1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,760
Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of The PhD Podcast.

2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,000
Speaker 1: It's your girl, Ebane, and I am super excited about

3
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,840
Speaker 1: this week's rewind episode. So this episode is coming from

4
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,160
Speaker 1: every time Dick and Harry Don't Deserve You. I don't

5
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,880
Speaker 1: know why they named this episode um daddy issues, but yo,

6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:23,239
Speaker 1: this episode was straight fired. I did this episode earlier

7
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,680
Speaker 1: in the year, probably like in January and February, and

8
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,160
Speaker 1: my guest she has a book out and her book

9
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,240
Speaker 1: was just amazing. So I reached out to her and

10
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,879
Speaker 1: she definitely agreed to do the episode, and she was

11
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,320
Speaker 1: just sharing some of the stories, some of the things

12
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,960
Speaker 1: that she's been through, where these things stemmed from, and

13
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,920
Speaker 1: how she was able to move on, and you know,

14
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,519
Speaker 1: it was just so fucking fire. Like I was just

15
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,720
Speaker 1: listening to this episode and I was like, damn, like,

16
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,120
Speaker 1: I really be having some shorties on this on this

17
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:53,080
Speaker 1: podcast and maybe dropping straight facts. So if you're interested

18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,440
Speaker 1: in knowing more about her story, you want to support her,

19
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,880
Speaker 1: because we all about supporting my professional home girls out there,

20
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,160
Speaker 1: Please make sure to email me at hello at the

21
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,600
Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. Also, please make sure to follow

22
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,600
Speaker 1: me on Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the

23
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:10,000
Speaker 1: p G podcast, and last but not least, at ebone Beauty.

24
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,120
Speaker 1: And please make sure to follow me on Twitter. You

25
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 1: can tweet me at the p G on the score.

26
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,440
Speaker 1: The website is coming soon. I just set up the hotlines.

27
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,400
Speaker 1: I'm really excited about checking with you girls. Y'all leave

28
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 1: me some popping voice messages texting me and let's get

29
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:32,000
Speaker 1: to it. Enjoy, guys, and later, welcome. You are now

30
00:01:32,080 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 1: listening to the Professional Professional. Hey, guys, welcome to this

31
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,919
Speaker 1: week's episode of the PSD podcast. It's your girl, eban A.

32
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:15,000
Speaker 1: And before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. Um,

33
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,160
Speaker 1: please make sure to follow me on all social media

34
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,040
Speaker 1: platforms at the Professional home Girl, at the PhD podcast,

35
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,320
Speaker 1: and at eban a Beauty. Uh, make sure you visit

36
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,960
Speaker 1: my websites at the Professional Homegirl dot com and eban

37
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,840
Speaker 1: a Beauty as well. And last but not least, make

38
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,720
Speaker 1: sure you rate and review the PSHD podcasts on all

39
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 1: major streaming podcast platforms. So please keep in mind that

40
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,600
Speaker 1: all of my guests are anonymous. So let's speakin. So.

41
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,080
Speaker 1: I'm very excited about this week's episode. I feel like

42
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,799
Speaker 1: this is something that a lot of women can relate

43
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,959
Speaker 1: to as far as being in toxic relationships and heartbreak.

44
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,239
Speaker 1: So first up, let's talk about the foundation of your heartbreak,

45
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,919
Speaker 1: which is not having your father present in your life,

46
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:57,680
Speaker 1: which is something that I can relate to as well

47
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,640
Speaker 1: as a lot of my other guests tell us a

48
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 1: little bit about that. Oh wow, right, no, it's great. Um. Well,

49
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,000
Speaker 1: I think, you know, you don't really understand the impact

50
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:20,800
Speaker 1: of having your father until you become a little bit older, um,

51
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,960
Speaker 1: because you just can't grasp what you know the effects

52
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:29,000
Speaker 1: of it. So I do know that the positives were

53
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:34,080
Speaker 1: me being you know, an overachiever, always wanted to excel,

54
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,840
Speaker 1: always wanting to do things to be seen, which was

55
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:43,720
Speaker 1: the consequence of feeling not seen by my dad. So

56
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,200
Speaker 1: it was a plus though, right. No, I was, you know,

57
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 1: an honor student. I was vice president of my class.

58
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,320
Speaker 1: He was very active. I was very active. I was

59
00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:02,160
Speaker 1: in drama club, I was UM and French Honor Society.

60
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,960
Speaker 1: I was, you know, had I think like a four

61
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 1: point one g p A in high school or something

62
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,880
Speaker 1: like that. I was an overachiever and I was always

63
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 1: hard on myself, which is something that is still kind

64
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,880
Speaker 1: of present. Um. I was always hard on myself because

65
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:22,280
Speaker 1: I wanted to be great, you know, because I couldn't

66
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:27,039
Speaker 1: understand why, Yeah, it wasn't enough. Why would you choose

67
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,880
Speaker 1: not to be in my life? And he was sprinkling

68
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,120
Speaker 1: and out here and there, but you know, he was

69
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:37,680
Speaker 1: just never he was just never invested. And that was

70
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,440
Speaker 1: my first heartbreak. And because my mom grew up without

71
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:48,080
Speaker 1: her parents, both of her parents, yeah, she she couldn't

72
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,000
Speaker 1: really teach me really, you know, how to deal with that,

73
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,800
Speaker 1: or she didn't she didn't teach me really about self love,

74
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:57,600
Speaker 1: or she just couldn't because I think she was still

75
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,719
Speaker 1: rappling with how her life started, you know, and she

76
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:05,159
Speaker 1: was doing what what she did was she loved us

77
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,960
Speaker 1: so deeply because she didn't have that love. But she

78
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:13,000
Speaker 1: still couldn't really teach me about how do I love

79
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,080
Speaker 1: myself even though my dad chooses not to. You wrote

80
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:20,080
Speaker 1: something about you said something about people can only love

81
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,320
Speaker 1: at the capacity and know how to, and I was like, damn,

82
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,119
Speaker 1: that is so true, because I can't. You can't expect

83
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,159
Speaker 1: people to give you something they never had it, so

84
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,840
Speaker 1: they can only reach a certain level. Absolutely. Um. I

85
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,200
Speaker 1: learned that through a therapist I had at the time,

86
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,120
Speaker 1: because I was dealing with a whole bunch of crap

87
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:41,160
Speaker 1: guys in New York, and I was, you know, just

88
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,800
Speaker 1: I just wasn't loving myself. You know. I was thinking,

89
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,440
Speaker 1: you know, the more I love them, the more they

90
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,160
Speaker 1: will love me back. And she told me, you know,

91
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,600
Speaker 1: the root of it was because in my relationship with

92
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,000
Speaker 1: my dad. And that's one thing that I realized when

93
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,000
Speaker 1: I was reading your book. And even though all of

94
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,080
Speaker 1: my guests are anonymous, if you want to purchase her

95
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,440
Speaker 1: book and support her, because I feel like this is

96
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,120
Speaker 1: a story that we all can relate to, because I

97
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,719
Speaker 1: felt like when I was reading it, I was reading

98
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,880
Speaker 1: a chapter out of my own life. Make sure you

99
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,200
Speaker 1: email me at the Professional Homeguard dot com and I

100
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:10,000
Speaker 1: give you her information. But one thing I realized and

101
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,200
Speaker 1: I was reading your book is so it's a pattern,

102
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 1: and um, the men that you were attracted to were

103
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,960
Speaker 1: broken and now available, which is kind of similar to

104
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:22,280
Speaker 1: your father not being present. And I was just like, wow,

105
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:27,279
Speaker 1: that's so crazy. No, I mean, because you want to

106
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,719
Speaker 1: be this savior, right you. You want them to see

107
00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:34,240
Speaker 1: you want to give them the love that you didn't

108
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,479
Speaker 1: get because you see something great in them that you

109
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,400
Speaker 1: were hoping your dad's sawing you, and so you're like

110
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,360
Speaker 1: telling them, no, you're great, you're amazing, when actually they're

111
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:49,280
Speaker 1: damaging you at the same you know. And yeah, I

112
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,960
Speaker 1: when when my therapist said, you can only he can

113
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,360
Speaker 1: only love you at the capacity that he knows how.

114
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,840
Speaker 1: And then that was when I really began to heal,

115
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,160
Speaker 1: um from my relationship with my dad, when I just

116
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,719
Speaker 1: stopped expecting him to be this dad where I could

117
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,040
Speaker 1: feel like Daddy's little girl, the dad that I wanted.

118
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 1: When I realized that, oh he said that thing to me,

119
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,920
Speaker 1: or he uh, he didn't help me out when I

120
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,040
Speaker 1: needed him most, because that's the capacity that he's know

121
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 1: and so it's okay, it's okay, and I gotta move

122
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,320
Speaker 1: on from that. But it's it's definitely work you know

123
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,440
Speaker 1: what I mean, it's work work up. Yeah, all the time.

124
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,200
Speaker 1: And if I can say this because this always like

125
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,720
Speaker 1: really really annoys me, especially with social media, because you know,

126
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,320
Speaker 1: those conversations about black love and black men and women

127
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,480
Speaker 1: and women need to heal their daddy issues. I really

128
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:49,600
Speaker 1: wish that men would have a little bit more grace. Yeah,

129
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,080
Speaker 1: because the thing is is that it's a cycle and

130
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,840
Speaker 1: like we wouldn't have daddy issues if daddy had been there,

131
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,960
Speaker 1: which was the man in our life, which starts with

132
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,240
Speaker 1: the man. And a lot of men out here have

133
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:06,160
Speaker 1: mommy issues that they don't deal with. Absolutely, they don't claim.

134
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 1: And so I just have to say that because I

135
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,240
Speaker 1: see that conversation all the time. And just because a

136
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,720
Speaker 1: woman has daddy issues doesn't mean she's not amazing, doesn't

137
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,679
Speaker 1: mean she's not working on herself, doesn't mean she can't

138
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: be a boss. There's a lot of boss women out

139
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,440
Speaker 1: there who is still dealing with some things, but you

140
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 1: can still love her absolutely. What was the conversation like

141
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,160
Speaker 1: when you spoke to your father? UM, when I have

142
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:34,040
Speaker 1: a conversation, UM, just to let him know how I felt. Um.

143
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,160
Speaker 1: So he's the type of man. He's a country boy.

144
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,600
Speaker 1: You know, he drove trucks for a really long time.

145
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,319
Speaker 1: He's not the one to talk about emotions, but he

146
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,839
Speaker 1: will take some action. And I mean I did see,

147
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,240
Speaker 1: you know a little bit of action as far as him,

148
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,439
Speaker 1: you know, trying to be better in our relationship. But

149
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,319
Speaker 1: it started off with a letter I sent him and

150
00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:01,040
Speaker 1: I literally told him all the moments that I felt

151
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:06,560
Speaker 1: invisible that I felt hurt, that I felt that he

152
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,960
Speaker 1: wasn't there. I told all the moment. But it isn't

153
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,880
Speaker 1: it crazy how you have to tell your father that?

154
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,959
Speaker 1: Because I had a similar situation with my father where

155
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,680
Speaker 1: I met him like maybe four years ago, no five

156
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,480
Speaker 1: years ago. And it's like the fact that I'm telling you,

157
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,720
Speaker 1: as your child, as your offspring, how it makes me

158
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,800
Speaker 1: feel you're not being there for me or be a

159
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,199
Speaker 1: present in my life. It's like, to me, it's crazy,

160
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 1: because why do I have to tell you that? Like

161
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:36,880
Speaker 1: you should know. Well, again, that comes from whatever relationship

162
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,480
Speaker 1: they had with their parents, because his dad wasn't around either,

163
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,559
Speaker 1: and he was he's my dad's the only child. He

164
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 1: was a mama's boy. Um, he didn't know and I

165
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,840
Speaker 1: and to be quite honest, I think he's still learning

166
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,079
Speaker 1: how to love. I mean, I thought my dad got

167
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,800
Speaker 1: married at forty two. He didn't marry my mom. Um.

168
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,280
Speaker 1: He got married at forty two too, and the first

169
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,680
Speaker 1: few years were a little rough because he at forty

170
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,719
Speaker 1: two still didn't know how to be a man unfortunately,

171
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:15,360
Speaker 1: and so um, you know, men are not groomed to

172
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,000
Speaker 1: deal with feelings. They're not groom to nurture, um, you know,

173
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,000
Speaker 1: especially back in the days. I think I think parents

174
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,360
Speaker 1: are doing a little bit better with that now because

175
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,679
Speaker 1: they're more cognizant of like what happens if you know,

176
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,319
Speaker 1: you raise your son like this, um. But they weren't

177
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:36,319
Speaker 1: raised to to deal with emotions and UM, to understand

178
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,360
Speaker 1: what it's like to to love your little girl, to

179
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,679
Speaker 1: respect and love women. They weren't raised like that. So

180
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm from the stuff right and so too. But so

181
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,720
Speaker 1: when I read this on your book, I was like,

182
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,960
Speaker 1: oh my god, I remember this saying because your mom

183
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,679
Speaker 1: told you and I remember my mom, and like pretty

184
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: much every woman, the soft will be like can't be

185
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,040
Speaker 1: out there messing with every Tom, Dick and Harry. So

186
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,200
Speaker 1: in your book you discussed three types of men that

187
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:10,840
Speaker 1: were significant in your past. So let's start with Tom.

188
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 1: And when I was reading about these men, I was like, girl,

189
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:19,320
Speaker 1: these things are crazy. And it's so funny because, like

190
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,280
Speaker 1: you said, we as women, we over compensate so much

191
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,920
Speaker 1: for a man to like realize that we're the one

192
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:30,080
Speaker 1: where we lose we lose awareness of self. Yeah, And

193
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,360
Speaker 1: it's like, girl, like the way and then it's like

194
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,280
Speaker 1: I think about it from the man point of view,

195
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,880
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, you don't even see what you're

196
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,600
Speaker 1: doing to this woman, Like you think it's okay to

197
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,400
Speaker 1: treat a woman like this, and you come from a

198
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,959
Speaker 1: woman like girl, you had me in your book, and

199
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, because it's amazing what men would do.

200
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 1: And granted people would do only what you allowed them

201
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,720
Speaker 1: to do, but it's like home on, like right, right,

202
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 1: So let's start with Tom. Tell us about Tom. Tom

203
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:04,880
Speaker 1: wasn't dicking Harry, Okay, So Tom and I hope I

204
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,600
Speaker 1: get the men right because I got my notes. I

205
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:12,280
Speaker 1: got my notes. So Tom is when you met the party? Okay?

206
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 1: So Tom, I met him at a party in New York.

207
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:20,400
Speaker 1: Gorgeous man, um, lots of finesse, but he was there

208
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,920
Speaker 1: with a woman, Like okay, you know, red flag. I

209
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,800
Speaker 1: was like, okay, and um, he was being very nice

210
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,920
Speaker 1: and you know, but you know, he was with a date.

211
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:34,040
Speaker 1: But then he happened to tell my friend that I

212
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker 1: was at the party with that he was interested in me,

213
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,760
Speaker 1: which you know, yes, red flag, like, oh he's interested

214
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,320
Speaker 1: in me. Gave her my numbers to contact him. But

215
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,600
Speaker 1: he was, you know, like he was like persistent at

216
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,920
Speaker 1: the party. He was, Yeah, he was. He was chatty.

217
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,280
Speaker 1: He was very chatty with me, and I was like, okay,

218
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,280
Speaker 1: this is interesting. Um, And you know, I was young

219
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,679
Speaker 1: and stupid and and I you know, I was excited

220
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:03,000
Speaker 1: about the attention, not realizing that I am helping him,

221
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:08,240
Speaker 1: enabling him to be a toxic man or two to

222
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,559
Speaker 1: have this toxic um energy right now, because I should

223
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,800
Speaker 1: have shut that down as a grown woman. I wasn't

224
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,800
Speaker 1: grown then. As a grown woman, you should shut that down.

225
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,640
Speaker 1: That shouldn't even have happened. So that started. Um, I

226
00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,680
Speaker 1: think about three years of just mess, you know, often

227
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,840
Speaker 1: on mess of me wanting to be loved by this man,

228
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:34,120
Speaker 1: and you know that it just never happened. And so

229
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,200
Speaker 1: what happens is if you don't learn the lesson the

230
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:40,959
Speaker 1: first time, you're gonna keep going through that same lesson

231
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,600
Speaker 1: through it. You're gonna keep going through it. And then

232
00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,760
Speaker 1: that's how I got to the other two men because

233
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,120
Speaker 1: I didn't learn my lesson. Um, what do you think

234
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,599
Speaker 1: you learned from Tom? Like, what do you think the

235
00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:59,880
Speaker 1: lesson was from Tom? Oh? I think the lesson the

236
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,920
Speaker 1: lesson with Oh, I don't even know. It's just so

237
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:10,040
Speaker 1: much I would say, because one thing I got from

238
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200
Speaker 1: um reading about time, I was like, YEO, why do

239
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:16,240
Speaker 1: we ignored the red flags? Yeah? And and that's so

240
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 1: funny that you said that because I used to keep

241
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,520
Speaker 1: this list of red flags one of my journals. I

242
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:27,400
Speaker 1: think I had started like this long list of red flags. Um,

243
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 1: you just gotta you got to Yeah, that should have

244
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,480
Speaker 1: that should have never started, you know what I mean?

245
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,880
Speaker 1: And that is that was a big lesson. I guess

246
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,480
Speaker 1: I would say that was probably the biggest Um is that, Yeah,

247
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,840
Speaker 1: that should have never started, That should have never went anywhere.

248
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 1: And also learning how to cut things off quicker. It

249
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:50,520
Speaker 1: took me a long time ago relationships for me to realize, like,

250
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,760
Speaker 1: you gotta cut these things off quick. Why are you

251
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,200
Speaker 1: continuing this off and on and going back and hoping

252
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:01,280
Speaker 1: that he sees the amazing nous in you? And it's like, no,

253
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 1: cut it off. You ain't never lie. Everything has an

254
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 1: expiration date. Everything like. And then even when I was

255
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,840
Speaker 1: reading when you was like and I was like, damn,

256
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,920
Speaker 1: because I had this conversation with my homegirl cause she

257
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,560
Speaker 1: was in a similar situation. She told the guy that

258
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,840
Speaker 1: she loved him, and he was just like oh all right,

259
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 1: and I was like what and you know, it crushed her.

260
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 1: So when I read it in your book, I was

261
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:31,120
Speaker 1: just like, yo, these things are crazy, Like how do

262
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,040
Speaker 1: you think yeah, all right, how do you think that's okay?

263
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 1: Like that was such a significant moment. I feel like that.

264
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 1: I feel like a lightbulb went off your head because

265
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:46,600
Speaker 1: it went off like wow, yeah, I love you. And

266
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 1: he was just like, Okay, well I gotta go to work.

267
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:57,720
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, like I'm sorry, Um, but yeah, that

268
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,800
Speaker 1: was that was a moment. Um. Listen to anybody who

269
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,760
Speaker 1: ever says those three words. Those three words are heavy

270
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 1: with a lot, and if someone doesn't and to say it,

271
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 1: it takes because it it wasn't right away it was

272
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 1: I was. I was indeed at that point, and so yeah,

273
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 1: it takes a lot. I mean, it should take a

274
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 1: lot to say those words and really really mean it

275
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: and to to back it up. And so if the

276
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,840
Speaker 1: other person is just like oh okay and passive about it,

277
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 1: please do yourself a favor and never ever see that person.

278
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: Um yeah, yeah, okay, let's move on to Dick. Dick.

279
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 1: Dick was I would actually say Dick was probably the

280
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,280
Speaker 1: most significant guy I have dated in my life really

281
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:53,320
Speaker 1: absolutely why because that was I I think I had

282
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 1: hit rock bottom. I was completely bankrupt emotionally. When I

283
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 1: was with him. We had met at work and we

284
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 1: had created a friendship and for a very long time. Yeah,

285
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,760
Speaker 1: we were friends for a very long time, and he

286
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,719
Speaker 1: had always kept asking me to go out and I

287
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,879
Speaker 1: was like no, but I enjoyed our friendship. Um, at

288
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,760
Speaker 1: the time, I was acting in New York. He he's

289
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 1: an actor, and so we also connected that way. And

290
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,639
Speaker 1: you know, I was looking looking again for love and

291
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 1: someone to love me because I had not yet invested

292
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 1: that loving myself. And I thought like, oh, oh my god, Well,

293
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,359
Speaker 1: you know what, he's my friend, he's always wanting to

294
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 1: go out. Maybe this is the guy that I've been

295
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,320
Speaker 1: overlooking because you know, you read all these books and

296
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 1: it's like love could be writing again right under your

297
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,160
Speaker 1: nose and sound like okay, maybe that's it. But yeah,

298
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 1: he was the most significant because he became so nasty.

299
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 1: Um he would call me names and like he was

300
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 1: just so he was old mean at times, and I

301
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 1: mean he was very clear. Um in a couple of

302
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,479
Speaker 1: moments that a lot of moments that I was not

303
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:13,159
Speaker 1: significant norm priority to him. Um, he would lie to

304
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,560
Speaker 1: my face. He would just do all these things, and I,

305
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,080
Speaker 1: like a little puppy, would keep going back. And that's

306
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,199
Speaker 1: why I say it was the most significant relationship I

307
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 1: had because he was the one who taught me all

308
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 1: of the things would love is not And I'm very

309
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: clear on that now. Yeah, because I think it with Dick,

310
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 1: he was the one that, um, like, you wanted to

311
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,240
Speaker 1: go out like, he was the one that kind of

312
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 1: made you question yourself, like and I'm not gonna know why,

313
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,399
Speaker 1: ugly and I'm just like, yo, I'm like, it's just

314
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 1: crazy to me. And you said, like, I think one

315
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 1: time he took you out and y'all went somewhere. I

316
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:52,840
Speaker 1: was like five minutes within the house and you were like,

317
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 1: really m m mmmm he took me out. Yeah, it

318
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 1: was right around the corner. I remember us being out

319
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,040
Speaker 1: with some friends and he wouldn't even pick up my

320
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 1: tab for feift wings. Um. Um. Also, when all this

321
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,000
Speaker 1: was going on, what were you thinking, like when you

322
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 1: having these conversations with yourself. I wasn't having these conversations.

323
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,439
Speaker 1: I think this was more so like with friends and

324
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,639
Speaker 1: like why is he acting like this? And you know,

325
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 1: but you know, I'm still young. I'm still not even

326
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,679
Speaker 1: seeing clearly, and I'm not even seeing myself. You know,

327
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: you don't even see yourself because you're thinking it's the

328
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 1: other person, it's their fault, and it's like, it's not.

329
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,880
Speaker 1: It's mine. It's mine. It's my fault. It's me. It's

330
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 1: me who is allowing him to do these things. It's

331
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 1: me who was not saying, listen, I'm amazing. If you

332
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,160
Speaker 1: don't want this, that's that's fine, let's not do this.

333
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,200
Speaker 1: It's me. I was just so wrapped up into and

334
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: trying to prove to people that I was worthy of

335
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 1: their love connected to my dad. You know, I was

336
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,199
Speaker 1: just so like, I am a great person, and I

337
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 1: am giving, and I'm supportive, and I am there for

338
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 1: you and whatever you need. And yes, you might have

339
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 1: talked to me like a dog two days ago. And

340
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 1: you know, I mean he literally said I could never

341
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 1: be his woman. Wow, I could never be his woman.

342
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: And the defining moment and with all those things, with

343
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 1: all those things, it was that subtle moment which I'm

344
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 1: sure you know many other women have probably had. It

345
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 1: was a subtle thing that he did. My mom had

346
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 1: passed away and he was supposed to come and see me,

347
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 1: and instead he created an argument so that he will

348
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: have come. Yeah, and that was the moment I was like, never,

349
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: I will never talk to you again. I never did.

350
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 1: And then you also found out that he had a

351
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,600
Speaker 1: whole girlfriend and different city. The whole girlfriend that I

352
00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 1: found out about on Facebook. I was like, oh my

353
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: my heart was this fell out because I was like,

354
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes like, you know, I wonder what he

355
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: you know, I just wanted to go to his page.

356
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: I never went to his page, and I realized, like,

357
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 1: oh wait, his name isn't popping up. This is like

358
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 1: back back back in the days. His name isn't popping up.

359
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 1: Did he delete me? And um, I don't know, I

360
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 1: don't know how I found that, But anyway, I was

361
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 1: able to get his page and saw, you know, it

362
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 1: was in you know, they were late. I'm in a

363
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 1: in a relationship, in the relationship with this person, and

364
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, I mean pictures and everything, and I'm like,

365
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 1: this was two days after he said to me, I

366
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: think he said, I think I'm falling in love with you,

367
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: and two days before and so I'm getting all excited

368
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 1: hanging onto those little crumbs, right, And then two days

369
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: later I found out he's in a whole relationship with

370
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 1: someone that he moved to the West Coast to be

371
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 1: with and it didn't work out, and it came back

372
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 1: and I was there to know, still being his friend,

373
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,400
Speaker 1: and then found out he was talking to another girl

374
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,199
Speaker 1: at the same time that you work with, that I

375
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: worked with. It was a mess. It was a mess.

376
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: Niggas ain't ship. I know when people listen to my podcast,

377
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: I stay saying a ship, But niggas really ain't ship, yo,

378
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 1: cause you're bold. You're really bold, That's what it is.

379
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: How dare you talk to somebody that I'm working with

380
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: all the women in the world and you won't talk

381
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,400
Speaker 1: to my coworker. Right. It was really it was really bad.

382
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 1: And I don't know if he has gotten any better

383
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: with guys today because I'm seeing a whole new generation. Yeah,

384
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 1: that's so different. And now that I'm you know, I'm

385
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 1: on the West Coast and so it's just I'm just like, wow,

386
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: guys are not even putting in effort and they don't

387
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: have to no more, they don't have to because I

388
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 1: feel like women, certain women is going to only expect

389
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 1: certain things from men. And I feel like, if you're

390
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: just a woman, that's just like you don't really expect

391
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: too much because maybe you're still in the searcher trying

392
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 1: to find who you are. You don't even care. Men

393
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: don't have to do nothing. And also I feel like

394
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: nowadays women are moving like men. But I think that's

395
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: what it is. And I mean it's a cycle, right.

396
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, if if you if you want to,

397
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 1: if you're a woman and you know you want the

398
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 1: traditional you know, the man is head house, all the

399
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, then you got guys making you feel

400
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: bad about that and calling and calling you names. Then

401
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: if you say, okay, I'm gon boss up, I'm gonna

402
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,679
Speaker 1: take care of myself. I don't need you to do that.

403
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: I got that. Then this we too independent. So it's

404
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,199
Speaker 1: like what do you want? What do you want us

405
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: to be? You know, because I can't win for losing,

406
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: So I can't win for losing, you know. And and

407
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: then I mean again, you know, I get so tired

408
00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 1: of those conversations because it's like you're not understanding how

409
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 1: you contributed to this. You know, women for black women

410
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: for a long time, have been. He had a household

411
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 1: because the men didn't want to be father's children, so

412
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: they had to boss up. And then they talked their

413
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: little girls to make sure that they always take care

414
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: of themselves. So it's a cycle. And there was men

415
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: wasn't around because they father wasn't around. So it was

416
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: like the picture was already the picture right before their eyes,

417
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 1: right right. So okay, let's talk about Harry. Girl, that

418
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: was that was a mess. Oh my god, you know what,

419
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: So I'll tell them. Okay, So let mean Harry. I

420
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 1: can't remember how we met. He was you know, he

421
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 1: looked amazing always, you know, had a great suit on,

422
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: that jacket everything, and was just broke as a joke, girl,

423
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 1: broke as a joke. Um he I mean it was

424
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 1: a man, the old his ex money that I found.

425
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: I mean, every single day I will find out something

426
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 1: I found, you know, I think maybe maybe a week

427
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: or two in I found out I knew he had

428
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 1: a son. And then a week or two win just

429
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: you know again, Facebook, Thank you, Facebook, Facebook like, girl, investigate, investigate.

430
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: I found out that he had a daughter. He failed

431
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: to mention. Failed to mention, girl, I'm like, why didn't

432
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: you say anything about your daughter, and he was like, oh,

433
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: you know, I was gonna get around to it, but

434
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: it was like that's very important. So also with that,

435
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, he wasn't completely present with

436
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: his daughter and she didn't live in the States, but

437
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: I just felt like he wasn't doing enough. So that's

438
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: a that's a red flag, ladies. Um, don't be with

439
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 1: no man who ain't taking care of his kids. He

440
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: has to take care of his kids. Um. But yeah,

441
00:25:55,720 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: it was that. And then you know, God was going

442
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 1: to his apartment one night and then there was a

443
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 1: letter on the door. Didn't getting evicted. I'm like, what

444
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: is happening me? And it was just all a mess. Um.

445
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 1: During that time, he had decided that he wanted to

446
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: become a business music manager for this artist that he

447
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: just met. A young lady met at um one of

448
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: these like empowerment seminars, and so he invited me to.

449
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 1: I met her um as well. She had a beautiful voice. UM. Yeah,

450
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: I met her a couple of times, and you know,

451
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: at that time, I was really trying to I had learned.

452
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: I felt like I did learn a few lessons from

453
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: you know, the other two guys and I was like,

454
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to be, you know, mature, and I'm

455
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 1: gonna you know, Okay, you got some meetings with this

456
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: young lady's spun by the way too. He was older

457
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: than me. Yeah, yeah, that's a key, right. I think

458
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: it was about forty four when you met. So I

459
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, he's making a career change kind of

460
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 1: late in life, but okay, I supported um. Come to

461
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: find out, Um one lovely weekend when I'm going to

462
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: to his apartment because I had a key, he wasn't

463
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 1: there and he didn't come home for the whole weekend

464
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,199
Speaker 1: and I was trying to find out where he was,

465
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 1: and he happened to be spending the weekend with this

466
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 1: young lady that I had met several times. When we

467
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: I'm calling him, I'm like, what is going on? And

468
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: then when we finally um happened to meet, when he

469
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: finally gets the courage to sit down with me and

470
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: like really talk to me, he tells me that they're

471
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and I'm like, oh, yeah, did we

472
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 1: break up now? Harry to them old to be too old?

473
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: Too old. What I found out was that and that

474
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 1: was probably one of the first times. But there are

475
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: some men who are opportunists, absolutely opportunists. And that was

476
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 1: the first guy I've ever seen like that. And he

477
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: was just looking for somebody who was on the rise.

478
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I was doing my thing, but it wasn't

479
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: enough for him. And she had just gotten some funding

480
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 1: for her business, so he wanted to jump on that

481
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 1: because she had just landed some funding. So got to

482
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: be catholic of these men because I'm telling you, these

483
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: men are no jokes. You're no joke. And so they're

484
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 1: I mean they're still they got married and um, yeah,

485
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 1: they're running her business together. So have you spoken to

486
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: any of these men or have they reached out to you? Yes?

487
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: So what's so? Tom? The first one funny thing? Last year,

488
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: I was out with some girlfriends. Um. We went out

489
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: to Palas Verda, which is a beautiful like place, um

490
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: here in California, and it was at a resort. Now,

491
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: you don't know about this place unless you know California.

492
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: This is like far right, this is like far out,

493
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: is excluded. And with my girlfriends, we walked into the

494
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 1: bar and there is Tom like this this is not happening, right, Um,

495
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: this is not happening and he had reached out to

496
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: me a few times, like on LinkedIn, just be like hey,

497
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: you know whatever. I never responded. Um, so he jumps up,

498
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 1: he you know, said hey, you know, and he introduced

499
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: himself to my friend and then very quickly before any

500
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: other conversation could happen, he says, this is my fiance,

501
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, and um, the whole conversation he made

502
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 1: it as if we were like long time but of

503
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: course he did. That's what niggas do, not that when

504
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: we had ever dated, but then we had every day

505
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: but just like, yeah, oh my god, you want to

506
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 1: shut that down before y'all even got started. That's what

507
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to do. And the sad thing about that

508
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: it was a few weeks later he reached out to

509
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: me again and he was like, hey, I'm gonna be

510
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: back in town. I want to have dinner. And I

511
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: was like, no, I'm gonna be busy, you know, like

512
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: I'm not, I can't have dinner. Um, And he was like,

513
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: why won't you give me your personal number? I was like,

514
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 1: you could just contact me right here through number four.

515
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 1: And then he like he invites me to his airbnb

516
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: when he gets in town He's like, you sure you

517
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: don't want to come? Come sit by the pool with me?

518
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: And I'm like, is he kidding? Engaged? But then that

519
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: lets you know to any woman who is listening to it,

520
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: or anyone who's listening to this, please don't be getting

521
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: upset with these foods. When they get engaged or get

522
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: married or getting a relationship, A lot of times they

523
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: still foolish. They still foolish. Wow. Yep, Have Dick or

524
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 1: Harry reached out to you? Um, Dick would reach out

525
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: to me a lot um when I have first moved

526
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: to the West Coast, he used to reach out to

527
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: me pretty often and I never would respond. So I

528
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: think he finally got the picture. And I didn't hear

529
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: too much from Harry. Um. I think I got like

530
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: maybe an email from him when my mom passed and

531
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: that was it. Listen, one thing I learned they always

532
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 1: come back, but that only means take them back. Always

533
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: come back, but don't take them back unless you really

534
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: want to and you know it's gonna be it. But

535
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: don't waste your time because that would be another headache

536
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: that you don't need another. Yeah. I also read that

537
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: you are selibant. Yes, Um, six and a half years.

538
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:08,719
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, that's amazing. So when you get to that,

539
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: like what made you get to that point? Child? It's hard. Listen,

540
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna make it sound cute. That means

541
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 1: you got really good a good level of discipline. Well,

542
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: I mean one, being on the West Coast actually helps

543
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: because you know, the dating is a little bit different,

544
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: um too, you know, because all of that stuff was

545
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: going down in New York and I just felt like

546
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: I couldn't be I couldn't hear clearly, you know, like

547
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: I couldn't hear God clearly, and so I had to

548
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: just stop. And I had tried to do it before

549
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: many times, and you know, I would do it for

550
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: a few months, or I'll do it for maybe I

551
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: think the longest was like a year. Um. But I

552
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 1: just had to like stop because I just couldn't hear anymore.

553
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: And it was just like, I need to just start

554
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: with all these you know, dysfunctional relations and ships so

555
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,479
Speaker 1: that I can hear from God and hear what he

556
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: wants me, what his purposes for me, and all of

557
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: that trying to find love from you know, people who

558
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: didn't love themselves. I just had to put it into it. Yeah.

559
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 1: That is so because I think a lot of times

560
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: we get in our own way and we constantly keep

561
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: asking God for like go show me the way, give

562
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: me a sign, what's my next move? And like it'd

563
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: be so clutted in our own space that you can't

564
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 1: even hear or see what he's showing you. Yeah, I mean,

565
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: because because how could I possibly hear what he wanted

566
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: when I'm crying over crazy people? You know, I'm crying

567
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 1: over these people, like you know, I mean it was

568
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: I mean I had some low moments. I mean, and

569
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: I mean there's no way that you can like here,

570
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: there's no way that God can show you who you

571
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: are when you are dependent on people who don't matter.

572
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: You gotta cut it off. Wow. Now that's amazing. Almost

573
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: seven years. So are you waiting for marriage or not? Really?

574
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: That would be nice and I mean listen if you

575
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: if you want to wait for marriage, I think that's great. Um.

576
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: I think at one point I was like maybe, but

577
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 1: like I just want to find someone that I can trust.

578
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: You know that, I like, this is for real, this

579
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,399
Speaker 1: is like the person God sent me. And I mean

580
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: maybe I'll wait on marriage, but I just want to

581
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: be able to make the best decision, you know what

582
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: I mean, And I just wasn't making good decisions. And

583
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 1: because though when you'll be making bad decisions all the

584
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: time up up, you know, I think about all those times,

585
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: all those nights, all of those years that I was

586
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: crying over people that didn't matter, when I could have

587
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: been doing other things. Girl, quirement, I can't get the

588
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 1: time back. I mean, it was a lesson. I don't

589
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: regret it because all those things maybe who I am, heck,

590
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: all those things allow me to write the book. But

591
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, if you really just

592
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: stopped for a moment and think about your life and

593
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: think about where you have been spending your energy, if

594
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 1: you are spending your energy and all of these places

595
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: that don't matter, who would you be that don't serve you,

596
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: that don't serve you, serve you? Who would you be?

597
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 1: Who would you be? You know what I mean? Um?

598
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:25,400
Speaker 1: Because I mean, as we see, especially with you know,

599
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 1: social media, people are dying early. Young girl. I just

600
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: saw somebody today on on social media on Instagram, and

601
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 1: I was like Jesus Christ, Like I was like, yo,

602
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 1: then we continue to do right, be nice to people.

603
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:48,399
Speaker 1: Like because people are dying young, like and people don't

604
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 1: have anything to lose, so they would take your life

605
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 1: in a minute, or like it's just crazy because I'm

606
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: just like, yo, people are dying there, like thirty years old,

607
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 1: and I'm like when I turned thirty two, I was

608
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: just like, yo, thank you God. Because some people not

609
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 1: even making this a dirty absolutely absolutely that's that's nothing

610
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 1: but the truth. So it's like you gotta look at

611
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: that and say, Okay, listen, tomorrow is not promised to me.

612
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: Every single day. I need to I need to be

613
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 1: doing what I'm supposed to be doing, you know, to

614
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 1: be doing my purpose. That's important, you know, Doring you

615
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 1: talk about your low your low moments. What are some

616
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 1: ways did you kept your spirits up? Like how did

617
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: you get back into the groove of things of being

618
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 1: happy and being like how you would normally feel about yourself.

619
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 1: Because I know how low moments feel, and sometimes you

620
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: just feel like you just can't get out of it. Yeah,

621
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: and it's true, Um, it is really really hard because

622
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: you know, people say do this or do that, but

623
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: if you feel depressed, you don't want to do those things.

624
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: One you really have to have some good people around you.

625
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: I mean, like that is key number one when I stay.

626
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: Have good people, I mean people who are not gonna

627
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 1: judge you. I mean people who are gonna be They'll

628
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: they'll push you when you need to be pushed, but

629
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: they will also nurture you when you need to be nurtured.

630
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,919
Speaker 1: They're able to like really fill out the temperature where

631
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: you're at and say, okay today, she don't need tough

632
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 1: love today this you know what I mean. Um, people

633
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: who are who are not gonna be jealous when you

634
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: start taking because that has happened to me where uh

635
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 1: We've been praying for me for years so that I

636
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: could get here, and now I'm here and now you're upset,

637
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: so I don't understand, you know what I mean. So

638
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 1: you gotta be around people who genuinely I mean genuinely

639
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: to see you win, because when you win, they win

640
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: and they know it ain't nothing but a prayer going

641
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: around in a circle. People that will pray for you.

642
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: People that um there. I need to be with people

643
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: who have empathy because I'm an EmPATH. You know, I

644
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 1: need for people to empathize with me, and at gotta

645
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,359
Speaker 1: be my whole full circle. But I need like one

646
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 1: or two people who can understand what it feels like

647
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 1: to be in the trenches because I like to be

648
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: on this girl, you just gotta do this, but you

649
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: gotta understand today I feel like the world is against me,

650
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: and so like, how can you how can you you know,

651
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: empathize with me in this moment and still encourage me.

652
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 1: So I would say, have a really great circle. And honestly,

653
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: as hard as it might be, if you don't have one, um,

654
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: you should probably start to reevaluate that because I do

655
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,399
Speaker 1: that probably twice a year. Who are the people I'm

656
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: spending the most and I'm and I'm serious of yourself.

657
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, It's like and it keeps me clear too

658
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: about my expectations. So I'll take a piece of paper

659
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: and I'll say, Okay, this is my person that I

660
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: can do everything with. This is my person that I

661
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: like to go out with. This is these are some

662
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: people that like, I think they're really cool. We haven't

663
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time, but I think I really

664
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: want to spend more time with them. So how can

665
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: I arrange for us to like get a little bit closer?

666
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: Like I'm very dreadful, I curate who is around me

667
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 1: because it's important to me, Um, getting out of those

668
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 1: low moments. Of course, your Bible, um, and I don't

669
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: And that's not cliche. I mean just even if you're

670
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 1: not even clearly understanding what the Bible is saying, like,

671
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: the more you read it and you know, you pull

672
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 1: up whatever translations you need, reading promotionals, listening to sermons

673
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: on line TV Jake's has helped me out of many

674
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: a time. Girl, Um Um, But that is really really

675
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: important because you know, sometimes we forget the power that

676
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: we have, an authority that God has given us. We

677
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: get so wrapped around what's happening and what we don't

678
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 1: have that we forget to be grateful. When you start

679
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: looking at the things that you have in the gratitude. Man,

680
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 1: it's some people that are really doing bad out here. Okay,

681
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 1: it's some people that are really really doing bad out here.

682
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: And take a moment and just say, hold on, this

683
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,919
Speaker 1: is what I'm in is so temporary. God has blessed me.

684
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: And I mean it could be it could be something

685
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: as simple as you know, hey, I was able to

686
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: get my nails done today, thank God, you know, I

687
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,320
Speaker 1: mean being thankful for like the littlest things like I

688
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 1: can really make a difference because even when I wake up,

689
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 1: or if I get something on sale or like I

690
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: got some something free, or just like the one of

691
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 1: those things, I'm like, you know what, thank you so

692
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 1: much God, because that's you didn't have to do that.

693
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 1: And I think that we get so focused on all

694
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: we saw this person in the bins, we saw this

695
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: person traveling here, like we don't know when people have

696
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: to go through. And I always say that Instagram is

697
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: a perception, what people want you to see. It's not

698
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 1: the real deal. So it's like, you've got to be

699
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: thankful man, because like you said, things can always be

700
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: a lot worse. Things could be a lot worse at

701
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: any moment um. What does some advice you will give

702
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: to your younger self? Mm hmm, gosh. I would have

703
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: gave me so much advice. I would say, I would

704
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: tell myself, you are enough. The message that God gave

705
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: you will come to pass um. I think that's probably it.

706
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: I think that's it. You are enough. I think you

707
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 1: are It's really important, is really in? That would have

708
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 1: taken me a whole lot further. You you are enough

709
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 1: and last and not least what does some advice you

710
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: would get up to other women that are in toxic

711
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 1: relationships m hm, So whether it be romantic or friendships,

712
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: because I also talk about friendships in the book. Um

713
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: that can be toxic with you know, some people don't

714
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: forget that. You know, friendships can't get toxic and you

715
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:12,720
Speaker 1: might have to, you know, cut that off. Um. Really

716
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: ask yourself, do you feel better when you're with this person?

717
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: Or do you feel worse? And I know that's like

718
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: a question that you know people have said that, like,

719
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,400
Speaker 1: you know, do you feel your any energy? Dress? Like,

720
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 1: really ask yourself, because if you don't feel better when

721
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,280
Speaker 1: you're with someone, and sometimes it might not even be

722
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 1: especially with you know, new friends or people you know

723
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: you're meeting, you might not can put your finger on it,

724
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 1: but you just don't feel great yourself. Remove yourself, you

725
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: have the question or something. Remove yourself. Yeah, but you

726
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: know something right, something ain't right. It's okay, you want

727
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 1: You do not have to have an exact reason why

728
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: you just don't want to fool with somebody. You might

729
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: not know exactly, but your discernment and telling you just

730
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 1: remove yourself. It's the Holy spirit. You don't you don't

731
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: even don't fight it. Don't fight it. Um, I know

732
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: that you also know that they are enough, know that

733
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 1: they are a queen, know that God has chosen them

734
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: to do great things. And you, I mean, yes, we

735
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: all want to have love. We do, but you want

736
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: to have the love that God has for you. You

737
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 1: want to have the love that you deserve. And if

738
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: you do not have it in the relationships that you're in,

739
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: get out of them because there's something better. They're gonna

740
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 1: be people who gonna love the way you laugh, or

741
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 1: love the way you go, that you too much and

742
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 1: not gonna I have a man tell me that I

743
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: was too smart, I was too strong and I and that,

744
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: and thank God to um Dick, I knew I can't

745
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 1: date you because this woman that I am today took

746
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: years for me to get here. So don't you dare

747
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 1: to tell me I'm too strong or I'm too anything,

748
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 1: because that's not love. That means you're too weak. If

749
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 1: I'm too strong, girl, So you know, UM, I'm not

750
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 1: saying go out there and be like, I don't need

751
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 1: no man. Look, I want to love, I want to

752
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: be married, but I do really believe that the right

753
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: man is gonna love all of you, the flaws, the good,

754
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 1: the bad, every single part of you. And when my

755
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: friend my married friends tell me, don't settle, and I

756
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 1: really believe that, don't settle, don't settle. Keep keep doing you,

757
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: keep doing your purpose, keep building your empire, and and

758
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: you know that king will come, those good friends will come. Yeah,

759
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: that's so true. It's funny how you find good friends. Well,

760
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: in my opinion, you find good friends in your later years.

761
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, opposed, you're having friends in here when he

762
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: was younger. M h, you know what. And you know

763
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 1: how people used to say, oh, you don't even know

764
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: you don't get new friends? Are you older? Actually, you're right,

765
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: I think so. I never thought about that, but you're right.

766
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: I lost some amazing people in my thirties. Yeah, I

767
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: prefer I prefer finding friends down Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah. Well, guys,

768
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: if you have any question for my guests, I think

769
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 1: this episode is something that we all can relate to,

770
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 1: please email me at hello at the Professional Homeguard dot com.

771
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: I would make sure she gets those and she answer

772
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: them for you answer them for you. Make sure you

773
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,959
Speaker 1: email as well if you want to know more about

774
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: her books. So you can support her and until next time,

775
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: guys later,