1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,600
Speaker 1: One of the things that I always wrestle with is

2
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:08,200
Speaker 1: really like this ultra competitive comparison kind of thing in

3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,920
Speaker 1: my head that I'm not doing enough.

4
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:16,200
Speaker 2: Marie Folio is a powerhouse entrepreneur, the creator of Marie TV,

5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,880
Speaker 2: a best selling author, and a world class coach. But

6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,079
Speaker 2: in this conversation, Marie isn't in mentoring mode. She's opening

7
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,880
Speaker 2: up in a big way. Alongside her best friend Chris Carr.

8
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,200
Speaker 1: She is my first, my last, my only phone called

9
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:35,040
Speaker 1: when everything is going right, or most frequently when everything

10
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:35,720
Speaker 1: is going.

11
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,320
Speaker 2: Wrong, and they don't hold back from the heartbreak to

12
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:39,880
Speaker 2: the healing.

13
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,680
Speaker 1: She opened the door for me to be able to

14
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,199
Speaker 1: ask for the kind of support I needed in a

15
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,400
Speaker 1: really traumatic moment.

16
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,720
Speaker 3: The shit was hitting the fan in my life, and

17
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,760
Speaker 3: I had more perspective when it really hit the fan

18
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 3: in her life.

19
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,600
Speaker 2: And after digging deep, they bring the laughter and real talk.

20
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,600
Speaker 2: Only your ride or Die dare.

21
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,480
Speaker 1: To share the only person in the world who can

22
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 1: say painful truth and to not have Nylana like slapper.

23
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,720
Speaker 3: Is the only time you can change somebody is when

24
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 3: they're in diapers.

25
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,320
Speaker 4: Now that a freach.

26
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 2: Join host Martin Luther King the Third Andrea Waters king

27
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:24,119
Speaker 2: Mark Kilberger and Craig Kilberger for an honest, unapologetic conversation

28
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,960
Speaker 2: about relationships, finding light in the darkest moments, and the

29
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,600
Speaker 2: biggest lessons learned along the way.

30
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,479
Speaker 1: I stood there and I was like WHOA.

31
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,759
Speaker 2: Before today's episode begins, please be advised this conversation includes

32
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,240
Speaker 2: discussions about suicide and mental health. Some of the content

33
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,840
Speaker 2: may be distressing. If you or someone you know is struggling,

34
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,200
Speaker 2: help is available. Call the National Suicide in Crisis Lifeline

35
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,280
Speaker 2: at nine to eighty eight or text home to seven

36
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,160
Speaker 2: four one seven four one to reach the crisis text line.

37
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,400
Speaker 2: These services are free and available twenty four to seven.

38
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:12,400
Speaker 5: Welcome to My Legacy. Today's guest is Marie Fourlio. Marie

39
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,640
Speaker 5: built her business and platform on purpose, resilience, an unshakable belief,

40
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,400
Speaker 5: and she's made a career of helping others unlock the same. Marie,

41
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,600
Speaker 5: We're so honored to have you with us here today

42
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,560
Speaker 5: and on My Legacy. We always ask our guests to

43
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,560
Speaker 5: bring a plus one, someone who they admire, they turn

44
00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:33,120
Speaker 5: to in times of challenge and grief and hope, someone

45
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,360
Speaker 5: who's their ride or die. Marie, can you introduce who

46
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:36,960
Speaker 5: your plus one?

47
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:42,640
Speaker 1: Is today, I brought the one and only magical Unicorn, herself,

48
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,360
Speaker 1: Miss Chris Carr. And for those of you who do

49
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,800
Speaker 1: not know my best friend in the entire world, she

50
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,119
Speaker 1: is a powerhouse herself. She is a multiple New York

51
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,760
Speaker 1: Times Number one best selling author. She is someone who

52
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,600
Speaker 1: has spent over two decades of her life not just

53
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,960
Speaker 1: surviving but thriving with cant and has inspired millions to

54
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,320
Speaker 1: do the same. She's got books, she's got podcasts, through

55
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,600
Speaker 1: her coaching, through everything she shares with the world. The

56
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 1: New York Times has called her a new role model,

57
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,600
Speaker 1: and Oprah has named her a force for good and

58
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,679
Speaker 1: for good reason. And personally, Chris is literally she's my

59
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,920
Speaker 1: soul sister. Like we talk about this all the time.

60
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,680
Speaker 1: We do not understand how we are not legitimate family,

61
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,960
Speaker 1: but we are meant family, and she is the person.

62
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,320
Speaker 1: We were talking about this the other day, like we

63
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,600
Speaker 1: have never let each other down, and we started celebrating

64
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,680
Speaker 1: our friend anniversary. I think it's been over fifteen years.

65
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,880
Speaker 1: And she is my first, my last, my only phone

66
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,440
Speaker 1: call when everything is going right or most frequently when

67
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: everything is going wrong, because that happens to all of

68
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,040
Speaker 1: us in life.

69
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,640
Speaker 4: Had a spectacular introduction.

70
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,600
Speaker 5: Chris, When did you know that Marie was going to

71
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,760
Speaker 5: be your soul sister, your friends, your lifelong writer, die.

72
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,240
Speaker 3: Companion from the first moment I spoke to her. So

73
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,480
Speaker 3: we at each other because back in the day when

74
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,760
Speaker 3: you're doing everything and you're building your life and you're

75
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,920
Speaker 3: building your business, and you're wearing all the hats as

76
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:13,760
Speaker 3: young puppy entrepreneurs, we were also our customer service. And

77
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:18,000
Speaker 3: so I bought one of her products because so many

78
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 3: people had said to me, you should, you should know

79
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,039
Speaker 3: about Marie. You should. You guys would really love each other,

80
00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,239
Speaker 3: and so I was like, Oh, who is this Marie?

81
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,440
Speaker 3: And so I went and I bought her live in

82
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,240
Speaker 3: the moment booty camp. And I was like, I don't

83
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,080
Speaker 3: know what any of that is, but it sounds like

84
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,680
Speaker 3: I need to know what it is and have a

85
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:38,000
Speaker 3: little bit of that in my life. And we got

86
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,440
Speaker 3: on the phone and we have not stopped talking ever since.

87
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,400
Speaker 6: That is so so special. Let me Marie ask a question.

88
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,800
Speaker 6: You grew up in a small town in New Jersey

89
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 6: and have said your mom was a big factor in

90
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,599
Speaker 6: shaping your grit. What do you carry forward from those

91
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,120
Speaker 6: early years.

92
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,240
Speaker 1: Well so much. But I think the quick story that

93
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,919
Speaker 1: I will tell that has really shaped my life was

94
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,520
Speaker 1: the fact that my mom, like so many of our parents,

95
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,440
Speaker 1: didn't grow up with a lot of resources. She actually

96
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,479
Speaker 1: had two alcoholic parents and grew up in the Nork,

97
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,960
Speaker 1: New Jersey, and she learned, really by necessity, how to

98
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,400
Speaker 1: stretch a dollar bill around a block like five or

99
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,799
Speaker 1: six times. And she had made a promise to herself

100
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,080
Speaker 1: when she was young that she would somehow find a

101
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,599
Speaker 1: way to a better life. And so one of my

102
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,919
Speaker 1: best memories as a kid was sitting around her kitchen

103
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,480
Speaker 1: table in New Jersey, and it was Sundays and cutting

104
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,040
Speaker 1: out coupons because my mom loved to teach me all

105
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,279
Speaker 1: the ways that our family could save money. And so

106
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,479
Speaker 1: I think most of the people here were all of

107
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,200
Speaker 1: a certain age where you might remember something that were

108
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,640
Speaker 1: called proofs of purchase, where if you purchased a bunch

109
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,280
Speaker 1: of boxes of cereal for particular brand or right milk cartons,

110
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,760
Speaker 1: and you collected all those little squares and you mailed

111
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,600
Speaker 1: them in, you could get cool stuff like cooking utensils

112
00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,520
Speaker 1: or a recipe book or something. And my mom's favorite

113
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,920
Speaker 1: thing that she loved more than anything was this tiny

114
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:08,400
Speaker 1: little AMFM radio that she got for free from Tropicana

115
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,280
Speaker 1: Orange Juice. So it looked like an orange I had

116
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,120
Speaker 1: red white straw sticking out of the top that was

117
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,800
Speaker 1: the antenna. And as a kid, I knew I could

118
00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,760
Speaker 1: always find my mom somewhere from listening to the tiny

119
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,120
Speaker 1: little sound of this radio. So one day coming home

120
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,120
Speaker 1: from school, walking home, and I hear like Diana Ross blasting,

121
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,800
Speaker 1: you know, really small out of this radio. And as

122
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,240
Speaker 1: I approach the house, it's coming from a weird orientation,

123
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,599
Speaker 1: and I look up and I see my tiny little

124
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,200
Speaker 1: mom perched precariously on the roof of our two story house,

125
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,960
Speaker 1: no ladder, no nothing. I'm terrified. I'm like, Mom, what

126
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,440
Speaker 1: are you doing up there? Are you okay? And she

127
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,760
Speaker 1: yells down and she's like, ree, don't worry about it.

128
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,400
Speaker 1: The roofer. You know, there's a leak. The roofer said

129
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,000
Speaker 1: it was going to be at least five hundred bucks

130
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:56,120
Speaker 1: to fix it. I said, screw that, I'm doing it myself.

131
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,919
Speaker 1: So that gives you a little flavor of MoMA Poorlia

132
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,360
Speaker 1: sounds a me So for context, this was the nineteen eighties, right,

133
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,080
Speaker 1: This is all pre Internet, this is pre Google, this

134
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,480
Speaker 1: is pre YouTube. And my mom only had a high

135
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,920
Speaker 1: school education. So one day it was in the fall,

136
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,320
Speaker 1: I'm coming home from school and it was dark. Out's Jersey, right,

137
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,200
Speaker 1: It's like four o'clock and it's spooky already. And as

138
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm approaching the house, everything is dark and it's quiet.

139
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,600
Speaker 1: Now I'm Italian American and if your house is dark

140
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:30,080
Speaker 1: and quiet, this is not good news. So I'm terrified.

141
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's going on? Where's my mom? Got that

142
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,840
Speaker 1: pit in my stomach, like something is seriously wrong. So

143
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,840
Speaker 1: I walk in the house silence, and then I start

144
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:43,040
Speaker 1: hearing these little clicks and clacks from the kitchen. I

145
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,240
Speaker 1: tiptoe over and I see my mom in the kitchen.

146
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 1: She's hunched over the table and it looks like an

147
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:54,280
Speaker 1: operating room. There's a spotlight on screwdrivers, electrical tape, and

148
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:58,800
Speaker 1: then in about twenty pieces was a completely dismantled Tropicana

149
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 1: orange radio. And I stood back and I was like, Mom,

150
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,800
Speaker 1: are you okay? What happened? That's your favorite thing? Is

151
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,480
Speaker 1: it broken? And she looks up at me and she says, rae.

152
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,200
Speaker 1: She goes, I'm fine. She's like the antenna was a

153
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 1: little busted. The dial wasn't working, so I'm fixing it.

154
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,440
Speaker 1: And I stood there and I watched her work her magic,

155
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,000
Speaker 1: and then I finally thought to ask the question I

156
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,320
Speaker 1: should have always asked, which was this, Hey, mom, how

157
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,840
Speaker 1: do you know how to do so many different things

158
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,640
Speaker 1: that you've never done before? But nobody's shown you how

159
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,320
Speaker 1: to do it? And she puts down her screwdriver and

160
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,000
Speaker 1: she cocks her head to the side and she said, ray,

161
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,080
Speaker 1: what are you talking about. Nothing in life is that complicated.

162
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,160
Speaker 1: If you roll up your sleeves, you get in there

163
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:43,199
Speaker 1: and you do it, everything is figure outable. And I

164
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,439
Speaker 1: kid you, guys not. I stood there and I was like, whoa,

165
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,640
Speaker 1: everything is everything is figure out? Well, I was like,

166
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,319
Speaker 1: everything else big, Oh my goodness, everything is figure outible.

167
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 1: And so it was just this belief in possibility and

168
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,640
Speaker 1: grittiness and going for it even though you have no

169
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,800
Speaker 1: clue what the heck you're doing. That really became the

170
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 1: driving force in my life and still is today.

171
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,640
Speaker 4: And it was a great book. Yes, I grew up

172
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:14,520
Speaker 4: with a single parent. She was a nurse and first

173
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:19,040
Speaker 4: black nurse in her hometown, and very much so like

174
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,440
Speaker 4: one day I would come home, even if she's worked

175
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,880
Speaker 4: a double shift, and she had the outlets pulled out

176
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 4: literally of the wall, and she changed she was figuring

177
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 4: out how to change the electrical outlets in our house,

178
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,800
Speaker 4: or you know. So it just reminded me of such

179
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,440
Speaker 4: a beautiful book and so important for young girls. That

180
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 4: again that I bought not only a copy for myself

181
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,160
Speaker 4: but for our daughter, and we read and studied and

182
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,360
Speaker 4: talked about it together.

183
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,160
Speaker 1: That looks me so much. I can hardly even tell

184
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,680
Speaker 1: you and thank you for sharing that. And I think

185
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,320
Speaker 1: that so many of us, Chris, I know you come

186
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,400
Speaker 1: from such scrappy beginnings as well, and we learned these

187
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,960
Speaker 1: invaluable lessons about how to not let the fact that

188
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,240
Speaker 1: you may not know or understand something stop you from

189
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:05,960
Speaker 1: moving forward.

190
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,280
Speaker 7: Maria, I wanted to ask you a question. You know,

191
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,320
Speaker 7: it was many years ago when you were twenty three

192
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,840
Speaker 7: years old you had the courage to launch Marie TV

193
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,440
Speaker 7: when many women at that time were not creating that

194
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,960
Speaker 7: type of content. And that was courageous, that was adacious,

195
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,160
Speaker 7: that was wonderful and obviously been now very successful. I'm

196
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 7: sure there's been lots of upstowns in that process. But

197
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,520
Speaker 7: how did you find your confidence and trust in yourself

198
00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,480
Speaker 7: to go ahead and to create that vision, to create

199
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,280
Speaker 7: that platform, to create that voice.

200
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,319
Speaker 1: I was born in seventy five, so it was kind

201
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,040
Speaker 1: of grown up in the eighties there. And my idea

202
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,760
Speaker 1: of a successful, powerful business woman had like huge shoulder

203
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,120
Speaker 1: pads and she was in this corner glass office. It

204
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,400
Speaker 1: was kind of imagery that I think I just saw

205
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,520
Speaker 1: in the media. And I had this notion that one

206
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:56,080
Speaker 1: had to be perfectly educated and speak at a particular

207
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,800
Speaker 1: level and use particular language in order to be successful.

208
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,760
Speaker 1: And I remember being on Wall Street, on the floor

209
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 1: of the New York Stock Exchange and trying to kind

210
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:10,040
Speaker 1: of step into my idealized image of what a successful

211
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,360
Speaker 1: young woman was. And I tried to do that in

212
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,160
Speaker 1: the magazine world, both on the advertising side and the

213
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,959
Speaker 1: editorial side, and kind of all these different beautiful opportunities

214
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:24,040
Speaker 1: that were career opportunities. But I kept feeling completely disconnected

215
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,760
Speaker 1: because I was trying to be something that I wasn't.

216
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,679
Speaker 1: And so after feeling like a failure and leaving jobs.

217
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,800
Speaker 1: Even though I had a very strong work ethic and

218
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,920
Speaker 1: I was never afraid of hard work, I couldn't deny

219
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,880
Speaker 1: from a soul level that I wasn't where my soul

220
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,280
Speaker 1: wanted me to be. And the moment that I relaxed

221
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,280
Speaker 1: and said, you know what, I don't speak perfectly, I

222
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,680
Speaker 1: don't have I graduated from college. I was the first

223
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,360
Speaker 1: in my family to go to college. But I don't

224
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,280
Speaker 1: have higher degrees. I am way far from perfect. I'm quirky,

225
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,560
Speaker 1: I'm weird, I have a strange sense of humor. I

226
00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:00,800
Speaker 1: like all of these different things. And I started just

227
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,760
Speaker 1: expressing the true essence of who I am. That's actually

228
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:09,200
Speaker 1: when things started to come together. So releasing this notion

229
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,480
Speaker 1: of perfection, releasing this notion of having to be someone

230
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,520
Speaker 1: that I genuinely wasn't, that was the only place it

231
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 1: came from. That and just a lot of pain of

232
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,960
Speaker 1: failure of trying to be something I wasn't and it

233
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:20,960
Speaker 1: did not work out.

234
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:26,800
Speaker 5: Marie, you spoke about where from pain comes courage, and

235
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,600
Speaker 5: in the same way, Chris, we all know your story.

236
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,840
Speaker 5: The world knows your story. How you know in your

237
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,320
Speaker 5: early thirties you received what you know talk about pain

238
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,400
Speaker 5: and courage. What would have been a devastating for most

239
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,720
Speaker 5: people diagnosis in a rare and curable stage four cancer,

240
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
Speaker 5: and instead of retreating from it, you built a movement

241
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,440
Speaker 5: around health and wellness. Take us back to that moment,

242
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,160
Speaker 5: and can you help us understand where you found that

243
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,320
Speaker 5: courage from when you decided to share your story and

244
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,640
Speaker 5: to build your movement.

245
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,280
Speaker 3: I think my courage came out of fear, but also

246
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,560
Speaker 3: out of anger, if I'm to be totally honest, because

247
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 3: you know, when you're in your early thirties and or

248
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,120
Speaker 3: work for a lot of people young adults with cancer,

249
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,280
Speaker 3: when you're just starting out, you're trying to get your

250
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,520
Speaker 3: life together. You're trying to figure out who you're going

251
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,080
Speaker 3: to be and how you're going to make a living,

252
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,720
Speaker 3: and you know, maybe you've got dreams of starting a

253
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,400
Speaker 3: family or whatever that is. And then something like an

254
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:28,400
Speaker 3: incurable cancer diagnosis comes your way. It's so destabilizing, and

255
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,840
Speaker 3: so the initial thing was I'm terrified, am I going

256
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,679
Speaker 3: to live? I'm going to die? So I have this

257
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,439
Speaker 3: rare cancer that can be slow growing, but it can

258
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,560
Speaker 3: also be very aggressive, and so for me, it was

259
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,320
Speaker 3: a first and foremost find the best doctor, figure out

260
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,680
Speaker 3: what this thing is, and then come up with a

261
00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:50,200
Speaker 3: game plan. And the first doctor suggested a triple organ transplant,

262
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,080
Speaker 3: and I thought that that was crazy. I had never

263
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,600
Speaker 3: heard of anybody surviving something like that, and so I

264
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,480
Speaker 3: said thank you, but no thank you again. Much like Marie,

265
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,440
Speaker 3: I didn't have a higher degree. I actually wasn't even

266
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,440
Speaker 3: interested in health and wellness. I figured, like fiber was

267
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,440
Speaker 3: for later. Right now, I got to get my shit

268
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,200
Speaker 3: together make a living, and so this was not something

269
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:15,360
Speaker 3: that I thought was important or something that I wanted

270
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,480
Speaker 3: to spend a lot of time educating myself on. But

271
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,600
Speaker 3: then when you're up against the ropes, you find out

272
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,440
Speaker 3: real quickly what you do need to put your focus on,

273
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,960
Speaker 3: and for me, it was my health. And so I

274
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,720
Speaker 3: went about interviewing all of these different doctors, and I

275
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,280
Speaker 3: think it was my first experience of saying, Okay, honestly,

276
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,680
Speaker 3: these people work for me, and I'm looking for my

277
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,840
Speaker 3: second in command. It was my first first opportunity of

278
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 3: being a CEO, and it was just it was becoming

279
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 3: the CEO of my health, which is what I often

280
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,880
Speaker 3: talk about. As I kept meeting more people and interviewing them,

281
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,640
Speaker 3: I decided, Okay, once I find my second in command,

282
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,920
Speaker 3: then I really have to look outside of the box,

283
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,560
Speaker 3: and when I finally did, he was like, look, this

284
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,840
Speaker 3: can be grow slow growing, it can be aggressive, all

285
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,920
Speaker 3: the things I just share with you. Sometimes it can change.

286
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,400
Speaker 3: And so we're just going to watch and wait, and

287
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,880
Speaker 3: we're going to track you, and we're going to wait

288
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,160
Speaker 3: for cancer to make the first move, and we're going

289
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,560
Speaker 3: to get a baseline and until then, you're going to

290
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,480
Speaker 3: watch and live. And I said, well, I don't really

291
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 3: know what that means, and he said, go figure it out.

292
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,840
Speaker 3: And so it was through that fear and that frustration

293
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,120
Speaker 3: that I decided to carve another path. And for me,

294
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,280
Speaker 3: I think the anger was really about how come there

295
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 3: isn't a lot of information out there for people like me,

296
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,960
Speaker 3: a young adult living with stage four cancer who doesn't

297
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,320
Speaker 3: have the kind of opportunities to like have chemo and

298
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 3: radiation and surgery, And how come there isn't there are

299
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,360
Speaker 3: any books or media or resources for people like us

300
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,600
Speaker 3: who are living with these chronic diseases. And in a

301
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,120
Speaker 3: lot of ways, you know, especially back then and even

302
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,680
Speaker 3: before then, the Big Sea was still something that you

303
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 3: whispered about, you know, And so I think it was

304
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 3: part of the reason why I came out with the

305
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 3: film Crazy Sexy Cancer. Everybody said, do not call it that,

306
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,000
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, I'm calling it that, And honestly,

307
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,360
Speaker 3: that's where it began. It came from my own pain,

308
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 3: as Marie would say, and then it just turned into

309
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 3: something else, especially when you take the thing that is

310
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,880
Speaker 3: so difficult for you and then you can Marie and

311
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,120
Speaker 3: I share this in common a lot, which is we

312
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 3: use our creativity as tools for our healing. And I

313
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 3: think that that's something that we both champion in each other.

314
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 3: Is her creative power is something that I'm in awe of.

315
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,200
Speaker 3: It's something I always want her to continue to like

316
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,720
Speaker 3: put a foot on the gas and move towards because

317
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:52,040
Speaker 3: it's this unlimited supply of possibility and potential that I

318
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 3: get really inspired by. And I think I have moments

319
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 3: where I've offered the same experience for her, but ultimately

320
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,720
Speaker 3: to you know, just get back to your question. I think, Marie, now,

321
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 3: did it came from pain?

322
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 4: And I just want to take a moment because, particularly

323
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,640
Speaker 4: if there are young women that are listening. But when

324
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 4: what both of you all have just talked about, you know,

325
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 4: I think sometimes we want to gloss over fear, anger, pain,

326
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 4: but leaning into those things.

327
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:26,960
Speaker 2: You know.

328
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 4: You know, we I say to our daughter all the

329
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,640
Speaker 4: time that you know, courage is not not being afraid,

330
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 4: it's doing it even when you are afraid. But if

331
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 4: they can learn young women at such a young age

332
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 4: that in those moments, something beautiful can be birthed.

333
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,280
Speaker 5: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just mites tap

334
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 5: that button and stay connected to conversations that kept.

335
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 4: Now back to my legacy.

336
00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you brought Chris. I

337
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 5: gotta say why immediately. The friendship is so amazing Marie.

338
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 5: If I could ask a question, I always deeply moved

339
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,640
Speaker 5: here and Chris speak a moment ago. I'm so curious

340
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,480
Speaker 5: what has she taught you? Not through her words, though,

341
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 5: but how she lives her life.

342
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,680
Speaker 1: I feel like I learned from my best friend every day,

343
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:20,320
Speaker 1: and in terms of just witnessing how she shows up

344
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:25,880
Speaker 1: in the world for everyone else. I have never witnessed

345
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 1: someone so committed to her family and her friends, like

346
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,399
Speaker 1: when you are on Chris's inner circle. The things that

347
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 1: she's taught me is just you stop at nothing to

348
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,879
Speaker 1: show up and dive full in when your people need you,

349
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,920
Speaker 1: and Honestly, I've gone through the past probably a little

350
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,800
Speaker 1: over two years for me, has been one of the

351
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 1: hardest of my life. Both of my parents their health declining.

352
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 1: And I know this is something in you know, a

353
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 1: journey that many of us go through in various ways,

354
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: and for me, it's it's been the past few years

355
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 1: and I think watching Chris over the course of our friendship,

356
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,160
Speaker 1: how she showed up has really given me a lot

357
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 1: of strength for how I wanted to show up for

358
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 1: my own family and their time of need.

359
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 4: And in fact, even on your Instagram, there is something

360
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 4: that I would like to share. You said that my

361
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 4: mom almost died last year twice my dad's health knows

362
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 4: died at the same time. It was the most hellish,

363
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 4: painful six months of my life. Can you talk a

364
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 4: little bit more about those six months and what you

365
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 4: learned in those moments of crisis.

366
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 1: Yes, so those six months extended to over two years

367
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 1: and essentially, you know, and I'll say this and I

368
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: think it's important, and what I'm about to say is

369
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 1: it can be heard in a way that's like, wow,

370
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 1: this is shocking. But I want to say this because

371
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,159
Speaker 1: I think many people experienced this in their lives and

372
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 1: have trouble finding people to relate to. But my mom

373
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 1: after being devastated by COVID in twenty twenty three. She's

374
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 1: a tiny woman. I've told a story about her already.

375
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 1: She's extremely resilient, and within about two weeks of having

376
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 1: COVID and no one knew it, she lost almost thirty pounds,

377
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 1: so she looked like a skeleton. She was in the

378
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 1: emergency room and the doctors kept telling her there was

379
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with her. And if you would have seen her,

380
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,199
Speaker 1: you would have said, she's probably close to death, like

381
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: what are you smoking. So as a person who wanted

382
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,879
Speaker 1: to dive in and say, you know, we need to

383
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 1: handle this, it was like, at the same time that

384
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 1: my mom was crumbling, my dad we realized his memory

385
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: wasn't just some memory issues but going into dementia slash Alzheimer's.

386
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: So everything was crashing at once fast forward because it

387
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 1: was impossible for us to find anything that would help

388
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 1: my mom. She actually tried to take her own life

389
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,200
Speaker 1: three times over the course of the past two years.

390
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:05,480
Speaker 1: And so as you can imagine, very traumatic, very difficult,

391
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: and navigating quote unquote healthcare system that's not really designed

392
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: to get people well has been difficult, to say the least,

393
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:20,199
Speaker 1: I think it has. The whole experience has shown me

394
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 1: really how many challenges we have in this country. You know,

395
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 1: as someone who prides myself on being a boss in

396
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:33,199
Speaker 1: many ways, being hopefully a somewhat good communicator, and have

397
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 1: an ability to kind of navigate complex systems, it has

398
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: made my heartbreak to think about so many others who

399
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 1: have similar struggles, who don't have the experience or the

400
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 1: ability to do some of the things that I've been

401
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 1: able to do. The system is crushing. So I'll pause

402
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: there in a moment, but I just wanted to say

403
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: that for anyone who might be listening right now who

404
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 1: is going through an experience with chronic illness, aging parents,

405
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: my heart goes out to you. It will not last forever.

406
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 1: I think one of the things I've learned is how

407
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 1: important it is to give yourself breaks and take care

408
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: of yourself. And I think we need to keep having

409
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: these conversations because our population is aging, and we don't

410
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 1: really have the infrastructure or the support to help people

411
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 1: really exist in their last stages of life with dignity,

412
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 1: with safety, with care, and then all of the caregivers,

413
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: many of which we're in our thirties, forties, fifties and

414
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 1: sixties who are struggling with growing a family and their

415
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: children and then also having to take care of your

416
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,639
Speaker 1: elders as well. So I think there's a lot of

417
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 1: opportunity for growth and transformation there.

418
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 4: And how did Chris show up for you in those

419
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 4: in those six monks?

420
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 1: So can I tell you guys this? So we have

421
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 1: we have a code in text which is essentially an emoji,

422
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: and it's an ambulance emoji. That emoji is not used

423
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 1: all the time, but when one of us sends the

424
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: other the ambulance emoji, it is essentially I need you

425
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 1: right now. And we never quote unquote cry wolf. But

426
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: the way that Chris showed up for me is like

427
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: when I sent those emojis, like hey, this is happening

428
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: right now, she dropped everything and just strategized with me.

429
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 1: And she would often ask me, do you need me

430
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: to listen? Do we need to brainstorm? Do you need

431
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 1: me to get in my car? So it was kind

432
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: of that level of knowing that I was probably in

433
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: a really fragile state and that she opened the door

434
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 1: for me to be able to ask for the kind

435
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: of support I needed in a really traumatic moment.

436
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 7: It's really on honor that and just myself and my

437
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 7: brother Craig. We lost our father about a handful of

438
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 7: weeks ago, but nine ten weeks ago. Sorry, thank you,

439
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 7: We appreciate that. So we do have a good understanding

440
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 7: of the dysfunction of the medical system that really separates

441
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 7: the mind and the body. And just want to say

442
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 7: how challenging that is. And I want to say thank

443
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 7: you for sharing that, and especially for sharing with such

444
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 7: detail and such rawness about the challenges your mom's gone through,

445
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,919
Speaker 7: especially the last little while, because aging is difficult, but

446
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 7: aging parents without a medical system that really understands the

447
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,360
Speaker 7: wholeness of that process is equally difficult. Chris, I want

448
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 7: to direct the same type of question for you to

449
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 7: give listeners inspiration, advice and courage. Let's take us back

450
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 7: to the pandemic, when your father was sick and was dying,

451
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 7: your business was struggling because of the pandemic, and you

452
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 7: just celebrated quote unquote your twentieth anniversary of having incurable cancer. Now,

453
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 7: for anybody else, any one of those would have been

454
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 7: a crisis. But this is mstaff felt like an emotional tsunami.

455
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 7: What pulled you through? What got you through through that moment?

456
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 7: What advice do you have for people that are going

457
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 7: through very challenging times.

458
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 3: I look back at that time, and I know all

459
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 3: the things that Marie has gone through in these past

460
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 3: for years, and I feel like I was just a

461
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 3: little ahead, meaning like the shit was hitting the fan

462
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 3: in my life, and I had more perspective when it

463
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: really hit the fan in her life. And so a

464
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 3: lot of the mistakes that I made in my own

465
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 3: life I could try to avoid in hers. So even

466
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 3: saying things like do you want me to listen, as

467
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 3: opposed to just barreling in with advice you have to

468
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 3: do this, you have to do that, you have to

469
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 3: do this, you know, was something that I learned through

470
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 3: my own experience of grief. I did not want to

471
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 3: touch grief. So as somebody who has lived with stage

472
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 3: four cancer for over two decades, you would think that

473
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 3: grief would be an emotion that I am very familiar with,

474
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 3: because there's a lot of grief that comes from the

475
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 3: loss of an identity, the loss of physical capabilities, the

476
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 3: loss of you know, your health. And yet I had

477
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 3: a blind spot because it felt so hot and so

478
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 3: big to me that if I thought that if I

479
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 3: even touched it, and what would happen is my whole

480
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 3: life footfall apart. Because there was so much systemic and

481
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 3: generational trauma in those places and in those hot spots,

482
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 3: and so I kept avoiding it. And I think for

483
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 3: me that avoidance would come through working harder, creating more,

484
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 3: helping others further, just hustle, and the more success I got,

485
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 3: the easier it was to continue down that path. So

486
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: it really wasn't until the pandemic and this constellation of

487
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 3: loss came my way. My father was my chosen father,

488
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 3: so I didn't meet my biological father until I was

489
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 3: a teenager, and so he and I had a very

490
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 3: very close relationship. We still do, and I actually think

491
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 3: Marie has a close relationship with him on the other side,

492
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 3: because she's always reminding me Ken said this, and Ken

493
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 3: would tell us to do that, and Ken would say

494
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 3: that this thing that you're doing is like naughty town, USA,

495
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 3: cut it out right. So she has had a lot

496
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 3: of she's been impacted by him as well, But it

497
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: was really those moments when everything starts to fall apart that,

498
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,360
Speaker 3: I think we have this opportunity to do the deep healing.

499
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 3: And as a result of that, you know, my book

500
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: is called I'm Not a Morning Person, Morning with You,

501
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 3: and it's because I didn't want to be a morning person.

502
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 3: And yet it's those places that we avoid that often

503
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 3: hold our freedom, as everybody here knows, and then some

504
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 3: And so I went on this pilgrimage and this journey

505
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 3: that was really about having the courage to explore my

506
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 3: grief and then kind of understanding that we can't amputate

507
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 3: any of our emotions and expect to be whole. And

508
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 3: I believe going back to that first question of you know,

509
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 3: if joy is the is the path to a good life,

510
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 3: and you know, wholeness is the point, then we certainly

511
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 3: can't amputate something like grief. And so when everything was

512
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 3: going on and has continued to go on for both

513
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: of us, I think because I had had a little

514
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 3: bit of that experience, certainly living it, but also then

515
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 3: writing about it. Because when you write about something, you

516
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 3: have to put words to it in a different way

517
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: other than in how you would tell you this therapist.

518
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,959
Speaker 3: And so in some ways I've felt very very privileged

519
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 3: to be Marie's best friend during this time, because I

520
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,479
Speaker 3: felt like I had something to offer that the younger

521
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 3: me would not have had to offer.

522
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 7: And Chris just you can't amputate grief so powerful, so

523
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 7: important in terms of wholeness. But you were there and

524
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,239
Speaker 7: you showed up with Marie, of course, and that was

525
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 7: really impactful. But what did Marie do to show up

526
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 7: for you and just give us some tangible things? And so,

527
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 7: if you have a best friend going through a crisis,

528
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 7: going through a difficult time, and when everybody to be

529
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 7: listening to this, Chris, how did Marie show up and

530
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 7: give you that love and connection that you needed, especially

531
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 7: at that time.

532
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: Well, Marie always keeps me connected to my source, and

533
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 3: I think that's one of the greatest things that she

534
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 3: does for me. She not only stands for me as

535
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 3: a person, but she stands for the parts of me

536
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 3: that I neglect, and there are plenty of them.

537
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 7: What do you mean by that? What can you explain

538
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 7: that moment? That's really deep? To explain that lot.

539
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 3: So when you're going through difficult time, especially she now

540
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 3: that when you know your parents are getting older and

541
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 3: you're in the stage where maybe you're caring for young

542
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 3: people and older people. There's a lot of pressure on

543
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: you to be that caregiver, and there's a lot of

544
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 3: very serious decisions that also have to be made during

545
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: that time. So you need to be your sharpest, you

546
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: need to be at full capacity. Well, how can you

547
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 3: be at full capacity when you're absolutely exhausted and burnt out?

548
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 3: And so of course you're not going to take the

549
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 3: time in those moments, or you don't think that take

550
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 3: the time to recuperate and to really take care of

551
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: yourself because you're in fight or flight mode. You know,

552
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 3: somebody's survival is dependent on you and how you show up.

553
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 3: And so your best friend, and if you're like you

554
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 3: have a best friend like me who'll kick your ass,

555
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 3: will be the person who will say like, hey, you're

556
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 3: doing a great job, but you need this, or you

557
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 3: need to take care of yourself, or you need a

558
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 3: rest or you need play, you need to come to

559
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 3: the city, we need to have a good time, We

560
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: need to see a scary movie. Do you need me

561
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: to brainstorm? How can I help you? What doors can

562
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: I open for you? So it's all of those things right,

563
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 3: And she is truly the person that I would go

564
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 3: to when I have the best news on the planet,

565
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 3: and she's the first person I'm gonna go to when

566
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 3: I have the worst news on the planet, because she's

567
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 3: gonna hold my hair when I'm barfing because I'm totally

568
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: overwhelmed by what's going on. And then she's gonna give

569
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 3: me a hug, and then she's gonna say, how can

570
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 3: I help you put this back together again? And probably

571
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 3: if she's gonna help you put something back together again,

572
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 3: it's gonna come back together in a much better, stronger,

573
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 3: and more loving way.

574
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: We feel each other very intuitively, and and I can

575
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: feel in Chris that she's depleted, Like I'm showing up

576
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: with my full humor. I might drive to her. She

577
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: lives a couple hours away. We love some of the

578
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: same foods. I'm like, we're making this soup, We're watching

579
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: our favorite show. We're doing X Y or Z, or

580
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: I'm making you come into the city and I'm cooking

581
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: for you and I'm going to take you shopping, or

582
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna somehow fill your well in a way that's

583
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: going to keep you aligned with that joy and yourself

584
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: and the fact that everything's gonna be okay and you

585
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: don't have to hold it together on your own, and

586
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: I got you. And if you need to just melt

587
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: and lose it and have it be messy, I will

588
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: sit here and get in the mess with you, and

589
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: you don't have to clean it up.

590
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 3: I got that too.

591
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 2: Coming up, Marie, four, Leo and Chris Carr shared the

592
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 2: relationship advice they wish they'd hurt sooner, and how they

593
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 2: show up for each other through life's toughest moments.

594
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 5: Now back to my legacy.

595
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 4: Now, talk a little bit about romantic relationships, because obviously

596
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 4: the two of you all are such a powerful system

597
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 4: for each other, but you've also built strong, loving partnerships

598
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 4: with two amazing men. Marie, I think it's been more

599
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 4: than two decades with your partner, Josh. Yes, we're coming

600
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 4: up almost on thirty thirty years together, and like us,

601
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 4: you were wise enough to have a partner with a

602
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 4: little bit of seasoning on them. I think that there's

603
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 4: a little bit of age the same with us, which

604
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 4: is absolutely so wonderful and spicy. But what have you

605
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 4: learned about what it really really takes to grow together

606
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 4: through the ups and downs of life with your romantic partner?

607
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 5: Yeah?

608
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh. And by the way, this is something

609
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: Chris and I, Oh, we talk about this all the time.

610
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: But for me with Josh, so yeah, it's like twenty

611
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: two plus years and he is just such a magical, incredible, creative,

612
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: loving human being. And I can say this because we

613
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: say this often like the times, like we have so

614
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: much love and adoration and respect for one another and

615
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: there's such deep rapport and support and like soul level recognition,

616
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: and then at so many times we want to we're

617
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 1: just like I can't stand you, you know, like it's

618
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: just like we drive each other absolutely, Baddy. Try working

619
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: together too, Yes, oh gosh, I say this to Chris too.

620
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: I say this to Chris. I'm like, if Josh and

621
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: I work together, So Josh is primarily an actor, writer, director,

622
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: so he's in the entertainment field, and I've got, you know,

623
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: my own Loneline empire. If him and I work together,

624
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: I would be in an orange jumpsuit because I would

625
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: have murdered this or man and be just away for it.

626
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 1: Because that's the level that we can get to. I'm

627
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: joking obviously, but some of the things that we've learned,

628
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: I will say, probably the most I've done every retreat

629
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 1: one could do, read every book one could read, because

630
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: I'm that person who loves to learn and tries to

631
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: to just be a better person. And doctor Harville Hendrix

632
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 1: and Helen le Kelly Mago therapy. Yes, yes, yes, our

633
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 1: butt continues to save our butts on the car rides

634
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,720
Speaker 1: where I'm like, really did you just say that? Or whatever?

635
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 4: Imma going to the script.

636
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: We try and then sometimes one of us slips out,

637
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 1: and of course, like if it's Josh, I'm like, you're

638
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: not doing dialogue.

639
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 7: As a dutiful husband, and Craigzy's husband, just give us,

640
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 7: like the thirty seconds of what you're talking about with

641
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 7: the script and the therapy, we just take us a

642
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 7: step back and.

643
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 1: Very silent.

644
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, so so so, just just engage in phill.

645
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 4: It is I think one of the most potent and

646
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 4: powerful ways of facilitating love and conversation, certainly in with

647
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 4: your romantic partners, you know, kind of dialoguing and really

648
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 4: hearing what your partner is saying and then not responding

649
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 4: as much. So for me, a lot of it is

650
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 4: so closely rooted in that the whole idea too, of

651
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,400
Speaker 4: nonviolence and agape love because you separate, you separate the

652
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 4: actions or the words from the individual so that you

653
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 4: can come back together whole.

654
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: Yes, and so anyone can google learn about it. They're

655
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 1: still teaching Harville and Helen and I recommend everyone you know,

656
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: get a hold of their books, watch their videos. There's

657
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,359
Speaker 1: a new documentary that's out. It's fabulous stuff, whether it's

658
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: romantic or otherwise. But I think Josh and I really,

659
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: for me, I have to always come back to celebrating

660
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: our differences. Yeah, we're very very different people because each

661
00:35:55,840 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 1: of us in their philosophical and kind of research clinical framework,

662
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 1: you know, we all have wounds that were formed very

663
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 1: early on that sort of determine our lens on the world,

664
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: and that in our romantic relationships are very often we're

665
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 1: almost magnetically attracted to the exact opposite of who's going

666
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 1: to push your buttons so that you can both heal together.

667
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: And so for Josh and I, we find that, for example,

668
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: one of my fears is being suffocated, so I love freedom.

669
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: I love freedom. I love freedom. And Joshi's fear, his

670
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: kind of core childhood wound, is being abandoned. So you

671
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: could just see when one person doesn't want to be suffocated,

672
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 1: and one person doesn't want to be abandoned. You have,

673
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: like a salomnpepper shaker of the exact things that will

674
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 1: drive it with our bonkers. So I think for us

675
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 1: celebrating the differences, coming back to tools that actually work.

676
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: I think also the courage to know I am not

677
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: the same person that I was twenty two plus years ago,

678
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: and neither is he. Being able to courageously sit and

679
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: talk and discover anew who this person is now, who

680
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: do they want to become? And can we continue to

681
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: grow together without holding one another back and honoring our

682
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: differences as we both evolve forward, And that's like an

683
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 1: ever growing dance. We certainly don't always get it right,

684
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 1: but what I'm proud of is that we keep coming

685
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: back to the core of we love each other. We

686
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 1: want to see each other happy, We're committed to each

687
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 1: other's health and well being, and we're committed to it

688
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: being messy and too working it through when things aren't

689
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: going well. And that's you know that can be often

690
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: in any human relationship where you have friction.

691
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 4: And Chris, I know that Brian has been with you

692
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 4: throughout from your diagnosis to your healing. What has he

693
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 4: taught you about love partnership?

694
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 3: Well, you know, prior to Brian, I was always looking

695
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 3: for the guy who would leave me. Basically, so I

696
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,720
Speaker 3: for me, my core woman is also abandonment. It's somebody

697
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 3: who met her father later in life. My father left

698
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 3: when I was conceived, and so I think I was

699
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 3: always looking for that daddy figure. And I remember as

700
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 3: a child thinking, well, if I am successful, maybe one

701
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 3: day he'll hear about me and he'll want to meet

702
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 3: me because I'll have value, right, And so I would,

703
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 3: and I also imagine what he might have been like.

704
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 3: I saw him as like this big warrior and you know,

705
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 3: he's a lot of bravado. I don't know where my

706
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 3: little childhood mind came up with all this stuff, maybe

707
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 3: like superhero type of stuff. And so I was always

708
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 3: looking for that big warrior, bravado guy who had a

709
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 3: lot of charisma and a lot of daddy troubles too, right.

710
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 3: And so it really wasn't until my dad diagnosis that

711
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 3: as I was healing other aspects of my life and

712
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 3: really kind of saying, okay, if you only have a

713
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 3: certain amount of time left, If that's the case, how

714
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 3: do you want to spend it that I think I

715
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 3: saw somebody like Brian.

716
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:15,439
Speaker 1: I don't.

717
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 3: We knew each other and we had been in previous

718
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,880
Speaker 3: relationships and we had been in our friend circles, but

719
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 3: I hadn't seen him as somebody who could be a

720
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 3: partner with me. And so Brian is a filmmaker. He

721
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 3: is an Emmy Award winning editor film editor. And when

722
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 3: I was making my film Crazy Sexy Cancer, one of

723
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 3: our mutual friends was like, maybe Brian can cut a

724
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 3: little trailer for you, because they knew that I wanted

725
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 3: to submit it to a little industry night to see

726
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 3: if so I could get representation. So he cut that

727
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,800
Speaker 3: trailer for me, and he started to teach me a

728
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 3: whole lot about filmmaking because I had always been in

729
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 3: front of the camera, but right before my diagnosis, I

730
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: had moved to wanting to be behind the camera because

731
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 3: I wanted to basically call the shots. And we were

732
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 3: a little bit dam but not really. It was really

733
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 3: for me. It was about the focus of the film.

734
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: But as this four years went on, you know, making

735
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 3: the project together, you know, he became the partner that

736
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 3: I always I think deserved and hadn't didn't see because

737
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 3: I was so tracked in my own wounds. And so

738
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 3: we ended up leaving our careers and working together. And

739
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 3: I think that in and of itself becomes this practice

740
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 3: for relationship. As Marie has said, we have had many

741
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 3: conversations where we've coached each other through hot relationship moments.

742
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,840
Speaker 3: And I'd say the biggest thing that I have learned

743
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 3: from him specifically is, and Marie loves when I say this,

744
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 3: so you will know exactly what I'm saying, Marie, is

745
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 3: the only time you can change somebody is when they're

746
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 3: in diapers.

747
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 7: That's one of the best That's good, yes, is that at

748
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 7: the beginning of life and the end of life.

749
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: Or just the beginning of life, just obviously go back,

750
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: got it?

751
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

752
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 3: And I've had to learn. I had to learn, like, Okay,

753
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 3: who is this person that I'm with that I can

754
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,839
Speaker 3: like champion and love and love for who he is.

755
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 3: And and then if you want to change somebody, it's

756
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: because there's something in you that really is desiring to

757
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,720
Speaker 3: be healed. And so for me, it was like, Okay,

758
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 3: I got the focus on the wrong place. What are

759
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 3: the wounds? What's the what are the booboos, what are

760
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 3: the hurt nooks and crannies of my being that need

761
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 3: that care? And then I think, I mean, I'm still

762
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 3: on this path. But the more work we put into

763
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 3: that area, I guess our relationships benefit too, because we

764
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 3: sort of like let the love flourish as opposed to,

765
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 3: you know, try to control and suffocate it and make

766
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 3: it look a certain way that it doesn't want to

767
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 3: be in the first place.

768
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 6: That's amazing. And sometimes we say, particularly with the quote

769
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 6: you can only change one in diapers.

770
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 4: Now that a preach and that comes directly from a

771
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 4: preacher's KIDK.

772
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 6: So there you go, preach, I can make a whole

773
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 6: sermon around it. I want to ask both of you

774
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 6: something about uh, particularly for our single listeners UH, because

775
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 6: certainly dating can be frustrating and challenging, and you know,

776
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 6: everybody has a checklist. What maybe what's one thing that

777
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 6: you were looking for in your twenties, but now it's

778
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 6: what you love most about your partner?

779
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,399
Speaker 4: Before you answer this, did you ever think in your

780
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 4: life that Martin Luther King would be asking you about

781
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 4: your dating checklist?

782
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: No?

783
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 3: No, I cannot wait for dinner tonight. I'll be like honey,

784
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 3: tell you about my day.

785
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: So, just as a little context, Jersey girl Italian American

786
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,959
Speaker 1: grew up on the Jersey shore, which really big hair,

787
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: lots of tanning beds, gold gym, muscles, guidos. I can

788
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: say that because I'm Italian American, So like probably on

789
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 1: my list in my early twenties was like a really

790
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 1: good tan and gold chains. And then as it got

791
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: to like a more mature age, someone like Josh who

792
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: is so willing to do the work. And when I

793
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: say the work, I mean the work of loving themselves

794
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 1: and another human being who is as flawed as I am,

795
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: who is as wild as I am, who has as

796
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 1: many different expressions as I am. So somebody who's willing

797
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: to not just you know, assume that they know it all,

798
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 1: but be willing to be curious and growing and learn.

799
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: So yeah, from from tans and kind of oiled up

800
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: big muscles and gold chains to the inner.

801
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 3: You know, I don't even know if I knew what

802
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 3: I wanted. I was just sort of flailing all around,

803
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 3: you know, back then. But what I know now is

804
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 3: that I really am so grateful to have a partner

805
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 3: that I love talking to that is endlessly curious that

806
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 3: you know, can dive into any topic out there. Even

807
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 3: when we go out and we meet people and maybe

808
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 3: he doesn't know anything about the thing that they do,

809
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 3: he's endlessly fascinated by it and he wants to have

810
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 3: those really wonderful conversations. And I think, as my life

811
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 3: has continued, it's just so we it's so we're so

812
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 3: lucky when we can have deep conversations with the people

813
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 3: that we love.

814
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 4: And I do want to take us back to where

815
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 4: we began, which is the just the deep and unwavering

816
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 4: friendship between the two of you. All part of that too,

817
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 4: showing up and being there for each other. Sometimes you

818
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 4: have to kind of stand in some hard truth or

819
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,320
Speaker 4: one truth, and so I would like to ask each

820
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 4: of you what would be the one truth that you

821
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 4: have said to each other that you all really needed

822
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 4: to hear at that moment.

823
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: I can be very hard headed, I will say that,

824
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: and I sometimes I'm like, I need to open everything

825
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 1: as figure outable. Oh wow, I wrote that. Boy, do

826
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 1: I need a reminder? Here's what I want to say.

827
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 1: I will find the truth. But I just want to,

828
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: like with Chris, she's really the one person in the

829
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: world and I really think she is the only person

830
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: in the world who can say what may be to

831
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: perhaps my ego, you know, like a painful truth, and

832
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: to not have me want to like slapper one person,

833
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 1: because she will know how to kind of talk about intention,

834
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,839
Speaker 1: to like kind of fill the space with love and

835
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: say hey, because I know she's standing for the essence

836
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: of me, the soul of me, the highest of me

837
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 1: that I can I know she's speaking never to hurt me,

838
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 1: but to help me rise up and to help me

839
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:27,240
Speaker 1: ease my suffering. One of the things that I always

840
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: wrestle with, less so now than in my earlier years,

841
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: but is really like this ultra competitive comparison kind of

842
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: thing in my head that I'm not doing enough, that

843
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: oh I should be doing more. It's kind of this

844
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: addiction to productivity and achievement, and some of which can

845
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,439
Speaker 1: be really beautiful and that can drive us, and then

846
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: for me, I've noticed it can go awry and it

847
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: can be a monster that can feel just terrible inside.

848
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 1: And any time that I've found myself in a space

849
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: like that where I'm torturing me and I'm still, you know,

850
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 1: no matter how hard I'm working or how much I'm producing,

851
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 1: it's still never enough. And let's say I'm comparing myself

852
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 1: to a colleague or somebody out there, She'll be the

853
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 1: one to be like, Okay, well this is what I

854
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 1: know about you, Marie, you are such a powerful manifestor

855
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 1: do you really want that? Do you want X, Y

856
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: or Z? Because I know you could get it and

857
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: we could write down, does that do you really want that?

858
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:18,839
Speaker 3: Life?

859
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: And then when she does that to me, I'm now like,

860
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 1: its like it brings it all together. So she has

861
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:30,320
Speaker 1: this way of taming my inner demons and my monsters,

862
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 1: and so the truth is really getting me back aligned

863
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: with how powerful of a creator that I am. And

864
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 1: the truth I usually need to hear is like I'm

865
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 1: doing exactly what I really want to do. It's this

866
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 1: thing and I'm pointing to my head for all of

867
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 1: our listeners. It's my mind that can often take me

868
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 1: off into these very tortuous places.

869
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 3: So with me, I as much I will stand for

870
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 3: people and stand for people in my family especially, and

871
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 3: you know, my inner inner circle, I can also disappear

872
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 3: and vanish and hide and you know, become my own

873
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 3: little happy hermit cave dweller and Marie always knows when

874
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,399
Speaker 3: it's gone too far, and she'll just you know, pull

875
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 3: me out of the cave, sometimes by my hair, but

876
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 3: always lovingly. But also there are those moments when I

877
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:28,959
Speaker 3: actually don't know how to use my voice, and they

878
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,959
Speaker 3: tend to be in similar situations, and literally she will

879
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,720
Speaker 3: coach me and she'll give me the script to follow.

880
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 3: And you think that when you are grown up, you

881
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 3: don't need help with things like scripts and how to

882
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 3: talk to people, but I think oftentimes we actually do,

883
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 3: especially when they're conversations that are difficult and maybe scary,

884
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,720
Speaker 3: And when I say scary, because they're tapping into something

885
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 3: an old wound or a place that still needs love

886
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 3: and care in ourselves. And so she's my script doctor.

887
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 7: That's awesome, script doctor. What a great conversation. Thank you, guys.

888
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 7: This has just been absolutely remarkable.

889
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 5: And just listening to the two of you, I gotta say,

890
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 5: I think this is one of my favorite episodes You've

891
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 5: ever had because of just the vulnerability, the rawness, the

892
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 5: holding each other accountable, the storytelling, and just clearly the

893
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 5: love between the two of you. It's just such a

894
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 5: beautiful model for friendship. Courage comes from pain, the places

895
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 5: we avoid hold our freedom. We cannot amputate any emotions

896
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:35,399
Speaker 5: and expect to be whole. And of course, I think

897
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 5: my personal favorite only time we could change someone in diapers.

898
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 5: I think that one my wife is going to quote

899
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 5: to me a few times. The two of you have

900
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 5: brought such a beautiful friendship to share with us.

901
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:53,799
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us. If

902
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 2: you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share, and follow us on

903
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 2: at my Legacy Movement on social media and YouTube. New

904
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:06,879
Speaker 2: episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus content every Thursday. At

905
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 2: its core, this podcast honors doctor King's vision of the

906
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 2: beloved community and the power of connection. A Legacy Plus

907
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:19,760
Speaker 2: Studio production distributed by iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne

908
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:23,959
Speaker 2: Hayward co executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio

909
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 2: app or wherever you get your podcasts on