Speaker 1: If there was a problem, where to your mother.
Speaker 2: You clearly have something on your mind.
Speaker 3: Thanks for two moms. I'm Joe Gatto. It's fine. I'm Steve.
Speaker 2: Steve's got something on dude.
Speaker 3: Yes, what's what's the problem? There's nothing.
Speaker 2: No. What I feel like you've got an is ishe?
Speaker 4: No? We're getting ready to go and you're always on
Speaker 4: your phone. You're not present. I'm right in front of you.
Speaker 5: I was on the phone trying to get answers to
Speaker 5: questions because that's part.
Speaker 4: Of the No, it's what you saw something and you
Speaker 4: were upset, and I wonder what that is. I love you,
Speaker 4: Thank you for joining Hey think that Yes I do.
Speaker 2: Oh I was gonna say, you think that people don't
Speaker 2: like you?
Speaker 4: I well that too. I think about things like when
Speaker 4: I'm in bed, okay, here in your confides, I go
Speaker 4: like this, I like this. This is just for effect.
Speaker 4: I go like this, and then I think, what was
Speaker 4: it like to be the first guy to throw a boom?
Speaker 5: Or do I bit what? Because now people have heard
Speaker 5: it and I can't tell that joke anymore.
Speaker 3: I'm on like you. I mean, I don't know you
Speaker 3: know stuff?
Speaker 2: He you know?
Speaker 3: Here comes sausage party.
Speaker 1: So you've been doing this.
Speaker 4: She brought me a horse cock prison to it. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 4: what were you gonna say, though, do I think?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 5: I was gonna I was gonna say, do you think
Speaker 5: about me often? Because when we're not together, because you
Speaker 5: and I I'll get random like face times and texts
Speaker 5: from you about like stuff like I think about you
Speaker 5: all the time.
Speaker 2: I've always like, oh, Steve would love this or.
Speaker 5: Whatever, And I was wondering, like, you'll face me at
Speaker 5: like one thirty in the morning.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, sometimes, like this guy.
Speaker 2: Frank I met left you.
Speaker 4: I'm like, God, the first one you've been on tour
Speaker 4: with me, you dip shit? Yeah, well yeah, I apologize
Speaker 4: for that, but I've been known to indulge in the
Speaker 4: spirits on occasion. Yeah, so that's where that comes from.
Speaker 4: So I apologize that.
Speaker 5: One of my favorite stories though about that happened was you,
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I got us to the driver, right, So
Speaker 5: you you met somebody in Florida and then end up
Speaker 5: coming to my show and me and Jiggy got f
Speaker 5: with a car. We didn't have a way to get
Speaker 5: a car, so I sent the gentleman a DM and
Speaker 5: said would you mind driving us, And we hired him.
Speaker 3: As our driver. Yeah, and he drove us and he
Speaker 3: was super cool. He drove you.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's so crazy to think, oh, two cool moms.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Steve. Yeah, hey, hey, oh you love Joe. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's like more than you.
Speaker 4: I'm like, right, okay, okay, Hey Joe is so and so.
Speaker 4: And he's like, oh my god, you made my day.
Speaker 2: Two weeks later, yeah, I gave me tickets to my
Speaker 2: show that he came.
Speaker 4: Is driving you across the state. That's crazy, but I
Speaker 4: think that's I was just reading this book, a.
Speaker 2: Book, A book, I know, a book.
Speaker 4: It's called Life on the Mississippi, and this gentleman talks
Speaker 4: about his experiences of wanting to literally take a flatboat
Speaker 4: and go down the Mississippi and see it as flatboaters
Speaker 4: did back in the day when.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, we're flat boat.
Speaker 4: We're expanding into the west and so basically flatboats were
Speaker 4: used anywhere from Pittsburgh to Ohio and anybody, farmers, fur traders, whatever.
Speaker 4: They basically get a flatboats and go and float down
Speaker 4: to New Orleans, which was the major port back then.
Speaker 4: I think New Orleans now is like the fifth largest
Speaker 4: port in the world.
Speaker 2: Right, so there was a huge.
Speaker 4: Port of commerce. We're shipping and trading with.
Speaker 3: Everybody from there.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So there we go.
Speaker 4: There's a flatboat and they were made back in the day,
Speaker 4: and this guy wanted to wanted to kind of explore
Speaker 4: that point of history and go and along the way,
Speaker 4: he's just telling you about these cities. He's going to
Speaker 4: these portstown these old port towns, whatever, and yeah, I
Speaker 4: don't know, it's really just heartworm because people just want
Speaker 4: to help. People want to help somebody from out of town.
Speaker 4: And the whole time he's going through, he's stopping in
Speaker 4: different cities and different ports, and people are bringing him cornbread.
Speaker 4: They're saying, oh, we have a thing at the church service,
Speaker 4: or you know, you guys want some breakfast, I get
Speaker 4: some eggs, and farmers are bringing them things from the
Speaker 4: farm and just loading up the flatboat. And every city
Speaker 4: they went to. It kind of makes you turn off
Speaker 4: the news, right, stop getting involved in the left and
Speaker 4: the right of it all. Like, I think people inherently
Speaker 4: have a nature to want to help, and to your point,
Speaker 4: they want to be kind. And I think that that
Speaker 4: you see it all the time on the road, and
Speaker 4: so this guy that just sees you and he's a
Speaker 4: big fan. Now he's driving his favorite joke across the
Speaker 4: One of my.
Speaker 2: Favorite series is when me and the boys we want
Speaker 2: to go see a movie. And this is when the
Speaker 2: tour just began.
Speaker 5: We're in the middle of nowhere, staying that like a
Speaker 5: red roof in and we want to go see a
Speaker 5: movie and there's no way to get around the town.
Speaker 5: I think it was might have been just like as
Speaker 5: Uber was hitting it and it wasn't Uber in this
Speaker 5: town or whatnot. And the girl was a fan, was
Speaker 5: behind the front desk and we were talking.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, there is a movie plane. She's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: the theater. I was like it walk as sheas it's
Speaker 2: like five miles away, and I was like, I was
Speaker 2: like oh. I was like.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, what time you're working till? And
Speaker 5: she's like, oh I worked till seven. And it was like,
Speaker 5: you know, it was like newt or whatever other Oh.
Speaker 2: I think, so we can just borrow your car?
Speaker 5: Then yeah, I guess I said, okay, And I just
Speaker 5: stood there, Okay.
Speaker 4: So are you saying as a joke, are you kicking Tiress?
Speaker 5: I really and then she gave us her keys and
Speaker 5: I was like, alright, I'll drive it. I got it
Speaker 5: and me and the boys wonderful as car. We filled
Speaker 5: it up with gas, we brought it back. We gave her,
Speaker 5: you know, we gave her some money and we said
Speaker 5: thanks so much. We paid her what a taxi would be.
Speaker 2: It was so cool. But people like do things like that.
Speaker 5: So now I always you're never gonna you know, you
Speaker 5: have to always like try to kick the tires, as
Speaker 5: you said, right, you have to ask people for help.
Speaker 2: If you need some. Yeah, so it's kind of fun
Speaker 2: to see. But now as comedians, it's like, what can
Speaker 2: we get away with right?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Well no, you especially what can we get away with it?
Speaker 4: I remember the first time was in Nashville. I was
Speaker 4: stranded at a diner. I forget what happened. I'd been
Speaker 4: drinking and I was at like a some diner off
Speaker 4: the beaten path whatever. I was definitely sau uced, but
Speaker 4: you know, hanging out. I was talking to this guy
Speaker 4: at the counter and I'm sitting there and I'm like,
Speaker 4: this is I had to I didn't have a cell
Speaker 4: phone at the time.
Speaker 3: I mean, this is how long.
Speaker 4: Ago I'd been doing it, maybe a year or two
Speaker 4: in and I'm calling for a cab. I'm calling for
Speaker 4: a cab. I'm calling for a cab and the guy
Speaker 4: phone a payphone and the guy saw me.
Speaker 3: He's like, he's like, are.
Speaker 4: You trying to get home? I'm like hey, He's like,
Speaker 4: just get in the car. I'll take you home. I
Speaker 4: was like really, He's like he's like yeah. I was like,
Speaker 4: you sure. He's like, this is what we do around here.
Speaker 4: And I remember I always remembered him saying that. I
Speaker 4: was like, it's such a nice thing. It's comforting. Yeah,
Speaker 4: in the hotel and he said nothing's for free, and
Speaker 4: I go, what do you mean? And he ends up
Speaker 4: his pants and I was like, oh god, no, I
Speaker 4: was quick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was quick.
Speaker 4: But yeah, that's how they're doing that town. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I got out.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't like there is a thing about that where
Speaker 5: you're like you have to be careful of Like I
Speaker 5: find that fine line when you're teaching kids about Like
Speaker 5: there's this woman in my.
Speaker 2: Apartment building that loves to give candy to my kids
Speaker 2: when she sees them.
Speaker 3: I don't know her.
Speaker 2: She's in my building.
Speaker 5: I've seen her a lot as a dog. We talk
Speaker 5: here and there. She's an older woman and she you know.
Speaker 5: So I was taking the dogs for a walk right
Speaker 5: in front, and I'm you know, dogs are right in
Speaker 5: front of this glass.
Speaker 2: One doesn't.
Speaker 5: The kids are waiting inside because it was raining, so
Speaker 5: I'm looking at them and here comes the woman. She
Speaker 5: comes over and she gives them candy. And I walk
Speaker 5: in and she was like, and she was like, oh, I.
Speaker 2: Gave them candy.
Speaker 3: You know, he's enjoy that candy. It's okay.
Speaker 2: She don't tell your dad like one of those like
Speaker 2: you know. And I was like, yeah, I was like,
Speaker 2: it's nice and sweet that that happened.
Speaker 5: I was like, but then like, it's weird too. I
Speaker 5: don't want my kids taking candies from strangers, you know.
Speaker 5: So it was like, I wonder where that line is and.
Speaker 4: I We're never gonna believe this, but merediths here, Meredith,
Speaker 4: she is your candies.
Speaker 5: But I wonder what it was like to live in
Speaker 5: a time, as you said, like the flat boats, where
Speaker 5: you didn't even have to think about that.
Speaker 2: That's just the way people were. People were nice, people
Speaker 2: wanted to help people. You weren't thinking people were dubious.
Speaker 4: There was a real sense of community back then. I
Speaker 4: think because you're basically pioneers in these towns that are
Speaker 4: bubbling up all across the country, and there's the hardships.
Speaker 4: I mean, look, if you're twelve or thirteen, you're working.
Speaker 4: Yeah at that age, if you're a if you're a
Speaker 4: fourteen year old girl, you're getting married to somebody. In
Speaker 4: the eighteen money farmers. Literally the life expectancy was so
Speaker 4: much lower. I mean, life is crazy. And I think
Speaker 4: I think the more you delve into the history of America,
Speaker 4: you see how you know these days it's so kind
Speaker 4: of in fashion to dump on you know, pioneers and
Speaker 4: they're coming over here and they're expanding into the West.
Speaker 4: But you really read about it, it's it's a fascinating
Speaker 4: period of time and I don't know, it just makes
Speaker 4: you appreciate all the innovations and I just think the
Speaker 4: hard work that those people had to literally build a
Speaker 4: country up. I mean, you go travel around the world,
Speaker 4: people really forget we've only been around here for it
Speaker 4: like plus years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's nuts.
Speaker 5: And then it comes to snake oil salesman and he
Speaker 5: ruins everything there you go, you go you got headaches,
Speaker 5: you got polio, take this you got here, this.
Speaker 4: Smelling herb on your and and.
Speaker 2: You wake up in the morning, you'll be fine.
Speaker 3: And he's gone.
Speaker 2: And he's gone. He's in the he's in the wagon
Speaker 2: onto the next town. And he ruined it for everybody,
Speaker 2: by the.
Speaker 4: Way, great, great, great idea though. I mean, if you're
Speaker 4: back in the day, you're away with anything. No, yeah,
Speaker 4: yeah you're do you come in that wagon wheel, you
Speaker 4: got your you got your infomercial set up, and for
Speaker 4: everybody you know, pay me up. And then he's a scrubby.
Speaker 4: Yeah the West, by the way, great, the one of
Speaker 4: the best shows, Shark Tank.
Speaker 2: Did yes.
Speaker 5: Did you ever fall into any sort of like, uh,
Speaker 5: did you? Were you around for the Magnets when people
Speaker 5: were like, oh, if you sleep with this magnet pillow
Speaker 5: to help get rid of your migraines, or oh, you
Speaker 5: got arthritis, put this magnet elbow strap on.
Speaker 4: Well, they have like the things for your knees and
Speaker 4: the socks and the commercial actresses and then magnets. It's
Speaker 4: like ribbling and I've never bought into I don't know
Speaker 4: does it work?
Speaker 5: Well, I didn't really buy into it. My Uh, my
Speaker 5: brother in law did hard.
Speaker 2: And he became like a magnet salesman for a minute. No, yeah,
Speaker 2: and he was selling magnets, uh.
Speaker 5: Like magnetized fabric like he got he was selling magnet.
Speaker 5: He sold my aunt a magnet magnet mattress. No, I
Speaker 5: swear to god, mattress, magnet infuse mattress like.
Speaker 2: He was doing this and he's like, hey man, you
Speaker 2: cant get on this magnet business.
Speaker 1: And I was like do I.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know if it's you know,
Speaker 2: does it work? I don't think so. Have you tried it?
Speaker 3: It's gone away? It was.
Speaker 2: It was a big It was a big thing on
Speaker 2: the island for a while.
Speaker 4: But but so you did try it?
Speaker 2: What ails you everything? Look at me?
Speaker 3: No, come on, you have like no, no, no, you
Speaker 3: mean I try to sell it.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 5: I never tried it or tried to sell you never tried.
Speaker 5: This is when I was way younger and and way
Speaker 5: better condition. I'm like in my early twenties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why you look so surprised because I was in
Speaker 2: better condition.
Speaker 4: You trying to imagine I'm trying to imagine Joe Ghatto
Speaker 4: at peak condition, like peak Joe at birth down from
Speaker 4: the What was the best shape you've ever been in
Speaker 4: your life?
Speaker 2: Round the best ship?
Speaker 5: I think when I lived in La for a hot minute,
Speaker 5: like two thousand and three, I did okay.
Speaker 2: I always in a little push ups.
Speaker 5: I lost some weight, but then I lost too much
Speaker 5: weight because I couldn't afford to eat, and I.
Speaker 2: Came home and I was a shiated in sick. So
Speaker 2: I think it was like fifteen. It was probably about
Speaker 2: two weeks in two thousand and three.
Speaker 4: You're doing the hiking, you're going out, and I was
Speaker 4: running the track butting a shirt up to hear that's it,
Speaker 4: let it flow said.
Speaker 2: I never had muscle muscles, scrape, never had muscles.
Speaker 4: What was what was your game like in La?
Speaker 2: Good?
Speaker 4: Going out?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I know.
Speaker 4: I was more making it happen? Where'd you go in La?
Speaker 5: In La, I didn't really do an out and about
Speaker 5: as much as I did at the house have people over.
Speaker 5: I did a lot of house party and I did
Speaker 5: a lot of mo because we lived in a fun house.
Speaker 2: It was me and justin yeah, couple of friends and
Speaker 2: then and.
Speaker 3: We would have people over. And I worked a lot.
Speaker 3: I worked at North Strum a lot.
Speaker 4: Did you ever pull a number at North Trum's where
Speaker 4: you're working.
Speaker 3: Is that frowned upon?
Speaker 5: Well, they have to give me their number to log
Speaker 5: into the system, like what's your reward's number?
Speaker 2: The number?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, but you never called that?
Speaker 2: I did once? You did once? Well she told me,
Speaker 2: She's like, well you have my number like that, So
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 3: Oh really?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And how that work out?
Speaker 2: But we went on dat two?
Speaker 3: Yeah, what happened physically?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 5: Light insertion, light insertion and it wasn't a having insertion.
Speaker 5: It was light insertion.
Speaker 2: Uh no, I didn't really.
Speaker 3: I was only out there for two years.
Speaker 2: Such a great It wasn't bzoncers out there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh uh, it wasn't bzoncres.
Speaker 2: You know. My years was in New York.
Speaker 3: Now, let me ask you about the word bzoncres. It's
Speaker 3: banana and bonkers together.
Speaker 2: It's just something the kids say.
Speaker 3: It's bizankers bizankres.
Speaker 5: Okay, So my life was bazancres here in New York
Speaker 5: before I left, you know, three yeah, yeah, before I left.
Speaker 5: Those are my bazancre years. I would say, my most bazancres.
Speaker 3: And how bizankre did it get go? Bazankaz No?
Speaker 2: No, no, yeah, I was I don't know, I never
Speaker 2: really had girlfriends, you know.
Speaker 3: Because you were just such a pig.
Speaker 2: I would say pig, I would say, a guy who.
Speaker 3: You couldn't help yourself. Now you're in a hot streak.
Speaker 3: I was very I was huge.
Speaker 2: I was pretty funny and just.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, did they appreciate the jokes?
Speaker 2: After you left?
Speaker 4: They owned the laughter stopped and the tears start, tears began.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's.
Speaker 5: Not Bazankers, that's there.
Speaker 4: It's bazancers, not us bazankre. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I uh no, I think I had never
Speaker 5: had but you had, like cereal you we spoke about this,
Speaker 5: but you went relationship to a relationship right a lot.
Speaker 3: I had a little hot run for a while.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: I mean when I started doing stand up, it was
Speaker 4: like I was fresh out of college and as a
Speaker 4: guy that never really did well in high school of college,
Speaker 4: I was like you in La.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 4: So so I then all of a sudden, you doing
Speaker 4: stand up and you're you know, you're on stage in
Speaker 4: New York City, and then all of a sudden it
Speaker 4: kind of started clicking. So I yeah, I uh, I
Speaker 4: had fun for a while and then and then it
Speaker 4: just gets tiring. It's just like how many times are
Speaker 4: you going to have the same same eight eight conversation?
Speaker 3: Same?
Speaker 4: Like like I was dating so much that I was
Speaker 4: just like I had it down to a formula of like, Okay,
Speaker 4: here's the questions I'm going to ask. I never wrote
Speaker 4: it down to what it was, just like this has
Speaker 4: always worked in the past. We'll just keep doing this,
Speaker 4: and then you know there'd be light insertion, some heavy lights.
Speaker 2: So is there insertion?
Speaker 4: Insertion? Sometimes I was being inserted upon and I was
Speaker 4: establishing I don't like insertion.
Speaker 2: No insertion zone. They they U.
Speaker 5: I will say the if you look at like dating
Speaker 5: and how it's been throughout the years, we're talking about
Speaker 5: the pioneers, right, and now you look at how like
Speaker 5: people date today. Could you imagine like you're like, hey,
Speaker 5: you want to come on this boat with me? They
Speaker 5: say yes, then you're married, Like that's how it happens back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's a Facebook. I know, like back in
Speaker 3: the day, it's.
Speaker 2: Like, right, you go on one date and then like
Speaker 2: that's your that's dating.
Speaker 4: In the seventies. Yeah, it's like oh okay, yeah, this
Speaker 4: is Marie. She grew up down the street and we
Speaker 4: got married at twenty. It's like, yeah, you didn't have Facebook.
Speaker 4: I mean, can you imagine I LO was.
Speaker 2: In your high school?
Speaker 4: See, we we didn't get we didn't have apps. No,
Speaker 4: we're pre how but bzoncres, bizoncres. Would it have been
Speaker 4: to be on an app and just scroll and hit
Speaker 4: and say meet me at Like if I had an
Speaker 4: app when I was in my twenties and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 4: maybe at the comedy shower tonight, you know, bring a
Speaker 4: friend or two if you want.
Speaker 3: Or you will meet up, have some trip.
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, easier I'd be going bzonkers.
Speaker 2: You would be bzoncers. Yeah.
Speaker 5: But the thing about you that you did would stand
Speaker 5: up and I think that is is that you'd have
Speaker 5: a fresh crop of people to speak to each night, right,
Speaker 5: you'd have different different or each twice a night. You'd
Speaker 5: have a different room of people.
Speaker 2: Five five different Yeah, I would do I would do four.
Speaker 5: So you kind of were doing like a real time
Speaker 5: like a not a speed dating, but like as a
Speaker 5: as a you know, you would have people would have
Speaker 5: seen you, and you got exposure to these people. They
Speaker 5: get to see you, they think you're funny or not
Speaker 5: cute or not, and then they could approach you or not. So,
Speaker 5: but there's like people that were just like if you
Speaker 5: were I guess, I guess this happens a lot of people,
Speaker 5: like in service industries too, like waitresses. I had a
Speaker 5: couple of waitress friends, right that were like they always
Speaker 5: got hit on because there was always somebody new coming
Speaker 5: in there.
Speaker 2: Always met a lot of people that way.
Speaker 5: But if you're like in an office, if you're in
Speaker 5: like the eighties and you work in an insurance office,
Speaker 5: like it's.
Speaker 2: Those twelve people you work with, right, it really is
Speaker 2: a number.
Speaker 5: It's a horrible pool. But as a common my parent,
Speaker 5: my parents met because they worked together. They worked together.
Speaker 4: My mom and dad were was dating when you worked
Speaker 4: at the baby store.
Speaker 3: Now the baby stor was great because you know, they
Speaker 3: put out thing.
Speaker 5: I think with that though, was like my parents met
Speaker 5: in their office, right, And like I feel like there
Speaker 5: was a whole generation of probably our parents and just
Speaker 5: before our parents that people either met at work, right
Speaker 5: or were in there like school and that was it
Speaker 5: sure or church, church right so or the community.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: You're not really going outside of any of that. People
Speaker 5: aren't going away to college people are you.
Speaker 4: Know, no, and all the the three I would say,
Speaker 4: the three like real relationships I genuinely had my life
Speaker 4: were three, you know, including Jess obviously the last one.
Speaker 2: I hope that's in the numbers.
Speaker 3: Those were those were if you left her out.
Speaker 4: The three plus my wife and children, the three when
Speaker 4: I was smiling and happy. Uh, those three were all
Speaker 4: long distance. All the relationships I had that meant something
Speaker 4: and were worthwhile in life. For all long distance, I
Speaker 4: never had one where somebody lived in the city and
Speaker 4: it lasted more than you know, a while to be
Speaker 4: really genuinely significant.
Speaker 5: M I was a big long distance or two you
Speaker 5: were yeah, yeah, I mean best of a long distance
Speaker 5: for a year and a half before she moved to
Speaker 5: New York.
Speaker 2: She was in Gali, like full circle. There you go,
Speaker 2: full circle? Yeah, nowhere now you're long distance.
Speaker 3: Short distance.
Speaker 2: It's a couple of miles from the now.
Speaker 5: But yeah, it's interesting to be like, you know, to that,
Speaker 5: because I think there is something like the opportunity to
Speaker 5: miss somebody is big right then long distance back in
Speaker 5: the day, like you only got to know people by
Speaker 5: like talking to them on the phone or like FaceTime,
Speaker 5: and you would even before FaceTime, like you would just
Speaker 5: you're just oh you had was talking, and that's how
Speaker 5: you really get to know.
Speaker 3: Somebody, right, So you spend time on the phone is
Speaker 3: really how you're doing it.
Speaker 2: So I think that's why you felt so connected to
Speaker 2: those people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. I think it's you can do
Speaker 4: all these things on the phone still, right, But.
Speaker 3: I'll never forege. I think one of the best.
Speaker 4: Parts of Citizen Kane is the reporter. For those of
Speaker 4: you know or don't know the film, they're trying to
Speaker 4: figure out the significance of Rosebud, which is Caine's last
Speaker 4: words before he dies.
Speaker 3: Right, So these reporters have figured out what is what
Speaker 3: is Rosebud? That's the whole film.
Speaker 2: And so this.
Speaker 4: Reporter goes and he's talking to his base, his accountant,
Speaker 4: Charles Foster, Kane's accountant, and he says, do you think
Speaker 4: it could be about a girl? I'm trying to figure
Speaker 4: this out and it doesn't seem like it. And he said,
Speaker 4: very well, it very well could be. You know, I'm paraphrasing.
Speaker 4: I don't want to butcher the dialogue because it's so good,
Speaker 4: but he's basically saying he's basically saying you never know
Speaker 4: who could be right. He said, I I was on
Speaker 4: the ferry coming into the city and there was this
Speaker 4: beautiful girl in a white dress and I saw her.
Speaker 4: It lasted no more than maybe two minutes. And there
Speaker 4: hasn't been a day that's gone by since I saw
Speaker 4: her a month ago that I haven't thought of her.
Speaker 4: And it's like, Wow, that's such a great Now, it's
Speaker 4: so relatable. And I think if you live in New
Speaker 4: York City, or if you ever have lived in New
Speaker 4: York City, I think you have that experience at least
Speaker 4: once every few days, where you know when you're single,
Speaker 4: especially you're on the trains.
Speaker 5: Did countess it's a whole section on Craigslis, Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Connection culture had that movie Sliding Doorsut seen someone in
Speaker 4: the subway and and the whole movie was about what
Speaker 4: would happened if she didn't and what would happen but
Speaker 4: if she did?
Speaker 2: It was such a the what ifs? Hmmm, what if
Speaker 2: we answered the question? Nice segue, Let's get into it.
Speaker 3: Here we go.
Speaker 4: This is coming to us from Alexa. Alexa gets right
Speaker 4: to the point.
Speaker 2: Okay, Alexa, you're ready for this? Yes.
Speaker 4: Seriously, guys, whatever the fuck I cannot decide and I
Speaker 4: need guidance. Okay, okay, without context at all, please help
Speaker 4: me and answer yes or no?
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: Ah, So we're her magic eight ball. This was all caps,
Speaker 4: by the way, half of this was an all caps,
Speaker 4: So I think it's important. I don't know what she's saying.
Speaker 4: I don't know what the context is, but I know
Speaker 4: it is significant and she just needs a simple yes
Speaker 4: or no. If it wasn't all if it was just,
Speaker 4: if it was not all caps, I wouldn't take it
Speaker 4: as seriously because in a.
Speaker 2: Dark situation, she needs a yes or no. So where
Speaker 2: the flip of the coin. We are with a.
Speaker 3: Flip of the coin.
Speaker 5: Now tell me what your what your gut is right now,
Speaker 5: don't say it, but remember right now what your gut
Speaker 5: is to say.
Speaker 2: And now let's discuss a couple of things. Okay, good.
Speaker 2: Let's put one in.
Speaker 5: Should she okay, let's should she buy this pair of
Speaker 5: shoes that she saw on a on Adidas dot com
Speaker 5: that she really likes.
Speaker 2: That are on sale for forty nine dollars? Okay?
Speaker 5: And then on the other end, should be like, should
Speaker 5: she pull the plug on her grandmother. There's a whole
Speaker 5: array apostasy the grandmother like a dida here, Well, the
Speaker 5: grandmother has the promo code.
Speaker 2: But let me get to it.
Speaker 5: So like there's array, and now also put this in
Speaker 5: your head, like I want her to have to act
Speaker 5: upon what we answer.
Speaker 2: I want her to keep, her to.
Speaker 4: Keep Let's say, you've got to come with us to
Speaker 4: let us know. Okay, this is so bizoncreus.
Speaker 5: Is the most bizoncreous thing that's happened so far on
Speaker 5: this Okay to cool Mom's okay, So now what's your
Speaker 5: instinct telling you before we had that conversation.
Speaker 2: But is it the same word? You change? Well?
Speaker 4: Uh, I when you throw it out like they're like that, right, Yeah,
Speaker 4: there's context, there's significance. But I think I, by nature
Speaker 4: am someone who leans.
Speaker 3: A lot more positive. I lean, yes, I'm gonna, I'm
Speaker 3: gon lean.
Speaker 4: Yes where the Jim Carrey movie, Yes man, Yes, I
Speaker 4: say yes, I say yes, I say yes, And I
Speaker 4: hope it's the sneakers and not the grandmother. Yes, yes,
Speaker 4: I'm all in on it, and we hope, we hope
Speaker 4: it's it's good advice.
Speaker 5: There's got to be a follow up she's got a
Speaker 5: lot of snow to let us know what this is,
Speaker 5: and you need to act on a yes.
Speaker 3: It's got to be a yes. Okay, great, I love it.
Speaker 2: It was a good one. Okay.
Speaker 4: Hey, mom's hi from Avery. First off, thanks for being
Speaker 4: the best mothers and helped me through hard times. Joe,
Speaker 4: especially with the Jokers and Steve comedy. Is that what
Speaker 4: you do? But here's the question that was that's not
Speaker 4: what it says, that's what comedy?
Speaker 3: Is that what you do?
Speaker 2: Oh? She puts the emoji though, But.
Speaker 3: Here's the question.
Speaker 4: Okay, I want to go to college out on the
Speaker 4: East Coast, mainly Brooklyn, but my mom is not the
Speaker 4: most supportive about it. She wants me to stay in Minnesota.
Speaker 4: How to approach the subject of what I want of
Speaker 4: me wanting to be independent and to go away from
Speaker 4: my family. By the way, Steve, you are also amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh, she's very sweet.
Speaker 3: She brought it back.
Speaker 4: That's why, so Avery, I would say.
Speaker 3: This is your moment in time.
Speaker 4: You've got to do what's best for you.
Speaker 2: This is the beginning of your paying for it.
Speaker 4: Well, even if not, this is her, this is her
Speaker 4: moment to be independent.
Speaker 2: Nobody could tell you what to do. She's not independent
Speaker 2: if they're paying for it.
Speaker 4: But if this is where she wants to go, I
Speaker 4: think she's probably found a school that is specializing in
Speaker 4: something she.
Speaker 2: Wants to do.
Speaker 4: Why why would she choose Brooklyn from here?
Speaker 2: Maybe she wants to get into a big city out
Speaker 2: of a small town. Could just be that.
Speaker 5: So not to be about the school, you're making assumptions.
Speaker 5: For me, the one thing that the major ingredient here
Speaker 5: is who's paying for it. If you got a got
Speaker 5: a scholarship, or were able to take out a loan
Speaker 5: and you're gonna pay off your own thing and go
Speaker 5: East Coast, you're going to the East Coast. You don't
Speaker 5: need your parents permission to do that. So to me,
Speaker 5: it seems like her parents are paying for it. So
Speaker 5: then they tell you where to go.
Speaker 4: I'm of the different mindset. I say go to Brooklyn.
Speaker 4: I say load up on debt in your twenties.
Speaker 3: That's what it's all about.
Speaker 4: Make mistakes, have fun, get out here, experienced life. You've
Speaker 4: been in Minnesota. It's fucking freezing, it's well, the weather
Speaker 4: is going to make you my god, have you ever
Speaker 4: been in Minnesota? In January?
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: Ess as parents live up there. We've been up there
Speaker 4: for the holidays once and I was like, I never
Speaker 4: did this again, for sure, never do it again. It's
Speaker 4: yeah they by the way, by the way, like at
Speaker 4: their house, I think to the first time we hung
Speaker 4: out over the holidays. They brought out sheep music and
Speaker 4: set in a circle, and the one cousin brought at
Speaker 4: I was like, god, fuck, no way, fu all y'all.
Speaker 3: I was like, see ya done.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh, I went right to guitar.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just rust you ever see that movie about a boy, Yeah,
Speaker 4: Hugh Grant. Yeah, He's like and Tony Kollett and the
Speaker 4: boy are sitting there at the piano singing and killing
Speaker 4: me softly, and they both closed their eyes and he's like,
Speaker 4: I can't fuck Like that's exactly what I felt. I
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, sweetest people, nice people.
Speaker 3: I remember.
Speaker 5: The first from the guitar came out for me, I
Speaker 5: was it was his name was Ralph, and uh he
Speaker 5: took one out in Philadelphia, Joe. Yep, his name was Ralph.
Speaker 5: And we were in Philadelphia and we had brought a
Speaker 5: couple of birds back to the flat and uh, Joe
Speaker 5: is yeah, in my early twenties and we brought some
Speaker 5: birds back out to the flat, were hanging out. It
Speaker 5: was Bizoncerus and we're all talking and he's from England. Yeah,
Speaker 5: He's like, oh, let me And he took out and
Speaker 5: I didn't even know he had one. It was a
Speaker 5: brother of a friend that was staying with and he
Speaker 5: took out. He starts fucking ding ding ding and uninvited
Speaker 5: and he didn'tn't even come out with us.
Speaker 2: We brought the birds back on our own.
Speaker 5: He was just at that bird house and he just
Speaker 5: starts flying and singing and it just got really weird.
Speaker 4: And is that the first time you fell in love
Speaker 4: with Oasis?
Speaker 2: I did? Yeah, they were my wonderwall.
Speaker 3: Now what happened with uh? With with Ralph? He?
Speaker 2: This is? Is this real? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Is that real?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And you didn't know him. That's the great thing about it.
Speaker 4: It was my first time, meaning like a single guy,
Speaker 4: you're out and about and just when things matriculate the
Speaker 4: right way, you're out with another dude who you don't know.
Speaker 2: It was the brother of a friend who I was
Speaker 2: working with.
Speaker 4: But there's that unspoken camaraderie of like, dude, we're going
Speaker 4: to help each other. You don't have to say it,
Speaker 4: but we're all helping each other out here.
Speaker 5: It was this guy's brother and he was like, let's
Speaker 5: get to the fucking sexy on. And he's a guy,
Speaker 5: his guitar was he was good.
Speaker 3: He was good.
Speaker 2: He was good man.
Speaker 3: His name was Rolf. You can't be bad? Is this guy?
Speaker 3: Andrew Broaderick? Uh? I had Drew Drew Broadwick.
Speaker 4: Sorry, I was in acting class with I mean a
Speaker 4: gorgeous man. Yeah, he was the gorge scent. He had
Speaker 4: the hair pulled back. He was a really charismatic, handsome guy.
Speaker 4: And and we go out and we're having a great time.
Speaker 4: We end up back at his place and he's like,
Speaker 4: let me get the guitar.
Speaker 3: I'm like you mother.
Speaker 2: Oh, on top of it all, he can play the guitar.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he had a three way and I went home alone.
Speaker 4: Oh he was that good.
Speaker 3: Wow, he played the panties right off him.
Speaker 4: He played literally Wow, unbelievable.
Speaker 3: It's like, do you do you?
Speaker 4: Are you a personal photographer and candle maker as well?
Speaker 4: You fucking asshole?
Speaker 1: Like so, I just flew in from Detroit.
Speaker 4: Boy created an Irish, im, Caucasian and Asian.
Speaker 1: Anybody, anybody would do some sausage party. Can you play
Speaker 1: your asshole?
Speaker 3: Oh that's crazy?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh my god, that's how good he was.
Speaker 3: Though I wish I.
Speaker 2: Could play instrument.
Speaker 3: What would you play?
Speaker 2: Flute? Yes, most most portable?
Speaker 3: What would you play?
Speaker 5: I would play a piano for sure, to be able,
Speaker 5: because I always wanted a house with a piano in it.
Speaker 2: But I would love to sit down.
Speaker 5: And I tried to make my daughter play piano lessons
Speaker 5: and she took to it for like a year and
Speaker 5: then she was like, I won't do it anymore, so
Speaker 5: she stopped doing it. I hope you'll pick it back up,
Speaker 5: but I'm not. I think a piano would be nice
Speaker 5: to play and sit down. And this isn't about like
Speaker 5: sitting down. And if there's a piano there and somebody
Speaker 5: starts playing it, there's like an excitement like, oh do
Speaker 5: you like that?
Speaker 4: You know you actually can play?
Speaker 2: Cool? So also the only one you don't have to
Speaker 2: bring with you.
Speaker 4: But the rule of thumb is if you can play piano,
Speaker 4: you can play anything.
Speaker 2: Does what I tell you? Yeah, you could use your thumbs.
Speaker 3: I don't know us is the rule of thumb. The
Speaker 3: chord progression.
Speaker 4: It'sons Manzoncers. Okay, you ready, this is coming to us
Speaker 4: from Rock Sand. Please help me keep my name anonymous.
Speaker 2: Oops, start again.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'll beat it.
Speaker 4: I'll be I'll just didn't really vent this as well
Speaker 4: as I thought it did. By the way, I mean,
Speaker 4: it could be any Rock Sand.
Speaker 2: Don't say it again.
Speaker 3: I know it could be one hundred. There could be.
Speaker 4: It's like I didn't say your last name, but it's like, Hi,
Speaker 4: my name is Steve. Keep this anonymous. Well there's a
Speaker 4: millions out there.
Speaker 2: He gives a shit.
Speaker 5: Okay, Well maybe maybe the context of the question and
Speaker 5: that's all the person needs to put pieces all together.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 4: Okay, Hi, moms, I love the show. This is a
Speaker 4: two or three parter. We're just gonna take two.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: How can a guy you've known for so long, married
Speaker 4: and had a kid with now seem like a total stranger.
Speaker 4: We tried counseling with different professionals, had his family and
Speaker 4: my family reach out to him, and given my mom
Speaker 4: seems to stick up for him more than I. I
Speaker 4: work full time and have a part time job and
Speaker 4: he just has a part time job. It treats me
Speaker 4: like crap. I'm done, and I think I need to
Speaker 4: come to terms. I need to go ahead and file
Speaker 4: for a divorce. So let's uh so what's the question. Okay,
Speaker 4: that's the kind I guess, uh.
Speaker 3: She said, she said, she said everything she needs to.
Speaker 4: Part two my mom My mom does not see how
Speaker 4: she negatively affects me, and we'll never admit it. Somehow,
Speaker 4: I still always want her opinion.
Speaker 2: What gives?
Speaker 5: Okay? So all right, so what gives? Well, the first
Speaker 5: part really and have a questions. She's just letting us
Speaker 5: and letting her know what's going on. I guess she's
Speaker 5: getting divorced, okay, And she said her mom didn't agree
Speaker 5: with it. So then the second part is the opinion
Speaker 5: what gives?
Speaker 4: But her mom negatively affects her, but she still wants
Speaker 4: her mom's opinion.
Speaker 5: I mean that's just that's just human nature, right, Yeah,
Speaker 5: that's just from growing up. I mean, but you're you're
Speaker 5: smart enough to realize you don't need it because you're
Speaker 5: you're acting. You're going to act on things that she
Speaker 5: doesn't agree with anyway, So I would say, just.
Speaker 2: Just keep doing that.
Speaker 5: You're looking for your mother mother's approval, you're not getting
Speaker 5: it and you're still existing, So then just remove the
Speaker 5: part of the way of waiting for her approval because
Speaker 5: you're still existing and you're still.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think most of the time we inherently know
Speaker 4: what's best for us. You're just kind of looking for
Speaker 4: reaffirmation exactly right. You're just going even want somebody in
Speaker 4: your corner.
Speaker 5: You want somebody saying that's right, so somebody could help
Speaker 5: lay down.
Speaker 3: The mattress if you fall, right, Yeah, you know, somebody.
Speaker 2: Could just be like's you know, well, oh, I think
Speaker 2: a the way we wanted.
Speaker 4: But it's fascinating because when you're listening to somebody plead
Speaker 4: their case, make their case right. I mean, rarely are
Speaker 4: people truly objective about the situation.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: It's just like and he did this, and he did that,
Speaker 4: and he did this, and he did this, and it's
Speaker 4: just like, well, okay, well what did you do? Like
Speaker 4: what are your part with exactly yeah. And I think
Speaker 4: if more people are more objective, you get an honest opinion.
Speaker 4: But I think again, at the end of the day,
Speaker 4: you know what's best for you, how to self preservation subconsciously,
Speaker 4: you know what to do.
Speaker 2: It's all hard.
Speaker 5: It's hard to try to make a decision by yourself
Speaker 5: because it's two ways to approach a decision. Right, your
Speaker 5: decision is either that you get counsel from people that
Speaker 5: you trust, sure or no. The other way to do
Speaker 5: it is just go with your gut, as they say, right,
Speaker 5: And I don't know how often they're not the same answer.
Speaker 2: I don't know how oftenrue or not.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So why even involve other people and just you
Speaker 5: know what's best for you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, to try to.
Speaker 4: Do that, you know, I agree with this. I don't
Speaker 4: want to make a correlation. Like professionally, but you always
Speaker 4: go with your gut, right, you go with your Jimney cricket.
Speaker 4: You're conscious, you know what to do best for you.
Speaker 4: But I think as you get older, if you're still
Speaker 4: mired in like situations that are redundant, you gotta break
Speaker 4: that cycle at some point.
Speaker 2: And if you're still face if you keep getting faced
Speaker 2: with the same decision.
Speaker 4: Or say yeah, I mean that's not to bring it.
Speaker 4: But like professionally my career, I've I've just always done
Speaker 4: the same thing, like on stage as a comic, and
Speaker 4: it was always good enough but not great, you know,
Speaker 4: I was always getting work and doing but I was like,
Speaker 4: I gotta think outside the box, do something different. Thus
Speaker 4: the specially we worked on. And it was only until
Speaker 4: like having the self realization to go, Okay, well do
Speaker 4: you want to do do you want to go ahead
Speaker 4: and do another hour? Do you want to do another
Speaker 4: thing that you've You've done four of them right, and
Speaker 4: they are each one of them has gotten you exactly
Speaker 4: to the same point, to the same results. And it
Speaker 4: wasn't until like I just took the time to take
Speaker 4: some self realization to go, I am.
Speaker 3: I need to make a pivot here.
Speaker 4: I need to do something drastic and force myself to
Speaker 4: think out side the box and recalibrate my career and
Speaker 4: challenge myself. And it wasn't until that point that now
Speaker 4: you know, doing this thing, it's like, okay, well we'll
Speaker 4: see if it works. I don't know, but at least
Speaker 4: I took the onus upon myself and held myself accountable,
Speaker 4: because if I didn't, then things would just keep being
Speaker 4: like that. I'd just be at that same level.
Speaker 5: And you'd from a professional standpoint and from fulfillment thing,
Speaker 5: you'd be just giving people more of the same. Here
Speaker 5: you're able to give them something different and also something
Speaker 5: you enjoyed, that you showed even more of yourself than
Speaker 5: you wouldn't a comedy special because it is quite personal
Speaker 5: what you get into too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that's the difference between like take
Speaker 4: for example, and I'm not like, I'm just like reflexively
Speaker 4: thinking about like Will Ferrer. Right, Will Ferrell has consistently
Speaker 4: been hilarious and funny, but it's kind of the same.
Speaker 4: You're banging the same drum in every scenario. Bruce Willis
Speaker 4: was guilty of that every action film. It's like, what's
Speaker 4: the difference between Diehard and you know, the war films
Speaker 4: he's done.
Speaker 3: He's still like smirking.
Speaker 4: And kind of cold and cool, And then you have
Speaker 4: somebody like Jack Nicholson or Leonardo DiCaprio that just constantly
Speaker 4: make these hard pivots Johnny Depp, like, you know, how
Speaker 4: do you go from parts of the Caribbean to like
Speaker 4: really dark indie films that he's done where he's on
Speaker 4: an Indian reservation.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: It's just like, I just think that those people have
Speaker 4: survived because they've made hard recalibrations in their in their career.
Speaker 4: But I also think that that that that bodes well
Speaker 4: personally too, because when I was dating and dating and
Speaker 4: dating and dating, it was just like I felt so
Speaker 4: unhappy and even though you're you know, you're trying to
Speaker 4: go out, you're trying to meet a girl, you're trying
Speaker 4: to have somebody in your corner two in the morning
Speaker 4: to go home with, and then just like what is
Speaker 4: this Like It's just just not healthy.
Speaker 2: Right, you know, it's the way you approach it. I
Speaker 2: guess yeah.
Speaker 5: I don't think seeking other people's approval has ever come out,
Speaker 5: has ever led to a good good?
Speaker 2: Is never a good motivation to see other people's approval, and.
Speaker 4: So what you know, what, you know, what's the best
Speaker 4: When a good friend pulls you aside and goes, hey, hey,
Speaker 4: fuck face doing this wrong, pay attention. Yeah, you you're
Speaker 4: you're you're doing you're doing this completely wrong. That's when
Speaker 4: it's the best time I think to get.
Speaker 5: I think when it's not When it's not that's what
Speaker 5: you're unsolicited, unsolicited, And it's when it's somebody that you
Speaker 5: know cares about you saying something you should listen.
Speaker 4: And that is Bizoncres, that's Bazoncres. Okay, this is going
Speaker 4: to us from do you want to tell everybody what
Speaker 4: Bozonkers is?
Speaker 5: It's banana and bon bonkers boss together but bonkers.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's catching on. It's what all the kids are saying.
Speaker 2: It's wildfire.
Speaker 3: You're ready for a bzancer's question?
Speaker 2: Hit me?
Speaker 4: This is coming us from Tay t A t a
Speaker 4: y Hey, Tay Tay you readyay? Okay, Tay says, what's
Speaker 4: going on? Mommy's I love the podcast. I listen to
Speaker 4: you all the time while I'm at work. Uh question,
Speaker 4: what's the craziest, funniest experience.
Speaker 3: You've ever witnessed? This is Dante.
Speaker 4: Wow, craziest or funniest experience you've ever witnessed? I'll tell
Speaker 4: you last night we were at dinner and you told
Speaker 4: me that Jeff Johnson's story. That's one of those things
Speaker 4: where I wish I was there because that sounded.
Speaker 3: So that's something up there, certainly up there.
Speaker 5: Even more than that was the recap. So we're on
Speaker 5: tour our, our tour manager, Jeff Johnson. It's me, Sally
Speaker 5: and Murder were downstairs and.
Speaker 4: And this, Jeff, just just for context for everybody. You know,
Speaker 4: the look somebody has before they're about to hit a
Speaker 4: deer like that's what Jeff Johnson looks like every day, right,
Speaker 4: He's just kind of.
Speaker 5: Like, oh yeah, deer in headlights, like something's about to happen.
Speaker 4: And usually it's because of you, I know, addresser tour managers.
Speaker 1: Hey, what are we doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Lovable love sweetest, such a great dude.
Speaker 2: And so he was. It was the first tour weekend.
Speaker 2: We're torn with him.
Speaker 5: He's writing a check out for us to pay us
Speaker 5: for the weekend. It's a it's a it's a nice
Speaker 5: take home for us, and.
Speaker 4: He's, as you said, this is the first big legit
Speaker 4: check you guys have ever made in your career.
Speaker 5: So me he me sala Murdy down says, doing the
Speaker 5: settlement with him, and he's going through it and he's
Speaker 5: writing the check out and he starts to sign the
Speaker 5: check and as he's talking, he starts having a bit
Speaker 5: of a call attack and he starts going, you know,
Speaker 5: he said.
Speaker 3: Well, you know this is good been.
Speaker 5: And he just powers down pen in hand and he
Speaker 5: just sits there and dies in front of us.
Speaker 3: So then Murray is sitting next to him. He shakes
Speaker 3: his shoulder and he's.
Speaker 5: Like Jeff, Jeff and then Sal jumped up and went
Speaker 5: and that night we had played the Hoyt Sherman Theater
Speaker 5: and Sal's brain disconnected and he ran to grabbed the
Speaker 5: courtesy phone of this hotels.
Speaker 2: Conferenceman which we were barring downstairs to call the police.
Speaker 5: And he picks up the phone and goes, get me
Speaker 5: Hoyt Sherman the phone, and then I jumped up and
Speaker 5: did like a half half seat belt fake kimelike where
Speaker 5: I was just granted him and I was just basically
Speaker 5: shaking like lifting him. Marms going, Jeff, and I'm doing this,
Speaker 5: and Sal's cowboy Scherman with freaking out and he comes to.
Speaker 5: He wakes up, still was holding the pen, wakes and
Speaker 5: goes and he sees me hugging him murdered white, and
Speaker 5: Sal like almost in tears, and he looks at over
Speaker 5: it and he goes, oh, it happened again.
Speaker 1: Didn't He said.
Speaker 5: We found out that he had this condition where he
Speaker 5: if he had coughed and tried to talk through it
Speaker 5: too much, he would lose oxygen and faint.
Speaker 3: And it's happened to him a bunch of it was like.
Speaker 5: A bronchial thing, and he failed to mention that to us. Ever,
Speaker 5: and the day before that, we were all driving in
Speaker 5: the white van, like a Runner van, which we had rented,
Speaker 5: and he was driving and we were all like napping
Speaker 5: and he was coughing.
Speaker 3: Driving and I said to him, I said, so that
Speaker 3: could happen while you're driving. He goes, yes, it's happened before.
Speaker 1: I was like, my life is in your hands.
Speaker 3: That was bezonkers. That is genuinely that was very funny.
Speaker 5: And so the thing that was the funniest was the recap.
Speaker 5: When we got in the elevator and we went upstairs.
Speaker 5: We just sat there, the door shut, and we were
Speaker 5: all still in disbelieveout what had just happened. And then
Speaker 5: I just turned to the guys and we just I
Speaker 5: was like, did you guys see how he just shut down?
Speaker 5: And I just started doing impressions of.
Speaker 2: Him dying in front of us, recapping what had happened.
Speaker 5: And we were on the third floor of this hotel
Speaker 5: in outside the elevator. I was holding the elevated door open,
Speaker 5: and Salad gotten off to get on his floor. He
Speaker 5: was laying on the floor screaming because his side was
Speaker 5: in pain, side splitting, yelling at me to stop Murray
Speaker 5: was punching me and stop and I just kept going.
Speaker 2: And that was the one of the hardest I think
Speaker 2: we've ever left as a group over the our thirty.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was crazy.
Speaker 4: Jeff Johnson and he's still uh, he still work with
Speaker 4: all your.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he still works with the nicest guy worked last weekend.
Speaker 3: He's the best about the sun.
Speaker 5: The sun always steals my fucking strawberries in the green room.
Speaker 5: We just just e's my strawberries. So it's like a
Speaker 5: joke with us.
Speaker 3: It's like his name.
Speaker 5: He's got sons out seventeen now, but he was like
Speaker 5: twelve years old and he used to come in and
Speaker 5: we were just all sitting there talking and I look
Speaker 5: over at the table and it's like the Blair Witch
Speaker 5: project where he's just facing the wall and he's just
Speaker 5: chopping on strawberries and he's taking the green pieces.
Speaker 3: And putt him back in the flight.
Speaker 5: I said, Jeff, could you get your son to stop
Speaker 5: eating my strawberries and just look at.
Speaker 2: Me and you jump.
Speaker 3: Like that groundhog video.
Speaker 4: You ever see the groundhog video that's like pissing off
Speaker 4: the farmer and eating all of his food in front
Speaker 4: of her God, that.
Speaker 2: Is so funny.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's so, that's my that's my story. It's straight Bazancres,
Speaker 5: that is Bizoncres. I think my my craziest. I don't
Speaker 5: think I've ever told the story on the pod?
Speaker 2: Did I the story of forty episodes? You may have,
Speaker 2: but let's hear it.
Speaker 3: Do ever tell you the story about the fight in Phoenix, Arizona?
Speaker 2: In Phoenix? Yeah? No, the one in Milwaukee you told
Speaker 2: me about.
Speaker 3: No, Okay, so I was in Phoenix.
Speaker 2: This is the craziest, this is funny.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, so I I I'm with Uh, I'm with
Speaker 4: subashing Menoscaco. Right, we meet these girls. We're hanging out
Speaker 4: all night, have a great night. I dip off with
Speaker 4: the girl, hang out, we hook up. I come back down.
Speaker 4: Sebasha's still hanging out with his girl. I don't think
Speaker 4: they ever made it to his room. They were sitting
Speaker 4: at the pool the whole time. And that's how always
Speaker 4: Sebastian operated. He never like it was weird. So anyways,
Speaker 4: the girls are talking, Sebashi and I are catching up
Speaker 4: and the girl's like, all right, we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 4: take off. And I was like well, let me walk
Speaker 4: you guys to the to the car. So we're walking
Speaker 4: over to the elevator to take them to the parking garage,
Speaker 4: right Sebashian's like, I'm gonna get a cappuccino or whatever.
Speaker 4: So he's dipping away or whatever. So I go with
Speaker 4: the girls and I'm running to catch up with them.
Speaker 4: They're in the elevator, okay. And as I walk towards them,
Speaker 4: there's five black dudes okay. In the lobby. One guy's
Speaker 4: holding the door open and he's basically trying to get
Speaker 4: the girl's number. He's like, come on, girl, give me
Speaker 4: your number. She's like, nah, I'm not gonna give you
Speaker 4: my number. And he's like, come on, don't you want
Speaker 4: to hang with us, give me a number.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 4: And then I come kind of like sneaking through and
Speaker 4: go under his arm. I'm like, hey, guys, you know,
Speaker 4: just wrapping up.
Speaker 3: I get it.
Speaker 4: You know, we're all just trying to have fun or whatever,
Speaker 4: just trying to make it smooth and nice and uh.
Speaker 4: And the guy is just ignoring me. I don't exist.
Speaker 4: I'm Patrick swayzeing ghost, right, I'm not there. So he's
Speaker 4: holding the door open be it's making that noise. He goes,
Speaker 4: come on, girl, just give me a number. She's like,
Speaker 4: I'm not giving my number. He's like, just give me
Speaker 4: a number.
Speaker 3: Do you want to hang with this fauce? He's holding
Speaker 3: up the change.
Speaker 4: She's like, I don't want I'm not giving you my number,
Speaker 4: and he goes. He goes, well, I'm not closing these
Speaker 4: doors till I get your number. She goes, I'm not
Speaker 4: giving you my number. You and then she drops the
Speaker 4: end box.
Speaker 3: Oh my good god, and.
Speaker 4: Now like she says it, then he sees you, well
Speaker 4: he did. He walks in the elevator. The elevator has
Speaker 4: been waiting. It goes, whoosh, closes. Okay, she's in the corner.
Speaker 4: The girl's in the corner. I move in. The guy
Speaker 4: comes in. We grab each other and I'm like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I can't believe this is happening. So we're
Speaker 4: we're kind of like wrestling rock hockey fighting exactly. So
Speaker 4: I went for the shirt.
Speaker 3: I go for the jersey.
Speaker 4: I pull the jersey, his shirt over his head. And
Speaker 4: now I'm like, I'm in an elevator in a confined space.
Speaker 4: You got to go for broke, and I'm just throwing
Speaker 4: everything I have at this guy. I'm uperacut hit but
Speaker 4: boom boom boom boom, hitt him, hitting him, hit him,
Speaker 4: and he can't see and he's kind of like shit,
Speaker 4: he's getting pounded and he drops to his knees.
Speaker 3: He goes chill dog, jail, Jill, Dog, jail jail. Like,
Speaker 3: are you done? He goes chill dog. I go, are
Speaker 3: you done?
Speaker 4: He goes chill jill.
Speaker 3: I'm done.
Speaker 4: I'm done. So he gets up.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: I kind of back off to the wall. The girls
Speaker 4: are crying, right this guy is standing there. He pulls
Speaker 4: his shirt over his head, and I'm sitting there, going,
Speaker 4: he's gonna come at me. He's gonna come at me again,
Speaker 4: because now he's got a shirt off. He's ready. And
Speaker 4: I remember Sarah Smiles from Hall and Oates is playing.
Speaker 4: So if I'm ever in a CBS or Walgreens and
Speaker 4: I hear that song, I'm instantly in an elevator in Arizona.
Speaker 4: So I'm sitting there and I'm just like, oh fuck, okay,
Speaker 4: get ready. So I'm kind of like bracing myself against
Speaker 4: the wall and he is staring at me, staring at me,
Speaker 4: but it's not like he's gonna fuck me up or whatever,
Speaker 4: just like a weird thing. And you you'll know this
Speaker 4: look because you get it every day you go somewhere.
Speaker 4: All of a sudden, things started clicking for him, and
Speaker 4: he looks at me and he goes, he goes, were
Speaker 4: you gonna be T's Comicview?
Speaker 3: I go yeah.
Speaker 4: He goes, you did the Bruce Lee the Bruce Are
Speaker 4: you the Bruce Lee guy?
Speaker 3: I go yeah.
Speaker 4: He goes, holy shit, no fucking way, what are you
Speaker 4: doing here? I go, oh, I is at the improv
Speaker 4: and hooked up with this racist tonight.
Speaker 3: So that's now he's laughing. She kind of chuckles.
Speaker 4: He's like, holy shit, man, I think you're hilarious.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, thanks man.
Speaker 4: All of a sudden, you hear the elevator was stuck.
Speaker 4: This is the part I forgot to tell you. When
Speaker 4: we were rocking, we got stuck. So that's why we're
Speaker 4: just sitting there in this elevator. So we knocked it
Speaker 4: off its moorings whatever. So now we hear so the
Speaker 4: elevator goes directly to the lobby. The doors pop open.
Speaker 4: His boys heard everything because we're like a floor die
Speaker 4: or whatever. Right, they hear everything, the tussle, all the shit,
Speaker 4: and so doors pop open all of a sudden, ping
Speaker 4: ping ping.
Speaker 3: I get jacked. My shirt gets ripped.
Speaker 4: He go, whoa, guys, guys, guys, stop stop, stop yo.
Speaker 4: This is that Bruce Lee guy from comic with you.
Speaker 4: They go, what, oh shit, that's the fucking Bruce Lee guy.
Speaker 4: The manager is there in the lobby, he's the one
Speaker 4: with the key that active. He goes, He goes, I'm
Speaker 4: just letting everybody know. I called the cops.
Speaker 3: They're on their way.
Speaker 4: These guys dip off. The girls get back in the elevator,
Speaker 4: go down. The manager is getting me a tissue because
Speaker 4: I'm bleeding here.
Speaker 3: I'm bleeding here.
Speaker 4: My shirt is completely ripped and I have a tissue
Speaker 4: and I'm putting it to my thing. He's like, he's like, seriously,
Speaker 4: the cops are coming. Do you want to press charges
Speaker 4: or anything?
Speaker 3: I go no, no, no, I'm okay. And then who do
Speaker 3: you think?
Speaker 4: Rounds the corner. Sebastian in all Adidas gear with like
Speaker 4: facial moisturizing cream and he's literally holding a frappuccino like this,
Speaker 4: and he looks at me and goes.
Speaker 3: What the fuck.
Speaker 4: Up. It had been maybe five minutes. That was all
Speaker 4: in five minutes. So that's the that's the craziest.
Speaker 3: Story on the road.
Speaker 2: What a weird thing.
Speaker 4: Crazy. Yeah, And I left the guy tickets for the
Speaker 4: next for the next show. Really yeah did he come?
Speaker 4: I don't know if he came or not. I didn't
Speaker 4: want to go back out there because it's like I
Speaker 4: don't want to get involved in this or whatever. But yeah,
Speaker 4: that is BIZARKA.
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for joining us on Two Cool Moms.
Speaker 2: We appreciate you. Thanks so much for coming out to
Speaker 2: see us.
Speaker 5: And on the road, the road, lots of on the roads,
Speaker 5: that's right, right soon and then.
Speaker 4: With Vegas Vegas January.
Speaker 5: Right, we're going to be doing one thousand Oak thousand Oaks, Vegas,
Speaker 5: Phoenix and Vinix Vegas Boom Boom January.
Speaker 4: Annual Boom Boom thirteen fourteen, fifteenth. There Boys to Men
Speaker 4: and ABC BBD the Thanks so much everybody, These two
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