Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in
Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here,
Speaker 1: back for another episode as we, of course break down
Speaker 1: and discuss the psychology of our twenties. Okay, so this
Speaker 1: is not our usual episode. I think typically with the
Speaker 1: topics I choose to discuss, I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that most people can relate to them, right. I feel
Speaker 1: like there are some very universal experiences, not just of
Speaker 1: our twenties, but of being human that I would say
Speaker 1: around like eighty to ninety percent of us can say, yeah,
Speaker 1: I totally get that, I've been there, I've experienced that.
Speaker 1: I can see myself reflected in that topic. This one
Speaker 1: is for a unique subset of my listeners who can
Speaker 1: relate to a fear of flying. Fear of flying, that
Speaker 1: is what we are going to talk about today. I
Speaker 1: have spoken about this on and off in certain episodes,
Speaker 1: about how I was so terrified of flying that I
Speaker 1: didn't fly for like a very long time, and I
Speaker 1: would even do, like, you know, fourteen fifteen, sixteen hour
Speaker 1: road trips in order to avoid a two hour plane ride.
Speaker 1: But a listener actually DMed me the other day and
Speaker 1: she was asking me for this specific episode where I
Speaker 1: talked about it, and I couldn't remember, so I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, I've spoken about it maybe for a couple
Speaker 1: of minutes here and there, but this deserves a full
Speaker 1: spot on the feed for people to come back to
Speaker 1: and to listen to if this is something that they
Speaker 1: fear and that they experience. So yes, we are going
Speaker 1: to talk about a fear of flying, how it manifests,
Speaker 1: what it looks like, and of course how to overcome it.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was really struggling with this, maybe
Speaker 1: two years ago, was when I really started to be
Speaker 1: committed to overcoming this fear. I was going through and
Speaker 1: like searching for answers everywhere, and I remember looking it
Speaker 1: up on TikTok, like what are the best tips for
Speaker 1: a fear of flying? And there were some great tips,
Speaker 1: but a lot of what I received was like informative
Speaker 1: videos about like playing safety and like interviews with pilots,
Speaker 1: and I really needed something else. And I think I
Speaker 1: also realized that it was kind of a turning point
Speaker 1: for me where I was having all these huge, huge
Speaker 1: opportunities to be able to go overseas, to go to
Speaker 1: the US, go to Europe, fly everywhere, and you know,
Speaker 1: go to these events and travel. And I wasn't going
Speaker 1: to get that opportunity again. And if I let myself
Speaker 1: be held back by my fear of flying, I would
Speaker 1: really really regret it. Now, I also have to say,
Speaker 1: when you live in Australia, like those big long international
Speaker 1: flights are definitely something you really have to you know,
Speaker 1: it just adds a little bit more intensity to the fear.
Speaker 1: Like if I want to overcome my fear of flying
Speaker 1: and therefore give myself the opportunity to go to Europe,
Speaker 1: or to experience like a beautiful Italian summer, or to
Speaker 1: go to the US for work, that's like a twenty
Speaker 1: four thirty hour commitment. And it was one of those
Speaker 1: flights that really like pushed me to finally get over
Speaker 1: this fear and find strategies that worked for me. Back
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty three, I had this like really cool
Speaker 1: opportunity to find in London to speak at like the
Speaker 1: podcast show, and I was not going to give it up.
Speaker 1: So I want to talk about how I really got
Speaker 1: through it, because now I'm not gonna try and choot
Speaker 1: my own horn here, but I'm a bit of an expert,
Speaker 1: Like I definitely still have my moments of fear and anxiety,
Speaker 1: but I really went about this in like a systematic
Speaker 1: way of like, this is not going to control my life.
Speaker 1: And I will say, I know it sounds a very small,
Speaker 1: privileged fear, and in many ways it kind of is,
Speaker 1: but it can also hold you back from a lot
Speaker 1: of experiences that we want in our twenties. Right there
Speaker 1: is a lot of glamor and romanticism to solo traveling
Speaker 1: and to just traveling in general and having backpacking experiences,
Speaker 1: and some is abroad that if you really deeply fear flying,
Speaker 1: you can feel a lot of fomo around and feel
Speaker 1: like you are going to really miss out on and
Speaker 1: therefore you're going to miss out on really getting everything
Speaker 1: that you can out of this decade. So hopefully by
Speaker 1: the end of this episode you feel capable to have
Speaker 1: those experiences, even if getting on a plane and flying
Speaker 1: to whatever destination it is is part of it. Like
Speaker 1: you feel capable of saying, yeah, I'm scared of this thing,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to do it anyway because this is
Speaker 1: what I want to do with my time and what
Speaker 1: I want to do in these younger years of my life.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we're going to talk about why we have
Speaker 1: a fear of flying, the different types of fears that
Speaker 1: create the broader fear, and also why avoidance and ignoring
Speaker 1: the problem is only going to make it worse. And
Speaker 1: the baby steps and the mental steps and the psychological
Speaker 1: steps that you can take and you can perform to
Speaker 1: be okay with getting on those long flights or even
Speaker 1: just getting on an hour long flight. I really do
Speaker 1: believe that this is a fear that is easier to
Speaker 1: overcome than you would think. So, without further ado, let's
Speaker 1: get into it. If you have a fear of flying,
Speaker 1: let me just tell you are not the only one.
Speaker 1: Even if people don't really talk about it. There have
Speaker 1: been some recent estimates that about forty percent of us
Speaker 1: have some fear of flying, and that has only increased
Speaker 1: since the pandemic. Obviously because a lot of us weren't flying,
Speaker 1: a lot of us weren't having the expose to an
Speaker 1: aeroplane or to air travel that would help beat a fear.
Speaker 1: And said it was sustaining an anxiety through avoidance that
Speaker 1: you know, bad things would happen when we get on
Speaker 1: a plane, and we weren't having any of the experiences
Speaker 1: to prove that that would be the opposite of the case,
Speaker 1: Like that wasn't going to happen. I want to talk
Speaker 1: about where a fear of flying comes from, firstly by
Speaker 1: talking about my own experience. So for me, I felt
Speaker 1: like this just crept up on me. When I was
Speaker 1: eighteen nineteen, I solo traveled around Europe, like I met
Speaker 1: up with some friends, but my to get to Europe
Speaker 1: from Australia, I did that all by myself. And I,
Speaker 1: you know, was not flying business class. I wasn't flying
Speaker 1: premium economy. I was flying like on China Airlines, China
Speaker 1: Southern Airlines, like not a great airline in like the
Speaker 1: back of economy. And I remember my flights being like
Speaker 1: eight hundred dollars return and the food was awful. On
Speaker 1: one of my flights, like we didn't even have a
Speaker 1: TV screen and it was like fifteen hours. Like the
Speaker 1: whole experience was like not a pleasant experience, and I
Speaker 1: was totally fine. Oh and by the way, like that
Speaker 1: ended up being like I think a thirty hour flight
Speaker 1: because we had to do two flights with a huge
Speaker 1: layover and I was completely alone that whole time, and
Speaker 1: like it wasn't the smoothest sailing, and I don't remember
Speaker 1: having any real fear, and the same on the way
Speaker 1: back as well, Like I actually I don't know if
Speaker 1: I've told this story before, but on my way back
Speaker 1: from Europe when I was eighteen, and like I did
Speaker 1: my first big solo trip. On my way back, I
Speaker 1: got stuck in Taiwan for the night and I'd run
Speaker 1: out of money, Like I didn't have any money on
Speaker 1: my travel account, I didn't have a SIM card for Taiwan,
Speaker 1: like I was completely and utterly kind of stuck. I
Speaker 1: wasn't sure if I was going to make the flight,
Speaker 1: and the whole experience was actually really stressful, and I
Speaker 1: still like got on the plane and didn't feel any fear.
Speaker 1: In fact, I felt quite peaceful. And so I can
Speaker 1: reflect on those experiences and be like, oh, there was
Speaker 1: a time when like I really wasn't scared by this,
Speaker 1: and then COVID happened, the pandemic happened. I was meant to.
Speaker 1: I think, like a lot of us, I had these
Speaker 1: big travel plans because I was about to graduate university,
Speaker 1: like I had just graduated and I was like, great,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty is like my year for traveling, and like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna save up and I'm gonna go to Russia,
Speaker 1: like this was before the Ukraine Russia War, Like look
Speaker 1: how much has changed. Like I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to Russia and then I'm gonna go to the
Speaker 1: US and maybe like a bit of Asia and just
Speaker 1: have a great time. And I had no fear around
Speaker 1: getting on flight, like it was not in my mind.
Speaker 1: And then I didn't fly for two years. No one
Speaker 1: really flew in Australia, like if you're from Australia, you
Speaker 1: know the lockdowns here were like very very intense. And
Speaker 1: then I had the opportunity to fly home to see
Speaker 1: my parents in Melbourne, and oh my goodness. I remember
Speaker 1: going to book that flight and being like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: suddenly all of these fears are coming up for me,
Speaker 1: Like I suddenly am picturing myself walking onto that plane
Speaker 1: and the only sensation I can feel is like a
Speaker 1: deep pit rock heaviness in my stomach. And I didn't
Speaker 1: book the flight. I drove down, and then when I
Speaker 1: had when the time came to go back up, I
Speaker 1: drove back up again, like and it was like a
Speaker 1: twelve thirteen hour drive, Like it was ridiculous, and it
Speaker 1: was totally inefficient, totally like unsustainable, totally expensive as well.
Speaker 1: And that was my first real moment of like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: this like fear has suddenly emerged for me. And it
Speaker 1: kept coming up, all these opportunities to go and see family,
Speaker 1: finally being able to see family, like I would not
Speaker 1: catch a flight, and then the one time that I
Speaker 1: did that I really had to, I didn't get on it.
Speaker 1: Like I literally was about to board, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to fully freak out, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: remember having this fear of like I am going to
Speaker 1: panic when I'm on this plane and I'm going to
Speaker 1: try and get out of the plane. I'm going to
Speaker 1: pull the emergency exits and I'm going to scream and
Speaker 1: I'm going to like fully freak out and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna be able to control myself. So I shouldn't get
Speaker 1: on this fight, Like I was just so terrified of
Speaker 1: having a reaction that I wasn't prepared for and I
Speaker 1: was so terrified of my fear. So that is kind
Speaker 1: of where I was at when I realized I needed
Speaker 1: to change something. So for me, I think it was
Speaker 1: that I hadn't. I think underlying this there had always
Speaker 1: been a more general like claustrophobia and a more general
Speaker 1: fear of the unknown. But because I had flown so
Speaker 1: much as a kid, because my parents were always traveling
Speaker 1: for work, Because then i'd done a long hal flight
Speaker 1: when I was kind of not even in my twenties yet,
Speaker 1: like I had been exposed enough that the anxiety didn't
Speaker 1: have time to feed itself with fantasy. So that's really
Speaker 1: where mine came from. I think for a lot of others,
Speaker 1: it could be your fear of flying comes from a
Speaker 1: negative experience, So you've just had one really terrible, awful
Speaker 1: flight that has completely shaped and dominated how you think
Speaker 1: about flying. I was talking to someone about this, one
Speaker 1: of my friends. She has a really she has a
Speaker 1: terrible fear of flying, and I hope she doesn't MND
Speaker 1: be sharing this story, but I'll keep it anonymous. She
Speaker 1: was flying back from the Philippines and they flew through
Speaker 1: like a thunderstorm, like a lightning storm, Like they flew
Speaker 1: through a storm, and it was non anticipated, and it
Speaker 1: was terrifying, and the plane was shaking, and she thought
Speaker 1: she was going to die, and it just sounded absolutely awful,
Speaker 1: and it was like from then on out, the fear
Speaker 1: it emerged like that was a triggering event that was
Speaker 1: a catalyst for her fear. Another really big one is
Speaker 1: a lot of people experience, or a lot of people
Speaker 1: report an uptick in their fear around flying after a crash.
Speaker 1: So if you remember like MH three and seventy or
Speaker 1: a bunch of these other flights that have come down
Speaker 1: in recent memory that we're everywhere in the news. Everyone
Speaker 1: was talking about it. It was a crazy tragedy that
Speaker 1: leaves an imprint because of something called the salience effect
Speaker 1: or a salience bias, where really intense, captivating, highly emotional
Speaker 1: news stories or things going on feel like they're actually
Speaker 1: a lot more common, just because they are dominating so
Speaker 1: much of the headlines and they're dominating so much about
Speaker 1: thinking space. Like our brain is like, ah, because this
Speaker 1: is more apparent, it must be more common, even though
Speaker 1: it's only been one plane amongst hundreds and hundreds of thousands.
Speaker 1: This was a big thing that we saw following nine
Speaker 1: to eleven that was actually a real moment for people,
Speaker 1: of a real moment where a lot of people shifted
Speaker 1: from being totally happy to get on a plane to
Speaker 1: a real avoidance within a lot of people, and some
Speaker 1: people still I was reading an article like this, people
Speaker 1: who reported having no fear about flying until nine to eleven,
Speaker 1: and even what are we now, like twenty four years on,
Speaker 1: like they still won't get on a plane because of
Speaker 1: how our memories work and how our brain influences our
Speaker 1: decision making and our behavior to protect us from what
Speaker 1: it fears and to help us survive when really, you know,
Speaker 1: something like a plane crash or something really terrible happening
Speaker 1: on a flight doesn't actually happen all that often this
Speaker 1: kind of links to a broader, deeper idea of why
Speaker 1: do we fear flying? You know, a lot of people
Speaker 1: will say I fear crashing, or I fear turbulence, or
Speaker 1: I fear the confined space. So at its root, a
Speaker 1: lot of these come down to a deeper, more simplistically
Speaker 1: labeled fear, the big one being the fear of the
Speaker 1: unknown and the fear of being out of control. So obviously,
Speaker 1: when you get on a plane, you're not in control anymore.
Speaker 1: If something bad was to happen, there is nothing that
Speaker 1: you can do. Really, I know that probably gave you
Speaker 1: a jolt of anxiety, but we're going to discuss why,
Speaker 1: how to overcome that. But really that's what the fear
Speaker 1: is coming down to. If you are someone who is
Speaker 1: already scared of uncertainty, who was already scared of not
Speaker 1: being able to control their environment, or scared of the unknown,
Speaker 1: flying can be a real triggering event. This also really
Speaker 1: relates to a fear of crashing right, or a fear
Speaker 1: of turbulence, or a fear of something bad happening on
Speaker 1: the flight. You can't I kind of realized that in
Speaker 1: that situation and in that moment, you might be quite powerless,
Speaker 1: and that powerlessness, like that feeling, is one that you
Speaker 1: are not comfortable with potentially being exposed to. There's also
Speaker 1: the deeper fear, or a deeper kind of phobia, a claustrophobia.
Speaker 1: This was also one that was big for me. My
Speaker 1: big thing was I don't like being in enclosed spaces.
Speaker 1: I don't like getting in elevators, I don't like At
Speaker 1: the time when my fear of flying was really happening,
Speaker 1: I didn't like even catching the train like into work
Speaker 1: in Sydney. I didn't even like, uh, going in tunnels.
Speaker 1: So it was all coming down to this claustrophobia. I
Speaker 1: remember specifically like I would avoid driving in any tunnels
Speaker 1: around this time, and when I would go into a tunnel,
Speaker 1: I would really feel like the panic rising. And I
Speaker 1: was particularly scared of there being traffic in a tunnel
Speaker 1: because I was like, oh my god, I don't want
Speaker 1: to get stuck underground in this enclosed space, Like that
Speaker 1: just sounds like my worst nightmare, like everything is closing
Speaker 1: in on me. And so I remember talking to my
Speaker 1: friend and being like who travels so much for work?
Speaker 1: And being like, how can you cope with being locked
Speaker 1: in this metal tube for hours? Like you get in,
Speaker 1: they close it, or you're not coming out. Nothing you
Speaker 1: can do can allow you to exit. And he actually
Speaker 1: said something really beautiful to me. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but isn't that really nice because while you're suspended up
Speaker 1: and up in the air, like you get this beautiful
Speaker 1: break from reality, Like it's actually quite special. You get
Speaker 1: to completely disconnect, you get to just like float in
Speaker 1: this like space and time that is just like all
Speaker 1: for you. And I was like, hmm, yes, Like I'm
Speaker 1: slightly convinced by that, and I'm not fully on board,
Speaker 1: but I do really still see like where he was
Speaker 1: coming from. And he also said to me, he was like,
Speaker 1: there are so many situations like that that you're going
Speaker 1: to be exposed to in life where you just have
Speaker 1: to be a bit stoic about it. Like, think about
Speaker 1: so many other things in your life where you are
Speaker 1: in a space or an event or a situation or
Speaker 1: a context that you can't change, and you just have
Speaker 1: to find a way to accept it. And so learning
Speaker 1: how to overcome a fear of flying, actually, what it
Speaker 1: really does is teach you a lot of lessons about
Speaker 1: dealing with discomfort and anxiety and your own ability to
Speaker 1: control a situation in general, Like it helps teach you
Speaker 1: how to do that in so many other broader areas
Speaker 1: of your life. But again, just to summarize, those are
Speaker 1: the real big reasons that we fear flying. We fear
Speaker 1: a terrible event occurring. Maybe we fear death, we fear injury,
Speaker 1: we fear the plane crashing, and therefore we become quite
Speaker 1: worried about turbulence, We become quite worried about small little things.
Speaker 1: And then we also have a deeper fear of the
Speaker 1: und own, a fear of being out of control, and
Speaker 1: also claustrophobia, a fee of a fear of enclosed, tight
Speaker 1: spaces when you have a fear of flying. If you're
Speaker 1: not someone who's familiar with this, what this can feel
Speaker 1: like is a lot of anticipatory anxiety. So I remember
Speaker 1: last year I caught a flight from Bali to New York,
Speaker 1: and the whole two to three days before that happened,
Speaker 1: it was all I could think about. I was obsessed.
Speaker 1: I was obsessed. I was googling what kind of model
Speaker 1: the plan was going to be. I had to know
Speaker 1: exactly where my seat was going to be. I had
Speaker 1: to know exactly what food was going to be served
Speaker 1: on board, what time we were departing, what time we
Speaker 1: were learning, all the possibilities of things that could go wrong,
Speaker 1: and YadA, YadA YadA, Like it was all this information
Speaker 1: seeking was all coming back to anticipatory anxiety. Like I
Speaker 1: wasn't actually in any danger at that point, I wasn't
Speaker 1: being triggered. I wasn't in the situation that I feared,
Speaker 1: but my brain was almost like, well, let's prepare you
Speaker 1: by I almost copying the anxiety that you will eventually
Speaker 1: feel right now, so you can get used to it.
Speaker 1: Of course that didn't work. Like it doesn't work. Your
Speaker 1: brain tries to come up with all these different ways
Speaker 1: to manage something that it sees is difficult. But really
Speaker 1: the biggest thing you can do for yourself is expose
Speaker 1: yourself to the fear and see that you are still capable,
Speaker 1: which we're going to get to eventually. The other big
Speaker 1: thing with the fear of fying that you're likely to
Speaker 1: feel is like when you get on the plane, I
Speaker 1: would sweat, I would shake. I would like just literally
Speaker 1: my whole body would shake, and I would be like
Speaker 1: pushing my foot up and down, like bouncing my foot
Speaker 1: up and down. Everything felt very, very hot. I felt
Speaker 1: like I needed to run. I literally felt like a
Speaker 1: scared rabbit. And I found that actually that was the
Speaker 1: worst before take off, But once we were like ten
Speaker 1: twenty minutes into the air, I felt quite calm because
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm in it. Now, I'm in it,
Speaker 1: like the sense of like, yeah, there's really nothing I
Speaker 1: can do. Tiokover and I was like, well, I may
Speaker 1: as well just enjoy this experience. So that's really what
Speaker 1: it feels like. It feels like a panic attack. It
Speaker 1: feels like a lot of anxious worry. It feels like
Speaker 1: you are stuck. You're trying to fight or flight, obviously,
Speaker 1: trying to run away or fight back against this thing
Speaker 1: that feels like it's threatening you. I being on an airplane.
Speaker 1: But it all comes back to like a real like
Speaker 1: you're the fear center of your brain and your like
Speaker 1: nervous system is not properly responding to your circumstances. So
Speaker 1: it's seeing danger where danger is not. Yes, danger could
Speaker 1: eventually appear, but you're not actually in any danger in
Speaker 1: that moment. Your brain is reading the environment and reading
Speaker 1: the context wrong. And when I began to realize that
Speaker 1: that my anxious thoughts about something didn't make anything more
Speaker 1: or less likely to happen, that also was a great
Speaker 1: relief to me. So we're going to take a quick
Speaker 1: break here and when I return, I want to really
Speaker 1: get into the tips that I have for overcoming my
Speaker 1: fear of flying. Stay with us. The biggest thing I
Speaker 1: can say to you if you have a fear of
Speaker 1: flying is that you need to find any possible way
Speaker 1: to stop avoiding the situation, To stop avoiding flying flights, airports,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and what you want to do is
Speaker 1: really approach that in slow, manageable steps. So I knew
Speaker 1: that when I was really getting ready to beat this fear,
Speaker 1: or at least find a way to handle it, that
Speaker 1: I had this big thing coming up, this big flight
Speaker 1: that I really wanted to do. So I wanted to
Speaker 1: fly to London. I wanted to make it there, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to be able to get on that plane
Speaker 1: and you know, maybe not feel okay, but still be
Speaker 1: able to go through with it. So in the lead up,
Speaker 1: like the six month lead up to this flight, I
Speaker 1: started doing small things to help myself. So I went
Speaker 1: to a flight simulator. I would watch videos on YouTube
Speaker 1: of people entering planes, like getting onto a plane, sitting down,
Speaker 1: showing their surroundings, like a lot of them were like
Speaker 1: reviews of certain seats on like different airlines. Like I'd
Speaker 1: watch like, oh, the Emirates a three eighty like flight
Speaker 1: from Doha to wherever, like like what the seats would
Speaker 1: look like and what the meals were like, to just
Speaker 1: really see. Then I also started saying yes to opportunities
Speaker 1: that would require me to do very short flights, so
Speaker 1: one hour, two hour flights around Australia and for the
Speaker 1: first couple of flights, I took someone with me, so
Speaker 1: I would literally be like, Okay, did any of my
Speaker 1: friends need to fly to Melbourne this weekend. Let's see
Speaker 1: if we can get on the same plane. Like I
Speaker 1: paid for my dad to like fly on one of
Speaker 1: my flights with me, to just help expose me to
Speaker 1: this feared this fearful state. So the first flight I
Speaker 1: did was an hour I think it was even less,
Speaker 1: and I did it with my dad, and it was hot,
Speaker 1: it was hard, but actually I realized by the end
Speaker 1: how proud I was, how much relief I felt getting
Speaker 1: off the plane, and how I was like, Wow, that
Speaker 1: was not as hard as I thought it was. And
Speaker 1: that's what the avoidance makes you believe. It keeps you
Speaker 1: in this state where the biggest source of truth is
Speaker 1: your fear about a situation and your thoughts about a situation,
Speaker 1: often which are false. So the only truth you have
Speaker 1: to rely on is what your brain is coming up with.
Speaker 1: But when you actually expose yourself to the situation, a
Speaker 1: much different reality becomes apparent. I then did a two
Speaker 1: hour flight with a friend, just me and her, and
Speaker 1: then a one hour flight by myself, and that was
Speaker 1: really hard because we got stuck on the tarmac, and
Speaker 1: that was something that I hadn't anticipated, and it kind
Speaker 1: of threw me for a loop. But what I did
Speaker 1: was I was just reminded myself of how it felt
Speaker 1: to have someone else there with me, how really like
Speaker 1: I was still able to do it by myself. And
Speaker 1: I had a list of things that I knew would
Speaker 1: help me out. So I still have this list in
Speaker 1: my phone, and it's a number of strategies that I
Speaker 1: knew would calm my anxiety and break me out of
Speaker 1: a panic attack. So one of them was to just
Speaker 1: do some guided meditation to do a breath work exercise.
Speaker 1: I actually downloaded this app called the Dare app, which
Speaker 1: I've spoken about before, and they do guided meditations for
Speaker 1: a fear of flying and guided meditations for panic attacks.
Speaker 1: And I would just sit and I would listen to
Speaker 1: that meditation until I felt better. I also would just
Speaker 1: do jumping jacks at the back of the plane, like
Speaker 1: in the little flight attendant area, just until I felt better,
Speaker 1: or squats something that would like make me feel like
Speaker 1: I was escaping or doing something about the anxiety within me.
Speaker 1: I put cold water on my wrists, I had something
Speaker 1: sour to buy into. I also would bring coloring in books.
Speaker 1: I just had a lot of it. Almost felt like
Speaker 1: I was building a military right, like I was building
Speaker 1: my line of defenses against this anxiety. And I said,
Speaker 1: I'm only allowed to panic if I get through all
Speaker 1: these things and I don't feel better. Obviously, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe my anxiety would be able to jump a couple
Speaker 1: of hurdles, but I had a whole list of things
Speaker 1: that I could do, so there was no way that
Speaker 1: it could get through all of them. Something was bound
Speaker 1: to work, something was bound to make me feel better.
Speaker 1: And I also just allowed myself to be okay with
Speaker 1: being scared. I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna accept
Speaker 1: this feeling like I feel anxious, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: look around at my environment. Is there anything to feel
Speaker 1: anxious about? Is there anything to feel scared about? And
Speaker 1: what I would do is I would look to other
Speaker 1: people and I would mirror them response. So I'd look
Speaker 1: at the people in front of me, I'd look at
Speaker 1: all the heads of the people on the plane, and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, well, these people seem fine. These
Speaker 1: people aren't panicking, so obviously, like if I can't trust
Speaker 1: myself and my own evaluation of the situation. I can
Speaker 1: trust theirs, and they seem okay. I also reminded myself
Speaker 1: something that I knew very much to be true. It's
Speaker 1: the biology of us as humans. Our psychology is that
Speaker 1: we cannot panic forever. So even if I was on
Speaker 1: the verge of a panic attack, I knew that eventually
Speaker 1: it would subside. So it was okay. If I felt
Speaker 1: myself falling into the state, it wasn't going to last forever.
Speaker 1: It was eventually going to go away. I know that
Speaker 1: my body could only sustain panic and that level of
Speaker 1: alertness and stress for so long, so I remind myself
Speaker 1: it's just sensations, you know, It's just my body trying
Speaker 1: to protect me. It doesn't change what is actually happening.
Speaker 1: I also want to say, flight attendants they know how
Speaker 1: to handle this. They see this all the time. And
Speaker 1: I've actually seen a flight attendant help someone who was
Speaker 1: panicking on a flight. I've seen random strangers help someone
Speaker 1: who is panicking on a flight. You've got to remember
Speaker 1: most people are very very kind and very very good.
Speaker 1: If you were sitting next to someone on a plane
Speaker 1: who turned next to you turned to you and said,
Speaker 1: I'm really really scared, would you dismiss them? No, you'd
Speaker 1: be like, I totally understand, let me help you. So
Speaker 1: you've got to understand that most other strangers will also
Speaker 1: do that for you as well. Most people are genuinely
Speaker 1: very nice, and even if they aren't, the flight attendants
Speaker 1: have to be like they're getting paid to be there.
Speaker 1: They aren't just decorative like. They have done a lot
Speaker 1: of training, and their training also involves how to handle
Speaker 1: really heightened emotional states for people for whom this is
Speaker 1: a big fear. My other biggest, biggest tip, the thing
Speaker 1: that I still swear by to this day, and this
Speaker 1: is particularly the case with long haul flights, is to
Speaker 1: don't like just don't let yourself be bored. Create itineraries
Speaker 1: for each flight, the same way that you might wake
Speaker 1: up and you might create a timed to do list
Speaker 1: about your day, or like you would create an itinerary
Speaker 1: for like a holiday, of like in the morning, we
Speaker 1: do this, in the afternoon, we do this in the evening,
Speaker 1: we do this like these are our activities for the day.
Speaker 1: I would do the same for each of my flight,
Speaker 1: and the day before I would make one of these itineraries.
Speaker 1: So let me see if I can pull one up
Speaker 1: from my flight to London that I was talking about. Okay,
Speaker 1: here it is, I've managed to find it. So we
Speaker 1: had two flights. This was flight one. I will also
Speaker 1: say that for my flight to London, at the last minute,
Speaker 1: I did ask my dad to come with me and
Speaker 1: I paid for his flight, which is something I felt
Speaker 1: very lucky to be able to do. I had all
Speaker 1: these points that I had been like saving up for
Speaker 1: literally like because I wasn't flying anywhere but before COVID,
Speaker 1: I flew a lot, and i'd like saved up all
Speaker 1: of these points for that trip to Europe I was
Speaker 1: meant to be doing never use them. So I use
Speaker 1: those to get my dad a flight so that he
Speaker 1: could come with me, because I was really really scared.
Speaker 1: But this is what my itinerary looked like. So our
Speaker 1: one talk to my dad and get settled. Hour two.
Speaker 1: I had my routine, like my nighttime routine. So I
Speaker 1: got a face mask, I brushed my teeth, I put
Speaker 1: on my noise to canceling headphones. Hour two again, put
Speaker 1: on a movie. Hour three, finish movie, and do some knitting.
Speaker 1: Our four, have my first round of snacks, eat meal,
Speaker 1: So like I was scheduling things to look forward to
Speaker 1: for each hour. Hour five, start second movie, get ready
Speaker 1: for sleep, take a melatonin. Then it was like hour
Speaker 1: six hours, seven hour eight sleep. But if not, I
Speaker 1: had alternatives, which was to edit some of my podcast
Speaker 1: episodes or to do some coloring in. I even had
Speaker 1: other things to do as well, like I had a
Speaker 1: little legos, so I had activities like I was prepared
Speaker 1: then our like ten eleven twelve. I had like instructions
Speaker 1: to make Instagram posts, like I had everything set up
Speaker 1: so that I had more things to do. Movie three
Speaker 1: and then our like fourteen, prepare to land, and then
Speaker 1: my second flight. This is what I said. I said
Speaker 1: it was an eight hour flight. I said, this is
Speaker 1: just like a nine to five work day, Like that
Speaker 1: is what this is. If I would easily sit in
Speaker 1: an office for eight hours in the same space that
Speaker 1: I would sit in a chair on a plane, Like,
Speaker 1: this is the same amount of time. So I had
Speaker 1: my hour one, get settled, have some snacks, listen to
Speaker 1: a podcast, hour to do another face mask. Hour three.
Speaker 1: I could either write some episodes or write my books.
Speaker 1: I was writing my book at the time, or I
Speaker 1: could watch a movie. Iur movie movie right right, our seven,
Speaker 1: listen to a podcast, read our eight, talk to dad,
Speaker 1: prepare to land. So like I had this itinerary for
Speaker 1: myself that would help me feel like my time was.
Speaker 1: The day before my flight as well, the morning before,
Speaker 1: I would go and get everything that I needed to buy,
Speaker 1: Slash needed to bring with me, Slash wanted to have.
Speaker 1: So this is what I had for like the list,
Speaker 1: I needed to buy sour candy, compression socks, a puzzle book.
Speaker 1: I also bought magazines and imask, toothbrush and toothpaste, portable charger,
Speaker 1: water bottle. I also bought my prescription sour candy. I
Speaker 1: also had instructions for myself to download five movies that
Speaker 1: seems a little bit excessive, make sure that everything was charged,
Speaker 1: wear comfortable but fashionable clothes, which will come into the
Speaker 1: next tip that I have. And then the morning of
Speaker 1: my flight, I went for a really big swim and
Speaker 1: a really big run so that I was exhausted. Then
Speaker 1: I had an everything shower and had a really healthy breakfast.
Speaker 1: All of these things like putting myself in the best
Speaker 1: possible place to be prepared for this flight, and I
Speaker 1: had a daily reminder at the top of this list.
Speaker 1: So this is my list that I have on my
Speaker 1: phone called flight prep. Haven't updated it since the third
Speaker 1: of December. But the reminder on the top of my
Speaker 1: phone said, you need to do hard things to grow
Speaker 1: acknowledge the fear and run towards it anyway, And so
Speaker 1: I had this huge, comprehensive list to come back to.
Speaker 1: And can I tell you something that those itineraries, that
Speaker 1: whole plan, I didn't once have to use it, not once.
Speaker 1: It was so important that it was there. But once
Speaker 1: I got onto the plane and I settled in and
Speaker 1: I maybe did the first hour or two of my routine,
Speaker 1: I realized that all of this preparation, really what it
Speaker 1: was doing was just making me feel more at ease
Speaker 1: with the possibility of discomfort. But after the first hour,
Speaker 1: I wasn't uncomfortable, I wasn't scared, I wasn't anxious. I
Speaker 1: was okay. So I was really able to relax into
Speaker 1: the situation. That is really what this preparation taught me
Speaker 1: is that you can do all that you want to do,
Speaker 1: but when you are in situation, the chances are it's
Speaker 1: not going to be as bad or as hard as
Speaker 1: you previously thought it was. Now I want to bring
Speaker 1: us all back to that thing I said before that
Speaker 1: may have sounded strange. Wear comfortable but fashionable clothes. This
Speaker 1: links to something that I still too still do to
Speaker 1: this day, which is that I romanticize the privilege and
Speaker 1: the act of flying by And it's gonna sound really
Speaker 1: silly imagining that I'm someone really famous or really important.
Speaker 1: And the person that I tend to imagine is that
Speaker 1: I am Taylor Swift and that I'm getting on my
Speaker 1: flight and that this is just part of business. And
Speaker 1: I romanticize this whole process of like having the opportunity
Speaker 1: to be a jet setter, what that means, like what
Speaker 1: that feels like, and like would that person feel anxious,
Speaker 1: would like Taylor Swift feel anxious about flying? Probably not,
Speaker 1: Like would Beyonce feel anxious about flying? Probably not? Like
Speaker 1: this is this is like what they do, Like this
Speaker 1: is what it means to be someone who is successful.
Speaker 1: I kind of like to pretend that I'm someone else
Speaker 1: in that moment. I am someone more capable. I am
Speaker 1: someone for whom this is really really normal, and it
Speaker 1: really really works visualizing and romanticizing the process visualizing getting
Speaker 1: off the plane as well visualizing what it's going to
Speaker 1: feel like to literally put your feet on the tar,
Speaker 1: on the tarmac or on like the whatever it is
Speaker 1: like the walkway, like visualizing that sensation, visualizing your first
Speaker 1: breath of fresh air when you get off the plane.
Speaker 1: Also really really profound, like your mind has like has
Speaker 1: so many superpowers and hidden talents and hidden capabilities built
Speaker 1: into it to get you through hard situations, and its
Speaker 1: ability to reflect and remember and visualize and imagine future
Speaker 1: situations or past peaceful situations is something that you can
Speaker 1: use to pull yourself into a calm space when you
Speaker 1: are maybe panicking or you are maybe spiraling. I also
Speaker 1: mentioned having a go to meditation that you know and
Speaker 1: you've proven to yourself can bring you out of a
Speaker 1: stressed state. Mine was the Dare meditation that's really useful
Speaker 1: and finally have a backup calming option. Now, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna tell you to go out and get a valiant
Speaker 1: prescription or to rely on prescription drugs or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: or melatonin or something herbal or even like a glass
Speaker 1: of wine, but just knowing that you have it there
Speaker 1: without having to use it is incredibly helpful. So I
Speaker 1: did have a valiant prescription. But let me just tell
Speaker 1: you I didn't touch it like I for a lot
Speaker 1: of my long haul flights now slash Ever, like I think,
Speaker 1: I've only taken it once, and it was because I
Speaker 1: was really like I was feeling quite ill, and I
Speaker 1: was also really not feeling well mentally. I had slept
Speaker 1: for like a couple of days just because I'd been
Speaker 1: so run off my feet and jet lagged. That was
Speaker 1: the only time I used it. But I have taken
Speaker 1: so many international long haul flights where I have not
Speaker 1: needed it. But just the fact that I have it
Speaker 1: in my toiletrys bag, or that I know I can
Speaker 1: have a glass of red wine and feel better even
Speaker 1: though I don't drink on flights, that has been so powerful. Again,
Speaker 1: it's just giving your brain and giving yourself all of
Speaker 1: these hurdles that it has to jump over before you
Speaker 1: are going to let yourself panic. So having all of
Speaker 1: these different things that you can focus on, that you
Speaker 1: can zoom in on, that you can feel comforted by
Speaker 1: before you feel like you have to let your sensations
Speaker 1: take over. I want to also remind you of that
Speaker 1: reminder I had at the top of that list. In
Speaker 1: order to grow, you have to do hard things. So
Speaker 1: if you are someone who has avoided flying, who was
Speaker 1: scared of it feels really uncomfortable, it does get easier
Speaker 1: and you do see more of the rewards of putting
Speaker 1: yourself in a hard situation, an uncomfortable situation, something that
Speaker 1: you don't actually want to do, but which you are
Speaker 1: able to come out of and realize that you are
Speaker 1: so grateful to yourself for doing it. And it's actually
Speaker 1: not very common I think in our day and age,
Speaker 1: that we do things that are very difficult, and that
Speaker 1: we push ourselves really hard into a place of discomfort
Speaker 1: and even fear, and are still able to come out
Speaker 1: the other side and see the rewards. Flying when you
Speaker 1: have a fear of flying is such a great opportunity
Speaker 1: to feel what it really means to you know, feel
Speaker 1: deeply proud of yourself and deeply accomplished for doing the
Speaker 1: hard thing over the easy thing. So I'm wishing you
Speaker 1: so much luck. I know this is really really hard,
Speaker 1: but I also want you to know that, as someone
Speaker 1: who used to be so afraid that she would get
Speaker 1: off flights, that she would drive frickin thirteen hours to
Speaker 1: get places who you know avoided so many opportunities because
Speaker 1: of her fear. I have been able to get over it. Yes,
Speaker 1: like it's not completely gone, but in like two weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm flying solo to the US for work and then
Speaker 1: flying back and that's like a fifteen hour flight. And
Speaker 1: the level of anxiety I feel about it is nowhere
Speaker 1: near what I would have experienced two or three years ago.
Speaker 1: And I feel completely fully capable of doing it, and
Speaker 1: I believe that you can feel that way as well.
Speaker 1: So sending you lots of love, peace, strength, calm, and
Speaker 1: the opportunity to really push yourself and to learn and
Speaker 1: to see what you are capable of. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to this episode. If you are someone
Speaker 1: who also has a fear of flying, and you have
Speaker 1: a tip or a suggestion or a piece of advice
Speaker 1: that you personally have used that I didn't mention, please
Speaker 1: drop it in the comments below. I would love to
Speaker 1: have the comment section on Spotify just be a you know,
Speaker 1: just a huge page and peace and community notice board
Speaker 1: of advice and feedback and tips and tricks for all
Speaker 1: of us to learn from each other. I think that
Speaker 1: would be really really useful, and again, send this to
Speaker 1: someone who you think might need to hear it. If
Speaker 1: you have a friend who you know also experiences this
Speaker 1: who was one of the forty percent, or a parent
Speaker 1: or a family member who has been avoiding or putting
Speaker 1: off flying for some of the very reasons we talked about,
Speaker 1: maybe this could help them, So feel free to share it,
Speaker 1: and if you haven't already, make sure that you are
Speaker 1: following along the Psychology of your twenties. Leave us a
Speaker 1: five star review and follow us on Instagram at that
Speaker 1: Psychology podcast. If you have further thoughts, questions, queries about
Speaker 1: this episode, or you want to suggest another episode. I
Speaker 1: love hearing from you all over there, and until next time,
Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself, happy fly dying,
Speaker 1: safe travels, and we will talk very very soon,