1 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: My guest today is actress, singer, and podcast host Jana Kramer. 2 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 1: We dive into a deep conversation about past relationships, co parenting, 3 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: and more. Jana's new book, The Next Chapter, Making Peace 4 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 1: with Hard Memories, Finding Hope All Around Me and Clearing 5 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: Space for Good Things to Come, comes out in October 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: twenty fourth and is available for pre order. Now, this 7 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: is just be with Jana Kramer. Let's get into it. Hi, 8 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 1: Hi lady, how are you? I'm good? How are you wonderful? 9 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: So that is your podcast setup? It's beautiful. Thank you. 10 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 2: It's a little messy now that I'm looking at it, 11 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 2: but thanks girl. 12 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,279 Speaker 1: Are you in La? No? 13 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 2: I just moved into a new house in Nashville. How 14 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 2: is Nashville? I love it, I really do. I've been 15 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 2: here now, let's see four years, and it's great. 16 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: Is it like a mini La? Now? 17 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 2: Unfortunately it's becoming that way really like that's almost everybody 18 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 2: in my neighborhood is from California. But I will say 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 2: the good piece of that is they're bringing in really 20 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 2: good restaurants and they're they're having to up their Southern 21 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 2: game a little bit. 22 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 1: Interesting. So okay, so the first interaction besides Friday Night 23 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 1: Lights that I've had with you was I think I 24 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 1: commented on something on a post and you commented back. 25 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, we're friends now, Like I remember, like 26 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: or then you followed me. I followed you, and that 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: was a couple of years ago. It was like surrounding 28 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: Jay Cutler and I don't know what I commented, but 29 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: there was like an interaction that we had and you 30 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: were on my radar and I then connected, Oh my god, 31 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: that's the girl from Friday Night Lights, which I was 32 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: obsessed with my daughter. I got her into it. I mean, 33 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: I think it's one of the greatest shows ever. 34 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 2: It was one of my favorite shows I've ever done, 35 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 2: and it was it was one of those things where 36 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 2: because a lot of times it's shows you know there, 37 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 2: they'll be like, well, here's your mark, you have to 38 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: hit your mark. And I remember the first time I 39 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 2: went on set, they're like, all right, action, and I'm like, 40 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 2: but we didn't rehearse and we didn't, like, where's my 41 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 2: mark and they're. 42 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 3: Like, just just go and I'm like, oh, okay. 43 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 2: Like it was the coolest thing because it was wait, 44 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:20,399 Speaker 2: what is it mark? 45 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 1: The physical mark? What do you mean hit my mark? 46 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 2: What's there's like a t in acting where you have 47 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 2: to do camera blocking and then you know the things, 48 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 2: and then you have to hit literally your mark so 49 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,799 Speaker 2: the camera can get you. But in frint night lights, 50 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 2: they're all on the handheld, so they'll they'll get you 51 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 2: wherever you stand. 52 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,959 Speaker 1: Oh interesting, but that's funny that that's a thing. Where's 53 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: my mark? I never I see I know what you're 54 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: talking about when we do photoshoots, but I didn't literally 55 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: know you meant oh funny. Yeah, I think it was 56 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: such an excellent show. Yeah, whose show was it? Peter 57 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: Berg's exactly? I just watched his. Uh his show on 58 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: on opioids was crazy, same killer. That was insane, insane. 59 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: I'm so angry about I know because I'm like that person. 60 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: They kept blaming the addicts, so I'm like, he wasn't 61 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: an addict. He hurt his back and then he became 62 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: an addict and they paid like a billion dollars over time. 63 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: They didn't even feel a mark's And he must be 64 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 1: angry and he must have a personal association to it 65 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 1: because it was a very personal show. What was that 66 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: that wasn't on Netflix? Where was the Hulu. 67 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 2: I think it was Netflix, and then Taylor Kitch was 68 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 2: also in it, who was Frid. He always uses Taylor 69 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 2: a lot. Yeah, yeah with Peter, Yeah, he uses him 70 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 2: in a lot of his stuff. 71 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, were you did you when you 72 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: were on set with him? Did you die? 73 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 3: Like? 74 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: Was he as gorgeous then to you as he was 75 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: to me? He was so cool? 76 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 3: He was. 77 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 2: We became like very like Broie where when we first 78 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 2: met we would play volleyball after set. There was like 79 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: this really cool volleyball outdoor sand volleyball thing that we'd 80 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 2: all go to. 81 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: So he was awesome, I would say as an adult, 82 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: like as a kid, it was Matt Dillan as an 83 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: adult like he was my guy, Like that was the 84 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 1: one that was the one that hurt was painful? Yeah, yeah, Okay. 85 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: So I was reading your bio and I was shocked 86 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: by all of the things that you've been through, all 87 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: of like this circuitous route to yes, your career, but 88 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: your personal life, like you really have been through a journey. 89 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: And I was thinking about what your childhood was like, 90 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 1: like where you grew up and how you grew up 91 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: because I was just thinking about your choices you reflecting 92 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: the mistakes I've been in many relationships like you, and 93 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: I feel self conscious about it. Sometimes I was wondering 94 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,599 Speaker 1: if you feel self conscious about it. I was just 95 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: thinking about this, this relationship and personal life journey. 96 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. 97 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 2: So it's when I've sat down. Obviously, in therapy, you 98 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 2: go back and you go to your childhood wounds and 99 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 2: your traumas and you think back, Okay, when did this start? 100 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 2: Where was my first belief? And it was when I 101 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 2: was six and it was I'm not enough. And so 102 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,359 Speaker 2: what happened was is unfortunately that came from my dad, 103 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,560 Speaker 2: and because it was my dad, from those years on, 104 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 2: I was always trying to get the approval of a man. 105 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 2: You know, he ended up cheating on my mom, which 106 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 2: then he left the house, and so I was always 107 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 2: finding at that time too an older man. But I 108 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,360 Speaker 2: always wanted them to say you're enough and I love you. 109 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 2: But those are the guys that were never going to 110 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 2: tell me that I was enough and that they loved me. 111 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 2: So I just kept picking those kind of men to 112 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: be like, choose me, love me, pick me, because I 113 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 2: didn't get that. 114 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: And now that you're going to change them, because you 115 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: want to change your dad that you're going to be 116 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: the one that's going to make them different. 117 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 2: Right, Like he's not like try to get him to 118 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 2: stay like my dad left me, even though you know, 119 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 2: when you're older, you kind of look at it in 120 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 2: a bigger, broader stance. 121 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 3: Right. 122 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 2: So it's I see now that my dad was just 123 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: doing the best that he could. And I get all that, 124 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 2: but that doesn't help the little girl and me that 125 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 2: still was fighting for love and fighting for attention and 126 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 2: fighting to be chosen. And yeah, taking these men that 127 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 2: are just you know, weren't available, and didn't you know 128 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 2: they would just give me little pieces of themselves of 129 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 2: So then I'm like, well, no, love me, love me, 130 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 2: choose me, pick me. And then when they did, I'm like, wait, 131 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 2: I don't even want that person. 132 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: But you just said something that I have said until recently, 133 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 1: and I stopped saying. You just said he did the 134 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: best that he could. And I always used to say 135 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,919 Speaker 1: that about my mother who had me at twenty and like, 136 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: it's like this lot thing that I just say. And 137 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 1: I thought the other night it was actually weird. It 138 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: was related to the Danny Masterson thing, which reminded me 139 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: of a lot of the abuse in my childhood and 140 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: I ended up going and spinning out and going in 141 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: a different direction and an abuse I had in a relationship, 142 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, the way I was raised 143 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: was despicable. And I thought to myself, I always say 144 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,280 Speaker 1: they did the best they could, but I don't think 145 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: that's actually true. So do you really think that your 146 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: dad did the best that he could. So I don't 147 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: know the whole situation. I'm just asking because it was interesting. 148 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: You just said that thing that I always say, and 149 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: I stopped saying it because I don't know if I 150 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,600 Speaker 1: think it's true. 151 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 2: For a long time, no, I would say that he didn't. 152 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 2: And again, I grew up in a very angry household. 153 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 2: My dad was always yelling, My parents were always fighting. 154 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 2: He was he had some massive anger issues, and my 155 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 2: brother got most of that physical, but I saw it. 156 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 2: My mom stayed in it, and it was just that 157 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 2: kind of household. And when I look at it, I 158 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 2: from a bigger place, I go, Okay, what was his upbringing? 159 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 3: Like? 160 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 2: Well, my grandpa was a very tough German Man. He 161 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 2: was very hard on my dad. He was most likely 162 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 2: physical as well. And I think back then, like our generation, 163 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 2: like we know boundaries and we go to therapy, and 164 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 2: I don't think that. Yes, I mean, I know therapy 165 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: was available then, but I think as a man back 166 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 2: then in that day, that would have been yes. Could 167 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 2: Would I have love for him to go to therapy? 168 00:07:59,640 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 3: Sure? 169 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 2: But I think I do believe he was doing the 170 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 2: best that he could because I don't think therapy was 171 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 2: a very right acceptable thing back then. 172 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, you just it wasn't. There wasn't also, 173 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: quote unquote the conversation in society. It wasn't a conversation 174 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: about what we're People weren't indulging themselves by thinking about 175 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: what they're doing right and what they're doing wrong. It 176 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: was called, oh, smoke a cigarette while you're pregnant, open 177 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: the door, let the kids at the back, and pray 178 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: for the best. Yeah pretty much. Yeah, So I get that. 179 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: I get that. It's just funny because I say that, 180 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,199 Speaker 1: I still yeah, I just think it's an interesting thing 181 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,719 Speaker 1: to think about if people are doing the best that 182 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: they can. But yeah, people weren't self aware or reflecting. 183 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: It just wasn't, like I said, the conversation right. 184 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 2: And I for so long, I mean, all my twenties 185 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 2: I just blamed him for every problem I had. I'm like, well, 186 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 2: you're the reason that I picked cheers, You're the reason 187 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 2: I pick abusers, You're the reason I do this, and 188 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 2: his head spinning because you know, again, I think and 189 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 2: my dad and I just had this conversation because we're 190 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 2: good now. He's so anxiously attached and he's like trying 191 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 2: to make up for lost time, and I'm like, Dad, 192 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 2: you just like So He's like, well, it's anxious attachment, 193 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 2: and I'm like, you gotta let me breathe for a second, 194 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 2: Like stop asking me about my middle school boyfriend. I 195 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 2: had no idea what happened to him, you know, like 196 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,599 Speaker 2: he's just trying. 197 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 1: So hard to be evolved and like do the cram 198 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 1: course to being evolved? 199 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's just like you can, we can sit 200 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 2: here and we're we are okay, you know. And I 201 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 2: just like your kids, Yes, I accept them. And that's 202 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 2: the thing. Like I loved my grandpa, his dad, so 203 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 2: I'm like, I want my kids to have a relationship 204 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 2: with their grandpa. And you know, does does my mom 205 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 2: do it perfectly every day? No? But I have my 206 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 2: own boundaries around my parents now, and I just kind 207 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 2: of accept them for who they are because I can't 208 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 2: change them at this stage, and I don't see them 209 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 2: going to therapy. So it's like I either have them 210 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 2: in my life in my kid's life, or I hold 211 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 2: on to stuff and I just don't want to hold 212 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 2: on it into anything that feels more weighted in today's 213 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 2: already weighted world. 214 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: And I think the dynamic of you controlling the boundaries 215 00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 1: with kids is a really interesting thing. It kind of 216 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: gives you power, gives us power with our parents to 217 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: be able to raise us the things that they thought 218 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: were okay for them to say and do with us 219 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: that we will create the boundaries that it's not acceptable 220 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: and that will not be discussed in this house in 221 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: front of my kid, because this is my path, you 222 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: know for sure. 223 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 2: Like my mom and I got into one thing one 224 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 2: time because she said she was gonna, you know, bake 225 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 2: cookies with my daughter and stay for a certain amount 226 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 2: of time, while she ended up leaving early, and that 227 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 2: was a huge trigger for me. I was like, you 228 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 2: can lie to me or not tell me or change plans, 229 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 2: but you don't get to do that to my daughter, 230 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 2: Like she doesn't get to feel that disappointment, like, because 231 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 2: now she's going to feel what did I do wrong 232 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 2: for Nana to leave early? 233 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 3: Mmm? 234 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: Interesting? Right, was like you've done that? 235 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 2: It was at times, right, you've just changed your plan 236 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 2: and whatever. But it is it affects. 237 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,960 Speaker 1: No, I mean you yourself have experienced your mom a 238 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: million times, yes, exactly, and I'm like, it's affected me. 239 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 2: You don't get to have that affect my daughter. So 240 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 2: from now on, we don't say how long you're here 241 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 2: because you might change your mind. And that's okay if 242 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 2: you change your mind, but you don't get to tell 243 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:56,719 Speaker 2: her how long you're here. 244 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 3: Mmmm. 245 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 1: Fascinating. Wow, So you have three kids now? 246 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 2: So I've got my almost eight year old daughter, almost 247 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 2: five year old son, and then my fiance and are 248 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 2: expecting we're do in November. 249 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: So how is the co parenting, the blending, what's the 250 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: dynamic like the back and forth? How does how's that 251 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: working for you? 252 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 3: Now? 253 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 1: It sounds like a lot, But being pregnant and having 254 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: a new marriage, it was, I mean, the first two 255 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,280 Speaker 1: years post divorce were really I'll say like the first 256 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: year was really tough parenting with him because I was 257 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 1: still taking all the baggage and toxicity that we had, 258 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: and the anger and the resentment, and every time we talk, 259 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: like every time I'd see his phone come up. I 260 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 1: mean I even had he was labeled not healthy on 261 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: my phone and or it would be changed to a 262 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: whole one day, or just you know, I was just 263 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: so angry. And then we kind of joked one time, 264 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: I go, hey, you got your name back on my phone, 265 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: just like you're just Mike now Mike's c on my phone. 266 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: But what we've come to now in this past year 267 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: is realizing that we have a new relationship now. So 268 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: we have our past, our old marriage that was not great, 269 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 1: but we have to leave that away and this is 270 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: now our new relationship, and how does that look? You know, 271 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: and we have to leave the resentments and all the 272 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: stuff behind. We might still get triggered, and we both 273 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: still do because I'll say something or he'll say something 274 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 1: and that might trigger something from our past. But we 275 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: are now trying to create this new relationship and seeing 276 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,319 Speaker 1: what that looks like. And we've done a really good 277 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: job so far. And I'm proud of how far we've 278 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: come considering all the crap that we went through together. 279 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 1: That's really healthy and it's early in the game. I mean, 280 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: I have to say, for you know, he maybe he 281 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: was doing the best that he could, because it sounds 282 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 1: like pretty evolved for what I've read about you know 283 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: what I read about today, I was like, Wow, you've 284 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: been through a lot a lot of abuse, a lot 285 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 1: of you know, mental torture, and that sounds really healthy 286 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 1: and really amazing. That's the ultimate goal. 287 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 2: Well, the thing is is like, I love my kids 288 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 2: more than I hate my ex. And I know people 289 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 2: have said that before, but that is that is the 290 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 2: biggest thing that I was Remember, I love my kids 291 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 2: more than I hate my ex, and I'm like, he, 292 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 2: I don't want him to take my joy. I don't 293 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,760 Speaker 2: want him to steal the beautiful things that are happening 294 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 2: right in our life. I want him to be able. 295 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 2: I want us to be able to be in the 296 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 2: same room, because I remember my parents couldn't be in 297 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 2: the same room and I hated that it gave him 298 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 2: anxiety and I didn't like it. So I would love 299 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 2: for the fact that. So last year, I invited him 300 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 2: for the first time to a birthday party, like would 301 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 2: you like to come? Because I'm like, I think it'd 302 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,839 Speaker 2: be good for the kids. I can set my own 303 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 2: stuff aside for our children. And I think that seed 304 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 2: planted and it just is now kind of growing that 305 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: there's more things that we're doing together as a family. 306 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 3: Uh. 307 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 2: And yeah, it's listen. I could harp and I did 308 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 2: for a long time. I mean I harped about it 309 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 2: when we were married, all the stuff he did wrong, 310 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 2: all the things you know at post marriage. And I 311 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,200 Speaker 2: just don't want the I don't want the hate. I 312 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 2: don't like I don't like the negative energy. I just 313 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 2: really don't want it because I'm like, it's not good 314 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 2: for me, it's not good for my body, it's not 315 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,720 Speaker 2: good for anything like it. I'm like, why, Like, Okay, 316 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 2: he did what he did. I did what I did. 317 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 2: Now let's just can we just please be happy? And 318 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 2: like I would love for him to be happy and 319 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 2: move on. 320 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: And so I just say, holding on to anger is 321 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: like drinking poison and hoping the other person does. 322 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. I just because I've seen people like I know 323 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: people that are in that terrible divorce and they're just 324 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 2: they hate each other and they have to drop off 325 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 2: in you know, parking lots and and that's what works 326 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 2: for them. But I'm like, I just don't want that energy. 327 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 2: I can't, like I physically don't want to hold that 328 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 2: much hatred for someone. 329 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: It's it's the worst thing I did. I've done it 330 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 1: for over a decade. It's it's a very bad thing. 331 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: Two people have to be willing to uh be that evolved. 332 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: And it sounds like your ex is evolving as a 333 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: as a person, which is amazing. 334 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 2: But the thing is is like I could hate him 335 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 2: for everything he's done for the rest of my life, 336 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 2: and I have every reason to hate him forever, but like, 337 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 2: why would I want to hold onto that? Like what 338 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 2: is the purpose? 339 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just remembering you went on Red Table Talk 340 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 1: and you talked about being cheated on. I think it 341 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: was thirteen times, like I was the first time, you know, 342 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: like I forgot that that was even you. Like I 343 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: remember the story, if that makes any sense. I remember 344 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: the story and it was Red Table Talk, but it 345 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 1: was probably in like the background in my periphery, and 346 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: like today I was reading, I'm like, oh my god, 347 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: that was her? What the hell? Like, you know, it's 348 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: interesting it is about people that we choose, Like it 349 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 1: really is because I had, like I said, I had 350 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: a very very abusive childhood and have seen everything. But 351 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: I've always, i think, been proactive about how to choose 352 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: because I don't think I could have. I could have 353 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: never handled that. I don't know how you handle that. 354 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: And even once many people would leave, but like you 355 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: definitely didn't think you deserved better. 356 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: No, I don't, like that's the thing. Like, and I've 357 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:00,040 Speaker 2: had this realization. It was about I don't know, a 358 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: couple weeks ago, someone you know, the people ask me 359 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 2: about my fiance and they're like, what's different, and I said, 360 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 2: he just respects me so much, and I stopped in 361 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 2: my tracks, going oh, because for the first time, I 362 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 2: actually am demanding respect, Like I actually believe that I 363 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 2: deserve respect, because when my ex cheated on me when 364 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,479 Speaker 2: we were just dating. 365 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's okay. 366 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 3: We all make mistakes. 367 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, no, you know what I mean, Like if 368 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: someone were to cheat and I'd be like, bye, I'm sorry, 369 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 1: you don't see the worth and what we have and 370 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: you know, but I know my worth now and I'm 371 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: just like, I would never because now I know that 372 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: I deserve respect. I deserve to be with someone that 373 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: chooses me and wants me and loves me and all 374 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: those things. But I didn't think that the last thirty years. 375 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: So what do you say to women who are attracted 376 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: to what they say is the bad boy or the 377 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: person who's cheated or cheated once or they want to forgive, 378 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: like is somebody always cheat? Or like, what is your 379 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: advice to those people? 380 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 2: For me, it's what's the message that you're carrying around 381 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 2: the things that you deserve to be with someone like that? 382 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 2: Because when I was going through my healing work at 383 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 2: this retreat center, I didn't realize how much shame I 384 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 2: was carrying all the messages that I've been told to 385 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 2: that I've been told from other people that I carried 386 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 2: in war. 387 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 3: So not enough. 388 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 2: I deserve abuse, you know, I'm not this, that or 389 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 2: the other, And so I just constantly kept picking that. 390 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 2: So I think there's and people that might be like, no, 391 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 2: I deserve this, that and the other. I really don't 392 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 2: think someone would stay with someone if they didn't have 393 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,560 Speaker 2: something in themselves that said something opposite. 394 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: If that makes sense, well, you're right, because I wrote 395 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 1: about I wrote never settle for less than what you deserve, 396 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: But many people subconsciously think that's what they deserve, so 397 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,439 Speaker 1: they're not really the baseline has to be this is 398 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: what I deserve. I'm establishing that and I won't accept 399 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: less than that, even like in business, in anything. I mean, 400 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: you don't want to be degraded in any kind of way, 401 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 1: you know, And it's very powerful when someone speaks to 402 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,679 Speaker 1: you a certain way and you say, I am uncomfortable 403 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: with the way you're speaking to me. I don't accept that. 404 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 1: It goes it leads into every moment of a day, 405 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: not just in the macro person, the way they're cheating 406 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: on you, the way they're treating you, the way they're 407 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,360 Speaker 1: canceling on you, the way they're you know, just energetic. 408 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: Also it's with family members too, like to just not 409 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: accept less than what you deserve and to make sure 410 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: that the bar for what you deserve is high. 411 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, and to give yourself it's also it's it's hard, 412 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 2: I mean, how many years have you been spoken this 413 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 2: certain message that you've believed about yourself? So you have 414 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,199 Speaker 2: to now think, Like I still have days where I 415 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 2: struggle with the season that I'm in right now. My 416 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 2: work is I don't know if I deserve the goodness 417 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 2: because I've never like when's the next shoe dropping? When 418 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 2: is when it feels uncomfortable. That's how it feels uncomfortable. 419 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 2: And also it can be boring if you're used to 420 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 2: having a roller coaster life, it can be boring. And 421 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 2: a relationship when it really settles into just being good 422 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 2: and solid can be boring. And it's weird if you 423 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 2: grew up like I grew up with action and gambling 424 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 2: and alcohol and drugs and cheating and beating and cops coming, 425 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 2: and so it's something you have to intervene in in 426 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 2: your own life to just accept. 427 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:08,359 Speaker 1: Like I deserve peace. Yeah, yeah, and it can be safety. Yeah, 428 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 1: it's weird. Yes, he's a hurricane coming. Where's it? Yeah? 429 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 2: I kept saying, I go, I must be dying because 430 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 2: I met an amazing man. I've you know, moving into 431 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,200 Speaker 2: a beautiful house like this, I have something, you know 432 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 2: what I mean, like my death wish is coming? 433 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 3: I don't know. Like, so it's a weird. Yeah. 434 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: Do you think of yourself more as a country music 435 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,919 Speaker 1: singer or as an actress? Like or equally both? Like 436 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 1: what as you are? I would say actress. 437 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 2: That's what it started in because One Tree Hill was 438 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,479 Speaker 2: kind of what led me into country music, and now 439 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 2: I just do music for fun and just kind of 440 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 2: a therapy tool and just to kind of keep things spinning. 441 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 2: And I do like writing and singing, but acting is 442 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,120 Speaker 2: my is my number one. I'd love to get back 443 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 2: on a show that runs for years and years. That's 444 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 2: the dream. 445 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: That's the dream because it's consistent and solid. It's like, 446 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,680 Speaker 1: you just know, I'm not very much like I want 447 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: to provide for my family. So I keep telling where 448 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 1: most actors don't think it. Procedural is is creative enough. 449 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: I'm like, get me on a procedural that runs for 450 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 2: twenty years like I want it. I need to provide 451 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 2: for my children. I had like a study job, you know. 452 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 2: So I get that. 453 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,439 Speaker 1: That's why Kelly Rippa wanted to do the show. She 454 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: wanted to just know that every day she knew where 455 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,160 Speaker 1: she was going to be. And what part does religion 456 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 1: play in your life? 457 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 2: You know that that's a tough piece because again I've 458 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 2: always gone to well, I grew up not in a 459 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 2: we said grace, but it was something that was recited. 460 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 1: I don't even know the you know, God is good, 461 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,199 Speaker 1: God is great, lest thing for a food that was 462 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,199 Speaker 1: it like nothing was taken to heart with it. We 463 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: didn't go to church besides like once a year, and 464 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 1: for me, I always went to well, how why would 465 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,919 Speaker 1: I pray to a father when a father leaves? So 466 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: that was my big thing. I was like, I don't 467 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 1: he's just going to abandon me. He's just gonna leave. 468 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: I'm probably not good enough for him anyways, or I've 469 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 2: messed up here, I'm and it was. 470 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 3: It took me. 471 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,959 Speaker 2: It took till my divorce that I really was like, Okay, 472 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 2: I'm I'm alone, Like I'm just I am straight up alone, 473 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 2: and I don't want to be. I know he's there. 474 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 2: So it was I started a relationship with him post divorce, 475 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 2: and it was one of the best things for me 476 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 2: because I realized he was always there, he was just 477 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 2: waiting for me to let him in. 478 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: Wow, that's that's powerful. That's almost like the good man 479 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 1: in your life waiting for you to let them in. 480 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: Why get married again? 481 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 2: Legally married girl, I'm just like a glutton for punishment. 482 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 3: No I, no I. 483 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 2: I First of all, I love this man so much, 484 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:57,440 Speaker 2: and he's the guy that I everything I wrote about 485 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 2: I wrote like in my Bible, like the man, I'm like, 486 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 2: please just send me this man. And it's every single 487 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 2: check mark that it's like what I wrote in my 488 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 2: bible about him. And for me personally, well, you know, 489 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,399 Speaker 2: obviously when you look at Wikipedia. My first time, I 490 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 2: didn't even know the guy. I went to Vegas. I 491 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 2: was nineteen years old, and I'm not making excuses. But 492 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,879 Speaker 2: at the same time, it's another one was we were 493 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: married for one week, you know, I really that was 494 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 2: That was the one of the ones where I was like, 495 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 2: love me, love me, And then when I was walking 496 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 2: down the aisle, I was like, wait, I don't love 497 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,880 Speaker 2: you like this is this wasn't one I was chasing you, 498 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 2: and I don't this isn't what I want. I don't 499 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 2: want to have kids, you know, I don't want a 500 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 2: broken family. So for me, I only feel like I've 501 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 2: been married, true, because truly the other ones were a 502 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:46,399 Speaker 2: week and you know, two weeks, and so Mike was 503 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 2: my only marriage, like we fought hard for seven years, 504 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 2: like that was a marriage. And but with Alan, like 505 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 2: I just he's I just want to I want to 506 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,439 Speaker 2: marry him. I want him, I want our family to 507 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 2: be together. I want everything that I that I dreamt about, 508 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 2: and with him, it just feels like the right thing 509 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: to do. I said I wouldn't again. I said, there's 510 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,399 Speaker 2: no way I'll change my name again. I won't get married. 511 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 2: But with him, it's He's the only one I've ever 512 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 2: wanted to walk down the aisle to. And it makes 513 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,880 Speaker 2: me sad. I'm like, I wish I saved that for you, 514 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 2: because that's what I love. 515 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: I get that. I get that. And what's the state 516 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,680 Speaker 1: of your career now, Like, what are you the most 517 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: passionate about, what are you working on? What do you 518 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 1: want to be when. 519 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 3: You grow up? 520 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,680 Speaker 2: Well, almost forty, So what I want obviously, I want 521 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 2: this baby to come out healthy and enjoy the holidays 522 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 2: with the baby, and then next year I would just 523 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 2: love to be able again to just get on a 524 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 2: show and support my children and you know, be a 525 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 2: working mom, but be the best mom that I can 526 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 2: be as well, So be on a show, and then 527 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 2: you know, I have the book coming out in October, 528 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 2: the next chapter and be able to just do everything 529 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 2: that I love. I don't like to I always say, 530 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:02,159 Speaker 2: people always put me in a box. Well I was 531 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 2: the one putting myself in a box. So now I'm like, 532 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 2: I want to do it all. I want to you 533 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 2: know have I love doing my wind down podcasts. I 534 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,200 Speaker 2: like writing, I like singing, I like acting. So it's 535 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: just putting and and you know and acting the things 536 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 2: off that are weighing me down. And would you move 537 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 2: back to la to do a show because it feels 538 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 2: like that sounds stressful having a new baby and a 539 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 2: you know, a partner. And does he have to be 540 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 2: in Nashville or so he's a he's a professional soccer coach, 541 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 2: so he'll be traveling too. And for me, I think 542 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:36,360 Speaker 2: you can make I will I never never. I never 543 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 2: say never never, you know, I never say never. And 544 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 2: so if it takes me somewhere amazing, that just means 545 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,959 Speaker 2: a new experience for the family. So I'm he's so 546 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 2: good with that. Yeah, and and yeah, because he'll be 547 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 2: he'll be traveling too. 548 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 1: So I invested in a women's the women's soccer league, 549 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: the the Bass anyone who, Yeah, Cheryl Samberg just joined 550 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: on several months back. And it's a big it's a 551 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: big world, this this women in soccer. 552 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of suffer around them, but yeah, 553 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 2: you guys need a coach Alan Russell. 554 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 1: He's a good one, all right. Nice. 555 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,640 Speaker 2: What about well, your kids into soccer? Yeah, they love 556 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 2: it and he's okay, so sweet helping them. So what 557 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 2: about the the leggings a pregnant thing? Like I read 558 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,640 Speaker 2: that you can't live without your leggings, and it sounds 559 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 2: like a superficial question, but I'm not. I have leggings 560 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 2: and I'll wear them once in a while, but I don't. 561 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 2: I'm not a leggings person because I feel like they 562 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 2: trap me. So I want to understand. And the only 563 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:36,119 Speaker 2: ones that didn't were beyond leggings because there's the breath 564 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 2: beyond yoga. These are the beyond yoga ones. Oh, Jody 565 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 2: Goober owns the company. I used to be friends with her. Yeah, 566 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,920 Speaker 2: so these are these are the only ones that I'll 567 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 2: wear is beyond yoga. And that's what these are because 568 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,240 Speaker 2: they're just super people. 569 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaker 3: Yeah. 570 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,919 Speaker 2: Because and I like the over the bump too, so 571 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 2: and they can't see if some wearing black. But I'm 572 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,000 Speaker 2: working out right after this, which is also why I'm 573 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 2: in leggings. But it's it's a little chilly today in Nashville. 574 00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 2: But I mean, I have got a couple of pairs, 575 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 2: but I'm not like I like sweatshirts like I do. 576 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 3: Like to be cozy. Yeah, I like the whole match. 577 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 1: Are you you've been exercising the whole pregnancy. How is 578 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 1: your pregnancy? 579 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been working out and uh, it's fine, you know, girl, 580 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 2: I'm just older, so everything's a little harder, you know, 581 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,119 Speaker 2: And everything's just the gravity and the veins down there. 582 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, babe, don't don't look past the belly button. 583 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 2: Like it's just like I don't like it. 584 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: So will he be in the room? 585 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 2: Oh, one million percent. He's like my anxiety blanket. He's 586 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,800 Speaker 2: so good with me because I go to, Oh my gosh, 587 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 2: I'm gonna I don't like to not feel my legs 588 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: for the epidural. So but he's just he's we're already 589 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,880 Speaker 2: working on our breathing like he's he's the best. 590 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: But he'll be up there, not down there. 591 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 3: Oh up, up, up up. 592 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:46,120 Speaker 1: He's not going to be down there. 593 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:47,960 Speaker 2: Yeh, Because I mean I'm having I'm having the C section, 594 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,600 Speaker 2: so oh okay. 595 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 1: I had one too. And then where were you a waitress? 596 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 1: That's the weirdest last question, but I want to where 597 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:55,920 Speaker 1: you were a waitress girlfriend. 598 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 2: Where wasn't I a waitress? 599 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:57,639 Speaker 1: So I started. 600 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 2: I started at Greek Island and then I went to 601 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 2: TGI Fridays, and then I went to Macaroni Grill, and 602 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 2: then I went to Joe's Crabshot because I wanted to 603 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,920 Speaker 2: dance and I thought it was cute because they do 604 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 2: all like the like dance things. And then I was 605 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 2: a waitress at the time w Times Square when I 606 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 2: was eighteen. And then I was a waitress at the 607 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 2: Grove at the wood Ranch Grill which is now closed 608 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 2: in La I stole toilet paper from there because I 609 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 2: didn't have any money. 610 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: So was it bad quality the toilet paper? Yeah? Yeah, 611 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 1: it was crap. It was like, you know, the kind 612 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: of like crumble, but I needed it. I didn't even care, 613 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: I know, I in my past. I think in my past, 614 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,159 Speaker 1: like being in a cheap apartment, I'd been like, you know, 615 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,200 Speaker 1: when you are at a toilet paper and it's just convenient. 616 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,880 Speaker 1: I mean, you could have afforded the eighty eight cents 617 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 1: for toy, but it was convenient probably just to stick 618 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 1: it in your purse. 619 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. 620 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 2: And I was in the red all twenties, so it 621 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 2: was yeah, that or cotton balls, which is gross. But 622 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 2: and then let's see what else after wood Ranch I did. 623 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,119 Speaker 2: I got fired at Pach's because I didn't know how 624 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,160 Speaker 2: to open a wine bottle, which is ironic because now. 625 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 1: Wait, Patcha was your first one that was fancy. All 626 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 1: the rest are like very chain restaurant. Patcha is like 627 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: an automation for you. And I got fired because you 628 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 1: don't to open a wine bottle. Yeah, I'm like, jokes 629 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,679 Speaker 1: on you, buddy, I'm a pro. 630 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 3: No. 631 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 1: And what was the first gig that you got? 632 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:20,400 Speaker 2: Click with Adam Sandler. That's a big gig to get 633 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,360 Speaker 2: as your first gig. He was amazing. 634 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 3: I was. 635 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,879 Speaker 2: I went out to audition for his daughter and it 636 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 2: was between me and Katie Cassidy and the little girl. 637 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 2: He brought me into his office and met him and 638 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,120 Speaker 2: he was fantastic Adam Yeah. 639 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 1: Wow. So you know Adam Sandler. 640 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's the coolest dude ever. I'm sure I don't 641 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 2: know if he remembers me, although he did leave me 642 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 2: a voice message like when I was at the top 643 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 2: of the charts and country music about like, oh my 644 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 2: kids love your music and it was supercab. Yeah, he 645 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,880 Speaker 2: was like the nicest dude ever. But yeah, then he 646 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 2: he himself personally called him, called me and said, hey, 647 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 2: so the girl that the little girl, my little daughter 648 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 2: in the movie has blonde hair. So we're going to 649 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 2: go with Katie, but I'm going to find you apart 650 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 2: because I really like you and you're great, and so yeah, 651 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:08,840 Speaker 2: he gave me it was a smaller role, but I 652 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 2: didn't even care. 653 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,760 Speaker 1: I was just like, that's amazing, I'll do catering. 654 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 3: I don't care. 655 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 1: Like that was your first ever time, like on a 656 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: real set. Yeah, and then what was after that. 657 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 3: Prom night? 658 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: So you working like you always? Like, how long after 659 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: starting did you like get work? 660 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 2: It wasn't until One Tree Hill that I stayed out 661 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 2: of the Red like I would be I would have 662 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 2: to get a job, and then it could I'd be like, 663 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,760 Speaker 2: oh shoot, I'm back in the Red, back to waitressing. 664 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,959 Speaker 2: And then One Tree Hill is when the constant when 665 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 2: I when I started to like really work. 666 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to. I used to be a PA 667 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 1: on Saved by the Bell and I met Lea Remeni 668 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: and she I thought she was rich because she was 669 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: on a couple of guest episodes on Saved by the Bell, 670 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 1: and I'll never forget. I feel like we were eating 671 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: in her car for some reason that's like really resonating, 672 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,960 Speaker 1: and I feel like I thought you rich, And she said, well, 673 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 1: if like eating tacos in the back of your car 674 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: is rich or something, I shill never forget like having 675 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,239 Speaker 1: an interaction with her because I thought, if you were 676 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: on camera you were rich. 677 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 3: Yeah. 678 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: No, you know, it's like crazy being rich and being 679 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 1: on TV or not the same thing as I'm sure 680 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: the strike is proving. Yeah, and like when you go 681 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,160 Speaker 1: on tour, everyone thought because I was, I'd open for 682 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: Blake Shelton and all these big people for you know, 683 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 1: three months at a time, and oh, you must have 684 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 1: so much money, and like I am actually negative about 685 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,920 Speaker 1: one hundred grand because of how much it costs to 686 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 1: be on a tour, oh tour bus and pay for 687 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,160 Speaker 1: gas and the band members and I'm only getting paid 688 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: twenty five hundred bucks a night, so all that and 689 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: that's kind of marvelous, Miss masl Like that show is 690 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,000 Speaker 1: kind of about that, Like she's like famous, but she's 691 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 1: not making any money. And yeah, I mean, you don't 692 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: really get treated a certain way until you really hit it. 693 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: Like if I tell my daughter that I was on 694 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: with you. I mean, because if One Tree Hill and 695 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: Friday Night Lights, we still watch One Tree Hill all 696 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,080 Speaker 1: the time like it's beyond it holds up. Great show? 697 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,840 Speaker 1: That really up. They did a show. Hold up, they 698 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: both hold up. What was your rose and your thorn 699 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 1: of your career? I rose in my thorn. That's a 700 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: good one. Uh, I would say. 701 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 2: My thorn was this movie I did called The Return 702 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 2: of the Living Dead, and I had to have I 703 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 2: wrote about it in the next chapter two. It is 704 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,920 Speaker 2: the first time I ever had a panic attack. But 705 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 2: I had to get my appendix taken out in Romania. 706 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 2: But it wasn't They took out the wrong They took 707 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 2: out the wrong organ. Wait in the movie, no, like 708 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 2: in real life? What because that sounds like something would 709 00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 2: happen in Return of the Living Dead, I know. And 710 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 2: then like I know, they put the wrong they put 711 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 2: somebody else's organ in your body and then you live 712 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 2: but you're dead. 713 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:51,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds like a great plot. 714 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 3: I know. 715 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 1: So I wrote about that in the book and it 716 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 1: was Yeah, that was that was appendix taken out in Romania. 717 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, but they did, they were It was never my 718 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 2: appendix that was the problem was, Actually they should have 719 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 2: taken out my gallbladder. It's it's like a whole thing 720 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 2: Jesus Christ was experience. It sounds pretty serious, sounds like 721 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:09,760 Speaker 2: those are two important parts. 722 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 1: You really don't need either. But I'm also like, well, 723 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: why did God give it? Give them to us then 724 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 1: if we didn't need it? But what do you have 725 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,440 Speaker 1: now in the body? I mean I got a uterus, 726 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: I have a You don't have a gallbladder or an appendix. No, 727 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm fascinated. I didn't know. 728 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 3: Yeah. 729 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,440 Speaker 1: Sound they sound important when you say them, the names, 730 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 1: they sound important. They're like big words. Wow. Okay, so 731 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 1: you're without those? Put them in your dating profile? No, 732 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: I'm doing, I'm done. I'm done. 733 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 3: This is it? 734 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 1: Yeah back in the day, Yeah, mindset, I only sought 735 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: the small stuff. Yours, says girl without an appendix or 736 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: gall bladder? Yeah, wow, Yeah, that's I mean, it's not hysterical, 737 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: but that's hysterical, you know. 738 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 2: What I'm I know, I'm not even trying to be 739 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 2: super publicity with this one or trying to promote it, 740 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,040 Speaker 2: but I would say I'm just so proud of the 741 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 2: book that I'm about to put out because everything that 742 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 2: I feel like I've been through, it's uh, I'm proud 743 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 2: that I actually I never thought I could write my 744 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 2: own book, and it was very much My editors were like, 745 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,080 Speaker 2: you should get a ghost writer, and I'm like, I 746 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 2: need to write this myself. And that was something that 747 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,120 Speaker 2: I'm just really proud of. 748 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,440 Speaker 1: So that you should be. That's another Kelly rip of things. 749 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: She wrote her whole book herself. I found it to 750 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,880 Speaker 1: be extremely impressive, like it's something that requires help and 751 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: you did it yourself. 752 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I just was. 753 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 2: I think it was because my ax when we wrote 754 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 2: our first book, he had said, well, you know, you 755 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 2: can't write. You talk like you you type, and I'm like, 756 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,960 Speaker 2: well I do and that's what makes it like me 757 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,000 Speaker 2: and people would reallyize meaning you write like you talk 758 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 2: like the words on the poet. Yeah, like you know, 759 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 2: and so not perfectly formed. But I just I had 760 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 2: to prove it to myself that I could do it. 761 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,640 Speaker 2: And that's just kind of always been my personality too. 762 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 2: But how long did it take a long time? No, 763 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 2: I mean took it like two years. That sounds about 764 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 2: write though, I mean it's not that he used to 765 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 2: write a book. Yeah, here to write. 766 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 1: I had a year to edit it. 767 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 2: But I also will say it was because I went back. 768 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 2: I was very angry when I started it, and then 769 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 2: I went back and I go, I don't need to 770 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 2: put that story in there. I don't need to put 771 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:09,360 Speaker 2: that in there. I don't need to put that in 772 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,359 Speaker 2: there that's interesting. So I went back and I edit 773 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,680 Speaker 2: it because I just was like, it's the father of 774 00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 2: my kids. I don't need to be telling these kind 775 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: of stories. That's our past so interesting. Yeah, not everything 776 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 2: needs to be said. I burned a whole book in 777 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 2: the barbecue and started over when I did a place 778 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,440 Speaker 2: of yes, yeah, because it's just like, what is the 779 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 2: point with that? And it's at the end of the day, 780 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 2: it's not about None of these books are about any 781 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 2: of my exes. Like I've got this one ex boyfriend 782 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,399 Speaker 2: that's trying to be like, oh, I was just talking 783 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 2: about me the book, and I'm like, buddy, the book 784 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 2: is not about you. It's nothing to You might have 785 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,759 Speaker 2: a little blip in my but it has nothing to 786 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,239 Speaker 2: do with you. It's everything to do about me and 787 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 2: like the choices that I made and the missteps and whatever. 788 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,840 Speaker 2: So don't try to get your pr but like no, 789 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 2: like don't flat about you. It's not a Taylor Swift song. 790 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:54,320 Speaker 3: No. 791 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: And then what is your parenting style? 792 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 2: This is where I struggle And I actually just had 793 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 2: therapy about this because sometimes I feel like I'm a 794 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 2: little too hard. I didn't have the parent that pushed 795 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,399 Speaker 2: me to be the best version of myself. Like if 796 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 2: I didn't want to take my essayts or my acts, 797 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,360 Speaker 2: or if I was a C average student, they'd be like, 798 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 2: great job. So I never really was pushed, and so 799 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 2: I think now I'm on the other pendulum swing of 800 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 2: that being like work harder and you know. So I'm 801 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:30,719 Speaker 2: trying to find a balance right now of being of yeah, 802 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,800 Speaker 2: of not being too hard, but I'm also very loving 803 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 2: and all those things. But I just I see the 804 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,719 Speaker 2: potential in my children and I just want them to 805 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 2: have all the opportunities. 806 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 1: Are you strict? 807 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 2: I definitely discipline, Like they're not kids that you know, 808 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:48,000 Speaker 2: every time I go to the store they get a 809 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 2: toy or if it's something that I will take something 810 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 2: away like I do. 811 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 3: I am. 812 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 2: I despise And this is the biggest fight to this 813 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 2: day that my ex and I get into. I hate technology. 814 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 2: I don't like iPads. I don't want them to phones. 815 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,080 Speaker 2: I don't want any of it. I think it's bad 816 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 2: for their little brains. 817 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 3: Oh I know. 818 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 2: And I'm like, they go to his house and they're 819 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 2: watching them for six hours, and I'm like, this is 820 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 2: not okay. 821 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 1: And she's not a tech kid. My kid, she has 822 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,520 Speaker 1: obviously phone and she's on it. But there are some 823 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 1: kids that are literally it's an appendage, and it does 824 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 1: work being that way because later they're just not it's 825 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: not a crutch. I know so many kids that it 826 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 1: is an appendage, and I think it's such a turn off. 827 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:24,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't hate it. I don't like seeing kids. 828 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 2: And I know parents have to do they have to 829 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 2: do when they go to restaurants, but I'm not the 830 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,120 Speaker 2: parent that will at dinner. I'm like saying, talk to 831 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,759 Speaker 2: your kids, tell the color with them at the table, 832 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 2: do something like that. And again I'm going to get 833 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:36,640 Speaker 2: probably so hated up for. 834 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,600 Speaker 1: That, but I don't think you will. But no, people 835 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 1: feel judgment, And yes, that's fine, your choice is to 836 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,680 Speaker 1: not do that, but yes, I know I've It's funny 837 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,400 Speaker 1: because I think I had a post I was going 838 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 1: to put up the other day and I thought, oh's 839 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,840 Speaker 1: that Judgey because I'm not the path of least. I 840 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,880 Speaker 1: don't want to. But we're not working three jobs. We're 841 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,279 Speaker 1: not waitressing. And I understand giving someone a device so 842 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: you could just have a moment a piece that sounds 843 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:01,720 Speaker 1: really good, but it's a hard disapoint and to stick 844 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: to you do. 845 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 2: It Like I'm my mom on the plane room. I'm like, 846 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 2: here's the flash car. You get your iPad for one 847 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 2: hour on this four hour so the first. 848 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:12,759 Speaker 1: Hour that's serious and I'm not knowing that's serious. That's 849 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: very serious. I was like that when she was younger, 850 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 1: but getting older, I will be on the iPad the 851 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,839 Speaker 1: entire flight. I just that's what that was. The bridge 852 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,800 Speaker 1: I couldn't cross. That's yeah, that's that's very serious varsity stuff. 853 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,759 Speaker 1: But it's uh yeah, I just I'm like, go outside, 854 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: go play. Like I loved my childhood. I love to 855 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,160 Speaker 1: be able to go outside. And that's just I'm always 856 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,399 Speaker 1: if it is, even if it's raining, I'm like, let's 857 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 1: go do some chalk in the garage. I don't care. Yeah, 858 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,040 Speaker 1: it puts more on you. Apps you have to do 859 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 1: more work too, because you're not just throwing it in 860 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:46,359 Speaker 1: front of the TV. Yeah, and wind down. I hear 861 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,000 Speaker 1: your podcast does really really well and that you're great 862 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:49,239 Speaker 1: at it. 863 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 3: Thank you. It's so fun. 864 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 2: It's also been it's hard because I I still get no, 865 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 2: it's not as bad, but I still get moments of 866 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 2: anxiety when I see a headline. I'm like, that's not 867 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 2: exactly what I said, or that's not the context of this, 868 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 2: and so good luck. I'm fighting myself to not again. 869 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 2: I've gotten so much better where I don't feel like 870 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,160 Speaker 2: I have to defend it anymore, but it still bothers 871 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,960 Speaker 2: me because it's I'm like, if you just listen, you'll 872 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,759 Speaker 2: see that wasn't my intent or I didn't mean. 873 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: It like that, or but that's not an interesting headline. 874 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,320 Speaker 1: That's my story. Every every single day, page six writes 875 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,239 Speaker 1: about something I said on TikTok or Instagram, and the 876 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,400 Speaker 1: headline is always so like Bethany drags Tailor Swift, Like 877 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,880 Speaker 1: I didn't drag Tailor Swift. I just mentioned that she 878 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,279 Speaker 1: was on a date with a guy at a game 879 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:33,800 Speaker 1: and it looked like they had been together forever, and 880 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 1: that women should be reminded to have their own identity. 881 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 1: I wasn't talking about like her per se. It was 882 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,360 Speaker 1: just a vehicle. But it's every day and you cannot 883 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,120 Speaker 1: kill every bug in Manhattan, so you cannot take the bait. 884 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:43,640 Speaker 3: I know. 885 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:44,800 Speaker 1: I just I still have this. 886 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,879 Speaker 2: One of my negative traits personality traits, is I want 887 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,800 Speaker 2: one hundred percent approval, right, So for the people that 888 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 2: go on those US weekly things, they're like, oh my god, 889 00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:55,280 Speaker 2: can she just shut up already? 890 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: And she's so annoying, and I'm like, but but get 891 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,080 Speaker 1: to know me, we'd be friends. 892 00:38:59,160 --> 00:38:59,840 Speaker 2: Like oh that. 893 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, if you try to please everybody, you end 894 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:02,799 Speaker 1: up pleasing nobody, and you have. 895 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,000 Speaker 2: To have a point of view and you have to 896 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,880 Speaker 2: pick a side and a lane and just do it. 897 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,440 Speaker 2: And so yeah, as I'm nearing forty, I'm I'm like, 898 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:11,360 Speaker 2: I'm giving less crap. 899 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,839 Speaker 1: When you get to fifty, you will give zero. Great 900 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,359 Speaker 1: I cannot. Yeah, for sure. I was talking to someone 901 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,560 Speaker 1: about that yesterday. It was so nice to talk to 902 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,040 Speaker 1: you and to finally get to meet you at hear 903 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,160 Speaker 1: a lot about you from the girls. 904 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,400 Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for having me on. I 905 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 2: really appreciate it. 906 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:26,360 Speaker 1: I'm excited. 907 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:27,359 Speaker 2: I'm like a huge fan. 908 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:31,960 Speaker 1: So im so grateful, thank you. I'm well, congratulations on 909 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:35,520 Speaker 1: the baby and your relationship and this sort of you know, chapter, 910 00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:37,800 Speaker 1: the next chapter, and your book, and I wish you 911 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:38,239 Speaker 1: the best. 912 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:39,440 Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Bethany. 913 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,000 Speaker 1: I appreciate it. 914 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 3: Jays. 915 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,480 Speaker 1: I have an awesome day, all right, hie girl. 916 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 3: See ya,