Speaker 1: Hello, Hi guys, Good morning, afternoon or evening.
Speaker 2: This is the Unofficial Expert podcast with Sydney and Marie.
Speaker 2: You know, so this is a podcast where everybody thinks
Speaker 2: they're an expert at something ridiculous or informative, and we
Speaker 2: just pretty much picked their brains and find out if
Speaker 2: they're really the expert at whatever they're talking about. Marie,
Speaker 2: were you were an expert in this week?
Speaker 3: This week?
Speaker 1: I was an expert at looking a mess in public?
Speaker 1: What I almost fell several times, but you know, my
Speaker 1: core is I've been working on it, so my core
Speaker 1: strength is pretty good. And then after I almost bust
Speaker 1: my ass on the subway platform and almost died, I
Speaker 1: went home and saved everybody my apartment building's life. What
Speaker 1: that means is I snow gas and everyone in my
Speaker 1: apartment would sleep, but I was like, something is happening
Speaker 1: in here. My roommate went to sleep and let the
Speaker 1: stove on.
Speaker 2: Oh your roommate white, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: She's crazy, because you know how gone of lighting a candle,
Speaker 1: I could have blown the whole building up.
Speaker 2: And then it would just be the Unofficial Expert with
Speaker 2: Sydney Washington, and.
Speaker 1: It would just be the unofficial with Sydney Washington.
Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2: That's terrible. You need to get one of those those
Speaker 2: carbon monoxide alarms or whatever.
Speaker 3: I feel like I have one.
Speaker 1: I got to get like a canary or a bird
Speaker 1: or something.
Speaker 2: Or maybe you need to put batteries in it. There's
Speaker 2: not enough batteries there, just only have like one.
Speaker 1: The supposed only have one really or two.
Speaker 3: I don't even know what the want to have a
Speaker 3: carbon monoxide detector.
Speaker 2: Listen, we don't know you know where my building is.
Speaker 2: They don't have nothing. Our door barely works.
Speaker 1: I don't even know you had a doorbell.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't really work. Yeah, I you know, I
Speaker 2: have burned my apartment down when I was a kid.
Speaker 3: So and they let you stay there?
Speaker 2: No, they didn't. They're like, you gotta go back to
Speaker 2: New York. Oh was that why you got kicked out
Speaker 2: of Oakland, California?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Really, yeah that's what happened.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I started a fire, burned half my apartment down,
Speaker 2: and then my cousin right after the fires, he said,
Speaker 2: you know you.
Speaker 3: Didn't fucked up now?
Speaker 2: Yeah, And they wouldn't let me buy stoves or matches
Speaker 2: or I couldn't. I had to be supervised twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: Yo.
Speaker 1: That is wow.
Speaker 2: For a couple of years too. And you know, black
Speaker 2: people will never let you like as soon as they
Speaker 2: would let imagine like, oh hope Sydney's not around, Like
Speaker 2: while I was around, I'm like, okay, I got it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, black people don't let you forget stuff.
Speaker 2: I was like, eleven, it was an accident.
Speaker 3: Why were you playing with fire?
Speaker 1: I mean I played a fire too, but I never
Speaker 1: burned anything down.
Speaker 2: Well that's because your mother's not a hoarder like my
Speaker 2: aunt was order and there was like newspapers and it
Speaker 2: was an accident, like.
Speaker 1: You lit the match and then you were watching it burn, yes,
Speaker 1: and then it got too close to your fingers and
Speaker 1: you were like ooh, and you dropped it on a
Speaker 1: stack of what jet magazines.
Speaker 2: I I was playing with like a fake cigarette and
Speaker 2: the cigarette was plastic, and I lit the plastic cigarette
Speaker 2: and it melted and it melted into a bag of
Speaker 2: like newspapers from nineteen eighty seven. Wow that my mom
Speaker 2: was just having because they had some coupons and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Well, you never know, a lot of places still take
Speaker 1: them expired coupon exactly. Shout out to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Speaker 1: I don't care how expire those coupons are. They will
Speaker 1: take that twenty percent off for you. Sidney, What were
Speaker 1: you an expert in this week?
Speaker 2: I was an expert in saying no. I said no
Speaker 2: A lot. People asked me to pick up ships. I
Speaker 2: was like, no, people asked me to do stuff. I
Speaker 2: was like, no, this.
Speaker 3: Is my week.
Speaker 2: I do what I want.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been trying to say no more.
Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, you have been resisting me a
Speaker 1: little bit more. Don't think that I like it. I
Speaker 1: was like, who is this new nigga?
Speaker 3: I never say no to you? So you say no
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: You've been saying no to me about stuff?
Speaker 2: I feel like, what did I say no?
Speaker 3: I can't think all the top of my head right
Speaker 3: now exactly.
Speaker 2: I've been saying no to not my girlfriend gotta say
Speaker 2: yes to her.
Speaker 1: I feel like you've been hitting her with anot no,
Speaker 1: but the maybe later.
Speaker 2: I still haven't paid December's rent, so I say yes.
Speaker 1: It is February, second week of February. You haven't paid yet.
Speaker 2: And I'm still doing like installment plans. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: doing payment plans I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Like, do y'all split the rent in half? What you
Speaker 3: say half? What do you mean? I mean divided by two,
Speaker 3: like fifty fifty.
Speaker 2: See, I work on like a lesbian calculator, so half
Speaker 2: actually means like a quarter.
Speaker 1: So wow, Okay, Well, I'm gonna find out more about
Speaker 1: this lesbian calculator because I'm curious because I feel like
Speaker 1: I've been doing lesbian math my whole.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's be in math for you? Is zero zero
Speaker 2: zero zero? You pay nothing?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: You don't believe in half?
Speaker 1: Is that?
Speaker 3: I'm sorry?
Speaker 1: That's Haitian math.
Speaker 2: Yes, believe in contributing at all?
Speaker 1: Well, what are you talking about? My presence is the contribution?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the kids, but that's not enough for the rent?
Speaker 3: Okay, my presence No, I'd be like, well she's here,
Speaker 3: so I'm like, y'all.
Speaker 1: Oh, the landlord comes to physically pick up the rent.
Speaker 3: Where do y'all live?
Speaker 1: Nineteen sixty two? Is there a milkman that passes by
Speaker 1: and drops off milk.
Speaker 2: To I have no idea how the rent is handled.
Speaker 2: All I know is that a Venmo will Actually she
Speaker 2: sends a request for the Venmo payment, and then I
Speaker 2: pay her well, I decline it, and then I sent
Speaker 2: the price that I think is okay for me at
Speaker 2: the moment. And then she texted me and she's like, did.
Speaker 3: You get my Venmo? And be like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: I think I deleted the app. You're so stupid.
Speaker 1: Here's a stupid I love you, Adrian. Speaking of loving Adrian.
Speaker 1: Who is a woman with a man's name. We can
Speaker 1: have a woman with a woman with a bird's name. Okay, right,
Speaker 1: it's a bird with a bird's name today as ours
Speaker 1: as our expert. She's a writer, a director, a comedian.
Speaker 1: She's done our show before and she killed. Yes she did,
Speaker 1: and we don't say that about everybody who does the show.
Speaker 1: Truly killed. Uh and she is our lesbian expert today.
Speaker 1: Give it up for Robin Rashida Cloud.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Wow, See Marie is disrespectful.
Speaker 1: RC.
Speaker 3: I'm proud of the RC.
Speaker 2: She's so disrespectful, putting out the middle name, the whole government,
Speaker 2: the whole government name. Now I can like literally take
Speaker 2: all your information. All I need is your social Rashida.
Speaker 3: People don't even think Cloud is my last name, so
Speaker 3: I don't believe it. I was like, that's a stage
Speaker 3: last name. It's something that it's really real.
Speaker 2: Hey, Robin, it's so early to be and you look stunning.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I can tell you have like I cream in your life.
Speaker 2: You got a good moisturizer.
Speaker 3: Girl. I washed my face and then slathering myself with
Speaker 3: coconut oil. That's like I smell like a cupcake. Well,
Speaker 3: let me get my lesbian ass away from you. Why
Speaker 3: are you here? You don't work? Because we we know
Speaker 3: what I, me and city are here. We work?
Speaker 2: Why Marie, Marie Samuel Foston has no friends?
Speaker 1: Well, yes, Robin, what do you do during the day?
Speaker 3: A lot of people wonder that. So I right now,
Speaker 3: I'm running my own production company, and so I'm at
Speaker 3: home working on two documentaries and uh writing some scripts. Okay,
Speaker 3: And that sounds like a lot of estate on the side.
Speaker 3: You slinging real estate on the side.
Speaker 2: So what's your tax return looking like?
Speaker 3: What the what it looked like? You know, there are
Speaker 3: a couple there are a couple of ten ninety nine.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we get money back. Great, we'll see you're
Speaker 2: gonna get the money back.
Speaker 1: What's the limit, because it's just a quick sidebar, what's
Speaker 1: the limit?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How much money do I have to make in order
Speaker 1: to not have to file taxes? What's the minimum?
Speaker 3: I thought it was twelve thousand dollars?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I feel like I'm the goal for
Speaker 1: this year. No, no, no, I feel like last year
Speaker 1: on the books, I didn't make that much money.
Speaker 2: Is trying to get out of not doing her taxes
Speaker 2: this year?
Speaker 1: Hashtag was Lee Snipes.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is the year. You don't want to go.
Speaker 3: Do you know what they just passed it? If you
Speaker 3: owe back taxes fifty thousand dollars or more, that they'll
Speaker 3: take your passport away.
Speaker 1: Okay, well I don't owe that much.
Speaker 3: I don't know that much. Also, my passport expired, damn city.
Speaker 2: Okay, no, I'm totally just than fifty thousand dollars for sure.
Speaker 1: I looked at tax money like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah I do. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not afraid
Speaker 2: or shame fuck this country. They not get my money.
Speaker 2: Throw me in jail if you have to. Y'all not
Speaker 2: getting none of my dollars.
Speaker 1: Listen, if you're listening to this, uh Orange Trump, we
Speaker 1: need an Orange expert, so you know, come through.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we need somebody like a tax expert.
Speaker 1: So he evaded taxes for twenty years.
Speaker 2: So he's a white man expert. He's a white man,
Speaker 2: so he can get away.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to need a white man expert because.
Speaker 1: We had a white He was from Connecticut.
Speaker 3: He was super he went to Salsburg, Salisbury, Salesburg.
Speaker 1: Wait, are you from Connecticut?
Speaker 3: I'm from Connecticut, Sow State.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's talk about your background. Your parents yea
Speaker 1: born and raised in Connecticut.
Speaker 3: No, my dad was my mom's from Philly and my
Speaker 3: parents met at Howard when my mom was a freshman
Speaker 3: and my dad was a junior. And you transferred there
Speaker 3: from the University of Arizona.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a movie or show. Really, didn't Spike
Speaker 2: Lee do something like that? School days?
Speaker 3: He did do school days?
Speaker 2: He did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your dad is from Arizona. No, he's from Connecticut.
Speaker 3: But he originally wanted to be a professional golfer. So
Speaker 3: your dad is super white? Is your mother's white? My
Speaker 3: mom is black?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: So how did you get so light Robin? What happened?
Speaker 3: What happened? You got Indian family? I don't have Indians.
Speaker 3: Are genetic testing is not Indian? I think I have
Speaker 3: some relatives that might have that line, but I don't.
Speaker 3: I have some white ancestors, like you know, great several
Speaker 3: of my great grandparents are half black. Okay, to share
Speaker 3: your white daddies, you know those white daddies. Wow.
Speaker 1: But then you ended up in Connecticut.
Speaker 3: Parents graduated and then moved from DC to Connecticut, went
Speaker 3: back to where my dad's hometown and then yeah, we
Speaker 3: up there. My family still lives there. I'm the only
Speaker 3: one that left. Actually, I'm glad you made it out.
Speaker 3: I really am. I'm so glad that you're here in
Speaker 3: New York City doing wonderful things.
Speaker 1: Thank you, doing super gay things. Yeah, you got shoulder
Speaker 1: pat you had elbow patches on your shirt.
Speaker 2: Now, don't let Marie say anything about anything that she because.
Speaker 3: Her shoulders are very broad.
Speaker 1: So no, no, no, but she has the elbow patches, not
Speaker 1: the shoulder elbow patch.
Speaker 3: What's happening right now?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: We're just talking about I tried to be as gay
Speaker 3: as possible today. I know. I see you had on
Speaker 3: a ward. You go, yep, they're not marrels. Though they're
Speaker 3: not marrels at all, not mar You were there for
Speaker 3: the show the Marrels at home. Yeah, do you have
Speaker 3: a respect. I do not currently have marrels, but I
Speaker 3: have had a pair or two.
Speaker 2: I'm here for a maryl.
Speaker 3: I mean it is a white man Timberlain boot and
Speaker 3: I feel like, yo, they are so comfortable.
Speaker 2: Though there's I heard they're comfortable. They don't look comfortable.
Speaker 2: They're hideous.
Speaker 3: They make me uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah, there was a time
Speaker 3: in the early two thousands where I did might have
Speaker 3: warned them to work.
Speaker 2: So, Robin, how long have you been a lesbian? Since
Speaker 2: I came out of my mother's womb? All your life,
Speaker 2: all my life, I've been fighting.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think when I was like nine, you know,
Speaker 3: I would I didn't know what a lesbian was. I
Speaker 3: didn't know the word, but I definitely was like I
Speaker 3: don't like boys. H And then around twelve I realized
Speaker 3: what a lesbian was. And then I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's me twelve, y'all teaching teaching the kids. Early. My
Speaker 3: mom gave me this book called Girls and Sex and
Speaker 3: they had a whole chapter, chapter five, okay, called lesbianism.
Speaker 3: And I read it and I was like, oh, I
Speaker 3: didn't get that.
Speaker 2: See my great aunt raised me, and like there was
Speaker 2: one kid that had a mom with a really short
Speaker 2: haircut and my aunt called her a bull dyke and
Speaker 2: I didn't know what that was. And they had a
Speaker 2: sleepover and she's like, no, you can't spend the night
Speaker 2: at the bull dyke.
Speaker 3: And I was like, what is a pod tike? I said,
Speaker 3: that does not say?
Speaker 2: Is that a character on?
Speaker 3: Like? Actually ask her?
Speaker 2: I asked, and she didn't tell me, but she's like,
Speaker 2: you don't need to know nothing like your business.
Speaker 1: You're not You're not.
Speaker 3: Never going over there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if they give you a sandwich, throw it
Speaker 2: out like damn, no tuna, no, no tuna.
Speaker 1: So you were nine and you like what nine year
Speaker 1: old likes. Boys, I feel like when you're when you're nine,
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 3: Just a feeling like I I could see the girls
Speaker 3: in my class were, you know, operating differently, and I
Speaker 3: was like, not about that life.
Speaker 2: I made it with my my uh next door neighbor
Speaker 2: who was a girl and she was a little bit older,
Speaker 2: and I was like.
Speaker 1: Oh, Sydney, you're giving alternative facts right now. Sydney was
Speaker 1: like seven and her neighbor was like fifteen.
Speaker 3: Oh, don't listen, it's going to be like the child of.
Speaker 1: It was a lord. As the episode.
Speaker 2: It was not shut up, Marie, She's consent.
Speaker 3: It was Rands. It was okay with it? Ken, Yeah,
Speaker 3: but Kenna's seven year old.
Speaker 2: Give I wasn't seven. I was like eleven, and she was.
Speaker 1: She was twenty seventeen.
Speaker 3: She was, she was twenty one.
Speaker 2: She had a mortgage, she had like her own own house.
Speaker 3: She was like, I'm gonna take you for a job.
Speaker 2: I said, long as you're not sleeping on your mother's couch,
Speaker 2: I'm fine with it.
Speaker 3: No, it was how old was she? She was like
Speaker 3: four or five years older than me? She was forty.
Speaker 3: Made out with her.
Speaker 2: I made out with.
Speaker 3: Her in a garage behind a car. And what did
Speaker 3: that entail? Exactly?
Speaker 2: Just like a little kiss, will make out like tongue.
Speaker 3: No over the no second base, No over the door
Speaker 3: of the explorer, no Twitter action. No.
Speaker 2: I did not touch her you know, private area. I
Speaker 2: mean I touched her titties.
Speaker 3: But you did? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Really at eleven?
Speaker 3: You so fast, so touched for a long time.
Speaker 2: Wait when did you touch titties?
Speaker 3: Robin? Oh my god? When was your I like my
Speaker 3: first kiss, I was sixteen years old, Okay. I dated
Speaker 3: the captain of the basketball team, and that was the
Speaker 3: only other lesbian, Yes, the only other lesbian in my
Speaker 3: high school. And she took me to the Hartford Public
Speaker 3: Library where we would study. I used to tell my
Speaker 3: mom I was studying and she would meet me there.
Speaker 3: And then we were up in the German literature section
Speaker 3: one day, Yeah, because nobody was up there. She like
Speaker 3: lifted me up, put me on the windowsill and laid
Speaker 3: it on me. WHOA, that's like, did you lose it?
Speaker 3: I lost it? Robin.
Speaker 2: That's like like a Lifetime channel like when they have
Speaker 2: it was amazing list. That is like high school romance
Speaker 2: right there, Harlequin.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was pretty. Did you lose your virginity in
Speaker 3: the library. I didn't, But I lost my virginity in
Speaker 3: my best friend's grandmother's apartment. Okay, that's everybody was visiting.
Speaker 3: She was away at Puerto Rico. Okay, lost in preaking
Speaker 3: like on her shag carpet, on the carpet, robit on
Speaker 3: the floor. You could get no bed on her bedroom.
Speaker 3: I don't want to have sex in her bed. I
Speaker 3: would rather well. And then like statues of Jesus everywhere.
Speaker 1: And the candles of like virgins and saints and stuff. Man,
Speaker 1: you're going straight ahead.
Speaker 2: Listen. If I'm gonna lose my virginia, I need to
Speaker 2: have some good support on my back. Yeah, I can't
Speaker 2: have like the hard ass floor with a terrible.
Speaker 3: Ass a really thick shag carpet.
Speaker 1: Okay, what does it mean when when a lesbian loses
Speaker 1: their virginity? What is that what you'll be doing?
Speaker 3: Well? Yeah, because people say scissoring, and I'm so it's
Speaker 3: so like old and dated, like you can't really get
Speaker 3: off on that. I mean, at least I can't. I
Speaker 3: don't know. Maybe some people do, but it was scissoring
Speaker 3: though not me. Both the people on the couch though,
Speaker 3: scissor shut up sitting on the opposite.
Speaker 1: Side of the room.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to know.
Speaker 1: I don't want any of that gay on me.
Speaker 3: I hate your grandma. Yeah, and I have time to
Speaker 3: do laundry.
Speaker 1: I don't want to that gay or anything.
Speaker 3: I'm like, so, why are y'all sinners here?
Speaker 2: She's like throwing a holy water at us.
Speaker 1: I know, I whant to look at you guys. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so what was that first?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it was some finger popping and she
Speaker 3: went down on me. Wow, at me at sixteen. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well see I hadn't had nobody to go down on
Speaker 2: me for a minute, Like I had to be kind
Speaker 2: of grown when it happened.
Speaker 1: It was kind of grown Sydney because you know, you
Speaker 1: lost your kissed somebody for the first time at six
Speaker 1: so kind of girl for yous.
Speaker 2: Thirteen, you know, like eighteen, like I man, you know,
Speaker 2: black dudes was not trying to go down on women.
Speaker 1: No, ma'am, No, it wasn't. Ye, it wasn't hip.
Speaker 2: It was not hip. They weren't down with that. So
Speaker 2: I had to wait until I got a like a
Speaker 2: secure black man to be like, yes, I go down
Speaker 2: on the women, It's okay.
Speaker 3: I don't. Don't they understand how the clip works?
Speaker 2: They don't.
Speaker 1: Most men don't though they really don't.
Speaker 3: They're missing out. That's what you should do.
Speaker 1: A class, Robin, Yes, all about clits.
Speaker 3: Click class Click class with Robin versheta cloud. I'll go
Speaker 3: to that class at the annex. Sorry, at the annex.
Speaker 1: I mean, can you guys give us any information about
Speaker 1: the clip that most people don't know?
Speaker 3: Well, I think the clit has more nerves in it
Speaker 3: than the penis. The entire penis it's like thousands and
Speaker 3: thousands and thousands of nerves.
Speaker 2: I want to derive for lesbians. So I don't know everything.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna piggyback off you robins, So whatever you
Speaker 2: saymble it.
Speaker 1: Yes, I've heard that thousands and thousands of nerves, thousands
Speaker 1: of thousands of nerves, and I think that like most women.
Speaker 3: Don't have orgasms without some sort of clitoral stimulation.
Speaker 2: Right, that's that's factual, an actual, So, Robin, when you
Speaker 2: are hooking up with women, do you look them in
Speaker 2: the eyes?
Speaker 3: Like, how is it intense?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 3: I looked them in the eyes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because when I used to have sex with men,
Speaker 2: it was very like closing my eyes.
Speaker 3: The lights were off, like music was playing. You're like,
Speaker 3: how dark could it be for this fancy to be real?
Speaker 3: My mind? Yes, it was like I feel like lesbians
Speaker 3: are very like open.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very there's a candle burning, it's lavender oil
Speaker 2: on the pillow case.
Speaker 3: Like, did you mean sometimes yeah, usually in the beginning,
Speaker 3: that's what it's like. Wait, wait, and after like three years,
Speaker 3: what happened? It's like, Oh, let's have like a little
Speaker 3: mutual masturbation session. Okay, So that's what I'm looking forward to, Adrian.
Speaker 3: You hear that it's just gonna be in the same
Speaker 3: room of each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, much mass So how do you how did you
Speaker 1: come out to your do people know, like when you
Speaker 1: came out where people are like, yeah.
Speaker 3: Did you always have a haircut or no?
Speaker 2: I had?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, in high school I had long, like
Speaker 3: blowout black Barbie hair. Really yes, so it was and
Speaker 3: I like a little bit of a fem that, you know.
Speaker 3: I wore lipstick every day and all the West Indian
Speaker 3: girls would call me a vamp and they hated me.
Speaker 3: Really it's like you know, and they oh.
Speaker 2: They knew that you were gay, even though they were like.
Speaker 3: You know, the irolls were epic, Yes, like that have
Speaker 3: like ptsc So you so you were out? You always? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I was out? I mean I told my mom like
Speaker 3: in around Christmas time, we were in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: And word, while she's making gingerbread cookie, yeah, dare.
Speaker 3: They were pulling people like who do you want to
Speaker 3: kiss on the mistletoe? And she was like, who do
Speaker 3: you want to kiss on the mistletoe? And I was
Speaker 3: like Jodie Foster And she said Jodie Foster was a woman,
Speaker 3: Jodi Foster. Yeah, that was your like woman j kind
Speaker 3: of person that I like, a gay celebrity, that's it.
Speaker 3: So you were only attracted to people who were daring.
Speaker 3: Kara too, but she wasn't.
Speaker 2: I feel like Grace Jones wasn't gay, but she could
Speaker 2: be somebody that you can make out with.
Speaker 3: That's not your thing.
Speaker 1: That's a no from Robin Club like Jones.
Speaker 3: I mean, she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Wait, what's the I'm looking up Jodie Foster right now
Speaker 1: because I'm like, am I thinking of the right person?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jody looks so she's old.
Speaker 1: Now because I feel like maybe I'm thinking of Meg Ryan,
Speaker 1: I think you are.
Speaker 3: I could get them confused as well. Jodi Foster is
Speaker 3: not hot.
Speaker 2: She's not.
Speaker 1: Jodi Foster's real name is Alicia. Alicia, but you.
Speaker 3: Know, my sixteen desperate lesbian self, you know, she was
Speaker 3: my only, like the only lesbian celebrity that I knew,
Speaker 3: even though she wasn't out, like we all knew she
Speaker 3: was gay. So then my mom's like, she's a woman,
Speaker 3: and I said, yeah, I know, I'm gay. Any Way,
Speaker 3: how old were you? Sixteen? Sixteen?
Speaker 2: So you did all this at sixteen, so you had a.
Speaker 3: That was a big dumb like. I don't think I
Speaker 3: would if I could go back in time, I would
Speaker 3: not have come out while I was still living at
Speaker 3: home because my mom flipped out. Of course what happened.
Speaker 3: She didn't give you no gifts.
Speaker 2: You can't be gay under somebody else's roof. It just
Speaker 2: doesn't work like.
Speaker 3: That unless your parents are cool. But she was not
Speaker 3: what she said. She was like, wait till your father
Speaker 3: comes home.
Speaker 2: You know, at least you had a father like my Like, great,
Speaker 2: I'll wait till your great uncles come here. You know
Speaker 2: from my mom was in New York. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 2: was lived in Oakland, California, until I was thirteen, and
Speaker 2: then I moved back here and then my mom, I
Speaker 2: mean I pretty much was doing whatever I wanted, which
Speaker 2: was nothing. So all right, Yeah, I'm sorry. I brought
Speaker 2: it down with.
Speaker 1: Mine, with your no love, your loveless home.
Speaker 3: I had love, how terry during the black Annie listen,
Speaker 3: I had. I had two pillows on my bed.
Speaker 1: It's a hard knock.
Speaker 3: Shut up. Your bed was a futon.
Speaker 2: It was a pull out. It was definitely a.
Speaker 1: Pullout couch with two couch cushions on it. So your
Speaker 1: dad gets home.
Speaker 3: So my dad gets home and he's like, your mother
Speaker 3: tells me that you know you think you're gay. And
Speaker 3: he's like, how do you know you're gay if you
Speaker 3: haven't slept with a man? Wait? So, okay, so you out.
Speaker 3: I was trying to throw me dig He's like, have
Speaker 3: you had have you slept with a man?
Speaker 2: He said, try it out first and then come back
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do some research.
Speaker 1: Your dad was like, you were like hot Italian sausage.
Speaker 3: You're like, nothing tells nothing. I said, how do you
Speaker 3: know you're straight if you haven't slept with a man? Robin,
Speaker 3: you had the flip lip hunt. Yeah, you had your
Speaker 3: own room.
Speaker 2: Clearly you wasn't sleeping.
Speaker 3: No, I had my own room.
Speaker 2: It was all the way down the hall too, like
Speaker 2: you were in Like were you were in the guest room?
Speaker 3: Did he backhand your light skins? Good point? Good point.
Speaker 2: Ya was a real comfortable family that like had real
Speaker 2: discussion and conversation. There was no conversation.
Speaker 3: That is very chill, very he's like the humanitarian personality.
Speaker 3: He loves everybody. Okay, hes a lot of weed, got it?
Speaker 3: Your family sounds my mom was like not, She's the
Speaker 3: complete opposite, like super strict, like spank the shit out
Speaker 3: of me and my brothers. You know, she was the disciplinarian.
Speaker 3: She was not having it.
Speaker 1: Your family sounds like the full house house, Like y'all
Speaker 1: would have conversations and then the hug after they disciplined you.
Speaker 3: No, not really.
Speaker 2: No, my family talking at you. I mean we were happy,
Speaker 2: but there was no talking back. There would be like
Speaker 2: you gay, and then you know.
Speaker 3: My dad like promoted like dialogue and discussion. I wouldn't
Speaker 3: say that to my mother. Oh okay, you know so
Speaker 3: you know you would have slapped me, but I knew.
Speaker 3: Like when you come in to talk to him, it's
Speaker 3: like he's you know.
Speaker 1: Was your dad like a professor or something?
Speaker 3: Right? There was a lawyer, you see.
Speaker 1: He sounds like doctor Cosby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like you know, like in elementary school. He'd
Speaker 3: be like if I got punished, he'd be like, why
Speaker 3: did you make such a poor choice today? Poor choice?
Speaker 3: I got distracted by Anthony, you know, and he'd be like,
Speaker 3: try better next time. Did that work?
Speaker 1: Did that make you feel worse?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Because it was like the calm disappointment.
Speaker 2: Listen, you ever got beat with like a trade table.
Speaker 2: That's like that was definitely the solution at the Robinson's house.
Speaker 3: So they ever break up, don't get it twisted. You
Speaker 3: should bring my mom on the experts spanking your ass. Well,
Speaker 3: so you were really comfortable with your dad.
Speaker 2: You guys came out and then I mean you came out,
Speaker 2: and then what happened after that?
Speaker 3: Like did you have to move out? No?
Speaker 2: I don't have to move out, but.
Speaker 3: It was, it was. It was difficult because right after
Speaker 3: I came out, I had a girlfriend. So then so
Speaker 3: you didn't give them no time I launched. You're like,
Speaker 3: I'm a dyke.
Speaker 1: And fuck you Robin No chill, Rashida Jones Cloud.
Speaker 2: You were hanging out with those white feminists, That's what
Speaker 2: was going on. No, they were telling you to live
Speaker 2: your life. Fuck your parents.
Speaker 3: They don't know you, they don't know what you want.
Speaker 1: You're struggles and buy some marrows. Yeah wait, so I can't.
Speaker 1: So what happened you bought the girlfriend to the house
Speaker 1: after that?
Speaker 3: Like you're like, god, no, No, we met in secret
Speaker 3: for our entire dating time. My mom knew I was
Speaker 3: seeing her and she would try to stop me from
Speaker 3: seeing her like she would be like, oh, you're going
Speaker 3: to party? Is Adria going to be there? And Adrian
Speaker 3: Adria Ari It's basically Adrian okay, right, And so I'd
Speaker 3: be like yeah. She goes, well you're not going you know,
Speaker 3: like that kind of stuff. Oh you were too honest,
Speaker 3: Yeah you were. I was. I was very honest, and
Speaker 3: then I learned.
Speaker 1: To be like a liar.
Speaker 2: She was like, oh, Robin, you you got to go
Speaker 2: to a party.
Speaker 3: I need you to wash all these clothes right now,
Speaker 3: get slads exactly, You're going to be here for the
Speaker 3: whole I show up at my high school to like
Speaker 3: pick me up, so I couldn't walk.
Speaker 2: Any where, you know, be free and do gay stuff.
Speaker 3: I get it. Her people would call, like their friends
Speaker 3: would call the house and tell like one time I
Speaker 3: was holding my girlfriend's hand in the park and somebody
Speaker 3: ratted me out like one of their friends and called
Speaker 3: the house and said that they say number like that,
Speaker 3: Yeah man, they were See.
Speaker 1: That was the thing that I was always afraid of
Speaker 1: when I was in high school is when I'd be out,
Speaker 1: someone would drive by.
Speaker 3: They will they will because.
Speaker 2: And when Maria is out, she means like outside, not
Speaker 2: just out walking because a gay language is out.
Speaker 3: You grew up in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: I grew I grew up, Damn Robin. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but everybody on the podcast in my business, I'm from
Speaker 1: New York and I grew up in the streets here
Speaker 1: that we're in right now.
Speaker 2: She means Long Island, so she had a backyard.
Speaker 1: I will backhand you with this microphone.
Speaker 3: So you're bougie too, She's very bougie bogie.
Speaker 1: I'm just West Indian. And what that means is there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people driving around. Yes, that means better
Speaker 1: black than everybody the room. And so yeah, everybody had
Speaker 1: all my parents friends have cards, so I just I
Speaker 1: would always assume that someone was gonna drive by and
Speaker 1: be like, Marine, why are you're not in school? Because
Speaker 1: I used to have. All of my friends were a
Speaker 1: year or two older than me, so I would cut
Speaker 1: when they cut, like when they had their senior cut day.
Speaker 1: I had like three senior cut days. I left for
Speaker 1: like three prands. I mean, but my GPA was really high.
Speaker 1: But I just was the move.
Speaker 3: I was still making making good grades. That's how old.
Speaker 1: I was still making good marks. But every time I'd
Speaker 1: be out.
Speaker 3: Right I mean your parents are Haitian.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean all the only thing that mattered to
Speaker 1: them was school in church.
Speaker 3: So are they upset that you're not like a doctor? Probably?
Speaker 1: They're probably mad that I'm not an engineer that also
Speaker 1: practices medicine.
Speaker 3: You know, listen, you're doing Marie MD. They mad.
Speaker 2: If you were Marie m D, we wouldn't be friends.
Speaker 1: You might play a doctor on TV mmm, I might
Speaker 1: play like a nurse, like he.
Speaker 3: Was a doctor. You'd be like operating.
Speaker 2: You were like, well, he's dead, dead, buddy's in the hallway.
Speaker 1: S wheel him out, just roll the body out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that's that's what I was afraid of. But people
Speaker 1: were actually catching you out with your girlfriend and snitching
Speaker 1: on you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was innocently I mean I wasn't even
Speaker 3: doing anything. I was like literally holding her hand walking
Speaker 3: through a park.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, when I was your age, I was in the
Speaker 2: park positively giving blowjobs, hand jobs.
Speaker 1: Hand jobs, not blowjob city. Sidney was sitting on it
Speaker 1: and bouncing up and date.
Speaker 2: Well, I was possibly giving really dry hand jobs, no lotion,
Speaker 2: no carry, no lubraderm.
Speaker 3: Just giving Queen Helene.
Speaker 2: Just the worst of the worst hand jobs in a
Speaker 2: park and I was not giving any damns.
Speaker 3: I was like, no, way, go see me.
Speaker 1: You were doing this in the middle of the day.
Speaker 1: You were doing this at night.
Speaker 2: What do you think, Marie.
Speaker 1: I feel like you were doing it in the middle
Speaker 1: of them. Yeah, cool, three oh six it was.
Speaker 2: It was it was like around nine o'clock. There was
Speaker 2: I think it was really dark at that.
Speaker 1: This is in Oakland.
Speaker 2: No, this was in New York.
Speaker 1: Oh, but everybody was giving a dry ass hand job.
Speaker 2: The couple two like two other couples like next to
Speaker 2: me doing the same things.
Speaker 3: Like we past the lotion? Are you dumb? So? Are
Speaker 3: you done with this lotion? We grab this cocoa butter
Speaker 3: from you.
Speaker 2: So you came out, you said, fuck that.
Speaker 3: Do you have a girlfriends? I do have two older brothers.
Speaker 3: They are twins. Are they No, they're gay? I mean
Speaker 3: they're straight. I was like, damn those wishful thinking Sorry guys.
Speaker 1: Three strikes your parents. No, they're straight. So how did
Speaker 1: they feel? Did they know that you were gay? Yeah?
Speaker 3: By the time I told them, which was like a year. No,
Speaker 3: I told them in college and they were like, yeah,
Speaker 3: Mom told them last year. Damn Mom.
Speaker 2: She got a big ass mouth.
Speaker 1: Black women can't keep secrets exactly.
Speaker 2: So your brother were they okay?
Speaker 3: We were like smoking a jay and it was like not.
Speaker 2: They're also dudes. I feel like dudes are okay with
Speaker 2: like women.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because they then they were like, oh okay, now
Speaker 3: we're gonna treat you like our little brother and talk
Speaker 3: about women like.
Speaker 2: And then like and then you're gonna bring hoes to
Speaker 2: the house. So it's great, like and they're gonna try
Speaker 2: to take your hose away from you because that's guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Cidy, do you have a coming out story? Did
Speaker 1: you come out to your family or.
Speaker 2: You just listen, this is what happened. So, you know,
Speaker 2: I had that neighbor that I made out with, and
Speaker 2: then you know, I got in my twenties and I
Speaker 2: was like, you know what, I'm just gonna do this
Speaker 2: and just hook up with girls. And I have my
Speaker 2: own place. So when you have your own.
Speaker 3: Place, you could be as gay as you want. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I have my own apartment. I didn't have a roommate.
Speaker 2: I was going to really bad gay parties because I
Speaker 2: was just like starting were you here? Yeah, I was
Speaker 2: in New York. I went to this place called colors.
Speaker 2: It was awful, like there was like sumo wrestlers and
Speaker 2: yellow shots. It was like rough ass, like people who
Speaker 2: been gay all their lives. Not you, Robin, but just
Speaker 2: others that weren't as attractive.
Speaker 1: Like people with shave ups and like who don't wear
Speaker 1: bras two wife.
Speaker 2: Beaters, Yeah, those types. So I was looking her with them,
Speaker 2: and then it was a lot of drugs involved, so
Speaker 2: it was fine.
Speaker 3: And then so it's fine.
Speaker 2: So nobody knew about this until later on, which is
Speaker 2: like recent with my girlfriend now Adrian. I was proud
Speaker 2: to be with her, so I brought her out and
Speaker 2: I put it on Facebook and I just kept putting
Speaker 2: like the lesbian emojis on it on pictures of us,
Speaker 2: and then finally my niece was like asking around, and
Speaker 2: then she told my mom, and then my mom thought
Speaker 2: that it was her that I was gay with, but
Speaker 2: she was like, you and your best friend looked really
Speaker 2: nice together. So then eventually my mother caught on that
Speaker 2: it was not her, that like I did have a
Speaker 2: real girlfriend, and she's like, well, what did I do wrong?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you didn't raise me half my life,
Speaker 2: so if you want to be it's your fault, No.
Speaker 1: Robin, whose fault is it that you get that Sydney's logic.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: But I just feel like when you hit a certain age,
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter if you're gay. I feel like it
Speaker 2: matters when you're young, but like as soon as you
Speaker 2: hit like I don't know, twenty eight, they don't.
Speaker 3: Care twenty eight twenty Sidney Dale. I mean my brother.
Speaker 2: Everyone thinks that my brother is gay, and he's like
Speaker 2: almost fifty and he has never said anything about being gay.
Speaker 3: I have one of those at all. Gay.
Speaker 2: So I mean, you can do this hiding thing for
Speaker 2: a long time if you want.
Speaker 3: I mean, everybody knows, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but hiding doesn't You're not happy when you're hiding.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have an aunt. She's older than fifty. She's my dad.
Speaker 1: She's the baby on my dad's side, and she's matt
Speaker 1: Rough and she ain't got no man and has never
Speaker 1: had a man in the entire twenty five years that
Speaker 1: I've been alive.
Speaker 3: And she is.
Speaker 1: Twenty five and she's.
Speaker 3: And she.
Speaker 1: Was at the house a couple of years ago, and
Speaker 1: you know, me and my sister were being idiots and
Speaker 1: we were like, well, TATSI, why aren't you married. Why
Speaker 1: are you still single? Why do you still live with
Speaker 1: your sister? Because they look they're like two old maids.
Speaker 1: And she didn't respond, but her sister and my other
Speaker 1: aunt was like, she's afraid of men, and I was like,
Speaker 1: so she gave.
Speaker 2: No, but you could be afraid because men are frightening
Speaker 2: at times.
Speaker 1: We're men are frightening for her.
Speaker 2: She she mad gay she gave so y'all just gonna
Speaker 2: hit her with the gay she gave?
Speaker 1: She gay in Haitian, She's, yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: She didn't respond, She just was like, huh, she's old
Speaker 1: school and she had like the beard hairs sticking out.
Speaker 3: And she was like, you're so yo.
Speaker 2: I hope your aunt fuck you up after this podcast.
Speaker 2: She's waiting outside for.
Speaker 3: You at the at they doesn't come out, come.
Speaker 1: See me outside, then how about that catch me outside? So, Robin,
Speaker 1: have you ever been you're not afraid of men?
Speaker 3: Though? No?
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen a dude? And you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's cute.
Speaker 3: I wonder well, of course I slept with you guys. Oh,
Speaker 3: how was that right? How you will bury the lead? Robin?
Speaker 1: How you're gonna wait half an hour to say that
Speaker 1: you slept with two guys. How did that happen?
Speaker 3: Well, it was like post lessons. It was a post
Speaker 3: like lesbian breakup. Oh, you're like, I seen the palette.
Speaker 3: It was. It's so bad. I just gotta go get
Speaker 3: some dick, you know the break up. So body, you're like,
Speaker 3: you know what, let me just be straight for a
Speaker 3: little bit. You know the logic behind why I did
Speaker 3: those things that I would never made twenty seven and
Speaker 3: I was like, let me just sleep with a dude.
Speaker 3: Just say you wouldn't like you were. I'm like the opposite. Okay, wait,
Speaker 3: you were fucking at twenty seven like a dude, Like
Speaker 3: that's a long time. Like one summer I slept with
Speaker 3: two different dudes, and a all together total time with
Speaker 3: both of them would have been like no, lie, fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3: Oh I believe it.
Speaker 2: Do you think you knew you were what you were doing?
Speaker 2: Or like did he know what he was doing?
Speaker 3: Or no? I mean they're still my friends, so I
Speaker 3: don't want to put them on.
Speaker 2: You got to keep it in the family.
Speaker 3: I get it. I get it. Wait, I will say
Speaker 3: it wasn't it wasn't my jam.
Speaker 2: See, I wouldn't want to hook up with a friend
Speaker 2: because then I would have to see them, and every
Speaker 2: time I would seeing them, I was like, I'm.
Speaker 3: I can just think of your terrible dick. And we
Speaker 3: got to talk. Was the dick terrible or was it
Speaker 3: just not what you wanted?
Speaker 2: Because I wasn't what you want it because you're you're
Speaker 2: not straight.
Speaker 3: The dick wasn't terrible. He actually had a very big dick.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Maybe there's maybe there's horrible. And I was like, if
Speaker 3: you you got to lead with that because that's my
Speaker 3: jam as a lesbian. And it just was like I
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, are you going to take
Speaker 3: it off? Like what the fuck is happening down there?
Speaker 3: Was his sheets clean? At least he had a nice
Speaker 3: apartment at least right, because I didn't want you to
Speaker 3: do no straight ship and no like hood rat, no, no,
Speaker 3: no dusty as they were super sweet and.
Speaker 2: Then the other where the curtains were like falling off
Speaker 2: and stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you gotta be really confident in your oral game,
Speaker 1: in your mouth game to go down on a lesbian
Speaker 1: as the first dude that she's sleeping with.
Speaker 3: Maybe he was really stressed out. I know it sounds
Speaker 3: like he was confident because he was like, I'm just
Speaker 3: he was like, everybody needs to see that moment, that
Speaker 3: the faith that Robin just made of him, like going
Speaker 3: down on her, and it looked it felt like a
Speaker 3: weed whacker spinning. Not comfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Did he at least brush his tongue because that is
Speaker 3: really important?
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but how do you bring that up? You just
Speaker 1: were like, hey, so with me.
Speaker 3: It was hilarious. Actually, were you drunk? No, No, you
Speaker 3: were sober. I was sober.
Speaker 2: Wow, Robin, you really are doing things the opposite me.
Speaker 3: Because you're so upfront and honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're like parallel lives. Definitely version Now I had
Speaker 2: to be real drunk. Jellow shots were definitely involved in
Speaker 2: every occasion where you possibly dude, possibly a perk. No,
Speaker 2: I had a percocet when I hooked at with like
Speaker 2: the third girl.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have percocets and she was so sweepy and
Speaker 3: like nah and he likes that drowsy setting. No, it
Speaker 3: was definitely not. I was up and I was like
Speaker 3: whoa And I was in a cab. It was crazy.
Speaker 1: You were you hooked up with her in a cab.
Speaker 3: I couldn't. Well, that's why it was discussed on drugs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's why. And she was white, so she know,
Speaker 2: you know, she don't care.
Speaker 3: Then we have horses and whatnot? Did we have it
Speaker 3: barn barnyards and whatnot? Oh god, I did have sex
Speaker 3: and hay barn with somebody named Sally.
Speaker 1: No, she was black.
Speaker 2: The Rashida party you not down with the barn. But
Speaker 2: the Robin, I guess was. The Robin part was, so
Speaker 2: what is your type? What kind of women are you
Speaker 2: trying to? Hmmm, Robin, I've seen photos, so I'm gonna say.
Speaker 3: White, white back.
Speaker 1: You were back to back, white, back to back. Robin,
Speaker 1: you hit me with the like you don't know what
Speaker 1: it is, but just say, nobody in this room.
Speaker 3: Not true. That is not you guys are Shap's too
Speaker 3: dark for me?
Speaker 2: Shut up.
Speaker 3: I've dated a black girl. I've dated you said like
Speaker 3: her brother her brother was like two girl.
Speaker 1: Korean to Korea, but you only made it to Africa
Speaker 1: one together. From how long were you with the black girl?
Speaker 2: Yeah, three and.
Speaker 3: A half years, lived together. What does she do together?
Speaker 3: We moved here to What did she do like for work? Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: she sucked it up.
Speaker 1: We don't care abo a whole Wikipedia page just give us.
Speaker 3: I will say that we just did not get along.
Speaker 1: But you were there for three and a half years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or you know about that, you know about that
Speaker 3: life three years that. Yeah, we're different spaces. So wait,
Speaker 3: you only had one.
Speaker 1: Black girl, you see that? That?
Speaker 2: Yes, one black girl, Robin, you wouldn't even try. You
Speaker 2: tried dig twice, but you wouldn't have.
Speaker 3: You tried dig twice. But you.
Speaker 1: Rob, you got a lad of nerve the Robin. We're
Speaker 1: gonna rename you. You're gonna rename you something else.
Speaker 3: Rashida get out. Had I met you, like you know,
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago, you would have like you
Speaker 3: would have Sydney because you'd be like, she.
Speaker 2: On, yeah, you would have been like, she's a mess
Speaker 2: and you know she don't wash her sheets enough.
Speaker 1: Would have came to my apartment and you're like, she said,
Speaker 1: that's true.
Speaker 2: You would have came to my apartment like anybody wish
Speaker 2: that's right. Robin was the first one to be like, yes,
Speaker 2: please get rid of that, get rid of that heathen hair,
Speaker 2: get rid of that.
Speaker 3: That fake stuff.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I also have fake kitties.
Speaker 3: Like you like natural hair, but not really you know
Speaker 3: you have.
Speaker 1: So what's your like, what's your what is your type? Like,
Speaker 1: what's your ideal? Who's your celebrity crush now? Because it's
Speaker 1: not Jodie Foster Rihanna. Oh that's with Rihanna.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she seemed fluid. She's so fine, She's so very suid, fluid.
Speaker 2: She set up with her best friend, Melissa.
Speaker 3: I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, Melissa's got trying to get these
Speaker 1: bills paid, okay, because Melissa does not work, so she.
Speaker 2: Probably worked work on Rihanna.
Speaker 3: Melissa is her photographer? Oh really quote unquote.
Speaker 2: No, Melissa is just her best friend.
Speaker 1: That she is her best friend, but she'd be taking
Speaker 1: pictures of her like on the road, you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, well that's what Let's give your friends fake
Speaker 1: jobs when.
Speaker 2: You have an entourage that you give them fake ass jobs.
Speaker 1: So let's be holding all the drugs and rolling all
Speaker 1: the weed.
Speaker 3: So your type? Do they have to have money? Do
Speaker 3: they be tall?
Speaker 2: Do they need to have like all their limbs? Like,
Speaker 2: have you ever had have you ever had a wheelchair
Speaker 2: ass lesbian?
Speaker 3: No? I have, damn Robin.
Speaker 1: Do lesbians come in wheelchairs?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, I didn't.
Speaker 3: I've never seen that addish Yeah, no, I like women
Speaker 3: that are shorter than me.
Speaker 1: And how tall are you? Okay, so you know, but
Speaker 1: you dated the casts and of the basketball team.
Speaker 3: That's true. But I was young then, I was a
Speaker 3: so it was fine. Okay, so you're not anymore?
Speaker 2: Do you look?
Speaker 1: I mean pads in the boots, But like, how do
Speaker 1: you switch from fem to whatever the oppotunitey?
Speaker 3: Do you do that asking for friends? For a friend? Well,
Speaker 3: I think like in the early nineties two thousands, I
Speaker 3: was sort of just like, uh, somewhere.
Speaker 2: In between like foot so you like, were you Khodijia
Speaker 2: in living single where she would have like the blazers
Speaker 2: and the hair, like titties out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had the titties out because I had huge boobs.
Speaker 3: I got a breast reduction.
Speaker 2: You did huge boob like ge get out. Yeah, Robin,
Speaker 2: I can't picture you with some bigas.
Speaker 3: You know what size are your boobs? Now? You I
Speaker 3: don't know, I can't.
Speaker 1: I mean she got the button up buttoned all the
Speaker 1: way to the neck.
Speaker 2: You don't want to like let anybody know what's going on.
Speaker 3: That's the best, and I have sex with somebody.
Speaker 1: I take my Oh my god, let's talk about this
Speaker 1: breast reduction. When did that happen?
Speaker 3: How old were you? That was like, uh five years ago?
Speaker 3: Old Robin. You got money because I'm sure I had
Speaker 3: a job that they covered it. What the job is that? Well,
Speaker 3: you go and it was like you go to this
Speaker 3: chiropractor and then he says your back and then they
Speaker 3: file it. Okay, So it was for vac pain.
Speaker 1: Shout out to all the people listening to who got
Speaker 1: insurance or a flex spending account shout out so.
Speaker 3: They didn't have to pay anything. But it was expensive.
Speaker 3: It's like thirty thousand dollars surgery. Oh yeah, no, I know.
Speaker 2: Well not like I know because I have heavy sts,
Speaker 2: but I know, are you I'm a thirty two double D. Damn.
Speaker 1: Look at Robin's face.
Speaker 3: You don't believe you. She was like, you're a D.
Speaker 3: It's a surprise. I'm the same you like when I
Speaker 3: take my shirt off, it's like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: They're like all hi and ship they going down the road.
Speaker 2: They spent like a couple of years. Now, listen, I
Speaker 2: have payment plan titties, So when you don't pay them
Speaker 2: in full, they don't put them in That's a nice thing,
Speaker 2: hanging off like there's a couple of band aids underneath it.
Speaker 1: That is your stupid Adrian loves him. Thank you, boo,
Speaker 1: thank you, Like she paid for him.
Speaker 2: I had to steal a lot of money from work
Speaker 2: to get them paid.
Speaker 3: For Wait, what were we talking about?
Speaker 1: I feel like we were on something good and then
Speaker 1: we went off on a tangent.
Speaker 2: Sydney's nipples, lesbians and wheelchairs we talked about that.
Speaker 3: Attracted to short, artistic, smart, funny, got to have a
Speaker 3: good sense of humor.
Speaker 2: All those things coming black, Robin.
Speaker 3: They sure do.
Speaker 1: They come in black. They come in the dark brown.
Speaker 3: And I just never met anybody who.
Speaker 1: Was black and shorter than you as where artistic and
Speaker 1: had a sense of humors from.
Speaker 3: You and it.
Speaker 1: Down but you don't rob. I am nobody's playing my child.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be your child.
Speaker 3: Listen, nobody's flamby. Okay, where were you ten years ago?
Speaker 1: I was in high school.
Speaker 3: She was when I was out on the hunt.
Speaker 2: She wasn't well, didn't didn't you have a joke about
Speaker 2: dating younger younger women?
Speaker 3: Yeah? My girlfriend right now is younger? How much is
Speaker 3: twenty seven?
Speaker 2: That's like Marie's age, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she was twenty six when we met. Wow, Robin,
Speaker 3: you really you just scooted? What did you guys meet
Speaker 3: at Starbucks?
Speaker 1: Ow?
Speaker 3: You guys are gonna love that she was working at
Speaker 3: Starbucks and we've met an ivy league lesbian mixer.
Speaker 1: Oh, Sydney, why don't you you don't be getting invited
Speaker 1: to those things?
Speaker 2: No, you know where I met my girl? Central Park?
Speaker 2: Boo boo.
Speaker 3: That's right, that's super yes, super gay.
Speaker 2: So I think mine was a great story. Mine's is
Speaker 2: a step above yours.
Speaker 3: You're the gayer, but hers is nicer. Yet, No, it's
Speaker 3: it's good. Some mistage is great. It is. It was.
Speaker 1: It was a lesbian mixer.
Speaker 2: How many eight lesbians will be at one of these parties?
Speaker 3: There were like thirty forty people there, and you guys,
Speaker 3: you had all your lesbian best, you had all my
Speaker 3: lesbian best, you know, button down bow tie. How did
Speaker 3: you uh did you go up to her? I was
Speaker 3: like recently, because you know, I was married and got divorced,
Speaker 3: so I was thank you. Freedom papers came through. After
Speaker 3: a year. I was like Okay, I'm gonna go back
Speaker 3: out in the mark and see what's happening. I wasn't
Speaker 3: really anxious, and I'd been single very long. I was
Speaker 3: just sort of like, let me go. I went with
Speaker 3: a ton of my friends who were all single, and
Speaker 3: you know, just for a good time whatever.
Speaker 2: Robert Game like, though, I want to know if how
Speaker 2: youre approaching these lesbians.
Speaker 3: I didn't approach her. She said, I don't have to
Speaker 3: approached me. She was a ga at me from across
Speaker 3: the room, like real like m and I was like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, I was like scared. Actually, I was like,
Speaker 3: damn girls looking at me real hard.
Speaker 2: Robi, you have like a gap in between your teeth.
Speaker 3: Sexy.
Speaker 2: I think that was really meant for Marie Foston.
Speaker 3: Thank you hit it to me? To hit it to her?
Speaker 3: How how? And so then she like, after a little while,
Speaker 3: she came up started talking to my friends. She did
Speaker 3: ignore her, but talked to her, and then I tried
Speaker 3: to hook her up with my best friend who's been
Speaker 3: single for a while, and then she got her number,
Speaker 3: and then my friend walked away and she's like, I
Speaker 3: came over to talk to you, and I was right there,
Speaker 3: oh shit, And then and then start, I said, you
Speaker 3: you asked her how old you? Yeah, because she looks
Speaker 3: really young, and she was like, I'm twenty six. And
Speaker 3: I was like, it was nice meeting you. I walked
Speaker 3: through it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know what that makes somebody wants you
Speaker 2: even more because did you just shut me down a bitch?
Speaker 3: Yeah? She did.
Speaker 2: She was like, you were so rude, and she probably
Speaker 2: was singing agent.
Speaker 1: That was so rude. I'm staying in room tween twelve
Speaker 1: one twelve, Yeah, what is this number? My bucket?
Speaker 3: Robin? So how did you do the follow up? Because
Speaker 3: you shut her down to night like, she kept coming back.
Speaker 3: I would like, walk away, and then she would come back.
Speaker 3: And she did that a couple of times. And then
Speaker 3: finally my friend was like, oh, we're all going out
Speaker 3: to dinner, and she invited her to come with us
Speaker 3: to sound like some L words.
Speaker 2: I feel like it was an episode of the L
Speaker 2: Word age.
Speaker 3: Right from the L Word season three to her and
Speaker 3: after dinner, I was like, oh, she's cool ship And
Speaker 3: so I slipped her my phone with the open contact.
Speaker 2: But with your hand out, with your good hand.
Speaker 3: You showed her your good hand, your your your moisturized hand,
Speaker 3: the real manicured hand that you were like, I'm ready
Speaker 3: finger hand and she was like, And then we went
Speaker 3: on a date like that Saturday.
Speaker 2: Where did you go?
Speaker 3: What is a typical lesbian date? This was not typical
Speaker 3: lesbian date. But I had gone. Okay, So I'd been
Speaker 3: talking to this girl in Philly, a black woman and okay,
Speaker 3: and you were asking her for directions. Yeah, You're like.
Speaker 1: We're the good where's the good food here in Philly?
Speaker 3: Where can I take my white counterpart out?
Speaker 1: Where can I bring my white princess out? That has
Speaker 1: live music in Philly? Is j Scott performing anywhere this weekend?
Speaker 3: It's a balal? There? Can I get a balau? Or music?
Speaker 3: Soul child is even to.
Speaker 1: Raban, You're not pulling us?
Speaker 3: Oh my god? Okay continue. So I had gone down
Speaker 3: to Philly because I've been talking to her, and so
Speaker 3: we had our first date and we were all day
Speaker 3: together and it was cool and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: she's cool. And then like I went to her her
Speaker 3: room and to her her apartment. She lived in this
Speaker 3: weird like half the size of this room, like spartan
Speaker 3: spartan y'all, like ikea, like the basic pine beand she's
Speaker 3: twenty six, No, she was thirty something. Oh oh the
Speaker 3: black girl, the black girl. Oh that's why. So you
Speaker 3: know the plight of a black woman, Why things were happening?
Speaker 1: Why are you putting this queen's business out on.
Speaker 3: The radio to the hotel hour y'allah? So theF and
Speaker 3: she told me she went to Bible study. And I
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, but listen, bonter fell.
Speaker 2: Listen, Bible studies may be the biggest freaks by freaking
Speaker 2: out all types of toys.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I bailed, okay, left, I bailed on
Speaker 3: the Bible study. Okay. So then all all that to say,
Speaker 3: So then I drove back to Brooklyn and I went
Speaker 3: to First Saturdays and then we texted and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: come to the park, slow whatever. So we grabbed. I
Speaker 3: don't drink, but you try to gentrify parks low that
Speaker 3: there's slowly taking parks a little back.
Speaker 2: I see what you're doing, Robin. So y'all just grabbed
Speaker 2: a drink.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we chatted for like two hours. Okay, but
Speaker 3: what about the date after that? You taken to a
Speaker 3: play and we went out to dinner. Play is very gay, Okay,
Speaker 3: she's a theater director. So was it Diggs there at
Speaker 3: the play?
Speaker 1: Was Ky Boots?
Speaker 3: Did he have a terrible hat on k dicks? Terrible hand? Yeah?
Speaker 3: He does.
Speaker 1: You a white woman on his arm. My son is
Speaker 1: not black dates he singed down and he will always be.
Speaker 2: And he out on the prow He probably asking that
Speaker 2: black lady.
Speaker 3: He has Rebecca out on the town.
Speaker 2: Are you saying you wouldn't You don't date, You've never.
Speaker 3: Dated a non black person.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's let me absolutely not what we're saying.
Speaker 2: Well, let me tell you the truth. The white woman
Speaker 2: is what broke me open to to lesbian. Oh. I
Speaker 2: actually Adrian is the first black woman.
Speaker 1: I dated a white man for three years.
Speaker 3: You so wrong, Well, the error goes after this. We've
Speaker 3: seen the errors of we just like to get people
Speaker 3: a hard time, you know, even though we live in lives.
Speaker 1: Listen, I dated this white man, and I honestly truly
Speaker 1: think that white men are the scariest people in the world.
Speaker 3: I could not date a white man. I would be
Speaker 3: thinking about like his white dick raping me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, No, I wasn't thinking about his white
Speaker 1: raping me. I was thinking about his white hands killing me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, sending, we got into a fight,
Speaker 1: just a couple. I'm going to sleep.
Speaker 2: I said, you need me to come through. I got
Speaker 2: the uber X out here waiting for you, Like if.
Speaker 1: I wake up dead tomorrow, he did it. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean white man was scared.
Speaker 3: Okay, wait, you know why because Marie be testing people.
Speaker 3: She's a test.
Speaker 2: She steps alive, she'll talk into somebody else's house because
Speaker 2: she's not even paying any type of not buying any
Speaker 2: type of groceries, not even cooking for the man, and
Speaker 2: not even giving.
Speaker 3: Head on time of that bitch. I'll kill you, Mike.
Speaker 2: I wanted to kill her for him, but I was
Speaker 2: like the I need her, you know, for the s
Speaker 2: and m Okay, So Robin, we're gonna do a little
Speaker 2: quick quiz because obviously we were having way too much
Speaker 2: fun and we gotta get in and out. So we're
Speaker 2: gonna do three questions to prove if you are unofficial
Speaker 2: lesbian experts. Okay, Murrie Boom.
Speaker 1: First one, can you name three celebrities who you think
Speaker 1: are lesbians and everybody is pretty sure it's gay, but
Speaker 1: they're not out.
Speaker 3: Yes, you better you have to name one of them.
Speaker 3: Like one of them. We're very particular about this one.
Speaker 1: Yes, go ahead and give us three names with people.
Speaker 3: Boom, Penelope Cruise, Oh Intel, I got Intel on that, and.
Speaker 2: She's legendary, like you should know. She just came out
Speaker 2: with a new song. She always got like a haircut
Speaker 2: covering her eyes.
Speaker 3: See you, oh Missy Elliott.
Speaker 1: We also would have accepted Hillary Clinton. Some suits be
Speaker 1: mad gay Jada Pinkett, But I think.
Speaker 2: She's open, she's open about she's bye. Probably she's definitely
Speaker 2: bye Sydney. Uh, strap on or vibrator both? Would I
Speaker 2: feel like straps are like weird for me.
Speaker 3: Maybe I'm not gay.
Speaker 1: And my dick, yeah, I love it right now?
Speaker 3: Hey do you carry it with you?
Speaker 2: Like just put it in a backpack like just and
Speaker 2: I have traveled all over the world with my dick.
Speaker 2: I went to Miami me with a double sided dildo
Speaker 2: and TSA was giving me a lot of problems.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, definitely, there's always that moment after the stream
Speaker 3: machine look at you.
Speaker 2: They were very like you really.
Speaker 3: Enjoyed that though, because I would use that once and I.
Speaker 2: Did it on a shower and I slipped it was message.
Speaker 2: I did it with a Brazilian chick out there having
Speaker 2: too much fun. I was coming down from a lot
Speaker 2: of molly.
Speaker 1: It was just Sidney, like, you've never been sober, and
Speaker 1: that's what I'm sober now, bitch. Yes, So you give another.
Speaker 2: Question, how many years does it take to officially become
Speaker 2: a lesbian?
Speaker 3: Mm? And then how many girls do you need to
Speaker 3: be with?
Speaker 2: I would say a good two years of pussy eating,
Speaker 2: just only pussy no, no, but like pussy eating, like
Speaker 2: being in a relationship. Okay, so being at somebody else's
Speaker 2: house paying rent on.
Speaker 3: A regular You don't have to live with them, dating
Speaker 3: some at least two years like for real, for real?
Speaker 3: And then how many women? Minimum five?
Speaker 1: Minimum five?
Speaker 3: So you can't just be with one woman and live
Speaker 3: with her for five years?
Speaker 1: Find one some minimum five women in order to be
Speaker 1: a lesbian. But how many black women do you need
Speaker 1: to be with in order to like black women?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Here's my last question for you is can you name
Speaker 1: a two w NBA players because I can't name none
Speaker 1: that are playing with.
Speaker 3: Jamiica holes Claw. Oh they're playing right now. I'm Britney Griner. Okay.
Speaker 3: And then we just don't take Shamika because I don't know.
Speaker 1: I would also have taken a Leslie Leslie Cheryl swoops
Speaker 1: she's gay. I mean, I feel like they're all how
Speaker 1: many people in the w NBA do you think are gay?
Speaker 3: Probably all of them, eighty five the players. Okay, that's
Speaker 3: lower than I would have guessed. But okay, I know.
Speaker 2: I'll give you that. Robin, you've been fantastic. We've had
Speaker 2: so much fun with you. Where can we catch you?
Speaker 2: What are you doing?
Speaker 3: So? My film Out Again is coming out in the
Speaker 3: spring of twenty seventeen. And yeah, you can catch me
Speaker 3: Robin Cloud Comedy dot com.
Speaker 2: And catch how about that?
Speaker 3: What's your Instagram Robin Cloud Comedy and Twitter? Robin R. Cloud.
Speaker 2: Okay for the Rush Sheet.
Speaker 1: Shout out to all the she is listening to this
Speaker 1: right now you can catch You can catch me at
Speaker 1: rez r E E e z y.
Speaker 3: At just sid BW.
Speaker 2: So that's j U S T S Y D b
Speaker 2: W and please subscribe. Also, get on our Instagram at
Speaker 2: the Unofficial Expert.
Speaker 1: Absolutely and come see us if you're in New York.
Speaker 1: The second Saturday of every month at Carmel Lounge, a
Speaker 1: p M show is bum It's free. We light skinned
Speaker 1: lesbians who don't like black women who perform prety regular.
Speaker 3: I love black women, don't listen to these tools.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're gonna leave it right there.
Speaker 3: We yell, we love you, thinking bye