1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,960 Speaker 1: When things are good, we think they'll be good forever, 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: and we're wrong. When things are bad, we think they'll 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: be bad forever, and we're wrong. Things are never good forever, 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize 5 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:22,120 Speaker 1: is how we can focus on living a life of 6 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos. The 7 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:33,520 Speaker 1: number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Setty, Jay shettyet 8 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose 9 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: podcast and author of New York Times best selling book 10 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,159 Speaker 1: Think Like a Monk and Eight Rules of Love. If 11 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: you haven't read either of those books, I hope you 12 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: go and grab a copy to learn about mindset, peace, 13 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: purpose and love, relationships and dating. But today I'm talking 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: to you about eight things I wish I knew before 15 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: I was third. I'm thirty seven now, and I've learned 16 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: so much up until this point in life. But there 17 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: are certain things that I know could have saved me time, money, 18 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: and energy before I was thirty years old, and I 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: want to share them all with you if I could 20 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: sit my twenty year old self down for an unfiltered conversation. 21 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: Here are the truths about people, work, and life that 22 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: would have saved me years of stress, overthinking and wasted energy. 23 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: These aren't cliches, their counterintuitive lessons from psychology and human 24 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: behavior that will change how you live, love, and work. 25 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: Let's get in. Lesson number one is people aren't thinking 26 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: about you as much as you think they are. I 27 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: want to talk about something known as the spotlight effect 28 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: from Gillovich in nineteen ninety nine. He said that we 29 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: overestimate how much people notice or judge us, when the 30 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: truth is most people are too busy worrying about themselves. Now, 31 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: imagine walking to work with a giant coffee stain down 32 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: the front of your shirt. You feel exposed, humiliated, You 33 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: swear everyone staring, whispering, judging, gossiping. You spend the whole 34 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 1: day shrinking into yourself. But here's the twist. When psychologists 35 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:31,519 Speaker 1: at Cornell University actually tested this, they found almost nobody noticed. 36 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: In their famous Barry manilo t shirt study, students were 37 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: asked to walk into a room full of peers wearing 38 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: a bright, embarrassing Manilow shirt. The wearers were convinced half 39 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: the room would notice and remember, but the reality only 40 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 1: about twenty percent of people noticed at all. The truth 41 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: is we all live under what psychologists call the spotlight effect, 42 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: the belief that everyone is wanting, when in reality, most 43 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,959 Speaker 1: people are too busy worrying about their own coffee stains, 44 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: their own insecurities, their own spotlight. Now here's why this matters. 45 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: You're not being judged as much as you think. The 46 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: audience you imagine doesn't exist. The world isn't scrutinizing you. 47 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: It's scrolling past, lost in its own self consciousness. The 48 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: spotlight is in your head, and once you realize that 49 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: you can finally step on stage, take the risk, wear 50 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 1: the stain because no one's watching as closely as you think. 51 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 1: Stop chasing approval from people who don't even know themselves. 52 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: Stop performing for people who wouldn't show up if you fell. 53 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: Stop editing your life for people who aren't even paying attention. 54 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 1: Stop carrying the weight of opinions that were never yours 55 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: to hold. Stop shrinking your dreams to fit someone else's 56 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: comfort zone, and stop letting silent critics rent space in 57 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: your head for free. Stop confusing someone's opinion with your 58 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: own reflection. They're not thinking about you in the first place. 59 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: Lesson number two, busyness isn't productivity. We mistake being busy 60 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: for being valuable. This is something in psychology known as 61 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: the effort heuristic. We all know what it feels like. 62 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: We think if we're working twelve hours a day, we're winning, 63 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,679 Speaker 1: We're moving forward. But the reality is you can hustle 64 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: twelve hours a day and still not move forward. We 65 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: have to measure progress in outcomes, not ours. Have you 66 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: ever caught yourself bragging about how busy you are, or 67 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: maybe even trying to make yourself sound worthy. You might say, 68 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: I work twelve hours straight, Hey, add back to back meetings, 69 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: I apparely slept this week. We wear busyness like a 70 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: badge of honor. But psychology has a name for this mistake, 71 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: the effort heuristic. It means we assume that if something 72 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 1: took more effort, it must be more valuable, But that 73 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 1: doesn't always fit. Researchers asked people to rate two paintings 74 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 1: of the same artwork. One was described to them as 75 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: taking four hours to make, the other was described as 76 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: taking twenty six hours. Guess what people rated the twenty 77 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: six hour painting as more beautiful, more meaningful, more worthy 78 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: of praise. Same are, same quality, but different story. About 79 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: the effort. We all think if we're working longer, we 80 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: should be rewarded more. If you're working harder, we should 81 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: win more. If we're doing more, we should get more. 82 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: But here's the problem. Just because something takes longer doesn't 83 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: mean it's better. A twelve hour workday isn't proof of impact, 84 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: a never ending to do list isn't proof of progress. 85 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: Exhaustion isn't proof of success. Busy is not the same 86 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: as effective. So here's the takeaway. Don't measure your value 87 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: by the hours you burn. Measure it by the results 88 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: you create. Don't ask how hard did I work? Ask 89 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: did my work actually matter? Because at the end of 90 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: your life, no one's going to hand you an award 91 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: for most hours spent looking busy, but you will remember 92 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: what you built, what you changed, and who you became. 93 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: Start remembering you're not valuable because you're busy. You're valuable 94 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: because you're you. Stop measuring your day by hours instead 95 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: of outcomes. Stop filling every minute so you don't feel 96 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: like you're falling behind. Stop mistaking exhaustion for evidence that 97 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 1: you matter. So many of us are so conflicted by that. 98 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: It's time to work smart. It's time to work effective, 99 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: not just hard. Lesson number three, your friends will change, 100 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: and that's not betrayal. There's a psychological term known as 101 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: socio emotional selectivity theory. As we age, we prioritize depth 102 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: over breadth in our relationships. Losing friends, as hard as 103 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: it is, is often growth, not failure. Look, this is 104 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: how it works. When you're in your twenties. Your inbox 105 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: is in. You've got group chats, classmates, colleagues, Friday night 106 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 1: plans with people you barely know. Your social world feels infinite. 107 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: But something fascinating happens as you get older. Psychologists have 108 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 1: studied this for decades and the data is crystal clear. 109 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: Your social circle shrinks, not because you're failing, but because 110 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: your brain is recalibrating. This is called socio emotional selectivity theory, 111 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: a concept pioneered by a psychologist at Stanford. She found 112 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: that as people age, or even just perceived their time 113 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: as more limited, they stop investing in endless social expansion. Instead, 114 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: they prioritize fewer, deeper, more emotionally meaningful relationships. In one study, 115 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:57,559 Speaker 1: they tracked people's relationships across their lifespans. Young adults reported 116 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:04,079 Speaker 1: wide networks with lots of quintances. Older adults consistently reported 117 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: smaller networks, but also higher satisfaction in those relationships. What 118 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: was even more striking was that the older adults had 119 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: fewer conflicts and reported greater emotional stability. It is an 120 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: age that changes us. It's how much time we believe 121 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: we have left. When time feels expensive, we chase novelty 122 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: and variety. When time feels expensive, we choose intimacy and depth. 123 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: That's why your twenties feel like you're collecting people, and 124 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 1: your thirties, forties, and fifties feel like you're filtering down 125 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: to the ones who really matter. I think a lot 126 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 1: of us when we're losing friends, when we grow apart, 127 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: when we drift apart. As we get older, we may 128 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: start to judge people. We may think people change, We 129 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: may think that we did something wrong. The reality is 130 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: people have less time. They want to focus more on 131 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: the relationships that matter, and this becomes a natural evolution 132 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: in life. If you're feeling guilty that your social circle 133 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: is shrinking, don't. It's not failure. It's what moving forward 134 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: looks like. It means your brain is getting wise enough 135 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: to realize a small circle that feeds you is more 136 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: valuable than a large circle that drains you. A small 137 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 1: circle that tells you the truth is better than a 138 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: large circle that tells you what you want to hear. 139 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: A small circle that celebrates you in private is better 140 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: than a large circle that collapse only in public. A 141 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: small circle that challenges you to grow is better than 142 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: a large circle that keeps you the same. You can 143 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: have less friends that bring you more joy. Don't get 144 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: it confused. Whether you're dreaming of a wellness retreat, a 145 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 1: food focus get away, or a weekend built around connection, 146 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: Chase Sapphire Reserve helps you design travel experiences that actually 147 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: mean something to you. Today, we're talking about how purposeful 148 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: travel can be easier and way more rewarding when you 149 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: have the right support. When you think about travel, it's 150 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: not just about going somewhere new. It's about the why. 151 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: Maybe you're recharging, spending time with people you love, or 152 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: indulging in a passion. But let's be honest, the planning 153 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: can be overwhelming, finding the right hotel, staying on budget, 154 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: making it all feel intentional. That's where Chase Sapphire Reserve 155 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: steps in with perks like the annual three hundred dollars 156 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: travel credit and curated Sapphire Edit stays you can focus 157 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: on what matters most. Picture this. You book a boutique 158 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: hotel you've been eyeing and the travel credit offsets part 159 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: of your cost. Or you discover a wellness focused resort 160 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: through Sapphire edits handpicked for its incredible service and unique experiences. 161 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: Suddenly the logistics feel lighter and your trip feels more 162 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: aligned with your values. You can pour your energy into 163 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: the parts that fill you up, whether that's a yoga 164 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: retreat in the mountains or a culinary focused weekend in 165 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 1: a new city. Want to learn more about how Chase 166 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 1: Sapfire Reserve can help you create trips with purpose, head 167 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 1: over to Chase dot com Forward Slash Sapphire Reserve, your values, 168 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: your journey. With Chase Sapphire Reserve, every trip can feel 169 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 1: meaningful from start to finish. Lesser number four is discipline 170 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: is easier than motivation. Most of us think that what 171 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: we need to change our lives is more motivation. The 172 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 1: amount of people that come up to me and say, Jay, 173 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: motivate me. Can you tell me something motivational that will 174 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: change my life? We all feel if I could just 175 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: feel more motivated, I'd go to the gym, start the business, 176 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 1: eat better. But here's the counterintuitive truth. You don't need 177 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 1: more motivation. You need more discipline. And discipline doesn't mean 178 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: willpower or toughness. It means designing your life so the 179 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 1: right choice is easier than the wrong one. Let me 180 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: say that again. Discipline is designing your life so that 181 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: the right choice is easier than the wrong one. Your 182 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 1: systems are helping you make hard choices more easily. Psychologists 183 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: call this ego depletion. Every decision you make, from what 184 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: to wear to what to eat, drains your brain's self 185 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:50,120 Speaker 1: control battery. By the time the evening comes, that battery 186 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: is dead. How many of you have felt this before? Right, 187 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 1: you've been making decisions all day, what to wear, what 188 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: to eat, meal, prepping, what to cook, what to make 189 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,839 Speaker 1: for lunch, what to make for dinner. Then you've got 190 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: what color does this slide deck need to be? I 191 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: haven't made their accounts balance up. I haven't replied to 192 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: my mom, I haven't called my friend, I haven't texted 193 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: this person back. I've got to update my dating profile. 194 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: It's exhausting, and that's why motivation isn't reliable. Motivation fades 195 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: with your mood, discipline survives with your systems. It's why 196 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 1: President Obama only wore two suit colors as president, why 197 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: Steve Jobs wore the same black turtleneck. They weren't lazy, 198 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: They were protecting their discipline. They cut small decisions so 199 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: they had energy for the big ones. This is known 200 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: as something called decision fatigue. So many of us gets 201 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: tired making so many small decisions all day that we 202 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: don't have energy for the big ones. Keep your energy 203 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 1: for the big decisions in life. People spend more time 204 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: planning their wedding than they do making sure the person 205 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: they're marrying is the right person. People spend more time 206 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: getting their degree than making sure the job they choose 207 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: is worthy of their qualification. We waste so much more 208 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: time in getting something than we do for preparing for something. 209 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 1: Stop waiting to feel motivated. Start setting systems that make 210 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: discipline feel natural. Lay out your clothes the night before, 211 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: put healthy food where you can see it, and take 212 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: away all the bad stuff. Block websites that waste your focus. 213 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: Because success doesn't come from chasing motivation, It comes from 214 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: designing a life where discipline is the default. Lesson number 215 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: five is that most of your fears are memories, not threats. 216 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 1: The fear you feel today usually belongs to yesterday. When 217 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: you feel fear, your brain tells you it's about this moment, 218 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: but most of the time it isn't. Think about a 219 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 1: child who is laughed at for reading out loud in class. 220 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: Maybe you went through something like this as well. Years later, 221 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 1: as an adult, they're asked to present at work. Suddenly 222 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: their heart races, their palms, sweat, their throat titans. They think, 223 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: I'm scared of public speaking, But the truth they're not 224 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 1: scared of this meeting or presentation. They're scared of that classroom. 225 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: This happens because of emotional memory encoding. When we experience 226 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: something painful, maybe it's embarrassment, rejection, failure, the brain doesn't 227 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: just store the fact, it stores the feeling. The amygdala, 228 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: the brain's fear center, tags that memory as danger, and 229 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 1: the next time anything even resembles that situation, your body 230 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:06,320 Speaker 1: reacts as if the past is happening again. Maybe you 231 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: had a really uncomfortable experience in water when you were young. Now, 232 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: every time you get into water, whether it's the ocean 233 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: or a swimming pool, you feel tight chested. That's why 234 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: the fear you feel today often belongs to yesterday. They're 235 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: not about real, immediate threats, but about old memories being triggered. 236 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 1: In fact, research on the amygdala found that fear responses 237 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 1: are often two to three times stronger when tied to 238 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: past emotional memories than faced with new situations. So the 239 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: fear in your chest isn't always truth. It's often a 240 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: memory replay. You're not afraid of the presentation. You're afraid 241 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 1: of the old humiliation. You're not afraid of love. You're 242 00:17:55,440 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: afraid of the heartbreak that came before the takeaway. The 243 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: next time fear shows up, ask yourself, is this fear 244 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: about now? Or am I carrying it from then? Because 245 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: once you see that most of your fears are echoes, 246 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: you can stop letting yesterday control today. Stop letting people 247 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 1: who hurt you years ago hurt you again today. Stop 248 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 1: letting old wounds cause more pain than the moment itself 249 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: ever did. Stop letting memories control moments that deserve a 250 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 1: fresh start. Stop letting yesterday's rejection steal today's confidence. Stop 251 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 1: letting a single chapter convince you the whole story is broken. 252 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 1: Stop letting the past keep winning when the fight is 253 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: already over. What I want you to think about with 254 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: that is that whenever you come up against something, frame 255 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: it back, recognize where it comes from. We have to 256 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: cut it at the root. You're not going to solve 257 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: your life by only getting over this symptom right now. 258 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 1: It's by cutting it at the root, figuring out where 259 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 1: it started, figuring out where it came from. Almost tracking 260 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: it back helps you cut it right there and then, 261 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: and it can transform your life. Because so many of 262 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: us are not taking risks today because of pain we 263 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,199 Speaker 1: felt in the past. So many of us are not 264 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: taking on challenges today because of hardships we had in 265 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: the past. So many of us are not trying things 266 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: today because of failures in the past. You don't want 267 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,199 Speaker 1: to let your past have such a tight hold of 268 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: control over your present and your future. You could miss 269 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,200 Speaker 1: out on an amazing partner, an amazing career, an amazing 270 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: life because of a choice or a mistake or something 271 00:19:54,280 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 1: that happened in your past. It's not worth it. Lesser 272 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: Number six, You're more likely to change by belonging than 273 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:26,880 Speaker 1: by willpower. Because identity is contagious. This will actually blow 274 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 1: your mind. It transformed how I think about human change. 275 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 1: I've realized that there are three core aspects to human change. Coaching. 276 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,199 Speaker 1: Knowing something that is three or five years ahead of you, 277 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 1: knowing someone who's three or five years ahead of you 278 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 1: on the journey you're about to go through and having 279 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: their guns can transform your life. The second is consistency 280 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: and commitment, when you can actually commit to action, commit 281 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: to making a change, and you do it over a 282 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: certain amount of time. And the third, which is what 283 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: this one's all about, is community. We need community for accountability, 284 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:10,640 Speaker 1: we need it for competition, and we need it for collaboration. See, 285 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: most people think change is about willpower. If I just 286 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,439 Speaker 1: tried harder, if I just pushed more, if I just 287 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: force myself, I'll change. But here's the counterintuitive truth. You're 288 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 1: more likely to change by belonging than by willpower, because 289 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: identity is contagious. A few years ago, researchers studied why 290 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: some people quit smoking successfully and others relapsed. They found 291 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 1: something surprising. It wasn't the strongest willed individuals who succeeded. 292 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 1: It was the ones who changed their social circles. If 293 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:56,359 Speaker 1: you were surrounded by smokers, your chance of quitting dropped dramatically. 294 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 1: But if your spouse quit smoking, your likelihood of quitting 295 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,360 Speaker 1: jumped up. If a close friend quit, your odds went up. 296 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: Same habit, same nicotine, different environment. Why because we adapt 297 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 1: to the norms of our group. A Harvard study on 298 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: social networks showed that obesity, smoking, and even happiness spread 299 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: through friends groups like contagions. If a friend of yours 300 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: becomes obese, your own risk increases by fifty seven percent. 301 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: If a friend becomes happy, your own chance of happiness 302 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 1: rises by twenty five percent. Willpower didn't spread, identity and 303 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 1: connectivity did so. If you want to change your life, 304 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:50,360 Speaker 1: stop asking how do I get more willpower? Start asking 305 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: who do I need to belong to. You'll fight to 306 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: match the energy of the people you sit with. You'll 307 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 1: pick up their habits without even realizing it. Here's the takeaway. 308 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 1: Willpower is fragile, belonging is powerful. The fastest way to 309 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: change your habits is to change your people. Because you 310 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: don't just become what you practice, you become who you're around. 311 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 1: Stop spending time with people you don't want to be like. 312 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:31,640 Speaker 1: Stop wasting energy on people you don't admire. Stop building 313 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 1: connections with people who only drain your confidence. Stop investing 314 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:42,199 Speaker 1: in circles that make you smaller instead of braver. I 315 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: think this is a huge one because if you look 316 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: at a change you want to make in your life 317 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: and you're thinking, why don't I change it at New 318 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,359 Speaker 1: Year's Why didn't I change it on my birthday? I 319 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: promise you it's because you didn't change your circle. No, no, 320 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: you're thinking, Jay, I've got some really good friends that 321 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,639 Speaker 1: don't want to leave them. They're amazing. You don't have 322 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: to leave them. You have to build new circles around 323 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: new goals. When you have a goal, build a circle 324 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: around it. It doesn't mean you leave your friends or 325 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,400 Speaker 1: your family behind. It doesn't mean you cut people out. 326 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: You can still love them, you can still keep them 327 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,359 Speaker 1: in your life. But you have to create new circles 328 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: around new goals. It is so much less likely for 329 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: you to achieve the goals you have with the circle 330 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: you currently have. And I know you're thinking, Jay, where 331 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,919 Speaker 1: do I find those people? I don't know people like 332 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 1: that in my community. I didn't grow up in that area. 333 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 1: Find them online, find them in books, find them on podcasts. 334 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: You can associate with people by giving your attention to them. 335 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,720 Speaker 1: It's not the people around you physically that define who 336 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: you're becoming. It's the people you choose to give your 337 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: attention to. Who are you listening to, who are you following, 338 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 1: who are you allowing in? What are you consuming? That 339 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: will transform where you're going. Lesson number seven, You don't 340 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: burnout from working too hard. You burn out from meaninglessness. 341 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: Long hours don't always cause burnout. Empty hours due most 342 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: people think burnout comes from working too many hours. They'll say, 343 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 1: I'm exhausted because I'm working seventy hours a week. But 344 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: here's what the research shows. It's not the hours that 345 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,159 Speaker 1: burn us out, it's the emptiness. I once coached a 346 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: woman who is a high performer at a huge firm. 347 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: She worked sixty sometimes seventy hours a week, but outside 348 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 1: of work, she was full of energy. She ran marathons, 349 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: she volunteered at a shelter, She traveled. Then she switched companies. 350 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,719 Speaker 1: Her hours stayed the same, maybe even a little lighter. 351 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,720 Speaker 1: She was making a bit more money, but within six 352 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: months she was burned out, drained, and ready to quit. 353 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,640 Speaker 1: Why not because of workload, but because the work No 354 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: longer meant anything to her. The tasks were repetitive, the 355 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: recognition was absent. She felt like a Cogner machine. Same hours, less, 356 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: meaning more burnout. This lines up with Christina Maslack's research 357 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 1: on burnout. The world's leading scholar in this field. She 358 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:19,880 Speaker 1: identified three dimensions of burnout. Number one exhaustion feeling drained 359 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 1: or used up. Number two cynicism feeling detached, negative, resentful. 360 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 1: Number three inefficacy feeling like your work doesn't matter or 361 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:36,520 Speaker 1: make a difference. What drives burnout most consistently isn't just 362 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: long hours. It's when your work feels meaningless, misaligned, or unseen. 363 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 1: Gallup found that seventy six percent of employees experience burnout, 364 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,439 Speaker 1: but the strongest predictor wasn't the number of hours, it 365 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: was whether they felt their work had purpose. Maslac's research 366 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,879 Speaker 1: shows that people who feel their work lacks recognition or 367 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,399 Speaker 1: significance report two to three times higher levels of burnout, 368 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,720 Speaker 1: even at similar workloads. In contrast, people engaged in meaningful 369 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:17,920 Speaker 1: but demanding work nurses, social workers, startup founders often sustain 370 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 1: far higher workloads before burning out because purpose acts like fuel. 371 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: So the truth is you don't burn out from giving 372 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 1: too much of yourself. You burn out from giving yourself 373 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:37,920 Speaker 1: to things that don't matter. If you feel drained, don't 374 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 1: just ask how many hours am I working? Ask what 375 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:47,119 Speaker 1: am I working toward. Cutting hours might help temporarily, but 376 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: finding meaning changes everything. Because exhaustion is survivable, meaninglessness isn't. 377 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 1: You can bring meaning into your work. You can bring 378 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: energy into your work. Find something that you can be 379 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: curious about. Find something to bring passion into the workplace. 380 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,080 Speaker 1: You don't have to have the perfect job. You have 381 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 1: to bring passion into the workplace. Lesser number eight. Your 382 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,680 Speaker 1: brain lies about the future. We think we're good at 383 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 1: predicting what will make us happy. I'll be so much 384 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 1: happier once I get that promotion, once I moved to 385 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,640 Speaker 1: that city, everything will be better. Once I'm in that relationship, 386 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: I'll finally be complete. But psychology says we're terrible at this. 387 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist, ran a study with people 388 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 1: who were absolutely convinced that winning the lottery would transform 389 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 1: their happiness. When they checked in with lottery winners a 390 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: year later, their happiness had barely changed. In fact, many 391 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: felt less fulfilled. Why because their relationships routines and sense 392 00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: of purpose hadn't shifted, just their bank balance. And here's 393 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 1: the twist. When Gilbert looked at people who had suffered 394 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 1: catastrophic accidents and lost mobility, a year later, many of 395 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: them reported similar happiness levels as before the accident. What 396 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:19,120 Speaker 1: felt like the end of life became the start of adaptation. 397 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: This is called effective forecasting error. Our brain systematically overestimates 398 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: how long good or bad events will impact our happiness. 399 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 1: We imagine the promotion as a permanent high, when in reality, 400 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 1: we adapt quickly. We imagine the breakup as endless despair, 401 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: but over time, our emotional baseline returns faster than we think. 402 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: Gilbert calls this our psychological immune system. We recover emotionally 403 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 1: far more quickly than our imagination predicts. It's fascinating, isn't it. 404 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: When things are good, we think they'll be good forever, 405 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 1: and we're wrong. When things are bad, we think they'll 406 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: be bad forever, and we're wrong. Things are never good forever, 407 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize 408 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: is how we can focus on living a life of 409 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos. In 410 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: one study, college students predicted they'd be miserable for months 411 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: if they were rejected from a dorm lottery. A few 412 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 1: weeks later, their happiness levels were back to baseline. A 413 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: large body of research shows we consistently mispredict both the 414 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 1: intensity and the duration of our emotional reactions. So here's 415 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: the truth. Your imagination about the future is usually wrong. 416 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: It exaggerates both the joy and the pain. That's why 417 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 1: the best advice isn't trust your gut, its test reality. 418 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: If you learn to test reality, to experiment, to try, 419 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,240 Speaker 1: you will know more than what you may think or 420 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 1: predict before making a big life decision like moving cities, 421 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:16,000 Speaker 1: quitting jobs, ending relationships. Don't trust the move in your head. 422 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: Run a small experiment, Spend a week in that new city, 423 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 1: shadow someone in that career, try a day living that lifestyle. 424 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: Because imagination inflates reality educates you think happiness will never end, 425 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 1: and you think pain will never end. The truth is 426 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 1: pleasure ends quicker than you think, and pain ends quicker 427 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 1: than you think. I really hope that these eight lessons 428 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 1: will help you get the next decade of your life 429 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: to be the most powerful one. Yet, it's these lessons 430 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,120 Speaker 1: that shift your mindset change your careers and change your life. 431 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: It's not waiting for something magical external, It's about changing 432 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: that internal dialogue. Make sure you subscribe. Remember on Forever 433 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If 434 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 1: you love this episode, you will also love my interview 435 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:17,240 Speaker 1: with Charles Douhig on how to hack your brain, change 436 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:22,080 Speaker 1: any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions. Look, 437 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,760 Speaker 1: am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making 438 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: the choice because I'm scared of doing the work, Or 439 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 1: am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel 440 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: right yet