WEBVTT - You Are Not Alone: Postpartum Pain (Hayden Panettiere recap) 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.559 Hey, y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome the Let's Red 0:00:02.600 --> 0:00:06.519 Table that I'm Tracy t Row and I'm called Pressley. 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:10.119 How are you feeling the day, Tracy? Every day amazing 0:00:10.160 --> 0:00:14.400 and oh my goodness for this episode, that's what I'm feeling, like, 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.800 how are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty successful. As you 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:20.840 can see, my voice is kind of gone, but that's 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:23.840 all right. We are. You can be successful in a 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.320 little raspy at the same time, it's all right with me. 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:30.000 And you know what, you can be a fantastic mother 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:33.200 and have postpartum depression at the same time. To hello 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:39.199 this episode, listen. This episode was heavy, heavy, but necessary. 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:43.400 Today's episode, we're gonna talk about postpartum co morbidity, meaning 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:47.160 that after giving birth, mothers can suffer from different types 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:50.639 of mental illness at the same time. So more than 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:54.080 one co morbidity means more than one. So having postpartum 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.880 depression and anxiety simultaneously would be an example of having 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.480 a co morbidity. So I just want to say that 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:04.360 because we use the word, we try to educate ourselves 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:06.840 here at Let's Red Table that and we want to 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.880 help the listeners also be educated. Right now. Yeah, absolutely, 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:14.600 we want to help people change the language as well 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:19.720 as their perspective, or just be reintroduced to a perspective 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:22.760 you hadn't truly considered. One of the things like listening 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:25.960 to Hayden. In this episode, she shared that having gone 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:29.280 through so many emotions in that way led her to 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:33.360 just do something easy, right, kind of relying on that 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.640 substance of alcohol when she got home because she just 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.760 didn't have the energy to do anything else. And I 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.800 think there's so many people who relate to that, especially women. 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:44.760 We get home and we have a glass of wine 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.240 and we just say we're relaxing. But I need some 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:50.520 people to know that that one glass can turn into 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:52.960 some other things for some other people. Well, if you're 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:57.120 already suffering with some other comorbidities, come on, let's use this. 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:02.280 You have some co morbidities. You know that self diagnosing, 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:06.200 self medicating oftentimes go hand in hand. I thought Hayden 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:08.760 was brave. I just want you to know that Carl 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:13.840 Bravery is so underrated because people don't understand you're not 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.440 just gonna show up at somebody's house first of all, 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:19.960 sit at their table and then be recorded sharing your 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:25.160 most intimate, like most, painful, vulnerable, I don't know what 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:29.960 other word to you, lowest of the low, lowest point. 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.280 She even said that she was like in the fetal 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:36.160 position when she finally even herself acknowledged it. Not everyone 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.520 wants to relive that. We've all had our lowest point, 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.680 but not many people come back to relive it again. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:46.680 So again, thank you for sharing, Gammy, thank you for 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:50.120 being so willing to talk about this. And then can 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:54.239 we talk about Kelly Osborne and her baby love, her 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.960 best wishes to you. I was so excited to see 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:59.760 her Willow. We know you're on tour rock it out 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:03.120 well right, but we love to see the guests come 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:05.639 to the table again. It just shows how universal the 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:09.160 show is. This transcends across just the Smith family, so 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:12.280 I love that that we can continue to share. Now 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.480 it's time to share what our online Red Tabletop community 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:20.040 has to say about this episode. I really, Brooks says, 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:23.200 I feel so sad for her. That little girl needs 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.160 her mom in her life. I appreciate that Jada and 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:29.680 gam gave her a safe, open and compassionate space to 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:33.760 tell her story. Yes, I agree, mm hmm. That's so important. 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:39.160 Tracy Turner great first name there. Tracy said, what if 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:42.520 instead of assuming the worst, we gave each other the 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:46.600 grace and assume we're all doing our best every day. 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:52.600 That's important. It's important. Another comment says, so glad that 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.520 she spoke out about this. So many people go through this, 0:03:56.200 --> 0:03:58.840 and it's so good to know that you are not alone. 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:02.120 So thank you for your avery. Hayden. Thank you so much, 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:07.160 Dana Norman for that comment. Yes, and rosallyn Nixon said, 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:12.640 I got some therapy just watching this episode. Wow, Okay. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:17.120 Prayers for Hayden's complete healing and a heart emoji, Roslynn, 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.839 thank you for that. That's absolutely one of the reasons 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.720 why we do what we do because we know it's 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:26.159 healing every day. We are healing every day and last 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:29.480 but not least, Kristin Bellow says, I love the feeling. 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:34.040 Will It's hanging in my office out work in mental health, right, 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:36.600 we all need a feeling. Will It really changes how 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:40.920 you communicate and understand your emotions. Yes, everybody get a feeling? 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:44.440 Will or say some affirmations? Yes? Speak, come on now 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:48.560 you speak in my language? Car, Yes? Do you know 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:54.480 why I'm so grateful? Cal we have already received communications 0:04:54.960 --> 0:05:00.680 from listeners in our let's community. They are emailing us 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.160 at our email address. What is our email address? Car 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:08.640 Let's Red Table that at red table talk dot com. Yes, 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.760 and Shannon Cox and Katie Yates, we are so grateful 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.320 to you and want to acknowledge that we have received 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:19.480 your email messages in response to our parental alienation episode. 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.480 We are grateful to you for taking time to communicate 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:24.440 with us, and we are sending you lots of light 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.960 and love and hope that you will be reunited with 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.640 your own children soon. Yes, thank you so much. We 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.360 have to heal together, so sharing your stories and allowing 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.920 us to communicate with you just helps us all to 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:38.400 share and learn and heal together. We're going to take 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.599 a quick break, but when we get back, we'll be 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:49.600 joined by one incredible guest. Today we're bringing a fellow 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:55.279 URTC community member to our virtual red table. We're excited 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:58.400 about having Jade here, so let me just get right 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.480 into this. Ja Kearney is joining Let's Red Table that 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.040 from New York City, where she runs she Matters, a 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:08.839 digital health platform designed to support black mothers who experienced 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:13.960 postpartum co morbidity such as postpartum depression. Jade co founded 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:17.560 She Matters after enduring months of postpartum o c D, 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.920 also known as obsessive compulsive disorder, after the birth of 0:06:21.920 --> 0:06:25.080 her first daughter. Jade is here to shed some light 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:29.839 on postpartum experiences many mothers navigate, often without the proper 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:33.719 resources or knowledge, and hopefully we can help bring some 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:40.200 education and eliminate some stigmas today. Yes, indeed, Jade, thank 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.760 you for coming to the Virtual Red Table. We are 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:45.039 so happy you're here. We need to get rid of 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.320 some of these stigmas. A sad right, No, I totally agree. 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:51.159 Thank you so much for having me and for caring 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:55.360 about what's going on out here for everyone, and especially 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:59.760 for black mothers, because what we experience in the postpartum 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.520 world is different from what others experienced. So I'm appreciative 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:12.000 of being here. Well, let's get into it. This is 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:14.360 the part of the show where we reveal which moments 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.880 made us pause, rewind, and listen again. I mean made 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:21.120 us all just say, wait, what happened right there? Wait, 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:25.920 let's kick it off. When Hayden revealed that she was 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.120 acting out her real life traumas on the TV show 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:33.200 Nashville when I was on Nashville, they really wrote my 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.720 life into it. So on the show, one of the 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:39.040 storylines was that I was playing an alcoholic. Another storyline 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.360 was that I was pregnant on the show, and then 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:45.520 I got postpartum depression, and then you know, they had 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:47.720 to relive everything I had to. Yeah, I had to 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:51.240 go to work every day and be acting out what 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:56.120 I was truly going through. Can you imagine reenacting that 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.240 just the trauma is not even like a good part 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:00.240 of your life, right, but the traumas of your life 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.680 on TV as entertainment for thousands of people. Can you 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.480 guys imagine that. I can't imagine it would be different 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:09.800 if she was reenacting winning the lottery over and over again. 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.120 I couldn't imagine that because I don't want to live 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.880 the nightmare of postpartum o c D again in the 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:19.480 same way that I did the first time. So that 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:24.880 has to be terrible, terrible to endure. Yeah, and something 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:27.760 as so enduring his birth in the labor and then 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:31.320 like literally the entire things she was going through, and 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.959 then already from mothers right, like when you're going through 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:36.280 postpartum or just just being a mom in general. Every 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:38.920 day is kind of like ground all day. So Jade, 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:40.840 I'm sure if you had O c D, every time 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:45.280 somebody moved something or whatever your thing was that you 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.640 were doing, you probably saw it over and over and 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.160 it probably bothered you just as much over and over. 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:52.120 So at least you didn't have to relive it at work. 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:57.280 It definitely did like that groundholl day, that phrase like that, 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:00.480 That's what it was like. Every single day. I was 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:05.320 being tormented by my own thoughts. And that's crazy because 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:09.400 we're our worst enemy, in our biggest healer, right, So 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.960 to know that the answer is within yourself, but you 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.600 can't pull it out because you're experiencing this groundhog thing, 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.360 it really shows you the diversity of your mind, right, 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.920 Like you can really give yourself medicine, or you can 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.040 give yourself poison. And in that O c D space, 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:30.079 I was giving myself poison. Every day. I was worried 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.480 when I went to sleep about what the next day 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:36.439 was going to be like. So I can imagine having 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.720 to go to work and thinking about there's no escape 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.439 for me, there's no escape in my personal or professional life. 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.439 That's really really difficult because I had a bit of 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:49.080 an escape At the time, I was a teacher, so 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.680 I could go and kind of get out of this space. 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:53.560 But as soon as I was done, I was worried 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:57.440 about that same thing too. I know that like my 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.840 steps were like divinely favored, but at the time I 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:04.000 was in hell. So I just have empathy for her 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:06.760 and going somewhere and not want to be there, and 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:08.640 going home and not want to be there either. But 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.840 it's literally sometimes it's moment to moment, day to day, 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:15.040 just trying to get through you the next living hall 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:18.360 to some degree living haill j you for you saying 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.720 living hill and made me think back to the one 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.040 of the other way. What moments in the episode that 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.640 was a living hell for Hayden her sharing that she 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.280 didn't know that her ex was planning to keep her 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:31.960 daughter in Ukraine. Hermit, Lee, how old was your daughter 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:34.920 when you made that decision for her to go and 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:38.800 live with her her dad? Her dad? She was almost 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:45.600 three and it wasn't fully my decision. In fact, I 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:49.760 didn't even know what was happening until she was already 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:56.640 over there. She was thinking that this was just temporary 0:10:56.800 --> 0:11:00.120 for her to get herself together, get in a at 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:04.079 her place, emotionally and physically and be you know, away 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:07.440 from the substance abuse and her husband or her ex 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.760 husband pulled the okey doke. Yeah, that was the wait 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:12.880 what for me? For real? I don't know about y'all, 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.320 but when this drama showed up in the tabloids a 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:17.720 while back, I didn't know what to make of it. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.280 So I'm glad that Hayden was able to clear some things. 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.800 So y'all remember this when this happened, because we're talking 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.360 not like about the show. Okay, Jay, tell me from 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:28.280 your experience, what were you thinking when this happened? To me? 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.600 That just shows you how the laws are set up 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.280 in the States, Like he wouldn't have been ever do 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.400 that here. So I feel like it was premeditated. And 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:37.920 the thing about co parenting life is if you don't 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:39.800 have a good relationship, you have a terrible one. I 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.439 feel like sometimes there's no there's no middle lane, and 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.320 so I just have empathy for her in terms of, 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.559 like you're sharing all of your fears, the rawness, the 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.280 realness of what postpartum is like, and what you're experiencing 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.719 with somebody, and then they take your baby. See. I 0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:00.400 think that's Okay, being a mother is so important. When 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:03.880 you become a mother, it's like you're always trying to 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:07.679 figure out how to make sure this human it's going 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.960 to be a better human than you are, right, Like, 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:13.040 how can I give your life something that I didn't have? 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:15.360 Or improve your life just a little bit? And so 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:18.800 I could see even in her progressing and getting healthy 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:22.040 and finding her wellness equation whatever that was for her 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:25.800 rehab whatever, Right to have somebody take out the thing 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:29.920 that's really encouraging you to get better? Right, what that 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:32.520 must have felt like stripped? My mom had her own 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:36.280 issues with substance abuse, and I know that like really 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.760 getting to the point where I'm doing this for my 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:40.520 kids and then somebody taking your kids like you're not 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:42.920 a good mom? Right? What effect does that have on 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:45.400 a person? Right? Right? You know? And like you said, 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.280 like you're already trying to be a great mom, and 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:50.679 then you don't have any control on top of it 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.240 when that person plays that chest move on top of 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:56.280 everything you're already dealing with mentally, it's it's difficult. This 0:12:56.760 --> 0:13:00.719 kind of transitions directly into our last what moment? And 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.280 I love that you said earlier your wellness equation, right, 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.400 because what does that look like? Sometimes we don't even 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.640 know we need help, right, And you would hope that 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.720 you can go to your doctor. So learning that none 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:13.720 of Hayden's doctors brought up the possibility of what she 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:18.040 was experiencing was possibly postpartum depression seems like such a 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:22.000 huge disconnect. Did your physician talk to you about what 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:26.960 postpartum depression was? Not at all? Not at all? And 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:31.520 I wish like they had given me whatever, any even 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:36.040 just one, or told me what the signs were. I 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:40.120 know that, Jade, you specifically help black women, but we're 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.240 talking about a white woman. You know, we're talking about 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.600 someone who also should have some additional something at her hand, right, 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.559 But it just shows how disparaged women in general are. 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.760 Did you experience that as well, Jade? So I don't 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:53.760 I don't say this a lot of times that maybe 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:56.280 in print somewhere. I went to the emergency room twenty 0:13:56.280 --> 0:14:01.520 one times and my daughter's first year of life, and 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.400 they kept saying assuming something was wrong with her, because 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:09.400 I know something was wrong with me. I knew something. 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:12.880 I was going to the emergency room and I'm like, 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:15.480 I know something the hell is wrong with me, y'all know, 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.360 can't send me back home? And no answers again because 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.840 something was wrong. And I remember one nurse actually said 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:24.120 to me, do you think you're having postpartment anxiety? That 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:27.000 if I am, I would know it. Nobody's helping me, 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.840 nobody's doing anything. And it was to the point where 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:35.800 I was watching my toes twitch. I've never said this anywhere, 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:38.600 I promise you. I kept saying, my toes are twitching 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:42.600 because in my mind I was becoming sick, like my 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:45.000 toes were twitching, because I thought, oh my God, like 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.440 I'm having some type of nervous system problem. I really 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.880 had a depletion and electrolytes, but in my mind I 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:59.160 was dying right, and nobody nobody said anything. I think 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.680 they were like your mine, it's it's been a few hours. 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:05.840 Here's some volume, so let's talk about that. Here's some volume. 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:09.600 I'm breastfeeding. Don't breastfeed your baby for two days. Here's 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:12.360 some volume. You will be okay. Nobody said, here's a 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:15.680 referral to a therapist. Here's a referral to a psychologist 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:19.240 or a psychiatrist. Jane, I need to ask you twenty 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.560 one times in the first year of your daughter's life. 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:25.000 And you mentioned that there was one nurse who said, 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:29.080 do you think it's possible that you could have postpartum anxiety? 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:33.960 Where in the visit cycle did that statement occur? This 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:39.040 was probably like visit like seventeen to a different emergency room. 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:41.800 I'll never forget it because I'm like, my toes are twitching. 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:45.000 And she looked at me like girl, what And I 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.600 was like, no, something's going on. And I was crying 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:49.920 and I was like, I don't know because I don't 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.280 know what that looks like. I don't know any of this. 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:54.680 I'm just trying to get back to this baby, and 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.880 I'm thinking I'm a die. That's all of us thinking, 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:01.600 just thinking of the that she mentioned it and you said, 0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.360 I don't know. That would have been a perfect opportunity 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:07.400 for that same person that was a healthcare professional to 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:10.880 have said, Okay, let's put this in your triage right 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.240 so that we can explore this more. And that would 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.760 have been much more helpful for you than them trying 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:19.640 to tell you that there was nothing wrong with you frustrating. 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.080 That would have been so much more helpful. That's why 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.400 we she matters like we really pressed being culturally competent. 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.560 I'm calling on everybody in the moment, like she couldn't 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:32.360 see my struggle because she couldn't see me. She wasn't black, 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:35.920 she wasn't understanding what I was going through. She just 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:39.160 saw me as a woman struggling, which was helpful, but 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.400 there was no follow up. How do you help the 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:43.960 strong ones? You know, black woman, there's a stigma and 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:47.720 you hate to say there's a negative stigma. That sounds positive, right, 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.160 She's so strong. I'm so tired of that. I agree 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:57.160 with you wholeheartedly because in our society now, from my perspective, 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:02.920 being a strong black woman is a mantel piece. We 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:06.120 were just told we have to be strong because we're 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:11.560 black women. Conversely, our counterparts, they are not taught that. 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:15.560 They literally are raised in many cases, I won't use 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:19.040 all this language to be submissive, to be passive, to 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.880 be the damsel in distress. And it's okay. That's why 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.040 we have so many people now that are the quote 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.360 unquote careens. Don't get me on a whole another episode, 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.560 that can do crazy off the wall stuff and then 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:33.480 cry because they're taken care of and there's a sense 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:37.600 of protection even when they can and do cry experience 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:44.280 there they're covered. Meanwhile, here Jade is at the hospital 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:49.720 literally going through prices and isn't being helped. But that's 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:56.960 because people are comfortable with black women suffering. People are 0:17:57.000 --> 0:18:00.840 comfortable with our pain, people are comfortable with our devaluation. 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:03.679 People are comfortable with it all. So why helped me? 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.320 You look like what I think a black woman should 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:10.240 be experiencing, right, and that that's what I experienced. Why 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.240 should you feel at ease? Isn't this what you guys 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:17.240 go through? And I didn't realize that. I never said 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:19.879 that until after I had my daughter. This is what 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:21.520 it's like for me. I don't want it to be 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:25.000 like that for her. But when I was suffering with 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:28.720 my black child as a black woman, no one's alarms 0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:32.280 went off. But in the worst part about it is 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:36.320 our alarms don't even go off because we're comfortable with 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:39.679 our own suffering. That's the worst piece. Or we just 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.920 don't know if we deserve healing, you know, conditioned. Yeah, 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:50.640 thank you for platforms like this and really bring me awareness. 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:52.720 And I think it's so powerful. Like even with red 0:18:52.760 --> 0:18:55.560 table talk, it has to start with a small conversation 0:18:55.960 --> 0:18:59.560 that grows into a bigger one you realize. And a 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:03.640 lot of the episodes Willow, Jada and gam and generally 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:05.800 the guest hosts whoever they have one, they're all going 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:09.359 through the same thing. And it's until it's discussed, we 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:14.760 don't even know postpartum is normal and should be normalized 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:17.840 as a series of things that the woman needs help with. 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:21.320 And I think previously when I thought about postpartum until 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:23.679 I had my own son and went through my own drama, 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:27.200 I only thought about it as or I only saw 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:31.840 it in in life as the woman being like jealous 0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:35.200 of the baby or not having attention. Does that make sense. 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.760 That's the only time it was kind of referenced, and 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:39.760 it's all she wants some attention now everybody coming to 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.919 see the baby. And the reality is that is that 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:46.040 is the thing that that definitely adds to it as 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:48.880 far as the concern being only with the baby's health, 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:52.600 only with what the baby needs next, and the mother 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:56.120 as well being overwhelmed. We're not educated about stuff like this, 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:58.840 so it makes sense. And I thought postpartum depression just 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:01.360 meant you've had the being you're tired and you don't 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:05.600 want to have anything to do with anybody that part, Okay, Yeah, 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:09.679 just like nothing. Yeah, I'm glad that we are defining 0:20:09.720 --> 0:20:13.399 this together and acknowledging what we all thought it was 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.840 until we realize what it truly is. So I feel 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:20.199 like there are other women going through this same thing. Yeah, absolutely, 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:22.639 And always say in every struggle, there's a healing story 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:25.560 for somebody else, So we have to have the conversation 0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:28.960 so that other people say, Hey, I don't have to 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:32.720 be shamed for this. Somebody else experienced this. Okay, this 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:35.040 is similar to what I'm going through. Maybe I should 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:37.119 reach out to my health care provider because this is 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:44.560 not normal. Suffering is not normal. Suffering is not normal, 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:55.000 not at all. Oh, that is the perfect statement, Jade. 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:59.320 You are regularly hearing stories from women about the challenges 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:02.360 they faced through their journey to motherhood or in motherhood. 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.119 Was Hayden's story similar to what you've come across in 0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:07.359 your work. There's so much you can pull from her 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:10.680 story that a lot of people have experienced. So yeah, 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:15.960 especially about the parents or alienation and reaching for substance 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:20.400 to heal what you're going through, and especially the late diagnosis. 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:22.920 I've heard all of those things, So yes, if you've 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:26.639 never experienced it before, you don't know what you're experiencing 0:21:26.680 --> 0:21:29.600 when you're experiencing it. That's what we've learned from your 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:32.400 women in our community. My Honor is fifty five years 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:34.960 old and set in on one of our events. She 0:21:35.040 --> 0:21:36.840 started crying and she said, I always thought it was 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:39.240 like the devil trying to talk to me talking about 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.320 o c D and those thoughts around o c D. 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:44.720 She has five kids, and no one ever spoke to 0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:47.239 her about that. Was that the first time she had 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:50.960 ever verbalized that. Yes, yes, I never knew what to 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:53.679 call it. And so many women will say, what if 0:21:53.720 --> 0:21:56.320 I harm my baby? This is part of o c D. 0:21:56.359 --> 0:21:59.159 It's terrible thoughts. Some people see themselves harming their baby, 0:21:59.520 --> 0:22:01.920 and it's like the shame you go through. So imagine 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:03.399 you have to get up and go to work as 0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:05.800 a single mother every day you're having these thoughts about 0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:07.800 one of your kids. But you gotta get up and 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:09.840 you gotta go to work. So where's the healing. There's 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:12.239 no healing in that. There is no healing. Like the 0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:14.640 only thing I can even akin this to right is 0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:17.920 I remember when I got my period, right, Like when 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.400 I was twelve or whatever age it was. I had 0:22:20.440 --> 0:22:24.040 this one thought of like, every woman in the world 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:26.879 goes through this, and that's something more physical, right, Like 0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:28.879 you have your psycho and then you have the tools 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:31.240 you need for you. Everyone has to do this thing 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:34.879 once a month or whatever. But that's the only time 0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:37.119 I kind of stopped and just was like, Wow, this 0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:40.280 happens to every woman and you kind of look around. 0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:42.280 She could be going through this at any time, like 0:22:42.320 --> 0:22:44.199 no one, but no one talks about it. Does that 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:46.560 make sense? No, it makes you know what's happening. We 0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:51.880