Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central yew.
Speaker 2: As you should know. March is Women's History.
Speaker 3: Months, the month, that's right, the month when all historic
Speaker 3: female heroes drink for free. So long on this we're
Speaker 3: joined by our senior gender issues correspondent, Daisi Lightech. Everybody,
Speaker 3: what does Women's History Month mean to you?
Speaker 1: Well, Trevor, During this month, I like to celebrate the
Speaker 1: stories of impressive women that have been overlooked. It's not history,
Speaker 1: it's history. Took me forever to come.
Speaker 2: Up with that, you know, DESI, I honestly, I've learned
Speaker 2: so much already this month about women who have done
Speaker 2: great things in history.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, you see, everyone pays attention to the women
Speaker 1: who did great things, but no one speaks about women
Speaker 1: who did bad things. For example, everyone's heard of Benedict Arnold, right,
Speaker 1: he was the general who betrayed America during the Revolution,
Speaker 1: the greatest treason in our history up until Tristan Thompson.
Speaker 1: But you probably haven't heard of Benedict's wife, Peggy ship
Speaker 1: and Arnold. Now, she was actually the one who encouraged
Speaker 1: him to turn on America and helped plan his treason
Speaker 1: with British officials. You know. It's like they say, the
Speaker 1: couple that betrays together stays together, and there is nothing
Speaker 1: hotter than treason sex.
Speaker 2: Trust me, I don't even know what that means, but
Speaker 2: that is really fascinating.
Speaker 1: Deasy, I had no idea about the role that she played.
Speaker 1: Oh of course she didn't, You're a man. I didn't
Speaker 1: know either. I saw it on a Snapple cap at
Speaker 1: lunch today.
Speaker 4: Cap.
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's another one. We all know who. Alexander the
Speaker 1: Great was, the ruthless king, bloodthirsty conqueror, sideburns aficionado. But
Speaker 1: he only got to do all of that because of
Speaker 1: a woman, his mom, Queen olymp She wanted her son
Speaker 1: to be king so bad she had her husband and
Speaker 1: his other wife assassinated. She schemed so her child could
Speaker 1: have a better life like a Macedonian aunt. Becky. You know,
Speaker 1: actually Olympias inspired me to break into my son's school
Speaker 1: and destroy the other kids science projects. Sorry, someone trashed
Speaker 1: your volcano, Timmy, But I too, am raising a.
Speaker 5: King, DESI.
Speaker 2: You can't break into a school and vandalize children's homework.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, Trevor, you're gonna tell a woman what she
Speaker 1: can and cannot do with her body.
Speaker 2: Wait, no, no, no, no, what you did was a crime.
Speaker 1: Well you know, you know what else used to be
Speaker 1: a crime, women voting? Huh right, ladies. Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm glad you brought up crime because women
Speaker 1: can do that too. People always talk about machine Gun Kelly,
Speaker 1: one of the most notorile US gangsters during Prohibition, but
Speaker 1: nobody's ever heard of his wife, Catherine Kelly. She helped
Speaker 1: him scheme, she helped plan his kidnappings. She even gave
Speaker 1: him the gun he was named after, you know, before
Speaker 1: her everyone called him fingerguns Kelly.
Speaker 2: Wow, this is really fascinating.
Speaker 3: You opening my eyes.
Speaker 2: Like, even when it comes to bad things, we tend
Speaker 2: to erase the contributions of women from history.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's still happening today. Just look at Facebook
Speaker 1: fake news scandals helping Russia spread propaganda. They even sold
Speaker 1: all Heir Dick pics to Steve Bannon. And every time
Speaker 1: something goes wrong people blame Mark Zuckerberg, But there's Coo.
Speaker 1: Sheryl Sandberg deserves just as much credit. Everyone's dragging his
Speaker 1: name through the mud. I am so sick of people
Speaker 1: refusing to say something bad about women on the internet.
Speaker 2: DESI it it almost sounds like you admire these bad women.
Speaker 1: I admire all women, but there is one woman I
Speaker 1: admire above all. She is my number one evil heroin.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess heroin's the number one evil heroin,
Speaker 1: but this lady comes close, Trevor. When you think of pirates,
Speaker 1: you think of Blackbeard, Captain Kid or whoever's the captain now.
Speaker 1: But the most successful pirate of all time was actually
Speaker 1: a woman, Jung Yi Sao. In the eighteen hundred. She
Speaker 1: had eighty thousand sailors fifteen hundred ships. It took more
Speaker 1: pirate fortune than Johnny Depp's lawyers. But get this, when
Speaker 1: the Chinese navy finally caught her, she talked her way
Speaker 1: out of jail, got amnesty, and then opened a casino boom.
Speaker 1: She would for being a criminal tyrant to a legal
Speaker 1: casino owner, a move historians call the reverse Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: So remember, everyone, on Women's History Month isn't just about
Speaker 1: breaking the glass ceiling. It's also a about throwing someone
Speaker 1: through it and getting away with it.
Speaker 3: Don't say sloan, everybody, don't say hello, Happy Women's History Months.
Speaker 4: Happy It would be happy if you got me a.
Speaker 2: Gift, Well, another one. I just got you a gift
Speaker 2: for Black History Months?
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I'm black in February and in March I'm
Speaker 4: a woman.
Speaker 3: Oh no, but that's not fair.
Speaker 1: Okay, So then when do I get a gift in April?
Speaker 4: Because you're a fool anyway, Trevor, have you ever wondered
Speaker 4: why women don't get the historic credit they deserve?
Speaker 2: The sexism statues?
Speaker 4: Trevor, women don't have as many statues as men. In fact, nationwide,
Speaker 4: only eight percent of outdoor statues are of women.
Speaker 1: Wow, how did you know that statistic?
Speaker 4: I drink Snapper, I read what Internet come on dot,
Speaker 4: and I've seen it for myself. I was walking through
Speaker 4: Central Park the other day under duress, and I saw
Speaker 4: our statues of Alexander Hamilton, Christopher Columbus, William Shakespeare, all
Speaker 4: famous men from history. When it comes to women, there's
Speaker 4: only two statues in Central Park, Alice in Wonderland and.
Speaker 1: Mother Goose, which makes no damn sense.
Speaker 4: Alice is just a white girl who took Molly, And
Speaker 4: why does Mother Goose get a statue?
Speaker 1: All she did was for a ghost.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's right.
Speaker 4: Fine, she made love to No, that's what okay?
Speaker 1: Anyway, Do'll say, I'm lost.
Speaker 2: How does having more statues.
Speaker 4: Help, because trevor statues help us remember history when you
Speaker 4: walk past the statue and you're like, oh, yeah, MLK
Speaker 4: did have a dream. Thomas Jefferson was a complicated individual.
Speaker 4: And when you don't honor women the same way you
Speaker 4: honor men, you're leaving them out of history.
Speaker 2: That's true. Well, at least at least women have the
Speaker 2: Statue of Liberty. That's one of the most famous statues
Speaker 2: in the world.
Speaker 1: That didn't count.
Speaker 4: We needn't statues of real women, not some giant French
Speaker 4: bitch holding ice cream. Now, someone like Tony Morrison, the
Speaker 4: first black woman to win the Nobel Prize for literature,
Speaker 4: or someone like Francis Perkins, the first woman appointed to
Speaker 4: a presidential cabinet, or someone like Beyoncet the first woman
Speaker 4: to be Beyonceet. Why doesn't she have a statue? I
Speaker 4: mean she's already standing like a statue.
Speaker 3: She just read it.
Speaker 2: This is actually a great idea, But I hope you
Speaker 2: understand building thousands of statues of women is going to
Speaker 2: be difficult. I mean, statues are expensive. You know, this
Speaker 2: is gonna be a project that's gonna take a lot
Speaker 2: of time.
Speaker 4: I've already done, at Trevor, what I've designed one statue
Speaker 4: to symbolize all women, their power, their beauty, their mystique,
Speaker 4: a flawless avatar of womanhood that anyone can look at
Speaker 4: and see themselves.
Speaker 2: Don't say that that's a statue of.
Speaker 4: You, Oh, Trevor, I'm touched that you can see me
Speaker 4: in that art.
Speaker 2: No, it's literally you.
Speaker 5: It has your name on it, you know.
Speaker 1: So why are you holding a baby?
Speaker 2: You don't have kids.
Speaker 4: That baby symbolizes America, okay, which women have been carrying
Speaker 4: for for Joe wah. Now I'm kidding it is Elvis baby.
Speaker 4: Because that's some history I want to make everybody.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of men might think women's history
Speaker 1: doesn't affect them, but it turns out women throughout history
Speaker 1: have invented some of men's favorite things. For example, Trevor,
Speaker 1: what's the number one thing that men can't live without?
Speaker 1: I'll give you a hint. It starts with the bee
Speaker 1: you whip them out during spring break.
Speaker 3: Boos beer yeah, beah no, no.
Speaker 2: Boobs is a brand of South African beer that's.
Speaker 1: Okay. Well beer is a five hundred and thirty billion
Speaker 1: dollar industry, mostly thanks to men, and who can blame
Speaker 1: them for loving beer with all those macho ads full
Speaker 1: of sexy women desperate to have sexy sex. Ooh, Grandpa,
Speaker 1: your social Security check.
Speaker 3: Is so big.
Speaker 1: But it turns out Mesopotamian women were the ones who
Speaker 1: invented this man juice. Wait, sorry, nope, that doesn't sound right.
Speaker 1: This man fluid. Yeah, that's better, but it's true. Seven
Speaker 1: thousand years ago, beer was considered a gift from a
Speaker 1: goddess and only women were entrusted with making it, which
Speaker 1: is why I no longer pay for beer when I
Speaker 1: go out. You know, instead of signing my bar tab,
Speaker 1: I just write you're welcome.
Speaker 2: That's actually a really cool thing. I mean, not you
Speaker 2: stealing drinks, but the invention of beer.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, And that's not all. A woman helped create.
Speaker 1: One of the things men think they can do when
Speaker 1: they're drunk. Kung fu. Society has always told us that
Speaker 1: it's meant for men, you know and pandas, But guess what.
Speaker 1: Bruce Lee, the most famous kung fuer of all time,
Speaker 1: got his whole style of kung fu from a woman.
Speaker 1: In the seventeen hundreds, Anne By the name of Ing
Speaker 1: Moy developed her method after teaching a female student how
Speaker 1: to fight off a creepy guy. These days, you can
Speaker 1: just swipe left, but back then you had to literally
Speaker 1: swipe left.
Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's so amazing. Wow, I.
Speaker 2: Didn't know all of these things women's history mok, Like
Speaker 2: I didn't know that a nun helped invent kung fu.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, it's not that crazy. Nuns are badass.
Speaker 1: Remember that nun in the nineties who took down one
Speaker 1: Areno's biggest mobsters, and she still had time to teach
Speaker 1: acquires some motown classics.
Speaker 2: Isn't Isn't that Sister Act?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my favorite documentary. And speaking of fighting, it
Speaker 1: was this woman, Lisa Meitner, who discovered nuclear fission.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, nuclear fission?
Speaker 6: What is that?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Seriously, Trevor, you don't know what nuclear
Speaker 1: fission is. I mean everyone knows it's when you fission
Speaker 1: the nuclear you know, whatever. The point is. Her discovery
Speaker 1: of nuclear fission became the basis for all nuclear weapons.
Speaker 1: So without her, there are no nuclear bombs, and without
Speaker 1: nuclear bombs, world leaders would have no way of proving
Speaker 1: how big their dicks are. Listen, fellas, the next time
Speaker 1: you're butt chugging a PBR or start a bar fight
Speaker 1: or drop a nuke, remember all of the women who
Speaker 1: made it possible and honor them by not doing any
Speaker 1: of that dumb shit in the first place.
Speaker 2: Doesn't let it everyone?
Speaker 4: Hello, friends, Today is February twenty ninth, which is Leap
Speaker 4: Day and Black Women's History Day. And if you don't
Speaker 4: know that, it's because I just made it up. Why
Speaker 4: Because the rest of February is taken. Doctor King gets
Speaker 4: two weeks, the presidents get a three day weekend, and
Speaker 4: they even give a day to.
Speaker 5: A ground hall. What the hell is a grown hole?
Speaker 1: That's not?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: Is that even a real animal? Are we sure isn't
Speaker 4: just a big ass guinea pig with a good publicist.
Speaker 4: So I'm playing in February. So I'm playing in February
Speaker 4: twenty ninety for us. Yeah, why only one day every
Speaker 4: four years? Because you account for you know, the wage
Speaker 4: gap and your mom and m you know the math
Speaker 4: works out. Okay, trust me, I carried the four and everything.
Speaker 4: But the day is almost over. So let's celebrate some
Speaker 4: black women as fast as we can. Okay, throw a
Speaker 4: clock on the screen.
Speaker 5: Wait, No, that that looks like a shot clock?
Speaker 4: Is that the NBA?
Speaker 5: Now make it historical?
Speaker 4: Is that a cuckoo cloak? Are you trying to say
Speaker 4: black women are crazy? But nerve the unmiptal gate of
Speaker 4: gol Okay, just put up any clock?
Speaker 5: Oh hesus? Okay?
Speaker 4: I like her. She's black and she looks like she
Speaker 4: don't take no shit from nobody. Okay, let's celebrate some
Speaker 4: black women.
Speaker 1: Start the clock.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 4: Shirley Chisholm, incredible congresswoman, chosen her way into history by
Speaker 4: being the first black woman to run for president for
Speaker 4: a major party in nineteen seventy two. She spent fourteen
Speaker 4: years in Congress representing Brooklyn, and I mean.
Speaker 7: Brooklyn Brooklyn, Spike Lee Brooklyn, not Lena Dunham Brooklang. If
Speaker 7: you thought Biggie had a tough time making money, imagine
Speaker 7: going door to door in bedsty asking for campaign contributions, donations,
Speaker 7: raise money, donationus, raise money.
Speaker 4: Y'all was off beating all right? Listen next, doctor Shirley Jackson. Ooh,
Speaker 4: another Shurlee, the first black woman to earn a doctorate
Speaker 4: from MIT. She helped innovate touchtone phones, portable fax machines
Speaker 4: and caller ID. She's the only reason long distance relationships work.
Speaker 4: So every time you use your phone, poor little WiFi
Speaker 4: out for your girl, Shirley.
Speaker 5: Next up, Missy Elliott.
Speaker 4: For proving that black women can make a hit song
Speaker 4: while singing forwards and backwards. It's your finn of whipping
Speaker 4: you in and yet is how you say it?
Speaker 1: Missy?
Speaker 4: We salute you, You salute we Missy. See that's backwards. Okay,
Speaker 4: look at your girl all right? Next okay, we got
Speaker 4: aunt seeing the White House. Guess Man's Kamala had first
Speaker 4: female VP and one bad bike ride away from being president. Listen,
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, if Huffy Bikes really wanted a female president.
Speaker 4: Losing some chains at the factory, y'all can make history.
Speaker 5: Howpus as out? Come on?
Speaker 4: Next, May Jamison, the first black woman in space.
Speaker 5: In nineteen ninety two. What took so long?
Speaker 4: And that makes sense because in the nineties black people
Speaker 4: were doing whatever they could to get the farthest away
Speaker 4: from the LAPD.
Speaker 5: So you saying I could go.
Speaker 4: To outer space while these cops stay on Earth. Oh,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it. Come on,
Speaker 4: come on, let's go the little coat. And the most
Speaker 4: amazing thing is that she came back. That's never guarantee,
Speaker 4: but girl, wow, there's a black woman on family matters
Speaker 4: that went upstairs and never came back down again. Next,
Speaker 4: Liza Leslie, a basketball legend who was the first woman
Speaker 4: to dunk in the NBA. That's right, she could dunk,
Speaker 4: which is way more impressive because when women do it,
Speaker 4: we do it with titties. Slows you down. She changed
Speaker 4: the game, like me every time I played Uno with
Speaker 4: my five year old nephew, Drop four, drop seventeen.
Speaker 5: Ooh out hai in your face deckling.
Speaker 1: Next, hey's my mommy.
Speaker 5: Have everybody look at my mama.
Speaker 4: She's out there every day giving, serving, loving, and I
Speaker 4: mean literal mother me literally mothering, and you know she
Speaker 4: made me.
Speaker 5: You're welcot you know that's not that I'm surprise.
Speaker 4: I'll be able to covet at means people. That's okay.
Speaker 1: You know we can celebrate even more black women than
Speaker 1: twenty twenty.
Speaker 8: Eight, So.
Speaker 5: That's not gonna be earth. Then duel, say sloan. Everybody.
Speaker 1: Being a woman can cost you, apparently an average of
Speaker 1: fourteen hundred dollars a year thanks to gender price discrimination.
Speaker 3: If you're a woman, just about everything cost you more
Speaker 3: than similar products marketed for men.
Speaker 1: It's called the pink tax. I needed to investigate by
Speaker 1: testing some products, but I wasn't going to fall victim
Speaker 1: to price discrimination by actually paying for them. Two razors,
Speaker 1: one blue, one cake otherwise identical. Does the pink one
Speaker 1: give a silkier shave? Only one way to find out what?
Speaker 1: I'm a full time working mom. What do you.
Speaker 5: Expect exactly the same?
Speaker 1: Could this be an isolated case? I continued my investigation.
Speaker 1: We need a patriarchy cleanup. In Aisle thirteen, two painkillers,
Speaker 1: one marketed for lady cramps. Question is which is more effective?
Speaker 1: Just as I thought, same active ingredient.
Speaker 5: This is bullshit.
Speaker 1: Why do products cost more for women than men?
Speaker 8: Well, classic marketing strategies what they call shrinket and pinket.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I have that surgery.
Speaker 8: That's not what we're talking about in this case. What
Speaker 8: we're saying is the company will take the basic version
Speaker 8: they made for everyone and then market that towards women.
Speaker 8: They'll make it small, they'll make it pink. Yeah, same thing,
Speaker 8: basic economics, one on one. It goes right to their
Speaker 8: bottom line.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, that's the whole point of the surgery,
Speaker 1: went to my bottom line. But there's one lawmaker, Congresswoman
Speaker 1: Jackie Spear, who's been fighting gender discrimination for over twenty years.
Speaker 6: Get rid of the gender tax. Women on the average
Speaker 6: pay five dollars more for a haircut than as a man.
Speaker 1: They should be paying you to get those haircuts. But
Speaker 1: that's not the point.
Speaker 6: The pink tax is a insidious institution in America. And
Speaker 6: mind you, women are still making eighty cents for every
Speaker 6: dollar earned by a man to do the same job.
Speaker 6: And if you're a woman of color, you're making even
Speaker 6: less money.
Speaker 1: I ran the numbers. An overcharge plus underpaid equals the
Speaker 1: square root of what the.
Speaker 5: So unfair.
Speaker 1: It's like when someone has blue eyes, everyone falls in
Speaker 1: love with them, but you get pink I once and
Speaker 1: suddenly you're kicked out of your neighbor's hot tub.
Speaker 5: It's three o'clock in the morning. What are they going
Speaker 5: to use it for.
Speaker 1: Aren't just getting discriminated against with goods, but with services as.
Speaker 6: Well, haircuts, tailoring, dry cleaning.
Speaker 1: Research is shown women pay more than men forty two
Speaker 1: percent of the time. In fact, a recent study shows
Speaker 1: it starts from the time you were born until the
Speaker 1: day you die, as displayed, and some of these products
Speaker 1: we have with us today in a game we call
Speaker 1: thirty four dollars two forty four dollars. Oh great, So
Speaker 1: while your little girl is learning how to walk, she'll
Speaker 1: also learn how to navigate the system that's exploiting her.
Speaker 6: Sorry, these are two children's snorkels.
Speaker 1: Eight eighty four sixteen twenty two for the pink. So
Speaker 1: women literally have to pay more to breathe.
Speaker 6: Sorry, twenty eight women's diapers for fifteen ninety eight, but
Speaker 6: the men get thirty two diapers for the same amount
Speaker 6: of money.
Speaker 5: This is why I stop pooping.
Speaker 1: And just like me, this system is full of shit.
Speaker 1: How can women afford to live in this world?
Speaker 8: If the man's version is cheaper, then just buy that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, if you think about it, It's just one
Speaker 1: extra step and a series of extra steps that women
Speaker 1: take every day to thrive in a man's world, Like
Speaker 1: how we get up a little extra early every morning
Speaker 1: to put on an outfit that looks professional yet accessible,
Speaker 1: but not too accessible because we don't want to be
Speaker 1: taken advantage of, Or how we walk an extra five
Speaker 1: blocks to work so that we can avoid the construction zone.
Speaker 1: Because men like to tell us to smile more. And
Speaker 1: when we get to work, we want to make our
Speaker 1: voices heard, but in a way that's helpful and strong,
Speaker 1: without being overbearing or shrill. We do all of this
Speaker 1: without even an ounce of resentment, because resentment causes wrinkles,
Speaker 1: and society does not value aging women. Is there a
Speaker 1: men's wrinkle cream that you can recommend?
Speaker 8: Yes, there are several.
Speaker 5: Sure, it costs less, maybe a little. There's got to
Speaker 5: be a better solution.
Speaker 6: Introducing the Pink Tax Repeel Act. We have got to
Speaker 6: get the federal government to protect women from this gross discrimination.
Speaker 1: That's right. Spear is ready to give the Pink tax
Speaker 1: and blue balls. But why stop there?
Speaker 6: I think there has to be an outrage. Women should say,
Speaker 6: why is this more? This is discrimination. I'm going to
Speaker 6: call corporate got.
Speaker 1: It be outraged, make our voices heard, taken into our
Speaker 1: own hands. Until the repeal the Pink Tax Act gets passed,
Speaker 1: I'm going to make up for all the shit we've
Speaker 1: already paid for with the help of my little pink friend.
Speaker 1: It's perfect giving women their money back one item at
Speaker 1: a time. We'll call it Deasy's Dick Tax. Strong enough
Speaker 1: for a man, but Christ.
Speaker 5: Just for her.
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