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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, it's your celebrity mentor Cheryl Burke back again

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Speaker 1: with Alexia and Kelly, and we're going to dive back

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Speaker 1: into our conversation with divorce attorney Dennis Vitrano. What profession

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Speaker 1: has the highest divorce rate?

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Speaker 2: I find, uh, firefighters, lawns, they're so hot. I think

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Speaker 2: the service industry.

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Speaker 3: Is difficult, military, military, military.

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Speaker 4: What about I would say finances, and you wouldn't say finance.

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Speaker 2: I feel finance too. I think Look, I think with

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Speaker 2: my experience with the finance world is there they're just

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Speaker 2: like there is so much money and so much you know.

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Speaker 3: The women put up with it. Well, yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean that's part of it too, a little bit.

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Speaker 5: But I don't know if it's necessarily the money.

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Speaker 4: But right now, like people know, these guys in finance

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Speaker 4: or women people in finance, people in finance are working

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Speaker 4: twenty two hours a day right.

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Speaker 5: Now too, and you don't even know what this is

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Speaker 5: going to be.

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Speaker 4: And I just think that the stress of that is

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Speaker 4: really obviously the firefighters as well. I'm just any like

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Speaker 4: super high stressful environment. I just to jump back to separation,

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Speaker 4: like I'm actually surprised by that because I would assume that.

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Speaker 5: I mean, I understand the playball part of it.

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Speaker 4: But I would assume that if sometimes people it's it's

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Speaker 4: an either or scenario.

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Speaker 5: You're either like, okay, you've you've separated, you've been apart

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Speaker 5: from each other.

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Speaker 4: You either miss each other, or you know you've been

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Speaker 4: separated and the other person, or you know, you're both

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Speaker 4: like seeing other people and then it's just over.

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Speaker 3: So I thought that was actually interesting. I know, but

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Speaker 3: I feel like you because that's like my situation.

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Speaker 1: I also think that maybe women it takes longer for

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Speaker 1: them to just get over it.

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Speaker 6: Maybe I get this whole new era of women just

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Speaker 6: wanting to be alone and and you know, and healing

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Speaker 6: and just you know, self love and just I totally

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Speaker 6: get it.

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Speaker 1: They do say that women who are alone, child free,

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Speaker 1: single women that they are the happiest population. Why do

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Speaker 1: you think that is?

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Speaker 2: And the stat also says that they tend to live longer. Correct, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we do.

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Speaker 1: This is my third life. I'm already like one hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty.

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Speaker 6: I feel like men with one day age like they

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Speaker 6: really need the men that stay married. If that stay

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Speaker 6: married or have a companion, they live longer because us

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Speaker 6: women take care of them, thank you.

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Speaker 1: They don't know how they're on.

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Speaker 2: And I was about to say, are you familiar with

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Speaker 2: the phrase man child? So so you get.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't matter the age.

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Speaker 3: Of course, right, the mummy complex, it's a real thing.

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Speaker 1: It's a real thing. How important is it emotionally and

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Speaker 1: legally to get divorced? I guess you know, you hear

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who takes so long to get divorced,

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Speaker 1: five years, all of that. So what is your take

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Speaker 1: on that.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's a couple of different things. I think that.

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Speaker 2: I think part of the reason why the divorce raised

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Speaker 2: rate has spiked, and part of the reason why I think,

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Speaker 2: you know, women are filing for divorce more frequently is

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Speaker 2: because they realize how short life is, and they realize

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Speaker 2: how important it is to be happy, and they realize

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Speaker 2: how important it is to model what a strong, meaningful,

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Speaker 2: fulfilling relationship should look like for their kids. Okay, So,

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Speaker 2: so to talk about how important that is mentally and emotionally,

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Speaker 2: it can't put a price tag on that, you know,

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Speaker 2: there's no And it's funny because the ladies that come

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Speaker 2: into my office that the vast majority of them like

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Speaker 2: I don't care about his retirement plan or whether he

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Speaker 2: takes the more expensive car. I care about my freedom,

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Speaker 2: my sanity, my happiness, and before that, all of those

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Speaker 2: mis typically comes number one my kids. So they're seeing that.

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Speaker 6: And in your case, since you're a divorce lawyer, obviously

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Speaker 6: all the women that come in there are women that

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Speaker 6: are sharing these stories. You know, where they've probably been

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Speaker 6: in relationships with men that have been controlling that you know,

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Speaker 6: now they want, you know, their freedom and now they're

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Speaker 6: in a different stage in their lives and children, older,

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Speaker 6: et cetera. Obviously, these are the women that you're seeing.

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Speaker 6: Nobody's been happy in their relationship because that's why they're

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Speaker 6: there to see you and to fill for divorce.

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Speaker 1: I mean also like coming from a divorce family, it

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Speaker 1: was not I'm grateful my mom got a divorce to

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Speaker 1: my father. I think it would have been so traumatic, right,

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Speaker 1: and it happened when I was two, but still too Really,

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Speaker 1: those are like vital years of a child's life, and

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Speaker 1: no matter if they can communicate it or not, you're

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Speaker 1: the body keeps a score and it is held in

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Speaker 1: their body and then it then reflects their dating pattern.

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Speaker 1: It's a freaking domino effect and no wonder like it is.

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Speaker 1: Of course you have to kind of change the environment

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Speaker 1: if it's toxic, because you can have kids around that

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Speaker 1: environment unless you want your kids to continue on that.

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Speaker 1: You know, generational trauma, as far as I'm concerned.

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Speaker 2: The body keeps score. I like that. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: use that as long as you don't mind.

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Speaker 4: Well, it's so funny because we were always talking about

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Speaker 4: generational but I love that. I mean, I think that's

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Speaker 4: really smart, the generational trauma. I think I think that's

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Speaker 4: something that people are sure down, you know, with one.

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Speaker 4: You know, you're seeing your role models and how they

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Speaker 4: respond and react. And that was another thing too, you know,

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Speaker 4: outside of just like the fundamentals of divorce, Like it's

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Speaker 4: you know, when Cheryl and I spoke about this, it's

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Speaker 4: just like she always asked me, like.

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Speaker 5: How do you feel? And people don't ask you how

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Speaker 5: you feel after.

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Speaker 4: You've gotten divorced or you're in the process of getting divorced.

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Speaker 4: It's kind of like when you say you're getting divorced,

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Speaker 4: they're like, oh wow, like you're just kind of some

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Speaker 4: kind of baller and it's not like no, no, no,

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Speaker 4: like I have real feelings and I'm traumatized and I

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Speaker 4: need to figure out how to move forward.

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Speaker 5: And it took me so long to onto like you.

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Speaker 4: Know, that's why one thing I hated about this the

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Speaker 4: word uncoupling. I just thought that was so like generic

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Speaker 4: and it's just so difficult.

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Speaker 3: To you know when you're so used to it either zile.

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Speaker 4: And you know, it's not the lifestyle, it's not the money.

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Speaker 4: It's just like you know, waking up with the person,

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Speaker 4: talking to the person and comfortable.

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Speaker 1: It's comfortable plan.

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Speaker 4: You know, Doc like you just say, we're saying before

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Speaker 4: like time does pass so quickly. I mean we've all,

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Speaker 4: like you know, seen so much happen, and it's just

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Speaker 4: like I'm just constantly now thinking to myself like how

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Speaker 4: do I feel?

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Speaker 5: Every day, I'm like, how do I feel? How do

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Speaker 5: I feel?

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Speaker 2: And it's funny, it's people ask you so many other things,

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Speaker 2: Like they want to talk about you know, they want

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Speaker 2: to ask what's going on with your divorce? They want

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Speaker 2: to talk about this.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, can we talk about that?

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Speaker 6: How people are so nosy you have to really block

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Speaker 6: out the noise because everyone has an opinion, of course,

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Speaker 6: you know, especially if you're a public person, you know,

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Speaker 6: like myself and Kelly and Share actually the three of us.

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Speaker 3: So it's really hard.

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Speaker 6: You have to, you know, just forget about everyone's opinion

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Speaker 6: because according to how they've lived their life.

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Speaker 7: You know.

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Speaker 6: I have friends that have put up with their husbands

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Speaker 6: cheating in them all their lives, and then they're the

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Speaker 6: first ones to say, oh, you can't put up with that.

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Speaker 6: Yet you've done it, you know what I mean, and

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Speaker 6: it was worth it to you, So, you know, I

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Speaker 6: feel like it it gets really really difficult to you know,

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Speaker 6: to be you know, who we are and have a

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Speaker 6: relationship these days, because you know, our lives are out there,

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Speaker 6: and I think that makes marriage so much more difficult,

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Speaker 6: you know. And that was my question. Do you do

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Speaker 6: you think there's no pressure on the idea of marriage.

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Speaker 3: And that's why they fail.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 6: I feel like everybody's just so caught up on like, okay,

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Speaker 6: like get married and what if it doesn't work?

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Speaker 3: Like, so, how do you feel about that?

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Speaker 6: Then most things will be considering, just like lifelong companionship

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Speaker 6: versus the traditional marriage.

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Speaker 1: I think.

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Speaker 2: Look, I think let's start by going back to one

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Speaker 2: thing that you mentioned. I think being in the public

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Speaker 2: eye is very real difficult when you're going through a

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Speaker 2: divorce process. Everybody has an opinion, everybody's weighing, and everybody's

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Speaker 2: watching you. But I think the best thing you can

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Speaker 2: do in those sorts of circumstances is surround yourself with

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Speaker 2: those people in your life who are going to ask

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Speaker 2: you the question exactly like you said, Kelly, are you okay,

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Speaker 2: and really givishit about what the answer is okay, really

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Speaker 2: care what your answer is, and not that they want

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Speaker 2: to judge, and not that they want to scuttle, but

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Speaker 2: and not that they want to tell you what you

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Speaker 2: should have done in the mistakes that you made or

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Speaker 2: judge you that they just want to listen to you

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Speaker 2: and really care about how you're doing.

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Speaker 6: I mean, the thing is that the people that love

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Speaker 6: or protect you. Everybody has an opinion.

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Speaker 1: But for people who really like what you were saying,

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Speaker 1: genuinely ask the question. There's not a lot out there,

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Speaker 1: you know, so maybe it's quality over quantity, right.

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Speaker 6: They don't want to know how you feel. They want

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Speaker 6: to know like what's going on, like what's like what's

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Speaker 6: really going on? But yeah, right, I mean, I am lucky,

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Speaker 6: though I do have a lot of you know, friends

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Speaker 6: that are like my family.

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Speaker 1: I don't actually I could say that I have. I

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Speaker 1: can count on one hand my friends if like seriously,

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Speaker 1: and for me, that's okay, and it's not again, it's

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Speaker 1: not about quantity. But since I've gotten sober for the

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Speaker 1: past six years, you know, and since I have continued

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Speaker 1: to work on myself and is so overused now the work.

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Speaker 1: But like it is what it is, it has you know,

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Speaker 1: I have actually asked out a lot of people because

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Speaker 1: it's not so much about them. I'm saying that I

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Speaker 1: for me, this is just everyone comes into your life

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Speaker 1: at a certain time in your life, I believe. And

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Speaker 1: then also we all evolve and sometimes it's together and

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's not same in a marriage and I can't

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Speaker 1: even judge that, like that's just human nature, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but even as you said before, I know you're

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Speaker 2: kidding a little bit, like I'm your only friend. But

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Speaker 2: here's here's my defense. If if you have one, one

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Speaker 2: good one, that's enough.

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Speaker 1: Yeah enough, And that takes a lot of effort too.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's a very relationship.

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Speaker 2: It is.

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Speaker 4: It's even interesting like when you're when you're going through

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Speaker 4: almost getting married, and then you break off that marriage.

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Speaker 5: I mean being on.

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Speaker 4: This podcast, as like I said before, has been so

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Speaker 4: cathartic for me because it's a safe place for me

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Speaker 4: to talk honestly. And you know, I wrote a letter

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Speaker 4: to my future husband.

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Speaker 1: I saw that. Oh it made me cry.

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Speaker 3: What does he look like? Kelly? How is he not

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Speaker 3: like what he looks like?

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Speaker 6: No? No, no, not like not physically like for you?

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Speaker 6: What does he look like? Not physically, but like what

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Speaker 6: are the qualities that? What are the topics here?

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Speaker 1: I was just joking someone.

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Speaker 5: Who's very nurturing, like I need nurturing.

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Speaker 4: People are always like saying to me how strong I am,

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Speaker 4: and actually I'm actually the opposite. I just project being strong,

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Speaker 4: just kind of like you know, Cheryl talks.

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Speaker 6: About it's a defense like that too, and we're really

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Speaker 6: soft inside.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to take care of it everybody, Yes, project everybody,

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Speaker 4: but actually I'm the one that never gets protected or

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Speaker 4: taken care of. So I would like someone strong emotionally

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Speaker 4: and someone who has a lot of you know, personal value,

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Speaker 4: like not just like who they are as a person

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Speaker 4: and like what they do, and just have a lot

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Speaker 4: of integrity, because that's something that after going through all

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Speaker 4: of these different, you know, situations for so long since

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Speaker 4: I got divorced. You know, I've just noticed that men,

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Speaker 4: a lot of men that I've you know, been around,

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Speaker 4: or they just have no personal value. And that was

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Speaker 4: something that I was always like honestly offended by.

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Speaker 5: I just was like, you can't even like.

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Speaker 1: Stand personal value like self respect or like.

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Speaker 4: Respect, and just like you know, it was always like

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Speaker 4: they would be like playing. It used to like a

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Speaker 4: lot of guys like play a victim role around me.

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Speaker 3: Oh god, I hate.

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Speaker 4: That just because I'm projecting strength is not strong.

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Speaker 1: Like people will call me always.

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Speaker 3: Like she's just that means you're strong, Cheryl.

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Speaker 1: Dennis, you're such a good listener.

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Speaker 5: Are you sing both of your ears?

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Speaker 1: Dennis?

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Speaker 2: This is but listen, honestly, this conversation we're having right now,

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Speaker 2: and we're talking about like hey, how we're sharing our

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Speaker 2: experiences and you know, talking back for than asking questions.

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Speaker 2: People listening to these podcasts need these podcasts. They need

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Speaker 2: to know what to do through the divorce process. They

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Speaker 2: need to know there's hope after the divorce process. They're

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Speaker 2: not alone, right.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, Okay, So then I have a question, what do

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Speaker 7: people need to know in order to make the divorce

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Speaker 7: like the smooth now that you're saying that such thing, right,

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Speaker 7: a smooth divorce.

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Speaker 2: Yes, of course, I think divorces are difficult. So so again,

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Speaker 2: I know I'm full of stories, but I represented someone

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Speaker 2: years ago. This woman was at a point where she

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Speaker 2: loathed her husband with every fiber of her being, couldn't

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Speaker 2: stand him. Case took longer than anticipated into court. Now,

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Speaker 2: you know, the way you do settlements and divorce cases

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Speaker 2: is you either do a written contract or you will

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Speaker 2: do it on the record in the courthouse in front

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Speaker 2: of the judge and actually say orally yet like, yes,

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Speaker 2: this is our agreement, this is what we did, blah

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Speaker 2: blah blah, and they do what we call an elocution,

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Speaker 2: which means you swear them and say, you know, nobody's

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Speaker 2: threatened you, you know, coerced you into reaching this agreement.

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Speaker 2: And when they said, okay, we're issuing a judgment of divorce,

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Speaker 2: you're divorced, my client just sat at the table and

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Speaker 2: openly wept, cried hysterically. And I think to a certain

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Speaker 2: degree it was about being relieved to be through the process.

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Speaker 2: But to a certain degree, like you were saying before Kelly,

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Speaker 2: it's every aspect of your life is going to change.

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Speaker 2: You wake up next to the person or you don't.

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Speaker 2: Your situation with your kids has changed, where you live

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Speaker 2: may change. So many things are changing. All the things

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Speaker 2: you came to know as your life will now change.

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Speaker 2: So when you say yes, let's say we have the

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Speaker 2: most amicable divorce possible, it's a mediation, we reach an agreement.

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Speaker 2: Everybody's happy still, So your sense of normalcy is going

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Speaker 2: to change one hundred and eighty degrees, even in the

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Speaker 2: most amicable divorce. So it's a very stressful process no

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Speaker 2: matter how you look at it, even when it's quote

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Speaker 2: unquote easy right. And I think I think the biggest

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Speaker 2: thing people need to do through the process is to

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Speaker 2: prepare themselves before the divorce. What you do in the

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Speaker 2: divorce process is important, but I think it's more important

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Speaker 2: to prepare yourself in advance. And when I say prepare

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Speaker 2: yourself in advance, you know we talked about that one

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Speaker 2: person you can count on. You know, you need to

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Speaker 2: have a support system, which which will include a therapist,

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Speaker 2: which will include friends. And I always say, sometimes you

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Speaker 2: want that friend who's going to kick you in the

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Speaker 2: ass when you need it, and you want that friend

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Speaker 2: who's going to be a shoulder to cry and give

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Speaker 2: you a hug when you need it.

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Speaker 1: That's what therapists are. They're not supposed to be biased,

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Speaker 1: right like aramists two.

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Speaker 2: But I think sometimes, you know, friends and support system

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Speaker 2: do something slightly different.

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Speaker 1: What because I didn't find what well?

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Speaker 2: I mean listen, Like I said, everybody's situation is different.

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Speaker 2: But I think a therapist are going to listen, but

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Speaker 2: they're going to give you a professional eye. It's different

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Speaker 2: than than your best friend.

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Speaker 5: It's just that it's going to sound strange.

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Speaker 4: But right before I broke off my engagement, I started

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Speaker 4: working out with a new trainer and he was pushing

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Speaker 4: me so hard. And right before I was going to

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Speaker 4: be getting h getting married, Like, I was drinking. I'm

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Speaker 4: not a big drinker, and I was drinking every single

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Speaker 4: night a lot, not I mean a lot, like not

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Speaker 4: thousands of drinks, but I would definitely drink, you know,

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Speaker 4: definitely two or three glasses of wine at night, and

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Speaker 4: wasn't sleeping a lot, was taking melotonin every night and

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Speaker 4: just you know, not eating a lot, and not like

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Speaker 4: trying to fit into a dress or anything. I just

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Speaker 4: was like trying to navigate that I had to be

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Speaker 4: up in the morning because I had to work, because

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Speaker 4: I had to make money, but I need at the

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Speaker 4: end of the day, I needed to like figure out

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Speaker 4: like how I could. You know, Sharyl and I talk

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Speaker 4: about this like numb myself and I started working out

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Speaker 4: with this trainer right before I was getting married, a

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Speaker 4: new trainer. This is like maybe a like two weeks before,

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Speaker 4: and the way that he was training me was so

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Speaker 4: taxing that I'm going to literally start crying, Like it

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Speaker 4: was so taxing that my whole body was just like

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Speaker 4: releasing from everything, and I was just like I can't

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Speaker 4: do this.

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Speaker 5: I just can't do this.

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Speaker 4: And it wasn't the exercise, it was that my whole

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Speaker 4: body was saying, you need your body needs to Like

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Speaker 4: I mean, Cheryl, you're a dancers, you want you understand this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's true. The body keeps a score like

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Speaker 1: you're you're letting trauma release, trauma off your body exactly.

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Speaker 5: It was a trauma release. And so I suggest anyone

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Speaker 5: who's getting.

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Speaker 4: Through a divorce to to enlist if you can, if

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Speaker 4: you can afford higher a trainer, something different like whatever

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Speaker 4: whatever it is.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, take a dance class.

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Speaker 3: You got to move your body, do something for yourself

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Speaker 3: and move your body. I agree. Literally, it was.

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Speaker 5: An absolute game changer. And then I remember.

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Speaker 4: After the day after I had called it off, I

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Speaker 4: my whole my whole head. I was having these chronic

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Speaker 4: headaches and my whole head was just clear.

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Speaker 5: I didn't have and I mean.

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Speaker 1: With it like that, it was just feel stagnant energy

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Speaker 1: anywhere gone.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was like that's done, We're done.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: So I think that that's really important outside of obviously

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Speaker 4: coming to see you, Dennis, but just to have someone

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Speaker 4: who is physically helping you, like move and just have

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Speaker 4: that kinetic energy and not that you know, frenetic energy.

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Speaker 5: That was one thing that really was a game.

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Speaker 1: Changer for me. How do you not take the emotions

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Speaker 1: from us, like from not us, but from your clients, Like,

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Speaker 1: how do you not take that home with you?

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Speaker 2: I think the way I do that best is to

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Speaker 2: make sure that I'm giving the right advice to people.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it is, it is a taxing area of law,

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Speaker 2: but I think if you approach it with care and

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Speaker 2: concern and not like you're just you know, I say

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Speaker 2: that our industry has become files on a conveyor belt.

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Speaker 2: It's become hey, this is what I did. Like we

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00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 2: said when we at the outset, Oh hey, you got

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Speaker 2: to make a living somehow are you going to make money?

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Speaker 2: And you're gonna you know, it's going to be.

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Speaker 5: A fire, you know.

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Speaker 2: And the course system too. So okay, we've got this couple,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna we're gonna divide the assets, are gonna get

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Speaker 2: the car going to house. Okay, we're gonna sign judgment doors, Okay, goodbye,

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Speaker 2: And you're like, what the hell my life is in

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Speaker 2: a shambles this whole process because this area of law,

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00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,800
Speaker 2: there's so many emotions mixed in with law, so different

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Speaker 2: than any other area of law. That's what makes it

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Speaker 2: so different.

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Speaker 6: Agree, and there's children involved, there's a family involved in children.

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Speaker 3: I could never do it, honestly.

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Speaker 6: It's it's I mean, I really admire respect like what

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Speaker 6: you do, even though you're you know, sometimes it doesn't

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Speaker 6: work out for the man or for the woman, whatever

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Speaker 6: it may be.

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Speaker 3: But it's just a really tough specialty because family law

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Speaker 3: involving children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. I want to give advice, that's like,

402
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Speaker 2: you know, listen, when you come into my office, I

403
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,040
Speaker 2: want to make sure the divorce is where you're going.

404
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 2: I want to make sure that you're absolutely certain that's

405
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Speaker 2: where you want to go. I want to make sure

406
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Speaker 2: you if you need counseling, that you have a counselor involved,

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00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 2: that if you know you're seeking out friends and family

408
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 2: to support you, you're thinking out the logistics of it.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I can't make you know. Listen, there are

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00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,160
Speaker 2: things that Remember your lawyer. And here's an important point

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Speaker 2: to make. I think when people think of divorce, they think, oh,

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Speaker 2: I get a lawyer. I'm good, I get a divorce lawyer.

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00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,400
Speaker 2: Your divorce lawyer is going to give you legal advice,

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Speaker 2: and then you're gonna leave their office and they're gonna

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Speaker 2: and if they're a good one, they're gonna do the

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Speaker 2: best they can to represent you.

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Speaker 6: And sometimes it's not even such good advice. By the way,

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Speaker 6: what are your respect right right?

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Speaker 2: It depends on you.

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Speaker 4: You can't have to go home and try to manage

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Speaker 4: and navigate just saying but yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but Kelly, what you just said right there. Then

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Speaker 2: then we send you home to go home and navigate,

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Speaker 2: and you're gonna do everything you can to shield your

425
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 2: kids from the process like you did, and you're gonna

426
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 2: put your kids first and put yourself second. And then

427
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Speaker 2: what we want you to do is try to find

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Speaker 2: a way to put yourself first. Try to find a

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Speaker 2: way to get yourself through the process where you're intact

430
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Speaker 2: when you come out the other side. And that's those

431
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 2: are the things that we can't help you with.

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Speaker 1: But didn't they by calling you? Didn't they put themselves first?

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Speaker 2: You know they did? And I think that's a good point.

434
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Speaker 2: I think that's the starting point, but I think it

435
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Speaker 2: goes so much deeper than that.

436
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 6: But even so, don't you think if the woman is

437
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 6: going to see you, she's already made up her mind.

438
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 6: I mean, it could be difficult, but I believe that

439
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,639
Speaker 6: she's the one that initiates it, and she goes to

440
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,239
Speaker 6: see it, it's something that she already wanted. So, like,

441
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,640
Speaker 6: I don't know why don't want to continue this because

442
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,159
Speaker 6: I mean, I mean, I'm a woman, but I know

443
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 6: of a lot of women that just want to like

444
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 6: drag out the divorce.

445
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's because of the money.

446
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 1: I'll be straight up. My divorce attorneys asked me those

447
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 1: questions like, are you know what is go? I wanted

448
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: to make sure that I wasn't reacting in yet instead

449
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 1: responding right, so like this was, you know, something that

450
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 1: we had long discussions about. It wasn't like it wasn't

451
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 1: a let's just go you know, No, you know, he

452
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 1: appreciated the fact that I've been therapy since I was

453
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 1: literally four years old, and that I've been with this

454
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: last one that I'm still with for fifteen years consistently.

455
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, this wasn't a pure reaction.

456
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,640
Speaker 1: This was over time obviously, and then there's a time

457
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,719
Speaker 1: when it's just no longer working, So what do I do?

458
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: What's the next step?

459
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 2: The vast majority of those cases absolutely right, in fact,

460
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 2: the overwhelming majority. However, you're having conversations with clients and

461
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 2: these consultations, not like you're a lawyer trying to get

462
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 2: a case to put their case on a compayor belt

463
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: and make money off of it, I hope, not trying

464
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 2: to have a conversation with clients like you give a

465
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 2: crap about what's happening in their life and them individually.

466
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 2: So that that's again I think that's that's that's hard

467
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 2: to find focus it is and that's a shame.

468
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 5: And you know what the.

469
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 4: Big what I'm hearing is like the big void is

470
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 4: that there's information of like how to get divorced, and

471
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 4: there's information of why to get divorced, and there's information

472
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 4: of you know, the the unraveling or the finance or

473
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:45,360
Speaker 4: the settlement agreements, the contract, but there's no next chapter advice.

474
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:46,679
Speaker 1: That's what we're here for.

475
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 5: Girl.

476
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,399
Speaker 3: Dennis, are you working on your new book?

477
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 2: I am, Actually I feel like.

478
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 1: You need to write a book, but there isn't only

479
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: one where you'll.

480
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 6: Have both the legal and then the therapeutics. So that

481
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 6: could be you know, you definitely have the audience.

482
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 5: Like day one you signed your agreement, you're divorced. What

483
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 5: do you do now?

484
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 1: Don't go have a divorce party? Like that's ridiculous.

485
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 2: I think, Look, there's so much that the I mean,

486
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 2: you you touched on it, and Kelly, you're one hundred

487
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 2: percent right. It's the tip of the iceberg. And you're right, Cheryl,

488
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 2: it isn't one path only for one person. But I

489
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 2: think for people, we need to do the best we

490
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 2: can as professionals in this space or people with experience

491
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,880
Speaker 2: and having been through the process the podcast. Yeah, well,

492
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 2: right to get the word out because I tay. I

493
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 2: tell clients when they come into my office, like, Okay,

494
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 2: what I want you to do throughout the process? Consume information,

495
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 2: Listen to podcasts, talk to friends who've been through it,

496
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 2: Watch Instagram shows, watch things on TikTok, listen to videos.

497
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 2: Does it mean that everything they tell you is one

498
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,719
Speaker 2: hundred percent accurate? No, But as you gain more information,

499
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 2: what you gain is calm and that's the most valuable

500
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 2: thing you can have through process.

501
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 4: Okay, speaking of I'll come, how come there are these

502
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 4: these divorces or these you know that last like five

503
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 4: seven years?

504
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 5: Like what what is the value of that?

505
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 3: You just want to get back at the person.

506
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 6: You despite the person, because I know those divorces and

507
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 6: it's ridiculous.

508
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,640
Speaker 1: Could it be money situation? It could be situational though

509
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: in that sense where like they have like if they

510
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: wait a certain amount of years, they could pay less.

511
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 2: Alexia just answered it. She got it right from my experience.

512
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's despite of course, it's a spite. They want

513
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 6: to spite them. And what do you hit the what

514
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 6: do you hit the man with the money?

515
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: It's like, why do people go back to abusive relationships.

516
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 6: No where do you hit them the money. That's where

517
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 6: it hurts. The men don't have the cunities and their

518
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 6: emotions that we do for us. It's like, Okay, you

519
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 6: can take away our car, but don't take away like,

520
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 6: you know, something that's meaningful to us. You know, maybe

521
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 6: like a picture, an art or something that meant something

522
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 6: to us when we were together with my children.

523
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 2: I told judges on a regular basis when.

524
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 3: It get a mend box or whatever it was they did.

525
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 3: I mean vice versa.

526
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 2: Can I think and vice versa? Listen. I tell judges

527
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 2: and opposing counsel in these cases and clients regularly. I say,

528
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 2: most of these divorces are math problems. When it comes

529
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 2: to the finances. There is nothing more than a math

530
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: not well and the and the prenup keeps it. The

531
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 2: prenup keeps it clearer. But generally speaking, at least in

532
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 2: New York State, it's pretty straightforward. A lot of the

533
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 2: issues what what tends to complicate things? Oh way, there

534
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 2: are remnants of a broken relationship that you never resolved

535
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: for yourself and feel like you need to you need

536
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: to get like like you know, she always did this

537
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 2: during their relationship and now and I never really saw

538
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 2: this ass and now I'm gonna figure it out. I've

539
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 2: gotta let go of that stuff.

540
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: Let go and let God. Folks, let go and let God. Dennis,

541
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 1: we can talk to you all damn day. Thank you

542
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: so much, so much.

543
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 2: Yes, listen, I'm hearing your stories though. It's amazing. I

544
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 2: just love it.

545
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 1: When I get married again, I'll make sure to move

546
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 1: to New York and hire you for my next divorce.

547
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,679
Speaker 2: I think. Listen, if you haven't heard this before, the

548
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 2: fact that you've made it through the divorce process intact

549
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 2: says to me, you're incredibly brave because it's so difficult

550
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,719
Speaker 2: to have that level of courage to get through that.

551
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 2: People don't realize how difficult it is.

552
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 1: It's so difficult that I'm a virgin, I'm born again,

553
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: and I am single for the rest of my life

554
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: because I'm loving it.

555
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 2: But you love you. That's the key, that is true,

556
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 2: That's all that matters, that will that will take you everywhere.

557
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: I love now, you love you, You love you, and

558
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 1: I love you. We're all one, okay, folks, we're all one.

559
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: Good to talk to you, ladies.

560
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: We know you're good when you can handle three strong women.

561
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 3: His wife is a strong woman too strong.

562
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 2: Yes, my mother in law and my mom and top

563
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 2: of the craft. My wife is she She's a She's

564
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 2: a top strong, willed, successful, confident lady. And I wouldn't

565
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: have it any other way.

566
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 3: So, now that you're saying that, do you think the

567
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 3: marriage is last longer when the woman is a strong

568
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 3: woman like that or a weak woman. I always have

569
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:23,479
Speaker 3: the right partner.

570
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 1: Only if your mother was strong, only if like Seriously.

571
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 2: I always thought that because I was a big personality,

572
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: very confident person very strong willed, I needed somebody who

573
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 2: was gonna kind of like acquiesce to me. And what

574
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 2: I realized over time I'm fifty three years old. Now

575
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 2: what I realized over time, Oh thank you when I

576
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 2: met my wife is I need the opposite of that.

577
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 2: I need someone who inspires me, who matches my energy,

578
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 2: who I can look up to, who I don't feel

579
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: like needs to live in my shadows. Sometimes I live

580
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 2: in hers, sometimes she lives in mind and we stand

581
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:57,880
Speaker 2: together with us.

582
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: And I that you are you're aware of that is amazing, amazing.

583
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 2: My wife is pretty amazing.

584
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: So I'm very lucky, so I in her next We'll

585
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: see Yes, thank you, Dennis. Happy holidays Hannis by Dennis.

586
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: What do you guys think of Dennis? Isn't he right?

587
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 6: He's great, He's great, He's I really enjoyed talking to him.

588
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 1: What did you learn?

589
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 6: Well, I learned that apparently you have to be prepared.

590
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 6: I was like, what, Like, I never thought that. Okay, yeah,

591
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 6: I guess I've always been caught off guard, and so

592
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 6: that was basically for me, like the most striking thing

593
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 6: to listen to was that that you need to be prepared.

594
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: At first, he didn't agree with that, you know, and.

595
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 3: I still kind of don't because that's not have the

596
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 3: way that I've lived in my life.

597
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 6: I hear you, and then some people will say, well,

598
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 6: how has it worked out for you? Right?

599
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 3: I have like some friends to say, Okay, well how's

600
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 3: it worked out for you? But you know, I do

601
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 3: everything from my.

602
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 6: Heart and I know no, I would feel bad as

603
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 6: a person if if I were to do something like that.

604
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 3: You know, however, the type of person that I like

605
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 3: to sit down and I like to help the conversation.

606
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 6: If you're my friend, if you're my lover, if you're

607
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 6: sure whatever you are.

608
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: That's ideal. That's ideal. But intellectually, do you understand it?

609
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 3: Oh, one hundred percent. Yeah.

610
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 6: You have to be prepared for everything in life, you know, right,

611
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 6: So that's the most important thing that I took.

612
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 3: So ladies, prepare.

613
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: I am for my next failed marriage. I'm kidding.

614
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 3: Stop stop saying that, Cheryl. I'm not gonna lot Cheryl

615
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 3: say that anymore.

616
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: Hey, it's all good. I can joke because I'm not

617
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 1: even dating. We're good, Okay, this.

618
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 5: Podcast we're talking about divorce.

619
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 4: But I really, my my biggest takeaway from this entire

620
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 4: moment obviously just like being able to like talk and

621
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 4: hear the stories. I love that so much. Just brings

622
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 4: me like so much peace, But just kind of like

623
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 4: the thought of you know what it is that, what

624
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 4: does that?

625
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 5: What are those next steps after you get divorced? Like

626
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 5: I think that's most.

627
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 3: It's like who wants to get married again?

628
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 7: Right?

629
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 5: Wanting?

630
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 4: It's like it's you know, it's like one, it's like

631
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 4: kind of like when you're in the divorce. What he

632
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 4: was what Dennis was saying is that people are asking questions,

633
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 4: are coming to see him. There's a lot of energy

634
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 4: that's into the contract. But the minute that contract is

635
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 4: over and those phone calls are over and the conversations

636
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 4: are over, and the fighting is over on both sides.

637
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 5: Like where do people? What do people do? What are

638
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:39,719
Speaker 5: the next steps?

639
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: I think it's sitting in the uncomfterble feelings. It's feeling

640
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: the feelings, but feeling them in a way where you

641
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 1: have to understand in general. God, I wish I could

642
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: take my own advice, but like, this is what I'm

643
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 1: going to be. This is my goal for twenty twenty

644
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,959
Speaker 1: five is to be able to not because I'm addicted

645
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: to productivity now, Kelly, you know that, but like so

646
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: so with that comes me numbing. That's my new numbing device.

647
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: So it used to be people, it used to be alcohol,

648
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: and I'm so bur so. Now what do I do

649
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: to numb and not have to sit in my shit?

650
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 3: Is work?

651
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: I just work. My to do list is so long,

652
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna have to because I don't want to

653
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: one die early or to check myself into the nearest

654
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: mental institution. I have to feel my feelings and knowing

655
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: that feelings come and go like the waves of the ocean.

656
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: Literally is what is going to help me get through it.

657
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: And I think the sooner you feel, the sooner I

658
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: won't be held in your body. And God knows what

659
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: that causes as far as diseases go, or sickness or whatever.

660
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: But like, it is so important to just wherever safe

661
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: space you feel like, and it may not include other people.

662
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: This is why I ghosted myself literally from everybody when

663
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: I moved out of LA because I know that I

664
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: can't feel with other people are surrounding me, let alone

665
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: feel alone? Right, Like, so how am I ever going

666
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: to feel if I don't really force that?

667
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 4: And you know, it's interesting that you said that, because

668
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 4: that's something that's been happening to me and before or

669
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 4: if I was ever in a situation that was uncomfortable.

670
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 5: Whether it was work related or life related, I would just.

671
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 4: Push those feelings down. And now I'm just very open

672
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 4: to everything.

673
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 5: And because we've been.

674
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 4: Having these conversations now for you know, for the last

675
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 4: couple of months, and you know, I'll be with clients

676
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 4: and I can feel like getting overwhelmed, Like it's like

677
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 4: I can feel that I'm going to start to cry.

678
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 5: And I don't know why.

679
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: Oh that's great, but I'm actually it's great. That's good. No,

680
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: it's good.

681
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 5: I'm actually okay with it.

682
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, and you don't need to know why. Who cares?

683
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 5: And I don't know why, And I'm just like, I'm

684
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 5: actually okay with it. And it just feels good. It

685
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 5: feels good to feel.

686
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 3: Good and like good to feel good inside.

687
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: You know what's so fascinating. I still stop myself from crying.

688
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 1: It's like it wasn't it's I have to untrain that

689
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: part of my brain because crying, to me, it's like

690
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: it's the scariest thing when I'm not present with it,

691
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: meaning like it's not scary obviously, I know that in

692
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: my brain. But I've always stopped myself from crying. It's

693
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: it's interesting, It's okay.

694
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's good just to let it out. It's okay.

695
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 6: I mean we all have different like outlets, you know,

696
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 6: we all deal with things differently.

697
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to just be a sarcastic bitch, but

698
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: I don't know that's my version that.

699
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 5: The warmest human.

700
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I totally related to you, Kelly. When

701
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: You're like, people think I'm so confident in this hard

702
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: I've got the wall of China. Now if you could

703
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: break my brick wall of China that we're then you're

704
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: you deserve self, you deserve the time together because it

705
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: is a defense mechanism for me. But I get it,

706
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 1: like I get approached by people who are like so intimidated,

707
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: like by who like you? Who are you talking to?

708
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 3: You know?

709
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: But I do have a resting bitch face, so that helps.

710
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 4: Oh you do not that is not smiling and you're

711
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 4: always like you're just a warm human.

712
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 5: I think that's how I see you.

713
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, and same with you, by the way, thank you.

714
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: It's just you know, they're not ready for us. That's why, Yeah,

715
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: we need to own our space and take up the space.

716
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 6: I feel like, just meant today, they just they don't

717
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 6: want they don't want to They don't have a commitment,

718
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 6: you know, they just don't want the commitment. Yeah, and

719
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 6: you know, and if you're committed to yourself, like and

720
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 6: being better and just you know, growing and getting stronger

721
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 6: and you know you're doing things that are gratifying to you,

722
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 6: it's like you really don't eat men anymore. I mean really,

723
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 6: it's like if you I.

724
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 4: Don't want to get to the point why I don't

725
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 4: eat men anymore because you know, like.

726
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 6: Well, me neither, I mean none, That's what I'm saying,

727
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 6: me neither. But I'm just saying that society.

728
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 3: Can look at it, look at look at your Instagram feed,

729
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 3: everything is about you.

730
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 6: How are women and self care and said love and like,

731
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 6: so that's what I was saying.

732
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 3: So it's like it's really hard.

733
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 4: Actually, I have an amazing twin brother, I had an

734
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 4: unbelievable father, Like, I have a lot of admiration. So

735
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 4: I don't why I want to feel like I'm alone

736
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 4: on an island anymore because I've been on my own island,

737
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 4: Alexia for so long, like I literally have been like

738
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 4: it's it's it's I'm done. I don't want to do

739
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 4: that anymore. I want to feel good, I said, Like

740
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,720
Speaker 4: I saying I want to continue feeling good about feeling

741
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 4: good and I and I want to be open to

742
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 4: that right person who's there and whether he sees me

743
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 4: walking across the street because I'm smiling because I'm actually

744
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 4: like just genuinely happy or wherever or however.

745
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 5: But you know, I do feel like it's an energy thing.

746
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 3: I know that sounds like so like no, no, but

747
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 3: it's true. Good energy trucks.

748
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: What do you wait, what do you mean? You're done

749
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 1: being on an island?

750
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 5: I'm done with me.

751
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: I don't say that out loud, because then you're tracking

752
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,320
Speaker 1: attract You're attracting desperation. Don't do that. You're not alone,

753
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: You're not done.

754
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,720
Speaker 4: No, I know, but I'm saying that I put myself

755
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 4: on that island, just like you were saying that you

756
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 4: go everybody like me on an island?

757
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 1: No, me too. You live in New York. So should

758
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: we try and like rie fifty to fifty? Yeah, I know,

759
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: but like I'm also alone in ghosting people, and I'm

760
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 1: ready for human connection. But this is the problem I'm

761
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,280
Speaker 1: picky now with Like before it was just more bodies,

762
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 1: more bodies, more bodies, Like I feel like the friends.

763
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 6: The more time you're by yourself, you get piggier. And

764
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 6: that's like I feel like a lot of my friends

765
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 6: has happened too. They're so selective, you know, and they're

766
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 6: so good with like managing their time and what they want.

767
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: You don't even realize it.

768
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 6: Like for you, you know, it's been two or three

769
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 6: years whatever, and you're so good with yourself.

770
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 3: And you don't need that. But when you're not there,

771
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 3: like I'm not there.

772
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 6: I don't know that I ever will be there because

773
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 6: I for me, people are important, like I have a

774
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 6: lot of people in my life, and you know, I

775
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 6: have friends and and you know I'm you know, young

776
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 6: and old. It's just for me, it's it's part of

777
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 6: my life. I don't care here you could ever be

778
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 6: in that island by myself, Like, honestly, I can't.

779
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: Well, it's just it's a choice. It's a choice, right

780
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: like and by way to each their own. Absolutely, there's

781
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: so many different ways. Holly, Let's have a zoom friendship. Okay,

782
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 1: I'm so down for that. I have my own Zoom account.

783
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 3: I love you girls. A week on you too. I

784
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 3: really love talking to both of you. You can call

785
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 3: me whenever you want. We'll keep in touch. Yes, please

786
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 3: tell I feel we all help. Yes, I will do that.

787
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: And if you see, if there's any hot dudes, you know,

788
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: holler girls.

789
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know in Miami it's really hard to

790
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 3: find men here.

791
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 6: Really, but oh my god, everybody, Well there's hot people here,

792
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 6: but I mean it's so fake and transitional.

793
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 3: The correct transition. It's like, I.

794
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 6: Don't know that you can find there's like twenty five

795
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 6: women for each guy, and they're all for the same guy.

796
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 3: It's really girls. The guys here are so entitled and in.

797
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: La by the way, mm hmmm. You know what this

798
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: whole world. I wish I was a lesbian, but I

799
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,320
Speaker 1: don't like girls.

800
00:37:59,760 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 6: You know.

801
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 3: Oh, that's that's what it is.

802
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 6: I'm surprised there's not for lesbians, honestly, after having these

803
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:05,359
Speaker 6: conversations about men.

804
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 3: Surprising.

805
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I love girls, but you know what I'm saying,

806
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: I've tried. It just doesn't know doesn't tickle my pickle.

807
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

808
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 1: How about you, Kelly? This is another episode?

809
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's another episode.

810
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 4: I just again, like I just really, I know that

811
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 4: I'm going to have this amazing love story.

812
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 5: I do.

813
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 3: I know we're gonna be there with you, Kelly.

814
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: We're going to write a book about it and it's gonna.

815
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 3: You know, I love that you believe I love Kelly.

816
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 3: So why And that's why, Like I could go through

817
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 3: all you.

818
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 6: Know, people would be like, oh my god, but aren't

819
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 6: you like because other women will will will be that way.

820
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 6: It will be like why are how are you still

821
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 6: open to love? Because you know what, and I always will.

822
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 6: Nobody's going to take that away from me.

823
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: Good for you.

824
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 3: Love. I'm in love with love. I loved overrated.

825
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: Just kidding, I know.

826
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 6: I mean they're different, right, No, I know, but I

827
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 6: get what you say, you know, but with love, he's

828
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 6: pain awesome, you know, you know, with joy comes sadness.

829
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 6: How do you know sadness if you don't know joy?

830
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,879
Speaker 6: So it's very complicated.

831
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,879
Speaker 1: You're right, But it's about my fear. It's my fear

832
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: is so so high as far as like wanting not

833
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 1: wanting to get hurt again, that I.

834
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 6: Am protecting you, and of course, yeah you damn it.

835
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: Girls, we love you. You're going to be just fine.

836
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: Oh thank you. It's so good to see you after

837
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,399
Speaker 1: it's been over a decade. So good to see you.

838
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 3: Happy here to see you.

839
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 4: We wish you all like the healthiest and happiest holiday

840
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 4: and good feelings and good vibes.

841
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: And I'll see you on your island. I'm going to

842
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 1: come to your island, Miami, and hell yeah, I love Miami.

843
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 1: Bye girls, Happy holidays, holidays. I just love talking to

844
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: these women, Alexia and Kelly. They're such just strong independent

845
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: women who have gone through divorce. And it just makes

846
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: me feel like I'm not alone. But do you guys

847
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: have any questions about divorce maybe or are you looking

848
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 1: for advice now that your relationship or marriage is over.

849
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: Make sure to call us or email us, and follow

850
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: us on all social platforms and the information will be

851
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: in the show notes, so make sure to rate and

852
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 1: review the podcast. I Do Part Two is an iHeartRadio

853
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 1: podcast where falling in love is the main objective.