Speaker 1: When things are good, we think they'll be good forever,
Speaker 1: and we're wrong. When things are bad, we think they'll
Speaker 1: be bad forever, and we're wrong. Things are never good forever,
Speaker 1: and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize
Speaker 1: is how we can focus on living a life of
Speaker 1: meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos. The
Speaker 1: number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Setty, Jay shettyet
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose
Speaker 1: podcast and author of New York Times best selling book
Speaker 1: Think Like a Monk and Eight Rules of Love. If
Speaker 1: you haven't read either of those books, I hope you
Speaker 1: go and grab a copy to learn about mindset, peace,
Speaker 1: purpose and love, relationships and dating. But today I'm talking
Speaker 1: to you about eight things I wish I knew before
Speaker 1: I was third. I'm thirty seven now, and I've learned
Speaker 1: so much up until this point in life. But there
Speaker 1: are certain things that I know could have saved me time, money,
Speaker 1: and energy before I was thirty years old, and I
Speaker 1: want to share them all with you if I could
Speaker 1: sit my twenty year old self down for an unfiltered conversation.
Speaker 1: Here are the truths about people, work, and life that
Speaker 1: would have saved me years of stress, overthinking and wasted energy.
Speaker 1: These aren't cliches, their counterintuitive lessons from psychology and human
Speaker 1: behavior that will change how you live, love, and work.
Speaker 1: Let's get in. Lesson number one is people aren't thinking
Speaker 1: about you as much as you think they are. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about something known as the spotlight effect
Speaker 1: from Gillovich in nineteen ninety nine. He said that we
Speaker 1: overestimate how much people notice or judge us, when the
Speaker 1: truth is most people are too busy worrying about themselves. Now,
Speaker 1: imagine walking to work with a giant coffee stain down
Speaker 1: the front of your shirt. You feel exposed, humiliated, You
Speaker 1: swear everyone staring, whispering, judging, gossiping. You spend the whole
Speaker 1: day shrinking into yourself. But here's the twist. When psychologists
Speaker 1: at Cornell University actually tested this, they found almost nobody noticed.
Speaker 1: In their famous Barry manilo t shirt study, students were
Speaker 1: asked to walk into a room full of peers wearing
Speaker 1: a bright, embarrassing Manilow shirt. The wearers were convinced half
Speaker 1: the room would notice and remember, but the reality only
Speaker 1: about twenty percent of people noticed at all. The truth
Speaker 1: is we all live under what psychologists call the spotlight effect,
Speaker 1: the belief that everyone is wanting, when in reality, most
Speaker 1: people are too busy worrying about their own coffee stains,
Speaker 1: their own insecurities, their own spotlight. Now here's why this matters.
Speaker 1: You're not being judged as much as you think. The
Speaker 1: audience you imagine doesn't exist. The world isn't scrutinizing you.
Speaker 1: It's scrolling past, lost in its own self consciousness. The
Speaker 1: spotlight is in your head, and once you realize that
Speaker 1: you can finally step on stage, take the risk, wear
Speaker 1: the stain because no one's watching as closely as you think.
Speaker 1: Stop chasing approval from people who don't even know themselves.
Speaker 1: Stop performing for people who wouldn't show up if you fell.
Speaker 1: Stop editing your life for people who aren't even paying attention.
Speaker 1: Stop carrying the weight of opinions that were never yours
Speaker 1: to hold. Stop shrinking your dreams to fit someone else's
Speaker 1: comfort zone, and stop letting silent critics rent space in
Speaker 1: your head for free. Stop confusing someone's opinion with your
Speaker 1: own reflection. They're not thinking about you in the first place.
Speaker 1: Lesson number two, busyness isn't productivity. We mistake being busy
Speaker 1: for being valuable. This is something in psychology known as
Speaker 1: the effort heuristic. We all know what it feels like.
Speaker 1: We think if we're working twelve hours a day, we're winning,
Speaker 1: We're moving forward. But the reality is you can hustle
Speaker 1: twelve hours a day and still not move forward. We
Speaker 1: have to measure progress in outcomes, not ours. Have you
Speaker 1: ever caught yourself bragging about how busy you are, or
Speaker 1: maybe even trying to make yourself sound worthy. You might say,
Speaker 1: I work twelve hours straight, Hey, add back to back meetings,
Speaker 1: I apparely slept this week. We wear busyness like a
Speaker 1: badge of honor. But psychology has a name for this mistake,
Speaker 1: the effort heuristic. It means we assume that if something
Speaker 1: took more effort, it must be more valuable, But that
Speaker 1: doesn't always fit. Researchers asked people to rate two paintings
Speaker 1: of the same artwork. One was described to them as
Speaker 1: taking four hours to make, the other was described as
Speaker 1: taking twenty six hours. Guess what people rated the twenty
Speaker 1: six hour painting as more beautiful, more meaningful, more worthy
Speaker 1: of praise. Same are, same quality, but different story. About
Speaker 1: the effort. We all think if we're working longer, we
Speaker 1: should be rewarded more. If you're working harder, we should
Speaker 1: win more. If we're doing more, we should get more.
Speaker 1: But here's the problem. Just because something takes longer doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's better. A twelve hour workday isn't proof of impact,
Speaker 1: a never ending to do list isn't proof of progress.
Speaker 1: Exhaustion isn't proof of success. Busy is not the same
Speaker 1: as effective. So here's the takeaway. Don't measure your value
Speaker 1: by the hours you burn. Measure it by the results
Speaker 1: you create. Don't ask how hard did I work? Ask
Speaker 1: did my work actually matter? Because at the end of
Speaker 1: your life, no one's going to hand you an award
Speaker 1: for most hours spent looking busy, but you will remember
Speaker 1: what you built, what you changed, and who you became.
Speaker 1: Start remembering you're not valuable because you're busy. You're valuable
Speaker 1: because you're you. Stop measuring your day by hours instead
Speaker 1: of outcomes. Stop filling every minute so you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you're falling behind. Stop mistaking exhaustion for evidence that
Speaker 1: you matter. So many of us are so conflicted by that.
Speaker 1: It's time to work smart. It's time to work effective,
Speaker 1: not just hard. Lesson number three, your friends will change,
Speaker 1: and that's not betrayal. There's a psychological term known as
Speaker 1: socio emotional selectivity theory. As we age, we prioritize depth
Speaker 1: over breadth in our relationships. Losing friends, as hard as
Speaker 1: it is, is often growth, not failure. Look, this is
Speaker 1: how it works. When you're in your twenties. Your inbox
Speaker 1: is in. You've got group chats, classmates, colleagues, Friday night
Speaker 1: plans with people you barely know. Your social world feels infinite.
Speaker 1: But something fascinating happens as you get older. Psychologists have
Speaker 1: studied this for decades and the data is crystal clear.
Speaker 1: Your social circle shrinks, not because you're failing, but because
Speaker 1: your brain is recalibrating. This is called socio emotional selectivity theory,
Speaker 1: a concept pioneered by a psychologist at Stanford. She found
Speaker 1: that as people age, or even just perceived their time
Speaker 1: as more limited, they stop investing in endless social expansion. Instead,
Speaker 1: they prioritize fewer, deeper, more emotionally meaningful relationships. In one study,
Speaker 1: they tracked people's relationships across their lifespans. Young adults reported
Speaker 1: wide networks with lots of quintances. Older adults consistently reported
Speaker 1: smaller networks, but also higher satisfaction in those relationships. What
Speaker 1: was even more striking was that the older adults had
Speaker 1: fewer conflicts and reported greater emotional stability. It is an
Speaker 1: age that changes us. It's how much time we believe
Speaker 1: we have left. When time feels expensive, we chase novelty
Speaker 1: and variety. When time feels expensive, we choose intimacy and depth.
Speaker 1: That's why your twenties feel like you're collecting people, and
Speaker 1: your thirties, forties, and fifties feel like you're filtering down
Speaker 1: to the ones who really matter. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of us when we're losing friends, when we grow apart,
Speaker 1: when we drift apart. As we get older, we may
Speaker 1: start to judge people. We may think people change, We
Speaker 1: may think that we did something wrong. The reality is
Speaker 1: people have less time. They want to focus more on
Speaker 1: the relationships that matter, and this becomes a natural evolution
Speaker 1: in life. If you're feeling guilty that your social circle
Speaker 1: is shrinking, don't. It's not failure. It's what moving forward
Speaker 1: looks like. It means your brain is getting wise enough
Speaker 1: to realize a small circle that feeds you is more
Speaker 1: valuable than a large circle that drains you. A small
Speaker 1: circle that tells you the truth is better than a
Speaker 1: large circle that tells you what you want to hear.
Speaker 1: A small circle that celebrates you in private is better
Speaker 1: than a large circle that collapse only in public. A
Speaker 1: small circle that challenges you to grow is better than
Speaker 1: a large circle that keeps you the same. You can
Speaker 1: have less friends that bring you more joy. Don't get
Speaker 1: it confused. Whether you're dreaming of a wellness retreat, a
Speaker 1: food focus get away, or a weekend built around connection,
Speaker 1: Chase Sapphire Reserve helps you design travel experiences that actually
Speaker 1: mean something to you. Today, we're talking about how purposeful
Speaker 1: travel can be easier and way more rewarding when you
Speaker 1: have the right support. When you think about travel, it's
Speaker 1: not just about going somewhere new. It's about the why.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're recharging, spending time with people you love, or
Speaker 1: indulging in a passion. But let's be honest, the planning
Speaker 1: can be overwhelming, finding the right hotel, staying on budget,
Speaker 1: making it all feel intentional. That's where Chase Sapphire Reserve
Speaker 1: steps in with perks like the annual three hundred dollars
Speaker 1: travel credit and curated Sapphire Edit stays you can focus
Speaker 1: on what matters most. Picture this. You book a boutique
Speaker 1: hotel you've been eyeing and the travel credit offsets part
Speaker 1: of your cost. Or you discover a wellness focused resort
Speaker 1: through Sapphire edits handpicked for its incredible service and unique experiences.
Speaker 1: Suddenly the logistics feel lighter and your trip feels more
Speaker 1: aligned with your values. You can pour your energy into
Speaker 1: the parts that fill you up, whether that's a yoga
Speaker 1: retreat in the mountains or a culinary focused weekend in
Speaker 1: a new city. Want to learn more about how Chase
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Speaker 1: over to Chase dot com Forward Slash Sapphire Reserve, your values,
Speaker 1: your journey. With Chase Sapphire Reserve, every trip can feel
Speaker 1: meaningful from start to finish. Lesser number four is discipline
Speaker 1: is easier than motivation. Most of us think that what
Speaker 1: we need to change our lives is more motivation. The
Speaker 1: amount of people that come up to me and say, Jay,
Speaker 1: motivate me. Can you tell me something motivational that will
Speaker 1: change my life? We all feel if I could just
Speaker 1: feel more motivated, I'd go to the gym, start the business,
Speaker 1: eat better. But here's the counterintuitive truth. You don't need
Speaker 1: more motivation. You need more discipline. And discipline doesn't mean
Speaker 1: willpower or toughness. It means designing your life so the
Speaker 1: right choice is easier than the wrong one. Let me
Speaker 1: say that again. Discipline is designing your life so that
Speaker 1: the right choice is easier than the wrong one. Your
Speaker 1: systems are helping you make hard choices more easily. Psychologists
Speaker 1: call this ego depletion. Every decision you make, from what
Speaker 1: to wear to what to eat, drains your brain's self
Speaker 1: control battery. By the time the evening comes, that battery
Speaker 1: is dead. How many of you have felt this before? Right,
Speaker 1: you've been making decisions all day, what to wear, what
Speaker 1: to eat, meal, prepping, what to cook, what to make
Speaker 1: for lunch, what to make for dinner. Then you've got
Speaker 1: what color does this slide deck need to be? I
Speaker 1: haven't made their accounts balance up. I haven't replied to
Speaker 1: my mom, I haven't called my friend, I haven't texted
Speaker 1: this person back. I've got to update my dating profile.
Speaker 1: It's exhausting, and that's why motivation isn't reliable. Motivation fades
Speaker 1: with your mood, discipline survives with your systems. It's why
Speaker 1: President Obama only wore two suit colors as president, why
Speaker 1: Steve Jobs wore the same black turtleneck. They weren't lazy,
Speaker 1: They were protecting their discipline. They cut small decisions so
Speaker 1: they had energy for the big ones. This is known
Speaker 1: as something called decision fatigue. So many of us gets
Speaker 1: tired making so many small decisions all day that we
Speaker 1: don't have energy for the big ones. Keep your energy
Speaker 1: for the big decisions in life. People spend more time
Speaker 1: planning their wedding than they do making sure the person
Speaker 1: they're marrying is the right person. People spend more time
Speaker 1: getting their degree than making sure the job they choose
Speaker 1: is worthy of their qualification. We waste so much more
Speaker 1: time in getting something than we do for preparing for something.
Speaker 1: Stop waiting to feel motivated. Start setting systems that make
Speaker 1: discipline feel natural. Lay out your clothes the night before,
Speaker 1: put healthy food where you can see it, and take
Speaker 1: away all the bad stuff. Block websites that waste your focus.
Speaker 1: Because success doesn't come from chasing motivation, It comes from
Speaker 1: designing a life where discipline is the default. Lesson number
Speaker 1: five is that most of your fears are memories, not threats.
Speaker 1: The fear you feel today usually belongs to yesterday. When
Speaker 1: you feel fear, your brain tells you it's about this moment,
Speaker 1: but most of the time it isn't. Think about a
Speaker 1: child who is laughed at for reading out loud in class.
Speaker 1: Maybe you went through something like this as well. Years later,
Speaker 1: as an adult, they're asked to present at work. Suddenly
Speaker 1: their heart races, their palms, sweat, their throat titans. They think,
Speaker 1: I'm scared of public speaking, But the truth they're not
Speaker 1: scared of this meeting or presentation. They're scared of that classroom.
Speaker 1: This happens because of emotional memory encoding. When we experience
Speaker 1: something painful, maybe it's embarrassment, rejection, failure, the brain doesn't
Speaker 1: just store the fact, it stores the feeling. The amygdala,
Speaker 1: the brain's fear center, tags that memory as danger, and
Speaker 1: the next time anything even resembles that situation, your body
Speaker 1: reacts as if the past is happening again. Maybe you
Speaker 1: had a really uncomfortable experience in water when you were young. Now,
Speaker 1: every time you get into water, whether it's the ocean
Speaker 1: or a swimming pool, you feel tight chested. That's why
Speaker 1: the fear you feel today often belongs to yesterday. They're
Speaker 1: not about real, immediate threats, but about old memories being triggered.
Speaker 1: In fact, research on the amygdala found that fear responses
Speaker 1: are often two to three times stronger when tied to
Speaker 1: past emotional memories than faced with new situations. So the
Speaker 1: fear in your chest isn't always truth. It's often a
Speaker 1: memory replay. You're not afraid of the presentation. You're afraid
Speaker 1: of the old humiliation. You're not afraid of love. You're
Speaker 1: afraid of the heartbreak that came before the takeaway. The
Speaker 1: next time fear shows up, ask yourself, is this fear
Speaker 1: about now? Or am I carrying it from then? Because
Speaker 1: once you see that most of your fears are echoes,
Speaker 1: you can stop letting yesterday control today. Stop letting people
Speaker 1: who hurt you years ago hurt you again today. Stop
Speaker 1: letting old wounds cause more pain than the moment itself
Speaker 1: ever did. Stop letting memories control moments that deserve a
Speaker 1: fresh start. Stop letting yesterday's rejection steal today's confidence. Stop
Speaker 1: letting a single chapter convince you the whole story is broken.
Speaker 1: Stop letting the past keep winning when the fight is
Speaker 1: already over. What I want you to think about with
Speaker 1: that is that whenever you come up against something, frame
Speaker 1: it back, recognize where it comes from. We have to
Speaker 1: cut it at the root. You're not going to solve
Speaker 1: your life by only getting over this symptom right now.
Speaker 1: It's by cutting it at the root, figuring out where
Speaker 1: it started, figuring out where it came from. Almost tracking
Speaker 1: it back helps you cut it right there and then,
Speaker 1: and it can transform your life. Because so many of
Speaker 1: us are not taking risks today because of pain we
Speaker 1: felt in the past. So many of us are not
Speaker 1: taking on challenges today because of hardships we had in
Speaker 1: the past. So many of us are not trying things
Speaker 1: today because of failures in the past. You don't want
Speaker 1: to let your past have such a tight hold of
Speaker 1: control over your present and your future. You could miss
Speaker 1: out on an amazing partner, an amazing career, an amazing
Speaker 1: life because of a choice or a mistake or something
Speaker 1: that happened in your past. It's not worth it. Lesser
Speaker 1: Number six, You're more likely to change by belonging than
Speaker 1: by willpower. Because identity is contagious. This will actually blow
Speaker 1: your mind. It transformed how I think about human change.
Speaker 1: I've realized that there are three core aspects to human change. Coaching.
Speaker 1: Knowing something that is three or five years ahead of you,
Speaker 1: knowing someone who's three or five years ahead of you
Speaker 1: on the journey you're about to go through and having
Speaker 1: their guns can transform your life. The second is consistency
Speaker 1: and commitment, when you can actually commit to action, commit
Speaker 1: to making a change, and you do it over a
Speaker 1: certain amount of time. And the third, which is what
Speaker 1: this one's all about, is community. We need community for accountability,
Speaker 1: we need it for competition, and we need it for collaboration. See,
Speaker 1: most people think change is about willpower. If I just
Speaker 1: tried harder, if I just pushed more, if I just
Speaker 1: force myself, I'll change. But here's the counterintuitive truth. You're
Speaker 1: more likely to change by belonging than by willpower, because
Speaker 1: identity is contagious. A few years ago, researchers studied why
Speaker 1: some people quit smoking successfully and others relapsed. They found
Speaker 1: something surprising. It wasn't the strongest willed individuals who succeeded.
Speaker 1: It was the ones who changed their social circles. If
Speaker 1: you were surrounded by smokers, your chance of quitting dropped dramatically.
Speaker 1: But if your spouse quit smoking, your likelihood of quitting
Speaker 1: jumped up. If a close friend quit, your odds went up.
Speaker 1: Same habit, same nicotine, different environment. Why because we adapt
Speaker 1: to the norms of our group. A Harvard study on
Speaker 1: social networks showed that obesity, smoking, and even happiness spread
Speaker 1: through friends groups like contagions. If a friend of yours
Speaker 1: becomes obese, your own risk increases by fifty seven percent.
Speaker 1: If a friend becomes happy, your own chance of happiness
Speaker 1: rises by twenty five percent. Willpower didn't spread, identity and
Speaker 1: connectivity did so. If you want to change your life,
Speaker 1: stop asking how do I get more willpower? Start asking
Speaker 1: who do I need to belong to. You'll fight to
Speaker 1: match the energy of the people you sit with. You'll
Speaker 1: pick up their habits without even realizing it. Here's the takeaway.
Speaker 1: Willpower is fragile, belonging is powerful. The fastest way to
Speaker 1: change your habits is to change your people. Because you
Speaker 1: don't just become what you practice, you become who you're around.
Speaker 1: Stop spending time with people you don't want to be like.
Speaker 1: Stop wasting energy on people you don't admire. Stop building
Speaker 1: connections with people who only drain your confidence. Stop investing
Speaker 1: in circles that make you smaller instead of braver. I
Speaker 1: think this is a huge one because if you look
Speaker 1: at a change you want to make in your life
Speaker 1: and you're thinking, why don't I change it at New
Speaker 1: Year's Why didn't I change it on my birthday? I
Speaker 1: promise you it's because you didn't change your circle. No, no,
Speaker 1: you're thinking, Jay, I've got some really good friends that
Speaker 1: don't want to leave them. They're amazing. You don't have
Speaker 1: to leave them. You have to build new circles around
Speaker 1: new goals. When you have a goal, build a circle
Speaker 1: around it. It doesn't mean you leave your friends or
Speaker 1: your family behind. It doesn't mean you cut people out.
Speaker 1: You can still love them, you can still keep them
Speaker 1: in your life. But you have to create new circles
Speaker 1: around new goals. It is so much less likely for
Speaker 1: you to achieve the goals you have with the circle
Speaker 1: you currently have. And I know you're thinking, Jay, where
Speaker 1: do I find those people? I don't know people like
Speaker 1: that in my community. I didn't grow up in that area.
Speaker 1: Find them online, find them in books, find them on podcasts.
Speaker 1: You can associate with people by giving your attention to them.
Speaker 1: It's not the people around you physically that define who
Speaker 1: you're becoming. It's the people you choose to give your
Speaker 1: attention to. Who are you listening to, who are you following,
Speaker 1: who are you allowing in? What are you consuming? That
Speaker 1: will transform where you're going. Lesson number seven, You don't
Speaker 1: burnout from working too hard. You burn out from meaninglessness.
Speaker 1: Long hours don't always cause burnout. Empty hours due most
Speaker 1: people think burnout comes from working too many hours. They'll say,
Speaker 1: I'm exhausted because I'm working seventy hours a week. But
Speaker 1: here's what the research shows. It's not the hours that
Speaker 1: burn us out, it's the emptiness. I once coached a
Speaker 1: woman who is a high performer at a huge firm.
Speaker 1: She worked sixty sometimes seventy hours a week, but outside
Speaker 1: of work, she was full of energy. She ran marathons,
Speaker 1: she volunteered at a shelter, She traveled. Then she switched companies.
Speaker 1: Her hours stayed the same, maybe even a little lighter.
Speaker 1: She was making a bit more money, but within six
Speaker 1: months she was burned out, drained, and ready to quit.
Speaker 1: Why not because of workload, but because the work No
Speaker 1: longer meant anything to her. The tasks were repetitive, the
Speaker 1: recognition was absent. She felt like a Cogner machine. Same hours, less,
Speaker 1: meaning more burnout. This lines up with Christina Maslack's research
Speaker 1: on burnout. The world's leading scholar in this field. She
Speaker 1: identified three dimensions of burnout. Number one exhaustion feeling drained
Speaker 1: or used up. Number two cynicism feeling detached, negative, resentful.
Speaker 1: Number three inefficacy feeling like your work doesn't matter or
Speaker 1: make a difference. What drives burnout most consistently isn't just
Speaker 1: long hours. It's when your work feels meaningless, misaligned, or unseen.
Speaker 1: Gallup found that seventy six percent of employees experience burnout,
Speaker 1: but the strongest predictor wasn't the number of hours, it
Speaker 1: was whether they felt their work had purpose. Maslac's research
Speaker 1: shows that people who feel their work lacks recognition or
Speaker 1: significance report two to three times higher levels of burnout,
Speaker 1: even at similar workloads. In contrast, people engaged in meaningful
Speaker 1: but demanding work nurses, social workers, startup founders often sustain
Speaker 1: far higher workloads before burning out because purpose acts like fuel.
Speaker 1: So the truth is you don't burn out from giving
Speaker 1: too much of yourself. You burn out from giving yourself
Speaker 1: to things that don't matter. If you feel drained, don't
Speaker 1: just ask how many hours am I working? Ask what
Speaker 1: am I working toward. Cutting hours might help temporarily, but
Speaker 1: finding meaning changes everything. Because exhaustion is survivable, meaninglessness isn't.
Speaker 1: You can bring meaning into your work. You can bring
Speaker 1: energy into your work. Find something that you can be
Speaker 1: curious about. Find something to bring passion into the workplace.
Speaker 1: You don't have to have the perfect job. You have
Speaker 1: to bring passion into the workplace. Lesser number eight. Your
Speaker 1: brain lies about the future. We think we're good at
Speaker 1: predicting what will make us happy. I'll be so much
Speaker 1: happier once I get that promotion, once I moved to
Speaker 1: that city, everything will be better. Once I'm in that relationship,
Speaker 1: I'll finally be complete. But psychology says we're terrible at this.
Speaker 1: Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist, ran a study with people
Speaker 1: who were absolutely convinced that winning the lottery would transform
Speaker 1: their happiness. When they checked in with lottery winners a
Speaker 1: year later, their happiness had barely changed. In fact, many
Speaker 1: felt less fulfilled. Why because their relationships routines and sense
Speaker 1: of purpose hadn't shifted, just their bank balance. And here's
Speaker 1: the twist. When Gilbert looked at people who had suffered
Speaker 1: catastrophic accidents and lost mobility, a year later, many of
Speaker 1: them reported similar happiness levels as before the accident. What
Speaker 1: felt like the end of life became the start of adaptation.
Speaker 1: This is called effective forecasting error. Our brain systematically overestimates
Speaker 1: how long good or bad events will impact our happiness.
Speaker 1: We imagine the promotion as a permanent high, when in reality,
Speaker 1: we adapt quickly. We imagine the breakup as endless despair,
Speaker 1: but over time, our emotional baseline returns faster than we think.
Speaker 1: Gilbert calls this our psychological immune system. We recover emotionally
Speaker 1: far more quickly than our imagination predicts. It's fascinating, isn't it.
Speaker 1: When things are good, we think they'll be good forever,
Speaker 1: and we're wrong. When things are bad, we think they'll
Speaker 1: be bad forever, and we're wrong. Things are never good forever,
Speaker 1: and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize
Speaker 1: is how we can focus on living a life of
Speaker 1: meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos. In
Speaker 1: one study, college students predicted they'd be miserable for months
Speaker 1: if they were rejected from a dorm lottery. A few
Speaker 1: weeks later, their happiness levels were back to baseline. A
Speaker 1: large body of research shows we consistently mispredict both the
Speaker 1: intensity and the duration of our emotional reactions. So here's
Speaker 1: the truth. Your imagination about the future is usually wrong.
Speaker 1: It exaggerates both the joy and the pain. That's why
Speaker 1: the best advice isn't trust your gut, its test reality.
Speaker 1: If you learn to test reality, to experiment, to try,
Speaker 1: you will know more than what you may think or
Speaker 1: predict before making a big life decision like moving cities,
Speaker 1: quitting jobs, ending relationships. Don't trust the move in your head.
Speaker 1: Run a small experiment, Spend a week in that new city,
Speaker 1: shadow someone in that career, try a day living that lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Because imagination inflates reality educates you think happiness will never end,
Speaker 1: and you think pain will never end. The truth is
Speaker 1: pleasure ends quicker than you think, and pain ends quicker
Speaker 1: than you think. I really hope that these eight lessons
Speaker 1: will help you get the next decade of your life
Speaker 1: to be the most powerful one. Yet, it's these lessons
Speaker 1: that shift your mindset change your careers and change your life.
Speaker 1: It's not waiting for something magical external, It's about changing
Speaker 1: that internal dialogue. Make sure you subscribe. Remember on Forever
Speaker 1: in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If
Speaker 1: you love this episode, you will also love my interview
Speaker 1: with Charles Douhig on how to hack your brain, change
Speaker 1: any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions. Look,
Speaker 1: am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making
Speaker 1: the choice because I'm scared of doing the work, Or
Speaker 1: am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel
Speaker 1: right yet