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Speaker 1: This podcast episode discusses sensitive topics, including the loss of

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Speaker 1: an infant. Listener discretion is advised. Welcome back to Bachelor

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Speaker 1: Happy Hours Golden Hour. We're so happy to be back

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Speaker 1: with y'all. Thanks for joining us.

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Speaker 2: And if you haven't heard Wednesday's episode, make sure to

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Speaker 2: check it out. You won't believe it. We had Daisy

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Speaker 2: on with us and we had such a great time

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Speaker 2: and a great chat.

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Speaker 1: I mean, is she amazing Susan the glow of the

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Speaker 1: happiness talking about her dating life. She is in the

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Speaker 1: best possible place.

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Speaker 2: And she deserves every minute of it for what she's

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Speaker 2: been through. But to have such a positive attitude, And

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Speaker 2: did you hear or say it's all about leaning on

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Speaker 2: the loved ones, the ones that love you the most.

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Speaker 2: How she got through it?

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Speaker 1: Did you? I was absolutely going to say the same thing.

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Speaker 1: She talked about how close she is with her family

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Speaker 1: and how happy they are that she's dating. And she

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Speaker 1: said she didn't talk to them out much in high school,

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Speaker 1: but now she's so close to them. I love that.

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Speaker 1: I want to call my daughter and say hey.

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Speaker 2: And what she went through. I think what I heard

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Speaker 2: her say was she was harder on herself than anyone

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Speaker 2: else would have been. I'm sure she was torn and

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Speaker 2: confused and sick, and she just thought.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean she mentioned about her illness. She had lime disease,

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Speaker 1: she was in treatment in Germany. I mean she there

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Speaker 1: were days she couldn't get up out of bed. And

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Speaker 1: look at her now.

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Speaker 2: She's saying she had seizures and sick and couldn't. It

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Speaker 2: was amazing. And look, God, I'm telling you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and she is twenty five from where we sit.

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Speaker 1: You know, her whole life is ahead of her, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and she's just she really is a beautiful person inside

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Speaker 1: it out. She's so positive and I just I loved

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Speaker 1: having her as a guest.

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Speaker 2: And let me tell you Thor, I know you're listening.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad you reached back out to that beautiful young lady.

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Speaker 1: I mean, how smart is he? He's wait until she

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Speaker 1: gets everything fixed in her life moving forward and being

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Speaker 1: I think I'll reach out to that old college sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: That's one smart guy right there. I love it.

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Speaker 2: She is so sweet and it was great. It was everybody.

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Speaker 2: Just check it out. You'll really enjoy her. And beautiful too.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just so unfair, really gorgeous inside note.

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Speaker 2: All right, we'll wed with twenty five once Kathy, we

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Speaker 2: were twenty five.

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Speaker 1: I did not look like Daisy. I'm putting it out there.

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Speaker 2: I did not sound like Daisy. I mean, she's so mature,

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Speaker 2: she's been through a lot.

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Speaker 1: She's been through a lot, and you know what, people,

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Speaker 1: it is. It is a lesson for everybody. Look what

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Speaker 1: she's been through. Whatever you're going through, you can get

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Speaker 1: up and make a positive life. I think that's the

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Speaker 1: message from Daisy you. Okay, Well, today we're doing an

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Speaker 1: another listener write an episode, and we have some great

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Speaker 1: questions to get into. But first, Susan, do you want

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Speaker 1: to kick us off with the question of the day?

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Speaker 2: You got it? Now, the question of the day. Is

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Speaker 2: it ever okay to date a guy that you and

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Speaker 2: your best friend really really like? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Susan, let's think about it. You and I are

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Speaker 1: really good friends.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yep, we both like the same guy.

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Speaker 1: That's a good Well here's the thing. The guy, he'll

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Speaker 1: get it. He only wants one of us. Right, Well,

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Speaker 1: in that case, I win. You're out. No, sash, What

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Speaker 1: do you think?

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Speaker 2: I mean? What suck? I mean? Some might say that

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Speaker 2: neither one of you date him, But that's stupid.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm I'm really being honest. I think

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Speaker 1: if you and I like the same guy, let's call

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Speaker 1: him John, and John made a clary wanted to date you,

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Speaker 1: I would I would get good with it because I'd.

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Speaker 2: Want you to be happy.

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Speaker 1: I would want you to be happy. But I probably

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Speaker 1: initially would be scarce when you two were together, you know, and.

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Speaker 2: I probably would say something to you like, Kathy, are

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Speaker 2: you going to be mad? Like? You know, I really

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Speaker 2: like him.

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Speaker 1: I I wouldn't ask you that. I would say, I

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Speaker 1: hope you're not mad, because what if I said to you,

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Speaker 1: I Am going to be mad? Susan, you can't date him?

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Speaker 2: Oh God? Then friends, Susan.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, don't ask a ques listen, do not ask a.

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Speaker 2: Question question that don't don't answer.

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Speaker 1: To, answer to or you know the answer to. That's

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Speaker 1: another little foot.

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Speaker 2: We have some anonymous questions today. You want to start

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Speaker 2: ken all right, here we go.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So here's our first listener question and it's an

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Speaker 1: anonymous question. And you know, Susan, when we do our

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Speaker 1: questions and we answer our fans, usually it's sort of

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Speaker 1: lighthearted and we make fun and we have enjoy and

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Speaker 1: we try to get some good advice. But this one

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Speaker 1: is a really hard, tough question. So listeners out there,

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Speaker 1: if listening to hard questions and hard, really hard topics

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Speaker 1: is tough, you might just want to fast forward a

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Speaker 1: few minutes until we get through this one.

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Speaker 2: See, we won't want to upset anybody.

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Speaker 1: Right, Okay, here we go. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I

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Speaker 1: am struggling very much and hoping the two of you

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Speaker 1: can help me. I've been married for over thirty years.

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Speaker 1: The first half was incredible. The last fifteen years have

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Speaker 1: been bad. My husband and I were best friends and lovers.

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Speaker 1: We lost our baby fifteen years ago. It was an

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Speaker 1: unexpected tragedy. I became horribly depressed. He was not there

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Speaker 1: for me. He became verbally and emotionally abusive and turned

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Speaker 1: into an angry, controlling person. Distress from everything affected my

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Speaker 1: mental and physical health. I've been wanting to leave my

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Speaker 1: marriage for the past ten years. I have been too

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Speaker 1: afraid to do so. I cannot talk to my husband

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Speaker 1: because it only makes it worse for me when I've

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Speaker 1: tried to point out his behavior. I finally did tell

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Speaker 1: him a few months ago that he's causing damage and

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Speaker 1: I am considering leaving him. He has now changed back

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Speaker 1: into a sweet, kind husband, but I feel so disconnected

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Speaker 1: from him. I love him, but haven't been in love

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Speaker 1: with him for ten years. I'm afraid of him. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do anything romantic or sexual with him.

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Speaker 1: I am carrying so much guilt about potentially leaving him,

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Speaker 1: and I feel he will be heartbroken and alone forever.

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Speaker 1: He is not social. I don't want to go to

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Speaker 1: any more marriage counseling together. It always turns into arguments

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Speaker 1: when we did. I'm also struggling about leaving him because

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Speaker 1: I've been with him for so long and there's some

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Speaker 1: attachment still there. I would feel relieved if he were

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Speaker 1: the one who initiated divorce. I am so conflicted. My

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Speaker 1: health continues to decline. I don't want to get sicker,

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Speaker 1: but I'm scared I am putting his feelings ahead of mine.

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Speaker 1: The memories of when we were good, and also seeing

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Speaker 1: signs of how he used to treat me now make

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Speaker 1: it so hard for me to hurt him. The guilt

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Speaker 1: is so bad that I feel like it's my fault

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Speaker 1: if I end the marriage, even though he was the

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Speaker 1: one who has been abusive to me. I'm too scared

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Speaker 1: to even have this talk with him. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to proceed. Please can you help me? Thank you? Wow,

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Speaker 1: oh God, that's a lot to unpack.

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Speaker 2: Holy moly. I mean, I know you can't go backwards,

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Speaker 2: but I wish, I wish you didn't let ten years go.

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Speaker 1: You got to see, it's just so.

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Speaker 2: And she became an ugly person and you never addressed

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Speaker 2: it for all that time.

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Speaker 1: So neither one of us are therapists or counselors. But

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Speaker 1: there's so many comments that this woman says that tell

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Speaker 1: me a lot. She's scared, she has guilt, she's sick,

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Speaker 1: she's sick, she's physically sick, she's getting sicker.

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Speaker 2: I think, first of all, how about him turning back

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Speaker 2: into the nice guy when she did say it.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what to say about that. I

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Speaker 1: just think that she's in a position now where you

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Speaker 1: need to go. I don't know your name, but you

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Speaker 1: need to go out and you need to get counseling

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Speaker 1: for yourself because you are in a spot where you

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Speaker 1: are frozen. You don't know what to do, and it's

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Speaker 1: so clear that you don't know what to do, and

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Speaker 1: you're scared, and I don't blame you. Abuse is a horrible,

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Speaker 1: horrible thing. I would very much encourage you to start

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Speaker 1: by going out yourself. You don't need to tell your husband.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I'm also extremely sorry for the loss

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Speaker 1: of your baby. I can't even imagine, but I do

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Speaker 1: think she should.

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Speaker 2: I agree with you, go get some help for herself

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Speaker 2: and talk it out with somebody. Yeah, not just her

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Speaker 2: physical illness, but where her headspace is right now. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and she's fallen out of love with him. She'll always

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Speaker 2: love him, but she's not in love with him anyway.

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Speaker 2: But are you better off now that he's reverted back

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Speaker 2: to the nice guy that you married. This is a really,

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Speaker 2: really tough one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But she's miserable in it. It sounds like, and you

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Speaker 2: should not be miserable. And I do what makes you happy?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think fortune makes her happy, Susan.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately, if it means hurting him, you got to think

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Speaker 2: about you. If you're not one hundred percent with yourself,

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Speaker 2: then you're never going to be any good to anybody else.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think the first thing you have to break

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Speaker 1: this down into tiny little bits, tiny little tiny little

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Speaker 1: bits that you can handle. I was reading a book

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Speaker 1: actually yesterday afternoon, right before I read this question, and

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Speaker 1: I'm quoting from this book paraphrasing, but it says, when

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Speaker 1: we come to terms with the behavior we have developed

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Speaker 1: over time that limit our happiness or our well being,

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Speaker 1: we realize we need to intentionally build new habits and

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Speaker 1: make change, redirect your energy. It will be uncomfortable and

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Speaker 1: scary at first. And when I read that, I thought

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Speaker 1: of you, Anonymous. I thought, it is scary. You are uncomfortable,

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Speaker 1: but you have to redirect your energy. And the best

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Speaker 1: way I can suggest to you, not being a therapist,

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Speaker 1: is get yourself to a therapist and work it out

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Speaker 1: minute by minute and find out what the best course

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Speaker 1: of action for you is, because you know what, you

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Speaker 1: can't go on another fifteen years this way.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely not, absolutely not.

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 2: So sorry you're going through this, so am I God,

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Speaker 2: so sorry, and thank you for sharing it with us,

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Speaker 2: and we wish you all the best. If there's anything

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Speaker 2: else you want to talk to us about, we're here

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know, you know, but really, get to

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Speaker 1: a therapist, get some helps, get some help. It'll change

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Speaker 1: your life.

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Speaker 2: Alrighty, well, that was a tough one, Kathy sure was.

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Speaker 1: How grateful? How grateful are we for our lives?

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Speaker 2: God bless I know. Shirley asks, Hi, Kathy and Susan

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Speaker 2: love your podcast so much. My question is about how

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Speaker 2: much a boyfriend should pay for things in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year

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Speaker 2: and a half. Things are really great between us. The

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Speaker 2: only thing is he never pays for things. Never really

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Speaker 2: thought about it until my friends started getting into the relationships.

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Speaker 2: Every time I'm around my friends and their boyfriends relationships

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Speaker 2: ranging from four months to a year, their boyfriends pay

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Speaker 2: for them. I've seen my friends try to pay, and

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Speaker 2: each of their boyfriends, in their own way, declined kindly.

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Speaker 2: One time, my friend and I went on a double

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Speaker 2: date and when her boyfriend asked my boyfriend if he

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Speaker 2: wanted to split it, meaning the guy split the bill.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend said, yeah, works for me. Turn to me

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Speaker 2: and asked, and I'll just VENMO request you. Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: My friend and her boyfriend weren't paying attention when he

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Speaker 2: asked me that, but I still felt so embarrassed. I

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Speaker 2: never thought about it until I started seeing how my

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Speaker 2: friend's boyfriends are. I know playing comparison is never good,

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Speaker 2: but it just made me aware of the situation, and

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Speaker 2: now I can't stop thinking about it. My boyfriend hasn't

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Speaker 2: paid for something for me since our first date. My

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Speaker 2: friends have never said anything to me, so I don't

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Speaker 2: know if they even notice. I feel too embarrassed to

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Speaker 2: ask them about it. What do I do? It does

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Speaker 2: kind of make me feel bummed that he didn't do

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Speaker 2: this for me. He has a great job, so I

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Speaker 2: know it's not a financial issue. I have no idea

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Speaker 2: how to even bring this up, or if I even

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Speaker 2: want to. You absol freakinglutely want to bring it up.

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Speaker 1: Sure I'm called hitting me. Surely I'm call him bullshit.

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Speaker 1: You didn't notice that he never paid for you? Come on,

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Speaker 1: surely I.

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Speaker 2: Take boyfriends out when I treat it, sometimes, not every

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Speaker 2: single time. And then for him to say, I'll venmo

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Speaker 2: request you. Sure do you sleep with him and give

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Speaker 2: him death? Though? Freak out of my life?

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Speaker 1: I can't.

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Speaker 2: I just can't with this guy.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Surely, surely you know better. Surely you do, Surely

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Speaker 1: you do. Listen, you say that you don't know how

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Speaker 1: much a boyfriend should pay for things in the relationship.

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Speaker 1: Surely he's not paying for anything. How much? Let's try

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Speaker 1: anything here.

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Speaker 2: Do you think life is going to be like with

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Speaker 2: this man?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean, I'm just not buying the Susan I'm

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Speaker 1: calling this girl. You are either so not self aware

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Speaker 1: of what is customer in a relationship, which is scary,

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Speaker 1: and you have no idea how to bring it up.

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Speaker 1: Surely I'm going to tell you how to bring it up. Hey, job,

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Speaker 1: I'm sick of pain for everything. Your turn. There, you

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Speaker 1: go be in direct.

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Speaker 2: I'm done for the next year and a half.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And he's got a good job, and you

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Speaker 1: know that. I think maybe there's something else going on here. Surely.

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Speaker 1: Now I've kind of made jokes, but now I'm being serious.

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Speaker 2: No, it's cheap.

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Speaker 1: Is she that desperate for a relationship?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's sad. I don't know really, if you're embarrassed

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Speaker 2: and don't even want to tell your friends, that's that's

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Speaker 2: a red flag.

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Speaker 1: She's been for a year and a half.

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Speaker 2: Red red flag.

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Speaker 1: That is a crimson bleeding red flag.

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Speaker 3: She's said, don't look back, just run, please run, do

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Speaker 3: not walk to the nearest exit.

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Speaker 2: That's usually Okay, I think you have another anonymous I

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Speaker 2: hope this one isn't heavy. I still can't get past

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Speaker 2: that other one. Oh, breaking my heart.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, this is an anonymous question. Hey ladies,

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Speaker 1: I want to say first off, I love in Caps.

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Speaker 1: I love your podcast, Thank you, thank you. I'm twenty

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Speaker 1: one years old and I don't have parents anymore, so

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Speaker 1: I rely on your podcast a lot when I feel

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Speaker 1: lonely or need motherly advice.

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Speaker 2: Oh, we're here for you.

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to you both with a question. I haven't

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Speaker 1: confided in anyone about, barely even admitted to thinking these

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Speaker 1: things to myself. I've been my current boyfriend for almost

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Speaker 1: two years. For the first year and a half, we

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Speaker 1: were obsessed, that's also in caps, with each other, kissing

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Speaker 1: all the time, sleepovers, never leaving each other's side. It

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Speaker 1: was nauseating for singles. But in the past few months

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Speaker 1: I found myself thinking about they're men like my friends,

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Speaker 1: that are attractive, or sometimes just random men I see online.

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Speaker 1: I would never ever cheat or act on these thoughts,

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Speaker 1: but they are there. I love my boyfriend, but I

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Speaker 1: can feel the spark slipping away. We're moving in together,

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Speaker 1: halfway across the country in three weeks, and I think

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Speaker 1: he's proposing soon after. I'm not ready to say yes,

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Speaker 1: but I know if I say no, it'll be the end.

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Speaker 1: But I'm also not ready for the end either. I'm

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Speaker 1: just so lost and confused. We just graduated college together.

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Speaker 1: I have no family, and his family has embraced me

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Speaker 1: and taken me in, showing me what family love truly is.

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Speaker 1: What do I do? Thank you so much. What you

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00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,760
Speaker 1: ladies do reaches more people than you know, and it

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00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,919
Speaker 1: helps in more ways than you know. Sending all the

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Speaker 1: love from the Deep South. Okay, I want to cry.

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Speaker 2: I want to take her in my arms.

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Speaker 1: And I want to be your mother. I want to

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Speaker 1: be goodness, I mean parents. Okay, so.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm seeing a red flag.

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Speaker 1: Kat.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that she's just not sure. But when

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Speaker 2: she said I'm not ready to say yes.

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Speaker 1: Susan, she's twenty one years old. Yeah, okay, Anonymous, here's

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Speaker 1: my thought. You have lost so much in your life.

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Speaker 1: We all have family. Our community of family is something

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Speaker 1: so important to us. I can't imagine being twenty one

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Speaker 1: and not having at least one parent to help guide me,

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Speaker 1: or a sibling. You don't have that, and I can

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Speaker 1: only imagine how warm and caring his family is to you,

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Speaker 1: and that makes you feel part of a family. And

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Speaker 1: I get that. But sweetheart, here's the thing. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to learn to stand on your own and embrace

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Speaker 1: that little child that you're You know, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to hug yourself because mom and dad aren't there to

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Speaker 1: hug you. And you're gonna have to have good friends

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Speaker 1: that you rely on. But don't make a mistake of

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Speaker 1: marrying someone and moving in with someone that you're not

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Speaker 1: ready to do it. It's okay, you know what. Your

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Speaker 1: mom would tell you that it is okay to say

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Speaker 1: I'm not ready. And if guess what if he tells

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Speaker 1: you it's over because you're not ready to move in

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Speaker 1: with him, you dodged a bullet. What do you think, Susan?

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Speaker 2: I also want to say, it is being obsessed with

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Speaker 2: each other and then separable. That is the beginning of

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Speaker 2: real love. Is when all that stuff has burned away

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Speaker 2: and you realize that you still care and love. You're

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Speaker 2: not always going to feel that lust. I learned that

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Speaker 2: the hard way, right. So it might be that she

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Speaker 2: says she'd never ever cheat on him, So think long

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00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 2: and hard. You're of course you're going to think other

346
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Speaker 2: men are attractive or think about another guy here and there.

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Speaker 2: That's all part of being twenty one and being alive.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with that. So really sit down with

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Speaker 2: yourself and ask yourself, is he the right one for me?

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Speaker 1: And you know what, Susan, she probably doesn't know because

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Speaker 1: she's young. You just graduated college together. Maybe you guys

352
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: both need to grow a little on your own. It's

353
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Speaker 1: that old saying that you probably haven't heard. But you

354
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Speaker 1: hold a butterfly in your hand, and if you hold

355
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Speaker 1: it tightly and it can't get free, all it wants

356
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 1: to do is get free. Open your hand, fly, girlfriend, fly,

357
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 1: build a life for yourself and see what you want

358
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Speaker 1: to do with your life. That's the only way you

359
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,879
Speaker 1: can be a good partner to someone else. And I

360
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Speaker 1: don't think you're there yet, sweetie.

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Speaker 2: You're not think you're there. I think you'll always care

362
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Speaker 2: about him. Maybe he was your first love and his family.

363
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Speaker 2: Maybe just say I'm not quite ready yet, because if

364
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Speaker 2: he is the one and it is meant to be,

365
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Speaker 2: you will get back with him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember your first love? Susan?

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Speaker 2: I guess I do.

368
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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm guessing this is probably your first love because

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Speaker 1: they met in college and I remember my first love

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Speaker 1: and I'll never forget him. But no, no, what, Anonymous,

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Speaker 1: he wasn't the right guy for me to spend the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life with. I we want to be

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Speaker 1: your mom. Please reach out to us.

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Speaker 2: Again and feel the love coming from our hearts, feel

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Speaker 2: our arms wrapped around you, honey, and just.

376
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Speaker 1: Know you're going to meet people in your life that

377
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Speaker 1: you don't have your parents, but you're going to meet

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00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: people in your life that will be that surrogate for you,

379
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 1: that will help you through the tough times. And I'm

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00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: just glad Susan and I can be that for you today.

381
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Speaker 2: But just I'm sorry, Kathy. Don't ever be afraid to

382
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 2: say no, act don't ever be true to yourself. And

383
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Speaker 2: if you are not ready to get married and not

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Speaker 2: ready to say yes, then pause.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Anonymous, when you say I would never act on

386
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Speaker 1: these thoughts, now is the time to act on those thoughts.

387
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Speaker 2: You're twenty one.

388
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Speaker 1: You're twenty one, and I know right now you feel

389
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Speaker 1: grown up. And I bet you had to grow up

390
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 1: really quickly because you lost your parents.

391
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Speaker 2: And it's tough.

392
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 1: It's tough. I came from a divorce family and I

393
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 1: had to grow up pretty quickly too. But take the time.

394
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Speaker 1: You'll be glad in the end that you take the

395
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Speaker 1: time to figure out who you are and what you

396
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Speaker 1: really want.

397
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Speaker 2: In your life, and stay tuned with us. WILL think

398
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 2: about you a lot, trust me, and I hope we

399
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: hear from you when you make your decision, and we'll

400
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 2: be here for you the whole time.

401
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Speaker 1: And by the way, I lived in the Deep South,

402
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Speaker 1: So y'all take care, y'all come back real soon you hear.

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Speaker 2: Alrighty Listener question number four, Jordan says, Hi, ladies, I'm

404
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: loving your podcast. So I have a close friend who's

405
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Speaker 2: become like a big sister to me. She is one

406
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Speaker 2: of the sweetest, most caring people I've ever known. We

407
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 2: met through work and just really hit it off. About

408
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 2: a year ago, she confided to me that she's been

409
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Speaker 2: struggling in her marriage. I wasn't too surprised by hearing this,

410
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Speaker 2: as I had noticed some red flags between her and

411
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Speaker 2: her husband pretty much from the first time I met him.

412
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Speaker 2: A few months later, an incident occurred on a group vacation.

413
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 2: We all took a situation got completely blown out of proportion,

414
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 2: and I had to witness my friend be aggressively belittled

415
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 2: by him in front of all our friends. It was horrible.

416
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: I've tried to stay out of their business and just

417
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 2: be a supportive friend, but it is so hard to

418
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 2: stay quiet when you see someone you care about suffering. Recently,

419
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 2: I learned that he had accused me of trying to

420
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: break them up to some of his friends. I was

421
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 2: so surprised by it, as the only thing I can

422
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 2: think of is that he feels threatened and jealous over

423
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 2: my close connection with her. I'm a big personality like

424
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Speaker 2: you ladies, and I don't let weak, insecure men intimidate me.

425
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:51,439
Speaker 2: Good for you, but I just don't want this to

426
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 2: get in the way of sisterhood. Of the sisterhood my

427
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 2: friend and I have built. How can I be supportive

428
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 2: and a shoulder for her to lean on without causing

429
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 2: more issues? Help well, First of all, my hats to

430
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 2: you that you stood quiet while he belittled her. No, no, no, no, no.

431
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 2: I would have opened my mouth right then and there.

432
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 2: You care about this woman, she is your friend. You

433
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 2: be there for her. I know you don't want to

434
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: meddle in other people's marriages and business. I get that,

435
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 2: but who cares what he says? He's treating her wrongly, disrespectfully,

436
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 2: and you're her friend, talk to her and stand up

437
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 2: for her, how about you? Kay?

438
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 1: I sort of agree with you. I have learned over

439
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: the years the only behavior I can change is my own.

440
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: This girl, Jordan, who's friends with this other woman? Jordan,

441
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: you can only control your behahavior. Your friend is confided

442
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: in you. All you can do is encourage her to

443
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 1: get some help. That's all you can do. You can't

444
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 1: fight her battle for her, because what's going to happen

445
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: is he is going to say I don't want you

446
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 1: around her. Your friend sounds like she's afraid. She's afraid.

447
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 1: I mean again, we only have what is written here, Jordan,

448
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 1: so if I misreading it, I apologize. But it sounds

449
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 1: like she's miserably unhappy. But I'm not hearing that she's

450
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: gone to counseling or that she said to you she

451
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: wants to leave him. So as a friend, you just

452
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: have to be there for her in her time. When

453
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: she's ready, she will leave him, or Jordan, she may

454
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 1: choose to live a miserable, unhappy life with him, and yep,

455
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to stand by and watch it and

456
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 1: be the supportive friend that you are.

457
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,360
Speaker 2: Kathy saying, me and my husband and we're all way together,

458
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 2: and he belittled me and embarrassed me in front of

459
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 2: all of you. You wouldn't say anything.

460
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: Not in front of all them. I would put my

461
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: arms around you later and say, Susan, I am here

462
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 1: for you, I love you, You're my best friend. What

463
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: can I do to help you? What do you need

464
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 1: from me? But I would not I would not do

465
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:22,479
Speaker 1: it in public.

466
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 2: No, that's a tough one.

467
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 1: That's a tough one.

468
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 2: But I wow, take belittling and so much respect for yourself.

469
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 1: But Susan, Yeah, but Jordan is a strong personality like

470
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: we are. I don't think her friend is. She said,

471
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 1: she's sweet, one of the most caring people. She may

472
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: not have a strong enough personality to fight her battle,

473
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: but guess what, yes be there for. She's gonna have

474
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: to learn, she's gonna her friend's gonna have to get strong. Jordan,

475
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 1: your friend is gonna have to get strong if she

476
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: doesn't like the life she's living. Okay, Wow, these were

477
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:04,479
Speaker 1: some pretty ansk questions today, and honestly, Susan and I

478
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: are hoping for the best for all of you. We're

479
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,879
Speaker 1: almost out of time, but before we go, we have

480
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: to end on a little bit of a lighter note.

481
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: So we're gonna play a game, well, maybe a lighter note.

482
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: We'll see, Susan, how about a game of moral quandary?

483
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: Yeah's all right, We're gonna switch off reading a dilemma

484
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,439
Speaker 1: and each one give our thoughts. Okay, okay, all right,

485
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 1: I'll start. You've started dating someone new and things are

486
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: going great. One day you scroll back on their Instagram

487
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: and they say, Instagram again, Instagram, It's gonna be the

488
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: death of us. All all right? One day you scroll

489
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: back on their Instagram and notice they have all of

490
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: their pictures with their ex still up. Do you bring

491
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: it up or do you let it slide? If we

492
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 1: don't agree on this one, Susan, our friendship's over.

493
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 2: Oh well, I went through this and I had my

494
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 2: ex up and he had a fit guy I was

495
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 2: the guy I was dating I was.

496
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: This is this is the difference. This is the opposite.

497
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: The guy you're dating has pictures of his X. What

498
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: are you going to make him take it down.

499
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: Kind I don't think I should make him do anything

500
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 2: but talk to him about it.

501
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I said, if we didn't agree, it'd be over.

502
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely bring it up. There's you know, you and I

503
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 1: talk a lot about social media, and social media is fabulous.

504
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: I mean, look where we are. It's great and there's

505
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: so many benefits to social media. However, there's a lot

506
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: of things that go on on social media that are

507
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: hateful to other people, hurtful to other people, whether it's

508
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: pictures words. In this case, I'd be thinking, you know,

509
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: if give the guy a diary, if he wants to

510
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: chronicle his life, why would he have pictures up of

511
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: his ex girlfriends?

512
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 2: But also, on the other hand, it could be now

513
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 2: she doesn't say how long's she just started dating someone?

514
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 2: He men are not like us?

515
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: Really waits time, wait, Susan Knowles, would you please repeat.

516
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 2: That men are not like us old time? Because he

517
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 2: might let that slip and not even been aware of it.

518
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 2: So if you do strike a simple conversation, don't have

519
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 2: an attitude, don't have you know, just be real and

520
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 2: just say, hey, I noticed that makes me feel kind

521
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 2: of weird, you know, something like that, and he might

522
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 2: just take him right down and end all.

523
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's again you. We say it over

524
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: and over again, but communicating again. It's the I statement you.

525
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: You wouldn't say you this, you that. If it were

526
00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 1: me in this situation, I would say Joe, I feel uncomfortable.

527
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 1: That I wouldn't say why do you have the pictures up?

528
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 2: It would be making me feel uncomforactly.

529
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 1: It's how I feel, Joe, I feel uncomfortable, and I'm

530
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 1: entitled to my feelings.

531
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 2: So kay, easy enough? Alrighty, your significant other receives a

532
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 2: very expensive gift from their coworker that has always given

533
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 2: you a weird feeling. Do you insist they return it,

534
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 2: accept it graciously, or feel uneasy but say nothing? Well,

535
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 2: you never make them return it.

536
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: Excuse me, Susan Golden rule number one. You can only

537
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: control yourself.

538
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: I agree. I agree. So because it sounds like she'll

539
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: be jealous or something if she makes her.

540
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: Feel Now, that's a different issue, isn't it.

541
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah it is, Yeah it is.

542
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm scene. I'm guessing this person does not

543
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: like the coworker, probably has some insecurities around their relationship.

544
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: Maybe you know he says it's my work wife, or

545
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: she says it's my work husband. Whatever.

546
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 2: Very expensive. Maybe they have money that's not, you know,

547
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 2: expensive to them.

548
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: I just think this says a lot about someone. When

549
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: you say, do you insist they return it? You don't

550
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: get that choice. You don't get that choice.

551
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 2: Or feel uneasy, but say nothing, no, say something, say

552
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 2: that's kind of weird.

553
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: Okay, now you know what I would really do. Take

554
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: make them take the expensive gift back and buy me

555
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 1: a diamond bracelet with it to the exchange. Come on along,

556
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: all right. A friend borrows an expensive item and returns

557
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 1: it damaged without mentioning it. Do you bring it up?

558
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: Let it go to avoid conflict, or subtenly hint about

559
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 1: the damage to see if they confess.

560
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: A friend borrows something from me, So.

561
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: You borrow uh an expensive I'm sorry, I borrow an expensive.

562
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 2: Watch something from.

563
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: And it's damaged.

564
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 2: Yes, I bring it up. I absolutely bring it up. Babe.

565
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 2: What happened? What happened to this? That's not how I

566
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 2: gave it.

567
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: Okay, let's let's role play. What do you what do

568
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: you mean, Susan? What do you mean? What happened?

569
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 2: I gave you this and it did not have this defect,

570
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 2: a defect that what happened something.

571
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: That's exactly the way it looked when you gave it

572
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: to me.

573
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 2: No, you're mistaken, I don't think so. So where do

574
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 2: we go from here?

575
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: Exactly?

576
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 2: I have to accept it. You're my friend. But I'll

577
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 2: think about what.

578
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: You know what I'm going to quote the Bible. I

579
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: don't know if it's from the Bible. Neither a borrower

580
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: nor a lender. B If it is that an expensive

581
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: an item, shouldn't you shouldn't lend it. And if that's

582
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 1: going to come between our friendship, I'm not. I'm not

583
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: lending to if I give you something to borrow.

584
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,959
Speaker 2: And it gets damaged, Kathy.

585
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not letting that expensive watch come between

586
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: our friendship. No way.

587
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm not a borrower, but Susan do

588
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:26,240
Speaker 2: lend things like crazy. But I do draw a line Amazon, when.

589
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: Susan, can I borrow that really expensive watch? Please?

590
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 2: But I do draw a line. If something means that

591
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 2: much to me that something could happen to it, I

592
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 2: won't let you borrow it.

593
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: That's my point. That's my point. You don't lend something

594
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 1: that has that kind of meaning or something.

595
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,760
Speaker 2: That would that you can't replace.

596
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 1: I mean, Susan, you and I. We've borrowed each other's clothes,

597
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: I've borrowed your jewelry, you've borrowed mine. But I would

598
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: never if you asked me to borrow for example, if

599
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 1: you asked to where my diamond ring that my husband.

600
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 2: Gave you, I wouldn't ever, I'm saying.

601
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 1: But if you did, I would say I can't, Susan,

602
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: because if anything ever happened to.

603
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 2: It, now he's a piece of you know, that's a

604
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 2: no brainer. Yeah, all right then. Wow, this was a

605
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 2: heavy duty day, wasn't it, Kathy Ooh, And that's all

606
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 2: the time we have for this episode of Golden Hour.

607
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 2: Thank you so much everyone for listening, and I hope

608
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: that you felt as much as we did with all

609
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 2: these people.

610
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: We hope you felt the love. Thank you guys so much.

611
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: Please be sure to follow the podcast. We have new

612
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: episodes coming out twice a week, and we know that

613
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: we have offered you some help and some great thoughts

614
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: and we just don't want you to miss even one.

615
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 2: And we want those questions to keep on coming. We

616
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: really love hearing from you. And we're here to help.

617
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 2: Just go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour and

618
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 2: submit your questions Today.

619
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio

620
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Have a great week.

621
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 2: You'll be seeing us again very soon.