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Speaker 1: Wrong Bug Podcast. It's fun podcast. And hey, boys and girls,

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Speaker 1: Uncle Ron's back in town and I hope that couch

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Speaker 1: is a pullout because he's gonna crash here for a while.

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Speaker 1: We're back for season three. That's right. My heart tried

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Speaker 1: to get us off the air. They said we were

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Speaker 1: getting too political. But the fans out there, that's right,

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Speaker 1: you people, they protested. You guys did to get us

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Speaker 1: back in the studio. You rioted, You took days off

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Speaker 1: from work to storm the streets. You screamed, you cried,

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Speaker 1: and now we're here. We're actually just renewed for a

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Speaker 1: third season. We talked to my heart, we negotiated another

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Speaker 1: contract and here we are. So there was just for

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Speaker 1: our listeners, there was no crisis. Well okay, that's the

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Speaker 1: cliff Notes version, which completely discounts the people's revolution. But yes,

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Speaker 1: uh please welcome back my co host Carolina. Everyone, let's

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Speaker 1: hear it for Carolina. Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Happy to be back, happy to be back, and I'm

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Speaker 1: happy to have you back. I am, and I do

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Speaker 1: not regret for a second that I chose you as

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Speaker 1: my co host again, despite our mostly contentious relationship. Wait,

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Speaker 1: so you don't regret bringing me back, or you do.

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Speaker 1: I do. Yes, I don't very happy you're here, and

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Speaker 1: we're definitely not waiting to hear on Angie Harmon's availability.

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Speaker 1: Wait what, it's just we we reached out to her

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Speaker 1: to see if she could. It doesn't matter, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: just going to pretend it didn't hear that you said

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Speaker 1: to me that you had an announcement for season three. Yes,

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Speaker 1: this maybe the season that I find el you v love.

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Speaker 1: That's right. I don't know. I don't want to give

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Speaker 1: it away, but yeah, I am tired of making love

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Speaker 1: too many women, balancing schedules, trying to remember fifteen names

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Speaker 1: and even more phone numbers. And I can't even enjoy

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Speaker 1: a dinner party with some of my closest male friends

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Speaker 1: without having one of their wives jump me in the

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Speaker 1: laund room and put me in their hamper. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's sexual or like a hostage situation.

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Speaker 1: I also haven't had time to eat. Yep, you guessed it.

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Speaker 1: Too much love making, too much, too much kissing, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I don't like to eat big meals before love making.

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Speaker 1: I think that's common when I'm at Chipotle gearing up

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Speaker 1: for a time with one of my dates, I usually

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Speaker 1: turned to a burrito bowl instead of just a burrito.

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Speaker 1: Taking the tortilla out is my diet secret. Interesting. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I've dropped fifteen pounds scaredline from switching to the Chippotle

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Speaker 1: burrita bowl. It still has like sour cream and avocado,

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Speaker 1: and so my goal for this season is to lose

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Speaker 1: weight with Chipotle's burrito bold diet and defined love. Well,

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Speaker 1: that might be harder than you expect. Well, it's simple.

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Speaker 1: I'd like to meet two nice women and start a

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Speaker 1: relationship with him. Okay, I want no more drama. Mary J. Blige,

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Speaker 1: I mean unless you're into polyamory. What what what was

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Speaker 1: that word, Mama's spaghetti. No, I said polyamory. Oh sorry,

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Speaker 1: I thought we were going to talk about Eminem's performance

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Speaker 1: at the Oscars, which was honestly completely expected. I predicted it.

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Speaker 1: So polyamory is when you're romantically involved with multiple people

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Speaker 1: at once. It's a state or a philosophy. Carolina, I

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Speaker 1: hate to break it to you, but that's called dating. Well, no,

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Speaker 1: it's different. Some polyamorousts are married and date people on

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Speaker 1: the side. That's just called marriage. Okay, Well, all I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is, maybe find a nice lady who you respect

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Speaker 1: and admire and reach out to her, and then and

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Speaker 1: then see what happens. Before you know, you try to

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Speaker 1: introduce her to someone else you're dating. That's good, that's

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Speaker 1: real good. Hide them from each other, honest to that.

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Speaker 1: Then after a few months, maybe during a romantic outing,

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Speaker 1: reveal that there is someone else. No, no, that's not

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Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say. In the meantime, our guest

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Speaker 1: today is my new girlfriend, Lisa. No. No, we're going

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Speaker 1: to interview Jonathan Franz and today, the novelist. It took

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Speaker 1: me like six months to schedule. I canceled him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: last night I called his house at eleven PM and

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Speaker 1: I said, it's not gonna happen Johnny, and I hung up.

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Speaker 1: Run why would you do that? I'll tell you why.

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Speaker 1: I recently started finding outer space interesting. I've I've recently

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Speaker 1: heard that space last forever. Think about that. Also, that

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Speaker 1: we are on a round blue, greenish white. Oh, how

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Speaker 1: would you describe our Earth, Carolina? It's a planet, No,

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Speaker 1: something more catchy, you know, modern vernacular. Earth is the

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Speaker 1: planet we live on. Okay, why don't you work on that.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is on outer space? Do we have too

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Speaker 1: much of it? How much should it cost? How high

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Speaker 1: is it? But also how low is it? And later

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Speaker 1: we'll be meeting with an astronaut. So I don't get

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Speaker 1: the connection between this and your love life. And the

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Speaker 1: guest is my girlfriend, Lisa, and she's an astronaut. She's

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Speaker 1: an astronaut, full on astronaut. Where did you meet an astronaut?

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Speaker 1: She happens to have studied at the NASA Training Facility

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Speaker 1: in Houston, Texas, where she completed candidate training in two

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Speaker 1: thousand fourteen. And guess what Caroline, out of a class

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Speaker 1: of eighty applicants guests who graduated top of her class?

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Speaker 1: She did. She graduated top of her class. She even

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Speaker 1: served as a flight engineer on Expedition three seven two

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Speaker 1: to nine, six four eight, five eleven DASH Alpha Bravo

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Speaker 1: Dash E four seven DASH Jim and I I was

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Speaker 1: just curious, you want to look that up just to

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Speaker 1: double check my work? Yeah, and that was that was

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Speaker 1: an expedition to guess where the space station outer space?

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Speaker 1: So she's an astronaut. I wasn't happy to get a

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Speaker 1: copy of her driver's license if you want to check

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Speaker 1: that too. I'm just curious, where did you meet an astronaut?

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Speaker 1: Where did I meet an astronaut? My girlfriend Lisa? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: where did you meet her? In a shop? In the shop, Yes,

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Speaker 1: in a shop in a strip mall got it? You

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Speaker 1: want me to draw you a map. I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to give you the third degree or anything. I really

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Speaker 1: thought I was asking a simple question. Don't you mean

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Speaker 1: the fifth degree? No, it's the third degree. I think

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Speaker 1: you might be thinking of the fifth element. Oh yep,

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Speaker 1: that's what I was thinking of. Yes, okay. Anyway, so

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Speaker 1: after you guys met in the shop, Yes, then we

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Speaker 1: went on one date, just one. I'm not a cat,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't try to, you know, sleep with her. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I didn't try to pay for dinner. I didn't pay

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Speaker 1: for dinner. I didn't want to offend her. She said,

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Speaker 1: I think we can both get this. That's really generous

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Speaker 1: of her. And then I winked at her and I said,

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Speaker 1: how about I get it next time? You know, she

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Speaker 1: works for NASA, so she's pulling down some major coin

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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm stuck in the USS bunker with you

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Speaker 1: after day. Well, it's sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

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Speaker 1: I might be dramatic, but just bolt us in, send

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Speaker 1: us to our deaths. Anyway, she left our way to

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Speaker 1: a great tip, which led me to believe that I

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Speaker 1: may be dating a very classy astrona lady. So, since

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Speaker 1: she paid for this meal, where are you going to

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Speaker 1: take her next? Oh? God? Great question is is dippin'

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Speaker 1: dots still around? That's cheap right? Well? Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: it's like a space ice cream, you know. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know what, give me a reservation for eight pm tomorrow

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Speaker 1: night at the closest dippin Dots. So for today, do

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Speaker 1: you have any specific questions about space? You want to

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Speaker 1: ask her? For our listeners? Yeah? Yeah, of course yes.

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Speaker 1: I wrote a few of them down on this legal

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Speaker 1: pad here. Let me see, yes, all right, Um, what

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Speaker 1: does NASSA stand for? Oh that's a good. Well, that's

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Speaker 1: a great question. I actually know what it stands for.

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Speaker 1: It stands for the National Yeah, I think I'll ask

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Speaker 1: the astronaut. But thanks, it's this card. I noticed that

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Speaker 1: you have blue bags under your eyes. You look so tired.

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Speaker 1: Do you think you have an iron deficiency? Is this

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Speaker 1: a real question? You're gonna you can't ask her that. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm interested to hear more about that because I have

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Speaker 1: an iron deficiency, and I think a lot of our

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Speaker 1: listeners have hired deficiencies. Nothing wrong with that. You should

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Speaker 1: never tell a woman she looks tired, well, what am

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Speaker 1: I supposed to say when she's good? I mean that's

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Speaker 1: like saying you should never tell a woman with a

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Speaker 1: large stomach that they look pregnant. You should never tell

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Speaker 1: a woman with large You shouldn't like never ever. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you I have seen you, because you know me, I'm

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Speaker 1: an open book. I always walk in, you know, scour

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Speaker 1: the room. Excuse me, pregnant six months? Let me guess

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Speaker 1: I've personally seen you do this, or you look like

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Speaker 1: you're having twins. Still, Yeah, you've got to be really careful.

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Speaker 1: I think people appreciate the odesty kind of address the

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Speaker 1: elephant in the room. So read the next she's oh

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Speaker 1: my god, Ron, you can't ask her these questions. What

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Speaker 1: goes on down there? When you're all the way up there,

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Speaker 1: you've only been on one day? Shut up, shut up.

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Speaker 1: She's here, she's here. Look look out the window. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, Wow, she's so pretty. She really is? Does

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Speaker 1: she know she's here super early. Alright, gotta get ready,

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Speaker 1: pass me my comb. Okay, you know your hair looks great. Wait,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, now it looks really good. You really

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Speaker 1: do know how to grown. And she'd probably get my

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Speaker 1: pants on. You're not wearing pants when my legs are

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Speaker 1: sitting under the table. No, do you wear shoes to bed? God,

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Speaker 1: I'm a little jittery. I just want a nice step

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Speaker 1: mom for my son. You literally never talked about your son. Oh, Lisa, Hey, Hi,

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Speaker 1: why do you go ahead and have a seat right there? Welcome,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the party. I am Carolina co host. Nice

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Speaker 1: to meet you. Say you're the one. Yeah, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's take a commercial break. We'll be right back with

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Speaker 1: the Ron Burgundy Podcast. My astronaut girlfriend Lisa needs a kiss,

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Speaker 1: and Carolina is getting a little cranky. Not Welcome back

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Speaker 1: to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's episode is on outer space.

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Speaker 1: Neil Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Buzz Aldrin, Kevin Bacon. These are

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Speaker 1: some of the most famous astronauts of all time. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think there's some confusion because Kevin Bacon played an

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Speaker 1: astronaut in a movie, so did Sandra boul look in

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Speaker 1: a different movie. Yes, and they're famous. Yeah, okay, I

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Speaker 1: see weak man. Let's just move on. But today I

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Speaker 1: am joined by Lisa, my girlfriend, who is out of

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Speaker 1: this world cool. She's been in outer space. Ron, we've

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Speaker 1: been on one date. One. I mean, that doesn't really

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Speaker 1: make his boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Ron? Why are you

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Speaker 1: shuffling in your seat like that? Are you scooting? Are

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Speaker 1: you excited? I'm not. I have to pee. I got

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Speaker 1: excited and held it. Okay, Ron, just go pee? Okay, thanks,

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Speaker 1: we can cut this. Hi, Hi, thanks, thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for doing this. It's so amazing to meet an

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Speaker 1: actual astronaut. Thanks. Yeah, it's it's awesome. How's it going

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Speaker 1: with Ron? He's so much better than my ex? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Good to year? Is that an over? Sure? No? No,

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Speaker 1: that's totally fine. Yeah he was a psycho. I almost

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Speaker 1: killed him. Girl talk, girl talk? What were you guys

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Speaker 1: talking about? Where you buy your wigs? Ron? What were

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Speaker 1: you going to say? What about? Just now? You were

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Speaker 1: talking about your ex? And what? What? Sorry? Never mind? Okay, Ron,

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Speaker 1: why don't you ask Lisa one of your space questions? Oh? Sure, yes,

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Speaker 1: good idea? Okay, Lisa, who shot the moon landing, Stanley

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Speaker 1: Kubrick or the director mcg no ron that was real.

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Speaker 1: The moon landing was real. It's a common conspiracy theory. Um, Lisa,

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you. I'm curious about floating water

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Speaker 1: in space. Is that a real phenomenon? Yes, that's actually

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite tidbits. Astronomers have found a massive

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Speaker 1: water vapor cloud which holds one and forty trillion times

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Speaker 1: the massive water in the Earth's oceans. It's about ten

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Speaker 1: billion light years away. Sounds like how long it takes

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Speaker 1: Carolina to grab me a coffee in billion light years? Okay, yeah, Bixter, Well,

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Speaker 1: at least he's not a cheater. What the only thing

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Speaker 1: I've ever cheated on is my diet? Sorry, he was

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Speaker 1: a cheater, so I'm sorry. Ah, Okay, it's okay. People

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Speaker 1: have you don't have to be a first boyfriend. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's let me just take a knee here for a second.

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Speaker 1: Just let this moment pass. Didn't anticipate that piece of

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Speaker 1: informacione than Um. All right, you know what, do you

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Speaker 1: actually have coffee here? Yeah? Okay, yeah we do. If

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Speaker 1: you just leave the room and there's a pod thing,

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Speaker 1: if you just make a right, Okay, great? Thanks? Who

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Speaker 1: are a bit of a gut punch. I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: lie to you U. But hey, other than that, what

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Speaker 1: do you think? Right? She's great? Do you want her

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Speaker 1: to be your mommy? Know what? No, she's not going

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Speaker 1: to be my mommy. If you guys date, no, I know.

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Speaker 1: But but if you could choose a new mommy, wouldn't

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Speaker 1: you want it to be her? Lisa the astronaut? That astronaut. No,

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Speaker 1: she seems a little dark, maybe a little um obsessed

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Speaker 1: with her ax? No, no, no, I believe me. Tell

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Speaker 1: me about a girlfriend. But I just you know, I

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Speaker 1: tuned her out when she starts talking about him. That's

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Speaker 1: what I was doing there at least fresh hot coffee.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, delicious. So any more space questions? How was

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Speaker 1: your experience up there? You know, when you when you

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Speaker 1: went in your your shiny rocket ship? Did something? Did

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Speaker 1: something happen? Lisa? Nothing? No, everything's fine. I don't have

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Speaker 1: to pee either either. You're cookie. Gotta love you? Sorry?

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Speaker 1: Can you just tell me what happened with your ex? Carolina?

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Speaker 1: Why is wrong with you? Where is that music coming

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Speaker 1: from my chest? I'm so sorry, guys, that's actually my

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Speaker 1: daughter playing Magilla. Don't. I'm sorry. Oh that's okay. She

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Speaker 1: sounds great. Nick, You've got a talented kid. I'm leaving.

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Speaker 1: You make me sick. Carolina, what Lisa? I warned you

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Speaker 1: about this? Why are you acting so surprised? I said.

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Speaker 1: Everyone at the studio is nice, but Carolina may try

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Speaker 1: to pry into your personal life, and she'll make you sick.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. There were just so many teases about your past.

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Speaker 1: It just felt like you wanted to talk about. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was an astronaut, a brilliant astronaut, the likes of

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Speaker 1: which you've never seen. But while I was up there

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Speaker 1: looking at the moon and the planets and all that,

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Speaker 1: my husband was cheating on me. I'm so sorry. So

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Speaker 1: when I found out, I did what any normal woman

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Speaker 1: would do. Are you the astronaut who wore the diapers?

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Speaker 1: I bought a wig and a trench coat and disguised

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Speaker 1: myself sexiest staff And then I put on my Space

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Speaker 1: diapers and I drove nine miles before getting pulled over

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Speaker 1: by authorities. And I never thought i'd find love again.

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Speaker 1: And then you met me. No, I met this other

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Speaker 1: guy who was great, but he broke up with me

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Speaker 1: when he saw my space diapers. And then Ron and

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Speaker 1: I met at the silver ware shop and it just

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Speaker 1: felt right. Yeah. I was at the silver ware shop

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Speaker 1: looking for an oyster fork. It's what Baxter uses to

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Speaker 1: eat spaghetti. Got it. It's now becoming clear to me

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Speaker 1: that this is never going to work out. Hold hold on,

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Speaker 1: hold on, listen. This makes sound crazy, but I don't

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Speaker 1: judge a thing. Just so you know, Lisa, I mean,

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Speaker 1: we've we've all taken a road trip in a diaper

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Speaker 1: seeking revenge. Oh no, I haven't done that. I've never

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Speaker 1: done that. Okay, well hold on. Let me clarify that

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Speaker 1: people who date regularly have got it, Lisa, Can I ask,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry to ask, are you wearing a diaper right now?

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Speaker 1: What do you think? All right, she's aating in her shorts.

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Speaker 1: I can hear it dripping onto the carpet. Yep, I

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Speaker 1: recognize your in shorts anywhere. So you're not wearing a diaper.

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Speaker 1: We got it? Nick, can we cut to a commercial

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Speaker 1: and we'll be right back. Welcome back to the Ron

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Speaker 1: Burgundy Podcast. I honestly think today went very well. You

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Speaker 1: do a great normal start to season three. Nothing weird happened,

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Speaker 1: and I may have found love. I truly think that

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Speaker 1: I'm I am not delusional. I am what they call

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Speaker 1: in the medical profession, a stable genius. I'm sorry you

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Speaker 1: think today went well, Yes, I really do. You met

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend and we both got to know a little

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Speaker 1: more about her. It was easy, peasy. I don't think

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Speaker 1: she ever was your girlfriend. I'm going to be honest

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Speaker 1: with you, and I think if she was, I think

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Speaker 1: I think it's over. I think I just lost your

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Speaker 1: train of thought. So when security was carrying her out right,

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Speaker 1: she screamed, and I repeat, she screamed, never contact me again.

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Speaker 1: Go to a different silver ware shop. Well that is crazy.

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Speaker 1: That is crazy because there is one good silverware shop

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Speaker 1: in all of San Diego, and that's fork It up

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Speaker 1: right on the corner of Bernwood Street. So if she

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Speaker 1: thinks I'm going anywhere else, she's really messed up. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she she is. Listen, If she doesn't want to see

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Speaker 1: me again, that that may be a red flag for me.

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Speaker 1: I may have to break up with her, you know what.

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Speaker 1: You may have to call her and tell her. I

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Speaker 1: think we should take some time off. Do you mind,

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Speaker 1: You don't mind? Yeah, I'll handle it. Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: that would be great. And I still believe season three

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Speaker 1: will be this season I find love. Sure you don't

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Speaker 1: believe that, No I do. I do you? You don't

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Speaker 1: look like you believe it. But but then again, your

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Speaker 1: face always looks sort of grimacing like that, like you

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Speaker 1: like you just saw something horrible, like two feral dogs

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Speaker 1: fighting over a toddler's dress. You my face is completely

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Speaker 1: neutral anyway. If I don't find love this season, no,

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Speaker 1: I'll find love. Absolutely, it'll happen. I can't believe I

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Speaker 1: doubted myself even for a second. Just please don't fall

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Speaker 1: in love with all of our guests. You know what now,

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Speaker 1: I I won't fall in love with any of our guests.

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Speaker 1: These will be women in the outside world, women I

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Speaker 1: meet in silverware shops, mirror stores, outside by that truck

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Speaker 1: that sells black market ivory combs. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: know about that. And then I'll bring them into the

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Speaker 1: studio so the audience can go on this ride with me.

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Speaker 1: And I won't bring someone in every week. That's the

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Speaker 1: mistake I made today. But this season and I will

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Speaker 1: meet the woman I am going to marry In the meantime.

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Speaker 1: I'd love if we could focus on our episodes topic. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think we learned a lot about outer space today,

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Speaker 1: you do. I mean we didn't even talk about stars

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Speaker 1: or you know the controversy over Pluto. I'm still speaking,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Okay. To learn more about space, please visit

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Speaker 1: Google dot com and type in a question. That's the

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Speaker 1: website I used to learn more about space. You can

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Speaker 1: type in other stuff too. They're the best. They're absolutely

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Speaker 1: the best. They read a first class operation there. Or

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Speaker 1: you can also watch the movie Rocket Man. I think

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Speaker 1: that's the Elton John biopic starring Taran ed Edgerton. Okay,

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Speaker 1: The Edge nicknamed The Edge. I think that movie came

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Speaker 1: out last year in May May. I sure did. Do

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Speaker 1: you have a promo deal with them, tarn Edgerson. Rocketman

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Speaker 1: brought to you by Paramount Pictures Viacom Company. You really

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Speaker 1: should include us all in those sales. You can't do

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Speaker 1: under the table. One. Whenever I go to see a movie,

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Speaker 1: I see a movie by Paramount Pictures. Dune, Dune, Dune,

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Speaker 1: Dun Dune, Paramount number one in movie makings. It's rocket Man.

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Speaker 1: In theaters, we have a commercial break for this reason.

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Speaker 1: That's my man. Tear An Edgeton, thank you as always

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Speaker 1: for listening, and I love you, Hm. I love you all.

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Speaker 1: It's true. I love you, not just say that anything

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Speaker 1: you want to say, Carolina, I love you too. I

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Speaker 1: love our listeners. I love you, But do you mean

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Speaker 1: it the way I mean it? Well, that's hard to say.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I saw you once say I love

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Speaker 1: you too, because I get a get a mental image

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Speaker 1: of every single one of our listeners when I say

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Speaker 1: I love you, HM, all the all the cartoon faces.

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Speaker 1: When I have a mental limit, when I picture all

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Speaker 1: of our listeners, it's pretty much the cast of Peanuts.

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Speaker 1: Peanuts cartoons. Yeah, I can see that. Well, then I

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Speaker 1: love you. I'm featuring every member. Well it's a it's settled.

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Speaker 1: We love you, Thank you. Got you next time on

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Speaker 1: the Iron Burgundy podcast. Tell all your friends and neighbors

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Speaker 1: to listen.