WEBVTT - DELILAH DILEMMAS: Sticky situations

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<v Speaker 1>Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have

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<v Speaker 1>put together some of my favorite radio moments here to

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<v Speaker 1>share with you on our daily podcast, Hey It's Delilah.

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<v Speaker 1>Every night on my radio show, I have a feature

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<v Speaker 1>called Delilah's Dilemmas. Or Folks call me or write me

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<v Speaker 1>and share a sticky situation they're in and I try

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<v Speaker 1>to help them figure out the best course of action. Today,

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<v Speaker 1>We're going to listen to some of those unique situations

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<v Speaker 1>right here on Hey It's Delilah. Audrey says, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a fairly big problem. I've been seeing a man for

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<v Speaker 1>seven months now, and we are and we're very close

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<v Speaker 1>friends before we decided to become a couple. The problem

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<v Speaker 1>is I'm very free spirited and I love change. He,

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<v Speaker 1>on the other hand, likes contentment and stability. I know

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<v Speaker 1>he would never hurt me overall. He's a great man

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<v Speaker 1>and I care for him, but he smothers me at times,

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<v Speaker 1>treating me like I'm a child who is fragile. I

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<v Speaker 1>do admit he knows about my challenges. For one, I

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<v Speaker 1>have an eating disorder and I still struggle with that somewhat.

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<v Speaker 1>Even so, I feel like he sees me as a needy,

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<v Speaker 1>unstable woman. Even at my weakest, I'm strong, independent and

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<v Speaker 1>have always said I do not need a man anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a new person in my life and I

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<v Speaker 1>love the chemistry. It's amazing and exciting. My friend says

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<v Speaker 1>I must pick one, and for the past week I

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<v Speaker 1>keep going back and forth. I love my boyfriend, but

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<v Speaker 1>I can't seem to get enough of my new friend.

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<v Speaker 1>Please help me, from Aubrey, Aubrey, I will have my

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<v Speaker 1>words for you coming up next. Tonight's letter is from Aubrey,

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<v Speaker 1>a free spirited woman who is committed to one man

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<v Speaker 1>and falling in love with another. And Aubrey, I have

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<v Speaker 1>in your shoes more times than I can count, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's not a good place to be. And all I

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<v Speaker 1>can tell you is, please talk to your best friends. Please,

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<v Speaker 1>please please talk to your best friends. They know you,

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<v Speaker 1>they love you, they support you. Get a good night's sleep,

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<v Speaker 1>step back and look and ask yourself what you really

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<v Speaker 1>really want out of life, and pray hard, girlfriend, because

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<v Speaker 1>that's where your answers will come from. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma

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<v Speaker 1>is from Linda, who says, I know in this economy,

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<v Speaker 1>one should be happy they have a job and can

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<v Speaker 1>make a modest living. However, my dilemma is that my

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<v Speaker 1>job is making me sick. My boss is a micro

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<v Speaker 1>manager who never passes up a chance to belittle me

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<v Speaker 1>and ask me to my face, what's wrong with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in my mid fifties, I'm financially sound, married and

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<v Speaker 1>have wonderful grown children. I am of above average intelligence,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm currently working in finance. I have outside creative hobbies.

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<v Speaker 1>I do charity work. My health is good, except lately

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<v Speaker 1>I'm stressed to the point of nausea and all the

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<v Speaker 1>ugliness that comes with this job. My friends tell me

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<v Speaker 1>I need to find another job. At this point in time,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm willing to take a cut and pay or take

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<v Speaker 1>a part time job in the evenings. I know others

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<v Speaker 1>have bigger problems than me, and I don't like feeling

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<v Speaker 1>sorry for myself, but I'm nearing the end of my

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<v Speaker 1>rope and I'm on the verge of tears all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>Even my doctor is warning me employers don't want someone

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<v Speaker 1>my age, and there's so much competition from younger people

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<v Speaker 1>who have higher educations than me. Going tonight school is

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<v Speaker 1>out of the question. I don't have the energy to

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<v Speaker 1>do that. I was hoping the new year would help,

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<v Speaker 1>but it isn't. I feel stuck. Can you help me?

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<v Speaker 1>From Linda? Linda, girlfriend, I will have my words of

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<v Speaker 1>advice for you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is

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<v Speaker 1>from Linda, who is working at a job with somebody

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<v Speaker 1>who is cruel and unkind. You know what I find amazing, Linda,

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<v Speaker 1>is that you spent one two, three, four four sentences

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<v Speaker 1>in your letter to me defending yourself, telling me that

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<v Speaker 1>you are married, you have wonderful grown children, you're of

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<v Speaker 1>above average intelligence. In other words, you were arguing with

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<v Speaker 1>this idiot boss and his question of what's wrong with

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<v Speaker 1>you to me. You don't need to prove that to me.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't need to prove it to you, You don't

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<v Speaker 1>need to prove it to anybody. You sure Zec don't

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<v Speaker 1>need to prove it to him. What you need to

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<v Speaker 1>do is to change your thinking and stop giving him

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<v Speaker 1>permission to steal your joy. So why are you letting

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<v Speaker 1>his cruel, abusive words affect you? So when he walks

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<v Speaker 1>in and says you're not smart or there's something wrong

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<v Speaker 1>with you, it's as ludicrous as him saying that you're

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<v Speaker 1>a bicycle built for two. You know what, you are,

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<v Speaker 1>an intelligent, competent, beautiful, loving, charitable woman. Don't let his

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<v Speaker 1>stupid lies steal your joy. Instead of getting up in

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<v Speaker 1>your head and arguing with him, you need to say

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<v Speaker 1>a prayer and say, God, I know that I am

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<v Speaker 1>fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that I am smart

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<v Speaker 1>and capable, So please don't let his stupid cruel words

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<v Speaker 1>steal my joy. And then you go about your day

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<v Speaker 1>doing your business. You either do that or you choose

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<v Speaker 1>to believe that the talents and the gifts and the

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<v Speaker 1>skills you have are valuable and you walk out and

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<v Speaker 1>you say, I don't need this mess. So you can

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<v Speaker 1>either choose to not let him steal your joy or

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<v Speaker 1>you can exercise your options. Either way, stop letting this

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<v Speaker 1>idiot hurt you. Okay. I received this letter from a

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<v Speaker 1>listener named Heather, who says, Hi, Delilah. My name is

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<v Speaker 1>Heather and I'm almost twenty two years old. I've known

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<v Speaker 1>my boyfriend since we were kids, and now we've been

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<v Speaker 1>dating for a little over a year. His mother doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>seem to like me yet I've done nothing wrong. He

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<v Speaker 1>tells me everything she says. She's a really picky lady,

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<v Speaker 1>a clean freak. So I started washing his clothes to

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<v Speaker 1>get her to have a little better perspective of me.

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<v Speaker 1>Well that didn't work, she said, quote, she left your

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<v Speaker 1>clothes in the dryer. She's so lazy. So after that,

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<v Speaker 1>I made sure I stayed and finished the washing, the drying,

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<v Speaker 1>the folding, the putting them away. I even tried helping

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<v Speaker 1>with the dishes when I'm over there, and still she

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<v Speaker 1>always looks at me with disdain. This is upsetting to

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<v Speaker 1>me because I love her son. Due to this stress,

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't seen her in about two months. I know

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<v Speaker 1>I'm avoiding her and I can't keep doing that. She

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<v Speaker 1>will someday be my mother in law. What should I do?

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<v Speaker 1>From Heather? Heather, I will have my remarks, my comments,

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<v Speaker 1>my thoughts on your situation coming up next. Tonight's Delilah

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<v Speaker 1>dilemma came from a young woman, twenty two year old

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<v Speaker 1>girl named Heather, who is trying to jump through hoops

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<v Speaker 1>to please her future mother in law. And this is

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<v Speaker 1>what I would say to you, Heather. There is a

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<v Speaker 1>very telling sentence in your letter to me. It says,

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<v Speaker 1>he tells me everything. She says, she's a really picky lady,

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<v Speaker 1>and that tells me, Heather, your problem is not with

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<v Speaker 1>your future mother in law. Your problem is with your

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<v Speaker 1>future husband. If he is taking unkind things his mother

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<v Speaker 1>has said about you and reporting them directly back to you,

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<v Speaker 1>he doesn't love you. Love never inflicts pain upon another

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<v Speaker 1>one purposefully, and what he is doing by reporting his

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<v Speaker 1>unkind mother's comments is inflicting pain upon your heart and

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<v Speaker 1>manipulating you. You are not his slave, you're his girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>his fiance, his beloved. Why in the world would you

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<v Speaker 1>be washing his clothes, folding his clothes trying to earn

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<v Speaker 1>her approval? What a crazy relationship. If he loved you,

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<v Speaker 1>he would say, honey, don't touch my clothes. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>your job to clean my dirty clothes. It's my job.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you were so kind as to help him

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<v Speaker 1>and do something to bless him, like wash his laundry,

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<v Speaker 1>the last thing in the world he should do is

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<v Speaker 1>tell you you didn't do it good enough for his

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<v Speaker 1>mother's approval. Run for the hills, girlfriend, Do not pass, go,

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<v Speaker 1>do not collect you one hundred dollars, do not get

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<v Speaker 1>any further deeply involved with such a manipulative family, or

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<v Speaker 1>you will be miserable. I so hope you have enjoyed

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<v Speaker 1>these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing them

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<v Speaker 1>to you. I'll share more with you each weekday on

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<v Speaker 1>Hey It's Delilah.