is a lifestyle, if this is how

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.600
<v Speaker 2>you want to live your life as a married man,

0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:07.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm just not signing up for it because I feel

0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:10.280
<v Speaker 2>like and you can call it selfish if you want.

0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:14.560
<v Speaker 2>How I feel about me, my values, what I want

0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.560
<v Speaker 2>for my life is will always be more important than

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.440
<v Speaker 2>how I feel about a relationship.

0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.440
<v Speaker 1>Right. Does that make sense? Yeah? For sure. And a

0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:25.200
<v Speaker 1>lot of people feel like that's selfish. No not, I think,

0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:27.480
<v Speaker 1>and I think that comes with age. I think it

0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.120
<v Speaker 1>comes with wisdom. I think it's like you figure out

0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:32.880
<v Speaker 1>because the man is doing what he wants for himself. Yes,

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:37.320
<v Speaker 1>so why not you do what you'd want for yourself? Right? Right? True? True?

0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.960
<v Speaker 1>So to be totally transparent for everybody.

0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:45.160
<v Speaker 2>We then got back together twelve years after I got

0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:50.080
<v Speaker 2>a doorse familion, and you know what, we have three kids.

0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:54.400
<v Speaker 2>He is he's been in my life for twenty some years.

0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.720
<v Speaker 2>We're the best of friends. We do love each other obviously,

0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:01.240
<v Speaker 2>and you know, we got back together. We got back

0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.840
<v Speaker 2>together with the intention of bringing our family back together

0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:05.680
<v Speaker 2>and making it work.

0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:07.000
<v Speaker 1>Because we do love each other.

0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.680
<v Speaker 2>However, he lives in freaking Atlanta, y'all, and I live

0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:15.200
<v Speaker 2>in Maryland, and Loanda's relationship in the pandemic ain't gonna work.

0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.760
<v Speaker 2>And when we couldn't see each other, I gotta be honest,

0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:19.280
<v Speaker 2>I was kind of happy being free.

0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, And I was kind of have to like

0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:22.560
<v Speaker 1>cook toast for people.

0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.320
<v Speaker 2>No, I didn't have to make peanut butter and jelly

0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:26.840
<v Speaker 2>sandwiches because that's what he likes. I didn't have to

0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.520
<v Speaker 2>talk about what we're gonna watch on TV because I

0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:31.040
<v Speaker 2>was just gonna watch what I want to watch.

0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.920
<v Speaker 1>And it's kind of like, I have to know who

0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:35.480
<v Speaker 1>I am.

0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:41.679
<v Speaker 2>And Gizelle enjoys being just Gizelle and being free and being.

0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:44.760
<v Speaker 1>And not answering to anyone. Yes, I get that I do.

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.800
<v Speaker 2>So one day, you know, I might be in another relationship,

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:51.439
<v Speaker 2>but as for right now, what's working for me is

0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:52.920
<v Speaker 2>not being in one right now.

0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.680
<v Speaker 1>Robin and I did look up some statistics, yes, as

0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:01.080
<v Speaker 1>it relates to relationships, because it's very important that people

0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.680
<v Speaker 1>start getting into relationships with their eyes wide open, right right,

0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:07.440
<v Speaker 1>So we looked up what do we look up? Robin,

0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm pulling it out statistics. I do want to say,

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:13.280
<v Speaker 1>I think when you are in a relationship and you

0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.040
<v Speaker 1>really want to make it work, and you do come

0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:20.560
<v Speaker 1>into a situation where there is infidelity. For me, sometimes

0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.840
<v Speaker 1>you do have to break up for things to change. Yes,

0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:26.320
<v Speaker 1>like as an as an eye opener for the partner,

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.359
<v Speaker 1>so that they can't say if you don't break up

0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:30.439
<v Speaker 1>and they're like, okay, well I got away with it,

0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:34.080
<v Speaker 1>away with it again. I think the breakup helps to

0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:36.040
<v Speaker 1>make sure that that behavior does not happen again.

0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:39.480
<v Speaker 2>Yes, And you know, in both of our situations, we

0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:43.720
<v Speaker 2>met these guys when they were young and we were young, right,

0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:47.199
<v Speaker 2>And you know, everybody needs everybody's human everybody needs the

0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:51.000
<v Speaker 2>ability to grow up and to really figure out what's

0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:54.000
<v Speaker 2>best for them and there what's best for their lives right, right,

0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:57.080
<v Speaker 2>So I think that, you know, sometimes you have to

0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:59.240
<v Speaker 2>allow space for a man to get there.

0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.800
<v Speaker 1>Right, because I can say Wan the change that needed

0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:07.160
<v Speaker 1>to happen, and Wan did not happen until I divorced him. Yes,

0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:09.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, so if we had remained married, if we

0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:14.480
<v Speaker 1>had not gotten divorced, I'd be probably be miserable right now, right.

0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.280
<v Speaker 2>And I do also want to say that women need

0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:21.639
<v Speaker 2>to understand that a lot of a man's behavior is

0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:25.720
<v Speaker 2>based off of how he is, how his profession is going.

0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Meaning if he's he's he's always going to be striving

0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:32.240
<v Speaker 2>to get that right, because that's just the nature of

0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:37.479
<v Speaker 2>a man. Typically, they are built to be providers. I

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.800
<v Speaker 2>can say speak for experience. I know when I was

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:44.560
<v Speaker 2>married for Jamal, his main focus, his like ninety percent

0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:48.439
<v Speaker 2>focus was his job, was his church was growing and

0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:51.520
<v Speaker 2>building it. And you know, to be quite honest, I

0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.960
<v Speaker 2>wasn't a focus. I wasn't what was on the forefront

0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:56.600
<v Speaker 2>of his mind. Now when we were married, it was

0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.600
<v Speaker 2>great until it wasn't. But just like men are getting

0:20:00.600 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 2>their hustle on, women need to get their hustle on too.

0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:04.080
<v Speaker 2>And I'm gonna tell you so, I'm gonna bring up

0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:08.359
<v Speaker 2>candy birds because I will never forget this. When I

0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:12.040
<v Speaker 2>met her, we did some sort of stuff something together

0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.919
<v Speaker 2>for Bravo, and and I was starting every hue and

0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:18.919
<v Speaker 2>then I started dating Sherman and she was like, Giselle,

0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 2>let me tell you something.

0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:20.760
<v Speaker 1>It was kind of like off the cuff.

0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:23.479
<v Speaker 2>She was like, don't let your relationship ever stop your

0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:26.600
<v Speaker 2>hustle because a lot of times women get into relationships

0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:28.000
<v Speaker 2>with men and then all of a sudden they get

0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:31.120
<v Speaker 2>comfortable and they were like, and they you know, they're

0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.560
<v Speaker 2>in that love mode. They want to stand in the man, yes,

0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:36.560
<v Speaker 2>because you're so busy, right, They want to stay in

0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:38.520
<v Speaker 2>the bed and cuddle. But the man gets up, puts

0:20:38.560 --> 0:20:41.200
<v Speaker 2>pants on, goes to work, and we still like, oh,

0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:43.560
<v Speaker 2>but I love you and I want to cuddle. No bitch,

0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.800
<v Speaker 2>no bitch, get your hustle on. But I digress. Okay,

0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:50.440
<v Speaker 2>we want to give you all statistics. Okay, So Robin

0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:54.719
<v Speaker 2>and I looked up how many people are cheating in

0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:57.880
<v Speaker 2>relationships and what we came up with. And I don't

0:20:57.920 --> 0:21:00.520
<v Speaker 2>know where the hell these surveys came from. You Okay,

0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:06.080
<v Speaker 2>So it said that twenty percent of men, twenty two

0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.200
<v Speaker 2>percent of men cheat. Now I did a mental survey

0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:12.080
<v Speaker 2>in my mind of my girlfriends and that number is

0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:17.920
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent. Now twenty I'm just saying, I mean,

0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:21.439
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be like, you know, Patty Patty

0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:23.840
<v Speaker 2>or negative Nancy, but this is not right.

0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.160
<v Speaker 1>I want who did they interview for this.

0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:29.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know who they asked, but let me tell

0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:31.600
<v Speaker 2>you something. They asked the wrong people. Now, that's number one.

0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Number two is ten percent of these said cheating infidelities

0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:43.359
<v Speaker 2>start online. So ladies, if your man is on his

0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:45.600
<v Speaker 2>phone and he's on the Twitter, and he's on all

0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:47.600
<v Speaker 2>the social media and if he's online, I don't know,

0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:51.160
<v Speaker 2>Oh if he's on the Instagram, check his dms because

0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:51.919
<v Speaker 2>he hitting somebody.

0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:56.160
<v Speaker 1>Use. I'm just trying to tell you now, there's that. Now, Robin,

0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:56.680
<v Speaker 1>this is.

0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:58.720
<v Speaker 2>What struck me, and this is for me and you

0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:04.120
<v Speaker 2>because be cause what I really wanted to know was

0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:06.040
<v Speaker 2>when men cheat?

0:22:06.359 --> 0:22:08.280
<v Speaker 1>Do they cheat again? Okay? Right?

0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:14.119
<v Speaker 2>And it said three hundred fifty percent of men that cheat?

0:22:14.840 --> 0:22:16.040
<v Speaker 1>What cheat again?

0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:20.520
<v Speaker 2>Three hundred and fifty not one hundred percent of men

0:22:20.600 --> 0:22:22.080
<v Speaker 2>that cheat cheat again, it's.

0:22:21.960 --> 0:22:25.120
<v Speaker 1>Three hundred and fifty percent. I don't if I might

0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:28.480
<v Speaker 1>be making that up, you are, How can three fifty

0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:30.720
<v Speaker 1>percent of a group of people, let me read my

0:22:30.960 --> 0:22:33.639
<v Speaker 1>it's like that one person. So what they're saying is, okay,

0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:38.520
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's these people cheat three point five more times,

0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:39.400
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying.

0:22:39.680 --> 0:22:41.880
<v Speaker 2>I didn't get involved in that, but I just start

0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:43.720
<v Speaker 2>thinking about my life and I said, well, god, damn,

0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:47.160
<v Speaker 2>somebody should tell me that about two years ago, just saying, right,

0:22:47.320 --> 0:22:48.040
<v Speaker 2>just saying.

0:22:47.840 --> 0:22:49.520
<v Speaker 1>It would have saved you some time and some heart.

0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:52.000
<v Speaker 1>It'll saved some time and energy and money now.

0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:54.720
<v Speaker 2>But but but that's real, though, and that's real for

0:22:54.760 --> 0:22:56.240
<v Speaker 2>you as well, right right?

0:22:56.359 --> 0:22:59.320
<v Speaker 1>And I think I mean, you know, who knows why

0:22:59.560 --> 0:23:02.280
<v Speaker 1>men cheat or what makes them stop cheating or what

0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:04.720
<v Speaker 1>makes them change from a cheater to a non cheater.

0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:06.439
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of it is just growth. I

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:09.200
<v Speaker 1>think a lot of it is, you know, going through

0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:12.560
<v Speaker 1>experiences where maybe they they're you know, hindsight, they look

0:23:12.600 --> 0:23:14.600
<v Speaker 1>back they lost someone because they cheated on them, and

0:23:14.640 --> 0:23:17.199
<v Speaker 1>they're like, man, I messed that up. That was like

0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:21.359
<v Speaker 1>my wife, that was gonna be mine forever and I

0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.280
<v Speaker 1>lost her. So then when they get in their next relationship,

0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:26.280
<v Speaker 1>they don't want to and they have a good woman

0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:28.359
<v Speaker 1>that they really love and appreciate, they don't want to

0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:32.320
<v Speaker 1>lose her, right, So it's like sometimes, yeah, when you're

0:23:32.400 --> 0:23:35.679
<v Speaker 1>leaving that man because he cheated, you're actually setting up

0:23:35.680 --> 0:23:38.040
<v Speaker 1>the next woman for a better man. Okay.

0:23:38.119 --> 0:23:40.399
<v Speaker 2>So I just want you all to know something because

0:23:40.440 --> 0:23:44.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I've ever shared this every dude that

0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:46.520
<v Speaker 2>I've ever broken up with and I've broken up.

0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:48.399
<v Speaker 1>With a line. Oh god, do they get married?

0:23:48.600 --> 0:23:52.919
<v Speaker 2>Is their next girlfriend? They're married their very next girlfriend.

0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:56.399
<v Speaker 2>They marry them, Okay, And I kind of at first

0:23:56.440 --> 0:23:59.320
<v Speaker 2>I was like, well, damn, this is weird. But actually

0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:03.520
<v Speaker 2>I take that as like a badge of but not

0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:05.600
<v Speaker 2>like you help them get there. Yes, you help them

0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:07.520
<v Speaker 2>get the point where he's ready to be married. Yes,

0:24:07.560 --> 0:24:09.480
<v Speaker 2>I whipped that dude into shape for the next woman.

0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.880
<v Speaker 2>So ladies, y'all send me some gifts, okay, because I didn't.

0:24:12.640 --> 0:24:14.080
<v Speaker 1>Hooked a whole lot of y'all up.

0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:17.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Now they don't even know Okay, no, they know,

0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:20.000
<v Speaker 2>they know that the last girlfriend was just they're clear

0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:22.159
<v Speaker 2>on that. I get daggers and stairs all over the

0:24:22.160 --> 0:24:24.399
<v Speaker 2>place when I walk down the streets. Now, anyway, listen, wait,

0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:26.000
<v Speaker 2>I think this statistic is interesting.

0:24:26.040 --> 0:24:30.439
<v Speaker 1>Okay. It says thirty six percent of cheaters have affairs

0:24:30.520 --> 0:24:35.639
<v Speaker 1>with their coworkers. And I believe that. I believe that.

0:24:35.760 --> 0:24:38.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, because you're spending so much time with each other. Three,

0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:41.560
<v Speaker 1>you're spending more time at work and more you know,

0:24:42.520 --> 0:24:46.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, just you're going through work issues, and right

0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:49.359
<v Speaker 1>you have a commonality, which is the job. Yes, yes,

0:24:49.560 --> 0:24:54.480
<v Speaker 1>and I believe that. So I remember when I used

0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:56.480
<v Speaker 1>to work, I you know, even though WAM was in

0:24:56.520 --> 0:24:58.800
<v Speaker 1>the NBA, like I still would, you know, try to

0:24:58.840 --> 0:25:01.880
<v Speaker 1>find jobs when I could or whatever. So I worked

0:25:01.880 --> 0:25:04.160
<v Speaker 1>an office job and I would go to lunch every

0:25:04.240 --> 0:25:06.960
<v Speaker 1>day with the same group of guys every day. Wan

0:25:07.160 --> 0:25:10.840
<v Speaker 1>are you hearing this? Oh? He knew because he would

0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:13.480
<v Speaker 1>be like you at lunch again, like you know who

0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:16.680
<v Speaker 1>you at? Like he did not like that at all. Right,

0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:19.159
<v Speaker 1>it would drive him bonkers that I would go to

0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:22.560
<v Speaker 1>lunch with the same group of guys and I'm like, dude,

0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:25.439
<v Speaker 1>chill out. But I get it because I think in

0:25:25.480 --> 0:25:27.960
<v Speaker 1>his mind's going crazy, like right, God, you're at work,

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:30.560
<v Speaker 1>you're hanging out, You're spending all this quality time with

0:25:30.600 --> 0:25:33.200
<v Speaker 1>these people. Yeah, but it used to drive me crazy.

0:25:33.240 --> 0:25:34.680
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, okay, but wait, did any of the

0:25:34.720 --> 0:25:37.359
<v Speaker 1>guys try to hit on you? No, but they would,

0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:38.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, say nice.

0:25:38.640 --> 0:25:41.840
<v Speaker 2>They was flirty flirty yes, okay. So another statistic is

0:25:41.880 --> 0:25:45.200
<v Speaker 2>thirty I'm sorry, thirteen. So we already established it said

0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.119
<v Speaker 2>that twenty percent of men cheat. We think that's a lie.

0:25:47.160 --> 0:25:49.760
<v Speaker 2>We think it's one hundred percent. But thirteen percent of

0:25:49.840 --> 0:25:54.359
<v Speaker 2>women cheat. Now, if twenty percent of men are cheating,

0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:55.800
<v Speaker 2>they cheating with women, right.

0:25:56.040 --> 0:25:59.480
<v Speaker 1>So I don't understand they statistics, but I get it

0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:02.320
<v Speaker 1>like women, like I believe the women. It might be.

0:26:02.400 --> 0:26:03.840
<v Speaker 1>I feel like it might be a little bit low,

0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:06.480
<v Speaker 1>but I feel like maybe be like twenty percent of women.

0:26:06.520 --> 0:26:08.320
<v Speaker 2>No, I think women is forty percent. And I would

0:26:08.320 --> 0:26:11.200
<v Speaker 2>tell you why why whatever the men? Whatever the statisticate

0:26:11.200 --> 0:26:14.120
<v Speaker 2>is for men, women is double. Women know how to cover.

0:26:14.000 --> 0:26:15.080
<v Speaker 1>Their tracks better than men.

0:26:15.240 --> 0:26:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So I feel like women do stuff and they

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:19.960
<v Speaker 2>take it to the grave.

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.200
<v Speaker 1>Women know how to cover their tracks. I don't know

0:26:22.240 --> 0:26:22.840
<v Speaker 1>anything about that.

0:26:23.040 --> 0:26:26.800
<v Speaker 2>Women know how to make sure that they cleared the

0:26:26.960 --> 0:26:30.560
<v Speaker 2>history on their phone. They cleared the history on their

0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:32.119
<v Speaker 2>navigation in their car.

0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:34.760
<v Speaker 1>Am I am? I telling them? Well you are? I

0:26:34.800 --> 0:26:36.560
<v Speaker 1>will say I did, I did get caught. You know

0:26:36.600 --> 0:26:39.159
<v Speaker 1>what I did. I'm about to give you a tip.

0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 1>Y'all probably already know this tip. So I had a

0:26:43.000 --> 0:26:46.280
<v Speaker 1>person I was talking to. This isn't during a rocky moment. Okay,

0:26:46.200 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't know who were you with one or not?

0:26:48.480 --> 0:26:50.720
<v Speaker 1>We were together? They were together, but Verba said, but

0:26:50.760 --> 0:26:53.760
<v Speaker 1>I had me, But I had had enough. Okay, she said,

0:26:53.800 --> 0:26:57.119
<v Speaker 1>I gotta do me. Okay, I have had enough. So

0:26:57.160 --> 0:27:00.040
<v Speaker 1>I had a person I was talking to and I

0:27:00.160 --> 0:27:04.000
<v Speaker 1>changed his name to a female's name in your phone

0:27:04.080 --> 0:27:08.359
<v Speaker 1>in my phone. Yeah, Robin, that's the old news, every news. Yes,

0:27:08.920 --> 0:27:14.119
<v Speaker 1>I mean you know how Sally and and Jill and

0:27:14.280 --> 0:27:16.920
<v Speaker 1>well Larry and Teresa. Somebody just learned something.

0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:20.119
<v Speaker 2>Okay, okay, okay, So wait a minute, So wait a minute.

0:27:20.119 --> 0:27:23.640
<v Speaker 2>So did you when you said you you jumped out there?

0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:25.760
<v Speaker 1>Were you cheating on wine? Were you having sex with

0:27:25.800 --> 0:27:28.520
<v Speaker 1>this man? No? No, no, we were We probably would

0:27:28.560 --> 0:27:31.720
<v Speaker 1>have gotten there, but we were just communicating. And he

0:27:31.800 --> 0:27:36.480
<v Speaker 1>found out, and Wan found out Wand found out, and

0:27:36.720 --> 0:27:39.280
<v Speaker 1>he didn't want to break up or anything. But it

0:27:39.320 --> 0:27:42.560
<v Speaker 1>was an eye opener for him, right you know, because

0:27:42.600 --> 0:27:44.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, at that point, I'm like, you're not giving

0:27:44.240 --> 0:27:46.000
<v Speaker 1>me the attention that I need or that I want.

0:27:46.200 --> 0:27:48.840
<v Speaker 1>So so that was an eye opener for him. But

0:27:49.760 --> 0:27:51.679
<v Speaker 1>this was like years and years and years ago, and

0:27:51.720 --> 0:27:53.520
<v Speaker 1>he like, still will never forget.

0:27:54.320 --> 0:27:58.480
<v Speaker 2>That's that's so no no to ladies. Men want to

0:27:58.480 --> 0:28:00.400
<v Speaker 2>do what they want to do, but theyd I'm sure

0:28:00.440 --> 0:28:03.440
<v Speaker 2>don't want you doing what you want to do. And

0:28:05.080 --> 0:28:07.760
<v Speaker 2>the quickest way to get a man to get himself

0:28:07.760 --> 0:28:10.040
<v Speaker 2>together is for him to think you doing something else

0:28:10.160 --> 0:28:15.399
<v Speaker 2>exactly exactly. And I feel like, actually, when when Jamal

0:28:15.400 --> 0:28:17.560
<v Speaker 2>and I broke up, that that's what happened. Like he

0:28:17.600 --> 0:28:21.280
<v Speaker 2>would he'd be outside, like waiting for me to drive off.

0:28:21.840 --> 0:28:23.960
<v Speaker 2>I lived in this apartment and it had a garage.

0:28:24.000 --> 0:28:26.360
<v Speaker 2>He'd be waiting outside the garage, like where's she going?

0:28:26.520 --> 0:28:28.280
<v Speaker 1>Right? Is she going to see? What's she gonna do?

0:28:28.359 --> 0:28:30.280
<v Speaker 1>They cannot handle it. They can't, And it's such a

0:28:30.280 --> 0:28:32.439
<v Speaker 1>double standard. It's so crazy. It's like, Okay, y'all can

0:28:32.480 --> 0:28:35.080
<v Speaker 1>do what you want. You can run around. It's like okay,

0:28:35.160 --> 0:28:37.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, especially if you have kids. If we have kids, Okay,

0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:39.240
<v Speaker 1>I gotta come home. I gotta be with my kids.

0:28:39.280 --> 0:28:41.200
<v Speaker 1>But the man, he can just be like, all right,

0:28:41.200 --> 0:28:43.240
<v Speaker 1>what I'm gonna I'm going to play the video game.

0:28:43.520 --> 0:28:45.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to you know, play basketball. I'm gonna do this.

0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:50.440
<v Speaker 1>What why is that? Why can't you just come and

0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:53.560
<v Speaker 1>go as you please? And I can't. So I'm like, oh,

0:28:53.640 --> 0:28:55.560
<v Speaker 1>how would you like it if I was just like, Okay,

0:28:55.560 --> 0:28:57.920
<v Speaker 1>well i'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that right right,

0:28:58.600 --> 0:29:02.160
<v Speaker 1>I totally. It's a very it's a huge double standard.

0:29:02.240 --> 0:29:03.920
<v Speaker 1>We have to understand that men are babies.

0:29:04.520 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 2>Their egos are easily fragiled, fragiled, I think I made

0:29:08.440 --> 0:29:12.920
<v Speaker 2>up a word. Their egos are easily fragiled, Is that no?

0:29:13.080 --> 0:29:13.840
<v Speaker 2>Or easily broken?

0:29:14.320 --> 0:29:16.640
<v Speaker 1>Sure? Broken? Okay?

0:29:18.240 --> 0:29:23.240
<v Speaker 2>And I you know if you're not stroking, they're fractured. Fractured, yeah,

0:29:23.360 --> 0:29:24.160
<v Speaker 2>easily fractured.

0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:29.240
<v Speaker 1>Yes, oh yes, there regard. They always want their ego stroked.

0:29:29.320 --> 0:29:31.680
<v Speaker 2>They always want to feel like they're so very important,

0:29:31.720 --> 0:29:33.440
<v Speaker 2>they're so needed, they're so wanted.

0:29:34.320 --> 0:29:37.280
<v Speaker 1>But let them think you getting attention from somebody else.

0:29:37.360 --> 0:29:40.400
<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you something, so ladies, you heard it

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:43.120
<v Speaker 2>from me first. If you're in a relationship, and even

0:29:43.160 --> 0:29:46.240
<v Speaker 2>if their relationship is amazing, that.

0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:46.880
<v Speaker 1>Is your boo.

0:29:47.520 --> 0:29:51.280
<v Speaker 2>He's got your back, and you are you rightly so

0:29:51.480 --> 0:29:52.160
<v Speaker 2>have his back.

0:29:52.240 --> 0:29:53.760
<v Speaker 1>That is that is just your main man.

0:29:53.800 --> 0:29:55.800
<v Speaker 2>And y'all are y'all are doing the dog one thing

0:29:56.560 --> 0:30:00.080
<v Speaker 2>every now and again. Gone and put that frekum dress on,

0:30:00.160 --> 0:30:02.240
<v Speaker 2>put them high heels on. Call all of your girlfriends

0:30:02.280 --> 0:30:04.320
<v Speaker 2>and let him know that you've called all of your girlfriends,

0:30:04.360 --> 0:30:07.440
<v Speaker 2>and y'all are going out and do not come home

0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:10.760
<v Speaker 2>until the sun comes up. Okay, just do it. And

0:30:10.840 --> 0:30:12.880
<v Speaker 2>let me tell you something that's just a little check in.

0:30:12.920 --> 0:30:16.440
<v Speaker 2>It's just a little let him know, like, don't get froggy, buddy,

0:30:16.720 --> 0:30:19.200
<v Speaker 2>cause other people are out here who think I am sexy.

0:30:19.360 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 1>He needs to know that at all times. And when

0:30:21.160 --> 0:30:22.680
<v Speaker 1>you come home, he is gonna be like, you have

0:30:22.720 --> 0:30:27.520
<v Speaker 1>a good time. Let me say. I think I can

0:30:27.560 --> 0:30:28.800
<v Speaker 1>say this. I think I can say this.

0:30:29.280 --> 0:30:31.080
<v Speaker 2>So you know, I have a good girlfriend Eric Laous

0:30:31.200 --> 0:30:33.080
<v Speaker 2>and Kevin, and like, you know, I think they won't

0:30:33.120 --> 0:30:36.080
<v Speaker 2>mind me telling this story. But one day I was

0:30:36.120 --> 0:30:38.480
<v Speaker 2>coming into New York just to hang out and with

0:30:38.880 --> 0:30:40.000
<v Speaker 2>a couple of girlfriends.

0:30:40.520 --> 0:30:40.720
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:30:40.920 --> 0:30:42.520
<v Speaker 2>Erica told Kevin like, if we gonna hang out this

0:30:42.600 --> 0:30:45.440
<v Speaker 2>girl's night out. He was like all right, So he

0:30:45.600 --> 0:30:48.480
<v Speaker 2>was like, you know what y'all need. So we actually

0:30:48.520 --> 0:30:50.960
<v Speaker 2>needed for him to get us a VIP section in

0:30:51.000 --> 0:30:55.000
<v Speaker 2>the club. So he, you know, Kevin Leiles, mister Kevin Leles,

0:30:55.040 --> 0:30:56.840
<v Speaker 2>he goes into the club when.

0:30:56.640 --> 0:30:59.040
<v Speaker 1>We got there, he came, he paid for everything.

0:30:59.320 --> 0:31:01.600
<v Speaker 2>He talked to all the security guards. He was like,

0:31:01.640 --> 0:31:03.920
<v Speaker 2>take care of them. He put down the black card,

0:31:04.200 --> 0:31:05.400
<v Speaker 2>so we were like free to.

0:31:05.360 --> 0:31:09.280
<v Speaker 1>Do us for the nights okay with us at it

0:31:09.320 --> 0:31:12.080
<v Speaker 1>was kind of kind of because clearly he'd probably don't

0:31:12.080 --> 0:31:14.000
<v Speaker 1>pay some people to take pictures of us. But whatever.

0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:20.320
<v Speaker 2>So long story sure, we didn't expect the night to

0:31:20.320 --> 0:31:24.040
<v Speaker 2>go this way. Long story short, it went the way

0:31:24.120 --> 0:31:27.280
<v Speaker 2>of Eric allows and get home into the sun cald.

0:31:27.320 --> 0:31:29.080
<v Speaker 1>It was literally like five thirty in the morning.

0:31:29.640 --> 0:31:34.000
<v Speaker 2>So the funny part about it was I had, like,

0:31:34.280 --> 0:31:36.600
<v Speaker 2>let's say, it's seven am flight, So I literally went

0:31:36.640 --> 0:31:38.520
<v Speaker 2>to the hotel, packed my bags and went straight to

0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:40.600
<v Speaker 2>the airport. And as I'm at the airport, I get

0:31:41.080 --> 0:31:44.160
<v Speaker 2>a call from Kevin an area. And the call went

0:31:44.200 --> 0:31:46.760
<v Speaker 2>a little something like this, because Kevin, if he really

0:31:46.800 --> 0:31:47.920
<v Speaker 2>wants to talk to me, he calls.

0:31:47.760 --> 0:31:48.640
<v Speaker 1>Me from Erica's phone.

0:31:48.720 --> 0:31:50.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so when when I look at it, it says Erica.

0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:55.080
<v Speaker 2>But then when I pressed answer, it's Kevin. Kevin, so

0:31:55.160 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 2>she's sitting there right there with him, and he was like, really,

0:31:58.200 --> 0:31:58.920
<v Speaker 2>this is what we're doing.

0:31:59.080 --> 0:32:00.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, is that a what we're doing.

0:32:01.800 --> 0:32:05.600
<v Speaker 2>So I've been home all night, my wife didn't get home.

0:32:06.960 --> 0:32:09.760
<v Speaker 1>It was your fault. It was your fault. I mean no,

0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:13.640
<v Speaker 1>it was the collective fault of girls night out but

0:32:13.760 --> 0:32:16.560
<v Speaker 1>you know what that was. That was cool for me

0:32:17.400 --> 0:32:20.960
<v Speaker 1>to know that not cool, but it was like a

0:32:21.040 --> 0:32:22.280
<v Speaker 1>good Like.

0:32:22.360 --> 0:32:24.480
<v Speaker 2>Every now and again, you gotta let these dudes know

0:32:24.960 --> 0:32:27.200
<v Speaker 2>for sure, Hey they are married to a hot girl.

0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes that be they can go out and have fun

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:32.760
<v Speaker 2>and tear the club up and see they gonna come

0:32:32.760 --> 0:32:34.320
<v Speaker 2>home when they come home.

0:32:34.520 --> 0:32:38.760
<v Speaker 1>And trust me, when you're out, their mind is going crazy.

0:32:38.760 --> 0:32:42.720
<v Speaker 1>Their imagination is running wild. They are like, she is

0:32:42.800 --> 0:32:46.480
<v Speaker 1>being lifted, someone is lifting her up and she's straddling

0:32:46.600 --> 0:32:50.600
<v Speaker 1>his face and there's humping on the floor. Oh my god.

0:32:51.520 --> 0:32:53.840
<v Speaker 2>Hey, you know what these guys are tormenting themselves when

0:32:53.840 --> 0:32:56.600
<v Speaker 2>we're out and having our hot girl fun.

0:32:56.760 --> 0:32:59.160
<v Speaker 1>But we're not thinking about them, right rich, just having fun,

0:32:59.280 --> 0:33:02.480
<v Speaker 1>right right. Meanwhile, the phone is in the purse and

0:33:02.520 --> 0:33:06.080
<v Speaker 1>they done facetimed and call twenty times, so they ready

0:33:06.120 --> 0:33:08.720
<v Speaker 1>to call the police because they're scared to think you're, like,

0:33:08.920 --> 0:33:11.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, missing, but they know you're really not. And

0:33:11.360 --> 0:33:13.200
<v Speaker 1>then and then let me tell you what they do.

0:33:13.400 --> 0:33:16.000
<v Speaker 2>So there'll be like I say, it's five girlfriends, the

0:33:16.080 --> 0:33:20.680
<v Speaker 2>single single hot girl is posting all night on her Instagram,

0:33:20.960 --> 0:33:23.600
<v Speaker 2>so li there following. Yeah, so all the husbands are

0:33:23.640 --> 0:33:26.520
<v Speaker 2>like scrolling through trying to see, oh my gosh, in

0:33:26.560 --> 0:33:29.080
<v Speaker 2>the background, who's that dude? And in the background corner,

0:33:29.080 --> 0:33:32.200
<v Speaker 2>who's that dude? So you know, I mean, you know,

0:33:32.560 --> 0:33:36.640
<v Speaker 2>long story short, ladies, do not lose yourself in whatever

0:33:36.720 --> 0:33:40.400
<v Speaker 2>relationship that you're in. Make sure you maintain your strength,

0:33:40.600 --> 0:33:46.440
<v Speaker 2>your independence, your self worth because it can easily get

0:33:46.440 --> 0:33:47.560
<v Speaker 2>wrapped up into him.

0:33:47.840 --> 0:33:50.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell you right now that I did it.

0:33:50.560 --> 0:33:53.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, I was in a shadow.

0:33:53.800 --> 0:33:58.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, Jamal Bryant is a huge personality, a huge figure.

0:33:58.640 --> 0:34:01.280
<v Speaker 2>Any room he walks in sucks out all the air.

0:34:01.800 --> 0:34:04.760
<v Speaker 2>And I didn't have my own sense of who I

0:34:04.800 --> 0:34:08.920
<v Speaker 2>am and who I want to be. So you know,

0:34:09.040 --> 0:34:12.400
<v Speaker 2>I tell my children, a don't date an athlete Robin

0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:17.320
<v Speaker 2>or meat or a megapastor those two.

0:34:17.239 --> 0:34:19.640
<v Speaker 1>Things jack Chack or a rapper check.

0:34:20.920 --> 0:34:24.640
<v Speaker 2>But make sure that, no matter what, you always maintain

0:34:24.719 --> 0:34:27.920
<v Speaker 2>who and what you are. And that gets confusing sometimes

0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:30.279
<v Speaker 2>because we all want to grow and develop, right, we

0:34:30.320 --> 0:34:32.839
<v Speaker 2>all want to strive to greatness. But make sure that

0:34:32.880 --> 0:34:36.279
<v Speaker 2>whatever relationship you're in, if he's not helping you get

0:34:36.320 --> 0:34:38.680
<v Speaker 2>to your individual greatness.

0:34:38.400 --> 0:34:41.480
<v Speaker 1>You need to leave. That's a word because he will

0:34:41.480 --> 0:34:43.399
<v Speaker 1>suck it out of you, right right. If your man

0:34:43.520 --> 0:34:45.840
<v Speaker 1>is not cheering you on, if he's not supporting you,

0:34:45.880 --> 0:34:49.040
<v Speaker 1>if he's not encouraging you. Yeah, no, he ain't for you.

0:34:49.320 --> 0:34:52.279
<v Speaker 1>He's not for you. He's not for you. But I

0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:55.280
<v Speaker 1>will say, like I said, sometimes you do have to

0:34:55.440 --> 0:34:59.000
<v Speaker 1>split up. Yep, but break up, file for divorce, move on.

0:34:59.160 --> 0:35:01.320
<v Speaker 1>That's not to say that you'll never get back together,

0:35:01.360 --> 0:35:05.160
<v Speaker 1>but sometimes they need, you know, that's that smack on

0:35:05.200 --> 0:35:07.960
<v Speaker 1>the head to wake themselves up and realize what they

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:11.560
<v Speaker 1>had and how to be a better man for that

0:35:11.600 --> 0:35:14.320
<v Speaker 1>person that you are becoming or that you are destined

0:35:14.320 --> 0:35:14.520
<v Speaker 1>to be.

0:35:14.760 --> 0:35:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and let's be clear, you know, break up or

0:35:17.160 --> 0:35:19.120
<v Speaker 2>make up. I mean the reality of it is, relationships

0:35:19.120 --> 0:35:26.279
<v Speaker 2>are tough. It's a it's a everyday journey. I feel like, yes,

0:35:26.400 --> 0:35:30.640
<v Speaker 2>Jamal and I we broke up our marriage based off

0:35:30.640 --> 0:35:34.680
<v Speaker 2>of you know, infidelity, But if that had not happened,

0:35:34.719 --> 0:35:38.120
<v Speaker 2>I always think, you know, because I was being swallowed

0:35:38.160 --> 0:35:41.920
<v Speaker 2>in this marriage, what I have eventually snapped and wanted

0:35:41.920 --> 0:35:44.640
<v Speaker 2>to leave because that's just not it was sucking out

0:35:44.680 --> 0:35:46.960
<v Speaker 2>who I am and how I feel like I have become.

0:35:48.280 --> 0:35:50.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but but He and I both say

0:35:50.680 --> 0:35:52.600
<v Speaker 2>that us getting a divorce was the best thing that

0:35:52.800 --> 0:35:57.319
<v Speaker 2>ever happened to him and to me individually, right, But

0:35:57.360 --> 0:35:59.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, of course we have three beautiful kids, so

0:35:59.040 --> 0:36:00.600
<v Speaker 2>it was all worth it in the end. And I

0:36:00.640 --> 0:36:02.080
<v Speaker 2>feel like, God don't make no mistakes.

0:36:02.200 --> 0:36:04.880
<v Speaker 1>No, he sure doesn't. He sure does not. But it

0:36:04.920 --> 0:36:07.799
<v Speaker 1>would be nice if we could, you know, figure out

0:36:07.840 --> 0:36:12.280
<v Speaker 1>how to reduce the divorce rate, how to keep families together. Yes,

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:14.520
<v Speaker 1>but it's hard. It's hard. It's hard.

0:36:14.560 --> 0:36:20.600
<v Speaker 2>I always say that relationships are work, and unfortunately for me,

0:36:20.800 --> 0:36:22.719
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I just get throw my hands in the air

0:36:22.719 --> 0:36:24.080
<v Speaker 2>and give up, and I don't want to work.

0:36:24.360 --> 0:36:24.520
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:36:24.560 --> 0:36:26.960
<v Speaker 2>I was saying this recently to one of our girlfriends,

0:36:27.080 --> 0:36:30.359
<v Speaker 2>and you were there, and she said, she's been married

0:36:30.360 --> 0:36:33.160
<v Speaker 2>for like seven No, she's been married for two years,

0:36:33.960 --> 0:36:36.080
<v Speaker 2>but she's been with this guy for about seven years.

0:36:36.160 --> 0:36:40.480
<v Speaker 1>And she said, I don't ever feel like our relationship

0:36:40.520 --> 0:36:43.840
<v Speaker 1>is work. And everybody else in the room is like,

0:36:43.880 --> 0:36:46.120
<v Speaker 1>wait on it, right, wait on it, because it's coming.

0:36:46.880 --> 0:36:48.080
<v Speaker 1>And not to say that.

0:36:48.000 --> 0:36:51.120
<v Speaker 2>Work is a bad thing exactly, but you gotta work

0:36:51.680 --> 0:36:55.560
<v Speaker 2>to make sure that you're happy, that he's happy. That collectively,

0:36:55.640 --> 0:36:58.719
<v Speaker 2>y'all are happy. The kids come, that derails things and.

0:36:58.800 --> 0:37:02.120
<v Speaker 1>It's tough indeed, right, and you grow and you evolve,

0:37:02.680 --> 0:37:05.800
<v Speaker 1>and you know, sometimes you grow apart, but that doesn't

0:37:05.840 --> 0:37:08.000
<v Speaker 1>mean that's the end of your relationship. When you grow apart,

0:37:08.000 --> 0:37:09.520
<v Speaker 1>you got to figure out, Okay, well how can I

0:37:09.560 --> 0:37:12.279
<v Speaker 1>grow with that person and meet them where they are

0:37:12.400 --> 0:37:14.480
<v Speaker 1>and adapt and change and so it takes. It's a

0:37:14.480 --> 0:37:16.600
<v Speaker 1>lot of give and take. It is. It's a lot

0:37:16.640 --> 0:37:21.040
<v Speaker 1>of you know, I always say, you know, no human

0:37:21.120 --> 0:37:23.640
<v Speaker 1>is perfect, and so I think sometimes when people do

0:37:23.760 --> 0:37:28.760
<v Speaker 1>mess up, people get so angry about what that person

0:37:28.800 --> 0:37:33.239
<v Speaker 1>did to them. But I always say, that person, because

0:37:33.239 --> 0:37:35.880
<v Speaker 1>they're not perfect, would have done that to anyone. So

0:37:35.920 --> 0:37:38.760
<v Speaker 1>you always have to take out like the personal feeling

0:37:38.880 --> 0:37:41.839
<v Speaker 1>like he hurt me, Like no, he would have hurt

0:37:41.880 --> 0:37:45.120
<v Speaker 1>anyone because he's not where he should be in life,

0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:47.600
<v Speaker 1>or because you know, he would have made this mistake anyway.

0:37:47.680 --> 0:37:50.600
<v Speaker 1>So I think sometimes when women get so so bitter

0:37:50.719 --> 0:37:52.799
<v Speaker 1>and angry and then they you know, cause problems with

0:37:52.880 --> 0:37:56.879
<v Speaker 1>you know, seeing the kids, and they want to you know, retaliate,

0:37:56.960 --> 0:38:00.160
<v Speaker 1>that's when things get worse. So if if you know this,

0:38:00.280 --> 0:38:01.840
<v Speaker 1>go for a woman or a man, like when the

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:05.640
<v Speaker 1>other person hurts you, just realize they're not hurting you intentionally.

0:38:05.840 --> 0:38:07.920
<v Speaker 1>They're doing it because they're not perfect, right, And when

0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:12.880
<v Speaker 1>you can remove that element, it helps just in moving forward.

0:38:13.480 --> 0:38:16.399
<v Speaker 2>And then also, you know, let's be clear, like if

0:38:16.400 --> 0:38:18.520
<v Speaker 2>you find your dude cheating on you, do you then

0:38:18.719 --> 0:38:21.880
<v Speaker 2>circle back? And if y'all are gonna make it, you know, y'all,

0:38:22.080 --> 0:38:24.560
<v Speaker 2>y'all are gonna, you know, go down this journey and

0:38:24.560 --> 0:38:25.560
<v Speaker 2>go down this test of time?

0:38:26.120 --> 0:38:30.040
<v Speaker 1>Do you sit set new boundaries? Do you set ultimatums?

0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:32.759
<v Speaker 2>Do you say, Okay, this happened, and in order for

0:38:32.840 --> 0:38:37.400
<v Speaker 2>us to make it right, I want a trip to

0:38:37.800 --> 0:38:41.280
<v Speaker 2>the French riviera, or I want a new pair of shoes,

0:38:41.600 --> 0:38:44.520
<v Speaker 2>or I want a Cottier bracelet, Like do you set do.

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:48.360
<v Speaker 1>You set parameters? That's a band aid, like you know,

0:38:48.400 --> 0:38:50.319
<v Speaker 1>asking for I mean, that's not okay if the guy

0:38:50.360 --> 0:38:52.040
<v Speaker 1>messed up, like that's nice if he wants to give

0:38:52.040 --> 0:38:54.279
<v Speaker 1>you stuff, But that shouldn't be like Okay, just give

0:38:54.280 --> 0:38:56.399
<v Speaker 1>me this and I'm fine and we can move forward.

0:38:56.960 --> 0:39:00.440
<v Speaker 1>But a lot of women do that. I I mean,

0:39:00.880 --> 0:39:04.440
<v Speaker 1>is that materialistic? Yeah? Like how does that solve? Just

0:39:04.560 --> 0:39:05.880
<v Speaker 1>just for the record, I don't do that.

0:39:07.320 --> 0:39:09.640
<v Speaker 2>No, I mean it doesn't know, it doesn't solve the problem.

0:39:09.960 --> 0:39:11.480
<v Speaker 2>You're right, it does put a band aid on it.

0:39:11.560 --> 0:39:14.480
<v Speaker 2>But do you say, okay, let's do a post nup.

0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:17.680
<v Speaker 2>Let's put in writing that if this ever happens again,

0:39:18.800 --> 0:39:19.399
<v Speaker 2>it's a rap.

0:39:19.520 --> 0:39:23.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm for it right now. Mind you? Speaking of nuts, ladies,

0:39:23.840 --> 0:39:25.120
<v Speaker 1>don't you ever get married?

0:39:25.120 --> 0:39:26.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't care what's you. I don't care if you

0:39:26.280 --> 0:39:29.120
<v Speaker 2>got five hours and he has seventeen. Don't you ever

0:39:29.160 --> 0:39:31.719
<v Speaker 2>get married without a prenup? That okay, because you do

0:39:31.800 --> 0:39:35.120
<v Speaker 2>not know where this relationship is going financially, and finances

0:39:35.480 --> 0:39:38.759
<v Speaker 2>are important, and you want to protect yourself if and

0:39:38.800 --> 0:39:39.919
<v Speaker 2>when you got you get.

0:39:39.840 --> 0:39:41.600
<v Speaker 1>A divorce, you want to protect yourself.

0:39:41.920 --> 0:39:44.640
<v Speaker 2>So you want to make sure that you are that

0:39:44.680 --> 0:39:47.880
<v Speaker 2>there's no fight. We ain't fighting over money. Like I didn't.

0:39:48.200 --> 0:39:50.239
<v Speaker 1>I didn't have a prenup. Oh you didn't, I did not?

0:39:50.440 --> 0:39:53.399
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow? Because like until it was a fight. Yeah,

0:39:53.440 --> 0:39:55.080
<v Speaker 1>it was a fight, but like I just said, like

0:39:55.360 --> 0:39:57.960
<v Speaker 1>we didn't have much, like we grew it all together, right,

0:39:59.600 --> 0:40:02.279
<v Speaker 1>and it wasn't a fight like over money necessarily, it

0:40:02.320 --> 0:40:05.879
<v Speaker 1>was a fight over well I guess it was over money, Okay,

0:40:05.880 --> 0:40:08.200
<v Speaker 1>who am I lying? Yes, Okay, so it's fighting over money.

0:40:08.280 --> 0:40:11.680
<v Speaker 2>You're fighting over that's why I'll say the kids, but like, no,

0:40:11.760 --> 0:40:15.919
<v Speaker 2>it was a fight over money, and I will that's

0:40:15.960 --> 0:40:19.279
<v Speaker 2>that's a never I will never ever do that to

0:40:19.400 --> 0:40:20.800
<v Speaker 2>myself a game.

0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:23.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So that's that. I mean, that's good advice because

0:40:23.719 --> 0:40:25.560
<v Speaker 1>you could get married, like you said, you could get

0:40:25.560 --> 0:40:27.520
<v Speaker 1>married when you're twenty one and you're both young and

0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:29.799
<v Speaker 1>you're growing, and then one of you can turn into

0:40:29.840 --> 0:40:33.279
<v Speaker 1>a mogul, you can start a company, and then all

0:40:33.280 --> 0:40:35.919
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, it's a fight, you know. So so yeah,

0:40:36.040 --> 0:40:38.319
<v Speaker 1>it's it's definitely good to have that stuff up front.

0:40:38.360 --> 0:40:41.239
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like that that makes the when they're

0:40:41.520 --> 0:40:44.880
<v Speaker 1>kids involved, that makes it even harder, you know, to

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:46.680
<v Speaker 1>get to a good place when it comes to the kids.

0:40:46.680 --> 0:40:49.000
<v Speaker 1>It's like you're fighting over the money. Now you're being

0:40:49.000 --> 0:40:51.160
<v Speaker 1>bitter and you're fighting over the kids and.

0:40:51.320 --> 0:40:53.760
<v Speaker 2>Right, and you you also need to understand that marriage

0:40:53.800 --> 0:40:58.239
<v Speaker 2>is marriage, and even just any relationship, it's it's a transaction.

0:40:58.400 --> 0:41:00.640
<v Speaker 2>It's it's you know, you can't break it down for

0:41:00.719 --> 0:41:03.400
<v Speaker 2>it to be like a business transaction so to speak. Right,

0:41:03.600 --> 0:41:06.560
<v Speaker 2>so you have to decide for yourself, Ladies, how many

0:41:06.560 --> 0:41:09.759
<v Speaker 2>time if you're gonna talk cheating, how many times? It's

0:41:09.760 --> 0:41:12.640
<v Speaker 2>too many times? Like, don't just go down this road

0:41:12.760 --> 0:41:16.640
<v Speaker 2>and say, well, I'm just in a relationship and whatever

0:41:16.680 --> 0:41:19.160
<v Speaker 2>happens happens, and I'll just deal with it when it happens. No,

0:41:19.239 --> 0:41:21.800
<v Speaker 2>you need to set boundaries for yourself. You need to

0:41:21.840 --> 0:41:26.040
<v Speaker 2>set a precedent for yourself because this is your life.

0:41:26.400 --> 0:41:28.720
<v Speaker 2>Don't ever And it's going back to that chem allows.

0:41:29.000 --> 0:41:33.360
<v Speaker 2>He told me, Giselle, live your movie, don't live no

0:41:33.480 --> 0:41:37.480
<v Speaker 2>man's movie. This is your life, this is your road.

0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:40.160
<v Speaker 2>And it's nice if y'all can live the movie together,

0:41:41.120 --> 0:41:43.120
<v Speaker 2>but don't live somebody else's life.

0:41:44.000 --> 0:41:45.360
<v Speaker 1>Have your own love that.

0:41:45.600 --> 0:41:47.440
<v Speaker 2>Yes, No, he didn't say that at five o'clock in

0:41:47.480 --> 0:41:50.080
<v Speaker 2>the morning. When you call me about right.

0:41:50.680 --> 0:41:52.359
<v Speaker 1>He was like, what I said about leaving a movie,

0:41:52.440 --> 0:41:55.839
<v Speaker 1>I didn't mean in the club, right, But I mean

0:41:56.600 --> 0:41:58.520
<v Speaker 1>this just word word for the while. So I think

0:41:58.520 --> 0:42:01.319
<v Speaker 1>we've given people a lot of stuff. I know, I know,

0:42:01.560 --> 0:42:05.879
<v Speaker 1>am I And like I said, my final word on this,

0:42:06.080 --> 0:42:10.839
<v Speaker 1>like when we're talking about forgiveness, if you choose to

0:42:10.920 --> 0:42:13.920
<v Speaker 1>take someone back who cheated, then you chose to take

0:42:13.960 --> 0:42:19.280
<v Speaker 1>them back so don't hold those bitter feelings. Moving forward.

0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:22.000
<v Speaker 1>You have to be willing to say, you know what,

0:42:22.480 --> 0:42:25.359
<v Speaker 1>that happened in the past, and we're moving forward from it,

0:42:25.400 --> 0:42:27.040
<v Speaker 1>so you don't need to bring it up over and

0:42:27.080 --> 0:42:30.000
<v Speaker 1>over again. Yep. You don't need to be walking around

0:42:30.080 --> 0:42:32.560
<v Speaker 1>pout and angry. You don't need to be like, well,

0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:35.680
<v Speaker 1>tell me again what happened. Nope, let it go and

0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:39.280
<v Speaker 1>move on. If you choose to stay, then let it go. Yes,

0:42:39.880 --> 0:42:40.440
<v Speaker 1>I agree with that.

0:42:40.480 --> 0:42:42.359
<v Speaker 2>Now I'm not good with that right because I will

0:42:42.440 --> 0:42:44.799
<v Speaker 2>let you live in purgatory for the rest of your life.

0:42:47.040 --> 0:42:49.839
<v Speaker 1>I mean, sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind them what

0:42:49.920 --> 0:42:54.200
<v Speaker 1>they were capable of, or you know, sometimes you like, oh, oh, okay,

0:42:54.239 --> 0:42:56.479
<v Speaker 1>remember when you did that? Okay, Yeah, sometimes it doesn't

0:42:56.560 --> 0:42:58.640
<v Speaker 1>hurt to remind them. But I'm saying, like, don't hold

0:42:58.680 --> 0:43:01.760
<v Speaker 1>onto like the bittern and the pain and the anger

0:43:02.960 --> 0:43:04.200
<v Speaker 1>because it's not going to help you.

0:43:04.719 --> 0:43:06.279
<v Speaker 2>It's not going to help you, and it's not going

0:43:06.320 --> 0:43:08.200
<v Speaker 2>to help the relationship. And to be honest with you,

0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:11.160
<v Speaker 2>and I got this from Oprah Winfrey, forgiveness is for you,

0:43:11.320 --> 0:43:13.960
<v Speaker 2>forgiveness of what somebody has done to you. It's for

0:43:14.040 --> 0:43:18.080
<v Speaker 2>you it's for your piece, it's for your sanity. Yes,

0:43:18.120 --> 0:43:20.759
<v Speaker 2>it's great for them to know that you forgive them,

0:43:20.800 --> 0:43:24.839
<v Speaker 2>but it's really for yourself, right, absolutely, Okay. So we

0:43:24.920 --> 0:43:29.840
<v Speaker 2>want to always end any of our podcasts with a

0:43:29.960 --> 0:43:34.439
<v Speaker 2>reasonable situation and a shady situation. And to be quite honest, Robin,

0:43:34.480 --> 0:43:35.840
<v Speaker 2>you should be very proud of me because I was

0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:38.839
<v Speaker 2>not shady at all in this second episode.

0:43:39.400 --> 0:43:42.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean you had a little bit little shady, ye,

0:43:42.560 --> 0:43:46.200
<v Speaker 1>a little bit okay, okay, so Robin, but it was reasonable.

0:43:46.239 --> 0:43:47.480
<v Speaker 1>So it's fine, Okay, So do.

0:43:47.440 --> 0:43:50.319
<v Speaker 2>You want to give our So because this podcast is

0:43:50.400 --> 0:43:56.520
<v Speaker 2>about relationships, we wanted to give our reasonable relationships. Yes, okay, Okay,

0:43:56.680 --> 0:44:00.680
<v Speaker 2>you're going, oh, I'm going to give the shady Okay, good, yes, good,

0:44:00.719 --> 0:44:01.680
<v Speaker 2>so you can get the reasonable.

0:44:01.719 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 1>So my reasonable relationship goes to Will and Jada Pinkett.

0:44:05.120 --> 0:44:09.920
<v Speaker 1>They have a wonderful relationship with Will's first wife who

0:44:10.000 --> 0:44:13.400
<v Speaker 1>they have a child with. They have a wonderful family unit.

0:44:13.480 --> 0:44:16.439
<v Speaker 1>It seems like, you know, they're they're pretty open with

0:44:16.560 --> 0:44:21.040
<v Speaker 1>their experiences, and I think they are. You know, of

0:44:21.080 --> 0:44:24.640
<v Speaker 1>course we don't know every little detail about what happens

0:44:24.960 --> 0:44:27.480
<v Speaker 1>behind closed doors, but I think what they've shared with

0:44:27.560 --> 0:44:31.279
<v Speaker 1>us is something for us to all, you know, learn

0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:33.839
<v Speaker 1>from and grow from and strive to be if you're

0:44:33.840 --> 0:44:36.799
<v Speaker 1>ever in a situation like that, Yes, yeah, I love that.

0:44:37.080 --> 0:44:38.520
<v Speaker 2>I love that Will and Jay I mean Will and

0:44:38.640 --> 0:44:41.879
<v Speaker 2>Jada for whatever it's worth, their goals, their relationship goals.

0:44:41.880 --> 0:44:44.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, for surely. Okay, So let's talk about some

0:44:44.960 --> 0:44:48.800
<v Speaker 1>shady couples here. You don't have to make some money mass.

0:44:48.920 --> 0:44:51.560
<v Speaker 1>So I have actually a couple, Okay, I have two.

0:44:51.760 --> 0:44:53.200
<v Speaker 2>So first I want to say, and I kind of

0:44:53.360 --> 0:44:55.200
<v Speaker 2>really don't want to say this because she has passed away,

0:44:55.280 --> 0:44:57.120
<v Speaker 2>but Whitney and Bobby.

0:44:57.320 --> 0:45:00.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh.

0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:02.160
<v Speaker 2>And the only reason why I say is shady because

0:45:02.719 --> 0:45:05.080
<v Speaker 2>I was hurt when they broke up. I thought they

0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:07.680
<v Speaker 2>would be together forever because they were both the right

0:45:07.800 --> 0:45:10.560
<v Speaker 2>kind of crazy, right right to make a relationship work

0:45:10.719 --> 0:45:11.479
<v Speaker 2>with each other.

0:45:11.680 --> 0:45:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay, yeah, no, see I felt like they were almost

0:45:17.239 --> 0:45:20.279
<v Speaker 1>each other's worst enemy, like they weren't good for each other.

0:45:20.760 --> 0:45:23.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, And that's that's Roberts shady take. And then we

0:45:23.640 --> 0:45:27.640
<v Speaker 2>have Ray j and Princess. Princess found out that she

0:45:27.719 --> 0:45:29.840
<v Speaker 2>was getting divorced on Instagram.

0:45:29.920 --> 0:45:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what is it? But now aren't they back together?

0:45:32.320 --> 0:45:34.400
<v Speaker 1>What is that? I feel like I keep hearing a

0:45:34.440 --> 0:45:38.600
<v Speaker 1>makeup a breakup? Okay, I have an issue when couples

0:45:38.719 --> 0:45:42.120
<v Speaker 1>just air out their issues on social media. Stop it,

0:45:42.239 --> 0:45:45.640
<v Speaker 1>y'all anyway, Like, yes, so we could go down the line, right,

0:45:45.719 --> 0:45:49.239
<v Speaker 1>ray J and Princess. Yes, super shady because because the

0:45:49.280 --> 0:45:53.120
<v Speaker 1>problem is when you let the public into your relationship

0:45:53.360 --> 0:45:56.080
<v Speaker 1>problems and then you get back with that person, Well,

0:45:56.120 --> 0:45:58.279
<v Speaker 1>the public did not forget about your relationship problem. Yes,

0:45:58.320 --> 0:46:00.880
<v Speaker 1>because ray Je, I'm side eyeing you, sir, side eyeing you.

0:46:01.080 --> 0:46:04.840
<v Speaker 1>So aren't they back together? I don't know. I'll always

0:46:04.840 --> 0:46:07.000
<v Speaker 1>be shady in mind. But that's the same thing like

0:46:07.080 --> 0:46:10.759
<v Speaker 1>Quavo and Sweetie, Likeabo you was talking about taking a

0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:14.879
<v Speaker 1>Bentley bag boy bye, right, Yes, I had love for you.

0:46:15.280 --> 0:46:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean I was gonna make you my wife, right, Yes,

0:46:19.600 --> 0:46:21.480
<v Speaker 1>but when people come in, you don't want to hear

0:46:21.520 --> 0:46:24.000
<v Speaker 1>it because but you just let us all in.

0:46:24.160 --> 0:46:27.799
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, all right, we are out of here. We absolutely

0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:30.160
<v Speaker 2>love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in

0:46:30.200 --> 0:46:33.480
<v Speaker 2>to reasonably Shady. Next week we're probably going to be talking.

0:46:33.239 --> 0:46:37.920
<v Speaker 1>About We're gonna be talking about confidence. Yes, over confidence

0:46:38.040 --> 0:46:41.000
<v Speaker 1>is confidence a killer? When it comes to relationships, you know,

0:46:41.480 --> 0:46:46.239
<v Speaker 1>romantic relationships and friendship and professional relationship and professional relationships.

0:46:46.320 --> 0:46:49.240
<v Speaker 1>So and at some point we're going to start taking

0:46:50.000 --> 0:46:52.240
<v Speaker 1>viewer advice questions.

0:46:51.840 --> 0:46:55.400
<v Speaker 2>Yes indeed, so look out for that on social media,

0:46:55.520 --> 0:46:58.759
<v Speaker 2>because we want to know what you are thinking, what

0:46:58.800 --> 0:46:59.840
<v Speaker 2>you're feeling.

0:46:59.640 --> 0:47:02.759
<v Speaker 1>And we all answer them them shady questions. Thus, all right, girl,

0:47:02.840 --> 0:47:03.279
<v Speaker 1>yes we.

0:47:03.200 --> 0:47:07.240
<v Speaker 2>Will, yes, yes indeed, so all right, bye, see you later.

0:47:07.280 --> 0:47:08.680
<v Speaker 1>Until next week. Thanks for listening.

0:47:18.080 --> 0:47:22.520
<v Speaker 2>Reasonably Shady is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.

0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:27.719
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

0:47:27.800 --> 0:47:30.640
<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and you

0:47:30.680 --> 0:47:34.200
<v Speaker 1>can connect with us on social media at Robin Dixon, ten,

0:47:34.560 --> 0:47:44.040
<v Speaker 1>Giselle Bryant, and Reasonably Shady