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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you here it is Strawberry.

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Speaker 3: Let us thank you. Nephew.

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Speaker 1: Subject I wear the pants in the family here Stephen Shirley.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty two and I married a man that's never

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Speaker 1: done any kind of physical work. He sells insurance like

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Speaker 1: his daddy did, and his parents bought us the house

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Speaker 1: we live in because he pays all of the bills.

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Speaker 1: He likes to throw it in my face that we don't.

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Speaker 3: Have a house. Note.

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Speaker 1: I work part time, so I have more time on

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Speaker 1: my hands to take care of our three sons and

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Speaker 1: things that need to be done around the house. I

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Speaker 1: am writing this letter because I do some things that

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Speaker 1: women shouldn't have to do. Just rease, I had to

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Speaker 1: get a wasp nest off the porch and hose down

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Speaker 1: our driveway after we had a heavy rain. He saw

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Speaker 1: me doing the work and thought it was funny. He

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Speaker 1: won't pick up the vacuum a mop, mow the lawn,

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Speaker 1: or put his clothes in the washing machine. I also

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Speaker 1: get the boy's haircuts once a month, and I buy

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Speaker 1: all of their clothes, which they often hate. My husband

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Speaker 1: even expects me to initiate sex. He said we can

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Speaker 1: do it whenever I want it, because he knows I'm

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Speaker 1: usually tired from a full day of moving around with

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Speaker 1: the kids.

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Speaker 3: I hate that for me.

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Speaker 1: I've asked him to participate in this marriage, and he

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Speaker 1: thinks that his financial contribution is adequate. The ongoing joke

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Speaker 1: with our friends is that I wear the pants in

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Speaker 1: the family. It's no longer funny to me. I can

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Speaker 1: go back to teaching full time and take care of

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Speaker 1: my boys without him. I can leave him in his

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Speaker 1: house that his parents got him and see how long

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Speaker 1: he can take care of it without me. His mom

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Speaker 1: is still living and she agrees that her son can

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Speaker 1: do more to help me out, but she won't dare

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Speaker 1: mention it to him. I resent my husband more than ever.

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Speaker 1: Can I give my husband an ultimatum or is he

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Speaker 1: a lost cause?

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Speaker 3: Please help?

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Speaker 1: All right, you're married to a very selfish, very arrogant,

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Speaker 1: very lazy man period.

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Speaker 3: I mean, what does he think this is?

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Speaker 1: You literally do everything in the family and he thinks

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Speaker 1: it's okay because he pays all the bills.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't what.

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Speaker 1: Man would be happy to see his wife, the mother

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Speaker 1: of his sons, doing all that you do, getting wasp

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Speaker 1: messed down, powerwashing the driveway. Come on, now, I think

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Speaker 1: you've let his behavior go on way too long, and

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Speaker 1: now you're ready to leave because you've had enough. But

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Speaker 1: your husband checked out of this marriage years ago. He's

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Speaker 1: got a couple of dollars that he can hang over

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Speaker 1: your head so he feels like he can do whatever

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Speaker 1: he wants to do. I mean, money does not make

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Speaker 1: a marriage. It can break one, though.

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Speaker 2: For sure.

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Speaker 1: It's either too much money people don't know how to act,

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Speaker 1: or it is not enough money and it's just too

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Speaker 1: hard to make the marriage work because you don't have enough.

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Speaker 1: But your husband doesn't seem to be interested in you

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Speaker 1: or the marriage. I don't think you need to give

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Speaker 1: him an ultimatum. I need I think you need to

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Speaker 1: give yourself an ultimatum because either he starts pulling his

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Speaker 1: weight at home with the boys, or you just do

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Speaker 1: what you said you were gonna do, go back to

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Speaker 1: work full time and raise the boys without him.

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Speaker 3: You've been doing it by yourself this long.

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Speaker 4: Anyway, Steve, one question, why did you marry him? You know,

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Speaker 4: whenever I get these letters, I try to find some

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Speaker 4: redeeming quality in the person that the letter is about.

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Speaker 4: Do you Usually in all of these letters you have

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Speaker 4: someone that has a complaint towards another person. That's usually

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Speaker 4: what these letters are about. So what I try to

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Speaker 4: find when I get these letters is some redeeming quality

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Speaker 4: inside of the person that the letter is about. You've

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Speaker 4: married a man that's never done any kind of physical work.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if he's older than you, you thirty two,

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Speaker 4: but y'all have already had these three boys. He sells

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Speaker 4: insurance like his daddy did, and his parents bought us

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Speaker 4: the house we live in now.

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Speaker 2: Because he pays all the bills. He likes to throw

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Speaker 2: it in my face that we don't have a house note.

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Speaker 2: Now let me stop right here.

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Speaker 4: The house note is usually our largest bill, Am I right?

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Speaker 2: That's usually the largest bill.

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Speaker 4: So if yo, Daddy and Mama brought you the house,

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Speaker 4: What bill is you bragging about?

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Speaker 2: Girl?

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Speaker 4: Did you see that water bill came in here? Forty dollars?

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Speaker 4: You see me pay that water bill? Huh? Did you

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Speaker 4: see the electricity bill that came in this month? One

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Speaker 4: hundred and ten? You see that? What's Let me ask

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Speaker 4: you guys something. What's the average electric bill at a

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Speaker 4: at a house? What do you think?

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Speaker 2: Just get me down? Five sixty five hundred.

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Speaker 3: That's just electric?

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Speaker 2: Are you talking about water too?

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Speaker 4: That's yeah for the electric about five hundred and sixty

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Speaker 4: for electricity.

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Speaker 3: This is a regular house, not a mansion right over here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't know y'all. Y'all running on generator?

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Speaker 2: Wasn't you five hundred? Anyway?

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Speaker 4: So he's paying he's paying these regular bills.

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Speaker 2: I'm assuming it is. That's why I have to ask.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but now he paying these bills. And he wanted

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Speaker 4: to throw that in your face. But as mama and

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Speaker 4: them gave in the house. Note, and then you're writing

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Speaker 4: this letter because you say you're doing some stuff that

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Speaker 4: women shouldn't have to do, you getting hornets nests down

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Speaker 4: out and washing down the driveway.

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Speaker 2: He saw you doing the work, and he thought it

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Speaker 2: was funny.

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Speaker 4: Ah ha ha he he heled, He don't pick up

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Speaker 4: a vacuum, mop, motor lawn, put his clothes. He don't

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Speaker 4: motor lawn. He don't what he do?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: What does he do? And now you do have got

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Speaker 2: tired of it?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 3: Hang on, Steve cohez he been.

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Speaker 2: Trifling for a long time, though he ain't just started

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Speaker 2: last week.

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Speaker 1: We'll have part two of your response coming up to

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Speaker 1: Steve at twenty three minutes after today's Strawberry Letters subjects

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Speaker 1: I wear the pants in the family. We'll get back

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Speaker 1: into it right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show. Hi,

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Speaker 1: this is Shirley's straw and I'm partnering with the leave.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you it couldn't have come at a

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Speaker 1: better time. I'm owe some furniture around last weekend in

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Speaker 1: my new place. It turns out that was a really

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Speaker 1: bad idea because all that bending and lifting and pretending

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Speaker 1: I'm still twenty five didn't agree with my knees. So

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Speaker 1: I grabbed a leave because when my body pain shows up,

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Speaker 1: I need something that lasts with just one pill. A

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Speaker 1: leave lasts up to twelve hours. Don't let those aches

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Speaker 1: and pains hold you back from doing what's important to you.

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Speaker 1: Use as directed. All right, Steve, Come on, let's recap

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Speaker 1: today's strawberry letter. The subject I wear the pants in

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Speaker 1: the family.

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Speaker 4: Well, you know that's not cute for a woman to

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Speaker 4: have to say that she thirty two, She married to

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Speaker 4: a man that has never done or doesn't do any

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Speaker 4: physical work at all.

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Speaker 2: He sells insurance like his daddy.

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Speaker 4: His mother and father bought them the house, gave it

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Speaker 4: to him, so they don't have a house noe. And

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Speaker 4: he throws it up in her face all the time

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Speaker 4: that he pays all the bills.

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Speaker 2: She works part time so.

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Speaker 4: She can spend more time at home doing things around

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Speaker 4: the house and taking care care of the three sons.

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Speaker 4: She writing a letter because she feels that she's doing

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Speaker 4: some stuff that women shouldn't have to do. She done,

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Speaker 4: got the hornets and nets down off the porch, holds

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Speaker 4: down the driveway out of heavy rain.

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Speaker 2: He saw her doing the work and he started laughing.

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Speaker 4: He won't pick up a vacuum a mop, He don't

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Speaker 4: mow the lawn, He don't put his clothes in the

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Speaker 4: washing machine. I get the boy's haircuts once a month

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Speaker 4: and buy all their clothes. Now that that one the

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Speaker 4: troubles everybody there. Yeah, you know that's a ritual or

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Speaker 4: father taking his son to the barber shop. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: a rite of passage.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 4: So this dude right here, I mean, he's just he's

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Speaker 4: missing out on really some great moments. But he feels

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Speaker 4: as though since he's paying all the bills, that's all

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Speaker 4: he gotta do, and she buys all they clothes, which

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Speaker 4: they often hate. My husband even expects me to initiate sex.

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Speaker 4: He says we can do it whenever I want, because

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Speaker 4: he knows I'm usually tired from a full they're moving

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Speaker 4: around with the kids. I hate that for me. Well, okay,

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Speaker 4: you will do it whenever you want. M Okay, just

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Speaker 4: sound like something else is happening. But that ain't what's

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Speaker 4: in the letter, So don't throw that out there. I've

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Speaker 4: asked him to participate in this marriage, and he thinks

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Speaker 4: that this financial contribution is adequate. Yes, that's what a

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Speaker 4: lot of men think. I've been accused of that before

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Speaker 4: in my house. You know, Steve, it's not just about

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Speaker 4: taking care of everybody. Taking care means a lot of

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Speaker 4: other things, and I've had to have that bought to

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Speaker 4: my attention. So there are men who think that their

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Speaker 4: financial contribution is adequate. Don't go and joke with our friends.

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Speaker 4: Is that I wear the pants in this family? Well,

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Speaker 4: it ain't no longer fundy to me. She said, I

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Speaker 4: can go back to teaching full time, take care of

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Speaker 4: my boys without him. I can leave him in his

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Speaker 4: house that his parents got him and see how long

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Speaker 4: he can take care of it without me. His mom

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Speaker 4: is still living, and she agrees that her son can

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Speaker 4: do more to help me out, but she won't dare

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Speaker 4: mention it to him. I resent my husband more than ever.

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Speaker 4: This is to what this letter is all about. I

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Speaker 4: resent my husband more than ever. Can I give my

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Speaker 4: husband an ultimatum?

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Speaker 2: Or is he a lost cause? Please help me?

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Speaker 4: Now you have no choice and to issue the ultimatum.

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Speaker 4: And I think your ultimatum is in the letter. You

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Speaker 4: can say, I'm gonna go back to teaching full time,

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Speaker 4: take care of my boys without you, because you don't

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Speaker 4: do nothing anyway. And I can leave you with this

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Speaker 4: house that your parents bought you, and see how long

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Speaker 4: you can get along without me. Now that's the ultimatum

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Speaker 4: because I'm tired.

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Speaker 2: Of doing everything and you do nothing.

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Speaker 4: I'm tired of you laughing at me, wash down the

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Speaker 4: driveway and get hornets, and that's down.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of it.

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Speaker 4: I'm tired of you thinking that all you got to

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Speaker 4: do is pay some bills and you've made your contribution. Well,

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Speaker 4: it's more than that. Your boys don't even know you.

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Speaker 4: I take him to get haircuts. I take them to

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Speaker 4: get haircuts. It's because the barber is really cute, and

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Speaker 4: they've often asked me where you were, and I told

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Speaker 4: him I don't know, but the barber did come to

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Speaker 4: the football game. So I think you got I need.

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Speaker 4: I think you need to get into the ultimatum business. Now,

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Speaker 4: the part about that he don't want sex unless you

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Speaker 4: want to out, that's the whole nother consention. I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna throw that out there because that ain't nothing. But

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Speaker 4: the resentment that you have to your husband towards your

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Speaker 4: husband is real, and it's justified because you are doing

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Speaker 4: the most. Let me just say this to the men

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Speaker 4: out there. Just because you pay the bills, that's not

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Speaker 4: all too. Being a father and a husband is hard

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Speaker 4: work and it's a constant pull and tod. And I'm

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Speaker 4: not saying that being a mother is not because I

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Speaker 4: can't imagine what that is. They manufactured children, so and

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Speaker 4: to that, I there's nothing we can do the top that.

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Speaker 4: But this thing that you think because you bought some

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Speaker 4: money to the table, that's it.

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Speaker 2: Well, she bought three.

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Speaker 4: Lives into this world, and she manufactured and produced them,

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Speaker 4: and she takes care of everything.

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Speaker 2: You got to issue ultimatum, lady, That's all I'm saying

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Speaker 2: to you.

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Speaker 4: Got to get something going in your direction because the

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Speaker 4: resentment is not going to end unless you get some help.

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Speaker 4: Because like as women oftentimes say, I could be miserable

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Speaker 4: all by myself. That one thing about being miserable, you

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Speaker 4: don't need a lot of help. You just don't need

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Speaker 4: a lot of help to be miserable. You can do

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Speaker 4: that by yourself though. But then what's crazy is when

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Speaker 4: you got somebody adding to the misery.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, this.

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Speaker 3: Is troubling to me.

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Speaker 1: Steve this line in this letter where he says where

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Speaker 1: she says that he doesn't want sex unless she initiates it,

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Speaker 1: so she.

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Speaker 3: Does nothing, He'll do nothing, He'll.

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Speaker 1: Do nothing with her, Yeah, yeah, or the marriage, yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's called something Else's happen, but that ain't what the

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Speaker 2: letter about. So no, I don't want to throw that

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Speaker 2: out there.

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Speaker 1: But it's troubling though that it just really is what's

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Speaker 1: going on?

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Speaker 3: Why does she have to initiate it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: All right?

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Speaker 1: Leave your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram and Facebook,

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Speaker 1: at Steve Harvey FM and check us out on the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app.

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Speaker 3: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.