WEBVTT - Fatherhood: Part 1 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:04.400 This is how men think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:08.000 to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to the show. 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.799 This is how men think podcast. My name is brooks 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:14.960 Like and I am a co host with my man allegend. 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:17.000 Hell of a co host, hell of a co host. 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:20.560 Thank you, buddy, Mr Gavin to Graw, Buddy, what's up, buddy. 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:23.960 I enjoy co hosting with you. I always say co host. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.520 I view you more like host, and I feel more 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:29.920 co hosting because I like how you lead in you 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.640 so sincere I just goof off all the time and 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:37.040 I really value your perspective. Well, I secretly I do 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:41.120 tell people that I hosted, but I'm happy to do that. 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:43.199 I'm happy to do that. But publicly I say I 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:48.760 co hosted. But I think we're great, we company, we 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.680 have complimentary skills. My man, I feel that way, but 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:54.800 you did. I did listen to the one that I 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.400 wasn't there and you hosted it amazing and you were like, 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:01.400 he needs me now, he needs now. It actually surprises 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:02.760 because I'm like, I don't have to do all the 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:04.760 heavy lifting here like I always have to do. I can, Yes, 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.720 you do know you just play that way because you know, 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.039 I'll do it. I like the way you do your 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:17.360 lifting because you exercise. So also here with us, Rick Dmitri, 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:21.080 what's up, good sirs, what's going on? We're not co 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.039 host We're more like the little brother that picked up 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.200 the other extension and just listening in on the conversation 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.840 and says things that is not true, that is absolutely 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:30.840 not true. You guys are the senior We hang up, 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.039 and hang up and run downstairs and tell mom, you 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:37.440 guys are the senior statesman of the podcasts. I agree 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:39.880 with that. What do you mean? That's all I have 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.480 to the senior states don't. I don't like the term 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:45.560 senior though, because it makes it sound like they're old 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:47.640 and they're not old. Yeah, thank you. We actually we are. 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.120 We are the older ones. They're No. I do feel 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:52.120 relatively old. I mean I have some great hairs right here. 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:56.720 You great hairs? Doesn't look like man? Those? Yeah, I 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.720 don't know. Those. I'm gonna get the advice from the 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:03.760 wife clip. Those kind of get the advice. Okay, dude, 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:07.760 we have a super exciting topic today. I'm actually really 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.520 I propose this to Amy and Danielle, our producers. This 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:14.880 was something that's been on my mind, well really my 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:18.360 whole life, but really on my mind. It's sort of 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:21.080 come to me, and I'm noticing it naturally organically coming 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.520 to me more and more in the last month, to 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.920 the point where I wanted to have a conversation about it. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:28.880 Why is the sky blue? Is that it is not yet? What? 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.200 I don't have the answer, but blue is my favorite color? 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:35.079 Why are there white clouds the blue sky? Now we're 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:39.320 on it's not here is the topic, and I'm really 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:43.959 looking forward to this, guys. Fatherhood, Yes, fatherhood. That is 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:46.800 the topic of today's podcast. It's been something awesome my 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.400 whole life. I mentioned this on the podcast before. I 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.680 believe my greatest destiny and desire in this world is 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.000 to be a loving husband and a father. And I 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.160 want to be a good father, a great father. I 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.640 want to be an amazing father to my kids, and 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:04.440 I want to be an amazing, amazing husband to my wife. 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:06.440 And that's not saying I'm perfect, that's just saying those 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.360 are my desirables in life. That's the thing that I 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.720 value the most. And I've always known I wanted kids, 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:15.160 but I've always been like, I'm not ready for it. 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:17.200 It's not here yet. It's not the time of my 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:19.960 life yet. But now it's started to come to me 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.760 a little bit more. Where I'm looking at you know, 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:24.480 Gav We've talked about this a little bit. I'm looking 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:26.760 at fatherhood in a different way that I've never looked 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:28.840 at it before. So I want to do a podcast 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.280 on it. I like it. That's good. So you're thinking, 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.200 you're thinking, you maybe it may be time starting to 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.080 think about it. Yeah, for the first time. I always like, 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:39.720 for the first time, it's becoming possibly real, is it? 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.080 Because you see rick Ryan and myself, and you're like, 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.800 I want to be like those guys. I do you 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:51.040 and you and you and Ricky Ryan. So it's it's 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.160 very this podcast very timely because right now Ryan's actually 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:58.120 not with us because his wife is due any day, 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.720 any day with their second child. And that's a crazy 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.440 that's a crazy feeling to be moments at any moment, 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:08.600 you can all of a sudden have another child like 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:10.800 brought into this world. Like he has to plan all 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:12.640 these things. He's like, I can't go do the podcast 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:14.800 because it's too far away in l A traffic. I 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.279 can't get back. Whatever it may be. That's pretty crazy 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:19.479 when you have to work your life around the fact 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:21.960 that your child could come into this world at any moment, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:23.480 and you're like, I can go to the store, but 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.279 I can't go do this. I gotta be around just 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.040 in case. And that's where he is right now. And 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:29.440 I think that's pretty cool. Can I ask you crazy question? 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:33.320 Wouldn't be the first throw a wrench in this? Okay, 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.559 So you love your wife differently than you love your child? Correct? Yeah, 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.520 Second the child comes out, who do you love more? 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.760 Why is the competition? But oh, it's got to be competition. 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:48.160 So you just love him differently. It's it's a different 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.640 kind of that's really interesting. One you love them equally, 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.120 you can love them equally, but it's a different kind 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:57.159 of love. So it's not even the same scale. So 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:00.320 because okay, let me touch on that. You guys both 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:03.600 said that, I've never heard this concept before. How how 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:06.440 do you love your child differently than your wife? What 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:09.560 is like just unpacked up for me? For me, You're 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:12.679 you're taking care of that that person, that child, whereas 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.280 you are taking care of your wife. But but she's 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:17.120 like a part you fell in love with her, Like 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:22.320 there's there's a a love of trust, an attraction. Um 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.200 you know, like that's a different type of feeling or 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.239 a different type of love than you have with your child. 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.560 Whereas your child you have a different type of love 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.480 where you are actually bringing that person into the world 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:35.160 and your job is to make sure they're safe and 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:37.919 then teach them sort of the ways of how life 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.600 should be. And they don't you think it is and 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:43.080 they have at the very beginning, sorry to me, at 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.640 the very beginning, they are absolutely helpless nothing. I mean 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.839 it's a little tiny. They rely on you for everything everything. 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.719 I'll tell you what that is. That's something you thought 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.280 you were motivated by hockey and by that and win 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.040 in a Stanley Cup. When you have a kid and 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:02.080 you realize that this child dependent on you and they're gonna, 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:05.159 they're gonna, they're surviving because of you, and they're learning 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:07.800 from you, and everything you do is is you know 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.800 for them, that's that's a motivation, Like you've never felt that. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.680 That's something you haven't felt in hockey or or anything 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:18.200 like that. So when you have a kid, what is 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:23.839 the most what is the most moving element of the 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:29.039 hold on my calls? When you have a child, what 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:32.440 is the most moving element of the birth of the child, 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.239 and not necessarily, not necessarily the physical birth of the child, 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:38.039 but the existence of this new person. Is it that 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:41.800 it's it's in your image. Is it that you get 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:45.800 the opportunity to create a world possibly better than the 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:49.880 one you came into through this person? Is what? Is 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:55.320 there an overwhelming particular thing that supersedes all other sensations? Well, 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:58.400 to make it a little bit lighter, I was always 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:00.000 thought it was weird while I was in the hospital, 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.800 all that to drive a car you need to get 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:03.120 a permit, you need to take a test, and you 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.640 need to have a license to when you you can 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:07.599 drink alcohol, you have to wait until you're a certain 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:10.200 age or you're eighteen. You're like to have a child, 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.280 you don't need anything. You don't there's no license, you 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.680 don't have to take a test. So when I was 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:18.920 in the hospital with the baby, I was like, if 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.080 something happens, I don't know how to I mean, we 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.600 were reading books and learning how to do CPR and everything, 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:27.560 but like you're really like, what's what's next, you know, 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:29.960 And to me, I always kind of thought that was 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:33.880 funny or kind of strange. Um like I wish there 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:35.800 was maybe there should be some sort of a test 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:38.040 that you have to take before you are allowed to 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.520 have a kid, but you don't, So just I agree 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:44.760 with that. The problem with that is, um, you don't 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.320 like you're never fully prepared to be a parent. Like 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.920 it's not like, Okay, I I know what I'm doing. 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:52.920 Now I can have a kid, and now everything is 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:56.520 gonna be fine. And it's actually my sister UM wrote 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:58.840 an article called Birth of a Parent, and she's were 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.680 actually writing the title birth of a Parent and she's 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:03.440 writing a she's writing a book to it, because she 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.080 said she didn't realize, you know, she just dropped her 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.480 oldest son off of college, and she said when she 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:11.320 left him and he went about it, all of a sudden, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.000 she felt like there's there's this whole chapter and she 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:16.200 realized that when you give birth, or when you know, 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.880 when you become a parent, everything is about the kid. 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:20.760 All these books about what to do, but it's like 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:22.280 you don't know how to handle this because you've never 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.480 done it before. And there's all these things in life 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:27.040 that you figure out as you go. And I think 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:29.640 the problem with that, I agree with too many people 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:32.320 can possibly like it's I know you're saying it's funny 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.040 you can drive. You have to pass the test to 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.959 have an automble bill. But the thing is you're you're 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.400 never fully prepared to be a parent because you're learning 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:42.280 as you go and and once you have a kid, 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:44.400 it's not like, Okay, that's it, I got my license, 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.880 because as each thing happens, you're going to change and 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:52.000 adapt to life along with them differently because you're both 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.680 learning different things. But you're gonna realize a lot of 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:56.840 things when when you have a child that you didn't realize, 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:59.439 that you never thought you'd even think about. And it's 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:01.199 not like when you if you had a boy, it's 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:03.120 like a little clone of yourself, you know, Like I mean, 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:07.199 you you think that, but there could be completely different 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:11.160 from what you want or expect or trying to whatever 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:14.360 influence in a certain way. So okay, so I have 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:16.280 a question. Let's go back to the beginning of this. 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:21.400 So I'm starting to feel to actually feel drawn towards fatherhood. 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.800 I'm looking at that real seriously, what does that look 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:29.040 like like? Am I? Am I Gavil? We've talked about this. 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:30.720 Am I a good enough person? Have I done enough 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.360 work and personal development to be able to be a 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:36.400 good enough resource to bring a life into this world. 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:39.040 And I don't know if you're ever nobody who's ever 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.320 ready or qualify whatever that, but am I do? I 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:46.800 feel that I'm confident enough to become a father in 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:49.080 your general because you guys have kids. Rick you have 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:52.080 two kids, Dmetr you have four. Ryan's about to have 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:55.320 his second. How did you, guys, before you were fathers 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:57.400 the first time? Were you at a stage in life 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:00.560 because a lot of our community is probably in this 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:04.680 area where they're looking at kids. Um, were you ready? 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.480 Did that feel ready? Were you never ready? Like? How 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:11.960 did the transition to becoming parents come for you? We 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:14.680 were talk about it with my wife and I had 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:16.640 talked about it, and we're like, Okay, we're at the 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.920 point in our in our lives and our marriage where 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:22.200 we're we're ready to have kids at this point. How 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:27.439 long have you been married? We had been married. Um, well, 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.959 I'm blinking, Okay, we've been married four years? Okay, Um? 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:32.800 And we were like, so, I guess between three and 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:34.959 four because I think she was born. My daughter was 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:37.280 born around the fourth year, but so it was around 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.679 the time, and we thought, okay, we were ready. Okay, 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.080 we think we're ready. This is what this is the 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:44.199 next step we want to take. So we did and 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:47.360 then um did everything that you normally do. You learn 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.480 what you learn, you go to the classes and you 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.640 think okay, and then man, when when my daughter was born, 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:55.959 there was a terrifying moment because all of a sudden 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.240 you're like, well, there's no margin for error, like I 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:02.400 can't screw this up. Um. But but that's what I'm saying. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.280 But you learn, you know as you go, and and 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.520 I'll be honest, I feel like my my first daughter, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.400 I feel like she almost knew that we were first 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.040 time parents. And I think I think the first time 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:17.559 first kids. I think they you guys, She's like, why 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:19.079 don't you guys take an app I'll drop a deuce 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:21.480 in a little while after you get up. But it 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:23.440 was like she I think she she knew, and she 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:25.680 took it easy on it because we were learning and 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:27.840 and those things that you're terrified about. There were some 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.600 moments where we're like, holy crap, but it just it 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.160 just worked out. Rick. What about you did did you 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:35.040 talk about with your spouse? Was there a moment in 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.240 your life. Were always ready to be a dad? Were 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.480 you never ready to be a dad? Yeah? I don't 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.240 know if I was. If we were always ready to be, 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:42.679 you know, to be a dad, you know. I think 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.560 there definitely was a time when I hit I was 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.000 thirty two when I had my first kid, But my 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:50.200 wife and I were married for four years before we 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.080 had our first son, um, and it was I think 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:55.640 those are conversations that we had before we even got married, 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:57.160 you know, like when you're dating and you're hanging out 0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:58.640 with that person. It was like, hey, you know, I 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:00.880 want to have kids. Like my dad, I was a pediatrician, 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:06.199 so we were always he was awesome, awesome in taking 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:08.040 care of us, but also in a bunch of other 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.800 people within the community. Um, and so it was a 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:14.000 very I always just always had this kind of inclination 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:19.800 of like how to raise kids in my my upbringing, 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.680 and so I was always excited to have a child. 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.120 I don't know if you're ever ready. I think Dmitri's 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.240 point is once you actually take the child home and 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:30.080 then they're a little baby, you're like, what do we 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.480 do now? And you start kind of figuring it out. 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.080 But um, we were excited and yeah, we were we 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.440 were ready. I mean we were, Um, I think we 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.280 were about thirty, about four years before or after we 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:43.680 were married when we had a kid. Yeah. Do you 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:47.840 think in your life you want kids? No doubt. You know, 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:53.520 it's funny because I have a dog, only a dog. 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.520 I didn't want a dog. I found a dog, and 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.520 uh where he found you, he found me. And my 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.480 life is way richer with my dog, you know what 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:06.080 I mean than it was without my dog. Um. I 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.800 can't imagine how much more fulfilling it would be to 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:13.120 have a person, you know, like my own kid, and 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:16.600 that would be pretty awesome. So yeah, I'm feeling that. 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:18.920 Do you have any idea how many do you think 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:22.480 you'd want? Um? Have you given that any? All of 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:31.679 the babies? You are difficult? I think you know, when 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:33.920 you see families that have a lot of kids, it 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:37.680 seems now this is just just me not knowing anything 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:41.320 about it. Um, it seems like it would be easier 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:44.160 the second once you have kind of more of them, 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.040 because they sort of help you raise the other ones. 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:50.640 Do you know what I mean? You know, it's one 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:52.560 thing to have one or two, it's another thing to 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.000 have like five. Well, now you've got an oldest kid 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.520 who's helping with the chores and helping with this and 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.520 that with the other kids. I mean, it's sort of 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:04.120 so it may sound silly, but no, I was the 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:10.360 last you're raising your your raising helpers, you know, Brooks. 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.520 Let me ask you, what's your biggest not concerned, but 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:17.959 what's your biggest kind of nerve racking moment of entering 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:22.160 fatherhood or thinking about entering fatherhood. So my whole life 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.040 I you guys know this as a professional hockey player. 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.800 So I wanted to be able to commit fully to 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.440 that and in doing that through a large part, basically 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.280 through my twenties, my entire twenties, I didn't have any 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.000 sort of personal life, had no connection, had no personal 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.480 life really. UM. And I knew that that would or 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:41.960 I'd hope that that would come later down the line. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:45.120 And I always told myself i'd probably be I figured 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.400 i'd be thirty five before i'd have kids. Um. At 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.280 thirty five, you're on the tail end of your career 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:55.120 most likely. UM. And I wanted to have enough space 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:58.000 in my life to devote that space to being the 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:00.640 type of father that I wanted to be. So I 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:03.560 didn't think I could do that in my twenties while 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:06.000 I was devoting all this time to hockey, which is 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:10.240 what selfishly full transparency, selfishly I fully wanted to do. 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:13.680 I needed to do that for myself. And so now 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:17.560 that I'm thirty six, um, I feel I do have 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.920 the space in my life. But now it's it's also 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:23.600 a new time for me. Now I'm not an athlete, 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:25.960 I'm not playing hockey, So what does life look like now? 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:29.320 There's still a uh figuring out process of a new 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:34.479 identity for myself and also with my wife, like our relationship, 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.960 it's a new ideentity for our relationship as well. Um, 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:40.920 what's my biggest fear? I don't know, just just bringing 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:44.720 a life into this world. And I'm also really curious 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.440 to like I know there's gonna be an immense amount 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.800 of blessings. Like I played with teammates, had guys come 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:52.640 to the rink, some of the toughest guys I've ever 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:54.440 known in the world come to the rink and they 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.800 tell you the story about when their daughter was born yesterday, 0:15:56.800 --> 0:16:00.520 and they break down crying because it's there, like your 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:04.640 life change is the moment that life is born and like, man, 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:08.080 I believe have massive hearts like they just do and 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:12.280 I've seen it, um, and my my concern is just like, 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.880 are we together ready to bring a life into this world? 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.600 There's no going backwards from this, there's no going backwards 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:21.400 from this. Are we ready to bring this life into 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:24.320 the world? And then a question that I do have 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:26.400 is that we talk about the blessings all the time, 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:31.480 but what what is life individually for myself, for my 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:36.200 wife and our relationship look like when we have this kid? 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:38.880 And it's a question I what, like what is it? 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.960 It's not it's not a negative, like what does having 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.520 a kid cost you? Like I haven't explored that. I 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:46.280 know it's gonna give me blessings, But what things are 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.120 am I gonna sacrifice or lose in our in my 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:52.200 life and my relationship? That's what I want to ask you. Guys. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:56.560 You're gonna lose about forty five minutes of squats, that's 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.760 what you and still be in better shape than the 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:02.480 rest of Yeah, you're gonna cry so steep like like sleep. 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:05.119 Everybody says you're gonna get used to not sleeping, Like 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.360 is that you know what? That's that's the biggest thing 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.280 that people say, and to me it is a big deal. 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:13.679 But I think it's become such an overblown thing. You 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:15.240 adapt to it. Look, I mean, I don't know what 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.040 you you know what you sleep now, but it's like 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.440 that's the thing that everyone always goes to get ready 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.880 to get used to not sleeping. It's like, yeah, but 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.800 you you adapt to it. Like, I know sleep is important, 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:28.480 We've talked about that. But that to me, like, it's fine. 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:31.480 You your life is going to change. But the fact 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:34.159 is that if your wife and you are both on 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.359 that same page and you're like, we're taking this step together, 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:38.760 it's gonna be fine. Like, yeah, your life is gonna change. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.480 You're not gonna go out on any random night all 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.879 the time. You're not gonna maybe you'll who you hang 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.040 out with, you'll have different things in common, so you 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.680 might adapt more to a different group. Your life will 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.280 change like that. But it's not because you're being forced 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:55.120 to you. You having this discussion alone means that you're 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:57.760 processing this and so you'll you will be ready when 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.199 that happens, and you will be You will accept that 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:03.200 whatever your life is that you make it, there's no rules. 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:04.800 It's not like, oh, you're you have a kid, you 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.280 go out one night a month, that's not it. You'll 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.440 make it work. It depends on your support system, if 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.080 you have family in town or whatever. So that's that's all. 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:16.560 The other thing I was gonna say is you want 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.640 to sacrifice whatever you can for that child. So you're 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.040 willing to sacrifice sleep, You're willing to give up your 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.040 night out, you're willing to get because you want to 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:26.760 be with that child or you want to that. I mean, 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:29.560 it's your job to raise that child, and you want 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:31.000 to be with him. You know, it's not like you're 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.520 just they're not You're just not a worker, like you're 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:35.600 there because you want to be with him. Can I 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:40.080 simplify it. I don't go out most of the time 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:42.640 anymore because I like hanging out at the house with 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:46.479 my dog. Yeah that's really weird. I imagine if you 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:48.320 have a kid, your own kid, You're like, yeah, I'm 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.080 not going out and I love hanging out with my kids. 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:52.199 Maybe for sure what I made you just want to 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.480 be at the house with your with your kid. Can 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:56.280 I tell you a story on this and my dog 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:03.679 we don't even talk. You know, it's commands zero. Can 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:06.720 I tell you a cool story. This just happened. So 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:11.200 Dmitri and I just had lunch downstairs, and Dmitri was 0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:12.720 telling me a story because we were talking about this 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.240 Fatherhood podcast, and Demitri is telling me the story how 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.840 the other morning was super chaotic, super chaotic, whatever is 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:21.119 going on at the house whenever he's like, I just 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:22.880 gotta get these kids to school and drop them off 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:25.119 and then I can be alone for a second. And 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:27.080 he said when he was dropping his kids off at school, 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:29.400 he just had a thought like he's I'm gonna miss 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:30.960 my kids. I'm not going to see them for a 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.240 couple of hours and that's a routine day of school. 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:36.280 And I look up to that in respect. That so 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:38.840 that he dropped his kids off at school and he 0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:40.680 loves them so much that he's like, I don't even 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:42.960