Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 1: Hi girls, Hi, Hey, Okay, I have things I have
Speaker 1: to say. There's a lot of things to say. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Where would you like to start.
Speaker 1: Let's start with the Tom's Oh Tom, Tom, Double Tom,
Speaker 1: Double Tom. Because the apologies that the apologies have come out,
Speaker 1: Tom sand of all you guys, I'm like invested in
Speaker 1: a show that I've never watched. I literally didn't even
Speaker 1: know what these people look like. But I'm now invested.
Speaker 1: I do know, and you know what, I just want
Speaker 1: to I want to pause there and say that if
Speaker 1: you've been invested since the very beginning of this show,
Speaker 1: I am by no means like, I'm not a bandwagoner.
Speaker 1: I just because of the topics discussed, feel a little
Speaker 1: more informed and so now I'm a little more invested
Speaker 1: because they're getting a little defensive. The people that have
Speaker 1: been like that have given their lives to the show,
Speaker 1: are now a little defense. Yeah, okay, would you like me? Oh?
Speaker 1: Jackie just said, who broke it down? By the way,
Speaker 1: a lot of people were like, thanks for breaking it down,
Speaker 1: because we had no idea either. It was intense. Jackie
Speaker 1: broke it down first, and she just said we welcome bandwagoners.
Speaker 1: That sounds like you're one of the good ones, Jackie.
Speaker 1: So would you like to Would you like for me
Speaker 1: to read Tom Sandoval's apology? Did we not already hear his? Well,
Speaker 1: all he did was say about his shorts and Sandy
Speaker 1: bar and this is where we get off the danda wagon,
Speaker 1: and we've hopped off. Okay, so we did another. He
Speaker 1: did another apology. He needed to because because he didn't
Speaker 1: mention Arianna. I know that first one was not even
Speaker 1: enough to read or not to read. That's the question
Speaker 1: to read. Copy that. I want to first and foremost,
Speaker 1: apology to everyone I've heard through this process. Most of all,
Speaker 1: I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes. I
Speaker 1: was selfish and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love.
Speaker 1: No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.
Speaker 1: Copy that, Amen. I can only imagine how devastating this
Speaker 1: has been for Arianna and everyone around us. I feel
Speaker 1: horrible about that. My biggest regret is that I dishonored Ariana.
Speaker 1: I never meant to disappoint so many people, including our
Speaker 1: loving families and friends. My love for Ariana was stronger
Speaker 1: than any camera could have ever captured. Some of our
Speaker 1: best times together were never filmed the same ghost for
Speaker 1: some of our biggest struggles. I wish things happened in
Speaker 1: a different order and our relationship was not severely tarnished,
Speaker 1: and that it ended with the same respect with for
Speaker 1: her that it began with. I owed Ariana better. I
Speaker 1: am beyond sad that it ended the way that it did.
Speaker 1: The choices I made hurt so many people. I acted
Speaker 1: in a way that clashes with who and how I
Speaker 1: want to be. I will continue to reflect and work
Speaker 1: on myself. I have work to do, I always have
Speaker 1: and I always will. I wish that was the first
Speaker 1: apology I agree with. It's a little cheapened to me
Speaker 1: that we came out with the sandy bar or whatever
Speaker 1: it was. Thing first I agree with that, but then
Speaker 1: I also think, well, he needed to take a second
Speaker 1: with it to really sit with how because I just
Speaker 1: don't think I'm glad he did take a second. I
Speaker 1: just wish he would have maybe mentioned something like I
Speaker 1: have to formulate my thoughts around publicly apologizing Ariana. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, please don't let my servers go broke because
Speaker 1: you don't want to like that would have been well,
Speaker 1: but here's the here's the thing, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: call myself out like my twenties cheating Janna, they're cheaters,
Speaker 1: are selfish bottom line, I was selfish when I cheated.
Speaker 1: I was selfish. Sure, So they don't really care. They're
Speaker 1: not going to go to the person that they hurt
Speaker 1: because that's not their main concern. What was his main
Speaker 1: concern at the Times bar? Yeah, oh yeah, I mean definitely.
Speaker 1: And you know I said last week, and I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a popular opinion. I don't like these public
Speaker 1: apologies period. I don't like them. I don't think and
Speaker 1: I'm very unpopular. I realized that. But to me, none
Speaker 1: of it ever sounds sincere. You're saying it for a
Speaker 1: millions of people, You're not saying it for the person
Speaker 1: you hurt. And that's just where I never can take
Speaker 1: them fully seriously for what they are. Plus, I think
Speaker 1: we all know too much on the back end on
Speaker 1: like this industry side, where we know that a lot
Speaker 1: of those apologies aren't written by the people that that
Speaker 1: post them anyway doing it try and protect themselves, and
Speaker 1: that that just I don't. I don't. I don't like them.
Speaker 1: They're not They're not my thing, Devil's advocate. If it
Speaker 1: was someone close to you that was in the public eye,
Speaker 1: I'd want an apology publicly, wouldn't you be like, where's
Speaker 1: the apology? Use you're there. They've opened their lives, right
Speaker 1: like the Kardashians, every people that do the reality shows.
Speaker 1: You open your lives up for people to be in
Speaker 1: your life essentially, you know, I mean, you open yourself
Speaker 1: up in here, Chris. You open so people feel like
Speaker 1: they have a right to kind of dissect or whatever.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you want to them to or if someone did
Speaker 1: that for then you to go. I feel deserved like
Speaker 1: I should get like I'm sorry, Yes, but I almost
Speaker 1: think that they deserve a sorry that's from him or her,
Speaker 1: to them, to the people that were watching, to the
Speaker 1: people that were invested. I'm sorry to you. That seems
Speaker 1: sincere to I see what you're saying, Okay, And if
Speaker 1: you want to mention, and yes, there are things I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with the people that I hurt or whatever. But
Speaker 1: if I'm that person that's hurt and I see a
Speaker 1: public apology, but I'm not getting that personally f that
Speaker 1: I don't want your public apology. I want you to
Speaker 1: be sincere and talk to me for real about what
Speaker 1: really happened, you know, And so it just seems so
Speaker 1: I don't know, it just seems so like it's something
Speaker 1: you have to do now ironically am writing between both
Speaker 1: of you? Yeah, I mean, and I hear y'all like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm glad he did that at the same time,
Speaker 1: especially after the first one. But it's just like, you
Speaker 1: don't know, I mean, you know, is he really sorry?
Speaker 1: Is he really saying sorry to her? Who knows? I
Speaker 1: don't know. Would you like to hear Raquel's apology? Oh? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I feel so in the No, there's no excuse. I
Speaker 1: am not a victim and I must own my actions,
Speaker 1: and I deeply regret hurting Arianna. I want to apologize
Speaker 1: for my actions and my choices, foremost to Arianna and
Speaker 1: to my friends and the fans, like you just said,
Speaker 1: so invested in our relationships. There is no excuse. I'm
Speaker 1: not a victim and I must own actions deeply regret
Speaker 1: ran I am reflecting on my choices, speaking to a counselor,
Speaker 1: and I'm learning things about myself, such as patterns of
Speaker 1: codependency and addiction to being and feeling loved. I have
Speaker 1: sought emotional validation through intimate connections that are not healthy
Speaker 1: without regard for my own well being, sometimes negatively affecting others,
Speaker 1: and often prioritize in the intimate connection over my friendships.
Speaker 1: I'm taking steps to understand my behavior and make healthier choices.
Speaker 1: This is called love addiction. Is what this is? She
Speaker 1: says that or did you say that? I'm saying that
Speaker 1: because she didn't say that, but that is yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but that is the definition of a love addict, especially
Speaker 1: like talking to account, like all the things around it,
Speaker 1: because I've become counseling to end my unhealthy behavioral cycle,
Speaker 1: learned to set stronger emotions. I mean, but this is.
Speaker 1: And I was talking to another friend who is a
Speaker 1: love addict, and she was saying, you know this is
Speaker 1: I mean, that's she's basically saying she's a love addict
Speaker 1: without saying she's a love addict. So just your thoughts
Speaker 1: on that. I like hers better. Hers doesn't bother me
Speaker 1: as much. I don't know. I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of ownership, but there's a lot of ownership, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like she is forcing herself to apologize to
Speaker 1: these people, you know what I mean, it's just taking
Speaker 1: ownership what she's doing, apologize to the fans. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I occurs better. What do you think
Speaker 1: about the addiction piece of it? Oh, I think that
Speaker 1: there's definitely true. I don't know anything about her, but
Speaker 1: I think there's definitely truth to love addiction. Okay, but
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. Did you believe or not
Speaker 1: believe in sex addiction? I don't know. I truly don't know.
Speaker 1: So what would then be the difference between love addiction
Speaker 1: and a sex addiction? We but like it really truly,
Speaker 1: because like that's it's blaming the same thing, right, So
Speaker 1: she's basically saying, I did this because of my need
Speaker 1: to feel loved and wanted, valued and whatever. Sex addiction
Speaker 1: is the same thing. You just have you know that
Speaker 1: you commit the act? Well, she, I mean, she did both, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't know that much about love addiction, Like
Speaker 1: I love addiction is basically I mean almost I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna I'm not a therapist here, but from
Speaker 1: the Wood studies that i've or not studies, but all
Speaker 1: the things that I've gone through with the past sex addiction.
Speaker 1: There is the love addiction peace in there because it's
Speaker 1: that filling that void, and then they take it basically
Speaker 1: the step further with this, the sexual part of it
Speaker 1: a validation to extreme levels. Yes, whereas a love addict
Speaker 1: might just have an affair, a sex addict is calling
Speaker 1: prostitutes and it can be you know, or can be
Speaker 1: porn or whatever it is. But unhappy to answer your question,
Speaker 1: I still don't fully know how I feel about the
Speaker 1: sex addiction piece. I think there were times I believed it.
Speaker 1: There were times I felt like it felt like an excuse.
Speaker 1: But can that be any addiction? Sure, I mean there's
Speaker 1: times you can be an alcoholic, but that's an excuse,
Speaker 1: you know. So I I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's a hard question because I I truly do not
Speaker 1: know whether I how I feel about sex addiction. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously it's just a real thing, but I mean, really,
Speaker 1: you could put this in under the category right of
Speaker 1: a love addiction too. I mean love it's saying okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm a love addict, and to put the blame there. Sure,
Speaker 1: but wouldn't we all say no, not going to categorize
Speaker 1: all of us in there. But I know twenties Jannah
Speaker 1: was a love addict. Twenties Kristen is a love addict.
Speaker 1: I mean even you know, early thirties Janna love addict.
Speaker 1: You know where it's like it's wanting to feel loved
Speaker 1: and validated and hurting people along the way. And so
Speaker 1: it wasn't an excuse, that's just the pattern and that's
Speaker 1: the addiction, right yeah, along the way, and that's the
Speaker 1: unfortunate the addiction. So it's like, there's that's just the
Speaker 1: name for it, right were as some would be just
Speaker 1: called a cheater. Like basically when I was talking to
Speaker 1: you know, the conversation was actually with Rachel Yu coul Tell,
Speaker 1: she's like, we should talk about love addiction because you know,
Speaker 1: when she was labeled the cheater, She's like, I was
Speaker 1: going through things, you know, emotionally that like to feel
Speaker 1: validated and loved. And yes, it sucks that it was
Speaker 1: broke up a marriage, but you know, we all have
Speaker 1: unhealthy we can we can all have unhealthy patterns, and
Speaker 1: that's just that wasn't you know, I don't know, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: how do you feel Christen, okaybe you're a little quiet
Speaker 1: there with your a little baby. Well, I just have
Speaker 1: a little baby is not getting so little anymore. I
Speaker 1: feel like I have swallowed a whole human struggling. That's
Speaker 1: why I sit back here like this tiny person. Um.
Speaker 1: I just I appreciate the ownership because I think sometimes
Speaker 1: the title of addiction is sometimes I have to be
Speaker 1: careful because people were. She also didn't say that. She
Speaker 1: didn't say that no, no, I know, yeah, I'm just
Speaker 1: talking in our outside of her. Yes, I appreciated her ownership.
Speaker 1: That would be like a sentence period. I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that copy copy that. Um. I just I have a
Speaker 1: hard time when people maybe use that as an excuser,
Speaker 1: hide behind something without the ownership piece. So I appreciated
Speaker 1: the reversal of it, if you will, right, Like not
Speaker 1: saying I'm a love addict, yeah, just saying like this
Speaker 1: is the stuff I need to work on. This is
Speaker 1: not okay, and I feel responsible for it, and I agree.
Speaker 1: I just want to say again, I don't envy anyone making.
Speaker 1: I don't know how old she is, but she doesn't
Speaker 1: look super old. I saw her picture for the first
Speaker 1: time today. Jackie will let us know in about two seconds,
Speaker 1: like her birthday is she's a Gemini that likes long
Speaker 1: walks on the beach. Um, I just can yes, I
Speaker 1: mean looked back, we got back in the hot tub
Speaker 1: time machine. You saw this Kristen thirteen years ago. Holy
Speaker 1: Matt girl. I mean at twenty five, I thought I
Speaker 1: was a good idea to do road rules. So let's
Speaker 1: just start there. I mean that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: growth to be had there, so I don't envy someone.
Speaker 1: It's a very mature response for someone who has to
Speaker 1: live and she's chosen too, and I get that. But
Speaker 1: imagine making all your mistakes so publicly and then being
Speaker 1: like with the world we have today. You know, it's
Speaker 1: like you're so young and you're making mistakes for the
Speaker 1: whole world. Seem like you're learning from them while everybody
Speaker 1: else is seeing them. Yeah. Yeah, and at an age
Speaker 1: where you think it's a good idea, right. And I
Speaker 1: think if we remember doing this test with my friend Brian,
Speaker 1: who's a sex and love addict, and she's we made
Speaker 1: people because we were pitching the show about love addiction,
Speaker 1: and we made people take the test if you're a
Speaker 1: love addict and like there's like nine out of ten
Speaker 1: people scored like that they were love addict because it's
Speaker 1: we all want to feel loved and worthy and chosen,
Speaker 1: and unfortunately it can go past a point where it's
Speaker 1: harmful and it could be relationships. But also there's that
Speaker 1: piece where it's like you don't even realize who you're
Speaker 1: hurting in those moments, Like I can look back and
Speaker 1: go God, like, that was so shitty of me, But
Speaker 1: I was so in my own world of like wanting
Speaker 1: to feel validated, that I didn't even think about the
Speaker 1: other person. Right, going back to what you're saying earlier, like, yes,
Speaker 1: I believe you can be addicted to anything. So to
Speaker 1: take away that sex addiction thing, it's not that I
Speaker 1: don't think it's a real thing. I absolutely think you
Speaker 1: can be addicted to anything. I'm probably addicted to diet coke,
Speaker 1: Like you can literally be addicted to anything. I just
Speaker 1: think we can also hide behind it, like you said,
Speaker 1: right right, you know, And and maybe part of hiding
Speaker 1: behind it is not realizing who you're hurting in the process,
Speaker 1: and maybe it does take therapy or learning to really
Speaker 1: not you know, see past that point. I don't know
Speaker 1: I haven't been in that position, but well, if you
Speaker 1: let it consume in, you go, well, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just a sex addictor I'm just a love attic. This
Speaker 1: is just what we do. Well, that's that's the piece
Speaker 1: where it's like you have you don't even want to change.
Speaker 1: It's like I think I look at like my AX
Speaker 1: and people like they genuinely want to change. It's just hard, sure,
Speaker 1: you know. And it's like I you know, in the
Speaker 1: past too, like have to catch yourself to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you don't like that version, don't go back to like
Speaker 1: to the response that you would want to go to
Speaker 1: because you want someone to like you, or you want
Speaker 1: someone to choose or you want someone to like show
Speaker 1: you that like you're you know that you're worthy or whatever.
Speaker 1: So it's like having to choose the right way is hard,
Speaker 1: but you're acknowledging. And that's the people that just fall
Speaker 1: back on it. That's the thing. Like you can go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I might be addicted to X, but you don't let
Speaker 1: it just go well screw it. Yeah, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: keep drinking it and not give a flying f Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I do really love my diet coke. But
Speaker 1: I do I really feel like half a one a day?
Speaker 1: I'm doing good. I thought you were like I thought
Speaker 1: you were at zero a day. Yeah you kind of.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I could it out for like shoes back
Speaker 1: when what did they call this relapse? But when was
Speaker 1: I to zero? I thought you were at zero? No?
Speaker 1: Never did we not just travel together a month ago? Well, listen,
Speaker 1: I was so busy having seven lunches. I was no.
Speaker 1: I actually it out for like a month one time.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's anything a pound? This was like a year ago. Oh,
Speaker 1: and I was like, screw this. So you did it
Speaker 1: to lose weight or curious? I was definitely curious to
Speaker 1: see if I would lose weight because a lot of
Speaker 1: people told me, I bet you'd lose weight if you
Speaker 1: cut out diet coke, and I was like, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: try it. And then I didn't lose anything. Well it's
Speaker 1: because it's like it's fake sugar. So it's like there's
Speaker 1: a debate there. Did you notice? So now I would
Speaker 1: like to challenge you to doing it to see how
Speaker 1: much bloat you have verse not weight, but bloat information
Speaker 1: and pay so much with all like those things that
Speaker 1: it'd be interesting to seat. But no, our girlfriend Pam
Speaker 1: has it on the Plexus plan. But having said that,
Speaker 1: um at home, I do one a day. When I
Speaker 1: travel it endepping more. Sometimes I have to one. Do
Speaker 1: you like get the shape crap out of it? I
Speaker 1: hate it. I just hate it. It's not good for
Speaker 1: your body at all. None of it is good for
Speaker 1: your body. I just need to say that because I
Speaker 1: actually value love you when I care about your health
Speaker 1: and your organs. I do so. It would be really
Speaker 1: not a good friend if I was like, good for you, honey. Now,
Speaker 1: all that being said, get your bow, toss my happy spon.
Speaker 1: You know what I like to do is just call
Speaker 1: myself out for anybody else can so fine, it's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm happy with myself anyway, moving on, I'm happy with myself.
Speaker 1: I love myself and my diet coke cheers. I mean
Speaker 1: I'd rather you drink a coke instead of diet. Oh no,
Speaker 1: not me. I mean then then you'd actually it's a
Speaker 1: wife of a pepsi artist. I'd rather you drink a pepsi.
Speaker 1: They're terrible. I don't love any who is anyone watching
Speaker 1: a Bachelor of Seasan? Nope? Do you know. Fun fact,
Speaker 1: I've never watched episode of any of that. Oh, I
Speaker 1: think my friend Christina is on that. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think they're down to the final four. I don't
Speaker 1: think there's an Andrew Christine. I have no idea. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't watch it. I just saw a thing
Speaker 1: earlier about how he wasn't going to sleep with anyone. Oh,
Speaker 1: I did see that. Do we believe that? Kind of great?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm all for it not sleeping, well, especially
Speaker 1: in that situation. I don't know. I just feel like
Speaker 1: that's not a debate for me, I would say, especially
Speaker 1: am I getting out of this between me and Jana Grammer.
Speaker 1: You wouts to know that I had a really big
Speaker 1: development in therapy yesterday that could kind of loop into
Speaker 1: this A tiny bit that I, well, this may not
Speaker 1: be a newsplash to anyone else, but I don't trust men. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a big that's big. Um. I don't fully trust men,
Speaker 1: and I don't super trust a lot of people in general.
Speaker 1: Amy pointed out, I could see that. So with that,
Speaker 1: if I was on a show the Bachelor, I would
Speaker 1: be like iron gated, yea below the belt. Nobody's getting
Speaker 1: in absolutely, because you're all a bunch of scumbags. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I don't believe that what others scumbags know that
Speaker 1: you would actually do that? Oh I do you? Everybody
Speaker 1: made out with somebody on road rules and I didn't bible.
Speaker 1: She's like, but I gave a good no. We all know.
Speaker 1: I don't like to speaking of that. I'm on pelvic rest,
Speaker 1: so I had to retire my old ways. Why is it?
Speaker 1: Can I ask the question? I only if I can
Speaker 1: differ and not answer. Is it because you're your dad?
Speaker 1: Of course? It was a real we had a real
Speaker 1: breakthrough yesterday. You know. It's interesting because I think people
Speaker 1: have a lot of opinions about therapy and I've been
Speaker 1: going to this grief and trauma therapist that Jamma suggested
Speaker 1: right after I lost like five people in eleven months
Speaker 1: and one of them was my dad. So that's the
Speaker 1: speed dating version of it. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I've been going to the piece since I was
Speaker 1: twenty seven, so this isn't new to me. And we
Speaker 1: kind of just hit this little patch I felt like
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh okay, and she kind of
Speaker 1: put me on graduation and was like, you can come
Speaker 1: whenever you'd like. And I was like okay, and I
Speaker 1: was feeling really good. And then yesterday I was in
Speaker 1: there and I was feisty. So I don't get super
Speaker 1: I get more emotional when i'm pregnant, for sure, but
Speaker 1: I don't get irrational. I feel like I get really
Speaker 1: clear and I just it becomes very black and white
Speaker 1: and very decisive. And I was in there. I came
Speaker 1: in with both my heartbeats yesterday and all my decisiveness
Speaker 1: and I was like, da da Da da da. And
Speaker 1: she was like okay, and she goes, I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: something and I think that we need to like dig
Speaker 1: in a little, and I said okay, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I think you need to be more angry at your dad,
Speaker 1: and I think no one's allowed you to probably be.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, then I started crying and
Speaker 1: she goes, those tears are hot. I know we're getting somewhere,
Speaker 1: and she got a notepad, so I know that really
Speaker 1: took us for a dark day to her and shows
Speaker 1: like that and people like that, I don't trust anyone
Speaker 1: and no one's getting my body. Yeah, so I saw
Speaker 1: a because you know, I always watched those inspirational videos
Speaker 1: like Ja Shetty and all of them, and there was
Speaker 1: one that was saying it wasn't Jay's, but it was
Speaker 1: the problem with a lot of therapist. Therapists won't go
Speaker 1: to childhood trauma and they just kind of keep it
Speaker 1: very surface where every most every issue, which was why
Speaker 1: you're acting a certain way to your spouse or why
Speaker 1: you did X, Y and Z, it always goes back
Speaker 1: to a childhood trauma and so you know your trust
Speaker 1: with men. I just have never seen a man's actions
Speaker 1: and words match that in that means something for sure,
Speaker 1: and never saw that growing up. It was always due
Speaker 1: as I say, not as I do. And that is,
Speaker 1: by the way she identified as a pretty shitty parenting motto,
Speaker 1: which I also enjoy the validation of that. But like I,
Speaker 1: she was like, well, of course, and so then I
Speaker 1: was gifted a son to raise, which is not lost
Speaker 1: on me at all, to teach me about how boyhood
Speaker 1: and manhood can look stewarded well and with a different
Speaker 1: kind of care. And my dad also had his own trauma,
Speaker 1: so he of course you know it's and came from
Speaker 1: I'm not making excuses by any means, but came from
Speaker 1: a generation where they didn't do the deep dive like
Speaker 1: we all do. Yeah, So I told her, I was like,
Speaker 1: I believe in Jesus and God that loves me, and
Speaker 1: I have a son that I have to raise. So
Speaker 1: somewhere between all of that, her and I are going
Speaker 1: to start the untangling. Sorry, well, I was going to
Speaker 1: ask a question back to kind of what you were
Speaker 1: asking though, can you not sleep with all these people
Speaker 1: or want to sleep with all these people for healthy reasons?
Speaker 1: Like not you in general, but like is let's say
Speaker 1: there's not a childhood trauma there and you just don't
Speaker 1: want to sleep with four or five different however many men. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that he's got childhood trauma. That's not
Speaker 1: what that's not that's that's not why he's sleeping with them.
Speaker 1: You're saying he does or doesn't. I'm not saying I'm
Speaker 1: not waiting child trauma. I'm saying I'm saying, if you
Speaker 1: didn't have the childhood trauma, do you think that you would, Oh,
Speaker 1: that would be a different story for you, only because
Speaker 1: she got childhood. I mean they had a little slut
Speaker 1: phase in college. I think we all didn't, maybe not
Speaker 1: Catherine No, I definitely didn't. Okay, it's fine. No, it
Speaker 1: just brought up you're with me, honey and never going
Speaker 1: to be okay, I do us anymore. So I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna it's just four is if I have to be
Speaker 1: in that fine, um. And it's not a judgmental question.
Speaker 1: I'm just cutious if like that's like a trauma response,
Speaker 1: I think mine is ways, I mean mine is so.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could even see it in
Speaker 1: any other way because I just don't. I go to
Speaker 1: severe indefense. There's an intimacy disconnect. Yeah, I default to
Speaker 1: severe independent, right, Yeah, this is an interesting topic. We
Speaker 1: need to let us down a dark one. We need
Speaker 1: to we need to reopen that up, maybe with a therapist.
Speaker 1: And I'm interested in that. Yeah, it's good because a
Speaker 1: good it's a good question. Cap. We're gonna take a
Speaker 1: break and then we're gonna get Jennifer Nettles on the
Speaker 1: podcast like her, hy girl, I have been you are.
Speaker 1: I know I shouldn't lead with that, but my word
Speaker 1: takes one to no one. Oh Jennifer, hey girl, it's
Speaker 1: been a minute since I've seen you out in this world.
Speaker 1: How are you? Yeah? And this in this wild world. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's something, it's something else. I'm good, I'm whole,
Speaker 1: I'm you know, like everybody else like busy, crazzy, tired,
Speaker 1: and tired, terrified, all of it at one time, right,
Speaker 1: and sometimes terrified slice at the top of the list,
Speaker 1: and that's okay, current man, Right, those are interchangeable. They
Speaker 1: moves around and that list. Well, I think it's interesting too,
Speaker 1: like when you say things like that because I think,
Speaker 1: you know, I was having a UM. I was sit
Speaker 1: down with my therapist and I was just telling her like,
Speaker 1: I'm just I feel stuck and frustrated. And I think
Speaker 1: when people see, you know, Jennifer Nettles or someone that's
Speaker 1: in this spotlight, you have it all figured out. You're fine,
Speaker 1: you've got money, you're great, you're good, like you don't
Speaker 1: have like you're not stuck, you don't feel those things.
Speaker 1: And it's like it's we all, we all go through that,
Speaker 1: and it's it's nice to hear, you know, not just
Speaker 1: like oh yeah, everything's great, you know, because yeah it's not.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you know, it's hard. Yeah yeah, so sometimes it's
Speaker 1: super lifey, you know. Um, And that's okay too. We
Speaker 1: go through all of these seasons, we go through all
Speaker 1: of these times. We you know, it's it's a big
Speaker 1: life and it's full, right, it's very full. What do
Speaker 1: you think it's been the um the thing? I guess, well, yeah, exactly, welcome,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. This is a this is this
Speaker 1: is where we go. Um, we'll get light, we'll get
Speaker 1: into farmers. But I do want to know, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: when you kind of get in that space since we
Speaker 1: did go there, and now I'm curious, like, how do
Speaker 1: you because again things are you you live up still
Speaker 1: public life, you know, and things like how do you
Speaker 1: kind of reframe your mindset to to you know, maybe
Speaker 1: is it is it reframing it's a gratefulness or do
Speaker 1: you just sit with there? Do you like, do you
Speaker 1: go to therapy? Like what do you do when you're
Speaker 1: when you're in that when it's tough? All of the above,
Speaker 1: all of the above. Thank God for my therapist, who
Speaker 1: I've been with now for probably over twenty years, you know,
Speaker 1: thank God for her. I find that super helpful. I think,
Speaker 1: you know, I often use what I say as gratitude
Speaker 1: as a shield, you know, in that way, just like
Speaker 1: out in front of me because there is much to
Speaker 1: be grateful for. There's that old adage that says, like,
Speaker 1: you know, if we all put our problems out on
Speaker 1: the table with each other, we'd probably grab and reach
Speaker 1: for our own ones back, okay in terms of if
Speaker 1: we had to have anyone else's right. So all that
Speaker 1: being said, yeah, gratitude is a big protector in that way.
Speaker 1: And then in speaking of protection, in talking about you know,
Speaker 1: being in the public eye, and I have definitely learned
Speaker 1: over the years, you know, to be super selective and
Speaker 1: super protective. I definitely I want my art to be seen,
Speaker 1: I want my art to be known. I won't want
Speaker 1: my work to be celebrated, but I also want to
Speaker 1: be able to have, like anyone else, in a safe
Speaker 1: place to come to at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: And that has become kind of a rarity in our
Speaker 1: culture too. We slid into this like must know everything
Speaker 1: behind the scenes. Like I kind of miss the old
Speaker 1: school glam Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, we miss We've lost the mystery.
Speaker 1: And I yeah, for myself, I mean it's protective to
Speaker 1: maintain that, but like you, I miss it too. You know.
Speaker 1: I used to love to be able to just go
Speaker 1: on a deep dive in a in a very I mean,
Speaker 1: it was a shallow dive considering. But like you find
Speaker 1: an article about your favorite artist, your favorite actors, your
Speaker 1: favorite you know, musician, whatever it may be in your
Speaker 1: magazine and you're looking at that, and that's that's what
Speaker 1: you get. You get an interview you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and it's very curated and it's very specific and you
Speaker 1: can trust it. Okay, there isn't you know, a ton
Speaker 1: of other voices out there trying to put words into
Speaker 1: people's mouths or trying to at the I mean, and nowadays,
Speaker 1: as we know where social media is can earned you know,
Speaker 1: when there is conflict equals engagement, and so they try
Speaker 1: to foster that conflict wherever they can, you know, and
Speaker 1: they try to keep people polarized, and they try to
Speaker 1: make everything as scandalous as possible, and everyone is outraged
Speaker 1: and it's just like which I am tired. Okay, like tired,
Speaker 1: which I am tired. But they feel like they have
Speaker 1: they get an invitation, you know, oh for sure they
Speaker 1: do now and and listen, if the machine perpetuates itself,
Speaker 1: ladies does in the sense that there are people who
Speaker 1: see the attention that they get, and so they are constantly,
Speaker 1: you know, like right here with everything, constantly on themselves
Speaker 1: for everything, for every anything and everything. And for some
Speaker 1: people that's great. They enjoy, you know, fostering a sense
Speaker 1: of community that way. But really it's gone. I think
Speaker 1: the narrative has been lost in a lot of ways
Speaker 1: in terms of what the pros and what the positives
Speaker 1: are of that kind of sharing and that kind of access.
Speaker 1: Nobody deserves that kind of access. I don't want to
Speaker 1: see you on your peloton bike with maybe I should
Speaker 1: like no wash my mouth right now, but you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, it's like I don't want to see that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see it. Like like if you,
Speaker 1: if you do something, you're here, you're offering right now
Speaker 1: something to the world that people need. But they don't
Speaker 1: need to see on your peloton bike. They don't need that,
Speaker 1: you know. They need what you're doing right now. They
Speaker 1: need your music, they need your talking, they need your ideas,
Speaker 1: they need you know, and not to say that you
Speaker 1: can't be inspired and inspiring, like look at me, I'm
Speaker 1: out here trying to do this even though it's hard,
Speaker 1: and you can do it too, like there are ways
Speaker 1: to spin it, no pun intended, but you know, we
Speaker 1: don't need all of it. We don't need all of it.
Speaker 1: It's so destroyed acting, it's so distract it's very noisy,
Speaker 1: and I think it's like one thing doesn't work for everybody, right,
Speaker 1: like because for as many unfollows as I get to
Speaker 1: get follows, like some things people just don't like and
Speaker 1: you know, I don't love, you know. I've tried to
Speaker 1: find a balance of not oversharing but still being authentic
Speaker 1: and still sharing, you know. So it's it's a it's
Speaker 1: a really fine balance and it's it's it's honestly something
Speaker 1: I've struggled with, like trying to find the balance of it.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, And I think with the balance, like you know,
Speaker 1: comes the other the outside noises. And I'm curious, like
Speaker 1: where where you go when you know, because you've you've
Speaker 1: had areas in your career where people might have said
Speaker 1: hateful things or like why would you break up? Or
Speaker 1: this either or the other, you know, with with things
Speaker 1: that you've gone through, and it's like how do you
Speaker 1: just go no, like not not receiving that sometimes obviously
Speaker 1: we have to unplug um, but we also have to
Speaker 1: offer ourselves with perspect and this is why I think
Speaker 1: acts will close community. You know, from from an evolutionary
Speaker 1: perspective where where sociology is concerned. As human beings, we're
Speaker 1: really not supposed to have anything bigger than like a
Speaker 1: community of one hundred and fifty people around us. Those
Speaker 1: are the closest ones that you know. It starts with
Speaker 1: our family, um, which brings with it its own stuff,
Speaker 1: But it starts with our family, and it continues in
Speaker 1: those concentric circles you know, within within a certain community size.
Speaker 1: So it's overwhelming to have all of these people able
Speaker 1: to being able to offer their opinions not only alike
Speaker 1: or a dislike, but like actual words, context and words
Speaker 1: you know, for what they feel. Um, it's it's overwhelming.
Speaker 1: All that's overwhelming. So I think unplugging is important and
Speaker 1: then keeping that close knit group you're real friends, like
Speaker 1: your ladies who you know, who are your your tribe,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and coming back to that
Speaker 1: and talking to people in real time and going to dinner,
Speaker 1: you know, and taking time to look deeply into the
Speaker 1: eyes of your beloved and like to really put your
Speaker 1: phone down when you're with your children, and you know
Speaker 1: all of those things. It's just such a distraction. And
Speaker 1: then not to mention how much your feelings can be hurt.
Speaker 1: I mean, let's just say it, like we're human beings
Speaker 1: and someone can make a comment, one little comment. You
Speaker 1: could have five billion positive comments and one person says
Speaker 1: that one thing on the comment, and your day is ruined.
Speaker 1: Nobody should have that power. You do not live rent
Speaker 1: free in here, you know what I'm saying, Like you
Speaker 1: should not have that power. Well, and that's something too.
Speaker 1: I was I was talking to Catherine about KAB. I
Speaker 1: never told you this, but I wanted to do a
Speaker 1: show where you basically you'd confront your online bullies because whoever,
Speaker 1: whatever they're like, they're going through something too. So it's
Speaker 1: almost like you can end up having in a way
Speaker 1: empathy for the bully as well, because like they're dealing
Speaker 1: with something and you can kind of sit with the
Speaker 1: person and go, Okay, like this hurt me, and like
Speaker 1: what's hurting you to basically say these things? You know,
Speaker 1: And so I thought it was kind of cool. But yes, no, no,
Speaker 1: I love that, you know. I'm like, remember I love
Speaker 1: it too, Like who was it that did. I think
Speaker 1: it was on balance where he did this whole series
Speaker 1: when he was like, read, they would have celebrities reading
Speaker 1: their nasty Twitter fanily, Yeah, and I've had to I
Speaker 1: got off Twitter. I was just like, I haven't. I
Speaker 1: haven't been on it in years. And then when everything
Speaker 1: has just gotten so crazy with it, I was like that,
Speaker 1: I don't have time. I can't do every single Twitter,
Speaker 1: TikTok Instagram. I can't. I can't. Yeah, But all that
Speaker 1: was to say, like he would have them read those
Speaker 1: nasty comments, and when you hear it, it's it's shocking.
Speaker 1: You can't be leave that absolute strangers would be so bold, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so unfounded. That's what really gets Like, you know nothing.
Speaker 1: You don't know me, you don't know my heart, you
Speaker 1: don't even know my birthday. Get out of here. What
Speaker 1: do you have to say out? Jennifer? Are you? Are
Speaker 1: you UM? What's your background with UM? Like? Are you
Speaker 1: are you religious at all? Or where do you fall
Speaker 1: with that? I chose and call myself a recovering Baptist.
Speaker 1: I grew up in the Southern Baptist church that we
Speaker 1: went to church three times a week, okay, Wednesday and
Speaker 1: twice on Sunday. Wow, um, yes ma'am and yes ma'am
Speaker 1: and amen. I mean there's a part of that. I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful for it because it definitely gave me such
Speaker 1: a background of faith. I do think a spiritual life.
Speaker 1: But um, I you know, for since that time, I
Speaker 1: have definitely expanded and I practiced yoga, and I practiced
Speaker 1: some elements of Buddhism, and I bring and I you know,
Speaker 1: I'll even harken back to I love the womanly arts
Speaker 1: and what we would call the craft and ancient ancient religions,
Speaker 1: nature religions, all of those I can pull from at
Speaker 1: a different time. And I'm like, listen, whatever will help.
Speaker 1: I don't care what do you want to do, con
Speaker 1: or something, kill a chicken, throw the bomb. If something
Speaker 1: is going to bring me good vibes, bring me good
Speaker 1: and energy, bring me to that place of center and
Speaker 1: remind me of that that face and that worthiness, then yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm into it. And you are obviously into farmer
Speaker 1: wants a wife. So I mean when when you got
Speaker 1: that call, were you just kind of like what what
Speaker 1: were your like initial like what my initial responsive? No?
Speaker 1: Thank you, because I'm not really into the whole dating
Speaker 1: reality dating genre. I've never watched it. It always just
Speaker 1: seemed just too forced and a lot of wanting that
Speaker 1: that scandal and wanting, you know, people to be crying
Speaker 1: at the end of some emanations, ceremony. Everything sounded so
Speaker 1: just dramatics. So I've never watched those and I've never
Speaker 1: been into them. So at first I was like no,
Speaker 1: And then when I heard more about it and the
Speaker 1: success that it has had, this really turned me in
Speaker 1: onto it. Because obviously it's had success as a show,
Speaker 1: but the success it's had in relationships. This this show
Speaker 1: has been around for thirteen years, it's been in thirty
Speaker 1: two different countries, and it has had, as a result,
Speaker 1: over one hundred and eighty marriages and over four hundred
Speaker 1: and ten children. Oh I love that the people, and
Speaker 1: a lot of those marriages still marriages to my understanding,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, if there's four hundred ten children,
Speaker 1: they wait, they at least made it long enough to
Speaker 1: go that far. So yeah, and so I just felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's something, there's something authentic about this, And so I
Speaker 1: watched one of the Australian episodes and thought, oh no,
Speaker 1: this has heart. This isn't. This isn't about the scandal
Speaker 1: or the drama. This is about real connection and real people.
Speaker 1: And sure they're doing it in what I call the
Speaker 1: hyper reality of cameras, but they and then having done
Speaker 1: the show, now it is definitely true. You know, you
Speaker 1: root for these guys. I rooted for them and for
Speaker 1: these women and wanting them to find love. It's also
Speaker 1: bringing light to some other things like wildly important and
Speaker 1: overlooked so often, which is like the farmers of our world.
Speaker 1: I mean, we we forget. I was raised in a
Speaker 1: tiny town and I was an FHA girl, and I
Speaker 1: had a girl. Okay, but none of these guys, these
Speaker 1: are Have you looked at the men. These are not
Speaker 1: the farmers, your typical farmers, so I want to come on,
Speaker 1: They're not the guys that did driver your tractor to
Speaker 1: school day when I was in high school, if I'm honest,
Speaker 1: But I don't know about that. I bet if you,
Speaker 1: if you, if you looked back at some of the
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously a lot of women are where we're
Speaker 1: school and they're older, and the farmers are older. That's
Speaker 1: his own. But these guys are young. You know, they're
Speaker 1: all in their thirty and they are real life farmers.
Speaker 1: They're you know, they have cattle, they have forces, and
Speaker 1: this is their life and their lifestyle. But we have
Speaker 1: to think, you know, there are people out there who
Speaker 1: have to continue this tradition. They don't all look like
Speaker 1: our grandparents. They can't, right, how are we going to eat?
Speaker 1: And many and many of these guys are actually you know,
Speaker 1: second third generation. That's well, it's I'm excited to watch it.
Speaker 1: It's on Fox Farmer, Once a Wife. It premiered um
Speaker 1: last week, and uh so I'm definitely and I love you.
Speaker 1: I've always loved you. I think I love how you've
Speaker 1: used your voice in a way, um, you know, for
Speaker 1: women and country music, and I love that you, um
Speaker 1: you didn't put yourself in a box like you you're acting,
Speaker 1: you're you know, you're hosting, you're you know, doing the
Speaker 1: collab album and it's just I just you, Um, You've
Speaker 1: You've been very inspiring for me to watch and just
Speaker 1: to see how you've always hold yourself with such grace
Speaker 1: and presence. And it's just I appreciate that, like I'm
Speaker 1: thank you. Well, I'm seeing a lot of that here
Speaker 1: right now too. You know, not only the grace and presence,
Speaker 1: but also of you all. But also you know, the
Speaker 1: expansion into new things, the the the honoring you know,
Speaker 1: your inspirations and trying new things and not staying in
Speaker 1: a box. I appreciate that. I love that. So what's
Speaker 1: next for you, Jennifer? Like you've done, like you do?
Speaker 1: Like what's next? You know, I can't speaking of you
Speaker 1: know what Jenna said. I I can't stay in a box.
Speaker 1: And so I'm constantly you know, I'm a virgo. So
Speaker 1: so part of what that is is like we see
Speaker 1: things with new eyes. We love new things. We constantly
Speaker 1: approach things like you know, it's the first time. So
Speaker 1: that's sort of my limbs on the world. And so
Speaker 1: I love expanding into newness and pushing myself in that way.
Speaker 1: So I've we just announced last week. Um, I'm a
Speaker 1: part of the new Exorcist movie that's coming out. I
Speaker 1: have a key role in that. I love you, But
Speaker 1: I hate scary movies. What do I do we watch?
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I can't watch them either. Yeah, watch
Speaker 1: it during the day and you can and now you know,
Speaker 1: you can hit if it gets too intense, you can hit.
Speaker 1: You see it in the theaters. There you go, you
Speaker 1: watch your f and then you tell them, let them,
Speaker 1: let them know if they can handle it. Okay, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: but uh so I'm super excited about that. You know,
Speaker 1: I love I love all for storytelling, and so my
Speaker 1: acting is just another piece of bad. I've been working
Speaker 1: on a musical for a number of years now that
Speaker 1: it takes a long time to get these things right,
Speaker 1: and but the momentum for that is really picking up.
Speaker 1: So I hope to be able to announce more about that.
Speaker 1: And it's definitely my obsession. When I'm not you know,
Speaker 1: doing something else, I'm wanting to be creating on that.
Speaker 1: That's awesome, Jennifer. We need to do a movie together,
Speaker 1: like we gotta, we gotta figure something out. That would
Speaker 1: be really but it would be so good to be
Speaker 1: a romantic comedy because I want to come to set,
Speaker 1: but I'm scared everything rom com not horror. Ye please please, Well, Jennifer,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate
Speaker 1: and thank you for just being open to just talk about,
Speaker 1: you know, the highs and the lows. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: my favorite of the day. I have to say, it
Speaker 1: just felt like a homecoming. You know, like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: they sure my people high we have aggressively when we're
Speaker 1: in a person. So you're yere in la. Al right girl,
Speaker 1: al right, thank you bye. Such a beautiful I love her,
Speaker 1: you guys, like I used to frock out to sugar Land,
Speaker 1: like the baby girl was like trying to be all cool,
Speaker 1: but we're all like I remember the concert when she
Speaker 1: came out and she wore this incredible like this is
Speaker 1: how I knew she would always be an actress because
Speaker 1: the way her stage presence was. When she was on stage,
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, this is not for babies,
Speaker 1: like she owns it. I'm gonna let you do this.
Speaker 1: Love love her so much, genuine and I really enjoyed
Speaker 1: the point of like I just have to touch on
Speaker 1: this real quick, but I enjoyed that. Like our circles
Speaker 1: shouldn't be as big. Yeah, oh you guys, and bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I'm tired, and circles shouldn't be big. But
Speaker 1: it's interesting about the circles because even when your circles
Speaker 1: are small, you might have a mole anything else you
Speaker 1: want to share a graamer Nope, not yet. No, I
Speaker 1: don't trust anyone. According to Amy. So apparently there's more
Speaker 1: my circle too. We're finding out. Don't worry. We gotta
Speaker 1: I trust you? Do you trust me? Are we the
Speaker 1: mole see or each other? We'll see. I gotta. We
Speaker 1: got a p I word getting hired. There a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: so we'll see it. Wouldn't that be interesting? Our therapist
Speaker 1: is like, h but there's two monkeys in a room together.
Speaker 1: If our nice appointment is a joint appointment. We've gotten
Speaker 1: to the bottom of this quickly and it's been a
Speaker 1: pleasure all the time. It's soon I wind down. Okay,
Speaker 1: I wish it was that easy. I'm too protective of
Speaker 1: you to be a mole. Oh I would feel never.
Speaker 1: Oh I am so like I run tight pr for you.
Speaker 1: People are like, how's Jana? I was like, She's great?
Speaker 1: Like hi dat. They will never they will never be
Speaker 1: a time where they know where I'm going or who
Speaker 1: I'm going to dinner with. I just nope, nothing. We'll
Speaker 1: see baby already now. I already know I love you
Speaker 1: Atroit strong Um all right, hey guys, yeah, we'll see
Speaker 1: you in Okay. So we got DC Wednesday and we've
Speaker 1: got Philly on Thursday. See you there, ye one two
Speaker 1: three Bye. I wonder how much they hate that, ye guys,