WEBVTT - A High Ratio of Predators with Katie Couric

0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.480
<v Speaker 1>Hi, Catherine, Oh hi Chelsea, yea, Hi. Guess where it's

0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:06.920
<v Speaker 1>snowed twenty inches last night? Oh my gosh, does have

0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:12.040
<v Speaker 1>been Whistler Orca? Oh no, no, are you serious? Twenty

0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:15.239
<v Speaker 1>foot waves? They have what are they called manholes? Or

0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.239
<v Speaker 1>what are those called when they're in the streets cave in?

0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:21.440
<v Speaker 1>Is that called a manhole? I mean the island is

0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:25.480
<v Speaker 1>not prepared for snow. Maybe in the mountains. Its twenty

0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:29.080
<v Speaker 1>inches of snow, and so every day told everyone to

0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.760
<v Speaker 1>stay in, don't go outside. It was on the Daily Mail.

0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:34.920
<v Speaker 1>It popped up on my Instagram this morning. And not

0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:37.720
<v Speaker 1>that I read the Daily Mail because I don't. But

0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:39.960
<v Speaker 1>we don't want us brother that, no, we don't. But

0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:42.199
<v Speaker 1>my Orca, I think, just comes to me. You know,

0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.320
<v Speaker 1>since our phones are all eavesdropping on me, can you

0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.760
<v Speaker 1>believe that it is snowing. I'm in Whistler right now

0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.519
<v Speaker 1>and it is snowing. Well, it's snowed last week in

0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:53.159
<v Speaker 1>Los Angeles, in my backyard. So that's the world is

0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.560
<v Speaker 1>over everyone. So we're just going to end this podcast

0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:58.800
<v Speaker 1>right now because everyone should just take shelter. Good Bye.

0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:01.440
<v Speaker 1>Hope you have enough owning Barrico to get you through.

0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:05.479
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, that's insane, I know, and I've heard

0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:08.319
<v Speaker 1>LA is just the worst right now. Oh my god,

0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.840
<v Speaker 1>it's been like pouring rain. My puppies have been like

0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.480
<v Speaker 1>trying to potty train them. They're like, there's nowhere to go.

0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:18.440
<v Speaker 1>It's flooded. So it's been interesting. I saw some kids

0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.720
<v Speaker 1>surfing down the street in a Tuckerware bucket the other day.

0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:23.800
<v Speaker 1>There was like the rivers going down the street and

0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.199
<v Speaker 1>the gutters, and then there was a kid pulling another

0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:29.480
<v Speaker 1>kid on a mini bike and the other kid was

0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.160
<v Speaker 1>in like a Tuckerware tub and they were just zooming

0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:34.679
<v Speaker 1>down the street. So that's that's the state of affairs

0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:36.680
<v Speaker 1>right now. Listen. If you can't have a little fun

0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.160
<v Speaker 1>and a Tuckerware tub, where can you find it. We

0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:41.399
<v Speaker 1>went night skiing the other night after my birthday. We

0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.319
<v Speaker 1>all decided it was snowing, snowing. It snowed like twenty

0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:48.320
<v Speaker 1>centimeters whatever that means in America, and we were like

0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.840
<v Speaker 1>all together, we went to apray and then everyone's like,

0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:53.280
<v Speaker 1>let's go up to the top of the parking lots

0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:54.920
<v Speaker 1>and have someone drop us off and then we could

0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:56.960
<v Speaker 1>just ski down at night because it was all fresh

0:01:57.360 --> 0:01:59.120
<v Speaker 1>and so like. Ten of us did it. It It was

0:01:59.200 --> 0:02:02.320
<v Speaker 1>so much fun. Oh my god, it's nothing better than

0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:04.400
<v Speaker 1>being in the snow at night. I don't know why.

0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:08.000
<v Speaker 1>It's so beautiful the best. It is so beautiful. And

0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:12.320
<v Speaker 1>I also had a great birthday this year. Again. I

0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:15.919
<v Speaker 1>love celebrating my birthday and Whistler. It's got all my ingredients, skiing,

0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:22.680
<v Speaker 1>capre skiing, Margarita's skiing, other Margarita's. Oh when I had

0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:25.080
<v Speaker 1>my niece Charlie up here, who is a dream boat,

0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:30.600
<v Speaker 1>such guy. She's ridiculous. She is just so cute and funny,

0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:33.480
<v Speaker 1>and we skied. We should. We had her charging by

0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:35.560
<v Speaker 1>the end of the week, and well she was here

0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.480
<v Speaker 1>for like four days a solo. And then my friend Nick,

0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.240
<v Speaker 1>who is my director on Chelsea Does, she was my DP.

0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.280
<v Speaker 1>She came up and it was just so fun. I

0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:46.520
<v Speaker 1>love I love having one on one time with my

0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:49.320
<v Speaker 1>nieces and nephews. It's the best. I got shot down

0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:52.480
<v Speaker 1>by a niece this week. Rejection from children is fierce.

0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:56.399
<v Speaker 1>I know teenagers are trouble. Another reason not to have them,

0:02:56.840 --> 0:03:01.079
<v Speaker 1>you know exactly exactly. It's like, if they're tiny, they're pooping,

0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:05.280
<v Speaker 1>if they're three, they're mean to you, right, terrible twos,

0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.600
<v Speaker 1>terrible threes, and then they turn into teenagers immediately after that,

0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:11.160
<v Speaker 1>but no one tells you. They starts smelling at like

0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:14.600
<v Speaker 1>eight smelling. Yeah, they start smelling bad at like eight.

0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:20.120
<v Speaker 1>Well the boys, oh really, girls start smelling really I

0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:25.399
<v Speaker 1>think girls start getting stuck. Oh oh, like tricky situation.

0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.400
<v Speaker 1>I speaking of smelly. I went three days without taking

0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.640
<v Speaker 1>a shower and skiing while I was up here because

0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.920
<v Speaker 1>we had such a full house and it was NonStop action.

0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:38.000
<v Speaker 1>And finally, like yesterday or the day before, everyone left

0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:40.560
<v Speaker 1>and we went skiing again. I was like okay, And

0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:42.520
<v Speaker 1>then I was like, okay, guys, I'm going home after

0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.760
<v Speaker 1>skiing today, like no Appray, Like I'm wrecked for my birthday.

0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm so tired. My body's aching. We had a huge

0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.560
<v Speaker 1>powder day, so my thighs were burning. Yeah, and then

0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:56.280
<v Speaker 1>of course, you know, they persuaded me to go to Appray.

0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:59.800
<v Speaker 1>Twist my cut to one in the morning, I'm getting

0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.480
<v Speaker 1>opped off at my house and we had adopted a

0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:05.400
<v Speaker 1>giant baby, my friend Kelly and I her friend. We've

0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:07.480
<v Speaker 1>decided he was our baby and he had to come

0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:10.560
<v Speaker 1>sleep in one of our extra guest rooms, and I

0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.000
<v Speaker 1>was like, wait, what happened. It's like the whole day

0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.800
<v Speaker 1>got away from me. That's how it goes. I know's

0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:19.360
<v Speaker 1>how one drink so yesterday. So I'm hibernating this week

0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.240
<v Speaker 1>until my next batch of visitors come, which is Friday.

0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:24.640
<v Speaker 1>And then we got you out of bed at seven

0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:26.640
<v Speaker 1>in the morning. That's okay. I you know, I get

0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.760
<v Speaker 1>up early anyway. I'm always up. Okay. So our guest

0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.360
<v Speaker 1>today has a book out that you may have read.

0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.000
<v Speaker 1>It's called Going There. Her daily newsletter is called wake

0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:36.760
<v Speaker 1>Up Call. I get that every morning. It's a mix

0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:40.000
<v Speaker 1>of news, culture and advice. She's the EP which is

0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:43.840
<v Speaker 1>an executive producer of the new documentary No Ordinary Campaign,

0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:46.839
<v Speaker 1>which is debuting at south By Southwest, and she is

0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:50.680
<v Speaker 1>host of her podcast which is called Next Question. Please

0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:54.479
<v Speaker 1>Welcome Katie Kirk. I Katie, what are you doing on

0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:58.160
<v Speaker 1>the floor? Oh? Because we don't have a place to

0:04:58.200 --> 0:04:59.880
<v Speaker 1>do this, so I'm just going to sit on the

0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.800
<v Speaker 1>floor and honestly, it'll be fine, it will be comfortable.

0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.400
<v Speaker 1>What are you two girls up to that you have

0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:08.200
<v Speaker 1>that you're both sleeping in the same room and have

0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:11.640
<v Speaker 1>nowhere else to record she's not sleeping in here, she's

0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:14.839
<v Speaker 1>sleeping in the guest room. But we're in this big

0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:18.120
<v Speaker 1>kind of echoe house and we thought this would be

0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:21.040
<v Speaker 1>the best room. Is it? Is it? Okay? Yeah? Well

0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:24.360
<v Speaker 1>that horrors there. It looks so weird, Atrianna, but I

0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:26.279
<v Speaker 1>think it's a good look for you, Katie. It'll switch

0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.720
<v Speaker 1>things up. People will be surprised by the way. My

0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:30.800
<v Speaker 1>dad would say, it looks like I combed my hair

0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:38.679
<v Speaker 1>with an egg beater. Hi, Hi, Hi, This is Katherine,

0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:42.440
<v Speaker 1>my producer. I know Catherine. Hi, Catherine Hike. Oh, yes,

0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:44.640
<v Speaker 1>you guys know each other because she's gonna be working

0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:47.000
<v Speaker 1>with you now. She's gonna be helping us, which is

0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.520
<v Speaker 1>also she's so great in my yelling. Oh sorry, I'm yelling.

0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:52.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm yellow. Oh that's nice that you have someone who

0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:54.960
<v Speaker 1>will tell you that. Oh my god, Katie, where did

0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.640
<v Speaker 1>we start? Let's figure this out. How did we first meet?

0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.800
<v Speaker 1>Was it an interview? I think it might have been

0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:04.920
<v Speaker 1>an interview. I'm trying to remember when I took you

0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:07.840
<v Speaker 1>to the White House Scorres Fund It's oh yeah, it

0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:11.400
<v Speaker 1>was really that was our first date. It was and

0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.919
<v Speaker 1>I think I just reached out to you because I

0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.440
<v Speaker 1>thought you were fun and funny and that you would

0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:19.120
<v Speaker 1>get a kick out of going to the White House

0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.599
<v Speaker 1>Scorres fund It's dinner, which we did. We got a

0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:23.400
<v Speaker 1>big kick out of it. That was a fun night.

0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:26.160
<v Speaker 1>Remember we ended up in a car with two real randoms.

0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't even remember. I remember who Do you remember

0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.200
<v Speaker 1>who they were? I don't remember. The whole thing is

0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.200
<v Speaker 1>a little bit of a blur to me, but I

0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:37.680
<v Speaker 1>remember it was cute, Chelsea, because you were very nervous.

0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember that? No, no, no, no, tell me,

0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:43.440
<v Speaker 1>you were kind of I think you felt out of

0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:47.200
<v Speaker 1>your element and you had never been to something like

0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.600
<v Speaker 1>that and you were just a little a little jittery.

0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:56.480
<v Speaker 1>And it was really sweet. And who else came that year?

0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.800
<v Speaker 1>Was that the year Betty White came? And she was

0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:02.880
<v Speaker 1>also my guest? Oh yeah, yeah, we all sat at

0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.400
<v Speaker 1>the same table. Yeah, so I felt like I had

0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.239
<v Speaker 1>the coolest table in the room. That's a cool event, actually,

0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:12.800
<v Speaker 1>the White House Correspondence Center. It's really really like a fun,

0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:16.360
<v Speaker 1>fun night because it's not a lot of Republicans go,

0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.360
<v Speaker 1>if any, and so that's always a win. Well, that

0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.760
<v Speaker 1>was sort of back in the day. It was pretty bipartisan, honestly,

0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.680
<v Speaker 1>and I think when Trump became president, I think they

0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.760
<v Speaker 1>stopped having them. Then there was the pandemic, and so

0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:36.080
<v Speaker 1>it used to be a really kind of jocular bipartisan affair,

0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:40.320
<v Speaker 1>and it was really fun because the president hits up

0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.360
<v Speaker 1>and makes a really funny speech and it was a

0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.480
<v Speaker 1>lot of fun. And then I think we went to

0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.200
<v Speaker 1>the party. Did we go to the party at the

0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:51.560
<v Speaker 1>French embassy that Bloomberg usually hosted or yes, yes, yes,

0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:54.040
<v Speaker 1>that's where we went. I remember us being in a

0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:56.920
<v Speaker 1>car with someone really really famous, like a famous director

0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:00.000
<v Speaker 1>or somebody I can't even remember. Yeah, I can't remember

0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:02.320
<v Speaker 1>for either who was that? And then I looked to

0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.440
<v Speaker 1>my left and it was another random and I've just

0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:06.600
<v Speaker 1>thought this is one of those nights. But we had

0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:08.600
<v Speaker 1>a couple of those nights because we had our Woody

0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.880
<v Speaker 1>Allen Knight, which we've both talked about, where we accidentally

0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:16.120
<v Speaker 1>had dinner with Woody Allen and SUNI and some other unmentionables.

0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:19.920
<v Speaker 1>Should we retell that story because or do you feel

0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.520
<v Speaker 1>like everybody's heard it? I know you put it in

0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.560
<v Speaker 1>your comedy routine. I think everybody has heard it, But

0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean there's no well you know what you tell it,

0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.040
<v Speaker 1>because I haven't heard you tell it. I've accepted the

0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.880
<v Speaker 1>book of course. Yeah. Yeah. So basically I was working

0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.920
<v Speaker 1>at CBS News. It was I believe was it January

0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.559
<v Speaker 1>or February or something like that. In the winter, Chelsea,

0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:42.959
<v Speaker 1>You and I had made plans to have dinner, which

0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.560
<v Speaker 1>I was really looking forward to. I got an email

0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:50.440
<v Speaker 1>from Peggy Siegel, who was this sort of big publicist

0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.800
<v Speaker 1>who's kind of fallen from grace now, and she said,

0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.160
<v Speaker 1>would you like to have dinner at the largest single

0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.280
<v Speaker 1>family home in Manhattan? And I was like, well that

0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.720
<v Speaker 1>sounds in preaking, you know, be interesting to see some big,

0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:06.000
<v Speaker 1>beautiful home where people usually live in pretty small apartments

0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.600
<v Speaker 1>in New York City. So I said, okay, great, and

0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:13.320
<v Speaker 1>she said it's going to be honoring Prince Andrew. George

0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Stephanopolis is going to be there, and she mentioned some

0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:19.959
<v Speaker 1>other newspeople and I thought, oh boy. Well, the royal

0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:23.560
<v Speaker 1>wedding was coming up that spring and William and Kate

0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.480
<v Speaker 1>were getting married, and I thought, you know, any end

0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.439
<v Speaker 1>to a member of the royal family is a good inn.

0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:35.040
<v Speaker 1>Well that turns out all that's what that's what she said.

0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:38.480
<v Speaker 1>But anyway, so I thought, gosh, I should probably go

0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:40.840
<v Speaker 1>to this, and I called you and I said, Chelsea,

0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.160
<v Speaker 1>I've just been invited to this dinner. Do you want

0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.640
<v Speaker 1>to go? It sounds like it might be interesting. It's

0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.959
<v Speaker 1>for Prince Andrew. I don't know if I even mentioned

0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:50.920
<v Speaker 1>that when I called you. I think I must have,

0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:52.600
<v Speaker 1>and I said do you want to go? And you

0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:55.800
<v Speaker 1>were like, sure, why not? So I was dating someone

0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.920
<v Speaker 1>at the time, so he came to it turns out,

0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.880
<v Speaker 1>and I googled him as I almost got there. I

0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.360
<v Speaker 1>think I met you there, but I remember googling Jeffrey

0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:09.600
<v Speaker 1>Epstein and thinking, oh, well, he was convicted of something

0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:14.120
<v Speaker 1>in Florida. It sounded sleazy, but it didn't sound horrible

0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.960
<v Speaker 1>and criminal and disgusting as now we know his behavior was.

0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.760
<v Speaker 1>So I thought, oh, this is pretty sketchy, but I

0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:25.360
<v Speaker 1>guess I'm in now. And so we walked in and

0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:28.680
<v Speaker 1>there was this whole assortment of people, including George Stephanopolis

0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:32.280
<v Speaker 1>I believe Charlie Rose was there, and yes, Woody Allen

0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:35.120
<v Speaker 1>and Sunny and it was probably about what would you say, Chelsea,

0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.400
<v Speaker 1>like twenty four people. Oh, I remember it being so

0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.959
<v Speaker 1>much smaller. But you know, my memory is not great

0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.440
<v Speaker 1>because I didn't even remember that you brought a date.

0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:47.880
<v Speaker 1>So really, yeah, it was it John, No, it was Brooks,

0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:51.079
<v Speaker 1>the good young guy I was dating. Okay, Okay, So no,

0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:53.679
<v Speaker 1>I thought it was a small party, like eight or

0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.439
<v Speaker 1>ten people. No, No, No, well, I think actually it's

0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.640
<v Speaker 1>probably somewhere between ten and twenty four. I think I

0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:03.240
<v Speaker 1>own remember the key players, is why I remember bring it.

0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:08.839
<v Speaker 1>I remember Charlie Rose walking out, just shitfaced, leaving his coat,

0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:10.960
<v Speaker 1>and then coming back an hour later, because you and

0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I were leaving, and apparently Brooks we were leaving, and

0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:16.199
<v Speaker 1>then he came back and he was kind of like

0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.599
<v Speaker 1>walking down the street, very disoriented, and he was like,

0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:21.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm looking for my coat. I'm looking. I'm like, oh,

0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:23.800
<v Speaker 1>I had no idea. So many people were such a

0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:27.800
<v Speaker 1>hot mess, you know. I like Charlie Rose acts like

0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:30.560
<v Speaker 1>this at that time. He was a respectable newsman too,

0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.160
<v Speaker 1>So I remember that much from the night. But I

0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:36.400
<v Speaker 1>remember kind of sitting in I almost think like a

0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:40.880
<v Speaker 1>horseshoe shaped table situation, maybe in the living room. And

0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.160
<v Speaker 1>I titled that chapter of my book Lasagna Was Served,

0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:48.080
<v Speaker 1>because they served lasagna in these sort of shallow bulls.

0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.240
<v Speaker 1>And then before that he'd kind of given us a

0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.319
<v Speaker 1>tour of the house, and I remember he had those

0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:57.480
<v Speaker 1>stubbs and wooten velvet slippers on and torn jeans and

0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:01.600
<v Speaker 1>like a velvet maybe a velvet blazer, and he was

0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:04.520
<v Speaker 1>holding a drink. And I really didn't know very much

0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:07.440
<v Speaker 1>about him. I remember the artwork being were weird. But

0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.440
<v Speaker 1>after dinner, that's when you went up to Woody Allen.

0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:12.360
<v Speaker 1>I was at the end of dinner because I remember

0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:14.480
<v Speaker 1>the living are. We were all seated because I kept

0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.000
<v Speaker 1>from seeing all these people walk in. You know, when

0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.480
<v Speaker 1>I saw Woody Allen and SUNI walk in, I remember going, whoa, whoa, whoa,

0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.240
<v Speaker 1>what is this? And then I didn't obviously know Jeffrey

0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:27.240
<v Speaker 1>either Epstein. I knew Prince Andrew. I know who Peggy

0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:31.800
<v Speaker 1>Siegel is, yeah, and I don't remember him being there

0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.400
<v Speaker 1>at all. George, No, Charlie Rose is the other person

0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.800
<v Speaker 1>I remember, and then I feel like there was one other.

0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.680
<v Speaker 1>But I know when you just said that, I was like,

0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:41.920
<v Speaker 1>oh he was there. Yeah, Well that's great to know.

0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:46.320
<v Speaker 1>Good information. What a high ratio of predators, though, I

0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.640
<v Speaker 1>know when I look back I'm like, oh my god.

0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.839
<v Speaker 1>Almost every person in that room was canceled. Yeah, it

0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.520
<v Speaker 1>felt like the den of an equity or something. But

0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:58.440
<v Speaker 1>after dinner, Chelsea, everyone was sort of sitting around, and

0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:01.440
<v Speaker 1>I remember seeing a friend of mine who's a doctor

0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:06.120
<v Speaker 1>who knew Jeffrey Epstein talking to him and a female doctor,

0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:12.480
<v Speaker 1>really beautiful woman. And then Chelsea walks up to Woody

0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Allen and Sunny and I don't think I heard you

0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:17.760
<v Speaker 1>say it. You just told me later and said, I

0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm Chelsea Handler. And you started chit chatting

0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:24.960
<v Speaker 1>and you said, how did you two meet? Now you

0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.040
<v Speaker 1>knew how they met? Right, you were just well, of

0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:28.720
<v Speaker 1>course I was giving it to him. But it was

0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.160
<v Speaker 1>at dinner when we were getting dessert. We were seated

0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.280
<v Speaker 1>at the table because I was seated right across from them,

0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.800
<v Speaker 1>and I was next to you. You were on my right,

0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.400
<v Speaker 1>and they were across from me, And the whole time

0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.640
<v Speaker 1>at dinner, all I was waiting was to say something

0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:42.480
<v Speaker 1>to him, because as a woman, I was like, there's

0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:44.640
<v Speaker 1>no way that I'm not going to say something to

0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.920
<v Speaker 1>him to make him know that he's out completely out

0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:51.920
<v Speaker 1>of line. But you did hear me, because you said, Okay, Chelsea,

0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:56.400
<v Speaker 1>time to go. Katie mentioned that this happened. I was like, wait,

0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.839
<v Speaker 1>that was real. She really said that. It wasn't just

0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:00.840
<v Speaker 1>a bit. I just figured it was like a bit.

0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:06.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh No, that part I remember perfectly because because I

0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:09.200
<v Speaker 1>had to contain myself for so long throughout the dinner

0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:12.319
<v Speaker 1>to not embarrass everybody, you know what I mean as

0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:14.000
<v Speaker 1>a guest, I was like, how do I play this?

0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.280
<v Speaker 1>And I remember because I was talking to Woody Allen

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:19.360
<v Speaker 1>during the dinner trying to be friendly, and we were

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.880
<v Speaker 1>talking about stand up and movies and all of it.

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:23.680
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh. And then I was like,

0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 1>don't don't do this. Don't get sucked in and think

0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.920
<v Speaker 1>that you like somebody. You don't like this person, you

0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:31.760
<v Speaker 1>don't like them. I had to have this internal dialogue

0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.680
<v Speaker 1>with myself the whole time. Yeah, and I was definitely

0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:38.000
<v Speaker 1>tipsy because I'm me one weird. Thing I remember is

0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:41.880
<v Speaker 1>when we left, Brooks looked at me and said, did

0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:45.840
<v Speaker 1>you notice how young the girls were who were taking

0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:51.000
<v Speaker 1>our coats? Oh? God, so he noticed, well he did,

0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.720
<v Speaker 1>and he mentioned it to me. So now, in hindsight,

0:14:54.000 --> 0:15:00.360
<v Speaker 1>that's a very perceptive and really upsetting comment m. Yeah, yeah,

0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.240
<v Speaker 1>and we've been through We've hung out a lot of

0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.280
<v Speaker 1>times because we had boyfriends that both had places, right,

0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.600
<v Speaker 1>we were both spending time in Shelter Island for a while.

0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:11.600
<v Speaker 1>You were about to get married, and I've met your daughters,

0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.840
<v Speaker 1>who you know are fabulous and so yeah, we've known

0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:18.400
<v Speaker 1>each other for many, many years. Yeah, and of course

0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:22.480
<v Speaker 1>I follow you from Afar and love watching you not

0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.600
<v Speaker 1>only with your Santa, but I'm obsessed with your Instagram.

0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:29.320
<v Speaker 1>So I enjoyed watching you skiing and your bikini recently.

0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 1>You're a good skier, Chelsea. Oh thanks, I've been you

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.560
<v Speaker 1>know what, Katie, I've been working so hard at becoming

0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:36.680
<v Speaker 1>a good skier. It was like my dream as a

0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.800
<v Speaker 1>little kid. I was like, I just want to be

0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.640
<v Speaker 1>a great skier. Well, you have very good form in

0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.240
<v Speaker 1>every way, but I you know, when did you start?

0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.720
<v Speaker 1>Because I started skiing at forty five. I'm sixty six

0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 1>now and I can ski okay, like I can do

0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:56.160
<v Speaker 1>a semi easy blue, but I have never felt that freedom,

0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:00.840
<v Speaker 1>that total relaxation that good skiers feel. Yeah, it's just

0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.720
<v Speaker 1>time spent. Right. I bought a place in Whistler, and

0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.200
<v Speaker 1>I just spent months here at a time and just

0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:09.240
<v Speaker 1>skiing over and over with an instructor, you know, a

0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 1>former racer who's giving me technique, so I'm not just

0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:14.760
<v Speaker 1>running around the mountain like a lunatic. And that's helped

0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.320
<v Speaker 1>a lot too. I think part of the problem, Chelsea

0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:19.720
<v Speaker 1>is I only ski once a year. Yeah, it's hard

0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.000
<v Speaker 1>to improve when you're ending. You don't put the effort in,

0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:24.200
<v Speaker 1>or you don't have the time. I have to tell

0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:27.280
<v Speaker 1>you my instructor is my father in law, Herb, and

0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:31.360
<v Speaker 1>Herb is ninety one and he, oh, don't tell anyone,

0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:35.720
<v Speaker 1>he's still a ski instructor in Aspen. Oh my god. Really,

0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:38.800
<v Speaker 1>how cute is that he is? Well, he is the

0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:43.000
<v Speaker 1>most amazing person. I mean, he is in incredible shape.

0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.560
<v Speaker 1>Not only does he carry his skis, he carries mine.

0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.720
<v Speaker 1>He is obviously an excellent ski or. He's been doing

0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.600
<v Speaker 1>this for like forty years. He was in business and

0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.560
<v Speaker 1>he cashed out, and his boys, one of whom is

0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.080
<v Speaker 1>my husband, thought oh he's going to do this for

0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:02.360
<v Speaker 1>a little while. No, forty five or fifty years later,

0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:06.320
<v Speaker 1>he's still doing it and he's just amazing, and he's

0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:09.200
<v Speaker 1>so much fun to be with. And he has helped

0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:13.720
<v Speaker 1>me become a mediocre skier. Yeah. Yeah, And I like

0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.520
<v Speaker 1>mountain culture, you know, like I like the idea of

0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:19.600
<v Speaker 1>going for a run, having a nice leisurely lunch, then

0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.080
<v Speaker 1>going for more skiing and then app right. Like I

0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:25.000
<v Speaker 1>just I'm home every night by seven thirty or eight

0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:28.320
<v Speaker 1>o'clock most exhausted. I exhausted, and then I get a

0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.439
<v Speaker 1>massage or I read at night. I mean, I'm just

0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:34.240
<v Speaker 1>so happy in my little winter cabin life that I've

0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 1>created for myself. So are you there by yourself? Do

0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:40.520
<v Speaker 1>you bring friends or people come through? I bet your

0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.240
<v Speaker 1>sister comes right. Yeah, my niece was just here for

0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:46.600
<v Speaker 1>my birthday. My friends were here, they just all left.

0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:48.359
<v Speaker 1>So then I have a couple of down days and

0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:50.760
<v Speaker 1>then I have a new group coming in this weekend. Fun.

0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:53.200
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, people come through all the time. It's really fun.

0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:56.359
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's great. Where have you been spending your vacation time?

0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you guys go to the Hampton's mostly in that area.

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Right now, we're in a rental property in Los Angeles.

0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:06.199
<v Speaker 1>So for the past five or six years, during the

0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:09.480
<v Speaker 1>dog days of winter in New York, we've usually come

0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.800
<v Speaker 1>out here for six weeks to two months, because now

0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:14.919
<v Speaker 1>when you can work remotely, and now that we have

0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:16.879
<v Speaker 1>our own company and everything, I don't have to be

0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.240
<v Speaker 1>in a studio. So that's been a really nice change

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.800
<v Speaker 1>of pace. But it is the weather Chelsea here. I know.

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.320
<v Speaker 1>I can't believe you just said you were in LA.

0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:26.560
<v Speaker 1>I would have thought I would thought you were going

0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:28.000
<v Speaker 1>to say you're in the Happens or something. It is

0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.680
<v Speaker 1>so bad in La right now. It's the worst time.

0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.159
<v Speaker 1>I have a very good piece of good news to

0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:38.119
<v Speaker 1>report because it's sunny right now, and I can't believe it. Atriana,

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:39.960
<v Speaker 1>who works with me, who's here for a couple of days,

0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:48.719
<v Speaker 1>that she feels like she's taken a party drug. So

0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.000
<v Speaker 1>let's talk about John and talk about your marriage a

0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:53.920
<v Speaker 1>little bit, because you guys have a very great thing

0:18:54.000 --> 0:18:58.280
<v Speaker 1>going and he's a great support ballast for your life

0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:01.080
<v Speaker 1>as well as you to him. Well, we're gonna talk

0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:04.159
<v Speaker 1>about your cancer advocacy work also because you lost your

0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:07.200
<v Speaker 1>first husband to cancer, you lost your sister, and this

0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.520
<v Speaker 1>is a very important kind of lifelong project for you.

0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.879
<v Speaker 1>Just so I feel part of the whole mission. I

0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:17.480
<v Speaker 1>got cancer too, exactly, So tell us what the update

0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:21.399
<v Speaker 1>on that is the cancer. John, Well, let's talked about

0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:23.880
<v Speaker 1>the cancer first. Okay, all right, I kind of ruined

0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:27.720
<v Speaker 1>the flow, didn't I let's talk about your health first.

0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:30.280
<v Speaker 1>My health is good. And by the way, Katie, I've

0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:32.199
<v Speaker 1>let me just interrupted. I had no idea you were

0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 1>sixty six years old. You are so cute, you have

0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:37.840
<v Speaker 1>never not and I know that you talked about in

0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:39.639
<v Speaker 1>your book how annoying it is to be cute. But

0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:41.680
<v Speaker 1>I have to say, like, you have one of those

0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:44.119
<v Speaker 1>faces that you will never look old. I don't know

0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.439
<v Speaker 1>about that, Chelsea. No, you don't. You just look you

0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.560
<v Speaker 1>always look young, like it doesn't matter what your age is.

0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:53.199
<v Speaker 1>I do have kind of a young vibe, kind of

0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:56.480
<v Speaker 1>a yeah yeah, lively young vibe. So thank you. You're

0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:58.879
<v Speaker 1>nice to say that. But in terms of my health,

0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:04.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm fine, Knockwood only because when I was diagnosed with this, Chelsea,

0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:08.480
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't that surprised because cancer has been such a

0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.960
<v Speaker 1>fixture in my life. But I felt so lucky because

0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:16.080
<v Speaker 1>both Jay and Emily were diagnosed with stage four cancer.

0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.480
<v Speaker 1>And it's all about when you're diagnosed. That's why I've

0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:24.680
<v Speaker 1>been on my sort of relentless advocacy about screening because

0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:28.480
<v Speaker 1>if you detect cancer early, that's when it's most treatable,

0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:32.320
<v Speaker 1>right when it hasn't metastasized what it hasn't spread through

0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:37.040
<v Speaker 1>your body and landed on another another organ. So I

0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.200
<v Speaker 1>didn't realize I hadn't gone for my annual mammogram, went

0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:44.600
<v Speaker 1>and got a mamogram, didn't expect anything weird. But my

0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:47.600
<v Speaker 1>breast radiologist, who's I think one of the best in

0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 1>the world, Susan Drossman, said, you know how the technician

0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:53.040
<v Speaker 1>calls the doctor in and they're looking at the scan.

0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 1>And I have always gotten an ultrasound because I have

0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:59.520
<v Speaker 1>very dense breasts, which can only be indicated on a mamogram,

0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.119
<v Speaker 1>and forty five percent of women forty and over have

0:21:02.359 --> 0:21:05.800
<v Speaker 1>what are considered dense breass. And dense breass mean that

0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:10.120
<v Speaker 1>the breast density the tissue shows up white in the mamograham,

0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.560
<v Speaker 1>So it makes it very hard for the radiologists to

0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.960
<v Speaker 1>identify a tumor or an abnormality. As Susan says, it's

0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:21.119
<v Speaker 1>like looking for a snowball against a backdrop of snow.

0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.960
<v Speaker 1>So I've always gotten pressed ultrasounds and we were videotaping

0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:28.639
<v Speaker 1>it to do a little tape piece on the importance

0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:32.360
<v Speaker 1>of getting screened. And Adriana, who's here with me now,

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.560
<v Speaker 1>who's sort of we're like freakin frack. She Susan said,

0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.119
<v Speaker 1>you need to stop filming. You know. She was filming

0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 1>on her iPhone and we were just going to put

0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:44.439
<v Speaker 1>together a little piece. And I said, no, it's okay,

0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:47.080
<v Speaker 1>she can keep filming. And she's like, no, tell her

0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:51.200
<v Speaker 1>to stop. And so she said, I'd see something very suspicious.

0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:54.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do a biopsy this afternoon. Can you

0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 1>stick around? Long story short, it was after getting a

0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:02.680
<v Speaker 1>lump back to me, a stage one a hormone receptor

0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:07.800
<v Speaker 1>positive breast tumor. So I got radiation for fifteen days,

0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:11.280
<v Speaker 1>a lump back to me prior to the radiation, and

0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:15.080
<v Speaker 1>then you take something called an aromatase inhibitor for five years,

0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:19.280
<v Speaker 1>which suppresses the estrogen. The biggest bummer about this, so

0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:23.320
<v Speaker 1>my cancer, as my surgeon said, is the good one.

0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:27.560
<v Speaker 1>It's not only treatable, it's curable. The only bummer about

0:22:27.600 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 1>it is I desperately miss my estrogen. Well that's my

0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:33.960
<v Speaker 1>next question. Yes, how does that affect someone of your age?

0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:37.400
<v Speaker 1>Because we need HRT at a certain age. YEA right. Well,

0:22:37.440 --> 0:22:40.639
<v Speaker 1>I had been on hormone replacement therapy, although my doctor

0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.720
<v Speaker 1>says she does not think that contributed to my breast cancer.

0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:47.080
<v Speaker 1>But I was on the patch for probably ten years.

0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:49.919
<v Speaker 1>So I had to take the patch off immediately. And

0:22:50.000 --> 0:22:53.720
<v Speaker 1>now I take these pills that further suppress estrogen. And

0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:57.359
<v Speaker 1>what can I say, it sucks. Estrogen is a wonder hormone.

0:22:57.480 --> 0:23:01.600
<v Speaker 1>It helps with brain fog, it helps with skin dryness,

0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:04.600
<v Speaker 1>dryness everywhere, if you know what I'm saying. And so

0:23:05.280 --> 0:23:08.520
<v Speaker 1>it's not fun, but it's a small price to pay

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:12.480
<v Speaker 1>considering what other people go through. What have been the

0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:15.679
<v Speaker 1>worst kind of or the biggest side effects that you've had.

0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:20.240
<v Speaker 1>I think, you know, I have very dry skin, and

0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I had when I was a little girl, I had egzema,

0:23:23.320 --> 0:23:27.040
<v Speaker 1>like on my arms, and so I was starting to

0:23:27.119 --> 0:23:30.240
<v Speaker 1>get really dry skin even when I was on the patch.

0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:33.680
<v Speaker 1>So I think it's just made it worse. And so

0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:37.840
<v Speaker 1>that's really the most significant I know it sounds stupid,

0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:40.920
<v Speaker 1>but it's bothersome. Does it help if you're just constantly

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:44.639
<v Speaker 1>glathering up your face like you know, sah done moisturizer.

0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:46.760
<v Speaker 1>It does, But I just don't do that. You know,

0:23:46.760 --> 0:23:49.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm kind of lazy and land and you know, I'll

0:23:49.680 --> 0:23:51.399
<v Speaker 1>do it after I get out of the shower, and

0:23:51.400 --> 0:23:53.480
<v Speaker 1>then I'll it's just not something I do. I should

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:54.960
<v Speaker 1>do it every night before I go to bed and

0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:57.639
<v Speaker 1>all that, but I'm usually too tired and too lazy.

0:23:57.760 --> 0:24:02.240
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I haven't noticed a problem with brain fog. Sometimes,

0:24:02.280 --> 0:24:04.919
<v Speaker 1>I like a lot of people my age, and anyone

0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:07.800
<v Speaker 1>my age listening will know that I kind of have

0:24:07.880 --> 0:24:10.399
<v Speaker 1>to think of words or I don't quite have the

0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:13.920
<v Speaker 1>recall I used to have. I saw somebody at Craig's

0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:16.480
<v Speaker 1>the other night who's a very big guy in the

0:24:16.520 --> 0:24:20.440
<v Speaker 1>TV industry, and I was like, oh, I can't remember

0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:23.320
<v Speaker 1>his name, and then I saw LaVar Burton, which was

0:24:23.400 --> 0:24:26.679
<v Speaker 1>very exciting. But so I really haven't noticed much of

0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:29.520
<v Speaker 1>a change. And you know, it's hard because as you

0:24:29.560 --> 0:24:32.720
<v Speaker 1>get older, it's hard to parse out like what's causing what.

0:24:33.320 --> 0:24:36.479
<v Speaker 1>And I'm stiff and my joints are kind of stiff.

0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I do a lot of pilates. But is that because

0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:43.199
<v Speaker 1>of the estrogen then I'm not taking or is it

0:24:43.280 --> 0:24:46.400
<v Speaker 1>just sort of a natural part of aging. So one

0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:48.800
<v Speaker 1>of the things I really wanted to come out of

0:24:48.840 --> 0:24:51.840
<v Speaker 1>my breast cancer diagnosis is I want women to a

0:24:52.119 --> 0:24:55.200
<v Speaker 1>find out if they have dense breasts, to be their

0:24:55.240 --> 0:24:58.120
<v Speaker 1>own advocates, find out if they have dense breasts, and

0:24:58.160 --> 0:25:01.760
<v Speaker 1>then ask if they can do additional screening because a

0:25:01.840 --> 0:25:05.119
<v Speaker 1>lot of breast cancers are missed in women with dense

0:25:05.200 --> 0:25:08.760
<v Speaker 1>breast because mammograms aren't sufficient. So I went down to

0:25:08.840 --> 0:25:12.480
<v Speaker 1>Capitol Hill and did a press conference with a congresswoman

0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:16.720
<v Speaker 1>from Connecticut named Rosa do Loro. She introduced legislation John

0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:18.119
<v Speaker 1>makes fun of me, goes, who do you think you are?

0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:22.919
<v Speaker 1>Nancy Pelosi? But she introduced legislation that will require insurance

0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:27.920
<v Speaker 1>companies to cover breast ultrasounds in women with dense breasts,

0:25:27.960 --> 0:25:31.000
<v Speaker 1>because right now many of them don't, and of course

0:25:31.040 --> 0:25:34.119
<v Speaker 1>many women can't afford it. So I just want women

0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:37.879
<v Speaker 1>to really be smart about their testing and make sure

0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:40.320
<v Speaker 1>that they get all the screening they need. Thank you

0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:43.600
<v Speaker 1>for this public service announcement. I'm king no, thank you

0:25:43.680 --> 0:25:47.520
<v Speaker 1>for this public service announcement. Let's talk about your relationship

0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:49.760
<v Speaker 1>and meeting someone later in life in the way that

0:25:49.840 --> 0:25:53.080
<v Speaker 1>you did, and how that's impacted your family dynamic with

0:25:53.119 --> 0:25:55.879
<v Speaker 1>your girls, and with you and how this is different,

0:25:56.280 --> 0:26:00.680
<v Speaker 1>you know obviously than your prior relationship. Every relationships different. Sorry,

0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:03.639
<v Speaker 1>some of the highs and like inspirational things that you

0:26:03.680 --> 0:26:06.120
<v Speaker 1>can share with us for people who are listening. Well,

0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:10.960
<v Speaker 1>it's been a joy and I've really I'm so happy

0:26:11.000 --> 0:26:13.480
<v Speaker 1>that I met John and that we found each other.

0:26:14.200 --> 0:26:16.800
<v Speaker 1>You know, he's just a good company. He's fun to

0:26:16.880 --> 0:26:20.200
<v Speaker 1>be with. Of course, occasionally get on each other's nerves.

0:26:20.240 --> 0:26:24.280
<v Speaker 1>He bugs me, I bug him, but he's really he's

0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:29.080
<v Speaker 1>just a solid person. He is a happy person. He

0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:34.159
<v Speaker 1>loves adventure, although he's kind of boring with his restaurant choices.

0:26:34.200 --> 0:26:36.359
<v Speaker 1>We go kind of a square mile around our apartment.

0:26:36.400 --> 0:26:38.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, muhlnerd, can we like mix it up a

0:26:38.240 --> 0:26:41.199
<v Speaker 1>little bit? But he's got a great family. They have

0:26:41.320 --> 0:26:44.679
<v Speaker 1>been an additional gift. He's one of three boys. And

0:26:45.480 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, I love his parents. Both my parents have

0:26:47.960 --> 0:26:51.880
<v Speaker 1>died and Jay's parents died a number of years ago.

0:26:52.400 --> 0:26:56.119
<v Speaker 1>So Herbie and Paula treat Ellie and Carry like their granddaughters.

0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:58.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean, they really think of them as their granddaughters.

0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 1>You know. It was hard because Ellie, Carrie and I

0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:04.280
<v Speaker 1>were like the three Musketeers for so long. And when

0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:06.960
<v Speaker 1>we got engaged, they came out to the Hampton's and

0:27:07.080 --> 0:27:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I took them into a room and I showed them

0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:13.879
<v Speaker 1>my engagement ring and they both burst into tears, and

0:27:13.960 --> 0:27:16.159
<v Speaker 1>they weren't really happy tears. I think they were just

0:27:16.200 --> 0:27:19.600
<v Speaker 1>shocked and worried that this was going to change things.

0:27:19.640 --> 0:27:23.080
<v Speaker 1>But of course it hasn't. He's just enriched our lives.

0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:26.400
<v Speaker 1>And he's got two wonderful kids as well. And we're

0:27:26.400 --> 0:27:28.399
<v Speaker 1>too old to be the Brady bunch. You know. My

0:27:28.480 --> 0:27:30.960
<v Speaker 1>kids are grown, his kids are grown, but they all

0:27:31.000 --> 0:27:34.840
<v Speaker 1>have a really nice relationship, and I just feel extraordinarily lucky.

0:27:35.040 --> 0:27:37.239
<v Speaker 1>But I tell everyone, since I know this is an

0:27:37.280 --> 0:27:40.680
<v Speaker 1>advice show, is you know, you have to be intentional

0:27:41.040 --> 0:27:43.639
<v Speaker 1>if you want a partner, and I'm kind of a

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:47.919
<v Speaker 1>partner person. You have to tell people. You have to

0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:50.280
<v Speaker 1>ask people. So when I asked my friend Molly heal

0:27:50.359 --> 0:27:53.440
<v Speaker 1>Fit at spinning class if her husband, who was the

0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:56.720
<v Speaker 1>chief of trauma surgery at the Hospital for Special Surgery,

0:27:56.960 --> 0:27:59.560
<v Speaker 1>I said, Molly, does Dave know any doctors? I'm so

0:28:00.119 --> 0:28:03.680
<v Speaker 1>did in medicine and science. I've learned so much about cancer.

0:28:03.720 --> 0:28:06.800
<v Speaker 1>I think i'd enjoy dating a doctor, and she said,

0:28:07.280 --> 0:28:09.720
<v Speaker 1>we don't have I don't think we know any doctors,

0:28:09.800 --> 0:28:13.320
<v Speaker 1>but we do know this banker named John Muhlner. And

0:28:13.400 --> 0:28:17.359
<v Speaker 1>I was like, does he have a pulse? Has he

0:28:17.480 --> 0:28:19.720
<v Speaker 1>been to has he ever been to a doctor? Because

0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:23.520
<v Speaker 1>that will all suci And so he finally called me,

0:28:23.560 --> 0:28:25.919
<v Speaker 1>and he was funny. You know, right away he just

0:28:26.000 --> 0:28:30.000
<v Speaker 1>had an easiness and a fun personality and I just

0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:33.879
<v Speaker 1>liked him immediately felt comfortable. He was from Chicago. I

0:28:33.960 --> 0:28:37.560
<v Speaker 1>like midwesterners, Chelsea. They're just a little different in a

0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:40.800
<v Speaker 1>good way. They're just less pretentious. I know that's such

0:28:40.800 --> 0:28:44.040
<v Speaker 1>a generalization about millions of people, but anyway, so it's

0:28:44.040 --> 0:28:47.680
<v Speaker 1>all worked out and I'm really happy, and as I said,

0:28:47.680 --> 0:28:51.000
<v Speaker 1>I feel very, very very lucky. And also I think

0:28:51.160 --> 0:28:54.280
<v Speaker 1>what you said as a salient point is having your

0:28:54.280 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 1>girl's reaction thinking there's going to be some sort of subtraction,

0:28:57.760 --> 0:29:01.920
<v Speaker 1>and instead there's an enhancement. And addition, everything he's bringing

0:29:02.000 --> 0:29:05.840
<v Speaker 1>to the table is actually wonderful. His parents, you know,

0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:10.040
<v Speaker 1>his kids, all of those things, and those elements, his intelligence.

0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:12.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, he's the CEO of our company. He's got

0:29:12.920 --> 0:29:16.600
<v Speaker 1>he's a great businessman, you know, working with your partner

0:29:16.720 --> 0:29:21.600
<v Speaker 1>spouse is not always easy, and we're both pretty strong willed,

0:29:21.640 --> 0:29:24.880
<v Speaker 1>but his skills in building this company, Chelsea, we have

0:29:24.920 --> 0:29:28.480
<v Speaker 1>like forty plus employees. We're working with purpose driven brands.

0:29:28.640 --> 0:29:30.720
<v Speaker 1>I have a podcast, we have a newsletter. We have

0:29:30.760 --> 0:29:33.440
<v Speaker 1>a million subscribers newsletter, which is great, you guys. I

0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:36.960
<v Speaker 1>read it every single morning, Chelsea wake up Call. It's

0:29:36.960 --> 0:29:39.120
<v Speaker 1>called So if you haven't signed up for that, please do.

0:29:39.240 --> 0:29:41.040
<v Speaker 1>It's a great way to get your news in the morning.

0:29:41.040 --> 0:29:43.040
<v Speaker 1>And it's got a mix of everything, so it's not

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:46.040
<v Speaker 1>like just you're just reading about politics. It's got like

0:29:46.120 --> 0:29:49.960
<v Speaker 1>pop culture and health and wellness and yes and human

0:29:50.000 --> 0:29:52.920
<v Speaker 1>interest stories, all of those things. So yeah, you go

0:29:52.960 --> 0:29:56.040
<v Speaker 1>to Katiekirk dot com to sign up shameless plug. But anyway,

0:29:56.080 --> 0:29:59.440
<v Speaker 1>that's that's John. Yeah, well, thank you for making sure

0:29:59.480 --> 0:30:03.320
<v Speaker 1>we spoke of about him. Okay, So we have a

0:30:03.360 --> 0:30:05.880
<v Speaker 1>couple of letters that people have written in and then

0:30:05.920 --> 0:30:08.040
<v Speaker 1>then I think we have one live call Captain tell

0:30:08.120 --> 0:30:11.080
<v Speaker 1>us what we're in store for Well, I mean it's

0:30:11.120 --> 0:30:13.280
<v Speaker 1>all on the themes that we've touched on today. It's

0:30:13.320 --> 0:30:18.880
<v Speaker 1>relationships and starting over, it's breast cancer. So Katie I

0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:21.240
<v Speaker 1>know you have talked about it all, so I thought

0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:24.600
<v Speaker 1>these questions would be perfect for you. Okay, great, great,

0:30:24.800 --> 0:30:26.760
<v Speaker 1>but we'll take a quick break and we'll be right

0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:34.600
<v Speaker 1>back with Katie and Chelsea. And we're back. We're back.

0:30:35.280 --> 0:30:37.440
<v Speaker 1>Well today, I thought we might start with our caller.

0:30:37.840 --> 0:30:39.440
<v Speaker 1>She's a teacher, so we got to get her back

0:30:39.480 --> 0:30:44.120
<v Speaker 1>to her students. But she says, dear Chelsea. I got

0:30:44.160 --> 0:30:47.080
<v Speaker 1>together with my husband ten years ago after two years

0:30:47.080 --> 0:30:50.560
<v Speaker 1>of close friendship. In that time, my husband battled a

0:30:50.640 --> 0:30:54.120
<v Speaker 1>heroin addiction. For the first five years of our relationship,

0:30:54.200 --> 0:30:57.040
<v Speaker 1>he was in and out of rehab and recovery. Although

0:30:57.040 --> 0:30:59.600
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't easy, I do think him being in recovery

0:30:59.640 --> 0:31:02.760
<v Speaker 1>made me a better person. I learned to focus on myself.

0:31:02.960 --> 0:31:05.880
<v Speaker 1>I learned how to set better boundaries in all my relationships,

0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:08.800
<v Speaker 1>and through it all, our relationships still remained a very

0:31:08.840 --> 0:31:12.680
<v Speaker 1>good one. We've always communicated well, loved each other sincerely,

0:31:12.800 --> 0:31:16.280
<v Speaker 1>and had a relationship based on true friendship. In July

0:31:16.360 --> 0:31:19.280
<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty one, we decided to finally get married. Our

0:31:19.280 --> 0:31:21.680
<v Speaker 1>wedding day was the happiest day of my life, and

0:31:21.760 --> 0:31:24.719
<v Speaker 1>since our wedding day, we've been having a true honeymoon period.

0:31:25.120 --> 0:31:26.720
<v Speaker 1>The amount of love we have for each other is

0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:31.000
<v Speaker 1>honestly overwhelming. Things were finally looking up after years with

0:31:31.160 --> 0:31:33.920
<v Speaker 1>dealing with the drama of relapse and recovery. He had

0:31:33.920 --> 0:31:38.200
<v Speaker 1>found stability in sobriety, a good job, and Hay had goals.

0:31:38.600 --> 0:31:41.040
<v Speaker 1>We bought a house together last September, and things were

0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:44.360
<v Speaker 1>going better than I had ever imagined. Then in December,

0:31:44.560 --> 0:31:47.360
<v Speaker 1>I found out he was sleeping with this coworker. This

0:31:47.400 --> 0:31:49.600
<v Speaker 1>is something I never saw coming and could not have

0:31:49.640 --> 0:31:52.880
<v Speaker 1>prepared myself for. We went from mentioning daily how grateful

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:55.240
<v Speaker 1>we were for each other to him moving out and

0:31:55.280 --> 0:31:59.000
<v Speaker 1>pursuing a relationship with another much younger by the way woman.

0:31:59.640 --> 0:32:03.360
<v Speaker 1>To say and devastated is an understatement. This feels to

0:32:03.400 --> 0:32:06.360
<v Speaker 1>me a lot like a relapse. It happened suddenly after

0:32:06.400 --> 0:32:08.840
<v Speaker 1>he stopped taking care of himself, going to meetings, and

0:32:08.880 --> 0:32:12.560
<v Speaker 1>communicating with his sponsor and friends in recovery. I married

0:32:12.680 --> 0:32:15.440
<v Speaker 1>him fully knowing that there was a possibility he could relapse,

0:32:15.480 --> 0:32:18.400
<v Speaker 1>but I never knew how this could happen. Since he

0:32:18.480 --> 0:32:21.560
<v Speaker 1>moved out just before Christmas, he has moved into an apartment,

0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:25.880
<v Speaker 1>continued dating as coworker, and basically ignored my existence. He's

0:32:25.920 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 1>given me no indication that he's interested in working on

0:32:28.400 --> 0:32:31.440
<v Speaker 1>himself or our relationship. But I'm having such a hard

0:32:31.480 --> 0:32:34.120
<v Speaker 1>time letting him go. Do I wait for him to

0:32:34.160 --> 0:32:37.000
<v Speaker 1>figure his shit out? Do I move on? How do

0:32:37.080 --> 0:32:43.280
<v Speaker 1>I let go? Elizabeth? God, that is so sad, so brutal.

0:32:43.360 --> 0:32:48.440
<v Speaker 1>Hi Elizabeth, you're here, Oh, Hi, Elizabeth. I'm so sorry, Elizabeth,

0:32:48.440 --> 0:32:52.400
<v Speaker 1>this happened. And I can imagine how devastating this is.

0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:56.440
<v Speaker 1>And it sounds like you were so important to his

0:32:56.640 --> 0:33:01.360
<v Speaker 1>journey and then to have this happened is awful. By

0:33:01.400 --> 0:33:03.560
<v Speaker 1>the way, you look so young. How could this woman

0:33:03.640 --> 0:33:09.720
<v Speaker 1>be much younger? What is she eleven? And how old

0:33:09.760 --> 0:33:12.960
<v Speaker 1>are you? I want to echo what Katie said, I'm

0:33:12.960 --> 0:33:15.600
<v Speaker 1>so sorry. I'm so sorry. Heartbreak is the way it

0:33:15.640 --> 0:33:18.000
<v Speaker 1>feels like it's the worst thing and that it is

0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:21.160
<v Speaker 1>the most unrecoverable thing. But it is not, and you

0:33:21.200 --> 0:33:24.400
<v Speaker 1>will recover. And I said this the other day to

0:33:24.520 --> 0:33:26.920
<v Speaker 1>my friend and because we were talking, and I know,

0:33:27.360 --> 0:33:29.800
<v Speaker 1>it's like, sometimes when we can't get ourselves out of

0:33:29.800 --> 0:33:33.240
<v Speaker 1>situations by ourselves, the universe has a way of getting

0:33:33.280 --> 0:33:37.000
<v Speaker 1>us out of those situations. And even though it doesn't

0:33:37.000 --> 0:33:39.040
<v Speaker 1>feel like he's doing you a favor, and he has

0:33:39.360 --> 0:33:42.760
<v Speaker 1>several issues with drugs, with the cheating, with all of

0:33:42.800 --> 0:33:46.320
<v Speaker 1>these things. This is a way for you to have

0:33:46.480 --> 0:33:49.400
<v Speaker 1>him out of your life and really reassess, I think

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:51.640
<v Speaker 1>what drew you to him in the first place, what

0:33:51.720 --> 0:33:53.840
<v Speaker 1>allowed you to trust him in the first place and

0:33:54.160 --> 0:33:57.200
<v Speaker 1>have so much faith in him, and kind of recalibrate

0:33:57.600 --> 0:34:00.000
<v Speaker 1>what you're willing to accept in the future moving forward,

0:34:00.160 --> 0:34:02.560
<v Speaker 1>or whether it's him coming back in six months, which

0:34:02.600 --> 0:34:04.880
<v Speaker 1>is a possibility, and you have to decide what you're

0:34:04.880 --> 0:34:06.880
<v Speaker 1>going to do with that if and when that happens,

0:34:07.120 --> 0:34:09.200
<v Speaker 1>and if it doesn't happen, what are you going to

0:34:09.280 --> 0:34:11.400
<v Speaker 1>do to prepare yourself to be in a real, loving

0:34:11.440 --> 0:34:14.360
<v Speaker 1>relationship that is reciprocal where you don't have to worry

0:34:14.360 --> 0:34:18.840
<v Speaker 1>about somebody going off the rails because it was intense, intense, intense, intense,

0:34:18.920 --> 0:34:22.239
<v Speaker 1>and then disappear like that's not what any responsible human does.

0:34:22.680 --> 0:34:24.960
<v Speaker 1>You sit down and you have a conversation saying, I'm

0:34:24.960 --> 0:34:27.840
<v Speaker 1>having these feelings for another person or I've acted on

0:34:27.880 --> 0:34:30.680
<v Speaker 1>these feelings and I'm confused. You don't just take off

0:34:30.680 --> 0:34:33.680
<v Speaker 1>and ignore this person that's been by your side I agree.

0:34:33.719 --> 0:34:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean, it sounds so cruel that he You know,

0:34:37.680 --> 0:34:40.640
<v Speaker 1>people do fall in love with other people, it happens.

0:34:40.760 --> 0:34:43.160
<v Speaker 1>But the fact that he has been so cruel and

0:34:43.280 --> 0:34:46.880
<v Speaker 1>callous and completely cut you out of his life. But

0:34:47.239 --> 0:34:49.719
<v Speaker 1>one thing I wanted to say that Chelsea mentioned is

0:34:50.160 --> 0:34:53.120
<v Speaker 1>it's so interesting who we're drawn to. You know, were

0:34:53.120 --> 0:34:55.480
<v Speaker 1>you drawn to him because you wanted to save him,

0:34:55.600 --> 0:34:58.279
<v Speaker 1>that you wanted to fix him, that you wanted to

0:34:58.280 --> 0:35:01.239
<v Speaker 1>help him. Is there something in your past, in your

0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:06.720
<v Speaker 1>relationships with your family or with your parents, that maybe

0:35:07.280 --> 0:35:10.879
<v Speaker 1>make you gravitate to people like this who are sort

0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:14.399
<v Speaker 1>of dangerous and living on the edge. And even if

0:35:14.440 --> 0:35:18.200
<v Speaker 1>he was getting better, I thought it was interesting too

0:35:18.239 --> 0:35:22.080
<v Speaker 1>that you described this as a relapse, like maybe one

0:35:22.120 --> 0:35:28.080
<v Speaker 1>addiction replacing another, the high of almost an illicit romance

0:35:28.239 --> 0:35:30.920
<v Speaker 1>replacing the high of drugs. And I don't know much

0:35:31.000 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 1>about that, but I thought that was an interesting use

0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:38.719
<v Speaker 1>of words, did you, Chelsea? Yeah, absolutely, it does sound

0:35:38.800 --> 0:35:41.120
<v Speaker 1>like a transference, right, like you go from one thing

0:35:41.160 --> 0:35:43.600
<v Speaker 1>to the other. Do you know if he's had a relapse.

0:35:44.000 --> 0:35:47.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't think he's used drugs or alcohol. A lot

0:35:47.719 --> 0:35:51.239
<v Speaker 1>of the like warning signs of a relapse. We're coming up.

0:35:51.880 --> 0:35:54.560
<v Speaker 1>Before I found out, which is how I found out,

0:35:54.560 --> 0:35:57.600
<v Speaker 1>I started getting a little bit suspicious. I thought that

0:35:57.719 --> 0:36:00.080
<v Speaker 1>he relapsed on drugs, and then I found out that

0:36:00.120 --> 0:36:03.440
<v Speaker 1>it was an affair. And like I've spoken to his sponsor.

0:36:03.520 --> 0:36:08.040
<v Speaker 1>His sponsor agrees it's very much like relapsed behavior. But

0:36:08.080 --> 0:36:10.400
<v Speaker 1>he's in such denial, like he does not want to

0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:14.520
<v Speaker 1>hear it, and he gets super defensive anytime anybody accuses

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:21.279
<v Speaker 1>him of needing mental health help right now? And when

0:36:21.360 --> 0:36:24.160
<v Speaker 1>was the last time you spoke with him? Well, I

0:36:24.280 --> 0:36:27.080
<v Speaker 1>spoke with him on Sunday because he wants to talk

0:36:27.080 --> 0:36:32.480
<v Speaker 1>about Dad. But he did tell me on Sunday that

0:36:32.520 --> 0:36:36.200
<v Speaker 1>he's no longer with that girl, but that he still

0:36:36.280 --> 0:36:40.680
<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to be married to me anymore. And you

0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:44.560
<v Speaker 1>have this house together, yeah, And so what's the plan there?

0:36:44.719 --> 0:36:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Have you gotten that far yet? I know I'm not moving.

0:36:48.520 --> 0:36:51.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm not selling the house. I put a significant portion

0:36:51.600 --> 0:36:55.120
<v Speaker 1>of my savings into the house, like the down deposit,

0:36:55.400 --> 0:36:57.959
<v Speaker 1>and it wouldn't make any sense for me to move

0:36:58.040 --> 0:37:01.640
<v Speaker 1>because rent anywhere I have to dogs, and rent anywhere

0:37:01.640 --> 0:37:03.960
<v Speaker 1>with two dogs would be more expensive than what my

0:37:04.080 --> 0:37:08.600
<v Speaker 1>mortgage is. But he's under the impression that we'll just

0:37:08.719 --> 0:37:11.319
<v Speaker 1>sign papers and he'll get off scot free and just

0:37:11.440 --> 0:37:15.360
<v Speaker 1>live a life that has no repercussions for his actions.

0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:18.319
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I feel like his behavior alone is going

0:37:18.400 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 1>to help you get through this quicker, as painful as

0:37:20.640 --> 0:37:24.640
<v Speaker 1>it feels. He's like disassociating himself from your prior relationship.

0:37:25.160 --> 0:37:27.600
<v Speaker 1>And I do think you are dodging a major bullet

0:37:27.600 --> 0:37:30.640
<v Speaker 1>of like more pain and more grief. I don't think

0:37:30.680 --> 0:37:33.399
<v Speaker 1>that you should be holding onto the idea that maybe

0:37:33.440 --> 0:37:36.359
<v Speaker 1>you guys can reconcile, because hey, he needs a ton

0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:39.080
<v Speaker 1>of therapy and you don't have time for that. Like

0:37:39.120 --> 0:37:42.400
<v Speaker 1>I would rather see you take this time to really

0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:45.719
<v Speaker 1>get centered and grounded and read all the books that

0:37:45.760 --> 0:37:48.520
<v Speaker 1>you can read about what that means for you. There's

0:37:48.560 --> 0:37:50.800
<v Speaker 1>a great book I mentioned all the time on this podcast,

0:37:50.840 --> 0:37:53.719
<v Speaker 1>Letting Go, by David Hawkings, which is very deep and

0:37:53.880 --> 0:37:57.720
<v Speaker 1>very meta, but it is about letting the world stop

0:37:57.760 --> 0:38:01.040
<v Speaker 1>resisting your reality. You know, whatever ever is happening, Just

0:38:01.239 --> 0:38:04.680
<v Speaker 1>deal with what's happening and the situation without trying to push,

0:38:04.840 --> 0:38:08.759
<v Speaker 1>move or change it, aligning yourself and it makes recovery

0:38:09.080 --> 0:38:13.200
<v Speaker 1>at heartbreak so much easier because there are doors that

0:38:13.239 --> 0:38:15.759
<v Speaker 1>are going to open because of this closure that you

0:38:15.840 --> 0:38:18.200
<v Speaker 1>haven't seen yet, and life is going to take a

0:38:18.200 --> 0:38:21.080
<v Speaker 1>different shape for you, and you have to be inspired

0:38:21.120 --> 0:38:24.280
<v Speaker 1>by that and move towards that. If you can understand

0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:26.400
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying there, Yeah, that's what I'm having a

0:38:26.440 --> 0:38:30.760
<v Speaker 1>hard time with is just letting go, honestly, especially because

0:38:30.800 --> 0:38:33.279
<v Speaker 1>it's a relapse, because I married him knowing that he

0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:36.000
<v Speaker 1>could relapse, but I did not know that an affair

0:38:36.120 --> 0:38:38.840
<v Speaker 1>could be a relapse. I thought it would be drugs

0:38:38.960 --> 0:38:42.400
<v Speaker 1>or alcohol in some ways, Are you excusing his behavior

0:38:42.400 --> 0:38:47.080
<v Speaker 1>and saying, well, this is the personality of an addict. Yeah,

0:38:47.120 --> 0:38:49.280
<v Speaker 1>And like I married him knowing he was an addict,

0:38:49.280 --> 0:38:52.160
<v Speaker 1>and so what is my responsibility? But then again, like

0:38:52.880 --> 0:38:56.120
<v Speaker 1>I meant my vowels when I said them, and he's

0:38:56.200 --> 0:38:59.680
<v Speaker 1>broken them, and I don't know even if he came back,

0:38:59.719 --> 0:39:03.040
<v Speaker 1>where we would land. And you deserve so much better, right,

0:39:03.200 --> 0:39:06.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, there's I think a lot of women hold

0:39:06.239 --> 0:39:09.400
<v Speaker 1>on thinking they're going to fix somebody, and that's almost

0:39:09.440 --> 0:39:13.960
<v Speaker 1>part of the attraction. And I think if he doesn't

0:39:14.120 --> 0:39:16.400
<v Speaker 1>let you not to go all over on you be

0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:19.759
<v Speaker 1>your best self and let you pursue your dreams and

0:39:19.840 --> 0:39:22.160
<v Speaker 1>be a full and whole person. And if it's all

0:39:22.200 --> 0:39:26.320
<v Speaker 1>about him and his addiction and his you know, wanting

0:39:26.400 --> 0:39:30.080
<v Speaker 1>to stay clean and you're so focused on that, what's

0:39:30.160 --> 0:39:34.680
<v Speaker 1>left over for you? Yeah, I agreed, not much and

0:39:34.840 --> 0:39:37.120
<v Speaker 1>just the treatment, you know what I mean. This isn't

0:39:37.160 --> 0:39:39.200
<v Speaker 1>how you treat someone you've spent all this time with,

0:39:39.280 --> 0:39:41.719
<v Speaker 1>who's been there for you all this time, and that

0:39:41.840 --> 0:39:44.759
<v Speaker 1>alone is just like you're that's not acceptable to you.

0:39:44.760 --> 0:39:46.680
<v Speaker 1>You deserve so much better and you deserve to be

0:39:46.680 --> 0:39:50.160
<v Speaker 1>standing on higher ground. And by continuing to have this

0:39:50.200 --> 0:39:54.040
<v Speaker 1>conversation with yourself about what you want moving forward. I

0:39:54.120 --> 0:39:56.640
<v Speaker 1>understand it's hard to get over someone, but time will heal.

0:39:56.800 --> 0:39:58.920
<v Speaker 1>You will get over him. You will get over him

0:39:58.920 --> 0:40:01.920
<v Speaker 1>before you think you will. It always happens, you know.

0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:03.920
<v Speaker 1>We don't stay in love with the same people for

0:40:03.960 --> 0:40:06.120
<v Speaker 1>twenty or forty years. And sometimes even if people do,

0:40:06.160 --> 0:40:08.839
<v Speaker 1>there's people along the way that come in and you know,

0:40:08.920 --> 0:40:11.080
<v Speaker 1>shake things up. And I think this is a time

0:40:11.120 --> 0:40:13.400
<v Speaker 1>for you to dive inward and really do the work

0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:16.160
<v Speaker 1>on yourself so that you're never in a position where

0:40:16.160 --> 0:40:19.440
<v Speaker 1>you are vulnerable to a person or an addict like this. Again,

0:40:19.600 --> 0:40:23.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, yeah, yeah, And I think Katie is right that,

0:40:24.000 --> 0:40:27.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, he's chasing chaos, whether it's the heroine or

0:40:27.080 --> 0:40:30.239
<v Speaker 1>another person, or busting up his marriage in this way,

0:40:30.280 --> 0:40:33.640
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is. And so are you in therapy right now?

0:40:34.000 --> 0:40:37.200
<v Speaker 1>I am okay good. I mean, you know, we talked

0:40:37.200 --> 0:40:40.000
<v Speaker 1>about this a couple of weeks ago. But when you

0:40:40.040 --> 0:40:42.080
<v Speaker 1>are ready for a new relationship, because it's probably not

0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:45.200
<v Speaker 1>going to be right away, but when you are going

0:40:45.360 --> 0:40:53.000
<v Speaker 1>after relationships that feel steadier and feel really not these

0:40:53.040 --> 0:40:55.759
<v Speaker 1>like extreme highs and lows. The nice thing about that too,

0:40:55.880 --> 0:40:57.719
<v Speaker 1>is like there's less for you to take care of.

0:40:58.120 --> 0:41:00.359
<v Speaker 1>You know, you don't necessarily need somebody who can take

0:41:00.400 --> 0:41:03.239
<v Speaker 1>care of you in that way, but you need someone

0:41:03.239 --> 0:41:05.239
<v Speaker 1>who you can take care of each other. It's not

0:41:05.320 --> 0:41:08.160
<v Speaker 1>just one sided of like I gotta help him be

0:41:08.200 --> 0:41:10.319
<v Speaker 1>in recovery. I gotta help him get out of this,

0:41:10.480 --> 0:41:12.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, I gotta help him figure out his life.

0:41:12.719 --> 0:41:15.000
<v Speaker 1>Now that he's laughed me. I wonder why so many

0:41:15.040 --> 0:41:19.439
<v Speaker 1>women you all are attracted to chaos chaotic relationships sort

0:41:19.440 --> 0:41:23.520
<v Speaker 1>of the push pull the where do I stand? I

0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:26.120
<v Speaker 1>was watching before I went to bed. Sometimes I watch

0:41:26.160 --> 0:41:28.520
<v Speaker 1>old episodes of sex in the City and Carrie is

0:41:28.640 --> 0:41:31.120
<v Speaker 1>dating Aid in it right now. In this episode I

0:41:31.160 --> 0:41:34.840
<v Speaker 1>was watching and she said, it's so nice, it's so easy,

0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:37.759
<v Speaker 1>it's so calm, and she was so unhappy about that.

0:41:38.280 --> 0:41:41.680
<v Speaker 1>And it's interesting when you look at your own self,

0:41:41.680 --> 0:41:44.720
<v Speaker 1>like why do I what is it about my past

0:41:45.280 --> 0:41:50.000
<v Speaker 1>or about relationships or about my makeup that makes me

0:41:50.600 --> 0:41:55.960
<v Speaker 1>want to be in this chaos because ultimately it's just

0:41:56.080 --> 0:41:58.960
<v Speaker 1>so not fun. But I think when you see that,

0:41:59.040 --> 0:42:01.880
<v Speaker 1>you can move towards thing that's different than that, especially

0:42:01.920 --> 0:42:05.160
<v Speaker 1>with the help of a therapist. I think after five

0:42:05.239 --> 0:42:07.600
<v Speaker 1>years of sobriety, like we were getting to that point,

0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:09.279
<v Speaker 1>and that's one of the things he said, Like I

0:42:09.360 --> 0:42:11.799
<v Speaker 1>was just waking up, going to the gym, going to work,

0:42:11.840 --> 0:42:14.120
<v Speaker 1>coming home, sitting on the couch watching TV, and I

0:42:14.160 --> 0:42:17.440
<v Speaker 1>was like, that's life, Like that's where I wanted to be.

0:42:18.040 --> 0:42:21.520
<v Speaker 1>I want a boring life with somebody. I want somebody

0:42:21.560 --> 0:42:23.400
<v Speaker 1>that I can just sit on the couch next to

0:42:23.680 --> 0:42:26.640
<v Speaker 1>and not necessarily even have to have a conversation. So

0:42:26.760 --> 0:42:30.080
<v Speaker 1>for me, like we were finally at the point where

0:42:30.080 --> 0:42:32.279
<v Speaker 1>I was like, great, we own a house. This is

0:42:32.400 --> 0:42:36.719
<v Speaker 1>our nice, little like boring life together. And it was

0:42:36.800 --> 0:42:40.360
<v Speaker 1>comfortable and this really just like smacked me in the

0:42:40.400 --> 0:42:42.800
<v Speaker 1>face out of nowhere. I feel like I'm still reeling

0:42:43.080 --> 0:42:48.080
<v Speaker 1>from the shock. It's interesting what some people consider contentment

0:42:48.760 --> 0:42:53.040
<v Speaker 1>other people consider boredom. Right, I would be with you

0:42:53.120 --> 0:42:55.560
<v Speaker 1>because those are the things I'm interested in as well.

0:42:55.960 --> 0:42:58.520
<v Speaker 1>Sitting on the couch watching TV at the end of

0:42:58.520 --> 0:43:01.600
<v Speaker 1>the day and not fucking talking to anybody. That is

0:43:01.640 --> 0:43:05.759
<v Speaker 1>also my idea of perfect relationship. You know, too much

0:43:05.760 --> 0:43:08.520
<v Speaker 1>talking drives me crazy. It's like I make a living talking,

0:43:08.600 --> 0:43:10.799
<v Speaker 1>so I like quiet, you know as much as I

0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:15.040
<v Speaker 1>like talking. Do you relate to that, Katie, like everyone

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:19.000
<v Speaker 1>just to stop? Yeah, I love quiet too. I feel

0:43:19.360 --> 0:43:23.680
<v Speaker 1>like you that it's contentment to be able to I

0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:26.359
<v Speaker 1>used to be so sad when I saw people out

0:43:26.400 --> 0:43:28.640
<v Speaker 1>to dinner and not talking, and that still makes me

0:43:28.719 --> 0:43:32.000
<v Speaker 1>sad when I see couples. But there's something when you're

0:43:32.040 --> 0:43:34.840
<v Speaker 1>comfortable enough to not have to talk all the time,

0:43:34.920 --> 0:43:38.400
<v Speaker 1>when you just find comfort in each other's presence and

0:43:38.560 --> 0:43:42.920
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't feel forced or awkward. That to me is

0:43:43.239 --> 0:43:45.680
<v Speaker 1>my sweet spot. That's where I want to be in

0:43:45.719 --> 0:43:48.640
<v Speaker 1>a relationship, and that's what I found, and it is

0:43:48.680 --> 0:43:52.160
<v Speaker 1>possible to find it and you know, I think you

0:43:52.360 --> 0:43:56.040
<v Speaker 1>deserve a drama free relationship. That's what you want, and

0:43:56.160 --> 0:44:00.160
<v Speaker 1>that's what you should go out and find. And I

0:44:00.200 --> 0:44:02.799
<v Speaker 1>was saying earlier to Chelsea and Catherine. You know, when

0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:05.200
<v Speaker 1>I look for a partner, I'm pretty intentional about it.

0:44:05.239 --> 0:44:06.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't think I'm going to run into somebody at

0:44:06.960 --> 0:44:10.760
<v Speaker 1>a bookstore, you know, perusing the new novels. I think

0:44:10.800 --> 0:44:13.800
<v Speaker 1>that you have to network. You have to say to people,

0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:17.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm interested in meeting new people. And it may not

0:44:17.640 --> 0:44:19.920
<v Speaker 1>even be for love connections. It may be just for

0:44:20.000 --> 0:44:24.279
<v Speaker 1>expanding your social circle, learning something new from somebody who's

0:44:24.320 --> 0:44:28.080
<v Speaker 1>in a completely different profession or has an interesting hobby.

0:44:28.200 --> 0:44:31.440
<v Speaker 1>And you know, I always say only coffee or a

0:44:31.480 --> 0:44:33.240
<v Speaker 1>glass of wine, because I don't want to be stuck

0:44:33.280 --> 0:44:36.320
<v Speaker 1>having dinner with somebody who I just don't feel a

0:44:36.480 --> 0:44:39.880
<v Speaker 1>connection with it all. But I also try to give them,

0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:43.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, I try to respect them and appreciate them

0:44:43.719 --> 0:44:46.279
<v Speaker 1>for who they are, even if they're not somebody I

0:44:46.360 --> 0:44:49.040
<v Speaker 1>want to be, you know. Dating there's also a book

0:44:49.080 --> 0:44:51.840
<v Speaker 1>called It's called Breakup because It's Broken, which is a

0:44:51.880 --> 0:44:54.160
<v Speaker 1>good breakup book. Write that one down, and then the

0:44:54.239 --> 0:44:56.640
<v Speaker 1>Letting Go book because I think what you're really talking

0:44:56.640 --> 0:44:59.200
<v Speaker 1>about is letting go. Yeah, And I think that you

0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:03.040
<v Speaker 1>know this is an off oportunity. Don't ever forget every disaster,

0:45:03.680 --> 0:45:07.560
<v Speaker 1>every traumatic experience we have is an opportunity for growth.

0:45:07.840 --> 0:45:10.120
<v Speaker 1>So you're going to take this opportunity and you are

0:45:10.200 --> 0:45:12.480
<v Speaker 1>going to grow, you know what I mean? And you

0:45:12.600 --> 0:45:14.879
<v Speaker 1>think you have to think about that every single day

0:45:14.920 --> 0:45:17.920
<v Speaker 1>and use the intention that Katie's referring to as a

0:45:18.040 --> 0:45:21.279
<v Speaker 1>daily practice for yourself. What am I intentions for today?

0:45:21.360 --> 0:45:24.680
<v Speaker 1>To learn more about myself, To be more honest with myself,

0:45:24.880 --> 0:45:27.160
<v Speaker 1>to be looking for the good in people and the

0:45:27.200 --> 0:45:29.480
<v Speaker 1>people that are giving the good back to you, and

0:45:29.680 --> 0:45:31.960
<v Speaker 1>really just you know, taking the time to get yourself

0:45:31.960 --> 0:45:33.520
<v Speaker 1>a little bit out of your comfort zone in the

0:45:34.040 --> 0:45:36.759
<v Speaker 1>things that you're reading and learning about yourself, even with

0:45:36.800 --> 0:45:39.879
<v Speaker 1>your therapy. Really get down to it, and I think

0:45:39.880 --> 0:45:41.880
<v Speaker 1>that you're going to be in a much better spot

0:45:42.000 --> 0:45:45.840
<v Speaker 1>sooner than later. And don't lose hope. Just remember that

0:45:45.920 --> 0:45:48.160
<v Speaker 1>you are a person of strength. We all have such

0:45:48.200 --> 0:45:51.839
<v Speaker 1>a deep reservoir of strength within us. Sometimes we have

0:45:51.920 --> 0:45:53.960
<v Speaker 1>to really pull it out, and this is one of

0:45:53.960 --> 0:45:55.680
<v Speaker 1>those times where you have to stand on your two

0:45:55.719 --> 0:46:00.239
<v Speaker 1>feet and don't waiver. His behavior has been unacceptable and

0:46:00.280 --> 0:46:03.040
<v Speaker 1>there's no way back to him. Yeah, and think of

0:46:03.120 --> 0:46:05.560
<v Speaker 1>all you have to offer. I think when people get

0:46:05.960 --> 0:46:10.200
<v Speaker 1>treated this way, they look for deficits in themselves because

0:46:10.280 --> 0:46:12.840
<v Speaker 1>it's sort of what's wrong with me? What did I

0:46:13.000 --> 0:46:17.440
<v Speaker 1>do wrong? Why wasn't I good enough? And it doesn't

0:46:17.440 --> 0:46:20.080
<v Speaker 1>have anything to do with that. It's not that you

0:46:20.120 --> 0:46:22.319
<v Speaker 1>have deficits. And I think at a time like this,

0:46:22.760 --> 0:46:26.879
<v Speaker 1>you have to remember all the great things about you,

0:46:27.239 --> 0:46:30.359
<v Speaker 1>And as Chelsea said, I think Chelsea would be an

0:46:30.360 --> 0:46:33.440
<v Speaker 1>excellent purpose by the way, but that you know, to

0:46:33.600 --> 0:46:37.279
<v Speaker 1>really think about all that you have to offer, not

0:46:37.680 --> 0:46:40.719
<v Speaker 1>the things that you are suddenly feeling that you don't have.

0:46:41.280 --> 0:46:43.040
<v Speaker 1>When you break up and you start to obsess about

0:46:43.040 --> 0:46:44.879
<v Speaker 1>the other person, what are they doing, what are they thinking,

0:46:44.880 --> 0:46:47.040
<v Speaker 1>what's their motive? What were they saying? What do they

0:46:47.040 --> 0:46:49.560
<v Speaker 1>mean when they did this? That is the thinking that

0:46:49.640 --> 0:46:51.520
<v Speaker 1>it's like, no, no, what do I think? What am

0:46:51.600 --> 0:46:54.120
<v Speaker 1>I doing? What do I think about him? What do

0:46:54.160 --> 0:46:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I think about myself? How did he make me feel? Yeah,

0:46:57.480 --> 0:47:00.200
<v Speaker 1>it's about you redirect any thoughts you have about about

0:47:00.280 --> 0:47:02.880
<v Speaker 1>him back to you, because that's who you need to

0:47:02.920 --> 0:47:05.160
<v Speaker 1>be paying attention to It doesn't matter what he thinks

0:47:05.239 --> 0:47:07.600
<v Speaker 1>or what he's doing. You're going to stand your ground

0:47:07.640 --> 0:47:09.680
<v Speaker 1>and you're going to develop as a human being because

0:47:09.680 --> 0:47:11.680
<v Speaker 1>of this experience. Yeah, you get to be a little

0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:15.360
<v Speaker 1>bit selfish now, and you should be. That's nice. So

0:47:15.560 --> 0:47:18.520
<v Speaker 1>stay busy. I know that, Like even when I lost

0:47:18.560 --> 0:47:21.799
<v Speaker 1>my husband Jay, and even when I've had sort of

0:47:21.920 --> 0:47:26.759
<v Speaker 1>dramatic breakups or you know, after long relationships. I think

0:47:26.800 --> 0:47:29.319
<v Speaker 1>you really have to lean on your female friends and

0:47:29.440 --> 0:47:33.920
<v Speaker 1>your male friends and really stay busy. Take a trip,

0:47:34.520 --> 0:47:36.920
<v Speaker 1>go for a hike, take a pottery class. I mean,

0:47:37.000 --> 0:47:40.320
<v Speaker 1>just work on yourself. But I think those times where

0:47:40.600 --> 0:47:42.560
<v Speaker 1>you wake up at three in the morning and you're

0:47:42.640 --> 0:47:46.600
<v Speaker 1>ruminating and you can't go back to sleep, and I

0:47:46.640 --> 0:47:51.000
<v Speaker 1>think just staying busy for me was so important during

0:47:51.040 --> 0:47:54.200
<v Speaker 1>traumatic periods of my life. It's like I'm trying to

0:47:54.200 --> 0:47:56.960
<v Speaker 1>strike a balance between staying busy and like taking time

0:47:57.000 --> 0:47:59.840
<v Speaker 1>to feel my feelings, because I think sometimes staying busy

0:48:00.160 --> 0:48:04.239
<v Speaker 1>makes me avoid my reality a little bit. I feel

0:48:04.239 --> 0:48:07.960
<v Speaker 1>like I'm performing all the time for other people. Well,

0:48:08.000 --> 0:48:10.920
<v Speaker 1>maybe stay busy by yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, it's

0:48:10.960 --> 0:48:13.040
<v Speaker 1>good to reflect. I think that's really important. I didn't

0:48:13.080 --> 0:48:15.160
<v Speaker 1>learn that until I was much older. About sitting by

0:48:15.200 --> 0:48:18.040
<v Speaker 1>yourself and like allowing the pain to come through, allowing

0:48:18.040 --> 0:48:20.760
<v Speaker 1>yourself to grieve, you know what I mean, not necessarily

0:48:20.840 --> 0:48:22.640
<v Speaker 1>relying on other people to make you feel better as

0:48:22.680 --> 0:48:25.080
<v Speaker 1>a distraction, but kind of working through the pain yourself,

0:48:25.080 --> 0:48:28.040
<v Speaker 1>allotting that time each day. Another good book for you

0:48:28.080 --> 0:48:30.279
<v Speaker 1>to read is attached, because it can probably it will

0:48:30.320 --> 0:48:32.280
<v Speaker 1>probably be very clear to you what kind of person

0:48:32.320 --> 0:48:35.759
<v Speaker 1>he is, which sounds avoidant, and it kind of gives

0:48:35.760 --> 0:48:38.759
<v Speaker 1>you the dynamics between people who are needy or what

0:48:38.800 --> 0:48:41.160
<v Speaker 1>people are expecting out of relationships, and the attraction that

0:48:41.560 --> 0:48:43.960
<v Speaker 1>why you're even in a relationship with someone like this.

0:48:44.120 --> 0:48:46.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, not that there's anything wrong with you, it's

0:48:46.480 --> 0:48:49.359
<v Speaker 1>just our patterns of behavior and our patterns of giving love.

0:48:49.800 --> 0:48:53.400
<v Speaker 1>So yes, please just remember that you're a huge value.

0:48:53.719 --> 0:48:57.080
<v Speaker 1>Separating is not the end of your world. It's the

0:48:57.120 --> 0:49:00.239
<v Speaker 1>beginning of a different part of your life. Yep, I'm

0:49:00.239 --> 0:49:05.480
<v Speaker 1>gonna play this on repeat. Talk Thank you, I appreciate it.

0:49:06.000 --> 0:49:09.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to get these books too. They sound so interesting. Yeah,

0:49:09.960 --> 0:49:11.960
<v Speaker 1>they're all just you know, like it just depends what

0:49:12.080 --> 0:49:13.640
<v Speaker 1>kind of hits you. You know, I've read so many

0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:15.960
<v Speaker 1>like breakup or self help books. They kind of go

0:49:16.040 --> 0:49:18.359
<v Speaker 1>hand in hand. And some of them are deeper, some

0:49:18.440 --> 0:49:20.839
<v Speaker 1>of them are lighter. There's like The Untethered Soul, which

0:49:20.840 --> 0:49:23.520
<v Speaker 1>is kind of a light, freely read and that's okay,

0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:25.200
<v Speaker 1>but that's not the book for me. Like I like

0:49:25.360 --> 0:49:29.239
<v Speaker 1>deep thinking about like how life gets easier when you

0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:34.480
<v Speaker 1>accept everything and you just go, oh, that didn't work out, Okay,

0:49:34.520 --> 0:49:37.600
<v Speaker 1>what else is going to happen? Not belaboring you know,

0:49:37.800 --> 0:49:41.120
<v Speaker 1>oh what happened when you beat a dead horse like that?

0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:44.759
<v Speaker 1>You're stuck. So you're just gonna have to get yourself unstuck.

0:49:45.080 --> 0:49:47.120
<v Speaker 1>What you're gonna do, and then you're going to report

0:49:47.160 --> 0:49:51.640
<v Speaker 1>back to us. Okay, thank you so much. Okay, Okay,

0:49:51.640 --> 0:49:55.839
<v Speaker 1>we love you, Thanks Elizabeth, good luck bye. I love

0:49:55.880 --> 0:50:00.279
<v Speaker 1>you so much. Thank you. We're gonna be okay. Well

0:50:01.160 --> 0:50:03.400
<v Speaker 1>she's so sweet too. Just to brag on her for

0:50:03.440 --> 0:50:07.160
<v Speaker 1>a second, she said, you know, because I was like, oh, man, December,

0:50:07.200 --> 0:50:09.960
<v Speaker 1>like it's right before the holidays that this all blew up.

0:50:10.000 --> 0:50:12.640
<v Speaker 1>And she goes, oh yeah, and he had invited his

0:50:12.680 --> 0:50:16.120
<v Speaker 1>whole family to come for Christmas, and I go, oh,

0:50:16.160 --> 0:50:18.719
<v Speaker 1>my gosh, did you guys cancel, she goes No, I

0:50:18.840 --> 0:50:20.879
<v Speaker 1>just told them he left. I don't know where he's

0:50:20.920 --> 0:50:22.759
<v Speaker 1>going to be, but you guys are still welcome to come.

0:50:22.840 --> 0:50:27.320
<v Speaker 1>And so they came and stayed with her. Oh that's sweet.

0:50:27.520 --> 0:50:32.319
<v Speaker 1>I like that. I know what a sweetheart. She's so nice.

0:50:32.360 --> 0:50:39.400
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't I would be like, Nope, you and your

0:50:39.440 --> 0:50:46.520
<v Speaker 1>family can go fuck off. That's more my style. Yeah,

0:50:46.560 --> 0:50:49.000
<v Speaker 1>we took up too much time Katie catching up. Yes,

0:50:49.920 --> 0:50:52.759
<v Speaker 1>we loved very much on so it's good love it.

0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:56.960
<v Speaker 1>We probably could have cut that. Well. You know what,

0:50:57.120 --> 0:50:59.280
<v Speaker 1>we can clarify for now once and for all, because

0:50:59.719 --> 0:51:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I'll so. The other thing is, I keep getting these

0:51:03.120 --> 0:51:06.160
<v Speaker 1>people saying I was on his flight log to Epstein Island,

0:51:06.239 --> 0:51:08.960
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, I mean, that's why this dinner. Have

0:51:09.080 --> 0:51:12.319
<v Speaker 1>I ever pretended that I didn't do something that I've done,

0:51:12.480 --> 0:51:14.960
<v Speaker 1>Like I am the first person to announce it to

0:51:15.000 --> 0:51:18.040
<v Speaker 1>the world. So I would like to clarify that neither

0:51:18.320 --> 0:51:21.560
<v Speaker 1>Katie or myself has ever been on a flight with

0:51:21.640 --> 0:51:25.200
<v Speaker 1>Jeffrey Epstein. Just a dinner. Yeah, that was my meing

0:51:25.239 --> 0:51:28.680
<v Speaker 1>that I was on his manifesto like she was on Jeffrey.

0:51:28.880 --> 0:51:31.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what are they talking about. First of all,

0:51:31.560 --> 0:51:37.720
<v Speaker 1>it's manifest It's not Manifesto. Sorry sorry sorry wait sorry sorry, Oh,

0:51:37.840 --> 0:51:39.920
<v Speaker 1>we'll have to edit that out. We can't have me

0:51:40.120 --> 0:51:46.200
<v Speaker 1>correct you. I keep reading and people tweeked me you

0:51:46.239 --> 0:51:50.560
<v Speaker 1>were on Jeffrey Epstein's manifest and I'm like, what I

0:51:50.560 --> 0:51:52.680
<v Speaker 1>imagine you and I going to that island and then

0:51:52.680 --> 0:51:56.760
<v Speaker 1>what what are we? What are we up to there? Right? Anyway?

0:51:56.840 --> 0:52:00.440
<v Speaker 1>That but that's good. So yes, my dinner which Jeffrey,

0:52:00.520 --> 0:52:03.640
<v Speaker 1>our dinner with Jeffrey is has been discussed once and

0:52:03.760 --> 0:52:07.080
<v Speaker 1>for all. Okay, great, well let's take a quick break

0:52:07.120 --> 0:52:14.319
<v Speaker 1>and we'll be right back to wrap up. And we're

0:52:14.360 --> 0:52:18.759
<v Speaker 1>back with Katie, Gerrik and Katherine, and we're wrapping up

0:52:18.800 --> 0:52:21.640
<v Speaker 1>today's episode. Well, Katie, is there any advice you'd like

0:52:21.680 --> 0:52:26.600
<v Speaker 1>from Chelsea? Yeah, Katie, yes, Oh gosh, I'm springing it

0:52:26.680 --> 0:52:29.720
<v Speaker 1>on you. Oh gosh. Yes, I know. I was supposed

0:52:29.760 --> 0:52:32.040
<v Speaker 1>to think about that, Katherine, and I think I forgot

0:52:32.080 --> 0:52:34.319
<v Speaker 1>to think about it. Okay, that's no problem. What about

0:52:34.320 --> 0:52:36.160
<v Speaker 1>if we just do one more question and then close

0:52:36.160 --> 0:52:38.920
<v Speaker 1>it up. Yeah, I think that's good. Sure, this is

0:52:38.920 --> 0:52:42.879
<v Speaker 1>a bit of a heavy one, but it is right

0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:45.840
<v Speaker 1>up your alleys, so I definitely wanted to get to

0:52:45.880 --> 0:52:50.080
<v Speaker 1>this one. This is from Marty. Marty says, Dear Chelsea.

0:52:50.280 --> 0:52:53.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm the eldest of six sisters and one brother. I'm

0:52:53.440 --> 0:52:56.640
<v Speaker 1>also a wife and mother to three girls. We're close knit,

0:52:56.800 --> 0:53:00.280
<v Speaker 1>though a little crazy. My second to youngest sister, who's

0:53:00.280 --> 0:53:03.919
<v Speaker 1>seven years younger than I, has breast cancer diagnosed back

0:53:03.920 --> 0:53:07.880
<v Speaker 1>in twenty eighteen. In twenty twenty, the cancer metastasized to

0:53:07.920 --> 0:53:10.640
<v Speaker 1>her brain, which was a heartbreak. She was given three

0:53:10.680 --> 0:53:12.360
<v Speaker 1>months to live and there are not a lot of

0:53:12.400 --> 0:53:16.920
<v Speaker 1>treatment options. My sister has miraculously lived a quality life

0:53:16.920 --> 0:53:19.160
<v Speaker 1>for the last two years due to her hard work,

0:53:19.320 --> 0:53:22.759
<v Speaker 1>support group, and medical advances. However, we're now at a

0:53:22.800 --> 0:53:26.200
<v Speaker 1>point where her chemotherapy is no longer working. She's on

0:53:26.200 --> 0:53:28.920
<v Speaker 1>her way to take part in a phase one medical trial,

0:53:29.120 --> 0:53:31.960
<v Speaker 1>hoping to help others in the future and perhaps also

0:53:32.040 --> 0:53:35.000
<v Speaker 1>extend her life. My sisters and I have been her

0:53:35.080 --> 0:53:38.760
<v Speaker 1>cheerleaders throughout this process and have been her confidant in support.

0:53:39.280 --> 0:53:42.920
<v Speaker 1>She's an amazing person and sister. I sure hope that

0:53:42.960 --> 0:53:45.600
<v Speaker 1>her life is extended through the trial, but I'm trying

0:53:45.600 --> 0:53:48.359
<v Speaker 1>to prepare for the alternative. I want to be there

0:53:48.360 --> 0:53:50.960
<v Speaker 1>for her, say all the right things and provide comfort,

0:53:51.040 --> 0:53:53.799
<v Speaker 1>strength and peace. But I don't know how to do this.

0:53:54.200 --> 0:53:56.839
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what to say. I'm afraid I will

0:53:56.880 --> 0:53:59.640
<v Speaker 1>say the wrong thing. I want to save her. I

0:53:59.680 --> 0:54:03.000
<v Speaker 1>don't want this to happen. I'm heartbroken and I need

0:54:03.040 --> 0:54:06.120
<v Speaker 1>to help myself so I can help her. Can you help?

0:54:06.160 --> 0:54:08.680
<v Speaker 1>Give me answers? Thank you, and I hope this note

0:54:08.719 --> 0:54:13.839
<v Speaker 1>finds its way to you. Marty. You have really smart, sensitive,

0:54:14.480 --> 0:54:19.759
<v Speaker 1>eloquent listeners. So that was a beautiful letter, and that

0:54:19.880 --> 0:54:21.920
<v Speaker 1>is a very very I think that is one of

0:54:21.960 --> 0:54:26.879
<v Speaker 1>the most profound and difficult situations. You know, we as

0:54:26.920 --> 0:54:30.839
<v Speaker 1>a culture just don't know how to help people die.

0:54:31.320 --> 0:54:33.080
<v Speaker 1>You know. I think I wrote a lot about this

0:54:33.120 --> 0:54:35.920
<v Speaker 1>in my book because I was in a state of

0:54:35.960 --> 0:54:39.680
<v Speaker 1>denial and was the cheerleader for Jay, despite the fact

0:54:39.760 --> 0:54:45.520
<v Speaker 1>that I knew that his illness was you know, the

0:54:45.640 --> 0:54:51.040
<v Speaker 1>likeliness of being cured was almost zero. So you know,

0:54:51.160 --> 0:54:54.440
<v Speaker 1>they have something called death duelas now, which is really

0:54:54.480 --> 0:54:59.040
<v Speaker 1>interesting that they helped families and they help people deal

0:54:59.160 --> 0:55:04.080
<v Speaker 1>with their own mortality. And I think clearly this is

0:55:04.160 --> 0:55:07.879
<v Speaker 1>an incredibly loving family and I wish that when Jay

0:55:07.960 --> 0:55:10.360
<v Speaker 1>was sick. We had had somebody to sit and talk

0:55:10.400 --> 0:55:13.840
<v Speaker 1>to us and a lat give us space to express

0:55:14.000 --> 0:55:18.520
<v Speaker 1>our fears and our Jay's hope for the future, for

0:55:18.719 --> 0:55:23.080
<v Speaker 1>our daughters to be able to have those conversations, which

0:55:23.120 --> 0:55:27.000
<v Speaker 1>are the hardest conversations you can have. So I have

0:55:27.160 --> 0:55:32.279
<v Speaker 1>so much empathy and sympathy for that listener, and I

0:55:32.360 --> 0:55:36.320
<v Speaker 1>think just being there for the person and just surrounding

0:55:36.360 --> 0:55:40.440
<v Speaker 1>them by love or with love. There was this incredible

0:55:40.560 --> 0:55:45.520
<v Speaker 1>show on Netflix called From Scratch and kem By Locke

0:55:45.520 --> 0:55:48.759
<v Speaker 1>wrote it. It was based on a true story and

0:55:49.000 --> 0:55:53.640
<v Speaker 1>I watched it and I just cried because her husband

0:55:53.680 --> 0:55:57.760
<v Speaker 1>died of cancer and the way he was surrounded by love,

0:55:57.920 --> 0:56:01.319
<v Speaker 1>and the way she was just there for him and

0:56:01.400 --> 0:56:04.719
<v Speaker 1>she was saying Tiamo, tiamo because he was Italian. It

0:56:04.800 --> 0:56:08.840
<v Speaker 1>was so moving. I'm started crying thinking about it. And

0:56:09.960 --> 0:56:13.600
<v Speaker 1>I think families need help with this. You know, nobody

0:56:14.120 --> 0:56:17.959
<v Speaker 1>reads a book about this, Nobody. It's such a new

0:56:18.640 --> 0:56:23.400
<v Speaker 1>and painful experience. But I think it can be turned

0:56:23.440 --> 0:56:28.880
<v Speaker 1>into something that's truly transcendent us. I think that people

0:56:28.920 --> 0:56:31.240
<v Speaker 1>need help, and she should get together with her loving

0:56:31.320 --> 0:56:34.919
<v Speaker 1>sisters and maybe talk about it and talk to someone

0:56:34.960 --> 0:56:38.600
<v Speaker 1>who specializes in this to say. Kate Bowler has a

0:56:38.640 --> 0:56:41.360
<v Speaker 1>great podcast. She's been living with colon cancer for a

0:56:41.400 --> 0:56:44.359
<v Speaker 1>long time. She talks a lot about this this kind

0:56:44.360 --> 0:56:46.719
<v Speaker 1>of stuff. And I did a whole video with a

0:56:46.800 --> 0:56:50.319
<v Speaker 1>death duela and with Kate and with another woman who

0:56:50.320 --> 0:56:53.399
<v Speaker 1>had lost her husband right after they she gave birth

0:56:53.440 --> 0:56:57.960
<v Speaker 1>to twins. And it's a very very hard thing. What

0:56:58.080 --> 0:57:01.040
<v Speaker 1>would you say, Chelsea to this for I think it's

0:57:01.080 --> 0:57:03.840
<v Speaker 1>really important just to give as much love as possible,

0:57:04.000 --> 0:57:07.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, to anybody who is leaving this earth. The

0:57:07.360 --> 0:57:10.239
<v Speaker 1>situation is not in your control, but what you can

0:57:10.320 --> 0:57:12.839
<v Speaker 1>control is how you deal with the situation and what

0:57:12.920 --> 0:57:15.080
<v Speaker 1>you provide. And I think it can be a completely

0:57:15.080 --> 0:57:18.240
<v Speaker 1>transformative relationship for you to be able to show up

0:57:18.280 --> 0:57:20.440
<v Speaker 1>for your sister in this way, in this loving way,

0:57:20.480 --> 0:57:24.280
<v Speaker 1>where it's not about necessarily you losing her right now,

0:57:24.400 --> 0:57:27.600
<v Speaker 1>it's about you being there for her right now and

0:57:27.680 --> 0:57:31.040
<v Speaker 1>working through your stuff on your own time with your family.

0:57:31.120 --> 0:57:33.320
<v Speaker 1>I think a death duel is a great idea, and

0:57:33.360 --> 0:57:36.080
<v Speaker 1>also to just start to think about death in a

0:57:36.080 --> 0:57:40.200
<v Speaker 1>different way, in a way that it doesn't feel like, yes,

0:57:40.600 --> 0:57:43.560
<v Speaker 1>your sister may be leaving this earth, but her aura.

0:57:43.720 --> 0:57:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Her spirit is never going to be gone. I can't

0:57:47.240 --> 0:57:50.360
<v Speaker 1>tell you how often I feel my mother around me. Katie.

0:57:50.400 --> 0:57:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you have that experience with Jay or with your

0:57:52.280 --> 0:57:54.440
<v Speaker 1>sister that you feel them around you, or that you

0:57:54.480 --> 0:57:56.640
<v Speaker 1>have a sign when you know, like that they're giving

0:57:56.680 --> 0:57:59.280
<v Speaker 1>you or anything like that a little bit? You know,

0:57:59.360 --> 0:58:04.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm not. I just don't think I'm very receptive to that, Chelsea. Yet.

0:58:04.600 --> 0:58:08.720
<v Speaker 1>I wish I were. There are moments, but I sometimes think, oh,

0:58:08.760 --> 0:58:13.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm just imagining that. Yeah, And I think that's true.

0:58:13.240 --> 0:58:16.360
<v Speaker 1>I think the more open you are spiritually and open

0:58:16.440 --> 0:58:19.080
<v Speaker 1>hearted you are, the more that you will be able

0:58:19.080 --> 0:58:22.600
<v Speaker 1>to receive from people once they are not on this earth.

0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:25.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, the energy just transforms. It never dies. It's

0:58:25.880 --> 0:58:27.560
<v Speaker 1>not like she's going to go on and live up

0:58:27.560 --> 0:58:30.280
<v Speaker 1>in heaven or whatever. But her spirit will still survive

0:58:30.640 --> 0:58:32.920
<v Speaker 1>because that's the energy that we all have. You know,

0:58:33.040 --> 0:58:36.120
<v Speaker 1>our spirit goes on and whatever wherever it goes, you know,

0:58:36.200 --> 0:58:39.280
<v Speaker 1>we'll never know. But I want you to look at it.

0:58:39.440 --> 0:58:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Try to start looking about it. You know. There's a

0:58:42.240 --> 0:58:45.520
<v Speaker 1>book called Many Lives, Many Masters, which kind of blows

0:58:45.600 --> 0:58:48.480
<v Speaker 1>your mind about reincarnation, which I don't really believe in

0:58:48.520 --> 0:58:50.400
<v Speaker 1>but when I read that book, it's impossible not to.

0:58:50.720 --> 0:58:53.520
<v Speaker 1>These are firsthand accounts of people who have been built

0:58:53.560 --> 0:58:56.640
<v Speaker 1>under hypnosis and then speak Italian for an hour and

0:58:56.680 --> 0:58:59.000
<v Speaker 1>they didn't even know they could speak Italian, you know,

0:58:59.080 --> 0:59:02.760
<v Speaker 1>like crazy memories that people have from their lives. So

0:59:02.960 --> 0:59:06.000
<v Speaker 1>I just I think having that attitude and being open

0:59:06.080 --> 0:59:09.600
<v Speaker 1>to what the possibilities of life after death are and

0:59:09.760 --> 0:59:13.160
<v Speaker 1>what that means, so that it doesn't feel yes, you're

0:59:13.160 --> 0:59:15.520
<v Speaker 1>not going to see her again in her physical form,

0:59:15.560 --> 0:59:18.080
<v Speaker 1>but that doesn't mean what she's imprinted on you thus

0:59:18.080 --> 0:59:21.360
<v Speaker 1>far ever has to disappear. And you have an opportunity

0:59:21.440 --> 0:59:24.760
<v Speaker 1>now to give her so much love and so much

0:59:24.760 --> 0:59:27.880
<v Speaker 1>support and really be there for her in a way

0:59:27.920 --> 0:59:30.400
<v Speaker 1>that is going to elevate you as well, that is

0:59:30.400 --> 0:59:33.080
<v Speaker 1>going to make you proud of the way that this

0:59:33.280 --> 0:59:36.080
<v Speaker 1>takes shape. Whether she passes on or whether she is

0:59:36.120 --> 0:59:39.960
<v Speaker 1>able to survive, you should be prepared for the prior

0:59:40.000 --> 0:59:43.080
<v Speaker 1>and that you can be here in this moment as

0:59:43.160 --> 0:59:46.160
<v Speaker 1>somebody who is going to be holding her hand as

0:59:46.200 --> 0:59:48.520
<v Speaker 1>she leaves this world, that is going to be there

0:59:48.600 --> 0:59:51.160
<v Speaker 1>with that kind of love that all that's all you

0:59:51.160 --> 0:59:53.280
<v Speaker 1>could ever want in this world is to be born

0:59:53.360 --> 0:59:57.320
<v Speaker 1>into love and then leave in love. And so I

0:59:57.400 --> 1:00:00.960
<v Speaker 1>also think Chelsea, you know, just they're obviously a very

1:00:01.000 --> 1:00:03.280
<v Speaker 1>close family, and I think to be able to have

1:00:03.320 --> 1:00:07.360
<v Speaker 1>an honest conversation with her sister, like what do you need?

1:00:07.480 --> 1:00:09.840
<v Speaker 1>I love that you said, don't think about losing her,

1:00:09.880 --> 1:00:12.400
<v Speaker 1>but just think about being there for her. What do

1:00:12.440 --> 1:00:16.320
<v Speaker 1>you need? What can I do? What are you afraid of?

1:00:16.920 --> 1:00:19.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if her sister has children. I mean

1:00:19.320 --> 1:00:22.760
<v Speaker 1>that's really hard too, you know, talking about even some

1:00:22.840 --> 1:00:28.000
<v Speaker 1>of the practical concerns that she might have, and just

1:00:28.080 --> 1:00:32.160
<v Speaker 1>telling her that she is there for her, to help

1:00:32.200 --> 1:00:36.360
<v Speaker 1>her in any way big and small. And it just

1:00:36.920 --> 1:00:39.600
<v Speaker 1>we're afraid, you know, we're afraid to say. I wish

1:00:39.640 --> 1:00:43.160
<v Speaker 1>I had said to Jay, I'm so afraid that you're

1:00:43.160 --> 1:00:47.120
<v Speaker 1>going to die, And can you leave something for Ellie

1:00:47.120 --> 1:00:49.880
<v Speaker 1>and Carrie who are two and six and are never

1:00:49.960 --> 1:00:54.720
<v Speaker 1>going to know their father truly? And I just think

1:00:54.720 --> 1:00:58.800
<v Speaker 1>that as a culture, we need to learn the language

1:00:58.920 --> 1:01:02.280
<v Speaker 1>of loss and of illness and of death, and that

1:01:02.960 --> 1:01:06.360
<v Speaker 1>we're so afraid of our own mortality. It just it's

1:01:06.520 --> 1:01:10.960
<v Speaker 1>it's almost paralyzing, Yes, and honoring this time in her life,

1:01:11.000 --> 1:01:12.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, all the things that Katie just said, and

1:01:12.640 --> 1:01:16.560
<v Speaker 1>then also having everybody around having a party, having a

1:01:16.600 --> 1:01:20.000
<v Speaker 1>dinner party, you know, to a celebration of her life. Yeah,

1:01:20.040 --> 1:01:23.360
<v Speaker 1>that's true. You know, they do living memorial services now

1:01:23.560 --> 1:01:26.000
<v Speaker 1>I read. Yeah, you know, and maybe you should talk

1:01:26.000 --> 1:01:29.080
<v Speaker 1>to someone by my friend Laurie Gottlief, she had she's

1:01:29.080 --> 1:01:32.320
<v Speaker 1>a therapist. She had a patient with cancer really young,

1:01:32.600 --> 1:01:34.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think she was in her early thirties,

1:01:35.000 --> 1:01:37.600
<v Speaker 1>and they did a whole celebration of her life while

1:01:37.640 --> 1:01:41.960
<v Speaker 1>she was living. And you know, maybe that's something as

1:01:42.000 --> 1:01:44.600
<v Speaker 1>you mentioned, I didn't mean to interrupt, Chelsea, but that

1:01:44.600 --> 1:01:47.040
<v Speaker 1>that is something you could do for her, if that's

1:01:47.080 --> 1:01:51.440
<v Speaker 1>something that would be helpful. Yeah, closure with everyone is

1:01:51.440 --> 1:01:54.920
<v Speaker 1>so helpful, the whole family member just showing up and

1:01:54.960 --> 1:01:57.520
<v Speaker 1>just being there for her and every moment and fulfilling

1:01:57.520 --> 1:02:00.520
<v Speaker 1>her requests whatever they may be. It's going to help

1:02:00.560 --> 1:02:02.720
<v Speaker 1>you through the rest of your life and your loss too,

1:02:02.840 --> 1:02:05.760
<v Speaker 1>and your grief and your families. You know. So this

1:02:05.840 --> 1:02:08.080
<v Speaker 1>is the time when families really have an opportunity to

1:02:08.080 --> 1:02:10.560
<v Speaker 1>show up for each other. So I know it's a

1:02:10.560 --> 1:02:13.240
<v Speaker 1>really difficult situation, but I think you can rise to

1:02:13.280 --> 1:02:16.880
<v Speaker 1>the occasion and really just be a leader, like, help

1:02:17.040 --> 1:02:20.240
<v Speaker 1>lead this so that she's as comfortable as possible and

1:02:20.320 --> 1:02:23.640
<v Speaker 1>gets anything she wants off of her chest or you know,

1:02:23.920 --> 1:02:27.680
<v Speaker 1>time spent with other family members and her wishes from

1:02:27.720 --> 1:02:30.600
<v Speaker 1>after she's gone, to honor all of those things, I

1:02:30.640 --> 1:02:33.080
<v Speaker 1>think will be really helpful in what you're dealing with.

1:02:33.400 --> 1:02:36.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, when my mom died, Chelsea, I was just bereft,

1:02:36.560 --> 1:02:39.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, I was very close to both my parents,

1:02:39.280 --> 1:02:42.919
<v Speaker 1>and I remember my minister calling, and I go to church,

1:02:43.000 --> 1:02:47.000
<v Speaker 1>so I'm not super religious, but I really liked my

1:02:47.120 --> 1:02:50.400
<v Speaker 1>minister and he called to offer his condolences, and I

1:02:50.520 --> 1:02:55.200
<v Speaker 1>told him I was just felt like an untethered Helian balloon,

1:02:55.400 --> 1:02:58.919
<v Speaker 1>you know, I just was sort of unmoored. And he said,

1:02:59.040 --> 1:03:04.520
<v Speaker 1>remembered those who love deeply, grieved deeply, and it kind

1:03:04.520 --> 1:03:06.520
<v Speaker 1>of turned a switch in me, and it made me

1:03:06.600 --> 1:03:14.840
<v Speaker 1>go from immense sadness to immense gratitude. Obviously, this letter

1:03:14.960 --> 1:03:18.080
<v Speaker 1>was written by someone with a very loving relationship with

1:03:18.200 --> 1:03:22.800
<v Speaker 1>her sisters, and to kind of take a moment and

1:03:22.920 --> 1:03:29.320
<v Speaker 1>appreciate that is also very comforting. Indeed, we ended on

1:03:29.320 --> 1:03:32.760
<v Speaker 1>a really difficult note, but I think so many of

1:03:32.840 --> 1:03:35.080
<v Speaker 1>us go through something like this that it's going to

1:03:35.160 --> 1:03:37.400
<v Speaker 1>be really helpful to a lot of people. So thank

1:03:37.400 --> 1:03:40.880
<v Speaker 1>you for sharing. Thank you Katie for sharing. It's always

1:03:40.960 --> 1:03:42.920
<v Speaker 1>nice to see you. I love you. I hope I

1:03:42.960 --> 1:03:45.720
<v Speaker 1>see you in person sooner than later. I hope so too,

1:03:45.720 --> 1:03:48.040
<v Speaker 1>because there's so much I want to talk to you

1:03:48.080 --> 1:03:51.800
<v Speaker 1>about and ask you about. And yeah, I have to say, Chelsea,

1:03:51.840 --> 1:03:55.120
<v Speaker 1>I really appreciate listening to you give advice because you're

1:03:55.240 --> 1:03:59.840
<v Speaker 1>very wise, and you're very smart, and I think you're

1:04:00.000 --> 1:04:03.080
<v Speaker 1>extremely helpful to a lot of people. Not to mention

1:04:03.640 --> 1:04:08.520
<v Speaker 1>highly entertaining, we didn't even talk about tuckered carsons. Oh

1:04:08.600 --> 1:04:13.360
<v Speaker 1>my god. Oh I think that's apt because he doesn't

1:04:13.360 --> 1:04:18.720
<v Speaker 1>deserve anymore. As my daughter said, that's all they have.

1:04:18.960 --> 1:04:22.040
<v Speaker 1>That's all they have, or these culture wars, and that's

1:04:22.120 --> 1:04:25.840
<v Speaker 1>all they can talk about. And it's just so poisonous

1:04:25.880 --> 1:04:30.600
<v Speaker 1>and so ridiculois. I loved It's so stupid poisonous. Also,

1:04:30.920 --> 1:04:33.400
<v Speaker 1>my niece was up here saying, she goes. They were

1:04:33.600 --> 1:04:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Tucker Cross talking about how women. If you've ever seen

1:04:36.720 --> 1:04:39.080
<v Speaker 1>a woman back up a car, then you know that

1:04:39.120 --> 1:04:42.880
<v Speaker 1>they're not equal to men. He said, it back up

1:04:42.920 --> 1:04:46.840
<v Speaker 1>a car like it's almost a parody of misogyny. Right,

1:04:46.840 --> 1:04:50.160
<v Speaker 1>it's not even in real step with real misogyny, you

1:04:50.200 --> 1:04:53.120
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. It's like it's it's misogyny for

1:04:53.280 --> 1:04:58.360
<v Speaker 1>morons for nineteen fifties. Yeah, misogyny. So yeah, so let's

1:04:58.360 --> 1:05:00.200
<v Speaker 1>not give him any more airtime. But they thank you

1:05:00.240 --> 1:05:02.800
<v Speaker 1>so much for coming on. Oh. I really enjoyed it.

1:05:02.920 --> 1:05:05.840
<v Speaker 1>I really enjoyed it. Katherine, Thank you. I'd spend fun

1:05:05.960 --> 1:05:09.080
<v Speaker 1>being with you as well. And Chelsea, please let me

1:05:09.120 --> 1:05:11.200
<v Speaker 1>know when we're in the same city because I would

1:05:11.240 --> 1:05:14.720
<v Speaker 1>love to spend some quality time with you. I would too.

1:05:14.720 --> 1:05:16.160
<v Speaker 1>I would too. I'm going to reach out to you

1:05:16.160 --> 1:05:17.600
<v Speaker 1>and let you know when I'm in New York. You're

1:05:17.600 --> 1:05:21.040
<v Speaker 1>in New York mostly right, yeah, mostly New York. Yeah? Okay, okay, cool,

1:05:21.160 --> 1:05:25.080
<v Speaker 1>all right, lots of love to everyone, Okay, bye, bye,

1:05:25.120 --> 1:05:29.320
<v Speaker 1>thank you. Okay. I've added some new dates for my

1:05:29.400 --> 1:05:32.080
<v Speaker 1>new Little Big Bitch tour. I'm gonna tell you the

1:05:32.120 --> 1:05:35.120
<v Speaker 1>ones that are not sold out because we're adding second

1:05:35.120 --> 1:05:39.480
<v Speaker 1>shows in Kalamazoom, Michigan Sunday, April sixteenth, we added a

1:05:39.520 --> 1:05:43.160
<v Speaker 1>second show. We're adding a second show in Spokane, Washington,

1:05:43.640 --> 1:05:45.920
<v Speaker 1>which is going to be Thursday. So I'll be performing

1:05:45.920 --> 1:05:49.240
<v Speaker 1>in Spokane Thursday and Friday. And then we added Red

1:05:49.320 --> 1:05:54.880
<v Speaker 1>Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado, which is in Morrison, Colorado, and

1:05:55.280 --> 1:05:59.680
<v Speaker 1>that is May tenth, so and then I have one

1:05:59.720 --> 1:06:04.080
<v Speaker 1>new edition Friday, May twelve. We added Monticello, New York.

1:06:04.280 --> 1:06:06.840
<v Speaker 1>So that's a resort World Cats Skills. I don't think

1:06:06.840 --> 1:06:10.200
<v Speaker 1>I've been to the Cat Skills well ever, and we're

1:06:10.280 --> 1:06:12.760
<v Speaker 1>continuing to add shows. We have a lot of cities

1:06:12.800 --> 1:06:16.840
<v Speaker 1>on the list, Vegas, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Alabama, a lot of

1:06:16.840 --> 1:06:19.400
<v Speaker 1>places in Tennessee. So if you're listening, go to Chelsea

1:06:19.440 --> 1:06:21.880
<v Speaker 1>Hammo dot com for tickets and you could see my

1:06:21.920 --> 1:06:27.040
<v Speaker 1>stand up special Revolution on Netflix, which is now streaming.

1:06:27.760 --> 1:06:30.360
<v Speaker 1>So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us

1:06:30.400 --> 1:06:34.760
<v Speaker 1>an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

1:06:34.920 --> 1:06:39.000
<v Speaker 1>Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, produced by Catherine

1:06:39.080 --> 1:06:41.840
<v Speaker 1>Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.