1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,320
Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need

2
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,920
Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

3
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,840
Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

4
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,800
Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

5
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,080
Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this

6
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:23,639
Speaker 1: one could be your letter. Yeah, buggle up and hold

7
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,560
Speaker 1: on tight. We got it for you. Here it is.

8
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,000
Speaker 1: It's a Strawberry Letter subject. She knew it and she

9
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:33,080
Speaker 1: married him anyway. Just Stephen Shirley, I'm writing this letter

10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 1: to get some advice on how to handle my sister

11
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,600
Speaker 1: and her new husband. My sister called to let me

12
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:42,640
Speaker 1: know she eloped and she's happily married now. I could

13
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,360
Speaker 1: not believe it. Four years ago, she met a guy

14
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,440
Speaker 1: at a restaurant and she started hanging out with him.

15
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,559
Speaker 1: He told her he was bisexual, and she didn't have

16
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 1: a problem with that. As her brother, I told her

17
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,360
Speaker 1: she should not have married him because he's obviously confused

18
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 1: on what he wants. I let her know that I

19
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,520
Speaker 1: would always be there for her no matter what, and

20
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,840
Speaker 1: that I'd keep my eyes on this guy. She was

21
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 1: married less than three months when she called me screaming

22
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,280
Speaker 1: and crying on the phone, saying she found out her

23
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,320
Speaker 1: husband is still dating men. She found out he's still

24
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,720
Speaker 1: on several dating sites. He had pictures of men on

25
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,480
Speaker 1: his phone. I told her to talk to him about it.

26
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,200
Speaker 1: And I told her to talk to him about it,

27
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,720
Speaker 1: and she asked if I would come over while they talked.

28
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,200
Speaker 1: I went over and he sat there and told her

29
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,040
Speaker 1: she knew what was up from the start, so it's

30
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,800
Speaker 1: no big deal. He told her he wasn't cheating on

31
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,120
Speaker 1: her and he and he did not plan to. I

32
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 1: was surprised at how smooth he was and how she

33
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:50,000
Speaker 1: fell for his bs Again. Last week, she called me

34
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,080
Speaker 1: all upset and said that she found out he'd been

35
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,160
Speaker 1: talking to a female that he met on a dating website.

36
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,040
Speaker 1: She told me that she was relieved it was a

37
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,600
Speaker 1: female this time, but she still confronted him this time.

38
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,880
Speaker 1: He told her that he is wanting to explore polyamory

39
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,760
Speaker 1: and asked if she'd be down to try it. She

40
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,320
Speaker 1: wanted my opinion on it. After I googled what it was,

41
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,440
Speaker 1: I knew my sister was losing her entire mind. She's

42
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,640
Speaker 1: twenty nine and I really worry about her. Judgment. Should

43
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:27,519
Speaker 1: I step in or let her live her life? This

44
00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:30,119
Speaker 1: is a lot, I mean, but I got to ask you.

45
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 1: I gotta ask you step in and do what I mean.

46
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,160
Speaker 1: You're her brother. You said that she would always be

47
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,920
Speaker 1: there for her no matter what. So I mean it

48
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,120
Speaker 1: sounds like you just need to be there for her

49
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,200
Speaker 1: when she picks up the pieces after this divorce, because

50
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: these are grown people we're dealing with here. And the

51
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,960
Speaker 1: husband was right. She knew what she what it was

52
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,200
Speaker 1: when she ran off and married him. I mean, the

53
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,880
Speaker 1: problem is not that he's bisexual as I see it,

54
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,040
Speaker 1: or that he's confused, as you say, because he's clear

55
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,639
Speaker 1: about what he is and he wants it all. I mean,

56
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,280
Speaker 1: that was that was very clear. He wants men and women.

57
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 1: That's what he said. Um, it's obvious. He's clear. He

58
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,079
Speaker 1: likes everything. He likes it all. She already knew that. Again,

59
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,600
Speaker 1: the problem is is that her so called husband is

60
00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,200
Speaker 1: not that he's bisexual. It's that he's a cheater. Okay,

61
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,400
Speaker 1: this was a game to him. This man shouldn't be

62
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,680
Speaker 1: married to a woman or a man, Okay, he has

63
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,840
Speaker 1: no plans and being faithful to either of them. He

64
00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:37,400
Speaker 1: should just stay single period. He's not ready for the

65
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:41,640
Speaker 1: commitment of marriage. He was he was honest about his sexuality,

66
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,040
Speaker 1: but not about anything else, and he would still be

67
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,560
Speaker 1: on these dating sites and still be cheating because it's

68
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,080
Speaker 1: came as a complete surprise to her. Uh, he should

69
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,440
Speaker 1: have been honest about the fact that nothing would change

70
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,040
Speaker 1: about his lifestyle even when they got married. He was

71
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,160
Speaker 1: doing this long before he got with your sister. And Uh,

72
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,520
Speaker 1: maybe she thought she could change him or something. A

73
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:05,000
Speaker 1: lot of women think that. Well, that didn't work. He

74
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,920
Speaker 1: went on back to his old single way. So I

75
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,640
Speaker 1: think the best thing for her to do is get

76
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 1: out of the marriage as quickly as possible. That where

77
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,760
Speaker 1: her husband can be free to love and kick it

78
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,360
Speaker 1: with whoever he wants to, and she can get herself

79
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:21,960
Speaker 1: together so she won't rush into a marriage like this again, Steve,

80
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,600
Speaker 1: don't I don't really have anything for this letter. First

81
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,480
Speaker 1: of all, Shirley spoke the truth. I agree with every

82
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,600
Speaker 1: single thing she said. Now here's the deal. This is

83
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:39,919
Speaker 1: her fault. He told her upfront. That's why he was

84
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,160
Speaker 1: cool when you came over the seat with him. That's

85
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,680
Speaker 1: why he explained it to it. You know what she

86
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,120
Speaker 1: knew what was up now, but he owned dating sites

87
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,680
Speaker 1: dayton men. She found out he steal on several dayss

88
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,640
Speaker 1: like he had pictures of men on his phone. I

89
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,400
Speaker 1: told her talk to him about it. She wanted you

90
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,400
Speaker 1: to come over. You go over that right, go over

91
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,440
Speaker 1: that wall. I guess I'd go over there too, my sister.

92
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,039
Speaker 1: You know, in case something popped off, you know, he

93
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,479
Speaker 1: won't start swinging. You know, I'll beat that for But

94
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,279
Speaker 1: that ain't won't happened, you know, told her what was

95
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,720
Speaker 1: up from the start, so ain't no big deal. He

96
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,240
Speaker 1: told her he wasn't cheating on her and he had

97
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,360
Speaker 1: no plan to. And how she failed for this bs again,

98
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:26,000
Speaker 1: he don't understand. Then last week she called up, said

99
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,480
Speaker 1: and found out it was a female he met on

100
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,320
Speaker 1: a dating web say. She told me he was relieved

101
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 1: it was a female this time. What so you're just

102
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:41,599
Speaker 1: happy he just regularly cheating instead of the bisexual part. Cheating, cheating,

103
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,440
Speaker 1: this cheating what you want if that's what he is.

104
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,800
Speaker 1: But really, you know what, man, this is her fault.

105
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:53,120
Speaker 1: You're twenty nine. Get out of this mess. He don't

106
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,080
Speaker 1: need to be married, no way, surely said it. He

107
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,520
Speaker 1: won't two minute. Damn, he who are you looking at?

108
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,280
Speaker 1: What you're looking at her for? I ain't looking at

109
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,880
Speaker 1: her him. You know, you don't know what he's doing.

110
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,720
Speaker 1: That's a hard person to be married too, because now

111
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:15,320
Speaker 1: your competition now is everybody. I don't know what these

112
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,720
Speaker 1: women gonna be wearing in here down what they're gonna

113
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:23,560
Speaker 1: be wearing. You know, he like he liked evening gowns,

114
00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:27,360
Speaker 1: so you know, women wear sexy and evening gowns. It

115
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,680
Speaker 1: turns him own, but it's sort of crazy because he

116
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,919
Speaker 1: liked tuck seed us too. I don't know what to do,

117
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:39,479
Speaker 1: so you just set the ball, you just come all right,

118
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,120
Speaker 1: hang on, Steve. We'll have part two of Steve's response

119
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,520
Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's

120
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,560
Speaker 1: Strawberry Letters subject she knew it and she married him? Anyway.

121
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:55,440
Speaker 1: We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening,

122
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,640
Speaker 1: all right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry Letters

123
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 1: sub Jake, she knew it and she married him? Anybody? Okay,

124
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,480
Speaker 1: So here's a situation. Twenty nine year old woman meets

125
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,520
Speaker 1: this man who he tells her up front he's bisexual.

126
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,640
Speaker 1: They getting married, but three months into the marriage, the

127
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,840
Speaker 1: girl calls her brother, crying and screaming she hadn't seen

128
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,560
Speaker 1: his phone. She thinks he's still dating men because he's

129
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,880
Speaker 1: on several dating sites and has all these men's pictures

130
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,280
Speaker 1: on his phone and everything along with women, and she

131
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:37,240
Speaker 1: just thinks he's cheating. So he told her. He told

132
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,440
Speaker 1: her sister, talk to your husband, see what's up. She said, well,

133
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,760
Speaker 1: would you come over here with me and talk? He

134
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,000
Speaker 1: go over to the house to talk. Now, I want

135
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:53,680
Speaker 1: I need everybody's help him. Shirley Carler. Yes, sir, Oh

136
00:07:53,760 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 1: I scared, Junior? Come on, so scared? You're about say,

137
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:08,680
Speaker 1: y'all's ass don't know how to Oh really, then we're

138
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,720
Speaker 1: gonna make you proud man. Why, Yeah, We're gonna make

139
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,120
Speaker 1: you proud. What do you see as some of the

140
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:20,560
Speaker 1: problems in this relationship? Family reunion? What do you mean, Junior? Well,

141
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,640
Speaker 1: he don't You don't know which one he gonna go with?

142
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 1: Family here, you know, go to you bring him to

143
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,040
Speaker 1: the family union. Could be anybody, and then you don't

144
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:33,040
Speaker 1: know who are you looking at? Yes, umka, okay, No,

145
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:39,599
Speaker 1: I just felt like she's saddling. Yeah, yeah, I just

146
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:44,559
Speaker 1: think that she's just settling and she's I don't know

147
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:49,480
Speaker 1: she really thought this through, you know, marriage in this relationship,

148
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,440
Speaker 1: this lifetime commitment that she has, and it's just three

149
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:57,840
Speaker 1: months in and it's already to a dude that ain't committed. Wait.

150
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,839
Speaker 1: I mean, and I agree with her her brother, I mean,

151
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,480
Speaker 1: I worry about her judgment to her judgment is off

152
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,840
Speaker 1: in this letter. I mean, and again, it's not because

153
00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,599
Speaker 1: he's bisexual. That's not the issue. She knew that going in.

154
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,720
Speaker 1: It's just because he's married and he's a cheater. He's

155
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,120
Speaker 1: cheating with he's still on the Yeah, he's still on

156
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,000
Speaker 1: a dating side. He's still dating men. And when he's not,

157
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,120
Speaker 1: he's not ready for the commitment of marriage. I think

158
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,439
Speaker 1: that's what the letter. Yeah, it is really about the

159
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:34,920
Speaker 1: bigger massue. Yeah, that's the bigger issue. He's not Yeah,

160
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:37,520
Speaker 1: he might be looking at him. He keep going around here,

161
00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:40,800
Speaker 1: he's looking at it everybody. Yeah. And that's the thing.

162
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,920
Speaker 1: The brother said, he's confused. He's not. This man is

163
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,199
Speaker 1: not confused at all. He wants it all and when

164
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 1: he's taking he wants everything. Yeah, and and and so

165
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,880
Speaker 1: that's not the issue. I think the best thing again

166
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,679
Speaker 1: for her to do is go ahead and get a

167
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,760
Speaker 1: divorce and get out of this and let him live

168
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:02,960
Speaker 1: his life. Let him live his unmarried single I mean, look, look,

169
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,640
Speaker 1: if that's what you want to do, then go do

170
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:11,240
Speaker 1: it right, but don't drag nobody else into it. And

171
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 1: didn't expect because what you said was you told the

172
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,640
Speaker 1: woman you was bisexual. You didn't say you was gonna

173
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:22,079
Speaker 1: cheat and not honor the vials. Maybe she thought she

174
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,959
Speaker 1: was getting something that you had maybe worked through. Right,

175
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,040
Speaker 1: But if you're gonna be bisexual and try to take vials,

176
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,280
Speaker 1: but you're gonna be a cheater, it's too much to

177
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:37,160
Speaker 1: choose from. Yes, that's the part the cheating. Does she

178
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,959
Speaker 1: know that he love him love her? I love not

179
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,440
Speaker 1: even in this letter, junior. No, there's nothing about loving

180
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,760
Speaker 1: the letter. Nothing. Yeah. Well, the one thing for sure,

181
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:54,280
Speaker 1: you don't love. He don't love her enough to stay committed. Yeah, right, Yeah,

182
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,080
Speaker 1: he might. He might love his lifestyle more than anything

183
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,079
Speaker 1: right now, which makes you not a good candidate for marriage. Nope,

184
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,480
Speaker 1: I think he does for sure. Yeah. The dating sites

185
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,640
Speaker 1: that bothers me, you know, all of it just bothers me.

186
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,760
Speaker 1: The pictures of men on his phone. You know you're

187
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,480
Speaker 1: supposed to let all that go. You're married. Now. He

188
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:17,320
Speaker 1: likes everybody, Yeah, he likes Yeah, Yeah, he's not your

189
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:30,760
Speaker 1: Hey Wayne, Wayne over, Hey, Beverly Gerald, this is busy.

190
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:37,920
Speaker 1: Everybody is right. And her brother, you know, he feels

191
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,120
Speaker 1: for his sister and he doesn't want his sister to

192
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,640
Speaker 1: be in this situation. So you know, just to be

193
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,400
Speaker 1: there when you know, after the divorce, you know you

194
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,520
Speaker 1: worry about her judgment. Yeah, she ran off and married

195
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:54,760
Speaker 1: this guy who you know, who's cheating on her. Uh No,

196
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,920
Speaker 1: just be there when she gets a divorce and help

197
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,840
Speaker 1: her through it. That's what you can do as her

198
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:04,280
Speaker 1: support system right now, stepping in, I mean, what can

199
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,719
Speaker 1: you do. They're grown, it's their business, they're married. You

200
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,080
Speaker 1: don't well to think about a divorce like this. It'll

201
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 1: be more of a relief for her than a hurt.

202
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,199
Speaker 1: I think she's already real feeling that she made a

203
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:21,240
Speaker 1: mistake or lapse in judgment. Yeah, and so now it's

204
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,160
Speaker 1: real simple those types of divorces, when you know you

205
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,679
Speaker 1: had a lapsed in judgment, it's a relief when you

206
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,920
Speaker 1: get out of that. Yeah, it is what was I thinking.

207
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,559
Speaker 1: Thank you Lord, I'm out. Yeah, yeah, all right. Well,

208
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,960
Speaker 1: thank you guys, We're appreciated. You can post your comments

209
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,079
Speaker 1: on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on Instagram

210
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,040
Speaker 1: and Facebook, and please don't forget to check out the

211
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:48,199
Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now coming up at forty

212
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,000
Speaker 1: six minutes after the hour. Huh. You thought I was

213
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,120
Speaker 1: gonna say Junior sports Talk, didn't you? But I'm gonna

214
00:12:55,200 --> 00:13:00,040
Speaker 1: say that Junior has another poem for us. Yes, and

215
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,240
Speaker 1: you're right after this you're listening to the Dave Harvey

216
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:04,880
Speaker 1: Morning Show