1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: Native Lamppod is a production of iHeartRadio and partnership with 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Reason Choice Media. 3 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 2: Welcome home, y'all. 4 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: This is episode one hundred and thirty nine of Native 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: Lamppod where we try to give you our breakdown of 6 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:20,480 Speaker 1: all things politics and culture. I think today is going 7 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: to be a little bit different. I am your host, 8 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: Bacari Sellers, and I'm joined by my co host today, 9 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 1: Angela Rye, and we are without our brother Andrew Gillham 10 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: for this particular show. And instead of running down our 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,919 Speaker 1: show as we usually do, we ask that you all 12 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: give us a little grace as we attempt to address 13 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: certain things that families do. Many times, when you have 14 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: difficult days or difficult weeks, you want to be there 15 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: and provide protection and cover for your family. And so 16 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: I say this with a big heart, but welcome home, y'all. 17 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 2: We need all of you all today. 18 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: Last Thursday in Daphney, Alabama, our brother Andrew Gillham was 19 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: arrested for possession of drugs and we actually spent some 20 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: time with him this weekend. Thank you for everyone who 21 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: came out to Essence Fest and it was good to 22 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,839 Speaker 1: see him smile yesterday morning. 23 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 2: Like many of you, all, we were made. 24 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:24,759 Speaker 1: Aware of the arrest, and we've been trying to provide 25 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: that protection and help and understanding as we navigate this 26 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: journey together as a family, and we navigate it as 27 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: a collective. And I think I wanted to start here 28 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: by one making sure that we addressed this conversation with honesty, 29 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: because as listeners and viewers and family members, you all 30 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 1: deserve that, but also ask serious questions and have serious 31 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: answers and have a serious conversation. I must say, I 32 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: don't know where this conversation is going to go with 33 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: Angela and I we both are very, very emotional. I 34 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: don't know if we're going to get into FYSA today 35 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: or we'll get into a short topic. I'm not even 36 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: sure how long this episode will be. But we ask 37 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: for you all to pray with us, work with us, 38 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: and help us get through this journey while we keep 39 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: Andrew at the forefront of our hearts and minds. We 40 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: hope that he utilizes this platform in the very near 41 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: future to tell his story just as he's done before. 42 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: But I think it's necessary we have honest conversations about faith, 43 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: about help, about questions about addiction, and about making sure 44 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: that we're there for our family members when they need 45 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: us most. And so that's my introduction to the show. 46 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to start with a very big question from 47 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: my sister Angela. I know what her inclination is. We 48 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 1: talk about this all the time. Angela's very first mode 49 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 1: is to go into protection. And for those of you 50 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: all who know and love Angela, you know that she 51 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: will protect you fiercely first and ask questions second. And 52 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 1: so my question to all of you all is when 53 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: you see someone going through something that you love or 54 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: having pain, that sometimes is asked, how can we best 55 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 1: be there for them? And what can we do? We've 56 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: seen the memes, We've seen the social media has gotten 57 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 1: some of y'all way way way out of pocket. I 58 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: wish this was a time when we didn't have social 59 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: media where you guys from a distance, are able to caricature, trivialize, 60 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: meme and joke about the pain that people are going through. 61 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 1: But here today we want the level set and the 62 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 1: reason that I say how can we best be there 63 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: for somebody? Is I wanted to have this conversation with 64 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,119 Speaker 1: this honest thought that I shared with a friend yesterday. 65 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: I mean, this doesn't necessarily just have to be about Andrew. 66 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: But for the purposes of this conversation, it was that 67 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: if I were to receive a phone call that something 68 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: bad had happened to my brother Andrew, I would be devastated, 69 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: but not necessarily surprised. And I don't want to feel 70 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: like that. So how can we best provide protection? How 71 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: can we provide help to family members who are going 72 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: through similar situations? Angela, I'll let you share your thoughts. 73 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 3: Thank you, Bakari. I. 74 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 4: I actually would be very surprised if something happened to Andrew. 75 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 3: And I'm gonna tell you why. 76 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 4: There's always something that is going around online, like a 77 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 4: meme that says to check on your strong friends. And 78 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 4: the reason why there's this meme that says to check 79 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,559 Speaker 4: on your strong friends is because we are the ones. 80 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 4: The people who work on this show, the people who 81 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 4: host this show, the people overwhelmingly who listen to this show. 82 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 3: Those are the strong friends, you know. These are the 83 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 3: people who who. 84 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 4: Will always be there, always figure out how to hold 85 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 4: it together. And Andrew has been holding it together. 86 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 3: Since he was in middle school. 87 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. 88 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 4: And I'm saying this because there are so many Andrews 89 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 4: in our lives. This isn't us, you know, pontificating on 90 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 4: Andrew's story. It is his to tell. But I can 91 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 4: tell you what I've observed from knowing him over twenty years. 92 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 4: Andrew has always been the strong friend. He is always 93 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 4: the one who has the right thing to say. He's 94 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 4: always the most compassionate, he's always the most articulate. He's 95 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 4: always the first to show up. He's always the first 96 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 4: to lean in. He's always figuring out how to provide. 97 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,799 Speaker 4: He is always figuring out what is in our next 98 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 4: best interest. And I'm saying that because what I want 99 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 4: to start with is Andrew, my strong friend, who may 100 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 4: be going through a really challenging time that you all 101 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 4: may perceive wrongly as weak, always has a home on 102 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 4: Native Lampard. 103 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 3: It was Andrew's choice not to be on today. We 104 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 3: remove him. 105 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:49,159 Speaker 4: He's not suspended, he's not terminated, he's not in time out. 106 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 3: This is Andrew's choice. 107 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 4: It is his home, and it is up to him 108 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 4: on when he wants to return. And so I just 109 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 4: I'm saying this because you know, one thing that I 110 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 4: cried about honestly this morning be because you know, you're 111 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 4: always trying to figure out, you know, could I have 112 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 4: done something different? 113 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 3: You know, you know, like could I have right? 114 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 4: Getting back to your question, what could we do differently 115 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 4: for all of us when grief hits, when a loss 116 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 4: comes that we are struggling to get passed, when we've 117 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:22,920 Speaker 4: been traumatized by the federal government, you know, like, what 118 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 4: are the ways that we can we can overcome? And 119 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 4: the one thing that I kept sitting with is essence 120 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 4: fest was a great experience. But I knew that something 121 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:38,280 Speaker 4: was wrong with Andrew. I knew and I asked him. 122 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 4: I was like, how you doing? 123 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 3: Brother? He was like He's like, I'm good. I'm good. 124 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 3: You know how he is. 125 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 4: But I didn't stop to interrogate it because, you know, 126 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 4: like me, when we're in the middle of something like 127 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 4: trying to make sure everything's together, I'm here, you know, 128 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 4: I'm doing that shit, like I'm moving around and trying 129 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 4: to make sure everything is together. And I hate that 130 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 4: I didn't stop and be like, no, for real, how 131 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:00,600 Speaker 4: are you? 132 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 2: That's that's my question? 133 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: Like it's so like you know, when I when when 134 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: when you always when you can feel like something is 135 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: off or something's not right, or just the rhythm is 136 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: just not normally what it is. 137 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 4: Andrew is quiet on stage. When have y'all known Andrew 138 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 4: to be quiet on a podcast? 139 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: Well, to be honest, it was hard to get a 140 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: word out with you and Jasmine up there, but. 141 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 2: We fought through it. We fall through it. 142 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 4: But but you talk, y'all go o, run back to 143 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 4: minutes like they do in debates. 144 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: But but my only thing is like, what what can 145 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: we do more of? 146 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 2: And what I what? 147 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: I don't what I don't want to happen. And this 148 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: is what happens to our strong friends, it happens to 149 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: me as well. As I go into avoidance, I go 150 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: into you know, let me not. What's the Donnelle Jones song? 151 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: I don't want to buy you? 152 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 3: Like? I don't want to sing it though, but keep 153 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 3: going whatever. 154 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to bore people with my problems and issues. 155 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,679 Speaker 1: And then my anxiety just goes crazy. It just gets 156 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: the best of me, and it grips with me. And so, yeah, 157 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: you have these worries because people before you post things 158 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: on social media have to read that. People's families and 159 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: children in particular see the little jokes that you make, right, 160 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: And it's just so much that goes into this echo 161 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: chamber that we've seen it happen before. We've seen people 162 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: become reclus as before. We've seen people who we kind 163 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: of toss aside. We've seen people who sometimes don't want 164 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: to deal with the trauma of what's happening outside. And 165 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: what I would tell, I mean, what I'm very mindful of, 166 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: and I'll call a few names, is you know, Sean 167 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: Pittman reached out, Brian Benjamin reached out, Jared Lohot reached out, 168 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 1: Frank Scott reached out. The list of people who reached 169 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: out just showing love during this time, not being nosy, 170 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 1: but just showing love. Alan Williams reached out right just 171 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: saying I want to be there. I think is something 172 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,599 Speaker 1: that we need to we need to be very cognizant 173 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:01,679 Speaker 1: of and very and recognize and give props to when 174 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: it's there and when it's appropriate. And there's also a 175 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: certain thing that I'll tell black men in particular, like 176 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 1: we have to create a space where we allow people 177 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: to be our brothers during our moment of trauma like that, 178 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: you know, going into becoming a recluser, things like that. 179 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: Usually it just allows whatever cancer is eating it to 180 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: your anxiety, your trauma. It allows it to manifest, and 181 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,560 Speaker 1: it allows it to metastasize. And sometimes there are people 182 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: there who just want to be there for you. And 183 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: I think that we have to do a better job 184 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: of letting people in. 185 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 4: I agree with that, but I'm going to push back 186 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 4: not on the names you mentioned, but when you said, 187 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,320 Speaker 4: like not people just being nosy, bitch, if you ain't 188 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 4: reached out to me in a year, two years, five years, 189 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 4: talking about you just want to check on Andrew? 190 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 3: What happened? 191 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 4: Get the out of here, like Imry, I just want 192 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 4: to be like and you know who you are, your texts, 193 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 4: Check when the last time you text me was, and 194 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,319 Speaker 4: see if you're confused at all about why I left 195 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,439 Speaker 4: Joe ass On read and there are several of you, 196 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 4: and so I don't thank you, I don't appreciate you. 197 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 4: If you are concerned about Andrew, you can talk to God, 198 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 4: you can talk to your therapist, but do not call 199 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 4: me thinking I would ever tell you anything. In fact, 200 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 4: there are people among us, Bakari, and I was. 201 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 3: I was pissed. 202 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 4: I had to literally my phone was ringing off the hook. 203 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 4: It was it was people were texting me all day, 204 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 4: and I was I was just pissed because I'm like, 205 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,719 Speaker 4: I know, number one, you don't thrive in crisis communications. 206 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 4: There are now there's some of my sisters who do 207 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 4: did reach out and had solutions, but there are other 208 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 4: folks who just you know, and and I just was 209 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 4: feeling for Andrew and Jay because they're telling me that 210 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,319 Speaker 4: people are blowing them up. 211 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 3: And I'm just like, what, tell me? 212 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 4: What the And I'm sorry you please y'all believe this out, 213 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 4: but please tell me what in the world you think 214 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 4: you're doing by doing that. There's a mugshot floating around 215 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 4: of our brother. You think he want to hear from 216 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 4: your dumb ass right now? Probably not. He don't even 217 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 4: hardly talk to us most days, you know what I mean? 218 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 3: Like Andrew, Andrew is not. 219 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 4: He don't want, He don't He has not been on 220 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 4: social media for years. So then let me go to this, 221 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 4: you social media dumb ass hoes. The stuff that you 222 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 4: put in the comments where you saying little slick shit 223 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 4: about Andrew, he doesn't even see it. So you are 224 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 4: still just as invisible and just as small as your dumb. 225 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 2: Ass has always hold on. Let me keep going because 226 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 2: I'm because I know, but you also. 227 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: But there's a point that I want you to rift 228 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: on because Andrew may not see it, but his kids I'm. 229 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 3: Gonna get there. 230 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 4: My point is you're not even hurting him, you're hurting 231 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 4: the people around him, and you're dehumanizing him. To Bacari's point, 232 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 4: his kids, his wife. I talked to Jay about some 233 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 4: of the mean stuff she saw and what you're not 234 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 4: thinking about. And let me just correct the record on 235 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 4: this too, since we're on this where you're not thinking 236 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 4: about is a lot of you have made some dumb 237 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 4: assumptions about Jay. 238 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 3: R J. 239 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 4: Gillim is a g R J. Gillim came to essence 240 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 4: holding Andrew down completely cool. We went to dinner, b 241 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 4: we went to a concert. She was like, I'm gonna 242 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 4: deepen into my joy before I have to deal with 243 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 4: any of this. And she held it together and she's 244 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 4: still holding it together. So what I would ask you 245 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 4: to consider is how you would want somebody to treat 246 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 4: your mom, How would you want somebody to treat your friend, 247 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 4: your sister, your cousin, your niece, your godchild, And think 248 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 4: about Jay and those babies when you're posting this dumb 249 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,079 Speaker 4: ass shit, And first of all, I also want to 250 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 4: get rid of this like those two choose each other 251 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 4: every single day. So some of the allegations, some of 252 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 4: the ideas that you've come up with about Jay, let 253 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 4: them go because y'all don't know what the hell you're 254 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 4: talking about. And at some point, hopefully Jay will be 255 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 4: willing to address some of this stuff on her own. 256 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 4: But I really want y'all to find a lane to 257 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,680 Speaker 4: occupy and stay in it. I am so irritated with 258 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 4: some of the gossip blogs that haven't said shit about 259 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 4: how great this show is. 260 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 3: Haven't talked at all about the way. 261 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 4: In which we constantly inform debuct misinformation, show up in 262 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 4: community spaces. Launch in America two fifty tour to go 263 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,680 Speaker 4: into communities thanks to Bacari that are second tier markets 264 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 4: that are generally ignored. 265 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,679 Speaker 3: Y'all don't talk about that. 266 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 4: But the first time there's something salacious, you act like 267 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 4: the white man's plan and you go and you put 268 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 4: that nonsense up. This was an arrest, it was not 269 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 4: a conviction, but you go and demonize the black man 270 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 4: the same way that you would shit on a major 271 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,559 Speaker 4: white publication for doing and the other thing I want 272 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 4: to say to you y'all, is it's a trip that 273 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,839 Speaker 4: you have all this smoking energy for Andrew. Some of 274 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 4: the stuff made up, some of the posts made up. 275 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,559 Speaker 4: But I haven't heard y'all say anything about Nola Wills. 276 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 4: I haven't heard y'all make any real updates about Carmelo Anthony. 277 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 4: I haven't heard y'all say much about some of these 278 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 4: young people who are coming up dead by suicide and 279 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 4: they're found hanging from trees in the South. I haven't 280 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 4: heard y'all say much about redistricting efforts that would carve 281 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 4: out and create space for more white people to run, 282 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 4: but no black people to run. But y'all got all 283 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 4: the smoke for Andrew, and I'm just blown by that, 284 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 4: and I want to call you on that. 285 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 3: I see the hypocrite you are. 286 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 4: And next time you asked me to do anything, I'm 287 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 4: gonna tell you to get out my face because I 288 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 4: will never forget this moment. And it's sad, but I 289 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 4: do want to say be I do want to say 290 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 4: I want to commend the Grillo. I want to commend 291 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 4: the Grio because what you all did was hold our 292 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 4: brother responsibly. If we can please to bring up that clip. 293 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 4: I am so grateful for how the Grio showed up 294 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 4: in this moment. It says community responds with compassion and 295 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 4: concern after former Florida gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum arrested on 296 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 4: drug charges, and I just want to acknowledge that you 297 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 4: all went and combed through and sift through the comments 298 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 4: to find people saying encouraging things. I want to shout 299 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 4: out the NLP listeners who also sit in positive comments, prayers, thoughts, encouragement, 300 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 4: because that's what's really needed. Like this is not just 301 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 4: Andrew who's suffering right now. It's his family, it's his colleagues, 302 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 4: people who love him, his community. They want to know 303 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 4: that Andrew's going to be okay. And the way that 304 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 4: we'll ensure that Andrew's going to be okay, and that 305 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 4: any of our friends and family who are battling addiction 306 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 4: are having a hard time following upon a hard time 307 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,680 Speaker 4: in life, the way that we ensure they're okay. 308 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 3: But Kari is not by promoting the selation. That's not 309 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 3: how it works. 310 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 4: And then y'all done, asses will feel bad if something 311 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 4: negative happened, So stop. 312 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 3: You don't have to do that everything's not worth a click. 313 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 3: It's just not it's just not. 314 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: I guess my concern is more personal. I mean, I 315 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: hear you, and let me just say, like amen, kudos, 316 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: like ditto to everything you said. But I think my 317 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: concern is more personal because I just always ask myself 318 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 1: what else could I do? What else can I do? 319 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: I think when you're in a moment of tribulation and 320 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: a storm, and if someone doesn't make it out like you, 321 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: what what could you have done differently? 322 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:53,359 Speaker 2: Nobody knows. I guess my question. 323 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: Is how do we make sure because you know, we've 324 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 1: seen this happen in our communities before, but how do 325 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: we make sure that we are dealing with addiction? And 326 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: this is not a question directed at Andrew, but dealing 327 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,640 Speaker 1: with per se, but dealing with addiction in the way 328 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: that we should. 329 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,440 Speaker 2: There's every you know. I think that you've even said 330 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 2: that you've grown up around it, right, I've grown up 331 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 2: around it. We all have. 332 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 1: And the other part about that is we've all had 333 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,440 Speaker 1: I had. We just got a phone call earlier this 334 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: year about a young lady who graduated the year after 335 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: me from high school. Yeah, the year after me from 336 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: high school. She wasn't even yet forty years old who 337 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: killed herself surprised us all, like, what do we miss? 338 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: What did we not see? We just had justin Fairfax, 339 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: which is complicated, but still we haven't like it. Seems 340 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: like it happened, and nobody we had to show about it. 341 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: We talked about it, but then people go on with 342 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: their daily lives, and nobody really asked the question of 343 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 1: you know, why was there not more protection for her 344 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,919 Speaker 1: his wife? Why was there not more protection for his children? 345 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:00,479 Speaker 2: Why? 346 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: How did we as black brothers allow Justin to get 347 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: in a space like that where he became a recluse, 348 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: where he was drinking in his basement, where he felt 349 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,920 Speaker 1: like there were no other outlets, And I just I. 350 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 1: I always tell my I always tell people who will ask, 351 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: because I'm very open about my anxiety. Ayallavanzant says, my 352 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 1: anxiety is when my thoughts are left in my head 353 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: without adult supervision. But I feared death and failure, and 354 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: when things like what happened to Andrew happened, I immediately 355 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: go to how did I fail him? And that that 356 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 1: may not be everybody's perspective, right every people are saying 357 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 1: that they make their own bed, blah blah blah blah blah. 358 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 1: But it's always like, how did I fail him? And 359 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 1: then the next question is what do I do to 360 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,439 Speaker 1: make sure that I don't fail him again? And I 361 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,760 Speaker 1: think that that's probably the important direction that part of 362 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: this conversation has to go in, because as we're dealing 363 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 1: with family, as we're dealing with loved ones, as we're 364 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: dealing with coworkers in life, like the pod, the show 365 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 1: has to go on, right, This isn't you can't hide, right, 366 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 1: but how do you make sure that you're there for 367 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: people in a way that covers, protects, holes, accountable, and 368 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: does the things. 369 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:17,720 Speaker 2: Because I. 370 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,959 Speaker 1: Haven't spoken to Andrew, to be extremely clear, doesn't mean 371 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,959 Speaker 1: I didn't reach out, but I haven't spoken. But I'm 372 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 1: also very clear that people need space, right, and I 373 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: am a strong component of allowing people the space that 374 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: they need. But I have spoken to a lot of 375 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 1: people in our orbit, in our network that are asking 376 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 1: the same question, particularly black men, which is simply, how 377 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,880 Speaker 1: do we not fail you again? And I think that 378 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: that is that's the question that I'm wrestling with the most. 379 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, and I'll tell you I had moved 380 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 4: my therapy session from Monday to Tuesday. And I'm so 381 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 4: glad that that was what happened, because I needed it 382 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 4: more yesterday or Tuesday. This this by the time this 383 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 4: show drops it over Thursday. Sorry, I talked about the 384 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 4: same thing, and I am learning. It is a very 385 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 4: slow learn but I'm learning that there's a lot that 386 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 4: I will put on myself to hold that is not 387 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 4: mine to hold. Andrew, if he were here, would say 388 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,200 Speaker 4: the best way for us not to fail him is 389 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 4: to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves individually. 390 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:47,479 Speaker 4: Because Andrew's challenges have you know, been made manifest and 391 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 4: put on you know, put in the public square, does 392 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 4: not mean that Andrew is the only one with challenges. 393 00:20:54,880 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 4: Andrew's stuff was found out. There's a lot of people 394 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 4: in this life, including you and I, who have gone 395 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 4: through things and they just weren't found out. 396 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 2: Yea. 397 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 3: And so the thing that I want there are a. 398 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,639 Speaker 1: Lot of people who use more energy making sure they 399 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: don't get found out than actually dealing with. 400 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:16,440 Speaker 3: How about that? 401 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 2: How about that? 402 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 4: But I want to deepen into that for a moment 403 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 4: because I think that is where people the harshest judges 404 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 4: and critics among us. 405 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 3: Find a way to shut up. When you think about 406 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 3: your worst moment. 407 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 4: Being on above the folds in a headline viral on 408 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 4: social media, how does that make you feel, whatever that 409 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 4: worst moment is. And then I want you to think 410 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 4: about that horror, that fear, or that terror, and then 411 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 4: find the love and compassion and grace to extend to 412 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 4: somebody who is actively going through that. Andrew is someone 413 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:07,639 Speaker 4: who has always been the golden child, could never do 414 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:12,880 Speaker 4: any wrong, always, you know, the leader in school who 415 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 4: everybody looked up to from middle school to high school 416 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 4: to college. You know, a young elected officials started a 417 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 4: young elected Officials network. They are people posting about YEO 418 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,920 Speaker 4: and how significant it was to their development as legislators 419 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 4: or you know young executives. Andrew is the guy, and 420 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 4: so it is impossible for me to understand the one 421 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 4: eighty that he has experienced because his stuff was found out. 422 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 4: He has been rubbing shoulders with folks who are in 423 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,359 Speaker 4: that same network, some of them in the same type 424 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 4: of office throughout the country, mayors of candidates for governor, 425 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 4: candidates for statewide office who have shit that just wasn't 426 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 4: found out. There are ballplayers, there are college presidents, there 427 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 4: are CEOs and folks in the c suite and the 428 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 4: fortune one thousand whose stuff was just not found out. 429 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,439 Speaker 4: And so what I would implore you to do is 430 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 4: really think about how important grace is. The reason Jesus 431 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 4: tells the people in the Bible, he who is without 432 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,360 Speaker 4: saying cast the first stone, is because he knows everybody 433 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,639 Speaker 4: standing around there is living in a cheap glass house. 434 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 4: There's a reason for that. And so that's what I 435 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 4: think we have to be. It's not no, I ain't 436 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 4: got no cape to save Andrew. I ain't even got 437 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 4: no umbrella when it's righting outside for me, you know. 438 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 4: So it's the thing is I mean, you know, I try. 439 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 4: But the thing is like we have to put on 440 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 4: our oxygen masks. This is an analogy that I hate 441 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 4: because I'm like, we can't always put on oxygen mask. 442 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 2: That's why. But you have to put yours on first. 443 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 3: Or your seat belt whatever. 444 00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:00,119 Speaker 4: It is like, you can't secure anyone when you have 445 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 4: secured yourself, and even then you might not be able 446 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 4: to For Kari, I hate to break to you. I 447 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 4: got anxiety too. I got like wholesome worry too. And 448 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,200 Speaker 4: the reality of it is even with all that worry 449 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 4: and that anxiety, we still ain't in controlling nothing. We 450 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 4: create illusions of control all day long. Ain't in control 451 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 4: of nothing. Don't know what's gonna happen to our loved 452 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,399 Speaker 4: ones when they walk out the door. 453 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,239 Speaker 1: I hear that, but I just feel like there was 454 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,160 Speaker 1: and I feel like I've done it before, where there 455 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: are four years, five years and you just I don't 456 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 1: want to say you ignore it, or you just don't 457 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:49,400 Speaker 1: pay attention, or you don't care enough, But. 458 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 2: I don't know. 459 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 1: I just feel like I feel like there are people 460 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 1: in places that we have to do a better job 461 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: of sharing. 462 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 2: The concerns of others. 463 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,160 Speaker 1: And I'm not, like I said, I'm not talking about 464 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,679 Speaker 1: in that particular case, I'm not necessarily talking about Andrew. 465 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: He would hate the fact that we're spending this much 466 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,000 Speaker 1: time on him anyway, but it is, but it is 467 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 1: what it is. I hope that he appreciates the love 468 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,199 Speaker 1: that we approach this from. But regardless, I think that 469 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 1: there's so many people in our communities that are struggling. 470 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,159 Speaker 1: I think that mental health and addiction are things, and 471 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: particularly with black man, I have these conversations more often 472 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 1: than not about the struggles that black men go through, 473 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 1: and many times it's those struggles that happen in darkness 474 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,639 Speaker 1: because you feel like you feel like there's not a 475 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 1: lot of love when you walk outside. And I think 476 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 1: that this situation is indicative of you know, you're not 477 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: necessarily hurting anyone else, you're not committing a violent act, 478 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: but you have an issue. You have an issue that 479 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 1: you've been wrestling with for some time, and the first 480 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:57,000 Speaker 1: thing that people want to resort to is not how 481 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: can we help? But there you go again, you know, 482 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: like you not welcome here, like our space is closed off. 483 00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 1: And for a lot of black men who have achieved 484 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: some semblance of success, that's why the fear of my 485 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: fear of failure kicks in. Because you've achieved some semblance 486 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: of success, which you must carry it with the necessary humility, 487 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: But you also know that you can't afford to fall 488 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: off track because your community, the way that white folk 489 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: look at your community, the way that it will be 490 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 1: portrayed even before you say a word, will become devastating. 491 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,440 Speaker 1: And my fear is that devastation will traverse for generations. 492 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 1: And so I know that when you talk about all 493 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: the successes that people have achieved or will achieve. I mean, 494 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: I think about all of my friends who have quote 495 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: unquote made it out right. The first thing we acknowledge 496 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 1: is that we're not atypical. We just actually had parents 497 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,159 Speaker 1: that provided us with opportunities, had parents that necessary, that 498 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: may have provided us with rungs on the ladder that 499 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: lifted while they climbed, And we made a right when 500 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 1: we very easily could have made a left. I guess 501 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: the scripture would say, but by the grace of God, 502 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: we're here. But we all feel that societal pressure that means, yeah, 503 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,040 Speaker 1: we may drink too much, yeah minus tequila somebody else's 504 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 1: maybe brown liquor. Or yeah, they may smoke too much, 505 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,120 Speaker 1: or yeah, they may have too many women in their 506 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: life to fill some void of unhappiness or whatever it 507 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,439 Speaker 1: may be. Or yeah, they may have this type of 508 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: difficulty or that type of difficulty. And I don't think 509 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: that we excuse it. I think we hold it accountable. 510 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 1: But I think what I'm asking you is to we 511 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 1: have to do a job of understanding the plight of 512 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: black men in this country better than what we've done. 513 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: And this isn't pitting black men against black women. This 514 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 1: is simply saying this is a period in a different sentence, 515 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 1: because I think that when you see the black men 516 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:14,399 Speaker 1: that are in your spaces, that have that have done 517 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 1: something many times under the cover of darkness. I see 518 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: that meme all the time or that Instagram real that 519 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 1: says that when a man is up at three o'clock 520 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,880 Speaker 1: or four o'clock in the morning, it's not necessarily because 521 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,119 Speaker 1: he's stressed out, but it's the only time that he 522 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,240 Speaker 1: can find peace because he doesn't have to answer a call, 523 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,680 Speaker 1: he doesn't have to respond to an email, he doesn't 524 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: have to be responsible for anything or anybody else, but 525 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 1: he can just sit there with himself and be him. 526 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 1: And I just think that we have to do a 527 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 1: better job of finding what that looks like. 528 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, I. 529 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 4: Was listening to you and thinking, I don't know how 530 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 4: different that is across gender. But I have been getting 531 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 4: at the last couple of days at five, and normally 532 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 4: getting at that early means peace, But the last couple 533 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 4: of days it's felt like, let me make sure I 534 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 4: didn't miss anything, and you know, like we're on top 535 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 4: of what we need to be on top of. I 536 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 4: will say, b I was thinking about the many times 537 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 4: in my life where I felt like, you know what, 538 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 4: it might be easier if I wasn't here. You know what, 539 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,760 Speaker 4: it might be easier if I just gave up. It 540 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 4: might be you know, like all of the things. And 541 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 4: I think that part of what you know that why 542 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 4: that like it's even hard for me to say it now, 543 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 4: is it's an acknowledgment I think of weakness, you know, 544 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 4: it's it's an acknowledgment of like, I'm not supposed to 545 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 4: because on paper, I'm supposed to have it together. I'm 546 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 4: not supposed to feel this way. I'm not supposed to 547 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 4: have this battle. And one of the things that comes 548 00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 4: to mind is my parents. My dad, before I was born, 549 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 4: was the executive director of this entity here in Seattle 550 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 4: called the Central Area Motivation Program. And my dad was 551 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 4: wrongfully accused of like embezzling money. They accused him of 552 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 4: taking money from something. And if anybody knows my dad, 553 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 4: which you could accuse him of, is giving him him 554 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 4: giving you his last damn dollar. But he's not about 555 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 4: to do a steal. And so it was a really 556 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:33,000 Speaker 4: depressing time for my dad. And I remember growing up, 557 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 4: I found this like three page letter from my mom 558 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 4: to my dad and the ways in which she was 559 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 4: holding him down and encouraging him and telling him how 560 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,959 Speaker 4: much of a badass he was. And I was partially 561 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 4: shocked because if y'all know Mama Rah, you know, she 562 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 4: don't say much. 563 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 3: So I was like, look at her where these bars. 564 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 3: I was so surprised. 565 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,480 Speaker 4: I was like, I wonder how long it took for 566 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 4: her to write that and to you know, think through 567 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:58,520 Speaker 4: that to support my dad. But to your point, it's 568 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 4: the women in the life of these men who my 569 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 4: next comment, you know have to you know, put on 570 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 4: your big girl draws, who have to figure out you know, 571 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 4: if if it's you know, I've been in a relationship 572 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,719 Speaker 4: where I've tried to force a man into a treatment program, 573 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Like I know that, So 574 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 4: you like, it's your struggles, be damned, you know, your challenges, 575 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,680 Speaker 4: be damned. You feeling like I would really just prefer 576 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,959 Speaker 4: to just jump off the side of this building right 577 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 4: now than to deal with you. 578 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 3: All of that be damned. 579 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 4: You still got to figure out a way to put 580 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 4: on your strong face, your lipstick and get it together. 581 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 4: And what I want is for us all to appreciate 582 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 4: the challenges that we have even in doing that, because 583 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 4: your homegirls need to be the same for you, Like, girl, 584 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 4: I don't know how much longer I can keep it together, 585 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,360 Speaker 4: you know, I need to make like who can this 586 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 4: dude talk to or or one of maybe the guy 587 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 4: is dealing with that with his woman or you you 588 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 4: same sex is your people. 589 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 1: That's why finding a partner is so important because I 590 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 1: know that the many nights that I'm worrying about something 591 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 1: and Ellen's like what can I do? Or she's just 592 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 1: rubbing my back or just very very very valuable. 593 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 3: I'm thinking about Jay. 594 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 4: Ah b, I'm sorry, I'm thinking about Jay because she's 595 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 4: does the same thing, you know, like and again, I 596 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 4: want Jay to have the same type of support when 597 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,520 Speaker 4: I talked. When I did talk to Andrew yesterday, he 598 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,080 Speaker 4: was concerned about Jay. He was concerned about the kids. 599 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 4: He's concerned about his mom. He's like, my mom just 600 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 4: had a stroke. Like I'm not trying to you know, 601 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,200 Speaker 4: like I don't even know. I'm sorry, I don't even 602 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 4: know if I was supposed to say that I'm here. 603 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,560 Speaker 4: But the point is, like, and missus Gilliam, I'm not 604 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 4: trying to put your business out there. 605 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 3: I know you are recovering well and we are so grateful. 606 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 1: Please listening and judging us the way y'all treat me. 607 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 4: Okay, Well, the point is I want us to remember 608 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,400 Speaker 4: that life keeps going and we have to be there 609 00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 4: for our families. Y'all. Like this stuff is hard, you know, 610 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,200 Speaker 4: like it's hard, and so when you think about how 611 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 4: hard your life is, you know, know that people are 612 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 4: going through some of the same things and it only 613 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 4: gets easier when we lean on each other. 614 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,240 Speaker 3: God created us to be interdependent. 615 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: I think that's why. I think that's why community is 616 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: so important. And I think that where I would say 617 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: is that whether or not it's family like we try 618 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 1: to be, or whether or not it's community, or whether 619 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,960 Speaker 1: or not we're talking about children because we all come 620 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: from the product of the proverb it takes a village 621 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: to raise a child. I think that the theme is 622 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: we have to do a better job both proactively and 623 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: after shit hits the fan of making sure that we 624 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 1: are there spiritually, mentally, emotionally, intentionally, and purposefully for those 625 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: people we love. 626 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's just it, you know, I don't I 627 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 4: don't think there's there's anything else that we can or 628 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:55,600 Speaker 4: need to say. 629 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 3: I think my ask would. 630 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,400 Speaker 2: Be your call to action. 631 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I call to action would be that if 632 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 4: you see something reckless about my brother online, that you 633 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 4: protect him like you would want somebody to protect you. 634 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 3: There's not a single moment I won't say that. 635 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 4: I try to ensure there's not a single moment that 636 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 4: goes by where I don't ask myself, how would I 637 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 4: want someone to show up for me in this moment? 638 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 4: And I always try to do that when I'm tired, 639 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 4: when i feel like I'm barely hanging out, I steal. 640 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 4: I want people, my friends, my family to know that 641 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,120 Speaker 4: I'm consistent, that I'm loyal and there's nothing you can 642 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,319 Speaker 4: do to make me not show up for you and 643 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,919 Speaker 4: be my best. And I would say it would really 644 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,000 Speaker 4: mean a lot to me, you know, even if you 645 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 4: feel like you want to say some shady shit like 646 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:51,839 Speaker 4: please don't like please think about these kids, Please think 647 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 4: about Jay, Please think about Andrew's sister and his brothers 648 00:34:55,640 --> 00:35:01,280 Speaker 4: and Missus Gillam, Please think about his community, and please 649 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:05,280 Speaker 4: make sure you think about Andrew. Send him positive thoughts, 650 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 4: tell him you can't wait to hear him, pontificate and 651 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 4: fill a bus to us real soon. Yeah, but yeah, 652 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 4: we love you ag and we got your back. No 653 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:16,840 Speaker 4: matter what. 654 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,880 Speaker 1: My call to action is, call somebody today that you 655 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 1: know is struggling with something whatever that may be financially, emotionally, 656 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:31,239 Speaker 1: spiritually substance. Just call him and just listen to him, 657 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 1: Talk to him, be there for him, because today may 658 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 1: be the day that they need you. 659 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 2: Welcome home to the Natives. 660 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:42,080 Speaker 5: Landing on the podcast space that's and for greatness. Sixty minutes. 661 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,399 Speaker 5: It's so hit, not too long for the great shit, 662 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 5: high level combo politics in a way that you could 663 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,880 Speaker 5: taste it then digest it. Politics touches you even if 664 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 5: you don't touch it. 665 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:52,840 Speaker 2: So get invested. 666 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,520 Speaker 5: Cross the t's and doctor I kill them? 667 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 2: Got him? 668 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 5: Ass sell us staying on pusiness or why you could 669 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,680 Speaker 5: have been anywhere? Would you try thrust. Native lampod is 670 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,680 Speaker 5: the brand that you can trust. 671 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 1: Native Lampod is in a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 672 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,680 Speaker 1: with rezon Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit 673 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,120 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 674 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,200 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.