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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.

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Speaker 2: Today's a solo episode, and we do solo episodes everybody

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Speaker 2: so that we can take more callers.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we just rock and roll right on threat we did.

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Speaker 2: I mean the last time we did this, we took

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Speaker 2: like six calls and there were one really long one,

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Speaker 2: so that was good.

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Speaker 1: We got a lot of fucking worked on. And do

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Speaker 1: we really do for all of our patients.

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Speaker 4: We're just like, you know, healing people, helping people get divorced.

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Speaker 3: I have some updates from callers.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I love this part.

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Speaker 3: Okay, this is from Maggie.

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Speaker 4: Maggie had written in way back in our Katie Kuric

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Speaker 4: episode her husband has battled addiction, started an affair with

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Speaker 4: a coworker, and she said it felt a lot like

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Speaker 4: a relapse, so she was trying to let go of

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Speaker 4: the marriage. Dear Chelsea, I wanted to update you since

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Speaker 4: it's been a little over a year since I was

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Speaker 4: on the show. I want to start by saying thank

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Speaker 4: you to both you and Katie Kuric. The advice and

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Speaker 4: book recommendations you gave me were a lifeline at a

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Speaker 4: really dark time. Beyond that, the love you showed me

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Speaker 4: was a true blessing. So thank you.

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Speaker 2: Oh love it, Oh yeah love blah blah blah blah

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Speaker 2: blah blah love.

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Speaker 4: Since we spoke, I have officially divorced my cheating ex husband,

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Speaker 4: and a weight has been lifted from my life.

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Speaker 1: Nice look at you.

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Speaker 3: My life shifted from worrying about him and his knees

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Speaker 3: and his sobriety to worrying about me, myself and I

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Speaker 3: and oh my god, life is amazing. I was so

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Speaker 3: scared to do life on my own, but here I

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Speaker 3: am doing it and loving it. After moving on from

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Speaker 3: my ex, I entered the dating scene for the first

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Speaker 3: time as a fully formed adult, and while it's often

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Speaker 3: a shit show, I've had some great experiences. In the

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Speaker 3: past year.

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Speaker 4: I've had the best sex in my life, had more

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Speaker 4: time to focus on the things I love, poured more

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Speaker 4: of my energy into my friendships, and devoted myself to

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Speaker 4: building a life that I adore. I have a much

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Speaker 4: better sense of self worth and know that if and

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Speaker 4: when I meet someone, they will only have a shot

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Speaker 4: with me if they're on my level. I always thought

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Speaker 4: i'd write in an update when I found my new

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Speaker 4: happily ever after, and then it hit me today that

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Speaker 4: I have my happily ever after is me thanks from

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Speaker 4: the bottom of my heart, Maggie. No longer needing a

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Speaker 4: pseudonym because that divorce is final. Wow.

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Speaker 1: That could have been like the prologue for my new book.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, I fucking love it right fucking right on exactly

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Speaker 2: you and yourself.

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Speaker 1: That is the love story between you and yourself.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that's how I felt.

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Speaker 4: In her Jane Fond episode when we chatted with her,

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Speaker 4: it was like, you know, we talked about her previous

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Speaker 4: loves in her life, and it just like seems like

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Speaker 4: she's found herself in you know, this last decade of

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Speaker 4: her life, and it's just so exciting to see women

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Speaker 4: come into their own and be their own people. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's fabulous. I have a half update and a half question.

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Speaker 4: We always say people don't write in when they like

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Speaker 4: didn't follow the advice, and this person follow the advice,

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Speaker 4: but it, you know, sort of went little sideways like

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Speaker 4: that backfired. Bella said, Dear Chelsea and Catherine. I don't

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Speaker 4: know if you remember me, but I spoke with you

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Speaker 4: and the office ladies about my breakup for the end

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Speaker 4: of twenty twenty two. I had been together with my

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Speaker 4: AX for two years, and we were friends before that,

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Speaker 4: and I had wanted to know about how to go

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Speaker 4: about mending the friendship when we were ready.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's been interesting. At first.

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Speaker 4: The X and I would see each other around once

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Speaker 4: or twice a month at friend gatherings and remain friendly

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Speaker 4: but distant. After about six months, he offered to have

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Speaker 4: coffee and reconnect, which I accepted. We had a cathartic

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Speaker 4: conversation about our breakup, and then he wanted to hear

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Speaker 4: about my dating life. I didn't really want to talk

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Speaker 4: about it, but he was insistent, reassuring me he could

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Speaker 4: handle it. He cried and confessed he hasn't dated at

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Speaker 4: all and it's all still too soon.

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Speaker 3: This little coffee date.

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Speaker 4: Changed the nature of our dynamic moving forward. At hangouts

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Speaker 4: and parties, he became more flirty and was always trying

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Speaker 4: to catch my eye, and my friends would try to buffer.

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Speaker 4: I started to get tired of the casual dating scene

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Speaker 4: and began entertaining getting back with him.

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Speaker 3: I should have written you then.

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Speaker 4: To make a long story short, in June we kiss

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Speaker 4: at a party and within a month we agreed to

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Speaker 4: try things out again. Now I can't help, but think

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Speaker 4: it was a big mistake. We go on dates, and

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Speaker 4: when I'm with him, I really enjoy his company, But

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Speaker 4: when we're not together, I barely think about him or

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Speaker 4: try to communicate. I can't tell if I'm being emotionally

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Speaker 4: avoidant or if I don't like him as much anymore.

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Speaker 4: And maybe I was chasing a feeling I missed, not

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Speaker 4: a person. My twenty three year old brain is so

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Speaker 4: mad at itself. This isn't a great update, but an

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Speaker 4: honest and messy one. Please tell me you've been through

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Speaker 4: this before. I feel so guilty and unsure what to do.

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Speaker 4: Now Do I stick it out and try to see

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Speaker 4: if I change my mind or say goodbye sooner rather

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Speaker 4: than later?

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Speaker 1: Bella, what's the problem?

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Speaker 4: She was like trying to be friends with her ex,

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Speaker 4: and we were like, give them some space, and they

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Speaker 4: have like the same friend groups, so they're gonna run.

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Speaker 3: Into each other. Yeah, I think you're not that into

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Speaker 3: him anymore.

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Speaker 1: I don't. It doesn't sound like it.

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Speaker 2: If you're not thinking about them when you're not with them,

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Speaker 2: that's all you need to know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I also think you don't need to beat

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Speaker 4: yourself up about kissing him.

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Speaker 2: When you like someone, that's all you think about, ding

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Speaker 2: ding ding.

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Speaker 1: Right, So yeah, move on.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, good job, Bella. And you're twenty three, it's

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Speaker 4: okay to like kiss. Oh yeah, don't beat yourself up either, Bella.

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Speaker 4: That is annoying. Don't do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're twenty three years old and you're a human being.

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Speaker 2: Everyone fucks up and it's not even a fuck up,

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Speaker 2: it's just yeah, recidivism.

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Speaker 3: Speaking of vercidivism, Brad. I started watching this show, Brad,

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Speaker 3: what is it called?

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Speaker 1: And god oj died? God serious speak, Brad.

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Speaker 4: What's that show called about the jail that's trying this experiment?

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Speaker 5: I think it's called a jail experiment?

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Speaker 1: Whoopsie did at all?

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Speaker 6: It's on Netflix.

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Speaker 5: There's a prison in like Kansas or something, and they

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Speaker 5: are trying like a European model of while they're still incarcerated.

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Speaker 5: They like open all the doors and there's no guards

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Speaker 5: inside the actual cell block and they can just like

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Speaker 5: come and go and they have to form their own

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Speaker 5: community within the jail.

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Speaker 7: It's pretty interesting.

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Speaker 1: Oh and does that how does that working out?

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Speaker 5: I've only seen episode three, so, but I mean.

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Speaker 4: It seems to be like nobody's killing each other. It

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Speaker 4: seems to be working out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, give it time though, because although the guards probably

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Speaker 2: cause half of that distress, leave them alone and treat

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Speaker 2: them like human beings, maybe.

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Speaker 4: They'll completely Like they were being kept in their cells

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Speaker 4: for like twenty three hours a day, I'm like that,

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Speaker 4: it's basically a solitary confinement.

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Speaker 3: Anyone would go crazy and be horrible in that situation.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know. I'm really interested to see what happens.

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Speaker 4: Because like in Norway and stuff, they just like they

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Speaker 4: don't have any walls or locks or anything.

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Speaker 3: Everyone could just leave if they want, but they're not supposed.

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Speaker 1: To in prison.

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Speaker 3: In prison really oh yeah, it's completely It's like they're

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Speaker 3: out in the field.

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Speaker 4: They've got places where they live and they're not supposed

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Speaker 4: to go anywhere, but there's no walls.

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Speaker 3: It's I don't know, things are working in some different places.

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Speaker 5: Show is called Unlocked a jail experiment to jail experiment.

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Speaker 3: Well, I was closed, Yes, Chelsea, Yes, I'm Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: Who are you? And Catherine? You're Catherine and I'm Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: I am so Catherine.

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Speaker 3: What do we want people to write in about this week?

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Speaker 2: I mean STDs? Oh yeah, making a comeback STDs.

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Speaker 3: They're having a moment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because people have been talking about it a lot lately.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, it's something going around and.

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Speaker 3: Well, right in to us about your STD questions.

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Speaker 1: Yes, please do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we can always have an expert on who who

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Speaker 3: we can deal.

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Speaker 1: With, a gynecological expert like my father.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and write in about your gynecological stuff too.

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Speaker 1: Or write in about your massages.

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Speaker 2: Because I had a questionable massage the other day and

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Speaker 2: he floated past my pikachu a couple times. I had

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Speaker 2: panties on, I had full panty protection. I actually put

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Speaker 2: a full panty on for double protection, and I was

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Speaker 2: and he swept my coslap this area twice, but he

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Speaker 2: touched my vagina in between my legs and then he

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Speaker 2: did it again and I and then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have to say stop thing.

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Speaker 1: And then he didn't do it again.

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Speaker 2: But I was about to say sir, like I couldn't

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Speaker 2: believe I had to say something. Yeah, I stopped sweeping

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Speaker 2: my vagina. Had he been different looking, I would have

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Speaker 2: been more open to the sweeping of the vagina, but

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Speaker 2: that was not my type.

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Speaker 4: Were you saying you have friends or one of your

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Speaker 4: friends was telling us that there's someone out in Beverly

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Speaker 4: Hills who's like.

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Speaker 1: The guy the people go to to get out an orgasm.

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Speaker 1: I guess, oh, I don't remember that.

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Speaker 3: No, maybe those from a different Yes, maybe.

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Speaker 1: Sounds like it. Catherine's been moonlighting.

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Speaker 4: I'm great at massages, Chelsea. Should we take a break

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Speaker 4: and get to some callers.

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Speaker 1: Yes, let's take a break and we'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: And we're back. This is a caller Bonanza episode.

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Speaker 3: Truly, So this one actually is just an email.

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Speaker 4: So oh okay, Stephanie says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a forty

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Speaker 4: six year old mother of three who recently joined a gym.

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Speaker 4: Although I'm making some physical gains at the gym, these

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Speaker 4: gains are overshadowed by a dip in my self confidence.

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Speaker 4: My male instructor has taken two screaming at me when

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Speaker 4: my form is off or I'm making a small error.

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Speaker 4: There's a constant correction to the point where I leave

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Speaker 4: there feeling happy I completed the workout, but defeated for

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Speaker 4: letting him scream at me.

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Speaker 3: Sit strangers loo off? Do you I mean, do you

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Speaker 3: fuck with this this boot camp stuff?

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Speaker 1: No? No, I don't do that.

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Speaker 3: No, that's no, thank you.

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Speaker 4: I'm also conscious of my upbringing that included lots of

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Speaker 4: screaming and that others, mostly women in the room, may

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Speaker 4: be triggered by that approach. Is there a way to

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Speaker 4: let him know this approach is not working for me

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Speaker 4: and still retain a good relationship and work on my

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Speaker 4: fitness goals. Should I speak to him in person? Or

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Speaker 4: can I send him a well crafted email? I don't

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Speaker 4: want to quit, but I also don't want this dynamic

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Speaker 4: to continue. Help me find my inner strength so I

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Speaker 4: can continue to work on the outside.

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Speaker 1: Well, can't you just go to a different class?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's like a like a one on one,

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I would say change instructor.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, just change instructors. You don't have to owe him anything.

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Speaker 2: Just go this This style isn't working for me. You

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Speaker 2: don't even have to explain yourself unless it's like the

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Speaker 2: trainer that the gym provides you, in which case you

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Speaker 2: can still change.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, trainer more than one and.

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Speaker 2: For some reason, if you can't change trainers, absolutely say

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Speaker 2: in person, Listen, the screaming and nailing doesn't work for me.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm actually trying to build my confidence, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: not deplete it, and that to me is a trigger.

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Speaker 4: And there's someone overseeing all these trainers, so like go

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Speaker 4: to the manager be like, hey, I need to switch,

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Speaker 4: Like this isn't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a big deal to switch trainers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be like, I want someone who is supportive

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Speaker 3: or classes.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like other women are in the class, right,

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Speaker 2: I like classes classes. No, No, she's saying I don't know

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Speaker 2: how the other women feel.

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Speaker 4: I think she's saying, like the other women that are

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Speaker 4: just around hearing.

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Speaker 3: Which I get.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah that's a great thing to bring up too.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I would tell the manager like this doesn't

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Speaker 4: work for me, and I do worry about other people

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Speaker 4: like just hearing screaming in the background.

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Speaker 3: But I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I guess it does work for some people, because some

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Speaker 4: people love those boot camp things.

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Speaker 3: It's not my style.

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Speaker 4: No, my personal trainer that I started working with, she

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Speaker 4: has almost no personality. And I was talking to someone

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Speaker 4: about it and I'm like, you know, she doesn't make conversation.

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Speaker 4: I mean I worked with her for like six months

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Speaker 4: before she even asked me like what I do for

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Speaker 4: a living? Like the basics, right, and my friend was

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Speaker 4: just like, maybe you don't want to have a conversation

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Speaker 4: with your trainer, Like maybe you just want to like

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Speaker 4: stand there in silence between your sets.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, you know, maybe that's true.

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Speaker 1: That's how I am with Ben Bruno. We barely speak

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Speaker 1: really well.

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Speaker 2: I mean we talk, but we have such a shorthand

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Speaker 2: it's like, yes, I've done plenty of workouts where we

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Speaker 2: haven't said a.

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Speaker 1: Word to each other. I love that I do too.

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Speaker 4: There's no pressure for me being like a Midwestern like

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Speaker 4: people please are conversation.

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Speaker 2: I think it's a good practice because it's good yeah,

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Speaker 2: because sometimes people don't want to fucking talk.

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Speaker 1: It's good to be able to pick up on that

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 3: First I was like kind of upset about it, and

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Speaker 3: then I was like, no.

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna let this happen and work on your

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Speaker 2: body and actually focus on what you're doing.

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Speaker 4: Perfect and now a big round ass and I love it.

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Speaker 4: Look at you, Chelsea. I have a couple of friends

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Speaker 4: calling in. They are Chrissy and Melanie, and Chrissy's in

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Speaker 4: her forties, Melanie's and her fifties. Dear Chelsea, I'm an

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Speaker 4: avid listener who has always wanted to write in, but

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Speaker 4: I have had a hard time narrowing down my laundry

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Speaker 4: list of advice needed. When you said you were looking

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Speaker 4: for a couple or friends to come on the show,

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Speaker 4: I knew you were speaking to me. My best friend

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Speaker 4: of thirteen years is like a sister to me. We're

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Speaker 4: both single moms and we've gone through raising both of

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Speaker 4: our kids and multiple men together. There is plenty we

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Speaker 4: don't agree on, but our love for each other and

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Speaker 4: place in each other's families has always been enough to

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Speaker 4: overcome our differences. Here's the problem. My friend has been

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Speaker 4: dating her on again, off again boyfriend for over five years.

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Speaker 4: Very early in their relationship, he bought her an engagement

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Speaker 4: ring that he has used as a carrot to hold

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Speaker 4: over her head when the relationship starts to go off

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Speaker 4: the rails, and there's plenty to set it off the rails.

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Speaker 4: He does not get along with her eighteen year old daughter,

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Speaker 4: who is also like a daughter to me. He's prone

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Speaker 4: to throwing temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way

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Speaker 4: at times, ruining nights out or worse, entire vacations. But

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Speaker 4: beyond the surface personality deficit, he can also be very controlling.

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Speaker 4: He has pulled her boss aside to discuss how her

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Speaker 4: workload is affecting their relationship, which is so inappropriate, demanded

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Speaker 4: that she give back expensive gifts when they are on

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Speaker 4: a break, and then used them to lure her back.

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Speaker 4: I try to be supportive or at least silent when

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Speaker 4: they're together, but the problem is when they're not together,

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Speaker 4: I hear even more stories about how horrible he is

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Speaker 4: in so many ways. My friend is a strong independent woman.

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Speaker 4: She owned and sold her own business in a male

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Speaker 4: dominated field. She has her own Harley and rides around

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Speaker 4: in designer clothes, and she's never been one to your

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Speaker 4: mouth shut if a topic comes up she doesn't agree with.

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Speaker 4: How do I get her to open her eyes to

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Speaker 4: how bad this relationship really is and the negative impact

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Speaker 4: it's having on her daughter?

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Speaker 3: Or gulp?

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Speaker 4: Is this a me problem that I need to work

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Speaker 4: on accepting your situation and not sticking my head into

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Speaker 4: their business. Also, we've already considered becoming late in life

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Speaker 4: lesbians and blending our families, but for some reason, we're

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Speaker 4: both still attracted to men. Ugh, thank you for any

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Speaker 4: help with this, Chrissy and Melanie.

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Speaker 2: Hi, ladies, where are we Okay, there's Melanie. Hi, Melanie, Hi, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we're waiting for Chrissy. Hold on, Hi, Christy, how are

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Speaker 2: you hi?

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Speaker 6: Guys?

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Speaker 1: Hi, thanks for calling in. I love I love friendship stuff.

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Speaker 1: So this is great.

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Speaker 2: So Chrissy Okay, So you explained to us in your

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Speaker 2: letter very comprehensively how you feel about Melanie's on an

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Speaker 2: off boyfriend of five years. So Melanie, what do you

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Speaker 2: have to say? You know how Chrissy feels about him, right?

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Speaker 8: I do? And I absolutely respect everything she says to

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Speaker 8: me all the time. It's one of those things that's

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Speaker 8: really it's really hard for me. Sometimes I feel like

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Speaker 8: it's not hard for me to give up. It's hard

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Speaker 8: for me to hurt him, right, And there's a lot

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Speaker 8: of family dynamic that is starting to make it easier

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Speaker 8: for me to, you know, sometimes think.

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Speaker 1: About going that way, going what way?

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Speaker 6: To break up with him?

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Speaker 8: Okay, because my daughter does not like him at all,

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Speaker 8: and that's a big thing.

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Speaker 6: You know. I don't want to be that mom that is.

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Speaker 8: Like, you know, she says, oh, well, you can't come

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Speaker 8: over for Thanksgiving because she doesn't want my boyfriend to

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Speaker 8: come over.

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Speaker 6: I don't want her to. I don't want to be

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Speaker 6: in that position, right. It's tough, very.

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Speaker 2: Tough, and you're worried about hurting him. I mean, do

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Speaker 2: you feel like you're happy in this relationship?

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Speaker 6: Not one hundred percent. I feel like he is secure.

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Speaker 3: Like financially, emotionally.

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Speaker 8: Financial, even though he doesn't really do financial things for me.

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Speaker 8: But I know that in the end that I won't

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Speaker 8: have to worry.

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Speaker 6: That sounds really horrible.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, can I clarify something really quick, Melanie, because Chrissy,

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Speaker 4: when I read this email, I was like, oh, so

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Speaker 4: he gave you a ring early on, and Chrissy clarified

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Speaker 4: he hasn't actually given you the ring, he just owns it, right,

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Speaker 4: So you're not engaged.

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Speaker 6: Nope, we are not engaged.

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Speaker 4: What is your take on this ring situation? That he's

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Speaker 4: kind of holding it over you?

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Speaker 8: So I feel that he has like hung it in

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Speaker 8: front of me many times, and every time we talk

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Speaker 8: about it, there's always a different reason as to why

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Speaker 8: we shouldn't move forward, and typically it's well, your daughter

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Speaker 8: doesn't like me, we need to get her on board,

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Speaker 8: or well, now we're having problems with your mom, or

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Speaker 8: now we can't spend as much time together, And honestly,

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Speaker 8: even if we were to get engaged and married, we

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Speaker 8: wouldn't even be able to live together until, like I

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Speaker 8: take care of my or I'm going to be taking

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Speaker 8: care of my mother, So it would not be a

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Speaker 8: situation where we could even really live together full.

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Speaker 6: Time anyway, It would be a weird dynamic.

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Speaker 1: And what is your daughter? What doesn't she like about him?

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Speaker 8: He has no children, so he tends to act like

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Speaker 8: a child at times because he's never had to raise kids.

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Speaker 1: And are you attracted to that?

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Speaker 8: Well, I thought it was attracted to the fact that

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Speaker 8: he didn't have kids, right, But the childish behavior is

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Speaker 8: not attractive at all.

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Speaker 2: No, it sounds like he's actually quite unattractive on multiple levels.

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Speaker 2: And you are holding onto an idea about something that

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Speaker 2: may or may not happen in the future and looking

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Speaker 2: at that financial dependency as a reason to stay in

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Speaker 2: when he's exhibited all of the signs that he will

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Speaker 2: never be able to take care of you in his

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Speaker 2: comfort zone. Not that he won't be able to, he

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Speaker 2: won't take care of you, because if he was going

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Speaker 2: to take care of you, he would want to start

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Speaker 2: right away.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you'd have already done it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're waiting for The one positive thing you

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Speaker 2: said about him was that he's financially secure, and I'm

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Speaker 2: here to tell you that his financial security will have

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with you.

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Speaker 4: Also, like you're dating in the age group that has

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Speaker 4: the most financial security, that should be something that's like

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Speaker 4: pretty easy to find someone who's like got their shit together.

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Speaker 6: I'm sure it is.

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Speaker 8: I mean, and I'm not unable to take care of myself.

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Speaker 8: I mean, I have been taking care of myself my

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Speaker 8: whole life, so it's not well.

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Speaker 2: I would argue that you're not taking care of yourself. Actually,

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Speaker 2: I think that you are not taking care of yourself

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Speaker 2: by allowing yourself to be in and out of a

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Speaker 2: five year relationship with someone that your friend who dearly

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Speaker 2: loves you is telling you she doesn't like, and then

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Speaker 2: your daughter is telling you she doesn't like.

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Speaker 1: If you can't.

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Speaker 2: Listen to those two people, they know better than you

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Speaker 2: do about this situation than you do, because you're in it,

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Speaker 2: and these are two people that you trust and love

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Speaker 2: over time, I really would implore you to listen to them.

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Speaker 2: They have your best interests. I promise you know they do.

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Speaker 2: This guy does not have your best interest, and I'm

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Speaker 2: not even sure you have your best interest right now.

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Speaker 6: You're probably right.

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Speaker 8: I definitely feel like some you know, I need to

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Speaker 8: let go. It's hard to let go when you're so

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Speaker 8: used to something.

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Speaker 1: I understand.

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Speaker 8: But the biggest issue for me is my daughter. I

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Speaker 8: love her more than life, as I'm sure you can understand,

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Speaker 8: and I don't ever want want to do anything to

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Speaker 8: hurt her. And when we have conversations and she's like, mom,

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Speaker 8: I just don't like him, and I'm sitting there going.

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Speaker 6: What do I do?

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Speaker 8: You know, like, Okay, I know what to do, but

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00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,160
Speaker 8: it's really it's hard.

445
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 2: No, I know it's so hard to make that move.

446
00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 2: I know it is, but you have to because listen,

447
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 2: this is your daughter. You're showing her what is acceptable.

448
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,160
Speaker 2: You're showing and demonstrating to her, even if she says

449
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 2: she'll never do that. You are exhibiting for her what

450
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,280
Speaker 2: she thinks is going to be okay at some point

451
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 2: down the line because she saw her own mother do it.

452
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 2: So you care about your daughter. She's the most important

453
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,200
Speaker 2: thing in the world to you. You love her more than anything.

454
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 2: That alone right there, her dislike of him is reason

455
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,160
Speaker 2: enough for you not to be in a relationship with him.

456
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:02,879
Speaker 1: Break up.

457
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 2: Somebody gets hurt in a breakup all the time. You'll

458
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 2: get hurt, He'll get hurt. This is not the man

459
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 2: for you.

460
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 1: He's just not.

461
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:09,159
Speaker 6: So.

462
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 2: In order for you to like go and find somebody

463
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 2: that is gonna be respected by your best friend here,

464
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,480
Speaker 2: Chrissy and your daughter, you have to get out of

465
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,359
Speaker 2: this relationship because there is something waiting for you that

466
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 2: is going to be much more fulfilling and much more

467
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 2: life altering and welcomed by the people that love you

468
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,639
Speaker 2: instead of dismissed or rejected.

469
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?

470
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 2: All you have to do is make the move and

471
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 2: you'll get to the next part of your great life.

472
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 2: I promise you you're financially secure. Don't depend on anybody

473
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 2: who is not bringing tons of shit to your table.

474
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,160
Speaker 3: Joy bringing joy?

475
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, joy for sure.

476
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 3: Chrissy.

477
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 4: Can you tell us a few things that you love

478
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 4: about Melanie and what kind of joy you would love

479
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 4: to see brought into her life?

480
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 6: Yes?

481
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,440
Speaker 1: Is it okay if I cry?

482
00:19:59,720 --> 00:19:59,920
Speaker 8: Yeah?

483
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 3: Yes, I love you, Chris.

484
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 1: That's nice.

485
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,159
Speaker 7: Melanie is the strongest woman I know.

486
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 9: I met her when she was just going through a divorce,

487
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 9: she opened up a cigar shop, she had an all

488
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 9: male clientele.

489
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,680
Speaker 7: She put these guys in their place. She rides a Harley.

490
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 7: She is like a tough chick.

491
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 9: And I hate to see that this man is having

492
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 9: this control over her because I know how amazing she is.

493
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 9: I know she's a great mom. I'm also a single mom.

494
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 9: She was there for me whenever I had my son.

495
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 9: We always talk about how we're going to end up

496
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 9: in a house in a New Hampshire making goat smoke

497
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 9: soap and running a farm someday.

498
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,959
Speaker 1: That sounds so much like so much fun, you guys.

499
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, it does nice, Yeah.

500
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 8: With our kids and grandkids, and it sounds like a

501
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 8: great time.

502
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does sound like a great time. Melanie. You

503
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 1: know what you need to do.

504
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 6: I do.

505
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 8: And I definitely appreciate hearing it from you, Thank you

506
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,680
Speaker 8: very much. And I appreciate hearing it from Chrissy. I

507
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 8: want to make sure that she knows that. And I

508
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 8: don't discount what she says because she is such an

509
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:23,679
Speaker 8: amazing friend, and she tries to stay neutral, and I

510
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 8: know it's hard for her to stay neutral, and I

511
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 8: don't want her to feel that she has to stay

512
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 8: neutral with me. I want her to feel that she

513
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 8: can say whatever she wants to be, which she does,

514
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,640
Speaker 8: so you know, I appreciate the advice.

515
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 6: And Chelsea, you're even more beautiful in person.

516
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 2: Ah you are too, Melanie, Thank you.

517
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 1: Start acting like it.

518
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 6: I know that.

519
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 3: I mean, this is a powerful friendship.

520
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 4: When Chrissy wrote in and I read that, Ema, I'm like,

521
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 4: there's no way she doesn't get her friend on the

522
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 4: call with this, you know, because you said you hadn't

523
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 4: like really addressed it yet, but here you are.

524
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 2: It's just such a beautiful friendship. Yeah, versus the person.

525
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 2: Melanie is thanking her friend Chrissy for intervening and even

526
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 2: for demonstrating this and loving like it's so beautiful. You

527
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 2: guys don't even You just need each other and you'll

528
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 2: be happy.

529
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you and your.

530
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 3: Daughter of course, yes, and her son.

531
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

532
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 2: But I promise you, once you make this decision, and

533
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 2: once you are able to go through with breaking it off,

534
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 2: you are going to feel a weight like an.

535
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: Albatross lifted off of your shoulders.

536
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 2: I promise you your future is going to be brighter

537
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 2: and lighter without this person in it.

538
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 6: Yeah. I agree.

539
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,719
Speaker 8: I mean I've been there in that position, and then

540
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 8: I've come back and I think, why did I do that?

541
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 3: Yeah? Do you have thoughts about making it stick, Chelsea?

542
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 2: I mean I think you just have to go. I

543
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 2: think you have to write that stuff down. You have

544
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 2: to be like, I'm done with this relationship and I'm

545
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 2: ready to move forward, Like I'm ready to move forward

546
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 2: in my life and in my relationship with Chrissy, my

547
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 2: relationship with my daughter. And it's not even about men

548
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 2: coming up, but like the recidivism, which is a word

549
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 2: we threw around recently, going back and forth with relationships

550
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 2: is always a big red flag. Without even hearing anything

551
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,360
Speaker 2: about him, and then hearing everything about him, it's all

552
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: red flags. It's just you're never going to get what

553
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 2: you want out of this relationship.

554
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,640
Speaker 8: No, I don't think I will. I'm you know, I'm

555
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 8: committed to caring for my family. I'm committed to taking

556
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 8: care of my mom and you know, making sure that

557
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 8: she I don't like to talk about her dying, but

558
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 8: I mean I'm committed to making sure that she is

559
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 8: comfortable and I will never put her in a home.

560
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, which puts.

561
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 8: Me in a in a position, but it's a position

562
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,720
Speaker 8: that I've I've chosen.

563
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: Exactly, and you're strong.

564
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 2: Like you're strong, you can stay away from a person

565
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 2: if you really desire to do that.

566
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 1: It's not like you don't have control over yourself.

567
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 2: You do, and you want to demonstrate that for your

568
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: daughter more important than anything else. You want to show

569
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 2: her that you that you took it upon yourself to

570
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:56,640
Speaker 2: walk away from him out of respect, partially for her feelings.

571
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 2: You know that means a lot, and I would I

572
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: would expect any mother to behave that way and understand

573
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 2: and respect.

574
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: Their children's feelings.

575
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 2: Your children don't get to decide who you go out with,

576
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: but if they are that bothered by somebody, you have

577
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 2: to look at that.

578
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

579
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 6: No, yeah.

580
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 4: I when I before Brad, I was in a really toxic,

581
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,919
Speaker 4: negative situation and I thought I was in love with

582
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 4: this person.

583
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: I thought I was in love with this person for a

584
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 3: long time.

585
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 4: And it took everyone in my life who loved me,

586
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 4: my family, my friends who knew him, my friends who

587
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 4: didn't really know him but had heard about him, these

588
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 4: people who all loved me. It took so long of

589
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 4: them saying like this is not for you. I finally

590
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 4: had to be like I think this is still the

591
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,160
Speaker 4: right thing for me. But if all these people who

592
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 4: just care about me are saying it's not good, I'm

593
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 4: just gonna bite the bullet. And two weeks later I

594
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 4: was like a completely different person, like noticeably different person.

595
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 3: And it was the best decision I ever made.

596
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 4: And you met your person after that, I did you

597
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 4: never said with somebody exactly if I hadn't broken that off,

598
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 4: I actually would never have been I would never have

599
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 4: moved cities and met Brown.

600
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,120
Speaker 1: So you don't have to move, Melanie. Just get away

601
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 1: from that guy.

602
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I'm definitely not moving it at this point,

603
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 6: that's for sure.

604
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 8: We'll wait until we're ye set Chrissy and I are

605
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 8: set financially and we can have our little harem. I

606
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 8: love it with our goats and soap and all that.

607
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 3: I love this plan yoga else.

608
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: That reminds me of the saying where the crow flies?

609
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: I don't know why, but I thought I would just

610
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 2: throw that in for the mix, because I didn't understand

611
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 2: what that's saying meant for. Like I think I had

612
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 2: to ask someone last week. I'm like, where does the

613
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: crow fly where? We're like, oh, it's the most direct

614
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 2: route I'm like, what that's.

615
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: What that's saying is about? What's the point? Just say

616
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 1: the fastest way to get there.

617
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 2: Anyway, Thanks girls, Thank you, Chrissy, thanks for calling in,

618
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,919
Speaker 2: and thanks Melanie. Have a great rest of your relationship

619
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 2: because it's going to be over soon.

620
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 8: And and I'm sure Chrissy will touch base with you

621
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 8: until you have.

622
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 2: And that doesn't have to be a sad part. Yeah,

623
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 2: like that can be a celebration also, sure.

624
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 3: And then go out and buy yourself a ring.

625
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, by yourself a ring?

626
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,640
Speaker 6: Yeah exactly, that's right, a great idea. Yeah, Christy will

627
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 6: go together.

628
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, okay, bye girls, bye, thank you.

629
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 2: I felt like at some point during that, I felt like,

630
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 2: you know when you bring you go to therapy and

631
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: with couples therapy and you're like just waiting for the

632
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 2: doctor to say you're just waiting for them to go

633
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 2: in on your partner and you're just sitting there, like

634
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 2: Christy was sitting there just and I'm like, don't worry, honey,

635
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 2: I'm coming Like that's I wanted to say, don't worry,

636
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 2: I got your back, Like I'm going in.

637
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I was like, we got to get Christy

638
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 4: in here. Because she's just like loving on her friends.

639
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 2: So yeah, that was really pretty friendship. That is so

640
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 2: nice and so well received. It's very gracious when people

641
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,479
Speaker 2: receive criticism like that, even though it's not about her,

642
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 2: it is about her because she's participating in a relationship

643
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 2: with somebody who's not doesn't value her.

644
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 4: And she, I mean, Christy just loves Melanie. That's her

645
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 4: only motivation here, right. It's like, if someone thinks that

646
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 4: you should break up with someone who's toxic, it's not

647
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 4: because they want something bad for you.

648
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 3: It's because they want the best for you, you know so.

649
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 3: And I also think there was a really good lesson

650
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 3: in here too.

651
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 4: We you know, constantly are like, address the situation with

652
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 4: your friend or your whoever you're having the issue with,

653
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 4: bring it up, talk about it, get it out. And

654
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 4: this is a situation where they had the hard conversation

655
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 4: and the person wasn't upset about it.

656
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 3: She was receptive.

657
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 2: Yes, right exactly, Yeah, yeah, so right, a perfect example.

658
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 4: You can go, yeah, yeah, well let's do an email

659
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 4: and then we'll come back with Marguerite. This is from Cindy.

660
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 4: She's in her forties. Dear Chelsea, last year I left

661
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 4: a fifteen year marriage. I'm finally at the point where

662
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 4: I'm at peace with my divorce and my new life.

663
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 4: I'm comfortable being single, enjoy the freedom of not having

664
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 4: to answer to anyone, love being a mother to my boys,

665
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,679
Speaker 4: and I'm in the position to pursue whatever I want

666
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 4: professionally and personally.

667
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 1: Nice. Yeah, fucking so crushing it.

668
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, I currently have a friend with benefits. Well, I

669
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 4: don't believe I could actively have sex with multiple partners.

670
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 4: My FWB has made it very clear he wants to

671
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 4: explore sex with multiple women using protection.

672
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: He was WB's fuck fuck buddy, a.

673
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 4: Friend with BENEFI oh sorry, which that's actually an important

674
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 4: distinction that I want to get into with those email.

675
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 4: He was married for sixteen years and a virgin before that,

676
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 4: so I understand his desire to explore sex. I'm wrestling

677
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 4: with the idea of dating and relationships in my forties

678
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 4: as a newly single woman.

679
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 3: I'm not sure that I.

680
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 4: Truly want to settle down, but I also foresee wanting

681
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 4: someone to enjoy life with within ten years. My only

682
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: concern is that I want my FWB to eventually want

683
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 4: monogamy with me, and I'll end up getting hurt.

684
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 3: The sex is amazing.

685
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 4: We enjoy spending time together and engage in deep, meaningful conversations.

686
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 4: Our values other than this align. Am I setting myself

687
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 4: up for hurt with my FWB? Or should I just

688
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 4: enjoy the ride, Cindy.

689
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 2: Enjoy the fucking ride. When people tell you something, leave them,

690
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 2: you know, just believe it. Just take that at face value.

691
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 2: Don't look for a hidden meeting or maybe they'll come around. No,

692
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 2: they just fucking told you they want to fuck other people.

693
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: So as long as you're okay with that, be with them,

694
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: enjoy the sex, and you fuck.

695
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 3: Other people too, Yeah, and like date other people, like

696
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 3: you can just like have.

697
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 2: A lot of actually thinking so far ahead into the

698
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 2: future too, we could all be dead by then. Like,

699
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 2: just enjoy what is happening in this moment as much

700
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: as you possibly can. And if you get too attached

701
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 2: to this person who is unavailable, then you need to

702
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 2: dismantle that relationship and go, yeah, sex with someone else.

703
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 2: And you know it's not just like people don't just

704
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 2: like turn into what you want them to be.

705
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 4: I think friends with benefits is like the most confusing thing,

706
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 4: because I.

707
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: Think that is a great arrangement.

708
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 4: Well, like fuck buddy to me is like they come over,

709
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 4: you have sex, you're friendly, and.

710
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: Then they like right, oh yeah, right right, okay, Okay, we're.

711
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 4: Having these deep conversations or like connecting, Like you can't

712
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 4: not catch feelings of that situation.

713
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 2: When you are talking about things. Yes, of course you're

714
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 2: gonna get your feelings about that.

715
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think kick him out after it's over,

716
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 4: and then like stop trying to have a friendship.

717
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: It's fuck buddy, right, That's what I think.

718
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: I think, fuck buddy, yeah.

719
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 3: And then also have additional fuck buddies.

720
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, layer, layer up. Okay.

721
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 4: So this is from Marguerite. Dear Chelsea. I had a

722
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 4: baby five months ago. I'm thirty eight, single and did

723
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 4: it on my own and it's been awesome.

724
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: Nice.

725
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 4: Literally the day I gave birth, my lifelong friend John

726
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 4: introduced me to his new boyfriend. A week postpartum, John

727
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 4: told me that he and his new boyfriend were engaged

728
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 4: and getting married in just a few short months. John

729
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 4: met his boyfriend on a dating app. His boyfriend is

730
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 4: from Columbia. John doesn't speak Spanish and this boyfriend does

731
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 4: not speak English, so they communicate solely through Google Translate.

732
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 4: I tried to be as supportive as possible and had

733
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 4: them both over for dinner a number of times. I

734
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 4: was apprehensive because of the speed of the relationship. They

735
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 4: moved in together after three weeks, were engaged in a month,

736
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 4: and eventually married in four months. Coming from an Irish family,

737
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 4: we had a big baptism for my son at a

738
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 4: restaurant in Alphabet City. There were ten courses at an

739
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 4: open bar. I was breastfeeding and so I didn't drink.

740
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 4: I thought the night was a big hit and went

741
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,479
Speaker 4: home with a clear, tired mind. The next day, however,

742
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 4: John abruptly ended our friendship over text, saying that I

743
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 4: had offended his boyfriend. A few days later, his mother

744
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 4: emailed me and reinforced that his family was cutting ties

745
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 4: and alluded to how I had treated his partner. His

746
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 4: mother wasn't even at the baptism. There were twenty people

747
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 4: there who can attest nothing happened. I hardly spoke to

748
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,959
Speaker 4: John or the boyfriend. Busy as you are at such

749
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 4: rocous events, I don't know how to move forward. Being

750
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 4: in the mental health field for over a decade, I

751
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 4: can see the signs of control and abuse which begin

752
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 4: with isolating the partner from those closest to them.

753
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 3: Sorry, this is long winded.

754
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 4: I just would like advice on how to navigate the

755
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 4: end of one of my closest friendships and the misinformation

756
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 4: around an innocuous day, and how to get my friend

757
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 4: back if I can. Thanks so much, Marguerite, Hi, Hi guy,

758
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 4: Hi Marguerite.

759
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 3: How are you good?

760
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 7: Thanks for having me?

761
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.

762
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 4: So I have a couple questions that I want to clarify.

763
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 4: First of all, how supposedly did you offend the boyfriend?

764
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 3: Do you speak Spanish?

765
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 7: I don't, so.

766
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 3: How could you even have offended him?

767
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 7: That's the thing. It's all such a mystery.

768
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: Did you ask them when you heard from them? What happened?

769
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 7: Well, I got blocked. And this is like a thirty

770
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 7: year friend, Like we didn't text, like maybe texting to

771
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 7: like confirm where we were meeting up, but I just

772
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 7: got a text saying it's over. And then he like,

773
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 7: I don't have social media, but my mom does. My

774
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 7: mom told me that he blocked around all the social media.

775
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 7: It was just over.

776
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 3: It's so strange.

777
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 7: So and I asked everybody, and I was the most

778
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 7: sober one by miles, and I asked everybody, like, does

779
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 7: anybody notice anything weird happen? Anything, nothing that's so strange.

780
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 7: I also have this question, do you know for sure?

781
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously the mother emailed you as well, But

782
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 4: could it have been this boyfriend texting you from your

783
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 4: friend's phone.

784
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 7: Because he doesn't speak English or he didn't I mean

785
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 7: unless there's like a but.

786
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 2: If he doesn't speak English and the other guy doesn't

787
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 2: speak Spanish.

788
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 7: They use Google Translate when they communicate, this.

789
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 4: Must be I watch a lot of Ninety Day Fiance,

790
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 4: so this is fascinating to me.

791
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 7: Can you imagine thirty years.

792
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: And you didn't respond to his mother?

793
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 7: So I did?

794
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 6: I did?

795
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 3: What did you say that?

796
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 7: I was trying to be like enlightened, and I just said,

797
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 7: I think you need to check on your son because

798
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 7: I didn't want to defend myself right like I didn't

799
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 7: because the more I defend, the more it looks like

800
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 7: you know that check on your kid because nothing happened.

801
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: Well, listen, I don't know what you can do because obviously.

802
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 4: I want her to go stock him at work and

803
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 4: like go be like can we talk? Can we get coffee?

804
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

805
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: I mean I would try a little bit harder to

806
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 2: find out, Like send him an email and be like, listen,

807
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: I have asked everyone at that wedding. I was completely

808
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: sober at that wedding. I don't speak Spanish. I would

809
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 2: like to know exactly what I did to deserve the

810
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 2: ending of a thirty year friendship. It feels very abrupt,

811
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 2: and it feels like very undeserving, and you've caused me

812
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 2: a lot of heartache.

813
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: And I don't even know what I did.

814
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 2: How could I have offended him if I don't speak

815
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 2: Spanish and he speaks Spanish only.

816
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 7: How so it was my son's baptism, and his mother

817
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 7: wrote in the email, this was verbatim that I used

818
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 7: my son as a weapon of hate. In the email, I.

819
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 3: Mean, what does that even mean.

820
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 7: I was literally like eating my eggplanted rollatiny, being like

821
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 7: like they're boring. This stuff is boring. Baptisms are boring.

822
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,320
Speaker 7: These are just the events that we go through. Yeah,

823
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 7: it was so innocuous.

824
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: I feel like you. I mean, you can send the email.

825
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 2: I wouldn't get your hopes up about a reasonable response,

826
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 2: because if it is this control thing that you're thinking,

827
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 2: then there's nothing you're gonna be able to do you

828
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 2: know what I mean, as long as he's married to

829
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 2: that guy. But you can try one more time to

830
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 2: open up that conversation. To be like this is very upsetting,

831
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 2: especially when I'm not you were at my baptism. I

832
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 2: can't imagine what I did to deserve a weapon of hate.

833
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 2: Like that's very strong language.

834
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I.

835
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 4: Mean if you're blocked on email, maybe it's like a

836
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 4: letter to his work or something like something physical that

837
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 4: you can get through, because it just it just feels

838
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 4: so confusing, and I think i'd let him know, like

839
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 4: I'm so confused. I don't know what happened. Can we

840
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 4: can we talk? Can we meet? And even if the

841
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 4: relationship can't be repaired right now while he's in this,

842
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 4: like let him know that you love him and you're here.

843
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 7: But it's almost like do I still love him?

844
00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 6: Like not?

845
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

846
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 2: How are you feeling about the loss of friendship other

847
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 2: than confused?

848
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 7: I think I started as really like I started with sadness.

849
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 7: I mean, this was like not just like a text

850
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 7: check in friend. This was one of my closest friends

851
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 7: since third grade. Like I mean I saw him once

852
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,959
Speaker 7: a week and minimum. We had spent Christmas together, Thanksgivings,

853
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 7: like we were family, Like my mother considered him another son,

854
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,800
Speaker 7: like he was a part of my tribe. He was

855
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 7: one of my people. And so I felt really abandoned,

856
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 7: especially because I'm a single mom. I'd just give him

857
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 7: birth and you just dump me for some guy you've

858
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 7: known for, you know, thirty one days. And now I

859
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 7: think I moved through that. Then I dealt with the anger,

860
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 7: and now I just kind of feel sorry for him,

861
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 7: which is a terrible thing to feel towards someone like

862
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 7: that takes away their power. But in a way, I

863
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 7: do feel sorry for him, like you're losing an authentick

864
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 7: friend and not giving them this space to even defend themselves.

865
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're shutting it.

866
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:13,359
Speaker 7: Down so quickly because you know there's no room for rationality.

867
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I think you're absolutely right about that.

868
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 4: And like you said, you worked in mental health. You

869
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 4: can like see when someone's being blatantly controlled, and that's

870
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 4: like very clear that's what's happening here.

871
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 3: But I think you owe it to both of you.

872
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: Clear, I mean, is that clear?

873
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 3: I think it is.

874
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 2: It's very mysterious, like how can you control someone when

875
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 2: you can't speak the same language.

876
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 3: Good question.

877
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 4: I have a friend who went through this actually with

878
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 4: someone that she she was actually the immigrant. She was

879
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 4: from Canada, and she was like trying to stay here

880
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 4: and she like stayed with a guy who told her

881
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 4: she couldn't talk to her two gay best friends anymore

882
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 4: because they had introduced her to her ex. What cut

883
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 4: her off from the rest of us who are like

884
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 4: neighbors and friends, cut her off from her own family.

885
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 4: I mean, that's what these people do, like bad boyfriends.

886
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 3: But that's what they think.

887
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 2: That's one option. That's not the option. Right, You didn't

888
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 2: know anything? I mean, did you get that impression leading up?

889
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 7: Well, I was postpartum as a single mom, right like,

890
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 7: so I wasn't like spending my energy. But I did

891
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 7: obviously think about it, and I got this sense that

892
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 7: they didn't know each other very well. But I also

893
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 7: kept that in because I knew that the more I

894
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 7: told John my concerns, the more he was going to

895
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 7: run into the arms of this guy. I also believe

896
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 7: everyone has agency and can make decisions on their own time.

897
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 7: So I hold all of my fears and concerns in,

898
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 7: but I do think if I'm looking at the perspective

899
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 7: of the boyfriend, like it is about survival, like he

900
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 7: does need a green card, and maybe I was a

901
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 7: barrier to that. I don't know, but I just can't

902
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 7: believe that my friend would throw away that intimate of

903
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 7: a friendship.

904
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: Well, that's really lame.

905
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, of course, it's hugely disappointing, and I

906
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,240
Speaker 2: would just walk away from it if you can, because

907
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 2: it's you're almost opening up a wound where you're not

908
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 2: going to get or you're going to get some bullshit

909
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 2: story that they don't even know. But the fact that

910
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:13,959
Speaker 2: he did ditch you for somebody who needed a green

911
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 2: card that he had known for thirty one days is

912
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 2: pretty much all you need to know about that friendship,

913
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: right even though it was thirty years, Like, he's not

914
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:27,720
Speaker 2: thinking clearly in this relationship. This relationship probably won't last

915
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 2: that long.

916
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:30,959
Speaker 7: And then it's like, guess, part of my question too,

917
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:35,240
Speaker 7: is what do I do when inevitably he comes crawling

918
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 7: back or knocking.

919
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 2: Well, then you have an opportunity to be graceful and

920
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: to be like, yeah, that was really shitty and sucky,

921
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,760
Speaker 2: and as long as he's not in that like Hubris

922
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,760
Speaker 2: that he was in marrying this guy. He's not thinking

923
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 2: clearly around that guy and around that situation. And his

924
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: mother for sending that email, is also not thinking clearly

925
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: because what is she thinking her She's just watching her

926
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 2: son get married to he needs a green guard that

927
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 2: he's known for thirty one days, and she's also on the.

928
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 1: Team this guy, this guy, I mean, it doesn't make

929
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 1: any sense.

930
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would give him another chance to I mean,

931
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 4: just for the sake of the fact.

932
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 1: That you have lapses in judgment and he's having one.

933
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 4: It seems like an important enough relationship to you, and

934
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 4: you have so much history that like, hopefully you can

935
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 4: eventually get some back of what you had before.

936
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 1: But who knows, you might not have a friendship with

937
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:27,280
Speaker 1: him again.

938
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,360
Speaker 7: No, I know, because how do you really repair that?

939
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 6: Right?

940
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 2: I said, don't worry about repairing it because you're not

941
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 2: there yet. When the time comes, If and when the

942
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 2: time comes, I promise you will be able to find

943
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 2: it in your bandwidth and heart to go. Oh you

944
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 2: know what, it's just happy to see you again. You're back,

945
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 2: The real you is back. If and when that happens,

946
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 2: it may never happen. So I think for you, you

947
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: should just try And I think pity is a good

948
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 2: way to get over something. To feel pity for him,

949
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 2: I think that helps you get to the place where

950
00:40:58,280 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 2: you're at peace.

951
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: With not having him in your life anymore.

952
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, after the pedigree, thank you guys, and I'm sorry

953
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 2: that happened to you.

954
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 1: That sounds really confusing. Yeah, that's fucking what do they

955
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: think that you didn't approve of his gay lifestyle? Is

956
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 1: that what she means by no?

957
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 7: I think that he I like, I really think if

958
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 7: I'm being like honest and zooming out and using my

959
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 7: third eye, I think the boyfriend saw, oh, this is

960
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:27,720
Speaker 7: someone who has a huge family, huge support in the city,

961
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 7: and could eventually become a barrier to me marrying this

962
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 7: guy because they married, Like, they disinvited me from their

963
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 7: wedding that night and then they went on to get married.

964
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,919
Speaker 7: So I think it was like the boyfriend saw, oh,

965
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 7: she like is a real person. I need to like

966
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 7: get her out of the way.

967
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: Wow.

968
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, that does sound very controlling. Them disinviting you to

969
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 2: the wedding is very like he's being controlled, because who

970
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 2: would do that after a thirty year friendship?

971
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,800
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm just going to disinvite my friend.

972
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, my best friend.

973
00:41:56,440 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 2: You're that crazy. So there's that normal, seem very normal

974
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 2: and with it. And I would focus on the friends

975
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 2: that you do have in your life and that's unfortunate,

976
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 2: and always reserve a warmth space in your heart for

977
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,919
Speaker 2: his return. Yeah, thanks guys, And remember, Marguerite, you don't

978
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 2: have to deal with anything before it happens, so true.

979
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, so just let go.

980
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, let go, and let us know if he pops

981
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 3: back up. Thank you, Okay, thanks Margerite.

982
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 6: Bye.

983
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: Oh sweetie, Wow, I'd like to know that story. I know,

984
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,720
Speaker 1: I want to know what her friend things happened.

985
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 6: Yeah.

986
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 4: It's so weird to me when like a new partner

987
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 4: of somebody like takes a friendship as competition, you know.

988
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 7: Right.

989
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,359
Speaker 2: Okay, So we're going to take a break and we'll

990
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: be right back. And we're right back with Catherine and

991
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 2: Chelsea and we are wrapping up our solo episode. If

992
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 2: you have questions, if you have concerns, you can write

993
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 2: into the show, call into the show with your friends.

994
00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 2: We love couples, we love that dynamic or friend's.

995
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 1: Sisters, that sort of thing. And if you want to

996
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: come see me on tour.

997
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 2: Chelseahandler dot com is where you get your tickets, and

998
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 2: I'm performing at a city near you, in a city

999
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 2: near you.

1000
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: Wait to way to end the podcast with a grammatical error.

1001
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 1: My favorite on.

1002
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,320
Speaker 3: A city near you, on a city which is city

1003
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 3: near you?

1004
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,839
Speaker 2: Bye bye bye Okay. So upcoming shows that I have

1005
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 2: you guys. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You

1006
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: do not want to miss that. And then I will

1007
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:36,360
Speaker 2: be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.

1008
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and

1009
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas

1010
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My

1011
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 2: first three dates in Vegas our September first, Labor Day weekend,

1012
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 2: and then November second and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,

1013
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 2: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and

1014
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the

1015
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 2: year in December, so if you're in a city like

1016
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 2: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,

1017
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 2: check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1018
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 6: Okay.

1019
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1020
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at.

1021
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,760
Speaker 3: Gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number.

1022
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1023
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 4: producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our

1024
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 4: merch at Chelseahandler dot com