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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. Okay, so first of all,

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Speaker 1: I just told you this, but we have the same birthday.

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Speaker 1: Is that not insane? So crazy? Seven eleven, which is eleven. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like the luckiest number. So also it's free slushy

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Speaker 1: day at seven eleven. I don't know if you knew that,

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Speaker 1: but yeah. So, and also so I have this, I

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Speaker 1: have this beef with seven eleven the gas station chain

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Speaker 1: now because when I was born, I was born on

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Speaker 1: seven eleven. Um, I waged seven eleven at one oh

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Speaker 1: seven next door to seven eleven. Okay, and then last

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Speaker 1: very lucky to me for some reason. Well, I mean

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Speaker 1: they're definitely very very lucky numbers and I'm super relevant.

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Speaker 1: But last year the gas station, there was this baby

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Speaker 1: that was born on seven eleven and wade seven eleven.

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Speaker 1: I think they may have been born at seven eleven

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Speaker 1: as well. Anyways, very similar situation. They paid for that

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Speaker 1: baby to go to college, never hit me up, never

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Speaker 1: said any thing to me about it. So wait a second,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to tie you remark. You show them they're

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Speaker 1: really missing the vision exactly. I felt like we would

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Speaker 1: be kindred spirits immediately because of that that fact alone.

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Speaker 1: You're my fellow cancer sister. Do you do you buy

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Speaker 1: into astrology at all? Oh? For sure? Are you a cancer? True?

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Speaker 1: And true? I feel so I'm a cancer and I

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Speaker 1: have a Leo Moon, and I feel like the definite

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Speaker 1: balance between the two. Like I think that I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I think astrology is really fun. I think that um,

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Speaker 1: you know, like it's like anything like that. It's just

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Speaker 1: to get to know yourself better and maybe become self aware,

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Speaker 1: which is something under passionate about um, And it's just fun. No,

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Speaker 1: I love yeah, me too. Well, you've really made a

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Speaker 1: wave in the Nashville music industry in the last couple

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Speaker 1: of years, and I've been hearing your name and I

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Speaker 1: think that you're really kind of making a stride for

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Speaker 1: some new thing, which is exciting. But I personally have

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Speaker 1: become a fan just because I feel like you really

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Speaker 1: have this ability to express your vulnerability. But also you

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Speaker 1: kind of have this like I don't care what you

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Speaker 1: think attitude which is completely velvet and completely edge, which

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Speaker 1: I think everyone has a little bit of. So can

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Speaker 1: you tell me, how do you maintain both of those things,

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Speaker 1: like both of those vibes in both your music and

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Speaker 1: your life. Well, it's definitely taken a while to get there, um,

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Speaker 1: And I found, like, you know, because there really is

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Speaker 1: this this dichotomy for you know, between these two clashing

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Speaker 1: sides of my personality. Which I think that's what I

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Speaker 1: love about your podcast because it's so honest to talk about, like,

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Speaker 1: especially as a woman, like I feel like sometimes you

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Speaker 1: have to pick one or the other as well, because

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Speaker 1: people don't understand how you can be vulnerable and and strong.

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Speaker 1: My cat just knocked over something. He is he's obsessed

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Speaker 1: with cheese plates, and he will help himself and like

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Speaker 1: paw off anything. So now after the whole cheese plate

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Speaker 1: situation that's been happening for the past six months, he'll

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Speaker 1: just help himself to foods out and just anyways, who

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Speaker 1: loves arcuterie. I'll start that sense over again. Okay, he's

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Speaker 1: a he's a classy man, um. But yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: that as a woman, there can be this pressure to

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Speaker 1: pick whether you're going to be like choose to masculinize

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Speaker 1: yourself to be successful or choose to own your femininity

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Speaker 1: to be successful. And I think, you know, being in

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Speaker 1: country I felt this pressure, not from any one place,

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Speaker 1: which is the industry industry at large, to be bubbly

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Speaker 1: and and sing songs about, you know, being twenty three

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Speaker 1: and you know, try to fit in on country radio,

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Speaker 1: and the truth is like, I'm twenty six, but I'm

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Speaker 1: like emotionally forty eight, like minimum, and the things that

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Speaker 1: you know, I've gone through as a child and as

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Speaker 1: an adult have always just I don't even know if

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Speaker 1: it's necessarily a maturity level, but like, I don't have

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Speaker 1: twenty six year old problems, just like I didn't have

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Speaker 1: thirteen year old problems when I was thirteen, And just

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Speaker 1: thing about anything less than what I've experienced not only

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Speaker 1: feels like disingenuous, but also feels just like what's the point.

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Speaker 1: And so when everything kind of I guess this sort

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Speaker 1: of like so it's like felt like something like the

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Speaker 1: glass cracked when I made my album Open Book, because

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Speaker 1: I was really just forced to come to terms with

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Speaker 1: this breakup and then a bunch of you know, family stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I could no longer get on stage and sing

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Speaker 1: a song that I didn't care about. I was like,

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Speaker 1: why does the world need this from me? If I

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Speaker 1: have been given these other stories. Um, and then so

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Speaker 1: having the album you know, lead the way with that,

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Speaker 1: It's really made my personality have to reconcile those two

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Speaker 1: kind of um size of myself as well. And so

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Speaker 1: to get on stage and sing a song about my

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Speaker 1: sister passing away that I wrote from a very vulnerable place,

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Speaker 1: but also be strong enough to make it through the

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Speaker 1: whole song without running off stage, It's like this crazy

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Speaker 1: pressure and I are you into the angiogram on the

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Speaker 1: perfect So I like recently figured out that I'm an

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Speaker 1: eight and that has just changed everything for men eight

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Speaker 1: wings seven. I thought I was about to say, I

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Speaker 1: thought you were a seven based on the podcast. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I thought I did too, and now I need to

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Speaker 1: redo the whole podcast episode. Um, but no, I have

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Speaker 1: a really strong seven wing. But it makes so much

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Speaker 1: more sense to me. And like, you know, eight struggle

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Speaker 1: with strength and vulnerability, and there is strength and vulnerability

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Speaker 1: and I definitely had to learn that lesson, but it

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Speaker 1: can be really jarring and finding points where you know,

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Speaker 1: like before we got on the phone, we had to

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Speaker 1: talk about like if we can talk about my sister

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Speaker 1: passing away? And sometimes I'll be on a red carpet

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Speaker 1: and somebody will just be like, so, just tell us

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Speaker 1: about your sister dying, and I'm like, okay, no lead

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Speaker 1: in cool, We're just gonna go in that cold. But

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Speaker 1: when you make a choice to be open about it,

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Speaker 1: you're kind of placing yourself in a in a place

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Speaker 1: where like people do have access to that side of you.

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Speaker 1: But just that the heads up, so appreciating, Kelly, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I can't imagine that because that is probably

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Speaker 1: one of the most vulnerable experiences, I'm sure, and I

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Speaker 1: want to get into that a little bit more. I

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Speaker 1: was just thinking as you were talking, though, I sort

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Speaker 1: of feel like you just verbalize exactly what I think

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Speaker 1: about people who kind of have that I don't care

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Speaker 1: what you think attitude. It's mostly because they just have

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Speaker 1: no fox left to give, Like they've gone through so

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Speaker 1: much stuff that they can't care anymore, you know. And

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Speaker 1: so I wonder if you relate to that at all,

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Speaker 1: just maybe because of some of the hardships you've gone

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Speaker 1: through personally in your life. I completely agree with that.

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Speaker 1: I think that it helped going through difficult times. It

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Speaker 1: teaches you it's a crash course and prioritizing, and so

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Speaker 1: when somebody wants to come with come to me with

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Speaker 1: an insane issue that just has like so little to

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Speaker 1: do with the things that actually matter, I get so

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Speaker 1: frustrated by it because I'm just like, I don't have

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Speaker 1: so I don't have the time to care what people think,

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Speaker 1: because I'm too busy caring about what people who actually

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Speaker 1: matter think, you know, like if, um, you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to keep in touch with my dad and the

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Speaker 1: two children that he's raising, and I have a relationship

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Speaker 1: and I have friends who don't just judge me at

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Speaker 1: face level, So why would I care about somebody who's

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Speaker 1: shallow enough to think that they understand me just from

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Speaker 1: like one conversation or something like that. And so that's

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Speaker 1: been a really a big lesson, And sometimes it's really hard,

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Speaker 1: especially given how much I put on the Internet. And

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Speaker 1: I know you totally understand this, but like having people

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Speaker 1: I think because they listen to a podcast episode that

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Speaker 1: they have the right to comment on all of your

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Speaker 1: most personal stuff. I get so shocked seeing how people

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Speaker 1: talk to Bobby's fiance that like blows my mind. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she hasn't chosen to be in the public eye,

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Speaker 1: like you know, like we have either. So it just

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Speaker 1: blows my mind how much people think they can know you.

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Speaker 1: But the best way to combat that is to just

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Speaker 1: be like, Okay, what kind of person assumes that they

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Speaker 1: can understand an entire or other person from Instagram? Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: problem with me? And the people who do it are

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Speaker 1: always the ones who are either the private accounts or

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Speaker 1: they have like one follower or no followers. Always it's

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Speaker 1: always stupid. But um, okay, so we kind of touched

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Speaker 1: on this and I just want to go ahead and

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Speaker 1: dive in. But your sister did pass away in two

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Speaker 1: thousand nineteen from a heroin overdose, and um, something I

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Speaker 1: talked about a lot on my podcast is just my

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Speaker 1: journey with addiction and codependency. It's been a big part

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Speaker 1: of my life too. Can you talk through a little

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Speaker 1: bit about how that affected your family, just in general

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Speaker 1: and overall, because I feel like addiction is still something

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Speaker 1: that a lot of people just don't understand, Like they

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Speaker 1: don't understand the bigger picture. They don't understand what the

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Speaker 1: process looks like or how long these things can go on.

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Speaker 1: So what did that look like for your family? So

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Speaker 1: it started when my sister was in college and she

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Speaker 1: was dating this guy I and it's like just the

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Speaker 1: stereotypical story of it starts with you know, partying, and

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Speaker 1: then it starts turns into pills and then heroine's cheaper

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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you have a full

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Speaker 1: blown addiction. And I am am the youngest of seven siblings,

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Speaker 1: but they're both have So my parents are both married

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Speaker 1: before they had me, and then I'm the only one

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Speaker 1: they had together, And so my siblings have both of

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Speaker 1: both of them have addiction on you know, their separate

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Speaker 1: side of the family, and then both my parents have

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Speaker 1: addiction on their sides of the family. So it's really

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Speaker 1: just like a numbers game because of how genetic it

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Speaker 1: can be. But also when you're growing up and you're

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Speaker 1: watching people turn to alcohol or drugs, you just see

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Speaker 1: that that's a coping mechanism. And I'm very thankful because

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Speaker 1: even though I've had to experience a lot of additions

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Speaker 1: through my siblings and extended family, like, neither one of

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Speaker 1: my parents are addicts, and that's been um, there's been

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Speaker 1: plenty of other issues there, but uh, that's that's definitely

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Speaker 1: something I'm thankful for because I've had to see what

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Speaker 1: my little brother slash niece and nephew, who are the

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Speaker 1: same two people UM, have had to see growing up,

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Speaker 1: and it's just it's so heartbreaking. UM. But I think

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Speaker 1: that one of the toughest parts about it that people

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Speaker 1: don't understand is it's it's not just like a family

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Speaker 1: being like, oh, screw them, they can go do whatever

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Speaker 1: they want, like I don't care. It's that like part

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Speaker 1: of being an addict is like you become a master

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Speaker 1: manipulator to stay in that like lifestyle that you have

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Speaker 1: in those secrets. And it's the same thing that you know,

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Speaker 1: anybody who has a secret does stuff like that, and

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Speaker 1: you learn really quickly. And that's why it's hard to

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Speaker 1: not be angry at them, because that's a symptom of

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Speaker 1: their disease. But also you're not always going to notice

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Speaker 1: the warning signs because people are so good at covering

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Speaker 1: them up. And I remember having some fights in my

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Speaker 1: family when I was like fourteen, and I noticed that

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Speaker 1: something was off about her, and this was after she'd

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Speaker 1: already had her daughter, and so I talked to my

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Speaker 1: my dad about it, and he didn't want to believe it,

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Speaker 1: and so it turned into like, oh, I was lying to,

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Speaker 1: you know, get back at my sister for something, and

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Speaker 1: then she got really angry with me, and it became

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Speaker 1: and she furthered that narrative when realistically like that was

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Speaker 1: the first sign after she got out of prison that

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Speaker 1: she was back on that path. And I was fourteen

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Speaker 1: and figured it out. But I also I had to

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Speaker 1: have talked about my dad since because after she passed away,

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Speaker 1: we had to talk about these issues. We couldn't just

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Speaker 1: keep them silent anymore. And I understand his perspective because

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Speaker 1: he was not trying to like allow someone to throw

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Speaker 1: me under the bus. It's just he just did not

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Speaker 1: want to believe that. And if somebody's telling you something,

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Speaker 1: you want to hear, and you should desperately want to believe,

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Speaker 1: like you're going to go with that perspective, even if

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Speaker 1: it involves vilifying a fourteen year old, you know, and um,

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Speaker 1: him and I have had plenty of conversations about that,

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Speaker 1: but I think that it's just it's so complicated and

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Speaker 1: there's no but you have to have compassion, especially after

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Speaker 1: somebody passes, like compassion understanding and still like understanding that

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Speaker 1: being angry doesn't make you a shitty person because it

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Speaker 1: hurts everybody involved. You know. Yeah, Well I was going

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Speaker 1: to ask how did it affect you personally? But when

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Speaker 1: you were just talking, I heard you say, um that

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Speaker 1: you were the one who kind of recognize that as

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Speaker 1: a fourteen year old. So do you find yourself I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is something that I do, But do you find

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Speaker 1: yourself being a little hyper vigilant now because you have

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Speaker 1: this awareness that people can be manipulative and they can lie,

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Speaker 1: and like, has it affected you in a way that

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Speaker 1: you stay in your head at all with that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff, or like your ability to trust people? That's

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Speaker 1: a really good point. I think it does. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily view that as a negative thing though,

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Speaker 1: and I've thought about it a lot because people be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you can't trust people, It's like okay, and then give

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Speaker 1: me a reason too, Yeah okay. You know, like you

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Speaker 1: you pay, like you pay for my trust with time

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Speaker 1: and respect, and I just I think it goes back

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Speaker 1: to the like not giving any fox thing where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: if you're in my life for a short period of

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Speaker 1: time and you find several ways to like, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a dramatic word, but you find several ways to

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Speaker 1: betray me at the very beginning of our friendship. Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to have that much patience because I've

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Speaker 1: seen what it looks like when you give people too

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Speaker 1: much leeway. Um, not necessarily in regards to my sister,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, it definitely makes it hard to trust. I

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Speaker 1: think I've done a pretty good job because of therapy

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Speaker 1: and just you know, self reflection and stuff, learning how

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Speaker 1: to separate my anxiety from my intuition. And that's like

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Speaker 1: the biggest thing any human has to do, but especially

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Speaker 1: when it comes to recognizing what's triggering you because of

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Speaker 1: your experience or what's triggering you because you know, you

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Speaker 1: need to protect yourself in that moment. So just learning,

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Speaker 1: you know, I get this very sick feeling in my

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Speaker 1: stomach when something's wrong, and I've had to it's almost

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Speaker 1: always right, Like it is almost always right, and it's

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Speaker 1: a self protection thing. And I've learned how to distinguish

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Speaker 1: that from me just being like, oh my god, everybody

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Speaker 1: hates me, you know, um, and I but I also

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Speaker 1: need to like breathe through it and try to figure

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Speaker 1: out what's wrong both with you know, thinking about it

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Speaker 1: or just like waiting for more information to present itself

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Speaker 1: so that I don't overreact to something. But it's there

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Speaker 1: for a reason, and it's not usually incorrect. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: just a little bit too loud. Oh god, I relate

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Speaker 1: to that so much. Actually heard you say one on

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Speaker 1: one of your podcasts that your intuition is super strong,

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Speaker 1: which maybe it's a seven eleven thing that we because

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have that too. Um, but the

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Speaker 1: anxiety a battle with the same exact thing, like feeling

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Speaker 1: the anxiety, and especially when I've you know, I've been

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Speaker 1: in relationships with addicts. Of my family has dealt with

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Speaker 1: a lot of this stuff, and my level of trust

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Speaker 1: and people has never really had a good foundation, and

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Speaker 1: so it's like, but I think that also, you know,

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Speaker 1: comes up for me and cannot trust myself. Like that's so,

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Speaker 1: how did you get to that place? I really liked

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Speaker 1: what you said about you just learned to trust the

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Speaker 1: intuition over the anxiety. I think that when you've had to,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you've had people that you've trust you,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a relationship or your parents not be able

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Speaker 1: to take care of you, You're going to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to take care of yourself. That's just called being

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Speaker 1: a human and learning self sufficiency. So I do know

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Speaker 1: how to take care of myself. It's very nice when

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Speaker 1: I'm surrounded by people where I don't necessarily have to

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Speaker 1: and I don't have to put up that guard, but

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Speaker 1: it's there for a reason. And it's also like, I

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Speaker 1: feel like this is just coming off like I don't

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Speaker 1: trust people at all. But I think that my point

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Speaker 1: is if if you have that weird feeling about somebody,

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Speaker 1: it's it's there for a reason, and it's you can

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Speaker 1: work through it. But there's just been me jumping to

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Speaker 1: a conclude gen based off of my intuition has not

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Speaker 1: had nearly as many repercussions for me as ignoring it altogether.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I've had like I had this one

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Speaker 1: a friend who started dating somebody who was another friend

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Speaker 1: of mine, and I was like, why do I care

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Speaker 1: so much what these two adult people are doing? Like

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Speaker 1: I feel sick to my stomach, I couldn't sleep. I

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Speaker 1: was like, what is going on? This is not my business.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm overreacting. Flash forward two months

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Speaker 1: full on like terribly narcissistic, abusive situation, and I don't

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Speaker 1: but also like what do you do with that? And

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Speaker 1: be like hey, um, I can't sleep in my stomach

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Speaker 1: really hurts because I don't like your new boyfriend, Like

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Speaker 1: what what am I supposed to do with that? But

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Speaker 1: you just have to use it as like a guide

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Speaker 1: to how you're going to approach a situation and not,

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Speaker 1: you know, in that example, like not lash out because

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Speaker 1: I disagree with something, but like stay back, so like

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Speaker 1: that person knows they have a safe place to come

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Speaker 1: if and when it gets to a really really bad

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Speaker 1: point like that. All right, well, so we talked a

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Speaker 1: little bit about how it affected your family, but how

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Speaker 1: has her passing? How have you channeled that that pain

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Speaker 1: and what have you done with that? I have so

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Speaker 1: much more empathy after going through that. I think that

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Speaker 1: the first time you go through a major trauma, especially

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Speaker 1: if it's losing somebody close to you, you look back

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Speaker 1: on all these situations where someone you know had gone

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Speaker 1: through that, and you'd watch them and you're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I would do that so differently. Now. It's

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Speaker 1: not like I did anything wrong. It's just like it's

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Speaker 1: one of those situations where you truly can only understand

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Speaker 1: once you've been through it, and my manager just lost

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Speaker 1: his mom and he said that to me, He's like,

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Speaker 1: I have a completely different perspective on what it was

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Speaker 1: like for you to lose your sister because it was

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Speaker 1: the first person he lost. And I think that the

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Speaker 1: people who reached out to me, who had gone through

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Speaker 1: something similar, it was so powerful because like they knew

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Speaker 1: what to say, And I think knowing what to say

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Speaker 1: is more about like no knowing what not to say.

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Speaker 1: Don't tell me somebody's in a better place, you know, um.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that like I've been able to

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Speaker 1: show more love and compassion to people as a result

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Speaker 1: of that. And I firmly believe that anything negative that

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Speaker 1: life throws your way, it's your job to not find

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Speaker 1: a silver lining, because there's no silver lining in a

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Speaker 1: situation like this, but find some way to make it

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Speaker 1: not a wasted opportunity. And so being able to choose

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Speaker 1: to be open about like how she passed away and

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Speaker 1: what it felt like and write it into songs where

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Speaker 1: some people aren't songwriters and and don't know how to

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Speaker 1: say exactly how they're feeling, and then they have a

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Speaker 1: song that they can be like, oh my god, Wow,

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Speaker 1: that's how it felt like I've I've had so many

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Speaker 1: songs that have done that for me. So I think

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Speaker 1: just finding healthy ways to talk about it, to feel it,

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Speaker 1: and to turn it somehow into something that could help

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Speaker 1: somebody else. Like that's just kind of my my m

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Speaker 1: O whenever something bad happens. Yeah, I mean, you have

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Speaker 1: a song on your album which is called Open Book.

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Speaker 1: The song is called Escape, and I really resonated listening

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Speaker 1: to that song. Can you tell everyone about that song

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Speaker 1: a little bit? Yeah? So Escape I wrote with my

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Speaker 1: best friend, Candy Carpenter, and she is an incredible artist.

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Speaker 1: We've been friends for three years. But we wrote a

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Speaker 1: lot of songs on Open Book together. We wrote my

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Speaker 1: new single Amy together. She's amazing and she had actually

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Speaker 1: she's not just like a friend of mine who we

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Speaker 1: happened to be in the music industry and hang out.

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Speaker 1: Like she came home with me for my sister's funeral

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Speaker 1: and help me clean up that mess and take care

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Speaker 1: of the kids. And now they call her aunt Candy

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Speaker 1: Cane just a horrible and she you know, calls my

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Speaker 1: dad to check in with him, and she's just like

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Speaker 1: such an incredible friend. But I have a way of

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Speaker 1: like unintentionally gaslighting myself because I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you're being so dramatic, like it's not that bad, blah

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00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 1: blah blah. So I'd explained a little bit about what

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Speaker 1: it was like back home to Candy before we went,

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Speaker 1: like trying to give our heads up, and we get there,

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Speaker 1: and the first thing she says, like when we were

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Speaker 1: alone after a minute, she was like, this is so

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Speaker 1: much worse than you have ever even let yourself think

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Speaker 1: it is. And I was like really, and she's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you just had to protect yourself by like not letting

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Speaker 1: yourself acknowledge how bad it is. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. Wow. But that's also very validating to

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Speaker 1: hear because I'm like, oh my god, you're just you're

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Speaker 1: just being crazy. It's like you're not being crazy, Um,

396
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Speaker 1: your seven year old father is adopting two children under

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Speaker 1: the age of ten. Because your sister just over to us, like,

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00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 1: there's no, there's no how can you be dramatic about that? There?

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Speaker 1: There is there truly an overreaction to that other than

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Speaker 1: hurting somebody else, Like right, what was I what was

401
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 1: I thinking? Like why was I trying to rationalize that?

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00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 1: And so her seeing that, I feel like having an

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Speaker 1: outside perspective who could help me see it for exactly

404
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 1: what it is and recognize the patterns and you know,

405
00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:00,080
Speaker 1: help me separate intuition verse anxiety because I was at

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Speaker 1: a lot of I was explaining a lot of intuition

407
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Speaker 1: away by anxiety. So when we sit down to write

408
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: the song, because she'd seen it, because she knew the

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00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 1: characters in the story that we were writing about, um,

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Speaker 1: we just stayed up till two am one day and

411
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: drank an entire bottle of three dollar wine a piece

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Speaker 1: and just wrote that song on my living room floor.

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Speaker 1: And I still think it's probably one of the best,

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Speaker 1: if not the best song I've ever written. But it

415
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Speaker 1: was so difficult to do it, and I've gotten so

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Speaker 1: many stories. I actually just posted it on TikTok last week,

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Speaker 1: and the people in the comments, like, I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: actually kind of hard for me to read. But I

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00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: have been and like responding to people because, like, you know,

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00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 1: it's like parents who have lost their their child to

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00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: an overdose, or people who have overdose themselves, and just

422
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,640
Speaker 1: people who have had to get out of their hometown

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00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 1: and make that choice for themselves to leave everything behind,

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Speaker 1: just so that they they're not destined to the same

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00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: fates that they were surrounded by growing up. And it's

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Speaker 1: it's very powerful. I mean, there's people I know have

427
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 1: like the lyrics tattooed on them and it's been a

428
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 1: really interesting journey but also a really incredible lesson in

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00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: vulnerability and why it's worth it to put that part

430
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 1: of yourself out there because you can really help people totally,

431
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 1: and it's all about connection. Right. I've heard you say

432
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 1: this too, but I think I read an article about

433
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 1: your sister passing away and you said, I am grieving,

434
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 1: but I do not feel alone. And I thought that

435
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: was beautiful because I think that's what, unfortunately, somewhat of

436
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 1: what the most we could hope for in a situation

437
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: like that is just to have the support and the

438
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 1: compassion of people who especially people who understand and have

439
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: been through the same thing. Right, Well, let's let's move on.

440
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: I really do appreciate you sharing that topic. I feel like,

441
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 1: I know it's hard to talk about, but I feel

442
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 1: like there's so many people who do go through the

443
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: same thing, so I know it it does help people

444
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: to hear. But let's talk new music. You mentioned the

445
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: song Amy, which also have heard you say you're not

446
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: going to talk about but I have to like ask.

447
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I kind of want to just could we

448
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: give the people some bullet points at Yeah. Yeah, Everything

449
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: I like that I've already put out into the world

450
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 1: is totally fine. Okay, okay, okay, I'm not gonna be

451
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: like no questions please. I do understand when you get

452
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 1: really tired of talking about a certain topic and you're like,

453
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: especially when it was a personal situation, where you're like, Okay,

454
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 1: I'm like done with this, I need to move on.

455
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 1: But tell the people about Amy, because I listened to

456
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 1: it and it's like a hardcore call out and I

457
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: loved it. Yea. So it's really interesting because I had

458
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 1: that song idea since like summer when the whole thing

459
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: went down, because the song is incredibly autobiographical, and I

460
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: finally decided to finish it because I was like, I'm

461
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,880
Speaker 1: emotionally far enough removed from this situation to be able

462
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 1: to write this song without just being like a huge

463
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: bitch about it. And also I have the whole story,

464
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: like it wasn't again, it wasn't just my anxiety. I

465
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: like literally basically, so for anybody who hasn't listened to

466
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: the song. It's about this friend of mine who, immediately

467
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 1: after my ex boyfriend and I broke up after six years,

468
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:18,239
Speaker 1: started seeing him and like lied to me about it,

469
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 1: was not open about it, no conversation. It's a really

470
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: toxic breakup. I I mean, it got physically abusive, cheated

471
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: on me. I don't know how else you can like

472
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 1: say it. I mean, I hate kind of throwing words

473
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 1: like that around, but they're also just true. And I

474
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 1: think that's me gas lighting myself being like, oh, it

475
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: only happened one time, so why does it matter. You

476
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 1: know it was bad and she knew that. And I

477
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:45,239
Speaker 1: think it's shitty enough to choose somebody who hurts your

478
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: friend to that extent over them, especially when it's an

479
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: X you know. But but the point of the song

480
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: is not to be like, oh my god, you've stop

481
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 1: to my ex boyfriend. The point of the song is

482
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 1: to be like, yo, dude, I really needed you in

483
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 1: that time, and like you pick this this motherfucker, like

484
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 1: you know, like him really yeah, Like he's not that great.

485
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: That's the entire point of this whole thing, is he um.

486
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 1: But so I had had this feeling, and one time

487
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: him and I were getting drinks and this, I mean,

488
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 1: I did not need to be doing it. Like we

489
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: we didn't hook up many times after we broke up,

490
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: but like there were two times, and after six years,

491
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: I feel like that was it could have been a

492
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: lot worse, you know. But after one of the times,

493
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 1: we got drinks because we were like, let's get closure,

494
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: which is just completely a man man made construct, doesn't

495
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: actually exist. But I was like, let's get closure. And

496
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: we're sitting at the bar and he's talking and I

497
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 1: just cut him off and I was just like, I

498
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: know about Amy, and he was like, what do you mean,

499
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 1: how do you know? And I was like, I don't know.

500
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 1: I just know. And he's like, did somebody tell you?

501
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I just know, and he

502
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 1: was like And I literally just like had this like

503
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 1: psychic intuition moment where I was like, because I didn't

504
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: have any reason to think it, Like they've been friends before.

505
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: I knew that they've done some work together after the breakup,

506
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: but like, there was no big reason for me to

507
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 1: think that just my guy. Because I had seen her

508
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 1: at a barn. She was so weird to me. Told

509
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: me she got her haircut to look like mine, which

510
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: there's also a lot to unpack their um thanks and U.

511
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: So after like you know, a couple. I mean, it

512
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: had been like over a year after that, I kind

513
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: of forgotten about it, and I sort of told myself that, like,

514
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: it probably didn't happen to the extent I thought it did.

515
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: Maybe they had just made out one time, maybe it

516
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: was just this thing whatever. And then during quarantine, she

517
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: put out an entire album about him and put his

518
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: name on it. And I was like, Okay, so we're

519
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: continuing to gaslight ourselves on our intuition. Let's stop doing

520
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: it because you're right and you have been right. But

521
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 1: it's like you just I can't imagine, Like you just

522
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: don't think a friend would be capable of doing that.

523
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 1: So it's very easy to convince yourself you're being crazy

524
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: because I'm like, can you imagine if I walked up

525
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: to her and I was like, I know that you're

526
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: having sex with my abusive ex boyfriend and her being like,

527
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Because that's like a real

528
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: quick quick ride to crazy town. And but so I

529
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: just didn't want to believe it could happen. But then

530
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: when I got like the literal confirmation, I was like,

531
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna pick this song idea back up,

532
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna work on the and then let it

533
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: sit for another couple of months and finally came back

534
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 1: to it. But I did not think the response would

535
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 1: be like this, But so many people have been through

536
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: something similar, and it's like, it's ikey, I don't like

537
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: the idea of calling out another girl like that. But

538
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: she also doesn't get a hall pass just for being

539
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: a girl, because, if anything, she should have known exactly

540
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: how horrible that was, right. I mean, you mentioned a

541
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: little bit in the podcast where you talk about it.

542
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: You're just like that this was like such a violation

543
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: of girl code, Like can you give your definition of

544
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 1: what girl code is? I think that girl code is

545
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: not like, don't hook up with my exes. It's let's

546
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it. If it's super recent, if

547
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: it's been like a year, I don't care whatever. Um,

548
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 1: I would have that conversation, but I don't expect that

549
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: much from people, Like we're adults, it's whatever. But if

550
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 1: it's an ex of six years and you're going to

551
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 1: be staying over his house and sleeping in bed with

552
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 1: my dogs while him and I are still having joint custody.

553
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: Maybe think about it, but I think the black and

554
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:31,640
Speaker 1: white definition is like, as a girl, you owe other

555
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: women respect. You don't owe them a lot, but you

556
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 1: owe them like baseline respect. And when it comes to

557
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: somebody that you've been friends with, if somebody has hurt them,

558
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: specifically an abuser or you know, just like a problematic man,

559
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: whether it's in the industry or boyfriend, you owe it

560
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 1: to your friend too, not enable that person further by

561
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: siding with them. And the only reason why guys like

562
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: that get to key doing what they do is because

563
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: of the girls who know and ignore it. Yeah, like

564
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: if every woman took a stand and was like, no,

565
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let this guy get away with it,

566
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 1: then these like me two situations would have ended so

567
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: much quicker. But men like that can only stay in

568
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: power and only continue to do and and hurt people

569
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: the way that they've been hurting others. Is like when

570
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: women sit by and are quiet. And I'm not putting

571
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: the blame women, but like we owe that to each other.

572
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: And like I had to have a conversation with a

573
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 1: friend who as an artist the other day who was like,

574
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to start working with this manager and I

575
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: was like, and I had to pull her aside and

576
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: be like, you know, he's a racist and you're black

577
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 1: and you can't do that, and like you owe that

578
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: to people to tell them, and it's a girlfriend, and like,

579
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 1: you know, a man like that would get to stay

580
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: in power by people staying silent. So I read something

581
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: earlier on Instagram. It was so weird because I was

582
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: listening to your song and then I like pulled up

583
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: Instagram and it was this quote. It said, let's normalize

584
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: not calling women crazy when they react to disrespect, And

585
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 1: I mean, it feels so in line with what you're saying, right,

586
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: Like it's like if we all just start being like,

587
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: wait a second, I'm not crazy, Like what you were

588
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: doing is not okay, and we talk about it openly,

589
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: I think that eliminates whatever this is where it's like

590
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: the patriarchy or whatever you want to call it, where

591
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 1: we're the crazy ones because they do stupid shit, right,

592
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: and then other women are like, oh, you're so amazing,

593
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: like what you're saying, and so then it's just like

594
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,959
Speaker 1: they keep the cycle going, Like, I agree with you,

595
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 1: we got to call it out. I also think there's

596
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: this phenomenon and I mean, I saw this happen to

597
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: me as a kid. But it's like, if you don't

598
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: feel like I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say I because

599
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: this is something I do. But like, if I don't

600
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: feel like somebody believes in the severity of a situation

601
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,959
Speaker 1: and how much it affected me, I feel like I

602
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: really need to dig my heels in and just continually

603
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: talk about how terrible it was until they get it.

604
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: If I feel like you're writing it off. And as

605
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: a kid, I like, I remember I am they was

606
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: somebody uh in my family that I felt unsafe around

607
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: and I told an adult and I mean I was

608
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: like five or six, and they were like, okay, Kaylee, yeah, whatever,

609
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 1: And then it turns into me telling a story about

610
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: how like I saw him have a knife and I

611
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: did not see him evan knife, but I was a

612
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,479
Speaker 1: child and they didn't know how to express that. I

613
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: felt like I was in danger and nobody was believing me.

614
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: And so as an adult, it's like I definitely would

615
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: not lie and say somebody out a knife I definitely

616
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: wouldn't lie at all, but I'd be like, hey, how

617
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 1: do you not see this? And then all of a

618
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: sudden you are overreacting because you're not being believed, you're

619
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: proving their point because you're being crazy. But you're just

620
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 1: trying to stress the fact of like how badly somebody

621
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: hurt you. Yeah, and it's all about being heard, right.

622
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 1: We all just want to be heard, I feel, and

623
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: seen just for the reality of what's happened to Well,

624
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: we mentioned that, Um, you do have a podcast and

625
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: you talk about if anyone wants the full full story

626
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: of the Amy song, you should go listen to Kayley's

627
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 1: podcast called Too Much to Say with Kaylee Shore. Um.

628
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: I love how clearly you express your Indians on this podcast.

629
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: It's so refreshing to me, especially for someone as young

630
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: as you to be so in it's so aware of

631
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 1: what you're going through and so able to clearly express

632
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: your emotions. But was this podcast something that you wanted

633
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: to do forever or did this come to you really

634
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 1: easily or how did that happen? So I've definitely been

635
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 1: wanting to do it for a while. I up until

636
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 1: December had a radio show on Radio Disney Country, they shuttered. Um,

637
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 1: but I've done a lot of red carpet hosting and

638
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: a lot of and just done a lot of podcast

639
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: interviews and I really enjoy the format. I really enjoy um,

640
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: you know, talking about my feelings, whether it's to a

641
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: melody or not. And it always wanted to do it,

642
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: but it was more of the me taking on one

643
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: other thing that I'd have to like edit myself for

644
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: pay somebody to do, and how was I going to

645
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: do it? When I was on the road and I

646
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 1: literally had the idea for something called too Much to

647
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: Say when the album came out Remembers and its strategy

648
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: meeting with my team and I was like, that'd be

649
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: so cool, and I just was like, I can't take

650
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: on one other thing and like have it be completely

651
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: my responsibility. So when Bobby Bones was like him and um,

652
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: Mike Destro came to me and we're like, hey, we

653
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: have this idea for a podcast and I was like, cool,

654
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: what would I do? And They're like, I don't know,

655
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: just talk about your feelings and I was like like

656
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: anything and they're like yeah, and I'm like okay. So

657
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: so the concept is my opinions and they're like yes,

658
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you know how dangerous set is?

659
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: And they're like yes, we love it. And I'm really

660
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: excited because I've been doing it since I think over

661
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: six months now maybe a lot. I do it weekly,

662
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: so it's like kind of you know, it's pretty frequently,

663
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: and I'm just now starting to have guests because the pandemic.

664
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 1: I was kind of just like doing stuff on my

665
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: you know, figuring it out, finding the groove whatever. So

666
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: I'd love to have you one. Oh, I would love it.

667
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: Mu super fun. So but yeah, it's been great. It's

668
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: been great, and it's been great to have that that

669
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: team and you know, have have people, i mean really

670
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: just do the heavy lifting for me and I just

671
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 1: record it and turn it in and I feel very

672
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: very blessed to have that. And it's that have quickly

673
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: fallen in love with. Yeah, I feel the same exact way.

674
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: We're both on the Nashville podcast at work for anyone

675
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: who's listening, and we have an amazing support team Mike,

676
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 1: d Bobby, everybody. It makes sense. I couldn't do it

677
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: without that, could not absolutely not. Well, we we kind

678
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 1: of touched on this, but you did a podcast with

679
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: your two best or two of your best friends, which

680
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: I know now is you have a lot of those. Right,

681
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 1: it's a tear, not a title. I like that. I

682
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: like that that's true. Though it also like you get

683
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: to a certain point you're like, wait, do we still

684
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: do the best friends thing anymore? Like at this age?

685
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 1: Or we still like calling each other that? So I

686
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: love that. It's a it's a tear. Um. But you

687
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: guys talked through your indiograms, which I came into this

688
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: podcasting and you were a seven. So the eight thing

689
00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: actually really just threw me, however to yeah do you

690
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:05,239
Speaker 1: think I thought, but listening to you describe even like

691
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: how you gas light yourself or you're superum intuitive and

692
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: you listen to your gut, that's such an eight thing, right,

693
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: like or downplaying the stuff that's actually happening. All of

694
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 1: that sounds very eight to me. So that's right. What's

695
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: your type? I'm a four? Okay, Yeah, I'm just like,

696
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: what's one of your friends with Candy? Candy? Yeah? Yeah,

697
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 1: that when you wrote the songs with Okay, yes, yeah,

698
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: I mean like they're the saddest songs. Isn't that every sense?

699
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 1: But that it actually makes a lot of sense to

700
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: me because I'm like, you know, sevens are hyper positive,

701
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 1: and I think I was missed. I was confusing being

702
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: positive with refusing to ignore, with refusing emotion, refusing to

703
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 1: acknowledge that somebody else could make me emotional. Does that

704
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 1: make sense because it comes down to being controlled. So

705
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 1: it's like I don't want to give somebody the power

706
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: to make them upset, and I've found that to be

707
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 1: a recurring theme. And also the you know, I've learned

708
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: since figuring this out, the difference between freedom and like

709
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: self reliance, Like I I want freedom in the sense

710
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 1: that like I want to be able to be in

711
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: control of myself. I don't want anyone to take that

712
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 1: power away from me. I don't need to control other people.

713
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: I just would like to be in control of my situation,

714
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: and that that's not really freedom, it's it's quite literally

715
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: self control. So yeah, but I love I always kind

716
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: of had this weird thought because I was like, Okay,

717
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: like Candies of four and I'm supposed to be the

718
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:35,280
Speaker 1: seven who's hyper positive and extroverted, and that's definitely aside

719
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 1: to me. But I was like, why am I completely

720
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 1: on board with her? Emotions all the time and why

721
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: am I so emotional? And I kind of had this

722
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: because pretty much everything about the seven fits. But as

723
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: I've gotten older and gone through more and more ship,

724
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: It's become so clear that, like the eight is like

725
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: the basic fears and desires are totally there. And I'm like,

726
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 1: that makes sense because like fours and aids are definitely

727
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: the two most intense types, especially when it comes to emotions,

728
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 1: Like they're just both very like you know, And it's

729
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: not that I'm afraid of feeling mine. I'm just afraid

730
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 1: of showing them to people who don't deserve them. Um,

731
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: But it makes sense why her and I are best

732
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: friends and why I'm not constantly always like why don't

733
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: you look on the bright side, because I like never

734
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: say that that would be a heaven. Yeah, Okay, that

735
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 1: actually just made me think of something. So do you

736
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: feel like she is able to verbalize your emotions? Maybe

737
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: sometimes before you can, And that's that's a good point.

738
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: I definitely think that she can. I think she it's

739
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: very validating to talk to her because if I'm gaslighting

740
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: myself and saying that something's not a big deal, she

741
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 1: will make me take a step back and be like,

742
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: do you not see how heinous the situation is? Do

743
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: you just see like what this looks like? And I'll

744
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, okay, yeah, so I'm not

745
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: being crazy. She's like no, yeah, and that's really important.

746
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 1: Whereas having a friend who was a seven being like,

747
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's no big deal. I'd be like, okay, okay, yeah,

748
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 1: you're super right. Okay, suck me right. He would just

749
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: like shut down more. What do you what do you

750
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: feel like you helped Candy with as a four? Because

751
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 1: at four, like, I loved this about y'all's podcast because

752
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 1: you were like, if it makes you cringe to read

753
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 1: about your type, it's probably your type. And I have

754
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,320
Speaker 1: always been very emo, and I'm a cancer and I

755
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: have a piping moon, so I'm like all over the

756
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: place with emotions. I feel everything so big. Candy's got

757
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: like Scorpio pisces. She's just like right in the same

758
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,399
Speaker 1: world as me, and so like I read the four

759
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,400
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, oh, like I have to be

760
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: of course the dramatic, like deep feeler, very like emotionally

761
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: all over the place, but it does sum me up yeah,

762
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 1: oh yeah, Well and I think that because I always

763
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 1: knew I had a very strong eight wing. Like I

764
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: never was like, oh my god, I can't be an eight.

765
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 1: I just got because I was going through a period

766
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 1: of like, you know, it was kind of peppy and

767
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: light for a second, I was single and I was

768
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: bebopping around and you know, but now that I'm like

769
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,280
Speaker 1: a lot more grounded, I'm realizing that that's like something

770
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: I access, whereas I thought the eight was something I access.

771
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: But I pretty much always operate at like a baseline

772
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: level of frustration, So that means but I think that, um,

773
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,919
Speaker 1: like with Candy as a four, like eights are so

774
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 1: protective of people, and four's go to two when they're unhealthy,

775
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 1: and EIDs go to twos when they're healthy, so they

776
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 1: become the helper. And I have a lot of righteous

777
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: anger towards people who hurt my friends, and it's not

778
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna go fuck them up, but it's gonna

779
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: be like, they can't treat you like that, and I'm

780
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 1: going to make sure that they know. And so I

781
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: helped Candy get out of her own head with thinking

782
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: because she'll she'll gas let herself to and be like, well,

783
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 1: I'm just over emotional, I'm before or whatever, I'm depressed,

784
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, that's a really inappropriate way for

785
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 1: someone to treat you. They're taking advantage of you. You

786
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: need to turn your sadness into action where you set

787
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 1: a boundary and tell them they can't do it. That

788
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: makes total sense to me. So you'll actually because like

789
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 1: before would probably just get really sad and like stay

790
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: in bed all day, whereas you're like, no, no, no no, no, no, no,

791
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: this is not okay. This is how we're going to

792
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 1: deal with it and put it into action. Yes, Like

793
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: you're establishing a line, and I think it's it's this

794
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: healthy balance with her and I were like, you know,

795
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: neither one of us is actively or neither one of

796
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: us is accidentally invalidating each other's emotions. Like I think

797
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 1: every emotion is valid, it's the reactions that aren't always,

798
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: Like you are allowed to feel betrayed by somebody who

799
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: didn't betray you, but if they didn't do it, you

800
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: need to work through that feeling and then look at

801
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,760
Speaker 1: the truth because your your emotions aren't always the truth.

802
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 1: How did you get so into the angiogram trying to

803
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: think about how it happened. That's such a good point,

804
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: I think, I mean just white girl Instagram. I don't know,

805
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: I'm maybe a better way to put that millennial girl Instagram.

806
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 1: I actually follow this like account that's like black Angiogram,

807
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: and they did this whole post about Olivia Pope who's

808
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 1: an eight, and that was really great. Oh yeah, the quotes.

809
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: I was like, oh god. But I really enjoyed it,

810
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: and I think I was definitely using it as a

811
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: growth tool and always always reading both the same way.

812
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 1: I read both the cancer and the Leo horoscopes, I

813
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 1: read the seven and eight any grand posts. But just

814
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: like recently, I I've gotten into it. I talked about

815
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 1: like most of my therapists are very into it, like

816
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,240
Speaker 1: I've had like three different ones. Um, actually I currently

817
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: have three different therapists. Um was more at that. I mean,

818
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: I love a therapy, so yes, me too. Well, I

819
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: have a therapist that I go to for like talk therapy.

820
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: I have my psychiatrist who like writes the prescriptions for antidepressants.

821
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: And then my boyfriend and I started going to couples

822
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 1: therapy because I would really like to marry him, and

823
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 1: my sister and her husband did that like when they

824
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: realized they were you know, wanted to be together forever

825
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: and they were able to work through these issues and

826
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 1: not have them pop up when there's a ring to

827
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 1: be returned to the jewelry store. You know that. But

828
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 1: so this this newest therapist in couples therapy, I was

829
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 1: talking about something and it was me being like, why

830
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,959
Speaker 1: aren't you mad about that? You can't let them treat

831
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 1: you like that? And he's a seven. So he's like,

832
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 1: but they didn't mean it that way. I'm like, intentions

833
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:26,720
Speaker 1: are bullshit, That's what this argument is. And I was like,

834
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 1: she was like, what would Aniograham type are you? And

835
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, on the seven And she like

836
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 1: literally just was like like she was like a sweetie.

837
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: And I was like, what's your wing? And I was

838
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 1: like eight, and she was like, she's like, your homework

839
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,479
Speaker 1: for tonight is to just go read that and think

840
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: about the things you say. And I was like, when

841
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:46,879
Speaker 1: you read it, where you just was at like a

842
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: major aha moment. It was a major aha moment. And

843
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: the fact that like, you know, because I really did.

844
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 1: I was like, I know I have a strong wing,

845
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: but I never like, there's this account that I was

846
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 1: reading and it says like common miss types and uh,

847
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 1: it's like the why people who are an eight think

848
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 1: that they're uh seven, and like here, I'll pull it up.

849
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: It was like, okay, so whereas an eight wants self reliance,

850
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 1: of seven wants freedom, eights are focused on impact, sevens

851
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: are focused on joy being the impact. Um, and then

852
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 1: like the eights are outcome oriented and sevens are experienced oriented.

853
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: So like I can go I can go through something

854
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: shitty if I know it's going to be worth it

855
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: at the end. You're all kind of looking for the

856
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 1: same thing. But um, there's like like sevens move on

857
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 1: where like from something and like forget about the project

858
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 1: to begin with, whereas if an aid is getting overwhelmed,

859
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: they would just delegate. And I'm like, oh that makes sense.

860
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: And like eights are, you know, desired to resist weaknesses

861
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: and sevens desire to resist negative emotions. So I'm like,

862
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: to me, negative emotions are weaknesses, but I want to

863
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: avoid them, not because I'm scared of being in pain,

864
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: but because I don't want anybody to know so much. Yeah,

865
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,439
Speaker 1: what is this account? Now? I want to go look

866
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: it up. Okay, so there's Sarah Jane Case all right,

867
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: yeahs oh how she really? Oh yeah, that's okay. Any

868
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 1: A Graham and Coffee she's great. So and that's amazing.

869
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 1: I have to go listen to that episode. She's amazing.

870
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: And then there's Steph Baron Hall who is nine types

871
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,760
Speaker 1: co Okay, she's great, like she posted this one today

872
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: like and it was or this one I found today

873
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: and it was like type eights, like I'm where they're

874
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: like speaking to you and it's talking about communication types.

875
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:44,439
Speaker 1: Because I also read a lot about the other types

876
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: because I'm like, okay, why is this person being an asshole?

877
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: And then I'm like okay. And it's very important for

878
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 1: me to understand intent because I do think that sometimes,

879
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:57,839
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend, I will argue about this. He'll be like, well,

880
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: they didn't intend it to that be that way. I'm like, yes,

881
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: but look at the outcome, and I think that if

882
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 1: somebody is choosing to okay, So like Amy, for example,

883
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 1: did did Amy say I'm gonna go make Kylie feel

884
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 1: like absolute garbage by hooking up with her boyfriend? No?

885
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: Did Amy say here a little voice in the back

886
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: of her head saying you shouldn't do this, this would

887
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 1: really hurt her and her just shut it up and

888
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 1: ignore it and move forward. Yes, So while the intent

889
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: wasn't bad, the neglect was. And that's where you wind

890
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: up with somebody. I'm justified in being mad at um

891
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 1: and so yeah, that like that was really helpful for

892
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 1: me with the eight thing and recognizing that, and that's

893
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:46,759
Speaker 1: been helpful for him because he's like, oh, like I'm

894
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 1: like Sam that I know this is a cliche, but

895
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 1: like the road to hell is paved with good intentions

896
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: and just because somebody meant it positively does not mean

897
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: you have to take it positively. And he's just so

898
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: sweet and so kind and I'm like, like, why am

899
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 1: I'm mad at him? Because he's nice and I really

900
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 1: need so much. I'm back there very eight quality. Yeah. Well,

901
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 1: Candy sent me this quote the other day because I

902
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 1: was talking to her about a similar situation with someone else,

903
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, every she said that

904
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: she read this quote that was like weaknesses or just

905
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 1: strengths that got out of control, And I was like,

906
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 1: I think about it, like, how many times have you

907
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 1: been with somebody and the reasons you fall out of

908
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: love with them are the same reasons you fell in

909
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: love with them. Like I've had guys be like, oh

910
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 1: my god, I love that you're independent. I love that yourself,

911
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: and then at the end it's like, we're so fucking

912
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: independent and you don't let anybody else take care of you,

913
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, you like that, right. That always

914
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 1: happens when the guys say they want an independent woman,

915
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 1: though I do feel like when they actually get into

916
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: a relationship with that, they're like, wait a second, You're

917
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 1: not like your number one all the time. Like I

918
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: don't know understand that for anyone listening, and who doesn't

919
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,839
Speaker 1: know about the angiogram. I took the Eye nine, which

920
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: is the Ian Morgan Crew or Krown. I don't know

921
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 1: it was because I kept testing as a two, So

922
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: I guess that was like in a really unhealthy place, right,

923
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: because fours go to two whenever they are unhealthy, and

924
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 1: I knew. I'm like, I'm not a helper, like I

925
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: care about people so much, but like, do you know

926
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: why that happens? Though? Like, okay, so women are like

927
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 1: twos are actually not very common, but almost I know

928
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,279
Speaker 1: so many women who think that their Instagram twos and

929
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: it's because we are raised from birth to be conditioned

930
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: to be two. That makes total sense. All of the

931
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: helper qualities are the things that you're praised for. I

932
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: mean they give us baby dolls and tell us how

933
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: to feed them before we even know how to feed ourselves.

934
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm not saying anything bad about that.

935
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: But it's like, you see this model of what a

936
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 1: woman is supposed to be, and it's something that all

937
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 1: of us have inherently. I believe that maternal instinct instinct,

938
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: but in messes with how you see yourself because kind

939
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: of you kind of see yourself as a caretaker sometimes

940
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 1: before an individual. Yeah, and so that was why the

941
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:03,360
Speaker 1: test that I took is a little more extensive and

942
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 1: you get to pay for it, but it was so

943
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,439
Speaker 1: worth its because the questions, I mean, it was so

944
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: in depth. Actually, my boyfriend for our first Christmas together,

945
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: took that test to like give to me as my

946
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: present because I was like, I need to know what

947
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 1: you are. Like. It's helped me so much in my

948
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 1: relationships exactly like what you're saying, to understand people's intent

949
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,439
Speaker 1: or why their reactions might be so big to something

950
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: because we all every number has a different fear, you know,

951
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: and so once you can go oh, this is that

952
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: thing anyway, it's a game changer. So everyone go check

953
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: it out. Inniogram and Coffee is a really good start,

954
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: I think too. Um. Also, you guys go check out

955
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: Kaylee's podcast. Again, it's too much to say with Kaylee Shore.

956
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 1: She talks about the angiogram, but also a lot of

957
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 1: other topics, and I want to many many topics, but

958
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 1: they're all fun and funny and I really enjoy your honesty.

959
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: Like I said, tell us more about the new music

960
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: that you released this year. Okay. So I got to

961
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: work with my dream producer on the song amy Um.

962
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 1: I've been in manifesting it for so long, Like I

963
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: literally when I signed with my label UM this past summer,

964
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 1: they were like, so, who do you want to produce

965
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 1: your your know, the EP that we're working on. We're

966
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 1: gonna really solve them. But who do you want to

967
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:14,800
Speaker 1: work with next year? And I was like, oh, butch Walker?

968
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: And they were like, oh, that's so cool. Do you

969
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: know him? And I was like no, is that a

970
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: problem And they were like okay, and then in their

971
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 1: head they're like Okay, well, I don't know how she

972
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 1: thinks that's going to happen, but whatever. And then all

973
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: of a sudden, like I I just kind of slowly

974
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: started talking to him on Instagram and covered one of

975
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: his songs. Um, He's produced Avril Levine, Green Day, Fallout Boy,

976
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, all Time, Low Dash, work professional like all

977
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 1: of my favorite ship but his artist stuff is like

978
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: the number one thing for me. And uh, it just

979
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 1: happens supernaturally. And it turns out that, um, like my

980
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: new co manager who works out in New York, was

981
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 1: mentored by his manager and they go way back, and

982
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: his manager manages like Alanis Morris Set and so he

983
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: like really understands my artistry. And she was like such

984
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 1: a huge inspiration for Open Book, and like, I just

985
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: feel like so understood by these people. And so I'm

986
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 1: really excited about the art that's gonna that's going to

987
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 1: happen from that. But we're working on an EP right now.

988
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 1: I'm about to I'm writing for it for like the

989
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: next month and a half and then we're going in

990
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 1: the studio. It's gonna be five songs unless I can

991
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 1: talk them into more. And um, Amy's the first single,

992
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: and Amy's absolutely very indicative of where it's going. It's

993
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 1: going to be a lot more pop punk um and

994
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: leaning into that stuff because that's you know what what.

995
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 1: Butch and I both love and it's going to be

996
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 1: really fun, and I'm just like, I literally feel like

997
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: I got to like sit across from Kurt Cobain and

998
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,760
Speaker 1: ask him questions, and I was like such a nerd

999
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, I was like, I'm excuse me, Mr. Walker.

1000
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:50,919
Speaker 1: On your song Alicia and Asia from your two thousand

1001
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 1: two albums Left of Self Centered is out about a

1002
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:59,399
Speaker 1: real stripper named Alicia, and he's like, yeah, but I'm

1003
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 1: having the time of my life. Yeah, I love that.

1004
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: It's amazing. I do feel like that kind of thing

1005
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: comes through in the music though, don't you think? Oh yeah?

1006
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,400
Speaker 1: I mean, and him and I are like. I was

1007
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: worried that his work style was going to be different

1008
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: than mind, Like he was gonna be like very type

1009
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 1: A and like I need to do everything a hundred

1010
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 1: times and like suck all the creative energy out of it.

1011
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: Not because I thought he'd be like that, but because like,

1012
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: my worst case scenario was my dream producer working completely

1013
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: opposite to how I do, not even in the wrong way,

1014
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: just in the wrong way for me. And then I

1015
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 1: go in there and we do three takes of the vocal.

1016
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: He has it comped in like fifteen minutes. We got

1017
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: to just like talk about vibe and it was the

1018
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 1: easiest day of my life. And I was like, how

1019
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: they say to not meet your heroes and this is

1020
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:44,280
Speaker 1: like totally turn that on its head. I was so excited.

1021
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 1: I know, I always say like, I cannot meet Beyonce

1022
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 1: ever because I crushed. I just need to keep her

1023
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 1: up on the pedestal. Well, where can people find this?

1024
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: Because I know Amy, Actually it went viral on TikTok, right, Like,

1025
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 1: I mean, you have millions of views, which is amazing zing,

1026
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 1: so probably three million right now, jeez, I thing, so

1027
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 1: you're on TikTok where, yes, we'll find that. You can

1028
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 1: find me on TikTok. It's at Kaylee Shore k l

1029
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:15,240
Speaker 1: I e s a show r R tweet a lot um.

1030
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 1: If you get lucky, you'll see a tweet before my

1031
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: publicist makes me delete it um and then uh Instagram,

1032
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 1: it's all just Kaylee Shore and um. Yeah, I also

1033
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: love responding to stuff like I just go on TikTok

1034
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 1: and like respond to comments for hours, so amazing. Well,

1035
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 1: you guys go check out Kaylee. We can't wait for

1036
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 1: more more new music. And I really appreciate you doing this.

1037
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: It was so fun to talk to you. I can't

1038
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 1: wait to have you on the show. It'll be so fun.

1039
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 1: Do it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. All right,

1040
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: it's a date, all right. You guys go check out Kaylee.

1041
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: And thanks so much for listening. Bye, thanks for listening

1042
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 1: to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we

1043
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 1: believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge.

1044
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:58,320
Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships.

1045
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts. M HM