Speaker 1: Here's the most adult thing I could do for myself,
Speaker 1: not have a carefully crafted cocktail. I love him so much,
Speaker 1: but honestly, I can't deal with the fire between my
Speaker 1: tits that will happen twenty minutes in.
Speaker 2: No, it's all the citrus that they put in cocktails.
Speaker 3: You ever notice, It's like everything has to come with citrus,
Speaker 3: And that's why it's so acidic.
Speaker 2: In your chesticle y'all.
Speaker 1: He made up a word called chesticle. Don't think it's
Speaker 1: a testicle. Welcome to adulting, bitch. Get some rose and
Speaker 1: ice and ubi. Oh my god, what is it called
Speaker 1: when alcohol was illegal?
Speaker 2: Prohibition?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. It's not because I went to
Speaker 1: public school, because I also went to private schools because
Speaker 1: I'm a tired mom. Okay, everyone, before y'all get on
Speaker 1: my chesticles and shit. But back in the day prohibition,
Speaker 1: like the old fashion, which is like one of the
Speaker 1: first cocktails ever invented, the bartenders would put a lot
Speaker 1: of bitters and fruit just to make it look like
Speaker 1: it wasn't alcohol, and so then it also would smell
Speaker 1: like alcohol. And so that's how we sort of like
Speaker 1: come up with these cocktails and stuff like that. But like,
Speaker 1: Oh my good, can I can I come with the
Speaker 1: side of Tom's please, thank you, thank you. It's a
Speaker 1: bit much. It's a bit much, dear Margarita. Is it
Speaker 1: frozen or on the rocks?
Speaker 3: Good question, great question. It's on the rocks and lined
Speaker 3: with salt.
Speaker 1: Salt? Okay, are we doing takeen at all?
Speaker 2: Tell me more? I don't know what that is, Jordan.
Speaker 1: You have a turtleneck on. You're supposed to know everything.
Speaker 1: I'm very confused. You're a black man with a turtleneck on.
Speaker 1: I'm always gonna ask you for directions. Don't wear a
Speaker 1: turtle neck unless you're prepared to answer every fucking question.
Speaker 2: My god, should I just make it a mock?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? What in the substitute teach you ahead
Speaker 1: of the class? Is going on?
Speaker 3: Well? In the nineties, remember mock turtlenecks. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: they were all the rage. Okay, so what is taheen?
Speaker 3: It sounds like tahini, but I wouldn't want tahini and
Speaker 3: my damn drink.
Speaker 2: So what is that?
Speaker 1: Takein is like a savory paprika colored seasoning is delicious
Speaker 1: and you can find it either on certain margarita's like
Speaker 1: a halopeno situation. Yes, or with mangoes cut up mangoes
Speaker 1: that you can just like smother and taheen, which is
Speaker 1: fucking delish.
Speaker 2: Can I say something now?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 3: Have had the pleasure just didn't know its name. It's like,
Speaker 3: so we danced, and me and the spice of danced.
Speaker 3: I just didn't know their name. You know, you get
Speaker 3: it on the corn basically right in Mexico. And then
Speaker 3: it's like I've had it with mescal as well.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love different flavors in my mouth. I know
Speaker 1: that sounds again like I'm trying to make it.
Speaker 3: What what's the problem? What's the what? I don't understand.
Speaker 3: You're just talking about your flavor palette. People need to
Speaker 3: grow the fuck up. I see no possible.
Speaker 1: But I do appreciate a new experience.
Speaker 2: Okay, now you got me?
Speaker 1: No, because that is like but then you're just tasting
Speaker 1: something you never tasted before. You know what I mean,
Speaker 1: It's sliding down your throat and it just feels like Jordan,
Speaker 1: what we're talking about food? Oh shit, hold.
Speaker 3: On, I can't what.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I thought my candle was burning my covers.
Speaker 1: It's not. I don't know what. Something sounds like it's burning.
Speaker 1: It's not. I thought these blankets were burning. They're not.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 3: So much, so much happening. Okay, yeah, backup, you have
Speaker 3: candles going right now?
Speaker 1: I do? Should I not?
Speaker 2: No, I want you to have candles.
Speaker 1: But you were worried about Yeah, yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, I smell something funky. Am I gonna breath?
Speaker 1: Am I gonna burn my house down? These are things
Speaker 1: you have to think about after I saw that Ben Affleck,
Speaker 1: not Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck movie, Get.
Speaker 2: The right Affleck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the health insurance with the Doug that Affleck. No,
Speaker 1: the Casey Affleck movie.
Speaker 2: Oh of course. Manchester by the Sea.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that really fucks with me because I'm just
Speaker 1: like you gotta you gotta see if the alarm thing
Speaker 1: has got the batteries.
Speaker 2: In it, truly smoke detectors.
Speaker 1: Smoke detectors. Wow. Words. I am tired and have been
Speaker 1: only talking to a four year old, so it feels
Speaker 1: like my vocabulary is very limited, very limited.
Speaker 3: It's probably too like do you want this squeezy? Do
Speaker 3: you not want this squeezy? Do you want to watch storybots.
Speaker 3: Do you not want to watch storybots?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've done octink octs. Can we do Poko?
Speaker 2: I can't keep up.
Speaker 1: Oh it's great. It's created by these Jews from Spain
Speaker 1: and it's pretty cool. They have like cool voices. I
Speaker 1: like cool com voices. I don't like when it's just
Speaker 1: like peg Mass. I don't like that shit. It's too much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, pja Mass is a lot.
Speaker 3: I mean, why do we turn over the safety of
Speaker 3: a city to children in pajamas? Can? Can we just
Speaker 3: talk about the premise? I disagree with the premise of
Speaker 3: the show. All right, it's a lot. What's going on?
Speaker 1: Pajamas that's what you want to do? And pajamas?
Speaker 2: It's too much.
Speaker 3: And that is why I like to do a nice
Speaker 3: edible before I watch TV with my children. That way,
Speaker 3: things just make sense. I can put my arm around
Speaker 3: it and my head around it, and it's good. Like Wildcrats.
Speaker 3: Wildcrat's great, except for you know what, it's like two
Speaker 3: white men trying to save the jungle, trying to save
Speaker 3: the forest, Like what in the white savior complex is
Speaker 3: going on on this show? And yet my son loves it.
Speaker 3: I just let it go. I let it go?
Speaker 2: Why because I'm on about eight milligrams.
Speaker 1: Speaking and let it go? Yeah, the song let It
Speaker 1: Go from the movie Frozen. Have we talked about this?
Speaker 2: What's wrong with it?
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful song. But Elsa is a skinny, white,
Speaker 1: blonde queen and this song is belted by a gorgeous brunette,
Speaker 1: curly hair, strong nose, mixed child ex wife of Tay Diggs,
Speaker 1: boss as bitch. So while I do love Let it Go,
Speaker 1: I will not let that go. Why can't we make
Speaker 1: Queen Elsa look as beautiful as Adina Menzel?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Great question. When do you talk to your kids
Speaker 2: about that? Exactly?
Speaker 1: Immediately? Yeah, immediately.
Speaker 3: You want your kids to have so much fun when
Speaker 3: they're little, but then you want to you want them
Speaker 3: also to realize, like what they are seeing, the images
Speaker 3: are seeing, what's a play, and like how they need
Speaker 3: to take what they're taking in with a grain of salt.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, like, look, I'm not trying to bring like the
Speaker 1: black panther posse to the three year old's birthday party,
Speaker 1: But I think we should always be learning, we should
Speaker 1: always know better, and we should always have fun at
Speaker 1: any age. The fun shouldn't stop, and the learning will
Speaker 1: never stop. I'm still learning.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that.
Speaker 1: I love the youth. I love the youth. And look
Speaker 1: what I love about our next guest is that I
Speaker 1: don't know how old she is. Did she present what
Speaker 1: does she present? Millennials?
Speaker 2: Definitely not she She's got.
Speaker 1: The Gabrielle Union skin. Well, we don't know if she's
Speaker 1: the daughter, the granddaughter of the grandma. And that's the
Speaker 1: beautiful part.
Speaker 2: That's the beautiful party. It was so cool vibing with her.
Speaker 3: Please enjoy the amazing Marie festna I said, it's a
Speaker 3: proper French way.
Speaker 1: Give it up for Marie Faust and everybody. What the
Speaker 1: fuck brought up the fucking.
Speaker 2: Brooklyn stand up? They're actually standing up?
Speaker 4: What's up?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Who the fuck are you people?
Speaker 2: There's a lot of people here. Put you out on
Speaker 2: a Thursday.
Speaker 1: Night, Happy Black History Month?
Speaker 2: Everybody we do.
Speaker 1: I think all the time, especially when I do stand up.
Speaker 1: If I don't see black people gave people a smell piss,
Speaker 1: I get nervous. Yeah, I need City City. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I need City City, and shit, that's
Speaker 1: what the fuck I need.
Speaker 3: I remember when I was in London and I like
Speaker 3: happened to go into like I just happened in the
Speaker 3: Brixton and I was like.
Speaker 1: Oh, I love Brixton. I have Jamaican family there. This
Speaker 1: is great Thai restaurant called Satte in Brixton and during
Speaker 1: the day Thai food. At night, oh I'm on a
Speaker 1: romantic call. It tries into a bar like a lounge,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, get your apple martinis and
Speaker 1: just like fucking dance all the reggae moves and shit.
Speaker 1: And one time I went there. You didn't ask, but
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. You remember when Amy Winehouse god rest Hussle,
Speaker 1: she want herself a Grammy or something and she's like
Speaker 1: Blake bricks Ton and everyone's just like what is this
Speaker 1: British turetts We're here for it. But yeah, man, a
Speaker 1: fight broke out at this place, a Satie in bricks
Speaker 1: and and like this dude couldn't get in and he
Speaker 1: threw a chair through the window. What s mash And
Speaker 1: so the cops don't have guns, but they got like
Speaker 1: the little batons and I'm like, what in the paiton
Speaker 1: bear is going? And so me and my friend Haitian Cynthia.
Speaker 1: I got a Puerto Rican Cynthia and a Haitian Cynthia,
Speaker 1: Haitian Cynthia, and I ran to the bathroom like, oh man,
Speaker 1: it was crad we just hit We're like our faces
Speaker 1: are too cute to get cut. It was wild. There
Speaker 1: was glass everywhere. Oh you guys remember getting into a
Speaker 1: fight or seeing a fight at the club. Just me exciting.
Speaker 3: So this was all going down in Brixton. Then that
Speaker 3: was pretty good. That was pretty good. That was pretty
Speaker 3: fucking good.
Speaker 1: Terrible snel audition. Not bad, it's going on, it's bad bad.
Speaker 2: Watch Let me askang how that was?
Speaker 1: So you want you ended up in Brixton? You saw
Speaker 1: what you see? Okay? And how like, how make you feel?
Speaker 2: It made me feel like I was like I feel seen.
Speaker 2: It was cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, there's a Harlem in London. That's
Speaker 3: fucking crazy. And then I pretended to get my haircut.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, you can get your hair cut there. But
Speaker 3: it's like little by little, because that's.
Speaker 1: A great thing about traveling. When you find the black neighborhood,
Speaker 1: it's just like it just feels like family. Like I
Speaker 1: remember the first or second time I was in Amsterdam,
Speaker 1: visiting my husband then boyfriend. I was on my bike
Speaker 1: doing what I do well. I think got extra big
Speaker 1: c's for the a.
Speaker 2: They do.
Speaker 1: It was very large. The oma feats yes, and so
Speaker 1: I saw a sister girl on a bike and we're
Speaker 1: just like, hey, how you doing, Hey, how you doing it?
Speaker 2: Look good?
Speaker 1: You love your shoes And it was like do you
Speaker 1: know her? I was like no, but we're all family. Like,
Speaker 1: that's just what the fuck it is. That's right, that's
Speaker 1: what it is. I love that. That happened to me
Speaker 1: in Barcelona as well. There's like a little black block.
Speaker 2: In Barcelos.
Speaker 1: Say it like that. That sounded so fux noozy? Was
Speaker 1: it off? Lost rumbles?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, it was off.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Why did they talk like that there?
Speaker 1: Because the king, one of the fact kings, had us
Speaker 1: like a slur speech impediment list. Yeah, and he wanted
Speaker 1: everyone to not make fun of him. That's what they said.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's why I ran in a bar
Speaker 1: over some very.
Speaker 2: Talk about don do you know anything about this? Why
Speaker 2: were we wearing the same beanie? Don? What's happened? We
Speaker 2: both look.
Speaker 1: Tops right? No, wait a minute, I also brought an
Speaker 1: orange hat. I did not know I did. I'm not
Speaker 1: right now, I'm not putting that not with green shoes.
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, oh yes, look at the it's
Speaker 1: giving drunk atm worker. Sorry mt A. I'm so dyslexic, truly,
Speaker 1: I was like work. No, I'm very just like listen,
Speaker 1: I truly if I worked for the at if I haven't.
Speaker 1: If I had a drag name, it would be dick
Speaker 1: lexia because that is how dyslexic and sex positive I am. Hi,
Speaker 1: So what's going on? February sixteen? Oh, was Valentine's Day?
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day? Good Valentine?
Speaker 1: Yeah, happy Valentine's Day. Bitches, smattering y'all give a fuck.
Speaker 1: Make some noise if you give a fuck. Okay, make
Speaker 1: some noise if you don't give a fuck.
Speaker 2: Everyone cares. Everyone cares.
Speaker 1: Nobody cares.
Speaker 2: We care. Who's we the I don't know, the editor,
Speaker 2: the royal We I think people care. I think they Okay.
Speaker 1: I love that you care about Valentine's Day. No, I do,
Speaker 1: because that's you're like an adult. I think Santa is real,
Speaker 1: Like it's dude, It's very cute, it's very romantic. For me.
Speaker 1: I think it's just a scheme to make money. I
Speaker 1: feel like, if you love me, show me on any
Speaker 1: other day, you know what I mean? Like entertaining Yes,
Speaker 1: Like advertising has told you you should love me more
Speaker 1: on this day. That's bullshit. Love me every day in
Speaker 1: a different way, and I will show you too. Like
Speaker 1: that's number one. Number two Instagramma's full of look at
Speaker 1: my love, look at my look. I have been married
Speaker 1: for thirteen years. I love my husband. That shit is
Speaker 1: so fucking dumb when people are like, oh, look at
Speaker 1: my Valentine's that's rude. Do you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: that's just I know you did it. You did it.
Speaker 1: You posted your wife, you posted your wife. I think it.
Speaker 2: Because I'm a dick and I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm just like I will also say like I remember
Speaker 1: what it was like being single on Valentine's Day, and
Speaker 1: it just feels like marketing has made you feel like
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be sad or you know, lonely, not useless.
Speaker 1: But it's just and then like we've come up with
Speaker 1: Gallantine's Day and it's just like how much bullshit do
Speaker 1: we have? Valet Valentine? Yeah, bitch, it's February fourteenth, bitch,
Speaker 1: Like so for me, I'm not necessarily into it, but
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you are.
Speaker 2: Thanks Michelle, Phil you.
Speaker 1: Get them chocolate in the roses and stuff.
Speaker 2: I didn't do the chocolate in the roses. I wasn't
Speaker 2: doing that.
Speaker 3: I got one hack for you folks for Valentine's that is,
Speaker 3: take the person if you can, and if you can
Speaker 3: get the time off, take them to lunch or brunch
Speaker 3: that day. There's nobody in the restaurants that you would
Speaker 3: otherwise be taking them to dinner at there's there's no
Speaker 3: one there.
Speaker 2: So we went.
Speaker 3: We went to brunch and it was fantastic and they
Speaker 3: didn't jack up the prices like they do at dinner.
Speaker 2: You take them to brunch, You save a bunch. There
Speaker 2: you go?
Speaker 1: What in this Steve Harvey is going on right now?
Speaker 1: What I say?
Speaker 2: What taking the brunch? Save a bunch? I got a hunch?
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, oh you munch and munch Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I feel like i'd like to
Speaker 1: go to brunch like when I want to go to
Speaker 1: a bunch.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you know what I mean? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: But I don't know. Donald Will, are you romantic? And shit?
Speaker 3: I feel like you're a very romantical man like to you,
Speaker 3: I am, but I don't fuck with Avaltan' day though
Speaker 3: SEC's not my vibe. Your good lady did not care
Speaker 3: about Valentine's came and went. She I think she does
Speaker 3: like Valentine's seem's talking about, see him talking about, see
Speaker 3: him talking about because I yeah, But okay, I guess
Speaker 3: the question is did I acquiesce and get her a gift?
Speaker 2: That's the question, right, that's the question.
Speaker 4: I didn't get her anything on the day of, but
Speaker 4: then but then I crept out the house and came
Speaker 4: back with flowers. So she knows that I don't funk
Speaker 4: with Valentine's, but she knows that I got her.
Speaker 1: I made an effort. That's nice, that's right. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean full disclosure. I used to be into Valentine's.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is I love how layered this fucking.
Speaker 1: Story I did. I used to be in Valentine's. But
Speaker 1: I also used to be like the champion for all
Speaker 1: the single bitches, you know what I mean. I'm like,
Speaker 1: we're going out to dinner, We're doing this thing. We're
Speaker 1: gonna live a lot. We don't need a hands. The
Speaker 1: whole week could pay our own. And then I found
Speaker 1: someone that I love and I was just like, we
Speaker 1: gotta do Valentine's Day, right, But I married someone who
Speaker 1: wasn't American, and he's like, no, we could also just
Speaker 1: love on each other. I'm like, right right by, ride,
Speaker 1: let's get this show started some more excited, so excited here,
Speaker 1: she's hilarious, she's funny. Yes, she's fashionable.
Speaker 3: More than that, she is from New York City. Please
Speaker 3: give it up for Marie Faltay.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, all right, Mari.
Speaker 1: Ma shit dash and wait Dashian wait walk okay, stop it,
Speaker 1: stop it, stop it. I'm shy, Fred sure are you hi? Guys?
Speaker 2: I love your I love your looks amazing?
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you? How you doing? I'm doing really really good.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's very controversial to say in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three, ain't it? Because everybody else is doing bad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Turn it down, it down. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I'm doing swell beach. What's going on? That's so good?
Speaker 1: You know everything? The older I get, the hotter on
Speaker 1: be coming. I'm not letting men waste my time anymore.
Speaker 1: I mean they're still wasting it, but I'm wasting theirs too.
Speaker 1: Same for me, hold this done. Thank you, don you're
Speaker 1: doing the lord's work.
Speaker 2: I got you. We're just going to put.
Speaker 1: That o done. Is holding her jacket, and he looks
Speaker 1: like one of those tired husbands that may see is
Speaker 1: a square just the way clipping, just counting those coupons,
Speaker 1: waiting for their wife to get out of the fuck
Speaker 1: address the room. Those husbands be upset. I love it.
Speaker 1: We were just talking about Valentine's Day being romantic dating?
Speaker 1: Is it anybody's business? Do we have to sort of
Speaker 1: fall into, like, you know, the marketing, uh, pyramid schemes,
Speaker 1: the marketing, right, yes, the marketing. How do you feel
Speaker 1: about it? If you want to get me gifts, do that.
Speaker 1: Never block your blessings, count them one by one. Even
Speaker 1: if you're ugly, you could buy me a gift. We're
Speaker 1: talking ugly on the inside or the outside, but mainly
Speaker 1: outside because you know, I'm a Libra and the way
Speaker 1: things look is very important to me. So please don't
Speaker 1: hurt my eyes. Have you ever have you ever had
Speaker 1: sex with an ugly person? Yes? It was bad, it
Speaker 1: was bad. Yeah. You know they say that if a
Speaker 1: guy is really really hot, he's bad at sex. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 4: Why I looked at Jordan, but I don't know because
Speaker 4: I'm great at sex.
Speaker 1: I was like, if a guy is really really and
Speaker 1: so by the fault. You think ugly people will be
Speaker 1: good at it, but I think they don't. You know,
Speaker 1: they haven't hit their ten thousand hours yet. Okay the peoples, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the more you do something, the better you are at it.
Speaker 2: Probably.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you know, I'm not like a scientist or whatever,
Speaker 1: but I feel like that's yeah, yeah, it's like muscle memory,
Speaker 1: muscle memory, muscle memory.
Speaker 2: Wait, now you went to Thailand, right? Yes? What was that?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: First of all, sixteen hour flight is dumb. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: the food was really good on the flight. And you know,
Speaker 1: I was sitting in the back so my seat didn't
Speaker 1: go flat, but it went from like here to hell?
Speaker 1: Did you high economy girl? I'm not rid Michelle? Why
Speaker 1: are you making me feel poor of me because you
Speaker 1: have you have patent leather bell bottom pants on the
Speaker 1: wait or is it late EXX? I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: bad for the environment? Does them away?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: Wait?
Speaker 1: So many follow up questions. I want to get to
Speaker 1: Thailand in one minute, but before I forget, how do
Speaker 1: you friendly ghost somebody friendly.
Speaker 3: Yes, how do you cast for them?
Speaker 1: I just ignore them And if they're still messaging me
Speaker 1: five six months later, yeah, then I say, unfortunately, we're
Speaker 1: going in another direction. Okay, so it's like not getting
Speaker 1: the job. Yeah, we went with another candidate, a stronger
Speaker 1: Kennedy got it. I just really want to know, because
Speaker 1: I do feel like that's a conversation that needs to
Speaker 1: be had. Like at some point we have to tell
Speaker 1: people we're not interested, as opposed to just not saying
Speaker 1: anything because they can see us living our lives and
Speaker 1: they're like always wondering. We have to like walk around
Speaker 1: with that shit. I think it'd be better for everyone's
Speaker 1: psyche if we're just like, like if someone's been ignoring you,
Speaker 1: you know you you just being hard hitted. You're trying
Speaker 1: to catch me on a good day or a bad day,
Speaker 1: you know, yes, yeah, or like a tipsy day. I
Speaker 1: get that, you know what I mean, But like I
Speaker 1: feel like some people don't know until you tell them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's that's what being an adult is all about.
Speaker 1: It's just using your words to be like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to have sex with you know more? Yeah, take
Speaker 1: your dick and go and get out of it. Is
Speaker 1: here put your dick in the box to the left. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, let's talk about Thailand. Did you go by
Speaker 1: yourself or with a fronk girl? You know, I don't
Speaker 1: want to get taken my dad. My dad ain't got
Speaker 1: no skills, so I'm just in Thailand now forever and none.
Speaker 1: Dad is at work eating his lunch, like, well, I
Speaker 1: have two daughters, not three, right, So no, tad. I
Speaker 1: went with two of my friends. I like traveling. I
Speaker 1: hate planning trips. Okay, So if someone's like, you want
Speaker 1: to go blank, I'm like, okay, all I have to
Speaker 1: do is have a passport. Yeah cool? Yeah, so we went.
Speaker 1: It was it was really cheap. The food was good.
Speaker 1: I felt like Daddy Warbucks, you know, I felt I
Speaker 1: felt like a white man in Thailand as hell. That's
Speaker 1: how far my money was going. You're just getting around
Speaker 1: the exchange rate on the on the oh yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like I was getting two hour massages. I got a
Speaker 1: four hour massage in Thailand.
Speaker 2: Four The relationship.
Speaker 1: What they do your feet for an hour? That's so long?
Speaker 2: The human cost?
Speaker 1: Who's talking about?
Speaker 2: Are there different people massage on you at once?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was high and my eyes were
Speaker 1: closed four hours. Yeah, how that feel? How wild? The
Speaker 1: second hour was a little bit gross. It was like
Speaker 1: a full body scrub, but we weren't in a wet room.
Speaker 1: We were in a dry room, so it was like,
Speaker 1: this is dumb, right, and then uh, the last couple
Speaker 1: of minutes, I looked and my friend had some ladies
Speaker 1: standing on her back giving her a massage. I've done that,
Speaker 1: but my tits are two bic. I'm like, sis, you
Speaker 1: gotta get off, like like, my tits are like in
Speaker 1: my eyes, like it feels like they're mad at me.
Speaker 1: Yes say yeah, yeah, it feels like I'm in home alone,
Speaker 1: like one of the robbers. I'm like, I gotta that's
Speaker 1: the wild. All my references are very old.
Speaker 2: No, they're great. They're like, I'm back the night. That's
Speaker 2: why these young ones are here. They're like, oh the nineties.
Speaker 1: Yes, I heard, I heard there were some fetuses in
Speaker 1: here tonight. I love it. Okay, real talk traveling as
Speaker 1: a black woman to any other continent. Let's just start
Speaker 1: off with the airport. How was customs? It was cool.
Speaker 1: I got to say pre check now, so I was excuse me, poores.
Speaker 2: But then do you let you do that in pre check?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you can kick poor people in PreCheck. You
Speaker 1: slide a baby up? Excuse me?
Speaker 2: Why would you bring this child?
Speaker 1: That's my baby? Do you travel? Do you travel with
Speaker 1: your kids? I do? You've put them on planes before.
Speaker 1: What I want to do is I want to try
Speaker 1: and give them all the things to be cool fucking adults.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like, I want them
Speaker 1: to be comfortable with travel, eating different ships, smelling different
Speaker 1: fucking places. Like your kids, like two, they're four, they're four.
Speaker 1: You just saw them look out there, and let me
Speaker 1: be the first to say they look great, thank you.
Speaker 1: I thought they were.
Speaker 3: Marie is living her best life. I have another difference
Speaker 3: between a two year old or a nine year old.
Speaker 2: Give a fuck.
Speaker 1: Look, I'd be like, are you ten?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: I will say two to six is one of those
Speaker 1: ages where it depends on the DNA. But like, you
Speaker 1: don't know unless you're pediatrician, right, And that's fine. I
Speaker 1: think you gotta cut them to count the rings. I
Speaker 1: think that's how it like a tree of the baby.
Speaker 1: So how is it when you landed in Thailand? Are
Speaker 1: people like only one person in Thailand was like oh,
Speaker 1: and I was like, ah, Like one guy grabbed my
Speaker 1: hair to like feel it, yeah, and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't. But that only happened one time. It was
Speaker 1: a lot of black girls in Thailand. I don't know.
Speaker 1: TikTok is doing his jump.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: And every time I see somebody back in tailand I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: black friend, and nobody waved back.
Speaker 2: But oh oh yeah.
Speaker 1: But you know, also maybe they didn't speak when I speak.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm screaming English, hey black friend, and you know,
Speaker 1: maybe they're Pandomanian or you know whatever. I love that
Speaker 1: you love to travel. When I was shooting my show,
Speaker 1: Garcel was in the scene with me, Garcel Bovee, and
Speaker 1: she was like, do you know this raazy person on Instagram?
Speaker 1: She's so funny. I said, not only do I know her,
Speaker 1: let's FaceTime her. So we FaceTime this bitch right, just
Speaker 1: to be like just like Haitian oil tea, we all
Speaker 1: out here, you know, just like making our parents proud
Speaker 1: and shit. And I'm like, I wonder what the fuck
Speaker 1: she's up to? FaceTime ass bitch? Where the fuck were you?
Speaker 1: I was on the train in Paris and I was like,
Speaker 1: why is Michelle facetiming me? You never facetimed me? And
Speaker 1: I picked up and it's you and Real Housewives of
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills. And I was like, I'm screaming on the
Speaker 1: train in Paris. They're like, look at this dumb American
Speaker 1: and I'm like, we have service on the subway here.
Speaker 1: So how was Paris? Bitch? Oh, Paris is great. I
Speaker 1: did a solo trip for my birthday. I went for
Speaker 1: a week and I always by O, w bring my
Speaker 1: own weed, and somebody said weed, okay, okay, And so
Speaker 1: I was high every day and I just ate everything
Speaker 1: I wanted to eat fun because Paris is good for that.
Speaker 1: And then I bought a bunch of really cool stuff
Speaker 1: and I never checked my bank balance.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: And it just went through the car, just kept swiping.
Speaker 1: So so you can't get too high, because one time
Speaker 1: I did in Europe, you got to keep the cards
Speaker 1: in there and you get the card after you get
Speaker 1: the money. And so like I got the money and
Speaker 1: I was high and I just left. I left my
Speaker 1: card in there at the at Yes, and I went
Speaker 1: back and they're like, I went back to the bank.
Speaker 1: They're like, we can't give it to you. It's gone now.
Speaker 1: I was like, can't you just take the back off
Speaker 1: and give it to me? Yeah? You was paying with cash. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was why I always swipe the card. And then
Speaker 1: I'm like, but where would you like to travel next?
Speaker 1: I feel like I got to hit something in Africa,
Speaker 1: like I can't you know, I can't be this black
Speaker 1: and awesome and like keep skipping over yeah freak, yeah
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. But what was it like traveling by yourself?
Speaker 1: Did you feel safe the whole time? My friend told
Speaker 1: me that I am too old to get kidnapped? So
Speaker 1: what she is?
Speaker 2: She ate that dead to us?
Speaker 1: How's up? Girl, I'm very kidnappable. Look at me, I'm
Speaker 1: packet sized, you know.
Speaker 2: She's like, you can just get napped now.
Speaker 1: She said you're safe, You're too old to get kidnapped.
Speaker 2: Is she in here? We don't just cut that out.
Speaker 1: So we asked the questions about assulting from the audience.
Speaker 1: Let's get to it.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm new to New York, it says from the South.
Speaker 3: How is dating different here? And how do I show
Speaker 3: someone I'm interested? Smiley face emoji?
Speaker 1: Come on, black, mister Rogers, let's go Why are you
Speaker 1: getting all pbs on that question.
Speaker 2: I'm from the South, and I can tell you that
Speaker 2: dating and courting.
Speaker 3: Or a little bit different up here, so they're a
Speaker 3: little more brusque. I would say there's fewer moonlight strolls
Speaker 3: by gazebo, you know, and promise rings are not given
Speaker 3: that kind of thing, you know, like down south, one
Speaker 3: big move is like going to church with somebody, and
Speaker 3: y'all might not know that up here in North You're like,
Speaker 3: tell us.
Speaker 1: More what a cultural exchange?
Speaker 2: But that's that's an actual thing down south. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: What's up? The question is what can I do to
Speaker 1: make money without working a nine to five? Do you please?
Speaker 1: The amount of hours possible? Please?
Speaker 2: Capitalism is bullshit.
Speaker 1: Man, Look get that high speed internet and get yourself
Speaker 1: an OnlyFans account. Okay, take pictures of your feet, yeah,
Speaker 1: or I mean, you know, just be charming. Okay. I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like now it's more possible than ever
Speaker 1: before to make money in ways that you're like, you
Speaker 1: can make money, don't Yeah? Right, Remember when the number
Speaker 1: one subscribe YouTube page was a little boy playing with toys.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, get.
Speaker 1: You on, get you one of those accounts? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: will say, like when I see my mom, my dad,
Speaker 1: and my aunts and my uncle's retired now and their
Speaker 1: knees hurt, their backs, the diabetes, the thing, the thing
Speaker 1: they think like, it does suck in a Marrior that
Speaker 1: we work ourselves into the fucking ground only to retire
Speaker 1: at sixty five. To really you can't even live off
Speaker 1: of social Security. It's just like what the fuck are
Speaker 1: we doing? You know what I mean? And so we
Speaker 1: make fun of other cultures for taking a three month vacation,
Speaker 1: but they live till ninety five, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it's a funny ask question, but it's a real
Speaker 1: question because it's like, how do you protect your fucking
Speaker 1: heart and your soul and still pay for fucking a
Speaker 1: roof over your head. I'm still figuring it out. I
Speaker 1: have been really lucky that I love what I do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't feel like work for me, like I
Speaker 1: just can keep going, But like for someone that's not
Speaker 1: passionate about some shit like I, I don't know scams,
Speaker 1: dam scappm, I don't know scams.
Speaker 3: Okay, this question is how do you create a safe
Speaker 3: space for conflict resolution within a relationship?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Pop, up hop up is this therapist
Speaker 1: in network.
Speaker 2: Is within the confronts of the relationship.
Speaker 3: How do we create a zone wherein we can mitigate
Speaker 3: the possible damage of being at odds with one another?
Speaker 2: I wrote this question just kidding. How do you do that? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean sometimes sometimes?
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: With with my my person.
Speaker 1: I love when he gets really awkward, it turns into Obama.
Speaker 3: With my person, she has the foresight and forethought to
Speaker 3: be like, let's just wait until the kids are asleep.
Speaker 3: That's a good thing where it's like, Okay, you've had
Speaker 3: time to think about it a little bit and see
Speaker 3: why you're right.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: From all the angles, Well, I think waiting and jest,
Speaker 3: dating and like taking a breath and and an edible
Speaker 3: can't hurt.
Speaker 1: Can't hurt, so medicate cool. I think it's really hard
Speaker 1: to have responsible fights conversations, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's hard. It's sort of just like you don't want
Speaker 1: to have that conversation. You just want it to be done.
Speaker 1: But now you know, you live with this person, and
Speaker 1: you've infused y'all DNA together, and so you have to
Speaker 1: work it out. And so I knew from the beginning
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh god, I really don't want
Speaker 1: to like smell anybody else except for him. I was like,
Speaker 1: we know how to love, we have to figure out
Speaker 1: how to fight. And when I say fight, like just
Speaker 1: it could be a hard, hard discussion, and you just
Speaker 1: the biggest thing is letting someone fucking finish, Like you've
Speaker 1: got like, let them fucking finish, like no matter, fuck it,
Speaker 1: even if it's bullshit, you gotta let them finish. And
Speaker 1: I say, you know, there's so everyone's a therapist now,
Speaker 1: like go get yourself a mediator or some shit.
Speaker 2: You're so right about letting them finish. Yeah, let them finish.
Speaker 1: As you cut me off, I was counting backwards.
Speaker 2: From one hundred. In my head, it's like, don't do it.
Speaker 2: Don't do it.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2: Don What do you do?
Speaker 4: I would just say, you got to understand, like kind
Speaker 4: of building up what Michelle said, understand their communication style,
Speaker 4: so like letting them finish and also knowing that you
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, Like if you don't agree, and
Speaker 4: you know you won't agree, you gotta figure out a
Speaker 4: way to voice the Hey, I just don't agree with you.
Speaker 2: On that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't agree with your time. It's crazy. Okay,
Speaker 1: you got a question, Marie. If you are short on
Speaker 1: time in the morning, is it okay to pee in
Speaker 1: the shower? Gross or good time management? I need more
Speaker 1: information about who wrote this.
Speaker 2: I have heard. I have heard it's fine to pee
Speaker 2: in the shower.
Speaker 1: I think I wrote this because a guy. The guys
Speaker 1: pee everywhere. No no, no, no no no no, no, yeah no,
Speaker 1: absolutely not. Yeah, yeah, I think we want to pee
Speaker 1: in the shower. Pee in the shower. But also, white people,
Speaker 1: wash your legs, well said, in the bottom of your feet.
Speaker 1: The soap running down is not get in between the toes.
Speaker 1: Nobody gets it between the toes. Oh that, she relects
Speaker 1: all the ship. Yeah, it's like a turkey boat. It's discussing.
Speaker 1: I say, put in the shower if you got to, Yes,
Speaker 1: wash your so also clean the tube, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And only one person, only one person here tonight.
Speaker 2: I feel you. I'll tell you this. I am done
Speaker 2: shitting in the shower. I am not going to do
Speaker 2: that anymore.
Speaker 1: What you know what I'm saying, Jordan, you have to
Speaker 1: tell them if you're joking. They don't know okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's right.
Speaker 2: I have sex people. That's right.
Speaker 1: Okay, my my may uh. That's how my dad calls
Speaker 1: all my cousins. So what is the most adult thing
Speaker 1: you want to do for yourself this year that you
Speaker 1: haven't gotten a chance to do for yourself yet? Could
Speaker 1: be anything?
Speaker 2: Could be anything?
Speaker 1: Well, what are some examples of things that other people
Speaker 1: have said in the past, such a Libra follow up?
Speaker 1: What are the other people saying?
Speaker 2: Travel?
Speaker 1: I don't want to say the wrong A lot of
Speaker 1: people say travel truly like fucking anything. I think someone
Speaker 1: said like clean their garage or some shit. I don't know,
Speaker 1: we don't do that. What do I want to do
Speaker 1: as an adult this year? I think this year I
Speaker 1: want to fall in love When someone who has all
Speaker 1: their teeth, even the side ones you can't see them,
Speaker 1: I say, look look at I have a look at
Speaker 1: my mouth. You should have all of yours. So well,
Speaker 1: if you are listening to this and you happen to
Speaker 1: be an eligible bachelor with all your teeth, including like
Speaker 1: the one the Mueller's the thing you give if the
Speaker 1: dentist pulled it out because it was making the front
Speaker 1: teeth crowded. That that's cool.
Speaker 2: Okay, what about a corn tooth.
Speaker 3: If the person has a corn tooth, corn tooth, that's
Speaker 3: when you yellow, you lose your front tooth, and it's
Speaker 3: like and then you have to shove one in there
Speaker 3: like star ros like star roast.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, yes yes, and it comes out like
Speaker 1: uh uh, because I don't want the tooth getting soul disclosure.
Speaker 1: I have a fake tooth in the front. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you're rich.
Speaker 2: No one can tell, No one can tell.
Speaker 1: My father was a dentist. I really sucked the right
Speaker 1: dick on the right night. My husband's not my father.
Speaker 2: Laws.
Speaker 1: I should have fuck have said that. I should have
Speaker 1: fuck it. I should have been your the fact that
Speaker 1: I need a dental work and so happen to have
Speaker 1: sex with a man as a dentist? Where going? And
Speaker 1: I wrote it. I wrote I wrote a chapter about
Speaker 1: it in my books if ible to think.
Speaker 2: It, it's called Tooth Be Told. It's a good chapter.
Speaker 1: Wow, no boggy smalls. But it's also about how like
Speaker 1: health insurance should not be a luxury and like why
Speaker 1: are tooth cosmetic? So I'm with you on that, but anyways,
Speaker 1: a man with teeth, I'm here for you.
Speaker 5: Please give it up for Marie Flaws and everybody.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 3: She encouraged me. Marie encouraged me and inspired me. Yes,
Speaker 3: I need to go to Thailand. What am I waiting on?
Speaker 1: Is that a real question? Do you want me to
Speaker 1: answer that? I mean, I mean, I will say you do.
Speaker 1: You do take probably a longer time to get to
Speaker 1: where you want to go. You always manage to get there.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, I do. Emily Plummer, That's okay.
Speaker 1: You always get there, which is you know, better late
Speaker 1: than never.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I don't take the toll roads. You see what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: No, you printed out the map quest and you have
Speaker 1: the original names of the state highways and shit. So
Speaker 1: you just taken all farm roads for the view and
Speaker 1: that's okay.
Speaker 3: Yes, I will pass on the easy pass. I'll come
Speaker 3: up the rough side of the mountain. You see what
Speaker 3: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2: And everybody's like, we've been here a while.
Speaker 1: I like it though, I like it. Everybody you know
Speaker 1: has their own fraction.
Speaker 2: Hmm. I like that. You mean like numerator denominator kind
Speaker 2: of thing.
Speaker 1: Yep, Nope, I met like group they belong in.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, oh, faction, you mean faction?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Check your house? Is it burning? Are you okay? Are
Speaker 2: you don't know? Jordan's smelling almonds?
Speaker 1: I really don't know Jordans. I wish we got to
Speaker 1: leave this in Jordan's You can't even hear him. He's life,
Speaker 1: he's holding is just I said, fraction, I may say faction.
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I guess my favorite fraction is
Speaker 3: seven eighths.
Speaker 2: Like seven eighths.
Speaker 1: You are the common denominator in this oil. All right, everyone,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for hanging with us. I'm going to
Speaker 1: go back to school and uh, and I hope you
Speaker 1: guys have a good one. Don't forget to wash your hands.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is g Holley.
Speaker 2: Our associate producer is Alex Cheek.
Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by John Bradley.
Speaker 2: Our guest booker is Patrick Cottner.
Speaker 1: Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.
Speaker 2: Theme song in live show DJing is by DJ Don Will.
Speaker 1: Our live show producer is Marian Ways.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.
Speaker 1: Photography by Reis vander Most.
Speaker 3: Executive produced by Karen Kilgera, Georgia Hardstar, and Daniel Kramer.
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.
Speaker 3: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: MMMM