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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Riley, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay story t I'm hosts and we got some great

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Speaker 1: stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show alive. My husband

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Speaker 2: called me selfish for wanting to have a breakup with

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Speaker 2: my friend.

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Speaker 3: Well, then he's not a very good husband.

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Speaker 2: I thirty three female, have been married to my husband,

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Speaker 2: thirty eight male, for seven years. We have four kids,

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Speaker 2: six male, four female, three male, and five month old.

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Speaker 2: He's a great dad and husband. Overall. We're introverted homebodies

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Speaker 2: and spend most of our time in with the kids,

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Speaker 2: gaming movies, et cetera. We rarely argue, and when we do,

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Speaker 2: it gets resolved quickly. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: Amazonian Giant Tess and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subpreated

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Speaker 2: it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to

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Speaker 2: give good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 2: We just know what we would do in the situation,

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Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: The only real complaint is that he has never taken

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Speaker 2: me out on a date in our entire marriage. I've

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Speaker 2: never asked friends anything fancy. Just a simple meal out

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Speaker 2: would be nice, but it never happens. My husband recently

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Speaker 2: lost his job due to frustration of contract, and he's

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Speaker 2: been depressed and stressed. I've been handling everything on the

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Speaker 2: home front, all the cleaning, cooking, school runs, dishes, laundry, groceries, bedtime,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. I've also been doing all of his unemployment paperwork,

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Speaker 2: helped rebuild his resume and send him job links daily. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 2: he spends hours playing Call of Duty and leaves messes

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Speaker 2: around the house that I end up cleaning. I haven't

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Speaker 2: complained because I know he's struggling mentally. I recently became

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Speaker 2: friends with my next door neighbor, Tina. She also has

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Speaker 2: four kids, and once or twice a week we step

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Speaker 2: outside for about an hour to smoke and talk.

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Speaker 3: We both make.

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Speaker 2: Sure our kids are fed, the house is set, and

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Speaker 2: everything is safe before we step out. Since my husband

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Speaker 2: has been home, I haven't made my kids come outside

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Speaker 2: unless they want to, because an adult is in the

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Speaker 2: house now. My husband told me that he doesn't like

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Speaker 2: that I go out for that hour, saying my friend

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Speaker 2: asks too much of me, even though she doesn't ask anything.

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Speaker 2: I enjoy the break and human connection. Today, Tina suggests

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Speaker 2: we make a plan soon to go to a Chinese

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Speaker 2: buffet ten minutes away. We'd smoke, eat, and come home

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Speaker 2: just a couple hours. I never go out. I've never

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Speaker 2: had alone time since my first kid was born. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was excited because I'm extremely overstimulated lately and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm in NonStop mom mode. When I mentioned

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Speaker 2: it to my husband, he blew up. He said, I'm

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Speaker 2: selfish for wanting to leave him with the kids. Will

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Speaker 2: I go fill my belly, and that I need a

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Speaker 2: reality check and that I signed up for kids and

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Speaker 2: then I shouldn't need any peace because he doesn't get

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Speaker 2: any I'm sorry, how many hours do you have logged

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Speaker 2: on your host Let's literally check your Steam account or

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Speaker 2: whatever it is, log your hours.

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Speaker 3: Such a liar, there's no way that he doesn't. The

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Speaker 3: thing is that I think that he counts video game

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Speaker 3: time as just like I need to do and I

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Speaker 3: need to do it. And then he's like, well, I

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Speaker 3: don't get any other free time, like I'm not seeing

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Speaker 3: the cans.

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Speaker 2: That's not peace. It's like, Okay, Sometimes I feel like,

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Speaker 2: in this situation, you gotta make your peace yourself right.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's hard to do that, but in his situation specifically,

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Speaker 2: that's that hard. If it's not peaceful for you, then

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Speaker 2: that's your fault. Yeah, plenty of time alone. I told

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Speaker 2: him I would cook dinner before I left and make

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Speaker 2: sure everything was set. I also told him I'd be

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Speaker 2: happy if he ever had a friend invite him somewhere,

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Speaker 2: because he never goes out to have fun. I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: stop him. He kept insisting that I was selfish no

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Speaker 2: matter what I said. Eventually I just stopped arguing because

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Speaker 2: I was exhausted and hurt. I feel guilty now, but

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Speaker 2: also angry because I genuinely don't think wanning a couple

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Speaker 2: hours of the friend is wrong after everything I've been

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Speaker 2: doing for the family. There are some comments here and

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Speaker 2: quite a bit more to the story, so I'm sure

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Speaker 2: we're gonna get an update.

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Speaker 3: But don't let him gasslight you. That's what's happening right now. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you do have some comments coming.

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Speaker 2: Number one says, not the a hole that is incredibly

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Speaker 2: controlling behavior. Ope responds. Nasty things were said on both sides,

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Speaker 2: and I mentioned how controlling he's being. He doesn't see

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Speaker 2: it that way at all. All of my feelings and

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Speaker 2: reasons are always just garbage to him when he believes

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Speaker 2: he's in the right and then denies hurtful things he

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Speaker 2: said to me. I firmly believe he's a self absorbed person.

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Speaker 2: I had parents who were and a grandmother who raised

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Speaker 2: me as well. I know a self absorbed person when

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Speaker 2: I see one. Common Number two says this, you are

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Speaker 2: more than entitled to a few hours alone. If you

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Speaker 2: divorced him, you'd have full weekends free, leaving the kids

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Speaker 2: with him, and you wouldn't be financially supporting him, picking

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Speaker 2: up after him and doing every little thing for him.

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Speaker 2: There's especially no reason for you to do the unemployment

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Speaker 2: paperwork when he's the one unemployed, even if his mental

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Speaker 2: health means it takes him twelve hours to complete it.

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Speaker 2: He's got that time, and you don't.

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Speaker 3: I forgot or didn't realize that he was unemployed too. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so we like double the amount of time.

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Speaker 2: Right, you're and you're still doing everything that's.

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Speaker 3: Crazy, like cooking him dinner on the night where you

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Speaker 3: just wanted to see a friend is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like that is just so bad. I need to

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Speaker 2: start putting your foot down. Don't do his laundry, don't

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Speaker 2: clean his messes, ask him to have dinner ready when

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Speaker 2: you get home from work, or to do the dishes

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Speaker 2: since you cooked. And if he really is suffering so

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Speaker 2: horribly and mental health that he can't do anything other

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Speaker 2: than sit and play, he needs to start seeing a doctor.

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Speaker 2: Opie responds. I had to constantly nag him for days

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Speaker 2: to sit behind me at my computer while we did

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Speaker 2: the application. It was exhausting mentally. And then on top

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Speaker 2: of that, I'm trying to get him to call unemployment

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Speaker 2: since we haven't heard from them all week. I try

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Speaker 2: to be strong for all of us, but sometimes I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm losing it. So when the suggestion came

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Speaker 2: up for a buffet, I was hyped. I desperately need

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Speaker 2: a little bit of time. Two hours isn't asking for much.

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to the buffet with her, even more

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Speaker 2: now that he blew up on me like this, though,

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Speaker 2: things are going to be changing around here. That's why

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Speaker 2: I like to hear. Yeah, oh absolutely, I'm at number three.

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Speaker 2: Considering he's unemployed. It sounds like you both need to

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Speaker 2: start looking for work, because it doesn't sound like he

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Speaker 2: is if you're doing his job hunting for him. Opie says,

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Speaker 2: I can't work here.

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Speaker 3: I'm not legal.

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Speaker 2: I moved here for him. I wanted to do online jobs,

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Speaker 2: but it's a no go unless I find cash.

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Speaker 1: Struck.

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Speaker 2: Someone responds, Oof, that is not good, Opie. He knows

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Speaker 2: you are stuck and will behave worse thinking. If he

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Speaker 2: wears you down, you won't try to help yourself. You've

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Speaker 2: been married for seven years and don't have permanent residency

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Speaker 2: or employment authorization. You need to speak to an immigration

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Speaker 2: lawyer or your country's consulate. Being trapped like this is

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Speaker 2: not good, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: Like you've been married to a citizen. What's going on?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Someone responds, If you've been legally married for seven years,

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Speaker 2: you're eligible for role citizenship. I'm not sure how having

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Speaker 2: children affect status, but it certainly does in your favor.

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Speaker 2: Assuming you're in the USA, you certainly need to look

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Speaker 2: into your immigration status at some point when your husband's

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Speaker 2: not around. He may not be totally honest with you,

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Speaker 2: and we do have an update.

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Speaker 3: Please tell me about your immigration status, because that something

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Speaker 3: is fishy. Seven years doesn't make sense to me because

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Speaker 3: this is like for my dad so but for my

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Speaker 3: mom's case, you know this, she it was a lot

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Speaker 3: easier to become a citizen because she had married my

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Speaker 3: dad and then in the for Australia, my dad was

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Speaker 3: like six months away from being eligible for citizenship, but

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Speaker 3: because of how long he had lived there when he

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Speaker 3: was living with my mom, so usually it's like time

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Speaker 3: and also you know marriage status right.

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Speaker 2: Update. Thanks for the replies everyone. I know I wasn't

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Speaker 2: in the wrong from the beginning. I just really needed

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Speaker 2: to hear from other people and my eyes have been

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Speaker 2: open to other things that I need to discuss with

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Speaker 2: him from the replies. It helps a lot when others

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Speaker 2: put things into a different perspective from me. And we're

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Speaker 2: definitely going to have a long discussion tonight when the

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Speaker 2: kids are in bed. And then we got a second update.

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Speaker 2: Oh boy, We had a long talk last night and

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Speaker 2: I told him I will listen to everything else to

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Speaker 2: say if he would listen to me as well without interruption.

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Speaker 2: He agreed and both laid it all out. He realized

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Speaker 2: he was in the wrong and apologized for acting the

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Speaker 2: way he did. I know he has trauma from past relationships,

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Speaker 2: but I have also been through trauma and it's not

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Speaker 2: fair that he's dumping his insecurities onto me because of it,

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Speaker 2: because I don't do that to him. That seemed to

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Speaker 2: make him realize how he's been behaving. I mentioned therapy

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Speaker 2: for his depression, as it is clear that he's going

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Speaker 2: through a rough time, but he needs to chill with

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Speaker 2: the gaming because he is using it to cope and

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Speaker 2: it's making things worse for himself and for us as

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Speaker 2: a whole. He said he knows it's getting bad, and

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Speaker 2: he will try to limit to himself and be involved

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Speaker 2: with me and the kids a little bit more. We

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Speaker 2: hit a little snag when it came to helping around

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Speaker 2: the house. I asked him if he picked up a

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Speaker 2: few extra chores like dishes or do the bedtime routine,

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Speaker 2: that would be a lifesaver because I'm usually juggling the bath,

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Speaker 2: feeding the baby, doing the dishes all the same time,

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Speaker 2: and I'm running around like a maniac. Yeah. I forgot

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Speaker 2: that their youngest is five months old. Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 2: I have like four or five kids.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's just not doing nothing nothing.

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Speaker 2: He also needs to start picking up after himself because

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Speaker 2: I'm already bent out of shape from the kid's message.

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Speaker 2: He mentioned that he hates dishes, but he will try.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't too convinced, but we'll see what happened.

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Speaker 3: I really haven't seen like. It feels like, oh, he's

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Speaker 3: taking this as his side of him having a big

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Speaker 3: shift in his life or in their marriage. But it

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Speaker 3: doesn't really feel like to me, an actual shift. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, she did say like, we'll see at the end,

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Speaker 2: so hopefully that means she's keeping an eye out on

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Speaker 2: all this.

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Speaker 3: Hope. So, but I don't feel great about it, I'll

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Speaker 3: tell you that much.

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Speaker 2: He has also agreed to go to therapy, so that's

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Speaker 2: a plus. As for job searching, we didn't go into

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Speaker 2: it that much, but I did tell him I'm doing

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Speaker 2: everything I can to help with that, and I have

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Speaker 2: too much on my plate, so all that responsibility now

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Speaker 2: has to fall on him. I'm done managing it. I

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Speaker 2: cannot take care of him as much as I do

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Speaker 2: with the children because he is an adult, and while

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Speaker 2: I do love him, this is his responsibility as a man,

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Speaker 2: husband and father. If he needs help, I will definitely

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Speaker 2: make time to help him. But I will not be

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Speaker 2: in the driver's seat anymore. He has left a voicemail

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Speaker 2: to a therapist we found and we'll call back on

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Speaker 2: Monday for a follow up on availability. I appreciate everyone's

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Speaker 2: truthful comments and helping me open my eyes more to

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Speaker 2: how dysfunctional everything has been. I love that most of

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Speaker 2: you were straight up because I needed that. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to be looking out for myself more in the self

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Speaker 2: care department and have made plans to go to the

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Speaker 2: buffet with Tina next week. Well, good, I'm glad you're

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Speaker 2: getting Tina time, Tina time.

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Speaker 3: My goodness. Yeah. I keep an eye out, keep an

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Speaker 3: eye out, keep an eye out.

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Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

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Speaker 2: to the next one.

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Speaker 3: My wife kept lying about where she was riding. Now

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Speaker 3: I want to divorce her.

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Speaker 2: Sure, go ahead and get the divorce.

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Speaker 3: My wife and I have been married for seven years

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Speaker 3: and together for ten. We are both avid motorcyclists and

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Speaker 3: spend quite a bit of time riding, although often separately.

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Speaker 3: She prefers to go out riding late at night on

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Speaker 3: the weekends, and for a while got into the habit

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Speaker 3: of not checking in with me. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from Okay Molasses seventy four or eighty six, and

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Speaker 3: if you want to spit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime.

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Speaker 2: Separate it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're here to give good

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Speaker 3: advice goofully, But we don't have all the answers. We

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Speaker 3: only know what we'd do, So let us know what

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Speaker 3: you would do in the comments. I imagine any husband

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Speaker 3: whose wife is out on a bike at midnight would

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Speaker 3: worry and has every right to ask where she might be.

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Speaker 3: We got into there way a lot of fights about this,

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Speaker 3: and it seemed very difficult for her to want to

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Speaker 3: keep her whereabouts known. She claimed I was smothering her

255
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,960
Speaker 3: and being excessively needy by having to know where she

256
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Speaker 3: was at all times. We worked through it, but I

257
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Speaker 3: was never really content with how she begrudgingly followed suit,

258
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Speaker 3: like it was some kind of chore to keep me

259
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Speaker 3: posted about where she was and when she might be home.

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Speaker 3: I brought this up in therapy, and even our therapist

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Speaker 3: raised her eyebrow at the late night rides with no

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Speaker 3: check in till my wife never seemed to see the problem. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's not about like oh, I need to know where

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Speaker 3: you are at all times because I don't trust you. Yeah,

265
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Speaker 3: it's you're out late at night, as a woman riding

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Speaker 3: on a dangerous vehicle asked for to. A few weekends ago,

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Speaker 3: my wife was out riding and it was getting late again.

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Speaker 3: I sent her a message asking if she was getting

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Speaker 3: dinner while she was out. She responded with the simple yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm good, Thank you, Love you. I was kind of

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Speaker 3: hoping she'd give me a little more detail, as it

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Speaker 3: was getting dark out some time past. I responded by saying, sweet,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna be home for the night. What's you up to?

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Speaker 3: I didn't get a reply, so I followed up with

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Speaker 3: I really dislike when you don't care to tell me

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Speaker 3: what you're doing out on a Friday. Maybe this was

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Speaker 3: a little forward of me, but she knows how frustrated

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Speaker 3: I get in this situation. We've dealt with it many

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Speaker 3: times in the past. This made her very upset and

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Speaker 3: we ended up text arguing. She then gave me a

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Speaker 3: doc to you later and said she was going to

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Speaker 3: keep riding her bike. Naturally, I kept texting. After a

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Speaker 3: few messages, she responded by saying, I'm trying to drive

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Speaker 3: my damn bike, and you are blowing up my phone

285
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,480
Speaker 3: with this, which is uncalled for. I don't breathe down

286
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,320
Speaker 3: your neck asking your every move, respect and trust me.

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00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,920
Speaker 3: Please do the same. It's exhausting. I had a hunt.

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Speaker 3: She was not writing well. If she's responding that much

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Speaker 3: in text, yeah, I doubt I doubt she is riding

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Speaker 3: her bike. Maybe what I did next was uncalled for.

291
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,040
Speaker 3: But I drove over to her favorite late night eatery

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Speaker 3: bar and walked inside. She was sitting at the bar,

293
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Speaker 3: Her bike was parked outside, and I put my hand

294
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,400
Speaker 3: on the exhaust. It was cool. Less than ten minutes

295
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 3: had passed and she had told me she had to

296
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,680
Speaker 3: slam on the brakes to respond to my messages. There

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00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,800
Speaker 3: was no way, and exhaust can cool down that quickly.

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Speaker 3: Once again, maybe I crossed the line here, but I

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00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,719
Speaker 3: felt severely betrayed home. Not long after, I sent a

300
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,160
Speaker 3: quick message that I knew where she was. We argued

301
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,760
Speaker 3: about this big time. We made amends, and she told

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00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,679
Speaker 3: me that she would be better about checking in with

303
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Speaker 3: me in the future. That's not the white lie, though,

304
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 3: but simply a precursor. Up next is the real issue.

305
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,000
Speaker 3: I'm dealing with this past weekend. She was out at

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Speaker 3: a local cafe bar doing some work. She was being

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00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,880
Speaker 3: really good about checking in with me, but it kind

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00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 3: of festered out as the night progressed. She told me

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Speaker 3: she was going to go over to her office to

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Speaker 3: finish some work, and that was the last I heard

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Speaker 3: of her. I was heading home for the night after

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Speaker 3: a late gym session and called her to check in.

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Speaker 3: She did not answer after the first call, and called

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Speaker 3: me back a few minutes later. While we were chatting,

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00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 3: I could hear others in the background. She was also

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00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,360
Speaker 3: talking kind of weird. After a minute or so, she

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Speaker 3: told me she was getting a call and had to

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Speaker 3: pick it up right away. I understood as the importance

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00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,880
Speaker 3: of that call might affect both of us. We are

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00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,640
Speaker 3: in the process of buying a new home and the

321
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,280
Speaker 3: seller's agent was calling. I was expecting a call back

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Speaker 3: with some news, but the call was never returned. An

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00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,240
Speaker 3: hour had passed, so I called her back to see

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Speaker 3: what she had learned about her offer. She didn't answer,

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00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,600
Speaker 3: but responded with the text call you out a few

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00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,960
Speaker 3: When she called back, I could tell she was in

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Speaker 3: her car. She started telling me all about what she

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00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 3: had learned and how long the conversation was. She also

329
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,000
Speaker 3: said she called our lender to check some numbers. It

330
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 3: really didn't add up, and I was sensing some plot holes.

331
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,560
Speaker 3: I asked, where were you when I called? She said, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm driving now I pulled over to talk to the

333
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,880
Speaker 3: seller's agent. I said, if you pulled over to talk

334
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,840
Speaker 3: to him, why could I hear people in the background

335
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,800
Speaker 3: when I called you. She didn't have an answer, and

336
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 3: I let it slide. It felt off. When I saw

337
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 3: her later that night, I told her, I just want

338
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,400
Speaker 3: to feel like she can tell me the truth. I

339
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,160
Speaker 3: was hoping she'd come clean, but it never happened.

340
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Speaker 2: Dang, this guy.

341
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,440
Speaker 3: Is sleuthing, freaking Nancy drew over year.

342
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I mean it's kind of working. I mean,

343
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,120
Speaker 2: when you find the plot holes, that means so, yeah,

344
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,280
Speaker 2: got to pay attention to pot.

345
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,760
Speaker 3: I gotta pay attention now. Today I checked her phone

346
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,640
Speaker 3: records because I couldn't shake the events that evening, not

347
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,760
Speaker 3: at all. To my surprise, she had lied to me.

348
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,040
Speaker 3: After my call. There were no O or calls. She

349
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,000
Speaker 3: had pretended someone was calling to get off the phone

350
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 3: with me. When I confronted her, she said she was

351
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,400
Speaker 3: hanging out with friends and just wanted to enjoy herself

352
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 3: and it was easier to lie than face my reaction.

353
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,360
Speaker 3: I was so hurt at this lie. She's not great

354
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,040
Speaker 3: with apologies and slap together. I'm sorry I lied to you.

355
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,600
Speaker 3: The problem I face is that there is always a

356
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,720
Speaker 3: follow up. She told me that she feels the need

357
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:25,600
Speaker 3: to lie because I'm insecure. Such a terrible combo. Well,

358
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 3: I lie because you're insecure about me lying? Right?

359
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 2: It's like if I was OK, I would want to

360
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,600
Speaker 2: ask like, is there any like, like what reactions have

361
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,080
Speaker 2: I had that make you feel uncomfortable about lying?

362
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:37,640
Speaker 3: Like yeah?

363
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,640
Speaker 2: If she didn't want to face his reaction, like is

364
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 2: it really just about being insecure? Like did I do

365
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 2: anything to yeah, in my insecurity to like respond in

366
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,760
Speaker 2: a bad way or something like that, you know, Like.

367
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 3: What, yeah, what is it? How is it better to lie?

368
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,280
Speaker 3: I also need to trust her more, and it always

369
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 3: feels like I never give her room to breathe. I

370
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,560
Speaker 3: need to work on myself more and be more confident

371
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 3: and trusting. It all like justifying her lie like somehow

372
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 3: it was my fault. It was not a great conversation,

373
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 3: and neither of us were getting any points across. All

374
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,920
Speaker 3: I know is that I feel betrayed yet again, and

375
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 3: I don't know how I can trust her. I also

376
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 3: feel terrible that she couldn't simply admit she was wrong

377
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,920
Speaker 3: and follow it up by making it about my insecurities?

378
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 3: Am I wrong here? I genuinely don't know what to do.

379
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,240
Speaker 3: We haven't talked since, and I could use some advice.

380
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,720
Speaker 3: A few weeks have passed since I wrote this, and

381
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 3: I wanted to offer an update for those who requested one.

382
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 2: I think this is all a little fishy.

383
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 3: It's all a little fishy to me. I don't trust her.

384
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,600
Speaker 2: I don't trust her either, Like yes, I mean sure,

385
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 2: you know, we could just say objectively that yeah, I'm

386
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 2: looking at phone records or whatever, was like whatever, not

387
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,600
Speaker 2: the best idea, whatever. But at the same time, it's like, okay,

388
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 2: besides the point, she is lying and we don't know why.

389
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 2: It's like I feel like I want to have a

390
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 2: conversation with both of them and just to be like yo,

391
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 2: like I don't think he initially thought anything fishy of you.

392
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,600
Speaker 2: I don't think it's about that, but now you're lying,

393
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 2: So now I'm worried that you're hiding something from me, like.

394
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 3: What to cut to the chase. We're getting a divorce?

395
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 3: WHOA okay?

396
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:10,679
Speaker 4: Right?

397
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,680
Speaker 3: Seems like you guys did not work it out so honestly,

398
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:18,040
Speaker 3: experiencing this gamut of emotions has been excruciating, to say

399
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 3: the least. I wish this on no one. When I

400
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 3: was feeling your much needed replies, I was staying at

401
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 3: an airbnb to give us time away from one another.

402
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 3: She was livid at first, but quickly realized the importance

403
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,160
Speaker 3: of the time away. I myself had plenty of time

404
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 3: to effect on many of the responses here, and spent

405
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 3: all my free time journaling to work out my thoughts.

406
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 3: I returned home after a week and we had our

407
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 3: heart to heart. Much to my surprise, we both came

408
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,960
Speaker 3: forward equally with the proposition to separate. I don't believe

409
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,919
Speaker 3: she was cheating, and I don't think it's a substance dependency.

410
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,960
Speaker 3: These were suggestions that seemed to percolate to the top

411
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 3: of this thread. Perhaps I am naive as well, but

412
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,159
Speaker 3: at this point it no longer matters regardless. What we

413
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 3: have is a textbookcase of two people who aren't right

414
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 3: for one another. We have fought home ard to save

415
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 3: our marriage over the years, and quite honestly, the feeling

416
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 3: of failure is the hardest part to cope with. Beautiful

417
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 3: memories of our early time together surface and waves and

418
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 3: manifest as tears, and I have grieved this loss at

419
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:15,199
Speaker 3: different times and in different ways. There will always be

420
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 3: the doubt and questioning of whould we have made it work.

421
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,600
Speaker 3: Hopefully the year will reduce the doubt to a whisper.

422
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,040
Speaker 3: In conclusion, we are both ambical at this phase and

423
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,479
Speaker 3: hope to continue a friendship into the future. That is,

424
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,439
Speaker 3: a friendship not carried over from a previous marriage, but

425
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 3: one rebuilt from scratch. In some ways, I can sense

426
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 3: our relationship already healing and improving. I hope this may

427
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 3: be a predictor of the future. I am about to

428
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,280
Speaker 3: close on my own home soon. There is a subtle

429
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,479
Speaker 3: undertone of fear in the loneliness ahead, but I can

430
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,400
Speaker 3: see that quickly becoming eclipsed by the opportunity to rebuild myself.

431
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 3: I look forward to the journey of growing and learning

432
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 3: to love who I am as an individual. I wish

433
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,200
Speaker 3: her the best as well. Thank you to everyone who's

434
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 3: inside helped me work through such a difficult time, and

435
00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 3: there are some relevant comments. Okay, wrapper this is going Yeah,

436
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 3: I thought it was wrapping up. It's all like halfway

437
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 3: through whoa common one, says put on location tracker, She

438
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 3: just honestly says at the start what she's gonna do

439
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 3: and when she'll be back, and only text when she

440
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 3: deviates from it. That way, there's no need to keep

441
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,919
Speaker 3: communication going, which I understand can be smothering for and

442
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 3: you know where she is at all times. You both

443
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 3: seem to have an issue, and both don't listen to

444
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 3: each other and fixate on their own search for a

445
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 3: solution for both issues together as a team, like the

446
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 3: one I mentioned. Perhaps, Op says, I appreciate this suggestion.

447
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 3: I recommended the location tracker previously only when she's out

448
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,680
Speaker 3: late writing. She did not like the suggestion and it

449
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 3: never ended up happening. Does Op's wife prefer to do

450
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 3: things alone and not enjoy spending time with them? What

451
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 3: about hobbies? Op says, I've tried to discuss with her

452
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,199
Speaker 3: how I feel about her autonomy. She really wants to

453
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 3: be left alone to experience the world when it's convenient

454
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 3: for her. I've always felt like I'm expected to be

455
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 3: available when she's ready to be in a marriage again.

456
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,159
Speaker 3: She'll often tell me to go out and do my

457
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 3: own thing. In my opinion, I don't want to do that,

458
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 3: nor do I feel that is a reasonable request. I

459
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 3: want a partner that I can be connected with. This

460
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,200
Speaker 3: desire of mine is often met with me being told

461
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 3: that I am clean and insecure. It's a really tough situation.

462
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,280
Speaker 3: Opee explains more about his relationship with his wife. Opie says, generally,

463
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 3: I would not call our relationship strong. Our intimacy and

464
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,199
Speaker 3: closeness has dwindled over the years. The avoidance has been

465
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 3: going on for roughly two to three years. The late

466
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 3: night rides and lack of communication of her whereabouts has

467
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,640
Speaker 3: been going on about the same There was a time

468
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 3: years ago where I caught on to her having extended

469
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: conversations with another man via text. He lived in another

470
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 3: state and she claimed he was just a friend. These

471
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 3: conversations had been going on for months before I found out.

472
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 3: It left me broken and I still harbor a light resentment.

473
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,640
Speaker 3: Admittedly I likened it to an emotional affair, a claim

474
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 3: at which she box at. I am not satisfied with

475
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 3: the intimacy, as I do not feel we connect on

476
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 3: a deep level. As of late, I cannot speak for her.

477
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 3: Our major fights tend to evolve around the same topics.

478
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 3: I usually am the one to bring up my conscers

479
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 3: and hopes to start a forum, but it usually gets

480
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,399
Speaker 3: turned around as I am overly dissatisfied and can't simply

481
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 3: let things be. While her late night rides are a

482
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 3: lot of the problem, it's all the same if she's

483
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 3: in a car. I'd be open to see if any

484
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 3: of this information gives you any further insight, and there

485
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 3: is an update, I think we just got it. I

486
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 3: think we just got to keep barreling through. Yeah.

487
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 2: I mean, that's definitely a lot of insight for sure.

488
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 3: Yeah. Nearly two months later, Hello, I thirty five mail

489
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,919
Speaker 3: wanted to offer one last update on this saga that

490
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 3: is my failed marriage. I will link by an initial

491
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 3: post in the comments for those who haven't read it. Anyways,

492
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 3: we both amicably decided to separate, so I thought admittedly

493
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 3: it was a healthy choice for both of us, and

494
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 3: from what I just experienced, I'm only more confident moving

495
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 3: forward and finding my piece. In short, I have always

496
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,400
Speaker 3: been the consistent income for a thirty five female industry

497
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 3: is seasonally dependent, and as much as I wanted to

498
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 3: just leave, I knew I couldn't just ditch her to

499
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,959
Speaker 3: figure out survival on her own. Initially, she had suggested

500
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 3: we separate but live under the same roof until next May.

501
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 3: This would have given her the safety and confidence to

502
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 3: push into her busy summer months. Of course, I said,

503
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 3: heck no. I felt that was a crazy suggestion. For one,

504
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,199
Speaker 3: there is absolutely no way that wouldn't further poison her

505
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 3: already toxic relationship. Second, I really saw the need to

506
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,479
Speaker 3: break away so that I could heal and rebuild my life,

507
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 3: which had effectively been decimated. I decided to buy my

508
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 3: own house, but I offered to stick around financially until

509
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 3: she could earn the fund she needed to start her

510
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 3: new life. We had been cordial for the week or

511
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 3: so that I finally closed and was settling in Dare

512
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 3: I say becoming friends? My new house was barren. I

513
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 3: quite literally celebrated the purchase of a new couch as

514
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 3: a side. You really don't appreciate a comfortable place to

515
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 3: sit after a long day of work until all you

516
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 3: have is a wooden barstool. And a worn out rug

517
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 3: from your old home. We had continued to show each

518
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 3: other little acts of good faith, but after a few

519
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,439
Speaker 3: days communication went dark. To be expected, I guess I

520
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 3: was loving serenity of my new home and was beginning

521
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 3: to experience a love for myself I haven't felt in years. Honestly,

522
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 3: not having to talk with her brought a sense of relief.

523
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 3: One item I wanted to be sure was made right

524
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 3: was a water heater leak at her house, my old house,

525
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: which I still own, that I noticed when I moved out.

526
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 3: I called the plumbing company to take care of it,

527
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 3: as I have a busy work schedule. Admittedly, it breaks

528
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,199
Speaker 3: my heart to even enter that home, and I was

529
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 3: just as much avoiding that. Sadly, the plumber's canceled twice

530
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 3: and I was getting impatient. I figured I would just

531
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 3: handle it. I let her know I would be dropping in,

532
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 3: and she was more than okay with it. I'm a

533
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 3: decent plumber and knew it would be quick work. I

534
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 3: arrived on site and diagnosed a pinhole leak. I drained

535
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 3: the lines, cut the damage section, and whipped together the

536
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 3: repair wilach. Her trash can was in the garage and

537
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 3: naturally I needed a place to toss the wreckage of

538
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 3: my plumbing job. When I opened the lid, what do

539
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 3: I see? A whole box of used protection.

540
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I just want to say, like you used,

541
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: You're gonna keep.

542
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 3: That in a box?

543
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 2: You have it in a box.

544
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 3: You didn't throw that out, You dumb, dumb You like

545
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 3: one gross too, You're stupid, stupid, stupid gross. Oh my gosh.

546
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 3: I was shocked. My heart sank. I had been out

547
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 3: of that house barely a week, still legally married, and

548
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 3: here I am fixing her house and offering the financial

549
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 3: support she needed to move on. I knew my gut

550
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 3: that I no longer wanted to be a part of this.

551
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 3: I needed to be free of this misery. I texted

552
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 3: her a photo of the water heater with a good

553
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 3: as new if you wouldn't mind just keep an eye

554
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 3: on it for the next day or so?

555
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 2: Do you?

556
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,439
Speaker 3: Eventually texted back up, Thank you. I told her to

557
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 3: call me tomorrow so we could chat. My heart was

558
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 3: racing for hours. I had felt some insane lows this

559
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 3: past month or so, but this was the absolute worst. Honestly,

560
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 3: if I were him, I would have texted a picture

561
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 3: of the water heater, but with the box in the

562
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 3: background open that.

563
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was thinking, like I thought that's where he

564
00:24:59,080 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 2: was going.

565
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, the good news water heater fixed.

566
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like in the corner. Is that both?

567
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,359
Speaker 3: Yeah? I wasn't ready to talk to her. I needed food,

568
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 3: I was spent well. She called. She has a real

569
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 3: anxiety about call me to kind of texts in a way.

570
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 3: I knew this, but I genuinely needed the night to

571
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 3: sleep and collect my cell phone rings. Guess we're doing this,

572
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 3: I told myself. I started the conversation by letting her

573
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 3: know the water heater is good to go, but she

574
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 3: may want to have a professional take a look within

575
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 3: the year. Followed by the next part of this conversation

576
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 3: will be difficult. I did not directly tell her I

577
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,239
Speaker 3: knew she was already hooking up with someone new. I

578
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 3: only saw my own destruction in making it my business

579
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 3: or even thinking of it. All I said was, I

580
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 3: know you've moved on. I know how you've chosen to

581
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 3: do so. I then told her I was removing myself

582
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 3: from all shared accounts and she would need to figure

583
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 3: it out from there. Bully was she livid? What was

584
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 3: that term you guys taught me in my first post, Darvo. Yes,

585
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,880
Speaker 3: lots of that. Tons of gas lighting, followed by name

586
00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 3: calling and accusations. She even insulted my case character, telling

587
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 3: me she thought I took pride in being a person

588
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 3: of honor and respect.

589
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 2: Word she kept alluding.

590
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 3: To how she thought we had agreed to being allowed

591
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 3: to have our needs met. I didn't say it out right,

592
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 3: but I really think she had twisted what an actual

593
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 3: need is. And also if it was a full box, yeah,

594
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,120
Speaker 3: and they had been separated for a week.

595
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I forgot that.

596
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 3: That's how soon it was. How about financial security? How

597
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 3: about a soft landing with your husband of ten years

598
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 3: that you claim to want to remain friends with. I

599
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 3: just don't. I can't imagine that she found someone that

600
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 3: week and then that had that amount of spicy sleep

601
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 3: with them to point where it was.

602
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 2: A full box.

603
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

604
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 2: That's that's too much. There's got to be overlapped.

605
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 3: My thoughts, are you you do you?

606
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 2: Why are you keeping that?

607
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 3: Why are you keeping that? Why'd you do that? Why

608
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 3: are you blaming him? Yeah?

609
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: So many thoughts like if this was, if this truly

610
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 2: was one week, then I guess if you were just

611
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 2: using that box as a trash can and it was

612
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 2: the only thing in there. Sure, But because it's so much,

613
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 2: I mean, he didn't even say like a number. But

614
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: if it's a box full of the boule.

615
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 3: Makes vid yeah, box fullL makes me think more than

616
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 3: soth yeah, which you know, more than a day a week.

617
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 3: And if it's like again, like if it was someone

618
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 3: that she just met, I really don't think it would

619
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 3: be as easy for her to be like, hey, let's

620
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 3: meet every day this week. Yeah right, you know.

621
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's there's got to be over that.

622
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: So why am I writing this A couple of reasons.

623
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 3: For one, it's the end of my tail. This is

624
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 3: the worst I will ever feel about this. It's only

625
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 3: healing and growing from here.

626
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 2: Second, a lot.

627
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 3: Of redditors believe she was cheating in my last post.

628
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: I didn't have any reason to believe this, but after

629
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 3: how quickly she jumped on someone else immediately after we

630
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 3: being moving out, maybe y'all weren't too far off. Third,

631
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 3: kind of to vent I guess I also had to

632
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 3: put down my cat oh hours ago.

633
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh, my gosh, my god. What a day.

634
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: Either way, I'm so glad to leave that toxic mess behind.

635
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 3: I want so desperately to believe I'm making the right

636
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 3: call to cut all time. But I wonder did she

637
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 3: owe it to me to try and put off her

638
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 3: urges until we split finances. I'd be curious to hear

639
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 3: others thoughts. I'm sorry. It's like absolutely very poor form

640
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 3: to sleep with someone, Yeah, the week that you was

641
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 3: separated with your partner of like how long again.

642
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 2: Like ten years?

643
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: Ten years? Yeah, it is even more poor form to

644
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 3: cheat on them, which I think she did, Yeah, exactly,

645
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 3: which probably made it easier for her to, you know,

646
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 3: sleep with someone that soon. But that's the end of

647
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 3: that story.

648
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 2: Folks.

649
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 5: I'm being forced to lie about my current job, but

650
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 5: I couldn't do it.

651
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 4: Your pants will go on fire. Liar or liar, It's true.

652
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 5: I work at a biotech company developing a platform for

653
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 5: diagnostic assays. It's vague, I know, but I definitely can't

654
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 5: be specific. My job entails developing assay chemistries to be

655
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 5: used on this platform. It's similar to academic research, but

656
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 5: much faster paced because it tends to be based on

657
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 5: pre existing formulations.

658
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 4: Say the testing of a metal or or to determine

659
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 4: its ingredients and quality.

660
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 3: My team is.

661
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 5: Under a ton of pressure from the CEOs to churn

662
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 5: out developed chemistries as fast as possible. By the way,

663
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 5: this comes from bioteen Elated and if you want to

664
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 5: submit your own stories, go to the arch slash Okay

665
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 5: storytime subreddit. I am Savannah, I'm Carly, and we are

666
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 5: here to give you good advice goofy, but we do

667
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 5: not have all the answers. We would only tell you

668
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 5: what we would do in this situation, so please tell

669
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 5: us what you would do in the comments. As op says,

670
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 5: there are a good number of criteria and design constraints

671
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 5: that must be met for each project, like percent cvs

672
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 5: below a certain threshold, or variability under specific conditions. They're

673
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 5: not so stringent that I would say they're ready for validation.

674
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 5: I'm completely new to industry and chemistry is not my

675
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 5: strong suit, so I tend to be partnered with other

676
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 5: chemists and we meet with my boss and our team

677
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 5: advisor together to discuss results and direction for each project.

678
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 5: I've come to understand that in these meetings it is

679
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 5: recommended to be extremely selective about what you tell the bosses.

680
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 5: As in ignoring the bulk of the evidence that suggests

681
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 5: the formulation is not working, and instead present the one

682
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 5: graph that looks okay and tell them everything's passing with

683
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 5: flying colors. I have to look them in the eye

684
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 5: when my partner says these things and smile and not

685
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 5: Once the lie is in place, I then have to

686
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 5: back it up with data that is simply unattainable, and

687
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 5: I get crap from my boss for it. At this point,

688
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 5: my boss has lied to the CEOs about the degree

689
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 5: of progress made on the project, so now he is

690
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 5: under pressure to get results out of me. This is

691
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 5: apparently common practice for everyone here. We all lie to

692
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 5: each other's faces about the science to look better in

693
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 5: the short term, when in reality we're building a non

694
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 5: functional product. The CEOs reward those who tell them exactly

695
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 5: what they want to hear, and punish, sometimes by firing

696
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 5: those who bring up problems or suggestions for improvement. Even

697
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 5: supervisors who try to repair the system by holding their

698
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 5: employees accountable for their data and giving honest information to

699
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 5: the CEOs do not last long. Here. Everything is image driven,

700
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 5: because we're all aware we could be fired for not

701
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 5: being optimistic enough. I can think of only two people

702
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 5: in the entire company who care about the truth behind

703
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 5: their work. I firmly believe this system is going to

704
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 5: drive the company into the ground because the CEOs are

705
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 5: training everyone to lie to them when they try to

706
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,479
Speaker 5: implement this product. It's going to fall apart because there

707
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 5: is just no accountability. I can't stand it. I've stayed

708
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 5: in this job for about six months because it pays

709
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 5: very well, but I'm running out of steam. I hate chemistry.

710
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 5: My degree is in bioengineering, and I hate this company.

711
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 5: I left at noon today because I couldn't keep myself

712
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 5: from crying. Seriously, I hate lying to people, and I

713
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 5: hate discrediting myself by pretending I'm okay with it. I'm

714
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 5: afraid of speaking out. This entire organization is hollow and

715
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 5: fear based. I'm deeply distraught, and I would like to

716
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 5: know whether this is just the reality of working in

717
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 5: an industry, or whether I should get out of this

718
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 5: particular job. Is this how all industry jobs are? If so,

719
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 5: I will be looking for changing careers. Science should be

720
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 5: about seeing reality and using it to make informed decisions

721
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 5: and inventions, not warping it to promote yourself.

722
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 2: There's an edit. Thanks guys.

723
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 5: This is my first job, and I was seriously afraid

724
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 5: that this was what companies are like everywhere. I value

725
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 5: myself much more than I value these people's approval. I've

726
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 5: already submitted resumes to four companies in my area since lunch,

727
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 5: and I will continue to search until I find an

728
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 5: employer who takes their product and their employees seriously. When

729
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 5: that happens, I will very much enjoy saying goodbye to

730
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 5: this place.

731
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 4: And there are some comments, but yeah, I mean, it

732
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 4: sounds like the advice that Op is gonna get is

733
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 4: exactly what I was gonna say. Just you need to

734
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 4: get out of there, find another job. That sounds awful

735
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 4: and just like horrifyingly illegal in some ways.

736
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 5: It also just sounds like nothing would ever get done because.

737
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 4: Right, like, what are you actually working tours?

738
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh give me that by you know, next Friday.

739
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 5: And the next Friday comes around, it's like, oh, we

740
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 5: couldn't do it because the flim flam broke and blah

741
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 5: blah blah, and they're like, all right, got it, and

742
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 5: then they're like, we'll give it to me next week.

743
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 2: And the next week there's another excuse to why it can't, like.

744
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 4: You're never gonna actually get this product, so like what

745
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 4: will you have to show for your work?

746
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 3: Yeah?

747
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 5: And like so you just have to keep lying that

748
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 5: the product's not done, But what are you even doing

749
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 5: on the product? Like That's what I'm confused about, Like

750
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 5: what is this job? Just lying to people saying I'm

751
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 5: working on it, but then not actually working on it?

752
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 4: And this is not how most jobs are.

753
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 2: Do not think that.

754
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 4: I don't know any jobs really that are this bad

755
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 4: about like lines and lying and getting fired for it.

756
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, it doesn't seem like a very creditible business.

757
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't know.

758
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 5: I would get out of there because none of that

759
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 5: makes sense to me. And you're just like lying and

760
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 5: then getting paid for not doing anything. I don't even know. Yeah,

761
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 5: but here are some comments. This one was actually deleted.

762
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 5: I hate lying to people, and I hate discrediting myself

763
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 5: by pretending I'm okay with it. I think you know

764
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 5: everything you need to know with just that one sentence

765
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 5: forget normal. You have to decide for yourself whether your

766
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 5: job is worth keeping. But I would suggest that if

767
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 5: your job is causing you as much stress and unhappiness

768
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 5: as it appears to be then whatever your morals, you

769
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 5: should be looking for other employment. That that job is

770
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,280
Speaker 5: simply not for you. Good luck, State of WOOT said,

771
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 5: sending out those resumes are the best thing you could

772
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 5: be doing right now. You will look very presentable to

773
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,720
Speaker 5: an interviewer if you currently hold a position. My advice

774
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 5: would be in the interview be very diplomatic when talking

775
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,280
Speaker 5: about your current employer slash boss slash colleagues. In fact,

776
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 5: I would advise you to say nothing negative as much

777
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,279
Speaker 5: as you want to be truthful. As an interviewer, I

778
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 5: have no way of verifying whether your current employer is

779
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 5: indeed terrible. If they ask you why you're looking to leave,

780
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 5: mention the chemistry angle that you really are looking for

781
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 5: more experience in biotech. There is another deleted comment obtainable

782
00:34:55,640 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 5: relieved cake kiss, Juggle, innocent, squalid, dependent scale, spectacular mass

783
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 5: edited with redact dark dev oh P responds, I think

784
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 5: you might be psychic. I know my boss to be untrustworthy.

785
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,959
Speaker 5: Another employee wascked oubt recently because his data didn't match

786
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,760
Speaker 5: the tables of Grandeur. He told boss, then lied about

787
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 5: his employee to save his own But thankfully, my expenses

788
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 5: are very low renting, no kids, no pets, no debt.

789
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,760
Speaker 5: So I know I have the option of rage quitting

790
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,879
Speaker 5: if that's what it comes to, and I'll be able

791
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 5: to survive on savings judgment, not the a hole. There's

792
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 5: an update nine years later, nine nine nine years later,

793
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 5: after many tms and with the popularity of the dropout

794
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 5: on Hulu rising, let me clarify that yes, this was Thurano's. Yes,

795
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 5: I work with Ian Gibbons. His enthusiasm for microfluidics during

796
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 5: my interview was what sold me on the company. Yes,

797
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 5: I saw Elizabeth and Sonny. Yes, I continued to work

798
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,280
Speaker 5: in this industry and am happy and successful and grateful

799
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 5: for the perspect if this job gave me in a

800
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 5: thank you next kind of way. Plus I came away

801
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 5: with some good stories to tell at parties.

802
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 2: Here's some comments.

803
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 5: Op says after this post, I started looking for new

804
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 5: jobs and after about three months decided to quit without

805
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 5: another job lined up. Or rather, I reached a point

806
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 5: where I would drive to work and sit in my

807
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 5: car and cry and realize I just couldn't push myself

808
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 5: to keep playing along, to do the responsible thing of

809
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 5: having another job in hand. Before jumping ship, I wrote

810
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 5: my resignation letter, gave it to my manager, and same

811
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 5: day had an exit interview with Sonny, where he asked

812
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 5: me no questions nor offered me the opportunity to explain

813
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 5: why I was leaving, and just intimidated me and demanded

814
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 5: that I sign a huge stack of NDAs before walking out.

815
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 5: It wasn't until at least a year after I left

816
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 5: that Thranos came out of stealth mode and started getting

817
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 5: media attention. It was interesting and weird to watch it explode,

818
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 5: and frustrating to see EH praise and frustrating to see

819
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 5: EH praised all over the place, all while I wondered

820
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 5: how they could have ever gotten over the problems I

821
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 5: saw while I was there. And ultimately it was satisfying,

822
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 5: but still weird to watch it come crumbling down. Even

823
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,280
Speaker 5: weirder now is seeing people I actually worked with portrayed

824
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,280
Speaker 5: by famous actors weird weird.

825
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 4: Wow, this might have been like a big, big thing.

826
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well it does sound weird, weird, weird, so

827
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 5: I'd have to agree with you on that. After that,

828
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 5: I took a break from the biotech industry and just

829
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 5: pursued some passions of mine and took a low key

830
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 5: receptionist job at a local business, just try to rebuild

831
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 5: my soul for a few months.

832
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 2: After that, I went on to work at some.

833
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 5: Incredible institutions, both academic and industrial, and I'm currently employed

834
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 5: and an industry leading biotech company that puts an emphasis

835
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 5: on doing good in the world and maintaining transparency and

836
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 5: respect in the workplace. So definitely a happy ending for me.

837
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 2: Oh good, Opie.

838
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 5: I'm yeah, glad you got the happy ending you deserved.

839
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 5: I'm sorry go through all of that, but it's always

840
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 5: sad to hit like your full breaking point. Yeah, get there,

841
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 5: but it usually means better things true, And I think

842
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 5: in this case, you did everything that you could. You

843
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,479
Speaker 5: got away from something toxic, and you bettered yourself and

844
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 5: you're finally.

845
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 3: Where you deserved to be.

846
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 4: Good job, Good job.

847
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 2: But that is the end of the story.

848
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axe Loottel host.

849
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 2: Here.

850
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 4: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

851
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 4: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I refuse to

852
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 4: switch seats with my coworker and it made her extremely upset.

853
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 2: What is this musical chairs?

854
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 4: I twenty four mail work in a small office with

855
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 4: about ten people we recently moved into a new building,

856
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 4: and our manager told us we could choose our desks

857
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 4: on a first come, first serve basis. I came in

858
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 4: early that day and picked a seat near the window.

859
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 4: It's not a special desk or anything, but it has

860
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 4: good natural light and a bit of space, which helps

861
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 4: me focus. By the way, this comes from connect Sector

862
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: twenty seven oh one. And if you want us to

863
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 4: meet your own story, go to the r slash Okay

864
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,879
Speaker 4: storytime sub reddit. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and we're

865
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 4: here to give good advice. Goofully, but we don't have

866
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 4: all the answers. We only know what we would do.

867
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 4: Let us know what you would do in the comments.

868
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 4: As Opie says, about an hour later, one of my coworkers,

869
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 4: maya twenty seven female, came in and asked if I

870
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 4: could swap seats with her because she gets migrains and

871
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 4: the sunlight might bother her. I didn't have any problems

872
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 4: with her request until I realized the only other open

873
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 4: spot was near the hallway door, where people constantly walk

874
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 4: by and talk. I've sat there before and I found

875
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 4: it distracting. I told her I understood her issue. But

876
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 4: I really liked my currency and had picked it early

877
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 4: for that reason. I also suggested she could close the

878
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 4: blinds a bit or wear her blue light glasses like

879
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 4: she usually does. She said I was being inconsiderate and

880
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,439
Speaker 4: told our manager. Our manager didn't directly tell me to move,

881
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 4: but asked if I could be nice and accommodate since

882
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 4: it would help Maya feel better. I said I would

883
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 4: prefer to keep my spot because I'm more productive there

884
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 4: and it's not against any rule.

885
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 5: Can no one else switch with her either? Yeah, that's

886
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 5: what I was thinking. I was like, no one else.

887
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,240
Speaker 5: She just specifically wants you on a seat.

888
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 4: OPI was like, that's a direct sunlight seat. It's got

889
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 4: really good lighting, and then she was like, sunlight hurts

890
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 4: my head.

891
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

892
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 2: That's why I'm confused as well.

893
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 4: The manager said fine, but I could tell they were

894
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 4: a bit disappointed. Now Maya barely talks to me unless

895
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 4: she has to, and another coworker told me it's just

896
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 4: a seat, and I could have been more understanding. I

897
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 4: kind of feel bad because I didn't want to make

898
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 4: anyone uncomfortable, but I also think I was fair since

899
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 4: I picked it first. And have valid reasons for keeping it.

900
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,720
Speaker 4: Am I the a hole for not giving up my seat?

901
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 4: And an edit for clarity. A lot of people pointed

902
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 4: out that my wording about the desks was confusing, So

903
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 4: here's what actually happened. The desk I picked is near

904
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 4: a window, but it only gets soft in direct light.

905
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 4: Maya's usual desk is by a different window that gets

906
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 4: strong direct sunlight, and that light gives her migraines. She

907
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 4: has to switch so she could have my shaded spot.

908
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 4: While she was talking to me, another coworker took her seat,

909
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 4: so the only desk left for me would have been

910
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 4: the one near the hallway where everyone walks by and talks.

911
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 4: That's why I didn't want to move. Hope that clears

912
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 4: things up and we have some comments, but before we

913
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 4: dive in any other thoughts.

914
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't think that you're the a hole.

915
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 5: It was first come, first serve, and you know, you

916
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 5: ultimately have to do what's best for you, you know,

917
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 5: And if it's gonna be annoying and it's gonna make you,

918
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 5: you know, have a negative way towards work or whatever

919
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 5: and have a negative attitude just be annoyed, then yeah,

920
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 5: then don't do it, you know, because my thing is like, yes,

921
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 5: hers will affect her one way, which is like medically

922
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 5: with the migraines.

923
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 4: Yours will affect your work production levels. So it's like

924
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 4: you're kind of both being affected in some way. And

925
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 4: if she does have blinds that she can put down,

926
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 4: I don't know. I would be curious. I think my

927
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 4: big deciding factor would be how much later than you

928
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 4: did she come in to claim a seat, Like if

929
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 4: you got there early, was she like five minutes right

930
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 4: behind you? Or was she like hours behind you where

931
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 4: all these seats were taken? Then it's like girly pop

932
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 4: if you knew it was first comfort serve. True, but

933
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 4: I always feel bad when it's migraines. But like, but

934
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 4: also you see, you know, can you ask anyone else?

935
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 2: Wait?

936
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,240
Speaker 4: No one else can switch?

937
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 2: Yeah?

938
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 4: I would wait, yeah, wait and wait a second. If

939
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 4: she had the direct sunlight seat and she wanted to

940
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 4: switch with you, someone took that direct sunlight seat, and

941
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 4: now the only seat left is over near the hallway.

942
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 4: That's not the direct sunlight seat anymore. So why can't

943
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 4: she take the hallway seat?

944
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 5: Well, she doesn't want the hallway seat, Why not because

945
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 5: she said people go by and talk.

946
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 4: No, that's why OP doesn't want the hallway seat. Yeah,

947
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 4: I'm saying, why can't Maya take the hallway seat? She

948
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 4: just can't have her initial seat because it was in

949
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,959
Speaker 4: direct sunlight. But that seat's not open anymore. The seat

950
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,919
Speaker 4: that's open now is in the hallway, So what's wrong

951
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 4: with hallway seat?

952
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:35,720
Speaker 3: That's true.

953
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 2: I even think that I just figured like nobody wanted

954
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 2: the hallway.

955
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 4: Seat, right, like comments comment to one, that was a

956
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 4: weird move from your manager to let you all sort

957
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 4: it out in a scrum and then try to intervene.

958
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 4: If she needs a medical accommodation, she can speak to

959
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 4: the manager. It's her right to ask, but it's your

960
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 4: right to refuse, given the unthoughtful way your manager approached this.

961
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 4: Someone replies, Agree to be fair, o pee, the person

962
00:42:58,560 --> 00:42:59,800
Speaker 4: who gets migraines.

963
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 2: Should have thought.

964
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,479
Speaker 4: But HM, where I sit really matters, so I should

965
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,760
Speaker 4: come in early and be the first come, first served.

966
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 4: She didn't. That's no one's fault, but hers come un

967
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 4: to two downloaded. I don't agree. If early is before

968
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 4: her work day starts, she could have had to drop

969
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 4: kids off at school or daycare where she can't just

970
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 4: go earlier because it's not open. Maya is required to

971
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 4: arrange her personal schedule to be at work on time,

972
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,879
Speaker 4: and I assume she's done that. So it's not fair

973
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:24,839
Speaker 4: to say if she wants to get desks, she'll get

974
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 4: there early, because not everyone necessarily has the same opportunity

975
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 4: to do that. Someone replies, as a parent, if I

976
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 4: had known this was the situation, I would have made

977
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 4: arrangements for my child. I was fortunate to have a

978
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 4: support as a parent, But most people could also arrange

979
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 4: a single day of carpooling, even if it's not their norm.

980
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 4: If she knows she has a medical issue, she could

981
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 4: have communicated with the manager before. My point is you

982
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 4: have to even the playing field yourself because no one

983
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 4: else will do it for you. That was her responsibility,

984
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 4: not to come in later and try to could jewel

985
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 4: her way into a preferred desk. She knew her needs

986
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 4: and did nothing to get them met. That's all on her,

987
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 4: and we have an update. I think I'm kind of

988
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 4: on the like, yeah, you probably should have tried to

989
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 4: come in early and get your desk, But more so

990
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 4: I'm on the like, what's wrong with this hallway seat

991
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 4: for Maya now train.

992
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

993
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 5: I think if she truly had a problem, you know,

994
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 5: with direct sunlight and all of that, then it's like, okay,

995
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 5: then you need to communicate that with the manager, be like, hey,

996
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 5: if we're gonna you know, be switching desks and moving

997
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 5: seats whatever, like, can you make sure that I, like

998
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 5: one is specifically safe for me because I have like

999
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 5: issues with like migrain right, stuff.

1000
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 4: Like, can you please make sure I'm not in the

1001
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 4: direct sun And then the manager can be like, of course,

1002
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 4: like we know that you have this medical accommodation.

1003
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,959
Speaker 5: Yeah, Instead she just assumed that, you know, people would

1004
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 5: give up their seat even though that's no one's issue

1005
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 5: but her own.

1006
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 4: I went back and read it too. Yeah, that hallway

1007
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 4: seat says nothing about being in direct sunlight. So like,

1008
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 4: Maya girl, you get the hallway then, yeah, suck it up.

1009
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 2: That's it.

1010
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 4: Update. Here's a quick update about what happened recently. All right,

1011
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 4: so today was honestly a bit rough at work. I

1012
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,399
Speaker 4: got in and right away I could tell the vibe

1013
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 4: was off. Maya was already talking to a couple coworkers,

1014
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 4: and the second I sat down, they kind of stopped

1015
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 4: talking and just looked at me for a sec. Nobody

1016
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 4: said anything, but it was pretty obvious something was up.

1017
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:17,799
Speaker 4: Through the morning, Maya kept doing this thing where she'd

1018
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 4: walk past my desk and then look away real quick,

1019
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 4: like she didn't want to make eye contact. Then later

1020
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 4: I heard her telling someone that she tries so hard

1021
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 4: to get along with everyone and that she always gets

1022
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 4: pushed around. She said something about how I've been ignoring

1023
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 4: her for months, which is just not true at all.

1024
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 4: We're barely talk but that's literally the whole office. No

1025
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 4: one is super chatty here. At one point she went

1026
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 4: into my manager's office and stayed in there for like

1027
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 4: ten minutes. When she came out, she looked kind of

1028
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 4: teary eyed. After that, two people who never cared about

1029
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 4: anything seat related suddenly started treating me weird. One of

1030
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 4: them said, some people think coming in early means they

1031
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 4: deserve everything, and looked straight at me. I honestly had

1032
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 4: no idea what to even say to that. My manager

1033
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,720
Speaker 4: didn't bring it up to me directly, but they acted

1034
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 4: weird around me for the rest of the day, like

1035
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 4: they knew drama was brewing and didn't want to get

1036
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 4: in the middle of it, I'm starting to feel like

1037
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 4: Maya told them a whole different version of what happened,

1038
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 4: probably made it sound like I was doing it on

1039
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:15,919
Speaker 4: purpose or something. This office sounds god awful if none

1040
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 4: of them are actually listening to what you're saying, and

1041
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 4: like they're just starting to like form a group against you,

1042
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 4: Like good God, grow up people. It's seating arrangements in

1043
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 4: an office. She has a desk that's not a direct

1044
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 4: sunlight like the end.

1045
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 2: That's it.

1046
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 4: Like, it's really not that big of a deal, right,

1047
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 4: we asked the switch, you said, hey, no, not gonna switch.

1048
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 4: I would be really unproductive over there. They didn't ask

1049
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 4: a single other person to switch, and you had a

1050
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 4: desk in a hallway that we don't have any like,

1051
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:46,720
Speaker 4: we have not heard that that desk gets direct sunlight.

1052
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 4: So I'm like, what is the issue?

1053
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is dramatic.

1054
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just dra matter for literally no reason.

1055
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 4: It feels like a small group is kind of teaming

1056
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 4: up with her and trying to paint me as the

1057
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 4: a hole in the office. Not super aggressive or anything,

1058
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,280
Speaker 4: just this passive energy where they act cold or whispery

1059
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 4: when I walk by. I just keep to myself and

1060
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 4: did my work. I'm hoping this passes in a day

1061
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 4: or two, because I really don't want to deal with

1062
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 4: office politics over a seat, of all things. If anything

1063
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 4: else crazy happens, I'll update again, but for now, it's

1064
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 4: just kind of awkward and kind of draining. We have

1065
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 4: some comments. Comment to one, going into your shell isn't

1066
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 4: going to win you anything here. Get in front of this.

1067
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 4: All you're doing is letting her control the entire narrative.

1068
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:30,479
Speaker 4: Opie says, well, what are my options? Someone replies, tell

1069
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 4: the actual story. Point out everyone else got to pick

1070
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 4: their seats and that your manager is the one who

1071
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 4: set the rules. All you did was follow them. Point

1072
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 4: out that they could all swap seats with her if

1073
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,280
Speaker 4: they wanted to. I imagine plenty of them have seats

1074
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 4: that wouldn't have the issues she complained about. This is

1075
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 4: generally a great way to get everyone else to shut up.

1076
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 4: Ask someone exactly what is being said about you. If

1077
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:53,640
Speaker 4: there's anything that can be taken to HR, assuming your

1078
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 4: HR exists and does its job, make sure you document

1079
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 4: it all properly. Make it clear that you aren't going

1080
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 4: to be bullied by them. When she walks past your desk, smile,

1081
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,399
Speaker 4: ask how our day's going. At the moment you are

1082
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 4: behaving like she is in the right when she isn't.

1083
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 4: That's the end of that story.

1084
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, very.

1085
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 4: Big on the whole. Any of them can switch with her.

1086
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't understand why, like they're making it just O.

1087
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,439
Speaker 5: P's probably I really wanted that one.

1088
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 4: I would have been like, there's no way that that's

1089
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 4: the only we know. It's not the only desk that'sh sunlight.

1090
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:27,880
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1091
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:31,240
Speaker 4: to the next one. My boss scheduled me to work

1092
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 4: after approving my once in a lifetime leave.

1093
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 1: That's not work.

1094
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 4: I started working as a sales assistant a couple of

1095
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 4: months ago. Before this job, I had already booked a

1096
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 4: few important freelance projects that were scheduled to continue until

1097
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 4: the end of my probation. By the way, this comes

1098
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 4: from the cat Astraphic Ace And if you want to

1099
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1100
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:57,839
Speaker 4: storytime sub reddit. I'm Carly, and we're here to give

1101
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 4: good advice. Goofuy. But we don't have all the answers.

1102
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 4: We only know what we would do so let us

1103
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. As Opie says,

1104
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 4: before signing the contract for this new job, I emailed

1105
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 4: the store manager asking if it was okay to go

1106
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 4: ahead with all these projects, making sure he knew in

1107
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 4: advance which key dates and times I'd be needed. I

1108
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 4: also asked him to specify at what time my shifts

1109
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 4: were meant to finish, since, although discussed in person, nothing

1110
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,880
Speaker 4: was mentioned in the contract itself. The store manager replied

1111
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 4: with the times and said that I was more than

1112
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 4: free to go ahead with the projects as long as

1113
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:34,800
Speaker 4: they didn't clash with work. Fair enough, I contacted every

1114
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,279
Speaker 4: single project manager, informing them of my probation and the

1115
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 4: closing hours that might clash with their calendars. Fortunately, they

1116
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 4: were all willing to make an exception in light of

1117
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,760
Speaker 4: this sudden change, and even wished me all the best

1118
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 4: with my new job. So far, so good. Here's where

1119
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 4: everything went downhill. Without any heads up. I slowly realized

1120
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 4: that the hours weren't what I was promised. Some weekly

1121
00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 4: shifts required me to work an extra hour after closing time.

1122
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,920
Speaker 4: I had to start working on random weekend to days,

1123
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,320
Speaker 4: even though the contract in emails said I was only

1124
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 4: meant to work week days. On top of that, I

1125
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,800
Speaker 4: slowly had to work an eleven hour shift every week.

1126
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,240
Speaker 4: When I contacted the store manager about this, he assured

1127
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 4: me that it was just to make sure I hit

1128
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 4: the forty hour mark. Fair except that they were initially

1129
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 4: unhappy with the hours they assigned. Why couldn't they have

1130
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 4: just told me beforehand what my actual schedule would be.

1131
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 4: With these new hours suddenly appearing, I had to inform

1132
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,959
Speaker 4: my project managers of the updates. Some were incredibly kind

1133
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 4: and accommodating, while others were understandably frustrated my absence would

1134
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 4: breach their contracts and be disrespectful to those who drafted

1135
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 4: the project calendar. Months before my interview with the store,

1136
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 4: one project manager even threatened to fire me if I

1137
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 4: didn't find a solution. Desperate, I sent a detailed email

1138
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 4: explaining everything to my store manager. I told him how

1139
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 4: few people were on this project and that my absence

1140
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 4: would be detrimental. I explained, my role requires me to

1141
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: be present every day. During the final week of next month,

1142
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 4: I explained the there were only a handful of days

1143
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 4: that I had an issue with, since every other work

1144
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 4: date was fine with the project members. I only needed

1145
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 4: to leave one hour early on the shifts where I

1146
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 4: was already working an extra hour after closing time. Later,

1147
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 4: my store manager wrote back and said he had no

1148
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 4: issue with letting me leave early on those days. The

1149
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:21,240
Speaker 4: one condition was that I'd need to work some weekend

1150
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 4: shifts to make up the forty hours. He also assured

1151
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 4: me these weekend shifts wouldn't clash with the project. The

1152
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 4: following week, I received the work schedule for the month.

1153
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:33,800
Speaker 4: Two things stood out. First, I was no longer scheduled

1154
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 4: after store hours, not just on the project dates, but

1155
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 4: every week. Second, I was only scheduled to work on

1156
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 4: one weekend day all month. That day also happened to

1157
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 4: be the only day I would be working on my project.

1158
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 4: I sent a message to the store manager asking if

1159
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,240
Speaker 4: this was a mistake, assuring him I had no problem

1160
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 4: working every other weekend. I also assured him I could

1161
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 4: work extra hours after closing as long as they didn't

1162
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,920
Speaker 4: clash with the project. His reply was, I thought you

1163
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 4: said you're only working on the project on specific days.

1164
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,799
Speaker 4: Why are you now no longer available? You're really pushing it.

1165
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 4: We're going to have a meeting next week to discuss this. Confused,

1166
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 4: I collected myself and wrote back, Hi, I feel like

1167
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 4: there might have been some miscommunication. In my email. I

1168
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 4: specified that the project was taking place every day. In

1169
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 4: your reply, you told me my weekend shifts when ain't

1170
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 4: clash with the project. I'm sorry, but I was very

1171
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 4: transparent in my emails about everything. I am more than

1172
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 4: happy to discuss this further in our meeting next week.

1173
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 4: I made sure to send screenshots of our emails and

1174
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 4: text just to be safe. His reply was, I agree,

1175
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 4: there is indeed a misunderstanding here, OPI. This is supposed

1176
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 4: to be your full time job. You do realize I

1177
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:42,280
Speaker 4: had to cancel and rearrange other people's shifts and booked

1178
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 4: leave to accommodate you. Right, this isn't working for either

1179
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 4: of us. I'm done. I'm so done with this. This

1180
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 4: is why I'm inclined to do the a whole thing here.

1181
00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 4: Before this whole debacle, I was approached to participate in

1182
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 4: an extremely important event, a once in a lifetime opportunity

1183
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,000
Speaker 4: that comes around every ten years.

1184
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:03,359
Speaker 1: What event comes every ten years? What is that? It's like?

1185
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: What kind of solstice is that? Yeah?

1186
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be so real though I'm kind of confused

1187
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 4: where you took a full time job in the first place. Yeah,

1188
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 4: you see that steady freelance stuff.

1189
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: Why are we like, I mean maybe just because the

1190
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 1: freelance stuff isn't like a guarantee. Yeah it's it's freelance.

1191
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 4: But if we had that mixed with a once in

1192
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 4: a lifetime only ten years event, like I fully would

1193
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,440
Speaker 4: have been like I can freelance for most of the

1194
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,359
Speaker 4: month and then do this crazy event and then get

1195
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 4: a retail job at a store.

1196
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,440
Speaker 1: I think besides the point I've dealt with this before,

1197
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 1: where the side of like, hey, I'm gonna need these

1198
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: days off and like for specific reasons, like and you

1199
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 1: do it wagh in advance and the worst time because

1200
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: like you double check, you're like, hey, I got those

1201
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,240
Speaker 1: days off, right, or like like you tell your manager

1202
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,439
Speaker 1: like via email or messaging or what have you, yeah

1203
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 1: this is good, right, and they're like ya, yeah, we

1204
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 1: got you, we got you, like everything's set. And then

1205
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 1: then you find out the week of or like the

1206
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: week before, and you're like no, no, no, no, no, no,

1207
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,880
Speaker 1: this is complete, deletely wrong. At that point, where did

1208
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:02,640
Speaker 1: you just interpret this?

1209
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 4: Consider it my problem? I told you well enough in advance.

1210
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: Well yeah, but then they're like you said this, and

1211
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,959
Speaker 1: you're like one of those things is like I learned

1212
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:12,840
Speaker 1: from that where I would literally go to the manager

1213
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:14,800
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, so like literally, I'm going to

1214
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 1: need these days off these specific times, this, this, this,

1215
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: and this, there's that, and I feel like this happens

1216
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 1: a lot of the time where someone just like it's

1217
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: such a big misunderstanding and that gets jumbled up really bad.

1218
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 4: That's what I feel like. This is just like got

1219
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 4: jumbled at one point and has just continued to get

1220
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 4: jumbled now to the point of like both your frustrations,

1221
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 4: cause I also was taking that to mean that you

1222
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 4: couldn't stay late after shifts, and then it was just

1223
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 4: on the days that weren't the project days, but you

1224
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 4: could technically stay an hour, just not like two hours.

1225
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 4: I could totally see that like being just like the

1226
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:54,439
Speaker 4: absolute worst jumble of back and forthness. Yeah, especially isn't

1227
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 4: necessarily like on any one person from messing it up,

1228
00:54:57,840 --> 00:54:58,360
Speaker 4: but it's.

1229
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: The worst, especially when there was already kind of like miscommunication.

1230
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: This is where you're like, there's a little bit of

1231
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:07,279
Speaker 1: miscommunication here, let's solidify this and make this as clear

1232
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 1: as possible for everyone to understand. And that's when I

1233
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: wouldn't be like I cannot email you this or like legitimately,

1234
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to email you what I need and pictures

1235
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 1: of like excusing.

1236
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,760
Speaker 4: I'd send a calendar with my no days blocked joab.

1237
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: The calendar literally like calendar times.

1238
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 4: Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. Yeah, put me anywhere else

1239
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 4: before confirming I requested leave. Fortunately it was granted, so

1240
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,439
Speaker 4: I gave the event people to go ahead. Here's the thing.

1241
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,919
Speaker 4: A few days ago, I realized the store manager went

1242
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:39,360
Speaker 4: ahead and scheduled me to work that shift. Anyway, it

1243
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 4: shows on the system that my booked leave is still accepted. Okay,

1244
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,200
Speaker 4: so she was planning to do the ten year event

1245
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 4: no matter what.

1246
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you are committed to one, Like I feel

1247
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,879
Speaker 1: like you're trying to commit to both of these jobs. Yeah,

1248
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, which one are you

1249
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,080
Speaker 1: trying to commit to more? And it seems like you

1250
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,440
Speaker 1: want to do this freelance thing.

1251
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 4: The issue is that you like, yeah, this is full time.

1252
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 4: I feel you need to just kind of commit to

1253
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 4: the bit. I don't see this full time thing working

1254
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 4: out if you're going to continue to do freelance stuff.

1255
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,359
Speaker 1: Or switch the part time on that other full time job,

1256
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,920
Speaker 1: the one that we're having issues. Yeah, I think especially

1257
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 1: with this, you have to make it extremely like clear

1258
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,239
Speaker 1: and make it as positive so if anything, and if

1259
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 1: it comes to bite you back in the butt, I

1260
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 1: think it's like it's clear as day, which it is.

1261
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 1: I think it is for you.

1262
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 4: I think that job also should have actually sat down

1263
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 4: and looked and said, no, this actually is not going

1264
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 4: to work for us, for someone that's still in a

1265
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:33,160
Speaker 4: probation period, like they needed to be a little bit

1266
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 4: more upfront and like kind of we actually are hiring

1267
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,240
Speaker 4: you because we need you full time.

1268
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a miscommunication on both ends.

1269
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 4: I think so considering my store manager feels this isn't

1270
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,879
Speaker 4: working out for either of us and it's most likely

1271
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 4: going to end my probation in our upcoming meeting, would

1272
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,760
Speaker 4: I be the a hole for not telling him about

1273
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 4: this oversight? Would I be the a hole for not

1274
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,799
Speaker 4: reminding him I can't work that shift, potentially leaving the

1275
00:56:56,800 --> 00:57:00,240
Speaker 4: shop unattended due to his oversight and lack of accountability.

1276
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:04,959
Speaker 4: We have a tiny update, I would lean towards yes,

1277
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 4: you would be kind of the a hole.

1278
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 1: I don't well, I was gonna say the others I

1279
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,400
Speaker 1: would be like, no, I feel like this should have

1280
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 1: been communicated way better on both ends.

1281
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:16,000
Speaker 4: That's the thing. I think that you can say just

1282
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 4: reminding you I have approved leave. Yeah, and then if

1283
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 4: he tries to say, oh, no, you have to work,

1284
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 4: he goes it's been approved. No. Yeah.

1285
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 1: I don't think that that doesn't make any.

1286
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 4: Don't remind him that you have leave coming up and

1287
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 4: just don't show up to a shift that you are

1288
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 4: scheduled for it. I would, I would, but that would

1289
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 4: come back to you. That would be like, but you

1290
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 4: were sent the schedule. You didn't tell us that this

1291
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:38,560
Speaker 4: didn't work. Like, maybe he would be okay with changing around,

1292
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 4: like allowing them to find coverage. If you think that

1293
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 4: you're gonna get fired anyway, why not just tell them

1294
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 4: flat out the days you can't go so they can

1295
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 4: find coverage. I don't think you need to potentially screw

1296
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 4: over another coworker being stuck working alone.

1297
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 1: That would make more people be upset at you. I

1298
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:57,320
Speaker 1: would say tell them and be like, hey, I have

1299
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,200
Speaker 1: this covered. I'm green when I see green, I'm good

1300
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 1: to go, and like, I don't have to work, I'm

1301
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 1: not working.

1302
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 4: I'm set. You guys approved this, I'm not coming in

1303
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 4: and then you don't. But I think you could still

1304
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 4: give them the heads up that you have that time.

1305
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say put in like maybe your manager's shoes,

1306
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: if not like a coworker's shoes where they're like, I'm

1307
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: working by myself, or like someone you know screwed me

1308
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: over that kind of thing.

1309
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 4: Right, that always sucks. Update. They literally just shut down

1310
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 4: one of the outlets I work at. Since this effects

1311
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 4: the forty hour limit, my probation is now officially ended. Well,

1312
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 4: at least now I can go ahead with the event.

1313
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 4: I guess no, a hole's here, just the landlord who

1314
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 4: shut down one of our stores. That's the end of

1315
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 4: the story. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite Riley's girlfriend is here.

1316
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:43,640
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories.

1317
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 4: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1318
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 1: My boss had a meltdown because I picked a restaurant

1319
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 1: that wouldn't endanger me.

1320
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 4: Are you like super allergic to something?

1321
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 1: Well, we're gonna find out. A while ago, I was

1322
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 1: awarded for my work it's not valuable, just a frame certificate,

1323
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 1: but it was voted on by my peers and I'm

1324
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 1: a bit schuffed. That weekend I turned forty. By the way,

1325
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 1: this comes from user Tao ward Night, and if you

1326
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1327
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 1: slash Okay story time. Supurt it. I'm key On, I'm Carly,

1328
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice. Gooflely, But we

1329
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do,

1330
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 1: so please let us know what you'd do in the comments.

1331
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 1: As Opie says, on the Monday, my manager Janine and

1332
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 1: her boss Kara said they wanted us to celebrate these

1333
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:27,120
Speaker 1: events as a team and asked where I would like

1334
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 1: to go for lunch. I was conflicted because there's been

1335
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 1: a history of disputes around my food allergy. In short,

1336
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 1: they always go to a nearby Chinese restaurant, but I'm

1337
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: allergic to soy, which features in a lot of Chinese food.

1338
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 1: Kara has involved HR to find a solution, but so

1339
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:46,200
Speaker 1: far they've been useful as a chocolate teapot in meetings,

1340
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: though they have insisted they want to include me, and

1341
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 1: this was the first time they'd ask for my suggestions,

1342
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: so in the end I suggested a new Indian restaurant

1343
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 1: my partner and I had been to. I told Janine

1344
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 1: I knew Indian wasn't for everyone, so if there were

1345
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 1: any problems, I suggest something else. Janine said, there's nothing

1346
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 1: wrong with Indian Ooh yum yum, yum, yum yum. Two

1347
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:08,240
Speaker 1: days later, Kara emailed me that we're having lunch to

1348
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 1: celebrate my award and my big forty at the Indian

1349
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 1: restaurant Sweet. Unfortunately I was talking to Janine at the

1350
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 1: time Kara's email arrived. Janine did have some issues with

1351
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: Indian food, then why did she say Indian yum yum

1352
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 1: yum yum yum. The heck, Janine did have some issues

1353
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 1: with Indian food, which again, why did she say yum

1354
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: yum yum so many times?

1355
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 4: I feel like one of those was a mistake. Flip book,

1356
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,200
Speaker 4: I think that was the wrong name said somewhere.

1357
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: Maybe Witch shieldered me too by screaming them in my

1358
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: face and having a meltdown. After being yelled at by Jeanine,

1359
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,919
Speaker 1: I calmed her down, then went back to my desk

1360
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 1: and broke down myself. Carolyn manager of the next team

1361
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 1: came over and consoled me. I was shaking so badly.

1362
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 1: Carolyn filled in the incident report for me, then emailed

1363
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 1: Jeanine and Caro to say I was leaving work and

1364
01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: drove me to my GP. GP gave me a week

1365
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 1: off of work. Now I am back to work and

1366
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 1: it's bad. Kara postponed lunch until I was better and

1367
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:07,120
Speaker 1: expected it to go ahead as planned. Janine wants it

1368
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 1: moved to the Chinese restaurant they always go to, and

1369
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:13,080
Speaker 1: HR is back in Janine because she is not coping

1370
01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 1: with change and I should accommodate her. Time out is

1371
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 1: in this dinner for you and I don't know for one,

1372
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 1: your accomplishments and you turning forty right.

1373
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:27,440
Speaker 4: I could totally understand if they had initially come back

1374
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 4: and said, hey, actually, like most of the office hates

1375
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 4: Indian food, do you have any second choice kind of thing?

1376
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 4: I can understand that maybe if it was like so

1377
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,840
Speaker 4: known that that was like a disliked place, then I'm

1378
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 4: sure there's other restaurants. But to be like, no, ed,

1379
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 4: we're going to the one that you actually can't eat.

1380
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, very weird. The fact that there's no Plan.

1381
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 4: B right, Why isn't Plan B like?

1382
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 2: I don't know any.

1383
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 1: Other restaurant food or any literally any other restaurant. Yeah,

1384
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 1: I know anything, I shot back with a comminating Janine

1385
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: could unalive me in the process. I just want the

1386
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 1: whole thing to drop because I'm fed up. Aha. Kara

1387
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 1: wants to be the peacemaker and has suggested I meet

1388
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 1: them halfway. What are you the black eye is halfway?

1389
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:17,560
Speaker 4: What is halfway between Indian food and unliving.

1390
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:20,920
Speaker 1: Balinese food or Indonesian food? I don't know where halfway

1391
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:24,200
Speaker 1: is and I can't be bothered finding it. Kara, Janine

1392
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:27,120
Speaker 1: and hr All say I'm the a hole for not

1393
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 1: being prepared to compromise on where we go out for lunch.

1394
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:33,080
Speaker 1: I need fresh perspectives on this. Am I the a hole?

1395
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 1: And op ads By the way, the two restaurants are

1396
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 1: literally across the road from each other. Quick update, Wow,

1397
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 1: I woke up to about six hundred new comments. I'll

1398
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 1: try to get to as many comments as I can.

1399
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 1: Put a note for all the people calling me a

1400
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,240
Speaker 1: snowflake or similar because I took a week off of work.

1401
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:53,240
Speaker 1: I had PTSD from a traffic accident and a road

1402
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:56,120
Speaker 1: rage incident. Oh boy. I was the passenger and was

1403
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 1: still trapped in the car when the other driver attacked

1404
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 1: my side and screamed at me, OPI, where do you live?

1405
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like you're in like Florida,

1406
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:09,440
Speaker 1: the craziest place Florida, Florida. Having Jeanine scream in my

1407
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 1: face brought back some of those intrusive memories of the accident.

1408
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:15,240
Speaker 1: It is not weak or being a snowflake to have

1409
01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:18,600
Speaker 1: a psychological injury. It is not weak to get qualified

1410
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: help when you need it. We have an update, go

1411
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 1: straight into it. It meeting Friday morning with myself, Karra

1412
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:28,600
Speaker 1: HR and the union dialing in. Senior HR person also

1413
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:32,520
Speaker 1: dialing in to observe good okay. Update two that was

1414
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:35,600
Speaker 1: That was a tiny update. Let's see what they said.

1415
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:40,120
Speaker 1: Update two. I was offered a transfer this afternoon and

1416
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:41,040
Speaker 1: I accepted it.

1417
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 5: Woo you.

1418
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 1: Boss wants me to start on Monday, but he has

1419
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: to negotiate that with Janine. Friday's meeting is canceled, but

1420
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: the senior HR person would like an hour of my

1421
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 1: time on Monday to discuss any feedback I have about

1422
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,640
Speaker 1: my recent experience of HR. Update three, which is six

1423
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 1: days later. I guess is when the you know, you

1424
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 1: start your new job or starting with the new team,

1425
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:04,440
Speaker 1: or would you transfer? Dang, this all started because you mean.

1426
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:06,960
Speaker 4: But this is the right thing to do, oh.

1427
01:04:06,920 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, especially when someone yelled in your face

1428
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 1: and gave you PTSD and nobody, especially HR is like

1429
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 1: backing you up, and they're like, we need to accommodate

1430
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:20,280
Speaker 1: the person that we're not celebrating crazy behavior. Yeah, let's

1431
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 1: do that. I started in my new job today, but

1432
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 1: the rest of the team are in another building and

1433
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:26,760
Speaker 1: I probably won't physically join them until the next week.

1434
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:29,040
Speaker 1: I didn't want to post a proper update before now

1435
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 1: in case there were last minute hiccups. My new boss

1436
01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 1: had to negotiate my start with Janite. Thursday afternoon, I

1437
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 1: was offered a transfer and I accept it. This is

1438
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:40,280
Speaker 1: part of the expected changes I mentioned. I knew there

1439
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 1: was a review underway and there might be some opportunities

1440
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 1: for me. I just wasn't expecting anything so soon. My

1441
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:47,840
Speaker 1: new team are mostly the people I worked with on

1442
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:52,959
Speaker 1: my award winner. Nice Janine. On Thursday, I don't want

1443
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 1: you to go, Ganine. On Friday, when are you moving?

1444
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 1: I have two new people starting Monday, and I need

1445
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 1: your desk to describe Janine mercurial. I think it's a

1446
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 1: good one. Kara seemed genuinely sad I'm leaving, wished me

1447
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 1: all the best and offered her help to make the

1448
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:09,320
Speaker 1: move go smoothly.

1449
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:14,200
Speaker 4: Mercurial of a person subject to sudden are unpredictable changes

1450
01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:15,440
Speaker 4: of mood or mind.

1451
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:19,400
Speaker 1: Oh it sounds like just being bipolar or something like that. Yeah, uh,

1452
01:05:19,560 --> 01:05:22,040
Speaker 1: good word. You learned something you every day. Probably butchered

1453
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:24,439
Speaker 1: the word too. Back to the story, karaseem genuinely sad

1454
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 1: I'm leaving, wished me all the best and offered her

1455
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 1: help to make the new move go smoothly. Everyone else

1456
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 1: in the team seems to be pretending the whole thing

1457
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 1: never happened. Not one word has been said about the lunch,

1458
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:39,400
Speaker 1: my leave, the transfer. Nothing. Friday mornings meeting was canceled,

1459
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:41,440
Speaker 1: but the senior HR guy asked for an hour of

1460
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 1: my time this morning to give feedback about my recent

1461
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 1: experiences with HR. I shared my concerns about some of

1462
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 1: the advice HR was giving. Part of our conversation involved

1463
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 1: a lot of read between the lines, but I am

1464
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,680
Speaker 1: fairly sure Janine's been spoken to, and this is how

1465
01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 1: it ends, not with a bang but a whimper. Oh.

1466
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 1: A few people have asked nicely and not so nicely,

1467
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 1: how I could possibly feel I was at fault here.

1468
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 1: I thought I might have been the a hole because

1469
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 1: I was out of step with how things were done

1470
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 1: in the team. I thought I might have been the

1471
01:06:10,200 --> 01:06:12,080
Speaker 1: a hole because I was out of step with how

1472
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: things were done in that team. But a lot of

1473
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 1: very kind people took time out of their day to

1474
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:18,920
Speaker 1: share their professional acknowledge and explain to me in so

1475
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 1: many ways how badly the team culture was out of

1476
01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 1: step with normal. Compared to a few days ago, I

1477
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 1: feel like I understand so much more, Like this wasn't

1478
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 1: really about a restaurant. It was really about wanting a

1479
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:33,479
Speaker 1: fair division of the emotional labor in the team. Thank

1480
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 1: you all for helping me see the bigger picture. Yeah,

1481
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 1: memmm um, there's a little bit left. How do we feel?

1482
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 4: I think you it was a good thing to get

1483
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,280
Speaker 4: transferred and we don't really need to pay attention to

1484
01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:44,880
Speaker 4: Janine anymore, just your last like two days there.

1485
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:47,560
Speaker 1: I would also bring up to I don't know, somebody

1486
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:51,280
Speaker 1: might am I not getting my like my dinner or

1487
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 1: my lunch. Am I not getting my celebratory dinner because

1488
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:57,320
Speaker 1: that's all it's donned from. I was like, can I

1489
01:06:57,320 --> 01:06:59,240
Speaker 1: still get that, by the way, or okay, I just

1490
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 1: get like a gift call take myself all that with.

1491
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:04,880
Speaker 4: The actual award winning team. But also I feel like

1492
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 4: at that point i'd be.

1493
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 1: Like, I'm it's a lost cause.

1494
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, if they bring it up, be like, yeah, one

1495
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:10,640
Speaker 4: hundred percent I want that.

1496
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:14,080
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's insane that you literally like I can't

1497
01:07:14,120 --> 01:07:17,680
Speaker 1: go to this restaurant because I am allergic to it.

1498
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 1: So there's that. But let's go ahead and finish up

1499
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:22,840
Speaker 1: this story. I can see I'd become the soother of

1500
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 1: frazzled nerves, solver of problems, and finder of solutions. Janine

1501
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 1: once said she liked me because I made bad things

1502
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:32,640
Speaker 1: go away. At the time, I thought she just meant work,

1503
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:34,560
Speaker 1: But now I wonder if she depended on me for

1504
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 1: more than I knew. Looking forward, my partner and I

1505
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:40,440
Speaker 1: have decided a nice Indian meal is an our near future,

1506
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,320
Speaker 1: but we're being even more audacious and planning to take

1507
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 1: some leave later in the year and have an actual

1508
01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:49,160
Speaker 1: holiday together. Travel restrictions, willing, And finally, thank you to

1509
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 1: all the editors who share their own knowledge and experiences

1510
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 1: of trauma and bad workplaces. It's an awful club to

1511
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 1: belong to, but we have the best member. And that

1512
01:07:58,920 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

1513
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:02,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, good for you. I hope you guys can

1514
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 4: go on holiday.

1515
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:05,440
Speaker 1: You know what, good that you transferred. You don't have

1516
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:07,439
Speaker 1: the deal Janine anymore. And it seems like you're working

1517
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 1: with people that you actually want to work with where

1518
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,560
Speaker 1: it's less stressful. So take that as you will, and

1519
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:15,560
Speaker 1: you know, go take yourself on a little trip. Go,

1520
01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 1: you know, go with your partner, Go, go have fun.

1521
01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 1: You deserve that from all the stress you were having

1522
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,519
Speaker 1: throughout this huge implosion. But that is the end of

1523
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 1: that story and the end of this episode.