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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks. My name is Cat and I am the

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Speaker 1: host and if you're new to the podcast specifically couch Talks,

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks is the special bonus episode of You Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy that comes out every Wednesday, where I will answer

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Speaker 1: questions that you guys sent to me and you can

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Speaker 1: send those to Catherine k A t h r y

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Speaker 1: n at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. Now, before

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Speaker 1: we get into anything, just quick reminder that this podcast

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Speaker 1: is not therapy, and it's not a replacement for therapy,

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Speaker 1: but it does help get us thinking about things that

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Speaker 1: you might maybe talk about in therapy if you were

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Speaker 1: to go. So today was supposed to be the part

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Speaker 1: two of the Attachment Questions that you guys sent in

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Speaker 1: after we did the Attachment series, and we will get

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Speaker 1: back to that. I promise to you. You guys have

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Speaker 1: sent in some really awesome questions, and I think that

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Speaker 1: this week it's really important that we take a pause

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Speaker 1: and acknowledge what is happening in the world. And I mean,

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Speaker 1: like really take a second to acknowledge it and feel

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Speaker 1: the weight of what's going on, not to make us

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Speaker 1: feel bad because I don't want to make people feel bad,

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Speaker 1: but I want us to allow ourselves to feel really

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Speaker 1: what's going on so we can act. Now, this podcast

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Speaker 1: is not a political podcast. I really try to stay

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Speaker 1: away from that. I would like to keep it that way.

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Speaker 1: This podcast is about mental health and how to live

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Speaker 1: our lives in the most true way and how to

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Speaker 1: be like our full selves. And I do believe that

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Speaker 1: part of being our most full selves involves and possibly

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Speaker 1: starts with feeling and caring, specifically caring about what goes

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Speaker 1: on around you. So we're not going to do the

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Speaker 1: attachment series today. We're going to talk about what's going

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Speaker 1: on in the world. And I actually this fits because

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Speaker 1: I gotta um from somebody who said, I'm really struggling

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Speaker 1: being able to stay informed on what's happening in Ukraine

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Speaker 1: because I feel very helpless and depressed every time I

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Speaker 1: see something. How can I balance my feelings of being

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Speaker 1: helpless and not ignore what's going on? And so we're

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Speaker 1: kind of going to talk about that. And even as

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Speaker 1: I notice even the way I'm talking and like my

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Speaker 1: energy talking about this feels kind of low, because I

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Speaker 1: mean it is like I have felt very heavy and

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Speaker 1: I felt very helpless as well the past couple of days.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's been easy, or it has been

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Speaker 1: for me in the past to ignore things that I

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Speaker 1: did not think directly affected or impacted me, like this

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Speaker 1: is something that's happening somewhere else, so I don't really

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Speaker 1: have to sit in the insane tragedy that's at play

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Speaker 1: at this very second. And I've told myself I can't

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Speaker 1: do anything, so why I spend time sitting in the

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Speaker 1: deep depression of it all? And we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: about why it is necessary and important for us to

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Speaker 1: be aware and feel what's coming up. For one, this

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Speaker 1: is a big one, but like oh, I would hate

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Speaker 1: to be on the receiving end of that thought process.

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Speaker 1: And we have learned through the conversations on this podcast

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Speaker 1: that connection and relationships are actually the glue that holds

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Speaker 1: us in this world together. We were created to need people,

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Speaker 1: and our feelings attaches to our needs and Ukraine really

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Speaker 1: needs people right now. We have to feel the anger,

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Speaker 1: we have to feel the fear, we have to feel

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Speaker 1: the sadness so we can act. We don't feel those things,

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Speaker 1: then we want to have any reason to do anything.

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Speaker 1: Even talking about this is I mean, this is hard

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Speaker 1: for me to even do a podcast on, Like I

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Speaker 1: am all about feeling feelings and doing all this stuff,

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Speaker 1: but this is I mean, this is very heavy for me.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm rambling. But this is really tricky,

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Speaker 1: and this is really hard because I'm feeling all this

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Speaker 1: stuff and I feel the weight of what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And I have friends who is from Ukraine, who his

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Speaker 1: family is all still there, and I know she's feeling

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Speaker 1: like extremely help us every day and scared every day,

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Speaker 1: and that I'm trying to like stay in touch and help,

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Speaker 1: and at the same time, like staying in touch and

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Speaker 1: helping does bring me a great amount of sadness. But

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Speaker 1: this is hitting at something like a little bit bigger,

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Speaker 1: I think, and I have to take myself like almost

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Speaker 1: halfway out of it because I go back to the

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Speaker 1: idea of like there's nothing I can do, Like my

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Speaker 1: text isn't gonna matter, my donation isn't gonna matter. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes what we need to ask ourselves is how we

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Speaker 1: can help and not how we're going to solve the problem.

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Speaker 1: We don't have to be the complete solution, but rather

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Speaker 1: we can be a piece of the puzzle and we

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Speaker 1: know about my love for puzzles. It's like you need

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Speaker 1: all the pieces, Like one piece isn't going to like

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Speaker 1: put the whole thing together, but you need all the pieces.

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Speaker 1: And I just want to encourage people out there who

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Speaker 1: have felt this that like we need you, like you're

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Speaker 1: one of the pieces, but it's also going to take

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Speaker 1: more than you. And and then I don't want you

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Speaker 1: or I or anybody to underestimate the role you can play.

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Speaker 1: It makes me think about this Margaret Mead quote that

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Speaker 1: I reference all the time, and almost like it's like

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Speaker 1: has given me a whole new meeting for this quote.

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Speaker 1: But she said, never underestimate that a small group of

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Speaker 1: thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed that's the only

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Speaker 1: thing that ever has. And right now, like we go

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Speaker 1: into that spot of like we're not going to do

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Speaker 1: That's how I felt, of like I'm not gonna be

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Speaker 1: able to stop this craziness or this trauma happening, or

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Speaker 1: the people that I'm not be able to stop that

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Speaker 1: from happening. And like we make a difference, us caring

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Speaker 1: makes a difference. If we did not care, then, like

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Speaker 1: I think that there would be a lot more helplessness

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Speaker 1: over there, and I asked my friend Katya, who is

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Speaker 1: from Ukraine, and how's countless family members and friends there

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Speaker 1: right now? How we can help? And she gave me

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Speaker 1: a lot of ideas and a lot of resources that

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna share with you. I'm gonna put them in

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Speaker 1: the show notes, and I'm going to make a slide

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Speaker 1: on my Instagram you can follow at cat dot de

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Speaker 1: fata and I'll put it on at You Need Therapy

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Speaker 1: podcast and then I'll save it to the stories. But

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Speaker 1: I want us to think about this from a couple

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Speaker 1: of angles, because there are people living right next to

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Speaker 1: you that are ruggling that you might have no idea

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Speaker 1: because their friends or their families or whoever are in

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Speaker 1: their home are unsafe. And even though they might be

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Speaker 1: okay or safe themselves, that can take a toll on

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Speaker 1: somebody in so many different ways. And it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like when you know somebody's grieving and you don't know

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Speaker 1: what to say, so you say nothing, and it's like

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Speaker 1: you feel so awkward broaching the subject, but like it's

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Speaker 1: also awkward to not approach the subject, but you just

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Speaker 1: ignore it, Like we choose to just ignore it. And

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Speaker 1: that's literally the worst we can do. It's the worst

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Speaker 1: thing we can do is ignore things because they're awkward

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Speaker 1: or uncomfortable. And it goes This goes back to the

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Speaker 1: idea that you individually are alone or not the solution,

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Speaker 1: but you're part of it, like we are all part

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Speaker 1: of healing. We are are all part of this whole process.

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Speaker 1: Your text or your donation or you reading and staying

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Speaker 1: inform about what's happening isn't going to end the trauma,

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Speaker 1: but it's going to make a difference. And I just

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Speaker 1: keep saying this over and over and over again because

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Speaker 1: I really want people to hear that and know that

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Speaker 1: we have to take our egos out of this. It's

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Speaker 1: not about you being big enough, or your power or

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Speaker 1: your presence. It's about using the presence that you do

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Speaker 1: have and not taking it for granted. Imagine if everybody

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Speaker 1: just didn't text their Ukrainian friends, or just imagine that

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Speaker 1: everybody just didn't give that five dollar donation because they

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Speaker 1: felt like awkward reaching out or that it wasn't really

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Speaker 1: going to make that big of a difference. Like how

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Speaker 1: horrible would that be for the people that are having

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Speaker 1: a really hard time. How hard would it be for

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Speaker 1: those people who are sitting with this trauma every day,

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Speaker 1: to never get that text of somebody caring about them,

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Speaker 1: it would be really hard for them to see the

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Speaker 1: light in. And something that it's really hard to see

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Speaker 1: the light in would make it even tougher. And I

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Speaker 1: just wonder what everybody would do differently if their decision

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Speaker 1: to act wasn't based on the direct outcome of their action.

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Speaker 1: What if it was just based on humanity. What if

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Speaker 1: your action was based on love and loving people rather

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Speaker 1: than solving a problem. And with that said, like, we

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Speaker 1: do have emotional caps like obviously I have an emotional

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Speaker 1: captain sounds like I'm like hitting it. But I'm not

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Speaker 1: asking you guys to surround yourself with the new I'm

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Speaker 1: not asking you guys to scroll Instagram to get the

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Speaker 1: latest update, Like please don't do that. You can take

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Speaker 1: it in waves so that when you do pay attention,

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Speaker 1: you can actually be present. You can have boundaries. You

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Speaker 1: need boundaries, We need boundaries, but we don't need walls

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Speaker 1: that keep us from connecting to what the world needs

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Speaker 1: more than ever right now, and that really, I do

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Speaker 1: think is love. And so how can we show love

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Speaker 1: to people? Sometimes showing love is giving that two dollar

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Speaker 1: donation that like, actually might be a big deal for

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Speaker 1: you to donate two dollars that might make it impact

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Speaker 1: on you. That's not too small, because if they can

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Speaker 1: make it impact on you, it's going to make it

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Speaker 1: impact on somebody else. And that text message. I know

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Speaker 1: we're all busy, I know we are, but like when

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Speaker 1: we take thirty seconds out of our day to even

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Speaker 1: just send a text that hey, thinking of you, doesn't

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Speaker 1: even have to say what can I do? I can

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Speaker 1: just say I'm thinking of you. That matters. And I

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Speaker 1: know this might sound cheesy to you guys, but the

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Speaker 1: world needs like an influx of love right now. Like

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Speaker 1: love is a healer, and so how can our actions

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Speaker 1: be motivated by love? What would that look like? My

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Speaker 1: friend Katya, like I said, what would be the most helpful?

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Speaker 1: And this is what she said to me. She said,

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Speaker 1: just ask everybody to pray, share information on social media.

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Speaker 1: It's very important for people to know what's going on.

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Speaker 1: Half of the world doesn't really know what's happening, and

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Speaker 1: also check on their Ukrainian friends. It really matters. She

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Speaker 1: also opened my eyes to the realities that I hadn't

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Speaker 1: really thought about because like, I guess I technically don't

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Speaker 1: have to think about them, um, But she said she

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Speaker 1: was really terrified about what would be the outcome of

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Speaker 1: the whole situation, regardless of who prevails. She said her

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Speaker 1: parents had already lost their jobs and don't know how

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Speaker 1: long it's gonna take to rebuild everything, so they're going

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Speaker 1: to have to eventually hopefully keep living their lives with

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Speaker 1: pain bills and pain for food and transportation. And she mentioned,

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Speaker 1: we don't really ask for help, we really, we don't.

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Speaker 1: We try to make everything work out ourselves. But this

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Speaker 1: is bigger than us. And she said she's probably gonna

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Speaker 1: create fundraising for them, and if she does, she'll let

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Speaker 1: me know, and I can let you guys know. For now,

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Speaker 1: you can follow her, and I really recommend doing that.

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Speaker 1: Her instagram is at nail by Katya dot t n

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Speaker 1: so nails b y k a t y A dot

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Speaker 1: t n, and you can even like, just following her

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Speaker 1: is going to show support and you can read the

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Speaker 1: things that she's posting because she's posting reliable sources every day, um,

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Speaker 1: really good articles that I've really appreciated. And another really

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Speaker 1: good information outlet to follow is most so at m

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Speaker 1: O s h e h. That has been really helpful

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Speaker 1: for me to find some news when I am in

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Speaker 1: a place to receive it. Katia has has suggested a

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Speaker 1: couple of places to offer support financially through donations, and

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Speaker 1: I've linked them in the show notes. And I'm also

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Speaker 1: going to post what I can to my story on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and save to my highlights, like I said, on

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Speaker 1: both Instagram handles, So cat dot de Fata and you

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Speaker 1: need Therapy podcast, there's gonna be links that you can

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Speaker 1: find general information to stay informed. I'm going to put

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Speaker 1: a link to donate to the Ukrainian Army, which Katia

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Speaker 1: said was very important. Um, I'm gonna put a link

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Speaker 1: to donate to civilians, and then there's going to be

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Speaker 1: a link to donate care packages because that's another thing

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Speaker 1: that a lot of people need. Is like like think

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Speaker 1: about people be ab formula and like just like basic

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Speaker 1: things that we wouldn't think about like they need. And

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Speaker 1: so there's so many different ways we can help. Again,

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Speaker 1: I recommend following Katya. She posts every day and I

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Speaker 1: really really want to ask you guys to like pray.

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Speaker 1: I asked her, I was like, do you have any

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Speaker 1: names of people that we can pray for. And she

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Speaker 1: just sent back, Oh my god, she just sent back

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Speaker 1: a text that everybody needs your prayers. So pray. If

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Speaker 1: you're a praying person, if you're a vibes person, just like,

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Speaker 1: be thinking about these people. It matters. And I think

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Speaker 1: it matters to um the people and you creating the

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Speaker 1: people that are struggling, and the people here whose friends

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Speaker 1: and family are there to know that people do care

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Speaker 1: about them, that really matters. It's what helps keep hope alive.

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Speaker 1: Right if we if nobody cared, then how would we

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Speaker 1: keep hope alive? And I think one of the main

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Speaker 1: like ways that people survive through like traumatic things like

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Speaker 1: this is the ability hold onto some kind of hope.

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Speaker 1: And we can show hope through showing carry and showing love.

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Speaker 1: So I recommend following Katy yuh. You can also donate

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Speaker 1: directly to her. She I know my salar On Saturday,

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Speaker 1: she said, everybody's sending me all these venmos to go

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Speaker 1: get coffee, and I can only drink so much coffee.

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Speaker 1: So and she's like, and plus, I don't really need

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Speaker 1: anything like that, Like I'm okay, So I'm going to

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Speaker 1: take those donations and I'm going to find an organization

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Speaker 1: myself to give them too. And I think she's found

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Speaker 1: a couple that she's going to continue to support and

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Speaker 1: find ways to support the people that are volunteering to

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Speaker 1: help in Ukraine. And so if you do want to

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Speaker 1: venmo her directly, if you're like I don't know what

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Speaker 1: to donate, and if you feel comfortable doing that, you

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Speaker 1: can donate to Katya and put in the note stand

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Speaker 1: with Ukraine so she'll know what that is. If she

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Speaker 1: doesn't know who you are, she'll know that this is

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Speaker 1: for a donation. And she said she's going to donate

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Speaker 1: that money herself to local town support in Ukraine and

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Speaker 1: her Venmo is at k A T y A dash

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Speaker 1: O s A d C h A. So thank you

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Speaker 1: for letting me take a pause from the normal programming

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Speaker 1: here and talk about this. I hope you guys are

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Speaker 1: taking care of yourselves in the caring and also allowing

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Speaker 1: yourselves to care. This is hard and it's necessary for

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Speaker 1: us to stay informed and probably just like love people,

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Speaker 1: So have the day you need to have that might

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Speaker 1: look a million different ways today, but have the day

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Speaker 1: you need to have, have the moment you need to

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Speaker 1: have and I will be back talking to you guys

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Speaker 1: on Monday again. Look out for my stories and I

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Speaker 1: will post updates on things that contakes me because she's

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Speaker 1: been messaging me with new things she's found too that

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Speaker 1: I can share with you guys to help. And I

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Speaker 1: just want to spread awareness to help. That's all I

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Speaker 1: really want to do, and I know it means a

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Speaker 1: lot to her, So stay informed. Also, the shop forward um,

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Speaker 1: the shop Ford dot com, they're doing a whole have

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Speaker 1: a whole line right now to help support Ukraine. So

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Speaker 1: you can go to the shop Ford dot com and

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Speaker 1: buy one of those pieces. I know they have some

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Speaker 1: a T shirt and a pool over with a heart

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Speaker 1: with blue and yellow Ukraine's colors on there. And that's

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Speaker 1: helpful too because if you wear that, people might say like,

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Speaker 1: oh where did you get that, and it might motivate

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Speaker 1: them to help. It's a conversation starter and so it

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Speaker 1: can be like a ripple effect. So that is another

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Speaker 1: option for you guys to do as well. So have

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Speaker 1: the day you need to have, have the moment you

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Speaker 1: need to have. I'm sending all the love to everybody

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Speaker 1: who's listening to this um, who's feeling the heaviness and

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Speaker 1: I will be back with you guys on Monday. Thanks