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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shore and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say it out you. Yeah, So this week's topic

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Speaker 1: is something that permeates my entire life, from my songs

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Speaker 1: to my podcast to my relationships. Do you know the

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Speaker 1: things I post on the Internet and it's over sharing?

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Speaker 1: And I'm quite literally a professional overshare. That's just what

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Speaker 1: I do. And I've made a career being known for that,

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Speaker 1: like literally being known for that. That is why Bobby

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Speaker 1: approached me with the podcast. Was he was like, you

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Speaker 1: really post about everything, don't you even I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of great things have come of it.

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Speaker 1: I would say that the biggest thing is, you know,

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Speaker 1: people feeling like they can come up and tell me

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Speaker 1: their stories and not feeling alone and sharing the messy

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Speaker 1: parts of life because you know, it's easy to talk

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Speaker 1: about happy stories. You know, it's easy to talk about

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Speaker 1: the cute thing my boyfriend did last week, or you know,

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Speaker 1: the time I went to summer camp in like middle school.

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Speaker 1: Those are easy stories to tell. The hard ones are

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Speaker 1: about like relationships that didn't work out and um, the

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Speaker 1: deeply ingrained body shame that you learned from the dress

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Speaker 1: code at said church. Those are harder, but those are

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Speaker 1: also things that everybody relates to. So I knew very

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Speaker 1: early on that I didn't want to be the kind

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Speaker 1: of artist who just kind of said on the service

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Speaker 1: level and didn't dive deep. I don't think that's necessarily

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Speaker 1: the purpose of art, and specifically my art. Although I

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Speaker 1: did have a really enlightening conversation with my dad one

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Speaker 1: time when we were talking about my songs and you

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Speaker 1: know how there are I think we're kind of talking

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Speaker 1: about um F you Forever and Fight like a Girl

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Speaker 1: and the stuff in between, but like me just being

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Speaker 1: very honest, and he said that he thinks there's two

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Speaker 1: types of art. Is there's artists that help people escape,

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Speaker 1: and there's artists that help people confront And he said

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Speaker 1: I was a confrontational artist, and I really agree with that.

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Speaker 1: Um but there is a purpose for that, because there's

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Speaker 1: there's shows that you want to go to and you

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Speaker 1: want to drink a beer and you want to hear

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Speaker 1: a happy song about summer and get away from your

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Speaker 1: problems for a while. So like if I went to

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Speaker 1: a jetgoing concert, it was listening to Barefoot Blue Gene Night.

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Speaker 1: That song is specifically an escape song for me. It

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Speaker 1: takes me back to the beach in high school and

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Speaker 1: it's very happy and like, if I needed to get away,

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Speaker 1: that's the song I probably listened to. And then there's

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Speaker 1: me going to see Atlantas morris At doing Jagged Little

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Speaker 1: Pill Acoustic at the Apollo Theater, which not trying to flex,

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Speaker 1: but I'm absolutely trying to flex. It was one of

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Speaker 1: the best shows I ever went to, like right before

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Speaker 1: lockdown and I went and saw her, and just me

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Speaker 1: and my friend Cole who were there, we just cried

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Speaker 1: the whole time because we went to an Atlantas Morris

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Speaker 1: At acoustic show where she talked between every something like

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Speaker 1: of course we're crying. And I think the beautiful thing

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Speaker 1: about Taylor Swift shows is there's both because they're so

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Speaker 1: massive and sparkly and shiny and there's so much going on,

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Speaker 1: but then like you get hit in the fields when

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Speaker 1: she gets to all too well and you're just like

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Speaker 1: but yeah, and I was. That was probably one of

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Speaker 1: the mostest things I've ever heard my dad say, and

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Speaker 1: it really hit me and stuck with me, and it's

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Speaker 1: something I'm proud of. So that the idea that really

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Speaker 1: spawned this was I played at the Bluebird last week

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Speaker 1: with my friends Jamie Floyd and Lauren Wine Troup and

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Speaker 1: we had a freaking blast. It was so fun. And

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Speaker 1: I was talking to Lauren's mom after the show, and

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Speaker 1: I had met her before when I was like sixteen

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Speaker 1: or seventeen, or when Lauren was sixteen or seventeen. I've

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Speaker 1: known them for several years, but I hadn't seen her

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Speaker 1: in a while. And she was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I listen to your podcast when I'm like going for

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Speaker 1: my walks. And I was like, oh my god, you

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Speaker 1: know so much about me. And She's like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: know so much about you. And I was like, I

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Speaker 1: just forget that people listen, and y'all really listen. Like

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Speaker 1: when I go and look at the metrics for the podcast,

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Speaker 1: which I very often, I just talked to you guys

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Speaker 1: in my d M s, but when I look at

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Speaker 1: the actual numbers, I'm like, holy shit, a lot of

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Speaker 1: people listen to this podcast, and I feel like I

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Speaker 1: forget that when I'm talking, um, I e. Last week's episode.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I wouldn't go back and unsay it, but

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Speaker 1: I really feel like I'm talking to a friend. And

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Speaker 1: I hope you feel that way too, because this is

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Speaker 1: not me, like getting up on a soapbox. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to feel like, you know, we're having a conversation, and

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Speaker 1: we are because you guys hoping. My d M s

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Speaker 1: after and we talked about it, so, UM, shout out

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Speaker 1: to Lawrence, mom, that was hilarious. Um. But at that show,

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Speaker 1: I was a little bit worried because, Um, I've been

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Speaker 1: playing this show a lot recently during Quarantine or COVID

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Speaker 1: just you know, when I wasn't touring in Nashville to

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Speaker 1: kind of um, you know, I don't know make a living,

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Speaker 1: and um, recently, I can always tell people will come

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Speaker 1: up and request Amy. They will ask to hear Amy,

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Speaker 1: and I always am hesitant to play it, not because

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Speaker 1: there's children around, but because like I'm worried what the

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Speaker 1: staff off might say because they're a little bit you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to say controlling because it's their establishment,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like I have to be a watered

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Speaker 1: down version of myself to play this show. But I

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Speaker 1: also need to do it for the money, so it's

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Speaker 1: really kind of hard. Um. And so when I play Amy,

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Speaker 1: I feel like a little bit like just awkward, whereas

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Speaker 1: if I was at my show. I would play it

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Speaker 1: and not think twice about, you know, the content or whatever,

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Speaker 1: or saying that in front of people, even if there's

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Speaker 1: a bunch of strangers in my show, because I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: they signed up for this, they think they knew this

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Speaker 1: was going on. They've looked at my Spotify account probably,

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Speaker 1: And then when we played the Bluebird, which is like

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite stages to play, I was so worried,

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Speaker 1: like and I didn't want to play Amy and I

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Speaker 1: didn't even though I'd done it before. It was like

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Speaker 1: the earlier show, like I played um if You Forever

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Speaker 1: at the late show at the Bluebird, and when it

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Speaker 1: went over really well, but I was like, especially insecure

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Speaker 1: about the content of the song, even though it's my truth,

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Speaker 1: even though it's something that a lot of people probably

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Speaker 1: relate to, it was just scary. And for my last song,

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Speaker 1: I was going to play Gatsby and kind of dip

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Speaker 1: my toes into the edgy waters, and I leaned over

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Speaker 1: to Lauren and I was like, without the F bombs,

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Speaker 1: and She's like, you should sing it with them, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, we'll see if I get that far.

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Speaker 1: But I'm definitely gonna play Amy, and I played it

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Speaker 1: and it was the last song of the night. We

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Speaker 1: got a standing ovation, which has never happened to me.

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Speaker 1: At the Bluebird. It was Lauren's first time, which was

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Speaker 1: so special, and Jamie put the whole thing together, so

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Speaker 1: it was just like a really incredible night. But I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, people liked it and Amy

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Speaker 1: is you know, it's it's a funny song, but it's

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Speaker 1: also like really personal, Like I truly is one of

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Speaker 1: the worst things that a person's ever done to me,

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Speaker 1: knowing that they've done it. Like a lot of things

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Speaker 1: happen unintentionally, but the thing about Amy was it was

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Speaker 1: so intentional. That's why I hurt so much, and so

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Speaker 1: singing it in such an abrasive, aggressive way it kind

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Speaker 1: of might away from the fact that I'm so fucking

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Speaker 1: hurt by the situation, and so I just I think

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Speaker 1: that everybody in the audience got it and it was

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Speaker 1: so special. Um, it was just really made me feel

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Speaker 1: a lot better. So next up, we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: about how I started over sharing, because it did not

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Speaker 1: happen overnight. All right, we are back, So let's talk

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Speaker 1: about how this whole thing started. I really think the

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Speaker 1: first time I ever chronically overshared was when I started

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Speaker 1: writing songs. And I started writing songs at six years old,

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Speaker 1: so that's not it wasn't. I mean, by the time

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Speaker 1: I could form articulate sentences, I was over sharing. UM.

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Speaker 1: I remember just needing an outlet for the things I saw.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I when I was six, Like, I knew

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Speaker 1: that my sister was on drugs, and no six year

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Speaker 1: old should have to know that, um, And I would

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Speaker 1: have to write things that made me make sense of it,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of them were like metaphorical or writing

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Speaker 1: a story that wasn't necessarily first person, like I've talked

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Speaker 1: about my song mother at fourteen, which is hilarious. But

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Speaker 1: like also like I saw a lot of things like

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Speaker 1: that and needed to write, and so that quickly became

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Speaker 1: a thing. And like I would play my songs for

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Speaker 1: my family and they clearly know what they were about,

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Speaker 1: so that was awkward, UM, but I just didn't care.

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Speaker 1: And you know, my mom would get upset because I

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Speaker 1: would talk about things that she didn't deem okay with

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Speaker 1: my friends, and she why did you tell them that?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know, it's my business. I told

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Speaker 1: them that, and my mom kind of overshares as well,

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Speaker 1: but in a really uncool way, Like I any of

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Speaker 1: you've ever been to a show where my mother has

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Speaker 1: been there. She loves to hang out in the meet

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Speaker 1: and green line and just say like way too much,

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Speaker 1: and she really enjoys the attention aspect on it to

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Speaker 1: the point where like I've had to like be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I really need you to just like not do this

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Speaker 1: right now. I'm trying to focus, I'm trying to work.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to like talk to people and make these

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Speaker 1: genuine human connections, and I can't be worried about you

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Speaker 1: laughing about how I snuck out with this guy in

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Speaker 1: tenth grade and how you were so angry with me

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Speaker 1: about it, Like she said that to a fan before.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy. And one time she was like ran off

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Speaker 1: at one of my shows and I couldn't find her,

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Speaker 1: and I still had to go do meet and greet,

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Speaker 1: and it turns out she was just talking to a

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Speaker 1: bunch of people about being my mother, and I had

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Speaker 1: to like, I thought she might be in the car,

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Speaker 1: So I walked out to my car by myself because

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend at the time was like looking for her

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Speaker 1: and a very crowded venue and she literally just run off,

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Speaker 1: and um, I get to the car and there's there's

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Speaker 1: three guys waiting for me, and that's not cool. And

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Speaker 1: I always make a joke on age and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: all right, well, if you guys want to find me

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Speaker 1: on social media, you can follow me anywhere to except

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Speaker 1: to my car. And I mean that, like it was dark,

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Speaker 1: We're in the back alley. No matter how well intentioned

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Speaker 1: these guys were, you should know to not follow a

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Speaker 1: girl to her car in the dark. It's kind of elementary.

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Speaker 1: So like, you know, even if it was well intentioned,

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Speaker 1: like and I believe it was, I just you just

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Speaker 1: don't do that. It won't make me unhappy. Very few

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Speaker 1: things with fan interactions will make me unhappy, but that

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Speaker 1: that I'll be like. Um, and so like I'm out

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Speaker 1: there by myself and she wasn't there, and I like

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Speaker 1: we finally wrangled her, and I was just like so horrified,

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Speaker 1: and she was like I was just talking to somebody

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Speaker 1: about when, Um, we we didn't have internet when you

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Speaker 1: were growing up, and I finally got you a laptop

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Speaker 1: and you would just sit on it all the time.

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Speaker 1: And I was wondering what you were doing. And then

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Speaker 1: you were posting YouTube videos and I didn't want you

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Speaker 1: to do. And I'm like, why does anybody need to

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Speaker 1: know that that is not a compelling story of them.

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Speaker 1: If you're going to overshare, at least be comp And

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Speaker 1: so that really um has bothered me, and to the

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Speaker 1: point where I have to like exile her during main

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Speaker 1: greets in order to like hold retain my calm. It's

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Speaker 1: also hard when you like have an interesting relationship with

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Speaker 1: your parents and you have to have like really strict boundaries,

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Speaker 1: you can very frequently look like you're being an asshole

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Speaker 1: to them, um, And that's really hard. So good God,

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Speaker 1: where do I get it from? I just like to

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Speaker 1: think I'm a little more refined. Um. So in high school,

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Speaker 1: you know, social media happened when I was in middle school,

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Speaker 1: and by high school, everyone was on it. Everyone was

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Speaker 1: comfortable with it, um, except probably our parents. It was

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Speaker 1: a whole new world. And that's the thing about being

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Speaker 1: a millennial, Like I'm on the cusp of being a

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Speaker 1: millennial and a gen z er, And the difference really is,

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Speaker 1: like do you remember nine eleven? Do you remember seeing

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Speaker 1: it on TV? And Um, did you always have technology

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Speaker 1: in your life? And I had technology in my life

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Speaker 1: from I think I got my first cell phone at

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Speaker 1: eleven because I was going back and forth between my

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Speaker 1: parents house and I'd have to ride the bus by myself.

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Speaker 1: So I had a cellphone that was like a little

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Speaker 1: prepaid one. Um. But yeah, from eleven on, I had

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Speaker 1: a cellphone. I had in MySpace and you know, gone

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Speaker 1: on Facebook and Tumbler and all of those things. So

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Speaker 1: I you know, there weren't there wasn't a lot of

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Speaker 1: decorum for social media yet. And there was a lot

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Speaker 1: of like ship posting, like just like random things and

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Speaker 1: song lyrics that were like totally aimed at somebody as

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Speaker 1: your status, and like a lot of a lot of

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Speaker 1: just drama on Facebook, and like being part of the

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Speaker 1: first generation of high schoolers to have social media like that. Um,

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of Facebook drama and a lot

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Speaker 1: of Facebook fights and nobody seemed to care, and um,

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Speaker 1: I just just ran with it. And I remember, Um,

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Speaker 1: I tweeted. I went back through my old tweets like

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Speaker 1: a couple of years ago just to make sure that

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Speaker 1: I hadn't tweeted anything horrific. Um. You know, people get

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Speaker 1: canceled a lot, and I just didn't remember if I

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Speaker 1: had said anything bad. And to be fair, like I've said,

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Speaker 1: I did at one point in my life I think

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Speaker 1: that being gay was a ticket to hell. And and

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Speaker 1: now I have since unlearned that, but at eleven years old,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. And so I was like, I really

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Speaker 1: hope I it. Doos anything on the internet about this?

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Speaker 1: So I'm like looking it up. I did not. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's great, um, And because that wasn't my fault that

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Speaker 1: I believe that I was a child and other people

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Speaker 1: were telling me. So anyways, I did not tweet anything problematic.

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Speaker 1: I never used a racial slur. Love that for me.

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Speaker 1: But what I did find when going through my old

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Speaker 1: Twitter account was I was just using people's names just

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Speaker 1: so freely. And I remember tweeting and being like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna make up last names. Um, if Brandon Brown and

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Speaker 1: Samantha Underwood think that they're going to make me jealous

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Speaker 1: and he's not going to be the one who ultimately

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Speaker 1: takes me to homecoming, well they are just wrong. He's

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Speaker 1: going to take me to homecoming and you are just

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Speaker 1: a replacement, sweetie, like ship like And I was probably

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Speaker 1: thirteen or fourteen at this point, and um, he did

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Speaker 1: up taking me to homecoming. I just like to clarify, um,

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Speaker 1: but that does not mean that I needed to share

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Speaker 1: that on the internet. My next big oversharing moment was, um,

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Speaker 1: I've told this story before, I think, but in this

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Speaker 1: context I will reshare. Um. My freshman year of high school,

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Speaker 1: I had a thing with a junior football player. He

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Speaker 1: was a quarterback. He was really tall and as about

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Speaker 1: as hot as a seventeen year old boy can be.

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Speaker 1: In retrospect, seventeen year old boys are not attractive. But

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Speaker 1: at the time I really thought he was just dreaming.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't know this because people would have their

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Speaker 1: relationship status and that was like a big deal, like

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Speaker 1: when you go Facebook official, and it still is, I think.

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Speaker 1: But some people had a hidden and so he had

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Speaker 1: a girlfriend who had her status is in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: but he had his hidden so he didn't tell me

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Speaker 1: he was in a relationship. And we met um through

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Speaker 1: like we were just hanging out with his best friend,

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Speaker 1: my best friend one time, and UM, I got a

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Speaker 1: very big crush on him. I got his number, and like,

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Speaker 1: I don't even think we I don't think we ever kissed.

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Speaker 1: I think we just like had like we like cuddled

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Speaker 1: during a movie. That's all young. It was um and uh,

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Speaker 1: but I just was like so into him and I

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Speaker 1: started writing all these songs and whatever. I wrote a

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Speaker 1: song called noticed Me, which is just so embarrassing, um

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Speaker 1: and like how desperate. Um, but he did and um

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Speaker 1: we had like a thing. And one night he texted

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Speaker 1: me something embarrassing that only a said a Denier boy

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Speaker 1: would say. And thing was smooth, but he said, I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to tech I can't wait to kiss you,

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Speaker 1: you sex ty chinger and horrifying. At the time, I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, it's like so key you

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Speaker 1: like Kaylie, shut the funk up. So he Um. I

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Speaker 1: end up finding out that he has a girlfriend, and

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Speaker 1: he lied to me about it, and I found out

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Speaker 1: my friend who was like on the cheerleading squad with

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, who was like pretty sure the captain like

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Speaker 1: this was like very like you belong with me, Taylor

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Speaker 1: Swift territory. Um, except his girlfriend was a perfectly nice person,

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Speaker 1: I later found out. But I had my friend on

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Speaker 1: the cheerleading squad be like hey, so um, she was

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Speaker 1: like telling me that you were saying that like you

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Speaker 1: knew him or whatever, and you guys had a thing,

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Speaker 1: and then he said that he's never heard of you

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Speaker 1: before and that you made up the whole thing and

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Speaker 1: that you're crazy. And I was like, oh, well, that's

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Speaker 1: embarrassing that people think that. Um, okay, well let me

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Speaker 1: just prove my side of the story so people don't

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Speaker 1: think them crazy. Um. Clearly did not have a prefrontal

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Speaker 1: cortex when it came to this decision making, because people

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Speaker 1: did think I was crazy because I screenshoted the message

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Speaker 1: she sent me of can't wait to kiss you Sexy Ginger,

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Speaker 1: put it on Facebook, tagged him and his girlfriend in it,

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Speaker 1: and um, a lot of people were like, oh, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's really fucking shitny of him do two times these

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Speaker 1: girls and have neither one of them know about it.

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Speaker 1: Like if I no need had a girlfriend, I would

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Speaker 1: never talked to him. I really wouldn't have done that,

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Speaker 1: Like I've I've never done that in my life. I

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Speaker 1: think that cheating is really on the responsibility of the

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Speaker 1: people in the relationship. But I just I don't I

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Speaker 1: don't want that. I don't want to be second to anybody,

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Speaker 1: even if they're making you feel like your first and

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Speaker 1: the other person second. It's like we'll break up with them.

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Speaker 1: It's just easy, you know. So um, so a lot

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Speaker 1: of people were like, oh wow, that's really fucked up

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Speaker 1: with him, And then there were a couple of girls

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Speaker 1: who I feel like, we're just like sucking his girlfriend's

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Speaker 1: metaphoric coal penis and being like, oh my god, this

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Speaker 1: is like she has total scum, Like that is so

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Speaker 1: fact up that she would do this to you, Like

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Speaker 1: what a crazy bit, like commenting on my post and

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Speaker 1: like trying to like kiss up to her because she

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Speaker 1: was so popular, and I was like, okay, fucking losers

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Speaker 1: and I didn't, like, I didn't care. Which is the

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Speaker 1: most interesting part is I just could not have given

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Speaker 1: lest ships. So I guess I found out from him

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Speaker 1: years later when we ended up having a thing again,

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Speaker 1: I know, fucking embarrassing. Um. I end up finding out

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Speaker 1: that like he had like gone over to her house

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Speaker 1: that night, like throwing box at her window or something,

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Speaker 1: and like had to apologize, and then they ended up

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Speaker 1: getting back together, ended up breaking up, surprise, surprise, And

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Speaker 1: I I feel like he's probably cheated on people after

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Speaker 1: that as well, because you just don't you don't stop

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Speaker 1: doing that. I mean, maybe you outgrow up by the

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Speaker 1: time you're in college, but like I'm pretty sure you

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Speaker 1: went on to do it again. Um. And then another

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Speaker 1: place to chronically overshare was on Tumbler, and it was

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Speaker 1: I would say, like the closest thing to Tumbler now

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Speaker 1: is TikTok because it's like just a very chaotic world.

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Speaker 1: The humor is really funny and like smart and refined

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Speaker 1: and dark and um, people like post things about their

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Speaker 1: trauma and post like poetry and it's a very creative space,

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Speaker 1: like TikTok is very creative. Um. And Tumbler was like

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Speaker 1: people would have like secret Tumblers and like have people

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Speaker 1: like not find them, so you'd like have like a

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Speaker 1: public one and like a private one kind of like

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Speaker 1: a fence to except you couldn't really have a private

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Speaker 1: account on Tumbler, I don't think so people kind of

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Speaker 1: wanted their private accounts to be found, um, which is hilarious.

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Speaker 1: And I would like post poetry and stuff all the time,

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00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 1: and um reblog things that were like you know, it

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Speaker 1: was like why is she reblogging this if she relates

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Speaker 1: everybody knows who she's talking about. Kind of stuff. Um,

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Speaker 1: and my poems were really moody, and I should probably

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Speaker 1: post some of those online because that would be hilarious.

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Speaker 1: But I remember finding out that my best friend This

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Speaker 1: has been a recurring theme in my life and I

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Speaker 1: don't know why. Um, I think I need to pick

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Speaker 1: better friends. But my best friend was apparently in love

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Speaker 1: with my boyfriend, who was like a pretty serious boyfriend

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Speaker 1: in high school, like dated on enough for four years,

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Speaker 1: I think, um, and still keep in touch because we

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00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 1: were just like each other best friends. UM. And I

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Speaker 1: found her secret tumbler account which was in private, and

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Speaker 1: she was posting about she was in love with her

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Speaker 1: best friend's boyfriend and like things about what he looked

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Speaker 1: like and all of this stuff and like how like

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Speaker 1: I didn't deserve him and she should be with him

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Speaker 1: instead because they were best friends. I didn't think anything

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Speaker 1: about my best friend being best friends with my boyfriend.

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00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 1: It didn't bother me, and so that was like really hard,

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Speaker 1: and her and I stayed friends after that. But UM,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever got a real apology, which

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00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 1: you know, I've obviously I don't care anymore, but you know,

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00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: in retrospect, I would have been like, hey, Kaylee should

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00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: probably go back and do that. UM, So, I, you know,

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00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 1: that was just somebody else oversharing. But I was like

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00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 1: really horrified to find that on the internet. But like

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00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 1: I guess we just didn't know better. So anyways, next up,

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the times I've been forced

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00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: to overshare and it has not been my choice. Will

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Speaker 1: be right, background m Okay, guys, so we're back. UM,

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Speaker 1: thank you for listening. I love you all so much.

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Speaker 1: UM this, Uh, there's been times that it's been really

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Speaker 1: hard because I've been forced to open up about things

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00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 1: that I necessarily I didn't necessarily want to UM, and

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00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: or times that it's just been like something I've had

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Speaker 1: to you know, mentioned. And I remember seeing my friend

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Speaker 1: Lauren Alena, she went through a breakup with a guy

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Speaker 1: that she'd been with for like five or six years,

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00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 1: and she posted like a little note on her Instagram

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Speaker 1: being like, yeah, we broke up on good terms whatever.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, you have to kind of

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00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: do that, like people get invested in your relationship. You're

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00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 1: posting it publicly, they you know, you want people to know.

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Speaker 1: And I broke up with my ex boyfriend the one

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Speaker 1: of six years. Um, I think it was like two

428
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: three weeks before seeing my Fest. Two weeks before seeing

429
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: my Fest and seeing my first was like a really

430
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: busy time. I had like a million shows. Um, I

431
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: had a red carpet. I had a ton of stuff

432
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: to do, a lot of appearances, a lot of autograph signings.

433
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: I was like crazy booked, and um, it was really

434
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 1: it was just a really interesting time to go through

435
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: a breakup. Let's just say that was super fucking stressed

436
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 1: and I was totally relapsing into my eating disorder. I

437
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: lost a ton of weight. I wasn't eating, so I

438
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of energy, but I was just

439
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: like caffeinating through it. Um, really chaotic time in my life.

440
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: So I had, like I guess sort of alluded to

441
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 1: the breakup. Um, I remember my ex getting really mad

442
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: at me because like there was the week between him

443
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: telling me on me and I was actually breaking up.

444
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: And I posted like a sad moody cover of should

445
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: Have Said No by Taylor Swift on my story because

446
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: bitch has never changed, and um, he was like did

447
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: you really have to do that? And I was like, Okay,

448
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: I feel like most people just assume it was a

449
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift story and not assume or Taylor Swift song,

450
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 1: and not assume that um my boyfriend said he was

451
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: cheated on me, because it's like so fucking heinous, but okay,

452
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: go off and um and she just got really mad

453
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, whatever. UM. So that would

454
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: have probably been the first sign and anybody would have seen,

455
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: but I don't think anyone would read. I don't think

456
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 1: if I posted a set like a cover of All

457
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: Too Well Right Now, people would think I broke up

458
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: with Sam. I don't think that would be where people's

459
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: might point. So after that, I remember the first song

460
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: we broke up, and I waited a couple of weeks,

461
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: but I think after seeing my first um My fans

462
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 1: had started to get catch wind of it. And two

463
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: of like my you know, closest fans who have been

464
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 1: following me forever and like fun fan accounts, and they're

465
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: just like the best. They've made me a book, like

466
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 1: like a professionally printed book of all these pages of

467
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 1: people who were important to me and like my dogs

468
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 1: and like um just all this different stuff that made

469
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: me me and it was so precious and there was

470
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 1: a page about um My ex boyfriend Polution almost had

471
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 1: his name I need to come up with, like aliasis,

472
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: but um, it was a page about him and they

473
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 1: had definitely figured out what was happening because of how

474
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 1: closely they followed me and like new me, and they

475
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 1: had crossed out all of his pictures and like written

476
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: like asshole and stuff on them. And I got that

477
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: and to meet in green Line and like thankfully, like

478
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: it was at the end of one. But it was

479
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: kind of like, oh boy, I was trying to think

480
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: about that today, but it was so cute and sweet,

481
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: and I was like kind of glad that people were

482
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: figuring out because I didn't want to have to like

483
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 1: post about it. So around that time I posted around

484
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: I posted a story of me playing this song I

485
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 1: wrote called un Kiss and it's still one of my

486
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: favorite songs I wrote during that period. It's so honest,

487
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: and I posted it was like, yeah, you know, like

488
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 1: this next phase of music, I feel like I'm gonna

489
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: end up being like really open. I want to, you know,

490
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: share with you guys when I'm not feeling great. I

491
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: don't want to just post that happy stuff whatever. That

492
00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 1: was my caption. I felt like it was pretty clear

493
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 1: people definitely understood. I also feel like people in Nashville

494
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,199
Speaker 1: ended up knowing because the first thing I did was

495
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: joined tender Um. Interesting choice, but I'm glad I did

496
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: it because I've never experienced on the dating and once

497
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 1: you experience it, you're like, I don't want to do

498
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: this again, and then you delete it and then you

499
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: get lonely, so you redownloaded. My favorite one used was Ria.

500
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: That one was fun um, but yeah, online dating was

501
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: It's a great way to announce to people that you're

502
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: single because then words bread's very fast, um, so you know,

503
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: people start to figure out stop asking about him, which

504
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: was really nice. And that one was like kind of

505
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely did my fair share of posting,

506
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: but I tried to be nice about it and not

507
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: just like chaotic. And then as time has gone on

508
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: and I realized how fucked up that whole thing was,

509
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 1: I've gotten a lot more chaotic and my sharing and

510
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: I just don't care. I can I cannot be bothered

511
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: with his feelings because he was never bothered with mine,

512
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: so fuck that. Um. And so it started with the

513
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 1: Taylor's of Cover and then it ended in you know,

514
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: Evy Forever and Amy and all of that, And have

515
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 1: you for ever felt so fucking good to write? Because

516
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 1: I was just writing like it wasn't metaphor, it wasn't poetry.

517
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,959
Speaker 1: It was just like what happened to me, and in

518
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: a lyrical way, and it felt like this weight had

519
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: just been lifted off my shoulders and it felt so good.

520
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: And so I got kind of addicted to that feeling

521
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: when it came to songwriting. And so then I wrote

522
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 1: Too Much to Say, and then I wrote Escape, and

523
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: then I wrote World Keep Spinning and all of these

524
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: deeply personal songs and it has obviously not slowed down.

525
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: You've listened to the ep um and you know that

526
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 1: leads me right into Amy. So Amy is interesting because

527
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 1: it involves other people's stories. And I was talking to

528
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: Sam the other day about the song, and I kind

529
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 1: of realized that, like Amy's parents may have not known

530
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 1: that she was sexually active until they heard that song,

531
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: and like that's all just like guessing, that's all being presumptuous,

532
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: but like what if, what if? Like because they probably

533
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,479
Speaker 1: had have heard it, right, Like I feel like, I mean,

534
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: I got a lot I got a couple of comments

535
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: from her friends being like this is sucked up whatever,

536
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, okay, what she did was

537
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 1: sucked up, and why would you like any of her

538
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 1: friends like I and I didn't comment back, but any

539
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 1: of her friends who were like sticking up for I'll

540
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that's super cute. Like you can keep

541
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: thinking that and defending her until she does it to you,

542
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: because clearly she has no problem doing it. Um. But

543
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: that was kind of interesting because, like you know, it's

544
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 1: when you're over sharing, it involves other people's stories. That's

545
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: kind of a different landscape. That's that's kind of harder

546
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: to discuss. So I try to be as careful as

547
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 1: I can. I mean, you guys know my rules, Like

548
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna share something that involves if somebody else,

549
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 1: I'm only going to write the truth. I'm not going

550
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: to exaggerate and I'm not gonna and I'm not Also,

551
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: there's like several details I kept out of the Amy

552
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: song because I felt like they were just fucking mean

553
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: and like I didn't want to put anything in there

554
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: just to expose her. Um, Like there's just one big

555
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 1: missing piece that I left out. And I also left

556
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:06,719
Speaker 1: out specific lyrics from her song about him. Um. And like,

557
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 1: there's some minds about me in there, and I just

558
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 1: didn't share them because I didn't want people to know

559
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 1: what the song was, because people were clearly figuring it out,

560
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,639
Speaker 1: you know, um, and I was like, you know, just didn't.

561
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 1: I just didn't want anybody to find her, and some

562
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:23,959
Speaker 1: people did, some people didn't. Still awkward, but yeah, so

563
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: I just you know, there's there's a line, and there

564
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: were just some things that I was like, honestly, probably

565
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: would have gained more sympathy on my part for what

566
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: she did, but I was just like, this is just

567
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: unnecessary and like not, I just didn't feel like my

568
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: ship to share. I didn't feel like monagor to share.

569
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: So it gets more complicated when you're talking about my

570
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: family because all of the things that have happened to

571
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: me have also deeply involved my family, you know, when

572
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: I'm singing songs like escape and um Phil the piece

573
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 1: of ship named Phil that I referenced an escape who

574
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: got my sister addicted to drugs. Real person, I haven't

575
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: seen him since, you know, the early two thousands, so

576
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: I have no idea where he is or what he's doing.

577
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 1: They went to prison around the same time, and I

578
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: believe they broke up and she tried really hard to

579
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: get clean after that and then met another guy who

580
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: got her back into it. Um. I haven't felt the

581
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: need to put his name in a song yet, but

582
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: we'll see UM and uh yeah, so like, obviously you

583
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: haven't heard from Phil. Honestly, I can't find him online.

584
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: He may he made may have well, um gone back

585
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: to prison or overdose too, I don't know. UM, but

586
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: I was kind of worried that my family might you know,

587
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: cure that and be like, hmmmm, weird, weird, But it

588
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: was a weird that came out. And I feel like,

589
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: if there's anyone I'm allowed to be angry at the situation,

590
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: that's the person who gave her drugs the first time.

591
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: So UM and my family felt the same. But that

592
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: was also like the situation with my sister was also

593
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 1: like kind of out of my control. And if you

594
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: were to google further back, her and I have a

595
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: different last name, but UM, you know, if it's not

596
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: hard to figure out what my dad's last name is. UM,

597
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: And so if you were to google her, there were

598
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: several articles about her drug related activities before she passed away,

599
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 1: and this was like years before, and that was how

600
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: I found out she was she wasn't clean anymore, um,

601
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,959
Speaker 1: because I saw an article about it in my hometown

602
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: newspaper and was like cool, wow, So like, my sister

603
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: has been in the news for this before, and it

604
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: was just like I wanted to post about what happened

605
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: because a I felt like I could share her story

606
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: and put a face to a situation and not just

607
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: have it be some junkie and a trailer argument um

608
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: and not just statistic. So I talked to my dad

609
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 1: before I posted about like how she passed away, but

610
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: I was like, is this okay? And he was like yeah.

611
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: So I posted a cover of Brianon, which was her

612
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: middle name, and you know, just a song that always

613
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: makes me think of her and the story of what happened,

614
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 1: how she overdoes whatever. Chose to be completely transparent. Um.

615
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: It was also easier to put it all out there

616
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: and then not have people asking me all the time

617
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: how she did, because people talk to me about it

618
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: a lot after she passed away, because it was really

619
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: got a lot of interaction on social media, and it

620
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 1: was I just I was very happy that I'd put

621
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 1: out and I'm not happy I was very relieved that

622
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: because I put out enough information, people weren't asking me

623
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 1: for more. Um, but because it's actually it's super reasonable

624
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: to wonder how somebody died. And I don't know if

625
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: that's necessarily a rude question to ask. I wouldn't feel

626
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: like it was rude, but it would. I just wouldn't

627
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: want to answer it all the time. So, um, that

628
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: was that was interesting. And then with songs like Escaped,

629
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: like I mean that talks about my brother being an alcoholic,

630
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: It talks about my mom having a toxic relationship with religion,

631
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,239
Speaker 1: It talks about my dad smoking weed all the time

632
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: when I was growing up, um, and obviously talks about

633
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: my sister's addiction. And so when it came out, I

634
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: thought my siblings were kind of going to be like,

635
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: why are you airing our dirty laundry like this? And

636
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: the ones that I talked to about it, we're all like,

637
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: of they deeply related. Of course, they deeply related. This

638
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: ship all happened to them too, like Escape is for me,

639
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 1: and it's also very much so for my siblings. You

640
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: had to go through the same stuff, And so I

641
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: was really surprised that, like you know, I got a

642
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: really sweet text for my brother talking about how much

643
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: that song mean to him and how he related to

644
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: it and my sister as well. UM, and I was like, wow, okay,

645
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: crazy um, because I just would have expected it to

646
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: be so much worse. That being said, I'm really fucking

647
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: shocked at how little repercussions I have for this. UM.

648
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: Tweeting about my ex is always seemed to kind of

649
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: they took it as compliments like I dated, Um, well yeah,

650
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: we've decided I dated them. But the guy I wrote

651
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: out of it about and the guy wrote lying to

652
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: myself about two different guys, and I would just like

653
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,239
Speaker 1: blast them on the internet, not use names, but just

654
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: like constantly have them be the punchline in my jokes.

655
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 1: And I think they liked it. These were both like

656
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: very like dry humor kind of guys and very self

657
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: deprecating and that was why I liked them, as we

658
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: just go back and forth all the time on this ship.

659
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: And but they like totally liked the attention. And that

660
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: was drilling because I was like, you should I should

661
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 1: be getting in trouble for this. Why am I not

662
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 1: facing any repercussions? Why is no one telling me to

663
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 1: stop they're not telling me stuff. I'm going to keep

664
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: going and so I have, and like, I don't know

665
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: why I've gotten away with it. Um, I do try

666
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: to be intentional about how I do it, but like

667
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: my parents, my mom got mad at me for a while.

668
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: My mom gets mad at me about everything. My mom

669
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: got mad at me the other day because I went

670
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: to go visit my aunt and didn't ask her permission,

671
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: and I like literally was running to something for my

672
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: brother's wedding, had a chance to go see my aunt

673
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: and like my little baby cousin for about twenty minutes

674
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: on my way there, and I get a long, gass

675
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: voicemail from my mom telling me how I'm a bad

676
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: daughter and how I was so wasted at my brother's wedding.

677
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, news flash, mom, everybody was,

678
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 1: but okay, Um, I didn't behave myself like I wasn't

679
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: it was just so stupid. I get this long voicemail

680
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: from her. Like, so when she gets mad at me,

681
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: it's not it doesn't really trigger anything because she gets

682
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: mad at me for stupid shit all the time, So

683
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: it's kind of easy to um ignore, Uh, those confrontations,

684
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: I guess because it's just there's no remember reason to

685
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 1: what she gets upset about. But she's even stopped saying things.

686
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,280
Speaker 1: To be fair, I believe I may have her blocked

687
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: on a couple of different forms of social media because

688
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: she wouldn't stop commenting and um saying bizarre things, UM like,

689
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: oh my god. One time I posted a picture of

690
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,760
Speaker 1: me on a red carpet and I was wearing shorts

691
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: and was having an especially good leg day to also

692
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 1: use some self tanner to contour, let's be honest, but

693
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: I was having a good leg day and someone commented

694
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: and was like, oh my god, legs. And my mom

695
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: comments back to them and said thanks, she got him

696
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 1: from me, And I'm like, oh my god, Mom, oh

697
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: my god. And she always like says that, like I

698
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: got all my songwriting talent from her and all of

699
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: my musical challenge and my mom loves music. She didn't

700
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 1: play an instrument. I don't really know what she's talking about,

701
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: but I just like I was just couldn't keep up

702
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,280
Speaker 1: with her comments and deleting them and her inappropriate ones especially,

703
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 1: and so I just had to block her. Anyways, you're

704
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: learning a lot about my relationship with my mom. Who

705
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: knew you're going to get a lot of oversharing on

706
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 1: the oversharing episode. Um, but yeah, and my dad doesn't

707
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 1: really say a whole lot. And I remember when Gatsby

708
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: came out, he was like, do I really make because

709
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 1: the first line is, UM, I don't really like dating assholes,

710
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: but I do it because I have a weird relationship

711
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: with my dad. And I remember he was like, do

712
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: I make you have a weird weird relations Do we

713
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: have a weird relationship? And does that make you dat assholes?

714
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, I mean, it doesn't make me

715
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: do it, like this is my choice, but also like,

716
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 1: I'm sure if we had more of a stable relationship

717
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: and we hadn't gone five years without talking, maybe I

718
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: wouldn't need to replace you with these men with strong

719
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 1: personalities that made me feel safe until they didn't like Yeah.

720
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 1: So yes, Dad, Yes it did ultimately end up being that,

721
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 1: But um, there was not all he's ever said. And

722
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: I posted something on TikTok the other day about this

723
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 1: family that babies at for UM, a very like well off,

724
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 1: classy family, UM having male guests over to the house

725
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: while I was babysitting UM all the time. And me

726
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: not really figuring out what was going on because like

727
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: they come home with a guy. Um, one of them

728
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: would drive me home, and then you know, I just

729
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,399
Speaker 1: thought they were having friends over. I was like, well,

730
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: grown ups can have friends over whenever they want. That's

731
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 1: so cool, Like I love that for them. Can't wait

732
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: till I can do that. And then one time I

733
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 1: was watching TV in their bedroom because one of the

734
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: children wouldn't stop crying and so I wanted to be

735
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: near them, but um, she'd finally fallen asleep, and I

736
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: was like, I just want to be up here in case,

737
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: like something's really wrong. Um, And so I turned on

738
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: the TV and a video was playing of them with

739
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: one of the men. Use your imagination as to what

740
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: was happening, And I shared this on TikTok because it

741
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 1: was like horrifying and funny and also like they I

742
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 1: don't I just think I believe they were doing something

743
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 1: wrong because the children were in the next room while

744
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: they were having these guests, so um, I didn't really

745
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 1: feel bad, but I was like, well, they'd say anything

746
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: about this, And then I realized, like the thing aboup

747
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: over sharing is like people aren't gonna want to admit

748
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,919
Speaker 1: that the shoe fit. They're not gonna want to talk

749
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 1: to you about something that they know they did that

750
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: was like fucked up. Hence why I've never heard from Amy.

751
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: Like someone commented on a TikTok the other day and

752
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: was like have you ever heard like have you heard

753
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 1: from her since? And I'm like, know, what's she gonna do?

754
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: Be like, I can't believe you got not at me

755
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: for sleeping with your abusa next poin front, like how rude?

756
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: Like no, she's not, No, what does she what could

757
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 1: she possibly say? What could she possibly say? I do

758
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 1: feel like he probably manipulated her as well, but I

759
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: also told her that was going to happen, so um, yeah,

760
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 1: that's just not cool. So I just don't. I simply

761
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: do not feel bad, and I'm probably not going to

762
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: hear from these people. So anyways, I've gotten away with

763
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: it for this long. Um, you guys seem to enjoy

764
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: it because at this point you're still listening to my podcast. Also,

765
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: welcome to the fifty of episode. I can't believe I

766
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 1: didn't lead with that, but thank you for listening so much.

767
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 1: I love you, Um, thank you for providing a very

768
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: judgment free zone for me. It does make me feel

769
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 1: great to be completely myself and still have you guys listening.

770
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 1: So I love you so much. I hope you have

771
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,959
Speaker 1: a wonderful week and I'll see you next Wednesday. By guys,

772
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: I'm Kaylie Short and this is too much to say.

773
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: It's been close chance. As soon i've got to say,

774
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 1: I'll tell it out of you. You