WEBVTT - Small, Long or Thick? 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:06.480 I don't want no short dick man. I don't want 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:11.479 no short dick man. I don't want no short dick man. 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:15.120 I don't want no short dick man. 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:24.280 Don't, don't, don't dump, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, dun't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.360 Don't want no, don't want no, funk dont don't want no, 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:28.080 don't want no, don't, don't, don't. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:30.080 Want, don't want, don't want, don't, don't. 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:31.480 Don't want no short dick man. 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.400 What in the world is that fucking thing? 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:37.040 You need some fucking tweezers. 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:39.720 To put that little thing away that has got to 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.279 be the smaller dick I have ever seen in my 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:43.960 whole life. 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:45.120 Get the fuck it. 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.560 Hello, Welcome back to Good Mon Bad Choices. I'm Erica 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:55.640 and and it's the morning, and I'm tired, but you 0:00:55.680 --> 0:01:02.960 know we're here up early coffee. Oh fuck, I thought it, 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.880 and I forgot to say something. Damn. Okay, should I 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:09.160 go make some Okay? I feel like if we're gonna 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.480 smoke again, we should do a coffee. Okay, we'll be 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:30.360 right back. Okay, Sorry about that we're back. We have 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:33.160 our coffee now, I can take a sip really quick. 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:42.440 Ah BOUGHTI my Fulds coffee actually stumptown, stumptown. I'm a 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:47.360 bougie coffee drinker. Apparently I'm bougie everything, according to my 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:50.520 friends that be sliding into Jamila's Dan. Jenny, I know 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:54.320 you called me bougie. Don't be madgin bougie. She's like, 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:59.480 you know, Erica, have a look for Jennifer. You can't 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.760 get boogie in Tijuana, Okay. 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.240 As a girl, I don't know if there's not there's 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:05.960 no amount of boogies you can get in Tijuana. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.640 We can't afford everything there. We're really falling. We're falling 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:10.880 into Joana. 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:15.560 Except minus is fucking super expensive airbnb that you found. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:19.400 Well because originally it was for twelve people, not seven people. 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.360 You need to calibank. I'm gonna try something. 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.360 Shout out to Airbnb that usually comes through, but sometimes 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:28.040 fuck up. 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:30.440 Yeah, I booked an airbnb for my birthday. I'm gonna 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:35.959 go to ros Rito, not Tijuana. Past twenty five minutes, Piana, 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:40.160 I've just never crossed the border before. You haven't, No, No, 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:41.520 how do you live in California. 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:43.720 You've never crossed the border. I don't know, and like 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:46.160 I let you mean like drove obviously, like driven across 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:48.639 it to Mexico. No, it's very strange. 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:50.760 Yeah, I'm just so excited I wanted to go. I 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.840 don't know, I mean it's exciting. I mean, I mean, 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:55.920 I'm sure it's like not impressive, but like I just 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:58.360 I want to do it. Yeah, you did need to 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:00.640 do that. It's so close. That's the beauty Offnia. Like 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:03.720 you can get to so many different types of places quickly. 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:04.480 That's true. 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:06.679 We are, we do have access to different types of 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.440 place in San Francisco is different to Jjuanna's very You 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.480 can get to snow in an hour and going a 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:11.919 big bear. 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:13.880 You can get to the desert, you set it in 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:15.840 a lake. You can go to the ocean, you can 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.000 go to hike, you can go to Mexico. That's true. 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:24.440 That's true. But I booked an airbnb out there and 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:28.200 my host is fucking me, fucking me. Well, the math things, 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.040 we're not even there yet, so they should pretty much 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.400 unfuck you. No, But that's why they do that, because 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:37.240 they have that forty eight hour cancelation. It's a bullshit, 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:39.640 like you have forty eight hours to change your mind, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:43.240 even if your trip is four months. Call them ahead, 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:48.920 fuck airb uh yeah what, I'm excited. I'm excited to go. 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.320 We're gonna have fun. We want out there. Yes, sir, 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:53.200 I'm still deciding if I'm gonna bring my booth thing. 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.560 Oh you might bring him. I was thinking about it. 0:03:56.640 --> 0:04:00.360 Oh my god. Okay, I don't know, it's is it 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.440 too sound? I mean, my kid is going to be there. 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:06.760 Oh well, that's hard because. 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.640 I mean it's hard for me to say because you know, 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:16.360 I've dealt recently dealt with this, and I mean I. 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:18.880 Felt I feel fine about it. I think that were 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.080 you affectionate with Anthony in front of Luna quickly? 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:26.080 No, not quickly, but I mean, but then again, it's 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:29.520 been like a like I guess, I mean, I don't know, 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.240 like a few times or of course, and how affectionate 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:32.520 are you? 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:34.680 I'm not like you arranged from like one to ten, 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:36.400 like tongue kissing. 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.479 No, no, no, I'm not like tongue kissing, but like 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:44.359 just normal what the I don't know, I'm not over zealous, 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:45.600 I'm not like I don't know if that's the right 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:50.240 word to describe that, Like I'm not tongue kissing him 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.240 and straddling him, but like al said'm just laugh And 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:59.039 this is another thing. This last time we like we 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:03.440 slept in the bed together, all of us and like hmm, 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:05.600 I'm not like we were like. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.400 No but no, but I know what that would happen 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:11.040 about it? That would happen you're living with someone. The 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.560 person is maybe or a serious boyfriend or like you 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:15.640 or like even your husband, Like you have another kid, 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:18.000 the kid might still want to sleeping with men. Yeah, yeah, 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.400 actually I did that with my mom and my stepdad. Yeah. 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:23.919 I mean it's people want to put like labels on 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.320 things like that's unheard of. That's absolutely fucking up. But 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.960 like the truth of the matter is when you like, 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:31.160 it happens when you date some much. 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.560 How did Luna? What was her like? How is she 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:35.680 acting when that happened? Was she like she was fine 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.400 or was like harvest? I'm sure she was fine. Slipping 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.719 underneath him, sleep underneath us like not a big deal. 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.880 One morning she was like I sleep naked though, She's 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:49.320 like why no? 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.039 And he had his boxes on, who was just in 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:53.120 his chairs? So why are you naked. He said, I'm 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.679 not naked. Your mom's naked. She's like, why you naked? 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.880 As like I sleep naked. She's just like okay, But 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:01.600 that's also because she's about. 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.680 To be four, and like she can talk really wrong 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:06.760 some things I'm not expecting her to say, but like, yeah, 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:07.640 there's nothing. 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:09.840 Going on, but like it happens. 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:13.600 I don't think, like I think that Happy Bay is 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.359 a very nice, cool guy. I think he's very mature, 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:19.279 and I think that I don't think that's something you 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:20.919 really have to worry about, Like I don't, I don't 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.960 question you know what I mean, like I worry about what. 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:25.440 I don't know. 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:27.279 I just don't think it's I think he's a good 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:30.040 person so and I think he's mature so he can 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.919 go about the situation accordingly. He's not like twenty and 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:34.760 someone's trying to be all over you and your kids 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:36.600 around Like it's not that he's you know, some. 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:40.200 People just are super unaware and not understanding. My only 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.880 reservation in inviting him is, well, there's a few there's 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.480 you know, him spending time with my kid like that. 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.800 And then also do I want to feel like I 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:52.200 can't be fully affectionate with him. 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.040 Well, that's another thing. But I find myself holding back. 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.599 I find myself like getting in my head like a sister, 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:01.600 so like looking at her, looking at me, and I'm like, so, 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:06.400 if you don't want to deal with that, then that's 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:10.120 something to consider because you're going to inevitably be thinking 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.800 of overthinking things. I'm sure everybody's listening thinking, oh, bitch, 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:14.040 were you overthinking when you're sleeping? 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:16.880 Do you explain? Did you explain to Luna like this 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:21.520 is Mommy's How did you explain this mommy's boyfriend? Boyfriend? 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.480 But she doesn't know what a boyfriend is though, Well, Disney, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:29.080 she does, oh like her prince Charming? Yeah, she said 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:34.040 that this is mommy's prince. Yeah, but surprisingly she knows. 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:37.600 I think somewhat they know what that means because she 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:39.680 asked me before, Who's who's going to be my prince? 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.480 Who's my prince? And I was like, where up the 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:45.320 fuck is she getting this? But Disney, because I think. 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:48.320 I remembers me and Freddy being affectionate, of course she does, 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:52.800 you think like I mean, she was, she was too, 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:55.960 and she was over two and a half. 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:58.120 Wait, Marjor In July August, she was two and a 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:04.800 half and we broke up, she remembers, and we slept 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:06.080 in the bed together obviously. 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:10.600 Yeah, she remembers. I think that here's like every there's 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:14.440 like a huge taboo with it, but we're human. I 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:17.560 think it's important, especially for daughters to see. There's like 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.520 I read this article like don't let your daughter never date. 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:23.600 See anyone you're dating and then the one person you're 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:26.000 serious with and then you get married. So they don't 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:28.880 think that there's like one day you meet some perfect 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:31.320 person and like, so they have some sense of reality 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:34.120 of the dating process. I'm sure there's like a lot 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:36.600 of you know, there's a thin line for that because 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.960 it's definitely shouldn't be around every single person in an 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:40.080 intimate capacity. 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.640 But that's what I'm saying to you, Like, I know you, 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:44.319 so I know you're not going to make any like. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.120 Stupid, rash decision to bring someone you think it's going 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.320 to be like fly by night around her. You know 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.559 the fact that you're already thinking I want this person 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:52.320 to meet my kid. 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:57.240 Lets me know it's something. You know, he's someone special, right, 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.719 I still don't know yet though, Yeah, I mean I 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:02.840 think he's someone special, but I'm still not convinced that 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:07.360 he's over, like he's totally passed his last relationship. 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.160 So I don't know if Erica mentioned this. We haven't 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:12.600 mentioned a lot of things, So let's just catch everything happy. 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:16.319 Bay is just frush out of a relationship that was 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:17.400 an open relationship. 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:20.320 It was an open relationship and they were together for 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:23.160 home four years, but I don't know if their relationship 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.280 was open the entire time. I don't think it was. 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:27.000 If it was more towards like the last year of 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:32.920 their relationship or something. And I guess she broke the 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:36.760 rules of their situation and they're not together anymore. And 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:39.880 so that was only like a month and a half ago, 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:44.080 so that's very new. He seems like he's convinced that 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:50.080 he's like moving forward and stuff, but I'm not convinced fully. 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:52.280 I mean, he acts like he acts like he no, 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.000 But I just know how the healing process works. I mean, 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:58.880 I know also everyone heals at a different pace and differently, 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.720 And you know, I do believe that love can be 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:04.240 like a cure for heartache, you know what I mean. 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:06.240 And I think that it could be a band aid, 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:07.600 and it could be a it could be a care 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:09.280 and a band aid. And that's what I told him too. 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:10.560 I said, I don't know. I don't want to be 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:14.640 a band aid or a distraction to your healing process 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:19.480 because because I done it, I've done that, but also 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:22.120 because I take you seriously, like I take this seriously. 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:25.760 And he says he's not. He says, you know, so, 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:27.679 he says he's not you know, he says he's not. 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:31.440 So I mean, if you if you haven't, there's no rush. No, 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:33.080 there's no rush. There's no rush. But I want to. 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.640 I kind of want to be with them on my birthday. 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:39.160 Well you need to figure it out. Bit should we 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.359 bringing kids? And we're not? No, no, no, we're bringing kids. 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:44.920 I'm definitely bringing Iroy period. It's not a matter if 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:50.480 I'm bringing irony bringing him or not. Yeah. But to 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:53.840 be continued. To be continued, Happy Bay to be continued. 0:10:54.120 --> 0:11:01.880 I'm also update up. Young baby dumped me, right? What 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:07.079 kind of friend are you? What? She's laughing my heart ache? No, No, 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:10.240 I'm laughing because the way you just looked at me. 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.480 You're smiling as you tell me. I'm awkward. 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:17.400 I feel with bad things awkwardly all the time, I'm 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.320 always laughing and smiling and trying to find. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:25.960 The funny image. No, but I don't know why I'm laughing. 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:31.200 It's not funny. It's sad. Most maybe I'm embarrassed. In 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:33.840 the last all of ninety days. Well, I mean, you 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:35.680 guys still talk, so it's not like he broke up 0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:37.040 with you and then like stop talking. 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:42.559 No, no, no, Actually it's actually rather mature. A it's 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.640 a long distance which is very difficult and very annoying. 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.680 And also like he has trust issues, he has like 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:51.559 issues from like childhood, and he's like, I'm gonna go 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:54.400 to therapy, and I think that's cool. I think it's 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.959 cool like for him to be like, I need to 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:00.720 deal with myself in order to do be with you, 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.280 and I'm willing to do that. And I'm recognizing that 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:08.240 the work needs to be done. And I'm like, damn, I. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.320 Wish I ahead insurance. I want to go to therapy too. 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:14.120 You need to get your ass Obamacare. Obamacare is not 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:17.640 covering No, damn the mental health. I don't know, and 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.400 they might, I'm sure they do, probably a certain doctorate, 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.000 only certain network you can go to. 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:26.280 But I know I feel like there's like usually therapists 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:28.319 to be a therapist, there's like all these hours you 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:33.480 have to complete first, and we're those students who want 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:36.040 to give discounted sessions. If you guys know any of 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:39.720 those type of services or apps, I think I'm sure 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.600 there's some out there, right, I'm. 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:46.200 Sure, yeah there are. There are for sure, there's like, yeah, 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:51.240 there's like and honestly like some I mean, I mean, therapy, 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.680 it can be expensive, but some of it's not that bad. No, 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:55.360 you know what I mean, some of it's not that bad. 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:57.680 And it's sometimes you spend that much money getting your 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.560 hair done done or getting the you can spend it 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:03.440 on your mental health because it does. Therapy does make 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:07.079 a difference. It really helped me and I think I'm 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.319 thinking about going back again. Actually I need to go back. 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:13.640 And like, and my daughter's looking through the window smushing 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:18.040 her face on them on the window. It looks like, 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.520 oh yeah, that's like a little Lisa Frank. This is 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:27.240 so sad. I come in here, come on, But yes, 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:31.120 I would say I did. That is mature. Yeah, that 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:34.920 is mature. What's rambabe? Okay, come and sit with me, 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:36.319 but you have to be quiet. 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:42.600 Okay, Yeah, I've only done therapy once and that was 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:49.920 with my baby's daddy, like couples therapy, and I probably 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:50.800 do need to do it alone. 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:52.760 You only did it one time, and no, no, we 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:53.839 did a few times. 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:58.800 But that was like my only therapy experience with that therapist, 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.800 which I mean, I'm not it was bad, but I 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.880 think this is gonna sound narcissistic, but like I'm very 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.520 rational in my head. Even the one time I did 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:09.520 therapy with her alone because he couldn't make it, I 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.520 was just like talking to myself like, yeah, but I know, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:13.440 maybe he is crazy, and then I have to rive. 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:16.480 Out, like but you know what, I'm rational too, And 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:18.400 I thought that too, that maybe I don't need therapy 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.360 because I'm so real with myself. Right. No, it's not true. 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.120 Oh no it does. It doesn't. It's not. It's not 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:29.240 the same. Oh my goodness, now their kids want us 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:36.320 come here. Baby. No, it's it's it's it's it's not 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.560 even about whether you're real with yourself. You think it's 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.560 mostly just about like getting it out. It's getting it out, 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.640 talking it through, because you'll also come to different epiphanies 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:47.840 just talking with someone and someone who has a different perspective, 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.920 and like, I really liked my therapist because A she 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:54.200 was female, B she was black, and C she wasn't 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:57.400 afraid to give me her opinion. A lot of therapists 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.240 like to keep their opinion out of it and they 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.520 let you come to your own conclusions. Right, she did 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:05.280 that too, but she still would be like, yeah, you're driven. Yeah, 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:05.920 I definitely. 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:08.800 My therapist was a black woman, she was older, but 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:12.520 I I really feel like if it's someone you can 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:13.760 relate to and can relate to. 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:20.800 You, it's easier to fop. Yeah, it's easier to talk freely. 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:23.320 Even she was older, and I was like, God, she's 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.240 talking so fucking slow and she's fasting my hour. But 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:31.400 you yeah, and even even you definitely have to find 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:33.200 the right one, you know what I mean for sure, 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.640 Like not every therapist is your therapist. 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.480 I read, if you guys are gonna come out here 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:38.960 and play, go out there and play, you have to 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:42.480 go out there shaking the table, go go back in 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:47.440 the living room. 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.480 Yeah, so that those are the So he's going to 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:53.120 therapy to work on his issues so that he could 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:54.000 be a better man for you. 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:58.000 Yeah, So now I kind of feel obligated to find 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:01.240 an affordable therapist because I'm like, oh, fuck, so I 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.600 need to work on myself, which I recognized. I recognize 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.360 I do have work to do, I do have things 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:10.440 and even like he's last, Honestly, these last couple of 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:15.200 episodes have made me really realize even more that I 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.880 really do how I do need to go back. I 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.000 do need to do the work and whatever that requires, 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:21.400 it just probably needs to happen. 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:25.240 Yeah, I mean, because we fall into that we know 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.320 what we need to do. Just because we know we 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:28.880 need to do doesn't mean we're doing it. We need 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:30.520 to understand why is it that we're not doing it? 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.520 Especially young It's even deeper than that, you know what 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:34.440 I mean? What is the like we know okay, yeah, 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:36.400 we know this fucked up? Yeah we know we why 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:38.960 are we doing it? What fucked up thing happens? Experience 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:40.800 happened to us that making us react this. 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:42.840 But because even young Bay has like issues with his 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:46.440 mom and saying like feeling like she dropped him, like 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.680 you know, it was just like abandoning issues, being dropped off, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.000 not having trusted, I think it really affects our relationship. 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:52.960 He doesn't want to trust me. 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.920 He was like, he wants to push away sometimes, and 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:58.720 he's like, I know what's from my childhood. I know 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.000 what's she was dropping me off and shit, and that 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.480 that comes from it. So really, when he started to 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:06.359 say that, it made me think about my relationship with 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.639 my father and even though we have a really good relationship, 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:14.720 because though I still haven't called the michag home, I 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:17.240 would probably say me and my dad are like most 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.800 similar and probably a little closer than me and my mom. 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:24.320 But in my childhood, I remember experiencing a lot of infidelity, 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:30.240 like him not coming home for days and nights and. 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.280 A lot of it. I kind of like put way 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:33.119 back in my mind. 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:35.800 But the truth of the matter is even some I 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.520 may have some abandonment issues and trust issues, and that's 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.760 why I'm kind of I don't want to say disconnected, 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.640 but I can become. I can't be very disconnected easily 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:48.320 because I rationalize in my mind my emotions, like, Okay. 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:50.640 I think that you're not that disconnected. I think you're 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:54.240 good at suppressing. You just pushed shit away, and I 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.840 think you actually feel a lot, but you're good at 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:59.080 just like being like I don't care whatever, whatever. But 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.840 you do when then you know it starts to build 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:03.600 and starts to build and then you like get fester 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:07.000 and then you you know, get overwhelmed. You know, right, 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:10.600 it comes out in different ways. But I think that 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:14.879 I think everybody should try therapy a few times in 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.720 their life, and I think I need to go back, 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.960 especially with like, I don't know, I think having a 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:22.600 new person in my life. I just want to make 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:27.280 sure that like I'm not falling into like habit bad 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.960 former habits of mine. Yeah, I think that I'm pretty 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:34.480 like like you said, like realistic. I can observe my 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:38.840 like behavioral like patterns well, but still like I don't 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:41.119 want to look up from this like next year and 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:43.160 be like I should have seen all these I should 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:44.639 have seen all of this, but I was blinded by 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:48.919 the dick or that's more than that, but you know 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:50.800 what I mean. But that's another thing, and I always 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:53.480 kind of stop. I would love Can you guys just 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:57.960 go another room and watch the movie? Please? You guys 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:02.560 want to put Papa peg on? I want a movie. 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:07.880 We're already watching a movie. Oh, but companionship feels good. 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:10.560 And when he likes someone and they like you back 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:15.560 it feels good. But are you diving into that because 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.960 it feels good or because like really it's a really 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.080 deep connection you're getting and gaining and learning from this person. 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:23.280 There's an exchange of energy. 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.880 Or is it just like, oh my god, I'm attracting 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:29.119 situation for having good sex and it's comfortable because I 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:30.800 think we as humans we tend to do that too. 0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:33.200 There's that. Yeah, I think about that, And I also 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:37.320 think about like the situation, this news, this news that 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.800 has been presented to me recently, And I think, like, 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:44.080 am I just going all in with this because I'm 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:46.120 trying to not deal with that, you know what I mean? 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.840 But I feel like I feel like I have been 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.560 dealing with that for a while now. But like I 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:53.959 just I'm just super paranoid. I don't want to make 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:56.879 I don't want to I don't want to feel like 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:00.000 that again. I don't want to go through that pain. 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:03.119 And I know you can't. You can't hide from that 0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:07.760 because it's you know, some shit happens, and like heartbreak disappointment. Yeah, 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.600 the kind of heartbreak and disappointment that I experienced, you 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:15.480 know what I mean, Like the the like betrayal and 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:18.240 all those things like, I know you can't predict that, 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:22.000 but I feel like you can if you know, like 0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:24.560 if you're a good read on people, or like you 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:27.520 trust yourself to make the best decisions and not ignore 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:31.520 the red flags like so many of us do. And 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:33.240 I do it all the time, you know, because I 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:34.840 want to see the good in someone or I don't 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:36.720 want to believe that this is who they are. No, 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:39.640 not that like go around. I don't want to believe 0:20:39.680 --> 0:20:42.560 that this is who they are. I just want to 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:44.840