Speaker 1: This is how men think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: This is how men think podcast. My name is brooks
Speaker 1: Like and I am a co host with my man allegend.
Speaker 1: Hell of a co host, hell of a co host.
Speaker 1: Thank you, buddy, Mr Gavin to Graw, Buddy, what's up, buddy.
Speaker 1: I enjoy co hosting with you. I always say co host.
Speaker 1: I view you more like host, and I feel more
Speaker 1: co hosting because I like how you lead in you
Speaker 1: so sincere I just goof off all the time and
Speaker 1: I really value your perspective. Well, I secretly I do
Speaker 1: tell people that I hosted, but I'm happy to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to do that. But publicly I say I
Speaker 1: co hosted. But I think we're great, we company, we
Speaker 1: have complimentary skills. My man, I feel that way, but
Speaker 1: you did. I did listen to the one that I
Speaker 1: wasn't there and you hosted it amazing and you were like,
Speaker 1: he needs me now, he needs now. It actually surprises
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I don't have to do all the
Speaker 1: heavy lifting here like I always have to do. I can, Yes,
Speaker 1: you do know you just play that way because you know,
Speaker 1: I'll do it. I like the way you do your
Speaker 1: lifting because you exercise. So also here with us, Rick Dmitri,
Speaker 1: what's up, good sirs, what's going on? We're not co
Speaker 1: host We're more like the little brother that picked up
Speaker 1: the other extension and just listening in on the conversation
Speaker 1: and says things that is not true, that is absolutely
Speaker 1: not true. You guys are the senior We hang up,
Speaker 1: and hang up and run downstairs and tell mom, you
Speaker 1: guys are the senior statesman of the podcasts. I agree
Speaker 1: with that. What do you mean? That's all I have
Speaker 1: to the senior states don't. I don't like the term
Speaker 1: senior though, because it makes it sound like they're old
Speaker 1: and they're not old. Yeah, thank you. We actually we are.
Speaker 1: We are the older ones. They're No. I do feel
Speaker 1: relatively old. I mean I have some great hairs right here.
Speaker 1: You great hairs? Doesn't look like man? Those? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Those. I'm gonna get the advice from the
Speaker 1: wife clip. Those kind of get the advice. Okay, dude,
Speaker 1: we have a super exciting topic today. I'm actually really
Speaker 1: I propose this to Amy and Danielle, our producers. This
Speaker 1: was something that's been on my mind, well really my
Speaker 1: whole life, but really on my mind. It's sort of
Speaker 1: come to me, and I'm noticing it naturally organically coming
Speaker 1: to me more and more in the last month, to
Speaker 1: the point where I wanted to have a conversation about it.
Speaker 1: Why is the sky blue? Is that it is not yet? What?
Speaker 1: I don't have the answer, but blue is my favorite color?
Speaker 1: Why are there white clouds the blue sky? Now we're
Speaker 1: on it's not here is the topic, and I'm really
Speaker 1: looking forward to this, guys. Fatherhood, Yes, fatherhood. That is
Speaker 1: the topic of today's podcast. It's been something awesome my
Speaker 1: whole life. I mentioned this on the podcast before. I
Speaker 1: believe my greatest destiny and desire in this world is
Speaker 1: to be a loving husband and a father. And I
Speaker 1: want to be a good father, a great father. I
Speaker 1: want to be an amazing father to my kids, and
Speaker 1: I want to be an amazing, amazing husband to my wife.
Speaker 1: And that's not saying I'm perfect, that's just saying those
Speaker 1: are my desirables in life. That's the thing that I
Speaker 1: value the most. And I've always known I wanted kids,
Speaker 1: but I've always been like, I'm not ready for it.
Speaker 1: It's not here yet. It's not the time of my
Speaker 1: life yet. But now it's started to come to me
Speaker 1: a little bit more. Where I'm looking at you know,
Speaker 1: Gav We've talked about this a little bit. I'm looking
Speaker 1: at fatherhood in a different way that I've never looked
Speaker 1: at it before. So I want to do a podcast
Speaker 1: on it. I like it. That's good. So you're thinking,
Speaker 1: you're thinking, you maybe it may be time starting to
Speaker 1: think about it. Yeah, for the first time. I always like,
Speaker 1: for the first time, it's becoming possibly real, is it?
Speaker 1: Because you see rick Ryan and myself, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I want to be like those guys. I do you
Speaker 1: and you and you and Ricky Ryan. So it's it's
Speaker 1: very this podcast very timely because right now Ryan's actually
Speaker 1: not with us because his wife is due any day,
Speaker 1: any day with their second child. And that's a crazy
Speaker 1: that's a crazy feeling to be moments at any moment,
Speaker 1: you can all of a sudden have another child like
Speaker 1: brought into this world. Like he has to plan all
Speaker 1: these things. He's like, I can't go do the podcast
Speaker 1: because it's too far away in l A traffic. I
Speaker 1: can't get back. Whatever it may be. That's pretty crazy
Speaker 1: when you have to work your life around the fact
Speaker 1: that your child could come into this world at any moment,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I can go to the store, but
Speaker 1: I can't go do this. I gotta be around just
Speaker 1: in case. And that's where he is right now. And
Speaker 1: I think that's pretty cool. Can I ask you crazy question?
Speaker 1: Wouldn't be the first throw a wrench in this? Okay,
Speaker 1: So you love your wife differently than you love your child? Correct? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Second the child comes out, who do you love more?
Speaker 1: Why is the competition? But oh, it's got to be competition.
Speaker 1: So you just love him differently. It's it's a different
Speaker 1: kind of that's really interesting. One you love them equally,
Speaker 1: you can love them equally, but it's a different kind
Speaker 1: of love. So it's not even the same scale. So
Speaker 1: because okay, let me touch on that. You guys both
Speaker 1: said that, I've never heard this concept before. How how
Speaker 1: do you love your child differently than your wife? What
Speaker 1: is like just unpacked up for me? For me, You're
Speaker 1: you're taking care of that that person, that child, whereas
Speaker 1: you are taking care of your wife. But but she's
Speaker 1: like a part you fell in love with her, Like
Speaker 1: there's there's a a love of trust, an attraction. Um
Speaker 1: you know, like that's a different type of feeling or
Speaker 1: a different type of love than you have with your child.
Speaker 1: Whereas your child you have a different type of love
Speaker 1: where you are actually bringing that person into the world
Speaker 1: and your job is to make sure they're safe and
Speaker 1: then teach them sort of the ways of how life
Speaker 1: should be. And they don't you think it is and
Speaker 1: they have at the very beginning, sorry to me, at
Speaker 1: the very beginning, they are absolutely helpless nothing. I mean
Speaker 1: it's a little tiny. They rely on you for everything everything.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what that is. That's something you thought
Speaker 1: you were motivated by hockey and by that and win
Speaker 1: in a Stanley Cup. When you have a kid and
Speaker 1: you realize that this child dependent on you and they're gonna,
Speaker 1: they're gonna, they're surviving because of you, and they're learning
Speaker 1: from you, and everything you do is is you know
Speaker 1: for them, that's that's a motivation, Like you've never felt that.
Speaker 1: That's something you haven't felt in hockey or or anything
Speaker 1: like that. So when you have a kid, what is
Speaker 1: the most what is the most moving element of the
Speaker 1: hold on my calls? When you have a child, what
Speaker 1: is the most moving element of the birth of the child,
Speaker 1: and not necessarily, not necessarily the physical birth of the child,
Speaker 1: but the existence of this new person. Is it that
Speaker 1: it's it's in your image. Is it that you get
Speaker 1: the opportunity to create a world possibly better than the
Speaker 1: one you came into through this person? Is what? Is
Speaker 1: there an overwhelming particular thing that supersedes all other sensations? Well,
Speaker 1: to make it a little bit lighter, I was always
Speaker 1: thought it was weird while I was in the hospital,
Speaker 1: all that to drive a car you need to get
Speaker 1: a permit, you need to take a test, and you
Speaker 1: need to have a license to when you you can
Speaker 1: drink alcohol, you have to wait until you're a certain
Speaker 1: age or you're eighteen. You're like to have a child,
Speaker 1: you don't need anything. You don't there's no license, you
Speaker 1: don't have to take a test. So when I was
Speaker 1: in the hospital with the baby, I was like, if
Speaker 1: something happens, I don't know how to I mean, we
Speaker 1: were reading books and learning how to do CPR and everything,
Speaker 1: but like you're really like, what's what's next, you know,
Speaker 1: And to me, I always kind of thought that was
Speaker 1: funny or kind of strange. Um like I wish there
Speaker 1: was maybe there should be some sort of a test
Speaker 1: that you have to take before you are allowed to
Speaker 1: have a kid, but you don't, So just I agree
Speaker 1: with that. The problem with that is, um, you don't
Speaker 1: like you're never fully prepared to be a parent. Like
Speaker 1: it's not like, Okay, I I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: Now I can have a kid, and now everything is
Speaker 1: gonna be fine. And it's actually my sister UM wrote
Speaker 1: an article called Birth of a Parent, and she's were
Speaker 1: actually writing the title birth of a Parent and she's
Speaker 1: writing a she's writing a book to it, because she
Speaker 1: said she didn't realize, you know, she just dropped her
Speaker 1: oldest son off of college, and she said when she
Speaker 1: left him and he went about it, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: she felt like there's there's this whole chapter and she
Speaker 1: realized that when you give birth, or when you know,
Speaker 1: when you become a parent, everything is about the kid.
Speaker 1: All these books about what to do, but it's like
Speaker 1: you don't know how to handle this because you've never
Speaker 1: done it before. And there's all these things in life
Speaker 1: that you figure out as you go. And I think
Speaker 1: the problem with that, I agree with too many people
Speaker 1: can possibly like it's I know you're saying it's funny
Speaker 1: you can drive. You have to pass the test to
Speaker 1: have an automble bill. But the thing is you're you're
Speaker 1: never fully prepared to be a parent because you're learning
Speaker 1: as you go and and once you have a kid,
Speaker 1: it's not like, Okay, that's it, I got my license,
Speaker 1: because as each thing happens, you're going to change and
Speaker 1: adapt to life along with them differently because you're both
Speaker 1: learning different things. But you're gonna realize a lot of
Speaker 1: things when when you have a child that you didn't realize,
Speaker 1: that you never thought you'd even think about. And it's
Speaker 1: not like when you if you had a boy, it's
Speaker 1: like a little clone of yourself, you know, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: you you think that, but there could be completely different
Speaker 1: from what you want or expect or trying to whatever
Speaker 1: influence in a certain way. So okay, so I have
Speaker 1: a question. Let's go back to the beginning of this.
Speaker 1: So I'm starting to feel to actually feel drawn towards fatherhood.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at that real seriously, what does that look
Speaker 1: like like? Am I? Am I Gavil? We've talked about this.
Speaker 1: Am I a good enough person? Have I done enough
Speaker 1: work and personal development to be able to be a
Speaker 1: good enough resource to bring a life into this world.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you're ever nobody who's ever
Speaker 1: ready or qualify whatever that, but am I do? I
Speaker 1: feel that I'm confident enough to become a father in
Speaker 1: your general because you guys have kids. Rick you have
Speaker 1: two kids, Dmetr you have four. Ryan's about to have
Speaker 1: his second. How did you, guys, before you were fathers
Speaker 1: the first time? Were you at a stage in life
Speaker 1: because a lot of our community is probably in this
Speaker 1: area where they're looking at kids. Um, were you ready?
Speaker 1: Did that feel ready? Were you never ready? Like? How
Speaker 1: did the transition to becoming parents come for you? We
Speaker 1: were talk about it with my wife and I had
Speaker 1: talked about it, and we're like, Okay, we're at the
Speaker 1: point in our in our lives and our marriage where
Speaker 1: we're we're ready to have kids at this point. How
Speaker 1: long have you been married? We had been married. Um, well,
Speaker 1: I'm blinking, Okay, we've been married four years? Okay, Um?
Speaker 1: And we were like, so, I guess between three and
Speaker 1: four because I think she was born. My daughter was
Speaker 1: born around the fourth year, but so it was around
Speaker 1: the time, and we thought, okay, we were ready. Okay,
Speaker 1: we think we're ready. This is what this is the
Speaker 1: next step we want to take. So we did and
Speaker 1: then um did everything that you normally do. You learn
Speaker 1: what you learn, you go to the classes and you
Speaker 1: think okay, and then man, when when my daughter was born,
Speaker 1: there was a terrifying moment because all of a sudden
Speaker 1: you're like, well, there's no margin for error, like I
Speaker 1: can't screw this up. Um. But but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But you learn, you know as you go, and and
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I feel like my my first daughter,
Speaker 1: I feel like she almost knew that we were first
Speaker 1: time parents. And I think I think the first time
Speaker 1: first kids. I think they you guys, She's like, why
Speaker 1: don't you guys take an app I'll drop a deuce
Speaker 1: in a little while after you get up. But it
Speaker 1: was like she I think she she knew, and she
Speaker 1: took it easy on it because we were learning and
Speaker 1: and those things that you're terrified about. There were some
Speaker 1: moments where we're like, holy crap, but it just it
Speaker 1: just worked out. Rick. What about you did did you
Speaker 1: talk about with your spouse? Was there a moment in
Speaker 1: your life. Were always ready to be a dad? Were
Speaker 1: you never ready to be a dad? Yeah? I don't
Speaker 1: know if I was. If we were always ready to be,
Speaker 1: you know, to be a dad, you know. I think
Speaker 1: there definitely was a time when I hit I was
Speaker 1: thirty two when I had my first kid, But my
Speaker 1: wife and I were married for four years before we
Speaker 1: had our first son, um, and it was I think
Speaker 1: those are conversations that we had before we even got married,
Speaker 1: you know, like when you're dating and you're hanging out
Speaker 1: with that person. It was like, hey, you know, I
Speaker 1: want to have kids. Like my dad, I was a pediatrician,
Speaker 1: so we were always he was awesome, awesome in taking
Speaker 1: care of us, but also in a bunch of other
Speaker 1: people within the community. Um, and so it was a
Speaker 1: very I always just always had this kind of inclination
Speaker 1: of like how to raise kids in my my upbringing,
Speaker 1: and so I was always excited to have a child.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're ever ready. I think Dmitri's
Speaker 1: point is once you actually take the child home and
Speaker 1: then they're a little baby, you're like, what do we
Speaker 1: do now? And you start kind of figuring it out.
Speaker 1: But um, we were excited and yeah, we were we
Speaker 1: were ready. I mean we were, Um, I think we
Speaker 1: were about thirty, about four years before or after we
Speaker 1: were married when we had a kid. Yeah. Do you
Speaker 1: think in your life you want kids? No doubt. You know,
Speaker 1: it's funny because I have a dog, only a dog.
Speaker 1: I didn't want a dog. I found a dog, and
Speaker 1: uh where he found you, he found me. And my
Speaker 1: life is way richer with my dog, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean than it was without my dog. Um. I
Speaker 1: can't imagine how much more fulfilling it would be to
Speaker 1: have a person, you know, like my own kid, and
Speaker 1: that would be pretty awesome. So yeah, I'm feeling that.
Speaker 1: Do you have any idea how many do you think
Speaker 1: you'd want? Um? Have you given that any? All of
Speaker 1: the babies? You are difficult? I think you know, when
Speaker 1: you see families that have a lot of kids, it
Speaker 1: seems now this is just just me not knowing anything
Speaker 1: about it. Um, it seems like it would be easier
Speaker 1: the second once you have kind of more of them,
Speaker 1: because they sort of help you raise the other ones.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? You know, it's one
Speaker 1: thing to have one or two, it's another thing to
Speaker 1: have like five. Well, now you've got an oldest kid
Speaker 1: who's helping with the chores and helping with this and
Speaker 1: that with the other kids. I mean, it's sort of
Speaker 1: so it may sound silly, but no, I was the
Speaker 1: last you're raising your your raising helpers, you know, Brooks.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you, what's your biggest not concerned, but
Speaker 1: what's your biggest kind of nerve racking moment of entering
Speaker 1: fatherhood or thinking about entering fatherhood. So my whole life
Speaker 1: I you guys know this as a professional hockey player.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to be able to commit fully to
Speaker 1: that and in doing that through a large part, basically
Speaker 1: through my twenties, my entire twenties, I didn't have any
Speaker 1: sort of personal life, had no connection, had no personal
Speaker 1: life really. UM. And I knew that that would or
Speaker 1: I'd hope that that would come later down the line.
Speaker 1: And I always told myself i'd probably be I figured
Speaker 1: i'd be thirty five before i'd have kids. Um. At
Speaker 1: thirty five, you're on the tail end of your career
Speaker 1: most likely. UM. And I wanted to have enough space
Speaker 1: in my life to devote that space to being the
Speaker 1: type of father that I wanted to be. So I
Speaker 1: didn't think I could do that in my twenties while
Speaker 1: I was devoting all this time to hockey, which is
Speaker 1: what selfishly full transparency, selfishly I fully wanted to do.
Speaker 1: I needed to do that for myself. And so now
Speaker 1: that I'm thirty six, um, I feel I do have
Speaker 1: the space in my life. But now it's it's also
Speaker 1: a new time for me. Now I'm not an athlete,
Speaker 1: I'm not playing hockey, So what does life look like now?
Speaker 1: There's still a uh figuring out process of a new
Speaker 1: identity for myself and also with my wife, like our relationship,
Speaker 1: it's a new ideentity for our relationship as well. Um,
Speaker 1: what's my biggest fear? I don't know, just just bringing
Speaker 1: a life into this world. And I'm also really curious
Speaker 1: to like I know there's gonna be an immense amount
Speaker 1: of blessings. Like I played with teammates, had guys come
Speaker 1: to the rink, some of the toughest guys I've ever
Speaker 1: known in the world come to the rink and they
Speaker 1: tell you the story about when their daughter was born yesterday,
Speaker 1: and they break down crying because it's there, like your
Speaker 1: life change is the moment that life is born and like, man,
Speaker 1: I believe have massive hearts like they just do and
Speaker 1: I've seen it, um, and my my concern is just like,
Speaker 1: are we together ready to bring a life into this world?
Speaker 1: There's no going backwards from this, there's no going backwards
Speaker 1: from this. Are we ready to bring this life into
Speaker 1: the world? And then a question that I do have
Speaker 1: is that we talk about the blessings all the time,
Speaker 1: but what what is life individually for myself, for my
Speaker 1: wife and our relationship look like when we have this kid?
Speaker 1: And it's a question I what, like what is it?
Speaker 1: It's not it's not a negative, like what does having
Speaker 1: a kid cost you? Like I haven't explored that. I
Speaker 1: know it's gonna give me blessings, But what things are
Speaker 1: am I gonna sacrifice or lose in our in my
Speaker 1: life and my relationship? That's what I want to ask you. Guys.
Speaker 1: You're gonna lose about forty five minutes of squats, that's
Speaker 1: what you and still be in better shape than the
Speaker 1: rest of Yeah, you're gonna cry so steep like like sleep.
Speaker 1: Everybody says you're gonna get used to not sleeping, Like
Speaker 1: is that you know what? That's that's the biggest thing
Speaker 1: that people say, and to me it is a big deal.
Speaker 1: But I think it's become such an overblown thing. You
Speaker 1: adapt to it. Look, I mean, I don't know what
Speaker 1: you you know what you sleep now, but it's like
Speaker 1: that's the thing that everyone always goes to get ready
Speaker 1: to get used to not sleeping. It's like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: you you adapt to it. Like, I know sleep is important,
Speaker 1: We've talked about that. But that to me, like, it's fine.
Speaker 1: You your life is going to change. But the fact
Speaker 1: is that if your wife and you are both on
Speaker 1: that same page and you're like, we're taking this step together,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be fine. Like, yeah, your life is gonna change.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna go out on any random night all
Speaker 1: the time. You're not gonna maybe you'll who you hang
Speaker 1: out with, you'll have different things in common, so you
Speaker 1: might adapt more to a different group. Your life will
Speaker 1: change like that. But it's not because you're being forced
Speaker 1: to you. You having this discussion alone means that you're
Speaker 1: processing this and so you'll you will be ready when
Speaker 1: that happens, and you will be You will accept that
Speaker 1: whatever your life is that you make it, there's no rules.
Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, you're you have a kid, you
Speaker 1: go out one night a month, that's not it. You'll
Speaker 1: make it work. It depends on your support system, if
Speaker 1: you have family in town or whatever. So that's that's all.
Speaker 1: The other thing I was gonna say is you want
Speaker 1: to sacrifice whatever you can for that child. So you're
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice sleep, You're willing to give up your
Speaker 1: night out, you're willing to get because you want to
Speaker 1: be with that child or you want to that. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's your job to raise that child, and you want
Speaker 1: to be with him. You know, it's not like you're
Speaker 1: just they're not You're just not a worker, like you're
Speaker 1: there because you want to be with him. Can I
Speaker 1: simplify it. I don't go out most of the time
Speaker 1: anymore because I like hanging out at the house with
Speaker 1: my dog. Yeah that's really weird. I imagine if you
Speaker 1: have a kid, your own kid, You're like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: not going out and I love hanging out with my kids.
Speaker 1: Maybe for sure what I made you just want to
Speaker 1: be at the house with your with your kid. Can
Speaker 1: I tell you a story on this and my dog
Speaker 1: we don't even talk. You know, it's commands zero. Can
Speaker 1: I tell you a cool story. This just happened. So
Speaker 1: Dmitri and I just had lunch downstairs, and Dmitri was
Speaker 1: telling me a story because we were talking about this
Speaker 1: Fatherhood podcast, and Demitri is telling me the story how
Speaker 1: the other morning was super chaotic, super chaotic, whatever is
Speaker 1: going on at the house whenever he's like, I just
Speaker 1: gotta get these kids to school and drop them off
Speaker 1: and then I can be alone for a second. And
Speaker 1: he said when he was dropping his kids off at school,
Speaker 1: he just had a thought like he's I'm gonna miss
Speaker 1: my kids. I'm not going to see them for a
Speaker 1: couple of hours and that's a routine day of school.
Speaker 1: And I look up to that in respect. That so
Speaker 1: that he dropped his kids off at school and he
Speaker 1: loves them so much that he's like, I don't even
Speaker 1: want you to go because I'm gonna miss you that much.
Speaker 1: That I told you that in confidence. I'm kidding, but
Speaker 1: that's I love that man, like I love that I have.
Speaker 1: I have more respect for that than anything else. And
Speaker 1: that's the thing. It's like, you're working your tail off
Speaker 1: in the morning, trying to get four kids out the door,
Speaker 1: and it's you probably had like maybe a half a
Speaker 1: cup of coffee. But at the second you drop them off,
Speaker 1: you're like, dang, I want to be with them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how That's the love that we were talking about
Speaker 1: at the beginning, and that's exactly what happened. It was
Speaker 1: I was like I gotta get I just gotta get
Speaker 1: them there. And it's literally as I'm pulling away from
Speaker 1: schools like, man, like I missed someone, like I want
Speaker 1: to have to wait a few hours to see him again.
Speaker 1: And I thought, man, why, like why was I so
Speaker 1: concerned with like getting him there by eight twenty or
Speaker 1: this and that. It's like and I had a flash
Speaker 1: to an overall picture of life and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I bet you there's people that are like why did
Speaker 1: I rush through all these years? Now? My kids graduating
Speaker 1: high school? Like where did that time go? And that's
Speaker 1: the other thing is I feel like there's different stages
Speaker 1: that are both good and bad. You know, at the beginning,
Speaker 1: you're not getting sleeve because they're a little baby. They're
Speaker 1: waking up every two hours to get fed, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this sucks. And you know, I think there's other challenges
Speaker 1: at different stages of their life. You know, obviously there's
Speaker 1: the walking and then then falling, and then riding a
Speaker 1: bike and they're falling and you know, skin knees and whatever.
Speaker 1: Then they get older in their teenage years, and then
Speaker 1: it's they're falling they you know, in their teenage years.
Speaker 1: And then it's you know, puberty and girlfriends and boyfriends,
Speaker 1: and then it's like they're driving a car, and like,
Speaker 1: to me, those are bigger problems than waking up every
Speaker 1: two hours and feed your baby. Like that's when to me,
Speaker 1: life becomes serious. It's like, okay, yeah, am I gonna
Speaker 1: let my son, who just got his driver's lice in sixteen,
Speaker 1: drive to San Francisco and drive over the Golden Gate
Speaker 1: Bridge And you know, like that's scary to me right now.
Speaker 1: I mean at the time, it won't be. I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: hear the keys, get a hell out of here. Um,
Speaker 1: I want to dig more into this. I appreciate your
Speaker 1: guys insight on this. We need to take quick break
Speaker 1: and we'll be right there back from break. This is
Speaker 1: how men think. I am Brooks like, and we're here
Speaker 1: with Gavin Rick Dmitri and Ryan is expecting the birth
Speaker 1: of his second boy, I believe, which I understand he's
Speaker 1: naming Brooks. I don't think he'll probably not. But just
Speaker 1: before break, Rick, you had touched on like different stages
Speaker 1: of life. Um And one thing that just popped in
Speaker 1: my brain overbreak was I remember asking my dad my
Speaker 1: dad took us, My parents took us camping and fishing
Speaker 1: all the time growing up, and it's left an imprint
Speaker 1: on our hearts with so many memories from it. My
Speaker 1: brother and sister and I all to this day camp
Speaker 1: fish like we love the outdoors because of our childhood
Speaker 1: and that our parents shared with it. And I asked
Speaker 1: my dad the one time. I was like, you're in
Speaker 1: the boat with three kids under the age of nine
Speaker 1: or seven, whatever it is, and you're baiting hooks left,
Speaker 1: right and center because we're catching fish and baits fallen off.
Speaker 1: And I was like, did you ever get annoyed with that?
Speaker 1: Like that you didn't get to fish? And he goes, No, Brooks,
Speaker 1: you know what's the most honest thing I can tell you,
Speaker 1: He goes, I knew it was a stage of life
Speaker 1: and I'd never be here again. You you guys would
Speaker 1: eventually grow up where you could bait your own hooks,
Speaker 1: take your own fish off, and you would never need
Speaker 1: me to do that again. And I always remember that
Speaker 1: how appreciative he was of stages of life that you
Speaker 1: talk about like a kid in a diaper, Like changing
Speaker 1: a diaper could be a sure that you might hate,
Speaker 1: but that kids maybe you guys are like, no, you
Speaker 1: haven't changed a diaper yet. That is a stage you're
Speaker 1: dying to get out of. But a little bit just
Speaker 1: a life. Can you guys talk about stages of life
Speaker 1: as your kids are now a little bit older, you've
Speaker 1: been through a couple of stages, like what does that
Speaker 1: look like? That's a that's a pretty great story that that,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure that happens a lot. But the fact
Speaker 1: that you went and asked him about it and then
Speaker 1: he responded, no, it's fine. You know it's fine, because
Speaker 1: this is like I don't think a lot of people
Speaker 1: get to see that part of it, even though it
Speaker 1: probably happens a lot. I know there's a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff that that I think that I do for my kids,
Speaker 1: and it's like, sometimes it's all right just to sit back.
Speaker 1: It could be my favorite thing in the world. But
Speaker 1: seeing them do it, even if I don't get the
Speaker 1: partice space pretty great. I went to My daughter started
Speaker 1: playing fifth grade basketball the other day, and she's been
Speaker 1: playing soccer and stuff like that, but she never wanted
Speaker 1: to play basketball. Basketball was my favorite sport. And I
Speaker 1: went there and I walked in and I saw her
Speaker 1: and I just a few minutes before pickup, and I
Speaker 1: just watched her play, and man, it was so weird
Speaker 1: to have emotions watching her play a sport that I loved.
Speaker 1: But it's like because I used to love playing it,
Speaker 1: but it was like just there was something about it,
Speaker 1: just this is your kid and they're doing something that
Speaker 1: you know brought you great joy, and it's like and
Speaker 1: you're seeing them, You're like, that's that's pretty amazing. So
Speaker 1: I understand that when he when he says I didn't
Speaker 1: mind not doing it because you know that's something that's
Speaker 1: not going to come back, and you can to help
Speaker 1: kids do something is pretty great. Yeah. And I think
Speaker 1: a little different side of that Brooks is is like
Speaker 1: I've taken my kids out fishing and We've sat on
Speaker 1: a boat and I've baited the hooks and I've done
Speaker 1: all that stuff. And I think it's also kind of
Speaker 1: there's a test to it, you know a little bit,
Speaker 1: so like teaching them how to do it and then
Speaker 1: seeing if they can do it themselves, but also watching
Speaker 1: them do it, like you're teaching them how to do
Speaker 1: it properly in theory. So and then they're like a
Speaker 1: lot of times the kids like no, no no, no, I
Speaker 1: know how to do it. I got it, you know,
Speaker 1: especially like a thirteen year old, So Dad, get out
Speaker 1: of the way. You know, I know how to do this,
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, go ahead. So like part of
Speaker 1: it's also like kind of throwing him out there and
Speaker 1: letting him fail, yeah, and being like nice, nice fishy
Speaker 1: cut buddy, you know, and you know you wouldn't be
Speaker 1: so snarky about it. But it's also like letting them
Speaker 1: go through that that learning path or lack thereof to
Speaker 1: actually then turn around and be like Dad, you know that,
Speaker 1: not that I tied that, knot that you showed me
Speaker 1: like that to me. Hits the heart and that's what
Speaker 1: I that's what I love. It's um, this is completely different,
Speaker 1: and it's just the world I live in. So we
Speaker 1: have we have a not quite two year old husky dog,
Speaker 1: and our dog trainer gave me some great advice. She's like,
Speaker 1: you don't want his obedience, you want his devotion. You
Speaker 1: don't want him to just follow commands, because then he
Speaker 1: can't think for himself. And so with our dog. And
Speaker 1: that's one thing I've been thinking about a lot lately,
Speaker 1: is like I get to teach this young mind. If
Speaker 1: I have a child, I get to teach this young
Speaker 1: mind the world. Like they need to learn to say
Speaker 1: please and thank you. They don't know that, like we
Speaker 1: know that parents taught us that, or or um just
Speaker 1: like what a dog is, or show them the ocean
Speaker 1: for the first time or anything like that. Like I
Speaker 1: get to share the world and expose this mind to
Speaker 1: the world. And that's something that's been on my brain
Speaker 1: a lot. But I also want to let them think.
Speaker 1: I want to like expose them to things. And one
Speaker 1: of the that's I think one of the things I'm
Speaker 1: most excited about is exposing this new child to things
Speaker 1: in the world and watching how they perceive it, and
Speaker 1: then making the child listen to how men think and
Speaker 1: no to be honestly, and they won't say thank you,
Speaker 1: and they won't there'll be times where they will not
Speaker 1: say please, and you're like, oh, right, it's wrong with you,
Speaker 1: you know, like I taught you that, you know, or
Speaker 1: mom did, or you know you need to you know.
Speaker 1: And it's the times where you're not there and your
Speaker 1: friend comes up to you, you know, and he's like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know what your son he was awesome today, Like
Speaker 1: he shook my hand. He was a firm handshake. He
Speaker 1: was so sweet. He said please, he said thank you.
Speaker 1: And it's like when you're not there that's the part
Speaker 1: that really touches me where it's like, dude, yeah, like
Speaker 1: you've we taught him right for we're We're I was
Speaker 1: just at a family reunion. My mom and dad just
Speaker 1: celebrated the wedding anniversary and I sat down with my
Speaker 1: sister and brother in law and their three kids. My
Speaker 1: nieces are my niece and twin nephews Callie, Alex and Raett.
Speaker 1: And they ordered their meal. They're like, I'd like the
Speaker 1: chicken fingers, please and thank you. And the next one said,
Speaker 1: I'd like the blah blah blah please and thank you,
Speaker 1: and the next one all three of them said, and
Speaker 1: I was just like wow, like your kids are I
Speaker 1: was so impressive, Like you clearly that's a taught behavior.
Speaker 1: And their kids at a restaurant at a public place
Speaker 1: new to be polite, and all three of them said
Speaker 1: please and thank you. That is great, beautiful. I was
Speaker 1: blown away. What's it like when you what's it like
Speaker 1: when you share something like that or you teach your
Speaker 1: kids something like that? Like you just touched on it, Rick,
Speaker 1: But like, what are some of your favorite things that
Speaker 1: you guys have personally shared or taught your kids. For
Speaker 1: my dad and I, it was hockey and fishing. Those
Speaker 1: were two things we really bonded over, really bonded over.
Speaker 1: We're hockey and fishing. I mean, I don't know, especially
Speaker 1: with four kids, I think there's a lot of different things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it does. I mean, it's just but that restaurant example
Speaker 1: was was was good and it's like when my kids
Speaker 1: are polite when we got One day, we got an
Speaker 1: email from the teacher at school and she said, listen,
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know that, um, your
Speaker 1: daughter did something that we, myself and the other teacher
Speaker 1: deemed was exceptional. She noted, we have a little time
Speaker 1: where we go round in a circle and we say
Speaker 1: something whatever you're thinking, And she said she noticed that
Speaker 1: there was another student who had been a little whatever,
Speaker 1: and he had made at some point he made a
Speaker 1: point that he wanted to be better about something with himself,
Speaker 1: maybe was talking when he's not supposed to or something that,
Speaker 1: and she took her turn to say, Hey, I just
Speaker 1: want to say that I noticed that you did that,
Speaker 1: that you're that you're making an effort to do that
Speaker 1: and that it's working. I just wanted to give you
Speaker 1: a little you know, support for that, that that's noticeable.
Speaker 1: And so they were like the act that this this
Speaker 1: was fourth grade at the time, he said, the fact
Speaker 1: that this fourth grader took their turn to point out
Speaker 1: to another classmate that that supporting him, that they noticed
Speaker 1: something that he was working on for himself, They said,
Speaker 1: we just wanted to make sure that you know, and
Speaker 1: so that I was floored by that, Like I should have,
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to print out that email, but you
Speaker 1: don't because you don't hang up there's tons of things.
Speaker 1: You don't hang everything on the hall. But I was like,
Speaker 1: and that was a personal thing, But I was like,
Speaker 1: that to me was like a lot. Damn, that's pretty great.
Speaker 1: The child that you love more than the other children,
Speaker 1: ye know, it depends on the day by the way.
Speaker 1: That's a good point because listen, we're making everything sounds
Speaker 1: so fairy tale is here. It's like, by the way,
Speaker 1: kids can be a pain in the ask, dude, Not
Speaker 1: everything is easy. Not everything. I mean, is there anything
Speaker 1: cuter than a kid making up their own knock knock joke? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it sucks when the kids like knock knock, who's
Speaker 1: there and they're like peanut butter. I like peanut, but
Speaker 1: it's like, that's not a joke, so they do something
Speaker 1: and listen, just because you're a parent, Just because you're
Speaker 1: a parent does not mean you're immune. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you're immune to things like being annoying. So don't
Speaker 1: get this. We're not sugarcoat and everything here, Like it's tough, man.
Speaker 1: There are times when you're like my kids annoying me.
Speaker 1: But I mean that happens. I have a question. You're
Speaker 1: a bad dad. Oh you heard that one will trade
Speaker 1: family for new So here's a serious question. This is
Speaker 1: a This is a serious question because, um, my mom
Speaker 1: and I are very much alike. My mom and I
Speaker 1: are like even like visually genetically like, my mom and
Speaker 1: I are very much like. And then my brother and
Speaker 1: sister are more like my dad in personality, visually like
Speaker 1: like physical, all of that. Um, it's very easy for
Speaker 1: me to connect to my mom and my dad and
Speaker 1: I connect through doing things through sport or through hockey
Speaker 1: or fishing. UM. As a parent, do you find that
Speaker 1: it's easier to connect to one of your kids than
Speaker 1: one of your other kids? Do you next to them
Speaker 1: all the same? There's it different? Like is it just
Speaker 1: easier with one you just that you get them or
Speaker 1: they get you, and it's difficult to connect to you know,
Speaker 1: Like I think it again at different stages, there are
Speaker 1: times where it's hard you do connect with one versus
Speaker 1: the other. But looking at their thirteen and ten right now,
Speaker 1: like we both we all get along, like we all
Speaker 1: connect in our certain ways. UM. And with my son
Speaker 1: it's through athletics, and it's through watching sports and playing
Speaker 1: sports and riding bikes and fishing. And with my daughter
Speaker 1: it's skateboarding and it's jokes and you know, we I
Speaker 1: don't can't say that there's one versus versus another. I
Speaker 1: think maybe later on as they get older, like in
Speaker 1: their twenties or thirties, is when I'll be like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm more like my daughter or or whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: whereas right now, I think we share a lot of
Speaker 1: very common we're all kind of in the mix of
Speaker 1: everything right now, the family, And so no, I don't
Speaker 1: see it. It's funny. Yeah, I agree, it's funny because
Speaker 1: people say, like, how how do you like how do
Speaker 1: you not favor one over the others? Like just because
Speaker 1: they came from they may have the exact same parents.
Speaker 1: I mean, look at your siblings whatever. Each child has
Speaker 1: something different that's that's special about them. And so I
Speaker 1: connect with my kids on with different things. You know,
Speaker 1: one maybe sports one maybe you know, jokes, one maybe
Speaker 1: just that they're supersensitive. So it's like, each child is different,
Speaker 1: and you will and you will appreciate that special thing
Speaker 1: that each of them has. So it's never like it's
Speaker 1: never like, oh that's why parents that are like, well
Speaker 1: why don't you do this like your sister, It's like
Speaker 1: because they're not them, like they're their own person and
Speaker 1: and and you will. I think you'll recognize each individual
Speaker 1: characteristics that are special of that child and you'll connect
Speaker 1: on that. And that's why it's not it's not how
Speaker 1: do you not love one more than the others because
Speaker 1: they're just different and you love them each individually. That
Speaker 1: being said, Brooks, I will say my wife is really
Speaker 1: into rap music and my son is really into rap music. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I can't listen. I mean I can kind of
Speaker 1: get there, but not like on that level, you know,
Speaker 1: not on that level. I have a brother in law,
Speaker 1: Like I I watched I watched people closely, especially like
Speaker 1: father especially now because this is President on my brain.
Speaker 1: I I watched teammates that were fathers Um. I watched
Speaker 1: them closely. And my brother in law, Michael has a
Speaker 1: fifteen year old boy, our our nephew, Aiden, Um. And
Speaker 1: what I appreciate about Michael is Michael will get into
Speaker 1: whatever Aiden's into, so it's not it might like. Uh.
Speaker 1: They just came to l A to visit us and
Speaker 1: went to this concert called Suicide Boys and it's less
Speaker 1: weird music that I've never heard and Michael's never heard it,
Speaker 1: but he got an outfit for it. They got tickets
Speaker 1: for it, and they were going to go and jump
Speaker 1: in the mosh pit and Michael was going to do
Speaker 1: this with and did this with a And it's something
Speaker 1: that I respect is that I asked him about I'm like,
Speaker 1: how do you do that versus just dropping your kid
Speaker 1: off and say I'll pick you up after. He's like,
Speaker 1: I want to be into what my son is into.
Speaker 1: So even if it's not my thing, it matters to
Speaker 1: him him and so if it matters to him, it
Speaker 1: matters to me. And I just thought I was so powerful.
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, that's versus just looking at the
Speaker 1: world through your lens. Okay, you do your thing. I've
Speaker 1: always loved watching parents that engage and play and do
Speaker 1: things with their kid versus just parents. By the way,
Speaker 1: if you don't find that common ground, if you don't
Speaker 1: meet in the middle like oh, it's I don't like it,
Speaker 1: but he likes it, So I'm gonna give a try,
Speaker 1: that's gonna that. That's gonna widen. And as your kid
Speaker 1: gets older, there's gonna be more stuff that he likes
Speaker 1: to do that you don't like to do. And then
Speaker 1: you then you're gonna be like, well, why aren't we close? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And as a parent, I can tell you don't want that.
Speaker 1: You don't want to grow up and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: my kid doesn't want to be with me, or I
Speaker 1: don't understand my kid start start you know, make that effort,
Speaker 1: find that middle ground. You may not like it, you
Speaker 1: may go to the concert the mosh pit and hate it,
Speaker 1: but you know what, the kid's gonna notice that you
Speaker 1: did it. Back from break, we're talking about fatherhood, fatherhood.
Speaker 1: I love the show, guys, has been awesome, and we
Speaker 1: now have a friend of the show here with and
Speaker 1: on on the break here just asked a fantastic question, like, dude,
Speaker 1: you gotta come on and ask that. So, So I
Speaker 1: have three kids, three kids how old? Eight six and four?
Speaker 1: Two girls and a boy. Awesome. So I was wondering
Speaker 1: as I'm listening to you guys chat. You know, one
Speaker 1: one thing that comes to mind with me is my
Speaker 1: kids are getting a little bit older now, and you
Speaker 1: start thinking about kids that are bad influences on your kids.
Speaker 1: So what do you guys think about that? I'm going
Speaker 1: I'm going through that right now. Yeah, I mean there's
Speaker 1: definitely um you just honestly speaking, you just gotta let
Speaker 1: him make the mistaken and then have that talk for them.
Speaker 1: I mean, you you want to as they walk out
Speaker 1: the door. You can't be like you. I don't think
Speaker 1: you can necessarily control who they're gonna hang out with
Speaker 1: you can to some extent, but you gotta. As I
Speaker 1: go through this mentally, I'm like, okay, I just gotta
Speaker 1: let it him stub his toe. I agree with that,
Speaker 1: but I will hedge the bet a little bit myself,
Speaker 1: and I will have a conversation with my kids and
Speaker 1: if they're if I know they're going or they're hanging
Speaker 1: out with someone that's I mean minor, your minor, your age,
Speaker 1: except I have one that's tens or ten, eight, six
Speaker 1: and three. Um. But it's like sometimes I'll be like,
Speaker 1: listen this, maybe this happened at school or said, you know,
Speaker 1: I just think about that. You know, I just I'm
Speaker 1: not telling you do what you want to do, but
Speaker 1: I want you to just think about, you know, what
Speaker 1: you're doing and how that might affect other people or something.
Speaker 1: Just a kind of plant to see you. Now leave
Speaker 1: the thinking up to them, because then at least they're
Speaker 1: not going into hanging out with the other kid or
Speaker 1: whatever situations. It is blind and like not thinking about repercussions.
Speaker 1: It's like, listen this, you know, I know you like
Speaker 1: this girl in your class. She's nice and you guys
Speaker 1: are friends. But it's I don't know, if she's necessarily
Speaker 1: the nicest to some of the other kids, and you know,
Speaker 1: think about think about if someone was picking on your
Speaker 1: little brother or and your little sister or something like that.
Speaker 1: Keep that in mind when you're doing this, because when
Speaker 1: you're hanging out with her, because there's someone on the
Speaker 1: other end that may be feeling the results of this.
Speaker 1: Just think about that. And I'm not telling you can't
Speaker 1: hang out with her, but I want you so, And
Speaker 1: I'll plant the seed that they can whatever it is
Speaker 1: that and then they'll, you know, maybe they'll make that decision.
Speaker 1: That's that's at least one. The other thing I was
Speaker 1: gonna say is where my son's now. He's hanging out
Speaker 1: with you know, with a with a friend and the
Speaker 1: friends good, but the parents and the parents are good.
Speaker 1: But you know, they're big drinkers and they've got an
Speaker 1: open bar at the house and it's a pretty common
Speaker 1: social area where everybody hangs out. We go over there.
Speaker 1: But being thirteen, I'm concerned about that later, you know, now,
Speaker 1: or even later on where it's like, hey, I'm over
Speaker 1: at what's his name's house and you know, my parents
Speaker 1: are gone. Let's you know, my dad, I know where
Speaker 1: my dad keeps his vodka. You know, like that part
Speaker 1: starts to creep in on me, and I do to
Speaker 1: your point, Neil or your question is think about do
Speaker 1: we let him go over there? You know where the
Speaker 1: parents when he's over there, you know you start so
Speaker 1: you'll equally think about the parents versus just a kid. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: influence on. Hold on, how old are you when you
Speaker 1: had your first beer, your first drink? I'm forty five
Speaker 1: and a half and I'm gonna go downstairs and try
Speaker 1: my first one. I mean really, I mean, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I mean, we were we were all kids, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, and and I certainly I wouldn't. I wasn't
Speaker 1: the worst kid, but I certainly wasn't telling everybody, no,
Speaker 1: don't don't do that, you know. And I remember, you know,
Speaker 1: drinking beers at thirteen, and you know, breaking a breaking
Speaker 1: into a place with my buddies, and you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, crol barn the lock off. And I think
Speaker 1: that kids, you know, doing that thing, and you know,
Speaker 1: you can try to restrict it all you want. The
Speaker 1: fact is the kids. This sounds like crazy talk because
Speaker 1: I don't have kids that I know, so you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, so it sounds like crazy talk,
Speaker 1: but the more you restricted, the more you're gonna be surprised.
Speaker 1: I guess. The fact is, you can try to remove
Speaker 1: the alcohol from the equation all you want, but if
Speaker 1: you don't, it's almost like you need to have a
Speaker 1: space where they can have a beer at the house.
Speaker 1: Otherwise they're gonna go break into something like I did
Speaker 1: with my friends to go have a beer. Now that's
Speaker 1: two real fences, you know what I mean. So you know,
Speaker 1: then you get caught, you know, you may go to court,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's almost like just have a beer
Speaker 1: in the basement, you know, the house, with your coup
Speaker 1: of your buddies. Well, and I think this is a
Speaker 1: very good topic for another show too, is is it
Speaker 1: sounds crazy drugs, alcohol, that kind of stuff. But I
Speaker 1: think to my to my point and Neil was like,
Speaker 1: we're not trying to stop it, and we're not gonna
Speaker 1: stop it. It's it's a worry that creeps into a
Speaker 1: parent's mind. Yeah, I totally understand that. I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just pointing out I think that when you overly restrict something,
Speaker 1: you created larger perversion for it, and a larger desire
Speaker 1: for it. So when you're young and can't drink, you
Speaker 1: just do drugs. So you know, if you don't make
Speaker 1: the beer available, uh, for them to crack open a
Speaker 1: six pack with three of their buddies, it'll be waysier
Speaker 1: for them to just go buy a joint. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, go get some drugs. You
Speaker 1: don't know what's in that, So you know, you do
Speaker 1: know what's in the can of beer. And as far
Speaker 1: as knowing what's in something versus not knowing what's in something,
Speaker 1: it's a safer choice. That sounds like crazy, tall, I
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying, and I think it's a matter
Speaker 1: of of communicating with them. I think it's a matter
Speaker 1: of like I I got a buddy who doesn't show
Speaker 1: his kids any TV show that has like bad language,
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna like not show my my kids
Speaker 1: are watching, and I'll be like, listen that a lot
Speaker 1: of people don't like that word does not necessarily something
Speaker 1: you want to use. But I'm not gonna not show him.
Speaker 1: So stuff like that. It's like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: pretend that alcohol doesn't exist. I'm not gonna pretend that
Speaker 1: people don't drink it. Um, But I think it's a
Speaker 1: matter of just talking. If the more you commune, then
Speaker 1: they're gonna feel comfortable if they're like, hey, I was
Speaker 1: over at my friend's house and you know, he went
Speaker 1: into the bar and I tried something. It's it's gonna
Speaker 1: You're right, Kevin, that's gonna to happen. Kids are kids.
Speaker 1: But what you don't want is you don't want your
Speaker 1: kid doing that and then feeling like he can't tell
Speaker 1: you about it, or you can or if you find out,
Speaker 1: and then how you know, like, yeah, he's probably not
Speaker 1: going to tell you. Here's here's a question, here's can
Speaker 1: I man? So these are all valid concerns from all
Speaker 1: you guys because you have kids to worry about in
Speaker 1: that capacity, right, Um, but at what age would you
Speaker 1: consider having a beer with your kid? I remember my
Speaker 1: dad had he gave me. I got my first days
Speaker 1: to beer from my dad. Um remember how old that was?
Speaker 1: But I certainly was not old enough that I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I do remember I think I have my
Speaker 1: first days of like nine at a ball tournament that yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but but then yeah, but like a sip or having
Speaker 1: a beer sip? Can I try that he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have this weird remember it. But don't you think
Speaker 1: that by him making by the parents making it permissible
Speaker 1: in the house to have a beer with them or
Speaker 1: have a couple of SIPs with them at the dinner
Speaker 1: table at say fifteen years old, they removes sort of
Speaker 1: that mystery of it and to remove some of the
Speaker 1: quote unquote cool for sure from it, so they're not
Speaker 1: going overboard when they finally get alone with their buddies
Speaker 1: with a case of beer or whatever, like hey, whatever,
Speaker 1: I already kind of do this with my old man
Speaker 1: or with I had to be with my mom at dinner. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it's not Yeah, it's like when you when you get
Speaker 1: to the point where you get to where you get
Speaker 1: to go to college, and then your freshman year you're
Speaker 1: just kids down the bottle of Southern comfort and you
Speaker 1: started throwing up. That's what's happening. But we've talked about this.
Speaker 1: In Europe, there's no drinking age, right, and kids don't
Speaker 1: wait to be twenty one or wait to sneak it,
Speaker 1: and what I guess there is, but but they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't go like hog wild like I can't wait, said,
Speaker 1: They just they grow into it and they have a
Speaker 1: glass of wine right at home with the family. I
Speaker 1: think we over restrict them here, and because we were
Speaker 1: restricting them for so long, we create we create an
Speaker 1: absolute east out of it, you know, unnecessarily because we're
Speaker 1: just strict restrict we should be restricting homemade knock knock jokes.
Speaker 1: I have a couple of questions for you guys, just
Speaker 1: and just give me you're one or two sentences you're
Speaker 1: you're just give it to be short here on this.
Speaker 1: I want to the most important answer so this doesn't
Speaker 1: drag on. But some real interesting questions for you guys.
Speaker 1: Um kneeling, Gonna start with you. So you have three kids.
Speaker 1: What is your biggest fear about being a parent? That's
Speaker 1: a tough one. Um, I mean, I think that goes
Speaker 1: many levels, right, But for me, it is making. For me,
Speaker 1: it's making certain of my kids are making the right decisions.
Speaker 1: And so if if I can help them and influence
Speaker 1: on the one one direction that I wanted them to
Speaker 1: go in and something that I realized that it's something
Speaker 1: very wrong and they went down in completely wrong path,
Speaker 1: that's a big fear for me. They keep for sharing that.
Speaker 1: Dmitri I think it would be that it's not to me.
Speaker 1: It's not about being like right all the time, and
Speaker 1: it's not about having them follow the way I want
Speaker 1: them to be. My biggest fear, I think would be
Speaker 1: that I'm not there for them or they feel like
Speaker 1: I wasn't there for them. So if they, if they,
Speaker 1: I want them to know that they can always come
Speaker 1: to me, that that I'm always there for them. And
Speaker 1: I don't want them to ever think like, oh not
Speaker 1: dad let me down, like he didn't take us to
Speaker 1: the park my mother, but the dad let me down
Speaker 1: because he wasn't He wasn't there for me when I
Speaker 1: needed him. He needed to talk and I needed to
Speaker 1: talk and he wasn't there. Or I turned to other
Speaker 1: people because I didn't feel like I don't I don't
Speaker 1: want that that that to me, that would be a failure. Rick,
Speaker 1: what's your biggest fear about being a parent. And by
Speaker 1: the way, I credit to all you guys for sharing
Speaker 1: this stuff. Is this real stuff, So that's why I
Speaker 1: wanted to have this discussion. So yeah, no, I mean
Speaker 1: my biggest fear is losing a child. That would be
Speaker 1: my biggest fear. So you have the protection umbrella always
Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, and you realize you
Speaker 1: sort of you're helpless at some point. You know, at
Speaker 1: some point when they grow up and they're doing something,
Speaker 1: regardless of the age, you know that losing somebody like
Speaker 1: that would be that's my biggest fear. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think out of probably You're absolutely right. I think out
Speaker 1: of probably fear, I think I've completely blocked that out
Speaker 1: of my mind altogether. You're absolutely right, But it doesn't
Speaker 1: because it's that severe that you try not to even
Speaker 1: think about it. Yeah. Yeah, you try not to think
Speaker 1: about it for sure. Gav What about you, because you
Speaker 1: said you want to be a dad, but you're not.
Speaker 1: What would be your biggest fear about becoming a father? Man?
Speaker 1: I mean all of the above, all of the above.
Speaker 1: I mean there's there's clearly, there's an endless amount of
Speaker 1: things to worry about, clearly, right. Um. And it's funny
Speaker 1: because you spoke about your dog, your dog trainer saying
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily about the discipline, it's about them exactly exactly,
Speaker 1: And um, I see that kind of from all of you.
Speaker 1: Guys are sort of trying to deliver that same sort
Speaker 1: of leadership with your with your kids, and you can't
Speaker 1: help obviously, but be concerned about every nook and cranny
Speaker 1: of everybody's home and every environment that they're in. Right.
Speaker 1: I'm not a dad, so I don't have that level
Speaker 1: of freak out yet, right, which you can't really nobody
Speaker 1: can really wrangle that in cam they like as a parent. Right,
Speaker 1: it's an It's just an endless amount of God. I
Speaker 1: hope nothing bad happens any second of the day, right, Um.
Speaker 1: And it kind of reminds me of hearing you guys
Speaker 1: talk about the way my father used to speak to
Speaker 1: me as a kid. Well, first of all, every day,
Speaker 1: every day I went to school, I would have to
Speaker 1: research recite the same exact things to him every day.
Speaker 1: He would say, why do you go to school? And
Speaker 1: I would have to say, to learn to listen and
Speaker 1: to obey. And then of course it was like very
Speaker 1: rich and I didn't see to learn to listen and
Speaker 1: to obey, right, So it was like a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of whip cracking and then uh, and then
Speaker 1: of course every time I go out with my friends,
Speaker 1: he'd say, don't make me sorry. Don't make me sorry,
Speaker 1: which was basically, you know, keep your decision making and check,
Speaker 1: you know. And he would also pull me aside and
Speaker 1: tell me things like, if anybody's driving like an asshole,
Speaker 1: you know, tell him stop the car. I'm getting out
Speaker 1: of the car right now, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Never be never, never be worried about speaking up when
Speaker 1: you don't like something, yelling at somebody if need be,
Speaker 1: pulling them out if need be, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: He really sort of emboldened me to, uh step out,
Speaker 1: step out first, and really like call people on their
Speaker 1: first you know what I mean, anything that I didn't like.
Speaker 1: He wanted me to voice my opinion aggressively. So that
Speaker 1: was also part of the upbringing thing. And I see
Speaker 1: listening to you guys talk, I hear why now more
Speaker 1: so than ever because it's really based on protection essentially. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think my biggest fear would be did I serve
Speaker 1: this life as well as I possibly could to give
Speaker 1: them the best chance of of happiness in the world,
Speaker 1: not success, happiness. Do they are they? And I loved
Speaker 1: what you said of like can they come Dmitri? You said,
Speaker 1: can they come and talk to me? Or can I
Speaker 1: be their person in a time of need? Can they
Speaker 1: trust me that much that we have that good of
Speaker 1: a relationship to do it. Um, I love all of
Speaker 1: your answers. I'll say this I've heard, I've heard from
Speaker 1: different parents, and this is something I think everyone should
Speaker 1: just real quick. I think people should keep in mind
Speaker 1: it's the communication with the kids. Life is tough for kids.
Speaker 1: And I know, Gavin, you were just saying it's sometimes
Speaker 1: it's easier for boys to be the one to speak out.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not easy for us. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to speak out, be the one to say, hey, I
Speaker 1: don't like this, and that's tough. But so I think
Speaker 1: you can't always rely on your kids to have that
Speaker 1: strength right away to do that. But you don't want
Speaker 1: to get them caught in a in a situation. And
Speaker 1: I think some parents have certain ways things that they
Speaker 1: do with their kids cell phones. They'll say, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: send me, text me a word and then I'll call.
Speaker 1: If you're uncomfortable somewhere, texts me that we have a
Speaker 1: code words, text me a word, and then I'll call
Speaker 1: and pretend like I need to pick you up because
Speaker 1: it's something for me. The other thing is you know
Speaker 1: something that I'll tell my kids when it's when it's time. Hey, listen,
Speaker 1: if you're uncomfortable in a situation, send me. If if
Speaker 1: you guys are taking selfie to send me a selfie,
Speaker 1: have a little code in there, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Have your hand on your ear. If you're uncomfortable in
Speaker 1: a situation you're at, send the selfie out. And if
Speaker 1: I see that your your hand is on your ear,
Speaker 1: then I know you're uncomfortable and we'll get you out
Speaker 1: of there. So I think it's tough for a kid
Speaker 1: to always just come out and say, hey, I'm uncomfortable here,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to you know, I'm out of here, guys,
Speaker 1: because that pure pressures up. So I think it's important
Speaker 1: to have that line of communication with your kids. We
Speaker 1: were like, listen, you're never alone. Even though I'm not there,
Speaker 1: you're not alone. We gotta we got a system. We can.
Speaker 1: You know, we'll figure things out. Beautiful. Okay, I have
Speaker 1: one last question. That's awesome, and I have beautiful that.
Speaker 1: I love learning these things from you guys. You guys
Speaker 1: have been down this path. We have have one last
Speaker 1: question and we've gotta wrap this up, um real quick.
Speaker 1: If you can give me like one sincere most genuine,
Speaker 1: authentic sentence. If you can narrow it to that, would
Speaker 1: love it. Um. What is the absolute best part of fatherhood? Uh?
Speaker 1: I remember when my son was born. I was walking
Speaker 1: down I'll probably cry. I was walking down the hospital
Speaker 1: and it wasn't even the nurse that delivered the baby
Speaker 1: at the time, but a nurse just in passing. I
Speaker 1: had all my scrubs on because my wife had a
Speaker 1: c section, and she was like, what do you have?
Speaker 1: And I was like, I had a baby boy, and
Speaker 1: she goes, You're gonna have a friend for life. Wow,
Speaker 1: And it just time. Seriously, It's like and it's true,
Speaker 1: Like I'd love it. I love my kids. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Thanks Dmitri Um. I mean, there's there's a lot of them.
Speaker 1: I'll just take one similar to that. Is that? Um?
Speaker 1: One night I went I know, in the first episode
Speaker 1: we did here, I told the story where my one
Speaker 1: of my kids came in and woke me up and
Speaker 1: tell me that they love me. But one night I
Speaker 1: was I walked in there, I got home late, kids
Speaker 1: were asleep, and I was like, man, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's nice, but it's it's you know, some days it's good,
Speaker 1: you know, the kids are sleep, but you had a
Speaker 1: hectic day whatever. But one one night I get home
Speaker 1: and I'm like, they're all asleep, and so I went
Speaker 1: in there and I just quietly said good night to
Speaker 1: all of them. And I was walking out of the
Speaker 1: room and I heard I love you too, Dad, Dad,
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, man, like half asleep, but
Speaker 1: it still came out into me. It was like makes
Speaker 1: it all worth it? Yeah, yeah, wow, awesome. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean those are great, both of those. Um I would
Speaker 1: say for me also having my first child, my um my,
Speaker 1: folks sits me. You will love that child uncondition you
Speaker 1: for the waste your life. And that's that's exactly how
Speaker 1: it is. You know, no matter what they do, no
Speaker 1: matter what they say, he'll always go back. And it's
Speaker 1: just you know, it's it's crazy love for your children.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. That is awesome. Hey, real quick, I want
Speaker 1: to say. I know we're wrapping up. I just want
Speaker 1: to give a quick shout out to my sister. Her
Speaker 1: name is a Leaky Pappas Weakland. This article if you
Speaker 1: think about having kids, or even if you're a parent,
Speaker 1: it's called birth of a Parent. Check it out because
Speaker 1: I don't give her enough credit. As I said, I'm
Speaker 1: the last of five kids, and she helped a leaky
Speaker 1: pappas Weekland and it's called birth of a parent reading
Speaker 1: and it's time I need to give back to her
Speaker 1: because she's she's been all my siblings have been fantastic
Speaker 1: for me throughout my life. But I think it's I
Speaker 1: can think it can be helpful. And she's writing a
Speaker 1: book too, so check it out. Um wow, that dude,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. That was awesome. Going to go
Speaker 1: make some baby. Yeah, by the way, you can't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: I thought we made it through an episode with that
Speaker 1: coming in. But I just want to send love to
Speaker 1: anybody out there that is a parent. Um. I have
Speaker 1: so much respect for father's, mother's, anybody that is a parent.
Speaker 1: I hope to become one one day. Gave. I hope
Speaker 1: you've become one too. I think you'd be a tremendous father.
Speaker 1: I thank everybody on the dmitri um Rick thanks for
Speaker 1: coming in, and we want to send our love to
Speaker 1: Ryan and his wife as they're expecting their second So
Speaker 1: thank you everybody for listening. It's been an awesome episode.
Speaker 1: I love guys. I hope you guys, come back next
Speaker 1: week for another episode of hell Men. Think till then,
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, gath and
Speaker 1: we'll see you next week, See you next week. Well
Speaker 1: done man, great job, guys,