Speaker 1: Ruby.
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Leah pel Mary and I'm Matt Stillow and welcome.
Speaker 3: To grown up stuff.
Speaker 2: Matt, I've come to the end of the season.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, say it ain't so it's so
Speaker 1: sad because I feel like I've learned so much this
Speaker 1: latter half of the season.
Speaker 2: So much, and I think that you've done a better job.
Speaker 2: I'm going to say this right off the bat. You've
Speaker 2: done a better job of actually implementing the things that
Speaker 2: we've learned, whereas I've done a really good job of
Speaker 2: learning them and then just thinking about them but not
Speaker 2: actually implementing them into my life.
Speaker 1: But like feeling superior than most people because you know.
Speaker 2: That always always, you know this about me always.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I mean I got to say, like, not
Speaker 1: only have I implemented, I've been like berating my friends
Speaker 1: into joining me.
Speaker 2: Oh, you know, implementing and bullying.
Speaker 1: And bullying yeah, yeah, both of them. I've been showing
Speaker 1: basically everyone who will talk to me about like the
Speaker 1: phone stuff, because I've implemented so much from our anti
Speaker 1: phone episode nine I phone, but our you know, maybe
Speaker 1: it was an antiphone episode, but are just lessening with
Speaker 1: the impact of a phone in Our Lives episode, I
Speaker 1: don't have any apps on my home screen. I use
Speaker 1: this brick application that basically like makes my phone sort
Speaker 1: of useless come bedtime, and people have been really intrigued
Speaker 1: by it, and I've actually challenged one of my friends
Speaker 1: to like try out getting rid of all their homescreen
Speaker 1: apps and maybe using this app, And a lot of
Speaker 1: people really have said it's brought a lot back into
Speaker 1: their lives, which was our expert Catherine was. Her entire
Speaker 1: point was replace phone time with things that you miss
Speaker 1: about your life, and it's bitterally really positive.
Speaker 2: That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Nothing on your end though, just knowing and not doing well.
Speaker 3: As you mentioned.
Speaker 2: We spoke with author, journalists and speaker Catherine Price about
Speaker 2: this and she had a lot of amazing tips.
Speaker 3: So what I would say is, I have.
Speaker 2: Any algorithm has clocked this pun intended. I thought very
Speaker 2: much about buying an alarm clock so that I don't
Speaker 2: need my phone, But unlike you, I have instead continued
Speaker 2: to scroll in bed and not made my phone useless,
Speaker 2: but made me useless.
Speaker 3: So I have not.
Speaker 2: Implemented in the way that Catherine would be proud of me.
Speaker 2: But you know what we are all learning, growing and
Speaker 2: evolving adults, and so there's still time for.
Speaker 3: Me to get there.
Speaker 1: And as most of the experts that we've had on
Speaker 1: the show would say, is there's no shame, there's no blame.
Speaker 1: There's only taking steps in the right direction, one step
Speaker 1: at a time, and for you, I think knowing is
Speaker 1: a good first step.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. As the Internet likes to say,
Speaker 2: we listen and we don't judge, but I do judge.
Speaker 3: I judge myself.
Speaker 1: Just to be clear, I do judge. Okay, well we
Speaker 1: don't we certainly, we're all so proud of you. But
Speaker 1: without further ado, today we're talking about our favorite moments
Speaker 1: throughout the latter half of the season. We're going to
Speaker 1: be playing a couple of clips from each episode and
Speaker 1: really talking about how they may or may not have
Speaker 1: impacted our lives exactly.
Speaker 4: That we.
Speaker 3: Should.
Speaker 2: We kick it off with Catherine Price, who was the
Speaker 2: first guest for the latter half of this season, and
Speaker 2: she is going to help us learn how to minimize
Speaker 2: our screen time and listen up for everybody who is
Speaker 2: on the map path who is really going to implement
Speaker 2: this into their lives. And then if you're on the leapath,
Speaker 2: you're going to think about it sometimes, let's do it.
Speaker 5: I don't feel like I have a relationship with my laptop.
Speaker 5: I don't feel like I have a relationship with the
Speaker 5: microphone I'm using to talk to you guys, but I
Speaker 5: do have a relationship with my phone. And so that
Speaker 5: led to me thinking, wouldn't it be interesting to just
Speaker 5: ask people to write an actual breakup note to their phone?
Speaker 5: And what I discovered when people did that is they started,
Speaker 5: you know, with this kind of playful tone, but often
Speaker 5: their notes got very deep and vulnerable and profound really quickly.
Speaker 5: There was something about fully embodying the idea that you
Speaker 5: are in a relationship with the phone and you need
Speaker 5: to break up with it that led people to express
Speaker 5: themselves in ways that I don't think that they would
Speaker 5: have if I just said, give me a bullet pointed
Speaker 5: list of five reasons you want to cut back on
Speaker 5: your screen time for anyone listening, If you just want
Speaker 5: to play around with any of these ideas, you might
Speaker 5: want to just like, instead of scrolling through your phone
Speaker 5: tonight before bed, put it in the other room, and
Speaker 5: then spend ten minutes writing a breakup note to your phone.
Speaker 5: And ask yourself things like what do you love about
Speaker 5: your relationship with your phone? Why did you get in
Speaker 5: a relationship with your phone to begin with? When does
Speaker 5: it feel good? But then also like what's annoying about
Speaker 5: your phone? What makes you mad about your phone? What
Speaker 5: has your phone done to you? Your phone hopefully will
Speaker 5: never read this letter, so you don't have to worry
Speaker 5: about its feelings. Our phones are deliberately packed with dope
Speaker 5: imine triggers to get us to want to spend time
Speaker 5: on our phones. You can fight back by doing things
Speaker 5: like adjust your settings so it's really easy to toggle
Speaker 5: between black and white and color. You don't want to
Speaker 5: have to go into the settings to do that. You
Speaker 5: want to make it easy where you just hit the
Speaker 5: side button three times and it will go back and forth.
Speaker 1: Experiment with that for a couple days.
Speaker 5: It is amazing how much less appealing the screen is
Speaker 5: if it's in black and white. Also clean up your
Speaker 5: home screen, you know, like most people just have all
Speaker 5: their apps on their home screen in the order in
Speaker 5: which they were downloaded and in the order in which
Speaker 5: they just happened to appear when you got your phone.
Speaker 5: You have control over that, so my home screen on
Speaker 5: my phone is actually entirely empty. I want anything on it, Yeah,
Speaker 5: I just have there's the app library, and then if
Speaker 5: I want to open an app, I just pull down
Speaker 5: the search bar and I search for the app. And
Speaker 5: going back to Matt your point about mindfulness, it's because
Speaker 5: I want to be intentional about using an app. I
Speaker 5: want to open the app because I had a thought, Oh,
Speaker 5: I want to do X on my phone, and so
Speaker 5: I'm opening the app to do that. I don't want
Speaker 5: to have it be Oh. I just am kind of
Speaker 5: like looking for something to do in this moment, and
Speaker 5: I turned to my phone and there's the Instagram icon
Speaker 5: or whatever it is. Make your phone boring is basically
Speaker 5: the message here.
Speaker 2: Okay, Matt, so what are you thinking? How has your
Speaker 2: relationship with your phone changed since we spoke with Catherine.
Speaker 1: I love the piece that she has about mindfulness because
Speaker 1: I really do feel like, even before we talked with Catherine,
Speaker 1: I've been trying over the last year or so to
Speaker 1: be more mindful with my phone. And you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm on the subway in New York and I'll just
Speaker 1: look up and I'm just seeing everyone's staring into their
Speaker 1: phone and it's all fine, you know, it's not like
Speaker 1: everyone on the subway knows each other. But part of
Speaker 1: me like has this thought, like what are we missing
Speaker 1: by just being so sucked into the phone? Are we
Speaker 1: missing community? Are we missing our friends, our family? The
Speaker 1: things that we enjoy doing? And so I really took
Speaker 1: what she said to heart, and I think that I've
Speaker 1: been examining my relationship with a lot of things in
Speaker 1: my life, and I do think that overwhelmingly the phone
Speaker 1: was bringing negative things into my life. I had news
Speaker 1: notifications blasting me at all hours of the day, getting
Speaker 1: stressed out about things that I have no control over,
Speaker 1: spending too much time on social media. That really, like,
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, like is this bringing me joy?
Speaker 1: Do I enjoy this? I've been posting on social media
Speaker 1: less and being on social media lesson and yeah, I've
Speaker 1: been reading more and going out into the world more
Speaker 1: and hanging out with my friends more. And it's difficult
Speaker 1: because I think in this society everyone is just like
Speaker 1: is it real unless it happens on the internet, unless
Speaker 1: you're posting about it. And maybe they're right and I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: but I just feel like, personally, I've gotten so much
Speaker 1: more back by giving myself more time and my phone
Speaker 1: less time. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3: That's what matters.
Speaker 2: I just have this vision of you in my mind
Speaker 2: entering the subway, no phone and just like shaking hands
Speaker 2: with everybody and greeting everybody in the subway car because
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm not going to look at my phone today,
Speaker 2: which you'll make some new friends and some frenemies, I
Speaker 2: would say, but more power too.
Speaker 3: I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 2: I feel the moment when I know that dopamine is
Speaker 2: kicking in where I know like, okay, this is just
Speaker 2: giving my brain those chemicals of like.
Speaker 3: Do I have likes? And I also know exactly.
Speaker 2: The moment when I've just been scrolling for way too
Speaker 2: long when my brain is like can you stop? And
Speaker 2: so I've been trying to just pay better attention to
Speaker 2: that moment and also not even get to that moment
Speaker 2: so that I'm not having those brain chemicals good and
Speaker 2: bad mess up my sleep, my day, my mood, all
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: That takes me back to the mindful. I think it's
Speaker 1: just great that you're aware of it. I've had those
Speaker 1: moments in my life too, where I feel it's almost
Speaker 1: like a control thing. It's like, I have this urge,
Speaker 1: this desire to want to do something, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: why do I so feel this way? And as Catherine
Speaker 1: talked about it, they make the phones that way, you know,
Speaker 1: they build all these dopamine addictive tools into them, and
Speaker 1: that's why we feel that way. So even just that
Speaker 1: first step of mindfulness is really great.
Speaker 3: You know, Matt.
Speaker 2: I think for you, being able to separate yourself from
Speaker 2: your phone more is something that you should add to
Speaker 2: your YA folder.
Speaker 1: I should, And we're going to learn a lot about
Speaker 1: the YA folder because this next episode we're going to
Speaker 1: hear from Jessica Chen, who's a world renowned author of
Speaker 1: the book Smart Not Loud, How to Get Noticed at
Speaker 1: Work for all the Right reasons, and who travels around
Speaker 1: the world talking to executives about how they can more
Speaker 1: effectively communicate. And we wanted to talk to her because
Speaker 1: we thought it was really important to have an episode
Speaker 1: about advocating for yourself at work. I think there's actually
Speaker 1: just a New York Times article the other day talking
Speaker 1: about job hugging or in this period of work where
Speaker 1: the job market can be really really tough. Yes, And
Speaker 1: I think that that can actually that and a lot
Speaker 1: of other things can intimidate people against speaking out about themselves,
Speaker 1: their accomplishments, what they want, maybe getting a raise, and
Speaker 1: so we really wanted to talk about how to sort
Speaker 1: of reclaim that power and advocate for yourself in the workplace.
Speaker 2: The thing about Jessica is that she not only had
Speaker 2: amazing tips, but she also has amazing energy. And when
Speaker 2: we left that conversation, I really felt like I could
Speaker 2: run through a wall. I was like, I could do
Speaker 2: anything right now. Instead of running through a wall, I'm
Speaker 2: going to advocate for myself at work and put together
Speaker 2: my AA folder and put together a nice document of
Speaker 2: my wins and my accomplishments and the things I'm really
Speaker 2: proud of myself for. But she just made me feel
Speaker 2: so empowered and so capable. And some of the things
Speaker 2: that she mentioned were I don't want to say obvious,
Speaker 2: but it's stuff that we like know and you just
Speaker 2: need somebody, like a nice friend to nudge you and
Speaker 2: remind you that you are that girl.
Speaker 1: It's so true. I just remember feeling kind of like alone,
Speaker 1: especially in my first few big boy jobs in New
Speaker 1: York City, Like you know, just navigating difficult bosses and
Speaker 1: employee relationships and feeling like I was just happy to
Speaker 1: be there and like I'll take whatever abuse possible. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not right. And I think that having that friend,
Speaker 1: as you spoke about, someone who can just tell you
Speaker 1: you're valuable. Yeah, you're there for a reason, and tabulating
Speaker 1: that value that you bring to the company and really
Speaker 1: advocating for yourself is just the best step forward. It's
Speaker 1: going to get you far ahead in your career than
Speaker 1: if you were to stay quiet. And so I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to a couple of our favorite quotes from Jessica.
Speaker 2: That's correct and you know what this one is for
Speaker 2: you people pleasers, So enjoy some tips on how to
Speaker 2: advocate for yourself at work with Jessica Chen.
Speaker 6: Go into your inbox and create a folder and call
Speaker 6: it your yay folder. And anytime you do some amazing
Speaker 6: work somebody says great job, congratulations, you secured that deal
Speaker 6: or whatever. Right, you take that email and you drag
Speaker 6: it into this yay folder so that when you know
Speaker 6: performance review comms or when you are now asking for
Speaker 6: what you want, you have evidence and documentation of the
Speaker 6: amazing work that you're doing, which gives you more ability
Speaker 6: to ask for.
Speaker 3: What you want.
Speaker 6: When people tend to feel very intimidated about speaking up,
Speaker 6: I tend to say, if you can speak up earlier
Speaker 6: in a meeting, it's better than speaking up later. And
Speaker 6: the reason why is because oftentimes, when we sit in
Speaker 6: this meeting, five minutes go by, ten minutes go by,
Speaker 6: fifteen minutes go by, and all of a sudden, the
Speaker 6: meeting's over and you never said a thing. There's something
Speaker 6: really powerful about being early and saying something. And again,
Speaker 6: it doesn't have to be that brilliant fireworks of an idea.
Speaker 6: It can be just you saying something. But the idea
Speaker 6: is using your voice early in a meeting gets you
Speaker 6: comfortable to use it later on in a meeting. So
Speaker 6: I think that's a huge barrier that once we can
Speaker 6: overcome that early on, it makes it easier to then
Speaker 6: kind of be and feel like you're a part of
Speaker 6: the conversation.
Speaker 2: Matt, you love a meeting because you know what, You're
Speaker 2: so social and you have so many friends, and so
Speaker 2: I know you walk into every room and you're just like, hello,
Speaker 2: my people.
Speaker 1: Yes, I actually think I need to learn the value
Speaker 1: of showing at the beginning of a meeting, sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: just start talking. But I do think it's a really
Speaker 1: great point that, especially when you're new, right when you're
Speaker 1: in a new environment, you've got a new boss and
Speaker 1: new coworkers, it can be really difficult to say your mind,
Speaker 1: you're not really sure what the culture is or whatever.
Speaker 1: You don't want to have a foot and mouth moment.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really like negating why you're there
Speaker 1: in the first place. Right, the company hired you because
Speaker 1: you do bring value, you do have a skill set,
Speaker 1: and sometimes it takes a few bad ideas out the
Speaker 1: gate to get towards a good idea. And sometimes I
Speaker 1: actually think that being vulnerable in front of people you
Speaker 1: work with is a really human moment and can bring
Speaker 1: people closer together. But more than anything, I think that
Speaker 1: in the days and weeks, it can be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I did that this week, I did that this week.
Speaker 1: But in the months and years it can get like unwieldy,
Speaker 1: like things that you accomplished or things that you did.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll look back on my YA folder and be like, oh, right,
Speaker 1: I totally forgot about all of these things. And so
Speaker 1: if it's been two years or three years since you've
Speaker 1: gotten a raizor of promotion, Having that YAE folder to
Speaker 1: look back on on all the things you accomplished is
Speaker 1: super super important because that all becomes fodder for the
Speaker 1: argument that you make to get a raise or to
Speaker 1: get a promotion. So I just think it's a brilliant
Speaker 1: thing that everyone should be doing, keeping little notes and
Speaker 1: tabs on all the accomplishments.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, no task is actually too small.
Speaker 2: Like yesterday I wrote a killer Instagram caption for work,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I gotta remember to add this
Speaker 2: to my ya folder because I actually am very proud
Speaker 2: of myself for this copywriting that I just did write here.
Speaker 3: So like, there are absolutely.
Speaker 2: Ways to look at even small tasks from different angles
Speaker 2: and feel really proud of yourself and feel like it's
Speaker 2: feeding your soul. But when it comes to feeding your body, Matt,
Speaker 2: what do we have up next?
Speaker 1: Those are great transitions. I also just wanted to say,
Speaker 1: sometimes the small things can get overlooked. But like put
Speaker 1: you in charge of like social but they don't realize
Speaker 1: that not only that means that you're like curating posts,
Speaker 1: but like you have to be a copywriter too, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people will like overlook that, and so to even make
Speaker 1: notes of the small things that you're doing and the
Speaker 1: big things have this cumulative effect of just how powerful
Speaker 1: you are as a worker. But yes, speaking of feeding
Speaker 1: your body, that's right. For our next episode, we talked
Speaker 1: to registered dietitian nutritionists, which we learned a lot about
Speaker 1: those roles and what makes them up. We talked to
Speaker 1: Melissa Joy Dobbins, who is the host of the sound
Speaker 1: Bites podcast, about one of my favorite topics that is
Speaker 1: much debated about online nutrition.
Speaker 2: You were very excited about this one, and you knew
Speaker 2: your stuff, but you also came very ready to learn.
Speaker 2: And she had some really amazing tips and just like
Speaker 2: a different perspective and like really insightful things to share
Speaker 2: with us about all the stuff we're just shoving in
Speaker 2: our bodies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's take a listen to Melissa.
Speaker 4: I used to be a supermarket dietitian, so I always
Speaker 4: try to get people to take a step back and say, Okay,
Speaker 4: this is the food, what are the good nutrients it provides, protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals,
Speaker 4: and what are the nutrients we want to limit, like
Speaker 4: total calories, saturated fat, sodium, and sugar and just kind
Speaker 4: of find the best tasting product within those choices as well,
Speaker 4: because taste is important. Research shows the taste is a
Speaker 4: number one reason that people purchase foods, and we can't
Speaker 4: ignore that. Right first, I suggest tracking your intake, piece
Speaker 4: of paper and app however you want to do it.
Speaker 4: See where you are, think about what your goals are
Speaker 4: and where you think you could make some improvements. Everybody
Speaker 4: could do better by getting more produce in any form
Speaker 4: and more fiber. But see where your maybe empty calories are,
Speaker 4: or are you hungry at certain times of the day.
Speaker 4: Do you need to shift some protein earlier in the day.
Speaker 4: What do you want to work on and what do
Speaker 4: you think would be a realistic goal for you. Anytime
Speaker 4: you do something drastic, it's really hard to maintain that,
Speaker 4: and only the changes that are able to be sustainable
Speaker 4: are going to improve your health. And don't try to
Speaker 4: make too many changes at once. Just start slow, go slow,
Speaker 4: and maybe work on one thing at a time. I
Speaker 4: will say a lot of people don't know that when
Speaker 4: you're looking at that equation of diet and exercise, diet
Speaker 4: is the driver for weight loss. Exercise is the driver
Speaker 4: for weight loss and maintenance. So a lot of people
Speaker 4: get frustrated. They're like going to the gym, or they're running,
Speaker 4: or they're lifting weights, or they're doing you know, the
Speaker 4: strength training, you know whatever, and they're not seeing any
Speaker 4: improvements on their weight. Exercise has a lot of wonderful qualities.
Speaker 4: I want people to exercise because it makes them feel better,
Speaker 4: It helps them manage stress, it's something fun. I do
Speaker 4: karate and ballet personally, Oh, do something fun. But don't
Speaker 4: get discouraged if it's not helping you lose weight. It
Speaker 4: is helping your body composition, it's helping with maintaining muscle
Speaker 4: mass and decreasing fat mass. But if you're looking for
Speaker 4: weight loss, it's really looking at where those extra calories
Speaker 4: in your diet are coming from.
Speaker 2: Matt, you know, I was actually thinking about Melissa and
Speaker 2: you the other day because it got to dinner time
Speaker 2: and I was like, Oh, what am I going to have?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 3: What did I already eat today?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I am so silly for not
Speaker 2: remembering to be keeping track of what I'm eating, because
Speaker 2: then that helps me and shows me to balance out
Speaker 2: when it's time for dinner, Like, oh, you know, I
Speaker 2: didn't have a salad today, or like I didn't get
Speaker 2: enough protein today, or maybe I can have a little
Speaker 2: treat after dinner too, because you know what, I've been
Speaker 2: really good today. So I think that I've just got
Speaker 2: to be better about tracking what I'm eating throughout the day,
Speaker 2: because who can remember it by five o'clock and then
Speaker 2: really helping myself to balance out exactly what I'm ingesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm a big tracking person too, But I
Speaker 1: just want to say that I know plenty of people
Speaker 1: who are really against calary cunning or tracking their food
Speaker 1: or whatever, and I totally respect, especially for some people
Speaker 1: can be kind of like triggering or make something about
Speaker 1: maybe their parents was something that they wanted them to
Speaker 1: do and made them feel bad about themselves. And what
Speaker 1: I took away from Melissa and what I've taken away
Speaker 1: from my own journey is really it's just that awareness. Right,
Speaker 1: If you can bring more awareness to the kind the
Speaker 1: foods you're eating, to the ingredients that are in those foods,
Speaker 1: that's just the first step of assessing where you're at.
Speaker 1: You know, one thing that I do is I track
Speaker 1: how much I weigh, which, again I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people maybe aren't into that, but for me, it's
Speaker 1: just another piece of information. Like yesterday I thought I
Speaker 1: over ate a little bit and you know, stepped on
Speaker 1: the scales morning realized I did. And that's just information
Speaker 1: I'm taking with me about thinking about what I'm maybe
Speaker 1: gonna eat today. I'm gonna try to be a little
Speaker 1: bit better today. My wife has been gone for like
Speaker 1: a month, and so she's really really good about making
Speaker 1: sure that we're eating like super healthy, nutritious food and
Speaker 1: making sure that I don't work too much. And when
Speaker 1: she's gone, I work too much, and then I don't
Speaker 1: eat good food, and so at work up and eating
Speaker 1: what I like trick myself into thinking is healthy. It's
Speaker 1: like a breakfast burrito. So there's some like potatoes and
Speaker 1: veggies and beans, legumes. Those are really good, but it's
Speaker 1: wrapped in this gigantic tortilla that's like so many carbs.
Speaker 1: And so even just having that mindfulness of you know, today,
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't be eating so many carbs. I want
Speaker 1: to actually eat some more vegetables and some more beans
Speaker 1: and maybe some more protein. So maybe today I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get a salad with some protein that's kind of what
Speaker 1: I think about as mine, but some incredible information from Melissa.
Speaker 1: I encourage everyone to go back and listen to her
Speaker 1: episode and just bring a little bit more mindfulness into
Speaker 1: what we're putting in our bodies every day, because when
Speaker 1: we talk about ultraprocessed foods, how that has infiltrated the
Speaker 1: American diet, and just some tips and tricks on how
Speaker 1: to think about those.
Speaker 2: I love that you have brought a very data and
Speaker 2: analytical mindset to your nutrition, whereas I have brought yumminess
Speaker 2: only mindset to it.
Speaker 3: So I very much applaud you. We'll be right back
Speaker 3: after a quick.
Speaker 1: Break, and we're back with more grown up stuff. How
Speaker 1: do I don't.
Speaker 2: One of the things we didn't really even get into
Speaker 2: with Melissa is alcohol, and that is a huge thing
Speaker 2: that affects our bodies in so many ways.
Speaker 3: But luckily we did.
Speaker 2: Dive into it in the next episode where we discussed
Speaker 2: being sober, curious and doing some mindful drinking. So for
Speaker 2: this one, we spoke with Derek Brown, who is a
Speaker 2: hospitality consultant, a wellness coach, a mindful drinking advocate, and
Speaker 2: an author, and he had such amazing things to say,
Speaker 2: like he really opened my mind to this in a
Speaker 2: way where like, whether you're practicing mindful drinking or not,
Speaker 2: hearing about the benefits is really inspiring and I think
Speaker 2: really motivating if this is something that you do want
Speaker 2: to explore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've said it before in the show, but so
Speaker 1: much of what we talk about is really just about
Speaker 1: awareness and mindfulness. It's another thing where it's not about
Speaker 1: necessarily tracking, but like just even kind of like stepping
Speaker 1: back and having a moment going how much I've I've
Speaker 1: been drinking this last week, this last day, this last month,
Speaker 1: and has that been a good or bad thing? And
Speaker 1: if it's been a good things making you more social,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're going out with friends more, maybe
Speaker 1: it's totally fine if you're like keeping it within its limits.
Speaker 1: For me, I've had that same approach, just stepping back
Speaker 1: and thinking about my relationship with alcohol, and I've found
Speaker 1: that it's really not bringing that much to it. And
Speaker 1: I actually loved what Derek says in this episode about mindfulness.
Speaker 1: And so let's go ahead and listen to a couple
Speaker 1: of our favorite clips in this episode. Great.
Speaker 7: In twenty eighteen, Ruby Warrenton wrote a book called sober curious,
Speaker 7: which kind of gave us this term, right, and it's
Speaker 7: exactly as it sounds. It's not that you are sober
Speaker 7: in the sense that you don't drink alcohol.
Speaker 4: Ever.
Speaker 7: Again, it's somebody who's curious about why they drink. And
Speaker 7: so I like to put that term as well as sobriety,
Speaker 7: as well as some of the other terms like soberish
Speaker 7: that we hear under the rubric of mindful drinking. And
Speaker 7: what mindful drinking really means is that we're drinking in
Speaker 7: relationship to our goals and values, health or otherwise. It
Speaker 7: means that we're taking a pause to think why do
Speaker 7: we drink alcohol? And that's something that's happening as a trend,
Speaker 7: but that is something that is just a good practice
Speaker 7: in general. Let's start with asking yourself three questions and
Speaker 7: put a journey in front of you, or take a
Speaker 7: walk if you don't feel like writing it down, and
Speaker 7: ask yourself, what is the ideal situation where I drink,
Speaker 7: what is the best time, what are the worst times
Speaker 7: that I drank?
Speaker 1: And how would I.
Speaker 7: Like to do it going forward? So it's comparing and
Speaker 7: contrasting the experiences you've had, because certainly if you've had
Speaker 7: good experiences and you feel like you can continue to drink,
Speaker 7: not a problem at all. Continue to drink from there.
Speaker 7: If you've decided that you can still drink alcohol and
Speaker 7: you want to incorporate let's say no and low alcohol drinks,
Speaker 7: I think there's a whole new world out there for you,
Speaker 7: which is really exciting. And ultimately, I don't think it's
Speaker 7: about what we give up. I think it's what we gain.
Speaker 7: One of the struggles is that you go out and
Speaker 7: maybe you're having a non acoholic beer or sipping water
Speaker 7: or whatever, and somebody says, why aren't you drinking, And
Speaker 7: all of a sudden, again you have to tell your
Speaker 7: whole life story just to say, like, I'm just trying
Speaker 7: to figure out whether I want a drink or not.
Speaker 7: So I think to me, temporary absence months are a
Speaker 7: great place to start. During dry January, sober October, or
Speaker 7: you have the perfect cover. You said, I'm doing drid
Speaker 7: J anywhere. I'm doing this challenge. I'm doing thirty days
Speaker 7: to see if I can go without alcohol, and if
Speaker 7: that works well for you, then maybe you want to
Speaker 7: keep it going right or if that doesn't work well,
Speaker 7: in the sense like you have a lot of trouble
Speaker 7: doing it, then maybe that's a good signal to you
Speaker 7: that you may need external help for this.
Speaker 2: Matt, I got to tell you, every time I am
Speaker 2: out at a bar or a restaurant, my eyes immediately
Speaker 2: go to the non alcoholic section of the menu.
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, they're everywhere. I've been like so pleasantly surprised
Speaker 1: at like the breadth of places that carry these options.
Speaker 1: I was in California a couple weeks ago. My brother
Speaker 1: invited me to a bar. I didn't tell him that
Speaker 1: I wasn't drinking, and then it was the first thing
Speaker 1: I said when I showed up, and he goes, bro,
Speaker 1: why didn't you tell me? And I was like, no, Actually,
Speaker 1: it's okay because I think that they have non alcoholic
Speaker 1: options here, which I'm totally cool with. And lo and
Speaker 1: behold the bar that we met. I did and I
Speaker 1: had a great non alcoholic beer, wonderful.
Speaker 3: I had am moctail last night.
Speaker 2: And it was like regular juices like that I probably
Speaker 2: have in my own refrigerator, but there was something about
Speaker 2: it in a martini glass yeah, that I just was
Speaker 2: savoring every sip.
Speaker 3: It actually was dolicious like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't think I could put grenadine and pineapple juice and
Speaker 2: orange juice together in a way that was this satisfying,
Speaker 2: but like sipping it out of a martini glass made
Speaker 2: me feel very fancy and not at all drunk, and
Speaker 2: I was very happy about that result.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're not, if you listen to the episode,
Speaker 1: going to be spending way less money. Not because these
Speaker 1: are high quality ingredients that are crafted with all natural products.
Speaker 1: Justifies the cost, as Derek went into in the episode.
Speaker 1: But I think my favorite thing about what he said
Speaker 1: is if it's you're re examining you think having a
Speaker 1: sober lifestyle something that is for you and people are
Speaker 1: giving you a hard time about it, just kind of
Speaker 1: frame it as a challenge, like I'm trying the challenge,
Speaker 1: trying to exercise myself and see what I can get
Speaker 1: away with. And honestly, that's what Elena and I did.
Speaker 1: We went like a month or two without drinking, and
Speaker 1: then we went out with friends. We're like, oh, let's
Speaker 1: get alcohol out of the house and only do what
Speaker 1: we go out with friends. We went out with friends
Speaker 1: and we woke up the next day after a couple drinks,
Speaker 1: were like you know what, I don't feel that great,
Speaker 1: maybe not, maybe not. We did that a few more
Speaker 1: times until I realized that it's just not really for us,
Speaker 1: and so it just comes back to mindfulness for me,
Speaker 1: and I think that if you are having the same
Speaker 1: kind of thoughts in your life, go ahead and listen
Speaker 1: to Derek's episode. Grab his book which has a great recipe,
Speaker 1: and I can now say for an old fashion which
Speaker 1: was my favorite drink that is a non alcoholic option
Speaker 1: and loved it. So get end of the episode, get
Speaker 1: into the recipes.
Speaker 2: I love it for just trying this out for a
Speaker 2: select amount of time, and you're gonna see that you
Speaker 2: feel like your sleep is clear, your skin is clear,
Speaker 2: and your mind is clear. And when your mind is clear,
Speaker 2: guess what, everything is better.
Speaker 1: Sky's the limit.
Speaker 3: And you know what else helps you.
Speaker 2: To get your mind clear a little bit of meditation.
Speaker 2: So let's talk about our next episode with Kaisonga Giscombe,
Speaker 2: who was an incredible guest to talk about meditation with.
Speaker 2: And if you haven't listened to it already, go back
Speaker 2: and listen because there is a little meditation moment in there,
Speaker 2: so you don't even have to like seek out a meditation.
Speaker 2: You can do one just by listening to the episode.
Speaker 1: He's a voiceover artist in addition to his meditation teaching,
Speaker 1: and you really hear why when you listen to the episode.
Speaker 1: He is beautiful voice. It's a very very calming presence,
Speaker 1: and you know what, I don't know why, but this
Speaker 1: is the one thing that I know I need to
Speaker 1: do more in my life. Is one thing that I
Speaker 1: haven't really been able to implement this season, which is like,
Speaker 1: I'm so mad at myself for doing because it's so easy.
Speaker 1: He talks about how it's like kind of the first
Speaker 1: thing you can do in the moment. You take five
Speaker 1: minutes and just breathe. Right, Why is it so difficult
Speaker 1: for me to do that.
Speaker 2: Just one minute? Start with one minute and then you
Speaker 2: work your way up from there.
Speaker 1: You can do it.
Speaker 3: Please.
Speaker 2: Of all the things we've learned this season, this is
Speaker 2: definitely one you can start to implement.
Speaker 1: I know, right, it seems like that this would be
Speaker 1: the easiest. But anyway, let's take a second. Listen to
Speaker 1: our interview with Kisanga and get into the meditation mood.
Speaker 8: If you think of a snow globe as your thoughts
Speaker 8: or as your life, even and when you shake up
Speaker 8: a snow globe, what happens? Everything is swirling, Yeah, it
Speaker 8: goes all over, right, So that's kind of like how
Speaker 8: your mind might be in any stressful moment. So what
Speaker 8: mindfulness and meditation allows you to do is to just pause.
Speaker 8: So if you put that snow globe down and you
Speaker 8: just pause and you take a moment, what happens to
Speaker 8: all of that that flurry?
Speaker 3: Letting it settle settles, let it come down.
Speaker 8: They don't get rid of it necessarily, but it settles it.
Speaker 8: It brings some clarity to your space. And it's in
Speaker 8: this clarity that you're able to gain some wisdom as
Speaker 8: to what's going on, and then you're able to move
Speaker 8: forward making more wise and appropriate decisions and choices. Oftentimes,
Speaker 8: in stressful moments, we just react. So the idea with
Speaker 8: mindfulness is bringing your full attention to each moment. Because
Speaker 8: if I'm in the preseason workout and all I'm thinking
Speaker 8: about is that championship, then how effective is that workout
Speaker 8: really be if I'm not fully focused on it.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 8: It doesn't mean that you have to forget about your goals.
Speaker 8: In fact, I encourage my clients every so often look
Speaker 8: at your goal, envision yourself getting that goal, use that
Speaker 8: visualization technique, and then generally let it go and bring
Speaker 8: your full attention back to the present moment. So oftentimes
Speaker 8: we're in this autopilot mind state where again we're either
Speaker 8: thinking about the future or ruminating about the past, but
Speaker 8: our present moment experience is just passing us by, so
Speaker 8: we're not experiencing fully life itself. So that's what mindfulness meditation.
Speaker 8: It's really just designed to bring your full awareness to
Speaker 8: right here and right now. Studies have shown that not
Speaker 8: only does mindfulness and meditation stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system,
Speaker 8: but it also repairs that part of the parasympathetic nervous
Speaker 8: system that has been destroyed. So when I found that
Speaker 8: particular piece out, I was blown away.
Speaker 9: I know.
Speaker 8: Like, for instance, taking a deep breath in through the
Speaker 8: nose and now through the mouth, that acting of itself
Speaker 8: stimulates the power sympathetic nervous system. That's why I oftentimes
Speaker 8: when someone is stressed out, what do we say to them, Chill, chill,
Speaker 8: take a deep breath. Yeah, right, But with meditation, not
Speaker 8: only does it stimulate the power sympathetic nervous system, but
Speaker 8: it also repairs the parts of the power of sympathetic
Speaker 8: nervous system that has been damaged from chronic stress.
Speaker 2: I especially loved the snow globe analogy there because that
Speaker 2: really gave me the visualization of how important and impactful
Speaker 2: doing just a little bit of meditating can actually be
Speaker 2: on your mind and your body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a perfect analogy. And sometimes I do
Speaker 1: feel like my brain is that snow globe, where there's
Speaker 1: just a thousand things going on at work, with my family,
Speaker 1: with my friends, with my health, whatnot, and I do
Speaker 1: really get caught up in it, and so taking a
Speaker 1: moment to breathe and let everything settle. And even as
Speaker 1: they say during meditation, like things come up, like thoughts
Speaker 1: come up, and like the best thing to do is
Speaker 1: to take another deep breath and too focus on your breath.
Speaker 1: And I do think that eventually, I can't say that
Speaker 1: I've experienced it, but I think eventually things settle, you know.
Speaker 1: And Yeah, when your parasympathetic nervous system is relaxed, that's
Speaker 1: a really healthy place to be. And I think it's
Speaker 1: when we're so tight and wound up and so stressed
Speaker 1: that all these really terrible health benefits come on like ulcers,
Speaker 1: like stress, like anxiety, like depression, and so it's kind
Speaker 1: of like that muscle that you could exercise to combat
Speaker 1: all that stuff.
Speaker 2: Truly, Matt, We've said it before, but I'll say it again.
Speaker 3: You should listen to the episode if.
Speaker 2: You want to learn and really start to be incorporating
Speaker 2: meditation into your daily life.
Speaker 3: It can be very simple.
Speaker 2: If you're making time for like a little duo lingo session,
Speaker 2: you can make time for a little meditation session. But honestly,
Speaker 2: just listen because his voice is so soothing and so calming,
Speaker 2: and like that alone calmed my nervous system and that
Speaker 2: was probably my favorite part of the whole thing.
Speaker 3: But also there are wonderful tips in.
Speaker 1: There too, absolutely, and if meditation might bring that piece
Speaker 1: and calm into your life, do you know what else will? Oh?
Speaker 1: What life insurance?
Speaker 2: Okay, you know it's so funny, Matt, because actually this
Speaker 2: episode that we did about life insurance with life insurance
Speaker 2: advisor Dennis Carlson actually did give me peace of mind,
Speaker 2: a very different kind than meditation, but it did give
Speaker 2: me peace of mind and took a topic that seems
Speaker 2: sort of like scary and overwhelming and big and hard
Speaker 2: to understand, and kind of made it very basic and
Speaker 2: very manageable, and he gave us a lot of ways
Speaker 2: to take some action and really make sure that those
Speaker 2: around us that love and care for us are set
Speaker 2: up when we are not here anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he really simplified it because there are all these terms.
Speaker 1: There's whole life, and there's term life, and there's all
Speaker 1: these kind of variations. Those are just two. There's many more,
Speaker 1: and you can kind of be like, man, not only
Speaker 1: do I definitely need a life insurance, I don't even
Speaker 1: know what kind of life insurance I need? Why are
Speaker 1: there so many different kinds? But by breaking it down
Speaker 1: with Dennis in this episode, I totally feel like I
Speaker 1: got clarity on the issue and know that I need
Speaker 1: to make some changes myself. So luckily, our enrollment is
Speaker 1: around the corner and I am going to make some changes.
Speaker 1: But let's find out how we can do it with Dennis.
Speaker 9: In a life insurance policy, you have three components. You
Speaker 9: have the insured that's the person that if they pass away,
Speaker 9: the death benefit goes somewhere. You have the beneficiary that's
Speaker 9: who gets paid the death benefit. But you also have
Speaker 9: the owner. The owner does not have to be the insured,
Speaker 9: and the owner does not have to be the beneficiary.
Speaker 9: So I mentioned this because often what we're doing is
Speaker 9: with businesses, even small businesses. Perhaps it's what we call
Speaker 9: a key person life insurance policy, and the beneficiary is
Speaker 9: the business. Let's say your VP of sales brings in
Speaker 9: a lot of money for the company. If they were
Speaker 9: to pass away unexpectedly, that would be a financial burden
Speaker 9: on the company, and they have an insurable interest in
Speaker 9: the life of that key employee. So the company may
Speaker 9: be the owner of that policy. The key employee is
Speaker 9: the insured, but the company is also the beneficiary of
Speaker 9: that policy, not an individual, but the company, like the
Speaker 9: loc or the corporation themselves. When you're young and healthy,
Speaker 9: that's the best time to buy a term insurance policy
Speaker 9: because you're going to lock in those rates for whatever
Speaker 9: term you purchase. And I think that's what gets missed
Speaker 9: a lot is people think, oh, that's something i'll need
Speaker 9: later in life, so I won't purchase a policy now.
Speaker 9: And if you're gonna think that way, remember that I'm
Speaker 9: fifty one. When you start to get into your forties
Speaker 9: and fifties, things start to change. Right your health things
Speaker 9: start to change. You might have heart palpitations or something
Speaker 9: else that makes it a lot harder to get insurance
Speaker 9: than it was in your thirties. So that's the main
Speaker 9: thing I would say is just getting a policy in
Speaker 9: place when you're young is a great building block. To
Speaker 9: be clear, life insurance isn't for everyone. If you don't
Speaker 9: have people who depend on you financially, you might not
Speaker 9: need life insurance, like it might not be something you
Speaker 9: should consider really first and foremost. If you're buying any
Speaker 9: type of life insurance policy, whether that's permanent or term,
Speaker 9: you should have some type of need for the actual
Speaker 9: life insurance, for that death benefit, because somebody or an
Speaker 9: organization something relies on you for income that would be
Speaker 9: lost if you were to pass away.
Speaker 2: Matt, to be totally honest with you, I went into
Speaker 2: this episode about life insurance knowing nothing. Like if you
Speaker 2: had asked me what do you know about it? I
Speaker 2: would flat out tell you pretty much nothing. And Dennis
Speaker 2: broke it down in a way that now I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be shopping for a personal policy because
Speaker 2: this is important to me. And so now I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm an expert, but compared to where
Speaker 2: I came from and where I am now, I definitely
Speaker 2: learned a ton from him here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. I basically understood concept of like, cool I die,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to take care of my family, right,
Speaker 1: even if my family isn't necessarily dependent upon me. I'd
Speaker 1: like something good to come out of me dying, right.
Speaker 1: So I think I knew that, and I do have
Speaker 1: a policy through work, but I didn't really understand how
Speaker 1: important it is to have your own personal life insurance policy, because,
Speaker 1: as he'd mentions, the younger you are when you get it,
Speaker 1: the better your rates could be, and you kind of
Speaker 1: lock in that rate throughout your lifetime, you know. And
Speaker 1: so I'm thirty five years old now and I don't
Speaker 1: have a personal one. I just have one through my work, right,
Speaker 1: And so he really made me think I should be
Speaker 1: getting my own personal policy, and I should do it
Speaker 1: sooner than later because I can lock in those rates
Speaker 1: and I can carry it with me throughout my life
Speaker 1: no matter what happens in my career. Although I did
Speaker 1: also learn that you do have in most states in
Speaker 1: the US a thirty one day period after you lose
Speaker 1: your employment to making it portable or transferring it to
Speaker 1: a personal policy, and so that's something that I'm also
Speaker 1: going to look into how I might be able to
Speaker 1: make that transition in addition to getting my own policy.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of other amazing tidbits in the
Speaker 1: dentist episode, and he was just fantastic, so happy to
Speaker 1: have him on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw a guy sucking on a cigarette yesterday
Speaker 2: and I was like, well, that's going to affect your
Speaker 2: life insurance policy, sir, So you might want to rethink
Speaker 2: that habit. Yeah, so you'll think of about it all
Speaker 2: the time now, whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 1: Well, if we started the episode sad, now I'm even
Speaker 1: more sad. I know truly is time to say goodbye
Speaker 1: to grown up stuff season three. But we're going to
Speaker 1: have a nice little respite in the winter of this
Speaker 1: year and we'll be back from more before you know it.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm going to take this time to realize
Speaker 2: all the stuff I don't know and make a list,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure i won't be alone, and then it's
Speaker 2: just going to open up a whole new world of
Speaker 2: learning for us. And so I am very excited about that.
Speaker 2: So Matt, thank you for taking this journey and learning
Speaker 2: so much about our mind, body, and spirit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's not going to take long. I'm going
Speaker 1: to wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh right,
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about this part of adult life.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure you guys will all join us in
Speaker 1: the sentiment. So we'll wish you all a wonderful winter
Speaker 1: and we'll be back soon.
Speaker 2: And until next time, good luck being a grown up.
Speaker 1: This is a production of Ruby Studio for My Heart Media.
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Leopaul Mary and Matt Stillo.
Speaker 2: This episode was edited and engineered by Sierra
Speaker 1: Spreen, and we want to thank our teammates at Ruby Studio,
Speaker 1: including Sarah You, Ethan Fixel, Raygus One, krasnov Lydia Kim,
Speaker 1: Abby Aguilar Harper, Wayne, Celia Verplu, Deborah Garrett, and Andy Kelly.