1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: If a conversation is hard to have, that means it's 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: pretty important. Hey, hurdlers, Emily, a body here bringing you 3 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: another installment. 4 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 2: Of hurdle Moment from Hurdle. 5 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: I thought a lot about what I wanted this first 6 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: hurdle moment back to be about, and I think now 7 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 1: more than ever my mission stands true. I want to 8 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: help you be your best self, move with intention, and 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: of course. 10 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 2: Have some fun along the way. 11 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: And so in order to have fun, in order to 12 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 1: move with intention, in order to be better, it's important 13 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: that we. 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 2: Have hard conversations. 15 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: Now Here's the thing about difficult conversation is that a 16 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: lot of the times we don't want to have them, 17 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: mostly because they are difficult in conversation is scary, but 18 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: also because and I can definitely speak from experience, I 19 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 1: am worried that having them could make things worse, and 20 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: that's never really the goal. But we have to face 21 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: the facts. We are in the middle of a revolution 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 1: of sorts, with protests happening in major cities and towns 23 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 1: across the world, on top of what's been happening with 24 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: the global pandemic. And this is all to say as 25 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: if life before both of these things didn't have its 26 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 1: difficult moments as well. Right now, so many of us 27 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: are feeling super emotional. 28 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 2: I know that I am. 29 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: I have been reflecting on some of the past episodes 30 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: of Hurdle one of my favorites, how to Protect Your 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 1: Energy a link to it in the show notes, just 32 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: because I am trying to show up every day and 33 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: be my best and most authentic self now again. In 34 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: order to be that person, that means that I've got 35 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: to have some tough conversations. And again I have a 36 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: hunch that you're having some of them too, with your friends, 37 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: with your family, and even with some people that you 38 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: don't even really know through social media. So today I 39 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: am bringing you some of the helpful steps that I 40 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: have used to approaching difficult conversations in hopes that my 41 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: experience can. 42 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 2: Help you navigate yours. 43 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,359 Speaker 1: Like with everything, I do not at all have all 44 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: the answers, But what I do know again is that 45 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: I just want to help in whatever way that I can. 46 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: If something resonates with you from today's episode, and I 47 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: hope that it does, please share it on social media. 48 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 1: You can always tag me at Emily a Body and 49 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: at Mertle Podcast. Also share the episode with a friend 50 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: and leave some thoughts in the iTunes store by clicking 51 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: the link with the description to this episode. I also 52 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: want to think so many of you. I'm so amped 53 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: for joining me in the Black Girls Run Challenge the 54 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,359 Speaker 1: one Million. 55 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 2: Miles for Justice. 56 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: Basically the ground rules for this you pay twenty five 57 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 1: dollars to sign up for the team. I set one 58 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 1: up for hurdle listeners called Hurdlers. That money goes to 59 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: support the cause. It encourages us all to get out 60 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: and move together and stand for what's right. 61 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 2: If you want to join. 62 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: The team, we would love to have you all or welcome. 63 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: The information is in the show notes and I'm. 64 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: Putting this call to action out there. 65 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: If you work for a company that wants to match 66 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: the hurdler's donations, I am all ears. Please reach out 67 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 1: to me Emily at hurdle dot us. We're already at 68 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: eighty participants strong and that number is growing rather rapidly. 69 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: If you have a hurdle moment of your own to share, 70 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: you just want to say hi, I'm here. Email again 71 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: and Emily at hurdle us. And with that, it's time 72 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: to talk about some tough stuff. Let's get to hurdling, 73 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: all right, So I do not enjoy conflict. I've never 74 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: been the kind of friend or lover who likes to 75 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 1: yell at other people. 76 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 2: It's not my thing. 77 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: I would much rather identify an issue, state that there's 78 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: an issue, have a level headed, calm conversation about how 79 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 1: it's affecting me and the other people or parties, and 80 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,159 Speaker 1: try to find a solution. And when I say it 81 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: like that, it sounds super easy, right, But the fact 82 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,239 Speaker 1: of the matter is is that they're called hard conversations 83 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,359 Speaker 1: because they are hard, but it is important that we 84 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: have them. So today I'm offering up to you my 85 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: six different steps that I've used in the past to 86 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: handle these tough talks. Step number one. First things first, 87 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 1: you've got to admit that you need to have the conversation. 88 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,039 Speaker 1: It can be easy just to ignore, but you have 89 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: to think about what that's doing for your energy and 90 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,599 Speaker 1: for the energy of people or causes that you care about. 91 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: By ignoring what's going on, nothing gets done, and in 92 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: the long haul, it can be really detrimental. I read 93 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: a quote the other day that really stuck with me 94 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: that if a conversation is hard to have, that means 95 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: it's pretty important. In this first step, it's all about 96 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: having an honest dialogue with yourself first before bringing other 97 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: people into the fold. Admitting that you need to step up. 98 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 1: Admitting that you need to have a talk. 99 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 2: Is step number one. Step number two. 100 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 1: After you have this admission, you need to have an 101 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: honest vote with yourself about where you're at. And in 102 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: this part of the dialogue, it could be helpful to 103 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: jot some things down you will never regret putting in 104 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: the work for yourself. And sometimes in this step you 105 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: can identify some issues on the home front or on 106 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: the personal side that might make you realize that whatever 107 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: tough conversation you think you want to have is actually 108 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: just stemming from an issue that you are dealing with personally. 109 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 1: This step is also your opportunity to hash things out 110 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 1: and think about what it is that you're hoping to 111 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 1: accomplish within this tough dialogue. So I say that understanding 112 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 1: that not all difficult tasks and flawlessly. You know, we 113 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: don't always get to walk away from a confrontation of 114 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: feeling seller. 115 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 2: It doesn't happen like that. 116 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: So, for example, say you are hoping to air out 117 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: your different political views with a friend of yours. So 118 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 1: ask yourself, why is it important that I do this? 119 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: Perhaps putting everything out on the table will allow you 120 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: both to be a little bit more upfront about your 121 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: differences and air out some unspoken tension, which that is 122 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: good for nobody. You hope that by doing that you'll 123 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: be able to communicate better going forward. This is what 124 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: you're articulating before you even have the conversation, despite your differences. 125 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 2: So knowing that before you even. 126 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: Sit down to have this chat super helpful. So step 127 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: number two, have an honest conversation with yourself. First, step 128 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 1: number three, set aside a specific time to. 129 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 2: Have this talk. 130 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: I get it, no one ever wants to hear the 131 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: words we need to talk, and you definitely don't need 132 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: to frame it that way, but it's important that you 133 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 1: set aside a time that you know that you will 134 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: be able to have one on one dialogue with the 135 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: person that you want to have your dialogue with. Something 136 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: as simple as hey, later tonight after we're done with work, 137 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: Would you mind if we set aside time for a 138 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 1: phone call In identifying when it is that you will 139 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: have the opportunity to chat, make sure you're specific. If 140 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: they respond with sure when you ask them to chat 141 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: after work, then follow up again and offer a time. 142 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: This is just like when we talk about setting smart goals. 143 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 1: You want it to be specific. If in the case 144 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: things are pretty loosey goosey and you don't hammer down. 145 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 2: The specifics, that will make it. 146 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: Possible for this combo to be put off, and that 147 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: is going to weigh on you further, and then you 148 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: might get further frustrated, and that is the last thing 149 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: you want to do. 150 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: Step number four. 151 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: Be open to all information so you can't go in 152 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: to a hard conversation being on the defensive, just like 153 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: you can't go into a hard conversation but leading that 154 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: you are completely right and this person is wrong, and 155 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: that is just the way it's going to be. Your 156 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: perspective is likely your reality, which means that the person 157 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: you are asking to have a tough conversation also has 158 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: a reality of their own. In order for the two 159 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,959 Speaker 1: of you to move forward, to address the issues at 160 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: hand and ideally come to a more positive place, you 161 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: need to be open to whatever may come from this chat. 162 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 1: You have to be willing to listen, which we'll talk 163 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: about in a second, and really taking the opportunity to 164 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: absorb their point of view. 165 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:38,680 Speaker 2: Now. 166 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,280 Speaker 1: In doing this, and I cannot say this enough, it 167 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,119 Speaker 1: is really, really important that you take in this information 168 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: under the lens of your values and your ethos. Just 169 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: because two different individuals have two different opinions on a 170 00:09:55,679 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: certain matter, that doesn't mean that they can't agree to disagre. 171 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: Having a hard conversation doesn't always mean that you're going 172 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: to come out at the end of it seeing eye 173 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: to eye. But what it does mean is that you 174 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: can leave this chat with a better understanding of where 175 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 1: the other person is coming from. In this process, you'll 176 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: have an opportunity to voice your opinion, listen to someone 177 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 1: else's opinion, and then progressively move forward. Hopefully the individuals 178 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: that you want to have hard conversations within your life 179 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: are coming to you as well from a place of love. 180 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: Step number five Listen. This is really important and I'll 181 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: never forget the first time that I was told how 182 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: important it is to listen. I was sitting down with 183 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,559 Speaker 1: my cousin at a bar in murray Hill called Rodeo 184 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: Bar it's no longer there, and we were talking about 185 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: me making the switch to a new full time job 186 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 1: and how I should talk to my current boss at 187 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: the time about the fact that I was going to 188 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: leave and that my mind was made up and that's 189 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 1: just what it was. 190 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 2: And he said, you know what you want. 191 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: So the important thing is is that when you say 192 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: what you want, instead of trying to fill the space 193 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 1: and deviating from the overall goal, that you listen to 194 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: what she has to say in response. And that's exactly 195 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: what I did, and I think that's exactly what made 196 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: that conversation one that I reflect on positively. Now, when 197 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: you're not trying to fill the silence, you provide the 198 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 1: other person with an opportunity to respond, or perhaps you're 199 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 1: just providing the both of you with the platform that 200 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 1: you need to really absorb and reflect and hopefully move 201 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: forward without additional confrontation. Also, when you take the time 202 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: to listen, this stresses to the person that you are 203 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: sitting down with that you do care about their opinion. 204 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,839 Speaker 1: And that's just something to reiterate again, just because you're 205 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: sitting down to have a hard conversation doesn't mean that 206 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,679 Speaker 1: you don't love this person. These conversations, they need to 207 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: happen again for us to be better. So approach it 208 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 1: with both things in mind. Yes, you want to say 209 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 1: what you have to say, you want to be upfront 210 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: with where you're at, but you also need to be 211 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: willing to have that time to open the floor and 212 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 1: to listen. Step number six end with a plan of action. 213 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: Whether you are. 214 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 1: In a room with coworkers or talking to your partner, 215 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 1: the best way to move forward together is to talk 216 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 1: about what it would look like right. So, depending on 217 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 1: the situation, this will definitely vary greatly, but it's important 218 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 1: that you are upfront with where you're at, what your 219 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: takeaways are from the conversation, and what your. 220 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 2: Next steps might be. 221 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: And this might take time, right, it might take time, 222 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 1: and it might require a little bit of compromise. Again, 223 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: go back to your ethos, think about what feels good 224 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: for you right now. I'll give you an example. I 225 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: recently had a pretty difficult conversation with a friend of 226 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: mine who we had just varying views on social distancing 227 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: and spending time together and in what capacity that might 228 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,320 Speaker 1: look like. At the end of our conversation, which we 229 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: had on the phone, we both agreed to disagree. I 230 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 1: saw his point, he saw my point, and without animosity 231 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: we decided that it would be best for us both 232 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: in the best interest of our friendship to take some 233 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: space until we could both feel better about being together. 234 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,559 Speaker 1: Is something like that difficult. Of course I want to 235 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: see my friend, but we agreed to revisit how we 236 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: felt in about three weeks time. And that's another important 237 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: note for sure. The more specific que can be with 238 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: your plan of action going forward, the better. And the 239 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: last thing I'll say is that if you go into 240 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: a hard com vera expecting a positive outcome, that can 241 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 1: be really helpful. I also want to be a realist 242 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 1: here and tell you that not every difficult conversation will 243 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: have a positive outcome. But if you go in telling 244 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: yourself this is going to be a massive disaster, that 245 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: doesn't help anyone. Instead, what you want to do, and 246 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: the reason that you're having this conversation is because you're 247 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: thinking long term. You're thinking about how much this person 248 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: means to you. You're thinking about also your personal betterment. 249 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: You don't want to ignore the tough stuff, and yes, 250 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:40,119 Speaker 1: it takes a ton of courage to show up to conflict, 251 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: but going into the conflict from a place of hope 252 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: sets you up to hopefully be. 253 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 2: The big person that you are. I hope this is helpful. 254 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: I hope it's not just mean rambling a bunch of 255 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: stuff into a microphone. 256 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 2: My goal here again. 257 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: Is always to help you better show up in your 258 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: day today. Again, we're all having a lot of tough 259 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: talks right now. Let's talk this out a little bit more, 260 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: okay At Emily Abadi at Hurdle Podcast. 261 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 2: Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.