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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy. My name is Kat and

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Speaker 1: so glad you're here today. So if you're new or newer,

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks is the special bonus episode of You Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy where I answer questions that y'all listeners send in

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Speaker 1: And if you have a question that you would like

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Speaker 1: me to answer, you can send it to Catherine K

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Speaker 1: A t h R y N at You Need Therapy

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Speaker 1: podcast dot com. And uh, you never know, one day

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Speaker 1: you might turn this on and I will be reading

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Speaker 1: your question now before we get into anything. While we're

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Speaker 1: on that, Yeah, I'm answering your questions, and if you're

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Speaker 1: an avid listener, you know a lot of times I

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Speaker 1: answer your questions by asking questions. But I just want

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Speaker 1: to remind everybody that this is not therapy, which ties

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Speaker 1: in very nicely to the question that I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be reading later today in this episode. But this is

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Speaker 1: not therapy or a placement, but it can help guide

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Speaker 1: you along the way or give you that little push

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Speaker 1: to get into your own therapeutic process yourself. Now, before

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Speaker 1: we get into the question that ties into what I

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Speaker 1: just said, I want to thank everybody who reached out

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Speaker 1: or helped out in any way, whether it was your

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Speaker 1: energy or prayers, donations, kind words to Katya as she

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Speaker 1: is in the midst of watching her home be somewhat

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Speaker 1: and I don't know the right way to say this,

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Speaker 1: but like destroyed, um, and she is continuing to work

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Speaker 1: through the living trauma that that is, as her family

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Speaker 1: and friends all are still over there. So thank you

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Speaker 1: guys for all of that. And if you don't I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about one what how do you not know that? Um?

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Speaker 1: There's a war in Ukraine right now. And if you

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Speaker 1: don't know who Katya is, she is one of my friends.

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Speaker 1: And I did an episode called Stand with You a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago just about that and how we

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Speaker 1: can help and how we can help the people who

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Speaker 1: are living around us and walking down the stream same

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Speaker 1: streets as us, How we can help those people as

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Speaker 1: they feel kind of helpless and hopeless um watching this

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Speaker 1: all unfold. Also, for those of you who don't know this,

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Speaker 1: I joined Amy Brown's podcast Four Things with Amy Brown

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Speaker 1: for her Tuesday episodes permanently. This happened last November, and

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Speaker 1: so I wanted to remind you guys because if you

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Speaker 1: don't already listen to four things, I highly recommend that

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Speaker 1: Amy is like a breath of fresh air. She is

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Speaker 1: so fun to listen to. She's fun to be with.

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Speaker 1: She has some really awesome guests and an awesome variety

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Speaker 1: of guests on her Thursday episodes. But her Tuesday episodes

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Speaker 1: I now am on every week and sometimes we talk

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Speaker 1: about random stuff. Sometimes she reads listener emails. But that's

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Speaker 1: been really fun and like just honestly a joy in

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Speaker 1: my life because a lot of my job is very

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Speaker 1: se areous. So that has been really awesome for me.

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Speaker 1: So if you didn't know that, or you hadn't listened

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Speaker 1: to Amy's podcast, I want to encourage you to do that.

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Speaker 1: You can get a little extra of me each week

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Speaker 1: if you're not already think of me, and you might

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Speaker 1: make a new friend with Amy, because she's just that.

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Speaker 1: She feels like a friend when you listen to her. Also,

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Speaker 1: on that same note, I was the guest on a

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Speaker 1: podcast called the Badass Basic Bitch Podcast, which do not

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Speaker 1: let the name deter you, I will say. When I

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Speaker 1: first got the email, I was like, wait, what, I

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Speaker 1: am offended by uh you calling me whatever? A basic bitch.

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Speaker 1: I guess if that's speaking of I did have a

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Speaker 1: guy on a date one time. Call me a basic

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Speaker 1: you call me a basic white bitch or something like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there was no second date. There's no follow up text

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Speaker 1: after that date actually, but anyway, a long way to say,

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Speaker 1: don't let the name to tell you. The podcast was

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Speaker 1: so fun to record, one of my favorite podcasts to record,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about social media and how it affects

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Speaker 1: how we look at ourselves and feel about ourselves and

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Speaker 1: how to overcome some of that stuff. So if you

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Speaker 1: are somebody who struggles with comparison or just struggles with

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Speaker 1: like being on social media and a feeling kind of icky,

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Speaker 1: I highly recommend that that came out yesterday if you're

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Speaker 1: listening to this on Wednesday, and then also also also

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Speaker 1: you should subscribe and follow this podcast if you haven't,

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Speaker 1: because my favorite episode I have done in a very

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Speaker 1: long time is coming out this Monday, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want you to miss it. It is with Shaan, a niquist,

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Speaker 1: and I mean her being amazing. It feels like an understatement.

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Speaker 1: It was such a good conversation. I got so much

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Speaker 1: out of it. It will be an episode that I

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Speaker 1: listened to, not to hear anything I said that was

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Speaker 1: ground breaking, but to hear her because she was just

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Speaker 1: so wonderful to speak to, and I loved so much

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Speaker 1: of what she said. She's a new book coming out

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Speaker 1: April twelve called I guess I haven't learned that yet,

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Speaker 1: And uh, I feel like you should just go ahead

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Speaker 1: and preorder it, you know, so follow, subscribe all the things.

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Speaker 1: You don't miss that. And while you're following and subscribing,

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Speaker 1: and why don't you just like click the little five

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Speaker 1: stars down there, give us a rating if you have,

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Speaker 1: and if you have a nice comment to share, you

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Speaker 1: can put that down there to encourage people to listen

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Speaker 1: to the podcast. If you have found it something helpful

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Speaker 1: or inspiring to you, I would just so very much

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Speaker 1: appreciate that. And uh, we have all of that out

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Speaker 1: of the way. Those are a lot of announcements. I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like I usually do that. I guess we

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Speaker 1: should get to the question. Reminder that we keep these anonymous,

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Speaker 1: and that this person was especially happy that I was

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Speaker 1: going to do that and helped her encourage her to

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Speaker 1: even write this. So if you are somebody who's like

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Speaker 1: I have a question, but I'm scared of put sending

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Speaker 1: it in because I don't want people to find out

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Speaker 1: it was me. It always stays anonymous, and you can

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Speaker 1: change some of the details and still keep the same

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Speaker 1: gist of the question so it doesn't give away if

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Speaker 1: you have an issue that seems unique, now here is

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Speaker 1: the question. I'm just gonna read it and then we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about it. Hi, cat. I started to talk

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Speaker 1: to a therapist about a month ago to help work

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Speaker 1: through some marriage issues I have going on and personal

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Speaker 1: issues that are not helping the marriage either. COVID really

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Speaker 1: did a number on me. My husband refuses to go

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Speaker 1: see a therapist, either alone to work through his own

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Speaker 1: personal issues or as a couple to work on us. Instead,

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Speaker 1: he has found a therapist on TikTok that he feels

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Speaker 1: resonates with him. He watches the videos he posts and

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Speaker 1: shares them with me if he feels they apply. So

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Speaker 1: my question is this, what are your thoughts on this

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Speaker 1: form of therapy? I call it his TikTok therapist. I know,

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Speaker 1: probably not the best idea, but I don't say that

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Speaker 1: to him, Okay, ma'am. This question almost feels like I

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Speaker 1: made it up. Myself because it's so up my alley. Now,

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Speaker 1: I will say I am like one million bajillion degrees

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Speaker 1: biased on this issue. And I think I'm biased on

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Speaker 1: this issue because I am a therapist and I've talked

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Speaker 1: about this a lot, but we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: it in a little bit of a different way today.

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Speaker 1: I think, personally and as a therapist, I think it

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Speaker 1: is amazing and wonderful that your husband has found someone

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Speaker 1: that he feels like gets him and offers good advice.

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Speaker 1: The thing we have to remember about therapy, though, is

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Speaker 1: that's very much not always about advice. It's about helping

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Speaker 1: you decide what you need and what you're feeling. And

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Speaker 1: one of the reasons I have some issues with these

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Speaker 1: so called TikTok therapists and these Instagram therapists is that

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Speaker 1: they turn into these like gurus or idols that we

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Speaker 1: kind of worship and they tell us what to do

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Speaker 1: and what we need and what we feel. And that's

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Speaker 1: like literally the opposite of therapy. And there are some

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Speaker 1: TikTok therapists out there that like actually will say things

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Speaker 1: like hi, if you're watching this video, that means you

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Speaker 1: are probably an X and you need why now follow

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Speaker 1: me for more? And they have this like music play

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Speaker 1: in the background that gets you in your feelings and

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Speaker 1: look into the camera these eyes and they I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's so curated and it's just like not authentic and

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Speaker 1: it's not what therapy is. And nobody is just going

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Speaker 1: to be like, you need X and this is what

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Speaker 1: you're We can't do that. That's not what therapists do

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Speaker 1: at all. Sometimes we can be pretty direct, but not

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Speaker 1: ever being able to speak to somebody and being that

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Speaker 1: direct seems a little bit off to me. It almost

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Speaker 1: like brainwashes you into being like, oh my gosh, yes

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Speaker 1: that's me, but it's just not valid. And often when

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Speaker 1: people say shocking things or use language that offers a

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Speaker 1: certain kind of credibility, we give them credibility where it

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Speaker 1: isn't earned. Like if I use the word trauma or

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Speaker 1: gas sighting, secondary award, trauma, bonds, any of this kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff, you automatically think I'm smart or I'm offering

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Speaker 1: something important, but I very well maybe using these words incorrectly,

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Speaker 1: and it it sucks the meaning out of the words

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Speaker 1: one and it too almost like tricks you into thinking

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Speaker 1: that I know what I'm talking about. When I could

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Speaker 1: just be using a fancy word. If I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: something and I use the word quantum physics, it feels like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I would use that in a sentence.

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Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, Like, if I just

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Speaker 1: use this big word that sounds fancy and sounds smart,

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Speaker 1: you're like, Oh, she's fancy and smart. She knows what

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Speaker 1: she's talking about. But I might just insert a fancy

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Speaker 1: smart word in a sentence that doesn't really say much.

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Speaker 1: We've got to be careful now. In the same sense,

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Speaker 1: I think TikTok and Instagram can be very awesome gateways

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Speaker 1: into learning more, but we can't give them more credibility

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Speaker 1: than they deserve. Just like this podcast. It can be

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Speaker 1: super helpful, but it's not the end all be all,

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Speaker 1: and I can't tell you what you need in your

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Speaker 1: life all the time. It's a jumping off point, and

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Speaker 1: I really like to think of it that way. It's

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Speaker 1: like a jumping off point. And that's why I say

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Speaker 1: over and over, and I'm sure some of you guys

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Speaker 1: are like, we get a cat. It's not therapy. But

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Speaker 1: I have to remind people that because I don't want

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Speaker 1: people to look at this podcast as like the thing

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Speaker 1: that will save my life, and Cat will tell me

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Speaker 1: what I need all the time, and I just listen

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Speaker 1: to what Cat has to say. And I do that

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Speaker 1: because I always don't know the best thing. I'm not

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Speaker 1: an all knowing and I'm not all knowing for every person.

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Speaker 1: So again, I think TikTok in his rown can be awesome.

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Speaker 1: It can help destigmatize things really easily, and it can

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Speaker 1: give general information and a really awesome digestible way that

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Speaker 1: then might lead us into wanting more. And that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: But there are some things that we cannot do, and

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Speaker 1: we cannot teach, and we cannot learn appropriately through a

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Speaker 1: screen with somebody that we're not having a conversation with.

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Speaker 1: So maybe this is what your husband needs right now

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Speaker 1: to get him to a place where he's ready for more.

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Speaker 1: Maybe this is his jumping off point, because therapy can

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Speaker 1: be scary, and honestly, there still is a lot of

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Speaker 1: stigma around it, especially when it comes to men. And

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Speaker 1: I don't feel that stigma anymore really because this is

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Speaker 1: what I do all day and I can forget about

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Speaker 1: it because I'm literally immersed in therapy and all things

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Speaker 1: therapy all the time. But the stigma still exists very

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Speaker 1: much out there, and so I want to like validate

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Speaker 1: that your husband is like taking a step towards thinking

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Speaker 1: about emotions and feelings and doing some digging. My thing is,

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Speaker 1: I just wish these TikTok therapists were more encouraging to

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Speaker 1: help guide people to dig deeper and do their own exploring.

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Speaker 1: And what I tend to see as if they try

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Speaker 1: to suck you in, so you were almost like hanging

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Speaker 1: on their every word and you're learning to trust and

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Speaker 1: worship them versus learning to trust yourself and learning to

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Speaker 1: go out and do the things that are that are

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Speaker 1: scary and necessary for you to do to to find

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Speaker 1: and live the life that you want. And there's this

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Speaker 1: one I wonder if it's the same guy. I might

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Speaker 1: email you back and ask you who it is. But

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Speaker 1: there is this one guy on TikTok and I guess

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Speaker 1: Instagram too, that I really do like. And I say

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Speaker 1: that knowing that I've only watched like a handful of

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Speaker 1: his videos. But the videos I have watched have been

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Speaker 1: more general information and they're more motivating, which I like

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Speaker 1: some motivation. I like motivational speakers and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: When they are appropriate and not hustle culture focused. But

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Speaker 1: he was more motivating and more educational in a safe

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Speaker 1: way rather than like telling me how he knows what

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Speaker 1: I need. So all of this to say, it could

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Speaker 1: be good. This could be really good, and if you

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Speaker 1: see a positive change in him, be curious about it.

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Speaker 1: I would not call this therapy, and I know that

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Speaker 1: what you're saying his TikTok therapist. You're probably just like

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Speaker 1: playing around. It's not actual therapy. But I would call

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Speaker 1: it learning, and I would call it a step forward.

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Speaker 1: And it might create a lot of space for you guys,

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Speaker 1: to have conversations that the work in your therapy that

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Speaker 1: you're doing might help you have with him based on

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Speaker 1: some of the stuff he's inviting you into. Because when

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Speaker 1: he does send you a video and he's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this resonates, that opens up an avenue for a conversation

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Speaker 1: that otherwise might not have happened. So I would be

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Speaker 1: curious about it and validate him for the learning and

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Speaker 1: the digging that he is doing, rather than nagging on

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Speaker 1: the learning and the digging that he's not doing yet.

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes it takes us a little longer to get

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Speaker 1: to places where other people get pretty fast, and that

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Speaker 1: can have a lot to do with where we're from,

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Speaker 1: our expectations, the gender roles we've been told about, our

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Speaker 1: our culture, and our own experiences that we've had thus

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Speaker 1: far in our lives. So I hope this answers your question.

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Speaker 1: I enjoy talking about this stuff. I love this question,

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Speaker 1: and like I said, I felt like it was like

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Speaker 1: literally for me, it gave me an outlet to like

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Speaker 1: express some of my thoughts and feelings. All right, well,

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Speaker 1: that does it for me today. Remember to subscribe, remember

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Speaker 1: to follow, remember to rate and review, and also do

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Speaker 1: all those things with Amy's podcast. I'm over there as well.

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Speaker 1: Every Tuesday. I hope you have the day you need

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Speaker 1: to have, whatever day it is, and I will talk

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Speaker 1: to you guys on Monday morning with SHAWNA. Get Excited. Bye,