1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,040 Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's Lyle. Just a reminder that I am 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,920 Speaker 1: going on tour to do therapy Gecko live in several 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: cities across the United States, and I would love to 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,239 Speaker 1: see you there. I will be interviewing random folks from 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: the audience up on stage and absolutely anything could happen. 6 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: It will be very fun, very terrifying, and very Gekoe. 7 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,439 Speaker 1: You can find the link to get tickets in your 8 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: city in the episode description. Okay, let's get into the podcast. 9 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 2: I'll be very okay. 10 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 3: Hello, Hi is this Lyle? 11 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 4: Uh? 12 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, what's going on. 13 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,200 Speaker 5: I've been in the hospital the last few days, hanging 14 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:51,599 Speaker 5: out with my dad Kase. She almost died, but he's 15 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 5: okay now. But that's the only like kind of thing 16 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 5: that's got me down right now. My life otherwise is 17 00:00:59,240 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 5: pretty great. 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: Well, how did he almost die? 19 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 5: So, my dad's kind of got a potato for a 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 5: heart and a few years back he had a heart 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 5: attack and after that his heart stopped and he had 22 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 5: pneumonia too, And he also smokes like four packs a 23 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 5: day and eats like a stick of butter every other day. Anyways, 24 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 5: he was in the hostel for a while. They had 25 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 5: to give him a defibrillator put even more stents in 26 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 5: his heart. He's gone like sixtenths in his heart along 27 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 5: down the line. He keeps smoking. The last few months, 28 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 5: he's been struggling getting around and went into the doctors 29 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 5: because his defibrillator kept kicking off. He couldn't even sleep 30 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 5: anymore because it was like almost by the hour, and 31 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 5: his heart was at like fifteen percent. Two thirds of 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 5: his heart was dead and his arteries were blocked. So 33 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 5: he went in to do an emergency bypass surgery, but 34 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 5: that had to be delayed because there's so much fluid 35 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 5: in his lungs. But they basically rebuilt his heart leg 36 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 5: because literally he's got like kind of a new heart. 37 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: How do they rebuild a heart, I guess neither of 38 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 1: us was aad question. 39 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 5: But no, no, not like a robot heart. But so 40 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 5: years ago, you know, when they were like doing chest 41 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 5: compressions to restart his heart, they'd broken his ribs and 42 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 5: all of the arteries healed back into the ribs, so 43 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 5: they couldn't use any parts of his heart alive or dead. 44 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 5: So they opened up his arm and his legs and 45 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 5: took some arteries from there and stitched to them into 46 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 5: his heart. 47 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: Each. Okay, so it's like when you get plastic surgery 48 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: and they take a little bit of your shoulder and 49 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 1: they put it into your boobs. 50 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 5: Yes, it is exactly like that. 51 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: Okay, that's pretty cool. 52 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 5: Yeah it was. I can't lie. I was fucking nervous. 53 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: What how's he doing there? He's got a new. 54 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 5: Excuse me, he's kind of, you know, struggling rough, can't 55 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 5: really breathe can't really walk. 56 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 2: He's upset. 57 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 5: All the food here sucks and I tried it, the 58 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 5: apple juice, Your taste like piss. 59 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: There's nothing good there at all. 60 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 5: No, Like I've been trying the things that they've been 61 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 5: giving him, Like all everything here sucked. I feel like 62 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 5: prison suit. 63 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: Mm hmm, Well, I feel like, what what kinds of 64 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: stuff does your dad eat? Now that he has a 65 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: new heart. I'm sure his diet is probably very restricted. 66 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 5: Well, it's not supposed to really have any more butter. 67 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 5: It's got to cut down the sodium. He really needs 68 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,839 Speaker 5: to stop eating so much toast bread for real? 69 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: Really, what's wrong with bread? 70 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 2: Oh? 71 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 5: That dude could eat like half a loaf of bread 72 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 5: in a day. A man loves sandwiches. 73 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it really, you know, I don't know who, like, 74 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: really it was that that that designed the human body. 75 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: I don't know anything about that, but it was designed 76 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 1: poorly because all the things that are delicious they make 77 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: us die. And the things that are healthy, you know, 78 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,559 Speaker 1: they're like whatever, like lettuce and stuff. I mean, lettuce 79 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: is fine, but. 80 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 5: It does. 81 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: That doesn't make sense to me. Why would they program 82 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: us so that things that are delicious are bad? I 83 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: feel like this counterintuitive. 84 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 5: I don't know, to teach us discipline or something. I 85 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 5: thought life was supposed to do all about lessons, But 86 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 5: again I didn't I didn't meet the man who made 87 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 5: all the rules. I don't know. 88 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: Uh, you are your life is better outside of this, right, 89 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: that's what you said. You said that life is going 90 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 1: good other than this. 91 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 5: Yes, I was. I was listening to your podcast tuesday 92 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 5: and you talked about how the majority of people's problems 93 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 5: stem from relationships with other people or things that are 94 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:28,359 Speaker 5: out of their control. And I've been thinking about that 95 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 5: and even though that is like they're pretty much number 96 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 5: one worldwide problem, it doesn't make it any less painful. 97 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 5: And I've been trying to figure out how to cope 98 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 5: with that like this experience has been different from the 99 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 5: last one because I'm kind of seeing my dad almost 100 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 5: like a kid, you know, like you expect to get 101 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 5: to that age and you start taking care of your parents, 102 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 5: you know. Well, I just turned nineteen yesterday, but I've 103 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 5: kind of been taking care of my dad for like 104 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 5: the last two years. But even the last time he 105 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 5: was in the hospital, I wasn't here like eight hours 106 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 5: a day, you know, like i'd combine, I'd visit, stay 107 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 5: over night every once in a while. But like it 108 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 5: feels different, I guess taking care of him, like feeding him. 109 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,679 Speaker 1: And like clean or where's what's up with your mom 110 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: and the rest of your family? Where's everybody else? 111 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 5: So my dad's entire family sucks, and also my dad 112 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 5: self isolates. So my mom is in a really bad 113 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 5: relationship with a cheating husband that she just refuses to 114 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 5: leave and he doesn't like me, so they kicked me 115 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 5: out and let my niece move in. So I don't know, 116 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:00,159 Speaker 5: like my mom loves me, but she's like really got that. 117 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 5: She's a really Christian lady, and I don't know she's 118 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 5: got that. What's that called? I don't know the word, 119 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 5: but like basically it's ingrained into her that, like the 120 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 5: husband is the head of the household, it's God and 121 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 5: then the lord or whatever, they're both the same. Sorry, 122 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 5: the Lord, your husband and then you. And so she 123 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 5: kind of just takes his side with everything, even when 124 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 5: it's unreasonable. 125 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: So you're you're taking care of him all by yourself. 126 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: He doesn't have a significant other that's with him, or 127 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: you don't have any siblings that are with you. 128 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 5: All of my siblings are four plus years older than me. 129 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 5: And also it's really sad. My dad's kind of a 130 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:43,239 Speaker 5: shitty person. So I'm the only kid he's ever raised. 131 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 5: Every other woman he had a kid with did not 132 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 5: want him around the kid and hence took the kid. 133 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: Interesting, why do you say that he's a shitty person? 134 00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 2: Narcissist? 135 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 5: Abuse of bipolar anger is which you know, being mentally 136 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 5: ill doesn't make you a bad person, but you know, 137 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 5: you can't excuse awful and rude behavior towards people just 138 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 5: because you're mentally ill. 139 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: You know, So has he has he been? 140 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 4: You know? 141 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: Okay, so you're you're the youngest, correct, yes, And were 142 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 1: you kind of the one where he was like, okay, 143 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: I was shitty to all the other sort of opportunities, 144 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: all the other daughters that I've had, and now they're 145 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: older and they don't like me, but okay, here's one 146 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: last chance, and I'm gonna really give it a shot. 147 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: Or was he shitty to you as well? 148 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 5: I don't think it was on purpose, you know, I 149 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 5: got I was an accident. So he's like in his sixties, 150 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 5: and he comes from that generation where they were told 151 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 5: to shove down all their traumas so they didn't heal. 152 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 5: So they're all like emotionally stunted. I haven't really figured out. 153 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,839 Speaker 5: My dad kind of avoids the question when I ask, 154 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 5: like why he chose me, because he's he's like fifteen 155 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 5: years older than my mom. My mom was an immigrant 156 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 5: was the first year when she ended up having me, 157 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 5: so she was still illegal at the time, and it 158 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 5: was such a weird dynamic. He made me hate my 159 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 5: mom growing up, and he vied to me for so long, 160 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,079 Speaker 5: and like his justification was that he got my mom 161 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,839 Speaker 5: deported to keep me here in America, because being raised 162 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,679 Speaker 5: in America is you know, so much better. 163 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:59,719 Speaker 1: He got your mom deported, But then yeah, he got 164 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: your mind deported. How does him getting your mom deported 165 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: keep you here? 166 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 5: Well, no, no, no, it wasn't relevant in that it was 167 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 5: just adding to the story of like my dad told 168 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 5: me all these lies. So long story short, he just 169 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 5: ended up doing a really bad job because he he's 170 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 5: not the smartest man I've ever met, especially financially, so 171 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 5: he's kind of always been poor. 172 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 2: We grew up super poor, so. 173 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 5: He was just working all the time. He would let 174 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 5: out work anger on me because you know, super duper 175 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 5: bad anger. 176 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: Issues and has tried. 177 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 5: But he did a really shitty job. 178 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: Has your relationship with him improved at all or has 179 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: it kind of stayed at the same shitty baseline for 180 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: you know, most of your life. 181 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 5: It changed for a few months, but it wasn't really real. 182 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 5: He finally ended up meeting this girl, and it was 183 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 5: a horrible situation. 184 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 2: That's the whole other story. 185 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 5: She moves in like two months after they met, and 186 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 5: he just completely changes and he's talking to me nice. 187 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,319 Speaker 5: He's not cursing at me anymore. He does all these 188 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 5: things for this woman. He would cook for her and 189 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 5: he would clean, like my dad did not take care 190 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,719 Speaker 5: of me as a kid. My dad's best friend, who 191 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,839 Speaker 5: I called my uncle, is the person who basically raised 192 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 5: me because he wasn't really a dad. So he was 193 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 5: nice for a few months, and then she ended up 194 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 5: ghosting him. She like stopped taking her meds, just packed 195 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 5: up all her things one day, left blocked from everything, 196 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 5: didn't even say anything, and he like completely broke and 197 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 5: that was really hard to watch. And he kind of 198 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 5: like reverted back, but into like an even worse version 199 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 5: because he wasn't really just like angry anymore. He was 200 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 5: like depressed, like super depressed. 201 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: Where where is because in our relationship kind of your 202 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: dad's uncle right now? Is he not your dad's but 203 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: your uncle your dad's friend right now? Is he not 204 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: in the picture? 205 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 5: So my dad, being not the nicest guy, has this 206 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 5: tendency to push everybody away and treat everybody really horribly, 207 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 5: and right around the age of thirteen, they he already 208 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 5: kind of treated him like shit. He was just super 209 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 5: rude to him, ordered him around like a dog, you know. 210 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 5: And one day my uncle's, one of my uncle's family 211 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,559 Speaker 5: members died. He didn't find out until two days before 212 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 5: the funeral. Funerals in Illinois, which is like an eight 213 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 5: hour drive, and he really wanted to go, and my 214 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 5: dad was like, no, you can't go. You have to like, 215 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 5: you have to stay here. We can't plan that. He's 216 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 5: so mad that he just left anyway, you know, he 217 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 5: went to the funeral and he comes back and my 218 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 5: dad was literally pretending like he didn't exist. I remember, 219 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 5: for a week straight, like he wouldn't acknowledge him, he 220 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 5: wouldn't respond to him, he wouldn't talk to him. And 221 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 5: one morning it was just like normal and I was 222 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 5: getting ready for school and I just said bye, and 223 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 5: he said, by, I see you after school. When I 224 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 5: came home and all those things are packed and is gone, 225 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 5: and I didn't hear from him for like five years. 226 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 5: So now he's still in Illinois. He just got married, 227 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 5: but we don't really talk like that. 228 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 2: Anymore. 229 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: So what has been keeping you taking care of your father? 230 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: If you have had all these bad experiences with him? 231 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 5: I think my only reasoning now, And I don't know 232 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 5: why I feel this way. I feel like invalid for 233 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:56,239 Speaker 5: agreeing with everyone else, because like I talked to real therapists, 234 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 5: and I've talked to my friends, and I talked to 235 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 5: my mom, and everyone's just like you just to leave 236 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 5: and cut this ma out of your life. You know, 237 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 5: like he only drives me down. But it's like I 238 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 5: feel bad because all he has and he's all alone, 239 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 5: and I would not want to die alone. And so 240 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 5: I just want to be their friends every day. 241 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: You know, tell me more about you than your real 242 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: therapists have told you about this. 243 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 5: So she says, I have a abandonment issues, understandably, and 244 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 5: I have a problem letting things go. And even when 245 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 5: you know people hurt me, I justify it because I 246 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 5: just see everybody is myself, you know, just a little 247 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 5: human doing the best they can with the level of 248 00:14:54,320 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 5: consciousness they have. And she thinks that I I need 249 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 5: to keep him blocked out of my life, Like there 250 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 5: are times but he's kicked me out so many times, 251 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 5: and he'll blocked me for a few months and then 252 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 5: unblocked me, you know, and he's like, why haven't you 253 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 5: talked to me? And she always thinks I just need 254 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 5: to keep him gone because you know, he does kind 255 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 5: of bring me down sometimes, but I love him. I 256 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 5: could never hate him. 257 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 2: I don't know. 258 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 5: I just don't agree with her on that standpoint. Yeah, 259 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 5: Like she thinks she tells me I should put myself first, 260 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 5: and I agreed with that. I always tried to, but 261 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 5: this one thing, this one thing really goat me. 262 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 1: Man, what one thing. 263 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 5: My dad whole situation? 264 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: Let me ask you this is there. You know what 265 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: do you think you are giving up or sacrificing of 266 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: yourself in your life, if anything, to take care of your. 267 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 5: Dad, my mental health and my physical health okay, and 268 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 5: time to be invested doing school work and also going 269 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 5: to my actual jobs. 270 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: Uh okay, so it's a lot. 271 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,520 Speaker 5: I haven't been to work the last few days. It's 272 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 5: going to be a few more days. And like I've 273 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 5: been financially independent since I was, you know, a young teen. 274 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 5: So money is important because we live in a horrible 275 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 5: time where everything is super expensive. 276 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, we do, we do? You know this is this 277 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 1: is interesting. Yes, you are sacrificing a lot of yourself 278 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: to take care of this guy who hasn't been great 279 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 1: to you but is your father. You have lots of people, 280 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 1: your therapist, people you know, with legitimate care and concern 281 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: for you, who are telling you that you shouldn't be 282 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: making those sacrifices, and you don't agree with them. It 283 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: seems like there's a lot of dissonance between Okay, should 284 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,360 Speaker 1: I do this? Should I be doing this, my doing 285 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: the right thing, and fuck I'm I'm I'm sitting here 286 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: with you right now wondering the same exact thing. 287 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 2: I think it's. 288 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 5: Not really I think I have this feeling that I 289 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:02,160 Speaker 5: would feel guilty if I chose to leave and take 290 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 5: care of myself, because he would just be dealing with strangers, 291 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 5: you know. M. 292 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: Well, you know again, I'm wrestling all of this in 293 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 1: my head. I think that whatever you decide to do, 294 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: I don't think you should feel guilty about it either way. 295 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: I don't think that there is a. 296 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:36,400 Speaker 5: Cree well I haven't figured out. I haven't figured out 297 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 5: how to not feel guilty about it. And see that's 298 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:40,960 Speaker 5: how I feel, because I'm like, well, it should be 299 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 5: valid either way, because I am my own human. It's 300 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,120 Speaker 5: not like, you know, I asked to be born. It's 301 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 5: not like he made me just to be his caretaker, 302 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 5: you know, like I am my own individual. M. I 303 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 5: don't know, man, you know something about human relationships and 304 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 5: connections in the human brain being wired to care about 305 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 5: other people. 306 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. 307 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 5: I don't know. 308 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 1: It is it does make decisions hard because I'm sitting here. 309 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,119 Speaker 1: At least my thought process with this is like, you 310 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: know what is important in life? Is it important to 311 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: you that you sacrifice of yourself for other people, even 312 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: if they don't deserve it, just because that's what you 313 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,119 Speaker 1: want to do. That's what you you know as a 314 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,159 Speaker 1: human being in a weird way, because yes, you are. 315 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: You are your own human being and you get to 316 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: make your decisions and justify them however you want. And 317 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: with that you can make your executive decision that, you 318 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: know what, it's important to me to sacrifice of myself 319 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: for this guy, even if you might not deserve it, 320 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: because that's just my life philosophy. That's how I feel 321 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: I should live. And you know what, that would be okay, 322 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: And it would also be just as okay for you 323 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: to go, you know what, this guy doesn't deserve And it's 324 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 1: important for me to figure out my own stuff because 325 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 1: I'm young and I got to take care of myself 326 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: here and I need to do these things that are 327 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 1: important to me, and that's my life philosophy, and that 328 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: would be okay too. And both of them are decisions 329 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 1: that you would be making as your own independent person 330 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: and as a person who gets to decide what is 331 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: important to them in their life, and theo's are really 332 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,640 Speaker 1: hard decisions to make, especially very young. You know, I'm 333 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 1: still making those decisions. Everyone listening to this is still 334 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: making their decisions on what is important to them in life. 335 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: It's hard to navigate, it, really really is. But I 336 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,399 Speaker 1: don't think either way. You know, the guilt seems like 337 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:53,400 Speaker 1: it's the big thing here. And I'm telling you, whichever 338 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 1: thing you decide to do, you know, if you decide 339 00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: to take care of him and you feel guilty about 340 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,159 Speaker 1: nickol acting other aspects of your life, if you decide 341 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 1: not to take care of him and you feel guilty 342 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: about leaving him, the guilt to me has no place 343 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 1: because you're sitting here, really truly, truly doing the best 344 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: you can here. And this is a hard, hard thing 345 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 1: and you're a thinking, feeling person doing the best you 346 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 1: can with this situation. And so why I feel guilty 347 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,880 Speaker 1: When you did the best you could. You know everything 348 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 1: that was in your control, you really gave patient, deep 349 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 1: thought to it. You didn't just throw it by the wayside. 350 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,119 Speaker 1: You thought about this decision really long and really hard, 351 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: and you made way. Ever, the best one was with 352 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: the information and the feelings you had at the time, 353 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: and I think that's a lot, and I don't think 354 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: it's something to be, you know, feeling feeling guilty or 355 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:25,680 Speaker 1: or you know, regretful about whatever you decide, because you 356 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: you really are doing your best here. I don't have 357 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: any of that made sense, No, it. 358 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 2: Made sense. 359 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,400 Speaker 5: It did make me think a little bit differently. 360 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. 361 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 2: You're right. 362 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 5: I am just doing the best I can with what 363 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 5: I'm feeling, and I really want to put myself first. 364 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,240 Speaker 5: I think that's what I'm feeling. I think that's I've 365 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 5: been feeling so bad mm hm, because I feel like 366 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 5: that I have to do this for some like moral 367 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 5: value or standard that I hold. 368 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. 369 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 4: But I don't. 370 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:18,959 Speaker 1: No, go ahead, I want to. I want to hear 371 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 1: the rest of your thoughts. 372 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 2: I it is. 373 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 5: I think it is okay if I am not emotionally 374 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 5: capable of handing handling some things in my life mm hmm, 375 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 5: even if they seem really detrimental. I think it is 376 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 5: okay to know how much I can handle and be 377 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 5: able to walk away from that. And I don't know 378 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 5: why I've been impleheeing that. 379 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:55,679 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I agree. I think that's okay too, because 380 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,120 Speaker 1: you're as you said you could you you know, you 381 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,359 Speaker 1: you get to make your own decisions about all these things. 382 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 1: You know, there's no I mean, fuck this this moral 383 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: standard that you're talking about, it's it's not defined by 384 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: anyone except for you, and it can be malleable and 385 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: you don't want it to, you know, hold you hostage 386 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: to things that don't serve you. 387 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 5: I don't know why I stopped living my life like that. 388 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,640 Speaker 5: I used to live my life like that all the time. 389 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 5: To keeping the things in my life that served me. 390 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 5: When they no longer serve. 391 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:36,919 Speaker 6: Me, I would let go. 392 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 2: M I appreciate your validation. 393 00:24:54,920 --> 00:25:00,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate you being so vulnerable on the on 394 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 1: the phone here with us. 395 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 5: And I I feel a burden is not the word, 396 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 5: maybe not like annoying, well maybe a little annoying. 397 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 2: I feel. 398 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 5: I feel really a note alone because I feel bad 399 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,919 Speaker 5: like talking to people about it, because it's just like, 400 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 5: you know, like what can they say. It's just like, oh, 401 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 5: like I'm sorry, Like that's awfully you know what I 402 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,639 Speaker 5: tell people, you know, they're like, oh, it's wrong, Like 403 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,760 Speaker 5: you've been down lately, You've been so busy, and it's like, oh, 404 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 5: you know, my dad's in the hospital. I've been dealing 405 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 5: with a lot of stuff when he when he kicked 406 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 5: me out, I was I was homeless for like the 407 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:45,880 Speaker 5: last month and a half, and I don't what's that word. 408 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 5: I guess I just felt embarrassed that that was my 409 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,879 Speaker 5: life even though I couldn't control it, you know, And 410 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,159 Speaker 5: so I've been struggling talking to people about it. 411 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 1: M you talked to a therapist about it, don't you. 412 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 2: I have not. 413 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 5: So we actually had our last sex session like six 414 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 5: months ago. The last time thought to her was about 415 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,399 Speaker 5: two weeks ago for by Fasta because you know, I 416 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 5: needed like documentation of homelessness, and she's been around my 417 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 5: dad has kicked me out so many times, so like, 418 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 5: I didn't really talk to her, really explained it, like 419 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 5: everything that was going on, and just put her to 420 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 5: my situation so she could help me fill out some 421 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 5: legal forms. 422 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 1: H jess I. I again, I think you should do, 423 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 1: you know, whatever you decide you're going to do. But uh, 424 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 1: if you do decide that you are going to stop 425 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,880 Speaker 1: sacrificing the things that you've sacrificing and go and live 426 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 1: your life, I want you to really lean into that 427 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It sounds like you're holding 428 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: on to like you're like embarrassed to talk about it. 429 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 4: You know. 430 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: It says you seem like you're embarrassed that you you 431 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:32,919 Speaker 1: were ever sacrificing any of those things. And it's not 432 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: going to be as easy as just doing it. You know. 433 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: Obviously you're working through a lot of emotional turmoil through this. 434 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: But I hope you let that shit go because you're young, 435 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 1: and you got a. 436 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,879 Speaker 6: Whole lot of lives ahead of you, and uh, I 437 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,719 Speaker 6: have all these great things I want to focus on. 438 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and I think that's really one of fun. 439 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 1: I hope that you you let all that shit go 440 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: and that you dive into to the the wonders of 441 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 1: the life you have ahead of you. That's kind of 442 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 1: my That's what I'm gonna. 443 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 5: Try and start doing and not feel guilty about it. 444 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,199 Speaker 1: Good. Good, I'm glad to hear that. 445 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 2: But I'm gonna do it. 446 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,480 Speaker 1: Good. I'm glad to hear that. I think I think 447 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 1: you're going to do it too. M M. 448 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 6: Just of course, thank you for like a year and 449 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 6: a half. 450 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:48,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, Well, I meant to ask when I started the poll, 451 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 5: how are you today. 452 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 2: How are you doing? 453 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: How am I doing? I'm I'm a gecko on the computer. 454 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 1: I'm hanging out. I'm riding the way love life. But listen, Jess, 455 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,840 Speaker 1: you know, before we go, is there anything else that 456 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 1: we didn't get to or anything else that you want 457 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 1: to say to the people of the computer before we go? 458 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 1: And I want to thank you again for sharing all 459 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:19,600 Speaker 1: of this. 460 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,959 Speaker 5: Thank you. I appreciate it. I wanted to shout myself 461 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 5: out because yesterday it was my birthday and it was 462 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 5: the first like actual fun birthday I've ever had. Usually 463 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 5: my birthday suck, so my friends were there for me. 464 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 5: And what I've been trying to learn since turning nineteen 465 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 5: the last few hours is to live in the presence. 466 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 2: You talk about this. 467 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 5: Sometimes you're not just not just not being on the 468 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 5: phone or Instagram school, but I mean actually absorbing all 469 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 5: the information and appreciating. 470 00:29:59,000 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 2: All these things. 471 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 5: I took a lot of thanks for granted. And I'm 472 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 5: really grateful that you answered my call. You're really lucky. 473 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 1: Well, thank you for sharing, Jess, and sincerely, sincerely, good 474 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: luck to you. 475 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 2: Thank you, Lyle. 476 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 1: You have a good day, you too. 477 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, how are you I'm good. 478 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 1: How are you. 479 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 3: I'm doing okay. 480 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 1: What's your name? 481 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:32,080 Speaker 3: My name is. 482 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: Jesse, Jesse. What's going on with you today? Jesse? 483 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:44,720 Speaker 3: So, so I guess to start. There's so, my girlfriend 484 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 3: and I have known each other for like six years, 485 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 3: like since the start of high school until now, and 486 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 3: during those six years we were like just friends, the 487 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 3: best of friends. I got a huge crush on her, 488 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 3: like pretty immediately, but I thought she didn't feel the same, 489 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,959 Speaker 3: so I just I had to get over my broken heart. 490 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,280 Speaker 3: About three years ago, we started just doing things like 491 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 3: going out to movies together. We started getting dinner together, 492 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 3: basically dating not dating, and then a month ago she 493 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 3: asked me out. So now we are. But my problem 494 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 3: is we both we both like talked about it, and 495 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 3: we both want to because neither of us have had 496 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 3: our first kiss before. But every time I try, like 497 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 3: i'll hide myself up, I'll be like, I'll plan this 498 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 3: whole thing out, I'll just let it do its thing, 499 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 3: and then when the moment's right, I just go for it. 500 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 3: But every time the moment hits, I get super cold 501 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 3: feet and I completely abort the mission. And I don't 502 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,800 Speaker 3: know how to not do that because I really like her, 503 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 3: and I think she really likes me, and she said 504 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 3: that she wants me to be her first kiss too. 505 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 5: So I don't know why we. 506 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 3: Both keep getting cold feet. 507 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: Interesting, I don't know why you guys keep getting cold 508 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 1: feet either. So you both this is you and this 509 00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 1: you and this girl are dating. 510 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 3: Yes, okay, we're both like very comfortable with each other. 511 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: Okay, and yet neither and neither of you have have 512 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 1: have have kissed each other before, or have kissed anyone before. 513 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 3: Yes, I think the closest she's come is like she 514 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,840 Speaker 3: used to have a boyfriend and I think like he 515 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,240 Speaker 3: kissed her on the cheek and she hated its period. 516 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 1: Okay, because that's the listen, because that's what I was thinking. 517 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 1: Here is I mean, look, nowhere in the laws of 518 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 1: how human beings must live their life does it state 519 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 1: that you have to kiss anyone? You know what I'm saying. 520 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 1: If you guys are just simply you know, you could 521 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: be ace your thought about that. 522 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 3: I don't know, because I know this is so. 523 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 5: I know this is weird because we're both. 524 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 3: We're both like so, we're both twenty one, we're both 525 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,720 Speaker 3: neither of us feel like this should be like a 526 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,960 Speaker 3: hard step for us to take because we're really comfortable 527 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 3: with each other. And like I said, every time, I 528 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 3: keep trying, like I work myself up and I'm like, 529 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,160 Speaker 3: I'm an adult, this is the night I'm gonna do 530 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 3: it finally, and then at the last second, I feel 531 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,200 Speaker 3: like like a teenage boy, and I get so scared 532 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 3: and I completely back. 533 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: Out, what do you what are you scared of? Necessarily, 534 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: if you could try real hard to think about it 535 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 1: and put it into words. 536 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:55,840 Speaker 3: I get I guess I'm scared that. Like she when 537 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 3: she said this, like she had a guy kiss around 538 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 3: the cheek and she super hated it. She like really 539 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 3: stressed that point. Okay, And I guess I really don't 540 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 3: I like it. It feels like we should know what 541 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 3: we're doing. So it feels like when that moment happens, 542 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,320 Speaker 3: like I should just know what I'm doing. I should 543 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:16,799 Speaker 3: go for it and stop being such a. 544 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:17,279 Speaker 2: Baby about it. 545 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 3: And I guess I want it. 546 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 5: Sounds so like. 547 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 3: Childish, but like I want to give her a good 548 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 3: first kids. 549 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: Okay, So her boyfriend kissed her on the cheek and 550 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:33,839 Speaker 1: she hated it. M hm, does she just not and 551 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,279 Speaker 1: and that freaks you out because you don't want to 552 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: kiss her and have her hate it. 553 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 3: I guess, so yeah, do you and I. 554 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: Go ahead? And what are you gonna say? 555 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 3: And I like, I've asked friends about this and they 556 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 3: all they to the point where they I think they're 557 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,799 Speaker 3: getting frustrated because I keep mentioning it makes you keep 558 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,600 Speaker 3: saying just do it, And I don't know why I 559 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 3: can't just get over it and just do it. And 560 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure she feels the same. 561 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 1: Okay, let's really break down when you say get over it. 562 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,560 Speaker 1: Let's really break down what it is that we're getting 563 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 1: over here, like okay, the fear, break it down for me, 564 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: and whatever words you you feel like you can use, 565 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: because you know, I asked you that earlier and you said, 566 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 1: you know, you just kind of you just kind of 567 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 1: mentioned that you know her, You mentioned stuff about, you know, 568 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 1: her boyfriend kiss her and she hated it. But I 569 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: feel like I didn't, you know, really be honest with 570 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,440 Speaker 1: yourself here, because I feel like I didn't really get 571 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,560 Speaker 1: a good answer to that question about what's going on 572 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: in your head specifically, So do your best to be 573 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:00,840 Speaker 1: honest with that answer. 574 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 3: I think I think it scares me because like I 575 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,040 Speaker 3: I really don't want to like try it kiss it. 576 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 3: Like I know that nobody's first kiss is perfect, and 577 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 3: I know that, like even though we're both like we're 578 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 3: both pretty old compared to like everybody else's first kiss. 579 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:26,399 Speaker 5: I get. 580 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:32,080 Speaker 3: I guess it feels like there's an expectation that like, yeah, 581 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,799 Speaker 3: it's not gonna be perfect, but it feels like we 582 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 3: really should like know what we're doing, and it feels 583 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,840 Speaker 3: like the I guess, like the moment I get to 584 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 3: the moment of wanting to kiss her and then I 585 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 3: completely freak out and back out. 586 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:44,879 Speaker 2: I guess that's just. 587 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 3: I'm like avoiding not wanting to mess it up. I 588 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 3: guess I'm avoiding wanting to give her a really bad 589 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 3: kiss and having a terrible time. 590 00:36:55,520 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 1: Okay, great, okay, great, great, great. So it is it's 591 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 1: a from a fear of failure in a. 592 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,120 Speaker 3: Sense, I guess it is. 593 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:13,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and it's from a fear of failure due 594 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:18,280 Speaker 1: to like a crushing weight of expectations of how things 595 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,320 Speaker 1: should be at a certain age and in a certain situation. 596 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,799 Speaker 3: Yeah, now that sounds really right. 597 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, great, all right, so cool, Now we 598 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: know what we're dealing with. Yeah, wow, yeah, have you 599 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,359 Speaker 1: talked to her about that? 600 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 3: But sort of we keep saying it in a joking 601 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 3: matter where like, oh my gosh, well, why are we 602 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:50,799 Speaker 3: both so scared of this? 603 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,160 Speaker 6: Haha? 604 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 3: But she keeps saying that she would like to kiss 605 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:56,879 Speaker 3: me and I kiss her. 606 00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,080 Speaker 2: As cheesy as it. 607 00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:06,879 Speaker 1: Sounds, well, listen these expectations of how things should be. 608 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,120 Speaker 1: Forget about the kissing thing for a while. It's just 609 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 1: the general I just think, you know, Jesse, your life 610 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 1: in general is going to be better if you abandon 611 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:26,920 Speaker 1: the expectations of how things should be in a certain situation, 612 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: just in general, forget about the specific situation that you're in, 613 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:36,520 Speaker 1: but in general living by the Again, the expectations of 614 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,440 Speaker 1: how things should be at a certain age in a 615 00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:45,360 Speaker 1: certain situation is just something that would would be of 616 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:50,200 Speaker 1: great benefit to get over. Nobody gets over it completely, 617 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,560 Speaker 1: but you work on it a little bit day by day, 618 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:58,319 Speaker 1: and the expectations become a little bit less heavy. And so, 619 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 1: if anything, look at this as a situation as an 620 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 1: opportunity to say, you know what, I really genuinely don't 621 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 1: care what other people think I should be, have done 622 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: or should be doing by the age of twenty one 623 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:21,239 Speaker 1: in my particular romantic situation, I really don't fucking care 624 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,240 Speaker 1: because I live my own life. 625 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:26,040 Speaker 5: Yeah. 626 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 1: And then you and and same to this this, this 627 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,840 Speaker 1: girl that you're with, as you should feel empowered in 628 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,759 Speaker 1: this similar way. And I hope that both of you 629 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:42,440 Speaker 1: summon that empowerment and then do the thing that you 630 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 1: are desiring to do but afraid to do. 631 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 3: Yees think I think that makes sense. 632 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:59,000 Speaker 1: Good? Good, Yeah. I like this as an opportunity to 633 00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:07,640 Speaker 1: be That's why I wear the gecko costume unassuming Jesse, 634 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:08,680 Speaker 1: is there anything else you want to say to the 635 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go? 636 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,560 Speaker 3: I hope you all have good days, I guess. Thank 637 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,720 Speaker 3: you again, this was very helpful. 638 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:27,560 Speaker 1: Good stuff to hear that, and good luck to you 639 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:31,560 Speaker 1: in your endeavors in the future, romantic or otherwise. 640 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:40,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you by everyone. 641 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:47,440 Speaker 1: That was interesting. I think that was an interesting micro 642 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:56,680 Speaker 1: cosm of this situation where expectations societally about again what 643 00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,640 Speaker 1: you should be doing in a certain situation at a 644 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:05,360 Speaker 1: certain age just are like paralyzing. And that's a whole 645 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,120 Speaker 1: I mean, even in that situation, it's a whole thing 646 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,200 Speaker 1: to get over. But that's just a general thing that 647 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,520 Speaker 1: a lot of people in a lot of situations have. 648 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,640 Speaker 1: It's important to get over. It's something I have myself, 649 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,719 Speaker 1: a lot of people have it, and so this just 650 00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:26,600 Speaker 1: felt like a little in her life in her life. 651 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:34,040 Speaker 1: Hopefully getting over this kissing thing helps her good over that, 652 00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,840 Speaker 1: you know, dealing with other people's expectations in a variety 653 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:41,759 Speaker 1: of situations both her and this other girl might experience 654 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 1: in her life. And so I hope it's it's fruitful 655 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:53,160 Speaker 1: in that way. I am a gecko. What is your name? 656 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:55,920 Speaker 1: What's going on with you? Ryan? 657 00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 4: Not much? Not much, just hanging out. I saw the 658 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,399 Speaker 4: morning stream notification pop out. I was like, ah shit, 659 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,160 Speaker 4: And usually when I call it just it just goes 660 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,520 Speaker 4: straight to line is busy. So I was like, well 661 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 4: fuck it, and then I called this time and it 662 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:20,360 Speaker 4: went straight through the go shit, you're on God situation. 663 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,360 Speaker 1: It's just here that you have a theory that you 664 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,600 Speaker 1: would like to talk about called Frogner's glory hole. 665 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay. So I told this to the 666 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,600 Speaker 4: guys I work, and it didn't really go the way 667 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,440 Speaker 4: I wanted it to be perceived. So I got a 668 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:43,880 Speaker 4: question for you. So let's say you're actually I'm not 669 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,920 Speaker 4: even gonna put up a place. It's superpop kids. So 670 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,479 Speaker 4: you're getting a blowjob, the best one you've ever had, 671 00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:50,960 Speaker 4: or you get the offer for one. 672 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 6: Right, So. 673 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,359 Speaker 4: The deal is you don't like, you get blindfolded and 674 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 4: you don't ever get to know what it is. Do 675 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:03,920 Speaker 4: you try to look or do you just decline the offer? 676 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:10,520 Speaker 1: Okay, so you are blindfolded getting the best blow job 677 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:17,439 Speaker 1: of your life? Could you should you look or not look? 678 00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:18,320 Speaker 1: That's what you're asking? 679 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,760 Speaker 4: Well, I mean, okay, so there's there's rules, of course, 680 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:27,439 Speaker 4: but my first question is would you attempt to look 681 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:31,120 Speaker 4: or would you just The rules are that if you look, 682 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,600 Speaker 4: it just disappears. But I would like to know if 683 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,799 Speaker 4: you're natural cure curiosity, would you get the best of 684 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 4: you or would you just take the nut for what 685 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:39,920 Speaker 4: it is? 686 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,719 Speaker 1: I H so I feel like it would be I 687 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,799 Speaker 1: feel like it would be beneficial. See, it's hard. It's 688 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:52,520 Speaker 1: hard because you know, on one hand, it's like the blindfoldedness, 689 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:57,799 Speaker 1: the mystery of it could be a large contributing factor 690 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:04,680 Speaker 1: to the sexual experience as a whole. Right, So regardless 691 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,600 Speaker 1: of what you see when you take the blindfold off, 692 00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:14,839 Speaker 1: you are now removing a strong variable that that could 693 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: have been an important variable in the pleasure of the blowjob. 694 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:19,240 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 695 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 5: Right? 696 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:32,760 Speaker 1: So to look would be to crumble the entire experience 697 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,280 Speaker 1: that is making would to look would be to remove 698 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,319 Speaker 1: what could possibly be an important variable into how much 699 00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,040 Speaker 1: pleasure you are receiving. That's that's one way of looking 700 00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,880 Speaker 1: at it. The other way of looking at it is 701 00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 1: you are receiving, you know, a lot of pleasure. Is 702 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,719 Speaker 1: the best blow job of your life? Perhaps when you 703 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,880 Speaker 1: take off the blindfold and you see what is going 704 00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:00,319 Speaker 1: on down there, it actually gives you greater insight site 705 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,920 Speaker 1: that you can use. You know, maybe maybe the blindfoldedness, 706 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:09,239 Speaker 1: maybe the lack of sensory you know, of being able 707 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: to see, was not the important variable. And you look 708 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,759 Speaker 1: down and you go, oh, that is actually what is 709 00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,520 Speaker 1: making this feel so powerful. And and then you can 710 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:23,120 Speaker 1: use that moving forward as knowledge for what makes you, uh, 711 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,120 Speaker 1: you know, sexually pique. And it's it's it's hard to tell. 712 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,160 Speaker 1: It's really a gamble either way. Does that Does that 713 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:30,840 Speaker 1: anything that I said just make sense? 714 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:32,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? 715 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:38,879 Speaker 4: Yeah, but I always it. Okay, So now now let's 716 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:42,680 Speaker 4: get on onto. What is it called grap tacks? The rule? Okay, 717 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:47,480 Speaker 4: so number one rule is you'll never know what it is. 718 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,719 Speaker 4: It could be a fucking robot, it could be some 719 00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,960 Speaker 4: guy down the street, to your neighbor, it's it's anybody. 720 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,920 Speaker 4: It's an open it's an open table. But you never know. 721 00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,239 Speaker 4: And see, whenever I brought that up, everybody at work 722 00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,480 Speaker 4: was like, that's gay. What if it's a guy? I said, 723 00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,680 Speaker 4: you can't. I was like, that's not the point of 724 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,760 Speaker 4: the fucking question. It's either it's either yes or no question. 725 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 1: You know, no, but but hold on, hold on, okay, 726 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,839 Speaker 1: but but hold on. What if? But here's the thing. 727 00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 1: What if it is a guy and it is gay? 728 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:24,960 Speaker 1: But then you're like, oh, I like getting blowjobs from guys, 729 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,040 Speaker 1: And then you know that about yourself now, and then 730 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,320 Speaker 1: you go on and you you live a happier life 731 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,840 Speaker 1: with that knowledge, and. 732 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,319 Speaker 4: There's none wrong with that. I'm just saying, like, you 733 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,239 Speaker 4: cannot you cannot deny what you don't know. 734 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,560 Speaker 1: I don't understand this game anymore. 735 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:51,319 Speaker 4: Okay, Now, it's just a just a hypothetical question that 736 00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:52,160 Speaker 4: I randomly made. 737 00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:56,360 Speaker 1: A how many how many different groups of people to 738 00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:57,880 Speaker 1: walk out of this by Ryan. 739 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:00,880 Speaker 4: About two. 740 00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,920 Speaker 1: Okay, by the way, you said this, this theory is 741 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,759 Speaker 1: called Frogner's glory hole. Who is Frogner? 742 00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:15,040 Speaker 4: Sure you don't know who Shrogman is? Like Schroding here, 743 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:19,399 Speaker 4: that's his name? Fuck? Ryan? 744 00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:20,200 Speaker 1: You high right now? 745 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:22,799 Speaker 6: Yeah? 746 00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:24,959 Speaker 4: No, I like this, my guy. 747 00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:30,640 Speaker 1: I'm not sure what you just said. O love there 748 00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:33,840 Speaker 1: you go, right. I'm gonna let you get back to 749 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,600 Speaker 1: whatever it is you were doing before you called. 750 00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,320 Speaker 4: The day you do. 751 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:48,640 Speaker 1: What's your name? I'm Josh, Josh Josh. It says here that, uh, 752 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:53,000 Speaker 1: you you recently waterboarded your friend at the beach the 753 00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:58,720 Speaker 1: other day because on my podcast I said that waterboarding 754 00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:01,200 Speaker 1: is not that bad. 755 00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:06,720 Speaker 7: That is true, That's correct. 756 00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,880 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, So I do remember saying that. I 757 00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:16,759 Speaker 1: do remember saying that, why and I remember saying that 758 00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:22,800 Speaker 1: because it's just water. So tell me what happened. 759 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:24,640 Speaker 7: Tell me tell the guy you waterboarded. 760 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:31,279 Speaker 1: Oh you're the guy who got water Kyle. Okay, yes, okay, 761 00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,120 Speaker 1: all right, So tell us was it that bad? Because 762 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:36,720 Speaker 1: I do remember saying that on the podcast. 763 00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,239 Speaker 4: It was it was worse. 764 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,359 Speaker 7: The reason I let him do it was because I 765 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:44,080 Speaker 7: also thought that it wasn't that bad, every bit as 766 00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:45,000 Speaker 7: bad as. 767 00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:45,440 Speaker 4: I thought it would be. 768 00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,120 Speaker 1: Even though you're saying that, I still don't believe it's that. 769 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:53,279 Speaker 7: I will tell you I don't understand the signs behind it. 770 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,560 Speaker 7: But the way that it happened is it's it like 771 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,680 Speaker 7: shoots the water right up your knockcause you're spot to 772 00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:00,799 Speaker 7: lay back and it shoots the water up nose to 773 00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:01,640 Speaker 7: the back of your throat. 774 00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:02,520 Speaker 4: It's miserable. 775 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,839 Speaker 8: Well, I can tell you I did this to him, 776 00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,080 Speaker 8: and I do not think I could handle having someone 777 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,920 Speaker 8: do it to myself. He last half a seat for 778 00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:11,239 Speaker 8: I thought he was gonna throw up. 779 00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:12,040 Speaker 7: I just turned away. 780 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,399 Speaker 4: It was rough. 781 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,839 Speaker 8: I I've always assumed to be like putting a rag 782 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,120 Speaker 8: on your face in the shower, and it's not that. 783 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:21,080 Speaker 7: It's not that at all. 784 00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,680 Speaker 1: I thought that, okay, So like, yeah, if you could 785 00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,520 Speaker 1: take a shower and let's say you have a washcloth 786 00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:28,120 Speaker 1: and you put it over your face and then you 787 00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,920 Speaker 1: look up at the shower head while it's running, is 788 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,279 Speaker 1: that not the same thing as being waterboarded. 789 00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:38,120 Speaker 7: It's it's not because the water has to run backwards, 790 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:39,920 Speaker 7: like up your face a little bit. Because when they 791 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,919 Speaker 7: do it, they laid you down. Flat, and I guess 792 00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,400 Speaker 7: the way that like your nose is it kind of 793 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,440 Speaker 7: like you know, goes up backwards into your face, and 794 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,960 Speaker 7: so the water runs right up your nose, up your nostrils. 795 00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:55,120 Speaker 7: I'm seriously, it's way worse than it looks like it was, 796 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,640 Speaker 7: because I didn't think it looked that bad even That's 797 00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:57,440 Speaker 7: why I let them do it. 798 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,560 Speaker 1: Well, I gotta say, I feel really powerful having influenced 799 00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 1: you guys to do that. 800 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,759 Speaker 7: Well, So we actually had done it before you said that, 801 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,000 Speaker 7: and I heard it the other day and I was 802 00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,520 Speaker 7: just telling him before you went live. I was telling 803 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,200 Speaker 7: him I like, he said that it wasn't that bad, 804 00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:15,800 Speaker 7: and I knew that that wasn't true. 805 00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:19,480 Speaker 8: We were re listening to your podcast and then you 806 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,080 Speaker 8: came live, and we immediately started trying to tell over. 807 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,640 Speaker 4: Like we have to we have to correct him. 808 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,080 Speaker 7: With let him know how awful it truly is. 809 00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,440 Speaker 1: Okay, So you guys had you guys did this before 810 00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:28,200 Speaker 1: I said it? 811 00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:32,680 Speaker 7: Uh, we did it like four years ago. It was 812 00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,200 Speaker 7: in a hotel bathroom, okay. 813 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:35,920 Speaker 1: And how did it go? 814 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:36,800 Speaker 5: Then you were at the beach? 815 00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,080 Speaker 7: I really I didn't last like I said, it was 816 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,319 Speaker 7: like a half a second, and then I had to. 817 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,200 Speaker 7: I just turned my head away. 818 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:48,759 Speaker 4: It was it was rough. 819 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 1: So I guess after four years you'd forgotten what it 820 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,640 Speaker 1: felt like and you decided to do it again. 821 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,879 Speaker 7: No, no, no, no, no, We've only done it once. 822 00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,200 Speaker 7: I remember clearly what it felt like. I'm not going 823 00:50:59,200 --> 00:50:59,760 Speaker 7: to do it again. 824 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,040 Speaker 1: Oh Okay, I'm getting confused by if I'm talking to 825 00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:04,680 Speaker 1: the person that just doing the water boarding or who 826 00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:05,400 Speaker 1: was waterboarding. 827 00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:09,680 Speaker 7: But I'm just talking to the person that was waterboarding. 828 00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:14,120 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to. 829 00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:17,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna probably get somebody to waterboard me at some point, 830 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,879 Speaker 1: because I really I don't believe either of you guys. 831 00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:21,319 Speaker 1: I still think it's it's just fucking water. 832 00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,560 Speaker 7: Do it. 833 00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:27,440 Speaker 1: I'll do it, and I'll come back and I'll talk 834 00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:29,040 Speaker 1: about it on here. I'll let you guys know if 835 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,600 Speaker 1: I if it was that bad, because it's just water, 836 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:31,440 Speaker 1: how bad can it be? 837 00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:38,840 Speaker 7: Well, Well, people drowning water, right, and this simulates drowning, 838 00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,280 Speaker 7: and that's not a very enjoyable experience. 839 00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:44,719 Speaker 1: I don't get how people drown in water. That doesn't 840 00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:45,160 Speaker 1: make a lot of. 841 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:45,680 Speaker 6: Sense to me. 842 00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,640 Speaker 1: I love having a podcast can you just say whatever? 843 00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:57,359 Speaker 1: That's what people do on these pat You ever listen 844 00:51:57,440 --> 00:51:59,759 Speaker 1: to Joe rogany just says stuff and I'm like, oh, 845 00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:01,600 Speaker 1: you can just I mean, you can just go on 846 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:08,439 Speaker 1: the internet say stuff. It's amazing, guys. Is there anything 847 00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:09,720 Speaker 1: you want to say to the people of the computer 848 00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:10,319 Speaker 1: before you go? 849 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,040 Speaker 8: If you had the opportunity get waterboarded? 850 00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:21,279 Speaker 1: Okay, oh thank you guys. I appreciate you. 851 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:25,239 Speaker 8: Have a good night, but thank you you too. 852 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,040 Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, you can if you have a pot, 853 00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,000 Speaker 1: you can just say stuff and people will be like, yeah, 854 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:37,759 Speaker 1: it's pretty wild. Joe Rogan will just be like, do 855 00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,480 Speaker 1: you all monkeys? And I Joe go and be like 856 00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:45,080 Speaker 1: I heard all that every monkey in the Amazon rainforest 857 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,719 Speaker 1: has have a tightest sea And people are like, oh, yeah, no, 858 00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:50,359 Speaker 1: I heard that too. 859 00:52:52,000 --> 00:53:00,160 Speaker 7: Goes on the line every night every teaching you, but 860 00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,319 Speaker 7: he's not really an expert.