Speaker 1: Vacation sex is different. Number one, it's existent, it exists,
Speaker 1: it occurs, and number two, like it could occur with frequency,
Speaker 1: like oral sex, you know, missionary sex, just vacation sex.
Speaker 1: And I went on a vacation with Paul to Miami,
Speaker 1: and like we're not really Miami people. I've been going
Speaker 1: to Miami my whole life, and I've been there over
Speaker 1: a hundred times, but like, I don't think of myself
Speaker 1: as a Miami person because it's nightclubs and it's like
Speaker 1: for hotshots and it's action and everyone's out in like
Speaker 1: a purple ferrari and like wearing no clothes and mesh
Speaker 1: and whatever. But like we're action adjacent, so we like
Speaker 1: to go there and go to like we would go
Speaker 1: to a beza and have the best fucking time because
Speaker 1: we go to dinner at eight o'clock. No one's going
Speaker 1: to dinner, go to the shops, eat the good foods,
Speaker 1: stay at the hotels and just like why like people watch,
Speaker 1: like leave dinner when people are coming, you know, just
Speaker 1: do things upside down. So we're like that in Miami,
Speaker 1: we're going to dinner at seven o'clock. We did it.
Speaker 1: We went to the cool restaurant. I wore my great outfits.
Speaker 1: I went to the pool, leave the pool, get up
Speaker 1: for beach walk at seven in the morning, have breakfast
Speaker 1: at eight o'clock, and be like leave the pool at noon,
Speaker 1: and everyone's waking up and getting there to like day
Speaker 1: drink and like Douche douche douche music. Like we're not
Speaker 1: those people, but we participate and we like it because
Speaker 1: it's like action adjacent. So like in Miami, we went
Speaker 1: to Miami and we're in a hotel room and I'm
Speaker 1: just like initiating sex and Paul his heart is stopping.
Speaker 1: He's like, what's going on. We're getting an apartment here.
Speaker 1: He's wearing like, you know, a Versachi shirt button down.
Speaker 1: He has zero chest hair. Literally, he has two chest hairs.
Speaker 1: Often I'm like, oh my god, you're so hairy because
Speaker 1: he has two chest hairs. No exhaction. No, he's quarter Japanese.
Speaker 1: He has two chest hairs. So I'll be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. So Paul's wearing like a giant gold watch,
Speaker 1: a Versachi shirt down to his navel, a gold chain,
Speaker 1: and we're having sex in the middle of the day.
Speaker 1: He's like looking at real estate listings. He's calling himself
Speaker 1: Tony Montana. He's never tried to drug in his life.
Speaker 1: He's a different person now because we're doing like vacations,
Speaker 1: So vacation sex is just different. It's all that I
Speaker 1: have to say. I've decided that at restaurants where like
Speaker 1: you're like beggars. You go to a hip restaurant and
Speaker 1: you like you're like, Hi, yeah, no, is there is
Speaker 1: there any chance I could just like a no, like
Speaker 1: pecans like no, like sugar pecans, like can I can
Speaker 1: I try the dressing? And you're like begging. It's like
Speaker 1: you know all the elements of what's in the restaurant.
Speaker 1: You know that, like it's not one of those shake
Speaker 1: your own salads at the airport that's already made, so
Speaker 1: you know they have a rouge law, and you know
Speaker 1: they have already chocks because you saw it somewhere else.
Speaker 1: You also know it's forty dollars for a fucking pasta,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, hey, is there anyway you could
Speaker 1: like and I realize we're beggars. You're like paying and
Speaker 1: you're a beggar, and like you just feel like the
Speaker 1: whole time you're just like Hi, yeah, no, and someone
Speaker 1: comes up like, Hi, what kind of water would you like?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'd like wet water, and I don't
Speaker 1: need like overpriced like twenty dollars, like they're like sparkling water.
Speaker 1: Like no, I'll take club soda, like no one's marketing
Speaker 1: club soda because it doesn't like you can't mark up
Speaker 1: the bill for twenty dollars for club soda. So I
Speaker 1: just you feel like a loser. You're like a club
Speaker 1: soda and I'll just have like water, just water, h
Speaker 1: two ol, It's just like that is it liquid? I'd
Speaker 1: like it over ice? Thank you so much? And is
Speaker 1: your ice made of perie beauxent if I like need
Speaker 1: to get perier, like I'm putting perie over like shitty
Speaker 1: water ice like water faucet ice, So like what are
Speaker 1: we fucking doing? Don't ask me about the sparkling water.
Speaker 1: Don't ask me if I'd like bottled water. Don't do
Speaker 1: it like I'd like to come into be like we
Speaker 1: are not bottled water. People like that's just not who
Speaker 1: we are. But anyway, so then we go through that
Speaker 1: moment and that same person you just want to ask
Speaker 1: that same person if we could get like a drink.
Speaker 1: You're here, like it's gonna be it's liquid. Can you
Speaker 1: just be a liquid person? You came up. We don't
Speaker 1: need like a second part, like got the liquid person,
Speaker 1: who's got the sparkling water? Just the water conversation, and
Speaker 1: then we have to have a I hate transacting, anyone
Speaker 1: who knows my fucking hate transacting. I don't like, can
Speaker 1: I get your room key? And you want a towel
Speaker 1: and you want another towel and you want to like no,
Speaker 1: I don't want all these conversations, so we have to
Speaker 1: have a water conversation that I don't want to have
Speaker 1: to begin with. So then we're like, no, could just
Speaker 1: because it's short, nay. Also like you're trying to get
Speaker 1: it as quick as you can, so they think it's
Speaker 1: part of the water program, which they don't. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: someone else will be by soon to take your drinks.
Speaker 1: Why water is a drink? What if I'm only a
Speaker 1: water drinker? Then this is my big drink. I want
Speaker 1: a lemon in my water or club soda that's my cocktail.
Speaker 1: Why can't we just do it all at the same time,
Speaker 1: you're like begging, like they're rushing away and you're hungry.
Speaker 1: They're rushing like they're rushing with it. No, No, we're
Speaker 1: just gonna take your water order. There's someone else will
Speaker 1: come over for that thing. Okay. So then like you're
Speaker 1: hungry too, but you're not like ready for the commitment
Speaker 1: of the main thing. But you're like not eating since lunch.
Speaker 1: It's many hours and probably like, can we just get something?
Speaker 1: I hear his voice change, Hike is the beast. We
Speaker 1: can get some things for the table, like with his
Speaker 1: furrowed brown he's like tears coming to his eyes. He's like, Nos,
Speaker 1: he's asking for someone because he's a fucking beggar. So
Speaker 1: he's like could be yeah, And then they're like, hi,
Speaker 1: your server, we have to take the whole we have
Speaker 1: to take the whole order at the same time, What
Speaker 1: the fucking arbitrary rule is that? Why why it's not sushi?
Speaker 1: Why why can't we just like I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't I'm not doing one thing, and I'm gonna be like, hi,
Speaker 1: like one order of French fries. I'd like a steak.
Speaker 1: Later on, we're gonna get the bait. I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: the baked Alaskan And then come around and circles and
Speaker 1: start ordering a case of DA and some other fucking things.
Speaker 1: I get it. We just want to let's just do
Speaker 1: some appetizers now, Is that okay? No, it's not because
Speaker 1: you're a fucking beggar. It's like honestly, and then Jesus Christ,
Speaker 1: it's not the pandemic anymore. Which where the scam of
Speaker 1: like you packing your own food, you want to take
Speaker 1: something to go, Well, it was a sixty eight dollars,
Speaker 1: RUBI like you want some of it to go? Like
Speaker 1: it's your body and your choice. It's a very expensive meal.
Speaker 1: They just throw a box on the on the table,
Speaker 1: so degrading, Like I don't have the right like tools
Speaker 1: for this job. You know what I mean? You took
Speaker 1: my utensils away. Now I'm like shaking my plate like
Speaker 1: I'm wearing a white dress. I'm like shaking my plate
Speaker 1: over that weird cardboard box. It's not it's not the
Speaker 1: black plastic thing that has the clear plastic over to
Speaker 1: steal it shut. It's like that weird like Lego or
Speaker 1: GOMMI fucking brown plastic box. It like folds in, so
Speaker 1: stuff is gonna leak through the corners. So you're trying
Speaker 1: to like shake pasta, and it's not gonna like shimmy
Speaker 1: in right, it's gonna like get on the corners, which
Speaker 1: is going in your car. I'm gonna get on your dress.
Speaker 1: And so like then you're trying to shut it and
Speaker 1: you can't shut it because they fucking bought the cheap
Speaker 1: oat to goat containers. Can you just have good to
Speaker 1: go containers? It's degrading enough. I want to stack it.
Speaker 1: I want it to go in a bag, and I
Speaker 1: don't want clam sauce on my fucking car carpet. Is
Speaker 1: that possible? So you're begging and then like they give
Speaker 1: you this like porn bag of like it's a black
Speaker 1: plastic or like a like it's our pleasure to serve
Speaker 1: you when it's fucking not, you know it's not. And
Speaker 1: then you're like carrying out this like plastic bag. It's
Speaker 1: gonna like cut off your circulation, gona twisting circles on
Speaker 1: your wrist, and like you don't get like mister Chow
Speaker 1: gets the fucking award for the greatest mister who has
Speaker 1: a very expensive upscale Chinese restaurant. They give you a
Speaker 1: shopping bag. It looks like you went to like a
Speaker 1: very expensive more than Victoria's secret, because it's like more firm.
Speaker 1: It's not like paper and it's gonna rip. It's like
Speaker 1: a very beautiful like it could be Gucci bag. It's gorgeous,
Speaker 1: like you're proud to walk out with your to go food.
Speaker 1: So to go containers and bags need to fucking get
Speaker 1: with the program. Mark, I'm coining the phrase I own it,
Speaker 1: it's mine. If somebody else says it, you fucking give
Speaker 1: it the credit that it deserves. Like Paris Hilton said
Speaker 1: that's hot and Christian Siriano said hot mess. It's their phrases.
Speaker 1: Ozempa rexic is mine. It's gonna be a thin. I
Speaker 1: already heard, you know. I talked about ozempic every day
Speaker 1: ending and why because now there's a new thing. I
Speaker 1: know two thing, guys. They just decided to get ozempic
Speaker 1: to just fucking like quick. It's like a binge diet.
Speaker 1: They're gonna do it for a week then go off.
Speaker 1: How fucked up? Fuck everyone who said it wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: go sideways. This thing is going sideways. Oh, Zempa exix thin.
Speaker 1: People who get a quick prescription, they can afford it.
Speaker 1: They inject themselves. They don't eat for a week, and
Speaker 1: then they jump the fuck off. They use it like
Speaker 1: intermittent fasting, except it's like weeks at a time, like
Speaker 1: some you know people fast from Like, by the way,
Speaker 1: what the fuck fasting? The I'm intermittent fasting. I stop
Speaker 1: eating at eleven o'clock and I start eating at eight.
Speaker 1: That's called sleeping. You fucking weirdo, Like people are so weird.
Speaker 1: So people are gonna, oh, Zemba exic, and they're not
Speaker 1: gonna fast, They're gonna fucking naughty for a week and
Speaker 1: then jump back onto food, go out, go away on
Speaker 1: vacation and going to CenTra Pa. I'm eating shake freed
Speaker 1: every day and I'm enjoying my life. Go to Coachella,
Speaker 1: get drunken ey cheeseburgers, and then I'm doing ozempic for
Speaker 1: a week, or Moonjaro or kill them on draw kill
Speaker 1: kill a Moonjaro and Ozemba exic. You heard it here,
Speaker 1: don't fucking steal it, or steal it and give me credit,
Speaker 1: like the skinny margarita that I invented that everybody says,
Speaker 1: and I never get the credit. And I'm the one
Speaker 1: who says, credit seekers don't get credit, so that's probably
Speaker 1: why I'm not getting credit. Can we discuss? Can we
Speaker 1: discuss why planes have a goddamn window in between seat rows,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes it's shimmied where it's closer to the person,
Speaker 1: like a person has their own window, and then there's
Speaker 1: like a weird hybrid window that's sort of mine and
Speaker 1: sort of theirs. It's just asking for a fucking argument.
Speaker 1: It's just asking for a fucking argument like that person
Speaker 1: and it's past agabat. It's like more like you need
Speaker 1: a lawyer, We need like a mediator on the plane,
Speaker 1: because it's more it's closer to them. But the glare
Speaker 1: of the sun it provides is on me. The real
Speaker 1: estate of the sun and the light that it provides
Speaker 1: is eighty five percent mine. The handle of it is
Speaker 1: eighty five percent theirs. So I sometimes when someone's sleeping
Speaker 1: out a sneak my hand and like shut. I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're not gonna care, and they're already sleeping, and why
Speaker 1: didn't they want to shut anyway if they had intention
Speaker 1: of going to sleep, And maybe they're those sleepers that
Speaker 1: can just sleep on their own or they have eyemasks.
Speaker 1: I don't fucking know. I don't live with them, I
Speaker 1: didn't pack with them. I don't give a good fuck,
Speaker 1: and I don't have a lawyer. But I'm shutting that
Speaker 1: shit because if a window is in my eyes and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like have sun in it, it needs to shut.
Speaker 1: But it gets tricky, I'll just like stick my hand
Speaker 1: up and like take liberty and shut it. I haven't
Speaker 1: gotten fucked. Sometimes you get into a little fight with
Speaker 1: someone passag or someone will like put it up like this,
Speaker 1: like they need it up a little warm. I'm like,
Speaker 1: the sun is still in my eyes. Someone said to me, oh, well,
Speaker 1: we're gonna pass that soon, like we're in the clouds.
Speaker 1: We're gonna come out soon. I'm like, oh the fuck
Speaker 1: are you? Like Al Roker? Now, I know I'm an
Speaker 1: angry woman and it comes to playing conduct and it's
Speaker 1: not checking by my window. I'm a violating contact with
Speaker 1: the light, like singing my corneas. Forget it.